Original subtitles

Previously on Nirvana the Band.

The Rivoli is a store on Queen Street. I know about the Rivoli. What the fuck is

underneath it, man?

I forgot my birthday.

Well,

what does Jay want? What does Jay want for his birthday? The show at the

Matt. It's my friend's birthday and I'm trying to book a show for us to play

here tonight.

Okay, you're banned?

We're banned?

You're not wearing your hat.

Where's my fucking hat?

It's the get unbanned list.

How to get unbanned.

Three easy steps. One, don't tell Jay.

Simple. Two, in a French Connection style drug deal.

Get someone, a Gene Hackman -style character, drop the drugs off at the

Right. Then call the cops. And then reframe them. Hey, on banners, where are

your alibi?

Who the fuck? I just need to find this Gene Hackman lookalike or Gene Hackman

guy. Don't tell Jay.

Filming everything, huh? You need to change around here, right?

Some of the camera stuff. Simple rule. Nobody in and nobody out. Who's by here?

Who came by here?

Here's another rule.

Footage I don't like goes.

Right? Me dropping the shit, all that stuff. Full access.

It's everything, right? It's what you like.

Okay.

Camera right up my ass, eh?

Hot milk!

What? What? We got milk.

What are you doing? You got two glasses of milk? Are you hiding something?

You're literally hiding something.

What are you hiding?

It's a magnetic force. We got metal buttons, boys.

No, this is nothing. This is a... Get on banned list?

What do you mean banned list?

Like the list of bands that play at the Rivoli.

Right.

Yeah.

So you want to get on the band list. On the band list.

Tell Jay about the plan.

Oh, yeah. Tell Jay.

Yeah. And then connect to a hack man.

No, they're called hackers.

Not hack men.

There could be hack women. Right. I got that wrong. I meant hacker.

Good thing I got you around. Hack onto the band list.

Oh, my God.

That's an amazing idea.

We'll get off the ban list. No, on the ban list.

We can hack in. We don't have to go anywhere near it.

I guess that's a good thing, too. Yeah, I mean, we don't have to go anywhere

near it. A little more covert. We hack the Rivoli, get on the ban list. That's

what I'm saying.

We get off the ban list.

No, on the ban list. Exactly.

This would frame the Rivoli.

We hack in there to go... Yeah, we are going to get a hacker.

To hack us into the river.

Cheers to the hacker plan.

Cheers.

To hacker plan! To hacker plan!

You take a big full swig of that.

Hey, hey.

That's homo.

Hey.

Take a breath, man.

You just drink the whole thing?

I thought you were watching your figure.

Are you a hacker? We're looking for a hacker.

Sorry? Are you a hacker? We're looking for a hacker. A hacker?

Yeah, a computer hacker.

Is that kind of a joke or something? No, no, we're looking for one to help us. I

don't know if you're going to an internet cafe to find a hacker.

No, I don't think so. Are you a hacker?

Do you know what a hack is? Are you a hacker? Yes. Are you a computer expert?

Do you know anything about hacking?

Is there a hacker here? Oh, come on. One of you guys has to be a hacker. There's

somebody in here. Is anybody a hacker in here? Sorry, never mind. Is there a

pause button that we're just trying to... No, no, no. Just be like...

Yeah,

we don't look.

No, we're not cops. Sorry, sorry.

They're not going to talk to us. Look at what we just looked like, all right? We

walk in there looking like this.

That's how you find a hacker.

They're going to think we're narcs.

So, clothing?

Yes. If you want to catch a hacker, you've got to look like a hacker.

Hey, we went in there trying to find a hacker dressed like this.

Exactly.

Oh, so this, I'm not dressed like a hacker, this isn't what hackers dress?

want to find a hacker, we've got to look the part. How do I dress like a hacker?

Looks like you're shopping, boy.

Why are we in Kensington?

It's the hacker central of Toronto. I'm not really seeing what hacker clones

are. Because you don't know where to look, all right? Here, look.

So this is Hacker Central?

I'm just telling Jay it's Hacker Central.

It is Hacker Central. Yeah. Oh.

Uh, okay.

This is the spot. Follow me.

Army surplus?

Yeah. Hi, man. How you doing? Sorry.

Oh, I thought you were a mannequin.

Sorry about that.

Yeah. Well, what's going to happen to us in there? You're about to find out in a

big way!

Magic people! Voodoo people!

Thank you so much.

People are looking at us. Well, dude, they're not going to be looking once

see, okay, there's the most handsome hacker on the whole street, will they?

How you doing, man?

What's a hacker look? Really?

Yeah, we're about to be hacking. Should we be showing people that we're hacking?

This is the place. Nobody cares.

Exactly.

Nobody cares.

Yeah, exactly.

Not exactly the right day to be out hacking.

No, but you know what? I love hackers. You know why? Because you can find some

serious shit. That's exactly what we're trying to do. That's what we're going

for. Yeah, because you know what? Media, don't tell everything. Don't show

everything. You've got to know for yourself. You've got to find for

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Peace, man.

He said he would be back?

Oh, like he's coming to get us.

Oh, shit. Okay.

Let's go find this hacker!

It was a rock.

Sorry, kids.

Are we going to home hardware? No, we're getting a computer.

The super system. Hey, when we're in here, just so we don't get taken, we've

to act like we know what we're talking about.

No problem.

Sorry, sir.

We have some blades on.

Okay.

We'll just talk about that, guys.

Excuse me. We're trying to buy a super system.

Super computer?

Yeah.

Can you help us with that?

Yeah. And we know what we're talking about, too. So I'll try to basically top

the line hacking the computer.

Budget, parts, where are we starting from?

We're ready to spend. Are you going for CPU paralyzation, clock

speed? CPU paralyzation, that sounds right.

I mean, you can look at the Intel server stuff.

You get ridiculous core counts.

Ridiculous core counts, yeah, that's right.

How ridiculous are they?

16 core, 32 thread.

It's 28 thread?

I mean, it's all hyper -threaded math, that thing.

W3. It's all hyper -threaded nowadays.

Um... Bingo.

We'll take it.

Actually, hold on. One second.

Oh,

you got me rolling here, man.

One second.

I'm really rolling.

I think we just found our hacker.

You?

No.

It's what we're doing right now illegal?

Technically.

Well, to make you feel any better, it's just so we can get a show.

Yeah. Okay, let's try it. Password?

Wrong password.

Fuck. How do you normally do this? Like... Like I said, really?

What you'd normally do?

Actual hacker wouldn't...

There's no real way to hack this.

Clearly. Ned, okay, we need you to help

us with this, okay?

The stakes are insanely high for us.

You'd need to find some vulnerability in the Gmail system, and the only way

you'd find out about that is knowing somebody works at Gmail and hasn't

disclosed it or they haven't fixed it.

Why don't we just use their computer at the Ripley? Yeah.

Uh, no.

Like, you mean go to the Rivoli? No, we can't.

Why? Wouldn't that make the most sense if we go into the Rivoli and maybe they

have, like, a computer there and it's already, like, logged in or something?

Um... I mean, it's the same idea as stealing a phone. It's usually a lot

practical than trying to break the software side.

Yeah, why don't we just do that? We'll go into the Rivoli. Go in to the Rivoli.

It's more practical than that.

Okay, so what are we waiting for I could just go in no no you can't go in But

Ned can I

Have a question. Yeah, how can you want Ned to go in there? He knows this shit

He's that he's the guy you the computer with we're just the band.

He doesn't want the band next to him hacking keep the band away Keep the band

away

You see your idea? You're coming up with this? Well, I'm seeing it from a

different angle now. I'm starting to see it your way. And I think what you're

trying to say is we stay outside the Rivoli. Ned goes in.

We're in the war van, kind of like what Michael Chip had with Punisher. And it's

got all the screens up, the earpiece in, and the pen cam.

And he walks right in. We are his eyes and ears. He gets to the computer. And

delete this banned list, change the banned list.

Delete it?

Get our names, get one of it off. I can't see it, Matt. What I was saying

banned list, that's the goal. Yeah.

Spelling to be determined later in terms of the number of ends. What are you

pitching them right now? I'm not even really following. Let's try this.

Okay, so you're here to fix computer?

Let's go with just yes.

Yeah. Yes.

With confidence.

That was quiet.

Yes. You're fixing the computer. Yes.

Repeating the question, it draws suspicion.

Yes, exactly. You're agreeing with me that it draws suspicion or this is the

line? Yes. Hey, are you here to fix the computer?

Yes.

Yes. Yes is the answer. Yes is the line.

Oh, hey, you just came in by the computer. Are you here to fix the

Yes. Maybe.

Maybe or yeah?

Yeah. You got it!

Okay!

What are you doing over there?

Weren't you just sitting... You're on your phone?

What are you doing?

Well, I got scared there, okay? I didn't know that you were going to pull me up

like that.

I didn't mean to...

Just

don't mess with it, man. How come I can't hold on to it? Don't.

Don't. Don't what?

I'm just touching it. You're going to bust it, man. This was not cheap. Only

gets to touch this.

Oh, yeah. Welcome to the battle, band.

Okay, so, Ned, the plan... Say it a little louder so I can hear it. Yeah,

yeah. Band list.

And we are getting the band list.

I want to get on that. Off the band list.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. And you want to get us off the band list. Off the band list.

No,

on the band list. On. You want to get on. Exactly.

Right? This is a pen with a camera in it.

Point the camera at the... Careful, don't poke him. I'm not poking him. Am I

poking him?

You're good.

You mean good as in you don't mind the poke or there is no infection? There is

no poke.

Hey,

dude, thank you so much for doing this.

Okay.

Oh, anybody ask? You never heard of Nirvana the band. You don't know us.

And you... Oh, computer repair guy, right?

You're a repair guy. There is no Nirvana.

We got a mobile computer repair guy here. Matt.

He's going in just to fix a computer inside.

Shut the fuck up.

What are you doing? No reason to be worried is what I'm saying.

Of course not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get the fuck in here.

Later.

Ned, do you hear us? Yep.

Do you know which one is the Rivoli?

We parked right in front of it, man.

No, he's going in there. There he goes. There he goes.

Oh, my God. He's actually inside it. This is crazy.

You're doing great, Ned.

Okay, just sit at the bar. Sit at the bar and look inconspicuous.

Yep.

Okay, Ned, we're getting the bar. We can see the bar.

Ned, remember, we're looking for a computer.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe do a little panorama.

Be our eyes here.

Yeah, give us a little 360.

Walk around the... Whoa!

What's that? What's that?

Red bar locked.

Okay, Ned, we're going to need you to try typing in a password.

Fuck.

Oh, they gave us a hint.

Address. Address. It's an address.

334 Queen W. Try that.

Oh, my God. He's in. He's in.

Find a band lift. Band lift. B -A -N -N -E -D. Hold on a second. No. B -A -N -D.

Yeah, right. Ned, just try B -A -N -N -E -D and we'll just see. Yes, okay.

Spell band.

Look at it. But maybe they spelt it wrong, okay? Idiot. You're wasting time.

Ned, you're doing great, man.

Do you know how to read?

Do you want to get on the band list?

That would be spell.

Do you know how to spell? Will you stop being such an idiot? Look, he spelled it

wrong.

Zero files.

Nothing found.

Fuck. Okay, Ned, we're doing it my way now, okay? Listen to me. Ned?

Okay, Ned?

Ned?

What are you doing, Ned? No, no, no, no.

What are you doing?

Are you fucking us?

Is that their email?

The Rivoli's email.

Look at all those emails. People are just leaving their emails logged in. I

it all the time.

You're supposed to click log out. That's a message.

Click log out when you, when you do the, when you do this stuff. Anything,

anything look important? Okay, get closer to that. Let us read them. Uh,

stop moving. No, no, stop, stop. Go back up to the top. Brittany May. Okay, left

my phone.

Important. That one from Alex McDonald. Read that. No, no, do not read that

email. Do not read that email. Do not be aware of what? Shh, shh, shh. Hey,

how's the land?

Pretty good.

Can I help you with anything?

Um, did you have to fix your system?

Yeah. Did you have to repair it?

Yes. Yeah, we have called the computer repair guy.

Okay, Ned, fuck, you gotta get out of there now, man.

No, Ned, you gotta get out now!

I gotta go get him.

No, no, no. I gotta go get him. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Ned, hold on. Hold on. Now we got cops on our end. Okay, we're going black for

second. Okay, fine.

It's going to be the Rivoli, and they're going to be like, okay, what the fuck,

guys? It's done. I'm just confessing. No, no, no. We're not confessing shit.

I'll tell you what. Okay, okay.

Oh, shit.

Oh!

Nice work, Dave.

I bet you're getting tortured in there for the Rivoli. You squeal like a

Leave him, Ned.

You brought Ned in.

I'm not picking the fall for Ned. You said you wanted Ned. You said for Ned. I

wanted... Ice cream sometimes, right?

Do you want an ice cream?

Ben! Oh, he's alive.

Oh, my God. Get it, get it, get it.

Oh, thank God you're alive. He got it, and he got a little email, too. What do

you mean?

Got an email.

Oh, you printed it.

Do you want me to read it to him?

No, don't, don't, don't, uh, don't, uh.

Oh, I see it. Read it. Read it out loud.

Jay, before you read this. Yeah?

No, it's, it's, I love you.

I'm your, I'm your best friend. No, no, no, no, no, no. Before you read it.

Before you read it.

But wait a second. I don't even know what I'm expecting. I do know.

I think I'm sorry.

I'm ready to face the consequences.

You're about to see. Watch this. He's going to read it and we're going to see.

It's so funny.

What's going on with this? Just read the email. What do we get? All staff, be

aware. Hey, I just got off the phone with a guy from the city. It seems like

they're doing some sewer maintenance.

He wants to access the tunnels below through our boiler room.

Will anyone be around tomorrow morning by 10 to let them in?

That's everything.

Are you printing anything on the back?

Oh, double -sided.

Nope.

It's so funny.

You're about to witness a real admission of guilt from me.

What did you think?

It's pretty hot in these battle vans.

I'm fine.

You're not hot. No.

You're not sweltering?

You know why? It's because I'm keeping a big secret.

What?

What did I say?

You said you're keeping a big secret. No, no, no, no. Yeah, you did.

Did I? Yeah.

Unfortunately, this is the last episode that we will be doing with Ned.

Yeah, normally the Nirvana the band thing would be up by now.

Hey, I just got off the phone with the guy

from the city.

Let's see.

Like they're doing some sewer maintenance.

He wants to access the tunnels below through

our boiler room.

Will anyone be around tomorrow morning by 10 to let them in?

And then we can do a nice big solo.

Tunnels under the Rivoli. What?

Oh, yeah, there's tunnels under the Rivoli, eh?

Okay,

no, actually, everyone shut up.

One,

two, three, four.

That's the one.

That's the last.

That's your crusade.

Shut the fuck up. Guys, this is a private. Get out!

Been thinking a lot today.

Been thinking a lot today.