Original subtitles

Did you have a laugh? Uh -uh. Uh -huh. Did not. Did too.

Well, it's not the kitchen. What do we do now?

What's the problem?

Dad, we can't watch TV. The remote control is missing.

What are we gonna do?

Relax.

I know it seems like a terrible thing, but there are ways to work this out.

Wow. You can do that?

I ain't ever gonna let

community service assignment today. Oh, well, what are you guys doing this year?

Oh, well, most of us are going to help out down at the Detroit Home for the

Aging. Old town, old town.

So what are you going to do, Tamara?

Well, some of us are going to work at the mall and help fashion challenge

pick out attractive outfits.

Some of us?

Okay, me.

Oh, wait a minute. That's not community service. That's shopping.

You know, everybody should volunteer to do something in their community.

You know, look at me. I'm teaching a business class for adults down at the

school. And every week I go down to the Salvation Army.

See? You should learn to be less selfish like Lisa here.

And give away Ray's old tie of clothes.

Wait a minute. You didn't give away my fat ties, did you?

Trust me, Ray. Your ties are not coming back.

It's okay, but I guess it's too late for me to get in on that home for the aged

thing. No, Tamara. There's plenty of opportunity to help at the home.

Work with me here.

You hear that, Tamara?

There's still work to be done at the home.

Oh, man.

I wanted to help people pick out coal.

Chloe's dress fluttered as she glided into the parlor and gazed eagerly out

window and watched as Enrique rode up on his great white steed.

Skip to the place where he takes off his shirt. I'm not going to live forever.

Hey, man, no spiking it.

Maybe you better stop before you hurt yourself.

Okay, Red. Pony up. You owe me five bucks. Oh, you're hustling me, man.

All right, ladies.

Knit one and purl two.

Are you sure this is a good way to meet women?

Oh, the best.

Now, everybody's very easy, okay? It just goes one, two, three, four.

Hey, okay?

Everybody got it?

By the way, Mr. Ancier, that white belt's the bomb!

I wish my mom would let me dye my hair blue.

This was a mistake.

Well, do you remember what you did wrong?

Tamir, where have you been?

So I'm a little late. What's the big deal? Well, we've been pairing up with

seniors, and all the good old people are taken.

Who have I got?

Why don't you leave me alone, you big bully?

I can't take it anymore. I've had it. All right, quit.

Go ahead and quit. See if I can.

Hey, you guys, come on. I want to play checkers.

What are you looking at? I'm on the clock here, the big clock.

You?

But we're not finished yet.

You are now.

And you're lost here.

It's all yours.

Hi,

I'm Tamir Campbell.

I'm black, you're red. Sit down.

Gee, well, red always goes first.

Oh, really?

Then I'm red and you're black.

Now, young lady...

only playing checkers with you because that mop over there can't play. Well,

somebody's a little cranky this morning.

Don't talk to me like I'm a kid. And the most important thing is move that

check.

Stupid move.

Introduction to Small Business Management.

I'd like to welcome all of you to the class, and hopefully we'll all profit

the experience.

Now, I run this class with business decorum, so I'd like all of you to

me as Mr.

Campbell.

Hey, Ray!

What's it say?

So you've decided you can profit from this class?

Cake decorating class was full.

Yeah, I tried to get in that, too. Oh, yeah, he's so good.

Please, Miss Landry, have a seat.

Now, before we begin, are there any questions?

No,

come on, there are no stupid questions.

Ray, did you have to leave your stanky socks on the kitchen table today?

Please, let's try to remember about business decorum decorum.

Did you have to leave your...

stinky socks on the kitchen table today, Mr. Campbell?

Yes! Sorry.

Look, uh, let's get started with what I call the 14 road signs on the highway

to success.

Sign number one, know your market.

Sign number two, use the proper fuel, gas yourself up, run your business

properly.

Sign three, four, and five.

Location, location, location.

Sign six, seven, eight.

Boring, boring, boring.

Be quiet. Can't you see the man is trying to teach? He's a very... Please,

Landry, please.

No talking.

Yeah, but I was just trying to tell him that you... Please.

The students are trying to pay attention.

All right.

Sign number six.

Always give the customer the right of way.

And be careful.

emerging businesses and try to avoid the detour onto the shoulder of hell.

Ray, I learned a lot in your class yesterday.

You did?

Mm -hmm. The guy sitting next to me knows a great Mongolian restaurant to go

after class.

What about my 14 road signs for success?

I made a U -ey after road sign number nine.

The next class will be a lot more interesting.

It's going to feature my 12 potholes on the road to failure.

Hey, why don't I run a few by you? No, no, no, no, no. No, that would be unfair

to the other students.

No, no, no, it's okay.

No, no, no, I insist.

I don't want any special treatment.

Just one pothole? No.

Hey, Dad.

Hi, Ma.

Hi, girls.

How's it going down at the home for the agent?

It's getting old. I don't think I want to go today.

Come on, Tamera, you've got to show up. It's Dixie Day.

What, everybody's going to wear bell bottoms and listen to Beatles music?

No, no, no.

They're going to wear what they wore when they were 60.

Dad, I don't want to go back there. I got stuck with the worst guy on the

I played checkers with him. I tried reading to him. I tried playing

with him. But no matter what I do, I cannot get through to the guy.

Oh, come on, Tamara. He can't be that bad.

Let me tell you about my eight stars in the constellation of community service.

Run like the wind, Tamara.

Star number one and the brightest.

Never give up.

You know, the guy is just probably crying out for attention.

You know, seeking a little human companionship. Be part of a family.

But, Dad, what do you want me to do? Invite him for dinner?

I think that would be a wonderful idea.

I want him out now.

Wait a minute. It's only 7 o 'clock. We haven't had dinner yet.

He's old. He won't remember.

Where's my food?

Dad, he's not going anywhere until he eats. What are we going to do?

We could move.

Dad, don't get around.

Yesterday, you didn't want anything to do with this guy.

This time, it's personal.

What is this, a cafeteria?

No, I'm just about to serve dinner.

What are we having?

Pork chop.

Hayden.

String bean.

Hayden.

Potato. Hayden.

And red wine.

What year?

89. Hate it.

Oh, wait a minute. Now, we went through... Well, well, well, where has

gone? It's bedtime.

It was nice meeting you, Edgar. Hold it, hold it.

Well, you're on... It's only 7 o 'clock.

Wow, is that late? If I don't get my 13 hours, I'm not worth anything.

If I close my eyes for that long, they bury me.

Good night, Edgar.

Yeah, and I gotta go and do my homework. What do you mean? You already did your

homework. Well...

I guess I'll take you home. Wait a minute. We haven't had dinner yet.

We'll get pizza on the way home.

Come on. Pizza?

Yes. Yes.

Okay, but it's got to be Cheetos, or I'll be disturbing my roommates all

Thanks for nothing.

You know, look, I've had about a belly full of you. I've been trying really

to be nice. I bring you to my house, you insult my family, the food, and you got

pizza all over my dad's Mercedes.

He should have bought an American car.

Well, guess he'll have to see you tomorrow.

I wouldn't come back here tomorrow if they paid me.

bitter and grouchy. Did you have a bad childhood?

No.

In fact, my parents are still together.

Well, next to each other, you know.

Well, you must be unhappy about something.

Well, there was this one girl.

She was the love of my life.

But I'm not saying anything more.

Okay. This girl.

She had the most beautiful golden hair.

Probably still does.

Unless she dyed it.

Unless she died.

Dude.

Do you want to talk about her? No.

And don't be so nosy.

Fine. You know what happened?

The war tore us apart.

Oh, you were sent overseas?

No, she was.

You see, she was a nurse.

I had flat feet.

You like pancakes?

Yeah. My feet were just like this.

Anyway, we were going to get married, this girl and myself, but, you know,

she returned, but instead she sent me a Dear John letter.

It must have been awful.

Damn right, because my name is Edgar.

Then a couple of years later, she... She moved back to Detroit after she broke

up with that Frenchie guy.

But I never called her.

Never, never.

But that's all I'm saying, you understand?

You get nothing more out of me. Well, I really have to go home now.

But her name... Her name is Geraldine Jones.

You like to pry, don't you, into people's business?

Would you do me a favor?

Will you... Would you please go home? Go home, please.

Jameer, you know how sensitive I am to the plight of the elderly.

But, man, that guy's a jerk.

That guy has a broken heart.

Bad Val?

No.

This woman he was crazy about left him for another guy.

But then she changed her mind. He wouldn't take her back.

Now he regrets it.

That's the reason why he's so miserable.

Oh.

So the man is pining over unrequited love.

You know what I'm going to do?

What? Get the dictionary and look up unrequited?

Yeah.

And then I'm going to find that woman and get them back together.

Oh, come on, Tamara.

What did that woman ever do to you?

See, this is like looking for Jones in a haystack.

It's not like Jones is a common name.

Hey, uh, nice sweater, Roger.

Thanks. I made it myself.

It's a boucle.

By the way, I think I found your Geraldine Jones.

You did?

How did you do that?

Well, there happens to be only four degrees of separation between me and

at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

So, who do you know?

My cousin's niece's chiropractor's boyfriend.

So, what'd you find out?

My cousin's having an affair with a driving examiner.

Well, what about Geraldine Jones?

Well, the DMV had everything you need to know about Geraldine Jones.

She got married and her husband died in 1976, and she sideswiped the car in 68.

Oh, my God!

trouble for this? Can we pay you?

I'm insulted.

I can't believe two of my dearest and closest friends would think I would do

this for money.

Sorry, Roger.

I want a date. Either one of you is fine.

And that's how my seven rivers of enterprise flew into the sea of success.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great.

But when are you going to teach us how to apply for a business license?

That next semester after you have learned the basics.

Believe me, Mr. Pelakian, you're not ready to start your own business.

But they say they'll take away my grocery store if I don't get the

license.

Well, I can help you with that. I have my own cart at the mall.

Your fashion's by Lisa.

Yeah! Next to the falafel cart.

I practically live there.

Yeah, but let's just listen to Mr. Campbell and his little river thingy

now.

Yes, but I'm through with my little river thingy.

Now, any other questions?

Yes, Lisa?

Where did you get your license for your cart?

Down at the county clerk's office.

Any other questions, please?

Yeah. I sell homemade maple syrup by the side of the road.

Now, what advice do you have so I could maximize my profits?

Well, I think the failure rate for that kind of business is, oh, about 85%.

Well, thanks.

But actually, I was asking Lisa.

Well, if there's 85 % failure rate, then there's a 15 % success rate.

You know what? Why don't you sell some pancake mix and just serve it? Yeah.

Yeah, that's it. And if you zone for it, go somewhere else.

if you were rejected by a bunch of people who couldn't get in my cake

class?

Oh, now, Ray, come on now. That is not entirely true.

Mr. Vanderhoff couldn't get into the motel management class.

Why'd you leave before class was over? I didn't think anyone would notice.

Of course we noticed. You left before you got your evaluation.

What evaluation?

The school handed out forms to people so they could evaluate their instructors.

I don't want to read them. I can guess what they would say.

Well, If you don't want to read them, I will.

Out loud.

Now, this one's from Mr. Dobish.

Ray Campbell is the best teacher I ever had. See what I tell you. He's got a

nerve calling me a... What?

And this one's from Mrs. Craypence.

Ray Campbell's 14 road signs to the highway of success inspired me to speed

my business career.

Well, you know, I knew I was kind of getting through to them.

You know, I came up with that 14 road sign thing just about an hour before

class.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

I know what you're doing. You wrote those law reports to make me feel

didn't you?

Yeah, you got me.

But here's my evaluation, Ray.

I am truly sorry for disturbing your class.

See, I wrote a hundred times.

That's okay.

I have no business teaching a business class anyway.

Oh, yes, you do.

Well, then why were they listening to you?

Well, I was just translating what you said.

But I was just being, you know, a little more entertaining, colorful, you know,

compelling, fabulous, witty.

All right, all right.

Ray, you are a successful businessman.

But you've got to teach them from your experience.

You've got to forget about them rivers and stripes and highways.

You know, your wife, I have to simplify my teaching methods.

You know, there are seven keys to unlocking the doors. Well,

well, well.

Look who thinks he's Gary Cooper.

Edgar got a girlfriend.

You're all jealous. That's what you are.

I shouldn't have let you rope me into this.

You just set me up for a big letdown. That's what you're doing.

And she's late.

She's late. She's going to stand me up like she did in 42.

She's in her late 70s. Give her four minutes.

Edgar?

What is it?

Oh, it's you.

Edgar, how are you?

You look the same as the day I met you.

Boy, that's sad if he looked 80 when he was 22.

Geraldine, you know, I never forgot about you.

I never forgot about you either.

Edgar, do you still dance?

Do I still dance?

Do I still dance?

Hey, kid, do I still dance?

Yes. Oh, hey, Roger, play something romantic.

I thought you'd never ask.

Not for us.

For them.

Okay, I'll pretend like it's for us.

You know, the last time we danced together was in the ballroom at the Book

Cadillac Hotel.

It was our last date.

Paul Whiteman was leading the orchestra.

I don't remember any of that.

All I remember is you.

They did turn the lights down, didn't they?

Yeah.

Just checking.

Geraldine.

I missed you.

You should have seen Edgar's face.

light up when he finally saw the love of his life. Yeah, and they danced and

everybody clapped, and Edgar and Geraldine talked and talked.

Oh, that's great, Tamara.

See, you made the difference.

Yeah, and I feel like I did. And tomorrow, I think I'm going to help him

part -time job so he feels useful.

Oh, great.

Oh, and he also wants his own apartment. I think I can help him find one. Hey,

great idea. And we can even have him over for dinner again. Oh, no, wait.