Original subtitles

Yes, thank you.

I'll get right back to you.

You'll never believe this.

Harvey Zack, the editor of the Glen Falls Gazette, just offered me a job.

Really, Hope? A paper route at your age?

That is so lame.

You're getting a paper route?

Dilly, your mother's not getting a paper route.

Are you?

No.

Apparently, Mr. Zack has been so impressed with my letters to the editor,

offering me my own column.

Life in the carpool lane.

Or they could call it...

That's great.

It was always your mother's dream to be a journalist. In fact, right after we

got married, she got an offer to go work at the Chicago Tribune.

Mom, I think you should totally take the job.

But what about the Great American Bake Sale?

I'm the only one who knows how to make pecan sandies.

Don't worry. We'll follow your recipe to the letter.

Oh, that's the decoy recipe, in case we ever get robbed.

The real one's right up here.

Let's keep that on the down low.

We don't want the cookie elves torturing it out of you.

Honey, you're a great writer.

You should take the job.

I already have a job that I love.

But don't you want to do something important in the world?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Your mother has plenty of important things to do around here.

Like making my breakfast, folding my laundry, folding my hand mirror while I

pluck out my ingrown hairs.

Hello? Mr. Zack?

Hope Shanowski.

I'd love to take the job.

Fine. Take the stupid job.

Justin, upstairs. Now, you, my friend, are going to get acquainted with the

tweezer.

I want a bigger language.

You know we don't have to talk about it. We've got our different ways.

But you know in the end we can laugh about it. Even though we can drive each

other crazy.

I just want to thank you for such a wonderful opportunity.

I think you'll find that I'm a hard worker, very enthusiastic, full of

and I have a positive attitude.

My mother used to say, it's not what happens to you in life, it's your

toward it. Why don't you save a little something for the column?

Now, for your first topic.

Tattoos for teens.

Yay or nay?

Ah, that's easy.

My daughter Sydney's friend Sally got a tattoo without telling her mother Cindy,

but Susie Sally's sister told Cindy after Sally suffered a serious

Nay.

I want it by 5 o 'clock tomorrow.

You got it? Yay.

Sir.

You dropped a little.

There.

I got it.

If you're bucking for a promotion, you're not flashing your good end.

What are you doing here?

I thought you'd like to take me out to lunch to celebrate your first day on the

job. It's 9 .30.

Lunch isn't for another three hours.

Okay, I'll wait.

You can't wait.

Fine. I'll just go have a few drinks, come back and make out with your boss.

Fine.

You can stay.

But you have to be quiet. I promise.

I'll be as quiet as a church moose.

Mouth.

a church mouse.

That doesn't make any sense. Why would there be a mouse in church?

Why would there be a moose?

That's the whole point, Hope. If there was a moose in church, people would

notice, so it would have to be quiet.

Fine. Be quiet as the church moose thing.

What? Justin said I could have him. I can't believe I have to tell you this,

no blowing bubbles.

Fine.

Church moves.

and played with this thing in months.

Mm.

Mm.

Those pecans, Sandy, smell delicious.

Mm.

Oh.

Sidney, you do know you're supposed to take the pecans out of the shell.

But we use real... sand, right?

Who stole my bubbles?

Hey, there's my working girl. How was your first day on the job? Oh,

Justin, draw my bath.

Oh, and make it a bubble bath.

I knew it was an inside job.

Faith came to work with you? You didn't tell me they had daycare.

First day on the job, and I got nothing done.

What am I going to do tomorrow?

I got it.

We'll get a sledgehammer and some rope, and we'll keep her in the bed like that

guy in Misery.

Faith!

What is it? I had a really hard day at the office, and I need to decompose.

Listen, the thing about my job is, it's my job.

Which means tomorrow, you're staying home. But home is boring.

Maybe. And I know this is a radical suggestion.

You can get your own job.

My own job?

Mm -hmm.

Your own office, your own space, and your own... booth.

Excuse me.

Excuse me?

Is it that I'm trying to work here and your music is just a goof too loud?

Hey, co -worker!

Guess who got a job?

Who? Me! Where? Here! No!

Yes!

You're working here? Yep. I'm on the beat. Stopped my own column.

Went up to Mr. Zack's office and told him on a fascinating idea. Point,

counterpoint. The carpool lane meets the... DAR pooling.

You're not qualified.

You haven't written a word in your life.

Not according to my impeccable resume.

First off, it's resume.

And second, you're not Anchor 2020.

Well, this reference letter from Hugh Downs makes it different.

Faith Anchor 2020.

I swear.

Sincerely, Hugh Downs.

Ooh, we're late for the staff meeting.

staff meeting.

Hey, Judy! Debbie!

Meet my sister, Hope. She's helping me out with my column.

So, Faith.

What's Barbara Walters really like? Well, working with a legend is very

intimidating. But eventually, she got over it.

I'll tell you one thing.

You'll never beat her in foosball.

She's got the wrists of an 18 -year -old frat boy.

faces in the editorial page.

Faith Fairfield and her sister.

Let's give it up for the H -man.

You know, I can't say that I've ever worked for a newspaper or even read one,

for that matter.

But I'm a big fan in Freedom of the Press and the freedom to knock a few

lunch. Now, who's up for PJ McGillicuddy?

room when the check comes.

Oh, would you like to say a few words?

Just that I'm really looking forward to a positive work experience and making a

real difference and... What's up with Wally's hat?

He was kicked in the head by a horse.

He almost died.

Operation.

But he's still a cheap ass...

But you can't make him pay for lunch.

Again?

With the horse?

What is wrong with you?

That's all right, Wally.

The hat looks great.

Considering it only cost him two bucks?

Okay. You make everything okay.

Want to read it to me?

Fake. I am trying to concentrate.

Hey, have you had your byline photo taken yet?

Yeah. Where is it?

Right here. Can I see it? No.

Want to see mine?

No. Want to see me see mine?

Which do you like?

Saucy, bossy, or glossy?

That's your business.

But they don't pay us to goof off. They pay us to work. And I take my work very

seriously. Oh, come on. Have some fun.

This is work.

Work isn't supposed to be fun.

What if you're a clown?

We're not clowns!

All right, fine. You win.

Let's just photocopy our butts and get out of here.

and I'll leave you alone the rest of the day.

No!

Come on, Miss Jackson.

Show me your pie pies.

I do this.

Do you promise to leave me alone?

I promise.

Ridiculous.

All right, girl. Get your face in there, too. What?

this home to Charlie.

Now, I'm going back to work.

Alone.

Hey, um, shut that door.

I'm going to get a jump start on my Christmas cards.

Hey, Hope, can you move your car? You're blocking Mr. Zackhead. Oh, sure. Right

away.

Hey!

Need your byline photo.

Oh, sure. Right here.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Oh,

do you have hers? Because we're going to press in an hour. Oh, yeah.

It's right here.

There you go.

Oh, and, um... Merry Christmas.

Champagne?

But I already brushed my teeth.

We haven't had a chance to celebrate my new job.

But I thought you were down on it now that old Crazy Tunes is working there

I'm at peace with that. Anyway, enough about her.

Tonight, it's about us.

Mm -hmm.

So I made you a little present.

What do you think?

It's cute.

That's all?

Well, it's better than your passport and not as good as your driver's license.

SportsCenter. Stop the president!

I've always wanted to say that.

Man overboard!

I've always wanted to say that, too.

Mayday! Mayday!

There's been a terrible mistake.

You're about to publish the wrong picture. The very wrong picture.

Too late.

We're already printing.

To get away from you.

I don't understand.

Why would you want to get away from me?

I'm a blast.

There's a three -week waiting list just to be my lunch buddy.

But heck, you don't want to be with me.

It's not that.

I love being with you. It's just... Just not all the time.

This job was supposed to be for me.

So I could feel special.

Sometimes I feel like all I am is a mother and a wife.

But on my own, I'm just a big loser.

A big nobody.

No.

You are not a nobody.

You're Faith Fairfield's sister.

And no one can ever take that away from you.

Remember how Dad used to say that Mom was the hub of the wheel and we were all

boat?

Well, that's you.

With Charlie and the kids.

And me.

We make all of our lives turn.

If that's not contributing something to the world, I don't know what is.

You know something?

I didn't even want this stupid job.

Me either.

I only did it to be with you.

I don't even care about the company car.

You're getting a company car?

What? No.

Let me see if there's a reverse switch.

Oh, my God!

I'm stuck, too.

Do you find the vibration of this machine strangely erotic? No.