Original subtitles

Higher, Justin.

I don't want splotches. I want to look good for the Oscars. You're going to the

Oscars? No, I'm watching them on TV.

But you never know when they might cut to you.

What a beautiful day for a drive in a 1962 Cherry Red Mint Conditioning

Convertible.

40 watts at a time.

Oh, hey, you know what would work even better?

Florida.

Permanently.

We're moving to Florida?

Justin, you are going to love South Beach.

I just met the man of my dreams!

Well, I didn't really meet him, but I saw him. And I think he might have seen

me, but I kind of hope he didn't, because I totally hate my hair today.

going to see him at school tomorrow, and I don't know how to act.

Well... And face. How should I act?

Just be yourself.

Don't be ridiculous.

You can be yourself when you're alone.

Find out what she likes and pretend to be that.

Sydney, do you know what makes a girl attractive to a guy?

Self -confidence.

Just be who you are and he'll come to you.

Is that true, Aunt Faith?

Listen to your mother, Sydney.

Yes.

And do you know what's great for self -confidence?

A nice tan!

Justin!

This job sucks.

pen so we could write down Rachel Stoltz's bonemer.

Why do I listen to you? You're so out of it. I am not out of it.

I know how to get jiggly with it.

Jiggly with it? I know the dealio.

Your homeboy has got his groove going with some hoochie mama.

And now you're totally spazzing.

What? Not whack enough?

More MTV for you.

So, here's the plan.

We've got to get his attention.

Let's see.

Cornrows, a push -up bra, and a teacup chihuahua.

Listen,

you might think I'm out of it, but I'm the only one here in a successful

relationship. If you call 17 years sleeping with the same man successful,

congratulations.

How long do cornrows take because everyone's meeting later tonight to

Cutler Road?

Ooh.

I know what would get his attention.

What if you cruised Cutler Road in a 62 mint -conditioned cherry red Impala

convertible? No way.

Oh, come on, Mom. I would look so hot in that car. Jake would be all over me.

Yeah, emotionally.

Forget it. There is no way your dad is going to let you drive his car.

She's right.

We'll have to seek it out. Hey, come on. It was your idea.

No, it wasn't. Please, Mom, please.

Come on. Hope you promised her. No, I didn't.

All right.

But it would be awfully jiggly of you.

Remember, once down Cutler Road, then pull over, and I'm driving straight

Fine. But it's not very jiggly making her cruise the boulevard with her mom.

She only has a permit. She can't drive alone.

Don't worry, Sid. If we see Jake, we'll duck.

Sidney, slow down. Hands at ten and two.

Always double -check your mirrors before you make a turn. Mom!

Your mother's right, Sydney.

Driving is the only time when you can see yourself in three mirrors at once.

Oh, my God! I think that's him! Quick, duck!

Is it him?

I don't know! I can't see! I'm ducking! You're ducking?

Oh, my God!

Well, good luck with this.

warn you, but you were hell -bent on taking Charlie's car out.

Me? It was Jackie O's idea.

Whoa, easy there, Death Borado.

At what point did I say wreck the car?

What are we going to do? Daddy's going to kill me.

All right, look, I have a plan. This may seem a little dramatic, but get me some

oily rags and a pack of matches.

You have fire insurance, right?

We are not going to set Charlie's car on fire.

We're just going to...

Tell Charlie the truth.

The truth?

What if the truth done anything for anybody?

This situation calls for lies. Nothing but lies.

It's okay, Faith.

I'll just tell him it was my idea.

Are you crazy?

This was irresponsible, costly, and potentially life -threatening. It reeks

me. It's classic, Faith.

What about me? I was the one driving. If you tell him, he'll never let me get my

license.

Unless...

You tell him you were driving.

Oh!

That little girl is all grown up.

Hey, guys. What's going on?

Nothing. What have you heard?

I mean, I better go do my homework. I love you, Daddy.

That's so sweet. She hasn't said that in months.

She always says she loves you.

No, I meant that she's doing her homework.

What are you doing home so early?

Going for a drive.

Such a beautiful afternoon. I canceled my four o 'clock.

What are you doing?

I'm opening the key drawer.

Why?

Well, here's the crazy part.

So I can get the keys.

You can't do that. Why not?

Because I'm in the mood.

The mood? What mood?

You know.

The mood.

Sour candy?

No.

I want you.

Now.

I suppose the car ride can wait.

Why don't you just go upstairs?

I'll meet you up there in a minute.

And I'll stay here and clean the kitchen.

Get the yellow pages.

Grand idea. Find a maid.

No. A body shop for Charlie's car.

What about the kitchen? Faith!

Wait a minute.

What's going on here?

Sidney wants to study, Faith wants to clean, and you want to... do it?

Works for me. Come on, help us.

like much, but I called around and this is the only place in town that fixes

classic cars.

Good. Good.

It's all good.

What is with you? I just really enjoyed my afternoon with Charlie.

Snap out of it before I start making the decision.

Okay, I'm back.

Whoa.

The Fairfield sisters in the flesh.

Dude, pinch me.

Dude. Really?

You're right, dude. Do me again.

Excuse me.

How do we know you?

It's Ronnie and Donnie from high school.

Go Wildcats.

Hope, we were in your year.

And then we were in your year.

And now we're in class with your daughter.

Well, Ronnie is. I finally decided to just drop out.

Now I'm homeschooled.

you again, Ronnie and Donnie.

You know, we always had this fantasy in high school that the Fairfield sisters

and the Fuller brothers would go to the prom together.

Well, that would have been a hoot.

Right, Faith?

Yes, but that ship has sailed and thank God we weren't on it.

How fast can we fix our car?

Two, three weeks tops.

Two or three weeks? We were kind of hoping for two or three hours.

Well, you got a lot of customers ahead of you.

Well, is there anything at all we can do to get you to move the Fairfield

sisters to the front of the line?

I can't believe we agreed to do

this.

This is the only way they would fix Charlie's car by tomorrow.

Besides, how hot do I look?

I didn't want to go on a prom date.

I'm a married woman.

Oh, come on. It's one night out of our lives. Then it'll be a dream come true

for them.

Besides, how bad could it be?

So, who gets who?

It's whom, dude.

Sorry.

Whom gets who?

Whoa, check this place.

If that Ronnie blows in my ear one more time, I'm out of here. You mean Donnie.

That's not Ronnie?

No. Look, it's easy.

Rat tail Ronnie, dandruff Donnie.

I can't believe we're doing this.

Look, all we have to do is make it through this one dinner, and Charlie's

good as new.

Fine, but let's just make it as fast as possible. These guys are gross.

So, ladies, any requests?

Where no one can see it.

I like the way you think, m 'lady.

So... Mr. Wilkinson retired.

Who? Shop teacher, three fingers, lazy eye.

We still party with him.

What teachers do you party with?

We're up.

And that's a negativo on the couponos.

Yeah. There you go.

So, would you like to start with some antipasti or Uncle Venus?

think so.

No wonder she wanted a table in the back.

Quit!

You know I didn't do anything.

Hey, whoever denied it supplied it.

Have we decided?

Four pots of special in the check, please.

Okay, uh, four bottomless...

We want bottom.

Teeny bulls with tiny bottoms.

Don't you know that?

Not like we're going to be here all night. How much pasta could they

eat?

Faith. Faith.

Faith.

What are you doing? I just want to get Charlie's car fixed and go home.

Hey,

stay cool, Foxy.

Oh, man,

why do all our dates end like this?

Dude, are you crying?

No.

We need to go home.

Dude, pull it together. I'm about to score.

You're not even close.

He's not as far as you think.

Look, I'm sorry.

I should have known you were way out of my league.

I guess everyone in high school was right about me.

That's not true. I think you're a really great guy.

You might want to consider a more vigorous hygiene program.

Perhaps not perming the mullet.

But other than that, I think you're a real catch.

It's just that I'm married.

I understand.

It was not meant to be.

But could you do us one favor?

Since we never, ever got to go to the prom, how about one dance?

Well, I don't see any harm in one short, preferably not too close, dance.

Sweet.

Commodore, you know the song.

Hey, kids, who's ready for some bottomless pasta?

Noodle, baby!

Hey, check out the losers dancing.

Isn't that guy in your class?

Ew, he's trying to take her bra off.

Next week, I wasn't going to ask you any of this.

Listen, um, I can explain.

The truth is, we were kidnapped.

No. Brainwashed. Enough. Okay, fine.

We are undercover cops, and we're about to make the biggest thing of our life,

and you're totally blowing it for us.

Abort! Abort!

Charlie, um, I let Sidney drive your car, and, um, we had a

little fender bender.

Fender, fender.

But don't worry, don't worry.

These guys said they'd fix it if we agreed to go on a pretend date with

How bad is it?

It's actually not so bad.

Ronnie's a really good kisser, and I think that Donnie has a shot at hope if

would just lighten up.

Not the date, the car!

I'm so sorry. What were you thinking? I wasn't thinking.

I want to...

I wanted Sidney to think I was cool.

And then Faith had this idea and... When are you going to learn?

When Faith has an idea, bad things happen. Very, very bad things.

Dudes, check it out. The horizontal.

Sorry about that.

Point taken.

Besides...

There is no greater waste of time than trying to make your teenage daughter

think you're cool.

That's not true, Dad.

The fact that you came out in public in that dress, with that hair, just to

save my butt, makes you pretty damn cool.

It's just a car.

The important thing is no one was hurt.

Can we go home now?

How about a dance first?

Charlie, I'd love to.

Have her home by 11.

And you can keep the other one.

Well, she looks pretty good.

Paint matches.

Good chrome work.

Same sweet pearl.

And as a favor to me, they added a little something special. Just flip that

switch.