Original subtitles

Mornin', ladies.

Milo, why are you measuring my locker?

If you're wondering if you can fit in there, I can help you with that.

Since we're friends now, I figured you wouldn't mind sharing space.

Wha-- But you already have a locker. Why do you need mine?

For my overflow.

Wow, that is a lot of toys.

Bite your tongue! These are vintage collectibles.

So old toys.

Talk like that will get you thrown out of the Collector Con

down at the Valley View Motel conference room.

Anyway, my menagerie is growing, so I need some more space.

What do you say, friend?

Fine. But fair warning,

I'm not responsible for any of the heinous things

your little dolls are gonna see in there.

Wait, is that a Starling action figure?

Cool. Let's see if this version can fly, too.

Oh, baby girl!

What did that weird woman do to your beautiful plastic body?

Oh, uh, you're welcome, Milo.

Oh, okay, I guess you're welcome too!

Okay, seriously?

You know what, none of you are welcome! I welcome no one!

See? This is why I just slam the door in people's faces.

This whole "being a good person" thing is really getting old.

I try to be polite, but no one even notices.

What's the point of being nice if no one is nice back?

Jake, you shouldn't be nice because you expect something in return.

You should do it because you want to.

Okay. I will never understand your logic.

Being nice is making me look weak. Everyone treats me like a doormat.

See, now that I understand.

In Centropolis, people knew Chaos had super-strength.

Not only did they fear me, they respected me!

Here, I'm just the guy everyone knocks into. See?

Well, if it makes you feel any better, it's fun to watch.

You know what? I'm done being the joke around here.

I might not be able to use my super-strength,

but I'm gonna find a way to get people to respect me.

Well, what about after-school activities?

Maybe you could find one you're good at.

Ah, let's see. Oh, there's community theater,

candle making, a stand-up comedy class!

Please become a ventriloquist. I need that in my life.

Look! There's a karate class this afternoon.

I can use my villain fighting skills to show I'm tough

without using my super-strength. People will finally respect me!

You know what? I'll join, too.

Aww, to support me?

No. To throw people on the floor without consequence.

Okay. Is it just me, or do I look crazy good in this?

It's just you. Just don't forget to put on a belt.

Oh! And just like that, I'm a black belt. Karate is super easy.

Yeah, this place is gonna be a piece of cake.

Wow, that's a lot of confidence for a dude

with one little chest hair sticking out of his gi.

Watch this. Hey, nice kick. Your grandma teach you that?

Don't get too cocky, kid. You haven't met the best student in class yet.

Well, I don't know who that is, but he's no match for me. Bring him on!

And in this corner, weighing 87 pounds, it's me!

Milo?

The one and only.

Now, say hello to my two friends,

Pain and Agony.

Are you sure this isn't the comedy class?

I spy with my little eye, something that starts with a T.

Hartley for the last time, we are not playing this silly game with you.

It's a table! Right?

You tell me or I will burn this house to the ground!

Sorry, I get a bit competitive.

I can't wait for tomorrow!

Oh, uh, happy birthday, Colby!

Tomorrow's not my birthday.

You say that every time! One of these days,

it will actually be your birthday and, boy, oh, boy, won't you feel silly.

Tomorrow is when the newest limited-edition Sky Gordan sneakers drop online!

Good luck. I've been online for the last five drops and never get any.

Uh, you're into Sky Gordans, too?

Yeah, but they always sell out instantly.

Well, luckily, I can finish checking out really fast

and get us both a pair with my super-speed. Peep this.

Boom! I just left 68 nasty online reviews

for restaurants I've never even been to.

Colby, with speed like that, we'll definitely beat out those bots!

Sorry, what are bots?

Oh, computer programs people make to beat everyone else out

so they can hoard all the sneakers for themselves.

The annoying part is, they don't even want the sneakers.

They just know they're limited so they resell them at ten times the price.

Yeah. The worst is "Sneaker Queen Two-five-two."

She wins all the drops, and then brags about it in her posts.

Like this. "What's up, losers? You lose again?

Must feel bad to lose, you losers!"

Not very creative, but extremely hurtful.

Sounds like a lot of work just to get sneakers. Who has time for that?

Well, moms just don't get the clout of being dripped out in new grails.

Oh, Eva's such a mom. I'm all about the grail drip.

So, want me to snag you a pair with my super-speed, too?

Well, technically, that'd be cheating. But I do really want those shoes!

But I don't wanna break any rules!

But they would look really cute on me.

But I don't wanna go to shoe jail and--

Get back to me when you're done arguing with yourself.

Okay, I want the shoes!

Eva, I could make a way better bot.

It will get us into the drop early and we could score tons of sneakers.

And then we could resell them and make a fortune!

I don't know. That sounds really complicated.

Well, for a computer novice like you.

But you're rockin' with a super-genius!

Just this morning, I created the world's smallest cell phone while I made breakfast.

I think I ate my phone.

Amy, I didn't know you were interested in martial arts.

Oh, yeah, I love violence in all its forms.

So you're the toughest guy here, huh?

Wow, everyone else must be really bad.

Slow down, sparky.

I've been taking karate since I was a little kid.

I have a second degree black belt.

Wow, not what I was expecting from the kid

who brought a stuffed animal as his date to the winter dance.

I just hope you don't get matched up with me, little man. Wouldn't want to hurt you.

You hurt me? Ha! Impossible!

I'm sorry, Milo, I think you're underestimating how strong I am.

You may look stronger than me, but karate isn't about strength.

It's about using your opponent's momentum against them.

Why don't you spar with me and I'll prove it?

Fine. Just don't get mad at me if I--

Yah!

hurt you!

Booyah! You're in my dojo now, punk!

Okay, champ, settle down.

Sorry, Sensei. This tight headband brings out the beast!

It also makes me a little dizzy.

You feeling respected yet?

I hope I didn't hurt you too much, Jake.

I can't believe it. He kicked my butt.

Milo. Kicked my butt. Milo!

You'd think it would get less funny the more times you say it, but it doesn't.

The whole point of taking karate was to get my respect back.

But Milo just made me look lamer than ever!

I know. I can't wait till next class.

There's no way I'm letting him humiliate me again.

Today I didn't use my full strength. But next time, when I do,

I'll be taking down the best kid in class.

Think of how great I'll look then!

Well, you can't use your super-strength on Milo!

The kid weighs like five pounds! You'll crush him.

You remember that time we were playing catch and you used Colby as the ball?

You threw him so hard he broke a window.

I didn't throw him that hard.

The window was three miles away!

Wait, what if I don't have to use my super-strength?

Milo said the key is momentum.

I'll just use his momentum against him.

So that anything that happens is his own doing, not mine.

So either your plan works and you beat Milo, or he humiliates you again?

Well, I'm hoping for the latter, but I'm on board either way.

High five!

Look at that, momentum does work!

I can't believe we didn't score one pair of the Sky Gordans!

I mean, even with my super-speed, we didn't stand a chance against those bots.

Look, kids, I know how badly you wanted those shoes. And I got them!

The Sky Gordans! In my size! You shouldn't have!

I didn't. I'm re-selling them. Daddy's gonna be rich!

You heard us talking about the bots and you built your own, didn't you?

For shame, Mr. Madden, for shame.

Say hello to the "Recalibrated Algorithm Logging Patterns Hastily" super-bot.

Or as I like to call him, RALPH.

You named your bot Ralph?

Super-bot!

And I actually started with "Ralph" and worked backwards from there.

So just like "Sneaker Queen Two-five-two,"

you used your bot to cheat us out of sneakers

so you could load up and sell them for profit?

For shame, Mr. Madden--

For shame, yeah, I get it!

Ooh! Looks like my new hot tub was just delivered.

You've already made enough to buy a hot tub?

And to take a vacation to Tahiti. I even chartered a PJ.

That's what we rich people call "private jet."

There's no way you could have made that much of a profit so fast!

Technically, that's true. But I've got the goods,

and we all know they'll sell quickly, so I've been maxing out the CC's.

That's what we rich people call credit cards.

You're not rich!

I'm new money!

Mom, Dad built a super-bot to nab all the Sky Gordans and he won't even give me a pair!

Well, since I don't "understand" the "sneaker game"

or "computers" I guess I'll just "stay" out of "it."

You also don't seem to understand "air quotes."

This isn't fair. Watch your back, Dad.

We will get our revenge. Come on, Hartley.

For shame!

Good luck "beating my bot."

Oh, great, now you've got me doing it!

I hear you've been making eyes at my lady.

Let's see you try that without a head!

Ha-ha, classic Milo.

Startin' to understand why our school has guidance counselors.

'Sup, brah! I know yesterday we left things on a pretty even footing...

No, it was more like I flipped you, everyone laughed

and then a tear rolled down your cheek.

That was eyeball sweat!

But now, I'm ready to take you down.

Bring it!

Hey, we don't have many blackbelt students here

so I guess I'll have to be your sparring partner.

Sure, why not. I never turn down an invitation to hurt someone.

Cool.

You are really good. Where'd you say you trained?

Oh, you know, the, uh, streets.

Cool. Hey, can you do a seven-twenty tornado kick?

No, but I can do this!

I win!

Oh, you're just beggin' for some pain. Karate chop!

I'd laugh, but I don't wanna stifle my masculine persona.

What do you know, it worked!

Eh, you got lucky.

If you weren't beggin' for pain before, you will be now.

Oh!

You don't even know karate! How is this even possible?

Aah!

Can you dig it? Can you dig it?

Yeah!

Hi-yah!

Well, on the bright side, at least he's still moving.

You said you weren't gonna use your super-strength!

He caught me off guard! It was just my reflexes.

Milo, are you hurt?

Physically, no. Mentally and emotionally, I'm a total mess!

Apologize to him.

Whoa, give him some room there, champ.

Sorry, I was just... Wait, did you just call me champ?

I mean, I did just beat the best student in here, so I guess I should be champ.

What? No! I-I'm the champ! Who wants to see me break a stack of five boards?

I bet Jake can break ten! What? Who said that?

I mean, I don't know if I can, but I'll try!

Ah!

Oh!

Wow! He's really strong! Who, me?

I don't know who keeps saying that, but stop with the compliments.

Unless those broken boards are gonna spell out "I'm sorry," this is a terrible apology.

Why should I apologize? You use your powers for your own benefit all the time.

This is different. It's Milo. And... I can't believe I'm about to say this,

but once I got to know him, he kinda became like a brother to me.

Except even better because he's not you.

Congrats, Jake. You de-throned the King of Karate.

This will be my last day at the dojo.

What? No, Milo!

Get a hold of yourself, woman.

My legend will live on. But my spirit has been torn asunder

like the boards Jake just splintered.

Jake, say something!

Well, you take care now.

Seriously? Milo, you can't give up.

Sorry, but the damage has been done. Farewell, friends.

I can't believe you. You know, I'm all about gaining respect,

but did you really have to hurt Milo to get it?

I wasn't trying to hurt him.

But, hey, at least people finally respect me, right?

Yeah!

Sorry, but I'm not about to give that up.

Well, then I guess I'll just have to make you give it up.

Okay, RALPH, what new sneakers did you score for me today?

What? You didn't win anything?

You two! What did you do to RALPH?

You mean your stupid bot?

Super-bot!

I know you wanted revenge. What did you do?

Nothing. Wink.

Did you just say "wink" and not wink?

Nope. Wink.

There! You did it again!

Okay fine, I can't wink! But we didn't do anything. Wink.

I can't take this anymore. Dad, we put mustard in your shampoo.

That was your revenge?

Eh, makes sense. My morning shower was particularly bold and spicy.

"You have been hacked by "Sneaker Queen Two-five-two."

Who is this evil genius? No one's smarter than me!

Except me!

Mom?

Yes, 'tis I, the Sneaker Queen.

And your royal highness has been in the sneaker game for ages.

But why?

Well, back when I couldn't keep a job,

I realized I needed an easy way to make money.

So I looked online and discovered sneaker bots.

I can't believe I was outsmarted by the woman who still uses a landline.

Turns out if you electrically charge a computer,

you can make your bot run faster than anyone else's,

until your father came along, and I had to take him out.

Yeah? Well, too bad for you I already have plenty of product.

That's right. I may have spent a lot of money buying these,

but I'm gonna make a huge profit.

Um, Vic, darling, did you inspect these?

Because I don't think they're Sky Gordans.

She's right. The boxes say Sky Bordan, with a B.

You weren't even on the right website!

Oh, this is delightful.

It's impossible!

Oh, no! I was off by one letter!

These are all fakes.

Well, are they still worth anything?

Oh, yeah, a hearty laugh at your expense.

Eva, I maxed out the credit cards!

Well, I guess you'll just have to figure out a way to pay them off.

But that means I'll have to get a second job!

Wait, Mom, did you cop any of the actual sneakers?

Uh, of course. I'm the Sneaker Queen.

Well, do you have any in our sizes?

In fact, I have a pair for each of you.

For the low, low price of five hundred dollars each.

Milo! Crazy seeing you here.

Not that crazy, since you tricked me into coming.

What?

Oh, spare me the lies.

I should have known the dojo wasn't turned into a museum

about my life as told through the art of mime.

I just so wanted it to be true.

Wait.

I brought you here because I have a plan to get your cred back.

You'd turn on your own brother for me?

I'd turn on my brother for a stack of pancakes.

Let's do this.

They call me Jake the Rake

'cause I'm always raking up the competition!

Yeah, we've gotta put an end to this quick.

All right, champ! We're here to take you down!

You really want to challenge me again?

The janitor's still sweeping up the dust from our last challenge.

Yeah, actually, Milo's gonna sit this one out.

This challenge is all you and me!

What? Why?

Because you used your super-strength

to gain an unfair advantage. And you hurt Milo, who is my friend.

You know, you didn't have to whisper the "friend" part.

It just feels weird coming out of my mouth.

Anyway, I'm here to take back what's his. So...

Fine. You want a piece of the champ? Let's go!

Oh, wait, we're actually doing this?

I did not think you were gonna call my bluff.

Ow!

-Say Amy's the best. Say it! Say it or I pull your hair out! -Ow! Ow!

-Say Amy's stronger than me! Say it! Say it! -Never! No I will not!

Stop! Stop!

You don't have to do this.

Amy, I appreciate you for standing up for me,

but I have to admit it, Jake is better at karate.

Boom! There you have it! Jake the Rake is back!

Name still pending.

The whole reason I joined karate was because everyone

at school treated me like a nobody.

I just wanted some respect.

Wait, really?

Yeah. But you wouldn't understand,

'cause you're super cool.

You think I'm super cool?

Yeah, the super was too much. But you are cool.

I had no idea Milo took karate for the same reason I did.

I feel so bad. I totally stole his thunder just so I could feel better.

I know. I love it when you marinate in your own shame.

Milo, wait!

My skills were total luck, but when it comes to karate,

you're the real dojo champion.

Go ahead and flip me so you can regain your status as dojo master.

Hold up! You think I'm that pathetic that you have to let me win?

No, I was just trying to--

Works for me!

Ah! Works for me, too.

Hey, not to get all mushy, but I'm proud of you for what you did for Milo today.

Thanks.

It takes a lot of courage to let yourself be embarrassed

that badly by a young, much smaller boy.

Wow, one and a half seconds of kindness, that's a new record.

I was thinking and... I don't need to be karate champ to get respect.

As long as I respect myself, that's all that matters, right?

Hmm. Sure, we can go with that.

You know...

...I'm proud of you, too.

When we first got to Valley View, I never thought you'd fit in,

much less make a friend.

But after seeing how you stood up for Milo today,

it's pretty clear that you've made two.

Yeah. Wait, who's the other one?

Oh, right, Hartley.

Dad, where are you going this late?

I had to take a second job teaching night school.

I'm in so much debt!

Wait, how did we get in so much debt?

Oh, not "we," no. I've got loads of cash.

Just not gonna waste it on bailing him out.