Original subtitles

Hey, Sam, can you help me with this science question?

You're doing your homework now? The bus will be here in five minutes.

Please.

All right, quickly.

List 20 functions of mitochondria and cell metabolism.

I don't have time for that.

Okay, just do this one.

Make a working model... No, Chris.

Morning, boys.

Hey, Sam. Morning.

Getting a jump on your homework, Chris?

Okay, you three, listen up.

I'm sure you're planning your traditional Halloween prank slash

So I prepared this list to cover myself legally.

No breaking, no entering.

No cow tipping.

No unzipping.

And most of all, don't get caught.

Oh, and stay out of the town cemetery.

The Civil War might be funny to you, but it's still a touchy subject with some

families.

Get over it. America won.

Actually, Dad, we don't have anything planned.

Yeah, right.

That's what you said last year. Then you cut loose the giant inflatable gorilla

from the car lot, and the National Guard had to shoot it down.

We made the news.

Skip Baxter called a local hooligan.

Anyway, Kyle and T .J., I got tomorrow night off so I can take you trick -or

-treating. Uh, I don't think I'm going this year, Dad.

What? I want to hang out with these guys.

But you love trick -or -treating. Yeah, people give you free candy.

I know how it works.

I don't know, Dad, I just feel a little too old or something.

Oh.

Okay. Guess that just means more candy for you and me, huh, T .J.? Absolutely.

All right.

I'll see you later.

Oh, and, uh...

No explosives.

I told you we're not doing anything.

Just covering myself legally.

See ya.

All right.

When are we going up?

Nothing. We were telling Dad the truth.

Come on, it's my first Halloween with you guys. We have to blow up something.

Kyle, you don't understand. It's a lot of work. First you gotta think up a

prank, then do it, then run.

And for what?

The neighbors hardly chase us anymore.

They just send Dad angry e -mails and see, see the police.

And last year, all we got was one old guy shaking his fist.

But I think it always shakes.

Come on, you guys can't do this to me. All right, what if I think of something?

Would you guys do it?

You? Well, I can think of stuff.

No offense, Kyle, but the best savage Halloween pranks involve a certain level

of cleverness.

Your ideas are always a little bit... Psycho.

Like your April Fool's joke?

Pushing the mailman down the flight of stairs and yelling, April Fool's?

What was wrong with that?

You pushed a man down a half a flight of stairs!

A good April Fool's joke is getting somebody to believe something that's not

true. I did!

He believed he was going to make it down the stairs safely.

What if I come up with something clever? Would you guys do it, please?

Knock yourself out.

There's the bus.

Okay, Sam, quickly.

Cell division from zygote to blastula. Discuss.

Brenda. Don't push it.

All right, class.

Settle.

Settle.

Settle!

Thanks to my birthday, Frog Detection Day is my favorite day of the year.

Because it is through the slimy innards of a frog that we discover the slimy

innards of our universe.

Take Lily, with her smooth, shiny skin and long,

muscular legs.

In a room?

What did you say, Mr. Savage?

Nothing. He suggested that you and Lily the Frog get a hotel room. I can only

assume for romantic purposes.

You're on my feces list, Mr. Savage.

On each of your trays is a fresh frog.

Scalpels up.

Assume the slicing position.

Wait.

Problem, Savage?

I know this frog.

Franklin, our old class frog. What are you talking about, Doofus?

He's got that spot under his chin that looks like a little bow tie.

You said that he ran away.

He did.

Just not fast enough.

How could you?

I was one frog short, and he peed on my desk.

Scalpels up.

No! I can't cut, Franklin.

Problem solved. Okay, let's start with the eyeballs. Scalpels up. No, no, no!

Scalpels down.

You get it, Mr. Horner?

Every one of these frogs could be somebody else's Franklin, except they

their own names, like Froggy and Poppy and Greeny and

Froggy. You said Froggy. Scalpels up.

Wait, wait, wait.

What's the point of all this anyway?

The point?

Are you speaking metaphorically?

Maybe.

All I'm saying is I could understand dissecting these frogs if we were going

become doctors or Scientologists, but... Look around.

This isn't exactly the genius class.

I mean, none of us are going to find the cure for cancer.

Mr. Savage makes an interesting point, class.

What he's saying is...

He's afraid to detect a frog.

No, that's not it. Then cut the frog.

I don't want to.

You know, it's okay to be scared.

If you're a wuss.

I'm not a wuss. Then cut the frog, dork.

Shut up, Selman. Mr. Savage, scalpel up.

Yeah, scalpel up, dork. Cut the frog. Right now. No more stalling. Cut the

Frog Dissection Day is no longer my favorite day.

Hey, you guys have seen a lot of horrible things at your job, right?

Yeah, too much. Part of the job.

Was there anything that was really awful but still seemed kind of funny?

He's trying to figure out a Halloween prank.

And you want us to give you vandalism ideas?

I'd give you full credit.

You know, you kids are so lazy.

Dad and I, we always had to come up with our own Halloween tricks. Yeah.

Hey, do you remember that time we filled the principal's car with... Love?

Well, T .J., you decided on a Halloween costume yet?

between a dead football player, a dead teacher, a dead dentist.

How about a dead zombie?

Zombies are already dead.

No, they're undead.

Well, technically, they're the living dead.

I think you're all brain dead.

And for the record, zombies are reanimated corpses.

Pass the biscuit.

Have some chicken.

Unless it's a friend of yours.

That's so funny.

We heard Chris freak out in science class today.

I didn't freak out.

I heard you hacked a frog in 50 billion pieces.

I heard you made some Asian boy cry.

Killing, making Asian boys cry? You've had quite a day, Chris.

I just had a little problem in science class, but it's over now.

You know what? I'm not hungry.

I'm just gonna skip dinner and go to bed early.

is the one I horribly butchered at school today.

That was me, you idiot!

You butchered me!

Franklin? You sold me out today, Chris.

You betrayed me, Chris.

It is Chris, isn't it?

Yeah. Chris, that... Silence!

You did a terrible thing.

You caved into peer pressure.

Peer pressure!

I know.

I know.

I'm a monster now.

And I used to be quite a looker.

But there's nothing you can do now, is there?

I wish there was.

There it is.

But you just said... Silence!

You!

Can't save Lily.

Lily? The new class frog?

No, Lily the cafeteria lady with the lazy eye.

Yes, Lily, the new class frog.

I don't want her to wind up like me.

She deserves better.

Is Lily your girlfriend?

No. Why? What have you heard?

Nothing. Nothing, huh?

Oh, well, pay attention.

Tomorrow, under cloak of darkness, you must sneak into the school and free

I don't have a cloak of darkness.

Is a windbreaker okay?

Promise me you'll take someone to help you.

Okay. Good. Lily doesn't have much time left, Chris.

Save her from my gruesome fate.

and you shall redeem your soul.

Oh, nuts.

Thank you.

Now, before I go, do you have any questions?

Just one. Silence!

Oh, man, I totally set you up for that one.

One for you.

One for you.

And one for you. Oh, and when you get home, give this to your sister. And you

tell her that I can't be tied down to one person. And she knew what she was

getting into from the start, okay?

Happy Halloween.

Kyle, you just don't get what a good Halloween prank is.

You can't empty out people's safe deposit boxes.

You guys say no to every idea I come up with.

It's because they all seem to involve killing a guard.

Are you guys still trying to come up with a prank?

Because I've got a great one.

Yeah? What is it?

I'm going to get even with Mr. Horner for yesterday.

Ooh, I hate that guy. He always confiscates my fig bars and then eats

in front of me.

Okay, you've got to do this under cloak of darkness.

Cloak of darkness?

You mean at night?

That's what that means?

These vents are easy to open.

And surprisingly roomy.

Okay.

Now that we're here, what's the big secret plan?

Okay. Check this out.

We're gonna steal Lily, the class frog.

And smash her?

No!

We're going to set her free.

What?

That's it?

Yeah. Can you imagine the look on Horner's face when he comes in and sees

got no frog?

He'll be all, Hey, where's my frog?

I didn't find my frog.

Has anyone seen my frog?

It'll be classic.

Savage classic.

That's so lame.

Yeah, I think your conscience was still bothering you about the frog you sliced

up.

Where's Franklin?

I'm a Franklin.

Frogs don't talk like that.

There's got to be something good we can do to Horner.

We could add another element to his periodic table.

119 instead of 118.

Fartainium?

I've got it.

We're not unleashing any viruses.

Okay.

Then how about this?

We steal this skeleton, put the teacher's lab coat on it, and throw it

lion cage at the zoo.

And when they find it, it'll look like he got torn apart by lions.

Hey, that's pretty good, Kyle.

It is? Yeah. Yeah, and you didn't have to really kill anybody.

Doesn't that feel good?

Yeah, it kind of does.

Okay, let's get Warner's bony butt out of here.

A little help, Chris?

No. We're doing the frog joke.

We're not having the savage name associated with your lame little frog

We've got a bad reputation to protect.

Step away from the frog, Chris. No, I'm not keeping in this time. I'm redeeming

my soul.

What the hell are you... Silence!

Okay.

Okay, okay.

You know, we'll take your stupid frog.

Thank you.

Come on, Lily.

Lily?

better idea than you did.

Okay, first house.

Now remember, get some extra for your sick brother in the hospital who hates

almonds.

I'm a chicken. What are you?

Super Frankenstein.

What's the matter, T .J.? Can we go home?

I feel stupid.

I think I should have gone with the older guys and pulled pranks.

Yeah, okay.

Beat it, you little pukes! I've got no candy!

Hey, you are with an older guy tonight.

And nobody pulls pranks better than your old man. Hey, chicken!

I'll give you five bucks for your eggs. Sure.

Happy Halloween.

That was great.

So senseless.

Yeah.

Now, there's one thing you always have to do at the end of a good prank. What's

that?

Run!

Did they mention our prank on the news yet?

Nah, just some stupid stuff about an asteroid on a collision course or

something. I wasn't listening.

Here it is.

Turning to local news, a shocked zookeeper got the surprise of his life

when he discovered the remains of a local science teacher in the lion's

A call to the obviously distraught teacher's home revealed it was merely a

Halloween hoax perpetrated by local hoodlums.

He called us hoodlums? That's way better than hooligans.

Congratulations,

Kyle, tonight. You are a hoodlum.

In an unrelated story, someone spray -painted the words, Kyle rules on the

of an elephant.

I couldn't wait till next year.

I've just been given an update. The asteroid is indeed heading directly

toward... Well, good night.

I can't stay mad at you.

Who's a good boy?

It's you. Yes, it is.

Oh, you're a fairy doggy.

Oh, you're a fairy doggy. Yes, you are.

Yes, you are.