Original subtitles

Morning, George. Hi, Roz.

Where's Grandma? She usually beats everyone in.

Lily was just temping for the week.

No, I told her I wanted to keep her on full time.

She can't work full time.

She runs a craft club for special needs people, so...

Hey, Webmaster.

Did Grandma tell you I went to craft club?

Oh, good for you, Helen. Were you helping?

No, I was doing craft.

Ray said I've got to join more clubs.

Look, we did decoupage. For you, Georgie.

That is a pen holder or binoculars, whatever.

Thanks, Helen, I love it.

And, Roz, I know you like French stuff, so I made you...

..an objet d'art.

It's a conch shell covered in pictures of conch shells.

Thank you, Helen.

Did you tell Roz? Tell me what?

Grandma's quit. Oh, I know.

Too busy, apparently.

No, I thought she said the job was too boring.

Did she? The, um...

Does it have to be carrots and juice? Could it be tea and biscuits?

It's supposed to be a healthy midmorning snack to help you focus.

You don't want to just try it?

Sorry, George. I think it's a no to the office sip and crunch.

Moving on, now, unfortunately, Grandma's no longer with us.

Oh, Christ, mate.

Take the day, take the week, buddy.

You don't need to be here. No, no, no.

She's not dead. She didn't want the job.

Too busy, apparently.

No, too boring, she said, Roz, remember?

Yes, alright, now I need all of you to get your feelers out.

Have you tried LinkedIn? No.

I don't have time to decipher people's mission statements.

Who puts a mission statement on LinkedIn?

Everybody. I didn't.

Do I need to write a mission statement?

What's my mission, George? Hey, hey, hey!

Can we all focus, please? That's why we need sip and crunch.

Now, I need someone with common sense and a good work ethic.

Mellie's son's a bit of a go-getter.

Ambitious, he's intelligent.

He's been working at her sock salon. Sorry, what's a sock salon?

It's not important, Helen, please don't get jagged on it.

No, but when you say that he was... I said drop it.

What's he like? Does he present well?

I haven't actually met him,

but I know he's looking for a new challenge.

Has he outgrown the sock salons? What did I just say?

I just want to know what a sock salon is.

I'll look it up. Thank you, George.

Well, let's get him in.

What's his name? Not sure.

Ray, how can you not know his name? He's your girlfriend's son.

Well, she always calls him Bubs or Bubby.

Oh, Ray! Don't start, Rosalind.

There's the sock salon. How do you work at that?

Maybe you turn it and point at the socks?

Helen, I assume you have work to do.

I do, Roz. I have a lot of work to do in my probate salon.

Come on, guys, that was funny.

I would not poke the bear today.

Melcome, welcome.

This is so exciting.

I mean, it's exciting to see...

Not that your dad died. I'm sorry for your loss.

Thank you. I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name.

I still think of you as Macho Matcha Man.

It was your order, wasn't it?

We all really miss Blendology.

Me too. I miss being part of people's wellness journey.

I should have stuck to the blended beverages.

The soups were a mistake.

Melcome, how lovely to see you!

There she is.

Plop of the morning with extra flax.

Yes, or I prefer 'Roz' around the office.

So, how are you, Melcome? How are you since the shutdown?

I've got to tell you, I really miss those soups.

Who knew that soup would make people so angry?

I know, right? I still have nightmares.

I see the woman banging the ladle.

Where's the tomato?

Where's your bog standards, mate?

Tomato, come on!

What are you running here? What are you running?

OK. Do you want to maybe talk about your dad's will now?

It's fairly recent. Mm-hm.

You can see the date on it.

That is recent, OK.

You're the executor, that makes sense.

And, oh, hello. Who is Vicki Bianchini?

She's Dad's carer.

OK. And his girlfriend.

So, which is it, carer or girlfriend?

Or was it a carer with benefits kind of thing?

She started as his carer,

and then, about six months ago, they fell in love.

Did they really? Gosh, that's good timing.

I know, he was so lucky.

So, together six months, yet made sole beneficiary.

Did you and your dad have some kind of fight before he died?

Oh, I'm not a fighter.

Dad always said best form of self-defence -

lie on the ground.

Come on, get the soup!

I'd be pooping for weeks if I had that.

Tomato, mate. It's not organic, mate.

It's bullshit.

OK.

So handsome.

What do you think, George?

Does he look like a mediator to you?

Yeah, or a mediator's assistant, maybe.

So, what's on your ankles, man?

What's your sock story?

Vintage Chris Evert classics.

Oh, wow, that's sock!

I'm trying to get 'sock' to catch on, you know, like 'sick'.

Feel free to try it out.

Yeah, I probably won't, but good luck with that.

I'm sure I heard someone saying it this morning, Bub.

I think it's catching on already.

You might have gone viral. Oh.

Oh, did you wear your business socks?

How sock are these?

Very, very sock indeed.

Hey, reception guy.

What do you think, sock or what?

A thumbs up from him.

Did your dad ever discuss the will with you?

I didn't get to see him very much.

Vicki said he was too sick for visitors.

Oh, wow, she's brazen.

Yes, she is wonderful.

She let me have a Zoom meeting with Dad every Friday.

Zoom, how special!

Look, I don't want to apply for probate

until we know what really happened here.

I think what happened is he fell in love with Vicki

and decided she deserved everything.

Oh, come on.

You don't think this is vaguely suspicious?

Your dad is terminally ill,

and then along comes Vicki, the carer.

And, "Oh, hello, old man who is dying.

"I have fallen in love with you.

"And now I'm going to help you write your will.

"And in that will, we will leave everything to me

"and nothing to your only son."

I'm sorry, Melcome, I'm not buying it.

Melcome?

Melcome?

I'm not fighting with you.

I'm trying to help you.

You can go through now. Roz is ready for you.

Here we go.

Best foot forward.

Oh, this one or this one?

They're both fantastic options.

You're hilarious.

Isn't he, George? He should be on the stage.

OK, come on, be serious now, mister.

Time to impress the boss.

No, this way.

Left, right, left.

Come on. Oh!

Melissa, hello.

I wasn't expecting to see you. What a nice surprise.

And this must be... Bubby.

Pleased to meet you.

Two pumps only, Bub. It's a business shake.

We talked about that.

Hmm, business shake.

Oh, are you staying for the interview?

Oh, well, we're all friends here,

and it's not like it's a formal interview, is it?

Well, no, not anymore, it isn't.

So, first question.

What do I call you?

Bubby. Bubby.

Sorry, are you saying Bubby or Bobby? Bubby.

And is that short for Robert or...Rubbert?

No, it's just Bubby.

Alright, Bubby.

Now, what do you know of the world of mediation?

Oh, he knows a lot. He's learned the pyramid of understanding,

the circle of resolution.

Oh, well, that's wonderful. Do you have a favourite?

I don't personally, no.

Well, that's alright, because I was asking Bubby.

Mum, I got this.

Sorry, I'm just going to zip it and you take it away.

The floor is yours.

Pyramid vs circle.

They both have their advantages for dispute resolution.

What you choose really depends on the personality

of the parties involved.

That's a wonderful answer, isn't it, Roz?

Well, yes, it is rather good.

Spot-on. Well done, Bub.

Why don't we just jump straight in, get you started on reception

and leave Mum to get on with her day?

Sounds good. Sounds sock to me.

That's just a funny little expression that Bubby invented.

I'm sure he'll explain it to you.

I can't wait.

So, basically...

No, not now.

Knock, knock. How's my Ray Ray?

Oh, hello. Hello, my lady love.

Not here.

Bubby is literally on the other side of that wall.

I cannot wait to meet him.

Roz really gave him a grilling, but he was wonderful.

Oh, good stuff!

She asked if Bubby was short for Rubbert!

Oh, that's too...! That's too funny!

What is it short for? Barbara?

Oh, Ray!

Now, I've got something to show you.

Oh, are these the new line for the sock salons?

They're just the prototypes I've had made up.

Oh, OK. Oh, have you seen this?

Oh, no, these have all got holes in them.

Did you want me to make a phone call,

threaten to crack some skulls if they don't remake them?

'Cause I'll do it.

No, they're my new socks for sandals line.

Well, what do you think?

Well, I don't quite understand the point of them,

but they look wonderful.

They're all the comfort of a sock without ruining the look

of your open-toed sandal.

I can see someone's had a pedicure.

Ray don't go getting all urgent, please, not here.

I know, I do. I do understand. I do know.

Hey! Can I help you?

No, I'm all good, man. I'm Bubby, new mediator at Conch.

I'm Helen. This is my office.

Oh, so it's not like a hot-desking thing, sit wherever you like?

No, that's why my name's on the door,

'cause it's my office.

I think your desk is out at reception.

Yep, got it.

It is pretty noisy out there, though.

Just gonna check. Are you planning to be in here all day?

In my office? If you're ducking in and out,

maybe we could timeshare the space.

That could work.

That's not going to work, 'cause I'm full-time.

I'm a partner at Gruber and Fisk. I'm the Fisk.

Yeah, just a thought. I'll get out of your way.

All yours. Thank you.

That's OK, no problem.

Oh.

I've forgotten my gum.

Oh!

I do feel more focused. I told you.

George, where's Bubby? He's gone home.

It's 3:30.

He wanted to get a lift with Mellie

'cause he didn't have any credit on his myki card.

Hmm. Day one, bodes well.

Good morning, Bubby.

Oh.

It's not smoke, it's vape.

Alright, we've got a mediation starting at 10am,

and I'd like to run you through the details.

Yep. See you inside.

Let's do this!

Work!

I still think I should have made a call.

Is it a young person thing? I mean, would you wear them?

No, but I don't wear sandals.

I have too much respect for other people's eyes.

Just quietly, I think Mellie might have lost her mind.

People do crazy things when they're in love.

Oh, so, do you think she's in love with me?

Oh, of course, you're very charming.

But I was talking about Bubby.

Yeah, definitely in love with him.

Is that normal?

I would say it's not quite normal, but it's also not not normal.

I know exactly what you mean.

You know, that's the equivalent of 36 cups of coffee,

42 Mars bars and a gram of dirty biker speed.

What? Oh, they're not mine. I don't drink that.

Did you get me that list of medications?

Oh, jackpot!

I mean, oh, it's terrible.

Was your dad really on all these?

That's what the doctor said.

Ready to confront this woman?

I really don't want to confront anyone.

That's OK. I'll do all the confronting.

It's my special skill. I might need a tea.

Do you have any Valerian or St John's wort?

Ceremonial-grade cacao?

I might have some supermarket-grade Milo.

Bubby, I'm just chasing the notes from this morning's mediation.

What do you need to know? Where the notes are.

Up here.

I find physically taking notes takes you out of the moment.

I focus better when I just listen.

Ask me anything. OK.

Well, Margaret had three items on her wish list for justice.

Margaret? Hm.

Remind me.

The woman from this morning's mediation.

A woman?

Yeah, got it.

Brown hair, blue shirt.

No, blonde hair, green dress.

Much of a muchness.

Anyway, she was after half the cost of the fence,

removal of the offending lattice.

And what was the third thing?

Maybe a new gate.

What do you mean, maybe?

Oh, I'm thinking fence, gate...

No, no, no. We're not playing word association.

I need to know what was actually said,

which is why I asked you to take notes.

Let me go through the notebook. I'll get back to you.

Would you mind, please? Taking my cup? Thank you.

Uh, not going to wash that up?

Oh, I'm pretty flat-out.

Do you mind? Already at the sink.

I'm Bubby, by the way.

Yes, I know, we met the other day in my office.

Sorry, I'm meeting so many new people.

Ray, Roz, reception guy, you.

So, all four of us.

I know, right?

Thanks so much for doing that.

Quick question.

When do we get paid?

I don't know, I don't work for Conch.

Ask Roz. Alright.

What do you do again?

I'm a partner at Gruber and Fisk.

I'm the Fisk.

Oh, that's good!

Sock! Congrats to you and yours.

Thank you.

Come on, yep, bring your Milo.

Melcome! Oh, hello, darling.

This is a shock, isn't it?

Who would have thought your dad even had a will?

Hi, I'm Vicki.

I was Brian's life partner.

See? She didn't even know he had a will.

Oh, I know. Apparently, you had no idea

Brian planned to make you his sole beneficiary.

Sorry, sole bena-whatery? I don't know what you mean.

It means you inherit everything. Gee!

Oh, well, I guess I did do a lot for him in his final years.

Months. I think it was months. Six, in fact.

It feels a lot longer when it's the love of your life.

Does it?

So, do I need to sign something or do...?

No, no, no. I'm just letting you know, as a courtesy,

that I plan to challenge the validity of this will.

Oh, that sounds expensive.

I hope you're not taking Melkie for a little ride here,

because that will looks pretty valid to me.

Yep, that's Brian's signature, yeah.

Mm, yeah, that is his signature.

Yep, but I just find it hard to believe

that Brian would cut his only son out of the will.

It's crazy. But obviously it's what he wanted,

because it's right there in black and white.

And I guess you've got to ask yourself, Melcome, were you there?

No.

And was I? Yes, 24/7.

Uh, hang on.

The only reason he wasn't there is because you wouldn't let him visit.

Who told you that? Who do you think? Melcome told me.

I didn't say it in a negative way.

This is starting to feel like a personal attack.

Just talk to me, Melkie. What am I being accused of?

Helen thinks, and I'm not sure that I agree with her,

but she thinks you might have forced Dad

into signing this will.

What? It's...

I can't believe... How would...?

What would that even look like? "Oh, uh...Mm."

Grabbed his hand and...

OK, well, this is offensive. Yeah, OK.

When you've finished your little Weekend At Bernie's show...

I just think we need to accept

that this is what your father wanted.

No, I don't think we do need to accept that.

This will could be deemed invalid due to lack of testamentary capacity.

I don't know what that means.

Brian was on a lot of medications.

I think there's every chance he didn't know what he was signing.

Prove it. Oh, I will.

I can't believe that you are treating me like this,

after everything that I did for your father.

Oh. You are accusing me.

You are... I brought your father so much joy.

What's he doing?

Oh, no, Melcome, not again. Come on, man, get up.

Sit at the table like a grown-up.

Come on.

Yes, George? A message from Ray.

He said to tell you that Melissa called to say

that Bubby's not feeling well and he won't be coming in today.

Right. So, to be clear,

Bubby told Melissa to tell Ray to tell me he's not coming in today?

Yeah, and then Ray told me to tell you.

And is Ray here?

No, he ran off pretty fast after giving me the message.

Did he really?

Would you rather do this here or in your office?

Alright, thoughts on Bubby?

It's a ridiculous name, obviously, but I can't say anything.

What about his work ethic?

It's hard to say. I've not seen much of him.

Well, that's because he's either arrived late, left early,

called in sick, or he's outside banging on his vapour pipe.

You could just say vape. Yes, alright.

Steam stick. Heard some kids call it a hot juice box.

Alright, but how would it affect your relationship

if I had to let Bubby go?

Oh, God, please don't! Mellie worships that kid.

Give him another chance. He can't be that bad. Please, for me.

It was just a hypothetical. Don't panic.

Mist whistle? Fog rocket?

Anyone for a toot on the old blueberry harmonica?

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

Good morning, Webmaster. Where's Bubby?

Let me guess, in my office?

No, he's in with Roz.

Oh, do you think he's getting fired for calling in sick?

He actually called in 'sock'. Ugh, of course he did.

But I don't think he's getting fired.

Roz says she's putting on her mentoring hat.

Good luck with that.

What do you think of him? He's a bit annoying, don't you think?

I won't be drawn into office gossip, Helen.

Fair enough, you're a good person.

What if I just said things about him and you nod yes or no?

Special WhatsApp group?

Just us?

No screenshots allowed.

Come on.

OK.

Can you put that down?

So, how are you feeling today?

So much better. Just needed a mental health day.

I think I've got anxiety.

Can't seem to get to sleep.

I've got heart palpitations.

Do you think it might be

the six cans of insane jolt buzz you're drinking?

No. Well, this is nothing formal.

I'm just checking in to see how you are.

Not gonna lie, it's a lot.

But it's nice to be doing something worthwhile.

Well, that's excellent.

I'm glad.

Let's talk about expectations.

It's pretty much what I expected.

Oh, no, OK, you go.

I do think there's a few things I could be doing differently.

Good, talk to that.

Number one, I lose a lot of time vaping.

Agreed.

So, rather than having to go outside every time I need a quick choof,

wouldn't it be more efficient if I vaped at my desk?

I think you'll find the law might be against us on that one.

You're probably thinking of smoking. Vaping is different.

No, it isn't. Anything else?

Can I be candid? The 9am start is killing me.

The traffic.

Might I suggest you beat the traffic

by coming in at 8am and leaving at four?

Problem, big problem. Mum's got Pilates.

She can't drop me off any earlier than nine.

Bus. No.

Train? Impossible.

Tram. Come on.

Oh, God. I thought we'd solved it.

Hmm.

What if we said 10am start? And you'd work through till six?

A four o'clock finish works better for me.

OK, now look...

I am willing to give ten till four a go.

Sock!

And where did we land on the desk choof?

Hang on, Melcome, let me just put you on speaker.

I just got off the phone to Vicki.

Yes, OK.

She said she's going to get a lawyer.

Oh, no, God!

I knew this would happen.

I just said don't spiral. She hasn't got one yet.

That's good.

See, I told you she was a nice person.

She's so not a nice person.

Listen, I really need to be able to prove

that your dad didn't know what he was signing.

When you saw him on Zoom, how did he seem to you?

He was a bit vague, I guess.

A bit vague. Can you give me some specifics?

I could send you the recordings.

What recordings?

I recorded the Zooms, so I'd have some memories.

Oh, well, that is absolutely...

Oh, shit, shit, shit!

There's a fire, everybody!

Anybody! There's a fire!

Relax.

It's just vape.

You can't vape inside.

It's illegal.

Sorry, who are you?

Oh, come on. Are you serious?

I'm Helen, from the timeshare office.

The sink? I washed up your cup.

I walk past you every day and say hello.

Gruber and Fisk, I'm the Fisk.

Oh, yeah. God, sorry.

You look different.

You changed your hair or something?

I haven't changed anything since 1997.

So, what's the problem? You seem pretty cranky.

You can't smoke in the office.

It's not smoke, it's vape.

It doesn't matter. You can't do it.

I thought the desk was on fire.

But it wasn't, so...

Well, yeah, I know that now, but it's still illegal.

You're thinking of smoking. Vaping is really different.

No, it isn't, same laws apply.

I should know, I'm a lawyer.

Oh, right. I didn't know that.

You did know that. I've told you multiple times.

Gruber and Fisk. I'm the Fisk. It's on the wall.

OK, I didn't realise that was a law firm.

It says solicitors.

Look, just don't vape in the office, and try and remember my name.

It's really rude.

Wow, someone needs to calm down.

What did you do that for?

Why? 'Cause I want you to remember me.

She's psycho.

What?

I need a word about Bubby.

Did he complain about me?

Why would he complain about you?

Because I told him not to vape in the office.

It's illegal, Roz. I know, but what can I do?

You can't fire someone for vaping.

Could you fire him for being called Bubby?

Gee, he's gotten under your skin. What don't you like about him?

Nothing, sorry. I shouldn't have said anything.

No, no, no, no.

You're a partner now,

and you have a right to your opinion.

Speak freely. OK.

He's patronising, disrespectful, never remembers my name

or that I'm a lawyer or a partner. Oh, that's not good.

He's always using my office.

He doesn't even try and hide that he's been in here. Look at this.

Well, that is quite the invasion of privacy.

Yeah, and the other day,

I'm in the kitchen, I'm standing at the sink...

Sorry, what's this about? Am I in trouble?

What would you be in trouble for?

Because I accidentally set off the fire-extinguisher.

Oh, well, that's alright. In Bubby's face.

Oh, Helen, clearly the two of you are not getting along.

This isn't going to work.

Well, too bad, Roz, you can't fire me, you're not my boss anymore.

Don't be silly, no, I'm starting to think

that I might need to let Bubby go.

Sure, yeah. I mean, if that's what you want to do.

Well, do you think I should?

Yes, I do. He's hopeless.

He's rude, he's never at his desk.

When he is there, he's shaking his gum maraca in my face.

Or he's choofing on his stupid vape box.

Oh, Helen, you have talked me into it.

He has got to go. Yeah.

Bye, bye, Bubby. Bye, Bubby.

Oh, and it's not vape box. It's smog rocket.

Hmm...

Is it?

Raymond.

Helen told me to tell you to tell Mellie

to tell Bubby he's not working out.

What? When did Fisk get involved?

Oh, she's not happy

with his behaviour in the communal workspace.

And, look, she is a partner, so I think

we have to respect her wishes.

So, you want me to tell Mellie you fired Bubby?

You leave me out of it.

This is Helen's call.

Oh.

Hi, Dad.

You're looking really well.

Is that my hand? It's not my hand.

It feels like it's not attached to my arm.

Gosh.

Dr Niceman, I think you need to tie me down.

I'm going to float away.

It's good to see you, Dad.

How are you feeling?

Oh.

I'm a balloon.

Balloon.

Now, what I like about this video is that it was recorded the same day

Dad supposedly signed his will.

I'm a nurse, and even on Brian's medication,

he could have had moments of lucidity.

Yes, on his regular medications. That's true.

But I went back to the hospital and I got the report from this day.

Now, what does that say?

"Patient was administered ketamine for pain relief."

Can't sign a will if you're going down a k-hole.

A what?

K-hole? Isn't that what they call it?

Doesn't matter. Point is, he was off his face.

He was off his face, which is awful, Melcome.

So, what are my options?

You don't have any options. You're busted.

You can challenge my challenge, but you'll lose

and then you have to pay all the court costs.

Ask any lawyer. Show them the evidence.

No-one's taking this to court, I guarantee it.

You lose, lady, you lose.

Can I propose an option?

No, no option.

You get everything, she gets nothing.

Yes, but I appreciate that Vicki really did do a lot for him.

And I think that she made him very happy.

Melcome, she tried to scam you.

I would like to split the inheritance 50-50.

You're kidding me.

Oh, Melkie.

60-40?

I did do a lot.

Alright, job done.

I've pulled the trigger. Bubby won't be back.

Oh, Raymond, I know that was hard for you,

but like I said, Helen's a partner now,

what could we do? Whatever, Roz.

Have you heard the news?

George told me, what a result!

And Ray didn't even have to fire him.

What? Yes, he did.

He told me Bubby's not coming back.

No, apparently Melissa called.

Said Bubby's quit because he found the job too boring.

Well done, Roz, you bored another one right out the door.

Yes. Well done, me.

Hi, guys. I need to show you my new obsession.

Socks for Sandals, from Sassy Socks. Really fun.

I am so obsessed with these. I call these my cake socks

because they remind me of my birthday cake.

These ones have got, like, sparkle-in-the-library vibes.

Daisies? Obsessed!

If you're wondering what Cool Girl 2024 is, this is it.

Socks for Sandals. Yay!

I still don't quite understand the point of them.

Big news on the Australian Stock Exchange today

with the launch of the much-hyped Socks for Sandals.

Despite being reviewed as idiotic and pointless,

the toeless socks sold out within minutes,

sending Sassy Sock share prices through the roof.

Company spokesperson Rubbert 'Bubby' Marner

described the result as being "totally sock".

Captions by Red Bee Media

Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation