Original subtitles

Captain's Log, stardate 59499.6.

The Cerritos has been sent to repair

yet another dimensional fissure

picked up by a Starfleet observation buoy.

Apparently, a purple alternate universe version

of the Enterprise crossed into our reality

while battling some evil clones of Tasha Yar,

or something.

I can't keep track.

All right, let's get started sealing up that fizsh.

Third one this week.

We're getting pretty good at this.

Ah, sucks we missed the purple Enterprise.

I wonder if the carpets match the hull.

You two seem pretty at home here at the science station.

My home was in an outcropping of jagged rocks

in the Viltan Flats.

Huh. Well, maybe it's finally time

I fill the senior science officer position.

Captain, I put together a report

on the similarities between all these rifts.

Could I maybe brief the bridge crew?

Eh, let's hold off until after

I select a senior science officer.

Oh, uh, right, of course.

I didn't mean to overstep.

Lieutenant T'Lyn has also expressed interest.

I just need to make a decision.

- How'd it go? - She said T'Lyn applied, too.

Hmm. That makes sense. She's pretty into science.

You don't think T'Lyn's competing with me, do you?

Nah, Vulcans probably just forget about feelings.

- Just talk to her. - It doesn't matter.

The position should go to the most qualified candidate.

Not just the one who's dreamt about it

since they were old enough to carry a dagger.

Captain, I'm detecting a Starfleet power signature

on Dilmer III.

Belay closing that rift.

Looks like our friends on the purple D

left us a little present.

We have to retrieve whatever it is

before it disrupts their technological evolution.

Oh, but it's taquito night!

Which is why our lieutenants will handle it.

All right, undercover mission. We're gonna...

Wait, taquito night? No, I want taquitos.

You can just replicate some when you get back.

I know, it's just more fun to be there

for all the dancing and singing.

But I'm sure an undercover mission

will be... fun, too.

Eh, stupid undercover plastic surgery jobs.

I didn't go to Starfleet Medical for a costume party.

I'm sure we look great.

I'm a doctor, not whatever the this is.

Dilmer III is a pre-industrial civilization.

So we can't let them see us or any of our technology.

Yeah, have fun with all the livestock.

It's gonna smell like dog.

I am particularly sensitive to odor.

Well, you could stay on the ship, if you want.

I'm sure I can handle any science

that comes up down there.

No, this is gonna be a fun, alternate dimension

technology recovery girls' trip.

You're my two science officers.

I am ordering you to both come with.

I will ignore the inconvenience of the stench

to fulfill my duty.

Yeah, that's the spirit!

Want me to cauterize your scent receptors?

That would be appreciated.

Man, your stubble's coming in so clean and even.

Thanks. I've been getting a lot of compliments.

I'm sure you have, too.

It's weird, I haven't.

Eh, don't worry, roomie. Yours will grow in.

Whoa, looking good.

- Ready to churn some butter? - Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.

At the risk of throwing up on my sweet disguise,

what are you drinking?

Micheladas, with all the fixin's.

It is uncharacteristic for either of you

to drink something that features such an ostentatious skewer.

This is something the other Boimler drank, isn't it?

Did you get this from that PADD?

Ah, I mean, come on...

It's just a good drink.

You're plagiarizing someone's vibe and I won't stand for it.

Yeah, okay, can we focus?

Look, when you're down on Dilmer III,

you'll experience time dilation.

The planet's core has created a spacetime differential.

For every second on the Cerritos,

one week is gonna pass

- for you on the surface. - Oh!

It's like that planet Voyager went to.

Or like how time seems to slow down

when I'm forced to go to a play.

We disguised a return beacon.

When this starts to flash, you need to get where the locals

can't see you beam out, okay?

Ah, I love a mission with rules.

Are you jealous you aren't coming with?

Eh, from our perspective, you'll be gone

for, like, a second, so no.

Yeah, right. Yes, you are.

I am not.

Got shrimp in my eye!

Scans say that purple Enterprise's technology

is two kilometers north of here.

I suggest we make haste before any locals discover it.

Technically, whatever it is

crashed down here years ago in planetary time.

If they haven't found it by now, they probably won't.

Yeah, but T'Lyn's right.

No taking chances with the Prime Directive.

Let's hurry.

T'Lyn's always right.

Aw. This place is adorable.

Oh, my gosh, look!

- Bricks! - Lock it down.

We don't want anyone getting suspicious.

Aha!

Name's Snell.

Can I interest you in tickets for tonight's bonfire?

Two for a globber.

Damn, uh, fresh out of globbers.

Sorry.

Out of globbers?

Whoa, I didn't expect a big-ass crater.

Readings suggest a shuttlecraft crashed here.

Most of it must've been destroyed by the impact.

Better zap whatever we can't carry.

Wouldn't want a local to stumble across some awesome.

The power signature is over... here.

Good, these horns are starting to itch.

Is that a nose?

Impossible. Nothing could have survived the crash.

How about a silicon-based life-form?

Oh, no way. That's Commander Data's head.

And he's purple, too.

It must be a slightly more purple dimension.

Hmm.

What are you three up to?

Oh, Snell. Uh, we're just down here looking for globbers.

In a pit?

Yeah, and we didn't find any,

so that was dumb, I guess.

Why haven't I seen you in town before?

We are from the northern region.

Let me guess. Slarno?

Yep, that's us, Slarno strong.

What's behind your back?

Rocks. We are a traveling troupe of performers.

That's amazing!

Yeah, normally a show like that would cost you

some big-time globbers.

Now get out of here before we charge you.

- I didn't know you could juggle. - Neither did I.

- Whoa, that was your first time? - Correct.

- How do you do it? - It was simply algorithmic tossing.

You sure that necklace hasn't blinked yet?

It has not.

Boimler said he would bring us back in a second.

That was hours ago.

Is it possible that Mr. Boimler

has been distracted from his duty?

Probably with that stupid PADD.

I guess we better crash

in that abandoned shack for the night.

Well, what could've happened in an empty transporter room?

With the time dilation, we just saw him.

Beam them back! Beam them back!

Controls won't work under all the Michelada.

In the time it took for you to tell me that,

it's been a month for them.

Oh, no!

And me saying that, it was another month!

Stop talking months and help me wipe!

Ugh! I'd kill for a holodeck.

Ah. Another fruitful day

of scanning indigenous plants.

My away mission résumé is going to be more padded

than a Romulan's shoulder.

Can't wait to find out how the guys botched

standing at a transporter.

Guess it's safe to assume that we'll be here for a while.

Glad you're having fun.

I'm actually trying to bolster my chances

at the senior science officer position.

Cramming some science in at the last minute? Nice.

This is, uh, starting to feel like

when Picard got duped into thinking

he was a family man by that probe.

- I'm sorry. What? - You know, in 20, 25 minutes,

he lived out a full lifetime... had a family,

learned how to play the flute.

- That would be better than this. - Okay, so, do it.

I can't just...

Wait. You're right!

This could be my probe life!

Well, we might not have as much time as he did.

Which is why I got to hurry up and make a best friend!

I got to find a flute!

I harvested grain and ground it into flour with our windmill.

You built a windmill?!

I have been conducting a study

on indigenous agriculture.

Well, that sounds... rigorous.

Catch you later. I got to do some speed dating.

Snell, come on!

What are you doing here?

I thought this house was abandoned.

We like the town so we moved in. It's not a big deal.

I'll be keeping an eye on you.

Get out of here, Snell. Go get a life.

- Gah! - Why is there always a suspicious lurker

when you're in a Carbon Creek situation?

For real, T'Lyn, this windmill is crazy impressive.

Wow, look at that thing.

It's just wind. I love it.

Stupid windmill.

She thinks she's so capable and Vulcan.

Come on!

Hmm. Curious.

I am Lieutenant Commander Data. Who are you?

Oh. Hi.

I'm Lieutenant Junior Grade Tendi.

It is so nice to meet you.

You have no uniform.

- Are you a member of Starfleet? - Yes!

Uh, I serve on the USS Cerritos,

but right now, we're stuck on Dilmer III

waiting to be transported out.

My shuttled crashed.

Is that why I do not have a body?

Uh, yeah. Sorry. We-we looked around,

but I think it got burned up.

Do not be concerned.

I have been just a head before.

Lieutenant Commander Data,

can I ask you some questions about science?

As long as it does not require hands, feet or torso,

I believe you can.

Huh...

And you trust that Mr. Boimler will eventually

transport you back to the ship?

Oh, yeah, for sure.

He probably just fell over or something.

And in the interim, you are concerned

that Lieutenant T'Lyn is a more capable science officer?

- Well, we're both capable. - Of course.

Then it does not matter who receives the promotion.

I know. I'd just be so proud to do it.

Orions aren't usually science officers.

I will help you with your studies.

But you don't even know me.

That is true, but I am the only android

who has served on a Starfleet bridge,

so I know how difficult it is to be the first.

Ah! That's so nice!

You have also devised a way to power my positronic matrix

using a hand crank.

That is quite impressive.

Let us get to work.

Oh!

Okay, got to find someone dopey and trustworthy

who becomes a lifelong friend.

Hi. Can I get another one?

Hey, there. You got a best friend in the picture?

Aah! She horned my eye!

- - Uh, sorry. - I'm still getting used to the...

uh, the... nothing.

This lady assaulted me!

This is just the funny way we meet.

Ha, ha. Ha. We're gonna be chum buddies.

You're not really mad. Come on.

Not cool, man.

I need to live a rich and meaningful life.

Who knows when Boimler's gonna get his together.

Come on, come on!

There's nothing in here to clean with!

Yeah, 'cause food's not allowed in the transporter bay.

The fabric's only absorbing the absorbent stuff!

It's leaving behind a horrible goo!

We'll have to lick it off!

- - Aah! Aah! - Ow! Ow!

I'm experiencing a power fluctuation.

Have you adjusted the voltage stabilizer?

Oh, I haven't. Great call!

Done. No more cranking.

Now your battery will get charged

with hydroelectric power.

Congratulations.

I believe your captain will be quite impressed.

Uh, just a sec!

We are in need of currency.

I will sell my Dilmerian produce at the market.

- Do you care to join me? - Uh, I'm kind of busy.

But good luck with your melons.

These are grapes.

- What?! - The melons do not fit in the door.

They're all huge!

How did you get so good at agriculture?

I simply isolated certain traits

and accelerated growth with local fertilizers.

Ah. Well, I'm so glad for you.

Have fun in town.

You have spent 20 consecutive days

isolated with your water wheel.

Perhaps companionship would serve you well.

You know, I'm fine. Go enjoy your science fruits.

T'Lyn appears to be concerned with your well-being.

Yeah, well, she can afford to with her giant melons.

I can't compete with that.

Perhaps she has simply had more hours

to work on her horticulture.

Wait. What do you mean?

We've both been here the same amount of time.

Yes, but Vulcans rarely require sleep.

Ah, you're right!

I need to stop sleeping!

I only highlighted the physiological difference

to counter your negative self-assessment.

No, no, no. I'm glad you did. I'm just gonna chew

some stimulant leaf and work nights. No biggie!

I disagree. This plan could prove to be... a biggie.

Ah, I'm fine. I'll catch up on sleep

when I get back to the Cerritos.

Oh.

Yes...

- Ah... - Bye, everyone.

See you on the outside.

Two months for an eye poke? That is some Edo-level

bull right there.

Oh, go sneer at someone else, Snell.

Would you care to assist me in the produce market?

Can't. I'm running out of time.

I need to become a valuable member of the community, stat.

Ah. Ooh, yeah, a fire.

Okay, everybody stand back.

Someone needs to protect the town.

You guys see that? I'm a hero!

She extinguished our eternal flame.

Oh, no! How are we supposed to ward off dark spirits now?

I mean, I'm just saying, if that's all it took,

it couldn't have really been that eternal.

And who even believes in demons, right?

Hey, everybody. Miss any good rats while I was gone?

Ugh. Ugh.- -

It's working! Lick faster!

Oh, this thing tastes like Lundy smells. Aah!

I don't think he washes his hands

before he uses it.

Lieutenant?

Officer, please wake up.

Huh? Aah. Was I drooling?

Aah! I told you not to let me nod off!

You required rest to function at peak performance.

Yeah, I got to work around the clock

if I'm gonna finish this transporter.

Do not be so hard on yourself.

I struggled to build an electromagnetic field core

when I was trapped in 19th-century San Francisco.

Really? Well, how'd you get back to your own time?

I waited in a cave until Captain Picard, myself

and some guy in a silver jumpsuit dug me out.

We'll call that Plan B.

Uh, I need something

that can boost the power conduits on this thing.

Perhaps, instead, you could get a little more sleep.

No time. We got to go shopping.

Ah, there have to be some minerals

in this market I can use.

It seems cavalier to bring me along in this satchel.

I couldn't leave you alone, not with Snell poking around.

Aah! T'Lyn has a kiosk?

What? You can't give these people advanced medicine.

It breaks the Prime Directive.

Which is why it is not advanced.

You're selling... beauty products?

By boiling the skin of the shnoop fruit,

I have discovered a natural protein filament enhancer.

- Of course you did. - Their improved appearance

has imbued our neighbors with confidence.

I have improved their lives without breaking any protocol.

We are also now rich.

I'm so happy for you.

There!

- We got it! - Yes!

Get them back! Hurry!

We have to signal the thingy, the-the necklace.

Right, and that'll give 'em time to get away from any locals.

Ah, sh... Giving those people fancy hair

has to be breaking some sort of rule, right?

I fail to see how adding bounce to curls

could alter the course of civilization.

Oh, that's because you want T'Lyn to get the SSO job, too!

Don't you? Admit it!

Surely your captain will select the officer

best suited for the position.

I'm getting real tired of your sass, Data.

If you are tired, then you should sleep.

Oh, how about you get some sleep?

I knew it.

I don't need sleep. I need science.

I'll show you. I'll show everyone.

We have received the return signal.

We must prepare for transport.

Tendi, please wake up.

Or maybe you should join her!

Did you have a nice nap, witches?

Looks like ol' Snell's creepy lurking finally paid off.

We are not witches.

Tell it to your talking, hornless demon head!

Oh, you saw that, huh?

Finally, everyone is going to see

that my lurking protects the town.

Could I interest you in another juggling display?

Yes. I-I mean no.

I-I... Y-You'll put on a show soon enough,

when I'm back with the angry mob.

The return beacon has been activated.

We must make haste or someone may witness our beaming.

Ugh, it's all my fault.

I was so focused on trying to out-science you

that I let my guard down.

Why were you trying to "out-science" me?

The agriculture, the hair tonic.

We were trying to out-science each other.

I was unaware of a competition.

But I did notice your withdrawal.

My projects were an attempt to rebuild our comradery.

What? They were?

Oh...

I hope the captain chooses you for the bridge.

I couldn't keep up, and you didn't even know it was a race.

I intend to revoke my application

upon our return to the Cerritos.

What? Why?

Serving at the captain's side

requires skills I do not possess.

A science officer must be able to communicate.

- Which I clearly cannot. - Yes, you can.

I didn't let you because I was being competitive.

All that time on Orion must've gotten in my head.

You chose to serve in Starfleet.

I was banished here.

You confronted your past, while I have not.

I must improve myself before I can lead.

T'Lyn, that's not true.

You're amazing and I've been a real jerk.

But that ends now.

Please, do not shut me down mid-conversation.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

Curious. You have activated the android's head.

That is correct.

Data, can you chew off my bindings?

That is outside of my knowledge base,

but I have seen Lieutenant Worf do this.

I can try.

Wow, you really are fully functional.

Stupid soap flute.

- This sucks. - Hey.

What's the matter, Big Mare?

I had months to try and find a friend, a husband, a wife,

a job, or learn a flute, and I failed.

You made friends in here.

- Really? - Yeah, we love you, Big Mare.

You're one of us.

I found my alien family. They were here all along.

- I did it. - You did.

And two of us are murderers.

Shh, I-I don't want to know that.

Hey, you. You're free to go.

Wh... Really? Why?

Eh, you got friends with powerful hair remedies.

All right, go Team Science!

Hey, can my prison pals come, too?

- Hell no. - - Oh, come on.

Uh, sorry, guys, I tried.

Oh, it's been long enough. We got to do it.

All right, let's move it.

We got to get to the rendezvous point.

There's one more thing we got to do.

We don't have time.

Snell saw Commander Data's head

powered up and talking.

Crap, really? Oh, that is bad.

Uh-huh. We have to make it right.

Witches! There they are!

Come on, Snell, could you stop being yourself for once?

They have an undead head that speaks!

No, we don't.

Yes, you do. I saw it.

This is the plan?

Open the bag!

Aha! See?

It's just a giant grape.

I bought one of those in the market.

It's just a grape.

No, no, this is a trick.

The head was talking!

The lighting was pretty bad.

You were probably just confused.

You spend too much time lurking, Snell.

We all know it.

Wait! No!

That one can toss rocks in the air and catch them!

Who cares? Get a job, Snell.

Hello, I am Data.

I know. You're very famous.

I think we're in the clear.

Ooh, can I hold Data, please?

Huh. It's, like, warmer than I expected.

Why did you have a preconceived notion about my temperature?

Because I think about you all the time.

You are really cool.

I am cool? Then why does my warmth surprise you?

Such a Data thing to say.

Oh, man, this is great.

This is really everything I wanted it to be.

Snell is still lurking this way.

Come on, Boimler, hurry.

So, it breaks the Prime Directive

if someone sees your head,

but it's okay if everyone thinks Snell's a loser?

He appeared to be exhibiting traits

of what you would call a loser well before he saw my head.

Ha. Get burnt, Snell.

He will be here momentarily.

Are you sure you don't want to stick in our dimension?

I need to get home to Geordi.

He is my best friend.

Aw, respect. I'd go back for Geordi, too.

Huh.

Boimler, what the hell happened?

Uh, the controls had a glitch?

Yeah, totally random, uh, LCARS issues.

Apologies for the delay, Commander Data.

While the rift to your dimension is still open,

we'll be sending you back soon

for the purple Enterprise to pick up.

What color is your Enterprise?

No color, just neutral gray.

That seems like a missed opportunity

when purple is an option.

And Captain, permission to speak freely?

Of course.

While down on the planet's surface,

there was some discussion as to whom would be

receiving a promotion to senior science officer.

Yes, I'm actually having a hard time

deciding between two candidates.

Having spent a year in the field with them,

I would like to make a recommendation.

Guys, guess who's the new senior science officer.

You got the job?

No, we both did!

Congrats. Aw, that's a great call.

Good on Carol.

Apparently, purple Data told her

we were too good of a team to split up.

And he's best science friends with Geordi,

so he would know.

- You okay with this? - I share in the opinion

that we complement each other's strengths.

Damn, T'Lyn popping off.

Honestly, part of me is jealous

you all got to be on a mission for so long.

Don't act like you gave us some gift.

You both owe us big time.

It was an honest mistake. It could happen to anyone.

Food isn't allowed in the transporter bay.

You do indeed owe us big time.

You had to get something out of that mission.

Yeah, I have an emptiness that used to be filled

by the love of my jail family.

The only way I can handle the pain is by playing

my beloved soap flute.

- Oh, come on. No, no, no, stop. - You do not know how to play that.

Yes, I do.

No, no, wait.

Ah, I was holding it backwards.

All right, listen to this.

Yeah, that sounded good.

Ah, it's so loud and screechy.

Yeah, it's not a subtle instrument.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

Chirp.