Original subtitles

All right.

Okay, you ready? Come on.

We're going to clean this place up first. Yeah, but trick -or -treating

now. The time is now.

No, we're not going trick -or -treating until this place is cleaned up. I'm not

leaving this place like this. Look, there's crumbs everywhere.

Just imagine we come home with a bag full of treats and we put it on a clean

ground and we categorize all the candy.

Yeah, we can't, man, because there's not going to be any candy left. We've got

to go while the getting's good.

You know that. No, this place is too messy. Yeah, you know what I realized?

We've got to fucking bullshit it. You're just trying to get out of cleaning.

Look what you're doing. You're making more of a mess. And I'm going to get a

full. Look what you did to the pillow.

It's my bag. It's my favorite pillow.

When I come back, it's going to be so big, it's going to be a plump bitch bag

full.

Why don't we just take it down a little bit? Sure, you're right. Okay. And we'll

do a quick Lysol. No!

That's it!

We're going trick -or -treating now. Now we're going to clean. Now we're trick

-or -treating.

We're not going trick -or -treating. Yep.

No, we're going to clean first. You know what? The Halloween spirit has left

you. And now you will be hunted.

Hunted? Hunted!

I'm going to get a bag full of goodies.

A bag full of... Don't leave this house, Matt.

May Halloween put a curse on you!

Trick or treat.

How are you doing? Oh, rockets.

Amazing. Thank you. Thank you. I can't believe Jay's missing this. This is

crazy. Whoa.

I got me. I'm serious.

Ah, a little Spider -Man.

Ah, that's good. The webs. I'm the Grim Reaper of death. You're a minion.

I am.

Yeah.

Okay.

Trick or treat.

What are you doing?

Hello? What are you doing?

I'm trick -or -treating.

But you have chest hair. You can't trick -or -treat.

Oh.

I just realized I'm the only adult trick -or -treating.

I thought it was going to be mostly, like, cool old people like us.

Well, no.

Um,

no.

Okay.

Thanks. Just starting to think that maybe it was a mistake leaving my

He's cleaning by himself.

Okay, happy Halloween.

You don't have any cleaning supplies in there, do you?

Well... Trick or treat without me.

Call me Borkovich!

It's a music book.

Learn my lesson.

Come on!

Jay!

Bert?

What the hell?

He went out trick -or -treating.

I got to him.

I'm gonna clean the house before he gets back.

Matt!

I'm small!

Oh, shit. I'll have to clean that up.

This is gonna be great!

Okay, what do I start with?

Ah!

The piano.

What everybody knows is the piano is a good friend.

You know, people get weird with wood. Not me. I go

water.

She just does not maintain the piano.

Yikes.

See,

when Bird gets home, you are never going to see a harder dick.

That dude, that's a good guy. That guy is my best friend.

I'm not kidding.

And the shit that I tried to pull on him today with the... Oh, yeah.

No. Halloween for you.

Of course he's mad.

I'm out of the house two minutes, and he's gone.

Huh.

Uh, okay.

Time to get back to it.

Look at this crown.

Yuck.

Okay.

Matt! Matt!

Matt! Matt!

We're going to get his attention.

What's this from? Someone's ripping a pillow apart.

Animals.

Time for a big art attack.

Let's see if I can figure out this one.

Yeah.

Here we go.

Now that is a piece of shit.

You don't, that, Jay didn't make that.

Did he?

Oh my god.

I am the book of this.

Wait a second.

Oh!

I should back him up that stupid art.

Oh. I'm cleaning his table.

Oh, I've got to get that art attack.

Here I go.

It's a fucking table.

Did you hear that?

Hello?

Jay?

Yeah,

Bird, where are you, man?

No kidding.

Yeah, okay, so what do you want? You're sending me on a mission? Do I have to

kill the person who killed you?

Jay, I'm sorry, are you dead?

What? Matt, you gotta get me out of here.

What do you mean, Bird? You fit your whole body in there?

No, I'm small.

So what the hell are you talking about?

You gotta help me.

We get to bomb this.

Don't step on me.

Look at me.

What the hell?

Oh, my God.

I need help.

Hold on.

Yes, I do.

Yes, the body and the feet.

Um, what happened to you, man?

I played from that magical book over at the piano and it turned me small.

Oh.

Dude, that book looks pure evil. What the fuck?

Yeah, it's a cursed book. So if it's cursed, then we just have to play a

different song. Is that how this works? Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Yeah, and

then we'll change it.

Okay.

Change it back.

Why are you doing that with your mouth?

What? Oh, no, no, no. I was thinking we were going to change it back. You're

licking your lips?

Uh, no, no. You're thinking about eating me?

What's the matter with you? Yeah, yeah, you know what?

It's just, you know what? It was an in case this was a dream, and I would

it if I woke up and I didn't do it. No! Come on! Put me on the piano! Okay, all

right, okay.

This is a pretty fucked up situation in many regards.

I just want to get Bob back to regularly. Yeah. Okay. All right. Okay.

are we gonna do? I'll pick you up. Ready? Here we go. Call up on my hand.

Not going to eat me.

I already said I wasn't.

Okay. Just take me to the piano now.

What? Look, what a diva. Okay. Ready? Here we go.

Okay. Whoa.

This is fun.

It's like you're a boy again.

I'm just a little baby.

Oh, you're so cute.

Okay, I'm going to jump.

You did it. Oh, my God, I did it.

Okay, I'll get the book.

Okay, all right, can you read this one?

Yeah, that one looks good.

Okay. It looks like a friendly song.

Yeah, dude, this is it. Look, it's got a body, and it turns into a bigger body.

This is the reverse.

Okay, here we go. Oh, do Tom Hanks. Do the Tom Hanks.

Like, okay, yeah, so it's like... What the hell?

No, do Tom Hanks, I'm saying. He's not making any sounds because I'm small.

Oh, that movie's called Big? This is the issue?

Okay, so then you've got to teach me how to do it. So you show me what to play

and I'll fucking play the song. Okay, yeah.

Press this one. Okay.

Good. Now all the way here. Okay, so.

Da, da, da, da.

Black one.

Nice moves, man.

Oh, no, okay, yeah, I will play it.

Yeah, that's good. I'm good at this, Bird.

Okay, good, I remember this, I remember this. What is that? Whoa, I think it's

working. Whoa, whoa.

Did it work?

Did it work?

I'm big.

Bird.

What do you want my body for?

Matt's body has got my mind in it.

Oh, my God.

I'm mad.

Oh, no.

I don't want to be mad.

Oh, God, look at him.

Let me out!

Let me out!

This is great!

This is great, Matt.

Now we can really get a show at the Rivoli.

What?

Here we go.

No, no, no, no. No, no, Matt.

We're not making a Rivoli plan, Matt. Well, just think about it, Bert.

You get up there in my body and you start playing the piano.

They don't know that you're the piano player.

They don't know us well.

It's not going to make any difference at all. Okay, what if we go to the Rivoli?

No! We're figuring out how to switch back. That's it.

You're going to get a fly on you.

It's because the bugs are attracted. What are you saying?

All right, so we'll switch back.

We'll work on switching back.

So, how about a little bit of music?

Bird, play the piano.

For what? A little inspiration.

Okay, fine.

Okay, ready? I'm only doing this once.

Okay, so we know that the book is cursed.

You're playing songs from the book. Right, and then you played the Freaky

song. We played the Freaky Friday song.

We played that song again, and then we're going to switch back.

Bird, do you understand?

I got it. Yeah, okay, I'll play the song again.

Oh, I'd like to be you for a day.

Put your arms down. Nothing happened.

Play it again. We used up the magic of this page.

We'll play a different song.

I don't know, Matt. Come on, there's probably a nice song in here. Maybe

get something fun. Fun? Play this one.

Come on, play.

Okay.

Oh, Matt, I noticed it before.

A hunter from the darkest wild makes you feel just like a child

Jay, play another song on the piano.

What song? Just play something.

Okay, Matt, I got one.

Stand up.

Matt, it's not working.

You got him laughing, Bert.

You're finally acting like a man.

Any last words?

9 -11 was an inside job.

Investigate building 7.

Jeff, you'll get out. Oh, CLP!

Jay? I did it. I did it. I did it. I played the right song.

You're alive.

I thought you were going to get shot.

I don't really believe that.

9 -11 is not finished. We're both alive. We're back in our own bodies.

Well,

we went through something today.

I know.

And thank God it's over.

What was that?

Ah, I got a tongue ache.

What do you ache?

Something in your ear?

What was that? Oh!

What are you doing?

Worldstar! The Nirvana The Band The Show Halloween Special will be right back.

It's Matt! Bird!

It's Matt! It's Matt!

Bird?

Are you still Bird?

Matt.

Matt! Matt!

Hey! Hey, Bird!

I can talk.

You're still human.

The best part of you is still there.

What happened?

Do you want to be honest or kind?

Well, how do I look?

You're a wolf.

Take me to the doctor.

I have a feeling you go to a doctor and I'm never seeing you again. How bad is

it?

10 out of 10.

Oh.

Yes. Yeah, it's a bit... Wait a second, wait a second.

Is this a prank?

A prank?

Be honest, man. Is this a prank?

How would I... I mean, that's the most insane prank of all time.

Well, what are we going to do?

We got to turn me back.

Play another song from the book. That's the last one.

What do you mean that's the last one?

Look, blanks, blanks, blanks.

Nothing left.

Who the hell wrote that book?

Yeah, you think it was me?

I can't speak Latin.

Well, somebody's having a good laugh now.

Hey, you know what? No, no, this isn't bad. Hey, you know what? You're a

werewolf.

Who's going to f*** a werewolf?

Who's going to want to f*** me?

You know what? Maybe they will if you get a...

Show her the remedy.

Yes,

he is a werewolf. It's Nirvana, the band, and the wolf.

Baby, this is the show of a lifetime. Plays the piano, sings, dances, anything

you want. Do I sound like I'm joking?

I'm watching right now Chase the fucking squirrel. He's going to rip the thing

apart. He'll do it all.

Dude, hey, for an extra 500, I can get him to tie you up and fuck your wife for

you.

We got a deal.

We did it.

We got the show.

I've been thinking a lot today.

I've been thinking a lot.