All language subtitles for Cougar.town.S01E23.FQM.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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If you guys are dating, why do
i still have to keep it a secret?

I'll take this one, baby.

right, right. It's just because
this relationship is so new.

I just... And grayson and I
are like pools.

We're still sticking
our toes in each other.

Grossest thing
I have ever said.

I'm gonna go throw up.

I wanna get comfortable

Before people start
judging us, you know?

I feel like we might have
a shot-

Ellie, are you listening to me? If
the conversation goes on too long

Without being about me,
I'm out!

You look so beautiful today.

I'm back in. Check out what I
found on this medical web site.

Get everyone over here now.

Here's the most important part
of the medical study.

"women whoonsumed
a moderate amount of alcohol

"had a lower risk
of becoming overweight

During 12 years
of follow-up."am.

I don't get it.

Drinking keeps women skinny.

Oh, my god!

This is bigger
than curing cancer.

And all together now,
if it's on the internet...

it must be true!

Exactly. Now, everyone...
sip, please.

Afternoon, booze bags.
What are we celebrating today?

Science.

Big week, huh?
Graduating from high school.

Why are yopretending
to care?

Just trying it out.
Not a huge fan.

The ceremony's this Friday,
correct?

What? Fancy-dancy notebook?

Yeah, it helps me
keep track of things

Like appointments,
birthdays, phone numbers,

People I owe money to/
need to avoid.

Ah.
Makes sense.

of course. Plus it makes
me look smart. Observe.

Wow. You look like
a rocket scientist.

What'd you write?

"I love pretzels."

No, you didn't.

You wrote "I," then a heart, then
a squiggly line. That's a pretzel.

Good god.
To gettin' skinny!

gettin' skinny

whoo!

Thank you.

Okay, I've got
the graduation tickets.

Yay! Cool.
You guys, check this out.

I didn't know you went here.
I didn't.

I just wrote that while you guys
were getting the tickets.

well, put my name.
I rock, too. Okay.

Jules, look!

Remember that
car dealership promotion

Where they let that red balloon
go with 2,000 bucks in it?

I bet that's it.

I'm gonna go climb that pole,
logger-style.

Sorry I can't make it
to trav's graduation.

Smith has to go to the bahamas
on a work thing,

And he invited me
to tag along,

And you know how much I love
going to countries

With handsome black men wandering around.
It's always been one of your favorite things.

And to be able to share that with smith...
It's so romantic. Oh, honey, it's okay.

Hey, how's it going up
there? Gettin' there!

wrong balloon. Let's go.

Why do you have a dart
in your purse?

Who keeps taking
my darts?

Maybe someone thinks
it's dangerous

To have darts flying around
while people are drinking.

I don't know.

This-this is a business,
you know.

good one.

Ah.

So, trav, you giving
the speech at graduation?

Nope.
Not the valedictorian.

Isn't there also another speaker
that's not a giant nerd?

Yeah. They pick
an average student

To kind of speak
for the masses.

It's called "the everyman,"
but I didn't submit a speech.

I don't know. I just don't think
graduating high school's

Really that big a deal.
What? It's huge!

I'm with her, buddy.
I think we can all agree

That I peaked in high school.
Weird thing to pound out.

I was a stud in high school,
too.

I used to buy beer
for everybody.

Bald by 16.

Well, didn't age prematurely,
so...

For me, it's just over.
Do me a favor. At graduation,

Let's not make a crazy,
giant deal about it, okay?

Whatever you want, sweetie.

Thanks.

That kid doesn't know
what he wants.

That's... My beer.

You suck at musical beers.

This is my bar, damn it!

Okay. You guys have one job,
and that's to come up

With something great
for travis' graduation

That just shows him
how proud we all are.

Just gotta be big!

And I'm not talking
about some little button

With his baby picture on it,
okay? 'cause that is weak sauce.

I already wrote down
a fantastic idea. Hold on.

Hold on.
Ooh, I do love pretzels.

You know, I'm gonna burn
that notebook. Found it!

Baby picture buttons.

Shoot.

Jules, it's supposed
to be 90 degrees on Friday.

Please don't make me go
to travis' graduation.

I'll hate it.

Look, my family never
showed up for big events.

With travis...

You have perfect skin.
I'm back in.

Ellie torres,
you are my family.

If you try to skip out
on travis' graduation,

I will murder you... Hard.

Fine. I'll go.

But guess who's coming
with me.

Bam!

Holy big hat! Love it.
Hides so much of your face.

Did andy let you in?
Uh-huh.

He's not allowed to do that
without warning me.

Aa
aah!

That's for
letting laurie in.

All right, come here.
Love you.

Mmm!

Bye.

Mmm, I love it.
It's like we're in prison.

Oh, you got your yearbook.

Besidemy senior photo,
there's one picture of me,

And it's with mrgoulsby,
the creepy wood shop teacher.

Huckles) why do you have
your hands on his breasts?

Because I was pretending
to push him into the band saw,

But they cropped that part out.
Bummer for you, dude. What happened

To mr. I don't care
about high school?

What was I supposed to say?
I didn't ma any mark at all.

The only thing that matters
is that you got through it.

It's not like I made
some big splash in high school.

Really? Because I got
your yearbook.

We don't need
to loough that.

I an, I'm barely in it.

Look. Inside cover-
you as the prom queen.

Yeah, I got 98% of the vote,
but, you know, whatever.

I mean,
it's only one thing.

It doesn't mean
I was super cool.

Is this you dancing onstage
with bruce springsteen?

Yeah. That was super cool.

Stop.

I'm sorry.

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...39, 40.

There are 40 pictures
of you in this yearbook.

How is this helpg?
Ooh, 42 if you count

These kids who dressed up as you
for e Halloween dae.

, ye, the beasley twins.
Mm, weird ys.

Why didn't I play any sports?

Didn't I like football
when I w younger?

Why'd I stop playing that?

Mrs. Cobb,
he just skinned his knee!

Never again! Never again!

I don't know.
You just decided you hated it.

Hmm.
Okay, sad face...

Don't you mea"normal face"?
Really?

Sorry.

You're gonna write a speech,

And you're gonna be "the everyman"
guy. They're never gonna pick me.

If you believed in yourself

Even half as much
as I believe in you,

You would know you
could do anything. You...

Yes, I got that
from a sandra bullock movie,

But, you know,
I still mean it.

All right. Why not?

Did they do a play
about you?

no! Stop it!

it was a musical,
and it was brilliant.

Oh, thank you. Mmm.
hit it.

So... My trip with smith
fell through.

Oh, but I didn't buy you
a ticket to travis' graduation.

I mean, if it's okay with you,
I'll just miss it,

And then maybe I'll catch up
with you guys after.

Okay. Hello?

I need to see you tonight.

That would be acceptable.

That's booty call language. Who are you
talkinto? I'm talking to the cemetery.

They want to move
my dad's casket.

Worst liar ever.

By a creek would be great.
My dad loved creeks. Oh.

♪ we can't hide our hearts,
we won't play the fools ♪

Our love is yours always,
jules ♪

So?
Awful.

Now it's my turn to share.
I'll be right back.

Okay, you guys mock
all you want,

But that song
will be in your head later.

If it is, it'll be my last
thought before I shoot myself.

So they picked
"mr. Everyman."

You're doing that fake mislead,
aren't you? It's you!

It's not.
Yes, it's you!

Mom, stop.

I'm sorry.

Okay, it's me!
Aah! Oh, god!

Come here! I'm so
proud of you! Oh!

To go, trav. Let's go to the
mall where they print your picture

On a sweatshirt, because
I don't wanna just remember

This moment, travis.
I wanna wear it.

That's kinda weird, but I'm
too psyched to be humiliated,

So let's go.

Jules?
No.

Ah...

Uh, no.

Hello.

Wh-where's jules?

Crazy town. Nice dress.
If you're going for classy,

That ship sailed
about three tattoos ago.

I only have two.

That was easy.

The key is to come up with
something to show travis

How proud we are,
so I'm thinking fireworks.

When he goes up
to get his diploma,

I light a firecracker
like so.

Be careful, bobby.

What? It's just
a tiny, little fire-

Never again! Never again!

what? I'm fine, buddy.

Just quit talking
so quiet.

What are you doing?
No one's allowed to touch

Ellie's new big hat.
What's going on?

put the scissors down
and step away fr the hat.

I... Am ssick
of you picking on me!

"laurie's stupid.
Laurie's a tramp.

Laurie fixed her broken tooth
with krazy glue."

Oh, and those eye rolls-
like you think you are

So much better than me!
Am I supposed to just sit here

And take it?
Well, guess what.

I am done with that.

So this... Is happening.
no, no.

Oh, oh, yeah.

And again and again
and again.

And again. Still happening!

If it's any consolation,
that hat was so big,

You can probably make
a thousand tiny ones.

I don't care that
you're covering your face.

I know it's you.

Thank you
for believing in me...

And I love you.

And that weird sound
is my cue to go, so...

I love you, too.

whoa!
That was insane!

He was literally sitting
on my fa.

He's never had much feeling
in his butt.

When he was a kid, I used to
pick him up by his little tush

And carry him around
without him even waking up.

Don't even know how
to pretend to care about that.

Okay, listen, I stole
his speech off his desk.

Or instead of reading that,

You could, um, take off
that ridiculous sweatshirt.

Awesome sweatshirt.

Awesome sweatshirt, I mean,

And then, you know,
well, I could, uh,

I could kiss your neck.

Mmm.

And then... I could...

Yeah, yeah,
I know how sex works.

ooh, here's the gold.

"there is no way
I would be where I am,

"or for that matter,
who I am,

"if it weren't for the love
and support of...

Bobby cobb"?

I'm not even in here! I know
what can make you feel better.

I mean, seriously?

My fault for trying.

"some just see a crazy man
chasing a red balloon,

But I see a dad teaching me
to never give up."

Can you believe
he wrote that crap?

I can because it's the hundredth
time you've read it to me.

Guess who just
signed himself up for a day

Of being reminded of how much I do
for him. Please don't let it be me.

I raised that kid,
and this is the thanks I get?

uhh! I can't...

that's not funny.
I couldn't breathe.

You're alive.

Now quit your bitching and
go get me some coffee. What?

Welcome to the second week
of dating. Fun!

Let's go.

Go, go!

Let's go! Go, go!

Is anyone having
a worse morning than this?

Wakey-wakey!
Aah!

I broke a window to get in.
This is your new dress, right?

Do whatever you want.
I don't care.

Well, come back out.

No!

So what's that
all about?

Ah, we've been struggling with
how to properly let you know

We're proud of you
at your graduation,

And this seemed like
the most sensible option.

I think it's charming.

It's an inflatable gorilla!

It was andy's idea to put
your face on it.

Cool, cool. Can we talk inside
for a sec?

Huh?

No.
Come on!

If I told you that gorilla's
the very same one

From the car dealership
that let that money balloon go,

And I feel like
this might bring us

Some kind of karmic good will
in our quest to find

That very balloon-would that
make a difference to you?

Mm, no.

Excuse me. Do you wanna
weigh in here?

Oh, I'm sorry. I was just
working on a payment plan

For your college tuition.

It's really complicated, 'cause
I also have to set aside

Some of my money
for your food and your clothes.

Otherwise you'd die of hunger,
or at least get sick

From, you know, being naked
all the time.

Look, my graduation is tomorrow.

Can we not just go one day
without embarrassing me?

One day.

Don't worry, honey.
I'll handle this the way

I've gotten you over most of
your life's major hurdles.

You know, it's really
no different than, uh, when

I taught you how to read.
This feels a little different.

look over there, andy. It's
your house. Go to it. I'm good.

Hello.

Have you been sitting there
for 20 minutes?

What else have I got to do?
I'm ellie!

Why the freak-out,
little bear?

We always give each other crap,
and you don't care.

It's not about you.

I only got this stupid dress
for travis' graduation.

It's why I'm skipping
my bahamas trip.

I wanted to be here because-
your hair looks really nice.

Back in.

When you tried to back out

Of going to travis' graduation,
jules threatened to murder you.

When I said
I was skipping it,

She didn't even try
to convince me not to.

She didn't care!

It's not nice to test friends
when they don't know

They're being tested.
Look, for a long time,

My self-esteem was tied
to whether or not

A man wanted me sexually. Your
mom did such a great job with you.

I know. But then I became
friends with jules,

And someone like her
liking me

Made me feel like
I was worth something,

And I get that you guys have
all this history,

But sometimes
it's really hard

Feeling like she cares more
about you.

Click. You and I don't
talk on the phone,

But this is how I'm gonna
hang up on you from now on

When you say stupid things.

You know jules loves you,
and, yes, I'd like to think

If there was a fire, and jules
could only save one of us,

I'd have to get a shrink
to get your death scams

Out of my head,

But honestly, I don't know
who she'd pick.

Thank you, ellie.

Don't try to act like
this is a nice moment.

That's even crazier than
having 12 pictures

Of taye diggs
on your apartment.

I only put them out
when smith isn't here.

Ohh.

His smile lights up
the world.

Look at him over there
having lunch with his dad.

Makes me wanna puke.

When I am being
this petty,

Does it make me seem more
or less sexy?

It makes you seem like
an asexual man goblin.

Oh.

You know
what the worst part is?

Even when you're acting
like a chore, I still like you.

Oh, that must be frustrating.
It really is.

I'm just gonna talk
to travis

And just tell him why I'm
so upset. Do not do that.

If we're gonna date,
you're gonna have to at least

Pretend to listen tme
every once in a while.

I can do that. I'll just nod a lot.
Bring it. You know travis loves you.

Mm-hmm.
And if you guilt him

About writing a nice speech
about bobby,

He'll feel horrible, and
then you'll feel horrible. Mm.

And then you'll turn back
into a man goblin, and-

Would you stop nodding?
Just let this go,

And you'll feel better
in the end, okay?

Trust me, for once.

There's a giant gorilla with
travis' face outside. We know.

He's blue.

Okay. Look, since you didn't
shred my dress, I got you this.

What? Did I miss a fight?
Nothing big.

Just hat murder.
Okay, listen,

If you're gonna be in town
this weekend,

You are definitely
going to travis' graduation.

That's ridiculous.

Laurie, you're family.
You have to be there.

Okay. Sure, I'll come.
Yeah.

All right, well, I... I'll just
see you guys tomorrow, then.

Don't let the door hit ya.

I'm such an idiot.
Thanks for telling me.

If you ever let her know,
our friendship is over. Okay.

♪ so you got to go ♪

But you don't know where ♪
it isn't big enough.

Really?

♪ what's left to do,
wish you the best ♪

Hello, jules.

Barb? Do you have
a relative graduating?

no, silly.
Oh, here it goes.

I'm here with some friends
for our annual fantasy draft.

It's always fun to see
the talent up close

Before you make your picks.
Hey, mom.

Oh, travis cobb.
Let's se yes.

Travis gets scooped up
in the early rounds.

congrats.

Please go sit
very far away.

♪ happy ♪

I feel violated.

Look at you in your outfit.

I know. I'm adorable.

Oh. By the way, my speech
is mostly about dad,

Just because, you know,
he's always so hard on himself,

Saying how he peaked
in high school, and I just

Wanted to do something nice
for him, you know?

I think that's great.

That's why you're so amazing,

Because you just
do all this stuff for me,

And you never ask
for anything in return,

And I hope you know
how grateful I am.

Mm-hmm.

That's my noise.

Love you, mom.

I love you.

♪ what you're looking for ♪

Mm, okay.
You knock 'em dead.

♪ nothin' more ♪

Lost somewhere over
on the rainbow's end ♪

Don't be smug.

It's who I am.

♪ happy ♪
ridiculous.

♪ happy ♪

♪ happiness ♪

♪ lost somewhere over
the rainbow's end ♪

Okay, I'm gonna take turns
crying on each of you,

All right?

Go crazy.
Sounds good.

Trav's about to speak.

♪ pursuit of happiness ♪

Dude, look!

That's it.
I can feel it in my bones.

hey! No!

For once, we are not
going to embarrass him.

No!

howdy, folks.

♪ smile, everybody, happiness ♪

No, nope. Uh..

My name is travis cobb...

♪ is everybody happy?
Smile, everybody, happiness ♪

In the forest of life-
I love my dad! Let's get it!

What?!
Aah!

Go, go, go, go, go, go!

did you hear that?
Best speech ever!

♪ what's done is done ♪

♪ startin' over again,
more or less ♪

I'm sorry.
It's really hot out here.

You can get under, too.
All right.

Look at those idiots.

they look absurd.

Why'd you call me?

Look.

So... They're...

I don't want to see that.
Why would you make me see that?

Because we're hungry,
and we want you to get takeout.

Go.

come on.

Are these my darts?

I don't know.

That's weird.

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