Original subtitles

(eerie music) (heartbeat thumps)

(upbeat music)

(siren wails)

(wheels squeak)

(siren wails)

(monitor beeps)

(upbeat music)

(monitor beeps)

(patient gasps)

(siren wails)

(upbeat music)

♪ I'm a doctor ♪

♪ Show me where it hurts ♪

♪ Trust me, I'm a doctor ♪

- Damn pigeons.

♪ Show me where it hurts ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Kiss and make it better ♪

♪ Show me, show me, show me ♪

♪ I am a doctor ♪

♪ Show me where it hurts ♪

♪ I like it like that ♪

(music fades)

(Dr. Harvey whistles)

- Dr. Harvey, we sure need you.

- I hate Saturdays.

- There's a full moon tonight.

- Don't do werewolves.

You've got jelly on your lips, here.

(playful music)

- Heart attack, heart attack.

Oh my God, somebody help me, please.

(indistinct shouting)

(water sloshes)

- (indistinct growls) Bastards.

I'll get you.

- Ratchitt!

Nurse Ratchitt, we got a real nasty one here.

Complaining of extreme stomach pains.

We're gonna need help on this one.

- Bastards, I'll get you.

I'll kill every one of you!

- Two orderlies, report to reception, stat.

- Watch it, he's loose!

(upbeat music)

- My wife was supposed to be in surgery hours ago.

Who's her doctor?

- Dr. Fine, you should be hearing from him momentarily.

(patient screams)

- Dr. Fine?

You people think you have the right to push people around?

Well, you're messing with the wrong man, lady.

I worked in three hospitals one year,

and I know exactly how you operate.

You're not gonna push me around.

- Is he bothering you, Ratchitt?

- No.

- Must be the psycho pop they're bringing in.

He's a a rapist and a murderer.

We have strict orders to keep him under tight security.

- Ahh!

- Does he work here?

- I don't like you.

I don't like you.

I don't like you.

You think you're gonna hold me?

Nothing gonna hold me.

I've gotten out of every institution I've ever been in.

Yeah, I hate you, I hate nurses.

Women in white, Satans of the earth.

I hate everybody.

I'll kill you all!

(playful music) My tummy hurts.

- I see.

Do you have medical insurance or will this be cash?

- Huh?

- [Together] Gotcha!

- You think you can hold me?

You can't hold me... (indistinct yelling)

(playful music)

(water splashes)

- What the hell?

- Excuse me, could you help me?

I'm looking for...

- Oxygen tank Room 12 busted,

almost lost Mr. Cannoli.

- See Waldo room three maintenance.

- Excuse me, I'm in here about a job.

- Hey, you in charge here?

- Fill this out.

Bring it back to Personnel Monday morning.

- Yes, but they told me that I...

(phone rings)

- We're Community, we care for the people we care for.

Oh, it's you.

Look buddy, if you don't stop

making these obscene phone calls,

I'm gonna have to call the police.

And the same to you!

(upbeat music) (indistinct shouting)

♪ Show me where it hurts ♪

♪ Trust me I'm a doctor ♪

♪ Show me where it hurts ♪

- Excuse me, I hate to bother you, but...

- That it on the mail?

- That's it, Dr. Fine.

Oh, Dr. Fine, we could use your help

on some of these emergency cases.

- I'm due for butt tuck in surgery and I'm late.

Some moron took my parking spot.

Nurse Rachitt, where's the new intern we're supposed to get?

- No one knows, and Doctor...

- I can't get into the parking lot.

Some idiot left his Mercedes blocking the driveway.

There's a meter maid tagging it right now,

and boy am I glad.

- The white Mercedes? - Yeah.

- Black upholstery? - Yeah.

- Holy Toledo.

(upbeat music)

- Excuse me, nurse.

Ex-excuse me. (phone rings)

- No, excuse me.

Community hospital, we care for the people we care for.

No, Dr. Goode is still here.

Fine, I'll see she gets the message.

- You see, nurse, at school, they...

- You're still in school?

We only hire high school graduates.

- But I am, I mean I did.

I mean- - Look kid,

we're really busy right now.

- Hey, when is somebody gonna take care of my wife?

She's got the gallbladder thing, and...

Now look what you did.

- Excuse me. - You stupid idiot.

- I was only trying to pick up my...

- Idiots, quacks, half wits.

Well don't just stand there, help me pick up my flowers.

- He loves me, he loves me not.

(upbeat music) (indistinct lyrics)

(patient shouts)

(playful music)

- What was that about?

- The usual, stomach pains from county jail.

I have messages for you, Dr. Goode.

Give me the figures on the free flu shot program first.

- 200 were inoculated today. - 200.

- 150 signed up for tomorrow. - 150.

- And calls have been coming in

right and left for all of next week.

Not bad, huh?

- Not bad, Rona.

The program's a complete success.

Because of Good Community Hospital,

300 homeless and minority won't be ill

or spreading illness.

Let's.

- I wanna see who's in charge over here.

The name's Gross.

- Is there some small way I can help Mr. Gross?

- I don't talk to secretaries.

I want to talk to the guy what runs this place.

- I'm Grace Goode, MD, SST, DDS, RSVP,

director of operations.

- A woman, I should have known.

- Watch it, buster.

- Look, we've been here all day.

The little woman, my wife,

was supposed to have her operation already,

and nothing's been done.

So how about it?

- The Gross file, Nurse Ratchitt.

- Page Dr. Fine.

- He's in surgery, butt tuck.

- [Dr. Goode] I beg your pardon?

- You know. (drum beat)

- Oh, well see to it that he gets

to Mrs. Gross as soon as possible.

- I'll take care of it.

Why don't you go on home?

Why, you haven't slept in three days.

- That's sweet, Rona.

No, something tells me I better stick around.

Remember Rona...

- [Together] We care for the people we care for.

- My grandfather thought that one up.

There isn't a day goes by

that I don't thank him for that one.

- Oh.

(upbeat music)

- October records, finding cabinet number two

as reque-

(papers scatter)

Morning, Dr. Goode.

- Excuse me, Doctor-

- Come on. - Sorry.

- Snot nosed kid, I told you to get outta here.

You bother me!

- Mr. Gross, control yourself.

- Excuse me Dr. Goode,

if I could just talk to you for a minute.

- Look kid, I already explained to you.

(phone rings) - But I'm Albert.

- Hold it! (upbeat music)

Let's start a bonfire under him.

- Yeah!

- We can send Indian signals.

(orderlies cheer)

(upbeat music)

Ready?

- [Together] Whee!

Whee!

Whee!

Whee!

- All orderlies to front desk, stat.

- Damn, we never have any fun around here.

- Come on Stubby, let's go.

Maybe it's that pizza we ordered.

- Yeah!

- Dr. Payne, Dr. Payne to emergency, stat.

(upbeat music)

♪ Pull down the window ♪

(indistinct lyrics)

(upbeat music)

(doctor chokes and coughs)

- Oh, what do we have here?

Hunting out of season.

Bad girl.

Bad, bad, bad, bad.

What's her name?

- Dr. Payne, her name is Robin Hood.

- Oh, what happened?

- It was my husband, Herbie.

- Her husband Herbie missed the deer

and got her rear instead.

(patient moans) (indistinct speech)

- And now here's a little heavy metal number

for all you heart patients.

(device clicks)

(upbeat music)

♪ If you need ♪

- Lovely girl.

Two of her kind, 40 bucks, and IQ to match.

If she ever had a thought in her head,

it'd be in solitary confinement.

(nurse laughs) (doctor crashes)

- You mean Robin, it hurts when we touch your you know what?

- Great basement but there ain't nothing in the attic.

(doctor and orderlies laugh)

- Shouldn't we operate, doctor?

- Ready, Arnold, ready, Slim?

- Yeah.

- Nurse Muffit?

- Yes, yes, yes.

- Go get 'em!

(all cheer)

Anybody see the NBC special, The Lost Art of Archery?

(upbeat music fades)

(doctor whistles)

- Not now, Grace, people are watching.

- Very funny, Harvey.

Dr. Fine is tucking a butt.

Could you prep his gallbladder patient.

- He's what?

- Doing a butt tuck.

- Oh. - Could you?

- Well, sure, anything to help.

- [Nurse On Intercom] Dr. Fine, please call your broker.

Your account is hemorrhaging.

- Well, what about my wife?

- He's going to prepare her for surgery right now.

- Should be working on her in a few minutes.

- What are you, a mechanic?

You should have been working on her hours ago, Dr. Fine.

- No, I'm Dr. Harvey Harvey.

- And I'm good and mad, good and mad.

I oughta take the little woman outta here.

- Now Mr. Gross, there's no need for that.

Dr. Harvey moves very fast.

You might even get a chance to kiss your wife goodbye,

before surgery.

(upbeat music) (footsteps echo)

- Bernice, have we heard any word from the new intern?

- No, doctor.

Anyone need a used arrow?

- Oh, if only we had that new doctor.

- Here.

- Obviously.

Grace, why don't we call in some of the off duty?

- Excuse me?

- Yes, what do you want?

- Nurse Ratchitt said he's been

pestering us for a job all day.

- Not exactly.

I'm already supposed to have one.

I'm Dr. Albert Schweitzer.

- Yeah, and I'm Florence Nightingale.

- They didn't tell me you were 16, Dr. Schweitzer.

- Well, I do need an assistant in surgery

on the Gross gallbladder, Grace.

- Dr. Schweitzer, you're now Dr. Harvey surgical assistant.

(Dr. Harvey whistles) (playful music)

- You're not gonna let that kid operate on my Auggie?

He hasn't passed puberty yet.

Bring her back.

- Now calm down Mr. Gross.

He's not going to operate.

He's only going to assist Dr. Harvey

until Dr. Fine is ready.

- Good, I'm warning you.

Nothing better happen to my Auggie.

- I really don't feel good Grace,

about taking one of Fine's patients.

- I know how you feel, Harvey,

but it's for the good of the patient.

- Well, it's not only that,

it's just that Fine has all the good OR people tied up

and there aren't enough to do the job right.

- What are you two up to?

- No more blood. (upbeat music)

(cross talk)

- Just one more!

- Get him, Stubby.

Gotcha!

- Help, help!

(gurney squeaks)

- How are they treating you honey?

Look what I brought you.

- She's all drugged up.

She probably doesn't even know you.

- She knows, don't you, Auggie dear?

(Auggie farts)

(upbeat music) (indistinct lyrics)

- Attention, hospital phones are not to be used

for 976 calls.

(upbeat music)

(patient growls)

Oh, here's a lovely (indistinct)

from the national hygiene council,

a stitch in time saves the shoe shine.

(clipboard smacks)

- Last fiscal figures show

Goode Community Hospital is teetering

on the break of financial disaster.

The only question is how to save this noble institution

from certain bankruptcy. (dramatic music)

I talked to the bank and there is no possibility

of another extension.

- We must continue to keep Goode Community open

at all costs, Mr. Sickem.

We have to continue to take care

of the sick and the needy.

- If you continue on your present course,

you will be one of 'em.

Dr. Goode, who are you kidding?

There is no way to straighten out the irreparable damage

created by your gracious generosity.

Look around you.

You have an undisciplined and incompetent staff

run by a well-meaning but misguided, gracious lady.

You have taken on too numerous to mention patients

who cannot possibly repay our hospital's generosity.

Really, is this any way to practice medicine?

- You're the financial advisor, Mr. Sickem.

What do you suggest?

- Call me Sly.

But you won't be happy with my answer.

- It won't be the first time.

What is your answer, Sly?

- Now I just got off the phone this morning

to a wholesale development firm, Cochran and Fink.

Cochran and Fink think that a large successful shopping mall

is the answer to our dilemma.

- How could you suggest such a thing?

Goode Community Hospital has served

the poor, destitute and needy for over a century.

(indistinct speech over intercom)

- Time it closed its doors and turned her

around into the profit she has potential for.

I rest my case.

- We'll see about that.

(triumphant music)

- You have not heard the last word from me.

You may think that you are a Florence Nightingale

or a Clara Barton,

but you are nothing more than a Mary Poppins,

without an umbrella.

You may save a few lives within the next 24 hours,

but you will not save Goode Community Hospital.

As my old wet nurse used to say,

let the chips fall where they may.

Tomorrow is another day.

Good day, Dr. Goode, good luck.

(dramatic music)

- If only we hadn't built that new wing.

(upbeat music) (indistinct speech)

- Imagine that.

Doing surgery,

my very first day and I'm grabbing a gallbladder.

- We're a small hospital.

Everyone has to pitch in.

It's potluck kid.

Oh, sorry Albert, nothing personal.

Okay boys, raise her keel.

(orderlies grunt)

That's it, boys.

Okay, looks good.

- Scratch my man, you evil ting you. (laughs)

(upbeat music)

Relax, this won't hurt much.

- Ah, you hurt me.

Now, I've gotta kill you.

- Sorry.

(patient laughs)

I'm warning you in the new world I'm building.

That's why I get rid of people like him and you.

- [Orderly] Hey, cool it.

(patient growls)

Hey, hey, hey, cool it man.

(dramatic music)

(orderly thumps)

(upbeat music)

(keys rattle)

- I'd like to introduce our new intern, Dr. Schweitzer.

I think we have time for a speech, Albert.

- Well, I just wanted to say.

(patient farts)

(dramatic music)

(orderly struggles)

(dramatic music)

(patient pants) (muffled screams)

(dramatic music)

(orderly crunches)

- Orderly Stubby, Orderly Stubby.

Your pizza's ready and it looks delicious.

(footsteps echo)

(dramatic music)

(door clicks)

- More retraction there, Nurse Boobs.

(nurse squeaks)

So what do you think of our brilliant young intern here?

Suction. (monitor beeps)

- He's pretty good for an intern, clamp.

- He's pretty good for a doctor, scalpel.

- He's got a cute- (beeping obscures speech)

(monitor beeps rapidly)

Oh, don't you think this would make

a nice shade of lipstick, though?

- Yes.

- Dr. Schweitzer, Would you reach your cute little hands

into your patient's cute little guts

and try to locate the old cow's cute little gallbladder?

(high pitched tone)

- Yes, Dr. Harvey, sir.

(patient farts) (high pitched tone)

Shoo, smells like rotten eggs in here.

Dr. Harvey, I, I can't find it.

- Good, I thought it was me.

Get a knife and help me sort out some of this blubber.

(patient coughs)

- Orderly, would you please take this patient to-

- Ow!

- Burn yourself?

(cloth rips)

(patient coughs)

- Ever think of giving up cigarettes?

- Give up cigarettes?

I'd rather die.

First it was Lucky's, than Marlboro, then Winston.

I'd walk a mile for a Camel.

(patient coughs)

- Connect me with OR four.

Harvey, you better proceed with the gallbladder.

Can't find it?

Of course it's there.

I think we're gonna need you in five for an emergency.

(ominous music)

(wheels squeak)

(ominous music)

- Maybe if we resection this, (monitor beeps)

we can locate the gallbladder through the blubber.

- Right, well cut a slice off the pepperoni,

and hang it on the thing that looks like a bad haircut.

Suction.

(ominous music)

(gas hisses)

There's that gas smell again.

- What's the meaning of this Harvey?

Get away from my patient.

- Howard, Grace told us to go ahead.

You were off somewhere freelancing...

- Save your excuses for the ward Harvey.

Who the hell let the kid in?

- Dr. Fine, this is Dr. Albert Schweitzer, our new intern.

Dr. Albert Schwartzer, Dr. Fine, God's gift to medicine.

- It's an honor to meet you Dr. Fine.

I really liked your books.

- Well which ones?

- All of them, especially Nip and Tuck.

- Alright, Harvey, shove off, I'm here.

(monitor beeps)

(playful music)

- Not bad for kid in diapers and a quack.

What's holding you up?

- We can't locate the gallbladder, Howard.

She's your patient, maybe she left you a map.

- That ain't funny, Harvey.

I'm gonna speed things up.

I'm gonna show you the Fine method.

Now watch closely, team and you may learn something.

Nurse Boobs, gimme the electronic scalpel.

- This, doctor?

- That's an enema bag.

No, that.

- This.

- Right, girl is bright is a refrigerator bulb that is.

Hand it to me.

(yells) Thanks a lot.

Gimme some gauze so I can stop the bleeding.

Now stand back, team.

(gas hisses) (ominous music)

- Do you smell gas Bernice?

- Where were you a minute ago, Willa?

- Turn it on, nurse.

(machine buzzes)

(explosion) (nurses scream)

(organs plop)

- Dr. Goode to OR four, stat, stat.

(somber music)

- How could you let something like this happen, Harvey?

- Well, it was a horrible accident, Grace,

but there was no way it could have been avoided.

- Patients don't explode at Goode Community Hospital.

We take precautions.

Can any of you even begin to conceive

of the consequences for the hospital?

Okay, what happened?

- It's obvious, Harvey botched the procedure.

- That's not what you said in the OR, Howard.

- This has been coming on for a long time, Grace.

Hell, I'm surprised he hasn't murdered someone before.

- Whoa, you watch it, Fine.

Look, Grace, I've had enough of this.

If he wants to talk to me, he can address me through you.

Hmm.

- Hmm.

Grace, if you wanna save this place from a nasty scandal,

fire this incompetent.

- See Grace, see?

He's not only a hot head, he's a quack.

- Take that back.

- You take it back, quack.

(doctors smack)

- Stop it!

Dr. Schweitzer, what did you see?

Yeah, yeah?

- Well it was, it was just as Dr. Harvey described,

everything went along perfectly until Dr. Fine.

- It's obvious the kid's under Harvey's thumb,

and what was a teenager doing assisting in surgery?

- Howard, please.

(ominous music)

What'd you find out, Floyd?

- It appears she was murdered.

- And there's your man.

- Where did you get her gas?

- We got it at Central Supply, why?

- And nobody noticed anything unusual about it?

- No, she'd been passing gas ever since she was admitted.

Seemed usual with her.

- Somebody rigged the anesthesia tank to the acetylene.

We'd better call the police.

(dramatic music)

- They'll bring the media, Dan Rather, maybe.

No, that might panic the patients.

Floyd will handle this.

- There's no way to prove it.

- We'll all regard this as an unfortunate accident.

- Grace, do you know what you are saying?

- Yes, we may be covering up a felony,

but our patients come first.

What is our motto?

- [Together] We care about the people we care for.

- Good, and we'll all remember that

until Floyd finishes his quiet investigation.

- I still think you ought to read Harvey his rights, Floyd.

I'll watch the door.

- Howard!

Okay, do I have everybody's word

that you'll help me control this embarrassing situation?

- [Together] Yeah.

- Good, okay, everybody back to their posts.

Let's all work as though nothing has happened.

We must keep Goode Community running smoothly.

Heads held high.

We must think of our patients

who rely on their white knights.

Okay, everybody back to work. (doctor claps)

(dramatic music)

Oh, just a moment, Harvey.

I'm not finished with you yet.

I'm scared, Harvey.

We can keep this in the family so to speak,

but what do we tell Gross?

- Nothing.

- I suppose so, what a mess.

A patient dies accidentally and we cover up like criminals.

But we have to tell Gross something.

- Don't worry, Grace, I'll handle Gross, okay?

- But Harvey, I-

(romantic music)

- Oh Grace.

- Hi Rona, how you doing?

- [Rona] Fine.

- Hi, Doctor Goode. - Hi.

Rona!

- Gotta go. (phone rattles)

- You better go to OR four and check on Fine's butt tuck.

- Right away, Doctor Goode.

- I don't feel good, you got any, uh...

- I'm Dr. Good, perhaps...

- I don't need no doctor, I need...

- But your doctor-

- Pills, whatever you got.

(upbeat music)

(patient grunts)

Wow, what was that?

- My cat's worm pills.

- Got any more?

- Better call security.

- I need something fast.

Uppers downers, left is right is wrong.

Come on lady, I (babbles)

- Why don't you let us help you?

- Pills, you got lots of pills.

Gimme them.

- Call Floyd!

- Okay! (upbeat music)

- Does he have the pills?

- Relax, we're here to help.

- Yeah, help me to help myself to the goodies.

- What's your name?

- Lips, but my good friends call me Lizard.

- Well, Mr. Lips, may I call you Lizard?

- I don't know yet.

(dramatic music)

Back off, man.

Lose the piece or she gets croaked.

- You hurt her and you're a long time dying, creep.

- I'll be all right, Floyd.

I'll get Lizard some drugs and he'll be fine.

- All I want is some stuff, man, now drop it.

(dramatic music)

Now the belt. (belt rattles)

Now your pants.

- What, are you crazy, I'm not gonna take off...

- Floyd! - [Together] Floyd!

- Floyd, panties! (laughs)

- The missus didn't wash mine,

I had to wear hers.

- Okay honey, you're the doctor.

Take me to the candy store.

Move!

(dramatic music)

Wow, look at that.

Look at all that stuff.

Pink ones and red ones and yellow...

- Don't take too much now.

Bad for your tummy.

- Leave me alone, mom. (packages crinkle)

- Why don't we go back to the others

so they can get high too?

- Yeah, let's party!

(upbeat music) (indistinct lyrics)

♪ Point of no return ♪

(pills rattle)

(dramatic music)

(ominous music)

(distant sirens)

(dramatic music)

- Drop the gun!

(dramatic music)

(gun fires)

(faint scream)

(dramatic music)

(gun fires)

(dramatic music)

(gun fires)

(dramatic music)

(gun fires)

(faint scream)

(gun fires)

(dramatic music)

(gun clicks)

- Gotcha! (laughs)

- Patch him up and put him in J Ward.

They'll send somebody over in the morning.

- Gross doesn't look too good.

You better get him to an examining room,

bandage him, and set up a skull series.

- Arnold, you take Lips.

- Okay!

- Come on Mr. Gross.

Get up, come on.

- What happened?

- There's been an accident.

- Did they dent my car? - No.

- Did you get his license? - Yeah.

- Gotta call the little woman.

- In a minute.

Go with a nurse and everything will be okay.

(Floyd whistles)

- Yeah, come on. - Right this way.

(Gross laughs)

(indistinct speech) (playful music)

- Right this way, don't worry.

(playful music)

Right on over here, we're gonna make you comfy.

Put him on this bed here, Floyd.

You better go check the front desk, Floyd.

- Yes ma'am.

(playful music)

- No, no, no, Mr. Gross.

Go back in there and lie down.

(playful music)

- Oh, buddy, get their license.

Go in and lie down.

Better call the wife.

(playful music)

(Gross thumps)

(ominous music)

- Hi Doc.

(tray thumps)

Just my luck.

And here I was hoping they would send me

a pretty nurse to shave me.

- Don't worry Mr. Bronson.

By tomorrow morning you'll be singing a different tune.

- This won't hurt, will it Doc?

- Don't worry Mr. Bronson, I know what I'm doing.

- Be gentle.

(dramatic musical score) (patient screams)

(knock on door)

- Excuse me, nurse, could you help me please?

- If I can.

We care about the people we care for.

- Well, what can we do about this?

- How did that happen?

- Well, I was going to the bathroom and I zipped too quick.

You think we can save 'em?

- That's a big operation.

Hey, Rona. - [Rona] Yes, dear?

- Come on out here, you gotta see this.

- See what?

- Come here, come here.

Show her.

- Oh my.

That'll take at least a hundred stitches.

Bernice, come take a look at this.

- [Together] Show her.

- (shrieks) Holy bologna.

What nationality are you?

Winna, come see this.

- What is it, Bernice?

- Take a look.

- [Together] Show her.

- Oh my heavens.

Reminds me of the time you dissected

that boa constrictor in basic biology.

- What would you do with something like that?

- Throw your arms around it and cry.

- We gotta take a picture of this.

- Hey, who's John Holmes?

- You think we need a forklift?

- We can exhibit him, charge admission,

and retire in a week.

- You got a steady girlfriend?

- Hands off girls, I saw him first.

(cross talk)

- Do you like taller women?

(cross talk)

- Who's been playing Tic-tac-toe

on this man's stomach with a scalpel?

And who did his vasectomy?

That's one of the worst operations I've ever seen.

- He wasn't scheduled for a vasectomy.

- Just hernia.

- Hand me that scalpel, Nurse Boobs,

and handle out, I'm still recovering

from the last scalpel you handed me.

(playful music)

(nurse laughs)

- Eight glasses of wine, six whiskey sours,

and a Harvey Wallbanger.

- And you still get 'em?

- Are you kidding?

All the way to Kukamonga.

(nurse laughs)

(indistinct lyrics)

- This one is going to be picked up

by the Finkle Funeral Home later on this afternoon.

Now he's in five parts,

so make sure they get all of him.

- Five parts, what happened?

- Well, it seems this woman caught him cheating.

Chopped him up into four parts.

Chopped off his fifth.

- Wasn't there one going to the medical school?

- Ah hah!

Let's see, unknown, it's this one.

- I sure as hell hate to clean up OR two.

That gross dame stuck to the wall like molasses.

- Ooh, my ears are still ringing from that explosion.

Hey, who's that?

(dramatic musical score)

- That's the husband.

We've been looking for him.

- Notice the flowing, flawless, graceful motion.

The authoritative thrust of each cut,

perfectly timed and executed.

When I work, there's no excess, no waste.

I get in and I get out,

and I do the least damage to the patient I can, usually.

So I had a rough day yesterday.

Dr. Schweitzer, consider yourself lucky

to be working with the great Howard Fine.

- Oh!

- Sorry.

Schweitzer, close.

- Yes, Dr. Fine.

- Oh. (musical trill)

- Hey, where'd you learn to suture like that?

- My mother, she told me it leaves practically no scars.

- Nice.

Mom is a doctor?

- Plastic surgeon, works outta memorial.

- Sylvia Schweitzer is your mother?

- Uh huh.

- Geez, you could have been my kid.

(triumphant music)

(door squeaks)

- Well, here's what we could scrape off the wall.

The Gross woman, I sure hate to have to tell her husband.

- No problem.

- Mr. Gross, you can see your wife now.

(dramatic music)

- Look, buster, if you don't stop making

these obscene phone calls,

I'm gonna have to sic the police on you.

You what?

They're, they're blue, why?

I'm a brunette.

Rona, what's yours?

(patient pants)

You have a size 12 foot?

You know what they say, big feet, big...

- [Doctor] Ratchitt!

- Call me later. (phone clicks)

- Wha, this means having a heart attack.

A bad one.

- I thought he was looking for the John.

- Lay him out.

Well, I'll have to give him CPR.

(hand plops)

Oh, I think we lost him.

Hey, you give him mouth to mouth.

(Ratchitt gasps)

It's no use, we've lost him.

Damn! (snaps fingers)

- We tried, doctor.

- Damn.

Damn, damn.

- Ow!

- [Together] He's alive, he's alive, he's alive!

(Grace cries)

(knock on door)

- Come in. (door clicks)

(dramatic music)

- Oh, Rona, what is it?

- I brought you some tea, Earl Gray.

I thought you might need it.

- Oh, thank you Rona.

You sweet soul.

What would I do without you?

- Oh, very well, I should think.

- Nonsense.

- Why don't you go home and get some rest?

You haven't slept in three days.

- Four, but who's counting?

This tea will perk me up.

When did you decide to devote yourself to nursing, Rona?

- When Tommy Tucker taught me how to (audio glitches)

in his backyard.

- Oh, that's sweet.

- When did you decide to become a doctor, hmm?

- Well, Granddad was one, Dad was one.

It's all I've ever known.

We lived and breathed medicine ever since I can remember.

Why I remember when I was three years old,

I used to have this little kitten.

Mittens was her name.

Daddy and I used to put Mittens to sleep,

operate on her, bring her back to life.

Then we'd sew her up, operate on her again, sew her back up.

Oh, Mittens used to snuggle up to me at night.

Most of her hair was gone from shock,

and she was going blind,

and her brain was a little bit damaged

from all her operations.

She used to run to me with my arms outstretched,

bang into the wall, get up and try again.

Oh, I loved that little cat.

- What a lovely story.

What would you do if you lost all this, Dr. Goode?

- Goode Community?

- Uh huh.

- It's my whole life.

I don't know what I'd do, but it won't.

It won't close its doors.

I'll see to that.

Work, Rona, work.

You better get back to admittance.

You know I can't run without you.

- Bless you, Grace Goode, (kisses) bless you.

Bless you, bless you.

- Just a fly a day.

- Yes sir, but be careful.

I got this today when I fed it.

- Good, I'll take it.

Oh, by the way, how much is it?

- It's a close out.

- Dr. Schweitzer, remember me?

- I'm Nurse Tryitt, Willa Tryitt.

- I didn't forget.

- I was just looking for a little gift

for my nephew back home in Indiana.

He's four, isn't he cute?

Woof woof.

I was just checking the price tag when you walked in.

Ouch. - What is it?

- Something bit me.

(man sings softly)

- Would you like me to wrap that for you?

- Yes, please.

I work here, I get two percent off, Emily.

- Yes, I know, you're Nurse Tryitt.

All the interns talk about you, oh my, oh my, oh boy.

Oh, I'll gift wrap this for you.

- What a sweet old lady.

- Dr. Fine's mother.

- And still working?

Now that's admirable.

- No, that's a necessity.

She's still paying off putting him through medical school.

- But doesn't he?

- Shh, we don't talk about that.

- Here, let me, I'm a doctor.

- You know, doctor...

- Albert.

- Albert in some primitive jungles,

this would make us engaged.

- Anyone ever tell you, you have beautiful green eyes?

- Anyone ever tell you you suck a mean finger?

- Dr. Goode, I want to thank you for everything.

- Mrs. Ignatz, you're going home today?

- This is a wonderful hospital.

I can't wait to come back.

Everyone is so good and kind.

It's not like City Hospital.

- That's so nice to hear, Mrs. Ignatz.

Now don't you come back with another false pregnancy, now.

Nurse Ratchitt will sign you out.

Bye-Bye.

- Bye-bye.

- Orderly Stubby.

Wanda wants you on one.

(cross talk)

I'll be right back.

Don't you go away.

- [Nurse Ratchitt] Has arrived.

(dramatic music)

- Oh, that was quick.

(wheels squeak)

I don't like this wheelchair.

- Mm? - I don't like it.

- You jumped every other grade

through high school and college?

You must be quite a jumper.

- College I was into broad jumping.

What are you into?

- Doesn't like the wheelchair,

I don't like this wheelchair.

(indistinct grumbling)

Wheelchair.

Got you a nice wheelchair.

Let me help you right this way.

(dramatic music)

Get you fixed up here.

There you go, have a seat.

Yes, now isn't that better?

Oh. - Oh, that's much better.

- Yeah. - Thank you.

(killer laughs) (patient screams)

- Oh, you like your residency here?

St. Jude takes a lot of our weekday business away,

but we usually make up for it on weekends.

Goode Community is a wonderful hospital.

Last year we only had 988 deaths.

- 988 deaths?

Isn't that an awful lot of casualties?

- We work hard to get that.

I don't think I could work for any other hospital.

We're like family here.

- There, feel better?

- Oh, that's a beautiful bandage.

I'll never take it off.

I don't know what to say.

If I said what I thought, I'd be speechless.

(patient screams)

- Bye!

(patient screams) Everybody off!

(killer laughs)

(Emily sings)

- Gimme your purse, ma.

- Why?

- I'm going to lunch and I don't wanna break a hundred.

- But I still have to pay the rent on the installment

on your father's grave.

- Gimme the purse.

- Oh, well here.

- Oh good, 40 bucks, that's enough for lunch.

- What about my lunch?

- Go on welfare.

(footsteps echo)

- Where's Dr. Goode?

- She's on her way.

Who would do such a thing

to such a nice old lady like Mrs. Ignatz?

- I don't know, but I'm going to get 'em.

- Better get a couple orderlies come pick her up.

- I'm afraid.

Suppose I should run into that maniac who did this?

What would I do?

- You'll think of something.

(indistinct speech over intercom)

Go on.

- Agnes and I are both on social security,

and we can't afford a new toilet seat,

so I fixed it with crazy glue.

But I forgot to tell Agnes here

and the next thing I know, she's screaming in the toilet.

- Well, we'll just have to get it off, won't we, Agnes?

Norman grabbed that side.

- Okay.

- And a one, and a two, and a three.

(Agnes shrieks)

- Norman, you take the back and I'll take the front.

- [Nurse Ratchitt] Dr. Goode,

Dr. Goode, stairwell one immediately.

(Agnes moans)

- Oh, hang in there, Agnes.

Hey, you think we could get it off?

I mean, I can't take her no place lookin' like,

with that thing hanging on to her.

- Oh my God, she was going home.

What happened?

- That's what I'd like to know.

- Oh, who would do such a thing like this?

What a sweet old lady.

- Oh, he wasn't doing it to her.

He's doing it to all of us.

I'm calling the police.

- No, Dr. Payne, we can handle this.

- Well I think we ought to evacuate the hospital.

- Impossible.

They're patients that can't be moved.

We have to keep our doors open.

- I'm calling the police.

- No, Dr. Payne.

- Yes. Dr. Goode.

- No.

- It's this way, come on.

Watch out, move along please, this way.

(cameras click)

And this wing was put on in 1913.

It was used to store blood during World War I.

You'll notice the blood stains there on the wall.

Dr.Goode's grandmother used to put up tomato preserves.

One night she walked in her sleep,

and she moved the stored blood

and replaced it with her tomato preserves,

results, three days later it sounded like World War Two.

(tourists mutter)

Wow, there's still a lot to show you.

There's the gift shop,

and then there's the display case

where we keep our first donors.

This way please, this way, come on, come on.

Move it out, move it out, move it out.

Move it out.

(distant sirens)

(Agnes yells)

- Well look at that, it fell off.

- Well, I mean, I keep telling Agnes

to knock off a few pounds,

but this is ridiculous.

- What do you think, Arnold?

- Well, maybe a skin graft to the left,

the right, I, I don't know.

(ominous music)

- Amateur. - Copycat.

- I paid my liquor bill!

(doctor and killer struggle)

(dramatic music)

(dramatic musical score)

- (in Donald Duck voice) Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

- Who's got Mrs. Gross?

- Slim and Stubby.

- And how's Debbie?

- Well, well, I, I don't know.

You see she's trying to shut the wedding date

and I don't want to shut the date yet, you see.

- Well what time are we meeting on Tuesday?

- (in Mickey Mouse voice) I don't know,

Minnie is trying to set up for the study.

- Well you've gotta get Tuesday off.

- Lemme make this perfectly clear.

Like without a doubt I will be there.

Checkers will be there.

Jack will be.

- Okay, all right.

(indistinct speech over intercom)

(dramatic music)

- Think he committed suicide?

- In this hospital, are you kidding?

- The last I saw of him,

he was on his way to get the police.

- Well he obviously didn't make it.

- Well we can't have Dr. Payne hanging around like this.

Bad for public relations. - Yeah.

- You better cut him down boys.

- All right.

(playful music)

- Floyd, I'm scared.

I shouldn't be, but I am.

Maybe we ought to close Goode's doors for good.

- Now you stop that. (ominous music)

We're not gonna let a few accidents close our doors.

I'm with you.

The staff's with you.

(faint thud)

And besides I'm due to retire in four years,

and if you close Goode Community, I'll be out of a pension.

Dozens of decent hard working boys and girls

will be out of work too.

You want that? - No.

- No, you stick in there little lady.

We're with you all the way.

- Attention.

Nurse Boobs, Nurse Boobs, call on line two.

It's your agent and he's got a part for you

as the mystery guest on Love Connection.

- Rona!

- Yes, Dr. Fine?

- Will you check the log

and see if the bill on my butt tuck was issued yet?

I need to adjust my fee.

- You mean the one you were doing

instead of the Gross operation?

(phone rings) - That's the one.

- Front desk, Ratchitt.

Yes, Dr. Goode.

- What does Grace want?

- You in her office now.

- Well it's about time.

- You sure you would like a gulp?

- No.

(orderly hums)

(syringe pops)

- Okay, Mr. Pate.

- Are you gonna shoot me with that?

- Now, just relax.

I've been shooting up for years,

and look at me.

- No, no, please help.

(phone rings)

Hello?

Hello.

No. (speaking foreign language)

Two dollars on Frisky in the fifth.

(dramatic music) (doctors kiss)

- All right, I can take it slower, Grace.

- You could take it somewhere else, Howard.

I don't know where you got the idea I wanted that.

- Stop kidding yourself, Grace.

Can't you see I'm crazy about you?

The only reason I hang around this stupid place

is to be near you.

Marry me and we'll blow this dump.

We'll pool our money and open a new hospital,

with state-of-the-art equipment.

- This is my hospital.

It comes first in my life,

as it did for my father and my grandfather.

- That's your problem.

You're blowing your family fortune

helping these homeless, worthless, penniless, unfortunates.

- Helping people and see them get well again

means more to me than money.

- Where do I fit in that?

- You don't.

Why were you working on a private patient

when you were already assigned to Mrs. Gross?

- Because I made three times the money off that butt tuck

than off a routine gallbladder.

- Do it again and you're through in this hospital.

- It's that quack Harvey, isn't it?

- That doesn't concern you.

I'd hate to dismiss you.

- How can you be infatuated with that quack?

- He's tried to ball every nurse on the floor.

- That's not true, and you know it

- Well that's just fine, Dr. Goode.

- Good, Dr. Fine.

- Nurse Muffit?

- Yes, Dr. Fine?

- How would you like to do a favor for me?

- You didn't pay me for the last one.

- I didn't.

- [Nurse Ratchitt] Dr. Mike Hunt, call obstetrics.

- Here's for Saturday and another if you do me another.

- Sure.

- You know Dr. Harvey?

- Yes.

- Well I'd like you to find him,

and when you find him...

- Dr. Goode to x-ray, stat, stat.

- How could we have lost another patient?

- Did you check the toilets?

- No, Floyd, another patient has caput.

- What else is new?

- Floyd, please.

Dr Cure's radio ball has turned Mr. Pate

into something that looks like it was stuck

to the bottom of a pan.

- Dr. Cure, what happened?

- Beats me, I just finished injecting Mr. Pate,

I was waiting for him to turn red.

I was on the phone with, with my financial advisor

and when I turned around, this is the way I found him.

Clutching a radium ball.

- Where is our radium ball usually kept?

- In this cardboard box.

- Dr. Cure, you must learn

to keep our radiuim ball in a safe place.

That could be dangerous.

- But Dr. Goode, I make my eggs and a waffle on it

in the morning.

- Well you just have to get yourself

a hot plate like everybody else.

Now let's go about our jobs as though nothing happened.

Do we all agree?

- Oui, oui. - Yes, ma'am.

- Well, I've gone over all the corpses

with a fine tooth comb, (somber music)

but I lost my comb.

This is all that's left of Mrs. Gross.

- This bucket?

- Well, two of them.

You wouldn't believe what a day I had.

I stood in front of the mirror this morning

trying to figure out where I'd seen myself before.

I dictated to my cigar and lit my secretary.

Which is all right because my cigar's a better typist.

- What did you find out about the corpses?

- You know I used to be a tree surgeon,

but I kept falling outta my patients so I branched off.

You know this suit of mine is so shiny

that if it tears, I'd get seven years' bad luck.

Speaking of bad luck, take my wives.

The first one left me.

The second one won't.

Well let's take a look at item A.

I... (yelps)

Sorry, this is my stash.

You know the only thing I've achieved on my own is dandruff.

- Did you ever think of quitting as an undertaker?

- What, and give failure a bad name?

(knocks on door)

- Grace. - [Nurse Muffit] Yes?

- You sent for me? - [Nurse Muffit] Yes, come in.

(door clicks)

(upbeat music)

Harvey!

Explain to me Nurse Muffit,

why you are in my office and out of uniform.

- Ask Dr. Harvey.

- Harvey?

- Grace, I received a call to come down here.

When I did, she was, why she was just...

- Typical, Grace, typical.

If he isn't blowing up patients,

he's luring nurses into your office for a little T&A.

- Harvey!

- Grace, you know me well enough, I was set up.

- Ha, you're trying to tell us this isn't you

we found balling this nurse?

- You shut up, Fine.

- Don't tell me to shut up.

You belong in jail.

- Quack. - Murderer.

- Quack quack. - Rapist.

- Quack.

- Rapist.

- Oh!

- Stop it, stop it, both of you.

- [Together] Grace.

- I want a full explanation of what happened.

(cross talk)

(Dr. Cure hums) (upbeat music)

♪ I can feel your body move ♪

♪ Nothing left to lose ♪

♪ I swear my love's a kind of freak ♪

♪ Better watch his every move ♪

(dramatic music)

- And this was the way she was dressed

when I came into your office.

- And that's your story?

- Yes.

- Nurse Muffit?

- Well, I was working on something for Dr. Fine,

and then Dr. Harvey comes and says that he needs something

I had and he pulls me in here.

And the next thing I know, it's like...

- Well you liar, liar, liar, liar.

- Uh uh!

- That's a pack of lies.

- Oh, you've heard enough, Grace.

- This nurse's record speaks for itself.

Harvey took advantage of her.

- Ms. Muffit, you are discharged.

I want you dressed in civilian clothes,

and off of hospital property in five minutes.

- You said nothing would happen.

You promised to protect me.

And what about my cruise to Curacao?

- I don't know what she's talking about.

Grace, look at her record, Grace.

Appalling, atrocious.

- Ah, now I get the picture, Howard.

Nurse Muffit, please get dressed

and return to your duties.

- Yes, Dr. Goode.

- Howard, you have 30 days to arrange for another hospital.

- Harvey, please return to your duties.

- Okay.

- Dismissed.

(Dr. Cure hums)

(Dr. Cure sips)

(Dr. Cure hums)

(dramatic music)

(radium ball clicks)

(gurney squeaks)

- I didn't see the truck,

you gotta, you gotta do something.

- Would you mind waiting in that room over there?

- You gotta save her, Doc.

I mean, we just got married.

We were on our honeymoon.

- Well, if you really want to help,

she's going to need blood.

You feel up to giving a pint?

- Um, get it from the blood bank?

No, no, no, I, I don't want no blood from the blood bank.

Get it from her sister.

- No time, she's going to need blood now.

We don't have any choice.

- But needles hurt.

- No, it won't hurt.

I'll give you a lollipop.

We're short of nurses.

Dr. Schweitzer here will help.

- Right this way.

- Are you kidding me?

I wouldn't let him poke me with a needle.

- I want a doctor, not a kid.

- This kid is a doctor.

Come on, let Dr. Schweitzer take your blood.

We don't have much time.

It won't hurt, I promise.

- Okay.

- Why it's as plain as the nose on my face.

Cure died of radium exposure.

Why, he has enough radium in him

to cook hamburgers for McDonald's for a year.

- This is terrible, Mr. Moore.

- Call me Barry.

Not to worry Dr. Goode.

We can say that Dr. Cure died of supernatural causes.

- Isn't that telling a lie?

- Okay, so I lie a little.

You want to make a federal case of it?

- I hate to ask you to do this for us Barry,

but we have to keep Goode Community open at all costs.

(door creaks)

- So we lost another one.

- What are you talking about?

- I just heard about Cure.

- Cure, let go of my arm.

- Cure, okay, another death, Grace.

Old Harvey's really getting around.

Give 'em another day and we'll clean out the place.

- Howard, please, there are patients.

- Not as many as there used to be.

- Wait a minute, now I get it Howard.

You're behind all these killings.

You are doing all this aren't you?

- What do you mean?

- Sure, it all makes sense.

Kill a few patients, the state closes me down.

You and your golfing buddies move in cheap.

Have your gaudy medical center, right?

- Grace, wait a minute, that's crazy.

I'm a doctor, same as you.

Doctors don't kill people.

- Good doctors don't.

Greedy doctors, well that's another story.

- Grace, keep your voice down, they're patients.

- Not as many as there used to be, huh, Howard?

- I, I gotta go Grace.

I've got an important operation.

(dramatic music) - Then get to it.

- Fine, Doctor Goode. - Good Dr. Fine.

- Lie down. - No.

- Lie down!

- All right.

Are you sure you're a doctor.

- An intern.

I have an MD, I went to school for it and everything.

I know what I'm doing.

- Are you sure you're not a janitor or something?

- If you have any doubts,

contact Dr. Goode, director of the hospital.

- Will you hurry and get this over with?

I hate needles.

- There, it's in.

Now that wasn't so bad was it?

Somebody will stop by in a few minutes to finish you off.

- [Nurse Ratchitt] Slim, please report to the main desk.

(playful music)

- Dr. Schweitzer, how's it going?

- I'll live.

- Don't bet on it.

- Don't remind me.

Oh, the trauma case is in 23.

Dr. Harvey's on it.

Her husband's giving blood in 24, two pints.

Have somebody replace it in a few minutes.

I have to go to J Ward.

- Go on, I'll take care of the husband personally.

(ominous music)

(liquid sloshes)

(ominous music)

- Mother wanted twins, and...

- And that's why you named Harvey Harvey?

- Enough of the small talk, Grace.

I wish you would.

- I was married once Harvey,

and I swore I would never give my heart

to another to trample on.

- I would never do such a thing.

I love you too much.

- Yes, but time dims love.

- [Nurse Ratchitt] Dr. Goode, please report to OR two.

- Oh, I have to go, they're waiting on me.

(footsteps echo) (ominous music)

- [Nurse Ratchitt] Nurse Boobs,

your agent is on line one again.

(ominous music)

He says he has a part for you...

(ominous music) (footsteps echo)

(ominous music)

(doctor whistles)

(patient hums)

- Stop that, you'll get your stitches infected.

- But they itch, Doc, and they hurt all the time.

You gotta get me some stuff for all the pain.

- Here, let me see.

- Ow, it hurts, awful.

You have some heroin?

- We don't prescribe heroin,

but I'll give you something for the itching

along with your sedative.

I told you to keep your hands off your incisions.

Now we're going to have to redo the whole mess.

What do we have to do?

Tie you down like him?

- [Nurse On Intercom] Has anybody seen Orderly Slim?

- Oh, hurt me, punish me.

Make me need that morphine.

Stick me with needles full of...

- Shut up or I'll sew your lips shut.

- You promise?

(knocks on wall)

- Nurse?

- Yes sir?

- My sister was operating on today.

I wanna see her.

- Visiting hours were over several hours go, sir,

you'll have to come back tomorrow.

- I just wanna look in on her to see that she's okay, okay?

- I can't let you see her, it's too late.

- Yeah, well let me talk to your supervisor.

- That's me.

- Ah, come on honey.

I, I just wanna look at her for a minute.

- Sir, I said no, it's for the good

of all the patients, hospital rule.

- Give me her room number then

so I can call her in the morning.

- Certainly, what's her name?

- Horty, I mean Hortence Gross.

Problem?

- Her records are not available at the moment.

Please have a seat and I'll check with her doctor.

- His name's Fine.

That much I know. (upbeat music)

- Who's bright idea was it, Rona,

to have me do a routine appendectomy?

Any idiot could have jerked that guy's...

What's all this?

- Dr. Goode is having me look through all records

to see if there's anyone

with a grievance against this hospital.

She said to ask if you know anyone who might be mad at us.

After all, if anyone would know, you would.

- Sure, any of Harvey Harvey's patients that lived,

that man is a menace to public health.

Imagine taking some snot nose brat into the OR

for that gallbladder,

and on top of it all the two of them managed

to blow up the patient.

I swear this Gross thing is going too far.

- Then some drug addict has to wander in off the street

and shoot her husband.

This used to be a nice neighborhood.

- Dr. Fine, please.

- Dr. Fine? - Yes.

- I don't believe we've met.

How are you covered, malpractice wise?

- Oh geez, must be two, three million

at least not that I need it, mind you,

I don't screw up, my lawyer makes me carry.

You know how lawyers are.

- Indeed I do.

- If you're thinking of trying to sell me...

- Lou Pohl, attorney at law,

and brother to one of your patients, Hortense Gross.

- Dr. Goode, front desk, stat, stat, stat.

(blows nose)

- My beloved sister exploded, and her beloved husband shot?

- Your sister's death was not the fault of the hospital.

Her husband was also an accident.

We deeply regret what has happened,

but we are not responsible.

- I'm taking you to court

and when I'm done you'll all be back here at work

with one change.

- [Together] What's that?

- I'll own this place and everyone in it.

(upbeat music)

- What did you tell him?

- Nothing much just about all...

- Everything, Dr. Schweitzer, Dr. Harvey, the killer.

- Grace, this will blow over.

- So will you Howard, you're finished!

- Yeah, I was about to go home.

- No, I mean you're finished

for good, forever at this institution.

Clear out your office, clear your schedule,

and never let me see your treacherous,

two timing troublemaking face again.

- Are you mad at me?

- Howard!

(ominous music)

- Hi. I'm here to...

(playful musical score)

(nurse screams)

- Who was the last doctor to treat this patient?

- Dr. Schweitzer's name was on the order to do his blood.

- Not another, Floyd.

- Do you think Schweitzer is behind all this?

- No, but it could be anybody.

Albert, can you explain this?

- No, Dr. Harvey had me draw the blood and I did.

- You just drew it a little too much.

- I didn't botch the transfusion.

He was alive and well when I went to J Ward.

I left instructions with the nurse to change the bag.

- No one's accusing you Dr. Schweitzer.

We have to trust one another.

Floyd?

- Yes, Dr. Goode?

- Would you get two orderlies to take him to the morgue?

- Yes. Dr. Goode.

- Dr. Goode? - Yes.

- I was talking with Nurse Ratchitt earlier today,

and I want you to know that if need be,

I'll take half my salary if this will help Goode Community.

- Thank you Dr. Schweitzer.

I hope that won't be necessary.

(footsteps echo)

(dramatic music)

(monitor beeps)

- How do you know you need all this?

How do you know they're not charging you double?

How do you know they're giving you stuff you don't need?

Listen, here's my card.

If you have any problem, lady, call me.

Have your next of kin call me.

(ominous music)

- Listen, Nurse Ratchitt, I'd like to get a little sleep.

Dr. Harvey said I could flake out on his couch,

unless you need me for anything.

Yes, Dr. Schweitzer.

- Schweitzer?

- Could you go over these medication orders for J Ward?

- Call you back, Sid.

(phone rattles)

- No, no, that's changed.

Give Lips 20 units of this at 8:00 AM.

How should it be administered?

- Intraocularly.

- Doctor?

- Yeah, stick it in his eye.

He'll love it.

(ominous music)

(door clicks)

- I'll get her.

(footsteps echo)

- Dr. Schweitzer?

- Yeah.

- I'm the Gross family lawyer, Lou Pohl.

What's your story?

- Excuse me.

- What medical school did you graduate from?

- State, excuse me.

- Come on, you really aren't a doctor.

How old are you?

- 16.

- Ah, now I got you.

State law 104.35, paragraph eight, section 22.

Minimum age for a physician is 25.

- Amended, 1986 to any age if graduated

from an accredited school.

Now get outta my way.

- Hey kid, I'm not done with you yet.

- Will you lend me your finger Harvey?

- Grace,.

- I need a finger to hold this bow.

- Oh, of course.

Who's the package for?

- Emily.

- In the gift shop?

- Uh huh. it's her 70th birthday.

- Emily's 70?

She doesn't look it.

- And to celebrate 30 years in the gift shop.

- 30 years.

- And we're moving her to the new wing.

- We're finally opening the new wing?

- Next week if we're still in business.

- Oh, Grace, come here.

Uh uh, you cut that out.

Come here, we gotta have faith.

Goode won't close its doors.

- I wanna believe.

My heart tells me to but...

- Ohh...

- Stop, could you take this portable defib unit

to the store room.

- Certainly.

(upbeat music) (indistinct lyrics)

You ain't nothin' but a hound dog...

Cryin' all the time.

Norman, is that you?

(body thumps)

(glasses clink)

- Oh, it's good to relax for a moment.

- Grace, we will come through this thing.

Even if there's a little scandal,

and a whole lot of horrible, nasty, evil bad press.

The poor people who depend on this hospital

for their lives will know.

- This creature who, or whatever it is, must be very sick.

I know I should be thinking that he needs help,

but something inside of me makes me want to rip his guts up.

- Oh, come on Grace, you're just angry, that'll pass.

As long as we both stay strong and stick to our principles.

- That may not be enough.

How can we fight something that we can't see?

(phone rings)

Yes Nurse Ratchitt, right away.

Your wanted in OR three.

- Don't worry Grace, everything will be okay.

Just trust.

(romantic music)

(defibrillator clicks) (orderly screams)

- [Lips] Oh, it's my man.

I heard you brought me something.

(ominous music)

Doc you gotta gimme something.

- You just had something and stop that scratching.

I got better things to do than

to restitch you four times a day.

- You doctors sure get grouchy when you get old.

- Who did this?

I, I didn't do this.

Who just sutured you?

This is the work of a total idiot.

- Oh, one of you docs did this, came in

with his mask on in a terrible cold.

Told me he had orders to do me over again.

- Whoever did this, did this to hurt you.

- Yeah?

- You, you must lie still,

those stitches will come out if you move.

I'll be right back as soon as I get my supplies.

(door clicks)

(ominous music)

- Oh, light and no sugar, Bernice.

And will you make sure it's hot?

Can't stand cold coffee.

- Yes, Dr. Fine.

Would you like a danish to go with that?

They make a mean raspberry.

- Okay, but no prunes, hate prunes.

- I know what you mean.

Be right back.

(rapid footsteps)

(ominous music)

(Dr. Fine struggles)

- Hi there dude, how's it happening?

- Who are you?

- Lou Pohl, attorney at law.

How are they treating you?

- You a lawyer.

Can you get me out?

- Depends, let's talk.

Who's behind this killing business?

Dr. Goode, Dr. Harvey, what's the scam?

How do they cash in on all these dead people?

I know, some sort of insurance

split with their relatives, right?

- I guess, I... - I knew it, thanks pal.

You ever need a lawyer, here's my card.

- Yeah, can you get them to let me go?

I didn't kill anybody.

- No problem, criminal cases $200 per hour.

- Yeah?

- 500 if me go to court.

- Yeah, and And they won't gimme no drugs

and the food's terrible and my stitches hurt.

- Oh wow, malpractice.

30 70 split, who's your doctor?

- Dr. Schweitzer.

- Dr. Schweitzer, the kid?

Whoa, foul.

Take real good care of that belly.

Those stitches are gonna make us both rich.

- Then I can at least take this stupid tag off.

- Maybe you better not...

(upbeat music)

- And this is how you mourn your sister's death

and honor her memory,

by harassing other patients?

- Listen good and listen good.

I gotta right to gather evidence in a pending case.

- Not from critically ill patients, you monster.

- Oh, slander, keep it up Goode.

You're making it real easy for me.

- Willa where's Nurse Ratchitt?

- On her lunch break.

- Call Floyd, get this maniac out of here.

- I'll sue.

Anyone touches me, I'll sue.

- I will get Floyd.

- Let's see, just for starters,

malpractice, negligence, wrongful death.

Failure to report a death.

(orderly screams)

(knock on door)

- Come in.

Oh, Mr. Sickem, what do you want, sit down.

- Dr. Goode, I want to continue being your friend.

How long have I known you?

- Seems like an eternity.

- Believe me, Grace, oh, may I call you Grace?

- Why not you've called me everything else.

- I'm in tears over this whole thing

and I hate being the villain in this piece.

But you do believe I want to help, don't you?

- As much as I believe in Santa Clause, the good fairy

and a pot at the end of the rainbow.

- In spite of what you think I do want to help.

Here's your chance to save your good name.

Please reconsider your position.

And call Cochrane and Fink.

They can help us, and we can all get out

of this whole mess smelling like roses.

- My heart tells me we can turn things around.

All we need is time.

- Time can't help you, time has run out.

There is no more time.

(ominous music)

(liquid sloshes)

- Now we got a burn patient who just came in,

a hernia, two tonsillectomies,

an appendectomy and a hemorrhoid.

- I'll take the hernia and the tonsil.

- You had two last month.

I'll take it, and you take the appendectomy.

- I know Debbie, it's near the 15th,

you haven't paid half the rent yet.

Look, I'll take the appendectomy.

I haven't had one for two weeks.

- Oh no you don't, I'll take it, and you take the hernia.

- Who wants the hemorrhoid?

(cross talk)

- Okay, you take the hernia and the tonsillectomy.

- I love you too, yeah, yeah.

(fire crackles) (killer laughs)

(fire alarm rings)

- Dr. Goode to utility room stat.

(cross talk)

- You don't wanna go in there, Dr. Goode.

- It's my duty.

(cross talk)

Well, uh, the fire's out,

and we're sure everything will be okay in an hour or so.

- Fine, Sickem, play your little games without me.

You keep the other 10 thou.

I'll be glad to get rid of this whole crummy affair.

I'm finished.

- Thank you. This is Stanley Sickem

from Goode Community Hospital.

As of midnight tomorrow we are closing our doors for

Can I interest you in some used radium?

Well, the size of a basketball,

(upbeat music) (indistinct lyrics)

- Whoa.

Almost forgot my wallet.

- Hatchet when she hatched me.

- Cancel my reservation.

- Staff members assist the patients back to their rooms

and return to your duties.

And remember, we care about the people we care for.

and thank you everybody.

Where does it end, Floyd?

- I don't know, but you hang in there.

- Floyd, it's obvious Fine did all this.

He's been trying to get me and the hospital.

- Scum.

- He's responsible for all these killings.

He couldn't get me.

So he did these killings to discredit the hospital

and then he went out of his mind and,

and the authorities will be looking for Howard forever

and we'll be off the hook.

- Dr. Goode you scare me sometimes.

- You think I'm not scared, I scare myself.

- What about that?

- Do I have to think of everything?

Use your imagination.

- I'm going to make you pay Dr. Goode.

This hospital's going to be mine.

All mine.

- Yeah. What do you want? Crotch.

I thought you went home to hacking...

- A fire, flood, where?

- Hey, I wonder if you two guys could help me out

with a small problem.

- A medical problem?

- You could say that. Follow me.

- Get out.

- Look Grace, court battles are expensive.

Our time is worth too much. When you can sit.

- I've heard enough. Get out of here.

- No, you get out your checkbook. Let's settle.

What's the book value of this hospital?

Let's discuss this case.

- You have no case. Those deaths were accidents.

The hospital is not to blame.

I'm going to file a DA's Report Monday reporting

who is really to blame.

- Who is that and is there malpractice insurance?

- I doubt if that would do any good. Dr. Fine is missing.

- Fine. Matt and any, huh?

- We don't have all the details yet,

but we're putting together a preliminary report,

- Which I will review.

- It will show Fine as having a profound personal crisis,

which he was trying to conceal.

- We could cut him up in small pieces

and run him through the disposal in the kitchen.

- This man was a god of healing.

He could do wonders with those hands.

I'd give anything to have those hands.

- Take 'em.

- About 50 gallons of nitric acid should do it?

No. Better.

We'll put 'em in the lion's cage at the zoo.

- That's disgusting. What a good idea.

- Dr. Harvey. We we're talking about one

of the greatest surgeons who ever lived.

You don't feed the co-inventor of the artificial spleen

to lions.

- No. He'd be more on with hyenas.

- Al, we gotta do something with this stiff and quick.

If somebody sees this, we're all dead meat.

- Well, let's put him on the gurney.

Get him outta the building and

we'll figure out what to do with him later.

- Took conspicuous. Use a wheelchair.

- [Together] Ohh.

- So you see Mr. Polh,

we can't be held responsible for the actions

of someone who had a problem

we had no way of knowing about.

- Well, don't think you've ever the last of me.

- I know you were close to your sister and brother-in-Law

and I'd like to offer my condolences.

- I got a better idea. You bury them.

I got better things to do.

- Fine. I mean good.

If you've just signed this release for the bodies, I'll see

to it that they are laid to resting, quiet allergies.

- What's his problem?

- Dr. Harvey. Who is this patient?

- This is Mr. Burns. Bert Burns.

Remember? Remember Mr. Burns?

- Oh right. How's he doing? - Well, he

- Won't be getting any ways.

- Dr. Harvey means he's stable.

- What's cooking?

- We're taking him to Memorial.

We consulted with that specialist that you recommended.

- Oh yes. He's expecting him.

- Whoa. Oh yeah. I know some people over at Memorial.

Maybe I know him. Do you know

- Dr.

Gupta? Yakamoto O'Brien of the psychology department?

- Sure. Elizabeth, if you need a lawyer, call me.

(dramatic music)

- Contagious.

- Panda pox. I wouldn't get too close.

Where do I know him from?

- Mr. Paul, please. We have to move him out of here.

- Wait a minute. Not so fast lady.

- He's just some poor, unfortunate

that's picked up some disease somewhere.

- I know that face.

(all scream)

That's Fine.

- I knew it. - Sorry everybody.

- It's no use. I give up. Let's call the police.

(cross talk)

- What do you want?

Why are you doing this?

- I want this hospital, Want it demolished.

- Over my dead body.

- That's right.

I'm gonna A McDonald's over there. No.

And a pick and save over there.

And a famous Amos over there. No.

- Who are - You? Doesn't matter.

After today, this will all be a memory.

Good community will be a thing of the past. Oh, who are you?

I like this increase. Good.

And all of you witnesses will be mince meet. Who

- Are you?

- You're repeating yourself, lady.

Goodbye

- Rona?

- It's not bad. It's Robert. Robert. That's right. Robert.

Good. AKA, Bobby, B. Good. Her cousin. Her

- Cousin.

- Why didn't you tell me? Because

- I want all of this and now I have it.

And you and your stupid hospital and your staff

and your patients can all go to hell.

When I show up Monday morning

and put in my claim to being the only last heir

to the good fortune, you'll all be grease spots.

- Can't we talk this - Over too late for

- Talk?

See?

(upbeat music)

- Congratulations - Floyd.

Where did you learn to spit like that?

- At my granddaddy's knee.

I've been drowning flies since I'm four.

Come on, everybody bring cheers for Dr. Good.

(cross talk)

(nurses cheer)

- That place is infested with 'em. Stud.

- Good heaven. Where's the doctor? May I help you? Well,

- Stud and I were on our way to church

with a buddy of yours, right?

Stud. Yes. And this guy was down the street making a

withdrawal at community bank.

- Well, the next thing we know is he's getting beat up

by the automatic teller.

- We never seen nothing so

- Violent.

Beating up pretty bad. Can you help him, lady?

- I don't think so. Grace Fine's gone And this man looks

like he needs a brain search.

The old guy didn't have no ID on him. Can you help him?

Lady? Of course.

Grandfather founded this hospital on the bleep

that all men are created equal, rich, or poor.

Good. Doesn't care Less about credit rating.

Being a good neighbor is goods.

Philosophy By God, good is gonna help this man.

Good will help all who come to her doors.

Give us your tired. Give us your poor.

Give us your destitute.

- Give us a break, lady.

The guy's bleeding the death. Yeah. Harvey Schweitzer.

Try it. Muffin nor Arnold. Stop.

Stop into surgery with this unfortunate man.

Oh yes we do. Me. You know. Yes, me grace. Good.

(cross talk)

I'm a qualified brain surgeon. Grace, you never told me.

There are a lot of things I never told you.

You're my kind of woman

in the surgery with him.

Harvey Schweitzer. You'll assist me this way.

Boys sponge, scalpel..

(monitor beeps)

- My twin brother and I can never repay you

all for saving his life.

PJ and I own the community bank. Oh, is this true? We do.

And not only where I tear up this loan, but my brother

and I will establish an endowment fund

to put good community hospital back on its feet.

Yes. Yes. Right pj, right jp? Yes.

You must all continue your good work.

- Thank you. Thank you, stubby.

- We carefor the people we care for.

(upbeat music)