Original subtitles

[alarm clock clatters]

[clock ticks]

[sighs]

[sighs]

-[door opens] -[clattering]

Damn it.

Here, let me do that.

[sighs] No, I'll fix it.

You'll just re-injure your back

and we'll be screwed for another year.

Becca, I told you, I'll do it.

The doctor said I'm good to go back to work.

It's about time.

Your workers' comp. ran out two months ago.

Babe, you need to relax about all this stuff.

Okay?

I told you, it's gonna be okay.

And we can start trying again to get pregnant.

[pills rattle]

It's gonna happen.

That's my girl.

And...

there's no time like the present

to start trying again.

[dry laugh] There's no time, period.

I have to go to work.

I hate to burst your bubble,

but this whole infertility thing,

it might not be me.

I know, I'm gonna-- I'm gonna get checked out.

You said that before.

I mean it this time.

I am.

Oh, don't forget, we got to go to Max and Mindy's tomorrow.

Okay, I'm going to work.

Love you too.

Hi. [laughs]

I swear, I still need a G.P.S.

to make my way around this place.

See? I told you, darling.

The guests should use the maid's bathroom.

-It's so much closer. -[scoffs]

Have our guests use the help's bathroom?

No, not in my house.

Our house, darling. It's our house.

See, honey? Now you've started an argument.

Mindy and I don't argue... ever.

You know, that's actually true.

You don't argue?

No way. Every couple argues.

I hate to be blunt, but it's because we're rich.

[laughs] Max!

-What? -That's so gauche.

He's become so obnoxious lately,

ever since he closed that real-estate deal on Rodeo Drive.

Oh, he's been doing that ever since our fraternity days.

-He's humble bragging. -Look, all I'm saying

is that, statistically, the number one thing

couples argue about the most is money,

or the lack thereof.

So if you take that off the table,

what else is there to argue about?

Like I said before, Ron,

if you ever need a little help, all you have to do is ask.

And like I said before, don't be ridiculous.

You know, all I need is one big construction job

and we'll be flush again.

And once he's done redoing the loft,

we're gonna flip it for a fortune.

So don't you worry.

We'll be fine.

Mindy, I really like your new hair.

Oh, thanks.

You know, it is so true what they say,

blondes have way more fun.

Hope our husbands don't get us confused.

Speaking of which...

how's your sex life these days?

Uh, it's-- it's-- it's great.

-Yeah? -Yeah, no complaints.

Yeah, couldn't be better.

That's what you think.

So being rich gives you guys better sex too?

Come on, guys.

Yeah, what's with you two today?

Well, actually, that's the point.

You see, it's not just us two.

What's not just us two?

Yeah, what are you talking about?

Mindy and I have been on an extraordinary adventure.

We've... opened our marriage.

It's a whole new glorious world.

Wait, so-- so you guys are having sex with other people?

Yes, we are.

Isn't that dangerous? Like playing with fire?

Mm, it is, but playing with fire is what makes it so hot.

Until you get burned.

That's where the rules come in, sweetie.

We have our limits.

[Max] I mean, I never thought I would ever do this.

I'm the one that demanded a cheating clause in our prenup.

Which was completely unnecessary.

But as long as you follow the rules that you make,

nobody gets hurt.

-Rules? -Yeah, like what?

Like, for example, our number one rule is...

No extracurricular activities

-without the other person. -[Mindy silently mimics] Boom.

Really?

And practice safe sex, of course?

-Of course. -Of course, of course.

[mouthing] Wow.

You know what, it's getting really late.

I think we should get going.

Suit yourself.

I just have a really early morning tomorrow.

Yeah, we'll, uh, we'll continue this discussion another time.

Hope we didn't scare you off.

[car engine revs]

So what'd you think?

You go first.

[upbeat music playing]

Morning, babe.

Morning.

So Mindy was in rare form last night.

Were you as surprised as I was

about their extracurricular activities?

Yeah, completely. I didn't think they were that type.

Are we?

Are we what?

The type?

I mean...

[laughs] I don't--

I-- I just--

Come on, be honest.

You clearly got excited about the idea.

Well, you were obviously excited yourself.

[scoffs] 'Cause it was hot to think about.

But I don't know if I could actually do it.

I mean, I would never do anything you didn't want to do.

You know I would never do anything to hurt you.

I know.

I mean, maybe it would be a welcome distraction.

From?

You know, stuff.

Yeah.

Stuff's been pretty rough lately.

Obviously... it would be entirely up to you.

Great.

So, if it doesn't go right, then it's all on me.

Yeah, I mean I wasn't seriously considering it.

[scoffs] Yeah, right.

[chuckling]

I don't know if you noticed, but I finally finished

stripping the paint off the brick yesterday.

Are we still scheduled to move out in March?

Probably more like May or June.

It's a better time to flip properties then anyway.

I know it's no big deal to you,

but I'm having a harder time with this uncertainty.

You mean about money coming in?

That's part of it.

[sighs] Please, babe, don't rub it in.

I feel guilty enough that you have to work double shifts at the hospital.

Ron, look at me.

It's my turn to be the breadwinner.

I'm okay with that.

Really.

Than what is it?

Someday I'd like to feel like our home is our home,

and if we're ever able to start a family,

I don't want to be so transient.

I'm sorry, honey.

Maybe Max and Mindy have the right idea.

About open relationships?

[clicks tongue]

No, about money solving stuff.

Oh, that.

Yeah.

I see what you mean.

All right, I got to get to work.

Okay.

[Man] Wait a minute.

Last night was the first time that you and Ron had sex in three months?

-[phone ringing] -Yeah.

I thought you two were trying to have a baby,

a lot, like bunnies.

We are. Well, we were.

I guess we are again.

Okay, well, that's good, but why the sudden change?

I don't know.

Come on, spill it.

[quietly] Okay, so last night,

we went up to our rich friend's house in Malibu,

and they suggested that we... try opening...

A lemonade stand?

[huffs] No.

Okay, that Ron and I try opening up our marriage.

Oh.

This just got interesting.

You know, to like spice things up.

Hmm.

So you two had a four-way with Max and Mindy last night.

No! [whispers] We just talked about it.

Okay. I believe you.

Then what happened?

Then I guess the conversation

just got Ron and I a little frisky.

And when we got home, you know, things just...

kinda happened.

So, you were turned on by the idea?

I never thought I'd say this, but...

yeah.

And if I'm being completely honest,

[whispers] I'm kind of intrigued.

-And so was Ron? -Well, yeah, he's a guy.

-Remember? -[laughs]

Trust me, I remember.

So... what do you think?

Well, in gay-land,

open relationships are pretty normal...

unless you're ugly, in which case, nobody wants to have sex with you.

-Tough crowd. -[laughs]

But seriously, between two men,

we, you know, we get it.

Get what?

That love and lust are two different things.

Sex is sex.

I'd feel threatened if I watched Ron

have sex with another woman.

A loving, trusting relationship

doesn't have to feel threatened by...

opening things up.

In fact, it can strengthen it.

How?

Well, by experiencing something exciting together,

as a team.

But now that you're married, it's different right?

Not at all.

Gary and I have an open marriage.

You do?!

-Sure. -[gasps]

And you may want to close your mouth

before a fly lands in there.

You never told me that.

You never asked.

[scoffs]

You guys just seem so happy and so committed.

That's the point.

We are.

And you never get jealous?

-No. -Not at all.

What you need to do is have a conversation with the rich wife.

-Mindy. -Yeah.

You need to have a one-on-one with her woman to woman.

Make sure that you two are on the same page.

[Mindy] So come on.

Spit it out.

Your lunch break isn't long enough to beat around the bush.

Okay, so I wanted to talk to you about the--

Our salacious proposition

for you and your hot, juicy slab of a husband?

Yes.

The whole idea just seems so...

naughty.

And, I mean, I wasn't a prude

before I married Ron, or anything.

Hmm... a little bit of a late bloomer,

but you made up for lost time.

Yeah, well, Ron is definitely open to it.

Though, he's trying to hide how open to it he is.

I know how it goes. Trust me.

When Max first suggested it,

I almost slugged him.

Slugged him?

I thought you don't fight.

We don't. I just hit him sometimes,

but I don't leave a mark.

Really?

I'm kidding!

What is up with you today?

Didn't you worry when he brought it up?

Didn't-- didn't it make you feel insecure?

[chuckles]

First, I don't do insecure,

and second, neither one of us would ever dream of cheating.

Why is that?

Because of our prenup, silly.

If I get caught cheating,

I get kicked to the curb with nothing.

And if he gets caught cheating,

I take him to the cleaners.

So, an open marriage is not considered cheating?

Nope. Our arrangement

is that we experience everything together.

So, there's no cheating, there's no lying.

There's no secrecy.

I don't know. I just don't know if Ron and I's relationship

is on solid enough ground right now.

I'd be afraid it would drive us further apart.

What's going on with you two?

[sighs]

This past year has just been a perfect storm of problems.

Look...

I didn't want to tell you this

'cause I didn't want you to worry,

but just last year,

Max and I were headed for divorce.

Really?

You covered it well.

I'm good at that.

Anyway, we decided to try this whole open relationship,

and the most amazing thing happened.

It rekindled the spark that had gone from our marriage.

We're happier now than we've ever been.

Huh.

So... [sighs]

no pressure,

but I hope you give this some serious thought.

It worked for us,

and it just might work for the two of you.

I consider you my best friend.

I didn't know you thought so highly of me.

I'm... I'm honored.

[music playing]

[sizzling]

My fertility test came back.

Oh? And?

The doctor says I have a 1% chance of having children.

I'm sorry to hear it, pal.

Are you okay?

At least I know now

what it's like to be part of the 1%.

Ha-ha-ha.

Very funny.

How's Becca taking it?

-I haven't told her. -Why not?

Just don't say anything, all right?

Especially to Mindy.

I don't think I can handle

telling Becca one more piece of bad news right now.

She deserves to know.

I'm gonna tell her...

when I get a construction job.

At least then she'll see me as successful at something.

Come on, you're being too hard on yourself.

No, I'm not. Man, she could decide to leave me over this.

That's crazy talk.

You two are the happiest couple I know.

Not lately.

We had sex for the first time in months the other night.

-Really? -Yeah.

The night you--

you and Mindy told us about that whole open marriage thing.

What?

Our little conversation

got you two all hot and bothered?

I guess it kind of did.

I don't think we're ready to go through with it, though.

Hey.

[whispers] Don't knock it.

This open relationship has brought me and Mindy closer.

What about us, Max?

Our friendship, what would it do to us?

It's just sex.

Trust me.

As long as everyone's on the same page...

no one gets hurt.

No one gets hurt.

[male singer] ♪ You got me feelin' fine

♪ Got me feelin' fine

♪ I'm gonna lose my mind

♪ Hey, you got me feelin' fine

♪ Hey, yeah, yeah

♪ Come on, come on

[phone dings]

That's my ding.

I know your ding, honey.

[text message whoosh]

My, my, we're popular.

That's a first.

Who's it from?

Mindy.

[Becca] I got one from Max.

Let me guess, "Sleepover this Saturday"?

That's it exactly.

So what do you say?

I don't know.

What do you say?

Are you sure about this?

I'm sure I want to try it.

Yeah, I know you do, you naughty girl.

-Remember the rules. -Yeah, of course.

Number one, we do nothing without each other,

and, number two, if one of us wants to stop,

we both stop, no questions asked.

[clock ticking]

This painting, it's new, isn't it?

Yes. Good eye.

We acquired that

at an auction in Paris last year.

I think it's hideous, but Max likes it,

so what do I know?

I'm not an art critic.

Ron...

what do you think?

[Ron] Well, the colors are nice,

but it's not really--

not really my style.

[Mindy] See, Max? Ron agrees.

So, Becca...

not to put you on the spot or anything,

but whose side are you on?

Well, I like it.

It's striking,

and it commands your attention.

I couldn't agree more.

[female singer] ♪ Wrap my legs around you

♪ And you feel me holding you tight ♪

♪ Lost in sight

♪ My heavy breath

♪ I dare you to speak of her ♪

♪ Victim of seduction

♪ Prisoner in my world

♪ Just one glance

♪ In this devil's eyes

♪ I dare you to speak of her

So?

So what?

What do you mean "so what"?

We haven't even talked about last night yet.

What's there to talk about?

Seriously?

I know, I, uh...

I don't know what to say?

It brought up a lot of mixed emotions.

Yeah, I understand.

We don't have to do it again.

No, that's... not what I'm saying.

Uh... [sighs]

Was it what you thought it was gonna be?

Did you ever see yourself doing what we did?

I mean, I thought about it in a fantasy kind of way

'cause I'm a guy.

Really?

I mean, the fantasy was a little different.

More women, less Max.

[giggles]

How do you feel about it?

You promise you won't get mad?

Sure.

I thought it was really hot,

and I can tell you did too.

I did...

but that's not the point.

What's the point?

I don't know.

I'm just being a hypocrite.

I enjoyed it and you enjoyed it.

So...

So, we're good?

We're good.

[giggles]

[Ron] Listen, there's something I have to tell you.

I don't want to jinx it,

but I just put in a bid

for a big construction job,

a community center that's being commissioned by the mayor.

That's good. I'm so proud of you.

Yeah, I don't want to get my hopes up too high,

but I think I have a real shot at this.

That's great, sweetheart.

Things are finally looking up.

[metal clanking]

[text message whoosh]

Guess what I got.

Text from Max?

Yup.

Same here from Mindy.

So what do you think?

The alley door behind Crowley's?

They've certainly got my curiosity up.

[music thumping]

Glad you decided to show.

Are you ready?

[buzz]

So what is this place?

Open for Bizness.

It's an underground club.

-Mindy found it. -There's this app called Caligula

that shows all the nearest hot spots

for open-minded people like us.

I wasn't expecting to do this with total strangers.

-Yeah-- -Stop worrying.

You can just watch, no pressure.

[Female on intercom] Password?

Kumquat.

[door buzzes]

Welcome.

I am Vulnavia,

and we only have three rules here.

Number one, anything-- and I mean anything-- goes.

Number two, if anything doesn't go,

well, tonight's safe word is "suspenders."

And number three, have fun.

Now down the hall and to your left,

is "Pandora's Labyrinth," but you know what?

I don't think your friends are ready for that yet.

And this...

is the "Meet & Greet Suite."

So you know what?

Why don't you, uh, meet...

and greet.

So what's your pleasure?

Sex on the Beach?

Or would you like a cocktail first?

[laughs]

That's a good one.

Why thank you, baby. Stick around.

I got a million of 'em.

Actually, I'm not drinking tonight.

-Really? -In a place like this,

I don't want to dull my senses.

I'm with you.

Gentlemen?

I'm designated driver.

[sighs] I guess I'll pass too.

Suit yourselves.

Galoshes anyone?

Oh, yeah, good idea.

How many of those do you plan on using and with whom?

Honey, they're free. I'm just playing it cool.

I don't think I'm ready for this.

It's too much.

Yeah, no, babe, I'm with you.

Hey, hey.

Relax, we're just here to watch.

You know, prime the pump.

This is just foreplay for our...

[whispers] foreplay.

Let's go.

[Becca] It's so small.

Oh, yeah, it's kind of a tight fit.

That's the idea.

So, who wants to go first?

[music playing]

Mindy?

Mindy.

-What is it, sexy? -Where's Max and Becca?

Here, come on.

Isn't rule number one that we're all supposed to be together?

-I-- -We are all together...

in this club.

[Max] Sorry, guys.

The chair we got stuck with was giving me a back ache.

We just went to go find something more comfortable.

That's it.

Anyway, it's getting late.

Let's get dressed.

Okay.

You enjoyed yourself last night.

Wasn't that the point?

I guess.

I mean, yeah, it was.

You certainly seemed to be having a good time.

Oh, I did.

Then what's wrong?

Nothing.

What is it?

It's just that...

[sighs] Never mind.

Oh, my... Look, I'm sorry.

Max has a bad back

and I was just looking out for his condition.

Well, Max's bad back

doesn't stop him from earning millions.

I didn't mean to compare the two.

Anyway...

I think we should stop.

Really?

What do you mean "really"?

You're not being fair.

You were in absolute heaven.

You're right. I was.

But it's off.

Clearly, we can't handle this.

[Mindy scoffs]

If I don't lose five pounds by November,

I'm not going to be able to fit in the Badgley Mischka

that Max got me for my birthday party.

What are you talking about?

You don't need to lose one ounce.

Thanks. That's why I love you.

Oh, that reminds me.

A little gift from me for no other reason

than everyone deserves a little surprise every now and then.

Here.

It's yours.

Shoot, you don't like it?

No, I like it.

I mean, I love it.

Good. I'm delighted.

[sighs] Listen.

I need to talk to you about something.

I'm listening.

We're calling the whole open thing off.

Why is that?

It just got too... complicated.

Hm.

Seems pretty simple to me.

What do you mean?

You're afraid.

Afraid of what?

I don't know.

You tell me.

I'm not afraid.

-Yes, you are. -Of what?

Of breaking out of your shell,

shaking things up a bit.

I know.

It's not me.

Ron's actually the one who called it off,

and if one of us wants to stop,

we both stop, no questions asked.

He'll come around.

Don't worry.

[television chatter]

[Ron] Oh-- Yes!

Oh! Oh, my god!

Oh f-- Yes! Yeah!

Oh, great!

-Mm. -[phone rings]

-[ringing, beeps] -Hey, babe, what's up?

Hey, so it turns out I'm gonna be working late-shift tonight,

-covering for Dylan. -Oh, okay.

Yeah, I'm just here watching the game.

You want me to save you some pizza?

No, I'm gonna be here till midnight.

[Ron] Uh, yeah, I'll probably be asleep by then.

No worries, don't wait up.

Oh, wait, babe! Baby, I got to go! They're about to score!

-Come on! Come on! -[phone disconnects]

[sighs] Yeah, I love you too.

Bye.

You are a goddess!

-Ugh! -Glad I can help.

[sighs] Thank you.

I thank you.

My husband thanks you.

But most of all...

Lady Gaga thanks you.

Yes, because she just couldn't go on

if you and Gary weren't there for moral support

from the nosebleed seats.

First mezzanine!

Whatever.

Get out of here before I change my mind.

Thanks.

[chuckles]

[sighs]

[text message whoosh]

[sighs]

"Tonight's password...

Romeo."

[buzz]

Okay.

You're just gonna watch.

There's no harm in watching.

[Vulnavia] Password.

It's, uh, Romeo.

[door buzzes]

[music plays]

[chuckles]

Welcome back, baby.

And an H-2-0 for Romeo.

-Thanks, Vulnavia. -Hey, you're welcome.

Can I get you anything else?

[people chatter]

Anything?

No, no.

[chattering]

Hi, I'm Angelique.

And you are?

Ron. Um, I'm Ron.

You are just... breathtaking.

I-- I can't.

You can't what?

I-- I can't do this.

Then why are you here?

-My wife, she, uh-- -What about her?

She doesn't know I'm here.

Well, I won't tell her if you won't.

Sorry.

[door clangs]

[ticking]

[dog barking]

[sirens blaring]

[sighs]

What's the matter?

Your back?

No, I-- I got to tell you something.

What is it?

[sighs]

Well, I went to the fertility clinic and I got tested.

Finally.

And?

And I'm the reason you can't get pregnant.

They said there's only a 1% chance.

I'm sorry, Ron.

I really am.

But how long have you known this?

A couple of weeks.

Wait, you've known this a couple of weeks,

and you didn't tell me?

I'm sorry, I know.

I wanted to tell you.

It just never seemed like it was the right time.

So every morning for two weeks,

you silently watched me take those fertility supplements

as if it was my fault?

I knew you'd be upset. You know--

Of course I'm upset!

I thought we were in this together!

I cannot believe you didn't tell me

something this important.

I'm sorry. I should have told you as soon as I found out.

Yeah, you should have!

Can you just forgive me?

Give me the keys.

Becca, I'll drive.

I don't want to be with you right now.

Give me the keys.

-[door slams] -How am I supposed to get back?

[engine revs]

[male singer] ♪ Feeling all alone

♪ Something's never right

♪ Trying to find my home

♪ Wondering if I'm right

♪ Sitting here alone

♪ Confused with what I find

-Becca! -♪ I tried to let you know

-Becca?

♪ I was never fine

♪ People are alone because they can't see ♪

-♪ It takes two... -Becca.

♪ Of a luxury

♪ I can do this on my own 'cause then I'll be ♪

♪ Just like everybody else alone but free ♪

[phone ringing]

[ringing]

[Becca's voice] Hi, you've reached Becca's cell.

Leave a message after the beep.

We need to talk.

I don't want to talk about it.

I just want to go to bed.

Good morning.

Morning.

Ron...

Yes?

Have you seen an expensive black car

parked across the street lately?

No.

I haven't noticed.

It's the second time I've seen it

ever since the night at the club.

Oh, babe, you're just--

you're just being paranoid.

I don't know.

[sighs]

This whole thing has made me feel so...

vulnerable.

[doorbell rings]

You expecting someone?

No, but I--

I'll go see who it is.

Who are those from?

You tell me.

[Ron reads]

[laughs] How sweet of Dylan.

Your coworker?

Yeah, he knows I've been under a lot of stress lately.

Some friend.

He doesn't even know your favorite flower.

Chrysanthemums are my favorite flowers.

Hey, why don't you call in sick today?

We could both use some quality time

here at the house, just you and me.

I don't have any sick days left, remember?

And somebody has to pay the bills.

[chuckles]

[Max] Come on.

-Come on. -[grunts]

Yes, yes, one more.

-Come on! -[screams]

Good. Whoa, whoa.

Whoa, take it easy, Hulk.

What's gotten into you? You all right?

No, I'm not all right.

I don't appreciate you sending my wife flowers.

What are you talking about? I didn't send her flowers.

Come on, man. It had to be you.

They arrived at the loft this morning.

Ron...

if I secretly wanted to send your wife flowers,

why would I send them to the loft

where you would obviously see them?

Okay, I'm sorry.

Apology accepted, jerk.

So did Becca say who they were from?

Her gay friend Dylan that she works with at the hospital.

And how do you know it wasn't him?

Because I could tell she was lying!

At least I think she was.

So who else could it have been?

[sighs]

Your guess is as good as mine.

I mean, she's always working late.

She's never around.

She's always out of the house.

You're being paranoid.

She's probably just getting together with Mindy.

I don't know what to believe any more.

What's gotten into you?

I messed up, Max.

I went to the club alone.

Open for Bizness?

I know it sounds worse than it is.

Some girl kissed me at the bar.

I never felt so guilty.

I couldn't bear it, so I stopped, and I left.

That's all, just kissing?

I swear, I wouldn't lie to you, Max.

-Does Becca know about this? -No.

She wouldn't believe it never went further.

She's already furious at me

for not telling her about my fertility test.

So you finally told her, huh?

Yeah, and she blew up at me

for keeping her in the dark about it for weeks.

Now is not the time

to confess going to the club on my own.

Our marriage would be over.

Look, I'm sure she'll forgive you...

eventually.

This whole open marriage thing

was supposed to be an escape from our problems.

I feel like all it's done is cause more.

-I hope you don't blame me. -No, of course not--

Yoo-hoo!

Hey, boys.

You guys are looking all pumped up and sweaty.

You haven't been to a gym

since you were forced to in college.

Yeah, since when did you become a gym bunny?

Since you bought me a Badgley Mischka

two sizes too small.

But that's not the only reason I'm here.

Oh, what else?

What can I say?

I miss my boys...

and I really miss our little get-togethers.

You guys have to admit that was the hottest sex

-ever! -[weights clang]

Mindy! What's gotten into you?

Keep it down!

I know when I'm not wanted.

Mindy!

Yes?

Have you seen Becca lately?

Not as much as I would like.

[cheering through television]

[phone ringing]

-[ringing] -Hi, you've reached Becca's cell.

-Leave a message after the beep. -[beep]

Hey, babe, I'm just calling to check in,

see how you're doing.

Don't work too hard.

Love you.

[phone ringing]

[hospital phone rings]

Critical Care, how may I help you?

Hey, Dylan, it's Ron.

Oh, hi, sexy.

How's it hanging?

Uh, can I speak to Becca?

She's not here.

Well, when will she be back?

[Dylan] She won't. She's not working this shift.

That's odd, she told me she was working late.

Nope, you must have gotten the dates mixed up.

She left three hours ago.

Hey, Dylan, did you send her flowers this morning?

No.

Why would I send her flowers?

Oh, never mind.

Well, I'd love to chat the rest of the night away,

but Nurse Ratchet's giving me the evil eye, so adios, amigo.

Okay, yeah, thanks, bye.

[club music thumps]

-[buzz] -[Vulnavia] Password.

Boomerang.

[door buzzes]

Welcome back, mama.

A virgin Harvey Wallbanger

-and... -[clicks tongs]

a cherry to prove it.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I knew you'd come.

I can't stop thinking about you.

I came here to tell you it's over.

Just because Ron called it off?

No, because I'm calling it off.

The four of us might be off,

but not me and you.

Remember, this-- this was your idea.

This wasn't about you and me, Max.

We don't have to do this any more.

I'm pregnant.

[sharp exhale]

That's what you wanted, isn't it?

Yeah, of course.

[cries] But now no more.

No more lies, no more rules.

No more.

You're right.

I mean, I want you, but... you're right.

I can't do this to Ron any more.

[cries] No, we can't.

Or Mindy.

And please, don't send any more flowers.

I don't know how to explain that to Ron.

What are you talking about?

I didn't send you flowers.

If you didn't send them, then who did?

[ticking]

You're up.

I was worried.

Why were you worried?

I called the hospital and you weren't there.

Are you spying on me?

Why weren't you at work?

-None of your business. -I'm your husband.

You lied to me when you said you were working late,

and the flowers didn't come from Dylan either.

So, tell me the truth.

What's going on?

Nothing.

[scoffs]

You call this nothing?

When were you gonna tell me?

I just wanted to wait and see

if there was no complications.

We've been trying for so long

that I didn't want to get your hopes up.

So you really think I could be the father?

Of course you're the father!

You beat the odds.

Your 1% chance came through.

But what about Max?

What about Max?

We used protection. You know that.

That was one of our golden rules.

So where were you?

Fine.

I just wanted to be alone...

to think.

So, I went to the mall and I looked at baby merchandise.

[sighs]

And the flowers?

I honestly have no idea.

A secret admirer, I guess?

Hmm, B--

[Becca] Happy Birthday, Mindy.

[Max] You two look like twins.

[laughing]

Oh, do you need a drink?

-No, I'm good. -Oh, I need a refill.

Ron, darling, would you do the honors

-and escort me to the bar? -[chuckles]

You look beautiful tonight.

Yeah, I look exactly like your wife.

[guests chatter]

Do you know she gave me this dress?

Yeah, I know.

She had me buy two.

Guess now I know why.

[clears throat] Listen.

I need to ask you something, but only if you promise

to keep this between us.

I'm not having sex with you again, Max,

if that's where this is going.

No, I'm worried about Mindy, actually.

-Oh. -Maybe, I'm just being paranoid,

but my gut tells me she's pretty infatuated with your husband.

She won't stop talking about him.

News flash, she's always had a thing for Ron

ever since college.

I know. I'm not blind,

but it's more... intense lately,

a lot more.

You mean since she's consummated her friendship with Ron?

Even before that.

When you suggested the open marriage,

it wasn't hard for me to convince Mindy,

and I think she welcomed any excuse

to have sex with your husband!

Well, she's not having sex with Ron anymore.

It's over.

Mindy doesn't give up easily,

and I have a very strong suspicion

that she's scheming a plan to have her cake and eat it too.

-What's this about cake? -Hm-hmm.

I'm famished.

I haven't had a carb in two months.

I thought you wanted to wait

until after dinner to blow out your candles?

Well, I changed my mind.

It is a woman's prerogative to change her mind.

-Isn't it, Becca? -Yeah. [chuckles]

Let them eat cake!

[guests cheer]

[Dylan] So let me get this straight.

You're just assuming Max is the father?

There's only a 1% chance it's Ron's.

You do the math.

One percent is still one percent.

You need to be sure.

We'll get you a prenatal paternity test.

How can I afford that?

Insurance won't cover it.

Relax, I know a guy.

That'll do it for free?

Old boyfriend, he owes me.

Only requires a blood draw from me?

Right, but you'll also need a D.N.A. sample of Ron.

How am I gonna do that without rousing suspicion?

[scoffs] Geez, honey.

You really need to start watching more crime shows.

[ticking]

[alarm rings]

[alarm silences]

-[sizzling] -Ow.

Up before me, and making breakfast.

Yes, I'm making breakfast.

You know, that's one of the things I love about you, babe,

how observant you are.

What's the occasion?

Does there have to be an occasion?

Can't it just be to remind you that I love you

and that you are the most amazing woman in the world?

[chuckles] Wow, okay.

Um...

Oh, check this out.

Huh?

[chuckles] Yeah.

Am I dreaming?

And guess what?

I have some really great news.

What?

I got the job.

-What? -The community center, yeah.

-Really? -Yeah, we're gonna make a fortune.

The mayor's setting up a press conference.

My construction business is going to skyrocket.

This is amazing.

Best of all, you don't have to do double shifts

at the hospital anymore.

In fact, when the baby comes,

you don't have to do any shifts at all, if you don't want

for as long as you want.

This is such good news.

-Yeah. -Things are finally looking up.

-Yeah, and guess what else? -There's more?

We're not gonna flip the loft.

We're not?

No, we don't need the money.

This place can be ours, to keep.

A real home, for us.

[sniffles]

For our family.

Yeah.

You know...

I really think this whole open relationship thing,

even though it's over,

really did help us in a roundabout way.

-Good. -[doorbell rings]

Flowers again?

[sighs] It better not be.

What the hell is this?

Who knows you're pregnant?

Nobody.

You haven't told anybody?

No.

This is really creepy.

You know what?

You're right.

Somebody is spying on us.

[doll squeaks]

-The files you're looking for. -Thank you.

So did anything hair-raising happen last night?

Mission accomplished.

Nice work, Nancy Drew.

And your blood donation.

[vampiric accent] Dracula thanks you.

And I thank you.

[normal voice] Anything for my B.F.F.

[phones ring]

And whatever happens,

I'm here for you, okay?

-Okay. -Good.

Now, cover for me.

I'll run these over to my ex and be back in a jiff.

Unless he wants to fool around for old times' sake.

[chuckles]

[classes clink, ring]

To Ron. No one deserves this windfall more than you.

-Here, here. -You've worked so hard for this,

I'm so proud of you.

Thanks, guys. Now for the hard part:

actually getting this thing constructed

on time and on budget.

You'll kill it, pal, I know you will.

[phones beep]

Is this the girl you were looking at

the first night at the club?

Yeah.

You care to tell me how and when this happened?

I went back to the club.

One time.

Um, Mindy, maybe you and I

-should go outside for-- -No!

You stay right here.

You went back to the club by yourself?

Yes.

I am so sorry.

Okay? But I didn't do anything.

You didn't do anything?

No, I mean, obviously I kissed her,

-but that's all! -Kissing is something.

I know, you're right. I'm sorry.

She wanted to do more, and I stopped.

[laughs] What do you want? A medal?

I'm sorry.

Ron, you were the one who put a stop

to this whole open relationship.

I know!

[Ron sighs]

I completely and totally messed up.

Yes, you did.

[text message whooshes]

Now what?

-I'm fired. -What?

The mayor got the same text that we got.

That's it, I'm out.

So just like that we're back in the poor house?

[all phones ding]

[scoffs]

That's it! I am done!

I am sick of all the lies!

Max, do you want to tell 'em?

Becca, please, be careful what you're about to say.

Max and I went back to the club by ourselves

without you, Mindy, and without you.

How does that feel?

Is this true, Max?

[Becca cries] Oh, wait,

and that's not even the worst part!

That's enough!

I want you and Ron out of here now.

[clears throat]

I thought we meant more to each other than this.

I thought this whole open relationship

was gonna bring us closer together.

But I don't know you anymore!

Either one of you!

[grunts]

[Dylan] Afternoon, doll.

How was last night?

Don't ask.

[Dylan] Are you okay?

Well, whenever you're ready, my shoulder's available.

[Dylan] Now this may not be a good time,

but the results are in on your paternity test.

And?

Well, I didn't peek. That would spoil the drama.

And the winner is...

Drum roll, please.

Sorry.

I just can't right now.

It's okay, sweetie.

Thank you for doing that, though.

My pleasure.

All right, now get out of here.

Your shift's over.

I'll see you tomorrow.

[grunts]

[phone buzzes]

[door shuts]

Mindy?

Ron?

Anybody here?

Oh, my God, Ron!

[gunshot]

Consider that a warning.

[blows]

So you're the one with the black car?

Stalking us?!

Stalking? I wouldn't call it that.

I think it's more like...

keeping in touch.

Stop... right... there!

Why are you doing this, Mindy?

Take off your clothes. Put that on.

[laughs]

We'll look so much alike,

Ron won't know who's who.

This has gone too far!

-[gunshot] -I said put it on.

You never had it so good.

Two for one!

[Max] Mindy!

What the hell is going on?

What took you so long? I texted you an hour ago.

Honey, I can tell that you're upset.

I'm not upset. I'm happy.

Now be a sport and take your clothes off

and join us...

one... last... time.

-Mindy-- -[gunshot]

Now!

[crying] Just do what she says.

Okay, okay.

Can't we just talk this through calmly like adults?

-You need help. -I'm not crazy, Max.

Well, you're not in your right mind, sweetheart.

You've lost the ability to distinguish

between right and wrong.

[laughing] Oh!

Didn't we let all that go,

that whole right and wrong thing?

[screams] I saw all of you... in the club sneaking around.

Wait.

You're the one who put our pictures on the Caligula app?

Guilty as charged.

[muffled scream]

-Shut up. -Why would you do that to Ron?!

He lost his job over it!

This thing you've got for Ron has got to stop right now.

You think that all of this is about Ron?

Yes. Sweetheart, you're obsessed.

You're damn right I'm obsessed...

but not with Ron.

[child-like] ♪ I'm your secret admirer

-Becca. -[gasps]

Who do you think sent the flowers?

And the baby carriage...

[gasps]

You and Max are not very discreet.

Oops.

[laughs]

Didn't see that coming.

I'm sorry I hurt you.

No harm done.

I've always wanted to be just like you...

for us to be best friends...

for us to look the same...

be the same.

If this is between you and me,

let Ron and Max go.

[laughs] Becca.

You still don't get it, do you?

Deep down, you love Ron,

so I love Ron.

[crying] He's a part of you,

so he has to be a part of me too!

I was so happy

you wanted to open your marriage

[shuddering] so that we...

could share everything,

so that we could be united,

physically...

[shuddering]

and spiritually.

You know...

this does remind me

of all the times that we shared together.

Those hot times.

It changed me.

It opened me up to something... deeper.

[harsh breathing]

Yeah.

They were hot times, weren't they?

Very.

In fact...

Ron was just talking the other day about how

he missed those times we shared.

[sighs]

Well, then...

shall we?

I think it would help if we untied Ron.

He's taking up all the bed.

Yeah.

Okay, go ahead.

Untie him.

Happy now?

Let the games begin.

Max, lay on the bed next to Ron.

And you...

next to me.

Having fun?

[shuddering]

I love you.

I love you too.

[grunts]

[light gasp]

[shudders]

[alarm clock clatters]

[siren blares]

-[police radio chatter] -Appreciate it.

[sighs]

What's that?

A paternity test.

[sharp exhale]

[both laugh]

I'm the father.

[Becca] I knew it.

[both laugh]