Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby, without a...

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

I'm glad you're all here.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Sure, Mel. Something wrong?

I don't even know how to say this.

The most horrible thing in the world has happened.

What is it now, Mel?

Clashing outfit?

Sweater out of style?

Headband too tight?

Nick might have to go to jail.

What?

Jail?

Oh, boy, that could be rough.

Oh, can you pass me those cookies, Mom?

I don't know what to say.

Well, this news is very... I know comforting isn't the word.

That's terrible, Nick.

You make sure you write now, huh?

Well, what exactly did you do?

He didn't pay his income taxes for the last five years.

I'm shocked. You didn't pay your income taxes for the last five years?

I'm shocked.

You had income for life?

Look, Nick really needs your help. I mean, his letter says he's got three

to fill out all these tax forms and pay his taxes.

He'll never be able to do it alone.

And if you don't help him, he could really go to jail.

Of course we'll help.

I'll do it myself, okay? What you have to do is get your records and files

together from the last five years.

You mean that, actually? You'll do all that for me?

Sure, sure. Why not? After all, you used the practice.

Hey, I know better than that. You're doing it just because you like me,

All right, okay. All right, Nick. Nick, let's not get mushy here, okay?

Hey. Yeah, hey.

Hey. Good luck.

Hey, great news. I don't have to go to jail.

Well, this is a happy day.

How was school, honey?

It was okay.

I got a new lab partner in science. He's coming over soon to study.

Yeah? Who is he?

I don't know. Some dumb jock. I don't really know much about him.

Yeah, well, you just keep it that way, Missy.

What's his name?

Timothy Paul Higgins, he's 5 '8", brown hair, green eyes, and the pitcher of the

baseball team.

His earned run average is 1 .52, which unfortunately is also his grade point

average.

He likes to listen to Bruce Springsteen, and he loves carol sandwiches with jack

cheese, salami, mayonnaise, mustard, a little lettuce and tomato.

That's all I know.

Let me guess, who gave you that?

I had nothing to do with that.

The flip side is really hot.

Wanna watch Sesame Street with me, Jennifer? It's on.

I'm sorry, Andy. Someone's coming over to study with me.

And it's not just someone, Andy.

It's Timothy Higgins.

The boy Jennifer's got a crush on.

I do not have a crush on Tim Higgins. He's my lab partner and we're doing a

science project together, that's all.

Tim, how do I look? Great, go!

Hi, Tim, come on in.

Well, these are my parents and my brothers, Alex and Andy, and my sister,

Mallory. Well, this is a real pleasure.

This is great.

I had no idea studying with you could be so much fun. Why would you think that?

Are you kidding me? With Jennifer, the brain Keaton?

You're wrong about how smart I am.

I'm as dumb as you are.

You know, you think I'm so smart at science, but there's a lot of things

you're smart at that I don't know anything about.

Like what? Like baseball.

You are so much smarter than I am at baseball, I can't even begin to tell you

half the stuff you know about it.

Isn't that cute?

What is he talking about? He knows everything about baseball.

Like, what is it to tell how good a pitcher is?

Earning average run, something?

You mean earned run average.

Yes, I have no idea what that is.

Come on, Jen. You know what you need right now? Some more salami.

Salami's Jennifer's favorite.

What do you think about that sandwich Jennifer made? Pretty good, huh?

Yeah, it's great.

Jennifer's a terrific cook.

She's gonna make some very lucky guy a good date for the prom someday.

Do you mind? We're trying to study.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah, we're just on our way. Yeah.

Now, where were we?

Uh, you were asking me about baseball.

Right, right.

Shouldn't we study a little bit more?

We've studied enough for one day. I mean, two pages is a lot more than I

do.

Besides, it's not as much fun as talking with you.

Jennifer, I was wondering.

We're getting along pretty well here.

Yeah, I know.

Would you like to go out with me sometime?

Sure, I'd love to.

Great. Great.

When?

I don't know, anytime.

Are you the boy my sister loves?

How about right now?

Ah, here it is. My past five years in alphabetical order.

Well, you know, I have to admit, Nick, I'm impressed. I didn't think you'd be

organized. See, Dad, you always think the worst of Nick.

Mr. Rogers' fan club?

This card certifies that Nick is a neighbor.

Don't leave home without it, Nick.

Ah, look. It's still good.

Nick, what we need...

To keep you out of prison.

Our receipts, check stubs, deposit slips, you know, bank passbooks.

You know, I don't even know what any of that stuff looks like. Come here, come

here. I'll help you.

You know, Nick, maybe we're giving this prison idea a short shrift.

Is Jennifer home yet? No, no, she's still at Tim's baseball game.

She's really falling for him, isn't she? In a big way.

For the last two weeks, she's spent all of her time with him. They're working on

this science project together.

He's all she can talk about.

It's so cute.

Oh, it is depressing.

Jennifer's turning into a girl.

Jen, Jen, how was the game?

Tim looked so cute in his uniform.

So how was the game?

His eyes smashed the cap.

Sounds like a very exciting game.

Sounds like you had a good time, Jen.

I did.

And now?

Yes, tell, tell.

Tim asked me on a date to the Cleveland Indians game.

Sounds serious.

I hope so. You know, when Tim says Indians, his mouth kind of curls up in

really cute way. Tell me all about it.

When Tim asked me to the game, it was so sweet.

All he could do was smile.

Tim's got the best smile now.

His nose crinkles up and his eyes sparkle like that green dress we saw at

mall. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Okay, well, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Look, Jed.

I'm not going to just sit back and watch you throw yourself at some dopey kid

who smiles weird and looks good when he says Indians.

I'm not throwing myself at anyone, Allie. Oh, Jennifer, come on. You are a

walking encyclopedia of baseball.

But the other night when you were with Tim, you pretended you didn't know

anything? I mean, I don't understand.

I understand.

Somehow I knew you would.

Alex, it's so simple.

Guys do not go out with girls who are smarter than they are.

You know, that's really frightening, David.

Considering who you go out with.

Look, Alex, all I'm trying to do is make Tim feel important. Forget about Tim,

okay? Think about me. Now, what is very important to me is that people know

you're smart, Tim.

That way Mallory just looks like a fluke.

Tim! Alex, let's leave these two alone.

All right, just one thing, okay, Tim? Hi.

Could you say Indians for me?

Indians?

You know, you're right.

He is panicked, too.

That was a great game you had today.

Nice touchdown you hit.

Oh, Jennifer, that's called a home run.

Oh, right.

Can never keep these things straight.

I have something for you.

I want you to wear my varsity jacket.

Oh, Tim, that's so sweet.

Jennifer, will you go study with me?

Me, study with you?

Yeah. What do you say?

She'd love to!

You heard her.

All right, Nick.

My partner and I have your... income

from the past five years all figured out.

This is so exciting.

Gives me chills.

Okay, now that we know your income, we can start to look for deductions.

Okay, let's look.

Where?

How many dependents do you have?

Uh, what's a dependent?

Someone you support, you know, someone who depends on you.

I depend on Nick.

Not financially, you don't. Well, no, but what's the difference? I depend on

anyway.

He's my lifeline, my very breath.

Do you have some dolls to play with?

Look, Alex, you said depend. If you didn't mean depend, you shouldn't have

it. I wish you'd just say what you mean.

All right.

Go away.

Okay. Let's talk about depreciation. Uh, what's depreciation?

Allowance made for loss in value of property.

It basically means we can take a deduction for any equipment you use in

artwork that loses its value.

Uh, I only use my brains.

This could be a whopper.

All right.

Andy, why don't you take Nick upstairs and show him that new tax book I got

Bought for W -2.

Hey, uh, but after, can we do some coloring?

Hey, Jen, what's new in the annoying little world of teen love?

Nothing good.

What's the matter?

Tim and I flunked our science project together.

Together? That's so romantic.

Hey, gang.

How was school, Jen?

It was all right.

Did you get your science project back?

Yeah. Oh, how'd you do?

The important thing is I still have my health.

That doesn't sound like an A.

An F?

Jan, that's not like you. Come on, Mom. One F won't hurt anybody.

Oh, no, this is getting serious. A couple of Cs already, and now an F?

Honey, you have got to bring up your grades. They'll make us ground you.

You never grounded Mallory when she started getting bad grades.

They wanted her to be daylight.

Great, so I have to be really nerdy and study real hard. Tim won't like me and I

won't be any fun anymore.

What has Tim got to do with it? These are your grades we're talking about.

Look, I was doing really well in science and I didn't have a boyfriend.

I wasn't popular and I wasn't getting invited to a lot of parties.

Now I am.

I may not be doing so great in school, but I'm happy, and Tim really likes me.

It's hard to argue with success.

Well, we're happy your social life is going so well, but we're not going to

you sacrifice your grades for it.

Look, I don't care what you say. I'm happier this way, and I'm going to keep

seeing Tim, and you can't stop me.

Oh, maybe I should go talk to her.

Oh, wait, ma 'am, ma 'am, she's already failing. What more can you do?

I don't feel these grades reflect Jennifer's ability.

I have every reason to believe she's just as capable as her brother Alex.

He always got good grades. He never misbehaved.

In fact, he used to give out demerits to the other students who made noise

during class.

I think we're dealing with another problem here, Mr. Ryder.

B -O -Y -S.

You can say the word, honey.

I'm glad you brought that up, Mr. Keaton.

Does T...

I M mean anything to you?

Please, fellas, why are we spelling?

The point is, Jennifer is at that age where peer pressure has more influence

her than anything else.

More than her dad?

I'm afraid there's no escaping it. I have a teenage daughter myself.

How's that going?

Quite poorly, thanks.

I have a meeting with her teacher as soon as this is over.

Well, what's the answer here? I mean, how are we supposed to deal with this?

we come down too hard on her, we run the risk of driving her away, but we can't

just sit passively by and let her make these kind of choices.

All I can say is try to be supportive, try not to be too critical, and drink

plenty of liquids.

I can't believe I don't have a tremendous influence on my own daughter.

You can't underestimate the need for social acceptance at this age.

especially for girls.

Grade, college education, these kinds of abstract ideas can't compete with the

immediate rewards of getting a varsity jacket.

Wish I had one.

Maybe we should bring Jennifer in? Yeah, let's, uh... Jennifer.

Please, come in.

Sit.

Hi, sweetie.

Hi.

Your parents and I have been discussing what I perceive to be a serious problem

with your academic performance.

Uh -huh.

Jan, we are here to find a way to help you.

What if I don't think I need help?

What if I'm happy the way that I am?

What do you mean by that?

I mean, school is a very small part of my life now.

I have a boyfriend.

I have a lot more friends. I go out more. I'm having more fun.

I'm happier.

Hi. Hi, Jennifer.

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Keaton.

Hello. Ah, T -I -M.

Right. B -O -Y.

I'm Mr. Ryder.

I just talked to my coach.

He said I'd been kicked off the team and my science grades were the reason.

Tim, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too, Tim. School rules.

If you had worked harder and gotten better grades, this wouldn't have

I can't believe this has happened to me. Tim, you don't understand.

You'll never understand.

And so, friends, after much accounting, most of it creative, I'm proud to

present the completed tax form.

Welcome, Nick Moore, into the world of tax -paying citizens.

You know, this day is important to us all, not, uh...

Not only because we kept a friend and a loved one out of jail,

but because we have garnered for our firm a fee of $11, which my partner, who

was upstairs taking his nap, has agreed to accepting candy.

Alex, that was beautiful.

So, uh, how much do I have to pay in tax?

Oh, here it is.

$9 .45, Nick.

Wait a second here, Alex.

How come your fee is more than I gotta pay in tax?

Cheating and fray is a quality firm, Nick.

Let's go celebrate.

Congratulations, Nick.

And may there be more people like you.

So the big corporations don't have to bear the tax burden alone.

I can't believe she ran off like that.

I can't believe you didn't catch her.

I was right behind her, but I lost her in a crowd of fathers running after

teenage daughters.

Don't worry, honey. She'll be home.

It seemed so simple at the time, Louise. Remember?

Let's start a family.

It all seems so harmless.

If only one of us had said teenager.

Maybe we would have just gone to the movies that night.

You all right?

Mom, this whole thing backfired.

I was acting dumb and didn't study because I wanted Tim to like me.

But because we didn't study, Tim got kicked off the team.

It's all my fault.

Did you really think that acting dumb would make him like you more?

Yeah, I did.

You see, he's got all these cute and fun and dopey girls hanging around him.

How can I compete with that?

It's hard to compete with Dopey, that's true.

But, honey, if you just be yourself and don't be afraid of how smart you are,

you can be as fun and cute as anyone.

Really?

Yes.

You want people to like the real Jennifer Keaton, not someone that you're

pretending to be, you know?

And it is pretty darn hard not to like the real Jennifer Keaton.

Thanks, Mom.

I know there's a lot of pressure on girls your age.

But never be less than you can be, just to be popular.

Hi. Hi, Jennifer. Come on in.

Tim, I have something terrible to tell you.

I really am smart.

I mean, it's my fault you were kicked off the team.

We could have gotten a better grade.

But I was just being dumb for you.

You were being dumb for me?

Yeah. On purpose.

On purpose?

Why?

I never asked you to be dumb.

You only liked me when I started goofing off and getting bad grades.

Admit it.

You had no interest in me when I acted smart.

I was just scared of you when I thought you were smart.

I was afraid that if I tried to talk to you, you'd laugh at me.

I would never do that to you.

I like you.

I like you, too.

I'll tell you what.

Let's really hit these books, bring your average up, and get you back on the

team. Sounds good.

So you're really smart, huh?

Very.

How smart?

Don't ask.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.