Original subtitles

What are you boys doing?

Writing something?

You bored, Dad?

Yeah.

We're out of beer.

We're making out our Christmas list.

So you don't buy us any pajamas like last time?

You gotta wear something to bed.

No, I don't.

You want good stuff this year. Like death stuff.

All right, I'll bite.

What's Death Stomp?

It's a video game that lets you stomp things to death.

It's the highest toy this Christmas.

Ironically, when it went on sale, three people were stomped to death.

That's wicked ironic.

So you get us one, Dad?

You know, boys, I've been giving it some thought.

Instead of going overboard on presents, maybe this year we focus on the true

meaning of Christmas.

Just kidding. Give me your list.

Chris. Cash.

Sam.

Cash.

Jack.

Cash.

Or check.

Whatever's easier.

So that we can buy something nice for you.

Then basically, I'm buying my own presents.

And our girlfriend's presents.

But without all the hustle and bustle.

You know, this is all incredibly thoughtful, but I've got a better idea.

Why don't you boys get jobs? Then you can pay for your own Christmas shopping.

You should have said just kidding by now.

Why won't he pay it?

Stores always hire extra people at Christmas.

Here's the Help Wanted ad.

Happy holidays.

Uh, you don't mean us, Dad, do you?

Yeah, we're too young to get jobs.

No, you're not.

You can help me and the other firemen collect toys for needy children.

Oh, needy kids get stuff every year.

How can they still be needy?

Yeah, maybe this year they should learn the true meaning of Christmas.

They need cashiers at Burger Town.

Nah, wait, you need a master's degree.

Hey, the book nook would be a horrible place for us to work.

God, look.

Christmas help needed at Heather and Lace?

The lingerie store that puts out a new catalog every six weeks with special

editions in January and June?

You've heard of it.

Can you imagine working there? The salespeople are hot, the customers are

even the mannequins are hot.

Are there any benefits?

I just told you the benefits.

Are these people here for the job?

I thought we were geniuses coming five minutes early, but these people are

geniuses.

Well, we'd better get in line. Or get rid of the line.

Good morning, everybody. I'm store manager Jack Travage.

Thank you all for coming, but the jobs have been filled.

Damn! He's lying.

I know. I'm acting, buttweed.

But the Cracker Shack is hiring the first, um, 11 people who apply.

Thanks, mister.

Let's go.

You know, some of those people look like they really need the jobs. I feel kind

of... tingly inside.

They better hire me, because I am not leaving.

Let's go over with the other donations.

I know.

I just wanted to see what my face felt like with a big smile.

Third pile's so much bigger than our pile, Dad.

I'm starting to feel like a needy kid.

Can't we trade some of our stuff for better stuff?

Hey, it's not a game show. It's charity.

Oh.

Oh, yeah, it's being game station.

Oh, this will look so great.

In my truck, going to some poor kid's house.

Speaking of poor kids, Dad, when do we get paid for helping you?

When the job is done. Those gifts need to get wrapped. Here.

Green bows for boys, red bows for girls.

I know it sounds like a lot of work, but when you see the look on those kids'

faces... We gotta see their faces?

Just start wrapping.

And no playing with the toys.

Yes!

Nothing but net.

Thank you so much for hiring us.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. We will not let you down.

Phil, where do you want to first?

Rod, Dong?

Actually, you boys are going to be in the heart of the operation.

Step in to what I call the den of sin.

Are we in the right place?

You're just showing us where the bathroom is, right?

Then we go back to the big pink room with the girls, right?

Wrong. Sure looks a lot like a stock room, Heather.

That's because you're stock boys.

Stock boys?

You'll be in charge of unpacking, refolding, tagging, detagging,

stocking, stacking, and size retrieval.

Oh, and emptying out the rat traps.

If it's all the same to you, we'd really like to help the customers put on their

bras.

break some four and a half hours.

Look, can we at least eat in the changing room?

No.

Why is it so hot in here?

Yeah, it's the padded bras.

They're like extra insulation.

It is a zoo out there. Okay, I need a purple push -up and 36 double D, small

pink bustier and four black lace dummy cups. Pronto!

Can we please have some water?

No.

Now hurry up, I gotta have to... topless women out there jumping up now for

their bras.

Well, why don't we just bring them directly to the customers?

No.

All right, here you go. Purple push -up, bustier, and demi -cups. Good job, Sam.

Hi,

boys.

Hold these.

Women are such pigs.

Come on, guys. It's just a couple of weeks.

We're making money for Christmas.

Plus, we get to lie to our friends about how cool our jobs are.

True. We are helping hot women.

Yeah, they just don't know it. They can't see them.

Don't get your panties in a bunch.

What? I was being positive.

No, you're bunching up your panties.

Oh, it's Angela. I forgot to tell her I got a job.

Don't. answer that. You can't tell her that you work here. Why not?

You've got your hands in women's underwear all day.

Girlfriends usually don't like that.

She won't care.

You think she'll care?

Would you care if she had a job in the Patriots locker room folding jock

Yes, but I've never lied to her about anything.

Sam, very nice.

He could fold my underwear any time.

Okay, I need a good lie.

You wrap so much better than I do.

Oh, my God, G .J., look!

Dad, stop.

Open it.

We can't. It's supposed to go to the needy kids.

Then why are you opening it?

I don't know.

I can't stop myself.

It's a Christmas miracle.

Oh, my God.

Dad, don't stab her.

Good one, Dad.

Yeah. Taunting us with other kids' presents.

That's funny stuff.

Well, well, well.

Look who's back from the panty mines.

Hey, you don't know pressure until you've worked in a lingerie store.

Yesterday, I jumped off a building with my legs on fire.

It's not a competition, Dad.

Hi, Angela. Hi, Mr. Savage.

Hey, I tried to call you earlier, but I guess your phone was off. Did you get a

job today?

Yeah, yeah.

What is it?

A stock boy at the mall.

What store?

The Cracker Shack.

I love that store.

And now you get an employee discount.

I do.

This is perfect. I had my eye on that Crackers of the World basket for Grammy

Nana, but it was too expensive. But now with your discount... No problem. I can

get it for you.

And the Cracker of the Month club for my dad.

I could shop for my whole family at that one store. Why don't I go home and make

you a list?

That would be so great.

You smell good, like lavender.

New cracker flavor.

That goes on my list.

Great, now I have to invent a lavender cracker.

Okay, your turn to pin the bra on the hat.

Nailed her, pay up.

What?

No fair, you're wearing a see -through.

Come on, you guys, Heather's going to get mad at us.

I need one of you on the sales floor. We're swamped.

Gee, who should I pick?

The one with the bra on his head, the one doing the hurtful impression of me,

the quiet one doing his job?

Hurtful impression?

Okay, Sam, get to work.

Wait, what am I supposed to do?

Well, when a customer asks for something, get it.

That's it?

That's it.

I can do that.

Excuse me. Yes? I just had breast implants, and I don't know what my new

is. Could you measure me?

Uh, Heather?

What is it, Sam?

Um, measurements.

It's the flame retardant that a snake can't fight through.

You're probably wondering what I do for a living.

None of my business.

I'm a stripper.

I know.

You seem very uncomfortable, Sam.

Maybe you should go back to the stock room? No!

No, not that. Please, just give me another chance, okay?

I'm a little shy, but most women find that endearing.

Most women aren't paying you $7 an hour plus commission.

I make commission?

20 % of everything you sell.

20 %?

Uh, you know, that comes in rose, sea foam, and amber, and it's modeled on

17 by Giselle.

I'm impressed.

Believe me, I know your catalog like the back of my hand.

Stop it, Kyle.

Thanks, TJ.

You stopped being good, too.

you just had to look.

Which is over to regular TV.

Not bad, you idiot.

It's an ambulance taking old lady Riley away again.

I'm Nick Savage with Ladder 217.

Look, Dad's on TV.

Tis the season to be jolly.

But not for some families.

Donate a toy today.

And help make sure every kid has a present under their tree.

He almost had me.

No,

come on, Kyle.

You know what we have to do.

Play with it until Christmas Eve and then give it to charity?

Sounds good to me.

Dan, do you think my husband will like this?

Tell you what, if that doesn't knock his socks off, I will personally come to

your house and pull his socks off.

That Teddy and Periwinkle?

Home run.

36C, right?

How'd you do that?

I'm in the zone.

Fold these.

Come on, guys, where's the stuff I asked for? I need it now, pronto, pronto.

You know, you're not the only salesgirl on the floor.

Just the whiniest.

Hey, you guys are costing me commissions.

Commissions? So not only do you get to work with beautiful women, but your

paychecks are better looking, too?

Look, I know where you're coming from, okay?

I started off in the stockroom just like you, but I worked my way out and... I'm

sure that maybe one day you... I still need those short shorts.

I'm sick of him. He thinks he's God's gift to underpan.

Just because we're crummy stock boys and he gets a commission.

Maybe it's time someone put him out of commission.

Lunch. Right after lunch.

Sam.

You're not supposed to be out here.

We just wanted to say we're sorry if we cost you any commission.

Yeah, to make it up to you, we pulled your orders first.

Tia can wait.

Hey, thanks, guys.

Hey, I'll talk to Heather about getting you guys a fan back there.

Hey, well, you should know you've already got two fans back there.

And remember, if you make a purchase of $50, you'll receive this free CD of

holiday music.

Thongs for the season.

Now we just sit back and watch the fun.

Get out of the way, lady.

I can't believe I just did that.

This is one baby doll daddy's gonna let stay up late.

Angela! What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

I got a text message to meet you at the mall.

What? So I went to the Cracker Shack and they've never even heard of you.

Really? That's odd.

And they don't sell lavender crackers.

Well, they're like Cuban cigars. You know, you gotta know somebody.

And why are you wearing a button that says, let's talk stockings? Do you work

here?

Look, Angela, I gotta be honest with you.

Things did not work out at the Cracker Shack.

Didn't tell you about this job because I was worried that you'd think I was only

working here just to hit on women.

Sam, I would never think that.

Excuse me.

I don't appreciate you flipping your phone number into my panties.

I don't know what she's talking about.

Call me.

Sam Savage, 413 -205 -6108.

What's going on, Sam?

Nice coconut lady?

From me, Sam Savage?

I would never demean women like this. Okay, I'm a professional bust and tushy

consultant.

Not anymore.

Take your idiot brothers with you.

Works for me.

You can't fire us because... I just... No, let me finish.

You can't fire us because we... Get out!

I'd really like to finish the sentence.

If she fires us, we get unemployment.

Because we're fired!

Next time we get fired, we've got to remember our jacket.

Sam, are you still mad at us?

You mean for getting me fired and almost costing me my girlfriend?

Let me think. Yeah!

I think someone needs to get his Christmas present a little early.

Thanks for the season. You bought this for me?

Actually, we stole an entire carton of them.

Our Christmas shopping is done.

I feel terrible. I didn't steal anything for you.

Stick your girl in something scanty. Fa -la -la -la -la -la -la -la. We suggest

a see -through panty. Fa -la -la -la -la -la -la -la.

I'm about five minutes along with the desktop.

I've said my goodbyes.

Is that a remote -controlled tank?

Hold your legs.

Hi, son.

Dropping off another present?

Yep. There's some poor kid who doesn't have a brother to play with.

By the way, don't tell TJ, but I got him Death Stomp for Christmas.