Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Nothing to rearrange

Sometimes you just get a feeling

Like you need some kinda change

Nothing's gonna stand in my way

This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

Gives every dark street a light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dream

The rain and thunder

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

Nothing's gonna stop me now

Balki, you'll never guess who I just had coffee with.

The mayor!

Well, I didn't actually have coffee with him

this kinda thing happens all the time.

Well, not all the time, but a lot.

A whole lot.

Yeah, I can't believe it.

And now I'm working for a major Chicago newspaper!

That's... That's nice.

Nice? It's terrific!

Balki, I'm the city editor's right-hand man.

Well, not his right-hand man exactly.

I mean, you know, I just

run errands for him, you know, but who cares?

I have my foot in the door.

I'm finally on my way.

The sky's the limit.

Is that a hockey puck?

Yes, cousin.

It's a good thing you weren't there.

and looked like a piggy bank.

The hockey game.

We were supposed to go to the hockey game tonight.

I got you an Italian beef sandwich.

With no peppers.

I know how they make you puff up and turn red.

I'm so sorry.

I completely forgot.

You have every right to be angry with me.

Oh, cousin, I'm not angry. Oh, thank you.

I'm just lonely

and I guess, a little hurt.

Well, Balki--

I'm just lonely and hurt

and I guess, a little disappointed.

Well, Balki-- I'm just lonely and hurt.

Disappointed and...

Are you done? Yes, I am.

Well, Balki--

All right, all right, you're absolutely right.

And I won't let it happen again.

I mean, I'm happy for you.

You're out there building your dream,

climbing every mountain,

fording every stream.

But I'm still folding sweat shirts for Mr. Twinkacetti.

And that's isn't enough anymore, is it?

Balki, you know what you need?

A reason to live?

Well, yeah, that.

You need to go out and look for a new job

like I did.

There are thousands of jobs

right here in the newspaper.

Now, now... Why don't you just take tomorrow off

and start looking around?

Will you come with me? I gotta work.

Oh, I beg your pardon, I forgot, you have a life.

All right, all right, I'll tell you what.

Come down to the paper at lunch tomorrow

and we'll plan your strategy.

Really?

Oh, thank you, cousin.

Yeah, you're welcome.

I'm sorry, I forgot about the game.

Oh. I'll make it up to you--

Oh. And this looks great.

Oh. I'm starving.

Yeah, you know, I...

I guess I was a little upset.

I stuffed a lot of peppers underneath your beef.

How are you today, Mr. Feldman?

Not dead.

Okay, basement level!

Mailroom, storage, archives, garage

and Appleton's desk.

Hi, baby. Hi, Harriette.

Clark, you check on the Russian ship at the pier.

See, if union lets him unload that damn thing.

Applegate. Ah, that's Appleton, sir.

Did you get that list of the aldermen that drive foreign cars?

Yes, sir.

Good job.

I'll get right on it, sir.

Why is this mail stacking up here? What's going on?

Where's Gorpley?

Well, I think he's in his office, sir.

You'd think that the head of the mailroom

could at least get the mail distributed.

Gorpley!

Cousin! Balki!

Cousin, I'm sorry I'm late.

This is the big building I've ever seen.

Pretty impressive, huh? Yes!

I've finally made it to the big time.

Oh, you know what?

I ask everybody in the building about you

and they never heard of you.

Is this your office?

It's humongous!

the archives, the storeroom.

And this...

...my office.

Oh, cousin, congratulations!

You really stepped in something good this time.

Oh, I went down to classifieds

and I picked up a copy of the want ads

before they hit the streets.

Wow!

Insider trading.

Gorpley, why? Why is all this mail here?

This is the mailroom, sir.

Are you gonna let a great metropolitan newspaper

grind to a halt

No, I'm hiring someone, sir.

Well, I need someone in this mailroom today.

It's down the hall next to the water fountain.

I start today.

Start what? I need a job.

What's your name?

I have no idea.

This is, uh, Balki Bartokomous, sir.

I can vouch for him.

He's trustworthy, hardworking, honest--

What kind of a car does the governor drive?

Uh, I don't know, sir.

Do you think you can get that information for me today?

Do you need a dime? What is it?

No, I'll get right on it, sir.

You need a job?

Oh, thank you!

Gorpley will show you around.

Uh...

I have to go now.

It's right down the hall next to the water fountain.

Myers! Did you finish that column?

Balki, you got the job!

Cousin, isn't it wonderful? We'll be working together.

Now we're so happy, we do the dance of joy!

Oh, I get it.

"Cousin." I see, it's all falling into place.

What's falling into place?

Can you say, "nepotism"?

Nepotism? He asked me!

You get a job working for the city editor.

Well, your family may have gotten you in here

but I decide if you stay.

Wait a minute.

Aren't you going to teach me

the tricks of the trade?

Figure them out for yourself.

Well, Mr. Gorpley must have a lot of confidence in me.

Excuse me, the only thing Gorpley's got

is a nephew who needs a job

and you just took it.

Now, listen here.

You'd better be careful.

One mistake, and you gone.

Oh, thank you. Thank you for the warning, Mrs...

Oh, I'm sorry, uh,

Nice to meet you. How do you do?

Harriette runs the elevator here.

Oh!

Well, your job must have its ups and downs.

Is this elevator going up?

No, this week it's going sideways.

Come on, Balki. She's got work to do.

Hang on.

Don't do that, baby.

Okay, buddy.

Balki.

Let's see if you're qualified

to work in a mailroom.

I want you to sort this mail according to zip codes.

Hey, you wanna quit?

No, no, no!

I want to do the best job I can.

You know, what I think?

Oh, well, thank you for the vote of confidence.

I think we better wait till I've earned it.

Return to sender

No such number

No such zone

Return to sender

Balki.

Balki, look busy. Gorpley's coming.

Look busy? I've been busy since 4:00 a.m.

All right, Balki, watch yourself.

Be careful.

Gorpley told his secretary

Oh!

Point well taken, cousin.

Do you think he means me?

I think so.

Hang in there. You can beat this guy.

Okay.

Bartokomous!

Well, you look like you've got time to kill.

Come here.

Come...here.

I volunteered you

to address the company Christmas cards

by hand.

And I need them this afternoon.

Uh, excuse me, uh...

Isn't it a little early for Christmas cards?

I want to avoid the holiday rush.

Merry Christmas. Oh, well.

Thank you very much.

Merry Christmas to you, too.

I don't know why everybody calls you a slime bucket.

Applebaum!

I'm kinda short handed

There's a bunch of kids at the Kedzie Youth center

that are staging a demonstration.

Somebody wants to pave over their ball park

and build a parking lot.

I want you to check it out. Yes, sir.

Pictures? I don't need pictures.

I need a story.

Well, that's true, sir. But my principle field is photography.

I have my own camera, my own lenses, my own film.

Now you've got your own pencil.

You can write, can't you?

Write You bet.

Yes, I write constantly. I'm a writing fool.

Tomorrow morning?

We're a daily newspaper.

I need it by 4:30 today.

Myers! I need that column! I saw you, Myers.

Cousin, I didn't know you could write.

Of course, I can, I studied journalism in college.

I know the five "W's" of reporting.

Who, what, how, when, how... No, how's an "H."

How, who,

what, who, who, who...

Boy, I'm in trouble.

I finished.

I finished 400 Christmas cards.

Who am I trying to kid?

I'm not a reporter. I'm a...litterbug.

Cousin, no, no, you're being too hard on yourself.

Cop a mellow attitude.

Now, you know, this looks pretty good to me.

"Pretty good"?

Pretty good, do you think that's what

I wanna hear from Mr. Burns

Appleton.

I know my name!

This is for the Chicago Chronicle.

If it's not great, I won't get a second chance.

You finished? Yes, yes, yes.

I'm finished.

This is all of 'em?

but I thought that I would alphabeticalize them.

That okay?

You think you're pretty smart, don't you?

Well, I'm no Sam Donaldson but, uh...

We'll see how smart you are.

I need 100 copies of this flyer.

You've got ten minutes.

Hey, relax, I'm looking out for ya.

See, I even got your stencil all ready to go.

Ten minutes, Bartokomous.

Balki, you need help with the mimeograph machine?

Oh, no, no, cousin. Good.

Just...point it out to me.

Oh.

Back here, look here, just wheel it out to your table

and I'll plug it in.

All right.

LARRY: All right. Get the stencil.

Okay. All right.

Okay, get the paper.

Paper. Okay, stencil's on.

Paper goes in here.

And you turn it on here.

Get it? Got it.

Good.

How's it going, Balki? Oh, it's going fine.

Just, just dandy.

You just finish your article.

Balki. No, no.

No problem. No problem. It goes in here.

Appleby. Uh, yes, sir?

I need that article in five minutes.

Yes, sir. Appleton, sir. Appleton.

All right. Cousin, no.

Do this, it'll just take a minute.

It'll be easier if I can look at it, here.

All right, look, see, here's the problem.

You've got all these papers jammed under the drum.

Here, all right.

All right. Oh.

Get the basket.

The basket? The paper basket.

The paper basket.

I got it.

Balki!

Cousin. Cousin

It's alive!

And it's hungry!

I, uh...

I can't!

Oh! Cousin.

Balki! What?

Balki, the plug. What

The plug, the plug, the plug-- The plug?

The plug, Balki.

The plug!

Ow. Ow.

I did it!

Oh.

Appleman. Ooh!

Where is the story?

Mr. Burns, something came up.

And I still have a bit of polishing to do.

This is... This is news, not silverware!

I need a story.

Mr. Burns, it was my fault.

I accidently threw his article away

but I just found it.

If I could just have a, have a--

It's pretty good.

I'd say for your first assignment, it's pretty good.

Yeah.

See you on Monday, Appleton.

Then maybe you could explain to me

Balki, did you hear that? Oh.

Yes, he got your name right!

No, no.

Not that.

He said I did a great job.

Well, but he actually said was pretty good.

Yeah. Which if you remember,

I also said "pretty good." Yeah, right.

Gorpley, uh, could I talk to you for just a second?

No. Uh, Mr. Gorpley.

You have got a gold mine here.

Just look at him.

You'll never find anyone who will work this hard as he will.

How can you fire a man like that?

Mr. Gorpley, I have only 19 flyers.

I have failed you.

Yes, you have. You're fired.

See how easy it was?

Well, you're not gonna get away with that.

Balki's done everything you asked him to.

You have no right to fire him.

Excuse me, sugar, you're going by this the wrong way.

Gorpley...

I was gonna save this for something big,

but I like the kid.

Now, either he stays or I tell your wife

what you were doing with Miss Passarelli

in my elevator during the Christmas party.

I don't know, what you're talking about?

Can you say, "Alimony"?

Hey, I like the kid, too.

You can stay. You can finish those flyers next week.

Thank you.

Thank you, Harriette.

Well, I figured someone had to look after you.

Congratulations, Balki.

You're gonna be here next week.

Well, we both be here next week.

I was here last week.

All right, let's see what Larry Appleton has to say

about the protest at the Kedzie Youth Center.

"Students at the Kedzie--"

Let me read it.

"Students at the Kedzie Youth Center

"staged a demonstration

"to protest the building of a parking lot

"over their ball field.

"promised to meet with the students

"to discuss their grievances."

That was beautiful.

Well, it never even would have made it into the paper

if you hadn't fished it out of the trash.

Oh, cousin, that's okay.

You helped me with my work when you were on that deadline.

LARRY: No, I just saw you were in trouble.

But you risked your job for me.

Ah, it was instinct.

You know, Balki.

I think working together at the newspaper is gonna be great.

Oh, I do, too.

Cousin, your first newspaper article.

Hmm.

Your first of many.

And you know what?

But not for a long, long time.