Original subtitles

‫Woman: ‫ PREVIOUSLY ON ‫ "SWITCHED AT BIRTH"...

‫SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME.

‫HERE.

‫- ALL YOURS. ‫- OKAY, HERE WE GO.

‫ONE MORE TIME, LADIES. ‫LET'S GO.

‫HI, TINA CHOI. ‫"KANSAS CITY HERALD."

‫KATHRYN, DID YOU ‫READ THIS ARTICLE?

‫WE SOUND TOTALLY FINE ABOUT ‫MISSING OUT ON RAISING ‫OUR OWN DAUGHTERS.

‫SIMONE IS ONE OF BAY'S ‫GOOD FRIENDS.

‫WELL, USED TO BE ‫GOOD FRIEND--

‫OR ACTUALLY ‫I DON'T KNOW.

‫- CAN I SEE YOUR HEARING AIDS? ‫- IT DOESN'T TURN OFF MY BRAIN.

‫ONLY MY EARS.

‫( gasps ) ‫GET IN HERE NOW!

‫( pop music playing )

‫* SHE DON'T KNOW ‫ WHAT SHE WANTS TO BE *

‫* ALL THE PICTURES ‫ IN THE MAGAZINES *

‫* HOLDING HANDS ‫ WHEN SHE'S MAD AT ME *

‫* 'CAUSE SHE DON'T WANT TO GO, ‫ DON'T WANT TO GO *

‫- * I MET HER AT... ‫- EXCUSE ME.

‫ARE YOU OKAY?

‫OH, JUST FINE. ‫THANKS.

‫CAN WE HURRY UP, PLEASE?

‫* SINGING "OH OH"

‫* WON'T YOU HELP ME ‫ SING THIS SONG? *

‫* SINGING THE EEE EEE

‫* SHE DON'T EVER WANT ‫ TO GO TO SLEEP *

‫* SINGING HEY, MAMA, ‫ DON'T LET ME DRIVE OFF *

‫* JUST A KISS ‫ BEFORE I LEAVE *

‫* HEY, LADY, ‫ DON'T SAY MAYBE *

‫* YOU'RE THE ONE ‫ THAT I CAN BELIEVE *

‫* HEY, MAMA, ‫ HEY HEY, MAMA *

‫* COME ON, OH

‫* UH-OH ‫ UH-OH OH OH *

‫* UH-OH UH-OH ‫ OH OH... *

‫I DON'T THINK ‫WE CAN USE THAT ONE.

‫BECAUSE IT'S STAGED. ‫WE TOLD THOSE GUYS

‫TO ACT LIKE ‫WE WEREN'T THERE.

‫SO TO REALLY BE PLANKING,

‫YOU CAN'T STAGE ‫OR PHOTOSHOP ANYTHING.

‫WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

‫AHA HA HA-- FUNNY.

‫I'M JUST SAYING TRUE ART, ‫IT NEEDS TO BE

‫AUTHENTIC.

‫PEOPLE CAN SENSE ‫WHEN SOMETHING IS PHONY.

‫- ( camera clicks ) ‫- OKAY, STOP!

‫STOP THAT.

‫( grunts ) ‫OH, HE-- HELLO.

‫HI.

‫SOMETHING ‫WITHOUT SOMETHING?

‫I CAN'T TALK...

‫YOU KNOW WHAT? ‫MAYBE I SHOULD GO.

‫OKAY, BYE.

‫OH, HEELS AND AN APRON-- ‫HOW "MAD MEN" OF YOU, MOM.

‫- I HAVE A MEETING TODAY. ‫- YOWZA, NICE OUTFIT.

‫YOU SHOULD BRING THIS ‫NEXT TIME WE GO SOMEWHERE.

‫- EW. ‫- EW.

‫- ( laughs ) ‫- WHO ARE YOU MEETING?

‫OH, TINA CHOI.

‫THE REPORTER FROM ‫THE "KANSAS CITY HERALD."

‫- OH YEAH. ‫- YEAH, SHE CALLED YOUR MOTHER.

‫SHE WANTS TO CHECK IN ‫AND SEE HOW WE'RE DOING.

‫I TOLD WILKE I'D MEET HIM EARLY. ‫SO I'M GONNA HEAD OUT.

‫ALL RIGHT, WELL, ‫I'M GONNA LET HER KNOW

‫HOW WE FELT ABOUT HER ‫SHE DOESN'T DO IT AGAIN.RE

‫IT MIGHT BE ‫WITHOUT THE APRON.

‫OR JUST ADD ‫A WOODEN SPOON MAYBE.

‫HA HA, VERY VERY FUNNY.

‫YEAH, THEY GET THAT ‫FROM ME.

‫WHAT'S UP WITH ‫THE FANCY BREAKFAST?

‫WHAT? THERE HAS ‫TO BE A REASON?

‫UH, YEAH.

‫WELL, WE HAVEN'T HAD ‫MUCH TIME TO TALK

‫SINCE YOU WENT ‫TO THAT MUSIC FESTIVAL.

‫THERE WASN'T MUCH ‫TO TALK ABOUT.

‫WHAT ABOUT ‫BAY AND EMMETT?

‫WHAT ABOUT THEM?

‫THEY'RE DATING. ‫YOU DIDN'T TELL ME.

‫I DIDN'T THINK ‫IT WAS IMPORTANT.

‫IT'S NOT LIKE EMMETT ‫AND I ARE DATING.

‫NO, BUT--

‫YOU TWO SPENT ‫A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER.

‫EMMETT AND I WILL ‫STILL SEE EACH OTHER.

‫WE HAVE LIKE ‫FOUR CLASSES TOGETHER.

‫I JUST... ‫I WISH THAT YOU TWO

‫HADN'T BEEN SO EXCLUSIVE, ‫THAT'S ALL.

‫IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE ‫OF TIME BY YOURSELF,T

‫NOW THAT HE AND BAY ‫ARE TOGETHER.

‫I'M FINE, MOM.

‫OKAY.

‫WHAT THE HELL IS A "CAPIBRA" ‫AND WHY DO WE NEED TO SPEND ‫$400 TO BUY ONE?

‫CAPYBARA. ‫IT'S A 200lb RODENT.

‫AND WE AREN'T BUYING, ‫WE'RE RENTING-- YOU NEED ‫PERMITS TO BUY ONE.

‫I DON'T WANT TO RENT ‫OR BUY A CAPYBARA.

‫I WANT TO MAKE A VIDEO ‫THAT SHOWCASES OUR MUSIC, ‫NOT A GIANT RODENT.

‫AND IT WILL! BUT YOU'VE GOTTA ‫HAVE A HOOK TO GET THEM ‫TO LOOK AT YOU,

‫THEN YOU DELIVER ‫THE GOODS. BAM!

‫OKAY, I GET IT-- ‫WE NEED TO MAKE ‫A FLASHY MUSIC VIDEO.

‫BUT HOW ARE WE GONNA PAY FOR IT? ‫OUR PARENTS AREN'T GOING ‫TO GIVE US THE MONEY.

‫I KNOW. ‫HOW UNFAIR IS THAT?

‫YOU RUN UP ‫A FEW GAMBLING DEBTS, ‫STEAL ONE TEST,

‫AND SUDDENLY THEY ‫TREAT YOU LIKE A CRIMINAL.

‫I DO KNOW ONE WAY ‫WE CAN MAKE SOME MONEY.

‫HOW DO I JUST KNOW ‫THIS IS GONNA SUCK?

‫I WASN'T EXPECTING

‫TO SEE YOU UNTIL LATER.

‫I'LL SEE YOU AT SCHOOL. ‫AND YOU TOO--

‫I HAVE COOKING ‫CLASS TODAY.

‫YEAH, WHAT WAS ‫THAT ABOUT?

‫I CAN'T FOLLOW YOU ‫WHEN YOU'RE TALKING ‫WITH HER.

‫YOU DID?

‫THAT'S GREAT!

‫BUT WHY WAS SHE MAD?

‫I MEAN, SHE TALKS, ‫DAPHNE TALKS.

‫SHE MUST HAVE A REASON ‫FOR NOT WANTING YOU ‫TO TAKE IT.

‫SHE THINKS ‫THAT I MADE YOU?

‫AND IF I DID ‫ASK YOU TO?

‫BUT I DO.

‫EMMETT, SHE IS NOT ‫JUST YOUR MOM.

‫SHE'S MY MOM'S ‫BEST FRIEND.

‫SHE COACHES DAPHNE'S TEAM ‫WITH MY DAD.

‫I CAN'T HAVE HER ‫HATE ME.

‫OH, SHE DOES. ‫SHE HATES ME.

‫EMMETT, I--

‫( sighs )

‫* IF I DIDN'T KNOW YOU

‫* I'D TURN A BLIND EYE...

‫THE REF DIDN'T EVEN ‫BELIEVE SHE HIT ME

‫UNTIL THE DOCTOR LOOKED ‫AT MY ELBOW AFTER THE GAME.

‫- NO FOUL? ‫- NOPE.

‫BUT WE GOT OUR REVENGE. ‫SCORED 12 MORE POINTS

‫- ON OF HER BY ‫ THE END OF THE QUARTER. ‫- OH, THAT'S AWESOME!

‫I MEAN, I'M SORRY ‫YOU GOT HURT, BUT IT MUST BE ‫SO FUN TO PLAY THAT HARD.

‫OH YEAH.

‫- HEY. ‫- HEY.

‫- DO YOU KNOW SIMONE? ‫- UH, YEAH, SINCE LIKE ‫ KINDERGARTEN.

‫HOW'S THAT MR. WAFFLES? ‫CUTEST DOG EVER.

‫HE DIED LAST SUMMER.

‫OH.

‫YOU GUYS ARE IN ‫COOKING CLASS TOGETHER.

‫YEAH, DAPHNE PULLED MY BACON ‫OUT OF THE FIRE TODAY.

‫- ( laughter ) ‫- ALWAYS LOOKING ‫ TO SAVE THAT PIG.

‫SHE'S A VEGETARIAN, ‫SO SHE--

‫YOU KNOW WHAT? ‫IT'S COOL. FORGET IT.

‫HEY, THANKS ‫FOR STICKING ME ‫WITH THE CLEANUP.

‫OH, BUT IT'S SO MUCH FUN ‫WATCHING YOU

‫- TRY TO FIGURE OUT ‫ HOW SOAP WORKS. ‫- AHA.

‫- ( bell rings ) ‫- FIRST BELL. LATER.

‫HEY, WE SHOULD PLAY ‫HOOPS TOGETHER SOMETIME.

‫THERE'S ACTUALLY ‫A PICK-UP GAME ‫THIS AFTERNOON.

‫YOU SHOULD ‫TOTALLY COME BY.

‫WE WANT TO START RIGHT ‫AT THE BEGINNING.

‫BEFORE YOU EVEN HAD THE BABIES-- ‫THE HOPES YOU AND JOHN HAD FOR ‫YOUR LITTLE GOLDEN GIRL,

‫THE TREPIDATION REGINA ‫MUST HAVE HAD,

‫BEING A SINGLE MOTHER

‫WITH AN UNRELIABLE BOYFRIEND ‫AND A DRINKING PROBLEM.

‫WAIT. H-HOW DO YOU ‫KNOW ALL OF THIS?

‫I'M A REPORTER. ‫( laughs )

‫AND-- AND HOW COULD YOU ‫POSSIBLY GET ALL THAT HAPPENED

‫INTO ONE FOLLOW-UP ARTICLE?

‫- ARTICLE? ‫- YEAH.

‫NO, WE'RE TALKING ‫ABOUT A BOOK.

‫WE'VE NEVER HAD ‫AS MUCH RESPONSE ‫TO AN ARTICLE

‫AS WE HAVE TO THAT PIECE ‫I DID ON YOUR FAMILY.

‫WE'RE STILL GETTING EMAILS ‫FROM PEOPLE WANTING TO KNOW

‫HOW YOU ARE, ‫HOW IT REALLY HAPPENED.

‫- WOW. ‫- YEAH, IT'S A NATURAL.

‫PEOPLE LOVE THIS KIND OF ‫TRUE-LIFE-HORROR-STORY- ‫WITH-A-HAPPY-ENDING.

‫LIKE THAT LITTLE GIRL ‫THAT WAS KIDNAPPED

‫AND HELD CAPTIVE ‫FOR 18 YEARS ‫AND FOUND ALIVE.

‫OKAY, WE ARE NOT A HORROR STORY ‫AND HAVE NO INTENTION OF ‫BEING TURNED INTO ONE.

‫KATHRYN, HOWEVER ‫YOU CHARACTERIZE IT, ‫IT IS A GREAT STORY,

‫SOMEONE IS GOING TO TELL IT-- ‫AUTHORIZED OR NOT.

‫NOT THAT I WOULD TELL IT ‫ UNAUTHORIZED, OF COURSE.

‫- OF COURSE NOT. ‫- YOU DON'T WANT ‫ TO WAIT ON THIS.

‫YOU WANT TO GET ‫OUT IN FRONT OF IT-- ‫AND WITH SOMEONE YOU TRUST.

‫SOMEONE WHO SHARES ‫YOUR MIDWESTERN VALUES.

‫LIKE YOU?

‫ABSOLUTELY.

‫OKAY, THE CARS ROLL OUT, ‫YOU WIPE THEM DOWN,

‫YOU MAKE SURE THE TIRES ARE ‫CLEAN, THEN YOU FLAP YOUR ‫TOWEL FOR THE CUSTOMER.

‫DON'T LEAVE ‫RAGS ON THE CAR.

‫AND YOU WILL BE ‫WEARING THESE.

‫NO OFFENSE, MR. KENNISH,

‫BUT WE DON'T WANNA ‫HOLSTER THE GUNS.

‫THAT'S HOW WE'RE GONNA ‫GET THE BIG TIPS.

‫HEH! ‫GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

‫ALL RIGHT.

‫* I GOT IT UNDER CONTROL

‫* Control control control

‫* I GOT IT UNDER CONTROL...

‫- CHECK IT. ‫- SO WHAT'S THE SIGN ‫ FOR "YOU'RE GOING DOWN"?

‫- YOU'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT. ‫- TIED GAME, LAST BASKET WINS.

‫* THEY CAN'T ‫ FIGURE ME OUT *

‫- * AND WHILE I RUN AWAY... ‫- SHOOT IT.

‫* I GOT IT UNDER CONTROL.

‫NICE.

‫- HEY, SORRY ABOUT THAT. ‫- I'M NOT!

‫WAY TO LET OUT LET ‫THOSE KILLER INSTINCTS.

‫HEY, I WAS THINKING ABOUT ‫HITTING UP CROSSROADS ‫FOR FIRST FRIDAYS.

‫THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE THIS ‫AMAZING THAI FOOD TRUCK. ‫YOU INTERESTED?

‫I WOULD LOVE TO, BUT I'M ‫ACTUALLY GOING TO JOEY'S

‫- WITH SOME OF THESE GUYS. ‫- OH.

‫THAT'S OKAY. ‫NEXT TIME.

‫NO, THIS TIME. ‫YOU SHOULD COME WITH US.

‫- WHO'S JOEY? ‫- NO NO, JOEY'S IS THIS CLUB ‫ NEAR U.M.K.C.

‫LOTS OF CUTE COLLEGE GUYS.

‫IT'S OVER-21 THOUGH. ‫YOU NEED A FAKE.

‫THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM.

‫COOL, I'LL TEXT YOU ‫THE INFO THEN.

‫SWEET.

‫HEY, COACH.

‫I'M COACH MEDLOCK. ‫DO YOU HAVE A SECOND?

‫OH-- UH, AHHH.

‫I-- I DIDN'T SEE YOU.

‫THERE.

‫OH, UH, YEAH.

‫UH...

‫SOMETIMES I LIKE TO--

‫TO SEE HOW THE COLORS ARE

‫WORKING IN THE NATURAL

‫LIGHT. ‫YOU KNOW WHAT? ‫NEVER MIND.

‫IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

‫ARE-- ARE YOU HERE ‫TO SEE REGINA?

‫UH-- OH, WAIT.

‫I JUST-- ‫I WANT YOU TO KNOW

‫THAT SPEECH THERAPY

‫WAS EMMETT'S IDEA.

‫I DIDN'T ASK HIM ‫TO TAKE IT.

‫YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.

‫- HEY. ‫- HEY HEY, SWEETIE, ‫ PERFECT TIMING!

‫LISTEN, I'M THINKING ABOUT ‫CHANGING THE STARTING LINE UP.

‫I'M THINKING ABOUT ‫MOVING JENNIFER TO FORWARD

‫AND PULLING EMILY BACK ‫FOR DEFENSE.

‫- I THINK-- ‫- UH, COACH MEDLOCK WANTS ME ‫ TO PLAY FOR BUCKNER.

‫OF COURSE HE DOES. ‫HE HAS AN EXCELLENT EYE ‫FOR TALENT.

‫YEAH, HE SAW ME ‫PLAYING A PICK-UP GAME ‫AT BUCKNER TODAY,

‫AND HE KNOWS THAT ‫I PLAY FOR CARLTON,

‫AND SO HE ASKED ME ‫TO JOIN THE TEAM!

‫EXCEPT YOU'RE ALREADY ‫ON ANOTHER TEAM.

‫THIS IS BUCKNER. ‫THEY'RE LIKE A MILLION ‫TIMES BETTER.

‫SWEETIE,

‫I KNOW THIS IS ‫INCREDIBLY FLATTERING

‫AND WE CAN REVISIT THIS ‫AT THE END OF THE YEAR.

‫OR EVEN AT THE END ‫OF THE SEASON.

‫BUT YOU DON'T ‫QUIT YOUR TEAM.

‫- OKAY? ‫- RIGHT.

‫RIGHT, OKAY.

‫SO WHAT DO YOU THINK ‫OF JENNIFER AT FORWARD?

‫- THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT? ‫- YEAH SURE.

‫WE PUT HER AT ‫THE THREE POSITION

‫AND EMILY IS GONNA BE ‫MUCH MORE HELPFUL WITH YOU ‫ON DEFENSE.

‫WHEN YOU GUYS ARE PRESSING, ‫WE HAVE SOMEONE THERE ‫WHO CAN ACTUALLY MOVE.

‫RIGHT?

‫OKAY, WAIT, YOU, ME, ‫YOUR MOM-- WAIT.

‫WHAT-- OKAY.

‫WHAT? NO!

‫NO! ‫NO NO NO NO NO!

‫WE WILL AVOID HER.

‫YES. NO!

‫OH OH, ‫THAT LOOKS WEIRD.

‫- NOW I HAVE TO GO. ‫- HEY, UM,

‫I JUST WANTED TO SAY ‫THAT YOU GUYS

‫MAKE A REALLY CUTE COUPLE.

‫UH, REGINA?

‫YEAH?

‫WHAT ARE YOU DOING ‫TOMORROW NIGHT?

‫WILKE!

‫- HEY. ‫- YOU'RE HERE AND THERE'S ‫ NO COOKING CLASS TODAY.

‫I KNEW YOU WERE ‫STALKING ME!

‫WELL, I ACTUALLY HAD ‫A QUESTION FOR YOU.

‫I FIGURED IT WOULD BE BEST ‫TO ASK IN PERSON.

‫OH, GOOD COVER.

‫I... I NEED A FAKE I.D.

‫THE GUY I KNEW AT CARLTON ‫THAT DID 'EM GRADUATED ‫LAST YEAR.

‫SO I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ‫KNOW SOMEBODY.

‫THAT COULD COST YOU ‫A FEW BUCKS.

‫THAT'S OKAY. ‫IT'S IMPORTANT.

‫AND... ‫I'LL BET THERE ARE A LOT ‫OF OTHER KIDS AT CARLTON

‫WHO ALSO MIGHT ‫BE IN THE MARKET ‫FOR A FAKE I.D.

‫YEAH, PROBABLY. ‫SO--

‫DO YOU KNOW SOMEBODY OR--?

‫ACTUALLY, I DO.

‫AS IT HAPPENS, ‫I AM THE GUY ‫YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

‫- REALLY? THAT'S GREAT. ‫- NOW WHY DON'T YOU AND I ‫ GO HAVE SOME COFFEE,

‫DISCUSS THE PARTICULARS ‫OF YOUR I.D.

‫AND HOW WE MIGHT ‫MARKET MY SERVICES ‫TO YOUR CLASSMATES

‫- ( bell rings ) ‫- I ACTUALLY GOT TO GET ‫ BACK TO CARLTON.

‫WE'VE GOT A GAME TODAY. ‫BUT TEXT ME, OKAY? ‫THANK YOU.

‫- HUH. ‫- HEY, WHAT WAS DAPHNE ‫ DOING HERE?

‫HELPING US BUY ‫A CAPYBARA.

‫( rock music playing )

‫* WAKEY WAKEY

‫* NO MISTAKEY

‫* YOU'RE THE SMARTEST GUY ‫ IN ANY ROOM FOR SURE *

‫* WITTY WITTY, ‫ SUCH A PITY *

‫* YOUR FINALE'S JUST ‫ AN ENDLESS OVERTURE *

‫* LORDY LORDY, ‫ ALL ABOARDY *

‫* ON THE TRACK THAT CIRCLES ‫ ROUND AND ROUND AGAIN *

‫* 30, 30, ‫ WATCH THE BIRDIE *

‫* IN A FLASH, LIFE WILL ‫ PASS AROUND THE BEND. *

‫( giggles )

‫THIS IS A WHOLE ‫VIDEO TUTORIAL ON HOW ‫TO MAKE FAKE IDENTITY CARDS.

‫HEY, DO YOU MIND? ‫I STILL CAN'T FIND MINE.

‫- YEAH, GO AHEAD. ‫- LOOKS LIKE THE HOT TIP IS ‫ TO MAKE IT FROM ANOTHER STATE.

‫WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

‫STARTING OUR OWN ‫SMALL BUSINESS. ‫FAKE I.D.s.

‫WANT TO GET BACK IN THE POOL? ‫GIVE YOU THE FAMILY RATE.

‫- YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT? ‫- WHAT?

‫YOU GET CAUGHT NOW NO ONE ‫CAN HAVE A FAKE I.D.?

‫UH, HAVING ONE ‫AND SELLING THEM ARE ‫TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS.

‫I GET CAUGHT, I GET ‫COMMUNITY SERVICE.

‫YOU GET CAUGHT, ‫YOU GET A CELL AND ‫A ROOMMATE AT LEAVENWORTH.

‫SHE DOES HAVE A POINT.

‫MAYBE THIS ISN'T ‫THE BEST IDEA.

‫IT'S ON THE INTERNET, DUDE. ‫IT'S JUST--

‫"A UNIQUE PARTY FAVOR TO SHARE ‫WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS."

‫WHAT PEOPLE DO WITH THEM ‫ AFTER THEY GET THEM,

‫WE HAVE NO CONTROL ‫OVER THAT.

‫WOW, WAY TO RATIONALIZE.

‫I THOUGHT YOU WERE ‫TURNING OVER A NEW LEAF

‫AFTER THE WHOLE ‫STEALING-THE-TEST THING.

‫OKAY, FINE. ‫LET'S JUST ASK YOUR DAD

‫FOR A COUPLE EXTRA SHIFTS ‫AT THE CAR WASH.

‫AT THREE BUCKS A CAR ‫PLUS MINIMUM WAGE,

‫WE SHOULD BE ABLE ‫TO FUND OUR VIDEO

‫ABOUT THE TIME "GUITAR FACE" ‫IS READY FOR A REUNION TOUR.

‫- YEAH, WE SHOULD GET ‫ SOME MORE CARD STOCK. ‫- AND INK CARTRIDGES.

‫MM-HMM, ‫DEFINITELY.

‫HEY, MOM--

‫WHAT IS ‫WITH THE BOOKS?

‫OH, IT'S JUST ‫A LITTLE HOMEWORK.

‫- WHAT'S UP? ‫- I... I NEED SOME ADVICE.

‫WAIT, FROM ME?

‫DON'T LOOK ‫SO HAPPY ABOUT IT. ‫THAT JUST MAKES IT HARDER.

‫SORRY. ‫I'M SORRY.

‫I THINK EMMETT'S MOM ‫HATES ME.

‫MELODY? ‫OKAY, WHY WOULD ‫SHE HATE YOU?

‫EM-EMMETT AND I ‫HAVE KIND OF--

‫- WE'VE BEEN HANGING OUT. ‫- YOU AND EMMETT?

‫- I THOUGHT IT WAS ‫ HE AND DAPHNE-- ‫- NO.

‫- HE AND I ARE TOGETHER. ‫- WAIT, TOGETHER TOGETHER?

‫ARE YOU TWO-- ‫ARE YOU SERIOUS?

‫YEAH, MOM,

‫IT'S KIND OF SERIOUS.

‫- HUH. ‫- WOW, REALLY?!

‫- IT'S THAT HARD ‫ TO BELIEVE WE'RE A COUPLE? ‫- NO NO, OF COURSE NOT.

‫IT'S JUST THAT, ‫WELL, THERE WAS LIAM

‫- THEN THERE'S TY ‫ AND NOW THERE'S-- ‫- WOW.

‫YOU AND MELODY SHOULD ‫GET TOGETHER AND DISCUSS WHY ‫I AM SO HORRIBLE FOR EMMETT.

‫SHE THINKS HE'S FLUNKING OUT ‫BECAUSE OF ME AND YOU THINK ‫I'M SOME SORT OF BOY JUNKIE.

‫I'M JUST TRYING ‫TO UNDERSTAND, HONEY.

‫HE AND I HAVE ‫WAY MORE IN COMMON ‫THAN LIAM AND I EVER DID.

‫AND HE'S AGE APPROPRIATE ‫WHICH I THOUGHT YOU ‫WOULD APPRECIATE.

‫AND, MOM, HE GETS ME ‫AND I GET HIM.

‫WELL, THEN MELODY SHOULD ‫CONSIDER HERSELF LUCKY

‫THAT HER SON IS DATING ‫SOMEONE AS SMART ‫AND CARING

‫AND CREATIVE AS YOU. ‫AND IF SHE DOESN'T,

‫WELL THEN, IT'S HER LOSS.

‫MMM, NO, IT'S MY LOSS ‫BECAUSE ONCE THE MOM ‫DISAPPROVES

‫OF THE GIRLFRIEND, ‫IT'S JUST A MATTER ‫OF TIME.

‫OH WAIT, WE DO NOT HAVE ‫AS MUCH POWER AS YOU ‫THINK WE DO.

‫- REALLY? ‫- REALLY.

‫WAS DATING MELISSA ‫REMEMBER WHEN TOBY ‫MM-HMM, DO YOU

‫- THE HIPPIE CHICK? ‫- I NEVER SAID A WORD!

‫YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO! ‫WHICH IS WHY I HAVE ‫TO GET MELODY TO LIKE ME.

‫SO REGINA AND I ARE GOING ‫TO GO OVER THERE AND...

‫THE PLAN IS TO TRY ‫AND CONVINCE HER THAT ‫I'M NOT THE ANTICHRIST.

‫EXCEPT I DON'T KNOW ‫HOW TO DO THAT.

‫I DON'T KNOW HOW ‫TO MAKE HER LIKE ME.

‫HONEY, JUST BE YOURSELF.

‫YEAH, THAT'S EASY ‫FOR YOU TO SAY.

‫PEOPLE LIKE YOU. ‫THEY DO NOT LIKE ME.

‫SO I DON'T WANT ‫TO BE MYSELF TONIGHT. ‫I WANT--

‫TO BE YOU.

‫HONEY, YOU'RE--

‫YOU COULD LIGHTEN UP ‫A LITTLE ON THE SARCASM.

‫- MM-HMM. ‫- AND BRING ARTICHOKE DIP.

‫OH, I LOVE ‫YOUR ARTICHOKE DIP.

‫EVERYBODY DOES. ‫IT SOUNDS LIKE A VEGETABLE

‫AND IT'S FULL OF MAYO ‫AND CHEESE.

‫THERE IS NO WAY MELODY ‫CAN RESIST THAT.

‫THANK YOU.

‫YOU'LL WIN HER OVER.

‫I HOPE SO.

‫( knocks )

‫CAN I COME IN?

‫YEAH SURE. I'M JUST ‫TAKING A LITTLE BREAK.

‫SO YOU IN BUSINESS ‫WITH WILKE?

‫YEAH, IT TURNS OUT

‫HE'S IN SALES

‫AND I'M IN MANUFACTURING?

‫HE SELLS. I MAKE.

‫YOU KNOW, NOW THAT ‫I'M LEARNING TO SIGN,

‫I AM FINDING THAT ‫WE HEARING PEOPLE

‫- USE FAR TOO MANY WORDS. ‫- ( laughs )

‫WELL, I JUST HOPE YOU ‫DON'T GET IN TROUBLE ‫ON MY ACCOUNT.

‫AHHH.

‫OKAY.

‫I NEED SOME ADVICE.

‫I WANT TO QUIT ‫THE CARLTON BASKETBALL TEAM ‫AND JOIN BUCKNER'S.

‫( mournful tune )

‫DOES DAD KNOW?

‫THAT'S THE ADVICE I NEED.

‫YOU QUIT BASEBALL. ‫OKAY, SO HOW DID ‫YOU DO IT?

‫I DON'T KNOW, I JUST

‫TOLD HIM I DIDN'T WANT ‫TO PLAY ANYMORE,

‫THAT SPORTS WAS HIS THING ‫AND MUSIC WAS MY THING.

‫- AND HE WAS OKAY WITH THAT? ‫- OH, HELL NO.

‫- BUT Y'KNOW, HE HAD BAY. ‫- BAY PLAYED BASEBALL?

‫SOCCER. ‫FOR ABOUT 10 MINUTES

‫UNTIL WE ALL DECIDED THAT ‫THAT WAS A VERY BAD IDEA.

‫BUT IT GAVE HIM A PLACE ‫TO PUT ALL THAT COACHING-SPORTS ‫CONNECTION STUFF

‫- WHEN I QUIT. ‫- SO WHAT'D HE DO WITH IT AFTER ‫ BAY STOPPED PLAYING SOCCER?

‫I DUNNO. I GUESS ‫IT JUST KIND OF WENT AWAY.

‫UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP.

‫AND YOU'RE NOT A MUSICIAN,

‫AND YOU'RE ‫NOT AN ARTIST...

‫I'M AN ATHLETE, ‫LIKE HIM.

‫THE MINI-ME DAD NEVER HAD. ‫AND HE LOVES COACHING YOU.

‫SO YOU'RE TELLING ME ‫TO STAY?

‫YOU ASKED FOR MY ADVICE.

‫Regina: ‫ YOU CAN STILL DO ‫ WHAT YOU WANT.

‫YOU DON'T HAVE ‫TO LISTEN TO JOHN.

‫BUT HE'S MY DAD.

‫HE'S THE WHOLE REASON ‫I CAN EVEN PLAY BASKETBALL.

‫I MEAN ‫GENETICALLY SPEAKING.

‫( scoffs ) ‫WELL, THAT DOESN'T ‫GIVE HIM VETO POWER

‫- OVER WHERE YOU CAN PLAY. ‫- I JUST WANT TO PLAY ‫ FOR A GOOD TEAM.

‫I WANT TO WIN! ‫IT'S THE KENNISH IN ME. ‫I GET THAT FROM HIM TOO.

‫WELL, SO DO IT.

‫HE STARTED COACHING ‫AT CARLTON FOR ME.

‫I MEAN, HE'S DOING ‫EVERYTHING HE CAN TO--

‫YOU KNOW, ‫DO THE DAD THING.

‫SO DON'T DO IT. ‫CARLTON COULD ‫GET BETTER, RIGHT?

‫NO.

‫HMPH.

‫UM, OKAY, NOW IN THE LOUSY ‫TIMING DEPARTMENT,

‫I NEED TO TELL YOU ‫THAT BAY AND I

‫ARE GOING OVER TO MELODY ‫AND EMMETT'S HOUSE ‫TOMORROW.

‫OH.

‫- OKAY. ‫- BAY FEELS LIKE MELODY ‫ DOESN'T LIKE HER.

‫SO I THOUGHT MAYBE ‫THEY SHOULD GET TO KNOW ‫EACH OTHER BETTER.

‫OKAY.

‫OKAY? ‫THAT'S IT?

‫WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? ‫I HATE MY BASKETBALL TEAM.

‫I MISS EMMETT. ‫ANGELO'S BACK.

‫AND I DON'T LIKE ‫SHARING YOU WITH BAY.

‫BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS.

‫NO, I BELIEVE YOU, ‫IT JUST FEELS WRONG.

‫ALL RIGHT. YES.

‫- OKAY. ‫- ( beeps )

‫- THAT WAS OUR LAWYER-- ‫ AMANDA. ‫- AND?

‫SHE SAYS ‫TINA CHOI IS RIGHT.

‫IF SHE OR ANYONE ELSE ‫WANTS TO USE PUBLIC RECORD

‫AND GOSSIP TO WRITE A BOOK ‫ABOUT US, THEY CAN.

‫SHE HAD NO OTHER ‫SUGGESTIONS?

‫TO COLLABORATE WITH HER,

‫TRY TO INFLUENCE ‫WHAT SHE WRITES.

‫IS THAT SUCH A BAD IDEA?

‫TINA CHOI WANTS TO MAKE US ‫SOUND LIKE FREAKS!

‫REGINA IS THE SINGLE ‫ALCOHOLIC MOTHER

‫WITH THE SWEET ‫HANDICAPPED CHILD.

‫WE'RE THE MIDWESTERN ‫ROYALTY

‫SADDLED WITH RAISING ‫THE RAVEN-HAIRED ‫HELL RAISER.

‫SHE SAID THAT?

‫IN SO MANY WORDS. ‫IF I SIGN ON TO ‫COLLABORATE WITH HER,

‫SHE'S NOT GOING TO LISTEN ‫TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY

‫SHE'S GONNA USE MY NAME ‫TO LEGITIMIZE

‫WHATEVER SALACIOUS SLANT ‫SHE THINKS IS GONNA ‫SELL BOOKS.

‫I'LL CALL AMANDA.

‫WHY? YOU THINK SHE'S ‫GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING ‫DIFFERENT THAN SHE TOLD ME?

‫I DON'T KNOW. ‫MAYBE.

‫- I'LL GIVE HER A PUSH. ‫- I PUSHED.

‫THAT'S HER ANSWER.

‫I CAN HANDLE IT.

‫OKAY.

‫SO WHAT'S YOUR ‫ZODIAC SIGN?

‫- LIBRA. ‫- ( mimics buzzer )

‫MY BIRTHDAY ‫IS OCTOBER 22nd.

‫NO, YOUR BIRTHDAY ‫IS JUNE 24th--

‫- IT'S CANCER. ‫- RIGHT.

‫SORRY. ‫I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.

‫HEY, UH, MOM MADE SOME ‫EXTRA ARTICHOKE DIP.

‫IT'S TOBY'S FAVORITE. ‫WHERE IS HE?

‫- HE'S GETTING INK CARTRIDGES. ‫- LOTS OF CARLTON KIDS

‫IN NEED ‫OF NOVELTY I.D.s.

‫MMM, THIS STUFF ‫IS AMAZING.

‫- YOU HAVE A FAKE I.D.? ‫- YEP.

‫DAPHNE RABINSKY ‫FROM PLEASANTVILLE, ‫NEW YORK.

‫I'M GOING TO JOEY'S TONIGHT ‫WITH SIMONE

‫AND SOME OTHER GIRLS ‫FROM THE BUCKNER ‫BASKETBALL TEAM.

‫- THANKS, WILKE. ‫- MM-HMM.

‫EXCELLENT. ‫TOBY WOULD'VE LOVED IT.

‫- HEY. ‫- YEAH?

‫I JUST WANTED ‫TO TELL YOU TO, UH UH--

‫BE CAREFUL WITH SIMONE.

‫- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? ‫- SIMONE CAN BE KIND OF...

‫WHAT?

‫YOU KNOW WHAT? ‫NEVER MIND.

‫WOW!

‫YOU GOT EMMETT. ‫YOU DATED TY.

‫YOU DIDN'T WANT ME ‫TO BE WITH LIAM

‫AND NOW YOU'RE WARNING ‫ME OFF OF SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT ‫EVEN FRIENDS WITH ANYMORE?

‫YOU'RE RIGHT. MY BAD. ‫HAVE A GOOD TIME.

‫I WILL.

‫( clicks )

‫( door opens )

‫HI.

‫OH, UM, ARTICHOKE DIP.

‫NO, IT WAS ME AND MY MOM.

‫MY OTHER MOM.

‫DON'T INTERPRET FOR ME. ‫I WANT MELODY TO SEE ‫THAT I'M TRYING.

‫OKAY.

‫LET THE GAMES BEGIN.

‫( rock music playing )

‫- NOW WHAT? ‫- THE BOUNCER BARELY EVEN ‫ LOOKED AT YOUR I.D.

‫- WHERE DID YOU GET THIS? ‫- WILKE.

‫I AM SO ‫TALKING TO HIM TOMORROW. ‫OR MAYBE TONIGHT.

‫WILKE, YOU'RE TOO EARLY. ‫I DON'T HAVE MY BEER ‫GOGGLES ON YET.

‫OH! ‫USUALLY BY 9:00 THAT'S ALL ‫YOU WERE WEARING.

‫WAIT WAIT-- ‫WERE YOU GUYS TOGETHER?

‫- BRIEFLY. ‫- AND THEN I RELEASED HIM ‫ INTO THE WILD.

‫HEY, WE'VE GOT ‫A TABLE.

‫COME ON, YOU CAN BRING ‫YOUR FRIEND HERE, ‫AS LONG AS

‫HE PROMISES TO DO ‫EVERYTHING WE SAY.

‫- I'M IN. ‫- WILKE.

‫- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? ‫- YOU INVITED ME.

‫WELL, YOU TOLD ME WHERE ‫YOU'D BE, WHO YOU'D BE WITH.

‫IN SOME CULTURES THAT'D BE ‫CONSIDERED A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL.

‫- I'M SERIOUS. ‫- AND I MAKE YOU LAUGH, THAT'S ‫ WHY WE'RE SO GOOD TOGETHER.

‫WE'RE NOT TOGETHER. ‫WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.

‫SO I COMPLETELY MISREAD ‫THE MAKING OUT IN THE CAR,

‫THE HEART-TO-HEART ‫CONVERSATION ON THE DOCK--

‫I MIGHT HAVE SENT ‫SOME MIXED SIGNALS.

‫BUT IT DOESN'T ‫CHANGE HOW I FEEL.

‫I LOVE TALKING ‫TO YOU, WILKE--

‫BUT YOU'RE JUST NOT ‫MY TYPE.

‫SO WHAT'S YOUR TYPE? ‫DEAF AND INTO BAY?

‫- THIS IS NOT ABOUT EMMETT. ‫- REALLY?

‫- IT'S NOT! ‫- OKAY.

‫WELL, MESSAGE RECEIVED.

‫YOU WANT THAT?

‫PARK PLACE IS ‫A GOOD PROPERTY.

‫( laughs )

‫I'M SORRY. ‫I MISSED A LOT OF THAT.

‫I LIKE TO WIN TOO.

‫- AHEM, DAPHNE'S THE ONLY-- ‫- I GOT IT.

‫IT'S FINE.

‫I KNOW THAT YOU GUYS ‫HANG OUT A LOT.

‫( muffled laugh )

‫WHAT DID I DO?

‫YOU SIGNED ‫"HANG OUT" WRONG.

‫YOU SAID "I KNOW YOU GUYS ‫GET CIRCUMCISED A LOT."

‫YOU'RE LAUGHING AT ME.

‫MELODY, STOP.

‫YOU KNOW WHAT? ‫THIS OBVIOUSLY--

‫THANK YOU FOR ‫THE LOVELY EVENING.

‫I'LL JUST-- ‫I'LL TEXT YOU.

‫I'LL DRIVE YOU.

‫WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

‫BAY IS MY DAUGHTER ‫AND YOUR SON'S GIRLFRIEND.

‫YOU OWE HER AN APOLOGY.

‫- ( pop music playing ) ‫- ( laughing )

‫- ( groans ) ‫- NO WAY!

‫* YOU'RE STILL A STRANGER

‫* YOU'VE GOT NO SHAME

‫* I'LL WATCH YOU WALKING...

‫OH, ALL TEETH. ‫AND I'M BETTING HE HAD ‫SALAMI FOR DINNER.

‫All: EWW!

‫WHAT DID YOU ‫SAY TO HIM?

‫- "WANNA MAKE OUT?" ‫- SUBTLE.

‫OKAY, DAPHNE, ‫YOUR TURN.

‫NO NO NO, DAPHNE'S NOT ‫A PART OF THE TEAM YET,

‫SO SHE DOESN'T HAVE ‫TO TAKE THE DARE.

‫I'M SORRY, ‫IT'S KINDA DARK IN HERE. ‫WHAT'D YOU SAY?

‫- YOU DON'T HAVE ‫ TO TAKE THE DARE. ‫- PFFFT!

‫YOU THINK I CAN'T DO IT? ‫PICK THE GUY.

‫HERE'S TO ‫THE COMPETITIVE SPIRIT.

‫OKAY, UM, LET'S SEE...

‫HIM.

‫- "DO YOU WANNA MAKE OUT"? ‫- IT WORKS EVERY TIME.

‫- HI. ‫- HI.

‫( mimics ‫howl )

‫DON'T LOOK NOW, ‫BUT MY FRIENDS OVER THERE

‫DARED ME TO COME ‫OVER HERE AND KISS YOU.

‫DO YOU MIND?

‫- NOT A BIT. ‫- I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES THEN.

‫- ( girls cheering, howling ) ‫- * I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY

‫- * IT'S SUCH A SHAME... ‫- GIRL, YEAH!

‫* YOU WEAR THE SNAKESKIN...

‫WHAT THE HELL ‫ARE YOU DOING?

‫- OH, UH-OH. ‫- Guy: SHE CAME ON TO ME!

‫- IT WAS A DARE. ‫- DO I LOOK STUPID TO YOU?

‫EXCUSE ME, BUT MY FRIEND'S ‫COLOSTOMY BAG IS ABOUT ‫TO EXPLODE.

‫- ( laughing ) ‫- HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?

‫- COME ON. ‫- I GO TO THE BATHROOM...

‫- LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. ‫- DID YOU JUST SAY I HAVE ‫ A COLOSTOMY BAG?

‫- LET'S GO. ‫- HEY, WE NEED TO PAY.

‫OH, UM, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. ‫I'LL MEET YOU GUYS OUT FRONT.

‫- OKAY, COOL. ‫- HEY, UM, I AM SO SORRY ‫ ABOUT THAT.

‫WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ‫THAT WAS REALLY FUN!

‫OKAY, GOOD.

‫- I'LL SEE YOU IN A SECOND. ‫- OKAY.

‫* ALL INTO SHAPES

‫* AND INTO SHARDS

‫* WE SMASH LIKE GLASS

‫* WE FALL LIKE STARS

‫* LEAVE IT ALONE.

‫SNOOKI POLIZZI WROTE A BOOK.

‫VALERIE BERTINELLI, ‫SHE WROTE A BOOK.

‫KENDRA WILKINSON-- ‫SHE WROTE TWO.

‫- WHO'S KENDRA WILKINSON? ‫- ONE OF HUGH HEFNER'S ‫ EX-GIRLFRIENDS.

‫AND KEITH RICHARDS? ‫HE PICKLED HIS BRAIN

‫ON HEROIN AND METH ‫FOR 20 YEARS AND EVEN ‫HE WROTE A BOOK.

‫ACTUALLY I THINK KEITH ‫WROTE THIS WITH SOMEBODY.

‫WHATEVER. THE POINT IS ‫IF ALL OF THESE PEOPLE CAN ‫WRITE BOOKS ABOUT THEIR LIVES,

‫WHY CAN'T I? ‫NO ONE KNOWS MY STORY ‫BETTER THAN I DO.

‫AND I GOT STRAIGHT "A"s ‫IN ENGLISH ALL THROUGH ‫COLLEGE--

‫INCLUDING TWO UPPER-DIVISION ‫CREATIVE WRITING CLASSES.

‫AND IF I GET STUCK, ‫I CAN ALWAYS GET SOMEONE ‫TO HELP ME.

‫LIKE KENDRA?

‫HONEY. ‫WHAT DO YOU THINK?

‫I THINK IT IS ‫AN OUTSTANDING IDEA.

‫- REALLY? ‫- YEAH.

‫- YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY? ‫- HMM?

‫I SAY TINA CHOI ‫CAN GO POUND SAND.

‫- AH AH AHH AH! ‫- BUT--

‫- SHE IS A TOTAL BITCH. ‫- HONESTLY, I'VE NEVER ‫ SEEN HER LIKE THAT--

‫SO IT'S ME. I BRING OUT ‫THE WORST IN HER?

‫- I DIDN'T SAY THAT. ‫- IT CAN'T BE BECAUSE ‫ I'M HEARING.

‫YOU'RE HEARING ‫AND SHE LOVES YOU.

‫I DON'T THINK EMMETT'S ‫EVER BEEN THIS SERIOUS ‫ABOUT SOMEONE BEFORE.

‫I THINK IT'S PROBABLY JUST ‫SCARY FOR HER TO THINK ‫ABOUT LOSING HIM.

‫OKAY, SO ‫THE MAMA BEAR SYNDROME? ‫THAT MAKES IT ALL RIGHT?

‫- I DIDN'T SAY THAT. ‫- YOU ARE TOTALLY DEFENDING HER.

‫SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND. ‫SHE'S BEEN THERE FOR ME ‫AND I OWE HER A LOT.

‫- THAT'S RIGHT, I FORGOT-- ‫ AND YOU DON'T OWE ME ANYTHING. ‫- BAY.

‫DO YOU EVER NOTICE ‫THAT THERE IS ALWAYS ‫SOMEONE BETWEEN US?

‫- ( door shuts ) ‫- HEY, FORGET YOUR KEY?

‫NO. I SAW YOU ‫THROUGH THE WINDOW.

‫I NEEDED TO TALK TO YOU.

‫SURE. ‫WHAT'S UP?

‫I DECIDED TO TAKE ‫COACH MEDLOCK'S OFFER.

‫I'M GOING TO JOIN ‫THE BUCKNER TEAM.

‫I THOUGHT ‫WE DISCUSSED THIS.

‫NO, I FLOATED THE IDEA ‫AND YOU SHOT IT DOWN.

‫I SHOT-- I DIDN'T ‫SHOOT ANYTHING DOWN.

‫I SIMPLY REMINDED YOU ‫THAT YOU HAPPEN TO BE ‫COMMITTED TO ANOTHER TEAM.

‫IT'S NOT EVEN A TEAM! ‫NO ONE CARES IF WE WIN ‫EXCEPT ME AND YOU!

‫DAPHNE, I KNOW ‫THIS IS FRUSTRATING,

‫BUT WE'RE BUILDING. ‫THESE THINGS TAKE TIME.

‫YOU ARE ALWAYS TELLING US ‫TO TAKE THE SHOT WHEN ‫WE GET THE CHANCE

‫BECAUSE WE MIGHT NOT ‫GET ANOTHER ONE. WELL, ‫THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.

‫WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE ‫OF A SEASON.

‫OKAY, SWEETIE, YOU CANNOT ‫QUIT YOUR TEAM.

‫- DO NOT QUIT YOUR TEAM. ‫- I KNOW YOU DON'T ‫ CARE ABOUT THIS,

‫- BUT THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS ‫ IN MY LIFE THAT I DON'T LIKE-- ‫- I DO CARE ABOUT THIS.

‫--AND CAN'T CHANGE. ‫I CAN CHANGE.HING

‫I'M SORRY. ‫I KNOW YOU'RE MAD,

‫BUT I'M DOING IT.

‫GOOD NIGHT.

‫( silent )