Original subtitles

I feared the very idea of a new Ashley Storm. I thought the old one was

perfection. Thank you.

That means so much. But now that I look at you, you are far more beautiful than

you were before.

Oh, Dylan, that's so true.

Dylan, you rat!

Just one episode.

Faith, you're addicted.

Oh, Nurse Shana.

There are some things a

girl can never unsee.

What is going on here?

She's been taping the soap again. Faith, give me the remote. Just one more scene

to take the edge off.

thing to say.

Any day now, another soap is going to call. Meanwhile, I have to keep up with

what's going on in my business. You know, the way you do with the latest...

rooms and mugs and... pudding.

Where does she keep finding these blank tapes? I thought we got rid of them all.

Oh, Ashley, if you only knew.

And to you, Charles, take Hope Marie Fairfield to be your lawfully wedded

To have and to hold...

I can't watch this again.

It's got such a sad ending.

No.

I decided to shave with a steak knife.

Don't worry. I'll buy Faith her own razor. No, I've got a better idea. Why

doesn't Faith buy her own razors and her own food and her own apartment? I'll

tell you why.

Because we give her everything.

She's been here six months.

It's time she get a job and start paying her own way.

Oh, Mom, here it's on my lunch. Why don't you just give me a wedgie right

my history test.

Sidney, a D?

How did this happen?

Discuss the obstacles to reconstruction in the South you wrote too numerous to

mention.

There is no excuse for this. One more bad grade and you can forget about that

cents concert.

50 cents!

So lame.

Hey, watch the lip, young lady. You have an example to set for your brother and

sister who look up to you.

Sidney, we mean business.

Anything below a B minus slash C

plus.

And you can consider yourself grounded in the car. Come on.

Man, those kids make a lot of noise when they come home from school.

They're going to school. It's 8 .30.

Oh, my God, it's the middle of the night.

Talk to it.

I'm going back to bed.

No, you're not. I'm tired of you sleeping your life away.

It's time you got a job.

Don't be ridiculous.

What would you have me, collecting rags or lighting street lamps?

Of course, the job market has changed since the 19th century.

I'm an actress, Hope.

Fine, then act. Let's find you an agent.

In Glen Falls?

Sure.

Hollywood, what is the first step?

Oh, here's one.

Animal and artist.

Please. That sounds a little small time, don't you think?

Okay, then.

Artist and animal.

Well, it's better than strippers or us.

That's true.

But maybe I better take that just in case.

and I can't even make sense of it. It's like I've never even been to the class.

What are you studying?

I don't know. I've never even been to the class.

It's an elective. They're optional.

That's not what an elective means.

Look, if I get a bad grade on this, Mom and Dad won't let me go to the 50 Cent

concert.

So I was thinking, maybe you could write it for me. I can't do your work for

you. It's dishonest. I know, and that troubles me too.

But look, if you do this for me,

I'll do something for you.

Well, there's this really nice necklace I wanted to get Mom for Mother's Day,

but I don't have enough money.

Okay, what if I write your paper, and you chip in, and we say it's from both

us? No way! My teacher will freak out if both of our names are on it.

The present.

Oh, right.

Listen, I won't forget this.

You haven't even opened the book?

What part of... Never been to the class. Do you not understand?

It still has that new textbook smell.

Now, when we meet him, we'll tell him that you're my manager.

Can you do a British accent?

Oh, I bloody well suppose I could. Give it a go.

Right.

No accent.

Love you on Planet of the Apes.

One o 'clock at the Rotary Club.

And remember, the booze is for the get.

You threw the lesbian magic act.

No, we're sisters.

Ka -ching!

Hop just got hotter.

No, no.

I'm, um, Faith Fairfield. We spoke earlier.

Oh, right.

Then who are you?

Blimey. Who do you think I am, Governor? I'm a big manager.

Wow. British.

Classy.

Hey.

So, tell me why I should want to be in the Faith Fairfield business.

Well, until six months ago, she was starving to sacred in the temple.

My teeth?

Six months. It's an eternity in this business.

My people work.

Now, you got any tricks?

Do you juggle?

How many eggs can you fit in your mouth?

I don't go around stuffing eggs in my mouth. I'm a star.

I open malls. I sign autographs for people who wait in line just to get a

glimpse of me, okay? I'd say seven -four for talking with the show.

Nice attitude.

And your tushy's not too shabby either.

You seeing anyone?

Why don't you throw me a few bookings and find out?

Rightio. So, what's next, love?

You ring us up at our flat?

Something comes up, I'll call you.

Pat and Terry, we have four o 'clock.

Good trick!

I'll make out.

Open a few malls, do a couple of commercials, maybe an independent film,

then transition into summer blockbusters.

Can't you just see me running from a killer tidal wave?

Every night in my dreams.

Hello?

Oh, rightio. This is Ope Chonowski Management.

Thanks for ringing up on the telly.

Ooh, the big trade show.

Sounds smashing.

Cheerio!

Guess who just booked the trade show?

Oh, you're supposed to be finding work for me.

God, you are the worst manager ever.

No, you.

Oh, a trade show?

I'm going to be opening a trade show.

Oh, I'm going to run upstairs and see what we have to trade. I wonder what we

could get for your crappy bedroom set.

Um, you have to sign my science paper.

Oh, wait, I guess you don't. Since I got an A!

An A? Hey, that's fantastic.

student if you just took more interest in ozone damage reduction through

EPA regulations?

Oh, and Tracy's mom said that she would drive us to the concert, so I won't need

a ride.

Wow.

Somebody did some nice work here.

But who?

Hmm.

I just need some kind of clue.

stay working together.

I got goose flesh.

Now, where can I get some markers to find these headshots?

Well, yeah, that might not happen.

You're going to kind of have your hands full.

Oh? We'll be shaking a lot of hands, huh?

Yeah, shaking.

That's right.

back in show business.

I hope it was awful.

I'm just going to have to call her tomorrow and tell him that I can't.

Can't handle it?

Can't get through one eight -hour day? Can't follow through on anything you

start?

No.

For your information, I can't wait to get back there tomorrow.

You should have seen the fans lined up to get my autograph.

Why are you screaming? Because I was off!

Refreshing.

Now, if you'll excuse me, tomorrow is a work day.

You know, we should all go down there and surprise her tomorrow.

Bring her flowers, show her how proud we are.

Or we could move to a new address while she's at work.

Okay, we'll go with your plan.

Oh, the girls are home.

Okay. Remember, we don't stop until they crack. Come in.

Operation Smokeout.

Smoke them!

So, Sidney, I was just rereading that incredible paper you wrote.

Well, when you care a lot about something, the words just come.

Ooh, look out, Haley. Looks like Sidney's becoming the family brainiac.

I was really impressed with your analysis of the Kyoto Protocol.

Well, he was a great man.

sending you to an environmental science camp for the whole summer.

That's the camp I wanted to go to. I can see why. It sounds fantastic.

Lectures every morning, hiking and collecting specimens in marshes and

Oh, and they suggested you cut your hair short because of lice.

Yeah, and tomorrow, I'll take you to get your shot.

Well, the first round.

And you know what the best part of the camp is?

It's all girls.

Okay. I didn't write the paper.

if I didn't get a good grade, you guys wouldn't let me go to the concert.

So I really don't deserve that wonderful camp opportunity.

So who wrote the paper, then?

I wrote it.

I helped her cheat.

So if anybody should get sent to that awful camp, it's probably

me.

Really?

This is so unlike you.

Why would you do something like this?

Because I wanted to buy you a nice Mother's Day present, and I didn't have

enough money.

And Sidney said she'd give me some if I helped her with her paper.

Damn it.

I hate it when they throw you a curveball.

A diamond necklace from Zales.

From both of us.

I'll just go get ready for the 50 Cent concert.

Well, you're not going to any concert. You're both grounded.

Haley, I love that you wanted to do something nice for me, but that's no

You're not helping Sydney by doing her work for her.

Are you going to spend the rest of your life bailing your sister out?

On thin ice, Hope.

The point is, Sydney, I'd rather you fail doing your best than succeed by

dishonest.

Do you think that 50 -cent fellow would have gotten where he is by lying and

cheating?

Why don't I take it from here?

This will not happen again. Right, girl?

Right. Right.

Okay, in the meantime, I think we should return this necklace.

Oh, I think they've been punished enough.

Here's my star list.

Did you bring the two -piece?

No, as a matter of fact, I didn't. I'm not working in a swimsuit. It's

and exploity -tay.

It's exploity -tay.

It's mean.

Now, look, I'm a big star. So today, no banner with my name on it, no me.

You got that?

Fair enough.

Follow me, doll.

On second thought, I'll follow you. I like to watch that junk in the trunk.

Hurry, folks.

The new Hoserator 2000 will get out anything, and we mean anything. Isn't

right, Faith?

That's right, Bert.

Whether you work in a paint factory, a coal mine,

in waste management,

or in a fish

hatchery.

Any questions, folks?

Yeah, uh, supposing I work with bees and wasps? Not a problem, sir.

Kyle, prep the hive.

How could you put her through this?

She's an actress!

Are you kidding?

What kind of actress can't juggle or make balloon animals?

Come on, Faith.

Let's go home. You're too good for this. No, no.

I'm okay.

I mean, it isn't the greatest, but it's a job.

And it's show business.

And I'm not a quitter. Hey, they're not paying you to yap your gums.

Get back up on the pedestal.

I think they're ready for your close -up.

Hey, aren't you Faith Fairfield, who played Ashley Storm on The Sacred and

Sinful? You mean the old Ashley Storm?

I don't think so. Oh, God, whatever happened to her?

I don't know, but I doubt she's getting crap sprayed on her at a trade show in

Glenfall.

I like the new Ashley Storm so much better anyway.

Me too.

I'm hungry.

Pizza?

Yeah.

Thanks for the pick -me -up, Hope.

It's over.

I'm finished.

Ah, what do those two know?

They thought the guy demonstrating the bagless vacuum was Stephen Baldwin.

It was.

Really?

I'll be right back.

Nobody wants my autograph.

I'm not a star anymore.

I'm a nobody.

My show business career is over.

What do people do when their last dream dies?

What did you do?

Hey, don't talk like that.

Don't you ever give up on your dreams.

Thanks, Hope.

But you're too late.

I dreamed of death.

And the nominees for Best Actress in a Daytime Drama... Hope, I'm not sure what

ironic means, but I'm pretty sure this is it.

Jacqueline Carr.

Eva LaRue.

And for her role as the new Ashley Storm, Brooke Spencer.

I hear she's quite good.

Oh, look, Hope.

They're mocking me in high def.

Let's just forget about these silly things.

Come on. Oh, here's a surprise.

For her role as the old Ashley Storm, Faith Fairfield.

Oh, my God! Look!

It's me!

It's me!

I'm back!

I'm back!

I'm back!

Oh,

oh, oh.

Kiddo, we couldn't be happier for you.

One tiny thing.

Now that we're hitting the big time, I say we dump that manager.

Between you and me, I don't think she's really British.

Now, what do you say that we sign these agency contracts?

Sure, Irv. Let me grab a pen.

But they know who they are.

And tonight is really all about me.

And how I never gave up on my dream.

And about how all the little people never let me... Faith, it's three

in the morning. We're trying to sleep.

Sorry.

This is such an honor that I definitely deserve.

And so I...