Original subtitles

I'm leaving the business. Why?

Oh, no, Ray.

Come on, mate. Please.

Hey, George. Where's he going?

George. Not the can.

He's going to the can.

You need the key!

He needs the key. I'll get the key.

I'll get the key!

Mellie and I think it would be best if I leave the law altogether.

Is this about your heart? Yeah.

It's completely gone. Mellie's stolen it.

What? If you're not sick, why are you quitting?

Yeah. Ray. Why? Why?!

She's looking to expand her business.

She needs a support person.

Someone to keep the home fires burning.

Well, that's very admirable, Raymond.

Putting a woman's career ahead of your own.

What about my career? I'm a woman.

Oh, Helen. I am a woman.

I'm not disputing that.

I'm just saying this isn't about you.

Thank you, Rozi.

I mean, it's a real no brainer. The sock salons are going gangbusters.

Our probate business is going gangbusters.

We're Gruber and Fisk, the bees in the hive.

You're the queen. I'm the worker.

It's not the end of the world.

Why don't you buy Raymond out? Are you drunk?

Who do you think I am,

Daddy Warbucks Money Grubber Rockefeller rich lady or something?

OK, you need to tone it down a notch.

No, I'm not going to do that because I finally found a job I really like.

And you two are wrecking it. Nothing to do with me.

Raymond, this is all your mess.

Jeez. Rosalind's not herself today.

Oh, fuck Roz! I'm the one getting my life ruined.

Hey, watch your potty mouth. Sorry, Ray.

You want to come and sit on the couch?

No. Yes. Whatever.

Mate, I'm not leaving you in the lurch.

I spoke to Gus Furstenberg yesterday at Furstenberg Grey.

He's very keen to buy the business. What?

So it would be Furstenberg, Grey and Fisk?

More like Furstenberg, Grey and Fisk works there.

That's the deal. They buy the business.

They keep you and Georgie on. Do I get a say in this?

You're a non-equity partner, Fisk, so I'm going to say no.

So I'm just back working at a big, faceless multinational again.

Exactly. It's the dream.

You're only here because you had no choice, remember?

Yeah, but I like it here now. And you'll like it there, too.

More resources, an assistant, bump in salary.

You're going to love this.

They've even got a uniform. They wear the same thing every day.

That is appealing.

That's tight though. I would want a looser fit.

Well, they're coming in for a meet and greet tomorrow.

Fine. Come on.

They're good people. Alright.

I think congratulations are in order.

Oh, no, Tony, not the French. Open the prosecco.

Helen won't know the difference, will you, Helen?

Oh. Probably not. No.

Back at a big-time law firm at last.

Well done, Hels.

Furstenberg Grey, one of the big three.

And with offices in London, too.

You might even move there. I'm not moving to London, Viktor.

Just a thought. There's no bad ideas in brainstorming.

Speaking of bad ideas, what's all this?

Oh, is this the plan for the funeral?

It's a mood board, Helen.

It's just inspo. Inspo?

For the music, the decor, the entertainment.

Our outfits. Right.

Well, it's certainly got the vibe of a top night out.

Can I just remind you of one tiny thing?

What's that? You will be dead.

So I'm not sure how much dancing under a mirror ball

you're going to be doing to...

Is that the Pet Shop Boys?

That's where you're wrong.

We bought the Cry Before You Die package!

Save the date. What?

Well, I don't want to miss out on all this,

so I'm going to have my funeral before I die.

Dad, I think that's just called a party.

Oh, no. No, it's a funeral.

You'll be doing a eulogy. We're going to have a guard of honour.

Maybe a coffin. Oh, Tony. That's tasteless.

We talked about that. It's my funeral.

Oh, are you kidding me? Next weekend?

Well, time is of the essence. I mean, what if Tony actually died?

It would ruin the whole funeral. Mm.

Oh, good morning. How can I help you?

Stan Sundae and I'm here for mediation.

Ah, yes.

Go on through to the meeting room. Roz will be with you in a moment.

Hello, I'm Roz Gruber. Let's sort this shit out.

Today we will be using...

..the Funnel Of Common Sense.

Trademark Rosalind Gruber.

Let me show you how it works.

Let's call you complainer A.

I think you mean complainant. Do I?

Your side of the story, all your bitching and moaning,

that all goes in here.

I'm not a complainer.

She's running a commercial business in a residential kitchen

and it absolutely stinks.

"I'm not a complainer."

You see, it sounds like someone is complaining

about being called a complainer.

Save it for the funnel.

If I could just explain.

I have a small catering company, Kapusta Catering.

I make cabbage rolls from a recipe my...

Yes, we're not up to you yet.

Because you are complainer B.

Now, your side of the story,

all your whingeing and your whining goes into here.

We can put all that cabbage stink in there too.

Quiet! No one tells me what to put in the funnel.

Now, you see this? That's me.

I'm the filter. I filter out all this carry on.

And do you know what we're left with? A common sense solution.

And is your common sense solution legally binding?

It should be. But is it?

No, I am not a judge.

So you are a judge?

Now you're getting it.

What?

Let's begin.

Case closed. Thank you.

What was that? I don't know.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

Georgie? We're still not speaking.

I could really use your help with the engagement vows.

You don't do vows for an engagement. Of course you do.

You're vowing to turn up to the wedding.

Georgie? Still too soon.

Conch Mediation. How may I help you?

Yes. She's just come out of a meeting.

I'll put you through.

One moment please.

Fisk, we need to do a handover.

I want to pass on my files.

Already? Come on. Let's get it over with.

Rip the band-aid off. Oh, do we have to?

Can't we just let the band-aid fall off somewhere?

Like the public pool,

where it can lie on the bottom, disgusting me for all eternity.

Now!

Timmons versus Timmons. Yep.

Husband and wife? No.

New wife, ex-wife fighting over his estate.

Well, whose side are we on? The ex-wife.

She sells fork jewellery at markets.

Sorry. What does she sell? Fork jewellery.

You're saying that like it's a thing. What?

Oh, you'll see when you meet her. She is covered in cutlery.

They've been low balling us for months.

See if you can find a way to dig a bit more out of them.

Got it. Fork lady getting low balled.

Next. What?

What else have you got? What else are you working on?

Well, that's it.

Seriously, this is the only matter you've been working on

the whole time?

Yeah. Been a real brain buster. Good luck with it.

Wow. OK.

Whoa, whoa. Hang on a sec.

I'm worried about Rosalind.

Have you noticed anything a bit off?

A bit off? Are you kidding?

Roz has lost her freaking mind.

Last week, she was in here with her clothes all inside out,

she didn't even care.

She's been smashing breakfast Cokes,

not to mention the crazy

kangaroo court mediation service she's running.

And don't get me started on what's happening out there at reception.

It's like we've got Sybil and her purple crayons out there.

Is she Roz? Is she Roz's assistant?

My God, it's not right, Ray. She's not right.

Yeah.

I think she's lonely.

No, I think it's a bit bigger than that.

She's having a complete existential meltdown.

No, I know Rozi.

She looks at me and she wants what I've got -

a partner, a fellow traveller,

a warm body to journey through life with.

Oh, wow. Yuck.

Whatever happened to old penis painter mate Dean?

You called him a barnacle, and Roz made me break up with him.

Barnacle? Did I?

How about we see if he's open to a reproa...chment.

A rapprochement? Yeah, that's the one.

I think it's more about whether Roz is up for a rapprochement.

Of course she is. She loves French stuff.

OK, so you and your ex-husband, Tim Timmons, had a divorce settlement.

Now, did you do this yourselves? No lawyers involved?

Yeah, Tim said we didn't need any.

We just agreed to split everything evenly.

Right.

But then he became a partner, and you end up bending forks into bangles.

Does that seem even to you?

Are you saying I should walk away because I already won?

Sorry. You sell spoon necklaces at markets. How did you win?

Because I lead a much less stressful life.

I just think we can get you a lot more of your ex-husband's estate

based on this DIY divorce settlement.

You got fleeced, my friend.

Do you think I got fleeced? Oh, I know you got fleeced.

Take it from one divorced fleecee to another.

I know a fleecing when I see one. Fleeced!

Did you know Debbie Lim's in the meeting room?

Oh, please come in. Sit down.

Yeah, yeah, knock, knock. Whatever. Yeah.

George has already locked himself back in the can.

I thought I was meeting with Captain Furstenberger

and Colonel Mustard or whoever.

Come on, mate, they were never going to send in the big dogs.

Yeah, but, Debbie Lim? Did they have to send in the scary barky dog?

Come on, Fisk, you can do it.

Put your big girl underpants on and get in there.

Just big girl pants, Ray.

Just put some pants on and get in there.

And get George out of the toilet.

George?

Ready? Yeah.

George, you're not required in this meeting.

We know you're a good probate clerk.

He's exceptional. Don't correct me!

I'm also the webmaster. Not anymore.

Well, I don't think you can stop him from being the webmaster.

It's kind of who he is. Stop talking.

George, there is the door. Please use it.

Sorry, Helen.

It's OK, mate. Save yourself.

Soy babyccino. Yes. That's here.

And a long black...for the grown-up.

Yeah. So that's the long and short of it.

What I need to ask myself

is would it be good for my heart to open that wound again?

I understand that.

It's been a tough road, but I'm in a good place now,

working through the pain of my loss.

I'm sorry, mate. Did someone die?

I did.

In here. Ah!

So what do you think? Reproachment?

Ours was a big love.

Very big. Big, big love. Love of the ages.

And I guess if Roz is open to healing...

Sorry. Are you going to eat that?

No. Go ahead. All yours. Thank you.

Good on ya.

Bit weird. What's that?

Oh, I don't mind.

I turned my back on sugar years ago.

Wish I could. I bloody love the stuff.

Good on you, mate.

So, where are we? Healing? Reproaching?

Yes. I think I'm ready.

Let's open up the lines of communication

and see what flows through.

That's the spirit.

Exactly. Yeah.

What Marshmallow Man said. Good stuff.

Yeah.

Because we're not here to make friends.

We are here to make money. This is the big league.

And this is your assistant, Patsy.

I thought George would be my assistant.

Mr Furstenberg wants George on the top floor.

But don't cry about it.

That's rude to Patsy.

You think she's not good enough for you?

She is good enough.

MVP -

two months in a row.

MV...what?

It's from sports. We are like a team.

OK. I'm bored. Let's get out of here, team.

Hands in.

Firsties on three.

One. Two. Three.

Firsties!

Kevin, get me a Gatorade. I need electrolytes.

Patsy, snap for me.

Georgie. Look who it is.

The man who sold us down the river for 30 pieces of silver.

Yep. Judas. I get it.

I haven't got time for it right now, though. I'm on a mission.

I'm a love broker.

No more base camp. Just the funnel.

You got a minute?

Well, if it's about the buyout, whatever you choose to do, Raymond,

I will support you.

Oh. How is Gus, by the way? Furstenberg? Yeah. Good.

- Sends his regards. - Oh. I bet he does.

Oh, really, Rosalind? Yeah.

I knew you had a fling with Grey back in the day,

but Furstenberg as well?

Nothing serious.

Just a petite affaire de coeur when we were...clerking together.

Speaking of petite affair de... whatever you said,

I bumped into Dean today.

Dean? Where did you see Dean?

I ran into him completely by chance at Madison's Cafe.

What, around the corner?

Oh, dear. Do you think he's stalking me?

I mean, I'm not against it. No, nothing like that.

But I think he's still carrying a torch.

Oh. Well, I mean, of course.

There's been a suggestion of a reproachment.

Rapprochement.

Point is, I got the feeling

he would very much like to have another crack

at the safe that is your heart, Rosalind.

I don't know, Raymond.

He was very clingy, remember?

Clingy or devoted? Good point.

I mean, he was very supportive.

And he was truly understanding about what it is to be an empath.

You're a giver, Rozi. Thank you. Thank you. Ray.

I mean, none of my clients seem to think so.

Could be exactly what you need.

Little hit of endorphins,

get you feeling like your old self again.

I have missed myself.

Well, this is nice. And I won't lie. I have been thinking about you.

And it was quite serendipitous that Ray ran into you.

Yes. When Ray called, I said to him...

Sorry. Hang on. What? Ray called you?

Yes. And I told him I felt like I never got closure.

I see.

They think that might be what triggered my breakdown.

Breakdown?

Oh, Ray never mentioned a breakdown.

Oh, yes, I was in a bad way.

But as I said to Ray, I'm in a good place now.

I've got good people around me,

like Caleb, giving me the help I need 24/7.

Caleb?

Caleb thought seeing you would help with my recovery.

Important to face your demons head on.

So here goes.

Oh, you mean me? I'm the demon?

Yeah. Oh, wonderful.

I'll just add that to my Google reviews.

Um... Sorry. Caleb, was it? Mm.

And what's your role here?

Oh, I'm Dean's support person. From the San.

As in the sanatorium?

Copeland's premier emotional repair clinic.

Ah.

I met your brother the other day at the cafe.

Called me Marshmallow Man.

Oh. I'm sorry. Ray can be quite insensitive.

Mm.

So, are you... Are you painting again?

Oh, yes. I'm teaching Caleb. Yeah.

He's doing OK.

Very hands on. Yeah.

Tell me, Ray, when you randomly ran into Dean the other day,

do you remember a man in a blue polo shirt, goes by the name of Caleb?

Doesn't ring a bell.

What if I said to you 'Marshmallow man'?

Oh, yeah. That weirdo. Yes.

That weirdo is Dean's support person at the Copeland Sanatorium.

The nut house? No.

The emotional renovation clinic, or whatever they call it.

Hang on. He told me he was in a good place.

He is. He's in the Copeland Sana-fucking-torium.

What is he doing in there?

He's recovering from a breakdown triggered by yours truly.

I mean, honestly, Raymond,

did you not see that something was slightly off?

Well, I guess the babyccino was a red flag.

Hey, I need a precedent for making a claim on a will

based on an unfair divorce settlement. Go.

You'll have to ask Ray. Ugh!

He's still working on his engagement vows.

You really should help him, Georgie.

I'm still not ready.

What if I told you he was writing things like,

"I promise to laugh with you every day"?

That's not practical. I know.

What if nothing funny happens that day?

He's making promises with his mouth that his body can't keep.

Exactly.

He needs you, webmaster.

Look up Forbrack versus Forbrack.

DIY divorce. No court-approved settlement.

1992, I think.

Wow. Thanks, Rain Man.

You know, I'm pretty sure he's also planning to use the phrase,

"You complete me."

And he brought his guitar in today.

OK, that's not happening. Hm.

Wow. That is a lot more than Ray said I was going to get.

I know. I really brought this one home.

Um, I don't know if this is inappropriate,

but I just, um...

..made you a little something.

Oh!

Well, that's so useful.

Let me help you put it on.

Hey, where are you off to?

I am off...

Why have you got a spoon around your neck?

Oh, a little present from Nerida.

First I thought it was a bit weird, but now I kind of like it.

I'm thinking of getting some cheese knife earrings to match.

I am off to the Mediation Standards Board.

Seems they've heard about my new method.

Oh, the filter of bullshit.

The funnel of common sense.

Yes, that.

The board wants me to show them how it works.

I'm happy to mention your name. Give you a little credit.

What did I do?

You taught me it's quite possible to do a good job

even if your clients don't like you.

Yeah, I really don't think that's what I said.

And by the way, a lot of my clients do like me.

Alright. Don't skite.

I'm just very grateful.

OK.

This new process of mine is going to change the face of mediation

and become my legacy.

Good luck. Thank you.

Mmm.

Fisk.

Morning, Ray.

In my office.

Now?

Ray? Sit down.

Maybe take the meat cleavers off.

Oh, I got these from Nerida Timmins.

They're miniature cheese knives.

OK, give them to me.

I don't want you having anything sharp close to hand.

What's going on?

I'm afraid the old boy connections

have come back to bite you in the ass.

What old boys? Furstenberg called me yesterday.

He was out golfing with your old boss.

Oh, not from Peacock and Lee?

Yep. That one.

Your name came up because of the buyout.

Let me guess.

Did he tell Mr Furstenberg that I attacked a client

and called her a "silly old whore"?

You bet he did.

He also shared a few other choice anecdotes

about your demise at Peacock and Lee.

Did you really steal the office microwave?

I didn't steal it.

I relocated it to the boot of my car.

Couldn't afford to buy a microwave?

I was trying to stop people from using it.

The whole office went on this microwave popcorn jag.

It was unbearable. The stink, the constant...

"Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop!"

Furstenberg doesn't want a bar of you.

He thinks you're not a team player.

So, what? The deal's off?

No, the deal's still on. They're keeping Georgie, but you're out.

Oh, no. Come on. I'd actually come around to the idea.

Mate, I tried, I really did.

But I'm afraid your reputation precedes you.

It's not your fault, Ray. It's not your fault.

Sorry, Fisk. Yep.

Hey, webmaster. Did you hear? I'm not getting picked for the team.

Yeah. Ray told me.

We made up.

Ah, that's great news. You must be really happy.

Yeah, but I can't think about my own happiness right now.

I'm gonna really miss you, Helen.

Right back at you, buddy.

Can't you find someone else to buy Ray out?

Who? Anyone I approach, they're going to research me.

What are they going to find out?

That you stole a microwave?

Well, I didn't steal a microwave.

I stole people's access to a microwave. It's a bit different.

What about that pen story?

No, I never shoved a pen up a clerk's arse. That is a lie.

I threatened to if he wouldn't stop clicking it, but I never did it.

Hey, Ray. Hey.

Buddy.

Hey, I've been thinking. Maybe you should talk to Roz.

About? Furstenberg. She knows him.

She might be able to get in his ear, sweet talk him a little bit,

change his opinion of you.

OK.

Thanks, Ray.

Worth a try.

Roz, what are you doing? What happened?

I don't want to talk about it. Oh, no.

Did the mediation board not like your funnel?

My legacy? My contribution to the world, to the oeuvre of mediation?

No, they did not.

My funnel has been banned.

Just circles and pyramids only.

I'm sorry for your loss.

What do you need? I actually need a favour.

You know Gus Furstenberg, right?

Oh, yes. We were lovers once. Oh, OK.

I did not get the heads up on that one. Really?

Don't judge, Helen. This is a very small, incestuous industry.

I'm sure you slept with half the solicitors in Sydney

back in the day.

I'm sure I didn't. Right.

Well, I will not apologise for being a sexual creature.

What's the problem?

Furstenberg found out about my history at Peacock and Lee,

and I've been cut from the buyout deal.

Oh, Helen.

Ray said you might go to bat for me with Furstenberg.

Convince him I've changed, that I am a team player now.

Because I am, Roz. I really am.

Alright.

Pitch me. Sell yourself.

OK.

So here's the thing. Sure, when I arrived, I wasn't much.

But now I think I really chip in. I do a lot.

I brought everyone a coffee machine.

Sometimes I don't get a mug cake.

I work really hard, Roz.

I need this job.

And that's my pitch.

I mean, Helen, that was impressive.

I loved your passion. Thank you, Roz.

I'll do it. I'll have a word.

Excellent.

Oh, gal pal o'clock by my watch.

Should we take this down to Misty's?

Yes, absolutely.

Look at me. I'm a team player. Whoo-hoo!

Let's get wasted.

What? Just trying to be a joiner, Roz.

Yeah, well, take it down a notch.

Misty's is a very classy establishment.

Can I get a pina colada? Yes. I'll get you a couple.

Cheers, Roz. Cheers.

Mm.

Oh! Oh. Oh! Lovely.

That is like a delicious pineapple milkshake. Do you wanna try it?

No. I'm good.

Why don't we get a little something to share?

Maybe a cheese platter or some charcuterie.

Mm. Maybe the soup.

Mm, that's not really a share food, Helen.

I'll get two spoons.

You're drinking that very quickly.

It's yummy. Mm. Is it?

Mm.

This is lovely.

Mm. Mm!

Can I have a turn of the soup now, Roz?

Don't panic. I'll leave you some.

Not yet.

Mm.

Morning, Ray.

Gee.

You look a little worse for wear. Oh.

I went for drinks last night with Helen to discuss the whole

Furstenberg fiasco,

and I might have had one drink too many.

Oh, Rosalind, you didn't...

What? You didn't sleep with Fisk?

Oh, no!

Morning, guys. Did Roz tell you?

Big announcement in the meeting room.

Mm. I'm even going to get a mud cake.

Wonderful. Oh, they're my earrings.

I'll take those. Thank you.

Remind you of anything? Cheese board.

What was that? And charcuterie. Mm.

So much charcuterie.

Thank you for coming to my big announcement.

Last night, Roz and I went for a drink at Misty's.

Oh, no. Did Roz take advantage of you?

What? No. As if. Shush.

Anyway, after a couple of drinks, we decided...

..we don't even need Gus Furstenberg.

Get him on the line and tell him he's been cut from the team.

No, I'm not going to do that, mate. Yes, you are.

Because I found you a new buyer.

Don't look at me, Helen.

I told you, I don't have that kind of cheese.

No, not you, dummy.

Get there quicker, Fisk. Yes. Hurry up, Helen.

OK, I will...partner.

It's Roz.

Roz is going to buy you out.

She's coming back to the law, back to probate, where she belongs,

where people are nice and say thank you and give you gifts.

They don't make bomb threats and call you a moron or a disgusting disgrace,

or say you've got a dumb face and give you a one star review...

Yes. Alright. Thank you. I think they get it.

I am returning to the law.

We don't even have to change the wall. We're still Gruber and Fisk.

The bees in the hive.

We talked about making it alphabetical this time -

Fisk & Gruber... No, that's not happening.

But that's not happening, and it doesn't even matter,

because I'm so happy at Gruber & Fisk.

In fact, Roz... I will even hug you if you want.

It's alright, Helen.

Thank you, Roz.

Oh, you know what you're going to need?

Mm?

Oh, it does come in handy. Here.

Mud cake knife. Yeah.

Oh, that's a treat. Oh, wow. That works.

It's a really good knife. Yeah.

Oh. Let's celebrate.

It's still not my favourite, but I will eat it.

I thought it was wonderful.

Oh, hey, while we're celebrating,

I'm supposed to invite you all to my dad's funeral.

It's this Saturday. What?

What? Oh, no. Fisk, why didn't you say something?

He's not dead. He's attention seeking.

They bought some cry before you die package. So everyone's welcome.

You got to just sing a song or make a speech. Do some magic. Whatever.

Oh, I'll definitely do something acapella.

Wonderful.

Yeah. And also...

Bags Ray's office!

What have I said, Helen?

There's no bagsing here.

Let's flip for it. Great idea, Rozi.

Heads or tails, Fisk?

Oh. Tails.

Tails it is. Oh, yes!

Got it.

It's all yours, Helen.

Can't take it back now. Won it on a flip. Yes!

You're a giver, Rozi. Mm-hm.

# Yes, we've just begun... #

That's beautiful, Ray.

Yeah?

Three penis paintings.

Marshmallow Man did that one.

# Ooh-ah-ah

# Working together day to day

# Together. #

Hello.

We're Gruber & Fisk,

two of the best wills and estates lawyers in the Copeland Shire.

Empathy, understanding,

kind faces,

and a common sense approach to the law.

At Gruber & Fisk, we don't just listen,

we hear you.

We care about the details.

We're never off the clock.

We're always thinking about our clients.

Every connection is an opportunity.

If there's a precedent, we'll find it.

Probate. It's a woman's job.

Hold for the disclaimer. Holding.

Three penis paintings. That's art, mate.

A lot of blokes can't do that.