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1
00:00:02,096 --> 00:00:03,358
Here!
2
00:00:04,078 --> 00:00:05,077
[bleep].
3
00:00:05,079 --> 00:00:06,712
What are you doing?
Come on.
4
00:00:06,747 --> 00:00:08,748
I'm coming.
5
00:00:08,799 --> 00:00:10,633
Again?
6
00:00:10,667 --> 00:00:11,634
Stay where you are.
7
00:00:11,668 --> 00:00:13,419
What are you doing?
8
00:00:13,470 --> 00:00:15,654
Stop!
Thank you.
9
00:00:17,528 --> 00:00:18,744
You're not unlocking it!
10
00:00:18,778 --> 00:00:20,728
We're doing it
at the same time is the problem.
11
00:00:20,765 --> 00:00:22,765
- Unlock the door!
- No!
12
00:00:22,916 --> 00:00:23,925
Now!
13
00:00:23,925 --> 00:00:24,801
[bleep].
14
00:00:24,801 --> 00:00:26,135
Stop touching it
while I do the lock!
15
00:00:26,186 --> 00:00:28,554
- What do you want me to do?
- Just do it now.
16
00:00:28,605 --> 00:00:29,772
- Are you...
- Unbelievable!
17
00:00:29,806 --> 00:00:31,557
- kidding me?
- Stop it and reset.
18
00:00:31,608 --> 00:00:33,275
- Put it down.
- I'm just holding it.
19
00:00:33,310 --> 00:00:34,977
- Take your hand off the thing!
- It is on the thing.
20
00:00:35,028 --> 00:00:36,979
I got to reset the thing.
Look-- Look at this.
21
00:00:36,981 --> 00:00:39,532
Huh? Huh? Nothing happens
if you're holding it up.
22
00:00:39,566 --> 00:00:41,700
Everybody knows
not to do that
23
00:00:41,735 --> 00:00:43,152
'cause now it's all jiggered
in the middle.
24
00:00:43,203 --> 00:00:44,820
It got all jiggered
in the middle now!
25
00:00:44,871 --> 00:00:46,455
Aah! What?
26
00:00:46,490 --> 00:00:49,492
Take your hand away
from the door completely.
27
00:00:49,543 --> 00:00:51,377
Thank you.
28
00:00:51,411 --> 00:00:53,245
Oh, that's rich!
29
00:00:53,296 --> 00:00:54,713
You are gonna get--
30
00:00:54,748 --> 00:00:55,748
- Drop your weapon.
- What happened?
31
00:00:55,799 --> 00:00:56,999
What happened, though?
32
00:00:57,001 --> 00:00:58,334
What happened?
I don't know what happened.
33
00:01:09,613 --> 00:01:13,537
Sync & corrections by dwigt
34
00:01:23,002 --> 00:01:25,120
- I'll throw out a topic.
- You're gonna throw out
35
00:01:25,171 --> 00:01:26,705
- a topic? Let's talk about it.
- Have you seen an alien?
36
00:01:26,756 --> 00:01:29,007
Have I seen an alien?
37
00:01:29,042 --> 00:01:31,126
I did see--
38
00:01:31,177 --> 00:01:33,378
"No" is a perfectly fine
answer for the--
39
00:01:33,429 --> 00:01:35,430
I did-- Okay.
Well, here's the thing.
40
00:01:35,465 --> 00:01:36,715
Can there be
subterranean aliens?
41
00:01:36,717 --> 00:01:37,850
There can't be, right?
42
00:01:37,884 --> 00:01:39,151
'cause they have
to come from space.
43
00:01:39,168 --> 00:01:40,370
Story, please.
44
00:01:40,370 --> 00:01:42,597
When I was a kid, I saw a--
45
00:01:42,786 --> 00:01:44,944
I was in Canada with my friends,
46
00:01:44,974 --> 00:01:46,275
And there was-- we were--
47
00:01:46,309 --> 00:01:48,360
there was a hole in the backyard
of this one guy's house
48
00:01:48,394 --> 00:01:51,113
that we were hanging out at,
and the hole was like-- it was--
49
00:01:51,147 --> 00:01:52,814
there was a fissure
like this in the ground,
50
00:01:52,866 --> 00:01:54,254
and there was a heap of dirt
in the middle,
51
00:01:54,284 --> 00:01:55,963
and the heap of dirt
was like scoot, scoot, scoot.
52
00:01:55,994 --> 00:01:56,985
It just went like that.
53
00:01:57,036 --> 00:01:58,654
- And we ran away.
- How big?
54
00:01:58,705 --> 00:02:00,239
I mean, like-- I can't.
55
00:02:00,290 --> 00:02:02,741
Hold on, like-- like this.
56
00:02:02,792 --> 00:02:05,160
You're talking
about a hedgehog and [bleep].
57
00:02:05,211 --> 00:02:07,496
How did you go from alien
58
00:02:07,547 --> 00:02:09,797
to telling me a story
about a [bleep] hedgehog?
59
00:02:09,837 --> 00:02:11,833
We-- Hey, we never--
we never saw it, so who knows--
60
00:02:11,885 --> 00:02:13,719
He said,
"subterranean aliens."
61
00:02:13,753 --> 00:02:15,754
Come on, Jack.
62
00:02:26,285 --> 00:02:28,239
Wait, wait.
63
00:02:29,955 --> 00:02:31,656
We got to be careful here.
64
00:02:31,707 --> 00:02:34,542
This place is crawling
with them.
65
00:02:34,576 --> 00:02:37,245
- What was that?
- What?
66
00:02:37,247 --> 00:02:39,080
Cover me.
67
00:02:44,586 --> 00:02:46,671
Guys! Hey, guys!
68
00:02:46,722 --> 00:02:49,557
Hey, guys.
Oh, thank God.
69
00:02:49,591 --> 00:02:52,093
Hey, we started
a community of survivors.
70
00:02:52,095 --> 00:02:53,845
Y'all come live with us.
71
00:03:06,575 --> 00:03:09,444
Wait.
How did you know?
72
00:03:09,495 --> 00:03:10,695
Come on.
73
00:03:10,746 --> 00:03:13,067
Redneck wants us to move
into his community?
74
00:03:13,832 --> 00:03:15,950
Us?
Let's go.
75
00:03:23,759 --> 00:03:25,626
Guys, over here!
76
00:03:25,677 --> 00:03:27,977
Oh, thank God there are others!
77
00:03:28,847 --> 00:03:30,548
Would you let
me date your daughter?
78
00:03:30,599 --> 00:03:32,433
Of course!
79
00:03:37,356 --> 00:03:39,107
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
80
00:03:39,141 --> 00:03:41,893
Aah!
Please don't hurt me!
81
00:03:41,944 --> 00:03:44,145
My best friend is black
and I love Jay-Z,
82
00:03:44,196 --> 00:03:48,866
and my favorite movie
is Think Like a Man.
83
00:03:48,901 --> 00:03:50,284
- She's good.
- Come with us.
84
00:03:50,319 --> 00:03:51,652
- Okay.
- Stay close.
85
00:03:51,654 --> 00:03:52,737
- Okay.
- What's your name?
86
00:03:52,788 --> 00:03:54,655
- Emily.
- Of course it is.
87
00:04:01,964 --> 00:04:02,997
Hey, hey, hey!
Don't shoot!
88
00:04:02,999 --> 00:04:06,167
Don't shoot!
89
00:04:06,218 --> 00:04:08,469
What do you think
about the police?
90
00:04:08,504 --> 00:04:10,338
Well,
I love their third album.
91
00:04:13,842 --> 00:04:14,842
Aah! Aah!
92
00:04:14,844 --> 00:04:16,659
I don't have any money!
93
00:04:17,429 --> 00:04:18,396
No money!
94
00:04:30,325 --> 00:04:31,359
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
95
00:04:31,361 --> 00:04:32,743
Thank God you guys showed up.
96
00:04:32,778 --> 00:04:34,695
I got to get out of here.
97
00:04:34,746 --> 00:04:36,364
It's a Silver Lexus.
98
00:04:36,366 --> 00:04:38,082
Just pull it right up front,
99
00:04:38,116 --> 00:04:39,700
and don't scuff the paint,
all right?
100
00:04:39,751 --> 00:04:41,536
I just had it buffed.
101
00:04:52,631 --> 00:04:53,714
Was he an alien, too?
102
00:04:53,716 --> 00:04:56,050
Yep.
103
00:05:00,355 --> 00:05:03,307
Gave up my girlfriend
and my family.
104
00:05:03,358 --> 00:05:06,444
Gave up my girlfriend
and my family.
105
00:05:06,478 --> 00:05:09,730
Traded 'em in for an M-16.
106
00:05:09,781 --> 00:05:12,366
Traded 'em in for an M-16.
107
00:05:12,401 --> 00:05:15,570
Afghanistan, Pakistan,
Yemen, Iraq.
108
00:05:15,621 --> 00:05:18,823
Afghanistan, Pakistan,
Yemen, Iraq.
109
00:05:18,874 --> 00:05:21,742
I don't care
if I ever come back.
110
00:05:21,744 --> 00:05:24,962
I don't care if I ever
come back.
111
00:05:24,997 --> 00:05:27,915
From poor families,
how far we roam.
112
00:05:27,966 --> 00:05:30,801
From poor families,
how far we roam.
113
00:05:30,836 --> 00:05:33,921
So the rich kids
can just stay at home.
114
00:05:33,972 --> 00:05:37,592
So the rich kids
can just stay at home.
115
00:05:37,594 --> 00:05:40,261
When I come home with PTSD...
116
00:05:40,312 --> 00:05:43,431
When I come home
with PTSD...
117
00:05:43,482 --> 00:05:46,651
The V.A. hospital
won't care for me.
118
00:05:46,685 --> 00:05:49,437
The V.A. hospital
won't care for me.
119
00:05:49,488 --> 00:05:52,607
I'll probably end up homeless
out in the dark...
120
00:05:52,609 --> 00:05:55,443
I'll probably end up
homeless out in the dark.
121
00:05:55,494 --> 00:05:58,946
To get played onscreen
by Marky-Mark.
122
00:06:02,751 --> 00:06:03,751
What?
123
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:11,324
I'm way less homophobic
than you.
124
00:06:11,375 --> 00:06:13,243
Okay, that's all well
and good.
125
00:06:13,245 --> 00:06:14,544
I don't agree.
126
00:06:14,579 --> 00:06:18,248
I will give a backrub
to a gay man,
127
00:06:18,299 --> 00:06:19,716
and we're both naked.
128
00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:22,419
That's how non-homophobic I am.
129
00:06:22,421 --> 00:06:27,891
Dude, I would put parts
of my body
130
00:06:27,925 --> 00:06:29,976
maybe into another
gay man's body.
131
00:06:30,011 --> 00:06:32,395
I mean, into a gay man's body,
not another gay man's body.
132
00:06:32,430 --> 00:06:33,680
Into a gay man's body,
and I would be like,
133
00:06:33,731 --> 00:06:34,848
"Hey, this is therapeutic."
134
00:06:34,899 --> 00:06:36,817
If I were a doctor
and you were gay
135
00:06:36,851 --> 00:06:38,685
and you needed a prostate exam,
no problem here.
136
00:06:38,736 --> 00:06:39,769
Okay,
but you see what you did.
137
00:06:39,771 --> 00:06:40,987
That's about overall health.
138
00:06:41,022 --> 00:06:41,988
That's not
about me trying to stimulate--
139
00:06:42,023 --> 00:06:43,190
But you see what you did?
140
00:06:43,241 --> 00:06:46,247
No, you engaged in gay sex
in that scenario.
141
00:06:46,267 --> 00:06:47,661
I said a part of my body.
142
00:06:47,695 --> 00:06:49,279
I didn't say my penis
necessarily.
143
00:06:49,330 --> 00:06:51,948
Doesn't matter.
Insertion is insertion.
144
00:06:51,999 --> 00:06:55,452
No, there are
different degrees of insertion.
145
00:06:58,490 --> 00:07:01,158
Welcome, Johnson family.
146
00:07:01,209 --> 00:07:03,961
Now, we all know why we're here.
147
00:07:03,995 --> 00:07:06,213
Cousin Delroy's
getting married...
148
00:07:06,248 --> 00:07:08,749
Mm-hmm.
149
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:11,001
to a man.
150
00:07:11,003 --> 00:07:12,887
- Which is crazy.
- Mm-hmm.
151
00:07:12,921 --> 00:07:17,258
And we're in support, and, uh,
we just need a little help
152
00:07:17,309 --> 00:07:20,010
with the particulars
of a gay wedding.
153
00:07:20,012 --> 00:07:24,065
What I've done
is I took the initiative
154
00:07:24,099 --> 00:07:26,684
to get my friend Gary in here,
155
00:07:26,735 --> 00:07:28,853
Who's-- I mean,
he's not really my friend.
156
00:07:28,855 --> 00:07:31,739
He's a coworker of mine
who happens
157
00:07:31,773 --> 00:07:35,526
to be a active member
of the homosexual community,
158
00:07:35,577 --> 00:07:38,279
and he's gonna give us
some advice on,
159
00:07:38,330 --> 00:07:41,499
You know, wha-- what to do.
160
00:07:41,533 --> 00:07:45,369
So, Gary, wha-- what can--
what can we expect?
161
00:07:45,371 --> 00:07:46,670
All right.
162
00:07:46,705 --> 00:07:48,506
Well, first of all, guys,
163
00:07:48,540 --> 00:07:50,207
thanks so much
for having me here,
164
00:07:50,258 --> 00:07:52,209
and I think it's really amazing
165
00:07:52,211 --> 00:07:54,929
what you guys are doing
for your cousin Delroy.
166
00:07:54,963 --> 00:07:57,298
Really, I just wanted to say,
basically, that a gay wedding
167
00:07:57,349 --> 00:07:58,933
is just like a straight wedding.
168
00:07:58,967 --> 00:08:00,134
Yes? Yes, sir.
169
00:08:00,185 --> 00:08:02,636
So then do the men
wear dresses and then
170
00:08:02,687 --> 00:08:04,021
the women would wear suits?
171
00:08:04,055 --> 00:08:05,973
No.
No, no, no.
172
00:08:06,024 --> 00:08:08,692
You would just where
exactly what you would wear
173
00:08:08,727 --> 00:08:11,061
At a-- At a straight wedding.
174
00:08:11,063 --> 00:08:13,948
Now, none of us are gay,
so I assume
175
00:08:13,982 --> 00:08:16,534
that we would all sit
then in the straight section.
176
00:08:16,568 --> 00:08:18,319
- The straight section?
- Yeah.
177
00:08:18,370 --> 00:08:19,703
Oh, the straight section.
178
00:08:19,738 --> 00:08:21,288
He means as opposed
to the gay section.
179
00:08:21,323 --> 00:08:23,073
No, no, there's-- there's--
there's no sections, guys.
180
00:08:23,075 --> 00:08:24,408
- But the gay people...
- No, no, no.
181
00:08:24,459 --> 00:08:25,876
- What-- you would just sit--
- And then the straight?
182
00:08:25,911 --> 00:08:27,044
No, Larry, Larry, listen to me
just for a second.
183
00:08:27,078 --> 00:08:28,712
- But then the aisle.
- You would just--
184
00:08:28,747 --> 00:08:30,381
You would just sit
on the side of the person
185
00:08:30,415 --> 00:08:32,049
that were friends with
or that your family's members,
186
00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:33,083
just like in a straight wedding.
187
00:08:33,135 --> 00:08:34,585
So we just guess who's gay.
188
00:08:34,587 --> 00:08:36,053
Or not.
You could just-- Yeah.
189
00:08:36,087 --> 00:08:37,087
We'll guess who's gay.
190
00:08:37,089 --> 00:08:38,722
Okay.
Guess who--
191
00:08:38,757 --> 00:08:42,143
When in the ceremony
do we sing "Over the Rainbow"?
192
00:08:42,177 --> 00:08:43,594
Well, you don't.
You don't.
193
00:08:43,645 --> 00:08:45,012
This is a religious ceremony,
so you--
194
00:08:45,063 --> 00:08:46,897
you wouldn't be singing that
during the service.
195
00:08:46,932 --> 00:08:48,265
- Oh, all right.
- You done with the questions?
196
00:08:48,267 --> 00:08:49,600
No, I'm just asking.
197
00:08:49,651 --> 00:08:51,101
I'm nervous 'cause
I can only do jazz hands
198
00:08:51,103 --> 00:08:52,820
for about three minutes 'fore
my hands start to cramp.
199
00:08:52,854 --> 00:08:55,272
Oh, sir, I don't think
anyone's gonna expect you--
200
00:08:55,274 --> 00:08:57,074
I don't think any--
I don't think anyone's gonna
201
00:08:57,108 --> 00:08:59,777
expect you to have
to do jazz hands.
202
00:08:59,828 --> 00:09:02,079
Now can we see the pony show
from the straight section?
203
00:09:02,113 --> 00:09:03,781
Or are we way
in the back somewhere?
204
00:09:03,783 --> 00:09:05,783
Ma'am, again,
there's no straight section.
205
00:09:05,834 --> 00:09:06,917
What is a pony show?
206
00:09:06,952 --> 00:09:09,420
You know,
when y'all go like this.
207
00:09:09,454 --> 00:09:10,704
No, there won't be--
208
00:09:10,755 --> 00:09:12,456
there won't be any of this
during the ceremony.
209
00:09:12,458 --> 00:09:14,008
Oh. Oh.
210
00:09:14,042 --> 00:09:16,594
When do we sing "YMCA"?
211
00:09:16,628 --> 00:09:19,180
- Oh.
- Sir, not during the ceremony.
212
00:09:19,214 --> 00:09:20,347
Okay.
213
00:09:20,382 --> 00:09:22,550
- What about "Macho, Macho Man"?
- Nope.
214
00:09:22,601 --> 00:09:24,301
I don't know
where to buy no gay presents.
215
00:09:24,352 --> 00:09:27,271
Well, I-I don't know
what a gay present is.
216
00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:28,939
Usually, what couples
do is they just--
217
00:09:28,974 --> 00:09:30,641
they just register at a store...
218
00:09:30,692 --> 00:09:31,692
Huh.
219
00:09:31,726 --> 00:09:33,110
like a straight couple would.
220
00:09:33,144 --> 00:09:35,479
- The gay store, or--
- Just a regular store.
221
00:09:35,530 --> 00:09:37,982
Where do you get the euros
to buy gay gifts?
222
00:09:38,033 --> 00:09:39,316
Are you saying euros?
223
00:09:39,318 --> 00:09:41,035
You wouldn't--
you wouldn't use euros.
224
00:09:41,069 --> 00:09:43,487
No, it's-- it's--
it's a good question, Finney.
225
00:09:43,489 --> 00:09:45,206
We-- We should make
some eye contact
226
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:47,458
so we make sure that
the communication's happening.
227
00:09:47,492 --> 00:09:48,993
- Yeah.
- I think he wants to know
228
00:09:48,995 --> 00:09:51,378
is it, like, a-- you know,
a different currency?
229
00:09:51,413 --> 00:09:53,163
Or is it more like Camel Cash?
230
00:09:53,215 --> 00:09:55,799
Nope, just good, old-fashioned
U.S. dollars, yep.
231
00:09:55,834 --> 00:09:57,835
Do we have to participate
in the anal sex?
232
00:09:57,886 --> 00:09:59,303
- Oh!
- Or can we just watch
233
00:09:59,337 --> 00:10:01,088
and cheer in a firemen's hat?
234
00:10:01,139 --> 00:10:03,173
No, there's no anal sex
and no fireman's hat.
235
00:10:03,175 --> 00:10:05,259
- Oh, okay.
- It's cunnilingus.
236
00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:06,510
Is that a question, sir?
237
00:10:06,561 --> 00:10:08,846
When do we get to sing
"It's Raining Men,
238
00:10:08,897 --> 00:10:11,148
- Hallelujah, It's Raining Men?"
- You don't.
239
00:10:11,182 --> 00:10:12,850
So there's no gay hymns
in the ceremony?
240
00:10:12,901 --> 00:10:15,653
Sir, there's no such thing
as a gay hymn.
241
00:10:15,687 --> 00:10:17,321
- What?
- Well, does the fake priest
242
00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:20,491
look like a real priest
or like a nun?
243
00:10:20,525 --> 00:10:22,526
- It's gonna be a real priest.
- Or...
244
00:10:22,528 --> 00:10:23,661
No, there's no "or."
245
00:10:23,695 --> 00:10:25,362
...is it a sexy boat captain,
246
00:10:25,413 --> 00:10:26,530
then he takes his clothes off?
247
00:10:26,581 --> 00:10:28,532
- Ohh.
- What? No. No.
248
00:10:28,534 --> 00:10:30,084
Do we throw something
other than rice?
249
00:10:30,118 --> 00:10:31,118
Like what, sir?
250
00:10:31,169 --> 00:10:32,786
What would you throw
other than rice?
251
00:10:32,837 --> 00:10:34,171
I don't know.
I don't know.
252
00:10:34,205 --> 00:10:36,040
Couscous.
Skittles.
253
00:10:36,042 --> 00:10:40,261
Guys, a gay wedding is just
like a straight wedding, okay?
254
00:10:40,295 --> 00:10:41,879
It's exactly the same.
255
00:10:41,930 --> 00:10:45,182
Well, when they kiss, is it
okay to stand up and say, "Ew"?
256
00:10:45,216 --> 00:10:47,885
No, it's not because it would
be-- that would be homophobic.
257
00:10:47,936 --> 00:10:50,471
This from the man
who won't allow gay hymns
258
00:10:50,522 --> 00:10:51,722
at the gay wedding.
259
00:10:51,724 --> 00:10:55,476
Okay, but like
a involuntary gasp.
260
00:10:55,527 --> 00:10:58,062
I would just, I guess,
try to curb that behavior.
261
00:10:58,064 --> 00:10:59,730
Okay.
I'll-- I'll look away then.
262
00:10:59,732 --> 00:11:02,733
- Oh, my God.
- Now, is RuPaul gonna be there?
263
00:11:02,784 --> 00:11:04,735
No, I don't think
Delroy knows RuPaul.
264
00:11:04,786 --> 00:11:06,320
- Uh, Neil Patrick Harris?
- No.
265
00:11:06,371 --> 00:11:07,410
Ooh, Doogie.
266
00:11:07,430 --> 00:11:08,890
What if you don't want
your picture on the internet?
267
00:11:08,984 --> 00:11:10,824
- This is ridiculous!
- Excuse me, Gary.
268
00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:12,743
"Ridiculous."
Is that a gay term?
269
00:11:12,794 --> 00:11:14,545
Okay, yep.
I'll show myself out.
270
00:11:14,579 --> 00:11:16,497
Oh, he's a little testy,
isn't he?
271
00:11:16,548 --> 00:11:17,581
- Nah, he can go.
- Good luck.
272
00:11:17,632 --> 00:11:18,582
We just trying to find out
how it go.
273
00:11:18,633 --> 00:11:20,751
Let's go, Stefan.
274
00:11:21,133 --> 00:11:23,383
I think we pretty much got it.
275
00:11:24,155 --> 00:11:26,640
Thank you,
and may God bless America.
276
00:11:31,313 --> 00:11:32,813
- All right.
- Right this way.
277
00:11:32,847 --> 00:11:34,264
Couple introductions
and we'll get you out of here.
278
00:11:34,266 --> 00:11:35,816
- This is John O'Rourke.
- Nice to meet you, John.
279
00:11:35,850 --> 00:11:37,601
- Mr. Ian Roberts.
- Nice to meet you.
280
00:11:37,603 --> 00:11:40,187
- Peter Atencio.
- All right, nice to meet you.
281
00:11:40,238 --> 00:11:41,355
Jerome smith.
282
00:11:41,406 --> 00:11:43,907
Come on, brothah.
What's up, fam?
283
00:11:45,444 --> 00:11:47,077
- You know this.
- Heath Williamson.
284
00:11:47,112 --> 00:11:48,245
Nice to meet you.
285
00:11:48,279 --> 00:11:49,363
- Mary Woodbury.
- Nice to meet you.
286
00:11:49,414 --> 00:11:51,415
- Jay Martel.
- Nice to meet you, sir.
287
00:11:51,449 --> 00:11:54,034
- Tasha Robins.
- Come on, come on, come on.
288
00:11:54,085 --> 00:11:56,787
Mmm!
289
00:11:56,838 --> 00:11:59,840
- Feel that?
- Emily George.
290
00:11:59,874 --> 00:12:02,126
- Nice to meet you.
- Darrell Stokes.
291
00:12:02,128 --> 00:12:04,044
Come on.
What's up, fam?
292
00:12:04,095 --> 00:12:06,013
- How you doin'?
- All right.
293
00:12:06,047 --> 00:12:08,632
Never forget about that,
'cause that's all we got.
294
00:12:08,683 --> 00:12:11,301
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you. All right.
295
00:12:11,353 --> 00:12:15,055
Ahh... Bring it in,
bring it in!
296
00:12:15,106 --> 00:12:16,724
Started from the bottom,
now we here.
297
00:12:16,775 --> 00:12:18,225
Yeah!
298
00:12:18,276 --> 00:12:19,977
Nice to meet you.
All right.
299
00:12:19,979 --> 00:12:21,562
Nice to meet you.
All right.
300
00:12:21,613 --> 00:12:23,697
Nice to--
301
00:12:23,732 --> 00:12:24,982
1/8th black.
302
00:12:25,033 --> 00:12:26,450
Afternoon, my octoroon.
303
00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:27,901
Come on, bring it in there.
Tuck that.
304
00:12:27,952 --> 00:12:29,069
I'm in there, dog.
I'm in there, dog.
305
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,320
- You tucking it?
- I'm in there, dog.
306
00:12:30,322 --> 00:12:31,488
- You tucking it in there?
- I'm in there.
307
00:12:31,539 --> 00:12:32,489
- Let your tuck go.
- I'm in there, dog.
308
00:12:32,540 --> 00:12:33,574
Let your tuck go.
You tucking it?
309
00:12:33,625 --> 00:12:35,959
My tuck.
I'm in there.
310
00:12:35,994 --> 00:12:37,961
I'm in there.
I'm in there.
311
00:12:37,996 --> 00:12:39,797
All right.
Nice to meet you, man.
312
00:12:39,831 --> 00:12:40,914
Uh, nice to meet you.
313
00:12:40,965 --> 00:12:42,883
Oh, my goodness, look at this.
314
00:12:42,917 --> 00:12:46,336
Oh, she is so beautiful.
315
00:12:46,338 --> 00:12:48,172
Mmm!
316
00:12:48,223 --> 00:12:49,506
I want another one.
317
00:12:49,508 --> 00:12:51,558
There you go.
Precious, beautiful.
318
00:12:51,593 --> 00:12:52,810
Beautiful.
What's her name?
319
00:12:52,844 --> 00:12:54,511
- This is Livia Roogey.
- Okay.
320
00:12:54,513 --> 00:12:56,263
Nice to meet you,
Miss Roogey.
321
00:12:56,314 --> 00:12:57,347
All right.
322
00:12:57,399 --> 00:13:00,517
Come on...
There he is.
323
00:13:00,519 --> 00:13:01,602
Boom!
324
00:13:01,653 --> 00:13:02,686
Mr. President.
325
00:13:02,688 --> 00:13:04,571
All right, man.
Good to meet you.
326
00:13:04,606 --> 00:13:06,190
Here we go.
Right this way, sir.
327
00:13:08,308 --> 00:13:10,643
♪ I'm trying to get the air on
and turn off these lights ♪
328
00:13:10,677 --> 00:13:12,011
We should just--
We going country.
329
00:13:12,062 --> 00:13:13,595
We need to be going country.
330
00:13:13,647 --> 00:13:15,097
We need to get some--
331
00:13:15,148 --> 00:13:16,732
- Country music?
- Yeah.
332
00:13:16,766 --> 00:13:19,652
♪ We need to get some hip,
tickin', ruckin', ♪
333
00:13:19,686 --> 00:13:20,686
♪ tuckin', runt-- ♪
334
00:13:20,737 --> 00:13:22,187
Like some stadium country, too.
335
00:13:22,238 --> 00:13:23,939
- We're talking about--
- You said, "ruckin', tuckin'."
336
00:13:23,941 --> 00:13:25,274
You managed to say, "ruckin',
337
00:13:25,325 --> 00:13:26,742
- "tuckin'."
- But I want to get--
338
00:13:26,776 --> 00:13:28,410
♪ You got to get
your ruck tuckin' ♪
339
00:13:28,445 --> 00:13:30,446
♪ Pipe-riggin' country music ♪
340
00:13:30,448 --> 00:13:31,780
You know
what I'm talking about?
341
00:13:31,782 --> 00:13:35,117
That-- that line-dancin',
right and prancin'.
342
00:13:35,119 --> 00:13:36,201
Love to drinkin'.
343
00:13:36,252 --> 00:13:37,202
I love when they
be talking about,
344
00:13:37,253 --> 00:13:38,837
♪ And the Lord Jesus ♪
345
00:13:38,872 --> 00:13:41,040
♪ saved my grand--
my mamaw's life ♪
346
00:13:41,091 --> 00:13:42,341
Then talking about--
347
00:13:42,375 --> 00:13:43,842
Then talk about the next song
talking about,
348
00:13:43,877 --> 00:13:45,344
♪ You gotta drink, drink ♪
349
00:13:51,551 --> 00:13:52,885
Excuse me, sir.
350
00:13:56,890 --> 00:13:58,807
- Well.
- Oh, well, well, well.
351
00:13:58,858 --> 00:14:00,559
[bleep] Mexicans.
352
00:14:00,610 --> 00:14:03,812
Oh, man, do not get me started
on the Mexicans.
353
00:14:03,814 --> 00:14:07,149
Hey, I was just saying.
354
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:11,203
They hold the goddamn economy
together.
355
00:14:11,237 --> 00:14:13,539
You know what, man?
Damn straight.
356
00:14:13,573 --> 00:14:15,991
If 12% of the Mexicans
that live in this country
357
00:14:15,993 --> 00:14:17,710
stopped working, just 12%,
358
00:14:17,744 --> 00:14:20,212
the USA would shut down.
359
00:14:20,246 --> 00:14:22,297
I don't even care
who hears me.
360
00:14:22,332 --> 00:14:23,415
Nope.
361
00:14:23,466 --> 00:14:25,167
They work their asses off...
362
00:14:25,218 --> 00:14:26,301
Mm-hmm.
363
00:14:26,336 --> 00:14:28,837
And they got strong
family values.
364
00:14:28,888 --> 00:14:31,006
Essential immigrants.
365
00:14:31,057 --> 00:14:34,760
Hey, speaking of immigrants,
how about them Asians?
366
00:14:34,811 --> 00:14:36,562
Man, [bleep],
you know what, brother?
367
00:14:36,596 --> 00:14:37,930
You want to light that fuse?
368
00:14:37,981 --> 00:14:39,584
Then you better stand back
'cause I got something
369
00:14:39,618 --> 00:14:41,400
I want to say
about those mother[bleep].
370
00:14:41,434 --> 00:14:43,185
Yeah, I got three words
for you:
371
00:14:43,187 --> 00:14:46,688
"Estudious," hardworking,
industrious.
372
00:14:46,690 --> 00:14:47,906
Damn straight.
373
00:14:47,941 --> 00:14:52,828
Asians are the highest income,
best educated,
374
00:14:52,862 --> 00:14:56,532
and the fastest growing
racial group in the U.S. of A.
375
00:14:56,583 --> 00:15:00,119
Mm. Plus,
got the highest percentage
376
00:15:00,170 --> 00:15:03,205
of college graduates
in the country-- good for them.
377
00:15:03,207 --> 00:15:05,924
And I-- maybe this
makes me sound racist,
378
00:15:05,959 --> 00:15:09,762
but those mother[bleep],
they're gonna save the country.
379
00:15:09,796 --> 00:15:11,380
There it is.
You-- You went and said it.
380
00:15:11,431 --> 00:15:12,249
I just said it.
381
00:15:12,276 --> 00:15:13,882
I just came right
the [bleep] out and said it.
382
00:15:13,884 --> 00:15:15,384
It was in everyone's mind.
383
00:15:15,435 --> 00:15:16,552
But I'm the one...
384
00:15:16,554 --> 00:15:17,770
who said it.
385
00:15:17,804 --> 00:15:19,138
Hey, and you know what?
386
00:15:19,189 --> 00:15:22,391
While we're at it,
I'm gonna break my spine,
387
00:15:22,393 --> 00:15:24,359
tip-tap, dancing-wancing,
388
00:15:24,394 --> 00:15:26,695
prancing around the elephant
in the room.
389
00:15:26,729 --> 00:15:27,696
Yep.
390
00:15:27,730 --> 00:15:29,364
- Blacks.
- [bleep] blacks.
391
00:15:29,399 --> 00:15:31,316
- Buh-lacks.
- [bleep] blacks.
392
00:15:31,367 --> 00:15:33,285
You know what you done
done did?
393
00:15:33,319 --> 00:15:35,904
You opened up the floodgates
now, my friend.
394
00:15:35,906 --> 00:15:37,239
Released the Kraken.
395
00:15:37,241 --> 00:15:38,824
Goddamn victims
396
00:15:38,875 --> 00:15:40,742
of institutionalized
"Race-misme."
397
00:15:40,794 --> 00:15:44,413
And despite all that,
they overcame the slavery
398
00:15:44,415 --> 00:15:49,334
and the segregation just to
become CEOs and entrepreneurs.
399
00:15:49,385 --> 00:15:51,970
And hey, one of 'em
is the gosh-darn president.
400
00:15:52,005 --> 00:15:53,755
And, I mean, that's just true
right there.
401
00:15:53,757 --> 00:15:55,257
That's just historical fact,
man.
402
00:15:55,308 --> 00:15:58,560
You can't even argue that.
403
00:15:58,595 --> 00:16:00,729
Oh, how 'bout the Indians?
404
00:16:00,763 --> 00:16:03,065
[bleep] Native Americans.
405
00:16:03,099 --> 00:16:07,269
I don't know
if I could get in trouble
406
00:16:07,271 --> 00:16:10,105
these days
for sayin' something like this,
407
00:16:10,107 --> 00:16:11,406
but they were here first.
408
00:16:11,441 --> 00:16:13,025
It may be unpopular,
but it's true.
409
00:16:13,076 --> 00:16:16,528
We came to this country,
and we steamrolled on in,
410
00:16:16,579 --> 00:16:18,113
and we genocided them.
411
00:16:18,115 --> 00:16:19,781
I mean, hell,
we owe 'em something.
412
00:16:19,783 --> 00:16:23,168
There you go.
413
00:16:23,203 --> 00:16:24,419
I got to tell you, man,
414
00:16:24,454 --> 00:16:26,622
that's not bad
for a non-alcoholic beer.
415
00:16:26,673 --> 00:16:28,257
Not bad at all.
All right.
416
00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:31,093
I got to go home,
take care of my kids.
417
00:16:31,127 --> 00:16:32,461
How many of 'em you got now?
418
00:16:32,463 --> 00:16:34,463
- Just adopted the 11th.
- Oh!
419
00:16:34,514 --> 00:16:35,848
Can't help myself.
420
00:16:35,882 --> 00:16:38,267
Man, that's always
what happens when you volunteer
421
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:40,219
for the earthquake relief
in Haiti.
422
00:16:40,270 --> 00:16:42,137
- Yep, yep, yep.
- And what you gon' do?
423
00:16:42,139 --> 00:16:43,512
What you gon' do?
424
00:16:43,580 --> 00:16:45,948
You know, my wife makes 2/3
of what I make.
425
00:16:45,950 --> 00:16:48,117
What?
Y'all got the same job, man.
426
00:16:48,168 --> 00:16:49,952
That's just patently unfair.
427
00:16:50,003 --> 00:16:52,088
That's right.
We're both librarians.
428
00:16:53,291 --> 00:16:54,623
- You all right?
- I'm okay.
429
00:16:59,211 --> 00:17:02,611
♪ Whoa, whoa ♪
430
00:17:00,646 --> 00:17:02,346
♪ You're a superstar ♪
431
00:17:02,381 --> 00:17:06,184
♪ Yeah, what everybody's
waiting for is what you are ♪
432
00:17:06,218 --> 00:17:08,452
♪ Whoa, whoa ♪
433
00:17:08,487 --> 00:17:10,855
Hey, what up, y'all?
Welcome back to HCL.
434
00:17:10,889 --> 00:17:13,291
We are in Hollywood.
I got the answers,
435
00:17:13,325 --> 00:17:15,726
and the answers this morning
is Mother Majesty.
436
00:17:15,761 --> 00:17:17,228
Thank you for being here,
Mother Majesty.
437
00:17:17,262 --> 00:17:18,629
Thank you for having me.
438
00:17:18,664 --> 00:17:20,998
Yeah.
439
00:17:21,033 --> 00:17:23,334
Now, before the break,
we heard your song, uh,
440
00:17:23,368 --> 00:17:26,637
"She-nomenon" from the new hit
album, Girl Army.
441
00:17:26,672 --> 00:17:29,507
- Oh, yeah, that's right.
- Yeah.
442
00:17:29,541 --> 00:17:31,042
Well, thank you so much,
Scratch.
443
00:17:31,076 --> 00:17:32,577
You know, this whole album
444
00:17:32,611 --> 00:17:35,146
is about girls and empowering
girls and, you know,
445
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:38,049
kind of just showing girls that
they can be strong and powerful
446
00:17:38,083 --> 00:17:39,650
and do what they want to do
447
00:17:39,685 --> 00:17:42,887
and not what the media
says they need to do.
448
00:17:42,921 --> 00:17:45,256
All right. All right.
That's deep. That's deep.
449
00:17:45,290 --> 00:17:47,458
Now we got some, uh,
young females here
450
00:17:47,492 --> 00:17:49,527
who have some questions for you.
451
00:17:49,561 --> 00:17:51,395
- Is that okay?
- Oh, it's always okay.
452
00:17:51,430 --> 00:17:52,663
- All right.
- It's always okay.
453
00:17:52,698 --> 00:17:54,298
I always want to hear
from my girl army.
454
00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:57,401
Hi, Majesty,
it is so cool to meet you.
455
00:17:57,436 --> 00:17:58,402
Thank you so much.
456
00:17:58,437 --> 00:17:59,904
I think you're beautiful
just like that.
457
00:17:59,938 --> 00:18:02,006
Um... Yeah.
458
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,441
So, okay, last week,
459
00:18:03,475 --> 00:18:05,109
I took your advice
from your song "Get some",
460
00:18:05,143 --> 00:18:07,678
and I "flaunted it
till he wanted it,"
461
00:18:07,713 --> 00:18:09,413
but I ended up
losing my virginity
462
00:18:09,448 --> 00:18:10,881
to a guy that I don't know.
463
00:18:10,916 --> 00:18:13,651
You see, it is time for girls
to take back their power
464
00:18:13,685 --> 00:18:15,686
nowadays 'cause it's your body
and it's your mind,
465
00:18:15,721 --> 00:18:19,123
and it-- you should use that
to feel sexy and empowered.
466
00:18:19,157 --> 00:18:22,660
Okay. Okay, yeah, yeah,
but now I'm pregnant.
467
00:18:22,694 --> 00:18:24,996
Miracles.
Next question.
468
00:18:25,030 --> 00:18:26,163
Oh.
469
00:18:26,198 --> 00:18:28,099
Hi. Hi, Majesty.
I'm Cassie.
470
00:18:28,133 --> 00:18:29,400
I think your album rocks.
471
00:18:29,434 --> 00:18:30,668
Thank you so much, Cassie.
472
00:18:30,702 --> 00:18:32,436
I think you should never change
your skin.
473
00:18:32,471 --> 00:18:34,639
Okay.
474
00:18:34,673 --> 00:18:37,174
So in your song
"Friday Night Freak Down"...
475
00:18:37,209 --> 00:18:39,710
Thank you so much, Cassie.
476
00:18:39,745 --> 00:18:41,979
You say, "bend it over,
touch the ground,
477
00:18:42,014 --> 00:18:43,881
he'll ride you
like his merry-go-round."
478
00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:45,149
Yes, I do.
479
00:18:45,183 --> 00:18:46,751
Is that about butt sex?
480
00:18:46,785 --> 00:18:50,087
What it's about, Cassie, is us
reclaiming our bodies as women
481
00:18:50,122 --> 00:18:51,989
because, you know,
for a long time, being sexy
482
00:18:52,024 --> 00:18:53,624
was about being sexy for a man.
483
00:18:53,659 --> 00:18:56,193
But this is about being sexy
for yourself.
484
00:18:56,228 --> 00:18:57,328
Whoo!
485
00:18:57,362 --> 00:18:58,896
But I've got herpes
in my butt.
486
00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:03,067
Okay, let's change tracks
for a second.
487
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:04,568
We gon' go to commercial.
488
00:19:04,603 --> 00:19:06,804
When we come back,
Mother Majesty
489
00:19:06,838 --> 00:19:08,906
is going to unfurl her new song.
490
00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:10,207
- What is it about?
- Oh, okay.
491
00:19:10,242 --> 00:19:11,709
It's a--
It's kind of a love song,
492
00:19:11,743 --> 00:19:14,945
and it's about finding strength
after having your heart broken.
493
00:19:14,980 --> 00:19:16,180
All right.
We gon' go to commercial.
494
00:19:16,214 --> 00:19:17,448
When we come back,
Mother Majesty
495
00:19:17,482 --> 00:19:20,351
with "Who Got Next
On This Blackberry Pie?".
496
00:19:22,921 --> 00:19:25,056
Here's your dressing room,
Your Majesty.
497
00:19:25,090 --> 00:19:27,091
- Thank you so much.
- Yeah.
498
00:19:42,908 --> 00:19:44,658
That's right, girls.
499
00:19:44,693 --> 00:19:50,614
Being overly sexual and being
strong are the same thing.
500
00:19:50,665 --> 00:19:54,118
It's the same thing.
501
00:19:54,169 --> 00:19:57,288
It's the same thing.
502
00:20:10,135 --> 00:20:13,521
Girl power!
503
00:20:14,856 --> 00:20:19,977
God, I think I'm allergic
to this makeup.
504
00:20:19,979 --> 00:20:23,397
Now why would I burp?
505
00:20:23,448 --> 00:20:25,282
That's weird.
506
00:20:43,418 --> 00:20:44,835
It's getting ready
to break down.
507
00:20:48,674 --> 00:20:50,474
- So I know what that is.
- Yeah.
508
00:20:50,509 --> 00:20:52,893
I know what that is.
509
00:20:52,928 --> 00:20:54,845
♪ I'm gonna
do my one line here ♪
510
00:20:54,896 --> 00:20:56,564
Oh, yeah.
511
00:20:56,651 --> 00:20:58,453
Sync & corrections by dwigt
37164
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