Original subtitles

Previously on Hope and Faith. And the nominees for Best Actress in a Daytime

Drama, Faith Fairfield.

I'm back! I'm back!

I've got an angle.

I'm going for the sympathy vote.

Because you were fired?

Okay, here's how we're going to spin that.

I wasn't fired.

I quit so I could move home to be with my sister and her family after you

suffered your mental breakdown!

They want me back on The Sacred and the Sinful. I'm going to be Ashley Storm

again. Are you sure you can trust these people? Cindy, there's nothing

challenging about standing around saying lines that somebody else wrote.

Why don't you give it a try?

If I could get you to just sign here.

Now, who should I make this out to?

ABC.

It's your contract.

Don't worry.

You orchestrated this beautifully.

Yes, I know.

Let's just hope that Faith doesn't read the fine print.

We don't have to talk about it. We've got it different ways.

But you know in the end we can laugh about it. Even though we can drive each

other crazy. You know we don't have to worry.

We will live, we will laugh, and we'll love each other anyway.

La la la la la la.

This is it. My big comeback.

Faith. Listen, I thought about what you said, that I'm only happy when you're

down. Well, that's not true.

I love to see you shine.

It's just that, you know me, I'm a worrywart. But from now on, I'm behind

100%. Totally supportive.

Thank you, Hope.

That really means the world to me. Jackie!

I'm so glad you're back.

Okay, in five, four, three, two, action.

Nicholas, you have come a long way in search of the Cedar Valley serial

Cut! Where did that poster come from?

Don't look at me.

Vandercrete has many friends.

Let's take it from Jacqueline's line, please.

In four, three, two... Yes, Nicholas, I have come a long way in search of the

Cedar Valley serial killer.

I received a tip that he or she is here in New York City.

Mr. De La Russo, they are ready for you in the boardroom.

Cut!

Do you suppose you could simplify it a bit?

Oh, okay.

From his entrance, and action.

De La Russo, the family's ready for you in the boardroom. Cut!

What are you doing?

Well, I just thought it would be kind of interesting, you know, if he was a wise

guy. No, he's not a wise guy. Well, could he have an iPad? No. Can he have a

limp? No.

Lance? Got it.

From your entrance, again.

And action.

Our next is, I'm sorry, but I'm needed in the boardroom. But I... No buts.

I'm here in the Big Apple. We have to get out of here quick. There's no time

explain.

Not so fast.

Ashley Storm?

That's right. I did survive when my twin tried to kill me. But I wasn't in a car

crash, and I didn't have plastic surgery that left me flat -chested and mouthy

-looking.

I was kidnapped by her, but now I'm back.

I don't understand.

I am the real Ashley Storm, and this imposter is the Cedar Valley serial

Cut! Better than ever, Fee.

This is a joke.

You're making a big mistake. The fans love me.

Me, me, me!

Okay, everybody, take five.

Well, I guess not everyone can handle getting fired as gracefully as I did.

What? You burned down the studio.

Supportive, supportive.

The point is, I've been humbled.

I'm not the diva I once was.

All right, who's the moron who put sugar in my coffee?

Oh, damn.

I'll get you a fresh cup.

Hey.

Hey.

I spent a month in an ashram in India, Guru Baba. Totally changed my life.

Now, I'm parting my hair on the left.

How zen is that?

Zen -sational.

So, what's your major?

Uh, English.

Ah, yes, I have to say that Heathcliff is my favorite character of literature

all time. I do.

That cat is hilarious.

You're funny. Not as funny as Garfield, though.

Aren't your legs warm, too?

Would you like to, uh, go run lines for old time's

sake?

All right.

But only if we can run lines standing up. I just had my hair done.

Faith, I need to talk to you. It's important.

Aren't you a little chilly?

I'll be right there, Dylan.

Why don't you go and get your script out?

I just saw Jacqueline, Laura, and Brooke drinking champagne.

Why would they be doing that?

Because they're fabulous, rich, and two of them are falling down drunk.

But Brooke just got fired. Why would she be so happy?

Okay, we are back. Everyone, take your places.

This is it. This is the scene where Jacqueline shoots Brooke. Wish me luck.

luck. In five, four, three, two... Alexis,

I am the real Ashley Storm.

No, Alexis.

I am the real Ashley Storm.

Well, you can't both be the real Ashley Storm.

Which means one of you is a Cedar Valley serial killer.

Alexis, you have to believe me. She has been genetically altered to look the way

I did before my accident. Before the surgery that also made me younger and

beautiful.

Alexis, remember when you were possessed by the devil and everyone shunned you?

Who invited you to Thanksgiving?

Brooke was holding out for more money. It was the only way we could get her to

sign the contract.

And you!

You're supposed to be my friend. How could you do this to me?

Oh, Faith.

I'm so sorry.

I tried to... Ah, screw it.

I'm off the clock.

Nothing personal. I just never liked you.

Oh, yeah.

When I win my second Emmy tonight and every soap opera in this town is calling

me, You're gonna wish I hadn't done this to your stupid little soap opera

contract.

We were ready for you this time.

I'll take that birth certificate now.

All right. You did your part. And don't worry.

I'll take your secret to the grave.

Well, okay. I guess we could go to the cemetery.

But wouldn't it be easier just to give it to me here?

And most of all, my wonderful team of defense attorneys who proved that that

woman should never have been in that crosswalk.

I hope Aunt Faith remembers to mention the pig -footed bandicoot.

I'm bored. Why didn't Cindy have to come?

Because she's thick. Believe me, she'd kill to be here.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, just checking out the crowd.

Oh, I brought you a present. My favorite book, David Copperfield.

I love magicians. Does it tell how he made the Statue of Liberty disappear?

What are you doing?

Reading.

Oh, thank you. God bless you.

Thank you.

I'm Betsy. That is such a magnificent dress.

You and Lance are on in 30 seconds.

How do I look?

Beautiful. I am so impressed, Faith. You have really risen above the pettiness.

Thank you, Hope.

I figured the best revenge would be to come here tonight with grace and dignity

and my head held high.

Oh, hello, Jacqueline.

Hello, Faye.

What a beautiful dress.

But I think it looks better on me.

You won't get away with this. I think I will, since I'm presenting first.

Ta -ta, copycat.

Hey, I love your dress.

Guess I really showed her.

Showed her what?

That you're just a big, funny soap star like she is? Oh, here we go again. Why

can't you ever be on my side? I am the only person in the world who is always

your side.

And what do you do? You tell everybody I'm crazy.

You know, Faith, it's not that I'm happy when you're down.

It's that I don't like who you are when you're up.

Oh, yeah?

Well, you're just jealous.

Because I'm a famous soap star and you're nothing but a housewife.

Do you really think I'm jealous of all this backstabbing bull crap?

And I may just be a housewife.

But I tell you what.

I have got the only thing that really matters.

A family who loves me.

And so do you.

But you could care less.

You have been living in our home for six months.

And you haven't even bothered trying to get a job or help out around the house.

Or do anything but take, take, take, take.

And you know how that makes me feel?

Used.

Well, I had no idea you felt that way.

Maybe I should find someplace else to live.

Maybe you should.

I thought he was the new Ashley Starlin. One thing led to another. How dare you

run lines with my boyfriend?

Lance Taylor, Faith Fairfield on deck.

Maybe if you would run lines with him, I wouldn't have to.

What did you tell her?

I don't have time for this. I have an Emmy to present.

Not in that dress, you... Don't you touch her!

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Lance Taylor and Faith Fairfield.

Oh, my God.

Mom?

You're live. You're live.

Follow my lead.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. It is wonderful to be here.

You look beautiful.

What are you doing after the show?

What? That's my line.

Oh. Well, aren't you a sweet talker?

Hold for laugh.

Oh.

She thinks she's her sister.

How sad.

I know.

I heard she bit the head clean off a bat.

may imitate life, but life can never imitate the outrageous drama of soaps.

And one more thing.

There's this animal called the pig -footed bandicoot that my niece Haley

you all to know is endangered.

So buy bandicoot boots and furs while you still can.

Well, at least she tried.

That's true.

You're in big trouble, young lady. And so are you, Mr.

Stokeman.

No, I'm sorry.

And I promise I won't be a burden to you anymore.

I gave up.

It wasn't a girl.

It was a boy.

But you see, my name isn't really Brooke Spencer.

It's Spencer Brooke.

I ran lines with her.

sympathy vote.

Haven't those people suffered enough?

Hello. Do you speak English?

Good. I'm looking for my sister, Faith Fairfield.

I believe she's one of your... disciples?

Yeah?

Are you sure?

Okay, um, thank you.

They went to pick her up at the airport, but she wasn't on the plane.

So where is she?

They don't know.

She's missing.

It's all my fault.