Original subtitles

You know, sometimes I wake up in the morning and I'm just like,

bleurgh! I don't want to go to work today.

And then I remember these guys.

Get excited.

Get that tingly feeling in my chest like, ooh.

I think it's safe to say that we all feel that.

Morning team.

That's good.

They're busy.

-Morning Lizzie. -Ah!

Alisha just called to say that she's running ten minutes late.

-For...? -Your 10 a.m. meeting.

Which will now be at 10:10.

How many people do we have signed in today?

Four. Johann's in the toilet.

The rest are working from home.

Johnny, how many guys are on the floor today?

[indistinct chatter]

[Hannah] Come in.

Sorry, mate.

Just firing off a big report.

[Hannah chuckles] And sent.

What can I do you for?

As you know, Hannah, we've been looking at attendance across the branches.

Well, you certainly don't need to worry about numbers here.

-So, Johnny from the warehouse? -No, What?

Umm, ah, you know what?

I can see the resemblance, but no, that's not him.

You were saying?

Well, we've reviewed our flexible work practices,

and given the low attendance rates,

Flinley Craddick can no longer justify the cost of our office spaces.

[Hannah] Yeah,

We're going to close the regional branches and everyone will go remote.

-What? -Well, the warehouse will still stay open.

Everyone else will work from home.

[gulps]

I think that's a bad idea.

[blinds banging]

-[anxiously] -So what are we talking?

Home detention, house arrest?

What are we-- What are we talking here Alisha?

[Alisha] Please calm down. Hannah.

Those people out there are like family to me.

And I won't let you throw them out on the street.

No one is going out on the street, Hannah. They're just going home.

Do you think we can run Australia's fourth largest packaging company

from the isolation of our own homes?

We can't.

Your lease expires at the end of next month so--

What if we bring everyone in full time?

That'll boost productivity, right?

If we bring everyone in, I guarantee we can make a year's worth of rent

by the end of next month.

-$300,000. -300,000?

Yes. Too easy.

How are you even going to convince your staff to come in full time?

I won't need to convince them. I'll just ask them.

Please, Alisha.

Please, please, please.

-Fine. I'll talk to the board. -Yes!

Yes!

But if any of your staff members complain about being forced

to come in full time, you are not to blame it on head office.

Why would I do that? [scoffs]

Won't even mention your name.

[phones ringing]

That is Johnny from the warehouse.

What? Johnny, shame on you.

If there's anyone here that doesn't actually work up here,

can you please leave?

Thank you.

[Hannah] Honestly, I don't know what's gotten into you guys.

Not cool.

[theme music playing]

[car alarm bleeps]

[Hannah] Welcome, welcome. Come on in. Pile in.

Yeah. Oh, there he is, Marty HR. Look out!

So exciting to see everyone in the building all at once.

Yeah.

Great. Is that everyone?

We're one short. Do you want to wait?

Who is it? Lloyd?

Nah.

Firstly, may I say thank you very much for coming in at such short notice,

and what an absolute pleasure it is to look out and see

a room full of smiling faces.

Secondly, for those of you who haven't met Sebastian, this is Sebastian.

Come on up.

Come on. Yeah.

Sebastian started with us last week on a three month unpaid internship on loan

from McClay Business College.

And I think I speak for everyone when I say it's nice to have

some new blood in the office.

[laughs awkwardly]

Some fresh blood.

[hisses]

[Nick] I started as an intern. I was Sebastian.

She's been doing that vampire shtick for over seven years.

[in vampire accent] I want to suck your blood.

[awkward laugh]

-Can I sit… down Thanks. -Yeah. Yeah. By all means.

[Hannah] And thirdly, the big news.

-Oh. -Oh.

Er, It's a lockout, Lloyd. As specified on the phone call.

-Yeah, I get that. -[Hannah] Yeah, just let him in.

-But it's a lockout. -Yeah, just let him in.

Yeah, we can wait.

-G'day. -Hi.

Sorry... just had to drive in from Woy Woy.

-So, yeah. -[Hannah] Yep. Lovely.

-So the big news. -[Nick] Oh, don't tell us the quiz is off.

-Oh, no. -No, Nick, the quiz is not off.

[Hannah] The good news is...

As of today, we are all back in the office full time.

[Lizzie] Yes!

[Greta] Wait. What?

[Lloyd] That's not good news.

No, I know. This isn't the good news.

This is the bad news that I forgot to tell you earlier.

The bad news. And get this.

Alisha comes in this morning

and tells me that head office are forcing us to come back to the office full time,

effective immediately.

[disgruntled mumbling]

[Hannah] I know. And she set new productivity targets.

$300,000 by the end of next month.

[Deborah] What?

And I tried to talk her back around but... do you know what, though?

At least we've got each other and a fully stocked fridge.

[Lizzie] Oh, no. The card declined and so the order--

[Hannah] It will be stocked.

So, wait, what? What was the good news?

The good news is that now we can do

TGI Friday trivia quiz IRL.

What's IRL?

This is IRL. In Real Life.

[Hannah] As much as everyone loves being here at work,

the reality is, [chuckles ] we have lives.

You know, people have homes and pets and children and partners

that we'd rather be spending time with.

So yeah, it's frustrating.

And also even people that don't have some or any of those things

because they've sacrificed all of it for their career,

It is still frustrating.

I imagine.

...220 by 320 but for your product,

I think our bubble pouches would offer more protection and that's--.

[loud space invaders noises] [Nick] Sorry. What was that?

[noises continue] Yeah. Could you just give me one second?

Sorry. Thank you.

-[alarm noises] -Hey, what's going on with all this?

I am trying to find a distinctive chime for this week's quiz.

-[noises] -Yeah, cool.

I'm just trying to do my job and close the sale.

That sounds like a Nick problem and not a Lizzie problem.

Couldn't just put some headphones in.

No, Nick, I couldn't, because how could I concentrate with that [loud noise]

-in my ear? -Yeah.

How could you concentrate with that in your ear?

-[klaxon sounds] -I hate how you make me do this.

[Lizzie] Nick, give me back my Tassie devil.

I'll give your devil back when you stop making those annoying noises.

I don't negotiate with terrorists.

[Lizzie] Nick is a joke.

He is a mess around clown.

Sorry about that.

So, as I was saying, the bubble pouches. Hello?

Hello?

[Greta] The perks of coming to work? Riling up Lizzie.

Watching Nick rile up Lizzie.

Flirting. Who doesn't flirt at work?

And sales.

Obviously very, very passionate about sales.

[coffee machine steams]

[Hannah] Whoa, whoa.

This one--Whoa. [laughs]

Hola. Como estas?

[knocking]

-Yep. -You want to see me?

[whispers] Close the door.

I'm promoting you to Productivity Manager.

You're in charge of making that 300K and I'm in charge of staff morale.

Sort of like good cop, bad cop.

Yeah, yeah. Which one am I?

-Bad cop. Yeah. -Bad cop.

-I need you to ride that sales team. -Oh. Giddy up.

Can I expect a raise?

-[electronic voice] No, no, no. -No...

But I do want you to come and see this.

-[Lizzie] Oh! -[both laugh]

-I'm on the toilet. -That's very clever.

[Hannah] Yeah, that's very clever. [straining noise]

There's not enough fibre in my diet. Oh, yeah.

Hey, don't get a haemorrhoid. Don't get a haemorrhoid.

All right, that's that's…

300K. Make it happen. Yeah?

Yes, sir.

Please don't call me that.

She / Her, you know.

[Lizzie] I'm going to need you to relinquish your chair please.

[Lizzie] I love a challenge.

Being challenged makes me feel alive.

Like I've got something to fight for.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on? Hey.

Oh. I am increasing productivity in the workplace.

-By taking away my chair. -By introducing standing desks.

Do you know about this?

[Lizzie] Sitting is the new smoking Nick.

-I thought vaping was the new smoking. -Five.

Four. Three. Two--

I have a question. When are the standing desks arriving?

You will simply be standing at your old desk, Greta.

[Greta] But they're the wrong height.

[Lizzie] If you have a problem with my plan, take it to H.R..

[chair rattles]

[Nick] Can I get my jacket back.

You can collect it from lost property at the end of the day.

My chair was cold anyway, so...

[frame rattles]

[Hannah] Okay, TGI Friday IRL.

Let's just throw around some key words, see what sticks. Yeah?

-Right. -[Hannah] Like, er, togetherness...

and fun.

Family.

It's a pity we can't do a funnier zoom background.

I feel like that might have been and gone.

Fun doesn't date. Err...

You're young, you're hip. What do you do to have fun?

Um. Well, I sometimes will, like, order food.

Food? Put it up. What else?

I mean, I sometimes listen to music, I guess.

Get it up there.

Food, music. Love that.

-[office chatter] -That's cool.

-[worker] Thanks very much. -[Martin] No worries

[Lloyd] Hey.

Am I really contracted to be here full time?

Um, yeah, If you signed your contract more than three years ago, probably.

Is there some kind of travel subsidy that I could get?

[Martin] Um, if you signed your contract more than three years ago,

probably not.

Can I actually have my contract printed out, please?

I would, but, the printer is down.

Might probably get on to that.

-Yeah, it's an error 65, I think, yeah.

It's a tricky one. 65.

[Lloyd] I am the head of IT.

Well, it's a department of one.

I'm it.

[clears throat] It, I.T. [chuckles]

[indistinct chatter]

[paper rubbish rustles]

[Greta sighs] Oh my God. Hey!

-Check this out. -What?

[Greta] Looks like someone selling office chairs today.

-[Nick] Oh, my God, that's my chair. -[Greta] Mm-hmm.

[Nick] Why has she called herself Dirty Diana?

I think it's time to ask Dirty Diana a couple of questions.

Ask her to take a photo.

No, no, no video.

-In the car park. -[keyboard clacking]

[notification bleeps]

-[Nick] Yeah, yeah. So basically the… -[Greta] Yeah.

[Nick and Greta mumble]

-Yeah. So the different size of the boxes. -Okay. That's good.

[Zoom call rings]

[Man] Martin my man, are you all right?

-Hey. -Looks like you're trying to take a shit.

Yeah. Sorry.

Yeah, there's something going on with our chairs.

Look, I um,

I just wanted to touch base

and just see how you guys were tracking up there in Brizzy.

Are you not at home?

No. We're still in the office. Where are you?

Did Alisha come in and send all you guys home?

What?

Right. So I've been in touch with Brisbane,

-Mm-hmm. -and they have gone remote.

And Melbourne is following suit.

Interesting.

I'm assuming that Alisha offered you the same opportunity.

If by opportunity you mean a life sentence of home detention.

Solitary confinement. Sure.

So she did suggest that we could go remote as well, right?

-Oh, I don't want to get into semantics Martin.

Yeah, but that was an option? That is a legitimate option?

What does semantics actually mean? [mutters]

I'm just going to have a little look at the definition.

[keyboard clacking]

Right. So you'll need to tell the staff.

Okay. So I'm just going to leave that with you.

[electronic voice] Yes.

[Greta] I noticed she didn't set a reserve for the auction.

Oh, that's an oversight. [chuckles]

[Hannah] Hey, guys.

Um, Just a little heads up.

Meeting room, five minutes. Yeah?

[muffled phone conversations]

Five more minutes of this then.

Sorry I'm late, I got caught up downstairs.

-Where are all the chairs? -Downstairs.

I'm selling them.

-Who approved that? -The Productivity Manager.

Who's the Productivity Manager?

-I am, you know, bad cop. -Get the chairs back, Lizzy.

[Hannah] Um...

Right, about half an hour ago, somebody who will remain nameless

walked into my office and accused me of lying.

Wow. Am I a liar?

Nope.

I'm a truth bender. I'm a truth masseuse, if you will.

-What truth did you bend exactly? -[Hannah] Nice, Greta.

Straight to the point. Love that.

So this morning, Alisha actually came in, threatening to close down the office

and send you all home.

But, I... fought for your rights and negotiated a deal

-in which we all get to stay. -[all murmur]

-[Tina] Why didn't you tell us? -Because I love you.

And I was protecting you.

[Lloyd] From who?

[Hannah] From yourselves.

You know, some of you might be thinking, "Oh, yeah, I'd love to be at home".

You wouldn't. You'd hate it.

Deborah would self-harm if she was stuck at home with the kids.

Isn't that right, Deborah?

Could do. Yeah.

And look at what's happened to Lloyd since he's moved to Woy Woy.

[Martin] So, to be clear, you're the one making attendance mandatory.

[Hannah] Your words, not mine. Yeah, that attendance is mandatory.

[all grumble]

[Greta] And if we don't make the money, we all go remote?

[Hannah] Defeatist attitude Greta.

But yes. That's correct.

-Come on. -Crazy idea.

Should we just skip to the bit where we fail and we can all just go home now?

I don't think anyone really wants that. Do you?

[Nick] I am definitely a homebody. I love cooking, I love gardening,

but I wouldn't want to commit to never coming into the office.

There are things that I'd definitely miss.

[Greta] Well, it's complicated because working from home makes a lot of sense.

More flexibility, more time to watch YouTube videos of baby pygmy hippos.

But by going to the office, there are things to look forward to.

You have that feeling of like, yeah, I get to see everyone today.

[Lizzie groans]

[indistinct phone chatter]

Hey, Lizzie. What's up?

-You wouldn't get it. -Try me.

I need to buy the chairs back but I've just sold them to some clown for $3.

Oh, yeah, that was Nick.

[Lizzie] Nick!

I need to buy them back.

[Nick] Tell you what.

I'll sell them back to you for four bucks. But under one condition.

What's the condition?

I get to be quizmaster.

[Lizzie huffs]

[hisses venomously]

-[hisses] -[Greta] Oh, gosh.

[road noise]

[Stevie] Yeah, I don't know the ins and outs of it, but I heard the guys upstairs

-are going home. -[thud]

Wouldn't be devastating for us.

[lift dings]

[upbeat music on radio playing]

[Hannah] Coming back full time might not appeal to everyone at first.

It's like they've been invited to a party they don't want to go to,

but then they get there and they're like, "I'm having the best time".

"Thank God Hannah made me come to this party".

[jovial chatter]

Okay, let's put them in the circle so they can all see each other.

[upbeat music playing]

-Hey, Deb! Quiz is about to start. -I'll zoom in.

[mumbles] But it's IRL.

I'll be IRL, right out there.

Great. Well, see you on the zoom.

But I thought we could do it all together like a family, you know?

-Like all together. -Yeah.

Traffic's building up on the M1, so. But I'm keen to zoom.

Oh. Okay.

[in Italian accent] But it's a pizza party.

Come on. All the pizza.

Want a pizza?

I guess the advantage of zoom is that you can still run your

funniest zoom background competition.

That is true.

[zoom feedback echoes]

Can everyone please mute themselves? Yes.

[feedback continues] Everybody on mute now. Thank you.

[feedback stops]

Now, this week, I have decided to let Nick have a go at being quizmaster.

So now I'm going to make him the host.

And I absolve all responsibility forthwith.

Thank you. Lizzie.

Good luck everyone.

To help our company's bottom line,

How much did Lizzie sell all our office chairs for?

A, $3, B, $30, C, $300, or D, $3,000?

-Clock's ticking. -[buzzer noise]

[bright noise] Oh, well done, Greta.

Thank you Quizmaster.

Which member of the office goes by the online alias Dirty Diana?

Nick. They need to be questions that everyone knows the answers to.

That wouldn't be a quiz.

-[Lizzie] You know what I'm talking about, Nick.

-[quiz buzzers ding] -Hey, baby girl.

Mason. Hey.

-I thought you were coming at five. -I finished early.

[buzzers continue]

Okay. What best describes the new smoking?

Is it A, sitting or B, vaping?

-[Hannah making dance music sounds] -Sorry, Nick, can you repeat the question?

It's just a bit loud in here.

-[Hannah laughs] -[buzzers ding]

[singing badly]

[Hannah] What matters to me the most? Is it the money?

Nope. Is it the power?

Nope. Most important?

The people.

I love my staff. And I told them that today.

And to see their faces. "Hannah loves me".

And then to hear them say, "We love you, Hannah".

Not with words, but…

Wow.