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00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000
Created and Encoded by -- Bokutox -- of www.YIFY-TORRENTS.com. The Best 720p/1080p/3d movies with the lowest file size on the internet. World of Warcraft - Outland PVP (EU) - Torporr (name)
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00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:28,027
MAN: To recover contents such as
shoes, socks and undergarments.
3
00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:30,863
And now an item of special note.
4
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,740
Barring any change in the weather,
5
00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:36,368
the softball game between the 133rd
and 4th Infantry Divisions
6
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:39,413
will resume as scheduled
at the Ban Mi Thout Park,
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00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:42,583
corner of Viet Ho and
Hguen Van Theiuh streets here in Saigon.
8
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:45,878
Please make a note of it.
Ahem. Excuse me.
9
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,213
Those men who lost equipment
in last week's rains
10
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,924
are asked to contact Lieutenant Sam Scheer.
11
00:00:51,092 --> 00:00:52,259
Lieutenant Schneer...
12
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:54,678
Lieutenant Scheer
asks those men with waterlogged mitts
13
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:59,475
to make every effort to dry them out
in the sun before requesting new ones.
14
00:00:59,642 --> 00:01:02,561
Bookworms,
Headquarters Support Activities Saigon
15
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:06,690
operates libraries at six locations
in the Republic of Vietnam.
16
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,817
American personnel can check out a book
17
00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:14,031
in Ku Bai, Da Nang, Phung Tao, Saigon,
Bien Hoa and San Treng.
18
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,450
If you can't stop in and select your own books,
19
00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:18,535
write to the HSAS Library.
20
00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:21,288
Ask for the books by author, title and subject,
21
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:24,333
and your selections will be mailed to you.
22
00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:26,710
With the holiday season rapidly approaching,
23
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:29,838
those personnel wishing
to spend Christmas cards home...
24
00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:32,716
Wishing to send Christmas cards
home to the States
25
00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:35,677
are asked to do so no later than August 13th
26
00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:38,097
due to a yearly mail rush at that time.
27
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:39,306
Don't disappoint your...
28
00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:41,475
[STATIC BLARING]
29
00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:43,769
[PLANE ENGINE ROARING]
30
00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,902
LEVITAN [ON RADIO]:
So take your liberties,
31
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:53,904
but watch the liberties you take.
32
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,907
Lost luggage.
33
00:01:57,826 --> 00:02:00,327
The Armed Forces
sincerely regrets any inconvenience
34
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:03,580
due to luggage lost on transport carriers.
35
00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:05,165
Personal missing luggage...
36
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,292
That should be personnel missing luggage.
37
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:11,296
- Are asked to drop a card
to Major Gerald Kleiner over at the 5th.
38
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:14,216
The card should be no larger
than 4-by-5 inches
39
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:16,969
and should describe the contents of your duffel.
40
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,805
Major Kleiner requests
that you do not describe your duffel,
41
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,141
as all duffels look alike.
42
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:23,767
Those personnel with lost bag...
43
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,979
MAN 1: Yeah, that's right, man.
MAN 2: Hurry up, man.
44
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,151
MAN 3:
All right.
45
00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:34,194
MAN 4:
Hey, sarge, where are the women?
46
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,490
- Airman Cronauer?
- You got it.
47
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:39,741
Welcome to Saigon, sir.
48
00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:42,411
- Careful, you could put an eye out.
- God, it's warm, huh?
49
00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:46,748
CRONAUER: Warm?
No, this is a setting for London broil.
50
00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:49,918
GARLICK: I'm Private First Class
Edward Montesque-Garlick, sir.
51
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:53,213
CRONAUER: Well, first thing, Garlick,
is you gotta requisition a new name.
52
00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:55,340
GARLICK:
Heh-heh-heh. I like you already, sir.
53
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:56,592
Actually, what I am, sir,
54
00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:58,510
is your Armed Forces Radio Saigon assistant
55
00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:01,471
who's in charge of orientation
and billeting of enlisted personnel
56
00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:02,931
and company clerk.
57
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:04,641
CRONAUER:
I'm impressed.
58
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:06,268
[ENGINE GRINDS]
59
00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:10,689
- It's already started.
- I understand.
60
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,316
[GARLICK LAUGHS]
61
00:03:17,071 --> 00:03:20,199
["DREAM ON LITTLE DREAMER"
PLAYING ON RADIO]
62
00:03:49,687 --> 00:03:52,147
LEVITAN [ON RADIO]:
This is AFRS, Radio Saigon.
63
00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:55,692
AFRS Radio is owned and operated
by the United States government
64
00:03:55,860 --> 00:04:00,322
and operates on an assigned carrier
frequency of 540 at 749 megahertz.
65
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:02,616
Jesus, that guy's as boring as whale shit.
66
00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:06,787
Not really. See, the purpose is to inform
you as to the radius of the radio waves.
67
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,038
Mantovani?
68
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:10,999
They play Mantovani to insomniacs
who don't respond to strong drugs.
69
00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:13,293
General likes easy listening.
I have to inform you...
70
00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:16,880
Mayday. Dragon lady with incredible figure
at 11 o'clock, stop the car.
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00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,299
GARLICK: I can't, sir.
CRONAUER: You don't understand.
72
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,885
I've been on a Greek island
with women who look like Zorba.
73
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,096
I never thought I'd find women attractive again.
74
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,098
Now that I do, you won't turn the car around?
75
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,184
- Thanks a lot.
- You have a very important meeting.
76
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,478
There she is again.
How did she get ahead of us?
77
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,105
GARLICK:
That's another person, sir.
78
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:35,941
She's beautiful and quick.
Speed up, check her stamina.
79
00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:39,903
This is incredible. Oh, my God.
They're quick, they're fast and small.
80
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,530
[CRONAUER LAUGHS]
81
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:44,408
I feel like a fox in a chicken coop.
82
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,207
MAN:
We got a new man coming in.
83
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:53,667
Don't you understand, Dick?
84
00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:56,378
DICKERSON:
No, sir, frankly, I do not understand.
85
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:59,548
Would you kindly lower your tone, please?
86
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:03,427
Yes, sir. I run this show, general.
87
00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:05,804
If anything screws up, it's my ass in the mower.
88
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,307
I deserve to be notified
of any changes that are made.
89
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:11,393
Nobody's arguing that with you.
90
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:16,064
Look, I caught his show on
the Isle of Crete, and this guy is funny.
91
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:20,444
I damn near busted a gut laughing at him.
And the troops, they love him.
92
00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:24,906
This is a tempest in a teacup.
Much ado about nothing.
93
00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:29,119
For crying out loud, man,
this isn't brain surgery.
94
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:32,914
Don't get crazy over this, Dick.
We're only talking about a damn deejay.
95
00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:36,752
There is no such thing as "only" anymore.
Not now, not in Saigon.
96
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:42,674
Lieutenant Steven Hauk
is our immediate supervisor.
97
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:45,093
He's a little goofy, but he's okay.
98
00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:49,056
Sergeant Major Dickerson, ha,
that's another story altogether.
99
00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:51,808
He was a commander
of an elite special forces unit.
100
00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:54,061
He came to us because of prostrate problems
101
00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:56,938
and some sort of social infection
that doesn't go away.
102
00:05:57,732 --> 00:06:01,485
Plus, I think he got shot in the ass,
but I can't confirm that. Heh-heh-heh.
103
00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:04,237
Anyway, he's the man
that you don't want to aggravate.
104
00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:05,864
CRONAUER:
Are you always this happy?
105
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,574
TAYLOR: Cronauer.
- Sir.
106
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,327
At ease. I'm General Taylor.
107
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,621
- Hi, general.
- Real pleasure.
108
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,582
Listen, if you have any problems
here now, you come see me.
109
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:18,752
I'm the tallest hog in the trough around here.
110
00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:22,339
- Garlick, have you put on some weight?
- I don't think so, sir.
111
00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:26,134
My son, the shadow of your ass
would weigh 20 pounds.
112
00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:28,053
GARLICK:
I'll work on that, sir.
113
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,806
You're not supposed to address
the general saying hi.
114
00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:34,059
CRONAUER: Is that a new rule?
GARLICK: No, old rule.
115
00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:41,817
- That's Lieutenant Hauk in there.
- Who's the guy with the ears?
116
00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:45,112
How you doing?
You could fly to Guam with those.
117
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,699
Um, Airman Cronauer, sir.
118
00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:53,286
You know, it wouldn't kill you people
to salute me once in a while.
119
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:56,081
- Sorry.
HAUK: Thanks.
120
00:06:56,874 --> 00:06:58,708
I understand you're pretty funny as a deejay.
121
00:06:58,876 --> 00:07:02,087
And, well, comedy is a kind of hobby of mine.
122
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:05,424
Well, actually,
it's a little more than just a hobby.
123
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:08,927
Reader's Digest is considering
publishing two of my jokes.
124
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,555
- Really?
- Yeah.
125
00:07:11,722 --> 00:07:13,807
And perhaps some night,
we could maybe get together
126
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:16,226
- and swap humourous stories for fun.
CRONAUER: Yeah.
127
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,937
Why not? Maybe play a couple
of Tennessee Ernie Ford records.
128
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,022
That'd be a hoot, heh.
129
00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:22,732
- That's a joke, right?
- Maybe.
130
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,818
- I get it.
CRONAUER: Mm-hm.
131
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,535
Where's this man's paperwork?
132
00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:39,666
- Right here, sergeant.
- Thank you, sir.
133
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,293
Hmm.
134
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:45,714
United States Air Force.
The hat does give you away.
135
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:53,805
This is not military issue, airman.
What sort of uniform is that?
136
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:55,098
Cretan camouflage.
137
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:58,768
If you wanna blend into a crowd
of drunken Greeks, there's nothing better.
138
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:03,648
That is humour. I recognise that.
139
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,568
I also recognise your species of soldier.
140
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:10,363
I had a guy like you in the field one time.
He blew himself to pieces.
141
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:15,535
But not before his humour
cost the lives of three very fine individuals.
142
00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:18,205
- I hope...
- You shut your fucking hole.
143
00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:21,458
You're in Southeast Asia now, pal.
You got your cushy little assignment.
144
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,793
There's nothing I can do about that.
145
00:08:23,961 --> 00:08:27,839
I n time, you will make me forget it.
146
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:30,675
You stay out of my way, there'll be no problem.
147
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:32,344
But if you toy with me,
148
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:36,139
I'll burn you so bad
you'll wish you died as a child.
149
00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:37,933
Am I being fairly clear?
150
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,643
- Yes, sir.
- Sir?
151
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,561
I work for a living, airman.
152
00:08:41,729 --> 00:08:44,523
You will address me as Sergeant Major Dickerson.
153
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:47,150
Yes, Sergeant Major Dickerson.
154
00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:56,576
He reminds me a lot of Donna Reed,
especially around the eyes.
155
00:08:56,911 --> 00:09:00,705
Hello, hello, hello.
This is your chaplain, Captain Noel,
156
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,332
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING ON TAPE]
157
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:05,210
Your radio programme of personal beliefs.
158
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,713
Great and manifold are our blessings today.
159
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:14,219
This great, godly miracle of radio
really gives me the opportunity
160
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,471
to speak to you on the air.
161
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:19,432
Sir, it's time to rise.
162
00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:24,479
My God, it's Mardi gras,
and I'm on the main float.
163
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:27,190
Come on, sir. I n a couple of weeks,
this'll be easy for you.
164
00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:29,526
- Oh, let me go back to bed.
- You gotta get up, sir.
165
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:33,196
- God, what time is it, Edward?
- It's 5:30.
166
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:35,574
Five-thirty, it's very early.
I may have to hurt you.
167
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:38,285
- Call me in five minutes.
- No, we have to get up right now.
168
00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:40,161
- And you have to get on the air.
- Oh.
169
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:42,122
- Come on, sir.
- Fine.
170
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,541
MAN [ON RADIO]:
- Has signed Les Crane to a talk show.
171
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,793
GARLICK: It's just down the hall.
CRONAUER: Yeah.
172
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,462
- You must be nervous, sir, huh?
- I'm not even in my body.
173
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:51,881
GARLICK:
Don't worry, it'll go great. This way, sir.
174
00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:54,009
MAN [ON RADIO]:
- Despite a letter of intention.
175
00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:15,780
We still have a few minutes
before your show begins, sir.
176
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:19,075
When it's time to read the news,
you just take it off these machines here.
177
00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:21,036
But regardless of what you read, airman,
178
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:22,954
the Department of Defence wants final say.
179
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:26,207
So every item's checked
by these two guys in here.
180
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:30,045
Guys, I'd like you to meet
our new deejay, Adrian Cronauer.
181
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:52,692
That's Marty Lee Dreiwitz.
182
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,486
- Guy Monaco.
183
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,404
He's impeccably clean.
184
00:10:56,572 --> 00:11:00,283
This man has cleaning products
shipped in from Wisconsin.
185
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:04,204
He's also one of your roommates,
so if I were you, I'd think about suicide.
186
00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:07,707
Sir, I really don't think that you wanna
use any of those records, sir.
187
00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:09,959
We have a selection right here
that's prepared...
188
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:13,546
I've been looking forward to meeting you.
Listen, could you do me a favour?
189
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,548
Can you say something funny right this minute?
190
00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:17,550
- I doubt it.
- Ha-ha-ha.
191
00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:19,427
I'm with you, man.
I'm on your frequency.
192
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:23,223
Hey, let me ask you a question.
What is the appeal of Joey Bishop?
193
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:26,559
I mean, the man's not funny.
I know funny and he's not funny.
194
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,603
Don't get me wrong, he seems like a nice guy,
195
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,730
but my father's nice and he's not funny either.
196
00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:33,233
Joey Bishop. I wish someone
would explain this one to me.
197
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:35,568
I ncidentally, you're on the air
in about ten seconds.
198
00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,696
Nine, eight, seven, six...
199
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,742
Hey, this has been Fiction and Fact
from Marty Lee's almanac.
200
00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:44,703
And now direct from Crete,
201
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:48,873
welcome the silky smooth sound
of Airman Adrian Cronauer.
202
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:57,215
[YELLS]
Good morning, Vietnam.
203
00:11:57,425 --> 00:12:00,427
Hey, this is not a test.
This is rock 'n' roll.
204
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:03,263
Time to rock it from the Delta to the DMZ.
205
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:05,640
Is that me,
or does that sound like an Presley movie?
206
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:09,352
[SINGING AS ELVIS PRESLEY]
Viva Da Nang, oh, viva Da Nang
207
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,647
Da Nang me, Da Nang me
Why don't they get a rope and hang me?
208
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:15,984
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Is it a little too early
for being that loud? Hey, too late.
209
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:19,571
It's 0600. What's the O stand for?
"Oh, my God, it's early."
210
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:22,323
Speaking of early, how about
that Cro-Magnon, Marty Dreiwitz?
211
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:25,910
Thank you for "silky smooth sound."
Make me sound like Peggy Lee.
212
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:29,372
"Good morning, Vietnam"?
What the heck is that supposed to mean?
213
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:33,877
I don't know, lieutenant. I guess it means
good morning, uh, Vietnam.
214
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:37,714
And who gave anyone permission
to program modern music?
215
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:40,133
Freddie and the Dreamers.
216
00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:41,760
[SONG PLAYING AT HALF-SPEED]
217
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:46,806
[SLOWLY] Wrong speed.
We've got it on the wrong speed.
218
00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:51,144
For those of you recovering from
a hangover, that's gonna sound just right.
219
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:54,481
Let's pull her right back down.
Let's try it faster, see if that picks it up.
220
00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:56,149
[RAPIDLY]
Let's get it up on 17, 18...
221
00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:57,984
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
222
00:12:58,152 --> 00:13:00,737
Those pilots are going,
"I like the music, I like the music."
223
00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:03,782
Oh, still a bad song.
Hey, wait a minute. Let's try something.
224
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:06,242
Let's play this backwards
and see if it gets any better.
225
00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:09,871
[SPEAKING BACKWARDS]
Freddie is the devil. Freddie is the devil.
226
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,080
[GASPS]
227
00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:12,916
[HUMS "THE TWILIGHT ZONE"
THEME SONG]
228
00:13:13,083 --> 00:13:15,126
[AS ROD SERLING]
Picture a man going on a journey
229
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:16,336
beyond sight and sound.
230
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:19,839
He's left Crete.
He's entered the demilitarised zone.
231
00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:23,760
[SCATS]
232
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:26,012
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
What is this demilitarised zone?
233
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,514
What do they mean, police action?
234
00:13:27,681 --> 00:13:29,808
CRONAUER: Sounds like
a couple of cops in Brooklyn,
235
00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:32,227
"She looks pretty to me."
Whatever it is, I like it
236
00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:35,355
because it gets you on your toes
better than a strong cup of cappuccino.
237
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:38,650
What is a demilitarised zone? Sounds like
something out of The Wizard of Oz.
238
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,735
[AS GLINDA]
Oh, no, don't go in there.
239
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,362
[SINGING IN DEEP VOICE]
Oh-he-oh
240
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:43,571
Ho Chi Minh
241
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,282
[AS GLINDA]
Oh, look, you've landed in Saigon.
242
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,326
You're among the little people now.
243
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,537
[SINGING AS MUNCHKIN]
We represent the ARVIN Army
244
00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:51,746
The ARVIN Army
245
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:54,833
Oh, no, follow the Ho Chi Minh Trail.
Follow the Ho Chi Minh Trail.
246
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:57,043
[AS WITCH]
Oh, I'll get you, my pretty.
247
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,504
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
It's the Wicked Witch of the North.
248
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:02,006
It's Hanoi Hannah.
249
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:05,760
[AS WITCH]
Now, little GI, you and your little Toto too.
250
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:07,804
[CACKLES]
251
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:12,141
[AS HANOI HANNAH] Oh, Adrian, Adrian.
What are you doing, Adrian?
252
00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:13,768
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Hannah, you slut.
253
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:17,522
You've been down on everything
but the Titanic. Stop it right now.
254
00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:21,943
You know, he's really funny.
You know, he's like a Marx brother.
255
00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:25,154
And which Marx brother
would that be, private? Zeppo?
256
00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:29,200
- I don't find him funny at all.
- Zeppo? Isn't he the one with the hat?
257
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,160
Hey, hi, can you help me?
What's your name?
258
00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:33,997
[SOLDIER] Roosevelt E. Roosevelt.
[NORMAL] What town are you in?
259
00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:36,332
[SOLDIER] Poontang.
[NORMAL] Thank you, Roosevelt.
260
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:39,669
What's the weather like out there?
[SOLDIER] It's hot, damn hot, real hot.
261
00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:41,004
Hotter things is my shorts.
262
00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:43,131
I could cook things in it.
Crotch-pot cooking.
263
00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:46,217
[NORMAL] Tell me what it feels like.
[SOLDIER] Fool, it's hot.
264
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:48,887
Were you born on the sun?
It's damn hot.
265
00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:51,014
You can be a little...
I saw... It's so damn hot.
266
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:53,766
I saw one of those guys,
their orange robes, burst into flames.
267
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:55,560
It's that hot. You know?
268
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,354
[NORMAL] What's it gonna be like tonight?
[SOLDIER] Hot and wet.
269
00:14:58,522 --> 00:15:01,524
That's nice if you're with a lady,
ain't no good if you're in the jungle.
270
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:03,860
[NORMAL] Here's a song
coming your way right now.
271
00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:06,863
"Nowhere to Run To"
by Martha and the Vandellas.
272
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:09,115
Yes. Hey, you know what I mean.
273
00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:11,826
["NOWHERE TO RUN TO" PLAYING]
274
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:14,871
Too much?
275
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:18,708
Thank you, Marty.
"Silky smooth sounds," get out of here.
276
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:40,813
[CHANTING IN DISTINCTLY]
277
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:51,699
That is not what we program here.
278
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:56,829
CRONAUER [ON RADIO]: This is AFVN,
rocking you from the Delta to the DMZ.
279
00:15:57,039 --> 00:16:00,208
AFVN better than AFVD,
which means you have to get a quick shot.
280
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:02,794
We're moving on right now.
281
00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:05,421
["I GET AROUND"
PLAYING ON RADIO]
282
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:08,967
CRONAUER:
Here's a riddle for you.
283
00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,886
What's the difference
between the Army and the Cub Scouts?
284
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:14,722
Cub Scouts don't have heavy artillery.
285
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:29,112
CRONAUER: Hey, I'm Adrian Cronauer.
I'm on again at 1600.
286
00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:31,155
Why? Because I have to, it's the Army.
287
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:32,657
Talking out in the field today.
288
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,742
Hi, what's your name?
[SHOUTS] Bob Fliber!
289
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:37,203
[NORMAL] Bob, what do you do?
[SHOUTS] I'm in Artillery!
290
00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:39,330
[NORMAL]
Bob, can we play anything for you?
291
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:42,250
[SHOUTS]
Anything! Just play it loud, okay?
292
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:52,051
CRONAUER:
I have to admit something to you.
293
00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:54,512
I just came from Crete
with women that look like Zorba.
294
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:57,223
Whoo! Thank you. Those...
295
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,308
[AS GOMER PYLE]
Those girls are just so pretty.
296
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:01,060
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Are you in Vietnam?
297
00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:04,439
[AS GOMER PYLE]
Yes, I am. Surprise, surprise, surprise.
298
00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:06,941
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Why'd you
name your daughter Linda Bird?
299
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:09,110
[AS LYNDON JOHNSON]
Linda Dog would be too cruel.
300
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,611
Arf! Easy, girl, easy.
301
00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:13,239
Pick them up by their ears,
it doesn't hurt them as much.
302
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:15,700
[AS GOMER PYLE]
Oh, you're going to hell for that one.
303
00:17:15,909 --> 00:17:18,244
CRONAUER [IN NORMAL VOICE]:
Here's a coincidence:
304
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:20,872
Ho Chi Minh, Colonel Sanders,
actually the same person?
305
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,540
You be the judge, our lines are open.
306
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:25,710
We've got our traffic report
up there on the Ho Chi Minh Trail.
307
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,546
How's it going up there?
Adrian, it's not going exactly well.
308
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,840
There's a water buffalo jackknifed up there.
309
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:33,384
It's not a very pretty picture.
There's horns everywhere.
310
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:36,345
I don't know what to say.
We're gonna maybe drop in a little napalm
311
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:39,515
and try and cook him down,
maybe a little barbecue.
312
00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:45,730
["GAME OF LOVE"
PLAYING ON RADIO]
313
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:02,497
CRONAUER: We've got a special man
in the audience today, it's Mr. Leo.
314
00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,332
He's a fashion consultant for the Army.
315
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,667
[EFFEMINATELY]
Adiran, I'm just very happy to be here.
316
00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:08,002
I want to tell you something.
317
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:11,047
You know, this whole camouflage thing
for me doesn't work very well.
318
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:14,008
[NORMAL] Why is that?
[EFFEMINATELY] Well, I can't see you.
319
00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:16,719
Heh, heh. You know,
it's like wearing stripes and plaid.
320
00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:18,679
For me, I want to do something different.
321
00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:22,308
You go in the jungle, make a statement.
If you're going to fight, clash.
322
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,310
You know what I mean?
323
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,732
[AS LAWRENCE WELK]
Thank you for that lovely tune.
324
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,318
That funky music will drive us till the dawn.
325
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,779
Let's go. Let's boogaloo till we puke.
326
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:37,281
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
That's it for the Adrian Cron-Hour.
327
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,367
I'm gonna take myself out of the driver's seat,
328
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:41,994
but I'm gonna turn you over
right now to Mr. Excitement.
329
00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:45,790
A man with limp, damaged hair,
but nevertheless a fireball.
330
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:49,460
Dan Levitan.
331
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:57,426
This is AFRS, Radio Saigon,
and yours truly, Dan "The Man" Levitan.
332
00:18:57,594 --> 00:19:01,305
Greetings and salutations
to any and all servicemen in the area
333
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,724
and thanks so much for joining us.
334
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:05,810
[ALL CHEERING]
335
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,855
- All right! Yeah! Yeah!
- Ladies and gentlemen!
336
00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:13,526
Yeah, he's funny.
I know funny and this guy is funny.
337
00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,528
Sensational.
338
00:19:15,737 --> 00:19:19,323
- At ease.
- Hell, we already are.
339
00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:20,825
Just cool your tongue, airman,
340
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:24,412
because I intend to take issue
with your performance.
341
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:29,125
First of all, don't make fun
of the weather here.
342
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:31,794
And don't say that the weather
is the same all the time here,
343
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,045
because it's not.
344
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:35,381
I n fact, it's 2 degrees
cooler today than yesterday.
345
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:38,217
Two degrees cooler?
Me without my muff, God.
346
00:19:38,385 --> 00:19:39,427
[DREIWITZ LAUGHS]
347
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:43,639
DREIWITZ: I tell you, this guy's funny.
- I'm trying to run a meeting here.
348
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:47,810
You know, I hate the fact
that you people never salute me.
349
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:50,855
I am a lieutenant
and I would like salutes occasionally.
350
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,900
That's what being a higher rank is all about.
351
00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:58,237
Second...
352
00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:01,073
- Programming taste.
- Programming taste.
353
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:05,620
Frankly, I found your "I love
a police action" remark way out of line.
354
00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:08,706
How can you have the gall
to compare the conflict here in Vietnam
355
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,250
with a glass of cappuccino coffee?
356
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:14,253
Well, I was... It just comes up,
I was just trying to be funny.
357
00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:15,671
- Funny is good.
- Yeah.
358
00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:17,215
Funny is good.
359
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:20,092
But then do it by using comedy and humour.
360
00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:22,970
Not police action and coffee remarks.
361
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:27,141
Furthermore, you are to stick
to playing normal modes of music.
362
00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:29,018
Not wild stuff.
363
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,103
Those we would find acceptable here
364
00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:36,108
would include Lawrence Welk,
Jim Nabors, Mantovani.
365
00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:37,318
Percy Faith.
366
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:39,570
- Percy Faith, good.
- Thank you.
367
00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:44,742
Andy Williams, Perry Como
and certain ballads by Mr. Frank Sinatra.
368
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:49,038
- Would Bob Dylan be out of line?
- Way, way, way out of line.
369
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:54,168
Former VP Richard Nixon
will arrive here this week.
370
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:57,213
Dreiwitz, I've assigned you to cover the PC.
371
00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:59,465
He likes to say PC instead of press conference.
372
00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:02,718
- The lieutenant loves to abbreviate...
- And if you do...
373
00:21:02,886 --> 00:21:05,763
And if you do happen to speak with him,
374
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:08,349
please be polite and to the point at all times.
375
00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:09,725
Affirmative, sir.
376
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:12,520
Affirmative, sir. Good.
377
00:21:13,313 --> 00:21:18,109
Okay. Who do we have slated
for live entertainment in November?
378
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:23,489
Well, we originally wanted Bob Hope,
but turns out he won't come.
379
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:27,535
- Why not?
- He doesn't play police actions, just wars.
380
00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:29,829
Bob likes a big room, sir.
381
00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:31,455
[ALL LAUGH]
382
00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:35,293
- That is not funny.
- How about if it escalated?
383
00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:45,761
- How about if what escalated?
- The Vietnam conflict.
384
00:21:45,929 --> 00:21:47,805
The Vietnam conflict?
385
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:50,266
We are not going to escalate a whole war
386
00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:52,893
just so we can book
a big-name comedian.
387
00:21:53,061 --> 00:21:55,521
We can get Tony Bennett or Trini Lopez.
388
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:59,400
I got it. Jerry Vale.
He closes the Copa on the 18th.
389
00:21:59,609 --> 00:22:02,445
- Is that date firm?
- I got it from my niece.
390
00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:04,113
Come on, this is not the Catskills.
391
00:22:04,281 --> 00:22:06,574
Get somebody good, The Beach Boys.
Don't dick around.
392
00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:09,076
We tried, but their agent says
they're still on the beach
393
00:22:09,244 --> 00:22:12,121
and they won't be off the sand
till November. Ha-ha-ha! Bada-bing!
394
00:22:12,289 --> 00:22:14,790
Well, didn't somebody wearing my uniform
395
00:22:14,958 --> 00:22:17,126
and bearing a striking resemblance to myself
396
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:20,087
just say that that kind of music
was inappropriate?
397
00:22:20,255 --> 00:22:22,715
Sorry, sir. I haven't been to sleep.
398
00:22:24,676 --> 00:22:27,303
- The former VP will be here on Friday.
GARLICK: Ha-ha-ha.
399
00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:29,764
I expect every minute of the VP's PC
400
00:22:29,973 --> 00:22:32,975
to be taped and broadcast
within 12 hours of his arrival.
401
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:34,477
Something funny, Garlick?
402
00:22:34,644 --> 00:22:36,979
Perhaps you'd like to share it
with the rest of us.
403
00:22:37,147 --> 00:22:41,025
No, sir. The former vice president
is a delight, sir.
404
00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:42,526
Excuse me, sir.
405
00:22:42,694 --> 00:22:44,862
Seeing as how the VP is such a VI P,
406
00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:47,823
shouldn't we keep the PC on the q.t.,
because if it leaks to the VC,
407
00:22:47,991 --> 00:22:50,242
he could end up an MIA,
and then we'd all be put on KP.
408
00:23:00,128 --> 00:23:03,923
- I would like to leave the room now.
- Oh, uh, yes, sir.
409
00:23:05,675 --> 00:23:08,803
[ALL LAUGHING]
410
00:23:10,931 --> 00:23:13,391
KIRK:
Oh, what a dude.
411
00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:19,563
[DREIWITZ AS HAUK]
And if you do...
412
00:23:19,731 --> 00:23:21,982
[ALL AS HAUK]
And if you do...
413
00:23:22,317 --> 00:23:27,738
Eddie Kirk here, and Ray Conniff jubilee
coming up in just a few moments.
414
00:23:27,906 --> 00:23:31,242
I call it a jubilee.
Actually, it's a Ray Conniff featurette.
415
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:35,663
Three, maybe four,
back-to-back Ray Conniff classics.
416
00:23:58,019 --> 00:24:00,396
GARLICK:
We're here, sir. Jimmy Wah's.
417
00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:05,693
This is the place
where we like to hang out, sir.
418
00:24:05,861 --> 00:24:08,696
CRONAUER:
Real homey, in an opium kind of way.
419
00:24:08,864 --> 00:24:11,657
- Earl, Earl, Earl.
- That's Jimmy Wah, he owns the place.
420
00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:14,034
Hi, hi, hi.
421
00:24:15,328 --> 00:24:17,413
Now you say hi to me, then you smile.
422
00:24:17,581 --> 00:24:18,664
[IN UNISON]
Hi.
423
00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:21,667
Hey, you two Earl.
What about couple beer?
424
00:24:21,877 --> 00:24:24,336
We'd love a couple of beers, Jimmy.
425
00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:28,132
CRONAUER: Either of our names Earl?
- He calls everybody Earl.
426
00:24:30,051 --> 00:24:32,178
Is it me or is Jimmy light in the loafers?
427
00:24:32,345 --> 00:24:36,390
Let me put it to you this way.
He's got this thing for Walter Brennan.
428
00:24:36,558 --> 00:24:39,393
He says he wants to buy
naked photographs of the actor.
429
00:24:39,561 --> 00:24:42,271
- For three years, he's been trying.
- Walter Brennan?
430
00:24:42,439 --> 00:24:44,857
You know, Walter Brennan
from The Real McCoys, the TV show?
431
00:24:45,025 --> 00:24:48,152
[AS WALTER BRENNAN]
Well, well, well, Luke. Well, well.
432
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:51,572
Anyway, there's this guy
from the 1 st Battalion, 2nd I nfantry,
433
00:24:51,740 --> 00:24:55,075
who swore that he could get him
naked photographs of the actor.
434
00:24:55,243 --> 00:24:57,953
I've been trying to tell him
that it's no-go, but he won't listen.
435
00:24:58,121 --> 00:25:00,039
God. Nude photographs
of Walter Brennan.
436
00:25:00,207 --> 00:25:01,373
Here your beer.
437
00:25:01,583 --> 00:25:03,250
- Thank you, Jimmy.
- Right.
438
00:25:03,418 --> 00:25:06,170
Any movement on the Walter Brennan thing?
439
00:25:06,379 --> 00:25:10,925
- No, and it doesn't look good, Jimmy.
- He look good to me.
440
00:25:13,303 --> 00:25:19,308
- Ba Muy Ba beer, best beer in Vietnam.
- Ba Muy Ba beer, only beer in Vietnam.
441
00:25:19,476 --> 00:25:21,227
Try it.
442
00:25:21,728 --> 00:25:24,438
- Oh, what happened?
- What happened?
443
00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:26,482
- Formaldehyde.
- Oh. Heh, heh.
444
00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:29,610
We put in just a touch
of formaldehyde for flavour.
445
00:25:29,778 --> 00:25:31,403
Some people get sick, yeah.
446
00:25:31,571 --> 00:25:33,864
So if you have to be rushed to a hospital,
447
00:25:34,032 --> 00:25:36,325
then when you return, I give you a free salad.
448
00:25:36,493 --> 00:25:39,453
Well, that seems fair. It really does.
449
00:25:39,663 --> 00:25:42,748
- You'll get used to it.
- Maybe.
450
00:25:42,916 --> 00:25:44,333
There she is.
451
00:25:44,543 --> 00:25:47,044
Any girl who wants me this bad,
I can't let her down.
452
00:25:47,212 --> 00:25:48,671
- The hunt is on.
- What is wrong?
453
00:25:48,838 --> 00:25:51,799
- I gotta catch her before she accelerates.
WAH: You can't go yet.
454
00:25:51,967 --> 00:25:54,426
- You have to taste my spicy chicken...
GARLICK: Sir.
455
00:25:54,594 --> 00:25:55,678
- Cooked with...
456
00:25:55,845 --> 00:25:57,846
Hi. How's Lynn doing?
457
00:25:58,014 --> 00:26:00,474
I'm sorry.
You look like Lynn's friend from Toledo.
458
00:26:00,642 --> 00:26:02,726
Let me make it up to you
by buying a cup of coffee.
459
00:26:02,894 --> 00:26:04,603
Also, tea would fall into that category.
460
00:26:05,897 --> 00:26:10,776
I not think be not correct of way.
Please, okay?
461
00:26:11,611 --> 00:26:14,321
- What'd she just say?
- She said no, sir.
462
00:26:14,489 --> 00:26:17,074
CRONAUER: Oh, Edward, I'm in love.
Think she likes seafood?
463
00:26:17,284 --> 00:26:20,035
I'm... She's getting away.
Edward, get the jeep, get the jeep.
464
00:26:20,203 --> 00:26:22,371
Okay. It's blocked in by a truck.
465
00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:25,583
- Stay here, sir, I'll talk to the guys, okay?
- We don't have time. Taxi.
466
00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:28,460
- Bikes, we'll buy bikes.
- We won't buy bikes.
467
00:26:28,670 --> 00:26:30,421
There's actually no rubber on these tyres.
468
00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:34,383
Oh, picky, picky. Let's go, Edward.
Yeah, the chase.
469
00:26:36,094 --> 00:26:38,178
[BICYCLE BELL RINGING]
470
00:26:42,017 --> 00:26:45,060
Sir! Sir, we have to get
some dignity here.
471
00:26:45,270 --> 00:26:46,937
A little dignity!
472
00:26:47,105 --> 00:26:50,733
Sir! Sir, I tell you, this is not safe!
473
00:26:56,239 --> 00:26:58,198
Sir!
474
00:26:58,408 --> 00:26:59,950
Sir, sir!
475
00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:25,559
[TRUCK HORN HONKING]
476
00:27:51,086 --> 00:27:53,962
- Good afternoon, class.
STUDENTS: Good afternoon, Mr. Sloan.
477
00:27:55,256 --> 00:27:58,717
SLOAN: Last time, in our last class,
we read Chapter 3.
478
00:27:58,885 --> 00:28:01,595
Should've gotten the one
with the training wheels, pal.
479
00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:04,223
I was almost killed.
480
00:28:04,516 --> 00:28:07,142
A truck's bumper was this far from my nose.
481
00:28:07,727 --> 00:28:11,772
My whole life passed before my eyes,
and it wasn't even interesting to me.
482
00:28:11,940 --> 00:28:14,733
How am I gonna get to first base with this girl?
483
00:28:14,901 --> 00:28:19,488
SLOAN: I want to buy some butter
and some cheese, please.
484
00:28:19,656 --> 00:28:22,074
It zoomed right by,
just the way they say it does.
485
00:28:22,242 --> 00:28:25,953
Stamp collections, pulling chickweed
from my dad's dichondra plants.
486
00:28:26,121 --> 00:28:29,248
Arranging rakes by sizes
for my mom in the garage.
487
00:28:29,416 --> 00:28:32,376
Even encapsulated in two seconds,
my life is dull.
488
00:28:32,877 --> 00:28:35,796
- I find that very alarming.
- Edward, stay with me on this.
489
00:28:35,964 --> 00:28:37,881
How am I gonna get this girl to go out with me?
490
00:28:38,049 --> 00:28:40,092
You're not.
This is a very different culture.
491
00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:42,803
You would need very specific
family-sanctioned introductions
492
00:28:42,971 --> 00:28:45,723
- in order to talk to this girl...
CRONAUER: Shh! Listen.
493
00:28:45,890 --> 00:28:52,438
- It read for my the book.
- I've never heard rhymes like that.
494
00:28:52,605 --> 00:28:55,232
God, I've gotta be with her,
at least till she learns my name.
495
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,192
You think the teacher would be able to date her?
496
00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,862
- Possibly, but you would need...
- Just what I wanted to hear.
497
00:29:00,029 --> 00:29:03,365
- Specific introductions.
498
00:29:03,575 --> 00:29:06,910
SLOAN: What we're gonna
talk about today is shopping.
499
00:29:07,078 --> 00:29:10,497
Shopping for dinner
and the things you buy during, uh...
500
00:29:10,665 --> 00:29:12,624
I n your shopping trip.
501
00:29:13,877 --> 00:29:17,629
Specifically... Excuse me.
502
00:29:19,007 --> 00:29:20,132
Can I help you?
503
00:29:20,300 --> 00:29:23,677
Yes, I have two months to live
and I would like to teach before I die.
504
00:29:30,977 --> 00:29:34,021
I don't think you understand me,
Sparky. Ahem.
505
00:29:34,397 --> 00:29:36,565
It's all yours, you got it.
506
00:29:40,445 --> 00:29:43,989
Hello, class.
My name is Adrian Cronauer.
507
00:29:44,157 --> 00:29:46,366
And I'd like to get to know all of you
508
00:29:46,534 --> 00:29:49,453
by having you write down your name, address,
509
00:29:49,662 --> 00:29:52,206
your home and work phone on paper,
and passing it forward.
510
00:29:52,415 --> 00:29:55,125
Sergeant Sloan our teacher.
You're not supposed to be in here.
511
00:29:55,335 --> 00:29:58,629
I was sent here
on very strict orders from a colonel.
512
00:29:58,797 --> 00:30:02,132
First thing I'd like to know is
what subject this is.
513
00:30:02,342 --> 00:30:04,593
- Is it English?
CRONAUER: Yes, it is.
514
00:30:04,803 --> 00:30:07,554
And how lucky for me.
Thank you very much for playing.
515
00:30:07,722 --> 00:30:11,934
Now, let's start off with the fact
that English is a fantastic language.
516
00:30:12,143 --> 00:30:15,229
Let's try a little phrase, uh, I like to call:
517
00:30:15,396 --> 00:30:17,397
"My boyfriend's back
and there's gonna be trouble.
518
00:30:17,565 --> 00:30:20,400
Hey, nah, hey, nah, my boyfriend's back."
Can we try that one?
519
00:30:21,486 --> 00:30:23,862
Can we try, "My boyfriend's back"?
Anybody?
520
00:30:26,574 --> 00:30:28,116
She's not for you.
521
00:30:29,077 --> 00:30:31,119
Why do I feel like the miracle worker up here?
522
00:30:31,287 --> 00:30:32,913
[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY
AS HELEN KELLER]
523
00:30:33,540 --> 00:30:36,542
GARLICK: This is a nightmare.
CRONAUER: I don't know.
524
00:30:36,709 --> 00:30:38,502
Even saying that means I don't know dick.
525
00:30:38,670 --> 00:30:40,963
I can't really teach English.
526
00:30:41,130 --> 00:30:43,799
Didn't have to pick up the phones
until he comes back.
527
00:30:43,967 --> 00:30:48,470
I can only tell you about how you can talk
on maybe the real streets of America.
528
00:30:48,638 --> 00:30:51,348
If you're walking on the streets
of New York and someone says,
529
00:30:51,516 --> 00:30:52,933
[FLATLY]
"Hey, excuse me.
530
00:30:53,101 --> 00:30:55,978
I would like to buy some cheese
and some butter."
531
00:30:56,145 --> 00:30:58,105
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
No. No, come on.
532
00:30:58,273 --> 00:31:00,232
Basically, we talk, "Hey, man, what's happening?
533
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:02,818
You look hip today. Slip me some skin."
534
00:31:02,986 --> 00:31:04,611
If someone in America comes up and says,
535
00:31:04,779 --> 00:31:06,321
"Slip me some skin," don't be afraid.
536
00:31:06,489 --> 00:31:08,323
They're not a leper, they're not gonna go:
537
00:31:08,491 --> 00:31:10,951
No, it means like,
"Hey, baby, slip me some skin."
538
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:14,162
It's a greeting. It's like,
"How are you doing? Slip me some skin."
539
00:31:14,330 --> 00:31:17,165
Here's how you do it, "Slip me some skin."
Put your hand out there.
540
00:31:17,333 --> 00:31:20,168
Then you go. "Yeah, there's some skin."
Now you do it to me.
541
00:31:20,336 --> 00:31:22,296
Yeah, now, then you say,
"Groovy, yeah."
542
00:31:22,463 --> 00:31:23,672
Say that.
543
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:25,173
MAN: Groovy.
- Yes.
544
00:31:25,341 --> 00:31:27,217
[STUDENTS LAUGH]
545
00:31:27,385 --> 00:31:28,760
Baby.
546
00:31:28,970 --> 00:31:31,054
If something's really nice, you say it's groovy.
547
00:31:31,222 --> 00:31:32,639
Doesn't mean you're like going:
548
00:31:32,807 --> 00:31:34,474
No, it means groovy. Try that one.
549
00:31:34,642 --> 00:31:38,061
Say, "Hey, baby, what's happening?
Let's groove."
550
00:31:38,229 --> 00:31:40,939
Hey, baby, what's happening?
Let's groove.
551
00:31:42,275 --> 00:31:44,359
[BELL RINGS]
552
00:31:45,653 --> 00:31:48,030
- See you later.
- Mr. Cronauer, I really liking you.
553
00:31:48,197 --> 00:31:50,073
- Well, I'm liking you too.
- Thank you.
554
00:31:50,241 --> 00:31:52,576
- You teach American thing okay.
CRONAUER: Okay.
555
00:31:52,744 --> 00:31:54,036
WILKIE:
Play game of softball.
556
00:31:54,203 --> 00:31:57,539
Okay, yeah, well, we'll try and do that
if we get the equipment.
557
00:32:00,209 --> 00:32:02,210
- You forget the girl.
- Oh, I'll let her say no.
558
00:32:02,378 --> 00:32:04,546
She's say no. That's what walking away
from you means.
559
00:32:04,714 --> 00:32:07,132
I'm interested in the girl,
not in you playing "Dear Abby."
560
00:32:07,300 --> 00:32:08,884
I know because she's my sister.
561
00:32:09,052 --> 00:32:12,179
I would, however, love to buy you lunch,
maybe look at a family album.
562
00:32:12,347 --> 00:32:14,598
- Come on.
- I not like you, sir.
563
00:32:14,766 --> 00:32:17,184
Why not? I got a great personality,
you ask anybody.
564
00:32:17,352 --> 00:32:19,853
You phoney, like American and French before you.
565
00:32:20,063 --> 00:32:22,606
Here to get something,
leaving when you not get it.
566
00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:25,025
You come into my class, so maybe we like you.
567
00:32:25,193 --> 00:32:27,694
You come for the girl, you get her, you go.
568
00:32:27,862 --> 00:32:30,113
Okay, Sherlock, yeah,
I bribed my way to meet the girl.
569
00:32:30,281 --> 00:32:33,825
You got me, bang. But, hey,
I like the class, so I'm gonna stay.
570
00:32:33,993 --> 00:32:36,244
Let's be friends, okay? Come on.
571
00:32:36,746 --> 00:32:39,873
- Come on, come on.
- You like me because of my sister.
572
00:32:40,041 --> 00:32:43,085
No, I like you because you're honest.
Because you're shorter than I am.
573
00:32:43,252 --> 00:32:46,213
We look like a before and after picture.
Come on, let me buy you a beer.
574
00:32:46,381 --> 00:32:48,882
Sometimes your face
look like a fish in the Gulf of Thailand.
575
00:32:49,050 --> 00:32:51,885
That's true, it's very true.
That's an insult, isn't it?
576
00:32:52,679 --> 00:32:56,223
TUAN: You can buy me lunch,
but please forget about my sister.
577
00:32:56,391 --> 00:32:58,266
I know Americans.
578
00:32:58,434 --> 00:33:02,354
You see a girl with the type breasts
they like and they put her in a fancy car,
579
00:33:02,522 --> 00:33:06,149
and they buy her some expensive food,
and then lie about money.
580
00:33:06,317 --> 00:33:07,859
And then try and take her into a bed.
581
00:33:08,027 --> 00:33:11,321
CRONAUER: So, what's wrong with that?
TUAN: It's more devout here.
582
00:33:14,283 --> 00:33:16,952
CRONAUER: Any food on this street
that doesn't give you diarrhoea?
583
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:18,328
TUAN:
You wanting some?
584
00:33:22,166 --> 00:33:24,209
What the hell is this?
585
00:33:25,044 --> 00:33:28,005
Oh, she pour nuoc mam noodle soup
with fish ball.
586
00:33:28,172 --> 00:33:30,007
Didn't know they had balls.
587
00:33:30,174 --> 00:33:33,176
Eat.
588
00:33:33,594 --> 00:33:35,512
I can't, it's still paddling.
589
00:33:35,722 --> 00:33:38,932
No, it okay.
I not tell you okay otherwise.
590
00:33:39,100 --> 00:33:40,308
You like it.
591
00:33:41,060 --> 00:33:44,146
You see? You don't trusting me.
592
00:33:44,772 --> 00:33:48,734
I trust you, man, it's just that I can't eat
something that looks like a cesspool.
593
00:33:48,901 --> 00:33:51,570
You mad I not trust you,
but true, you not trust me.
594
00:33:51,738 --> 00:33:54,322
You want be my friend, you trusting me.
You would eat it.
595
00:33:54,782 --> 00:33:58,869
Hey, I'll be... I wanna be your pal.
Here, okay, I'll eat it.
596
00:33:59,078 --> 00:34:01,496
Dig in. Mm-mm.
597
00:34:03,541 --> 00:34:07,753
Jeez! Shit! God. Oh, hot.
598
00:34:07,962 --> 00:34:09,713
My... Ow. Shit.
599
00:34:09,881 --> 00:34:12,424
- This stuff is burning the hair off my feet.
- Hot?
600
00:34:12,592 --> 00:34:14,593
No, hot? No, it's fucking great.
601
00:34:15,344 --> 00:34:16,803
[COUGHS]
602
00:34:17,805 --> 00:34:20,307
- She say it's a little spicy.
- A little, yeah.
603
00:34:22,518 --> 00:34:25,395
Isn't that funny? You like that too?
604
00:34:26,064 --> 00:34:27,397
A little of this: Whoo-whoo-whoo.
605
00:34:27,565 --> 00:34:30,901
She likes the Three Stooges.
[AS CURLY] Hey, Moe, hey, Moe.
606
00:34:31,110 --> 00:34:33,570
Oh, me like that you're silly.
607
00:34:38,034 --> 00:34:40,952
- You old enough for this place?
- I think so.
608
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:44,539
Hi, Earl, good to see you again.
609
00:34:44,707 --> 00:34:48,668
- Look at the new friend.
- A little too young for you.
610
00:34:48,836 --> 00:34:51,463
I want to show you something very nice.
611
00:34:51,631 --> 00:34:54,424
- Oh, really?
- It look wonderful.
612
00:34:55,259 --> 00:34:57,052
- I can confide you?
- Sure.
613
00:34:57,220 --> 00:35:03,183
Look at the shape of that soldier ankle,
the way it so elegantly curve into his boot.
614
00:35:03,643 --> 00:35:08,063
Help me get some photo of those ankle,
I give you my bar.
615
00:35:08,231 --> 00:35:11,233
You're a very sick man.
You know that, don't you?
616
00:35:12,068 --> 00:35:13,860
Thank you.
617
00:35:14,904 --> 00:35:16,404
Oh, God.
618
00:35:16,572 --> 00:35:21,952
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the new voice of Saigon,
619
00:35:22,161 --> 00:35:26,123
Adrian Cronauer.
620
00:35:26,290 --> 00:35:27,332
Cronauer!
621
00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:29,292
Not enough for the car, yeah.
622
00:35:29,502 --> 00:35:31,670
- What happened?
CRONAUER: It didn't work out.
623
00:35:31,838 --> 00:35:34,506
I wanna introduce you to someone
right now from my English class.
624
00:35:34,674 --> 00:35:36,216
This is Tuan, the guys.
625
00:35:36,384 --> 00:35:37,676
- Hey, Tuan.
- How you doing?
626
00:35:37,844 --> 00:35:39,177
- Guys, Tuan.
- Have a seat, man.
627
00:35:39,345 --> 00:35:42,639
Pull up a floor here.
Hi, Tuan, long time no see.
628
00:35:43,266 --> 00:35:46,935
- Terrible, that's terrible.
- Those are gorgeous gals.
629
00:35:50,314 --> 00:35:51,773
I've... I'll never have them.
630
00:35:51,941 --> 00:35:54,776
I've wanted girls like that,
but I've had trouble as a young child.
631
00:35:54,944 --> 00:35:57,863
Who the hell gets laid as a young child?
And stop calling them gals.
632
00:35:58,072 --> 00:35:59,698
Cowgirls are called gals.
633
00:35:59,866 --> 00:36:02,742
Those are gorgeous
French-Vietnamese B-girls.
634
00:36:02,952 --> 00:36:05,495
Don't ruin it by conjuring up images
of Dale Evans, all right?
635
00:36:05,705 --> 00:36:07,956
Can you believe the shape
of those gals? Girls.
636
00:36:11,127 --> 00:36:12,377
Shape of the blue.
637
00:36:12,545 --> 00:36:14,296
No, those behinds were designed
638
00:36:14,463 --> 00:36:17,048
by a Jewish scientist
in Switzerland, Dr. Feintush.
639
00:36:17,216 --> 00:36:18,258
Dr. Heimlich Feintush.
640
00:36:18,426 --> 00:36:21,428
We're trying to meet them, but nobody
can come up with any good lines.
641
00:36:21,596 --> 00:36:23,471
Wait a minute, try this one, try this one.
642
00:36:23,639 --> 00:36:26,850
Oh, girls, girls, come on over.
Your loss.
643
00:36:27,018 --> 00:36:28,101
Pardon me, girls?
644
00:36:28,269 --> 00:36:30,562
Excuse me, girls. Hello, hello.
645
00:36:30,771 --> 00:36:32,564
Come on, yes.
646
00:36:33,065 --> 00:36:37,235
[SINGING]
Here she comes, Miss Southeast Asia
647
00:36:37,445 --> 00:36:40,197
Say, we're not supposed
to fraternise with these girls.
648
00:36:40,364 --> 00:36:41,448
It says so in the memo.
649
00:36:41,616 --> 00:36:43,617
No fraternising with these girls in the memo.
650
00:36:43,826 --> 00:36:46,620
Forget memos, forget memos.
These are pretty women coming.
651
00:36:46,829 --> 00:36:48,371
CRONAUER [SINGING]:
Here she comes
652
00:36:48,539 --> 00:36:51,041
KIRK: It's working.
McPHERSON: Oh, yeah, this way, please.
653
00:36:51,209 --> 00:36:52,417
CRONAUER: Thank you.
- Hey.
654
00:36:52,627 --> 00:36:55,295
- Hello, I'm William Holden.
KIRK: Right here.
655
00:36:55,504 --> 00:36:57,505
This way, this way.
656
00:36:57,673 --> 00:36:59,758
CRONAUER: Merry Christmas.
McPHERSON: Bingo.
657
00:36:59,926 --> 00:37:02,552
CRONAUER: Merry Christmas.
If you believe in Santa...
658
00:37:02,720 --> 00:37:03,803
How come I don't get one?
659
00:37:03,971 --> 00:37:07,182
Dan Levitan.
You've probably heard my radio show.
660
00:37:07,391 --> 00:37:08,934
WOMAN: Hi.
LEVITAN: What's your name?
661
00:37:09,101 --> 00:37:11,061
LEVITAN: My name is Levitan.
Can you say that?
662
00:37:11,229 --> 00:37:12,562
SERGEANT:
Who brought in the gook?
663
00:37:12,730 --> 00:37:14,231
LEVITAN: Levitan.
WOMAN: Levitan.
664
00:37:15,233 --> 00:37:17,817
I said, who brought in the fucking gook?
665
00:37:17,985 --> 00:37:19,110
WOMAN:
Levitan.
666
00:37:21,155 --> 00:37:22,697
WOMAN:
I love you.
667
00:37:22,865 --> 00:37:24,950
CRONAUER: A khaki eclipse.
TUAN: I better go now.
668
00:37:25,117 --> 00:37:26,618
That's all right. I did.
669
00:37:26,786 --> 00:37:28,745
Hey, come on now, if you kick out the gooks,
670
00:37:28,913 --> 00:37:31,331
you have to kick out the Chinks,
spics, spooks and kikes,
671
00:37:31,499 --> 00:37:34,501
and all that's gonna be left in here
are a couple of brain-dead rednecks,
672
00:37:34,669 --> 00:37:36,044
and what fun would that be?
673
00:37:36,254 --> 00:37:37,879
Now is when I stop talking.
674
00:37:38,047 --> 00:37:40,340
Come on, let me buy you
a couple of beers. How about it?
675
00:37:40,508 --> 00:37:41,633
- Are you crazy?
- I might...
676
00:37:41,801 --> 00:37:42,842
- Shut up.
- Okay.
677
00:37:43,010 --> 00:37:44,636
SERGEANT:
Get him out of here.
678
00:37:44,845 --> 00:37:46,513
Hey, hey, hey.
679
00:37:46,681 --> 00:37:48,390
Hey, hey, hey, come on now.
680
00:37:48,599 --> 00:37:51,017
You gotta prove something,
knocking around Vietnamese kids?
681
00:37:51,227 --> 00:37:53,728
This is a GI bar. We don't like gooks.
We don't want him here.
682
00:37:53,896 --> 00:37:55,855
You just get him out.
683
00:37:56,023 --> 00:37:58,400
Everybody say "gook," but it's all right.
684
00:37:58,609 --> 00:38:01,111
- Jump in any time, okay?
- We're there.
685
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:03,280
I gotta tell you something, you know.
686
00:38:03,447 --> 00:38:07,117
I've been all around the world,
seen a lot of places and a lot of people.
687
00:38:07,326 --> 00:38:10,578
I have never ever, in my travels,
come across a man as large as you
688
00:38:11,872 --> 00:38:15,834
with as much muscles,
who has absolutely no penis.
689
00:38:17,586 --> 00:38:19,045
He mean that as compliment.
690
00:38:20,298 --> 00:38:21,798
Oh, shit.
691
00:38:21,966 --> 00:38:24,592
That's it for you, asshole.
692
00:38:25,928 --> 00:38:27,137
Call police, quick.
693
00:38:29,223 --> 00:38:32,809
MAN 1: Hey, hey, man, hey!
MAN 2: Get him.
694
00:38:35,938 --> 00:38:37,230
Talk.
695
00:38:37,398 --> 00:38:39,691
These two were physically abusing
a Vietnamese national.
696
00:38:39,859 --> 00:38:42,319
- I thought since we were here to...
- So you start a brawl.
697
00:38:42,486 --> 00:38:45,989
Turn the place upside down.
Real intelligent solution.
698
00:38:46,157 --> 00:38:48,283
Do you have any idea
how ridiculous it makes me look
699
00:38:48,451 --> 00:38:52,787
to have a man under my command
start a fucking bar brawl?
700
00:39:02,048 --> 00:39:05,967
- You're not gonna last long here, pal.
- You can always send me back to Crete.
701
00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:09,095
Oh, you think this is a joke?
702
00:39:09,263 --> 00:39:11,264
I can come up with alternatives
other than Crete.
703
00:39:11,432 --> 00:39:12,766
I'm real good at stuff like that.
704
00:39:12,933 --> 00:39:16,227
I got people stuck in places they haven't
even considered how to get out of yet.
705
00:39:16,395 --> 00:39:18,646
You don't think I can come up
with something good?
706
00:39:18,814 --> 00:39:21,066
Can you envision
some fairly unattractive alternatives?
707
00:39:21,233 --> 00:39:22,442
Not without slides.
708
00:39:22,985 --> 00:39:26,446
A bar brawl, that's one, Cronauer.
709
00:39:26,864 --> 00:39:30,700
You better stay cool.
You better not get involved in anything.
710
00:39:30,868 --> 00:39:34,079
You better not even come
within range of anything that happens,
711
00:39:34,246 --> 00:39:36,623
or your ass is grass and I'm a lawnmower.
712
00:39:37,333 --> 00:39:39,501
- Am I being fairly clear?
- Yes, sir.
713
00:39:39,668 --> 00:39:43,421
Sir? Do you see anything
on this uniform indicating an officer?
714
00:39:43,589 --> 00:39:45,757
What does three up and three down
mean to you, airman?
715
00:39:45,925 --> 00:39:47,842
End of an inning.
716
00:39:50,179 --> 00:39:51,554
Sergeant major.
717
00:39:52,181 --> 00:39:55,183
Now, you get the hell out of here right now.
718
00:40:03,567 --> 00:40:05,652
[DREIWITZ SCATTING REVEILLE]
719
00:40:07,196 --> 00:40:09,864
CRONAUER:
Jesus, enough.
720
00:40:10,241 --> 00:40:12,200
Please, I'm... Bag it!
721
00:40:12,868 --> 00:40:15,745
Wake up, Mr. Sleepy Head.
You are late.
722
00:40:30,177 --> 00:40:32,971
Gentlemen, what can I say but hi.
723
00:40:33,139 --> 00:40:35,557
- Hi.
- Hi.
724
00:40:35,724 --> 00:40:38,977
Okay, which one of you guys
is throwing his voice?
725
00:40:39,603 --> 00:40:41,438
Oh, censor, censor, censor.
726
00:40:41,647 --> 00:40:44,107
Join the Army and mark things.
727
00:40:44,608 --> 00:40:46,568
Hey, what kind of news are you leaving me there?
728
00:40:46,735 --> 00:40:49,779
"Nixon, Singapore, Lake Erie."
Come on.
729
00:40:49,947 --> 00:40:51,656
Come on, you're on in like two seconds.
730
00:40:51,824 --> 00:40:54,492
It's time for Adrian Cronauer.
731
00:40:54,660 --> 00:40:58,830
[YELLS]
Good morning, Vietnam.
732
00:40:58,998 --> 00:41:02,250
Hello, campers.
Remember, Monday is malaria day.
733
00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:04,210
Time to take that big orange pill
734
00:41:04,378 --> 00:41:06,129
and get ready
for the Ho Chi Minh two-step.
735
00:41:33,324 --> 00:41:34,491
We're back. Here's the news.
736
00:41:34,658 --> 00:41:36,826
All the news that's new and approved
by the U.S. Army,
737
00:41:36,994 --> 00:41:38,703
the sweetest-smelling army
in the world.
738
00:41:38,871 --> 00:41:40,830
[MIMICS TELETYPE MACHINE]
739
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,958
"Great Britain recognised
the island state of Singapore."
740
00:41:44,126 --> 00:41:45,418
How do you recognise an island?
741
00:41:45,586 --> 00:41:47,587
You go, "Hey, wait.
No, don't tell me, wait, wait.
742
00:41:47,755 --> 00:41:50,715
Didn't we meet last year
at the Feinman bar mitzvah?
743
00:41:50,883 --> 00:41:52,008
You look a lot like Hawaii.
744
00:41:52,176 --> 00:41:54,469
Didn't we meet last year
at the Peninsula Club?" No.
745
00:41:54,678 --> 00:41:57,388
"Pope Paul VI celebrated a Mass
in Italian."
746
00:41:57,556 --> 00:41:58,723
Call me crazy, he's in Rome.
747
00:41:58,891 --> 00:42:00,391
I wanna kiss his ring and have it go:
748
00:42:00,559 --> 00:42:01,601
[WHISTLES]
749
00:42:01,810 --> 00:42:04,562
"The Mississippi River broke
through a protective dike today."
750
00:42:04,730 --> 00:42:05,813
What is a protective dike?
751
00:42:05,981 --> 00:42:07,106
A woman by the river going,
752
00:42:07,274 --> 00:42:08,816
[IN DEEP VOICE]
"Don't go near there"?
753
00:42:08,984 --> 00:42:11,319
Don't go near there.
Get away from the river, stay away.
754
00:42:11,487 --> 00:42:14,155
[NORMAL] I know we can't use "dyke."
You can't even say "lesbian."
755
00:42:14,323 --> 00:42:16,157
It's "women in comfortable shoes."
Thank you.
756
00:42:16,325 --> 00:42:18,826
Here's the weather. We're gonna go
to Roosevelt E. Roosevelt.
757
00:42:18,994 --> 00:42:20,078
Roosevelt, how's it going?
758
00:42:20,246 --> 00:42:22,872
[SOLDIER] I'm with somebody.
Don't come bother me right now.
759
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:24,582
[NORMAL]
Can't you give us weather?
760
00:42:24,750 --> 00:42:26,918
[SOLDIER]
Not now. I'm trying to score, back off.
761
00:42:27,086 --> 00:42:29,712
[NORMAL] What's the weather like?
[SOLDIER] You got a window.
762
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,048
[NORMAL] We'll go to someone else
for the weather.
763
00:42:32,216 --> 00:42:34,884
We have to go to Washington
to Weather Central to Walter Cronkite.
764
00:42:35,052 --> 00:42:36,386
Walter, what's the weather like?
765
00:42:36,554 --> 00:42:39,597
[AS WALTER CRONKITE] I want to begin
by saying to Roosevelt E. Roosevelt,
766
00:42:39,765 --> 00:42:42,725
what it is, what it shall be, what it was.
767
00:42:42,893 --> 00:42:45,061
Weather out there today is hot and shitty
768
00:42:45,688 --> 00:42:48,064
with continued hot and shitty in the afternoon.
769
00:42:48,649 --> 00:42:50,441
Tomorrow a chance of continued crappy
770
00:42:50,609 --> 00:42:52,819
with a pissy weather front
coming down from the north.
771
00:42:53,028 --> 00:42:56,573
CRONAUER: Basically, it's hotter than
a snake's ass in a waggon round up.
772
00:42:56,782 --> 00:42:59,158
[IN NORMAL VOICE] We're gonna
hit some songs at you now.
773
00:42:59,326 --> 00:43:00,952
Coming your way.
774
00:43:01,912 --> 00:43:04,956
What the hell was that?
Crappy weather, shitty weather?
775
00:43:05,165 --> 00:43:06,666
- Comedy, sir.
- Comedy?
776
00:43:06,834 --> 00:43:09,460
No, no. This is not comedy.
Comedy is fun.
777
00:43:09,628 --> 00:43:12,255
- It's antics, hysterical-type things.
- Hysterical-type things?
778
00:43:12,423 --> 00:43:14,215
Airman Cronauer requesting you to elaborate.
779
00:43:14,383 --> 00:43:17,594
Antics, damn it. Comedy of errors,
like the Keystone Kops falling down.
780
00:43:17,761 --> 00:43:20,597
- General wackiness like that.
- Falling down, that's a sight gag.
781
00:43:20,764 --> 00:43:24,183
- How would anyone see you fall?
- No, no, no. Not literally falling down.
782
00:43:24,351 --> 00:43:26,728
McPHERSON: Wouldn't work on radio, sir.
- See, sir?
783
00:43:26,937 --> 00:43:30,815
What I mean
is in the spirit of the Keystone Kops.
784
00:43:30,983 --> 00:43:32,483
Sir, it wouldn't work, I don't think.
785
00:43:32,651 --> 00:43:35,695
I don't think anybody would see you
fall through a radio, sir.
786
00:43:35,863 --> 00:43:37,530
If a field radio...
787
00:43:37,698 --> 00:43:38,781
What are you doing here?
788
00:43:38,949 --> 00:43:41,993
- I thought I'd come and help smooth...
- Don't help and don't smooth.
789
00:43:42,161 --> 00:43:43,620
And you.
790
00:43:43,787 --> 00:43:44,829
You are not funny.
791
00:43:44,997 --> 00:43:48,916
But you are a maniac,
and you'd better start changing your life.
792
00:43:50,252 --> 00:43:51,878
CRONAUER:
Sir?
793
00:43:52,671 --> 00:43:54,339
Thank you for that constructive criticism.
794
00:43:54,506 --> 00:43:57,216
It's a privilege to take comedy notes
from a man of your stature.
795
00:43:59,136 --> 00:44:00,637
Fine.
796
00:44:01,388 --> 00:44:03,181
Just don't let it happen again.
797
00:44:08,187 --> 00:44:09,646
[SIGHS]
798
00:44:10,189 --> 00:44:12,649
I n the dictionary, under "asshole,"
it says, "See him."
799
00:44:12,858 --> 00:44:14,233
Why am I here?
800
00:44:14,401 --> 00:44:17,487
We're gonna play some music
for you right now. Here we go.
801
00:44:17,655 --> 00:44:20,865
Here's a little James Brown coming your way.
802
00:44:21,033 --> 00:44:23,701
Baby, help me, please.
803
00:44:23,911 --> 00:44:25,995
["I GOT YOU (I FEEL GOOD)"
PLAYING ON RADIO]
804
00:44:43,555 --> 00:44:45,014
[SCREAMS]
805
00:44:45,974 --> 00:44:47,850
[AS JAMES BROWN]
Back again.
806
00:44:48,602 --> 00:44:50,061
[LAUGHS]
807
00:45:15,421 --> 00:45:17,964
Sugar and spice. Ha, ha.
808
00:45:18,132 --> 00:45:20,133
So nice, so good.
809
00:45:22,219 --> 00:45:24,303
[SCREAMS]
810
00:45:25,055 --> 00:45:27,306
Tell them, James. Hurt them now.
Ha, ha.
811
00:45:27,474 --> 00:45:30,893
Good God, help me. Work through it.
812
00:45:39,528 --> 00:45:42,071
Oh, sir, Walter Cronkite lives in New Jersey.
813
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:44,574
- It was a joke, sir.
- Yes.
814
00:45:44,742 --> 00:45:46,868
- Sarcasm, sir.
- Up in Bergen County.
815
00:45:47,077 --> 00:45:49,203
KIRK: A form of humour, sir.
LEVITAN: Hackensack.
816
00:45:49,371 --> 00:45:51,789
KIRK: Yes, sir.
LEVITAN: How the hell do I know?
817
00:45:51,957 --> 00:45:53,541
KIRK:
We're happy with him too, sir.
818
00:45:53,709 --> 00:45:55,668
Yes, I'm sure that wasn't Walter Cronkite.
819
00:45:55,836 --> 00:45:58,379
KIRK: I will tell him, sir.
- Didn't I speak to you before?
820
00:45:58,547 --> 00:45:59,839
Okay, sir, thank you.
821
00:46:01,884 --> 00:46:05,928
CRONAUER: Very good. All right, now.
All right, let's recap now, okay.
822
00:46:06,096 --> 00:46:09,432
If someone is not telling the truth,
you say that they are full of...
823
00:46:09,641 --> 00:46:12,393
STUDENTS [IN UNISON]: Shit.
MAN: Shit.
824
00:46:12,561 --> 00:46:15,021
Okay, if someone
is making you angrier and angrier,
825
00:46:15,189 --> 00:46:16,647
therefore, you have...
826
00:46:16,857 --> 00:46:20,151
STUDENTS [IN UNISON]: Pissed me off.
MAN: Pissed me off.
827
00:46:20,694 --> 00:46:23,404
Okay, join the others if you can.
All right, let's see.
828
00:46:23,572 --> 00:46:26,866
If you say that, hey, some people in a car,
some gypsies, they cut you off.
829
00:46:27,034 --> 00:46:28,117
All of a sudden you...
830
00:46:28,285 --> 00:46:31,913
STUDENTS: Flip them the bird.
- A bird.
831
00:46:36,627 --> 00:46:39,879
Very good. Okay, now we got
a special situation right now.
832
00:46:40,047 --> 00:46:41,380
There's a Puerto Rican waitress.
833
00:46:41,548 --> 00:46:44,258
She comes over, brings you a red soup.
She's got some tomato soup.
834
00:46:44,426 --> 00:46:47,011
Oh, she slips, she spills it
on your brand-new gabardine pants
835
00:46:47,179 --> 00:46:48,888
that you paid more than a coloured TV for.
836
00:46:49,056 --> 00:46:51,140
You're a little angry, so you say to her...
Minh?
837
00:46:51,683 --> 00:46:53,601
Uh, look what you did.
838
00:46:53,769 --> 00:46:56,854
And goddamn it and stupid and crap.
839
00:46:57,064 --> 00:46:59,273
That's stupid, you don't call someone crap.
840
00:46:59,441 --> 00:47:01,734
No, you step on crap.
You don't call it to a person.
841
00:47:01,944 --> 00:47:05,863
- You can step on crap. I know you can.
- Yes, but they can be full of shit, he said.
842
00:47:06,073 --> 00:47:08,574
No, no, you see, you step in shit,
you can be full of crap.
843
00:47:08,784 --> 00:47:12,245
I'm pretty sure you can step on crap.
I once saw it in a French movie.
844
00:47:12,454 --> 00:47:14,038
How can some person look like a shit?
845
00:47:14,206 --> 00:47:16,165
- It impossible.
CRONAUER: Let's stop with that.
846
00:47:16,333 --> 00:47:18,626
We can stop with the debate
on the great caca right now.
847
00:47:18,794 --> 00:47:21,587
Let's try a very special situation.
Wilkie, something special, okay?
848
00:47:21,755 --> 00:47:24,173
You go into a restaurant, okay?
A waitress comes up to you.
849
00:47:24,341 --> 00:47:25,967
You're wearing your best new suit.
850
00:47:26,134 --> 00:47:29,011
She comes up, she spills soup
all over you, looks at you like,
851
00:47:29,179 --> 00:47:31,305
"I'm sorry. What're you gonna do
about it, asshole?"
852
00:47:31,473 --> 00:47:33,432
What do you say to her?
What would you say?
853
00:47:33,642 --> 00:47:37,228
They spilled something on your pants,
what would you do?
854
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:40,439
I do nothing.
855
00:47:44,111 --> 00:47:45,653
Come on, Wilkie, it's cursing class.
856
00:47:45,821 --> 00:47:47,738
You're getting pissed off.
What would you do?
857
00:47:47,948 --> 00:47:49,907
I just remain reticent.
858
00:47:50,117 --> 00:47:53,160
Okay, she goes in the kitchen,
she gets a knife, she starts stabbing you.
859
00:47:53,328 --> 00:47:55,246
She's stabbing you.
She's putting forks in you.
860
00:47:55,414 --> 00:47:57,123
She's got spoons in your eyes, Will.
861
00:47:57,291 --> 00:48:00,126
They're starting to cut you with knives,
putting spoons in your eyes.
862
00:48:00,294 --> 00:48:02,044
What would you do, Will?
What would you do?
863
00:48:02,212 --> 00:48:04,714
I'm waiting to die.
864
00:48:08,093 --> 00:48:11,304
Mr. Cronauer, we like your lessons better
than the book's.
865
00:48:11,471 --> 00:48:14,098
- Soon we play baseball?
- When you teaching us softball?
866
00:48:14,266 --> 00:48:17,101
We have to have training.
When I think you're ready, I'll try.
867
00:48:17,269 --> 00:48:20,313
- Where are you come from?
- Queens. Bayside, Queens.
868
00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:23,149
- What are queens?
- Tall, thin men who like show tunes.
869
00:48:23,650 --> 00:48:27,403
No? Big men with moustaches
named Mary who wear mascara.
870
00:48:28,155 --> 00:48:30,239
[SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE]
871
00:48:33,076 --> 00:48:34,452
Yeah.
872
00:48:34,620 --> 00:48:36,078
[SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE]
873
00:48:36,246 --> 00:48:38,080
What is a lakai?
874
00:48:40,334 --> 00:48:43,586
Relax already, crazy American.
875
00:48:44,755 --> 00:48:47,006
I made a date with you and Trinh tomorrow.
876
00:48:47,174 --> 00:48:50,176
- You did?
- Nearby the larch tree, near Viet Hoa.
877
00:48:50,344 --> 00:48:53,512
By the food and flower vendors where
you burn your mouth on the noodles.
878
00:48:53,722 --> 00:48:55,348
- Where's that?
- The noodles, remember?
879
00:48:55,515 --> 00:48:57,350
- When you burn your mouth.
- Oh, gosh, yeah.
880
00:48:57,517 --> 00:49:00,019
But I warn you,
you not like it when you get there.
881
00:49:00,187 --> 00:49:01,479
You say it ridiculous.
882
00:49:01,647 --> 00:49:04,398
Why? That's the most ridiculous thing
I've ever heard.
883
00:49:04,608 --> 00:49:07,318
Hi.
884
00:49:07,778 --> 00:49:11,864
Oh, God, this could be very ugly. Hi.
885
00:49:12,824 --> 00:49:14,867
Chaperons.
886
00:49:15,035 --> 00:49:20,122
I n Vietnam, family often come
to meet someone, to meet someone.
887
00:49:20,290 --> 00:49:24,794
Hello, hey.
Well, the gang's all here, huh? Ha, ha.
888
00:49:24,962 --> 00:49:27,338
Oh, God, help me. This is wonderful.
889
00:49:28,382 --> 00:49:32,051
Well, you know, you're very beautiful.
890
00:49:33,845 --> 00:49:35,638
And you're also very quiet.
891
00:49:35,806 --> 00:49:39,392
And I'm not used to girls being that quiet
unless they're medicated.
892
00:49:39,559 --> 00:49:42,812
I go out with girls who talk so much
you can hook them up to a wind turbine
893
00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:45,189
and they could power a small New Hampshire town.
894
00:49:46,900 --> 00:49:48,901
You talk, I think, very much.
895
00:49:49,069 --> 00:49:52,405
Well, you see, I'm not used to going
on a date with a grand jury,
896
00:49:52,572 --> 00:49:54,198
and it makes me a little nervous.
897
00:49:55,325 --> 00:49:58,202
I don't want makes you nervous, Cronauer.
898
00:49:58,370 --> 00:50:00,913
I know you very nice.
899
00:50:01,289 --> 00:50:08,254
And for trusting, you is the best
of the gently of what you say
900
00:50:08,422 --> 00:50:12,842
of never to be for both the same and another.
901
00:50:14,761 --> 00:50:17,972
Well, I had you there, babe,
but then you lost me at the end.
902
00:50:22,394 --> 00:50:25,229
Hey, hey. Hey, Uncle Phil.
903
00:50:25,439 --> 00:50:28,733
Here you go, there you go.
Hey, got one? For you.
904
00:50:28,900 --> 00:50:32,445
Hey, there we go, for you.
Here we go, for you all.
905
00:50:33,113 --> 00:50:34,989
Knock yourselves out.
906
00:50:35,157 --> 00:50:37,742
What's one-thirteenth of a dollar
among friends? Come on.
907
00:50:38,076 --> 00:50:39,952
No problem.
908
00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:42,038
They're having a great...
909
00:50:46,585 --> 00:50:51,464
Hey, listen, I know there's no way.
910
00:50:53,258 --> 00:50:56,635
But it doesn't mean we can't have a few laughs.
911
00:50:57,179 --> 00:51:02,725
Hey, I'll take whatever you can give
because I'm just happy to be with you.
912
00:51:02,893 --> 00:51:05,186
You want to see a movie or something?
913
00:51:06,772 --> 00:51:09,899
- We must to ask the people.
- Hey, it's no problem.
914
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:13,152
Attention, shoppers.
People, people, settle.
915
00:51:14,154 --> 00:51:16,322
CRONAUER: "Under the Boardwalk,"
you know that one?
916
00:51:16,490 --> 00:51:19,366
"Shout" by the Isley Brothers,
you know that?
917
00:51:19,576 --> 00:51:23,496
- You know any American songs at all?
- "Puff the Magic Dragon."
918
00:51:23,663 --> 00:51:26,332
You know "Puff the Magic Dragon"?
Will you sing it?
919
00:51:26,958 --> 00:51:31,712
[SINGING] Puff, the Magic Dragon
Living by the tree
920
00:51:32,089 --> 00:51:33,172
That's wonderful.
921
00:51:33,340 --> 00:51:35,758
Hey, 12, please. Um...
922
00:51:36,343 --> 00:51:38,010
[BOTH SPEAK IN VIETNAMESE]
923
00:51:38,220 --> 00:51:41,347
[SINGING "BEACH BLANKET BINGO"]
924
00:52:02,577 --> 00:52:04,662
[DUBBED IN VIETNAMESE]
925
00:52:15,048 --> 00:52:17,133
[SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE]
926
00:52:19,636 --> 00:52:21,262
My thoughts exactly.
927
00:52:38,488 --> 00:52:40,906
Why can't I read this?
It's what's going on here now.
928
00:52:41,074 --> 00:52:43,284
They'd never approve of that being released.
929
00:52:43,451 --> 00:52:46,036
That's censorship, Edward.
That's not what America's all about.
930
00:52:46,204 --> 00:52:47,705
We're not in America, sir.
931
00:52:47,873 --> 00:52:50,875
Can we please not get into this right now?
You're in the middle of a show.
932
00:52:51,042 --> 00:52:53,377
You could put amphetamine freaks
to sleep with this shit.
933
00:52:53,545 --> 00:52:55,838
"Got an agreement on Guam."
Sounds like bird droppings.
934
00:52:56,006 --> 00:52:57,089
Here's something exciting:
935
00:52:57,257 --> 00:52:59,592
"Hubert Humphrey visits Capitol Hill."
A children's story.
936
00:52:59,759 --> 00:53:01,760
- I'm reading this.
- No, I can't let you do that.
937
00:53:01,928 --> 00:53:04,263
Edward, don't you ever do anything
that's not by the book?
938
00:53:04,431 --> 00:53:06,098
Not when I get into trouble. No, I don't.
939
00:53:06,266 --> 00:53:09,643
Eddie, sometimes you got
to go out of your way to get into trouble.
940
00:53:09,811 --> 00:53:12,563
It's called fun.
What's that? Come on.
941
00:53:12,731 --> 00:53:15,816
Take some chances once in a while,
Edward. That's what life's all about.
942
00:53:16,318 --> 00:53:19,737
- Find anything?
- No, I'll have to make something up.
943
00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:22,323
Hey, we're back.
944
00:53:22,490 --> 00:53:25,284
That last two seconds of silence
was Marcel Marceau's newest single:
945
00:53:25,452 --> 00:53:26,535
"Walkin' in the Wind."
946
00:53:26,703 --> 00:53:28,245
And now here are the headlines.
947
00:53:28,413 --> 00:53:29,872
[MIMICS TELETYPE MACHINE]
948
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:31,373
Here they come at you right now.
949
00:53:31,541 --> 00:53:33,834
Pope actually found to be Jewish,
Liberace is Anastasia,
950
00:53:34,002 --> 00:53:35,502
and Ethel Merman jams Russian radar.
951
00:53:36,171 --> 00:53:39,256
The East Germans today claimed
that the Berlin Wall was a fraternity prank.
952
00:53:39,424 --> 00:53:42,301
Also, the pope decided today to release
Vatican-related bath products.
953
00:53:42,469 --> 00:53:45,054
An incredible thing.
Yes, it's the new Pope-on-a-Rope.
954
00:53:45,222 --> 00:53:46,639
That's right, Pope-on-a-Rope.
955
00:53:46,806 --> 00:53:49,099
Wash with it, go straight to heaven.
Thank you.
956
00:53:49,267 --> 00:53:51,393
Ethel Merman today uses a test
to jam Russian radar.
957
00:53:51,561 --> 00:53:53,062
Here's a brief test of that jamming.
958
00:53:53,230 --> 00:53:56,649
[SINGING AS ETHEL MERMAN]
Oh, I've got a feeling
959
00:53:56,816 --> 00:53:59,318
That love is here to stay
960
00:53:59,486 --> 00:54:01,153
When asked for a reply, the Russians went,
961
00:54:01,321 --> 00:54:03,197
[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT]
"What the hell was that?"
962
00:54:03,406 --> 00:54:04,448
[MIMICS TELETYPE MACHINE]
963
00:54:04,616 --> 00:54:06,116
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Here's a news flash:
964
00:54:06,284 --> 00:54:09,119
Today, President Lyndon Johnson
passed a highway beautification bill.
965
00:54:09,287 --> 00:54:10,955
The bill basically said that his daughters
966
00:54:11,122 --> 00:54:13,040
could not drive in a convertible on highways.
967
00:54:13,250 --> 00:54:15,542
Hey, we got a great show coming your way today.
968
00:54:15,710 --> 00:54:17,628
Former Vice President Richard Nixon's in town.
969
00:54:17,796 --> 00:54:19,755
That's right, the big Dick is here.
Get ready.
970
00:54:19,923 --> 00:54:21,840
I think there's an incredible coincidence here.
971
00:54:22,008 --> 00:54:25,135
I think he sounds exactly like Mister Ed.
You be the judge.
972
00:54:25,303 --> 00:54:27,388
[AS NIXON] I tell you this.
[NORMAL] Now, listen.
973
00:54:27,555 --> 00:54:29,181
[AS MISTER ED]
Wilbur, come in the room.
974
00:54:29,349 --> 00:54:31,392
An incredible coincidence, some more songs.
975
00:54:31,559 --> 00:54:35,396
Moving on, moving on into the dawn
with the dawn-busters, yeah.
976
00:54:35,605 --> 00:54:37,690
["IT'S ALL RIGHT"
PLAYING ON RADIO]
977
00:54:47,200 --> 00:54:49,326
The requests will be taken pretty soon.
Requests?
978
00:54:49,494 --> 00:54:51,912
Where am I gonna take requests?
Where can you call from?
979
00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:56,041
[SOLDIER] I'm in a phone booth out
in the DMZ. I'm trying to call you right now.
980
00:54:59,504 --> 00:55:01,964
[IN VIETNAMESE ACCENT]
Lock 'n' loll, baby. Lock 'n' loll.
981
00:55:17,147 --> 00:55:18,647
Vee.
982
00:55:21,651 --> 00:55:23,986
Again, we've got our friend
from military intelligence.
983
00:55:24,195 --> 00:55:28,240
Can you tell us what you've found out
about the enemy since you've been here?
984
00:55:28,408 --> 00:55:32,703
[SLOWLY] We found out that we can't
find them. They're out there,
985
00:55:32,871 --> 00:55:37,624
and we're having a major difficulty
in finding the enemy.
986
00:55:37,792 --> 00:55:40,252
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Well, what do you use to look for them?
987
00:55:40,420 --> 00:55:42,880
[SLOWLY] Well, we ask people,
"Are you the enemy?"
988
00:55:43,048 --> 00:55:46,050
And whoever says yes, we shoot them.
989
00:55:50,513 --> 00:55:54,683
It's very difficult
to find a Vietnamese man named Charlie.
990
00:55:54,851 --> 00:56:00,481
They're all named Nyugen or Doh
or things like that. It's very difficult for me.
991
00:56:04,319 --> 00:56:06,945
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Thank you.
Is it true that you've actually...?
992
00:56:07,113 --> 00:56:10,074
You're actually too close to some
of the nerve agents they were testing?
993
00:56:10,241 --> 00:56:11,909
[SLOWLY]
Nerve gas?
994
00:56:12,077 --> 00:56:13,911
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Yes, have you used any?
995
00:56:14,079 --> 00:56:17,915
[SLOWLY] Well, once, yes, on myself.
And it had no...
996
00:56:18,083 --> 00:56:19,333
[SCREAMS]
997
00:56:19,501 --> 00:56:20,918
- No effect on me.
998
00:56:21,086 --> 00:56:22,544
I've had no actual...
999
00:56:22,712 --> 00:56:25,381
[SCREAMS
THEN SPEAKS GI BBERISH]
1000
00:56:25,548 --> 00:56:28,926
Whoa, big dogs.
Big dogs landing on my face.
1001
00:56:29,094 --> 00:56:30,677
I don't know what that means.
1002
00:56:30,887 --> 00:56:34,973
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Hey, that's it for me.
That's the end of the Adrian Cron-Hour,
1003
00:56:35,141 --> 00:56:39,478
but I'm gonna turn you over right now
to Mr. Warmth, Dan "The Tan" Levitan.
1004
00:56:39,646 --> 00:56:42,398
Ha, ha. Thank you so much, Adrian.
1005
00:56:42,565 --> 00:56:46,193
Adrian Cronauer, Gls,
a wacky and welcome addition...
1006
00:56:46,361 --> 00:56:48,112
Nixon's press conference.
1007
00:56:48,279 --> 00:56:51,115
Well, wait till you hear it.
He's this far from sincerity.
1008
00:56:51,282 --> 00:56:53,117
Oh, no, man, listen.
Let me just feed my face.
1009
00:56:53,284 --> 00:56:55,828
Just a moment, come on.
1010
00:56:58,832 --> 00:57:02,126
- Where do you imagine you're going?
- Just gonna get a little something to eat.
1011
00:57:02,293 --> 00:57:03,377
You don't have time.
1012
00:57:03,545 --> 00:57:05,879
You'll stay here
and drink instant beverage or something.
1013
00:57:06,047 --> 00:57:09,133
We promised our listening audience
Nixon highlights by 4 p.m.
1014
00:57:09,342 --> 00:57:11,468
I've been on the air for four hours.
I'm hungry.
1015
00:57:11,678 --> 00:57:13,387
That's a joke, right? I get it.
1016
00:57:13,847 --> 00:57:16,640
No, I'm actually hungry.
1017
00:57:16,808 --> 00:57:19,393
Well, I'm actually giving you an order.
1018
00:57:23,356 --> 00:57:27,568
Oh, it's an order.
I n that case, gentlemen, let's edit.
1019
00:57:30,447 --> 00:57:32,614
Thank you. Mm-mm.
1020
00:57:32,782 --> 00:57:34,616
Campbell's.
1021
00:57:34,826 --> 00:57:36,034
Aha!
1022
00:57:36,202 --> 00:57:39,913
Earl, oh, you again.
No more fighting, okay?
1023
00:57:40,123 --> 00:57:42,624
Oh, you got it.
James, nice, shiny green suit.
1024
00:57:42,792 --> 00:57:44,293
You look like an Oriental leprechaun.
1025
00:57:44,461 --> 00:57:50,591
You like it? I got it in Hong Kong,
home of the shiny green suit.
1026
00:57:52,385 --> 00:57:54,595
NIXON [OVER RADIO]:
There is no place for neutrality
1027
00:57:54,762 --> 00:57:56,763
or a neutralist sentiment in South Vietnam.
1028
00:57:56,931 --> 00:58:01,268
As I leave Vietnam today
there is no doubt, certainly, in my mind...
1029
00:58:01,436 --> 00:58:02,478
Hey. That's Nixon.
1030
00:58:02,645 --> 00:58:05,105
NIXON [ON RADIO]:
- Whether the Vietcong will be defeated,
1031
00:58:05,315 --> 00:58:07,900
NIXON [ON TAPE]:
And that this war will be won.
1032
00:58:08,067 --> 00:58:10,194
Mission does involve...
I think very appropriately.
1033
00:58:10,361 --> 00:58:11,945
- As you have suggested, give and take.
1034
00:58:12,113 --> 00:58:14,948
CRONAUER [ON TAPE]:
Well, I didn't make that suggestion, sir.
1035
00:58:15,116 --> 00:58:18,494
NIXON [ON RADIO]:
The United States has no right to give.
1036
00:58:18,661 --> 00:58:21,121
Why would Cronauer's voice be on this tape?
1037
00:58:21,289 --> 00:58:22,414
I don't know, lieutenant.
1038
00:58:22,582 --> 00:58:24,124
NIXON:
- Territory to the Communists.
1039
00:58:24,292 --> 00:58:26,710
CRONAUER: Thank you for that
concise political commentary,
1040
00:58:26,878 --> 00:58:29,296
but I'd like to delve
into something slightly more personal
1041
00:58:29,464 --> 00:58:30,672
for the men in the field.
1042
00:58:30,840 --> 00:58:32,758
How would you describe your testicles?
1043
00:58:32,926 --> 00:58:34,551
NIXON:
They're soft, they're shallow
1044
00:58:34,719 --> 00:58:36,386
- and they have no purpose.
- Oh, my God.
1045
00:58:36,554 --> 00:58:38,222
CRONAUER: What, sir?
- Oh, my God.
1046
00:58:38,389 --> 00:58:40,390
NIXON:
They lack the physical strength.
1047
00:58:40,558 --> 00:58:43,310
CRONAUER: How would you describe
your sex life with your wife, Pat?
1048
00:58:43,478 --> 00:58:45,395
NIXON [ON RADIO]:
It is unexciting sometimes.
1049
00:58:45,563 --> 00:58:47,356
CRONAUER:
Have you considered a sex change?
1050
00:58:47,524 --> 00:58:48,690
There is an operation that...
1051
00:58:48,858 --> 00:58:50,859
Please don't do this to me.
Please don't do this.
1052
00:58:51,027 --> 00:58:52,694
CRONAUER:
- A very well-hung Chihuahua.
1053
00:58:52,904 --> 00:58:57,157
Mr. Nixon, while you've been in Vietnam,
it's rumoured that you smoked marijuana.
1054
00:58:57,325 --> 00:59:00,786
Are you planning, sir, to take some of
the marijuana back to the United States?
1055
00:59:00,954 --> 00:59:02,037
How would you do that?
1056
00:59:02,205 --> 00:59:06,166
NIXON [ON TAPE]: By plane,
by helicopter and also by automobile.
1057
00:59:06,334 --> 00:59:09,169
CRONAUER: I was wondering if you
could do your Mister Ed, because...
1058
00:59:09,337 --> 00:59:12,798
Cut that thing off. I said cut it off.
1059
00:59:12,966 --> 00:59:14,383
GARLICK:
Sir.
1060
00:59:14,551 --> 00:59:16,843
- Where is Cronauer?
DREIWITZ: Still eating, sir.
1061
00:59:17,554 --> 00:59:19,388
I want to see him ASAP.
1062
00:59:20,056 --> 00:59:21,390
What, sir?
1063
00:59:21,558 --> 00:59:25,394
- As soon as possible.
- VG, sir.
1064
00:59:25,562 --> 00:59:27,521
We interrupt to bring you an emergency selection
1065
00:59:27,689 --> 00:59:29,815
of the Benny Goodman Orchestra.
1066
00:59:30,024 --> 00:59:32,359
HAUK: We simply need to consider
taking him off the air.
1067
00:59:32,527 --> 00:59:33,986
TAYLOR:
Lieutenant, we get hundreds,
1068
00:59:34,153 --> 00:59:36,572
maybe thousands of calls
and letters each week, fan mail.
1069
00:59:37,323 --> 00:59:40,993
He's the first man in the history
of Armed Forces Radio to get fan mail.
1070
00:59:41,578 --> 00:59:45,497
Every GI in this country
is glued to his radio twice a day
1071
00:59:45,707 --> 00:59:49,293
at 0600 hours and 1600 hours
to hear that lunatic.
1072
00:59:49,460 --> 00:59:52,754
Sir, the man has got an irreverent tendency.
1073
00:59:52,922 --> 00:59:56,633
He did a very off-colour parody
of former VP Nixon.
1074
00:59:56,801 --> 00:59:58,135
I thought it was hilarious.
1075
00:59:58,344 --> 01:00:03,056
Respectfully, sir, the former VP
is a good man and a decent man.
1076
01:00:03,224 --> 01:00:06,310
Bullshit. I know Nixon personally.
1077
01:00:06,477 --> 01:00:09,938
He lugs a trainload of shit behind him
that would fertilise the Sinai.
1078
01:00:10,106 --> 01:00:12,065
I wouldn't buy an apple from the son of a bitch,
1079
01:00:12,233 --> 01:00:14,401
and I consider him
a good, close personal friend.
1080
01:00:14,569 --> 01:00:17,237
Let's get down to business here, general.
What is going on here?
1081
01:00:17,405 --> 01:00:19,197
We've got a mounting crisis in this country.
1082
01:00:19,365 --> 01:00:21,158
We've got a deejay that the men dearly love.
1083
01:00:21,326 --> 01:00:24,703
If you two have personal problems,
solve them, will you?
1084
01:00:24,871 --> 01:00:32,461
Thank you, lieutenant.
1085
01:00:37,925 --> 01:00:39,217
Speak your piece, Dick.
1086
01:00:41,012 --> 01:00:42,679
Due respect, sir.
1087
01:00:42,847 --> 01:00:45,807
I have over 15 years
command experience in this Army.
1088
01:00:45,975 --> 01:00:48,018
Do you really expect me
to run this radio station
1089
01:00:48,186 --> 01:00:50,103
with nothing to say and no way to do it?
1090
01:00:50,313 --> 01:00:51,855
Right now, yes.
1091
01:00:54,901 --> 01:00:56,401
Yes, sir.
1092
01:01:00,657 --> 01:01:02,824
DICKERSON:
This is not over yet.
1093
01:01:07,121 --> 01:01:08,205
Why you still here?
1094
01:01:08,373 --> 01:01:10,666
Sparky. Sitting back,
having a cup of formaldehyde.
1095
01:01:10,833 --> 01:01:13,710
You say after you go out with Trinh,
you meet me to talk about her.
1096
01:01:13,878 --> 01:01:16,254
- Nothing to discuss, she doesn't like me.
- Yes, she do.
1097
01:01:16,422 --> 01:01:17,964
- No, she don't.
- She do liking you.
1098
01:01:18,132 --> 01:01:20,258
She want to meet you today.
She's not far from here.
1099
01:01:20,426 --> 01:01:23,261
- I can't, I gotta be back on the air...
- You have to meet her today.
1100
01:01:23,429 --> 01:01:26,431
- Otherwise, you miss your big chance.
- I don't wanna miss my big chance.
1101
01:01:26,599 --> 01:01:27,641
Yes, come, we go.
1102
01:01:27,809 --> 01:01:29,893
Sound like you learned English
from Tonto. "We go."
1103
01:01:30,061 --> 01:01:32,229
TUAN: Come on.
- Okay.
1104
01:01:33,731 --> 01:01:35,857
I still can't believe
she really wants to see me.
1105
01:01:36,025 --> 01:01:37,109
Yeah.
1106
01:01:37,276 --> 01:01:39,820
I guess that beach movie
really impressed her, huh?
1107
01:01:39,987 --> 01:01:42,322
I gotta get her something.
1108
01:01:42,990 --> 01:01:44,324
- What about bananas?
- No.
1109
01:01:44,492 --> 01:01:48,036
No, that doesn't say the right thing.
You're right. How about...?
1110
01:01:50,206 --> 01:01:52,749
[WOMAN SCREAMING]
1111
01:02:00,842 --> 01:02:03,510
MAN:
Oh, my God!
1112
01:02:04,262 --> 01:02:06,138
[SIREN WAILING]
1113
01:02:09,559 --> 01:02:11,435
[WOMAN CRYING]
1114
01:02:14,814 --> 01:02:16,356
God!
1115
01:02:28,453 --> 01:02:29,786
[SOLDIER BLOWS WHISTLE]
1116
01:02:44,886 --> 01:02:47,137
DISPATCHER [OVER RADIO]:
Four-twenty-seven as far as...
1117
01:02:51,225 --> 01:02:54,269
Oh, my bar! Why? Who do that?
1118
01:03:02,570 --> 01:03:04,279
MP 1:
Get back.
1119
01:03:05,948 --> 01:03:07,407
MP 2:
Dead.
1120
01:03:08,951 --> 01:03:12,954
CRONAUER: You can't just leave them.
- This boy's gone, soldier.
1121
01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:22,714
MAN: Let's go.
MP 1: Come on, get back.
1122
01:03:23,341 --> 01:03:25,133
Get back.
1123
01:03:31,182 --> 01:03:33,892
DISPATCHER [OVER RADIO]:
Fire 4, there's a fire in the landing
1124
01:03:34,060 --> 01:03:35,811
on the outside of the building.
1125
01:03:47,365 --> 01:03:49,533
Hey, where's he going?
1126
01:03:53,996 --> 01:03:55,288
What do you think you're doing?
1127
01:03:55,456 --> 01:03:57,290
You're forbidden to read anything not checked.
1128
01:03:57,458 --> 01:03:59,626
- What? I was there.
- Airman, you know the rules.
1129
01:03:59,794 --> 01:04:02,128
If this is legitimate,
it must go through proper channels.
1130
01:04:02,296 --> 01:04:04,923
Listen, it's an actual event.
Where do you think this came from?
1131
01:04:05,091 --> 01:04:07,592
I just wanna report the truth.
It'd be a nice change of pace.
1132
01:04:07,760 --> 01:04:11,513
- What's going on here?
- Sir, will you listen to me?
1133
01:04:15,059 --> 01:04:17,394
Not official news.
Far as I'm concerned, it didn't happen.
1134
01:04:17,562 --> 01:04:19,187
- It did happen...
- You shut your mouth.
1135
01:04:19,355 --> 01:04:21,815
What are you afraid of?
People might find out there's a war?
1136
01:04:21,983 --> 01:04:23,483
This news is not official, airman.
1137
01:04:23,651 --> 01:04:26,695
You want everyone going under the
assumption it's safe here. It's not.
1138
01:04:26,863 --> 01:04:28,822
The fighting's not in the hills.
It's downtown...
1139
01:04:28,990 --> 01:04:32,450
I said it is none of your goddamn business.
1140
01:04:35,079 --> 01:04:36,663
I see your point.
1141
01:04:37,164 --> 01:04:38,665
I'm sorry.
1142
01:04:39,250 --> 01:04:42,919
I guess I get inside, hit these
air conditioners. I get a little dizzy.
1143
01:04:44,130 --> 01:04:46,131
Thanks for setting me straight.
1144
01:04:47,508 --> 01:04:49,092
It'll be okay.
1145
01:04:49,302 --> 01:04:51,428
DREIWITZ:
- Coming up at the top of the hour.
1146
01:04:51,596 --> 01:04:53,471
That about wraps it up for me, Marty Lee,
1147
01:04:53,639 --> 01:04:55,599
filling in for my buddy, vacationing Eddie Kirk,
1148
01:04:55,766 --> 01:04:58,310
who, despite all your requests,
will return tomorrow.
1149
01:04:58,477 --> 01:05:01,730
Right now, it's once again time
for the King Kong of Saigon,
1150
01:05:01,898 --> 01:05:04,190
Adrian Cronauer.
1151
01:05:10,823 --> 01:05:16,328
[YELLS]
Good morning, Vietnam.
1152
01:05:16,537 --> 01:05:18,955
Hey, I know it's not the morning,
but that's my trademark
1153
01:05:19,123 --> 01:05:20,790
and "good evening" sounds too depressing.
1154
01:05:20,958 --> 01:05:22,626
Hey, we're going right now to the news.
1155
01:05:22,793 --> 01:05:24,878
[MIMICS TELETYPE MACHINE]
1156
01:05:26,339 --> 01:05:30,133
From England, today,
Princess Margaret threw a shoe.
1157
01:05:30,301 --> 01:05:31,384
Easy, Madge.
1158
01:05:31,552 --> 01:05:33,678
Also Elizab... Queen Elizabeth, Liz...
1159
01:05:33,846 --> 01:05:35,639
Elizabeth Taylor. Elizabeth Taylor.
1160
01:05:35,806 --> 01:05:40,143
She's still married after six months.
Way to go, Liz, hey.
1161
01:05:42,355 --> 01:05:45,649
All right, in Saigon today,
according to official sources,
1162
01:05:45,816 --> 01:05:47,567
nothing actually happened.
1163
01:05:47,735 --> 01:05:51,321
One thing that didn't officially happen
was a bomb didn't explode at 1430 hours,
1164
01:05:51,489 --> 01:05:53,865
unofficially destroying Jimmy Wah's Café.
1165
01:05:54,075 --> 01:05:57,160
- Get him out of there.
- Three men were unofficially wounded.
1166
01:05:57,328 --> 01:06:01,122
And two men whose identities are still
not known were unofficially dead.
1167
01:06:01,290 --> 01:06:03,625
- Break the goddamn door down.
CRONAUER: Police, ambulance
1168
01:06:03,834 --> 01:06:06,503
and fire department responded
at what's believed to be unofficial
1169
01:06:06,671 --> 01:06:07,963
at this present moment.
1170
01:06:08,714 --> 01:06:10,131
Turn the power off in that studio.
1171
01:06:10,299 --> 01:06:11,925
McPHERSON: It's...
- Turn it off now.
1172
01:06:13,177 --> 01:06:15,428
I just wanted to think that you should...
1173
01:07:00,349 --> 01:07:02,183
DICKERSON:
The man should be court-martialled.
1174
01:07:02,351 --> 01:07:05,603
You think this is the most serious
set of affairs I have to address? It's not.
1175
01:07:05,771 --> 01:07:08,857
I can't believe you're gonna pass on this.
The man is a goddamn subversive.
1176
01:07:09,025 --> 01:07:11,109
TAYLOR: He made a mistake.
DICKERSON: Mistake, sir?
1177
01:07:11,277 --> 01:07:13,945
I don't wanna be around when he
broadcasts U.S. Troop movements.
1178
01:07:14,113 --> 01:07:17,323
I run the station according to strict
guidelines set by military intelligence.
1179
01:07:17,533 --> 01:07:20,243
Military intelligence?
There's a contradiction in terms.
1180
01:07:20,453 --> 01:07:22,412
Sir, the man is a walking keg of dynamite.
1181
01:07:22,580 --> 01:07:24,581
I n the eight weeks
he's been on the air, general,
1182
01:07:24,749 --> 01:07:26,583
he's disobeyed orders as to style and content.
1183
01:07:26,751 --> 01:07:29,753
He's read unofficial news.
What's he gonna be like in six months?
1184
01:07:30,463 --> 01:07:33,089
What's he gonna be like
when he's ten times as popular, general?
1185
01:07:33,257 --> 01:07:35,383
How easy is it gonna be
to get him off the air then?
1186
01:07:35,551 --> 01:07:37,844
CRONAUER:
Who will do the Cronauer show?
1187
01:07:38,429 --> 01:07:41,931
Well, Hauk can do it, sir,
till I find a replacement.
1188
01:07:43,601 --> 01:07:45,310
Okay, for now, suspend him.
1189
01:07:45,519 --> 01:07:47,353
Sir, you've made the correct choice.
1190
01:07:47,563 --> 01:07:52,484
[AS ED SULLIVAN] Here she is,
Diana Ross and the Suprawns.
1191
01:07:53,277 --> 01:07:55,862
[SINGING AS DIANA ROSS] Set me free
Why don't you, babe?
1192
01:07:56,197 --> 01:07:58,323
Set me free Why don't you, babe?
1193
01:07:58,532 --> 01:08:02,577
You don't really need me
You just keep me steaming on
1194
01:08:02,745 --> 01:08:05,330
[AS ED SULLIVAN]
Let me introduce the members of the band.
1195
01:08:05,498 --> 01:08:07,415
Larry, Pisces. Thank you very much.
1196
01:08:07,625 --> 01:08:09,209
[SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE]
1197
01:08:09,376 --> 01:08:12,128
- What'd he say?
TUAN: He say you drink too much already.
1198
01:08:12,296 --> 01:08:14,631
Well, tell him I drink so I can be this funny.
1199
01:08:14,799 --> 01:08:18,968
[BOTH SPEAK IN VIETNAMESE]
1200
01:08:19,303 --> 01:08:21,262
TUAN:
It's not funny at all, he said.
1201
01:08:21,430 --> 01:08:23,932
Tell him, thanks.
It's nice to bomb in another language.
1202
01:08:24,141 --> 01:08:27,602
You will sick if you drink some more.
Come on.
1203
01:08:29,772 --> 01:08:33,066
My village not too far from here.
You could come there for resting.
1204
01:08:33,234 --> 01:08:35,151
You could see how we live.
1205
01:08:35,319 --> 01:08:36,569
Listen, Sparky,
1206
01:08:36,737 --> 01:08:39,906
I don't think seeing your little production
of Our Town is gonna cheer me up.
1207
01:08:40,074 --> 01:08:43,159
- You see Trinh there.
- I'll drive.
1208
01:08:43,369 --> 01:08:45,370
Red leather, yellow leather, red leather.
1209
01:08:45,538 --> 01:08:47,872
Red leather, yellow leather.
Red leather...
1210
01:08:48,040 --> 01:08:49,874
Sir, sir, reading the news is one thing,
1211
01:08:50,042 --> 01:08:52,585
but this stuff you wrote, it's not funny, sir.
It's sad.
1212
01:08:53,045 --> 01:08:54,462
Sir, I'm begging you.
1213
01:08:54,630 --> 01:08:56,589
Don't try to do comedy.
It's not in your blood.
1214
01:08:56,799 --> 01:08:58,758
I'll do fine. Comedy is what you make it.
1215
01:08:58,926 --> 01:09:01,344
I've got pages and pages of great material.
1216
01:09:01,512 --> 01:09:03,096
Right, Abersold?
1217
01:09:03,264 --> 01:09:05,598
I'm afraid you're gonna be hitting bottom, sir.
1218
01:09:05,766 --> 01:09:08,643
If it isn't funny, then why did I hear
you laughing when you typed it?
1219
01:09:08,853 --> 01:09:10,770
I was thinking of something else.
1220
01:09:11,355 --> 01:09:14,232
Thank you for your support.
Now I've got a show to do.
1221
01:09:14,817 --> 01:09:18,403
- Sir, you're not funny. Ask around.
- Ask me.
1222
01:09:18,571 --> 01:09:20,613
Sir, with all due respect,
I think you're gonna...
1223
01:09:20,781 --> 01:09:22,407
You might lay an egg.
I mean, a big egg.
1224
01:09:22,575 --> 01:09:24,576
I mean, I know funny,
and I don't think you're it.
1225
01:09:24,743 --> 01:09:28,246
But, hey, such is life.
Me, I'm not much with power tools.
1226
01:09:29,582 --> 01:09:31,916
Hey, that was the great exciting sound
of Petula Clark.
1227
01:09:32,126 --> 01:09:35,420
- Beach Boys. Those were guys.
- Of the Beach Boys.
1228
01:09:35,588 --> 01:09:37,714
Hey, that wraps it up for me,
Marty Lee Dreiwitz.
1229
01:09:37,882 --> 01:09:39,632
Adrian Cronauer is on temporary assignment,
1230
01:09:39,800 --> 01:09:42,302
but, boy, do I have a surprise for you.
1231
01:09:42,511 --> 01:09:44,179
Don't build him up.
You'll let them down.
1232
01:09:44,346 --> 01:09:47,223
DREIWITZ: Please welcome to the
microphone, the lieutenant of laughs,
1233
01:09:47,433 --> 01:09:50,435
the officer of oral, the Westmoreland of wit,
1234
01:09:50,603 --> 01:09:53,271
swinging Steven Hauk.
1235
01:09:54,940 --> 01:09:58,067
Hello, Vietnam, and greetings.
1236
01:09:58,235 --> 01:10:01,070
Soon, the news. Then...
1237
01:10:01,238 --> 01:10:04,282
[IN BAD FRENCH ACCENT]
Lieutenant Steve, Lieutenant Steve?
1238
01:10:04,450 --> 01:10:07,702
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Who's that?
[AS FRENCHY] It's your old pal Frenchy.
1239
01:10:07,912 --> 01:10:09,662
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Frenchy, let me ask you,
1240
01:10:09,830 --> 01:10:11,039
do you like good food?
1241
01:10:11,207 --> 01:10:14,626
[AS FRENCHY] Oh, but of course,
the French love good food.
1242
01:10:14,835 --> 01:10:18,296
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Well, then I guess
that would make you an Eydie Gorme.
1243
01:10:18,464 --> 01:10:19,505
[BICYCLE HORN HONKS]
1244
01:10:19,715 --> 01:10:22,050
[AS FRENCHY]
Oh, Lieutenant Steve.
1245
01:10:22,218 --> 01:10:24,135
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Oh, Frenchy.
1246
01:10:24,303 --> 01:10:26,721
[AS FRENCHY]
Oh, Lieutenant Steve.
1247
01:10:28,098 --> 01:10:31,226
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Frenchy...
You know, I really shouldn't kid Frenchy,
1248
01:10:31,393 --> 01:10:32,810
because sometimes he Stan Getz...
1249
01:10:32,978 --> 01:10:34,020
[BICYCLE HORN HONKS]
1250
01:10:34,188 --> 01:10:35,730
- Mad at me, and he could Al Hirt me.
1251
01:10:35,898 --> 01:10:37,357
[BICYCLE HORN HONKS]
1252
01:10:37,524 --> 01:10:40,109
[AS FRENCHY] Lieutenant Steve,
let's play some music.
1253
01:10:40,277 --> 01:10:42,820
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Okay, Frenchy,
what would you like to hear?
1254
01:10:42,988 --> 01:10:46,491
[AS FRENCHY] Well, uh, I love
a good polka as much as the next man.
1255
01:10:46,659 --> 01:10:48,493
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Well, a good polka it is
1256
01:10:48,661 --> 01:10:51,579
for my good friend Frenchy.
1257
01:10:51,747 --> 01:10:53,831
[POLKA MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]
1258
01:10:59,129 --> 01:11:01,547
I think some apologies are in order.
1259
01:11:01,757 --> 01:11:03,758
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
1260
01:11:12,226 --> 01:11:15,228
You're not gonna continue
this broadcast, are you, sir?
1261
01:11:56,186 --> 01:11:58,855
CRONAUER: What are they doing?
- Oh, they're Buddhists.
1262
01:11:59,023 --> 01:12:02,191
They're sitting for peace, wisdom and knowledge.
1263
01:12:02,860 --> 01:12:05,153
They're waiting for enlightenment.
1264
01:12:15,122 --> 01:12:17,206
[OXEN MOO]
1265
01:12:22,004 --> 01:12:25,715
This man lose one son
from blasting American mine.
1266
01:12:27,634 --> 01:12:30,553
His father and brother
was killed by French long ago.
1267
01:12:30,721 --> 01:12:33,181
I think that's not fair to him.
1268
01:12:41,023 --> 01:12:42,899
[RELATIVES SPEAKING
IN VIETNAMESE]
1269
01:13:13,639 --> 01:13:15,723
[BABY CRYING]
1270
01:13:31,949 --> 01:13:33,032
CRONAUER:
Look.
1271
01:13:34,326 --> 01:13:36,661
It's cool, no big deal. Look.
1272
01:13:36,829 --> 01:13:40,206
[SINGING NONSENSE]
1273
01:13:50,884 --> 01:13:51,926
Look, up there. Pull.
1274
01:13:52,094 --> 01:13:53,136
[MIMICS GUNSHOT]
1275
01:13:53,303 --> 01:13:54,762
Pull.
1276
01:13:54,930 --> 01:13:57,014
[MIMICS ENGINE]
1277
01:14:14,575 --> 01:14:17,827
You not understand, you not.
1278
01:14:18,412 --> 01:14:22,582
We no future together, Cronauer.
1279
01:14:22,749 --> 01:14:26,711
My country maybe no future.
1280
01:14:29,465 --> 01:14:31,799
Hey, I like you.
I just wanna be your friend, okay?
1281
01:14:32,342 --> 01:14:36,137
- I know it sounds dumb.
- I not can do this, Cronauer.
1282
01:14:36,930 --> 01:14:40,099
No. No friend, Cronauer.
1283
01:14:41,560 --> 01:14:43,769
Not comfort for me.
1284
01:14:43,937 --> 01:14:51,194
My brother, okay, friends,
but Vietnam ladies, not friends.
1285
01:14:53,155 --> 01:14:55,114
Please, okay?
1286
01:14:56,366 --> 01:14:58,534
- Not friends.
- Of course.
1287
01:15:08,754 --> 01:15:10,463
Great week.
1288
01:15:42,120 --> 01:15:44,247
SERGEANT:
Move out. Go.
1289
01:15:45,958 --> 01:15:49,669
Get off. Go, go, go.
1290
01:15:54,049 --> 01:15:56,759
That's about as good a polka
as you'll ever hear.
1291
01:15:56,969 --> 01:16:01,055
No, I don't think that Cronauer
is going to be back in the air, sir.
1292
01:16:01,265 --> 01:16:04,058
- You want Cronauer back on the air.
- You want him back?
1293
01:16:04,226 --> 01:16:05,810
We want Cronauer...
1294
01:16:06,019 --> 01:16:07,979
We've gotten duffel bags filled with information
1295
01:16:08,146 --> 01:16:09,772
asking for Cronauer's reinstatement.
1296
01:16:09,940 --> 01:16:12,984
The men all hate Hauk.
They want Cronauer back.
1297
01:16:13,151 --> 01:16:17,029
He's an exhilarating personality,
and polkas are just no substitute.
1298
01:16:17,197 --> 01:16:19,198
I think that I see a pattern forming here.
1299
01:16:19,408 --> 01:16:20,866
Sir, these letters are unequivocal.
1300
01:16:21,034 --> 01:16:23,786
E.g., "Hey, Hauk, eat a bag of shit.
You suck."
1301
01:16:23,954 --> 01:16:26,956
That's pretty much to the point, sir.
Not much grey area in this one.
1302
01:16:27,165 --> 01:16:29,292
GARLICK: We got one call
from some guy in Wichita
1303
01:16:29,459 --> 01:16:31,460
who thought Hauk was visionary and interesting.
1304
01:16:31,670 --> 01:16:35,965
The other 1, 100 calls said that
the man can't do comedy to save his dick.
1305
01:16:36,133 --> 01:16:37,675
That's a direct quote, sir.
1306
01:16:37,843 --> 01:16:40,595
I've taken 90 calls this morning.
They just don't like Hauk.
1307
01:16:40,804 --> 01:16:42,138
GARLICK:
From a Marine in Da Nang:
1308
01:16:42,347 --> 01:16:45,933
"Captain Hauk sucks the sweat
off a dead man's balls."
1309
01:16:46,101 --> 01:16:50,146
I have no idea what that means, sir,
but it seems very negative to me.
1310
01:16:50,355 --> 01:16:53,482
I think the troops are trying
to tell us something, fellas.
1311
01:16:54,151 --> 01:16:57,069
HAUK: Sir, if it is my programming
choices, I can change.
1312
01:16:57,237 --> 01:16:58,654
I've been broadcasting the polkas
1313
01:16:58,822 --> 01:17:00,698
because I thought a certain segment of the men
1314
01:17:00,866 --> 01:17:04,076
weren't represented
by Cronauer's broadcasts of rock 'n' roll.
1315
01:17:04,244 --> 01:17:07,204
But I can easily play
an occasional Gary Lewis record.
1316
01:17:07,414 --> 01:17:10,207
It doesn't make a damn whether
you play polkas or don't play polkas.
1317
01:17:10,375 --> 01:17:14,420
Military politics. Nothing personal.
The men like him better than they do you.
1318
01:17:14,630 --> 01:17:18,341
He maliciously and with purposeful intent
read unofficial news.
1319
01:17:18,508 --> 01:17:23,179
No, no, no. He made a mistake.
We all make mistakes.
1320
01:17:23,347 --> 01:17:25,973
Now, this thing is a delicate balance over here,
1321
01:17:26,141 --> 01:17:28,809
and I don't want it dependent on a disc jockey.
1322
01:17:28,977 --> 01:17:30,895
The men want him back.
I want him back.
1323
01:17:31,355 --> 01:17:34,482
Sir, you heard from the men
who don't like my humour,
1324
01:17:34,650 --> 01:17:36,609
but what about the silent masses who do?
1325
01:17:36,818 --> 01:17:40,821
And as far as polkas,
they are a much maligned musical taste.
1326
01:17:40,989 --> 01:17:43,741
You don't know whether you're fucked,
powder-burned or snake-bit.
1327
01:17:43,950 --> 01:17:47,244
I don't care about polkas.
They're rioting in Hue.
1328
01:17:47,412 --> 01:17:49,997
We're bringing in thousands
of troops every month.
1329
01:17:50,165 --> 01:17:52,416
Terrorism's on the uprise in Saigon.
1330
01:17:52,584 --> 01:17:55,378
The problems of this country
have not one goddamned thing to do
1331
01:17:55,545 --> 01:17:57,880
with whether you play polkas
or don't play polkas.
1332
01:17:58,048 --> 01:18:01,092
The men want him back.
I want him back.
1333
01:18:01,259 --> 01:18:03,344
Reinstate the man.
1334
01:18:04,346 --> 01:18:08,808
Sir, in my heart, I know I'm funny.
1335
01:18:10,060 --> 01:18:11,268
Thank you, lieutenant.
1336
01:18:21,363 --> 01:18:24,031
- There you are, sir.
- Please, don't call me "sir."
1337
01:18:24,199 --> 01:18:26,575
It just came down the pike.
You're back on the air, sir.
1338
01:18:26,743 --> 01:18:30,162
- I'm not going on.
- What do you mean, you're not going on?
1339
01:18:30,372 --> 01:18:32,748
If you don't understand,
you should take my English class.
1340
01:18:32,916 --> 01:18:34,125
I'm not going on.
1341
01:18:35,210 --> 01:18:38,629
You're a very attractive man, Abersold.
Don't think I haven't noticed.
1342
01:18:40,340 --> 01:18:41,757
You'll be bored, you know.
1343
01:18:41,925 --> 01:18:43,884
- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know.
1344
01:18:44,094 --> 01:18:47,680
I may go downtown,
look for a Vietnamese man named Phil.
1345
01:18:47,848 --> 01:18:50,766
Or I may just stay here
and listen to old Pat Boone records.
1346
01:18:50,934 --> 01:18:52,935
Try and find some hidden meaning.
1347
01:18:53,103 --> 01:18:56,063
Because, basically, I believe
that that man is a misunderstood genius.
1348
01:18:57,065 --> 01:18:59,984
Genius? What are you saying to me?
1349
01:19:00,152 --> 01:19:01,318
I'm saying I'm through, Ed.
1350
01:19:01,486 --> 01:19:03,863
I'm tired of people telling me what I can't say.
1351
01:19:04,030 --> 01:19:07,199
"This news isn't official.
That comment is too sarcastic."
1352
01:19:07,367 --> 01:19:08,993
I can't even make fun of Richard Nixon.
1353
01:19:09,161 --> 01:19:11,537
And there's a man
who's screaming out to be made fun of.
1354
01:19:11,705 --> 01:19:13,581
So fuck it.
1355
01:19:13,915 --> 01:19:15,458
Sorry.
1356
01:19:16,418 --> 01:19:18,794
- Is he all right?
- No, Phil, he's not all right.
1357
01:19:18,962 --> 01:19:23,174
A man does not refer to Pat Boone
as a beautiful genius if things are all right.
1358
01:19:27,637 --> 01:19:29,722
- Sir.
- Garlick.
1359
01:19:30,766 --> 01:19:34,393
I'd like you to collate
these one-minute spots prior to broadcast.
1360
01:19:34,561 --> 01:19:37,104
You have a problem with that, young man?
1361
01:19:38,315 --> 01:19:40,232
Absolutely not.
1362
01:19:40,400 --> 01:19:43,068
- I live to collate, sir.
- Good.
1363
01:19:44,237 --> 01:19:45,821
So do I.
1364
01:19:46,031 --> 01:19:48,574
[CRONAUER HUMS "GET A JOB"]
1365
01:19:48,784 --> 01:19:52,119
- Get a job.
- Get a job, again.
1366
01:19:53,330 --> 01:19:56,123
"Get a job."
Right. We got it, you're cooking now.
1367
01:19:56,291 --> 01:19:58,375
- Sir?
- Edward.
1368
01:19:58,585 --> 01:20:00,669
GARLICK:
I'd like an explanation.
1369
01:20:00,879 --> 01:20:04,799
- On anything in particular?
- A lot of people went to the mat for you.
1370
01:20:04,966 --> 01:20:09,970
Thousands of guys wrote in, called in,
trying to get you reinstated.
1371
01:20:10,138 --> 01:20:12,264
And I literally think
that you owe it to all of them
1372
01:20:12,432 --> 01:20:14,767
to get your ass back on the air.
1373
01:20:15,268 --> 01:20:17,770
If you haven't noticed,
the Army doesn't really want me, Ed.
1374
01:20:17,938 --> 01:20:20,356
Been harassing me
since the day I got off the plane.
1375
01:20:20,732 --> 01:20:22,191
So what?
1376
01:20:22,359 --> 01:20:24,485
It's the guys in the field that matter,
remember?
1377
01:20:24,653 --> 01:20:26,070
Those are the guys that are dying.
1378
01:20:26,279 --> 01:20:29,448
Edward, I tried to tell the truth
and they kicked me off the air.
1379
01:20:29,616 --> 01:20:31,909
I screw up once more,
Dickerson sends me into the field.
1380
01:20:32,077 --> 01:20:33,285
I come home in a box.
1381
01:20:33,495 --> 01:20:35,746
What you do is important to a lot of people.
1382
01:20:35,956 --> 01:20:38,874
Forget it, will you? Listen, I give up.
1383
01:20:39,084 --> 01:20:42,753
I'm gonna phone it in, okay?
Enough bullshit. I'm out of here. See you.
1384
01:20:42,963 --> 01:20:45,047
- I'll buy you some lunch.
- Can't let you do that.
1385
01:20:45,215 --> 01:20:46,674
CRONAUER:
If I don't get to class,
1386
01:20:46,842 --> 01:20:49,176
there's gonna be Vietnamese
speaking in choppy sentences.
1387
01:20:49,344 --> 01:20:52,429
- Look, we gotta talk now.
- Not now, man, come on.
1388
01:20:52,597 --> 01:20:54,348
I can't believe you.
1389
01:20:54,516 --> 01:20:56,392
What? That's it?
1390
01:20:56,560 --> 01:20:59,562
You're gonna leave the fucking thing.
Leave everything fucking hanging.
1391
01:20:59,729 --> 01:21:01,522
People are depending on you.
1392
01:21:01,690 --> 01:21:05,985
Edward, please.
That's two nasty words in one year.
1393
01:21:06,152 --> 01:21:09,113
- Forgive me.
- Hey.
1394
01:21:09,322 --> 01:21:12,408
CRONAUER: You wanna give me a ride,
or am I gonna have to buy another bike?
1395
01:21:12,576 --> 01:21:13,659
You're pissing me off.
1396
01:21:25,714 --> 01:21:28,799
SOLDIER 1: What the hell's the holdup?
SOLDIER 2: Check it out.
1397
01:21:34,097 --> 01:21:35,264
Garlick, will you cut it out?
1398
01:21:35,432 --> 01:21:37,892
You're beginning to sound
like a priest in a '40s movie.
1399
01:21:38,059 --> 01:21:41,562
"We are not firing you.
The boys are depending on you."
1400
01:21:49,195 --> 01:21:51,989
- Gentlemen.
- What are you doing, Ed?
1401
01:21:52,532 --> 01:21:53,699
Hey, guys.
1402
01:21:53,909 --> 01:21:55,367
Guess who the hell I got in here.
1403
01:21:55,577 --> 01:21:57,244
- Don't do this.
SOLDIER 3: Groucho Marx!
1404
01:21:57,412 --> 01:21:59,830
SOLDIER 4: Senator Dirksen!
SOLDIER 5: Hey, Curly!
1405
01:22:00,040 --> 01:22:01,582
SOLDIER 6: Moe.
GARLICK: Guess again.
1406
01:22:01,791 --> 01:22:03,375
Oh, bag it, bag it, Garlick.
1407
01:22:03,585 --> 01:22:07,588
The fellow I got in here is the gentleman,
1408
01:22:07,756 --> 01:22:11,425
- the one and the only king of the airwaves,
- You're a dead man.
1409
01:22:11,593 --> 01:22:13,093
GARLICK:
Adrian Cronauer.
1410
01:22:13,261 --> 01:22:16,096
SOLDIER 7: Peterson, get up here, man.
I think we got Cronauer here.
1411
01:22:16,264 --> 01:22:20,017
Hey, Cronauer, say,
"Good morning, Vietnam."
1412
01:22:20,644 --> 01:22:23,395
Oh, give me a break, man.
It's too hot for radio shit, okay?
1413
01:22:23,605 --> 01:22:25,314
- Come on.
- Come on.
1414
01:22:25,482 --> 01:22:27,399
How do we know it's Adrian Cronauer?
1415
01:22:27,567 --> 01:22:30,903
Okay, I'll give her the best shot.
1416
01:22:31,071 --> 01:22:35,908
[YELLS]
Good morning, Vietnam.
1417
01:22:36,076 --> 01:22:37,701
SOLDIERS:
Yeah!
1418
01:22:38,328 --> 01:22:39,578
All right.
1419
01:22:39,746 --> 01:22:40,913
- All right.
- Cool.
1420
01:22:41,122 --> 01:22:42,164
Yeah.
1421
01:22:42,332 --> 01:22:43,707
- All right.
- We love you, Cron.
1422
01:22:43,917 --> 01:22:46,335
- All right.
- Yeah.
1423
01:22:46,503 --> 01:22:49,171
All right, this is Adrian Cronauer.
I'm on at 6:00 and again at 4.
1424
01:22:49,339 --> 01:22:52,341
We'd like to welcome you to Vietnam,
the country that is more stimulating
1425
01:22:52,509 --> 01:22:55,094
than a strong cup of cappuccino
or an espresso enema.
1426
01:22:55,303 --> 01:22:56,470
That one's coming at you now.
1427
01:22:56,638 --> 01:22:59,556
First, our fashion report from
Special Forces Sgt. Ernest Lee Sincere.
1428
01:22:59,766 --> 01:23:00,849
[EFFEMINATELY]
Thank you.
1429
01:23:01,017 --> 01:23:04,186
I think this fall, the discerning GI
is gonna be wearing green in the jungle.
1430
01:23:04,354 --> 01:23:06,522
Why? Because it matches
with the green, I don't...
1431
01:23:06,690 --> 01:23:09,233
The leaves, they fall upon the helmets,
says yes to me.
1432
01:23:09,401 --> 01:23:11,860
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Here's a news flash coming right now.
1433
01:23:12,028 --> 01:23:13,070
[MIMICS TELETYPE MACHINE]
1434
01:23:13,238 --> 01:23:15,280
We can't afford the teletype.
1435
01:23:15,448 --> 01:23:17,533
Here it is, coming for you now.
Quick news flash.
1436
01:23:17,742 --> 01:23:20,494
Former President Eisenhower,
actually cartoon character Elmer Fudd.
1437
01:23:20,662 --> 01:23:21,704
He was quoted as saying,
1438
01:23:21,871 --> 01:23:24,707
[AS ELMER FUDD] "Thank you, America.
It was fun being president."
1439
01:23:24,874 --> 01:23:27,084
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Gina Lollobrigida has been declared
1440
01:23:27,252 --> 01:23:28,794
the Italian national mountain range.
1441
01:23:28,962 --> 01:23:31,672
[AS GINA LOLLOBRIGIDA]
Look out, I don't see the sun anymore.
1442
01:23:31,840 --> 01:23:33,716
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Let's play a little game.
1443
01:23:33,883 --> 01:23:35,759
Who can tell me who sang the song "My Guy"?
1444
01:23:35,927 --> 01:23:37,469
- Where you from?
SOLDIER 8: Boston.
1445
01:23:37,637 --> 01:23:39,430
Boston.
You know who sang the song "My Guy"?
1446
01:23:39,597 --> 01:23:42,599
SOLDIER 8: Yeah. Shit, I can't think of it.
- Thank you for playing.
1447
01:23:42,767 --> 01:23:44,727
"Yeah, shit, I can't think of it."
That's right.
1448
01:23:44,894 --> 01:23:47,438
You don't win the case
of fish balls and lizard testicles.
1449
01:23:47,605 --> 01:23:50,733
Thank you for playing anyway.
Here it is right now. What's your name?
1450
01:23:50,942 --> 01:23:52,359
Patrick O'Ma... O'Malley.
1451
01:23:52,569 --> 01:23:54,194
[IN IRISH ACCENT]
Patrick O... O'Malley.
1452
01:23:54,362 --> 01:23:55,738
I don't know. I'm just so happy.
1453
01:23:55,905 --> 01:23:58,198
I'm O... O... O... O'Malley.
He's good... Oh, he's good.
1454
01:23:58,366 --> 01:24:00,492
I mean, I don't know. It's the Irish boy.
1455
01:24:00,660 --> 01:24:03,746
I'm just so full of semen.
I haven't gotten laid yet.
1456
01:24:03,913 --> 01:24:07,207
I'm certain that I'm a Catholic boy,
and I don't know when I'll be getting laid.
1457
01:24:07,375 --> 01:24:08,625
I'm just going off to Vietnam.
1458
01:24:08,835 --> 01:24:11,003
- [NORMAL] Where you from?
O'MALLEY: From the Village.
1459
01:24:11,171 --> 01:24:14,423
[EFFEMINATELY] Nice to have you here.
Nice to have you here in Vietnam.
1460
01:24:14,591 --> 01:24:17,926
Obviously, you just said, "I'll join the Army,
and be with people in green."
1461
01:24:18,094 --> 01:24:19,762
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Hi. What's your name?
1462
01:24:19,971 --> 01:24:21,430
- Jimmy Wilkes.
CRONAUER: Wilkes.
1463
01:24:21,639 --> 01:24:23,140
- Where you from?
WILKES: New York.
1464
01:24:23,308 --> 01:24:24,767
Oh, two boys joined together.
1465
01:24:24,934 --> 01:24:27,936
All of a sudden, "Well, I got drunk.
All of a sudden, I went for a tattoo.
1466
01:24:28,104 --> 01:24:30,606
Next thing you know,
I'm on a fucking truck. What happened?"
1467
01:24:30,774 --> 01:24:33,025
It's like, "Wow, baby.
I don't know what's going down."
1468
01:24:33,193 --> 01:24:35,861
You're both from New York.
Nice to have you, you like hanging out?
1469
01:24:36,029 --> 01:24:37,821
- Where you going to?
- Nha Trang.
1470
01:24:38,031 --> 01:24:40,157
You gotta be careful, Jack.
That's some heavy stuff.
1471
01:24:40,325 --> 01:24:42,493
That's like Newark after dark.
You gotta watch out.
1472
01:24:42,660 --> 01:24:44,578
That's some heavy shit going down, baby.
1473
01:24:44,746 --> 01:24:46,914
You'll feel like George Wallace
campaigning in Harlem:
1474
01:24:47,082 --> 01:24:49,625
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT]
"Hi, have you seen my face?"
1475
01:24:49,793 --> 01:24:52,169
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
What music do you like? Little Anthony?
1476
01:24:52,337 --> 01:24:53,587
SOLDIER 9: Yeah.
SOLDIER 10: Stones.
1477
01:24:53,755 --> 01:24:56,632
SOLDIER 11: I like James Brown.
- You like James Brown. Yes, sir.
1478
01:24:56,800 --> 01:24:58,592
[AS MICK JAGGER]
Oh, you like Mick Jagger?
1479
01:24:58,760 --> 01:25:02,679
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Do you think
he looks like a negative of Little Richard?
1480
01:25:02,847 --> 01:25:03,889
Really, and that hair.
1481
01:25:04,057 --> 01:25:05,307
[AS MICK JAGGER]
All right.
1482
01:25:05,517 --> 01:25:07,518
Gentlemen, I don't know...
Oh, my God, these lips.
1483
01:25:07,685 --> 01:25:10,395
My God, they're moving.
I'm gonna flap my eyebrows to death.
1484
01:25:10,563 --> 01:25:13,023
Look out, I'm singing, everybody.
I'm singing.
1485
01:25:13,191 --> 01:25:15,317
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Oh, get out of here. Watch out.
1486
01:25:15,485 --> 01:25:18,070
- Where are you from?
- I'm from, uh, Cleveland, man.
1487
01:25:18,279 --> 01:25:20,864
Cleveland? Vietnam's not that much
of a change for you, then.
1488
01:25:21,032 --> 01:25:22,741
Aw, no. Ha-ha-ha.
1489
01:25:23,910 --> 01:25:26,411
You guys take care of yourself
because you all look like,
1490
01:25:26,579 --> 01:25:28,747
"I don't know what's gonna happen, man.
I don't know."
1491
01:25:28,915 --> 01:25:31,917
- What's this thing on your helmet?
SOLDIER 12: Why don't you try it out?
1492
01:25:32,085 --> 01:25:34,586
Well, "Why don't you try it out."
Look at this, look at that.
1493
01:25:34,754 --> 01:25:38,465
It says... What sizes you got?
You got large, medium and Caucasian.
1494
01:25:38,633 --> 01:25:40,926
Look at this thing.
A little Italian party favour there.
1495
01:25:41,094 --> 01:25:43,262
Oh, no, Bozo, boys and girls.
1496
01:25:43,429 --> 01:25:45,931
Look at this thing.
This is going like, "Yeah, check it out."
1497
01:25:46,141 --> 01:25:48,892
Hold on, how big is this thing?
Hold on, how big is this?
1498
01:25:49,102 --> 01:25:52,479
Black man's going, "It's just for the tip.
That's all I need is the tip."
1499
01:25:52,647 --> 01:25:55,524
It's a bathing cap.
I just like to put a bathing cap.
1500
01:25:55,733 --> 01:25:57,693
Remember,
this is the Vietnamese word "Con Dum."
1501
01:25:57,861 --> 01:25:59,653
Look, Italian moon launch.
1502
01:25:59,821 --> 01:26:02,739
There.
Whoa, jeez, it almost blew up in my face.
1503
01:26:03,491 --> 01:26:05,409
There's prophylactic everywhere, man.
1504
01:26:05,577 --> 01:26:08,662
It's not a pretty picture.
There's pieces of rubber all over his face.
1505
01:26:08,830 --> 01:26:10,164
I don't know what to say.
1506
01:26:10,331 --> 01:26:11,957
You guys, be careful.
What's your name?
1507
01:26:12,167 --> 01:26:14,209
- My name is Lewis Striker.
CRONAUER: Striker.
1508
01:26:14,419 --> 01:26:15,961
- Thank you.
SOLDIER 13: Sean Donum.
1509
01:26:16,129 --> 01:26:17,421
- Donum.
SOLDIER 14: Jay Snyder.
1510
01:26:17,589 --> 01:26:20,591
Feels like the Mouseketeers show.
Annette, Cubby, Roy.
1511
01:26:20,758 --> 01:26:22,843
Well, you guys, you take care of yourselves.
1512
01:26:23,011 --> 01:26:24,261
I won't forget you.
1513
01:26:24,846 --> 01:26:27,014
All right, guys,
let's say goodbye to the radio star!
1514
01:26:27,182 --> 01:26:28,307
We're out of here.
1515
01:26:28,474 --> 01:26:30,517
SOLDIERS:
All right!
1516
01:26:33,229 --> 01:26:35,355
Bye, bye-bye.
1517
01:26:36,816 --> 01:26:39,776
[SOLDIER'S YELLING INDISTINCTLY]
1518
01:26:51,122 --> 01:26:52,664
SOLDIER 15:
We love you, man.
1519
01:26:54,000 --> 01:26:55,125
All right!
1520
01:27:02,133 --> 01:27:05,260
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
1521
01:27:20,526 --> 01:27:23,654
[SOLDIERS CHEERING]
1522
01:27:50,598 --> 01:27:54,768
CRONAUER [YELLS ON RADIO]:
Good morning, Vietnam.
1523
01:27:54,936 --> 01:27:58,146
Hey, it's another delightful day
here in vacation land.
1524
01:27:58,314 --> 01:28:02,651
[AS GLINDA] Everybody, time to get up.
Get up, wherever you are.
1525
01:28:02,819 --> 01:28:06,655
[IN NORMAL VOICE] That's right.
Rise and shine, rise and shine.
1526
01:28:06,864 --> 01:28:09,032
Got some songs going out right now
to a couple of guys
1527
01:28:09,200 --> 01:28:11,785
on the road to Nha Trang.
You know what I'm talking about.
1528
01:28:11,953 --> 01:28:15,664
Hey, Mr. O'Malley, O'Malley.
You know, the Irish Dolby twins.
1529
01:28:15,832 --> 01:28:16,957
They're out there.
1530
01:28:17,125 --> 01:28:20,210
Special song going out to you right now.
1531
01:28:21,129 --> 01:28:23,213
["WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD"
PLAYING ON RADIO]
1532
01:29:01,794 --> 01:29:03,587
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
1533
01:30:27,505 --> 01:30:29,589
[SINGS "WHAT A WONDERFUL
WORLD"]
1534
01:30:31,884 --> 01:30:35,720
That was Louis B. Armstrong,
the great Satchmo.
1535
01:30:39,016 --> 01:30:41,351
DICKERSON:
Wanna interview some Gls in the field, sir,
1536
01:30:41,519 --> 01:30:43,854
and play those tapes on the radio?
1537
01:30:44,021 --> 01:30:45,814
God only knows what they'd say, sir.
1538
01:30:46,023 --> 01:30:49,317
It involves Cronauer,
which makes me suspicious immediately.
1539
01:30:49,527 --> 01:30:53,363
An Loc. And Cronauer
would definitely be going along?
1540
01:30:53,531 --> 01:30:55,449
Hold on a minute, sir.
1541
01:30:59,579 --> 01:31:02,330
G2, Corporal Tiser, sir.
1542
01:31:03,332 --> 01:31:05,083
One moment.
1543
01:31:06,127 --> 01:31:07,878
SOLDIER:
Yes, sir.
1544
01:31:09,797 --> 01:31:12,591
Route 1 A, sir,
is the only route to An Loc, sir.
1545
01:31:12,800 --> 01:31:15,677
- Does that road have a secure status?
- No, sir, it does not.
1546
01:31:15,845 --> 01:31:19,473
- That road is Victor-Charlie, sir.
- It is definitely not a friendly area.
1547
01:31:19,682 --> 01:31:21,391
Negative, sir. It is not.
1548
01:31:21,559 --> 01:31:25,187
It is hazardous and has been for about 48 hours.
1549
01:31:25,354 --> 01:31:27,814
Heavily fortified
and considered very unsafe, sir.
1550
01:31:28,608 --> 01:31:30,066
Thank you.
1551
01:31:33,779 --> 01:31:37,908
Sir, I recommend
we issue a 24-hour pass.
1552
01:31:54,842 --> 01:31:57,969
CRONAUER: So this is the country
where they grow rattan love seats.
1553
01:31:58,429 --> 01:31:59,679
God, is it hot.
1554
01:32:00,264 --> 01:32:04,309
What a country.
Heat, humidity, terrorism.
1555
01:32:04,477 --> 01:32:06,394
Still, it's better than New York in the summer.
1556
01:32:06,896 --> 01:32:09,856
Hey, fellas,
how's the cough-drop business?
1557
01:32:17,949 --> 01:32:21,034
You know, we haven't passed
too many checkpoints since Chon Thanh.
1558
01:32:21,244 --> 01:32:24,704
CRONAUER: Why do you make every town
sound like a Mexican restaurant?
1559
01:32:25,289 --> 01:32:27,332
"Britain imposed an oil embargo
on Rhodesia today
1560
01:32:27,500 --> 01:32:30,418
after that country's unilateral declaration
of independence.
1561
01:32:30,586 --> 01:32:34,256
Gambia, Singapore and the
Maldive Islands join the United Nations.
1562
01:32:35,299 --> 01:32:37,926
Seretse Khama becomes
the first premier of Bechuanaland.
1563
01:32:38,135 --> 01:32:40,720
DREIWITZ [ON RADIO]:
All-star rookie Pete Rose's three hits..."
1564
01:32:40,888 --> 01:32:42,681
CRONAUER:
What do you think you'll do, Ed...
1565
01:32:42,848 --> 01:32:44,182
...when you get out of the Army?
1566
01:32:44,350 --> 01:32:46,434
GARLICK:
I learned enough about radio stations.
1567
01:32:46,602 --> 01:32:48,770
Maybe I can work in a station
back home or something.
1568
01:32:48,938 --> 01:32:51,147
GARLICK: Give me your best shot.
Lay something on me.
1569
01:32:51,315 --> 01:32:53,316
Give it a go, give it a go.
1570
01:32:53,484 --> 01:32:56,653
This is Eddie Garlick coming to you live
from AFRS, Armed Forces Radio Saigon.
1571
01:32:56,862 --> 01:32:59,447
Now funkify it. Give me some real funk.
1572
01:33:00,533 --> 01:33:03,743
- Give it to me, Edward.
- This is Eddie Garlick, com...
1573
01:33:03,911 --> 01:33:06,997
Good morning, Vietnam.
1574
01:33:17,967 --> 01:33:22,929
You're listening to Eddie Kirk on AFRS.
I have a big special...
1575
01:33:33,399 --> 01:33:35,483
[KIRK SPEAKING IN DISTINCTLY
ON RADIO]
1576
01:33:36,235 --> 01:33:39,529
KIRK [ON RADIO]: "Shuffle Off to Buffalo,"
"The Sidewalks of New York."
1577
01:33:39,697 --> 01:33:42,032
"Chattanooga Choo Choo,"
"Meet Me In Chicago,"
1578
01:33:42,199 --> 01:33:46,745
"I Left My Heart in San Francisco,"
of course, "Moonlight in Vermont,"
1579
01:33:46,912 --> 01:33:49,414
and many, many more,
but we need to hear your requests.
1580
01:33:49,582 --> 01:33:52,417
So send in your postcards
to Eddie Kirk, right here.
1581
01:33:52,585 --> 01:33:54,461
[SPEAKING IN VIETNAMESE]
1582
01:33:54,629 --> 01:33:56,087
Hey.
1583
01:34:00,968 --> 01:34:04,387
You fine. How you are?
1584
01:34:04,555 --> 01:34:06,431
Take you home.
1585
01:34:07,266 --> 01:34:08,725
You come out.
1586
01:34:08,893 --> 01:34:10,060
No problem.
1587
01:34:10,269 --> 01:34:14,064
Take you home. Safe now from VC.
1588
01:34:27,703 --> 01:34:30,455
Hi, this is Marty Lee Dreiwitz
at Cronauer Control Centre.
1589
01:34:30,623 --> 01:34:33,166
Adrian Cronauer is on temporary assignment
1590
01:34:33,334 --> 01:34:36,670
and I'll be filling in until he arrives,
hopefully, sometime this morning.
1591
01:34:36,837 --> 01:34:39,130
Right now, let's play a song
from Adrian's own playlist,
1592
01:34:39,298 --> 01:34:40,382
one of A.C.'s favourites.
1593
01:34:40,591 --> 01:34:42,676
["BABY PLEASE DON'T GO"
PLAYING ON RADIO]
1594
01:34:51,185 --> 01:34:54,229
It's going to be an exciting day
of listening and learning,
1595
01:34:54,397 --> 01:34:57,691
so please, tune in.
1596
01:34:57,900 --> 01:35:02,112
"Sukiyaki," "Volare,"
"The Portuguese Washerwoman,"
1597
01:35:02,279 --> 01:35:09,536
and "Third Man Theme"
on the Kirk I nternational...
1598
01:35:10,079 --> 01:35:12,163
[SPEAKING IN VIETNAMESE]
1599
01:35:21,215 --> 01:35:22,882
[SENTRY SPEAKING IN VIETNAMESE]
1600
01:35:27,513 --> 01:35:28,596
What's up?
1601
01:35:28,764 --> 01:35:30,890
I try to find Cronauer.
He don't show up in class.
1602
01:35:31,058 --> 01:35:33,017
He didn't show up for work today either.
1603
01:35:33,185 --> 01:35:35,228
You know anything about this?
1604
01:35:35,604 --> 01:35:38,064
Listen, jerk off,
we're here fighting for your country.
1605
01:35:38,232 --> 01:35:40,525
Now where do Cronauer go?
1606
01:35:40,693 --> 01:35:42,777
An Loc. His pass say An Loc.
1607
01:35:42,987 --> 01:35:46,030
An Loc? Shit.
1608
01:35:58,544 --> 01:36:00,336
CRONAUER: You okay?
GARLICK: Yeah.
1609
01:36:00,504 --> 01:36:03,757
- Yeah. You okay?
- No.
1610
01:36:05,968 --> 01:36:07,886
Come on, pal, we'll make it.
1611
01:36:08,053 --> 01:36:10,138
- Well, how about that?
- Hold on.
1612
01:36:12,808 --> 01:36:17,061
- The VC, the fucking VC.
- Tell me something I don't know, okay?
1613
01:36:31,952 --> 01:36:33,953
GARLICK:
How far you think we've gone?
1614
01:36:34,121 --> 01:36:36,873
CRONAUER:
Ten, 15 miles?
1615
01:36:37,041 --> 01:36:39,709
GARLICK: You think
we've reached Cambodia yet?
1616
01:36:40,002 --> 01:36:42,796
CRONAUER:
How can you fight a war in this shit?
1617
01:36:43,214 --> 01:36:45,590
I don't know where they are.
I don't even know where am.
1618
01:36:45,758 --> 01:36:47,759
Can't see dick.
1619
01:36:47,927 --> 01:36:49,594
Like hunting with Ray Charles.
1620
01:36:54,767 --> 01:36:57,477
TUAN:
It okay! You can come out now!
1621
01:36:58,229 --> 01:37:01,564
Didn't you hear?
I cannot find you unless you talk to me.
1622
01:37:01,732 --> 01:37:03,399
It's too dangerous staying here.
1623
01:37:03,609 --> 01:37:05,819
You don't believe it's me?
1624
01:37:05,986 --> 01:37:07,362
Okay.
1625
01:37:07,530 --> 01:37:10,031
Flip them the bird.
1626
01:37:10,241 --> 01:37:11,658
Tuan?
1627
01:37:11,867 --> 01:37:13,618
Hey, there you are, Cronauer.
1628
01:37:14,161 --> 01:37:17,539
- How the hell you find us, Sparky?
- Your jeep.
1629
01:37:19,375 --> 01:37:22,001
We're obviously not in Cambodia.
1630
01:37:22,795 --> 01:37:24,879
[ENGINE TURNING]
1631
01:37:25,339 --> 01:37:26,464
GARLICK:
Try it again.
1632
01:37:26,632 --> 01:37:28,925
[ENGINE TURNING]
1633
01:37:29,218 --> 01:37:30,885
CRONAUER: Shit.
GARLICK: One more time.
1634
01:37:31,053 --> 01:37:34,389
[ENGINE TURNING]
1635
01:37:35,057 --> 01:37:36,307
Goddamn it.
1636
01:37:36,475 --> 01:37:38,935
Our jeep gets blown off the road
and his van won't start.
1637
01:37:39,103 --> 01:37:40,895
That's great.
1638
01:37:41,063 --> 01:37:42,814
You know why we ended up in the same place?
1639
01:37:42,982 --> 01:37:44,649
- Why?
- Your limp pulled us to the right,
1640
01:37:44,817 --> 01:37:48,778
we're going in circles. Stick with me,
I don't wanna go around again.
1641
01:37:51,407 --> 01:37:54,409
CRONAUER:
We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.
1642
01:37:57,204 --> 01:37:59,289
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING
IN DISTANCE]
1643
01:37:59,790 --> 01:38:01,583
Listen.
1644
01:38:09,383 --> 01:38:10,550
Somewhere over there.
1645
01:38:13,971 --> 01:38:16,014
There it is, man, yo!
1646
01:38:18,559 --> 01:38:20,018
[CRONAUER YELLS]
1647
01:38:20,185 --> 01:38:21,269
Taxi!
1648
01:38:21,478 --> 01:38:25,273
Yo, GI! Hello, sailor, hello!
1649
01:38:26,692 --> 01:38:27,859
Hey!
1650
01:39:04,688 --> 01:39:06,272
LEVITAN:
To avoid razor-burn problems,
1651
01:39:06,440 --> 01:39:09,776
always rinse you razor with cold water
instead of hot.
1652
01:39:09,944 --> 01:39:13,112
You skin will look and feel a whole lot better.
1653
01:39:13,280 --> 01:39:15,657
That's it for Hygiene in the Heat.
Tomorrow we'll...
1654
01:39:15,866 --> 01:39:17,158
DICKERSON:
Welcome back.
1655
01:39:17,326 --> 01:39:19,077
Well, thank you, sergeant.
I've missed you.
1656
01:39:19,244 --> 01:39:21,120
[CHUCKLES]
1657
01:39:22,039 --> 01:39:23,831
I'm informing you that you're out of here.
1658
01:39:23,999 --> 01:39:26,626
I want your bags packed
and ready to go tomorrow afternoon.
1659
01:39:27,461 --> 01:39:29,921
You don't have the power.
I'll take this to the authorities.
1660
01:39:30,130 --> 01:39:31,839
I am the authorities, you moron.
1661
01:39:35,844 --> 01:39:39,472
Oh, I got your pansy-ass in a sling now,
Cronauer.
1662
01:39:39,640 --> 01:39:40,974
Who's Tuan?
1663
01:39:41,141 --> 01:39:43,101
The guys who flew you in radioed they picked up
1664
01:39:43,268 --> 01:39:45,144
a South Vietnamese boy with you and Garlick.
1665
01:39:45,312 --> 01:39:47,063
Who is this South Vietnamese boy?
1666
01:39:47,231 --> 01:39:49,816
He's a friend from my class
who risked his ass to save my life.
1667
01:39:49,984 --> 01:39:51,067
A friend?
1668
01:39:51,235 --> 01:39:52,610
Your friend is a VC terrorist.
1669
01:39:52,778 --> 01:39:53,820
[SCOFFS]
1670
01:39:53,988 --> 01:39:55,655
Yeah, and my mother is a werewolf, right?
1671
01:39:55,823 --> 01:39:58,116
Tuan is also known as Phan Duc Tho.
1672
01:39:58,283 --> 01:40:00,451
He's currently wanted
by the South Vietnamese police
1673
01:40:00,619 --> 01:40:02,704
in connection with several bombings in the area,
1674
01:40:02,871 --> 01:40:05,665
including the one at Jimmy Wah's.
1675
01:40:05,833 --> 01:40:08,793
Surely, you're familiar with that incident.
1676
01:40:09,336 --> 01:40:11,504
Do you ever wonder
how a young South Vietnamese boy
1677
01:40:11,672 --> 01:40:14,799
gets into and out of VC-held territory?
1678
01:40:14,967 --> 01:40:16,384
It's dangerous out there.
1679
01:40:16,552 --> 01:40:18,636
Things just jump out at you.
1680
01:40:18,804 --> 01:40:21,973
And yet this boy can get in and out
without a scratch.
1681
01:40:22,141 --> 01:40:23,433
And what about Jimmy Wah's?
1682
01:40:23,600 --> 01:40:25,435
Didn't you ever wonder why you were pulled out
1683
01:40:25,602 --> 01:40:28,104
just moments before the whole place blew up?
1684
01:40:28,272 --> 01:40:31,441
Or are you normally not that inquisitive?
1685
01:40:33,944 --> 01:40:36,404
Friends of Phan Duc Tho.
1686
01:40:36,572 --> 01:40:41,284
These three were executed
shortly after this photo was taken.
1687
01:40:45,414 --> 01:40:47,373
Your friend is next.
1688
01:40:49,626 --> 01:40:51,878
I don't recommend
that you tangle with me on this one.
1689
01:40:52,046 --> 01:40:53,713
There's not too many
high-ranking officers
1690
01:40:53,881 --> 01:40:57,008
who would be sympathetic
to a serviceman with links to terrorists.
1691
01:40:57,176 --> 01:41:00,011
The Army is kind of quirky that way.
1692
01:41:00,179 --> 01:41:02,680
A conviction on a charge of treason
against the United States
1693
01:41:02,848 --> 01:41:05,683
carries with it penalties on the stiff side,
if you know what I mean.
1694
01:41:06,977 --> 01:41:09,395
I have arranged for an honourable discharge
1695
01:41:09,563 --> 01:41:11,773
provided you leave without incident.
1696
01:41:11,982 --> 01:41:15,193
- Ten-hut.
- At ease.
1697
01:41:18,906 --> 01:41:20,740
Cronauer, I'm sorry as hell about this thing.
1698
01:41:20,908 --> 01:41:23,826
Goddamn it, I like you, son.
I like what you do.
1699
01:41:23,994 --> 01:41:26,954
Most of all,
I like what you've done for the men.
1700
01:41:27,164 --> 01:41:29,123
But facts are facts.
1701
01:41:30,250 --> 01:41:32,085
This could give the Army a black eye.
1702
01:41:32,252 --> 01:41:35,129
I'm not gonna cover for you this time, son.
1703
01:41:35,339 --> 01:41:39,133
Sir? What about the show?
1704
01:41:40,094 --> 01:41:41,969
TAYLOR:
We'll handle it.
1705
01:41:42,888 --> 01:41:45,098
I'm sorry, son.
1706
01:41:49,394 --> 01:41:51,020
Why'd you do this?
1707
01:41:53,273 --> 01:41:57,151
I don't like your style, your politics
or your sense of humour.
1708
01:41:57,319 --> 01:41:59,904
I don't like what you say or how you say it.
1709
01:42:00,072 --> 01:42:01,697
From now on, the fighting men of Vietnam
1710
01:42:01,865 --> 01:42:03,825
will hear exactly what they're supposed to hear.
1711
01:42:03,992 --> 01:42:05,743
You're on a DC-8
from Tan Son Nhat Airport
1712
01:42:05,911 --> 01:42:07,537
tomorrow at 1830 hours.
1713
01:42:08,038 --> 01:42:10,790
I recommend you pack quietly.
1714
01:42:10,958 --> 01:42:13,709
That's all I have for you, airman.
1715
01:42:24,596 --> 01:42:26,389
You know,
1716
01:42:26,598 --> 01:42:30,268
you're in more dire need of a blow job
than any white man in history.
1717
01:42:36,066 --> 01:42:38,276
Whoa, there, Dick, put the brakes on.
1718
01:42:38,443 --> 01:42:41,070
I wanted to wait
until the airman left to talk with you.
1719
01:42:41,238 --> 01:42:43,573
Uh, Dick, I'm transferring you.
1720
01:42:43,949 --> 01:42:46,242
- Transferring me, sir?
- Mm-hm.
1721
01:42:46,410 --> 01:42:48,244
Where to, sir?
1722
01:42:48,412 --> 01:42:49,579
You're going to Guam.
1723
01:42:49,746 --> 01:42:51,539
Guam, sir?
There's nothing going on in Guam.
1724
01:42:51,707 --> 01:42:52,790
Why Guam?
1725
01:42:52,958 --> 01:42:56,878
Dick, I've covered for you a lot of times
because I thought you was a little crazy,
1726
01:42:57,045 --> 01:42:59,922
but you're not crazy, you're mean.
1727
01:43:00,090 --> 01:43:01,632
And this is just radio.
1728
01:43:05,888 --> 01:43:07,972
[CHUCKLING SOFTLY]
1729
01:43:11,101 --> 01:43:14,729
"More dire need of a blow job
than any white man in history."
1730
01:43:14,897 --> 01:43:16,981
That's funny.
1731
01:43:26,617 --> 01:43:27,950
WILKIE:
Hey, teacher.
1732
01:43:28,118 --> 01:43:30,203
When are you gonna teach us to softball?
1733
01:43:30,370 --> 01:43:32,788
Listen, I gotta talk to you.
Now. Come on.
1734
01:43:32,956 --> 01:43:34,957
- Mr. Cronauer, I must...
- Oh, Minh, not now.
1735
01:43:35,125 --> 01:43:37,460
- You gotta tell me where your brother is.
- I don't know.
1736
01:43:37,628 --> 01:43:40,838
Listen, his life is in danger.
You gotta tell me where the hell he is.
1737
01:43:41,048 --> 01:43:42,465
- No, I don't know.
- Bullshit!
1738
01:43:43,258 --> 01:43:46,302
Listen, no more games, okay?
1739
01:43:46,470 --> 01:43:48,054
The Army knows about your brother.
1740
01:43:48,222 --> 01:43:51,098
I have to leave the country
because of my association with him.
1741
01:43:51,266 --> 01:43:54,769
They have pictures of him.
If they find him, they will shoot him.
1742
01:43:54,937 --> 01:43:57,563
If you wanna continue to have a brother,
you take me to him now!
1743
01:44:00,609 --> 01:44:02,693
[CAR HORN HONKS]
1744
01:45:03,588 --> 01:45:04,630
Tuan.
1745
01:45:04,798 --> 01:45:05,965
[BOY SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE]
1746
01:45:10,387 --> 01:45:12,596
Phan Duc Tho!
1747
01:45:16,476 --> 01:45:18,311
Get back here!
1748
01:45:58,060 --> 01:45:59,727
[CROWS]
1749
01:46:19,539 --> 01:46:22,375
I know about the bombings, Sparky.
1750
01:46:23,043 --> 01:46:24,919
No wonder you hauled ass.
1751
01:46:32,427 --> 01:46:34,553
You were my friend.
1752
01:46:36,973 --> 01:46:39,100
I trusted you.
1753
01:46:42,729 --> 01:46:44,688
[YELLS]
You hear me?
1754
01:46:45,607 --> 01:46:49,318
TUAN: You naive man, Cronauer.
You take a stupid side.
1755
01:46:49,528 --> 01:46:52,488
Now you have to go. It's better off.
1756
01:46:52,697 --> 01:46:55,658
That's not the fucking point!
1757
01:46:56,493 --> 01:46:58,202
You understand me?
1758
01:46:58,954 --> 01:47:04,250
I fought to get you into that bar,
and then you blow the fucking place up!
1759
01:47:05,168 --> 01:47:06,961
Listen.
1760
01:47:07,129 --> 01:47:11,090
I gave you my friendship and my trust
1761
01:47:11,258 --> 01:47:14,677
and now they tell me that my best friend
is the goddamn enemy.
1762
01:47:14,845 --> 01:47:17,346
Enemy? What is enemy?
1763
01:47:18,765 --> 01:47:21,684
You killing my own people
so many miles from your home.
1764
01:47:21,852 --> 01:47:24,562
We not the enemy. You the enemy.
1765
01:47:25,355 --> 01:47:29,525
You used me to kill two people.
Two people died in that fucking bar.
1766
01:47:29,693 --> 01:47:31,944
Big fucking deal.
1767
01:47:32,487 --> 01:47:34,738
My mother is dead.
1768
01:47:35,157 --> 01:47:39,452
And my older brother,
who be 29 years old, he dead.
1769
01:47:39,619 --> 01:47:41,871
Shot by American.
1770
01:47:42,873 --> 01:47:46,542
My neighbour, dead. His wife, dead.
1771
01:47:46,710 --> 01:47:48,461
Why?
1772
01:47:49,171 --> 01:47:51,505
Because we not human to them.
1773
01:47:51,673 --> 01:47:54,091
We only little Vietnamese.
1774
01:47:57,679 --> 01:48:01,056
And I'm stupid enough
to save your bullshit life at An Loc.
1775
01:48:08,398 --> 01:48:10,024
Wait...
1776
01:48:10,525 --> 01:48:13,027
We're here to help this country!
1777
01:48:13,195 --> 01:48:14,570
The fuck you going?
1778
01:48:23,955 --> 01:48:26,248
It's unbelievable.
1779
01:48:26,583 --> 01:48:32,421
Five months in Saigon,
my best friend turns out to be a VC.
1780
01:48:33,089 --> 01:48:36,675
This will not look good on a résumé!
1781
01:48:51,233 --> 01:48:53,526
- You guys mind if I drive?
- Be my guest.
1782
01:49:06,289 --> 01:49:07,748
[ENGINE GRINDS]
1783
01:49:09,042 --> 01:49:10,251
It's a simple rule.
1784
01:49:10,418 --> 01:49:13,546
If the engine's humming, it's already started.
1785
01:49:13,755 --> 01:49:16,382
Never fail you. You guys mind
if we make an unscheduled stop?
1786
01:49:16,550 --> 01:49:17,800
I got something I gotta do.
1787
01:49:17,968 --> 01:49:20,302
MP: If you attempt to deviate
from the planned schedule,
1788
01:49:20,470 --> 01:49:22,221
you're under arrest, Cronauer.
1789
01:49:23,348 --> 01:49:25,140
CRONAUER:
Okay, everybody, let's play ball!
1790
01:49:25,350 --> 01:49:27,685
Go into conference.
That point. That fence.
1791
01:49:27,852 --> 01:49:30,354
- Okay, here we go.
MP: No batter. No batter.
1792
01:49:31,439 --> 01:49:33,607
Heading north.
1793
01:49:33,775 --> 01:49:36,527
Let's go whether it's a double or a daiquiri.
1794
01:49:37,571 --> 01:49:38,654
WOMAN:
Come on.
1795
01:49:38,822 --> 01:49:41,448
CRONAUER:
All right! Thank you.
1796
01:49:43,618 --> 01:49:46,620
A little conference here, Wilk.
A little conference, time-out, everyone.
1797
01:49:46,788 --> 01:49:51,292
This, Cronauer, not a real baseball.
It much smaller and harder than this one.
1798
01:49:52,127 --> 01:49:55,087
You got me there, Wilk, because...
I'm sorry, we have no budget, you see.
1799
01:49:55,255 --> 01:49:58,048
And I gotta get on a plane
and we have to do with what we can.
1800
01:49:58,258 --> 01:49:59,800
- Give me your hand.
- Thank you.
1801
01:49:59,968 --> 01:50:01,468
- Thank you.
- Thank you all the same.
1802
01:50:01,636 --> 01:50:03,387
Thank you all the same, and...
1803
01:50:03,555 --> 01:50:04,847
- You wanna take the ball?
- No.
1804
01:50:05,557 --> 01:50:07,391
Okay, we gotta play, Wilk.
You're pitching.
1805
01:50:07,892 --> 01:50:10,352
I want to turn in the ball
to the original place.
1806
01:50:10,520 --> 01:50:12,021
Okay, let's take one more ball here.
1807
01:50:12,188 --> 01:50:14,231
- This one's a better one.
- No. No. No need.
1808
01:50:14,816 --> 01:50:17,276
We haven't got a real baseball, Wilk.
Bear with me, okay?
1809
01:50:17,444 --> 01:50:19,320
- We haven't got the money, pal.
- Anyway.
1810
01:50:19,487 --> 01:50:22,323
- Okay, that one, okay?
- I said that this a very good substitute.
1811
01:50:22,490 --> 01:50:24,658
Okay, let's just play
with the substitute, then, okay?
1812
01:50:24,826 --> 01:50:26,076
- Okay.
CRONAUER: Okay.
1813
01:50:26,244 --> 01:50:28,329
- That's a deal.
- It's a deal?
1814
01:50:28,538 --> 01:50:31,206
Take the ball, will you?
I'll give you money if you take the ball.
1815
01:50:31,374 --> 01:50:32,708
- No. I'm sorry.
- No?
1816
01:50:32,876 --> 01:50:34,376
- Okay.
- I'm...
1817
01:50:34,544 --> 01:50:37,546
Can we have...?
Is there a psychiatrist here?
1818
01:50:38,423 --> 01:50:40,341
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
1819
01:50:42,052 --> 01:50:43,093
[CROWD CHEERS]
1820
01:50:46,931 --> 01:50:48,807
Yeah! Run, run, run!
1821
01:50:48,975 --> 01:50:50,434
MP:
Okay.
1822
01:50:50,644 --> 01:50:52,770
He's not out
till you have both halves of the ball.
1823
01:50:53,563 --> 01:50:55,189
Keep your eye on the fruit.
1824
01:50:55,398 --> 01:50:58,317
That's it, eye on the fruit, Minh.
Eye on the fruit, on the fruit.
1825
01:50:58,485 --> 01:51:01,320
- Yeah, go, run, Minh! Run!
- Come on, come on, give me the ball.
1826
01:51:01,529 --> 01:51:02,655
Minh!
1827
01:51:04,199 --> 01:51:05,824
Keep going! Keep going!
1828
01:51:06,034 --> 01:51:07,284
She's actually going home.
1829
01:51:11,915 --> 01:51:14,708
- That's it. We're having a good time.
MAN: All right!
1830
01:51:20,924 --> 01:51:24,259
Wilk, Wilk.
Look, you got a base, take it.
1831
01:51:47,409 --> 01:51:49,118
Yes!
1832
01:52:05,844 --> 01:52:07,720
CRONAUER:
You all played a good game.
1833
01:52:08,888 --> 01:52:09,972
Yeah, me too.
1834
01:52:10,181 --> 01:52:11,515
Hey, hey.
1835
01:52:11,683 --> 01:52:18,188
When you look like Goliath so like you
beware of some David.
1836
01:52:18,398 --> 01:52:20,482
[SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE]
1837
01:52:20,734 --> 01:52:22,776
MI NH:
Thank you.
1838
01:52:24,362 --> 01:52:28,782
Oh, Mr. Cronauer, we say thank you
for your fine teaching about softball.
1839
01:52:28,950 --> 01:52:31,034
And we learned a lot from you.
1840
01:52:31,202 --> 01:52:33,495
And we wish you good luck and success.
1841
01:52:33,663 --> 01:52:34,997
- Thank you, Wilkie.
- Thank you.
1842
01:52:35,165 --> 01:52:37,750
- Thank you.
- Thank you, thank you.
1843
01:52:45,967 --> 01:52:48,761
- Can you give me a minute?
MP: Oh, okay.
1844
01:52:50,555 --> 01:52:54,141
Man, he's gonna say goodbye
to the whole goddamn country now.
1845
01:53:03,234 --> 01:53:06,862
I want to say goodbye before you go.
1846
01:53:09,282 --> 01:53:14,745
To tell you, thank you for being so kind.
1847
01:53:15,789 --> 01:53:20,501
So many things not happen the way you want them.
1848
01:53:22,170 --> 01:53:27,758
You're so good person, and I could not with you.
1849
01:53:29,594 --> 01:53:31,386
We are so different.
1850
01:53:32,096 --> 01:53:34,848
I say tomato, you say cây tomat.
1851
01:53:56,663 --> 01:53:58,413
See you.
1852
01:54:05,129 --> 01:54:07,005
[ENGINE GRINDS]
1853
01:54:08,007 --> 01:54:09,758
Staggers the imagination.
1854
01:54:10,510 --> 01:54:13,720
- Makes me unique, doesn't it?
- What a plus.
1855
01:54:14,639 --> 01:54:16,348
Flip them a bird!
1856
01:54:39,289 --> 01:54:41,540
SERGEANT:
Left, right!
1857
01:54:58,391 --> 01:55:00,559
SOLDIERS:
One, two, three, four.
1858
01:55:01,477 --> 01:55:03,395
Three, four.
1859
01:55:08,192 --> 01:55:10,652
SERGEANT:
Left, left, left, right, left.
1860
01:55:10,820 --> 01:55:13,906
Left, left, left, right, left.
1861
01:55:17,285 --> 01:55:20,871
- Three, four.
- The left, left, left, right, right, right.
1862
01:55:40,642 --> 01:55:42,684
It was a pleasure making your acquaintance, sir.
1863
01:55:42,852 --> 01:55:44,561
Thanks.
1864
01:55:44,729 --> 01:55:46,980
CRONAUER: Will you cut that out?
We're the same rank.
1865
01:55:47,190 --> 01:55:49,149
What will I do without you, sir?
1866
01:55:49,317 --> 01:55:51,693
[IN BRITISH ACCENT]
Well, you carry on, Montesque.
1867
01:55:51,903 --> 01:55:54,363
"Carry on, Montesque. Carry on."
1868
01:55:54,530 --> 01:55:58,158
I like that.
Makes me feel, uh, British or something.
1869
01:55:58,368 --> 01:56:00,786
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I got something here for you.
1870
01:56:00,954 --> 01:56:02,204
I want you to play this.
1871
01:56:02,372 --> 01:56:04,164
It says goodbye to everybody staying behind.
1872
01:56:04,332 --> 01:56:07,668
GARLICK: I'll take care of it pronto, sir.
- You could get in trouble for that.
1873
01:56:07,835 --> 01:56:09,252
Requisitioned for a name change.
1874
01:56:09,420 --> 01:56:11,546
"Trouble" is actually my new middle name.
1875
01:56:14,842 --> 01:56:17,678
I'm gonna give you
the old chuck on the shoulder now.
1876
01:56:18,137 --> 01:56:20,681
It's a stupid thing to do, isn't it?
1877
01:56:21,599 --> 01:56:23,517
You take care.
1878
01:56:24,227 --> 01:56:25,727
All right?
1879
01:56:25,895 --> 01:56:27,229
Your fly is open.
1880
01:56:27,397 --> 01:56:28,730
Made you look.
1881
01:56:52,463 --> 01:56:56,049
[YELLS]
Good morning, Vietnam.
1882
01:56:56,217 --> 01:57:01,471
This is Eddie Garlick coming to you live
from AFRS, Armed Forces Radio Saigon.
1883
01:57:01,639 --> 01:57:03,890
It's 1629 hours here in Saigon
1884
01:57:04,058 --> 01:57:06,101
and Airman Adrian Cronauer is going home today.
1885
01:57:06,269 --> 01:57:08,603
But he left a farewell message
for all you guys out there
1886
01:57:08,771 --> 01:57:10,772
still sweating it out in the fields.
1887
01:57:10,940 --> 01:57:14,443
So without further ado,
here's a farewell extravaganza.
1888
01:57:14,610 --> 01:57:18,655
CRONAUER [YELLS ON TAPE]:
Goodbye, Vietnam.
1889
01:57:18,823 --> 01:57:22,784
That's right, I'm history. I'm out of here.
I got the lucky ticket home, baby.
1890
01:57:22,952 --> 01:57:26,288
[CRONAUER SINGING "RAWHIDE"
ON TAPE]
1891
01:57:26,456 --> 01:57:28,999
Yeah, that's right.
The final Adrian Cronauer broadcast.
1892
01:57:29,167 --> 01:57:31,877
And this one is brought to you
by our friends at the Pentagon.
1893
01:57:32,045 --> 01:57:34,087
Remember, the people who brought you Korea.
1894
01:57:34,255 --> 01:57:35,422
That's right, the U.S. Army.
1895
01:57:35,590 --> 01:57:39,885
If it's being done correctly here or abroad,
it's probably not being done by the Army.
1896
01:57:40,053 --> 01:57:41,261
[SLOWLY]
I heard that.
1897
01:57:41,429 --> 01:57:43,638
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
You're here, good to see you.
1898
01:57:43,806 --> 01:57:48,310
[SLOWLY] I'm here to make sure
you don't say anything controversial.
1899
01:57:48,478 --> 01:57:50,562
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Speaking of things controversial,
1900
01:57:50,730 --> 01:57:53,356
is it true that there is a marijuana problem
here in Vietnam?
1901
01:57:53,524 --> 01:57:57,277
[SLOWLY] No, it's not a problem.
Everybody has it.
1902
01:57:57,445 --> 01:57:58,612
[EFFEMINATELY]
I don't know.
1903
01:57:58,780 --> 01:58:00,113
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Leo, Leo.
1904
01:58:00,281 --> 01:58:02,491
[EFFEMINATELY]
Adrian, take care of yourself.
1905
01:58:02,658 --> 01:58:04,659
I just want you to know one thing,
1906
01:58:04,827 --> 01:58:08,246
if you're going to be dressing
in civilian clothes, don't forget pumps.
1907
01:58:08,414 --> 01:58:11,374
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Thank you.
Thanks for these. Oh, these are special.
1908
01:58:11,542 --> 01:58:13,043
[EFFEMINATELY]
They're ruby slippers.
1909
01:58:13,211 --> 01:58:15,587
Put these on and say,
"There's no place like home.
1910
01:58:15,755 --> 01:58:18,882
There's no place like home,"
and you can be there.
1911
01:58:19,050 --> 01:58:22,260
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I hope. I hope we all could.
160149
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