Original subtitles

Sim, simian, simian. Five seconds, Sam.

Come on, one more word and we win.

Sim, sim, simpownoo.

Simpownoo?

Nice try, Sam.

Jeff, you know how I feel about trash talk.

Sorry, Sam.

I'm such a simpleton.

Well,

Judy, we win again.

How about a rematch on Sunday?

Oh, we can't. We're having a party for Grammy Nana's 80th birthday, remember?

Oh, right.

Actually, I have something very special planned. I think everybody's going to be

very surprised.

It isn't a shawl, is it?

No, it's way better than that.

Because we got her a shawl.

No, he special ordered her something really unique.

Yeah, not better. Unique.

So... What other unique things would you like me to bring? Soda?

Chips? Exotic dancer dressed like a cop?

How about your family?

My family?

We ask every week, and there's always some reason they can't.

We're starting to think you're ashamed of us.

Ashamed of you?

No, no, no, no, God, no.

It's just that my family is best observed from a distance.

Like gorillas.

Well, they can't be that bad.

Yeah, come on, Sam, please.

Grammy would be so thrilled to have some guests at her party. All of her friends

are dead.

I don't know.

Come on, for me.

All right, I'll ask him.

Hey, maybe my dad will make up a plate of his famous Sim Pao Nu.

Still not a word, Sam.

I can't believe that they're eating that whole cow's anus.

Big deal, I can eat like ten of them.

You won't eat my French toast, but you'll eat a cow's anus.

Oh, he's gonna puke.

Oh, commercial.

Do you like football?

Yeah.

Do you like bikinis?

Yeah.

Do you have $39 .95?

Bowl II live this Sunday during Super Bowl halftime.

Order now and get complete post -game shower coverage.

We have to have that.

You heard her, Dad. Order now.

If I spend 40 bucks on a woman, she better be making me breakfast.

I think Dad's a sexist.

He doesn't think women can play football.

A half -naked woman can do anything a man can do.

Good news, guys.

You're all invited over to Angela's Sunday afternoon for Grammy Nana's

Sunday's the big game, you idiot.

Yeah. Bikini Bowl.

We're not getting the Bikini Bowl.

Look, I know it's a sacrifice, but if you guys come over to Angela's, you

help cement the most important relationship of my life.

Pat.

Sorry, Sam. Maybe next Sunday. Next Sunday, Pro Bowl. Oh, right.

And then arena football starts.

Yeah, you know, which leads right into donkey basketball season.

Sorry, Sam. We're booked.

What if you eat a calzanus?

No. Have you asked?

Happy 80th birthday to Sam Savage.

What?

They screwed it up.

Her birthday's in two days. What am I going to do?

Just give her something else out of our trash.

Or why don't you just get her a new one from your boyfriend, the president.

Maybe I will.

Oh, ask him if he's ever farted in the Oval Office.

Hello, you've reached the White House.

Press 1 if a foreigner has moved into your neighborhood.

Press 2 if you want to hear Condoleezza Rice play the piano.

Press 3 if this regards a presidential birthday greeting.

Public Affairs Department.

Hi, this is Sam Savage.

I sent the president a letter last week. Do you remember it? Of course.

The president very much appreciated your thoughts and will give them careful

consideration.

Thanks for your call. No, wait, wait, wait. It was a birthday greeting for my

girlfriend's Grammy Nana, but the president signed it to me instead.

Oh, he did?

overnight a new one.

Wow, thanks.

Tell him I said thanks. And if he's ever in Massachusetts?

That's highly unlikely.

Okay, we got everything we need for the game.

Jersey's pennants, big foam fingers.

Anyone else want a pee jar?

Fine. Walk all the way to the bathroom like a sucker.

All right.

Food's ready.

How long till kickoff? Two minutes.

Two minutes.

I'm going to need a pee jar.

All right, got the pee pee trays?

No, no, not those. Use the good ones.

The Patriot.

I'll get them.

Okay, this is the last chance for anybody who wants to go to the party.

Fine. Has my new letter from the White House arrived yet? To the trash.

What? He's just kidding. It's under the dog dish.

I believe you're skipping the Super Bowl to party with some old lady.

That old lady happens to be very important to Angela and therefore she's

important to me.

You're just trying to get Angela to put out.

That's also very important to me.

But don't worry. I'll cover for you guys again so they don't find out what a

bunch of insensitive jerks my family is. Thanks, man. See you later, Sam.

Oh, for God's sakes, how could she fall asleep opening a present?

I told you guys not to use so much tape.

Well, I suggested gift bags, but your father knew better.

Well, if we'd had the party at 10 a .m. like I suggested.

But women never listen to us, do they, Sam?

Don't get me started.

Because I don't know what I'm talking about.

He's at the 20! He's at the 10!

Touchdown!

Well,

that's halftime.

Time to order the Bikini Bowl.

No. Come on, Dad. Right now the Cleveland Cleavage is lining up to play

Boston Badonkadonks.

We're going to sit right here and suffer through the halftime show like the rest

of America.

Dad, we're out of soda.

I told you guys to pace yourselves.

And beer.

Let's go, Jimmy.

You know, there's a way to steal pay -per -view.

Me and Kenny did it to watch Mike Tyson fight that bear.

How do you do it? You got to really work the bear's body.

You meant, how do you steal cable?

No, I didn't.

Wow. That's a lot of wires.

Which ones do we connect?

I don't know.

Kenny did that part.

What did you do?

I think.

Wow. That's a lot of wires.

I've always had good luck with red.

It's working!

It's working!

That was easy.

Uh -oh.

It's not working!

Not working!

How about now?

Now all the channels are out.

They need whacking.

I'm stumped.

Dad's going to kill us.

What are we going to do?

Hey, boys.

Second half start yet?

Oh, didn't you hear?

Eagle's forfeited.

Well, good night.

What are you talking about?

What's wrong with the TV?

Where's Uncle Jimmy?

What's wrong with the TV?

Where's Uncle Jimmy?

He's still hitting on the cashier. You guys broke the TV.

We were trying to save you $39 .95.

You're welcome.

So now I don't get to watch the rest of the Super Bowl? What the hell? Get us

later, Dad. We gotta find another TV and fast.

You're right, you're right.

You know, I've been feeling kind of bad about the way we treated Sam.

Let's go meet Angela's family.

And their TV.

Look who's here.

Surprise!

Oh, my. This is quite a surprise.

Well, I just thought it was high time these two families got together.

What better occasion than Grammy Woo -Woo's birthday?

Grammy, wake up. You've got company.

Company? Oh, I don't have my face on.

You've got no face? Awesome.

Oh, man, check out that TV.

There's lemonade in the kitchen, boys.

Wow.

It's beautiful.

Where's the power button?

Maybe it's a TV from the future.

TV on.

I command you.

It needs whacking.

We're thrilled you could finally make it, Nicholas.

Please call me Nick.

Oh, I couldn't.

By the way, we're awfully fond of your Samuel.

My what?

Me, Dad.

Oh, right.

Well, I hope you like your eggs deviled.

I knew you'd find a way to bring your family over, you sly boot.

Oh, Sam, you made my mom so happy.

Want to go make out in the laundry room?

Sounds dirty. Let's go.

What's going on?

Where's the game? We can't get it to work.

It completely ignored my commands.

Quite a machine, isn't it?

Oh, yeah.

I'll bet it has a great picture, huh?

I'll show you.

TV on.

You know what I bet would look great on a TV like this?

Sports? Exactly.

You know, I'll bet you're right. To be honest, I only use it for the community

bulletin board channel.

It's so relaxing.

It's like meditating.

Hmm.

You square dance?

No.

Do you get Channel 37?

I would imagine.

37. We're moments away from the start of the fourth quarter in one of the

tightest games in Super Bowl history.

Goodness,

is the Super Bowl on today?

Before the game resumes, let's take a look at the amazing play that put the

Patriots ahead.

Yes!

TV off.

It's time for Grammy's party.

But, Judy, I was bonding with the lads.

You can watch your sports after the party.

TV on.

TV on.

I, um... Well, um... Uh... Oh, yes,

I... No.

Well, I've always wished I was a brunette.

Done. Put the game on.

Cut.

What are you doing?

Angel's mom said we can't watch the Super Bowl until after the party.

That's why you guys came? To watch the game?

No, we wanted to meet your girlfriend's family.

Sorry, fam, but these idiots broke our television.

You understand, right?

Yeah, I understand.

Well, I'll cut the cake if you want to watch your athletics. Oh, no, no, no,

they can wait. It's Grammy Nana's party.

Let's play games.

What would you like to play?

Oh, a... Well, let me see now.

Oh,

wait.

No.

It's been five minutes already. Stop the music.

But I love this song.

Stop it or I'll pound you.

Stop it or I'll pound you.

Time for Super Bowl.

Not yet. We have an open presence.

Oh, thank you, Samuel. Where is my head?

Maybe it's with her face.

That does it. I'm going to kill him.

Not here.

We'll get him outside.

a more beautiful shawl.

Here.

Oh, graham crackers?

I love them. I thought you might also.

Oh, thank you.

Here, lady, open my next.

A jar.

Is this for preserves?

Yeah, sure. Anything that starts with a P.

You might want to run that through the dishwasher.

Well, I'm sure we're all a little bored with opening presents, so... There's one

more. Grammy Nana, this is for you.

Happy birthday.

Oh, thank you.

It's from the President of the United States of America.

Holy crap, are you freaking kidding me? That idiot!

You know what would make us all feel better?

The football game.

What do you say, Judy?

Well, maybe it's the rum cake talking, but... What the hell?

Stupid president.

White House Public Affairs Department.

Hi, Claire, it's me. He did it again.

Sam, is that you?

It was supposed to be signed to Grammy Nana, not Stam Stavage.

Listen, it's hard enough trying to romance a girl without the executive

dropping the ball.

You do know there's a war on, don't you?

I know, I know.

And I'm sure the president has bigger things to worry about than me.

I'm sorry.

Thank you for your time, ma 'am.

celebrating tonight. It's Eric Dickerson.

Super Bowl 39 is history, and now it's time for the president's uncomfortable

call to the coach of the winning team.

Congratulations on a great game.

America is proud of you and your teammates' football abilities.

What's that, Claire?

I also want to wish a happy 80th birthday to Grammy Nana from her pal Sam

Savage.

Grammy na -na.

Oh, Sam.

Oh, you did that for me?

Oh, you dear boy.

Oh, oh, Samuel.

Oh.

It's a good thing that we came over to watch the game, huh, Sam?

Yeah, or Angela's family never would have seen the president.

Yeah, you should realize that and thank us.

You know, you're right.

Thank you. And I'm sorry I called you guys insensitive jerks.

Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have you guys as my family.

Thank you, Sam.

We're still going to get him outside, right?

Oh, yeah.

More weekend laughs are here.

Hope and Faith starts now.