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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,096 --> 00:00:03,358 Here! 2 00:00:04,078 --> 00:00:05,077 [bleep]. 3 00:00:05,079 --> 00:00:06,712 What are you doing? Come on. 4 00:00:06,747 --> 00:00:08,748 I'm coming. 5 00:00:08,799 --> 00:00:10,633 Again? 6 00:00:10,667 --> 00:00:11,634 Stay where you are. 7 00:00:11,668 --> 00:00:13,419 What are you doing? 8 00:00:13,470 --> 00:00:15,654 Stop! Thank you. 9 00:00:17,528 --> 00:00:18,744 You're not unlocking it! 10 00:00:18,778 --> 00:00:20,728 We're doing it at the same time is the problem. 11 00:00:20,765 --> 00:00:22,765 - Unlock the door! - No! 12 00:00:22,916 --> 00:00:23,925 Now! 13 00:00:23,925 --> 00:00:24,801 [bleep]. 14 00:00:24,801 --> 00:00:26,135 Stop touching it while I do the lock! 15 00:00:26,186 --> 00:00:28,554 - What do you want me to do? - Just do it now. 16 00:00:28,605 --> 00:00:29,772 - Are you... - Unbelievable! 17 00:00:29,806 --> 00:00:31,557 - kidding me? - Stop it and reset. 18 00:00:31,608 --> 00:00:33,275 - Put it down. - I'm just holding it. 19 00:00:33,310 --> 00:00:34,977 - Take your hand off the thing! - It is on the thing. 20 00:00:35,028 --> 00:00:36,979 I got to reset the thing. Look-- Look at this. 21 00:00:36,981 --> 00:00:39,532 Huh? Huh? Nothing happens if you're holding it up. 22 00:00:39,566 --> 00:00:41,700 Everybody knows not to do that 23 00:00:41,735 --> 00:00:43,152 'cause now it's all jiggered in the middle. 24 00:00:43,203 --> 00:00:44,820 It got all jiggered in the middle now! 25 00:00:44,871 --> 00:00:46,455 Aah! What? 26 00:00:46,490 --> 00:00:49,492 Take your hand away from the door completely. 27 00:00:49,543 --> 00:00:51,377 Thank you. 28 00:00:51,411 --> 00:00:53,245 Oh, that's rich! 29 00:00:53,296 --> 00:00:54,713 You are gonna get-- 30 00:00:54,748 --> 00:00:55,748 - Drop your weapon. - What happened? 31 00:00:55,799 --> 00:00:56,999 What happened, though? 32 00:00:57,001 --> 00:00:58,334 What happened? I don't know what happened. 33 00:01:09,613 --> 00:01:13,537 Sync & corrections by dwigt 34 00:01:23,002 --> 00:01:25,120 - I'll throw out a topic. - You're gonna throw out 35 00:01:25,171 --> 00:01:26,705 - a topic? Let's talk about it. - Have you seen an alien? 36 00:01:26,756 --> 00:01:29,007 Have I seen an alien? 37 00:01:29,042 --> 00:01:31,126 I did see-- 38 00:01:31,177 --> 00:01:33,378 "No" is a perfectly fine answer for the-- 39 00:01:33,429 --> 00:01:35,430 I did-- Okay. Well, here's the thing. 40 00:01:35,465 --> 00:01:36,715 Can there be subterranean aliens? 41 00:01:36,717 --> 00:01:37,850 There can't be, right? 42 00:01:37,884 --> 00:01:39,151 'cause they have to come from space. 43 00:01:39,168 --> 00:01:40,370 Story, please. 44 00:01:40,370 --> 00:01:42,597 When I was a kid, I saw a-- 45 00:01:42,786 --> 00:01:44,944 I was in Canada with my friends, 46 00:01:44,974 --> 00:01:46,275 And there was-- we were-- 47 00:01:46,309 --> 00:01:48,360 there was a hole in the backyard of this one guy's house 48 00:01:48,394 --> 00:01:51,113 that we were hanging out at, and the hole was like-- it was-- 49 00:01:51,147 --> 00:01:52,814 there was a fissure like this in the ground, 50 00:01:52,866 --> 00:01:54,254 and there was a heap of dirt in the middle, 51 00:01:54,284 --> 00:01:55,963 and the heap of dirt was like scoot, scoot, scoot. 52 00:01:55,994 --> 00:01:56,985 It just went like that. 53 00:01:57,036 --> 00:01:58,654 - And we ran away. - How big? 54 00:01:58,705 --> 00:02:00,239 I mean, like-- I can't. 55 00:02:00,290 --> 00:02:02,741 Hold on, like-- like this. 56 00:02:02,792 --> 00:02:05,160 You're talking about a hedgehog and [bleep]. 57 00:02:05,211 --> 00:02:07,496 How did you go from alien 58 00:02:07,547 --> 00:02:09,797 to telling me a story about a [bleep] hedgehog? 59 00:02:09,837 --> 00:02:11,833 We-- Hey, we never-- we never saw it, so who knows-- 60 00:02:11,885 --> 00:02:13,719 He said, "subterranean aliens." 61 00:02:13,753 --> 00:02:15,754 Come on, Jack. 62 00:02:26,285 --> 00:02:28,239 Wait, wait. 63 00:02:29,955 --> 00:02:31,656 We got to be careful here. 64 00:02:31,707 --> 00:02:34,542 This place is crawling with them. 65 00:02:34,576 --> 00:02:37,245 - What was that? - What? 66 00:02:37,247 --> 00:02:39,080 Cover me. 67 00:02:44,586 --> 00:02:46,671 Guys! Hey, guys! 68 00:02:46,722 --> 00:02:49,557 Hey, guys. Oh, thank God. 69 00:02:49,591 --> 00:02:52,093 Hey, we started a community of survivors. 70 00:02:52,095 --> 00:02:53,845 Y'all come live with us. 71 00:03:06,575 --> 00:03:09,444 Wait. How did you know? 72 00:03:09,495 --> 00:03:10,695 Come on. 73 00:03:10,746 --> 00:03:13,067 Redneck wants us to move into his community? 74 00:03:13,832 --> 00:03:15,950 Us? Let's go. 75 00:03:23,759 --> 00:03:25,626 Guys, over here! 76 00:03:25,677 --> 00:03:27,977 Oh, thank God there are others! 77 00:03:28,847 --> 00:03:30,548 Would you let me date your daughter? 78 00:03:30,599 --> 00:03:32,433 Of course! 79 00:03:37,356 --> 00:03:39,107 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 80 00:03:39,141 --> 00:03:41,893 Aah! Please don't hurt me! 81 00:03:41,944 --> 00:03:44,145 My best friend is black and I love Jay-Z, 82 00:03:44,196 --> 00:03:48,866 and my favorite movie is Think Like a Man. 83 00:03:48,901 --> 00:03:50,284 - She's good. - Come with us. 84 00:03:50,319 --> 00:03:51,652 - Okay. - Stay close. 85 00:03:51,654 --> 00:03:52,737 - Okay. - What's your name? 86 00:03:52,788 --> 00:03:54,655 - Emily. - Of course it is. 87 00:04:01,964 --> 00:04:02,997 Hey, hey, hey! Don't shoot! 88 00:04:02,999 --> 00:04:06,167 Don't shoot! 89 00:04:06,218 --> 00:04:08,469 What do you think about the police? 90 00:04:08,504 --> 00:04:10,338 Well, I love their third album. 91 00:04:13,842 --> 00:04:14,842 Aah! Aah! 92 00:04:14,844 --> 00:04:16,659 I don't have any money! 93 00:04:17,429 --> 00:04:18,396 No money! 94 00:04:30,325 --> 00:04:31,359 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 95 00:04:31,361 --> 00:04:32,743 Thank God you guys showed up. 96 00:04:32,778 --> 00:04:34,695 I got to get out of here. 97 00:04:34,746 --> 00:04:36,364 It's a Silver Lexus. 98 00:04:36,366 --> 00:04:38,082 Just pull it right up front, 99 00:04:38,116 --> 00:04:39,700 and don't scuff the paint, all right? 100 00:04:39,751 --> 00:04:41,536 I just had it buffed. 101 00:04:52,631 --> 00:04:53,714 Was he an alien, too? 102 00:04:53,716 --> 00:04:56,050 Yep. 103 00:05:00,355 --> 00:05:03,307 Gave up my girlfriend and my family. 104 00:05:03,358 --> 00:05:06,444 Gave up my girlfriend and my family. 105 00:05:06,478 --> 00:05:09,730 Traded 'em in for an M-16. 106 00:05:09,781 --> 00:05:12,366 Traded 'em in for an M-16. 107 00:05:12,401 --> 00:05:15,570 Afghanistan, Pakistan, Yemen, Iraq. 108 00:05:15,621 --> 00:05:18,823 Afghanistan, Pakistan, Yemen, Iraq. 109 00:05:18,874 --> 00:05:21,742 I don't care if I ever come back. 110 00:05:21,744 --> 00:05:24,962 I don't care if I ever come back. 111 00:05:24,997 --> 00:05:27,915 From poor families, how far we roam. 112 00:05:27,966 --> 00:05:30,801 From poor families, how far we roam. 113 00:05:30,836 --> 00:05:33,921 So the rich kids can just stay at home. 114 00:05:33,972 --> 00:05:37,592 So the rich kids can just stay at home. 115 00:05:37,594 --> 00:05:40,261 When I come home with PTSD... 116 00:05:40,312 --> 00:05:43,431 When I come home with PTSD... 117 00:05:43,482 --> 00:05:46,651 The V.A. hospital won't care for me. 118 00:05:46,685 --> 00:05:49,437 The V.A. hospital won't care for me. 119 00:05:49,488 --> 00:05:52,607 I'll probably end up homeless out in the dark... 120 00:05:52,609 --> 00:05:55,443 I'll probably end up homeless out in the dark. 121 00:05:55,494 --> 00:05:58,946 To get played onscreen by Marky-Mark. 122 00:06:02,751 --> 00:06:03,751 What? 123 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:11,324 I'm way less homophobic than you. 124 00:06:11,375 --> 00:06:13,243 Okay, that's all well and good. 125 00:06:13,245 --> 00:06:14,544 I don't agree. 126 00:06:14,579 --> 00:06:18,248 I will give a backrub to a gay man, 127 00:06:18,299 --> 00:06:19,716 and we're both naked. 128 00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:22,419 That's how non-homophobic I am. 129 00:06:22,421 --> 00:06:27,891 Dude, I would put parts of my body 130 00:06:27,925 --> 00:06:29,976 maybe into another gay man's body. 131 00:06:30,011 --> 00:06:32,395 I mean, into a gay man's body, not another gay man's body. 132 00:06:32,430 --> 00:06:33,680 Into a gay man's body, and I would be like, 133 00:06:33,731 --> 00:06:34,848 "Hey, this is therapeutic." 134 00:06:34,899 --> 00:06:36,817 If I were a doctor and you were gay 135 00:06:36,851 --> 00:06:38,685 and you needed a prostate exam, no problem here. 136 00:06:38,736 --> 00:06:39,769 Okay, but you see what you did. 137 00:06:39,771 --> 00:06:40,987 That's about overall health. 138 00:06:41,022 --> 00:06:41,988 That's not about me trying to stimulate-- 139 00:06:42,023 --> 00:06:43,190 But you see what you did? 140 00:06:43,241 --> 00:06:46,247 No, you engaged in gay sex in that scenario. 141 00:06:46,267 --> 00:06:47,661 I said a part of my body. 142 00:06:47,695 --> 00:06:49,279 I didn't say my penis necessarily. 143 00:06:49,330 --> 00:06:51,948 Doesn't matter. Insertion is insertion. 144 00:06:51,999 --> 00:06:55,452 No, there are different degrees of insertion. 145 00:06:58,490 --> 00:07:01,158 Welcome, Johnson family. 146 00:07:01,209 --> 00:07:03,961 Now, we all know why we're here. 147 00:07:03,995 --> 00:07:06,213 Cousin Delroy's getting married... 148 00:07:06,248 --> 00:07:08,749 Mm-hmm. 149 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:11,001 to a man. 150 00:07:11,003 --> 00:07:12,887 - Which is crazy. - Mm-hmm. 151 00:07:12,921 --> 00:07:17,258 And we're in support, and, uh, we just need a little help 152 00:07:17,309 --> 00:07:20,010 with the particulars of a gay wedding. 153 00:07:20,012 --> 00:07:24,065 What I've done is I took the initiative 154 00:07:24,099 --> 00:07:26,684 to get my friend Gary in here, 155 00:07:26,735 --> 00:07:28,853 Who's-- I mean, he's not really my friend. 156 00:07:28,855 --> 00:07:31,739 He's a coworker of mine who happens 157 00:07:31,773 --> 00:07:35,526 to be a active member of the homosexual community, 158 00:07:35,577 --> 00:07:38,279 and he's gonna give us some advice on, 159 00:07:38,330 --> 00:07:41,499 You know, wha-- what to do. 160 00:07:41,533 --> 00:07:45,369 So, Gary, wha-- what can-- what can we expect? 161 00:07:45,371 --> 00:07:46,670 All right. 162 00:07:46,705 --> 00:07:48,506 Well, first of all, guys, 163 00:07:48,540 --> 00:07:50,207 thanks so much for having me here, 164 00:07:50,258 --> 00:07:52,209 and I think it's really amazing 165 00:07:52,211 --> 00:07:54,929 what you guys are doing for your cousin Delroy. 166 00:07:54,963 --> 00:07:57,298 Really, I just wanted to say, basically, that a gay wedding 167 00:07:57,349 --> 00:07:58,933 is just like a straight wedding. 168 00:07:58,967 --> 00:08:00,134 Yes? Yes, sir. 169 00:08:00,185 --> 00:08:02,636 So then do the men wear dresses and then 170 00:08:02,687 --> 00:08:04,021 the women would wear suits? 171 00:08:04,055 --> 00:08:05,973 No. No, no, no. 172 00:08:06,024 --> 00:08:08,692 You would just where exactly what you would wear 173 00:08:08,727 --> 00:08:11,061 At a-- At a straight wedding. 174 00:08:11,063 --> 00:08:13,948 Now, none of us are gay, so I assume 175 00:08:13,982 --> 00:08:16,534 that we would all sit then in the straight section. 176 00:08:16,568 --> 00:08:18,319 - The straight section? - Yeah. 177 00:08:18,370 --> 00:08:19,703 Oh, the straight section. 178 00:08:19,738 --> 00:08:21,288 He means as opposed to the gay section. 179 00:08:21,323 --> 00:08:23,073 No, no, there's-- there's-- there's no sections, guys. 180 00:08:23,075 --> 00:08:24,408 - But the gay people... - No, no, no. 181 00:08:24,459 --> 00:08:25,876 - What-- you would just sit-- - And then the straight? 182 00:08:25,911 --> 00:08:27,044 No, Larry, Larry, listen to me just for a second. 183 00:08:27,078 --> 00:08:28,712 - But then the aisle. - You would just-- 184 00:08:28,747 --> 00:08:30,381 You would just sit on the side of the person 185 00:08:30,415 --> 00:08:32,049 that were friends with or that your family's members, 186 00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:33,083 just like in a straight wedding. 187 00:08:33,135 --> 00:08:34,585 So we just guess who's gay. 188 00:08:34,587 --> 00:08:36,053 Or not. You could just-- Yeah. 189 00:08:36,087 --> 00:08:37,087 We'll guess who's gay. 190 00:08:37,089 --> 00:08:38,722 Okay. Guess who-- 191 00:08:38,757 --> 00:08:42,143 When in the ceremony do we sing "Over the Rainbow"? 192 00:08:42,177 --> 00:08:43,594 Well, you don't. You don't. 193 00:08:43,645 --> 00:08:45,012 This is a religious ceremony, so you-- 194 00:08:45,063 --> 00:08:46,897 you wouldn't be singing that during the service. 195 00:08:46,932 --> 00:08:48,265 - Oh, all right. - You done with the questions? 196 00:08:48,267 --> 00:08:49,600 No, I'm just asking. 197 00:08:49,651 --> 00:08:51,101 I'm nervous 'cause I can only do jazz hands 198 00:08:51,103 --> 00:08:52,820 for about three minutes 'fore my hands start to cramp. 199 00:08:52,854 --> 00:08:55,272 Oh, sir, I don't think anyone's gonna expect you-- 200 00:08:55,274 --> 00:08:57,074 I don't think any-- I don't think anyone's gonna 201 00:08:57,108 --> 00:08:59,777 expect you to have to do jazz hands. 202 00:08:59,828 --> 00:09:02,079 Now can we see the pony show from the straight section? 203 00:09:02,113 --> 00:09:03,781 Or are we way in the back somewhere? 204 00:09:03,783 --> 00:09:05,783 Ma'am, again, there's no straight section. 205 00:09:05,834 --> 00:09:06,917 What is a pony show? 206 00:09:06,952 --> 00:09:09,420 You know, when y'all go like this. 207 00:09:09,454 --> 00:09:10,704 No, there won't be-- 208 00:09:10,755 --> 00:09:12,456 there won't be any of this during the ceremony. 209 00:09:12,458 --> 00:09:14,008 Oh. Oh. 210 00:09:14,042 --> 00:09:16,594 When do we sing "YMCA"? 211 00:09:16,628 --> 00:09:19,180 - Oh. - Sir, not during the ceremony. 212 00:09:19,214 --> 00:09:20,347 Okay. 213 00:09:20,382 --> 00:09:22,550 - What about "Macho, Macho Man"? - Nope. 214 00:09:22,601 --> 00:09:24,301 I don't know where to buy no gay presents. 215 00:09:24,352 --> 00:09:27,271 Well, I-I don't know what a gay present is. 216 00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:28,939 Usually, what couples do is they just-- 217 00:09:28,974 --> 00:09:30,641 they just register at a store... 218 00:09:30,692 --> 00:09:31,692 Huh. 219 00:09:31,726 --> 00:09:33,110 like a straight couple would. 220 00:09:33,144 --> 00:09:35,479 - The gay store, or-- - Just a regular store. 221 00:09:35,530 --> 00:09:37,982 Where do you get the euros to buy gay gifts? 222 00:09:38,033 --> 00:09:39,316 Are you saying euros? 223 00:09:39,318 --> 00:09:41,035 You wouldn't-- you wouldn't use euros. 224 00:09:41,069 --> 00:09:43,487 No, it's-- it's-- it's a good question, Finney. 225 00:09:43,489 --> 00:09:45,206 We-- We should make some eye contact 226 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:47,458 so we make sure that the communication's happening. 227 00:09:47,492 --> 00:09:48,993 - Yeah. - I think he wants to know 228 00:09:48,995 --> 00:09:51,378 is it, like, a-- you know, a different currency? 229 00:09:51,413 --> 00:09:53,163 Or is it more like Camel Cash? 230 00:09:53,215 --> 00:09:55,799 Nope, just good, old-fashioned U.S. dollars, yep. 231 00:09:55,834 --> 00:09:57,835 Do we have to participate in the anal sex? 232 00:09:57,886 --> 00:09:59,303 - Oh! - Or can we just watch 233 00:09:59,337 --> 00:10:01,088 and cheer in a firemen's hat? 234 00:10:01,139 --> 00:10:03,173 No, there's no anal sex and no fireman's hat. 235 00:10:03,175 --> 00:10:05,259 - Oh, okay. - It's cunnilingus. 236 00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:06,510 Is that a question, sir? 237 00:10:06,561 --> 00:10:08,846 When do we get to sing "It's Raining Men, 238 00:10:08,897 --> 00:10:11,148 - Hallelujah, It's Raining Men?" - You don't. 239 00:10:11,182 --> 00:10:12,850 So there's no gay hymns in the ceremony? 240 00:10:12,901 --> 00:10:15,653 Sir, there's no such thing as a gay hymn. 241 00:10:15,687 --> 00:10:17,321 - What? - Well, does the fake priest 242 00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:20,491 look like a real priest or like a nun? 243 00:10:20,525 --> 00:10:22,526 - It's gonna be a real priest. - Or... 244 00:10:22,528 --> 00:10:23,661 No, there's no "or." 245 00:10:23,695 --> 00:10:25,362 ...is it a sexy boat captain, 246 00:10:25,413 --> 00:10:26,530 then he takes his clothes off? 247 00:10:26,581 --> 00:10:28,532 - Ohh. - What? No. No. 248 00:10:28,534 --> 00:10:30,084 Do we throw something other than rice? 249 00:10:30,118 --> 00:10:31,118 Like what, sir? 250 00:10:31,169 --> 00:10:32,786 What would you throw other than rice? 251 00:10:32,837 --> 00:10:34,171 I don't know. I don't know. 252 00:10:34,205 --> 00:10:36,040 Couscous. Skittles. 253 00:10:36,042 --> 00:10:40,261 Guys, a gay wedding is just like a straight wedding, okay? 254 00:10:40,295 --> 00:10:41,879 It's exactly the same. 255 00:10:41,930 --> 00:10:45,182 Well, when they kiss, is it okay to stand up and say, "Ew"? 256 00:10:45,216 --> 00:10:47,885 No, it's not because it would be-- that would be homophobic. 257 00:10:47,936 --> 00:10:50,471 This from the man who won't allow gay hymns 258 00:10:50,522 --> 00:10:51,722 at the gay wedding. 259 00:10:51,724 --> 00:10:55,476 Okay, but like a involuntary gasp. 260 00:10:55,527 --> 00:10:58,062 I would just, I guess, try to curb that behavior. 261 00:10:58,064 --> 00:10:59,730 Okay. I'll-- I'll look away then. 262 00:10:59,732 --> 00:11:02,733 - Oh, my God. - Now, is RuPaul gonna be there? 263 00:11:02,784 --> 00:11:04,735 No, I don't think Delroy knows RuPaul. 264 00:11:04,786 --> 00:11:06,320 - Uh, Neil Patrick Harris? - No. 265 00:11:06,371 --> 00:11:07,410 Ooh, Doogie. 266 00:11:07,430 --> 00:11:08,890 What if you don't want your picture on the internet? 267 00:11:08,984 --> 00:11:10,824 - This is ridiculous! - Excuse me, Gary. 268 00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:12,743 "Ridiculous." Is that a gay term? 269 00:11:12,794 --> 00:11:14,545 Okay, yep. I'll show myself out. 270 00:11:14,579 --> 00:11:16,497 Oh, he's a little testy, isn't he? 271 00:11:16,548 --> 00:11:17,581 - Nah, he can go. - Good luck. 272 00:11:17,632 --> 00:11:18,582 We just trying to find out how it go. 273 00:11:18,633 --> 00:11:20,751 Let's go, Stefan. 274 00:11:21,133 --> 00:11:23,383 I think we pretty much got it. 275 00:11:24,155 --> 00:11:26,640 Thank you, and may God bless America. 276 00:11:31,313 --> 00:11:32,813 - All right. - Right this way. 277 00:11:32,847 --> 00:11:34,264 Couple introductions and we'll get you out of here. 278 00:11:34,266 --> 00:11:35,816 - This is John O'Rourke. - Nice to meet you, John. 279 00:11:35,850 --> 00:11:37,601 - Mr. Ian Roberts. - Nice to meet you. 280 00:11:37,603 --> 00:11:40,187 - Peter Atencio. - All right, nice to meet you. 281 00:11:40,238 --> 00:11:41,355 Jerome smith. 282 00:11:41,406 --> 00:11:43,907 Come on, brothah. What's up, fam? 283 00:11:45,444 --> 00:11:47,077 - You know this. - Heath Williamson. 284 00:11:47,112 --> 00:11:48,245 Nice to meet you. 285 00:11:48,279 --> 00:11:49,363 - Mary Woodbury. - Nice to meet you. 286 00:11:49,414 --> 00:11:51,415 - Jay Martel. - Nice to meet you, sir. 287 00:11:51,449 --> 00:11:54,034 - Tasha Robins. - Come on, come on, come on. 288 00:11:54,085 --> 00:11:56,787 Mmm! 289 00:11:56,838 --> 00:11:59,840 - Feel that? - Emily George. 290 00:11:59,874 --> 00:12:02,126 - Nice to meet you. - Darrell Stokes. 291 00:12:02,128 --> 00:12:04,044 Come on. What's up, fam? 292 00:12:04,095 --> 00:12:06,013 - How you doin'? - All right. 293 00:12:06,047 --> 00:12:08,632 Never forget about that, 'cause that's all we got. 294 00:12:08,683 --> 00:12:11,301 Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. All right. 295 00:12:11,353 --> 00:12:15,055 Ahh... Bring it in, bring it in! 296 00:12:15,106 --> 00:12:16,724 Started from the bottom, now we here. 297 00:12:16,775 --> 00:12:18,225 Yeah! 298 00:12:18,276 --> 00:12:19,977 Nice to meet you. All right. 299 00:12:19,979 --> 00:12:21,562 Nice to meet you. All right. 300 00:12:21,613 --> 00:12:23,697 Nice to-- 301 00:12:23,732 --> 00:12:24,982 1/8th black. 302 00:12:25,033 --> 00:12:26,450 Afternoon, my octoroon. 303 00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:27,901 Come on, bring it in there. Tuck that. 304 00:12:27,952 --> 00:12:29,069 I'm in there, dog. I'm in there, dog. 305 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,320 - You tucking it? - I'm in there, dog. 306 00:12:30,322 --> 00:12:31,488 - You tucking it in there? - I'm in there. 307 00:12:31,539 --> 00:12:32,489 - Let your tuck go. - I'm in there, dog. 308 00:12:32,540 --> 00:12:33,574 Let your tuck go. You tucking it? 309 00:12:33,625 --> 00:12:35,959 My tuck. I'm in there. 310 00:12:35,994 --> 00:12:37,961 I'm in there. I'm in there. 311 00:12:37,996 --> 00:12:39,797 All right. Nice to meet you, man. 312 00:12:39,831 --> 00:12:40,914 Uh, nice to meet you. 313 00:12:40,965 --> 00:12:42,883 Oh, my goodness, look at this. 314 00:12:42,917 --> 00:12:46,336 Oh, she is so beautiful. 315 00:12:46,338 --> 00:12:48,172 Mmm! 316 00:12:48,223 --> 00:12:49,506 I want another one. 317 00:12:49,508 --> 00:12:51,558 There you go. Precious, beautiful. 318 00:12:51,593 --> 00:12:52,810 Beautiful. What's her name? 319 00:12:52,844 --> 00:12:54,511 - This is Livia Roogey. - Okay. 320 00:12:54,513 --> 00:12:56,263 Nice to meet you, Miss Roogey. 321 00:12:56,314 --> 00:12:57,347 All right. 322 00:12:57,399 --> 00:13:00,517 Come on... There he is. 323 00:13:00,519 --> 00:13:01,602 Boom! 324 00:13:01,653 --> 00:13:02,686 Mr. President. 325 00:13:02,688 --> 00:13:04,571 All right, man. Good to meet you. 326 00:13:04,606 --> 00:13:06,190 Here we go. Right this way, sir. 327 00:13:08,308 --> 00:13:10,643 ♪ I'm trying to get the air on and turn off these lights ♪ 328 00:13:10,677 --> 00:13:12,011 We should just-- We going country. 329 00:13:12,062 --> 00:13:13,595 We need to be going country. 330 00:13:13,647 --> 00:13:15,097 We need to get some-- 331 00:13:15,148 --> 00:13:16,732 - Country music? - Yeah. 332 00:13:16,766 --> 00:13:19,652 ♪ We need to get some hip, tickin', ruckin', ♪ 333 00:13:19,686 --> 00:13:20,686 ♪ tuckin', runt-- ♪ 334 00:13:20,737 --> 00:13:22,187 Like some stadium country, too. 335 00:13:22,238 --> 00:13:23,939 - We're talking about-- - You said, "ruckin', tuckin'." 336 00:13:23,941 --> 00:13:25,274 You managed to say, "ruckin', 337 00:13:25,325 --> 00:13:26,742 - "tuckin'." - But I want to get-- 338 00:13:26,776 --> 00:13:28,410 ♪ You got to get your ruck tuckin' ♪ 339 00:13:28,445 --> 00:13:30,446 ♪ Pipe-riggin' country music ♪ 340 00:13:30,448 --> 00:13:31,780 You know what I'm talking about? 341 00:13:31,782 --> 00:13:35,117 That-- that line-dancin', right and prancin'. 342 00:13:35,119 --> 00:13:36,201 Love to drinkin'. 343 00:13:36,252 --> 00:13:37,202 I love when they be talking about, 344 00:13:37,253 --> 00:13:38,837 ♪ And the Lord Jesus ♪ 345 00:13:38,872 --> 00:13:41,040 ♪ saved my grand-- my mamaw's life ♪ 346 00:13:41,091 --> 00:13:42,341 Then talking about-- 347 00:13:42,375 --> 00:13:43,842 Then talk about the next song talking about, 348 00:13:43,877 --> 00:13:45,344 ♪ You gotta drink, drink ♪ 349 00:13:51,551 --> 00:13:52,885 Excuse me, sir. 350 00:13:56,890 --> 00:13:58,807 - Well. - Oh, well, well, well. 351 00:13:58,858 --> 00:14:00,559 [bleep] Mexicans. 352 00:14:00,610 --> 00:14:03,812 Oh, man, do not get me started on the Mexicans. 353 00:14:03,814 --> 00:14:07,149 Hey, I was just saying. 354 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:11,203 They hold the goddamn economy together. 355 00:14:11,237 --> 00:14:13,539 You know what, man? Damn straight. 356 00:14:13,573 --> 00:14:15,991 If 12% of the Mexicans that live in this country 357 00:14:15,993 --> 00:14:17,710 stopped working, just 12%, 358 00:14:17,744 --> 00:14:20,212 the USA would shut down. 359 00:14:20,246 --> 00:14:22,297 I don't even care who hears me. 360 00:14:22,332 --> 00:14:23,415 Nope. 361 00:14:23,466 --> 00:14:25,167 They work their asses off... 362 00:14:25,218 --> 00:14:26,301 Mm-hmm. 363 00:14:26,336 --> 00:14:28,837 And they got strong family values. 364 00:14:28,888 --> 00:14:31,006 Essential immigrants. 365 00:14:31,057 --> 00:14:34,760 Hey, speaking of immigrants, how about them Asians? 366 00:14:34,811 --> 00:14:36,562 Man, [bleep], you know what, brother? 367 00:14:36,596 --> 00:14:37,930 You want to light that fuse? 368 00:14:37,981 --> 00:14:39,584 Then you better stand back 'cause I got something 369 00:14:39,618 --> 00:14:41,400 I want to say about those mother[bleep]. 370 00:14:41,434 --> 00:14:43,185 Yeah, I got three words for you: 371 00:14:43,187 --> 00:14:46,688 "Estudious," hardworking, industrious. 372 00:14:46,690 --> 00:14:47,906 Damn straight. 373 00:14:47,941 --> 00:14:52,828 Asians are the highest income, best educated, 374 00:14:52,862 --> 00:14:56,532 and the fastest growing racial group in the U.S. of A. 375 00:14:56,583 --> 00:15:00,119 Mm. Plus, got the highest percentage 376 00:15:00,170 --> 00:15:03,205 of college graduates in the country-- good for them. 377 00:15:03,207 --> 00:15:05,924 And I-- maybe this makes me sound racist, 378 00:15:05,959 --> 00:15:09,762 but those mother[bleep], they're gonna save the country. 379 00:15:09,796 --> 00:15:11,380 There it is. You-- You went and said it. 380 00:15:11,431 --> 00:15:12,249 I just said it. 381 00:15:12,276 --> 00:15:13,882 I just came right the [bleep] out and said it. 382 00:15:13,884 --> 00:15:15,384 It was in everyone's mind. 383 00:15:15,435 --> 00:15:16,552 But I'm the one... 384 00:15:16,554 --> 00:15:17,770 who said it. 385 00:15:17,804 --> 00:15:19,138 Hey, and you know what? 386 00:15:19,189 --> 00:15:22,391 While we're at it, I'm gonna break my spine, 387 00:15:22,393 --> 00:15:24,359 tip-tap, dancing-wancing, 388 00:15:24,394 --> 00:15:26,695 prancing around the elephant in the room. 389 00:15:26,729 --> 00:15:27,696 Yep. 390 00:15:27,730 --> 00:15:29,364 - Blacks. - [bleep] blacks. 391 00:15:29,399 --> 00:15:31,316 - Buh-lacks. - [bleep] blacks. 392 00:15:31,367 --> 00:15:33,285 You know what you done done did? 393 00:15:33,319 --> 00:15:35,904 You opened up the floodgates now, my friend. 394 00:15:35,906 --> 00:15:37,239 Released the Kraken. 395 00:15:37,241 --> 00:15:38,824 Goddamn victims 396 00:15:38,875 --> 00:15:40,742 of institutionalized "Race-misme." 397 00:15:40,794 --> 00:15:44,413 And despite all that, they overcame the slavery 398 00:15:44,415 --> 00:15:49,334 and the segregation just to become CEOs and entrepreneurs. 399 00:15:49,385 --> 00:15:51,970 And hey, one of 'em is the gosh-darn president. 400 00:15:52,005 --> 00:15:53,755 And, I mean, that's just true right there. 401 00:15:53,757 --> 00:15:55,257 That's just historical fact, man. 402 00:15:55,308 --> 00:15:58,560 You can't even argue that. 403 00:15:58,595 --> 00:16:00,729 Oh, how 'bout the Indians? 404 00:16:00,763 --> 00:16:03,065 [bleep] Native Americans. 405 00:16:03,099 --> 00:16:07,269 I don't know if I could get in trouble 406 00:16:07,271 --> 00:16:10,105 these days for sayin' something like this, 407 00:16:10,107 --> 00:16:11,406 but they were here first. 408 00:16:11,441 --> 00:16:13,025 It may be unpopular, but it's true. 409 00:16:13,076 --> 00:16:16,528 We came to this country, and we steamrolled on in, 410 00:16:16,579 --> 00:16:18,113 and we genocided them. 411 00:16:18,115 --> 00:16:19,781 I mean, hell, we owe 'em something. 412 00:16:19,783 --> 00:16:23,168 There you go. 413 00:16:23,203 --> 00:16:24,419 I got to tell you, man, 414 00:16:24,454 --> 00:16:26,622 that's not bad for a non-alcoholic beer. 415 00:16:26,673 --> 00:16:28,257 Not bad at all. All right. 416 00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:31,093 I got to go home, take care of my kids. 417 00:16:31,127 --> 00:16:32,461 How many of 'em you got now? 418 00:16:32,463 --> 00:16:34,463 - Just adopted the 11th. - Oh! 419 00:16:34,514 --> 00:16:35,848 Can't help myself. 420 00:16:35,882 --> 00:16:38,267 Man, that's always what happens when you volunteer 421 00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:40,219 for the earthquake relief in Haiti. 422 00:16:40,270 --> 00:16:42,137 - Yep, yep, yep. - And what you gon' do? 423 00:16:42,139 --> 00:16:43,512 What you gon' do? 424 00:16:43,580 --> 00:16:45,948 You know, my wife makes 2/3 of what I make. 425 00:16:45,950 --> 00:16:48,117 What? Y'all got the same job, man. 426 00:16:48,168 --> 00:16:49,952 That's just patently unfair. 427 00:16:50,003 --> 00:16:52,088 That's right. We're both librarians. 428 00:16:53,291 --> 00:16:54,623 - You all right? - I'm okay. 429 00:16:59,211 --> 00:17:02,611 ♪ Whoa, whoa ♪ 430 00:17:00,646 --> 00:17:02,346 ♪ You're a superstar ♪ 431 00:17:02,381 --> 00:17:06,184 ♪ Yeah, what everybody's waiting for is what you are ♪ 432 00:17:06,218 --> 00:17:08,452 ♪ Whoa, whoa ♪ 433 00:17:08,487 --> 00:17:10,855 Hey, what up, y'all? Welcome back to HCL. 434 00:17:10,889 --> 00:17:13,291 We are in Hollywood. I got the answers, 435 00:17:13,325 --> 00:17:15,726 and the answers this morning is Mother Majesty. 436 00:17:15,761 --> 00:17:17,228 Thank you for being here, Mother Majesty. 437 00:17:17,262 --> 00:17:18,629 Thank you for having me. 438 00:17:18,664 --> 00:17:20,998 Yeah. 439 00:17:21,033 --> 00:17:23,334 Now, before the break, we heard your song, uh, 440 00:17:23,368 --> 00:17:26,637 "She-nomenon" from the new hit album, Girl Army. 441 00:17:26,672 --> 00:17:29,507 - Oh, yeah, that's right. - Yeah. 442 00:17:29,541 --> 00:17:31,042 Well, thank you so much, Scratch. 443 00:17:31,076 --> 00:17:32,577 You know, this whole album 444 00:17:32,611 --> 00:17:35,146 is about girls and empowering girls and, you know, 445 00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:38,049 kind of just showing girls that they can be strong and powerful 446 00:17:38,083 --> 00:17:39,650 and do what they want to do 447 00:17:39,685 --> 00:17:42,887 and not what the media says they need to do. 448 00:17:42,921 --> 00:17:45,256 All right. All right. That's deep. That's deep. 449 00:17:45,290 --> 00:17:47,458 Now we got some, uh, young females here 450 00:17:47,492 --> 00:17:49,527 who have some questions for you. 451 00:17:49,561 --> 00:17:51,395 - Is that okay? - Oh, it's always okay. 452 00:17:51,430 --> 00:17:52,663 - All right. - It's always okay. 453 00:17:52,698 --> 00:17:54,298 I always want to hear from my girl army. 454 00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:57,401 Hi, Majesty, it is so cool to meet you. 455 00:17:57,436 --> 00:17:58,402 Thank you so much. 456 00:17:58,437 --> 00:17:59,904 I think you're beautiful just like that. 457 00:17:59,938 --> 00:18:02,006 Um... Yeah. 458 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,441 So, okay, last week, 459 00:18:03,475 --> 00:18:05,109 I took your advice from your song "Get some", 460 00:18:05,143 --> 00:18:07,678 and I "flaunted it till he wanted it," 461 00:18:07,713 --> 00:18:09,413 but I ended up losing my virginity 462 00:18:09,448 --> 00:18:10,881 to a guy that I don't know. 463 00:18:10,916 --> 00:18:13,651 You see, it is time for girls to take back their power 464 00:18:13,685 --> 00:18:15,686 nowadays 'cause it's your body and it's your mind, 465 00:18:15,721 --> 00:18:19,123 and it-- you should use that to feel sexy and empowered. 466 00:18:19,157 --> 00:18:22,660 Okay. Okay, yeah, yeah, but now I'm pregnant. 467 00:18:22,694 --> 00:18:24,996 Miracles. Next question. 468 00:18:25,030 --> 00:18:26,163 Oh. 469 00:18:26,198 --> 00:18:28,099 Hi. Hi, Majesty. I'm Cassie. 470 00:18:28,133 --> 00:18:29,400 I think your album rocks. 471 00:18:29,434 --> 00:18:30,668 Thank you so much, Cassie. 472 00:18:30,702 --> 00:18:32,436 I think you should never change your skin. 473 00:18:32,471 --> 00:18:34,639 Okay. 474 00:18:34,673 --> 00:18:37,174 So in your song "Friday Night Freak Down"... 475 00:18:37,209 --> 00:18:39,710 Thank you so much, Cassie. 476 00:18:39,745 --> 00:18:41,979 You say, "bend it over, touch the ground, 477 00:18:42,014 --> 00:18:43,881 he'll ride you like his merry-go-round." 478 00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:45,149 Yes, I do. 479 00:18:45,183 --> 00:18:46,751 Is that about butt sex? 480 00:18:46,785 --> 00:18:50,087 What it's about, Cassie, is us reclaiming our bodies as women 481 00:18:50,122 --> 00:18:51,989 because, you know, for a long time, being sexy 482 00:18:52,024 --> 00:18:53,624 was about being sexy for a man. 483 00:18:53,659 --> 00:18:56,193 But this is about being sexy for yourself. 484 00:18:56,228 --> 00:18:57,328 Whoo! 485 00:18:57,362 --> 00:18:58,896 But I've got herpes in my butt. 486 00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:03,067 Okay, let's change tracks for a second. 487 00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:04,568 We gon' go to commercial. 488 00:19:04,603 --> 00:19:06,804 When we come back, Mother Majesty 489 00:19:06,838 --> 00:19:08,906 is going to unfurl her new song. 490 00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:10,207 - What is it about? - Oh, okay. 491 00:19:10,242 --> 00:19:11,709 It's a-- It's kind of a love song, 492 00:19:11,743 --> 00:19:14,945 and it's about finding strength after having your heart broken. 493 00:19:14,980 --> 00:19:16,180 All right. We gon' go to commercial. 494 00:19:16,214 --> 00:19:17,448 When we come back, Mother Majesty 495 00:19:17,482 --> 00:19:20,351 with "Who Got Next On This Blackberry Pie?". 496 00:19:22,921 --> 00:19:25,056 Here's your dressing room, Your Majesty. 497 00:19:25,090 --> 00:19:27,091 - Thank you so much. - Yeah. 498 00:19:42,908 --> 00:19:44,658 That's right, girls. 499 00:19:44,693 --> 00:19:50,614 Being overly sexual and being strong are the same thing. 500 00:19:50,665 --> 00:19:54,118 It's the same thing. 501 00:19:54,169 --> 00:19:57,288 It's the same thing. 502 00:20:10,135 --> 00:20:13,521 Girl power! 503 00:20:14,856 --> 00:20:19,977 God, I think I'm allergic to this makeup. 504 00:20:19,979 --> 00:20:23,397 Now why would I burp? 505 00:20:23,448 --> 00:20:25,282 That's weird. 506 00:20:43,418 --> 00:20:44,835 It's getting ready to break down. 507 00:20:48,674 --> 00:20:50,474 - So I know what that is. - Yeah. 508 00:20:50,509 --> 00:20:52,893 I know what that is. 509 00:20:52,928 --> 00:20:54,845 ♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪ 510 00:20:54,896 --> 00:20:56,564 Oh, yeah. 511 00:20:56,651 --> 00:20:58,453 Sync & corrections by dwigt 37164

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