Original subtitles

I'm about to close the gates of hell forever.

- You were in purgatory? - It felt pure.

- I don't hunt anymore. I found something. - Did you look for me?

Kevin Tran, thought you could elude me.

God built a series of test. When you've done, you can flood the gates of hell.

- Where do we start? - Kill a hound of hell.

Innocent soul must be rescued from hell and delivered to heaven.

- The final test? - To cure a demon.

- Abaddon, the knight of hell. - She's gone.

My name is Naomi. We rescued you.

- The angel tablet. - I won't hurt Dean.

Kill him.

We're family.

- I have to protect this tablet now. - These trials, they're purifying me.

- Uhn! - Ha-ha.

- Metatron? - I'm the scribe of God.

Heaven needs your help, Castiel.

- I'm killing everyone you ever saved. - Maybe we should take the deal.

The trials, you'll give them up.

Kick it in the ass. Like we always do.

Are you with me?

- On the house, sheriff. - Oh. Thanks, Nance, but I didn't order...

- So... - Good luck.

What are we drinking?

Roderick?

Wow. Jody, words cannot begin to describe the injustice that, that picture does to you.

Come on.

- What? - Look at you.

The fancy career, the suit.

I'm pretty much what I am, a small-town girl.

We do share something, you and I.

- What? - Loss.

My son and my husband.

How did you know?

I've lost someone too.

It's not a date till I've cried.

So now you've cried.

This is crazy.

This is crazy.

Heh. I'm crazy.

He's attractive though, right?

He's hot.

I like big butts and I cannot lie

You have less than one minute before a very dear, attractive...

...and slightly-tipsy friend of yours snuffs it.

- Call it off, Crowley. - Because...?

Because it's over, you son of a bitch. We want a deal.

Thirty seconds.

- We stop the trials, you stop killing. - I want the demon tablet.

- The whole demon tablet. - Fine, but then the angel tablet comes to us.

- On what grounds? - On the grounds that you're a douche bag...

...and no douche bag should have that much power. Deal or not?

First, I need to hear two little words.

"I surrender."

You hid the demon tablet underneath the devil?

- Seriously? - What? I was delirious.

You sure this is gonna work?

What choice do we have?

All right, listen. This is a secret lair, you understand me?

- No keggers. - I don't have any friends.

Well, just lay low.

Who knows, you'll be a mathlete again before you know it.

Hey, guys?

You're doing the right thing.

What was he like?

Who?

God?

Pretty much like you'd expect.

Larger than life.

Gruff.

Bit of a sexist.

But fair, eminently fair.

The Nephilim was a monster, Castiel.

And the next trial?

Across the street.

His name's Dwight Charles.

I've been listening in on the angel radio. Cupid frequency actually.

And he is the next on their list.

Their list?

To do the horizontal mambo.

Slap bellies.

To find love?

Oh, yes.

Well, that.

He's slotted to be dinged by Cupid's arrow within 24 hours...

...which is good for us because the second trial is retrieving Cupid's bow.

No killing?

No killing.

Hello, boys.

What's that old expression?

Success has many fathers, failure is a Winchester? Heh.

Where's the stone?

You show us yours, we'll show you ours.

Dean, I'm trying to conduct a professional negotiation here...

...and you wanna talk dangly bits?

The stone.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slowly.

There she is.

The contract?

Yeah, I'm sure there's no hidden agendas in there.

The highlights. We swap tablets, you stand down from the trials forever.

You stop killing everyone we've ever saved.

Agreed.

Uh-uh-uh. Nice try, squirrel.

Moose is doing these trials, moose signs.

No, no, no. He's not signing anything until I read the fine print.

- I can read it. - Hey, you wanted me here, I'm here.

I'll be damned if I'm gonna let him screw us even more.

What's this?

Trouble in paradise, boys?

What is it, Nathaniel?

One of our freelancers has reached out to us.

He's found Castiel.

- Where? - A drinking establishment.

In Houston, Texas. And...

What?

He says Castiel was not alone.

Who was he with?

By the description, I think it was him...

...the scribe.

You're gonna move your lips the whole way up here, aren't you?

You know why I always defeat you?

It's your humanity. It's a built-in handicap.

You always put emotion ahead of good old-fashioned common sense.

Let's have the big galoot sign it now, shall we?

Is this a joke?

You realize, all I have to do is:

Uh-uh-uh. Demonic handcuffs, jackass.

No flicking, no teleporting, no smoking out.

Oh, and no deal.

Which pretty much means that you're our bitch.

Fine. You wanna play chain gang? Let's.

You saddled yourself to the wrong bull, mate.

I could do this all day, because you know what?

Damn, it feels good.

But sooner or later, you're gonna have to face it.

You're ours.

Which means that your demon ass is going to be a mortal ass pretty damn quick.

- What's he mouthing on about? - You're the third trial, Crowley.

- What are you reading? - Personal advertisements.

The faster that man finds love, the faster the Cupid will come.

Trust me. I'm friends with friends who do this for a living.

- Help you, gents? - Yes.

Would you say that you're looking for a partner in crime...

...or, uh...

...someone who's into nurse role-play and light domination?

Brother, it's 10 a.m. on a Tuesday.

Uh... We'll have two drafts, please.

Coming up.

You are not the most subtle tool in the shed, are you?

Kill him.

Next one won't wing you. Take it someplace else.

Let him go.

Haven't you caused enough harm already, Castiel?

Stop. Please, Castiel, don't make this any worse.

Please.

You really think this is gonna hold me?

That you're gonna cure me or whatever it is?

He's primed.

- How you feeling? - Honestly?

For the first time in a long time, it feels like we're gonna win.

I'm good.

All right, no dancing in the end zone until we're finished.

What's the good Father's playbook say now?

Well...

...now that we got the consecrated ground, I just, uh, ahem...

I slip Crowley one dose of blood every hour for eight hours...

...and seal the deal with a bloody fist sandwich. That should do it.

Your blood's supposed to be purified, isn't it?

You ever...?

You ever done the forgive-me-father before?

Once. When we were kids.

Which is why I have no clue what to say now.

I could give you suggestions, if you want.

- Okay, yeah. Sure. - All right.

I'm just spit-balling here, but if I were you...

...uh...

...Ruby.

Killing Lilith. Letting Lucifer out.

Losing your soul. Not looking for me when I went to purgatory.

- Thanks. - For starters.

Hey, how about what you did to Penny Markle in the sixth grade?

Why don't you lead with that?

Well, that was you.

Carry on.

Okay. Um, ahem.

If anybody is listening...

...here goes.

Dean, I need your help.

Little busy, Cass. Take a number.

I'm afraid this can't wait. Naomi has taken Metatron.

- You know Metatron how? - I've been working with him on the angel trials.

- The what? - We're gonna shut it all down.

Heaven. Hell. All of it.

- I know you. - We've never officially met.

Naomi.

Your reputation precedes you.

- The archangels... - Wanted me to debrief you after God left.

Debrief me.

Is that what you call it?

How would you know? You ran before I had the chance.

But here we are.

I just have one question before we begin.

You had to know that we would leap at the chance...

...to extract all of God's secrets from that head of yours.

Which is why I ask myself, why?

Why did the scribe suddenly come in from the shadows?

And what are you doing with Castiel?

"Of the blessings set before you, make your choice and be content."

Not a big reader, are we?

Metatron?

The guy who was full-on crazy, cat lady, hoarder angel yesterday...

...now he wants to save heaven?

Yes. He wants to.

But I'm the only one who can.

I can't fail, Dean. Not on this one. I need your help.

Cass, that's all well and good, okay?

But you're asking me to leave Sam when we've got Crowley tied and tressed.

Now, if anybody needs a chaperone while doing the heavy lifting it's Sam.

You should go.

- Seriously. - What, and leave you here...

...with the king of hell? Come on.

I got this.

And if you guys can lock the angels up too...

...that's a good day.

Look, I...

I'm down with sending the angels back to heaven just because they're dicks...

...but the demons? This is on us.

Start the injections now.

If I'm not back in eight hours, finish it.

No questions, no hesitation.

Yeah.

You really think injecting me with human blood is gonna make me human?

Did you read that on the back of a cereal box?

Aah!

Hmm.

You're miles out of your league, moose.

See you in an hour.

Is this a joke?

No, it's the word of God.

- What? - It's a tablet.

Now translate. That's what you do.

Okay, it's the angel tablet...

...which I've never laid eyes on in my life.

You want a translation in, like, six hours...

...when it took me six months and a dead mom...

...to translate a piece of the demon tablet?

And according to your own words this morning...

...this is not what I do, it's what I did.

- You told me I was out, Dean. - Yeah, well...

And if this is gonna be the "guys like us are never out" speech, save it.

- Dean's right. - Cass.

There is no out. Only duty.

Get the hell off of me.

You are a prophet of the Lord, always and forever.

Until the day you cease to exist and another prophet takes your place.

Now, are you clear as to the task before you?

Then do it. We must go.

What the hell, Crowley?

Biting? Seriously?

For the love of everything, whoever is hearing this...

...if anyone is hearing this, this is your king.

Send help immediately.

- Anything? You were gone long enough. - No.

- There was one female but... - What?

I don't think she was female.

- Anything here? - Free drinks.

Your buddy over there thinks you saved his life.

You really think it's wise to be drinking on the job?

What show you been watching?

Talk to me. You sure about this?

It's one thing, me and Sammy slamming the gates to the pit, but you...

...you're boarding up heaven, then you're locking the door behind you.

Yeah, I know.

You did a lot damage up there, man.

You think they're just gonna let that slide?

You mean, do I think they'll kill me?

Yeah, they might.

So this is it.

E.T. goes home.

Hey, there. Where's Ed?

- Flu. I'm Gail. - Well, okay then.

Showtime.

- Let me give you a hand. - Oh, thanks.

You're a real gentleman. Hey.

This is like the first five minutes of every porno I've ever seen.

Thanks.

Gail, Rod.

- Ma'am. - Rod rides a stool here most days.

I'll be seeing you both.

- Thanks for the help. - No problem.

Damn, that's sweet.

Oh, it's so nice to be with you I love all the things you say and do

How about the next one's on me?

Oh, it's so nice to hear you say You're gonna please me in every way

How we doing, moose?

Ain't it about time for the next love injection?

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Turn and face the strain Ch-ch-changes

Just gonna have to be a different man

Time may change me But I can trace...

Did you really think you could kidnap the king of hell...

...and no one was gonna notice, dumbnuts?

Hello, boys.

That's my line.

Abaddon?

- They told me you were dead. - So not.

- And the rest of the cavalry? - Oh, no, it's just little old un-killable me.

Brilliant. Why send in a few grunts when you can send in a knight?

Say your prayers, moose.

That'll do.

Undo these, I'll kill him myself.

That was an order, was it?

- I am your king. - About that...

- Hello, brother. - Give us your bow.

- What? - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey.

Talk first, stab later.

Know what I find most shocking...

...about time-traveling through a closet and landing in the year 2013?

Somebody thought it was a good idea to make you the king of hell.

You know what that boy's trying to do, right?

He's trying to shut the gates of hell.

Right now, you and I are gonna talk about a regime change.

You little whore. I am your kin...

Love the suit.

I've been afraid to go home for some time now.

Orders used to come once a day and now it's chaos.

It all seems to be breaking down.

And you think you can fix that?

With time, yes.

Take it, then.

You've been digging.

Why are you doing this? This?

Do you have any idea what it would be like...

...to be plucked from obscurity...

...to sit at God's feet...

...to be asked to write down his word?

The ache I felt when he was gone?

Telling myself...

...Father's left, but look what he's left us, paradise.

But you and your archangels couldn't leave well enough alone.

You ran me from my home.

Did you really think you could do all of that to me...

...and there'd be no payback?

Ah.

You did good back there, moose.

I'll deny it if you ever quote me...

...but, man, I'm proud of you.

Thanks.

Hold on. What's that?

It's what it looks like.

Are you joking?

I just saved your life.

- Seriously? - Seriously? Me seriously?

We just shared a foxhole, you and I.

Beat back the Tet Offensive, outran the Rape of Nanking. Together.

And still you're gonna do me like this? Aah!

Band of Brothers? The Pacific?

None of this means anything to you?

All those motels, you never once watched HBO? Not once? Girls?

You're my Marnie, moose.

And Hanna, she just needs to be loved, she deserves it.

Don't we all? You? Me?

We deserve to be loved. I deserve to be loved!

I just wanna be loved.

What?

Huh?

Would it be possible, moose?

I'd like...

...to ask you a favor...

...Sam.

Earlier, when...

...you were confessing back there...

...what did you say?

I only ask...

...because given my history...

...it raises the question...

...where do I start...

...to even look...

...for forgiveness?

I mean...

How about we start with this?

I think I found the angel trials...

...but I don't see anything about a Nephilim or a Cupid's bow or anything like that.

Oh, come on, Kev, we're on the 1 yard line here.

And I should have mentioned this six months ago, but the sports metaphors?

You wanna motivate me? Magic cards, Skyrim, Aziz Ansari.

What? Yeah, I don't know what those words mean.

I'm not here to fight you, Castiel.

Dean?

- Not anymore. - Dean?

Where is Metatron?

He told you he was going to fix heaven, didn't he?

Murdering a Nephilim, cutting off a Cupid's bow.

It's a lie. All of it. I've been in his head.

You've been in all our heads.

- That's the problem. - No, Castiel. You're wrong.

This is what you do.

You twist things.

I'm trying to fix heaven.

Metatron is trying to fix heaven.

Metatron isn't trying to fix anything, he's trying to break it.

- An act of revenge for driving him away. - Break it how?

- Dean. - Expel all angels from heaven.

Just as God cast out Lucifer.

Cast you out? To where? Hell?

Here.

Thousands of us, walking the earth.

- Lies. - Wait.

Our mission was to protect what God created.

I don't know when we forgot that.

I want nothing more than to see you shut the gates of hell...

...but I told you that you could trust me.

If Sam completes those trials, he is going to die.

- What the hell are you talking about? - I saw it in Metatron's head.

It was always God's intention.

The ultimate sacrifice.

As for you, Castiel, I beg of you, stop this path.

Metatron has been neutralized.

If you want back in, truly...

...I will listen.

Hey, right now, talk to me. Is she lying?

- I don't know. - Well, find out.

- She's lying. - Take me to him.

- Dean. - Take me to him now.

Dean, I'm not wrong.

I'm going to fix my home.

Cass?

Sammy, stop!

She told you I lied, didn't she?

You should've listened to the bitch.

Easy there, okay?

Just take it easy. We got a slight change of plan.

What?

- What's going on? Where's Cass? - Metatron lied.

You finish this trial, you're dead, Sam.

So?

- You promised. - Shh.

Castiel, I want you to stop thinking about master plans...

...and heaven and angels, and of all this.

That doesn't concern you anymore.

These were never trials, Castiel...

...this is a spell.

What I'm taking from you now...

...your essence, your grace, is the last piece.

And now something wonderful is going to happen...

...for me and for you.

I want you to live this new life to the fullest.

Find a wife, make babies.

And when you die, and your soul comes to heaven...

...find me...

...and tell me your story.

Hmm?

Now go.

Look at him. Look at him.

Look how close we are.

Other people will die if I don't finish this.

Think about it. Think about what we know. Huh?

Pulling souls from hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a hellhound.

We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here...

...but I can't do it without you.

You can barely do it with me.

I mean, you think I screw up everything I try. You think I need a chaperone, remember?

- Come on, man, that's not what I meant. - It's exactly what you meant.

You wanna know what I confessed in there?

What my greatest sin was?

It was how many times I'd let you down.

- I can't do that again. - Sam.

What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again?

Who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me?

Another angel? Another...?

Another vampire?

You have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother...?

Hold on. Hold on.

You seriously think that?

Because none of it, none of it, is true.

Listen, man, I know we've had our disagreements, okay?

I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels, but, Sammy...

...come on.

I killed Benny to save you.

I'm willing to let this bastard...

...and all the sons of bitches that killed Mom walk because of you. Don't you dare...

...think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you.

It has never been like that. Ever.

I need you to see that.

I'm begging you.

How do I stop?

- Just let it go. - I can't.

It's in me. You don't know what this feels like.

Hey, listen to me.

We will figure it out, okay?

Just like we always do.

Come on. Come on.

You let it go, okay?

Let it go, brother.

Hey, hey, hey.

See?

- Aah! - Sam?

I got you, little brother, you're gonna be just fine.

Sam. Sam. Sam.

Cass! Castiel!

Where the hell are you?

Sammy.

No, Cass.

What's happening?

Angels.

They're falling.