Original subtitles

You can be sure the wok is at the correct temperature by sprinkling water

surface. The droplets should dance before evaporating. Yes, ballet or

Perfecto. Hey, Dad, look, we got a deal for you. If you'll just order pizza,

we'll pay for it. Two toppings?

Are you guys saying you have no faith in your old dad's ability to cook a simple

Chinese dinner?

Yep.

Hi, honey.

Hi, guys.

What's burning? Me.

If anyone says one more thing about my cooking, I may just forget the whole

thing. No one's going to say a word.

What are we having? Fact beef.

Yum.

Sorry I'm late. I was over at Annie's. Oh, your new friend?

Oh, Carol, I don't remember that sweater.

Oh, no, it's not mine. It's Annie's. She loaned it to me.

Oh, no, call the nerd police. She's out of uniform again.

Bye.

You wearing makeup?

Just a little base.

Powder, blush, lipstick, mascara, and eyeliner.

Annie? Yeah, she says with the right color and shading, I have a beautiful

Hey, you know she's right.

Shut up. You don't see me making fun of your friends.

Even the ones that drool.

You guys would be less hostile after some crispy fried duck lips.

Oh? Yeah, Annie and I are going out if that's okay.

Well, Carol, usually we know your friends before you go out with them.

Well, what's to know? She's a cheerleader. She's on the drama club.

and very popular.

So what's he hanging around with you for?

Mike. Hey, I didn't say it. He did.

Sorry, it sounded like you.

So is it okay?

Where will you be going?

Shopping for earrings since I just got my ears pierced.

Oh.

Is it okay?

Sure. Just be careful walking after dark. Oh, don't worry. We won't be

Annie, drive.

Annie, drive.

I heard.

Hey, do you think she could pick up some burgers for us on the way over?

If it makes you feel any better, you can take me to get my ears pierced.

I'm serious, Jason.

Well, what I'm hearing is that I think you're a little bothered by the fact

Carol's actually making a friend who has some real influence on her. Oh, how

wrong you are, Doctor.

I want Carol to have plenty of friends. I just wish she'd pick someone who

wasn't a slut.

who makes our daughter up to look like Prince.

Prince is very popular.

I know, I know. I'm just worried about her, that's all. I mean, Carol's never

had a friend who was so social.

Well, Carol's also at the age where she's going to rebel a little. And that

include picking some friends her parents don't always approve of.

Think how the parents of Mike's friends must feel.

Okay, Mom, Dad, I'll see you in the morning.

Okay. Morning!

Boner just called, and his parents don't want him home alone tonight because

they're out. So I'm going to go spend the night at his place.

You're babysitting Boner?

Somebody's got to.

Mike, shouldn't you tell us these things first?

That's what I just did, Mom.

No, no, that's not how it works.

Are you guys actually saying I can't go?

You know the rules, Mike. You have to ask in advance.

Please, oh, please, can I go to the bonus house?

Maybe staying home tonight will teach you how and when to ask for something.

I don't... You guys have gone too far this time.

You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do.

All right, now I'm going to stay like this until you let me go to the bonus

house. How do you like that?

rushing to your brain will do it some good.

What didn't they let you do this time?

Spend the night at Boner's.

Can't believe this. Annie Boyer is coming to my house.

My stupid brother is sitting on his head. And I'm going to stay just like

I don't know, maybe it's time we wallpaper Carol's room in rubber.

After you'll excuse me, I have to go call Boner and break my best friend's

heart.

Why does he have to be related to me?

While I can't, I have a normal brother who's not a total embarrassment.

Hey, that's what I'm here for.

Boner, look, I'm sorry, I just can't make it, all right?

My family needs me.

Yeah, all right, let me ask. Hey, Dad?

You're busy. Uh, yeah, boom.

Should be fine. I'll call you if it's a hassle.

Okay, bye.

These are good. You want one?

No, thanks, Dad.

Uh, about tonight.

Yeah, about tonight. Look, would you please do me a favor and try not to

your sister tonight, okay?

Carol? Yeah, that sister.

She's got a new friend, you know, so try to be a little sensitive, okay?

Hey, Dad, guys are supposed to be tough, not sensitive.

Oh, really?

Well, then explain Alan Alda.

I can't.

Let me let you in on a little secret, Mike. Women go crazy for sensitive guys.

Oh, come on, Dad.

Yeah, you remember those classic movies I bought and I forced you to watch?

Yeah. Remember Cat's a Blanket?

Yeah, with that old guy with the lisp?

Bogey, yes.

Well, do you remember how Carol and your mom cried at the end?

Yeah. Well, they cried as all women do, Mike. Not because Bogey's a tough guy,

which he was, but because he was also sensitive.

Sensitive, huh? Mm -hmm.

Here's looking at you, kid.

Needs work.

brother, too.

And this is my father. Hi, Annie. Hi.

Well, it's nice to meet the artist who painted Carol's face.

Dad? Okay. I have a father, too.

Oh,

and that's Mike.

Hi.

See you later, Mike.

Oh, right. Yeah, I have to go out and change. I was just in the garage fixing

the Porsche.

It's Porsche, Ferrari, who can keep them straight?

Come on, girl. I brought over a couple of hot sweaters I went to this drive.

great.

So you guys can just hang around here tonight?

Uh -huh.

This one makes you look so sexy.

Really?

What do you want to do tonight?

Well, I thought we were going to the mall.

Yeah, but we just did that this afternoon.

Well, we could see something in six blocks. Anything you want to see? Not

really.

You mean stay here? We could. For the night? Hey, that would be fun.

Yeah.

Carol's going to have her own friends, and we shouldn't worry unless there's

something to worry about.

You sound so smart when you agree with me.

Don't miss your lunch.

Sweet and sour shrimp?

Oh, is that me?

that recipe to the letter, I had water dancing like Baryshnikov here.

Honey, I think you used salt instead of sugar.

Oh, that's impossible.

Oh, it's okay. I mean, it could happen to anybody. I mean, it looks exactly

alike. It's an easy mistake.

So you've done it too, huh?

You've got to be kidding.

This color would look good on you.

Not as good as it looks on you. Not true.

Let's face it, all these look better on you.

Carol, your father and I are getting some Chinese takeout from Walk Around

Clock.

I thought Dad was... He was.

Would you set the table for me, please? Sure.

Are you sure you don't mind hanging out here all evening? No.

Ladies.

Hi.

What do you want?

Not a thing. I was just out for a fresh breath of air.

A vicious sweater, Annie.

Thanks. Nice to have a boy's point of view.

Yeah, well, that's me.

Oh, boy.

Some might even say a man.

Some might even say a sensitive man.

Some might even say I'm gonna puke on my shoes.

I like your outfit, too.

This? Yeah, well... Well, Don Johnson sends me these test clothes every month

for my approval.

I guess I'll give these, uh, thumbs up.

Oh, Mike, there's something hanging from your nose.

Uh, no, Carol, I get the distinct feeling that it's you wanting me to

Now, if you do, just say the word, and I'm going.

I want you to know you don't have to be nice to Mike just because he's my

brother, okay?

I gotta go set the table. I'm gonna change. I'll be right down. Okay.

Sherry, guess where I am?

The Severs.

Yes, Mike's here.

I think he likes me.

Well, he changed his clothes and combed his hair.

No, Carol doesn't suspect a thing.

I was wrong.

You should spend the night at Boner's and leave now.

I'm never going to learn that darn lesson if I don't stay here tonight.

Well, I don't want you learning any more this evening.

I think you should go. Go and babysit your friends. Oh,

well, thanks, Mrs. Steven.

Boner.

Boner, what are you doing here?

Oh, my folks didn't want me to spend the night alone, so I asked Mikey here if I

could stay over.

He didn't ask?

No, he didn't.

No, no, I didn't ask. And we all know what that means. No asking, no getting.

I'm only going to learn the hard way.

Boner, my friend, you'll have to go.

Oh, no, but we're all... When, Mike, we all forget things.

I mean, why should your innocent friends suffer on account of silly me?

Eh, it's okay.

Boner's tough.

No, I'm not.

Mike, I insist.

Boner, please stay and enjoy the fever hospitality. Watch TV, play games, keep

each other busy.

Peggy, what's holding you? Let's go, Jason. We don't have all night.

So I was crying, and my dad said, what's wrong?

I was too embarrassed to tell him. What was it? Something on TV.

I don't want to tell you. You'll think I'm a ditz. No, I won't. You promise you

won't laugh?

I promise.

Okay.

It was one of those long -distance commercials.

Are you kidding me?

We have to tell Carol because she has to know.

But we can't tell Carol because it would break Carol's heart if we tell her. But

if we know, she should know. Yes or no, you know?

Believe it or not, I do.

I was right about Annie all along, see?

Oh, this is no time to talk about who's right or wrong.

Why do you only say that when I'm right?

Look, after we pick up dinner, then we'll come back, we'll warn Mike about

Annie. By then, maybe we'll have figured out a way to break it to Carol. We

can't go now.

Oh, Maggie, it's a minute there, a minute back. Nothing will happen.

Especially with Boner there.

Mikey, come on, let me in.

Boner, look, if you're really my friend, you go spend the night at Eddie's.

Eddie's got a date tonight.

Come on, Mikey, at least let me in to get my sleeping bag.

All right, all right.

Back in.

Just so you can make the moves on that chick, huh?

Of course not.

You know, Mike, this is totally uncool. She's your sister's friend and... Oh,

wow.

You were saying?

Mike, is Boner staying for dinner?

Uh, no, no. Actually, he's leaving right now to go spend the night at Eddie's

house. You sure you can't get out of it yet? He gets real disappointed.

But thanks for stopping over, and I'll see you at school on Wednesday.

Carol, go ahead and try on the peach blouse I brought. I forgot the

Okay.

Call us when Mom and Dad get back, okay?

Yeah, sure, fine. No problem.

Are these the good chopsticks?

Best we have.

Annie, that blue thing you have on there, it's nice.

What do you call it?

Sweater.

Oh, good.

It's catchy.

I'm not sure this one goes with my earrings, though.

Earrings? Here.

Tell me what you see.

Uh, yeah, yeah, those are earrings, all right.

Would you like to go with my sweater?

Oh, oh, definitely.

Are you sure?

Uh, well, just to be sure, let me double check.

Wow.

I was hoping this night would end up like this.

Yeah, but Carol might come back.

Forget Carol.

I like your style.

Annie! Carol!

Hey, Carol.

Oh, my good, we have to talk.

Yeah. Now, I know this is shocking, but Annie is using Carol because she's

interested in you.

No.

Yes, I heard her on the phone, and I wanted to warn you before anything

because something like this could devastate Carol.

Yeah. I mean, yeah.

You know, probably the best thing would be for me to go over to Boner's right

now. Great.

Hey, see you, Dad. Where are you going?

Uh, Boner's house. What?

At Mom's idea.

Don't give me that.

Carol, open the door.

Please?

No, I'm never coming out, ever.

She's trying on a skirt she doesn't like.

Okay.

I won't bother nobody. I'll just stay right here.

Boner, I kissed Annie.

Oh, man.

That's fantastic.

Are you nuts? That's horrible.

But I thought that's what you were after.

Boner, hitting on your sister's best friend is totally uncool.

Well, you've been.

But Carol saw us, and she went upstairs crying.

Oh.

So how was it?

How was what? Well, you know, the kiss.

Well, I'm not one to kiss and tell, Boner, but just between you and me, it

pretty hot.

Wow.

Show me.

I was so stupid to think that somebody like you would want to be my friend. I

your friend.

Annie, I'm not stupid.

I have a 4 .0 graded average. I'm a member of the chess club and president

the Future Nuclear Physicists of America.

I know why you're here.

Okay, you're right.

But I really like you too, I swear.

I never told anybody about those long -distance commercials before.

Carol, this is the worst thing I've ever done.

If you hate me forever, I don't blame you.

Fine, I will.

Just one question, though. What?

Anything to make it up to you.

Why Mike?

He's cute.

Yuck.

Can't kiss worth doodly.

You're just saying that to make me feel better.

Yeah, I am.

Somehow Carol must have found out what Annie was up to.

Well.

We'd better get up there and check on him. That's what I've been saying all

along. So you agree?

Of course I agree. I said it.

Jason, this is no time to be claiming credit.

Carol!

Sweetheart, are you okay?

Oh, Jason, they're both hysterical.

I told you there was no reason to come up here.

I didn't mean to hurt anybody.

Is it my fault that women find me irresistible?

It's a curse.

Now, what would that sensitive guy with the lisp say?

I guess he'd say, I'm sorry.

I got it.

Hey, Carol, Annie, can I talk to you both for a minute?

Now, a great many things have happened to us tonight, and I know that I have to

do the thinking for all of us.

What is it, Mike?

Look, I'm no good at being noble, Carol, but it doesn't take much to see that

the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans.

Yeah, and you guys must remember this.

A kiss is just a kiss.

Mike, is this going to take long?

All right, the point is,

I'm sorry, but it can never be for us.

And, Carol, I am really sorry that I kissed Anne.

Forget about it, Mike.

Yeah, it was nothing.

It was nothing.

Forget about it.

Hey, what about the tears?

The heartbreak?

Hey, what about...

What was I doing wrong?

Play it again Ben.