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1
00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:03,604
*
2
00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,606
CHRIS ROCK:
Before Cops was a show on TV,
3
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,741
I saw cops chasing
criminals every day
4
00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:09,743
on the streets in Bed-Stuy.
5
00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:11,745
Some of the criminals
were fast.
6
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,747
Come on. Let's go!
7
00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:16,584
(gasping)
8
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:18,252
* Annie, are you okay?
9
00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:20,121
* So, Annie, are you okay...
10
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,522
Some of them were fast,
11
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,557
then slow.
12
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:26,527
And no matter what you saw,
13
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,529
the most important thing
was to not get involved.
14
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:30,831
(siren blaring)
15
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,701
* Annie, are you okay?
Are you okay, Annie? *
16
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,236
* Annie, are you okay...?
17
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:37,238
Hold this.
What is it?
18
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:38,106
What you think it is?
19
00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:40,541
And you better have it
when I get back!
20
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:43,177
* ...He came
into your apartment *
21
00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:44,512
* Left the bloodstains
on the carpet... *
22
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,180
Hey, where's the weed, T.J.?
23
00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:47,315
I ain't got no weed, man!
24
00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:48,349
Yeah, right.
25
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,818
Where's the weed, T.J.?
26
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:52,853
I had never actually
seen real marijuana.
27
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:56,190
But after having a bag of it
shoved into my hands,
28
00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:58,192
I knew one thing:
Where's the weed, T.J.?
29
00:00:58,226 --> 00:01:00,328
if that's what happened to the
guy who didn't have the weed,
30
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:02,430
I didn't want to know
what would happen
31
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,698
to the guy who did have it.
32
00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:19,447
* Ah, make it funky now.
33
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:29,523
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
34
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:37,865
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
35
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:40,701
A bag of weed can cause you
all kinds of problems:
36
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,703
big ones, like losing your job;
37
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:45,206
and little ones, like trying
to figure out where to hide it.
38
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:48,709
I thought about hiding it
in the bathroom.
39
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:52,246
* Mary Jane...
40
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:57,885
Who's hiding $27 worth of weed
in the toilet?!
41
00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:59,753
* I'm in love
with Mary Jane... *
42
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,489
I thought about hiding it
in my room.
43
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,757
* She's my main thing...
44
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,426
Mama!
45
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,329
Somebody hid some weed
in Chris' sock drawer!
46
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:11,332
I even thought about hiding it
in the kitchen.
47
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:14,168
* She comes as no surprise...
48
00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:17,305
Who hid weed in my cereal?!
49
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:20,308
But I decided the safest place
to hide it
50
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:23,177
was on me.
51
00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:26,180
Even though I hid the weed,
I couldn't hide the smell.
52
00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:28,182
(sniffing)
53
00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:30,184
What is that?
54
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:31,319
What is what?
55
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:32,886
That smell.
56
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,888
I don't smell
anything.
57
00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:36,524
Maybe it's the greens.
58
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:37,725
If you can't smell
anything,
59
00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,360
how do you know
it's the greens?
60
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,394
(sniffing)
61
00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:41,662
That's not greens.
62
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:43,364
Oh, it's greens, all right.
63
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:44,732
It smells like
it's coming from under
64
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:45,833
the table.
65
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:48,502
(sniffing)
66
00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:49,537
It smells
67
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:51,405
like weed.
68
00:02:56,310 --> 00:03:00,781
(heart beating)
69
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,316
How do you know
what weed smells like?
70
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:03,884
Scratch 'n sniff
Rick James sticker?
71
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,387
I think I might have smelled it
at the record store.
72
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:07,488
What record store?
73
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,822
The Jamaican record store.
74
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,359
I went there to get
the new Lisa Lisa album.
75
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:14,395
(coughing)
76
00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:18,666
Ya, mon, check back next week!
77
00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:22,303
How many times do I have
to tell you kids,
78
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,272
the Jamaicans do not sell
records?
79
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,440
Or if they do,
they're Sean Paul.
80
00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:28,008
What were you doing
over there anyway?
81
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,510
Andrea is having
a listening party
82
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,445
for the new Lisa Lisa
and Cult Jam album.
83
00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,381
And I wanted the album
so I would know the songs.
84
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:34,315
But it's not out yet.
85
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:36,584
She was such a big fan
of Lisa Lisa,
86
00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:38,752
for a while we had to call her
Tonya Tonya.
87
00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:39,987
Party? When?
88
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,422
Wednesday
after school.
89
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:42,956
Can I go?
No.
90
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:45,893
My father hardly ever said no
to Tonya,
91
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,561
so we were more shocked
than she was.
92
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,397
What?
What?
93
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:50,898
Tonya, change your tone.
94
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:51,932
How come I can't go?
95
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,334
It's just Andrea's.
96
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:55,035
I can't sleep if I know
you're not home.
97
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,937
I said no. That's it.
98
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,307
That look means,
"We'll see about that."
99
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,875
Keeping weed on me
100
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,911
didn't seem like
such a great idea,
101
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,947
so I decided to just
keep it near me.
102
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:28,402
Back at school,
I had Jamaican Gold in my shoe
103
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:30,404
and Italian Greg on my case.
104
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:32,406
Are you crazy
bringing that here?
105
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,308
I couldn't
leave it at home.
106
00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:35,776
Well, you're gonna be leaving
everything at home
107
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:37,445
when you end up in jail.
108
00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:38,712
Why didn't you just
throw it away?
109
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,714
(school bell rings)
110
00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:43,717
Because he knows who I am,
and knows where I work--
111
00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:45,719
plus he said that
when he comes back,
112
00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:47,054
I better have it.
113
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:49,056
What difference does it make
what he says?
114
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:51,058
He's going to jail.
And when he gets out,
115
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:52,826
this weed's gonna be
right there at Doc's
waiting for him.
116
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,495
I don't care if it
takes 20 years.
117
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:55,629
It might be legal by then.
118
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,465
Well, you can't keep it
in that sock.
119
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:58,499
You smell like the ocean.
120
00:04:58,532 --> 00:04:59,433
I have no where
else to put it.
121
00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:01,602
Some drug mules would beg
to differ.
122
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,604
I'll get you
something.
123
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:06,440
Meet me in the bathroom
before lunch.
124
00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:10,010
Hey, girl.
125
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:10,944
Hey!
126
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,413
What's all this?
127
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:13,614
I got you a computer.
128
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,483
A computer? For what?
129
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,485
To keep the salon organized.
130
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:20,354
It holds customer information,
appointments,
131
00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:22,656
calculate our accounts
receivable and payable.
132
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,358
It does just about
everything but hair.
133
00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:25,959
Oh, I don't need a computer.
134
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,495
Girl, I'm a walking computer.
135
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:28,829
But I'm not.
136
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,464
Girl, I don't even know
what's going on
137
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:31,799
in my own salon anymore.
138
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,401
Sounds like my father.
139
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,536
Try it! You'll like it.
140
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,571
That sounds like my father,
too.
141
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:41,475
While my mom was entering
the computer age,
142
00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:44,478
Greg was contemplating
the stoned age.
143
00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:46,514
Chris?
144
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:47,681
Yeah?
145
00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,683
Hey, up top.
146
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:51,685
What's this?
147
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,487
It's a kitchen
container.
148
00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:54,755
It's airtight.
149
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,590
That way it keeps
all the freshness in,
150
00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:58,959
but it keeps the smells
from getting out.
151
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,127
Hey, by the way.
152
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,695
I got an idea.
153
00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:03,397
Maybe we should just smoke it.
154
00:06:03,431 --> 00:06:04,865
You know, get rid
of all the evidence.
155
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:21,549
Are you high?
156
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:22,616
I'm trying to hide
the evidence,
157
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:23,751
not be the evidence.
158
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,453
What about T.J.?
159
00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:28,088
Look, every moment you have
that weed in your possession,
160
00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:30,924
you increase the statistical
chances of getting caught.
161
00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:32,593
You could go to jail.
162
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:34,061
If we smoke it,
it's gone.
163
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:35,563
I'm gonna not do
that, all right?
164
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,431
I'm gonna take my chances
not being high.
165
00:06:37,465 --> 00:06:39,667
Somewhere, Bobby Brown said,
"This show is ridiculous,"
166
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,669
and changed the channel.
167
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,203
While I was holding weed,
168
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,439
my mother was about
to hold a grudge.
169
00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:47,475
Hey, Peaches.
170
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:48,442
Hi!
171
00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:50,444
Whatcha you doing here?
172
00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:51,545
Vanessa said
173
00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:54,515
that she would give me a
discount on my next touch-up
174
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,650
if I showed you all your way
around the computer.
175
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,919
Rochelle, this girl, she
knows what she is doing.
176
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,588
Most people, they get
out of prison--
177
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:01,589
they end up back
in jail.
178
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:03,757
This girl is gonna end up
running a company.
179
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:07,461
Well, it can't be too hard
if you learned it in prison.
180
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,630
You know, a lot
of people think
181
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,064
when you're in prison,
all you learn
182
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,500
is how to be
a better criminal.
183
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,101
But if you stay positive
and motivated,
184
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,135
you can learn anything
in there.
185
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,971
You could become a lawyer.
You could get in shape.
186
00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:20,007
I'm telling you, my prison
was better than school.
187
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,174
How would she know?
188
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:22,610
She's never been to school.
189
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:23,977
Well, that's okay.
190
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,846
I could do it.
You know, uh,
Ow. Ooh.
191
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:28,081
I like to get a feel
for things myself.
192
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,250
I'm more of a...
a hands-on type.
193
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,486
She's more
the hands-on-your-neck type.
194
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,388
(computer whirring)
Oh!
195
00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:38,125
While the weed was burning
a hole in my gym bag,
196
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,494
I was hoping
not to burn my lasagna.
197
00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:41,662
Remember:
198
00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:45,633
this dish will count as 50%
towards your final grade.
199
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,501
How's your lasagna, Chris?
200
00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:48,736
Great. I'm just putting
the finishing touches
201
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:49,903
on the sauce.
202
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,004
How's your angel food cake?
203
00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:54,074
It's gonna be
just like me...
204
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,611
...sweet and light
205
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,647
and everybody'll
want a piece.
206
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,114
If everyone is George Michael.
207
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,850
(dog barking in distance)
Whatever you say.
208
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,518
Ay bendito,
209
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:06,053
hold me!
210
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,221
Angel, please let me go.
211
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:10,591
I'm sorry. I'm scared.
212
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:11,659
So am I.
213
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:12,926
Please let me go.
214
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,928
MAN:
Ma'am.
Oh, come on in.
215
00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:16,930
(dog barks)
What's going on?
216
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:19,099
Oh, looks like a
random drug raid.
217
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:20,868
Drug raid?
218
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:23,737
There's a lot of people getting
high in school these days.
219
00:08:23,771 --> 00:08:26,106
That's why they call it
high school.
220
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:28,008
But they didn't announce
they were gonna do this.
221
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,010
That's why it's called
a raid, papi.
222
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,779
Class,
223
00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:33,881
this is K-9
Officer Kilo.
224
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:36,684
Now, there's no reason
to be afraid.
225
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,686
He doesn't bite
unless he's ordered to.
226
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:40,320
He's better behaved
than Naomi Campbell.
227
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,823
We're just here
to do a walk-through.
228
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,925
Just keep your places.
We'll be done in a sec.
229
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,861
(students screaming)
230
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:51,565
They either had weed or John
Mayer was playing outside.
231
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:53,200
(overlapping yelling)
232
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,235
OFFICER:
Get him!
233
00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:58,872
Hold on here.
Get back here!
234
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:05,613
This was gonna be the lasagna
that bakes you back.
235
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,623
Now I had two problems.
236
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:17,625
The guy's weed was
in a lasagna.
237
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,359
And I had a lasagna
full of weed.
238
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,595
Ooh, that looks
delicious!
239
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:23,764
I would've thought you would
fry up some chicken,
240
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:24,932
but this is a real surprise.
241
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:26,099
(school bell rings)
242
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:28,301
Leave your dishes
at your stations.
243
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,937
I'm gonna wrap
and label this
244
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,972
and keep them
in the freezer for Friday.
245
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:33,641
Friday? What's Friday?
246
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:36,276
It's a movie about weed
with Ice Cube and Chris Tucker.
247
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:38,646
The faculty will be judging
your dishes this year.
248
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,681
And you're representing
your class.
249
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,115
And that's my ass.
250
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:43,784
While I worried
about prison bars,
251
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:46,620
my mother struggled
to become Bill Gates.
252
00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:48,622
Hey, Mom.
Hey!
253
00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:50,658
Hey!
254
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,793
What are you guys doing here?
255
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,027
Peaches told us
we can come
256
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,696
and she'll show us
how to work the computer.
257
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,665
One day, everybody is
gonna have one of these.
258
00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:59,099
No reason they can't get
a head start.
259
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:01,669
Um, I'm a little busy right now.
260
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,136
Oh, come on, Ma.
Can we try it, please?
261
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,805
Girl, go ahead.
Let 'em try.
262
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,139
After a few minutes
with Peaches,
263
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:08,275
they'll be teaching you things.
264
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,810
Go on.
265
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,278
But just a minute.
266
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,646
Oh, what are
you doing
267
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:13,781
with these manuals?
268
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,816
Funny!
269
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,053
Can I talk you
for a minute?
270
00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:26,026
Do you have a problem with me?
271
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,261
What? No.
272
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,362
Why would you
ask me that?
273
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:32,165
Because you keep embarrassing me
in front of people.
274
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:33,767
And Peaches is
in there acting like
275
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,002
she's Albert Einstein
with my kids.
276
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,170
Now, if you want
to replace me,
277
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:38,405
then just say so.
278
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,741
Rochelle,
you're being ridiculous.
279
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,776
How would you feel if I bought
a computer here that
280
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:45,746
knew how to do hair and she knew
how to work it and you didn't?
281
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,815
Rochelle, you sound like
a crazy woman.
282
00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:49,216
Now, if you
don't want her
283
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,918
helping with the
computer, fine.
284
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:52,720
But you better learn it fast,
'cause the person that
285
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:55,856
manages this store is going
to be working on that computer.
286
00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:58,859
While my mother was getting
the lowdown from Vanessa,
287
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:01,394
I was trying not to get
the whole faculty high.
288
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,264
Hey, I know you.
You're that black kid.
289
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,367
How'd you like
to make a five spot?
290
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,870
I'd like that.
291
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,772
I need to get
into the Home Ec room.
292
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:13,206
I left something in there.
Sure.
293
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:14,374
What'd you leave?
294
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:17,410
I'd rather not say.
295
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,146
Let's just say
296
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,849
we left five bucks
in there.
Oh.
297
00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:23,216
(chuckles):
Five bucks.
298
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,085
That's good.
That's very clever.
299
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:30,958
Hey, where are you going?
300
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:33,794
I'm going to Andrea's
listening party.
301
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:35,062
Dad said you couldn't go.
302
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:36,396
(mocking):
"Dad said you couldn't go."
303
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:38,766
Dad is asleep
and Mama's at work.
304
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:40,400
As long as I get home
before Daddy wakes up,
305
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,736
and you keep your mouth shut
and stay out of my business,
306
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:44,404
then we shouldn't
have a problem.
307
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:45,773
A'ight.
308
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,107
When a person says "a'ight,"
309
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,876
that means,
"Do what you want,
310
00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:51,178
but I'm telling you
it's a bad idea."
311
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,781
Mr. President, I'm telling you,
I think hiring
312
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:57,785
this Lewinsky girl
is a bad idea.
313
00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:59,486
CLINTON (on phone):
I don't care what you think.
314
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,889
I want her on the clock
Monday morning.
315
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:02,923
Got me?
316
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,925
A'ight.
317
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:08,261
While Tonya was breaking out,
I was breaking in.
318
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,130
Oh, man,
where's all the food?
319
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:12,199
Mrs. Williams had me move it
over to the cafeteria freezer.
320
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,501
Why didn't you
tell us this before?
321
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:17,170
Listen here,
Mr. I'd-Rather-Not-Say,
322
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:18,839
how do I know
what you're looking for?
323
00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:20,808
Blame yourself.
324
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,042
Well, can you let us
into the cafeteria kitchen?
325
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,477
No, only the chef
has those keys now.
326
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,480
I think you're going
to need a Plan B.
327
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,282
As in "bail" money.
328
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,988
I always believed that drugs
could destroy your life
329
00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:36,489
because I wasn't even
using them
330
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:38,458
and my life was getting worse
by the day.
331
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:40,127
The next time we're
going to see that lasagna
332
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,895
is when the faculty
is eating it.
333
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,864
If only we could pull
an Indiana Jones,
334
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,532
like Raiders of the Lost Ark.
335
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:47,534
You mean when he swaps the bag
of sand for a statue?
336
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:49,202
Yeah, the old bait-and-switch.
337
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,871
All right,
I guess I can make
338
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,439
another lasagna, but how
are we going to switch that
339
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:53,673
with the weed lasagna
without anybody seeing?
340
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:57,811
See the answer in Indiana Jones
and the Temple of Weed.
341
00:12:57,845 --> 00:12:59,146
Hey.
* Baby, I think I love you
342
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:01,281
Hey, what's up, Julius?
* From head to toe
343
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:02,515
Have you heard
344
00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:04,551
of Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam?
Oh, that's it.
345
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:07,988
Ooh, that song is hotter
than grits on Al Green, baby.
346
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,990
Look, I need that
album for Tonya.
347
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,391
She wanted to hear it
at a listening party,
348
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:12,860
but I wouldn't let her go.
349
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,494
I can't let her be
the only girl on the block
350
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:16,864
that hasn't heard it.
Oh, man, you're in luck.
351
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:17,965
(tape stops)
352
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:21,969
Shoot, this came out
yesterday in limited release.
353
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,270
He released it
from the back of a truck.
354
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,505
And the only people
that are listening to it
355
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,274
are listening parties and me.
356
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,176
And you're lucky.
357
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:32,913
I love $12 more
than I love Lisa Lisa.
358
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,481
My dad was wondering
if he could just have
359
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,249
one Lisa for half the price.
360
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:37,517
* From head to toe
361
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:38,986
Ha-ha! Here you go.
362
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:40,420
All right, thank you.
Enjoy, brother.
363
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:41,955
* I love you
from head to toe... *
364
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,091
Back at home, my mother
was about to find out
365
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,026
about something
she didn't know.
366
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,627
Mmm, that smells good.
367
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,930
It's lasagna.
Chris made it.
368
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:51,364
I didn't know he
could make lasagna.
369
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,366
Yeah, he learned
in Home Ec.
370
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,935
One is for us,
and the other,
371
00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:56,870
he has to take
back to his school.
372
00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:58,371
So don't eat it.
373
00:13:58,405 --> 00:13:59,873
Where are you going?
374
00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:00,941
I'm going to register
375
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:04,077
for computer class
at the Learning Skills Annex.
376
00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:06,914
How much is that
going to cost?
Not much.
377
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:09,349
Drew and Tonya said Peaches
was teaching them the computer.
378
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:10,984
How come she can't teach you?
379
00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:13,286
(singing):
* Ooh, baby,
I think I love you *
380
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,989
* From head to toe.
Peaches only knows a little.
381
00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:17,657
I need to learn
about programming.
382
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,526
Oh, no, she knows
all about that.
383
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,461
She designed this program
that lets her log in
384
00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:23,931
all her community
service hours.
385
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:26,533
Baby, if Peaches can
teach you for free,
386
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,001
how come I'm paying
for classes?
387
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,502
'Cause you're not
married to Peaches.
388
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,238
Now, can I take my class
or would you rather
389
00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:33,306
me get locked up
and learn in jail?
390
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,408
He's seriously
thinking about this.
391
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:37,177
Hey, it's okay.
392
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,545
Take your classes.
393
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:43,183
At school the next day,
I had to stop the cook-off
394
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,252
from turning into a bake-off.
395
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:46,553
We have to create
a diversion.
396
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:48,055
Nobody will be paying
attention and it'll be
397
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:49,256
the perfect time
to switch the lasagnas.
398
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,162
Are you serious?
399
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:56,329
As a heart attack.
400
00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:58,198
Wait for my signal.
401
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,971
And now, I'd like to begin
the tasting.
402
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:06,106
Come on.
403
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:15,015
I bet you
you would've.
404
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,952
(fire alarm rings)
405
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,355
Okay, this is not
a scheduled alarm.
406
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:24,024
I need everyone
to evacuate
407
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:27,494
in an orderly fashion.
408
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,529
(indistinct shouting)
409
00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:41,074
Chris, come on!
410
00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:42,976
You might be black,
but you're not fireproof.
411
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:45,045
Leave that bag there.
412
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:48,648
(horn honking)
413
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:50,683
GREG:
Chris!
414
00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:53,153
What took you so long?
415
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:54,587
Just wanted to make sure
nobody saw me.
416
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,623
Cool.
417
00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:01,161
Meanwhile, my mother was paying
for computer classes
418
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:02,662
to save her pride.
419
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:06,299
Hi, class!
420
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:09,569
Welcome
to Computer Love Lesson.
421
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,438
I Peaches!
422
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,573
Y'all know y'all don't
know nothing, right?
423
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,775
I managed to get the lasagna
out of school.
424
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:19,312
Now all I had to do was make
sure me and T.J. were cool.
425
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:20,580
T.J.:
Hey!
426
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:22,415
I want my stuff.
427
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:24,184
And you bet not have
smoked none.
428
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:27,054
Oh, I didn't smoke it.
429
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:29,089
I, uh, baked it.
430
00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:36,496
There you go.
431
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:40,367
Hmm-hmm...
432
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,069
So let me get
this straight.
433
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,337
You didn't want to learn
the computer from me,
434
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,806
but then I catch you
435
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,175
trying to learn it
from somebody else.
436
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:50,443
Peaches, you're the one
teaching me.
437
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:52,379
You didn't know
it was going to be me.
438
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:53,646
How could you do this, Rochelle?
439
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,482
I am your friend.
440
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,184
I didn't want
you to think
441
00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:59,086
that I wasn't smart
enough to learn it.
442
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:00,420
Why come?
443
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,055
'Cause I learned it
in a prison?
444
00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:03,490
No.
Yes!
445
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,624
Tell the truth.
446
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,759
Tell the truth
and set your mind free.
447
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,595
Okay, I was jealous.
Jealous of who?
448
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:09,028
You.
Me?
449
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:10,397
Yeah.
Why?
450
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,232
Because I didn't want
people to think that you
were better than me.
451
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:13,066
Better than you?
Yeah.
452
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,167
I'm a felon.
453
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,169
I have a parole officer.
I can't vote.
454
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:18,771
I have a tattoo
on my back
455
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:20,240
made with a safety pin.
456
00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:21,741
And it says "Larry."
457
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:24,111
And it's misspelled,
L-A-R-Y-R.
458
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,112
And Larry did it.
459
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:26,379
Oh.
Rochelle, I'm not
460
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,381
better than you,
I want to be just like you.
461
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,083
How many times I
gotta tell you that?
462
00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:30,917
The only thing
463
00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:34,121
I got going for me
is these computers.
464
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,089
And last week,
I was this close
465
00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:37,023
to stealing each
and every one of them.
466
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:40,693
Every day is a struggle,
Rochelle, every day.
467
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,329
But I keep going and I
keep going,
468
00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:45,732
because someday I hope I can be
half as good as you are.
469
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:49,202
You are.
470
00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:50,370
I am what?
471
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,239
Half as good as me.
472
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,174
Thank you.
473
00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,178
(sotto voce):
Sorry.
474
00:17:58,211 --> 00:17:59,279
What? What was that?
475
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,248
What? I didn't
hear that one.
476
00:18:02,349 --> 00:18:04,384
(hushed):
I'm sorry.
No, you know what?
477
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,119
You really, you're mumbling
and you really need to turn
478
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:07,854
the volume up like this:
what, what?!
479
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,289
Okay, I said
I was sorry.
480
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:11,558
Sorry!
Sorry! Sorry!
481
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,725
Thank you.
482
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:13,793
Now, sit down.
483
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:16,629
Two weeks later,
Malvo stole all the computers
484
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:19,532
and used the money to have
her tattoo removed.
485
00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:21,301
Back at home,
my father was doing
486
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:22,635
some computing of his own.
487
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:24,237
* ...from head to toe.
488
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:25,305
Catchy little tune, isn't it?
489
00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:27,274
Huh?
490
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:29,509
You went to Andrea's house,
didn't you?
491
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:30,510
Don't lie.
492
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:31,911
I'm sorry, Daddy.
493
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,280
No, she's not.
494
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:34,681
Tonya, come here.
495
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,885
Tonya, I know
you're growing up,
496
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:40,620
and you can't be
my little girl forever.
497
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,255
So throw her out the house.
498
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:44,524
But you've got junior high
and high school in front of you.
499
00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,293
And a foot coming up
fast behind you.
500
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:49,329
That's the time when most kids
make bad decisions.
501
00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:51,298
I'm here to help you
make good ones.
502
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:52,632
By choking some sense into you.
503
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:53,866
You understand?
504
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,568
I understand, Daddy.
505
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:00,840
For me?!
Yup.
506
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,175
Thank you!
507
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,847
You did something
I didn't like,
508
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,616
now I'm doing something
you don't like.
509
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,319
You're lucky he didn't
make you pay $12.
510
00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:14,887
Man, that was
such a close call.
511
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:17,690
It's a good thing I
was able to get in there
and switch those lasagnas.
512
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,293
What? I switched
the lasagna.
513
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:22,562
When?
Right before
I left the room.
514
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,297
What did you do?
515
00:19:24,331 --> 00:19:26,333
Chris, come on!
516
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:27,834
You might be black,
but you're not fireproof!
517
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,502
Leave that bag there.
518
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:50,790
Wait a minute--
so that means that
519
00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:52,892
I gave the lasagna with
no weed in it to T.J.
520
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,327
That would be correct.
521
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:55,595
So if that went to T.J...
522
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:57,297
Who's got the lasagna
with the weed in it?
523
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:06,639
* The tide is high,
but I'm holding on... *
524
00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:09,576
Feed me some more lasagna.
525
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:10,977
Mmm...
526
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,345
(giggles)
527
00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,281
* I'm not the kind of girl
528
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:16,283
* Who gives up just
529
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:18,285
* Like that...
530
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:20,287
* Everybody hates Chris.
531
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:23,490
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
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