All language subtitles for Wynonna.Earp.Vengeance.2024.1080p.NOW.WEBRip.1400MB.DD5.1.x264-GalaxyRG

This programme contains violence and
very strong language

(MUSIC CONTINUES

Did someone order the spicy tuna?

Mercedes, how many times
I gotta tell you?

Hush. You'll scare the trout.

As long as you're not telling
anybody that we're hanging out,
Randy.

What choice do I have?

When it comes to Purgatory
friendships, it's -

Slim pickings at the fishing hut.

A jiggler? What is this,
trawling for noobs?

Shortbread martini?

- Oh!
- D'you add my nutmeg twist?

Please!

OK, they're bitin'.

Oh, they're really biting!

What did you do,
bait the lines with crack?

Sheesh, boys, buy me dinner first.

Do you think we can make it
- to the cars?
- We gotta hoof it.

Good thing I always dress
for cardio.

Nedley?

Sheriff Nedley?

Randy?
Maybe a little.

Hell was cold and dark and...

I've been on my own for years.

Look, Loch Mess.

I don't know what you are -

Not here for you.

But just to be sure,
this is the Ghost River Triangle

where bad things happen
to good people?

Hey. Bad Thing. Get away from her.

Sure, Grandpa.

Though isn't she a little bit young
for you?

Not that young!

Way to kick a girl when she's down.

She's the second-best angler I know.

And she's my friend.

Look, I'm not picky.

I only need one of you
to bring me the heir.

The Earp heir?

Wynonna.

Hey, snow snatch!

Not him. You want Earp?

I've been her ride-or-die
since high school.

But guess what?
Wynonna doesn't live here anymore.

Oh, I know. But she'll be back.

Once I bait the hook.

Eenie, meenie, miney...

...ho.

Not the face.
It's been through so much.

And I wish I could see the look on
yours when Wynonna Earp kicks
your icy ass!

♪ Tell that devil to take you back,
take you back, take you back

♪ My heart went from red to black,
red to black, red to black

♪ Came up from that lake of fire,
lake of fire, lake of fire

♪ Only had that one desire,
one desire, one desire

♪ Got a mouth full of gasoline

♪ Don't you bring your mind in me...

Gentlemen, which one of you's gonna
flush my back door?

Oww! I didn't even get to cheat yet!

♪ Tell that devil...

You hit like a girl.
Hard and with perfect form.

What kind of idiot thinks she can
scam Paco Daisy in his own casino?

The kind that doesn't carry an ID.

Though you are one chips and guac
away from a free chalupa.

Asshole! That's na-chos to take!

Hey.
What's with the Wyatt Earp swag?

Right! The famous lawman.

Old West shoot-out in the OK Corral

right here in Tombstone? Guys,
he's a big deal round these parts!

White folks do love
their violent heroes.

When they're feeling patriotic,
they spend more at the buffet.

Wyatt Earp?

Just another apocryphal coloniser

who got a revisionist history,
thanks to his big gun.

I apologise, Chayton. I assumed
you were just the muscle.

Got my PhD at Brown.
19th-century Americana.

Your big words are being wasted
here.

You wanna jet?
Chayton!

Sorry, boss.

Urgh! OK. I'll admit that one hurt.
That one smart.

I can't take a beating
like when I was 27.

Might as well give it up, girlie.
Your partner already spilled.

Partner?

Doc! What have they done to you?

Turned me into a video game.

When this is over, I promise you
mouth-to-south resuscitation.

Oh, you really don't want this
to be over.

What was your angle here, hm?
Grease my dealer?

Have Moustache Boy count cards?

I'm awfully flattered
to be addressed as "Boy",

considering my advanced age.

Get this. Blue Eyes thinks
he's Doc Holliday.

Wyatt Earp's "buddy"?

You know, I don't love your tone.

Oh.

Doc Holliday. The greatest
gunslinger who ever lived?

Top 20 for sure.
I beg your pardon?

We would have got away with
robbing you fools blind

if Wynonna could learn to bluff.

Well, at least I brought a weapon!

Hey.

Ah-ah-ah!

It was in her Spanx!
Go start digging a hole.

OK. Don't cheese your beans.
Peacemaker only kills demons.

Lights up when you point it at one.
Well, lights up for ME.

And me!

You cheatin' hussy!

I think I found the boss's tell!
Paco... is a demon.

We're never gonna get that chalupa.

Stop by the cafe, Sheriff.
We just put a fresh pot on for you!

What, both of you? Just when
I needed it. Thank you, Chrissy!

Hi, Natalie! Go Blue Devils!

Hey, Nicole! Looking good!
Hey, Kyle! Back at you!

How's your brother?

I got those tulips you ordered.
Oh, Freddie!

Thank you so much! I will be
by the shop later, OK?

Well, well, well.

Ma'am, you, uh, you can't park here.

I'm waiting for my wife.
She's like a big deal in this town.

You trying to nepo-baby your way
out of a $30 ticket?

I'm also hoping to get frisked.
Oh, really?

Mrs Waverly Earp.
Mrs Nicole Haught.

Ahem. Public disgays of affection?

Kind of unprofessional.
Hi, Bunny.

So, girls. Randy Nedley didn't show
up for samba karate this morning.

Anyhoo, I gotta fly.
I gotta go ice my dojo.

That Sensei Rick is very thorough...
Bye-bye.

- Wow.
- I kinda miss when she was
too homophobic to overshare.

- So what are you thinking?
- That
my mentor, the Sheriff Emeritus,

Mr Randy Nedley, often has
one too many Beer Tap Blues

while out on his highly illegal
fishing hut,

which I have to pretend
I don't know anything about.

Still, do you fancy a drive to the
edge of the Ghost River Triangle?

Mm. I thought you'd never ask.

Oh, also...

...I picked up the mail.

Ooh! Yay, a new postcard
from Wynonna! Oh, my god.

It's so funny to think about your
sister acting all touristy

at the place where your ancestor
made his mark.

Sounds like she's in a good place.

What now, Earp?
Same as always.

Just have fun out there!

Earp?
That's right, Pork Chop.

Wynonna Earp - crazy chick
with the demon-killing gun.

Doc!

This was our play - get caught
so you'd bring us to the one room

we couldn't breach... Your vault.

- You Earp slut!
- Ha. There's that
high tone 'tude they love in Hell.

Which is where
I'm about to send YOU.

Er, may I?
I'd rather... you didn't.

Hi.

Hello.

You like that?

It is always a treat
watching you do what you do best.

There's one more thing
I'm pretty good at.

Need I remind you that we are here
to crack a safe?

You need pants for that?
I do not.

♪ Faster, take it over

♪ Getting bigger, coming closer

♪ It's the sound of a banging drum

♪ Taking you by surprise,
it's gonna be wild

♪ It's gonna be big time

♪ It's gonna be... ♪

Nedley?

Mercedes'?

Sheriff Randy Nedley!

Two whole years, running cons
out a back of a suitcase.

Mm-hm, but every dollar we steal...
Borrow.

...brings us one step closer
to getting our own farm.

A place to settle down.

To bring Alice home from
Aunt Gus's place in Montana.

Alright, enough math.
Let's hit the blackjack tables.

That also requires math.

Make this wad into a bigger wad.

The way YOU play, darlin',
which is good and roostered,

our wads only get smaller.
You love me roostered.

I love you full stop.

Then why are you being such a wad?

We spent some of this
on things you wanted.

I don't remember wanting to lose
ten grand at the tables last month.

I'm sorry.

I'm tired.
And boring.

Oh, come on, Doc. I didn't...
You're not...

I didn't mean...

You're not... You're not, obviously.

I believe I shall take some air.

Why don't you come stay and
take the Earp heir? Again.

I just need to clear my head.

Will it be hours or days this time?

Don't wait up.

I never do.

Nedley?

Nedley!

I was too slow, Mercedes.

Hey. Hey. You're hurt
but you're alive, OK?

Stay still.
Waited... Waited for you.

I knew you'd come.
OK. Sssh.

'911. What's your emergency?'

We need paramedics on Route 72.
We're over the Ghost River Triangle.

'We're on our way.'
Hey, I found Nedley!

He was attacked by a bear!

It wasn't a bear.

Baby girl. Did you get my postcard?

What do you mean, dead?

What do you mean, Earp?

OK. Come on, cowboy, pick up.

I'll do it the old-fashioned way.

Here I come.

♪ I've got a fever
running at a hundred degrees

♪ I am a real king,
gather round and follow my lead

♪ I'm like a dust storm
going down in history...

♪ Just wait and see
Now come and mess with me

♪ You just wait, wait and see

♪ Now come and mess with me ♪

Metal ear muff'd hello?

I-I was just hoping for a hug.

You bring donuts?
I didn't even bring a bra.

Baby girl. Baby girl's woman.

We weren't expecting you so soon.
I drove the Pacomobile all night.

- Welcome home, Wynonna!
- Oh, I still
use these ribs on the regular!

My hero. The champion.
"Fucking Wynonna" is fine.

Whoaaa!

So... You moved the kitchen!

It's smart!
Turned my bedroom into a craft room?

Dumb! But since you're renovating,
I'd also redo the stairs.

Yeah!
Shut your mouth!

When did Karen from
Planet Hobby Lobby move in?

Is that a homophobic typo?
Oh, that's why we got it free.

Reclaimed phrase, reclaimed wood.

Speaking of reclaimed wood,
where's Doc?

Where's all my stuff?

Do you mean your weed?

No.

We donated it to the orphanage.

Those kids are gonna get fucked up.

Look at all this stuff.

More BBD gak, enough googly eyes
to choke an unlicensed daycare,

an honest-to-fucking loom!

Jesus, Haught, you should be keeping
my sister busier.

Oh, we maintain a robust schedule.

Yeah, I see that
on your chore wheel.

Hey, it's your turn to clean
the baseboards,

whatever that means in gay.
Huh...

Let me guess. Box of condoms.
Uh-uh-uh.

That is the Elchur-Minifical
Box of Containment!

I can barely contain how jazzed
I am that my box

has to sleep in the barn...

...after Mercedes' wake.

How bad was it?

Uh, let's just say there's not gonna
be an open casket.

So, demons.
We don't know that.

Nicole, what was left of Mercedes'
bits was used

to spell out our last name.

So unless some enterprising coyote
has taught themselves how to read,

then we need the Earp heir home.

Even if it's a trap?
Especially if it's a trap.

You both have five minutes
to get funeral fabulous.

Meet you by the demon limo.

The thing that did this
is fucked.

What?

I wish you would've talked to me
before you called her.

I don't need my wife's permission
to call my sister.

No...
What are you gonna wear?

I brought you two coffees.
With extra coffee.

Truce?

Wynonna?

Oh, I will be.

And you misspelled "trouble".

- Hey, this is mid!
- Almost forgot
about the Purgatory side-eye.

And Mercedes Gardiner was more
midriff than mid.

She would want this to be
a real panty-dropper.

Mwah!

Ooh, hi, baby!
- Hi!
- Let's get a drink.

You mean another drink?
Hey!

We spent hours trying to figure out
what did this.

And what flavour Pop Tarts
goes best with a gin.

It's frosted strawberry.

You know what? We had a lot of
catching-up to do,

so we caught up with the catching.

Ah, yeah. You do you.

Be right back.
Baby!

Is it just me, or did your wife
get more uptight?

The town is finally thriving. She
just doesn't want things to like...

Because everyone here hates me?

Not the people that matter.

I did a helluva lot for these
numpties.

I kept you safe from de -
Deez nuts! Father Bertucci!

My sweet child. Wynonna.

You piss in one font...
You did the best you could.

Whatever.

I'm here for her.
She died with her boots on.

Those things are hideous.
Even the bear wouldn't touch them.

Throttle down, Jasmine.
The body's not even cold.

The body's in several pieces.

Yeah, you know what that tells me?
She fought like fuck.

Mercedes went down swinging.
What a crazy, awesome bitch.

Mercedes thought she was
such hot shit since high school!

Yeah, takes shit to know shit.
Are you saying you're shit?

Don't twist her words!

I wasn't there for much of
high school.

I left to major in Jello shots
and juvie.

Got exiled to the Hanly Home
for Girls first.

We got up to some wild there,
eh, Wynonna?

I minored in childhood trauma,
Sheree. It's all a bit hazy.

The three of us and Penny Kessley.

We were kinda mean to you.
It was a long time ago.

Where is Penny?
Ah, probably couldn't get a sitter.

Her kid's dad is being such a tool.

Wynonna's got a great system
for dealing with bad dads.

Claim it was demons
and shoot them in the back.

Oh... After you.

Now someone's 'bout to get punched
in the front.'Sup?

- So, Wynonna's home.
- Oh, yeah. She
always knew how to make an entrance.

Oh, you sound jealous.

Well, come on, she's wild, I'm mild.
It works.

Yeah. Friendships are like that.

Mercedes could barely keep up with
this rizz.

I-I got your text.

Though I don't really understand
what pineapple-pineapple-robot emoji
means.

Well, it means I got a broken wing,
and I don't text good.

I'm just glad you're OK.
I don't feel OK.

I don't remember much, including
what the perp looked like,

so don't bother asking me.
Are you kidding?

It's a miracle you're even upright!

They gave you enough drugs
to knock out Iowa.

Mm-hm. Opiates don't work on me
anymore.

I've passed 17 kidney stones
in four years.

It's chilly out.
It's a cold front rolling in.

There's rum punch,
and they got the game on.

Can't quite bring myself
to go in there.

Hey. None of this is your fault.

20 years ago, I would've got to
the truck faster.

I would've had that shotgun
in the hut with me!

Younger me might have saved her.

Yeah, well, a younger you wouldn't
have been friends with the likes
of Mercedes.

That counts.

Nicole, Purgatory hasn't lost anyone
for a long time in this way.

I got it covered. Alright?

I've been telling everyone
it was an animal attack.

Ah, careful.
Careful, Sheriff Haught.

I lied to everybody for 30 years
about what goes on around here.

To keep them safe.

I was scared!

Don't be like me.

Don't confuse protecting people
with deciding for 'em.

This is just a... It's a blip.

Whatever happens next,
I can handle it.

Numpty!

You better start with
the sinner sisters.

Get her, sis!

Wasn't me!

Keep my sister's name out of
your viper mouth!

She went from Pop Tarts
to poppin' tarts.

OK, that is enough!

I can take the littlest lesbian!
She's bisexual, you muppet!

I actually identify as pansexual
now.

Aw, baby girl, your journey!
God, you stupid Earps!

You both are going home right now!
I'm calling you a cab!

- Shotgun!
- Hey, no way!
I get car sick in the back!

Oh, but don't worry,
I'm gonna be up all night

filing a report on why there was
a battle royale at a wake.

Just as Mercedes would have wanted.
Duhh!

Your mum's mad, dude.
No way, she loves paperwork.

And I love her!

Maaargh!
OK. Get out!

Don't worry, everybody.
It's all uphill from here. Whoa!

Oh, I'm...

Working after hours,
all by your lonesome.

That's Nedley's lucky bandana.

He certainly was luckier than, uh...

Mercedes.

Hands up! Now!
Or what?

Or I blow them off your wrists.

I'm Sheriff of Purgatory.

Well, you're a lot more than that,
Nicole Haught.

You're Wynonna Earp's best friend.

What do you want with Wynonna?

Revenge, payback,
the whole... Moby Dick.

Well, you seem like a dick.
OK, OK, we can trade quips later.

Right now, I need the first of three
precious things from you.

Number one, your wedding ring.

Over my dead body.

Get out... of my head.

Aww!

What do you want?
Doesn't anyone listen around here?

Your... ring.

And... revenge.

Revenge is overrated. I should know.

Doc.

And that's my cue.

Next stop, Wynonna's teen trauma.

Hugs and kisses to Dawson's Freak!

That was confusin'.

And painful.

I saw the light on, and I knew
the best lawman that Purgatory's
ever known

was burning the midnight candle.

Or fighting a particularly
comely demon.

No, it was either her
or the Earp Sisters.

They're also on my shit list.
So, business as usual.

This one feels personal.

I haven't been that drunk
in ages.

It was long overdue.
Like a lot of things.

But these blankets smell like horse.
When's the last me you washed 'em?

I'm pretty sure that's your old
leather jacket. More whisky?

No, I'm good.

But you're better bad.
Mm, bad influence.

Nicole'll be fine.

Oh, kinda thought she'd be
more jazzed to see me.

Wynonna Earp, feelin' guilty
and turning down hooch?

Doc's got you tamed.

If anything, Doc thinks I'm a lot.

There's no way.
I don't know.

He keeps disappearing for hours
at a time.

I mean, we're still the best.
We're still the best

when we're fighting or fucking.

Roger that.

But when we have to stop running
and talk...

It's just never been
our strong suit.

We're saving up to buy a place.
Alice is five... now.

A little kid could use a mum.

But she has one - Aunt Gus.
You deserve to be happy, Wynonna.

I AM happy,
knowing my daughter is safe.

I can't even keep my baby sister
from getting jumped by some
group-home skanks.

How would Doc and I protect a kid?

With your whole heart.

You have to tell your person
how you feel.

You first.
What? What is that supposed to mean?

You've been working police
dispatch... Yes.

And Chrissy's coffee bar,
volunteering at the old folks home.

With the occasional shift
at the cat cafe.

Though tending pussies
is more of a hobby.

Don't change the subject with
a hilarious joke. That's my move.

You've also developed a crippling
craft addiction

that has robbed me of a bedroom.

Now who's running in place?

What else am I supposed
to do around here?

Literally anything you want.

Jeremy has been calling.

He wants me to join him overseas,

restructure
the Black Badge Division.

That's your future right there,
baby girl.

I... I can't leave Nicole.

Leaving doesn't mean forever.
I'm pudding proof of that, baby.

Nicole's no stranger to ambition,
and she's not selfish.

Gingerdread can take care of
herself.

Little help?

She took your ring?
Your wedding ring?

Baby, it's just a broken finger.

She broke your finger?
I love that finger!

You're gonna have to get creative
with your sex lives.

Park their melting moments
for a spell.

Switch to toes for a few weeks.

It's not the primary digit for that.

"Digit" get a look at this asshole?

Big blond mane. Fit.
Tentacle powers.

She is hard to miss.
But you did miss?

No, I aimed true.
My bullets did nothin'.

So, a demon.

A demon who would've killed me
if Doc hadn't have shown up.

It is the ideal finger to lose,
if you had to choose.

I did not get to choose.

Well, it sounds like Octobussy
will be easy to find.

Most people think the pinkie finger
is superfluous,

but you need it, yeah, for balance.

It sounds wrong to say this exactly
right now, but I've missed this.

The batshittery of our lives.

The batshittery of you girls.

Well, it feels less like a reunion
and more like a reboot.

Well, I'd like to reboot
this demon in her cooch.

She's gathering items.
My ring was just the first.

She said she needs
three precious things.

Wynonna, she calls you
Dawson's Freak.

What did you say?

And I did manage to sweep this off
her wrist.

It's a friendship bracelet
with Waverly's name on it.

My name, but not my bracelet.

When I was six years old, I made it.
For me.

- Hey, Wynonna.
- I got it.
Not you, Henry. We're talkin'.

Aw, Jerusalem's crickets.

20 years ago, the day I lost
this bracelet, I was 15 years old,

living in a shitty group home,
Hanly's Wayward Girls,

and I was so determined
to show them.

Them who?

The other Dawson's Freaks. That's
what we all called ourselves.

Holy shit.

Seriously, Wynonna. This place is
even creepier than I imagined.

No wonder you're so fucking weird.

Stop pooping in your low-rise jeans.
If you're that scared, we can jet.

I'm bored and I'm cold.

I thought we'd at least do it
INSIDE the murder house.

It's not a murder house.
It's a murder home.

- Cute.
- Wyatt Earp took this lasso
from the Old West Sheriff

who put a curse on him -
the demon Clootie.

My clootie is itchy.

And ammolite is the Hell mineral.

Bedrock surrounding the homestead
is loaded with it.

This is a load, alright.
Look, Penny, Jasmine, Sheree.

You all wanted me to prove it.

That this land, my family,
the curse, that it's all real.

Alright, keep your tampon in.

It has to be now.
Today's the only day we can do it.

Thursday?
Time of the Hunger Moon.

That's so not a thing.

The Blackfoot call it Ka toyi.

When the veil between Earth and
the underworld is at its thinnest.

When all your energy turns
to survival.

Sure, Wynonna.

So is this really where
you shot your dad?

I was aiming for the ghouls
who grabbed him!

- Yeah.
- You actually believe
demons did it, don't you?

They've been coming for me
and my own my whole life!

Revenis ad se ostendendum invocamus.

In nomine Clootie. In nomine Earp!

It's the cops! We gotta bail!

Wait, my bracelet!
My baby sister made me that!

Who cares? We're busted.

'OK,
come outta there with your hands up!

You're all under arrest
for trespassing!'

And that was it for me
from thereon out.

It was all mental institutions
and juvies till I turned 18.

Now it turns out that
wasn't my only fuck-up.

We must have conjured up a demon
after all.

OK, so what's it doing here
20 years later?

The Hunger Moon is in two days.

We've got everything the demon wants
here.

On the homestead?
Of course not.

Demons can't get past
the ammolite bedrock.

Yeah, well, guess what? This bitch
doesn't play by the rules.

She wants some second magical item.
Babybrainygirl can figure out
what it is.

Gotta be somewhere in Purgatory.
No, no, no.

You're not gonna use my town
as bait. Or my wife.

Why? Cos you're the only one who
gets to keep Waverly on the hook?

What's that supposed to mean?

Despite the circumstances,
I am simply delighted to see you.

And your new hairdo is so fetching.

That is for whoring and gambling
and leaving Wynonna alone at night.

Most evenings I simply walk.
I do some birdwatching.

But you must see the fresh fire
in Wynonna's eyes,

in the face of all this.

Two years ago, she ran away with me,
expecting a circus.

So I must feign to let the tiger out
now and then.

The woman I love,
she's addicted to calamity.

She does get easily bored.

Yeah, well, the last thing that
I want is Wynonna Earp

to get bored of ME.

But you've changed.
Change is natural.

So why should it feel like
a betrayal?

Is that Megan Thee Stallion?

She so could.

You know, the first me I pressed
play, I was expecting
something different.

Well, anxiety aside,
it must be tiring.

I will never tire of loving
the wildest stallion of them all.

Mustang. Stallions are boys.

Waverly Earp, are you attempting
to school ME on the ponies?

I mean, even though he's been dead
to the world for centuries,

you still have to play Doc Holliday,
instead of just being Henry.

You could try not being a dick.

But I wouldn't bet on it.

You can't protect this place
or Waverly by making them smaller.

And you can't just show up here
and destroy everything we've built

cos you seanced a little too hard
when you were 15.

If you really wanted to secure
Purgatory,

you'd tell them
we're under demon attack.

I'm not gonna tell people
to stop living their lives

just cos I can't keep
some fentanyl creeping in.

Am I the fentanyl in this scenario?

At least fentanyl takes away
your pain.

Wynonna, I would literally kill for
you, but the chaos that you bring...

Waverly could use a little chaos
if it means a chance to spread
her wings!

She needs more than hot sex
and crochet!

Lately, she can hardly hold back
her "more",

especially when she is stressed out!

And nothing stresses her out
more than her -

Wasted potential?
...big sister!

You should have a little more faith
in me and your wife.

God forbid Wynonna Earp
doesn't get what she wants!

Yeah, I'd like for you to pull
that judgment stick out of your a...

Ladies. We have company.
Not this guac of shit.

Oh! Did you bring me my points card?
I ate your chalupa.

May I introduce...
Agent Lafferty.

Agent?

I was undercover
at the Daisy casino,

trying to bag the big boss,
when you and Wynonna...

Though I'm not sure how you got
the drop on Paco, given he was a -

Asshole?
A demon.

I mean, that seems
pretty far-fetched.

You know what? You can drop the act.
I'm one of you.

Black Badge.

It's a cross-border task force
that investigates the paranormal.

Yeah.

Chief Chetri recruited me after
he heard I encountered your work
in Tombstone.

Wants me to keep an eye on you.

Jeremy told you to follow us
to Purgatory?

Oh, I figured out where you went
when I cased your hotel.

Found your little note to Doc.
That was private!

You mis-spelled "trouble".
And that's judgy.

- I'd like answers.
- Well, I'd like
to be back in the middle of
a threesome in Chicago.

I'll repeat to you now what I said
to Doc then. Sheath your piece!

It's not a shooting contest!

Come on!
We just fixed the beams!

This is serious!
You're acting like children!

I'm tired of busting cut-rate
mobsters on misdemeanours.

And I'm tired of pretending
I didn't see something

with red eyes and wings attack
my little brother

while we were hiking up
Humphrey's Peak.

I'm hungry. And I wanna be
a part of something bigger.

Regardless... Three Rs?

Fuck.

We don't need any outside help.
We need all the help we can get.

This thing is built different.
And so am I.

We need guns.
We've got Peacemaker.

Wynonna, you didn't see her.
She hasn't seen ME!

OK, enough!

Nicole just lost
my third favourite finger.

And with Jerbear gone, Mercedes
dead, Nedley out of commission...

Seems like you're running
out of allies.

Fine. But...

I'm not babysitting Kid Cock-y.

Welcome to the squad,
- Agent Lafferty.
- Happy to be here.

And this is just a try-out.

And this is the plan.

'I will case the Hanly Home for
Wayward Girls for clues.

Nicole and Waverly will stay where
they're safe - right here.

Hey! You need to research what
we conjured up

and what this ring wraith wants,
besides a lesbian's golden hoop.

Meanwhile, the boys will dig up
the totally unnecessary stash

of old Black Badge weapons,
just in case.'

I hid the munitions out here

after I liberated them
from an old friend.

He too... was from Arizona.

One man's trash
is another man's TNT.

The Ballad of Holliday's Gold.
I'd watch that movie.

Alas, this is not a film.

Alright... M-240 Bravos,
scaleable hand grenades.

Ooh! Boy howdy.

Desert Eagle in onyx
with a holographic sight.

Not too shabby.
Aw, better than that.

C'mon, Holliday.

When's the last time
you proved your mettle, huh?

Might be best to test the floor
before the war,

as Wynonna would say.

That girl's always in your head.
And my heart.

Do you need to stretch first?
Maybe a baby aspirin?

Well, you know what they say...

Age before beauty.
As I have both, I... went first.

Oh.

Well, I looked her up. She's got
a criminal record longer than
a CVS receipt.

She can hold her liquor,
though not her temper.

You aim to put a spoke in my tyres
so my shootin' ends up in a ditch.

I'm just trying to understand how
that particular ancestor

became the honourable Wyatt Earp's
chosen heir.

Honourable.

When you are the last man standing,
you get to write your own story

in whatever fashion you desire.

Including manifesting self-glory.

And when it comes to true heroes,
Wynonna is the most genuine
I have ever known.

And what does that make YOU?

A lover. A father.
A man out of time.

And apparently... the loser.

Fuck all the way off, Penny!

Oh, yeah, that's gonna show 'em.

And, uh, you owe me a quarter
for the swear jar.

They never stop!

Look, Wynonna, you pulled some
pretty stupid stuff out there.

I managed to get Officer Nedley's
cruiser on top of the high school.

That's...

...fun and gifted.

It's debatable. It's your behaviour
in here that's my job.

That's my responsibility, so...
here.

"Heel Thyself: Maybe It's You"?

There are worse things than
toning it down to fit in.

They call me Murderer.

Aren't you?

Look, you... You're picking all
these fights that you can't win,

you're one strike away from
getting sent upstate.

But I don't know, maybe
that's something that you want?

Maybe you feel like you don't have
a home that you could go back to?

You don't know me.

I know that you should be
concentrating on one thing -

getting out of this crab bucket.

Hanly Group home,
now with extra STDs.

No, it's an allegory.

When a crab tries to climb out of
the bucket,

the others pull it back down.

A place like this can feel like
nobody is allowed to succeed,

but, Wynonna, you could.

If you were just a little bit less,
you could get a lot more.

Is that supposed to inspire me?

You're still working at the same
group home you grew up in,

lording your power over
a tiny group of teen girls.

No-one's more stuck here than you!

I'm just trying to help you

so that you can stop being selfish
and you can help HER!

Leave my sister out of this.

I would if I could.

"You were right.
You can't save her."

Doc, get back to the homestead now!
We've been played!

Mexican hot cocoa with extra
marshmallows and chilli powder.

Shelf it, Haught.
I know when I'm being managed.

Haught? Uh-oh.

I could've helped.

We ARE helping, Earp.

In the way that you do best.

What if I'm itching to try something
I'm not already the best at?

Something that's... new?

Another reno?
Running for local office?

Or the... "K" word?

Kite-surfing?

Oh...

Kids.

Look, Nicole...

Is that her?
Oh, hey, girl. Just thought I'd...

...pop by.

Demons can't cross
the ammolite bedrock.

I mostly do what I want.
We need to get our guns.

- We don't have time.
- Time has not
been kind to you, sweetie.

You used to be so bright,
so full of life.

Shut up.

You know, we met once when you were
just the kid sister to Wynonna.

Talk about a glow-down.
This is our land!

And you are stuck on it, day in and
day out, reduced to somebody's wife.

You don't know shit, shit ticket.
She's trying to get in your head.

You've got a lot of darkness
inside of you... for a B cup.

You've had power before.
Do you want another taste?

'And in return you will help me.'

Get the fuck out of here!

Not before I get what I came for!
Hey, Waverly...

I'll trade you for it!

'Bring it to me.
You cannot defeat me!'

'We can't defeat her.
We must comply.'

Come on, baby. I know you didn't
just fucking say that.

We cannot undo
what's promised. We must all submit
to our destinies.

Woman, you've never submitted
a day in your life!

Well, let's give it a try.
Oh, look at that! It worked!

Whoa, ranger! OK...

'The bracelet. The other bracelet.'

I shall find what is cherished.

You better be looking for a Xanax!

'Bring it to me.'

She shall receive my mercy
or we shall feel her wrath.

You need to stop, or I'll stop YOU.

Baby, if you love me,
you will... ..stop me!

Grace shall be delivered
through fire if necessary.

'Good girl. I knew you were more.'

Fuck!

No mortal can cage me.

We just rehinged that door!

The affairs of men are no longer
my concern.

I agree with you there.
You dare to defy me?

It's called love, woman!
That which is precious and personal.

You made two of those bracelets.
One for Wynonna and one for you.

'The precious second!'I shall give
my mistress what she demands.

'Give me the vow.'
The other vow.

Nicole! Do it!

- Aw!
- OK. You wanna trade platitudes?
Try this...

No!

Live, laugh and lie the fuck down!

Oops.
Waverly! Wait! Are you OK?

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Did I hurt your finger?
No.

I think Mina got what she came for.

Baby, who's Mina?

You!

You haven't aged a day, Mina.
Blood of a thousand virgins?

So sweet of you to remember me.

20 years in Hell. People don't
exactly send Christmas cards.

You went to Hell? How?

Another innocent victim of
the Earp river of shit.

You stopped being innocent
when you slaughtered my friend

and hobbled my Nedley.

Mm. Well, I didn't have your email.

What do you want?
To make you suffer.

Did you hurt my sister?
Oh, um, not as much as her wife did.

And it is not fire and brimstone
down there, Wynonna.

It is cold and dark and mean!

Mean like the demons that I cut a
deal with to come and fuck with you!

You weren't even at the seance.

I was only 15!

Oh, then, now. Young, old.

This is what happens to everyone
who cares about you, Wynonna.

You never cared about me.

They get torn to pieces.

And that is what the hounds of Hell
are gonna do

to the three people that you care
about the most...

Waverly and Nicole...

and...

Ohh!

Your daughter...

...is the heir apparent.

I'm barely her parent.

Keep this... between you and me.

Kill me.
No.

I'm gonna torture you, just like
you tortured me

and all the other demons
that you sent to their doom!

Please!
Yes!

Please realise that you are helpless

to save anyone who has ever believed
in you!

When Alice is in the belly of
my beasts...

Well, Doc's not even gonna be able
to look at you.

And all you're gonna do...

...is watch.

See you in Hell, Wynonna.

Mina Starratt ran the Hanly Group
Home for Girls.

She was an orphan.
She was a resident there herself

until she aged out at 18.

Sounds like a real peach.
I thought she was my friend,
my only friend there.

Now I wonder if she was just trying
to keep me small.

Yeah, well, good fucking luck.

But Mina was human.
Now she ain't.

She wasn't at the seance.
She wasn't even the target.

Sometimes the devil claims its own.

Whatever Mina used to be, she's
the thing trying to hurt us NOW.

She said she was in literal Hell.

And has the power to summon
its hounds?

The Urcon, or bone gnawers.

Yeah, they're more than just
a cute nickname.

How hard is it to murk the Urc?

According to French texts,

they're rabid, unstoppable beasts,

only able to cross the veil
to Earth one day a year.

February's Hunger Moon.

I do hate a dark hawk morning.

If given a piece of their target,
say, a personal artefact,

like a ring
or a friendship bracelet, or -

A lock of a child's hair.

...the Urcon will front
a rabid attack.

An attack that won't stop until...

Ils n'arreteront jamais de chasser.
They will never stop hunting.

Ne renonceront jamais a l'appel
des odeurs. Never give up the scent.

Jusqu'a ce qu'ils se regalent
de la chair de leur proie.

Until they feast on the flesh
of their mark.

But you guys have fought things
like this before.

No, not like this.

OK, well, this is a chance for
our team to impress the top brass.

I'm starting to wonder if you got
more brass up top than brains.

No, he's part right.

All we've gotta do is hold off
the monster mutts long enough

for the Earp heir
to take out their master.

I don't think Peacemaker's gonna
work,

for the same reason that Mina
was able to cross the fenceline.

Why not?

Cos I made her.

We haven't had the chance to talk,

you know, really talk,

since Tombstone.

Alright, well, what'd you got?

Pep talk about your favourite
madam's merkin?

Lesson about the time Wyatt took on
20 groundhogs at once?

I'll take it.

I cannot remember the last time
I seen you look so scared.

I've grown too straight
and too wise for tall tales.

Mina's had 20 years to plan
the perfect revenge.

I know first-hand what sitting
in the dark

with nothing but thoughts of
retribution can manifest,

what a ghastly fuel
vengeance can be.

But it is nothing compared
to what love can do.

She's only five.

She never asked to be born an Earp.

Neither did you,
and YOU turned out alright.

Took a while to get there.

Whereas if I leave now,
I can be in Montana by noon.

No.

We make our stand here,
at the source, or not at all.

Besides, I've asked you
to run long enough.

Alluring as you are...

...I ain't never done a single thing
that I did not wanna do.

I should have done what I wanted.

I wanted to bring Alice home.

Our real home.

Here, with... us.

There's a little spot...
up on the ridge,

overlooking the barn.

When a Chinook blows in,
so do the clouds,

right at your feet.

We could build a little house.

We could put up a swing set.

Would that be enough
for Doc Holliday?

Doc Holliday died a long time ago.

But I think that Alice's father...
could not want for a thing more.

A pretty place to lay his head.

Long as his lady was by his side.

I have to make one more goodbye.
And I have to save who I can.

We ride at dawn.
I shall be there.

Well, dawn-ish.

At least you got a backup loom.

Dark possessed me through the backup
loom through the backup kiln.

Rage goo was squirting
out of your eyeballs.

That's gotta sting.
Every time.

Any chance you can craft us
a way out of this?

Gather up the Black Badge gak.

Maybe we can use it to battle Mina
and the Hell Hounds.

Great band name, by the way.

The Coober Pedy opal?
- I think it's a fake.
- Oh.

Oh! Elchur-Minifical
Box of Containment?

Uh. Not sure that it can contain
a rabid case of damned Dalmatians,

but I'll throw it on the pile.

Oh, Waves.

Your custom crocheted
cheerleading cos-play!

I'm sorry, baby.
I know how hard you worked on this.

Don't be sorry. I'd still be
stomping through the Kootenay range,

black-eyed and causing rockslides.

You saved me.

I held you back.
Thank God for that.

No, I...

I've been...

holding you back.

Hey.

I love our life.

Yeah, but you're still an Earp.

Earps need adventure.

Jeremy thinks Black Badge
is compromised.

And he needs people he can trust.

He's currently stationed in Egypt.

Hey, we are golden.

We could marriage long distance
for a little while.

Really?

A very little while.

I wish I could be the one
to show you the world.

Tonight,

there's no place I'd rather be...

...than at home...

...with my wife.

♪ Something in our nature
is looking for a way to survive

♪ Maybe it's a habit
Maybe it's a good way to hide

♪ I listen for a heartbeat

♪ I listen for a love line

♪ Can you hear my heart speak?

♪ This is how we bring it back
to life

♪ I listen for a heartbeat

♪ I need to apologise

♪ Get so caught up in the concrete

♪ I forgot to look you
in the eyes... ♪

Thanks again for your help.

That's what we do.
We're Black Badge.

I'm more of a black hat.

Well, sometimes I do this.

Is this cos I beat you at shooting?

That was just a game, son.

So what, another test?
Hazing the new guy?

Chief Chetri sent me!

But Jeremy has not met you.
Or your ambition.

You know, I've seen what you crave,
Agent Lafferty.

It is glory at any cost,
and that makes you hell-for-leather.

Don't do this, old man.

Goodbye, kid.

You're a hypocrite, Holliday.

Hey, Daddy. Willa.

I should have been here more.

Here lie two other Earp heirs.

Two people I loved enormously.

I had to kill them myself.

My whole life has been a boatload
of...

of mistakes and missteps,

and it sucks,

and I'm tired.

Least they get to rest.

Yeah, well, you've had more than
your share.

Anyone else would have blown
their brains out years ago.

Points for me, I guess.

Well, you've had to do whatever
it takes to live with it.

Except admit the truth.

Which is?
That you like it.

The hunting. The killing.

The choosing.

After a lifetime of being powerless
and on the defensive,

you love being special.

What gives YOU the right
to judge me?

Oh, get real! These two sucked.

Your sister was a manipulative
sociopath,

your father was an abusive drunk.

Jesus, don't sugarcoat it.

Your father, my boss.

Best fisherman I ever met.

Well, I guess that makes it OK.

Here's the thing your asshole
father taught me about winning.

History doesn't remember
who played fair or who cheated.

Or who had the right gear
or whether you sabotaged
your competitors' lines.

History only remembers who won.

You know, I don't know if I CAN win.
She's a monster.

And you're not just an Earp heir.

You're your father's daughter,
and he was one mean son of a bitch.

You know, sometimes it's just about
going where the fish are.

'Hey, what's up?'

Haught, get off my sister
and get on Mapquest.

You're designating
the field of play.

We're going to them.

You're cutting it awfully close.

He'll be here.

Are we good?

She's my sister and an Earp.

But for Mina to send the hounds
after you... Is super flattering.

I mean, I knew you were obsessed
with me, but... come on!

I don't have a lot of people
in my life willing to tell me
when I'm being a jackass.

Yeah, well, they're called friends, jackass.

This town's lucky to have you.

And Waverly is lucky to have you.

And...

I'm going to get you
your wedding ring back.

Yeah. Hey. Hallmark moments.

You're messin' with my blood lust.

Did I miss the hoedown?
Oh, that hoe's going down.

It's not a party till you get here.

Agent Lafferty?
Too personal.

I just felt like we should keep it
all in the family.

You sure you wanna draw them to us
here?

What's our strategic advantage?
Call it, Sheriff.

Isolated locale. No civilians.

We've got multiple vantage points
and the high ground.

Limited coverage for them
means maximum visibility for us.

We'll see the Hell Hounds
coming for miles.

And they will come.
I want you two up top, out of reach.

You're what they're targeting.
We'll keep it kinetic.

Doc, you and I will work the bottom.
That's my speciality.

Way to keep it pervy to the end.

Do you feel that?
The Hell Hounds.

Oh, crap.

I thought you quit?
I'll quit tomorrow.

There's so many.

Oh, God. These things are ugly!

They won't stay dead.
They will when I get Mina.

Where is Mina?
Well, she's gotta be close by.

Well, let's throw her a bone.

Whew! What a view!

All this space!

Maybe we should blow the craft room
out into a super spa.

Ooh! Hers and hers sinks.
Maybe a sauna.

Clawfoot tub.

You know I love a soak.

These dogs need obedience school.

Yeah. Where I should be
the headmaster. Know why?

I have an inkling.

Doc!
- Fuck!
- Piece of...

Doc! Doc!

I thought I'd lost you!

Not today.

I believe we are pooched.

Nedley.

Who takes the dogs out?
Who, who, who, who?

Attaboy, Randy.

Doc. Stay with him.
I'm gonna end this.

Mina! Where the fuck are you?

She's not coming here.

I need to go where the fish are.

Babe, can you hold them off long
enough so I can get to Wynonna?

What is she doing?
Something stupid.

It's about time.

Urrgh! You mongrels!

Yee-haw!

Stop the car!

Hey, you should know. I just
took out Satan's labradoodles

and didn't even flinch.

Just drive, you ol' coot!

You're supposed to stay high.

What you doing, Earp?

The last thing Mina told me was
that she'd see me in Hell.

So...

This is the part where
you tell me I'm crazy.

Hey. We're desperate for crazy.

Maybe the craziest.

Fentanyl's most deadly
when it's pure. On its own.

I hate this so bad.

Well, it takes bad to end worse.
I don't want you to end.

We don't want us to lose.

I'm ready, Nicole... One last time.

Don't tell Waverly.
She won't understand.

This is usually my favourite part.

The wet entry.

I do reckon I know that gun.

Are you sure you're OK?

Nobody looking for an Earp
will ever find her.

This is your home.

'You're all under
arrest for trespassing.'

They say this is your third strike.

They're taking you to
an adult correctional facility.

- I'm sorry, kid.
- It's not that.
My bracelet, Waverly's bracelet.

It's the last piece of my family
that I have.

It snapped off in the barn.

Well, you're not allowed to have
personal effects in jail, kid.

Sorry.
It was you!

YOU called the cops on me!
I had to! I had no choice.

You were the one that ran off.
I'm the one who escaped!

You don't wish I was less.
You just wish you were more.

Let's go.

Gotcha, Earp.

Ne renonceront jamais
a l'appel des odeurs.

Jusqu'a ce qu'ils se regalent
de la chair de leur proie.

Ils n'arreteront jamais.
Ne renonceront -

Hey, Studio Bitchywhore.

What the hell are you doing here?
I'm doin' Hell.

Uh-huh. I was a prisoner down here
for 20 years!

And finally privy to the power
you always craved.

Even if it is dark as...

...Hell.

Fuck you.
That's your tell, Mina. You got out.

You could've gone anywhere,

but you skittered back into your
prison, willingly.

You absolute fucking gash.

You had me at Hell-oh.

You deserve to be here, not me,
- you cunt!
- Maybe.

But no matter how long I sit here,
I'll never cut a deal with demons.

Peacemaker won't stop me.
It will for a minute.

Lot of minutes in eternity.

You think your dogs won't stop
coming? I'll never stop coming.

This is insane!

You can't win!

No. But I can keep making you lose.

Alright! Enough!

I know curses. And now I'm yours.

You came for my family.
Now you will never make...

...your...

...peace.

I'm faster. I'm stronger.

I'm meaner.

Is that... The Elchur-Magnifico Box
of Containment.

You tricked me!
The best man I know taught me,

when you bluff, you gotta go all in.

I'll trade you that jail cell for
the thing that makes you the heir,

the only thing
that's ever made you anything.

That was before.

And then my people showed up...

and made me everything.

What...
Sorry, girl. We had a time.

Hey, Mina? Enjoy your crab bucket.

No!

Wynonna did it. She got the big dog.

I'm gonna go double-check
for strays.

Where is Wynonna?

I promised not to tell.

All the demons I've ever
killed are coming for me.

Just have fun out there, Earp.

But Alice, she'll be OK.

They'll be OK.

We know you're...

Wynonna!

Wynonna!

Hey.

Waverly Earp.

And her narc.

What, like you got a monopoly
on breakin' the rules?

Thanks for going in my hole.
Any time.

Uh, not any time, but...

Where's Peacemaker?

Where she can do the most good.

My angel.

"Fucking Waverly" is fine.

Well, it sounds more than
fine. It sounds delightful.

This wasn't on the chore wheel.

Agent Lafferty?

When'd you get here?

Clearly just in time.

What the fuck, Rookie Blue?
Give me the box.

Do not give it to him.
No shit.

Alright.

- Nedley!
- Son of a...
Next one's a little higher.

So you're a Black Badge,
but you'd commit treason? Murder?

I'm never getting promoted
at Black Badge.

I failed the psych evaluation...
too many times.

I wonder why.

I got a better offer.

There's lots of, uh, organisations

that'll pay top dollar
for a genuine demon

and the ultimate demon-killing gun.

Come on.

Lafferty,
whatever your real name is,

I'm begging you, please.
Listen to me.

You can't take this box
out of the Ghost River Triangle.

Mina can never be let out of
this thing.

My daughter's life depends on this.

OK.

I've disabled your cars.

You can't follow me.
You can't stop me.

But I'm gonna let you live.

I'm hell for leather like that.

Somebody will stop this.

No!

Not you.

Thank God. A sorrel.

No fucking way!

I admit, I forgot about you.

You're a terrible liar.
Had YOU fooled.

Not for a minute.

Go home, Holliday. To your woman.

I cannot and I will not let you
leave with that box.

You're too old to stop me.
I'm too old not to.

Once upon a time you may have been
the fastest gunslinger in the West.

But that was long ago,
with ancient pistols.

OK.
You can't take us all out.

I know who I'm taking out first.

Remember. You wanted this.

Nobody wants this. I should know.

I fought it for 172 years.

Come on.

It's Doc!
Go! Help him!

Doc! Doc!

Doc!

Did you get 'em all?
Please...

Do you know who I am?

You're my person.

Keep it.

There's no-one on Earth who will do
more to keep it safe.

And our Alice...

Tell her...

...all the good stuff.

Doc. You're gonna be OK.

I have been. Many times.

More than my share.

Doc, we can fix this.

You know, you really are awful
at bluffing.

But you're pretty good
at the rest of it.

All of it, really.

Please let me save you, Doc.

Oh, my darlin'. You did.

Doc...

Wynonna Earp.

The box,

Mina...

and Peacemaker.

It's down there too.

I meant it when I said
he'd protect it forever.

And I'm gonna stay and protect him.

Thanks again for flying in,
Jeremy.

Are you kidding?

I would have come by canoe.

It was a damn good funeral,
for his, uh, second funeral.

You're welcome to stay in Purgatory,
at the homestead,

as long as you like.

Thank you, but I don't think my back
can take another night
in the craft room.

And my liver definitely
can't take more Earpin'.

I get it.

You've got some work to do.

Like finding a way to fix this.

Yeah. Yeah, Black Badge has a lot of
unconventional resources

at our disposal...

I'll try, Wynonna.

You'll do better than that.

I promise.

It'll help that I hired the most
ingenious researcher I've ever met.

Do send photos of Abu Simbel.
Don't open any cursed tombs.

I'm not allowed to enjoy
my weekends?

Oh! Try the fatta,
but maybe not the street meat.

I'm still gonna be vegan in Egypt.

No pyramid schemes.
Very funny.

And so lovely.

I'm proud of you.

Whoo...

Jeremy says the agency
is rife with corruption.

We need to find out
who Lafferty was working for.

You will.

Because you are Waverly Goddamn
Head Cheerleader

Tentacle-Resistant... Earp.

Don't forget Nicole Haught's wife.

OK. My turn.

Don't be too hard on her.
But don't be too soft.

I'm gonna whip her into shape.

I'll be home for Easter.
I know.

♪ I'm ready now

♪ Stand my ground

♪ There's a fighter coming out

♪ And I won't back down...

Hey, let me help you.

Whoa, geez, Waves,
how many bras did you pack?

Hey, that's sexist... Over 20.

Finally learning from my mistakes.

Bye, you.

Actually feels like I'm finally
embracing my inner Wynonna.

Here's to the adventure.
You've earned it.

As long as you've got your passport,
Agent Earp.

I have a passport!
Amazing.

Thanks for staying.
Yeah, I want to.

♪ I'm ready now

♪ Stand my ground

♪ No more hiding who I am

♪ I'm not running again

♪ I won't back down

♪ I won't back down

♪ Ooh ooh ooh

♪ Ooh ooh, ooh ooh

♪ Ooh ooh, ooh ooh ♪

Does anybody have a rake?
I got one hell of an itch.

Boo-hoo. We get it.
You love casts.

You gonna let her talk like that?
Hey, we're gonna get her trained
in citizen relations.

A book.
After we deputise her.

I can't believe I'm a cop.
Are we sure I left Hell?

It gets worse. I hear your boss is
a real hardass.

Hey, don't make me tear down
that fishing hut.

Fishing's over for the year.

But hunting season's about to begin.

You guys still haven't found
that sexy werewolf, huh?

Well, we don't know how sexy it is.

Nicole, come on.

And it's Sheriff Haught.

I'm Deputy Earp,

reporting for duty.

You said "duty".
Keep it professional, Sheriff.

We're on the clock.

It's war on top buttons?

Let's get to work.

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