1 00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:03,604 * 2 00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,606 CHRIS ROCK: Before Cops was a show on TV, 3 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,741 I saw cops chasing criminals every day 4 00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:09,743 on the streets in Bed-Stuy. 5 00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:11,745 Some of the criminals were fast. 6 00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,747 Come on. Let's go! 7 00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:16,584 (gasping) 8 00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:18,252 * Annie, are you okay? 9 00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:20,121 * So, Annie, are you okay... 10 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,522 Some of them were fast, 11 00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,557 then slow. 12 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:26,527 And no matter what you saw, 13 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,529 the most important thing was to not get involved. 14 00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:30,831 (siren blaring) 15 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,701 * Annie, are you okay? Are you okay, Annie? * 16 00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,236 * Annie, are you okay...? 17 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:37,238 Hold this. What is it? 18 00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:38,106 What you think it is? 19 00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:40,541 And you better have it when I get back! 20 00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:43,177 * ...He came into your apartment * 21 00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:44,512 * Left the bloodstains on the carpet... * 22 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,180 Hey, where's the weed, T.J.? 23 00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:47,315 I ain't got no weed, man! 24 00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:48,349 Yeah, right. 25 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,818 Where's the weed, T.J.? 26 00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:52,853 I had never actually seen real marijuana. 27 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:56,190 But after having a bag of it shoved into my hands, 28 00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:58,192 I knew one thing: Where's the weed, T.J.? 29 00:00:58,226 --> 00:01:00,328 if that's what happened to the guy who didn't have the weed, 30 00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:02,430 I didn't want to know what would happen 31 00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,698 to the guy who did have it. 32 00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:19,447 * Ah, make it funky now. 33 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:29,523 Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION 34 00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:37,865 Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION 35 00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:40,701 A bag of weed can cause you all kinds of problems: 36 00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,703 big ones, like losing your job; 37 00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:45,206 and little ones, like trying to figure out where to hide it. 38 00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:48,709 I thought about hiding it in the bathroom. 39 00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:52,246 * Mary Jane... 40 00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:57,885 Who's hiding $27 worth of weed in the toilet?! 41 00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:59,753 * I'm in love with Mary Jane... * 42 00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,489 I thought about hiding it in my room. 43 00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,757 * She's my main thing... 44 00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,426 Mama! 45 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,329 Somebody hid some weed in Chris' sock drawer! 46 00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:11,332 I even thought about hiding it in the kitchen. 47 00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:14,168 * She comes as no surprise... 48 00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:17,305 Who hid weed in my cereal?! 49 00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:20,308 But I decided the safest place to hide it 50 00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:23,177 was on me. 51 00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:26,180 Even though I hid the weed, I couldn't hide the smell. 52 00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:28,182 (sniffing) 53 00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:30,184 What is that? 54 00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:31,319 What is what? 55 00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:32,886 That smell. 56 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,888 I don't smell anything. 57 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:36,524 Maybe it's the greens. 58 00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:37,725 If you can't smell anything, 59 00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,360 how do you know it's the greens? 60 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,394 (sniffing) 61 00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:41,662 That's not greens. 62 00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:43,364 Oh, it's greens, all right. 63 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:44,732 It smells like it's coming from under 64 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:45,833 the table. 65 00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:48,502 (sniffing) 66 00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:49,537 It smells 67 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:51,405 like weed. 68 00:02:56,310 --> 00:03:00,781 (heart beating) 69 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,316 How do you know what weed smells like? 70 00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:03,884 Scratch 'n sniff Rick James sticker? 71 00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,387 I think I might have smelled it at the record store. 72 00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:07,488 What record store? 73 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,822 The Jamaican record store. 74 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,359 I went there to get the new Lisa Lisa album. 75 00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:14,395 (coughing) 76 00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:18,666 Ya, mon, check back next week! 77 00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:22,303 How many times do I have to tell you kids, 78 00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,272 the Jamaicans do not sell records? 79 00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,440 Or if they do, they're Sean Paul. 80 00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:28,008 What were you doing over there anyway? 81 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,510 Andrea is having a listening party 82 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,445 for the new Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam album. 83 00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,381 And I wanted the album so I would know the songs. 84 00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:34,315 But it's not out yet. 85 00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:36,584 She was such a big fan of Lisa Lisa, 86 00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:38,752 for a while we had to call her Tonya Tonya. 87 00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:39,987 Party? When? 88 00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,422 Wednesday after school. 89 00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:42,956 Can I go? No. 90 00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:45,893 My father hardly ever said no to Tonya, 91 00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,561 so we were more shocked than she was. 92 00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,397 What? What? 93 00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:50,898 Tonya, change your tone. 94 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:51,932 How come I can't go? 95 00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,334 It's just Andrea's. 96 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:55,035 I can't sleep if I know you're not home. 97 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,937 I said no. That's it. 98 00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,307 That look means, "We'll see about that." 99 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,875 Keeping weed on me 100 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,911 didn't seem like such a great idea, 101 00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,947 so I decided to just keep it near me. 102 00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:28,402 Back at school, I had Jamaican Gold in my shoe 103 00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:30,404 and Italian Greg on my case. 104 00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:32,406 Are you crazy bringing that here? 105 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,308 I couldn't leave it at home. 106 00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:35,776 Well, you're gonna be leaving everything at home 107 00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:37,445 when you end up in jail. 108 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:38,712 Why didn't you just throw it away? 109 00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,714 (school bell rings) 110 00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:43,717 Because he knows who I am, and knows where I work-- 111 00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:45,719 plus he said that when he comes back, 112 00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:47,054 I better have it. 113 00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:49,056 What difference does it make what he says? 114 00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:51,058 He's going to jail. And when he gets out, 115 00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:52,826 this weed's gonna be right there at Doc's waiting for him. 116 00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,495 I don't care if it takes 20 years. 117 00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:55,629 It might be legal by then. 118 00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,465 Well, you can't keep it in that sock. 119 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:58,499 You smell like the ocean. 120 00:04:58,532 --> 00:04:59,433 I have no where else to put it. 121 00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:01,602 Some drug mules would beg to differ. 122 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,604 I'll get you something. 123 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:06,440 Meet me in the bathroom before lunch. 124 00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:10,010 Hey, girl. 125 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:10,944 Hey! 126 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,413 What's all this? 127 00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:13,614 I got you a computer. 128 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,483 A computer? For what? 129 00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,485 To keep the salon organized. 130 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:20,354 It holds customer information, appointments, 131 00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:22,656 calculate our accounts receivable and payable. 132 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,358 It does just about everything but hair. 133 00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:25,959 Oh, I don't need a computer. 134 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,495 Girl, I'm a walking computer. 135 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:28,829 But I'm not. 136 00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,464 Girl, I don't even know what's going on 137 00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:31,799 in my own salon anymore. 138 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,401 Sounds like my father. 139 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,536 Try it! You'll like it. 140 00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,571 That sounds like my father, too. 141 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:41,475 While my mom was entering the computer age, 142 00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:44,478 Greg was contemplating the stoned age. 143 00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:46,514 Chris? 144 00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:47,681 Yeah? 145 00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,683 Hey, up top. 146 00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:51,685 What's this? 147 00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,487 It's a kitchen container. 148 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:54,755 It's airtight. 149 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,590 That way it keeps all the freshness in, 150 00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:58,959 but it keeps the smells from getting out. 151 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,127 Hey, by the way. 152 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,695 I got an idea. 153 00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:03,397 Maybe we should just smoke it. 154 00:06:03,431 --> 00:06:04,865 You know, get rid of all the evidence. 155 00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:21,549 Are you high? 156 00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:22,616 I'm trying to hide the evidence, 157 00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:23,751 not be the evidence. 158 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,453 What about T.J.? 159 00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:28,088 Look, every moment you have that weed in your possession, 160 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:30,924 you increase the statistical chances of getting caught. 161 00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:32,593 You could go to jail. 162 00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:34,061 If we smoke it, it's gone. 163 00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:35,563 I'm gonna not do that, all right? 164 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,431 I'm gonna take my chances not being high. 165 00:06:37,465 --> 00:06:39,667 Somewhere, Bobby Brown said, "This show is ridiculous," 166 00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,669 and changed the channel. 167 00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,203 While I was holding weed, 168 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,439 my mother was about to hold a grudge. 169 00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:47,475 Hey, Peaches. 170 00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:48,442 Hi! 171 00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:50,444 Whatcha you doing here? 172 00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:51,545 Vanessa said 173 00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:54,515 that she would give me a discount on my next touch-up 174 00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,650 if I showed you all your way around the computer. 175 00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,919 Rochelle, this girl, she knows what she is doing. 176 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,588 Most people, they get out of prison-- 177 00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:01,589 they end up back in jail. 178 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:03,757 This girl is gonna end up running a company. 179 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:07,461 Well, it can't be too hard if you learned it in prison. 180 00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,630 You know, a lot of people think 181 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,064 when you're in prison, all you learn 182 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,500 is how to be a better criminal. 183 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,101 But if you stay positive and motivated, 184 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,135 you can learn anything in there. 185 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,971 You could become a lawyer. You could get in shape. 186 00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:20,007 I'm telling you, my prison was better than school. 187 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,174 How would she know? 188 00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:22,610 She's never been to school. 189 00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:23,977 Well, that's okay. 190 00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,846 I could do it. You know, uh, Ow. Ooh. 191 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:28,081 I like to get a feel for things myself. 192 00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,250 I'm more of a... a hands-on type. 193 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,486 She's more the hands-on-your-neck type. 194 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,388 (computer whirring) Oh! 195 00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:38,125 While the weed was burning a hole in my gym bag, 196 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,494 I was hoping not to burn my lasagna. 197 00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:41,662 Remember: 198 00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:45,633 this dish will count as 50% towards your final grade. 199 00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,501 How's your lasagna, Chris? 200 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:48,736 Great. I'm just putting the finishing touches 201 00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:49,903 on the sauce. 202 00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,004 How's your angel food cake? 203 00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:54,074 It's gonna be just like me... 204 00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,611 ...sweet and light 205 00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,647 and everybody'll want a piece. 206 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,114 If everyone is George Michael. 207 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,850 (dog barking in distance) Whatever you say. 208 00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,518 Ay bendito, 209 00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:06,053 hold me! 210 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,221 Angel, please let me go. 211 00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:10,591 I'm sorry. I'm scared. 212 00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:11,659 So am I. 213 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:12,926 Please let me go. 214 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,928 MAN: Ma'am. Oh, come on in. 215 00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:16,930 (dog barks) What's going on? 216 00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:19,099 Oh, looks like a random drug raid. 217 00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:20,868 Drug raid? 218 00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:23,737 There's a lot of people getting high in school these days. 219 00:08:23,771 --> 00:08:26,106 That's why they call it high school. 220 00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:28,008 But they didn't announce they were gonna do this. 221 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,010 That's why it's called a raid, papi. 222 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,779 Class, 223 00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:33,881 this is K-9 Officer Kilo. 224 00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:36,684 Now, there's no reason to be afraid. 225 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,686 He doesn't bite unless he's ordered to. 226 00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:40,320 He's better behaved than Naomi Campbell. 227 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,823 We're just here to do a walk-through. 228 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,925 Just keep your places. We'll be done in a sec. 229 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,861 (students screaming) 230 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:51,565 They either had weed or John Mayer was playing outside. 231 00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:53,200 (overlapping yelling) 232 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,235 OFFICER: Get him! 233 00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:58,872 Hold on here. Get back here! 234 00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:05,613 This was gonna be the lasagna that bakes you back. 235 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,623 Now I had two problems. 236 00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:17,625 The guy's weed was in a lasagna. 237 00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,359 And I had a lasagna full of weed. 238 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,595 Ooh, that looks delicious! 239 00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:23,764 I would've thought you would fry up some chicken, 240 00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:24,932 but this is a real surprise. 241 00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:26,099 (school bell rings) 242 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:28,301 Leave your dishes at your stations. 243 00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,937 I'm gonna wrap and label this 244 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,972 and keep them in the freezer for Friday. 245 00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:33,641 Friday? What's Friday? 246 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:36,276 It's a movie about weed with Ice Cube and Chris Tucker. 247 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:38,646 The faculty will be judging your dishes this year. 248 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,681 And you're representing your class. 249 00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,115 And that's my ass. 250 00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:43,784 While I worried about prison bars, 251 00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:46,620 my mother struggled to become Bill Gates. 252 00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:48,622 Hey, Mom. Hey! 253 00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:50,658 Hey! 254 00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,793 What are you guys doing here? 255 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,027 Peaches told us we can come 256 00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,696 and she'll show us how to work the computer. 257 00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,665 One day, everybody is gonna have one of these. 258 00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:59,099 No reason they can't get a head start. 259 00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:01,669 Um, I'm a little busy right now. 260 00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,136 Oh, come on, Ma. Can we try it, please? 261 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,805 Girl, go ahead. Let 'em try. 262 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,139 After a few minutes with Peaches, 263 00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:08,275 they'll be teaching you things. 264 00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,810 Go on. 265 00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,278 But just a minute. 266 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,646 Oh, what are you doing 267 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:13,781 with these manuals? 268 00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,816 Funny! 269 00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,053 Can I talk you for a minute? 270 00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:26,026 Do you have a problem with me? 271 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,261 What? No. 272 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,362 Why would you ask me that? 273 00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:32,165 Because you keep embarrassing me in front of people. 274 00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:33,767 And Peaches is in there acting like 275 00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,002 she's Albert Einstein with my kids. 276 00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,170 Now, if you want to replace me, 277 00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:38,405 then just say so. 278 00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,741 Rochelle, you're being ridiculous. 279 00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,776 How would you feel if I bought a computer here that 280 00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:45,746 knew how to do hair and she knew how to work it and you didn't? 281 00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,815 Rochelle, you sound like a crazy woman. 282 00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:49,216 Now, if you don't want her 283 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,918 helping with the computer, fine. 284 00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:52,720 But you better learn it fast, 'cause the person that 285 00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:55,856 manages this store is going to be working on that computer. 286 00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:58,859 While my mother was getting the lowdown from Vanessa, 287 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:01,394 I was trying not to get the whole faculty high. 288 00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,264 Hey, I know you. You're that black kid. 289 00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,367 How'd you like to make a five spot? 290 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,870 I'd like that. 291 00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,772 I need to get into the Home Ec room. 292 00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:13,206 I left something in there. Sure. 293 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:14,374 What'd you leave? 294 00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:17,410 I'd rather not say. 295 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,146 Let's just say 296 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,849 we left five bucks in there. Oh. 297 00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:23,216 (chuckles): Five bucks. 298 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,085 That's good. That's very clever. 299 00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:30,958 Hey, where are you going? 300 00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:33,794 I'm going to Andrea's listening party. 301 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:35,062 Dad said you couldn't go. 302 00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:36,396 (mocking): "Dad said you couldn't go." 303 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:38,766 Dad is asleep and Mama's at work. 304 00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:40,400 As long as I get home before Daddy wakes up, 305 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,736 and you keep your mouth shut and stay out of my business, 306 00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:44,404 then we shouldn't have a problem. 307 00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:45,773 A'ight. 308 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,107 When a person says "a'ight," 309 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,876 that means, "Do what you want, 310 00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:51,178 but I'm telling you it's a bad idea." 311 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,781 Mr. President, I'm telling you, I think hiring 312 00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:57,785 this Lewinsky girl is a bad idea. 313 00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:59,486 CLINTON (on phone): I don't care what you think. 314 00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,889 I want her on the clock Monday morning. 315 00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:02,923 Got me? 316 00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,925 A'ight. 317 00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:08,261 While Tonya was breaking out, I was breaking in. 318 00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,130 Oh, man, where's all the food? 319 00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:12,199 Mrs. Williams had me move it over to the cafeteria freezer. 320 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,501 Why didn't you tell us this before? 321 00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:17,170 Listen here, Mr. I'd-Rather-Not-Say, 322 00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:18,839 how do I know what you're looking for? 323 00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:20,808 Blame yourself. 324 00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,042 Well, can you let us into the cafeteria kitchen? 325 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,477 No, only the chef has those keys now. 326 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,480 I think you're going to need a Plan B. 327 00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,282 As in "bail" money. 328 00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,988 I always believed that drugs could destroy your life 329 00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:36,489 because I wasn't even using them 330 00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:38,458 and my life was getting worse by the day. 331 00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:40,127 The next time we're going to see that lasagna 332 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,895 is when the faculty is eating it. 333 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,864 If only we could pull an Indiana Jones, 334 00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,532 like Raiders of the Lost Ark. 335 00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:47,534 You mean when he swaps the bag of sand for a statue? 336 00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:49,202 Yeah, the old bait-and-switch. 337 00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,871 All right, I guess I can make 338 00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,439 another lasagna, but how are we going to switch that 339 00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:53,673 with the weed lasagna without anybody seeing? 340 00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:57,811 See the answer in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Weed. 341 00:12:57,845 --> 00:12:59,146 Hey. * Baby, I think I love you 342 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:01,281 Hey, what's up, Julius? * From head to toe 343 00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:02,515 Have you heard 344 00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:04,551 of Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam? Oh, that's it. 345 00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:07,988 Ooh, that song is hotter than grits on Al Green, baby. 346 00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,990 Look, I need that album for Tonya. 347 00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,391 She wanted to hear it at a listening party, 348 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:12,860 but I wouldn't let her go. 349 00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,494 I can't let her be the only girl on the block 350 00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:16,864 that hasn't heard it. Oh, man, you're in luck. 351 00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:17,965 (tape stops) 352 00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:21,969 Shoot, this came out yesterday in limited release. 353 00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,270 He released it from the back of a truck. 354 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,505 And the only people that are listening to it 355 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,274 are listening parties and me. 356 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,176 And you're lucky. 357 00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:32,913 I love $12 more than I love Lisa Lisa. 358 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,481 My dad was wondering if he could just have 359 00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,249 one Lisa for half the price. 360 00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:37,517 * From head to toe 361 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:38,986 Ha-ha! Here you go. 362 00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:40,420 All right, thank you. Enjoy, brother. 363 00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:41,955 * I love you from head to toe... * 364 00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,091 Back at home, my mother was about to find out 365 00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,026 about something she didn't know. 366 00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,627 Mmm, that smells good. 367 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,930 It's lasagna. Chris made it. 368 00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:51,364 I didn't know he could make lasagna. 369 00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,366 Yeah, he learned in Home Ec. 370 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,935 One is for us, and the other, 371 00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:56,870 he has to take back to his school. 372 00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:58,371 So don't eat it. 373 00:13:58,405 --> 00:13:59,873 Where are you going? 374 00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:00,941 I'm going to register 375 00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:04,077 for computer class at the Learning Skills Annex. 376 00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:06,914 How much is that going to cost? Not much. 377 00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:09,349 Drew and Tonya said Peaches was teaching them the computer. 378 00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:10,984 How come she can't teach you? 379 00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:13,286 (singing): * Ooh, baby, I think I love you * 380 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,989 * From head to toe. Peaches only knows a little. 381 00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:17,657 I need to learn about programming. 382 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,526 Oh, no, she knows all about that. 383 00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,461 She designed this program that lets her log in 384 00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:23,931 all her community service hours. 385 00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:26,533 Baby, if Peaches can teach you for free, 386 00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,001 how come I'm paying for classes? 387 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,502 'Cause you're not married to Peaches. 388 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,238 Now, can I take my class or would you rather 389 00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:33,306 me get locked up and learn in jail? 390 00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,408 He's seriously thinking about this. 391 00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:37,177 Hey, it's okay. 392 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,545 Take your classes. 393 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:43,183 At school the next day, I had to stop the cook-off 394 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,252 from turning into a bake-off. 395 00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:46,553 We have to create a diversion. 396 00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:48,055 Nobody will be paying attention and it'll be 397 00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:49,256 the perfect time to switch the lasagnas. 398 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,162 Are you serious? 399 00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:56,329 As a heart attack. 400 00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:58,198 Wait for my signal. 401 00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,971 And now, I'd like to begin the tasting. 402 00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:06,106 Come on. 403 00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:15,015 I bet you you would've. 404 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,952 (fire alarm rings) 405 00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,355 Okay, this is not a scheduled alarm. 406 00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:24,024 I need everyone to evacuate 407 00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:27,494 in an orderly fashion. 408 00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,529 (indistinct shouting) 409 00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:41,074 Chris, come on! 410 00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:42,976 You might be black, but you're not fireproof. 411 00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:45,045 Leave that bag there. 412 00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:48,648 (horn honking) 413 00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:50,683 GREG: Chris! 414 00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:53,153 What took you so long? 415 00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:54,587 Just wanted to make sure nobody saw me. 416 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,623 Cool. 417 00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:01,161 Meanwhile, my mother was paying for computer classes 418 00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:02,662 to save her pride. 419 00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:06,299 Hi, class! 420 00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:09,569 Welcome to Computer Love Lesson. 421 00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,438 I Peaches! 422 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,573 Y'all know y'all don't know nothing, right? 423 00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,775 I managed to get the lasagna out of school. 424 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:19,312 Now all I had to do was make sure me and T.J. were cool. 425 00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:20,580 T.J.: Hey! 426 00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:22,415 I want my stuff. 427 00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:24,184 And you bet not have smoked none. 428 00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:27,054 Oh, I didn't smoke it. 429 00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:29,089 I, uh, baked it. 430 00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:36,496 There you go. 431 00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:40,367 Hmm-hmm... 432 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,069 So let me get this straight. 433 00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,337 You didn't want to learn the computer from me, 434 00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,806 but then I catch you 435 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,175 trying to learn it from somebody else. 436 00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:50,443 Peaches, you're the one teaching me. 437 00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:52,379 You didn't know it was going to be me. 438 00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:53,646 How could you do this, Rochelle? 439 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,482 I am your friend. 440 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,184 I didn't want you to think 441 00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:59,086 that I wasn't smart enough to learn it. 442 00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:00,420 Why come? 443 00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,055 'Cause I learned it in a prison? 444 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:03,490 No. Yes! 445 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,624 Tell the truth. 446 00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,759 Tell the truth and set your mind free. 447 00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,595 Okay, I was jealous. Jealous of who? 448 00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:09,028 You. Me? 449 00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:10,397 Yeah. Why? 450 00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,232 Because I didn't want people to think that you were better than me. 451 00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:13,066 Better than you? Yeah. 452 00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,167 I'm a felon. 453 00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,169 I have a parole officer. I can't vote. 454 00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:18,771 I have a tattoo on my back 455 00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:20,240 made with a safety pin. 456 00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:21,741 And it says "Larry." 457 00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:24,111 And it's misspelled, L-A-R-Y-R. 458 00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,112 And Larry did it. 459 00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:26,379 Oh. Rochelle, I'm not 460 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,381 better than you, I want to be just like you. 461 00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,083 How many times I gotta tell you that? 462 00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:30,917 The only thing 463 00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:34,121 I got going for me is these computers. 464 00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,089 And last week, I was this close 465 00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:37,023 to stealing each and every one of them. 466 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:40,693 Every day is a struggle, Rochelle, every day. 467 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,329 But I keep going and I keep going, 468 00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:45,732 because someday I hope I can be half as good as you are. 469 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:49,202 You are. 470 00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:50,370 I am what? 471 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,239 Half as good as me. 472 00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,174 Thank you. 473 00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,178 (sotto voce): Sorry. 474 00:17:58,211 --> 00:17:59,279 What? What was that? 475 00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,248 What? I didn't hear that one. 476 00:18:02,349 --> 00:18:04,384 (hushed): I'm sorry. No, you know what? 477 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,119 You really, you're mumbling and you really need to turn 478 00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:07,854 the volume up like this: what, what?! 479 00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,289 Okay, I said I was sorry. 480 00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:11,558 Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! 481 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,725 Thank you. 482 00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:13,793 Now, sit down. 483 00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:16,629 Two weeks later, Malvo stole all the computers 484 00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:19,532 and used the money to have her tattoo removed. 485 00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:21,301 Back at home, my father was doing 486 00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:22,635 some computing of his own. 487 00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:24,237 * ...from head to toe. 488 00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:25,305 Catchy little tune, isn't it? 489 00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:27,274 Huh? 490 00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:29,509 You went to Andrea's house, didn't you? 491 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:30,510 Don't lie. 492 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:31,911 I'm sorry, Daddy. 493 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,280 No, she's not. 494 00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:34,681 Tonya, come here. 495 00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,885 Tonya, I know you're growing up, 496 00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:40,620 and you can't be my little girl forever. 497 00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,255 So throw her out the house. 498 00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:44,524 But you've got junior high and high school in front of you. 499 00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,293 And a foot coming up fast behind you. 500 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:49,329 That's the time when most kids make bad decisions. 501 00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:51,298 I'm here to help you make good ones. 502 00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:52,632 By choking some sense into you. 503 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:53,866 You understand? 504 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,568 I understand, Daddy. 505 00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:00,840 For me?! Yup. 506 00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,175 Thank you! 507 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,847 You did something I didn't like, 508 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,616 now I'm doing something you don't like. 509 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,319 You're lucky he didn't make you pay $12. 510 00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:14,887 Man, that was such a close call. 511 00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:17,690 It's a good thing I was able to get in there and switch those lasagnas. 512 00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,293 What? I switched the lasagna. 513 00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:22,562 When? Right before I left the room. 514 00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,297 What did you do? 515 00:19:24,331 --> 00:19:26,333 Chris, come on! 516 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:27,834 You might be black, but you're not fireproof! 517 00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,502 Leave that bag there. 518 00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:50,790 Wait a minute-- so that means that 519 00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:52,892 I gave the lasagna with no weed in it to T.J. 520 00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,327 That would be correct. 521 00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:55,595 So if that went to T.J... 522 00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:57,297 Who's got the lasagna with the weed in it? 523 00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:06,639 * The tide is high, but I'm holding on... * 524 00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:09,576 Feed me some more lasagna. 525 00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:10,977 Mmm... 526 00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,345 (giggles) 527 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,281 * I'm not the kind of girl 528 00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:16,283 * Who gives up just 529 00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:18,285 * Like that... 530 00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:20,287 * Everybody hates Chris. 531 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:23,490 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org