Original subtitles

Staring at Angela's house again?

No, I joined the neighborhood watch.

9 .15 and all's well.

Angela's drove off their new boyfriend. What?

I missed her. Dude, get over her.

Yeah, I'm totally over her.

What was she wearing?

I don't know. In my head, all girls are naked.

Really?

So, what'd she look like?

Hot.

I knew it!

Morning, boys.

Morning, Dad.

Looking left over lasagna.

For breakfast?

If it's sitting next to orange juice, it's breakfast.

What about you, Sam?

No, I'm not hungry.

Angela's still seeing that British guy.

Why do we let these people into our country? I'm so tired of foreigners

here and stealing our girlfriends.

Sam, you're too young to be tied down to one girl. You should be playing the

field. Yeah, getting shot down by all kinds of girls.

What you need to do is go out and have some fun.

Yeah, forget all about her.

Why don't you come to the mall with us?

Yeah, I'm gonna go screw with Chris and his new job.

Nobody's bothering your brother on his first day.

But if we don't make him feel bad, who will?

Total strangers, that's who.

Is that what you want, Dad?

Is it?

I pound you, but I gotta get to work.

You still got ten minutes.

Sweet.

Chris, I want to welcome you as the newest member of a very exclusive team

at Quincy International.

International? Hey, we got a card in Mexico.

Well, thanks for hiring me, Mr. Quincy. The football team is making us fire on

uniforms now, so I really needed to... Now, the majority of our customers are

what's called impulse buyers.

You have 3 .6 seconds to engage these people.

Pretend I'm just a guy walking by.

Hi, Mr. Quincy. Zero. Nothing. I don't even know you exist. Try again.

Hey there.

You're garbage. I hate you.

You know what you did wrong?

Hmm?

You didn't glide.

You gotta glide.

Then talk.

Glide.

Then talk.

You ready to take this baby up by yourself?

Okay.

Congratulations, you're a pilot.

If you need me, I'll be asleep in my car.

Hey, want to go to third level and drop pennies on him?

Oh, we'll stop and grab some at the wishing fountain.

What do you think of her?

Yeah, she's hot. Go for it.

No, I mean for you.

Are you kidding?

You need biceps to talk to a girl like that.

It's not true.

But put your sweater on.

No, I'm not going.

All right, suit yourself.

You told me you thought I was the hottest girl you've ever seen and you

this food court sold me on a stick.

Is that true?

Uh, did you like it?

Yeah. Yeah, I said it.

And he'll say a whole bunch of other stuff if you go to the movies with him

tonight. Wow, you don't waste any time, do you? No, Sam knows what he wants.

And he wants you.

Well, I don't know whether to slap you or say yes. Say yes. You can always slap

him later.

Oh, my God, Trish, this guy Sam just asked me out. He thinks I'm hot and

to put me on a stick.

Wow, I'm better at this than I thought.

Amaze your friends.

Impress ladies.

Lower your cholesterol.

Hey, Chris.

What's up?

Hey, I'd bet you'd sell a lot more planes if you stood right about here.

No, here.

Really? Yeah.

People will be throwing money at you.

At 100 miles an hour.

Well, I do need to make some sales. I don't want to get transferred to Mexico.

Hey, that's pretty cool.

How much are they?

Well, regular model's $9 and the deluxe is $11. What's the difference?

Deluxe comes with a certificate of amazement.

Deluxe! Absolutely.

Thank you for flying Quincy Air. We realize you have a choice in gliders and

appreciate you choosing us.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Get used to these boots.

Yeah.

So, tonight's a big night, huh?

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Okay.

Listen to this guy. Okay.

What is wrong with you? What? Can't a dad get excited his son's got a date

a foxy lady?

Jack, get him off of me. Dad, Dad.

He's nervous enough without you slapping him around.

So, where are you going to take this hot tomato?

Well, Jack said that I should take the...

hot tomato to the movie.

That way you won't have to do a lot of talking.

Oh, but talking's good.

That's why I always take my first date out for a nice dinner.

That's why you don't have second dates.

No, I don't have second dates because I tell them I have five kids.

You wouldn't have to tell them if you were at a movie.

Or if I didn't have five kids.

Anyway, Sam, check the paper and there's a 7 .15 showing of Brutal Vengeance.

Um, actually, I was thinking about the one where the lonely deaf boy finds the

magical violin in his remote fishing village.

Yeah, yeah, I heard of that one. It's called, uh, are you out of your freaking

mind?

Sam, if you want to get some action, see some action. Hey, hey, it's only a

first date.

Well, I wouldn't mind a little action.

Yeah, I bet you wouldn't, man.

See,

here's the instructions.

Step one, throw a plank.

Step two, watch it loop.

Step three, be amazed.

Hey! I am not amazed.

Chris! You gotta pop.

I just got home from work. Can I have five lousy minutes to unwind?

Plane's a piece of crap.

Yeah, give us our $11 back.

I can't give you your money back.

My boss used it to buy churro.

You guys don't understand how the corporate world works.

Now I want our $11 back and a churro.

I'm in theater five. Churros, which one are you in?

Eight? Awesome!

Our seats are blue. What color are yours?

This is for you. Oh, thank you. Oh, no, no, not you. My date just bought me a

drink. He's very sweet.

You know what else is sweet?

This frosted pretzel.

He's a smooth talker, too.

Oh, the movie's starting. Oh, the movie's starting. I'm going to have to

my voice. Can you hear me now?

How about now? Okay, awesome.

The party? Well, who's going?

You.

You. Oh, cool.

Double you.

Did I say more ears are cool?

Ears. Oh, then I'm not going.

Don't open that door, brutal vengeance!

His name's not Ears.

Who told you not to open it?

Well,

Sam's kind of tall and... Actually, see for yourself.

Smile for Trish. What?

Yeah,

he is cute, but he hasn't made a move at all. The movie's already half over.

Really? You think I should?

Okay.

action, Trish. Check this out.

We want our money back. We want our money back. We want our money back. We

our money back. We want our money back. We want our money back. We want our

money back. Shut up!

We want our money back. We want our money back. We want our money back. We

our money back. We want our money back. We want our money back. All right!

I've had enough of this. I'll pay for the damn thing.

How much was it? Eleven bucks.

For a paper airplane?

Forget it.

This isn't over, Chris.

Not by a long shot.

You better start sleeping with one eye open.

Because we're going to get you.

Maybe not today.

Maybe not tomorrow.

Maybe not the day after that.

Oh, will you two get the hell out of here?

All right.

Sam and Aaron are out. it again.

What? This is the third night in a row.

She's looking for his tonsils. He had them out when he was eight.

Hello, Trish?

It didn't even ring.

I had it on manner mode.

Hey, no, I'm just making out with Sam. What's up?

Oh, is that late?

We gotta go tell Trish how our date went.

It's over?

Oh, you.

Bye. No, no, no, no. Not you, Trish. First he rang the doorbell and I yelled,

coming.

Looks like I created a monster.

A love monster.

Yeah, that's me.

Sam,

you don't seem too happy for a guy who just had tongue for dinner.

Not happy? Who wouldn't be happy?

Life's good. Life's very good.

Except for... Only you could find a black cloud in a hot blonde's

mouth.

What's the problem, son?

Dad, how did you know that Mom wasn't the one?

Oh, there were all kinds of little signs.

The death threats on my pillow.

The pillow over my face.

Her look of disappointment every time I'd return home safely from a fire.

Bad times.

So you think Aaron's trying to kill you?

No. It's just that she's always on her cell phone.

It gets even worse after 8 o 'clock or on weekends.

But we saw you make it out.

There's plenty of making out. I mean, that's the glue that's holding the

relationship together.

We never talk to each other. Who cares? The only reason we're talking is to get

them to make out.

You know what I'm saying, right, Dad?

Sam, I've never wanted to say yes more in my life, but... It's just good to see

you. Going out and having a good time instead of sitting around every Saturday

night. I don't sit around every Saturday night.

The dog goes out more than you do.

And he's fixed.

Look, I know that you guys think I'm crazy, but I just don't want to go out

her anymore.

What?

Dude, I handpicked this girl for you. And I appreciate that, but now could you

get rid of her?

But you got me into this mess.

This mess?

Instead of you staring out the window at Angela, now we're staring out the

window at you.

By the way, do you know what you look like when you kiss?

Come on, Jack, please.

I'll do your math homework.

You want out that bad, Sam?

Fine. But you're going to dump her. Me? I've never dumped anyone before.

It's no big deal.

Just call her and tell her she's too good for you.

Which in this case is actually true.

You can't do it over the phone.

Erin's a human being.

She deserves the courtesy of an email.

And you can add that little sad face thingy so she doesn't feel bad.

Come on, Jack, please break up with her for me. I'll screw it up. I'll end up

asking her to marry me.

What's her number? Oh, thank you, thank you. I owe you one.

Her number's 723... Wait, what are you going to say to her? I mean, just out of

curiosity.

I'll just say it's over.

One shot.

Like shooting a deer.

The only way.

Right, one shot.

That's the way.

So, what's the rest of her number?

Uh, six zero...

But you'll be nice about it, right? I mean, you'll tell her how pretty she is

and how much I enjoy making out with her?

Shh, shh.

I'm telling you, email.

They've got this funny little picture of a frog playing a banjo.

It's guaranteed to take the sting out.

No, she's a nice girl. I gotta do this myself. My way, the kind way. Faith to

faith. Faith to faith.

Hey, I know what it's like to be dumped.

It hurts. It's like someone stuck a knife in your chest and cut out your

and stomped on it.

I don't want to stomp on anybody's heart.

I want to be kind and considerate and sensitive.

I'm going to give Aaron the dumping I've always wanted.

Have you ever seen the banjo playing frog?

Pretty funny.

Step right up and witness the amazing looping sensation.

It loops.

And it loops.

Afternoon, ladies.

Here to take a closer look?

At what?

Somebody stole my store!

Save this spot!

Thanks for driving me down here, Jack.

Doing this all wrong, man. Flowers, teddy bear.

It's a sorry bear.

She gets sad, she can hug it.

Sorry.

I know what I'm doing.

Now there's Aaron.

Doesn't that battery ever need recharging?

Good luck.

If things get ugly, I'm going to be hitting on the corndog girl.

Look, Trish, if you want to wear sandals, just wear sandals. Nobody cares

you're missing a toe.

Two toes? When did that happen?

Aaron, we need to talk.

Trish, I have to call you back. My wonderful boyfriend brought me the most

beautiful flowers and the saddest little teddy bear. Here, let me send you some

video.

We need to talk.

Aaron, this isn't easy for me. In fact, I've never done it before.

Trish, I told you I can't talk right now.

Uh -huh.

Really?

Damn, I'm sorry. This is very important.

Your parents are divorcing?

Oh, they bought you a horse. See, you cut out for a second.

Would you please get off the phone?

Okay, I have to call you back. You should name him Rainbow.

Okay, here's the thing.

I can't say enough about how pretty you are or how amazed I am that you would

even go out with me.

The truth is that... Are you text messaging? Hold on, let me just... Let

finish the sentence. I can't believe you. Trish has the worst horse names.

I don't care.

Bucky and Gumdrop? I don't think so. I don't care.

If you knew anything about me, you'd know I don't care.

But you don't...

You don't know anything about me, do you? Because you're always on that

That is not true.

Really? Tell me one thing.

Well, um, okay.

You're an honors student.

And your dad's a fireman.

And... Hey, you're Googling me! No, no, no.

I did, but now I'm just shopping for hats.

That's it. We're through, okay? I never want to see you again. Got it? Are you

breaking up with me?

Yes. Is that why you brought me here? To publicly humiliate me?

I thought I owed you that much. Well, is the phone not good enough for you? Have

you ever heard of an email?

Oh, I get it. You just wanted to see me suffer.

No, it's not that... What kind of sicko idiot brings gifts to a breakup?

Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Aaron,

Sam's trying to say is he's not good enough for you.

It's over.

Finally, someone with a little sensitivity.

Sorry.

I don't get it.

I know.

Next time?

No,

you won't.

No, I won't.

You want to go home and stare out the window at Angela's house?

That sounds nice.

We're not going to get arrested for this, are we?

No way.

We're minors. We could have burned down that whole mall and there's nothing

anyone can do to us.

You guys are in big trouble.

Nuh -uh.

We're minors.

So am I.