Original subtitles

Hey, that's you.

Nice layout.

Yeah, I shot that when I had this awful stomach bug.

That's rough.

Oh, no, it was great. I lost eight pounds and landed three jobs.

Thank goodness for flu season.

Yeah.

But the problem with the flu is it's not dependable.

Food poisoning's way better.

Leave your mayonnaise out on the windowsill for a few days, and bam,

next guest girl.

Huh.

Joke.

Oh.

So what do you know about this job?

My agent tells me it's a shoe campaign aimed at women in their 40s.

Well, I might have a problem. I am 46, but my feet play early 30s.

Everybody, I'm Miss Murphy. I'm the account executive. We're running just a

little bit late, so hang loose. We'll be with you as soon as we can.

No problem.

Well, at least this gives me a chance to eat. I'm starving.

Oh, me too.

think you're not going to get it, and then like clockwork, sometimes you do.

Do better.

I'm sorry, darling. How can I help? Shall I build up your ego? Shall I rip

competition to shreds? Or how about a little of both and a bear claw?

Thank you. I feel so loved.

Hey, you picked off the icing. You don't give a damn about me.

Um, Ira's at the door.

I know, but I am not going to let him in because he's been totally insane since

he stopped drinking coffee.

I'm fine. I'm over the cranky stage.

So let me in, or I swear to God I'll break this window.

I'm sorry. I'm better now.

I just wanted to apologize for calling you both Java -swilling monkey women.

You never called me that.

Check your machine.

Anyway, I'm sorry. It's just this article I'm writing on caffeine

me on edge.

It's my third day cold turkey. This is when my espresso machine asked me to

dance.

No, no, no. Don't be uncomfortable. Drink your coffee. I'm fine. Here, allow

I don't take cream. I do.

You are totally Jonesy.

You're right. Listen, would it be okay if I went home, got all my coffee stuff

and brought it here so it won't talk to me anymore?

Of course.

I want to do anything I can to make it possible for you to go home.

Thank you.

Quick, let's call his voicemail and make noises like a cappuccino machine.

or at the dentist.

Maybe this is why I'm not invited to more parties.

Oh, I think that's for me.

It's probably Justin.

Justin's in town? He's coming over to pick up a house key.

upside down.

Hey, baby.

Johnson. How are you?

Hi, Mama. How are you doing?

Hey, Jo.

Hey. How was your trip, sweetheart?

Oh, it was great. I hooked up with this really cool biker gang in Portland.

You don't mind if they crash your house, do you?

I'll get the key.

Make sure he's kidding.

Yeah, ditto.

So, Justin, your mom told me all about the book you help write on the

environment.

Zoe, Justin wrote a book.

I just did some of the research.

Justin did some research, Zoe.

A friend of mine wrote the book, and he invited all the research assistants down

for the book signing.

I got all the things that you like to eat.

Tofu, wheatgrass, and fungus.

I even skimmed the pool for dessert.

Excellent. Thank you.

Make sure she's kidding.

Okay. See you later.

Bye. See you, Justin.

Justin looks great.

Only over 18, had red hair, and stood about this high.

I practically threw myself out and he didn't even notice me.

So what do you think? Like a crush?

Tuh. Like major crush.

Do you think Justin feels the same way?

Please? He practically threw himself at her.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Susan.

Can you hold on a minute?

It's my agent about the shoe job.

Her voice doesn't sound like I got it. Go.

You don't want this job.

Those shoes are vulgar and wrong.

No amount of money is worth that humiliation.

And when you die, you would be remembered not for any of the great

you played, such as... Well, the point is you would just be the sad, lonely

lady.

Okay, I'm good.

So, Susan, I got the job?

I got the job?

You take back everything you said.

This is so great.

My little girl invited her old man to hang out in a funky bookstore.

Funky? Dad, remember that talk we had when I caught you saying far out?

Gee, I'm sorry, honey. I'll try to watch that.

Now it's boogie -oogie -oogie over to nonfiction.

Isn't that Justin? Where?

I mean, no.

Shut up.

Oh, I get it. I'm here so I can notice Justin, be surprised, and then bring you

over so you can casually say hello.

Dad, I cannot believe you would even think that.

But we should say hi, you know, just so we're not rude.

Shut up.

Say no more. I know exactly what to do.

Okay, how embarrassing could this be, really?

Yo, Justin, in the house.

How you doing?

Good, good. Your mom said you'd be here, so I just stopped on by and I'll drag

Zoe along.

Hey. Hey.

Well, I'm going to head over to the bestseller table, see if Stephen King's

written anything new since we got here.

I'm glad you stopped by.

Yeah, I mean, at least you're not ignoring me like you did yesterday.

I ignored you? You barely even glanced at me.

Oh, really?

Um, blue shirt, black pants, and a black fossil watch.

Okay, well, flannel shirt, fatigues, gorilla boots, and a silver bracelet.

Hey, why don't we go grab a latte over at the coffee counter, all right?

Coffee counter?

Who had the triple espresso?

Me! That's mine!

Back off, ladies.

If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Dad, what are you doing?

It's not what you think. I bought this for you. Here, take it.

Quickly.

My brain's telling my fingers to let go, but they won't.

This is nothing.

You should see my mom hang on to a chicken wing.

We're here with bitter divorcee Marianne Thorpe.

We're replacing one of her overpriced designer pumps with this fabulous high

from Foot First.

As you can see, there's no comparison.

Come on, get up, walk around, try the shoes. You'll never want to go back.

It is dumb.

See? You've worn high heels so long, you've turned into weird, freaky tiptoe

woman.

if my wardrobe would attack them like sharks on a bleeding swimmer.

You know, I am way more open -minded than you.

I think high heels can be very sexy as long as I'm lying down and they're

pointing at the ceiling.

Oh, I almost forgot. We have to go see my billboard.

Is it up already?

Yes, it's in Hollywood.

It's a big one right above the celebrity methadone clinic.

Very prestigious.

Oh, look at that.

Had a good time today?

What?

It's just amazing.

I mean, you used to be this strange, intense little girl, and now you're not

that.

Well, thanks.

Neither are you.

I mean, not that you ever were strange or intense.

Or a little girl.

I don't know what I'm talking about.

We'll have the wedding at my house.

We'll have to. You're not setting foot in mine in those shoes.

Oh, dear, look at that hooker. We're wearing the same skirt.

He must be freezing.

Oh!

It's me!

There I am! There I am!

Wow.

Did they do something different to

your hair?

Not really.

Does my head look big to you?

Wait a minute.

My head's fine.

It's on the wrong body.

Where's my leg?

Where's my breath?

Where's my butt?

Looks like somebody let all the air out of me.

Crying out loud.

Give that woman a cheeseburger!

Are you sure she's coming in? Miss Murphy said she'd be back after lunch.

that was two bags of Doritos and one bag of pork rinds ago.

How long am I supposed to put off my lunch?

I saw the billboard.

Why did you hire me if you weren't going to use my body?

You told me I was what you were looking for.

Oh, but you are.

When we saw your picture in Fashion Nightmares in the Hollywood Globe, all

decked out in your black evening gown and day -glow orange high tops, we

thought, now there's a woman who says, I don't care what anyone thinks.

You're perfect for her, Sybil. Would you shave off a few pounds?

Why? You think only skinny people buy shoes?

No, but people will buy these shoes because they want to look like the woman

the billboard.

She doesn't exist.

She's my hat on a stick.

You can't get off that, can you?

46 years. It hasn't fallen off once.

You see?

There's that quirky, funky attitude that made us pick you in the first place.

Simple buzz off would have been fine.

Okay, lady.

I took the high road.

Now it's time for the low road.

Hello, Marianne?

cheating on her. Now she's got to deal with Justin and that other woman.

She already knows.

I was all prepared to lecture Justin, but he'd already told Zoe he's been

Kira.

Kira!

You just know her name was Debbie.

Before she got all macro -biotic and stopped shaving her own...

Time to think.

How about that, Sybil? They're behaving like adults.

Why shouldn't they with role models like us?

I know that, but it makes a difference to me.

It'll make a difference to every woman that sees this billboard.

It's a lie.

Just like my first magazine cover.

I remember when I saw it, I thought, wow, I look fantastic.

But the next morning when I looked in the mirror, I thought, what happened to

me? Why do I look so terrible?

Oh, please, I have seen you in the morning. You might as well have

your shoulders and little mice making you a dress for the ball.

My magazine cover was all retouched. Nobody could look that good.

And now my face on this billboard is telling women that they can't be

in their forties.

then. If anyone needs me, I'll be up my nose.

Justin just told me he's not going to see Kira anymore.

Then what's the problem? The problem is, how do I know if he's doing it because

you told him to or because he wants to?

Zoe, please! He never listens to anything I say, just like you don't

your mother.

I'll listen to you this time.

You had no right to talk to him, Marianne. This is between Justin and me.

true! He needed to do the right thing and let you know what was going on.

His father.

to something else. Now either get off my billboard or slap some bounds on my

ass.

Now.

I'll give her a mustache.

You can black out her teeth.

told you i don't want to go out with her anymore you're only breaking up with

her because your mommy told you to now if you're gonna date me rule number one

is we don't listen to our mothers got it i don't listen to my mother i never

have i broke up with kira because i like you better so get off my back okay fine

fine i'll pick you up at eight okay

can't prove a thing.

I have witnesses to corroborate my whereabouts.

I corroborate.

Okay, drop me. I don't want to be a part of your oppressive campaign anyway. And

one more thing.

Can you send me another pair of those red high tops?

Well, I guess she's getting right on that.