All language subtitles for The.Sweetest.Thing.2002.WEBRip.x264-RARBG-en

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified) Download
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish Download
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:27,100 --> 00:00:28,800 Christina Walters? 3 00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:32,000 God, I haven't heard that name in ages. 4 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:36,900 The kind of woman who can get any guy she wants, That's Christina Walters. 5 00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:41,600 We dated briefly, but she's not the commitment type. 6 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:45,300 She's a player. She just likes to have fun. 7 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,700 I met Christina at a bar. Hot piece of ass. 8 00:00:48,900 --> 00:00:52,800 Totally hit it off. All night long we dance. I buy her drinks. 9 00:00:53,100 --> 00:00:56,100 At the end of the night, she just splits. 10 00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:59,600 I lay down all that groundwork for nothing. 11 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,600 She gave me her number. It's been three days. 12 00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:07,800 I saw Swingers. I know how these things work. Hello, and welcome to AOL Moviefone, 13 00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:12,700 I stay up nights trying to figure out why she said she'd call and didn't. 14 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:17,400 Maybe she wanted to call and that's why she said she was going to call, but 15 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,800 Prolonged impotence is very common after a breakup. 16 00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:27,900 Lots of men suffer from it. 17 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:32,500 They just don't talk about it. Not like me, gabbing away. Gab, gab. 18 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:36,400 But, even still, because she said she was going to call 19 00:01:36,700 --> 00:01:39,500 she should've called to say she wasn't going to call 20 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:43,600 and I would've thanked her for calling All right. Okay . 21 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:49,400 At least I don't get that dizzy, head-spinning nausea as much as I used to. Hooray! 22 00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:55,300 Like I said, I'm doing fine. 23 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,900 I am fan-fucking-tastic. 24 00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:27,200 - Christina. - Valerie! 25 00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:29,600 Shake it if you've got it. 26 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,100 Miss Courtney. 27 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,800 Hello, Miss Christina. How you doing? What you doing? 28 00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:41,600 Dancing too much. How you doing? Same thing. How was your day? 29 00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:43,300 Pretty good. 30 00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:47,000 I got a new account designing a campaign for a sports line. 31 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,800 They got the right girl, didn't they? 32 00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:51,500 Thank you. 33 00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:57,500 So, what's up? The usual. Defending the rights of my broken-hearted clients. 34 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:02,100 Trying to squeeze every penny out of their miserable, cheating spouses. 35 00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:04,300 You go get them, woman, 36 00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:07,200 I'll order a pizza and stay in tonight. 37 00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:10,300 Okay, but if we do that, you know what will have to happen. 38 00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:14,400 Girl, I've been shaking my ass all the way up this hill. 39 00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:17,900 Which track? Track three. Oh, yeah! 40 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:20,800 Koochie! 41 00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:38,100 Is your granny here? What's going on? 42 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,800 It's Jane. She loves this song. 43 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:44,300 - Hola, chica. - Como esta? 44 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,400 Jane, what's up? 45 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,400 He dumped me. 46 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,800 Kevin dumped me. 47 00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:58,000 It was just three days before our one-year anniversary. 48 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:01,300 - Baby. - Maybe he just freaked out. 49 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:05,800 He will call up tomorrow when he realizes what a huge mistake he made. 50 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:08,300 - He's probably going through that whole - No. 51 00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:11,200 He says he's been wanting this for six months. 52 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:15,800 He says he's been dying inside ever since I brought over my garment bag. 53 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,700 - Honey. - What? 54 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:24,000 We're all guilty of it. You made yourself too available. 55 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:29,400 It's a classic mistake, sweetheart. - Yeah. - Not according to this. 56 00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:31,800 "Commandment four." 57 00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:35,000 "True Love: The Ten Commandments." 58 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:39,200 "Commandment number four: Thou shalt be open to love's possibilities. 59 00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,900 "Boundaries are the enemies of love." 60 00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:46,200 Sweetie, you know what? This book is relationship propaganda. 61 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,000 Listen to me. 62 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:52,000 Dating is all about boundaries. 63 00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:57,500 Honey, you have to protect yourself. We've all had our heart stomped on one too many times 64 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:01,100 because we served it to them on a big old platter. 65 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,200 A good defence is the best offence. 66 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,400 I am so tired of playing games. 67 00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:10,000 This is not about playing games. This is about self-preservation. 68 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:14,100 You can't throw yourself out there all exposed and vulnerable every time. 69 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,800 That is how you get smacked down. Do you understand? 70 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:22,400 Don't go looking for Mr. Right. Look for Mr. Right Now. 71 00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:26,700 And, eventually, if he's worthy, then one day 72 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:31,500 that "now" part is just going to drop away. 73 00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:36,400 Naturally, you know? Meanwhile, you're just going to have fun together. 74 00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:40,100 Yeah. Not so serious. Shake it off a little bit. 75 00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:43,400 Speaking of fun, we are going to take you out. 76 00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:50,000 We are taking you out. You are going to have a good time. No. 77 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:53,900 Oswaldo! 78 00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:57,100 Hey, Christina. Courtney. 79 00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:00,600 - Jane. - Hello, Jane. 80 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,100 - Welcome. - Thank you. 81 00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,300 Shut up! 82 00:06:39,300 --> 00:06:41,700 - Right here, baby. - Oh, my God. 83 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,000 They can have her. 84 00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:51,500 Look at the shoulder, baby. Bounce it, baby. Check it out, baby. 85 00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:00,800 What's your name, baby? 86 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:04,500 Here we go. Circle of love, circle of love! 87 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,900 We're going to go now. 88 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,300 Bye-bye. 89 00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:27,400 My God. It's like Siegfried and Roy or something. 90 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,300 Martinis, ladies. 91 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,700 - Compliments of the gentleman at the bar. - Which one? 92 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,200 Thank you, Leather Coat Guy. 93 00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,700 Cheers. 94 00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:46,300 Leather Coat Guy is looking good. 95 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,000 Shotgun! 96 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,200 Cheater. 97 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:55,500 What's up? 98 00:07:57,100 --> 00:07:59,700 Nothing. What's up with you? 99 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:01,800 Nothing. 100 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:04,900 What's up with you? 101 00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:07,500 Nothing. What's up with you? 102 00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:09,700 Nothing. 103 00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:12,800 You know, I am having the best time. 104 00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:13,300 Are you, sweetie? 105 00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:17,900 My boyfriend dumped me. I'm at this club where no one wants to talk to me. 106 00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:20,400 - I want to go home. - No. 107 00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:24,400 No. Christina, I can't do this. 108 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,200 Yes, you can. It's really very easy. 109 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,000 Observe. 110 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:35,300 I just pinched his ass. I'm sorry. Hi. 111 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,000 - Hi. What's your name? - Peter. 112 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:41,800 Peter, this is my friend, Jane. Jane would love to dance. 113 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:47,000 I don't mean to be rude, but I have some friends waiting for me. 114 00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:49,300 Nice to meet you, though. 115 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:54,000 - He hated me. I suck. - You don't suck. That guy was a dick. 116 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:58,000 I'll make sure that you have fun tonight if it's the last thing 117 00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,100 What did you call me? 118 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,500 You just called me a dick. I heard you. Why am I a dick? 119 00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:12,000 Because I didn't like the way you treated my friend. I didn't do anything to your friend. 120 00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:15,100 You barely gave her the time of day. 121 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:18,800 You tried to pawn me off on her and I didn't go for it. 122 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:23,200 You should be so lucky to even talk to someone as hot and sweet as Jane. 123 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:28,500 Excuse me. I wasn't suggesting you get married. I just thought you could get it on. 124 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,800 What? Get it on? 125 00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:34,000 You know nothing about me. What if I'm some psycho serial killer? 126 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:37,200 What if Jane was the girl of your dreams, but you'll never know? 127 00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:39,200 That is the sweetest thing. 128 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,300 I never thought I'd meet her by having somebody grab me and say: 129 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:46,800 "Man, I have good woman for you. She is very hot and sweet. 130 00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:49,400 "Jane! Dance for the man!" 131 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,700 - Maybe that's your problem. - What? 132 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,900 Maybe if you didn't play it so safe, Mr. Safety-Poo 133 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,300 you might meet a girl you could have fun with. 134 00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:02,200 This brilliant love advice comes from one who loves to play games with men. 135 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:06,200 Always in control. That way, she never has to get too close. 136 00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:08,500 Nice manners, by the way. 137 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:15,600 Where the hell did that guy Jane? 138 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,300 What's up with you? 139 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:22,400 Nothing. What's up with you? 140 00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:27,000 I can't believe you grabbed his ass. 141 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,700 He comes right into my face and starts telling me all this stupid stuff 142 00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:35,400 about how I like to play games and be in control so I never get too close. 143 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,500 Can you believe him? 144 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,700 - What? - Nothing. 145 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:44,900 - I've never seen you act like this before. - Act like what? They're fake. 146 00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:47,400 All bah-jiggity about some guy. 147 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:51,300 - Bah-jiggity? - Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare. 148 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,900 It's cool. It's why I got them. 149 00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:58,100 - I'm not bah-jiggity. - You are so bah-jiggity. They look real. 150 00:10:58,300 --> 00:11:01,500 Thank you. You can touch it if you want to. No. 151 00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:05,300 - Touch it. She likes it. - Go ahead. It feels real, huh? 152 00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:05,600 If I'm bah-jiggity about this guy Peter, it's because you're telling me I am. 153 00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:12,300 - Oh, my God. - What? 154 00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:16,200 You've named the puppy. - I did not. - You just called him Peter. 155 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,300 - I did? - You've got to feel these things. 156 00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:22,400 I'm psychic and I knew his name was Peter. 157 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,700 - Knock your socks off. - So soft. 158 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,900 Un-fucking-believable. 159 00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:29,300 Fuck. 160 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,300 I am so getting a pair. 161 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,300 That's why chicks always go to the bathroom together. 162 00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:39,400 It's so obvious that you like this guy. Why are you being such a pussy about it? 163 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,900 Why are you making such a big deal out of it? 164 00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:45,700 If you haven't noticed, there's plenty of guys out there. 165 00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:49,600 See you later. 166 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:54,000 - What's your problem? - What's your problem? 167 00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:00,200 - Hi. - Hi. 168 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,500 Hey, Peter. 169 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,000 - Eric! - Be right there. 170 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,600 You don't have to do this. 171 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:19,200 I know, but I want to. I spilled your drink. Can I buy you another one? Okay. 172 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:21,800 I want to apologize. 173 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:25,700 I shouldn't have been impolite to your friend. If I was, I didn't mean to. 174 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:30,400 My brother is waiting for me and I got nervous, I guess. I don't know. 175 00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:33,800 I mean, otherwise, I'd be all over your friend. 176 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,400 I'm the one who should apologize. I was rude. 177 00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:42,700 No, I understand. You were protecting your friend. Anyone would've done that. 178 00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:44,900 I thought that was sweet. 179 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:50,700 Jesus. 180 00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:53,900 - We good now? - Yeah. Good. 181 00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:56,900 I should get back to my friends. 182 00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,000 Okay. 183 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:03,200 Thanks for the drink. - Cheers. - Cheers. 184 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,400 - Have a good night. - You, too. 185 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:19,900 Can you take this? I'm a total loser. I just struck out with this guy. One more thing. 186 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:24,900 Should I be upset that my ex-girlfriend has her tongue down that guy's throat? 187 00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:26,400 Oh, my God! 188 00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:29,400 - Jane! - I guess I blew my chance. 189 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:33,100 - That could have been you. - If I wasn't such a dick. 190 00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:37,700 - Was I really a dick? - Yeah. You were a dick. 191 00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:42,300 We should start over. Why don't I walk by, and you grab me like before? 192 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:46,600 - I didn't grab you. - You grabbed me. You grabbed me right on the ass. 193 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,400 I don't grab, okay? 194 00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:50,500 Pete! 195 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,500 Excuse me. 196 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,900 Dude! Where you been? Everybody's waiting. 197 00:13:57,100 --> 00:14:01,200 After-hours party back at the hotel. These two pigs are good to go. 198 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,600 Did I mention that we have the Freddie Mercury Suite? 199 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:08,100 She puked on him! 200 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:12,200 Again? God, she's like a hose. Go help her, please. 201 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:13,700 Or not. 202 00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:17,100 She's out. We're one short. Who's this chick? 203 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,800 - She is hot. Bring her. - What? 204 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:23,500 Fuck me. You have so much 205 00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:26,700 You've got to come. Let me tell you why. 206 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:30,400 You'll never find anyone better than my brother. He is the greatest 207 00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:33,600 That hurts me. Just look at him. 208 00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:36,600 Chicks freak on this guy. Come on, now. 209 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,900 He is the shit and that's why he's in my wedding on Saturday. 210 00:14:40,100 --> 00:14:41,500 - No. - Yes. 211 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,000 - No. - Just trying to help out. 212 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,300 'Bye!' 213 00:14:48,900 --> 00:14:53,400 Ladies, big party. Four Seasons, room 402. You're invited, you're invited. 214 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,500 All right, I'm leaving. 215 00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:58,300 - That's my brother. - He's special. 216 00:14:58,500 --> 00:15:01,200 Careful, that's puke. Don't touch me. 217 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,200 When is the wedding? 218 00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:08,800 Saturday afternoon up in Somerset. That's where we live. That's nice. 219 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:11,600 Peter! It's looking like now. 220 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,000 You're pinching my arm skin. 221 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,800 I better go. But for real this time. 222 00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:23,600 - It was nice to meet you. - Very nice to meet you. I had a great time. Me, too. 223 00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:26,100 Come by the party if you want to. 224 00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:28,400 - Really? - Definitely. If you want to. 225 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,000 I'll ask my friends. Maybe we'll stop by. 226 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:35,500 I really hope I see you. But in case I don't see you, have a nice life. 227 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:37,800 You, too. 228 00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:51,400 Chris, it's Court. I'm at the party with Leather Coat Guy, 229 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:54,400 I was checking in to see if you were listening to your messages, 230 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:59,000 If you are, that means you were too chicken shit to hook up with Peter 231 00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:03,900 which therefore means you are a loser. You are a loser. A l 232 00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:05,800 Thanks, Court. 233 00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:08,900 "I'm a big loser." 234 00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:12,600 What's up, you bitches and hos and losers? 235 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,200 Too late now. 236 00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:33,200 He was kind of cute. 237 00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:38,600 Funny. 238 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,000 Really funny. 239 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,600 Cute boy. 240 00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:14,800 My God, you're so good at that. 241 00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:18,300 I'd like to do that every hour, on the hour, for the rest of our lives. 242 00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:20,600 - Of course, go ahead. - Thank you. 243 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:25,600 Don't worry about returning the favor. Men don't really like oral sex. Right. 244 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:29,500 I'm serious. It's just a bad rumor that was started sometime in the '50s. 245 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,900 I had no idea. I need to tell all my friends. 246 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:37,100 Please, do. Someone needs to put an end to this madness. 247 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:46,100 God, I'm so glad I came back to the hotel room. 248 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,300 Me, too. 249 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,900 I never thought I'd see you again. 250 00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:57,900 - Room service. - Right on time. 251 00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:01,000 - Ice cream? - Only the best for our VIPs. 252 00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:05,200 I had them remove all the calories for you. 253 00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:08,300 You are good. 254 00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:10,100 All right! 255 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:14,000 I said I wanted to do it to you every hour, on the hour, but I can't wait. 256 00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:16,200 Can I do it again now? 257 00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:18,900 Okay. 258 00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:08,500 San Francisco, California, please, for Four Seasons Hotel. Thanks. 259 00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:14,500 Great dream. 260 00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:20,900 Yes, hi. Do you have a Freddie Mercury Suite? 261 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,600 Good. Can I have it? Thanks. 262 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,100 Really? 263 00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:30,900 Already? 264 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,700 Have a great day. Thanks. Bye. 265 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,300 What am I even calling for? 266 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,400 Hello? Hey, Court. 267 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:51,200 Yeah. 268 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,700 - Stop talking shit about me. - Where you been? 269 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:16,200 Sorry I'm late. I don't want to talk about it. You ready? I'm starving. 270 00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:21,200 I'll meet you there. I have to drop something off at the dry cleaners. 271 00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:24,500 Can it wait, please? I'm so hungry right now. 272 00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:28,900 Isn't that Courtney's dress that you borrowed last night? Yeah. 273 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,600 Why are you bringing it in? Did you get something on it? 274 00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:36,600 I'm trying to be a good girlfriend. 275 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,200 - I'm really sorry. - You slut! 276 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,100 - Is that what I think it is? - Guilty! 277 00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:46,100 I'll take it to the dry cleaners, and it will be gone. 278 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,000 - That's a lot! - He was holding a lot! 279 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:52,300 My God! What's this on your skirt? 280 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:56,100 I am scared enough as it is to go in there. What am I going to say? 281 00:20:56,300 --> 00:20:59,700 "Mr. Martin, can you help me with my jizz?" 282 00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:04,700 You know what? 283 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,800 - You guys suck. - No, obviously you suck. 284 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,800 - You suck. - You suck well. I'm proud. 285 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,500 No spanky-wanky. 286 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:43,900 Hey, Jane. 287 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,500 - Hi, Mr. Martin. - How's your mother? 288 00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:50,500 - Great. She's good. Everyone's good. - Your grandmother? 289 00:21:51,300 --> 00:21:54,400 - Everyone's great. - That's fine. That's fine. 290 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:55,800 What you got for me today? 291 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,500 Just a dress, but I'll be back for it in a few days, so no hurry. 292 00:21:59,900 --> 00:22:02,100 - Any stains? - No. 293 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,100 - What's this? - What? 294 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,000 This. Come here. 295 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:09,500 Stain? 296 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,000 This is going to be a tough one. 297 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:19,100 I didn't even notice that. I must have spilled some soda on me last night. 298 00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:23,600 No. This is not soda. Think, Jane. Think. 299 00:22:24,100 --> 00:22:27,900 If I know what it is, it's easier for me to remove. 300 00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:34,700 The field trip. Come in, children. Come in. 301 00:22:36,500 --> 00:22:40,600 - Fuck. - Good afternoon, Mrs. Franklin. Hi, Mr. Martin. 302 00:22:41,900 --> 00:22:46,500 On today's field trip, we are going to learn about cleanliness. 303 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:50,900 Jane? 304 00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:53,100 Jane Burns! 305 00:22:53,300 --> 00:22:58,100 Sweetheart, I haven't seen you since I taught you in third grade! 306 00:23:02,100 --> 00:23:06,000 - Top of the morning there, Mr. Martin. - Hello, Father Flynn. 307 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,900 As I live and breathe, isn't it It is little Mary Jane Burns! 308 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:17,300 What a coincidence! I'm having supper with your parents tonight. 309 00:23:17,700 --> 00:23:20,500 What a stain you got there, little Janie! 310 00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:25,800 So how was it? Was it fun? Oh, my God, I can't believe I didn't tell you this. 311 00:23:26,700 --> 00:23:30,200 Apparently, one of the guys who was at the party flipped out 312 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:34,100 was out on the balcony, screaming at the top of his lungs: 313 00:23:34,700 --> 00:23:39,500 "Christina! Has anyone seen my little Christina?" 314 00:23:40,700 --> 00:23:44,900 Then he jumps off and dies because you're a pussy. Why didn't you go? 315 00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:49,400 I don't know! I was going to. I was. I was going to, and then I wasn't. 316 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,800 And then I called him at the hotel 317 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:56,100 Wait. Hold on. Rewind for one second. You called him at the hotel? 318 00:23:57,700 --> 00:24:01,500 - What did he say? - Nothing. He said nothing. Okay? 319 00:24:01,900 --> 00:24:06,500 - Why? - He checked out already. Let's just sum this up real quickly. 320 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:10,700 In the bathroom, we hate him, yet we call him by name. 321 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,300 Then we throw beer on him. 322 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,600 Then we laugh and we flirt and we dance with him. 323 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:21,800 Then we casually call him at the hotel. Then we obsess about the casual call. 324 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:25,000 Obsess? I'm not obsessing, okay? 325 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:30,200 Could all this erratic behavior be because this guy got under your skin? 326 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,200 - No. - That you might really like him? 327 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:36,200 That you regret not going because you'll never know what might've happened? 328 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,200 No, I don't regret it, and if I had any regrets 329 00:24:39,300 --> 00:24:42,700 it would be this conversation, right now, having it with you. 330 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:47,700 - Can we drop it? - Okay. Sorry I brought it up. I won't mention it again. 331 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,600 Even if I did regret not going to the party 332 00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:58,200 it's not like I can do anything about it now. 333 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,900 Sometimes you just have to let these things go, right? 334 00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:04,000 - Exactly. - Although 335 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,800 if there was regret 336 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:11,000 I suppose there's always something you could do about it. 337 00:25:13,100 --> 00:25:16,400 You could show up at his brother's wedding, because it is his brother. 338 00:25:16,700 --> 00:25:19,500 But that's only if you regretted it, which I don't regret it. 339 00:25:19,700 --> 00:25:23,500 I just don't regret it. Regret is such a waste of time. 340 00:25:24,100 --> 00:25:27,200 Honey will you just admit that you regret not going to this party. 341 00:25:27,300 --> 00:25:30,600 - Okay, fine I regret not going to this party. - You need to let it go. 342 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:33,400 I'm letting it go. I'm over it. 343 00:25:33,900 --> 00:25:36,800 Hi, honey, how did it go? 344 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,300 - Fine. No problem. - Good. 345 00:25:40,900 --> 00:25:43,000 Did we have fun last night? 346 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:45,600 Yes, I did. It was great. 347 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:49,800 You guys were right, a transition guy is what I needed. Good. 348 00:25:49,900 --> 00:25:54,800 So how was he, was he good? He was very sweet and complimentary. 349 00:25:55,700 --> 00:25:59,800 And very into pleasing me first. So how was girth? 350 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,200 Averag-ish. 351 00:26:02,300 --> 00:26:05,800 "Averag-ish." That's good. So what did you tell him? 352 00:26:06,700 --> 00:26:08,300 What do you mean? 353 00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:11,500 What do we always tell them, no matter what? 354 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:20,000 Oh, my God, your penis is so big. 355 00:26:20,300 --> 00:26:21,900 Good girl. 356 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:25,000 Your penis is so thick. 357 00:26:26,900 --> 00:26:29,800 Your penis is just so pretty. 358 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:36,300 You got a handsome dick! 359 00:26:37,900 --> 00:26:40,000 Your penis, it's so 360 00:26:41,700 --> 00:26:42,900 hard. 361 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,600 Your penis is just so large. 362 00:26:46,900 --> 00:26:50,100 My body is a movie 363 00:26:50,500 --> 00:26:54,500 and your penis is the star! 364 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,900 You're too big to fit in here. 365 00:27:01,300 --> 00:27:04,100 Too big to fit in here. 366 00:27:04,500 --> 00:27:06,800 Too big to fit in here. 367 00:27:13,900 --> 00:27:18,500 "You're too big to fit in here" 368 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:24,300 Oh, my God. 369 00:27:24,300 --> 00:27:27,400 Oh, my God, it's Fame! We're in Fame right now. 370 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:40,700 "What a lovely ride 371 00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:42,700 "Your penis is a thrill 372 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,800 "Your penis is a Cadillac 373 00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:46,600 A giant Coup de Ville 374 00:27:46,900 --> 00:27:50,400 "Your penis packs a wallop Your penis brings a load 375 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:55,000 "And when it makes a delivery It needs its own zip code 376 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,400 - "Nine" - "Double zero" "Penis" 377 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:02,900 "You're too big to fit in here" 378 00:28:07,100 --> 00:28:11,500 "Your penis is so strong Your penis is so smooth" 379 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:15,100 - "Your penis has got a rhythm" - "Your penis makes me groove" 380 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:19,600 - "Your penis is a dream" - "The biggest one I've seen" 381 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:21,900 "It's oozy and it's green" 382 00:28:23,700 --> 00:28:24,800 Sorry. 383 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:29,400 "You're too big to fit in here" 384 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:37,600 "You're too big to fit in here" 385 00:28:42,100 --> 00:28:45,900 "Your penis is so big Your penis is so thick" 386 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:49,800 "Your penis is so pretty You got a handsome dick" 387 00:28:50,100 --> 00:28:53,900 "Your penis is so hard Your penis is so large" 388 00:28:54,300 --> 00:28:58,300 - "My body is a movie" - "And your penis is the star" 389 00:28:58,500 --> 00:29:00,900 "Starring your penis" 390 00:29:01,500 --> 00:29:05,700 "You're too big to fit in here" 391 00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:49,100 - Come on. - How much time we got? 392 00:29:49,300 --> 00:29:52,900 We've got three hours before the rehearsal. Hit the ball. 393 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,900 - Good shot. - Fore! 394 00:29:56,100 --> 00:29:59,400 I'll shove that club up your ass, you dick licker! 395 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,600 - What are you up by, two? - I guess. 396 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:07,300 It doesn't get any better than this. - To the marriage. - To the marriage. 397 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,200 - To the bride. - To the bride. 398 00:30:11,300 --> 00:30:13,700 To 50 years with the same woman. 399 00:30:15,500 --> 00:30:17,500 That's really depressing. 400 00:30:18,100 --> 00:30:19,200 Sorry. 401 00:30:20,100 --> 00:30:21,500 Saggy tits. 402 00:30:22,300 --> 00:30:25,000 Be able to use them as a belt by then. 403 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:28,400 - Or just tuck them in her socks. - Okay. 404 00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:34,800 God, this marriage is such a big leap. It's really intense, Pete. 405 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:38,400 - But if it's the right woman - I guess. 406 00:30:41,100 --> 00:30:43,200 Get up a little. Yes. Fore! 407 00:30:43,700 --> 00:30:47,200 You motherfuckers! Stop bothering me! 408 00:30:47,500 --> 00:30:49,800 You're driving right into them. 409 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,700 I hear John is still AWOL from that bachelor party. 410 00:30:52,900 --> 00:30:57,500 He showed up, missing an eyebrow, with a tattoo on his ass that says "Bitch." 411 00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,600 - I am not an animal! - Very good. 412 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:04,600 Speaking of bitches 413 00:31:04,900 --> 00:31:08,500 what was going on with you at the club with that hottie? 414 00:31:09,300 --> 00:31:13,500 - Nothing. - I mean, Jesus! I don't know what you're talking about. 415 00:31:13,700 --> 00:31:18,400 - I think you liked her. - No, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Don't lie to me. 416 00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:22,100 Don't lie. Don't lie to Darth, Luke. 417 00:31:27,500 --> 00:31:30,400 I could see it in your eyes you liked her. 418 00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:35,300 Nothing I can do about it now. 419 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:40,800 Should have poked her in the whiskers when you had the chance. What's that, Gramps? 420 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,900 I met this hot young dish 421 00:31:44,100 --> 00:31:47,700 at the World's Fair back in 1940. 422 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:52,300 Every moment with her was like a slice of heaven. 423 00:31:52,900 --> 00:31:55,200 I bet you really miss Grandma. 424 00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:58,900 Fuck Grandma. 425 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:00,900 It's Pearl I'm talking about. 426 00:32:01,100 --> 00:32:06,500 She was the love of my life. Don't ever let these moments pass you by. 427 00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:13,400 Fucking Grandma. 428 00:32:14,300 --> 00:32:15,500 Be nice. 429 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:19,800 Come on. 7-6. 430 00:32:23,700 --> 00:32:25,100 Fore! 431 00:32:44,300 --> 00:32:46,200 You suck! 432 00:32:46,900 --> 00:32:48,100 Damn it! 433 00:32:48,100 --> 00:32:51,600 - But you smell so minty fresh now. - What do you want? 434 00:32:51,900 --> 00:32:54,600 I need to borrow your black Gucci bag. 435 00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:57,300 It's in the living room. 436 00:32:57,500 --> 00:33:01,100 I don't know where in the living room, and I don't feel like looking for it. 437 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,700 Will you help me find it, please? Come on, please. 438 00:33:04,700 --> 00:33:07,900 Since I'm up now, and you decided to torture me 439 00:33:07,900 --> 00:33:09,600 I'll go and get it. 440 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:14,000 I'm sorry. Oh, my God. Excuse me. 441 00:33:14,900 --> 00:33:17,600 Can you tell me where the bathroom is? 442 00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:19,900 - Behind you. - Over here? 443 00:33:25,500 --> 00:33:26,700 Thanks. 444 00:33:27,100 --> 00:33:28,300 Oh, my 445 00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:30,100 cock. 446 00:33:30,300 --> 00:33:31,900 Oh, my cock. 447 00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:41,500 Do you have any Advil? 448 00:33:45,500 --> 00:33:48,600 He is so cute. So stupid. 449 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,800 Can I get that purse now, please? 450 00:33:54,900 --> 00:33:57,100 Yes, you can have the purse. 451 00:33:57,700 --> 00:33:59,300 Here's the purse. 452 00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,300 Thank you very much. 453 00:34:05,500 --> 00:34:09,200 - Where are you going? - You and I are going to a wedding. 454 00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:14,700 - What wedding? Who's getting married? - We're going to Peter's brother's wedding. Peter? 455 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:18,100 This Somerset place where they live is some small freak-ass town 456 00:34:18,300 --> 00:34:22,700 three hours north, so we have to get on the road now to make it on time. 457 00:34:22,700 --> 00:34:24,400 - Peter. - What? 458 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:28,000 I'm not going to Peter's brother's wedding! 459 00:34:28,100 --> 00:34:32,800 What are you talking about? Yesterday, you said you wanted to go, so I went 460 00:34:34,100 --> 00:34:36,700 - I was joking. - No, you weren't. 461 00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:39,300 Yes, I was. 462 00:34:40,100 --> 00:34:43,500 Fifty percent of what people say when they're joking is true. 463 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:47,800 Which means you do want to go, but you're too afraid to admit it. 464 00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:51,600 So by making some sort of joke about it, you get to say what you really want 465 00:34:51,900 --> 00:34:55,600 without being vulnerable. - Right? - Maybe. 466 00:34:56,100 --> 00:34:59,600 Okay. The wedding starts at 5:00. I refuse to be late. 467 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,600 Put some clothes on. Now! Thank you. 468 00:35:03,900 --> 00:35:06,300 - That was a nice one. - Thanks. 469 00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:23,200 - Watch the road, sweetie! - I am watching the road. 470 00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,700 Once we get off the 140 471 00:35:25,900 --> 00:35:29,600 we'll take the 95, get off on the Somerset exit. 472 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:34,500 We'll drive around and we should find the church, no problem. Ta-da! 473 00:35:39,500 --> 00:35:41,800 - What is that? - What is what? 474 00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:45,500 - You don't smell that? - What? I don't smell anything. 475 00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:48,900 - You're used to it. That's what's scary. - I don't smell anything. 476 00:35:49,100 --> 00:35:52,800 It smells like mouldy ass, is what it smells like in here. 477 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:56,000 Come to think of it, I did leave some ass in the back. 478 00:35:56,200 --> 00:36:02,100 - You did? - About a week ago. It must be the ass. No, no. Sit down. 479 00:36:08,900 --> 00:36:13,600 - What are you doing? - Jesus, Courtney. What is all this crap? 480 00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:16,800 Don't throw out anything I might need. 481 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:21,300 Where is it coming from? Where? I can still smell it. 482 00:36:22,500 --> 00:36:26,000 Maybe it's you. Did something crawl up your poon-nonny? 483 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:31,400 I have never, ever had any complaints in the poon-nonny odor department. 484 00:36:31,700 --> 00:36:35,900 - You know what? Neither have I. - High five on the clean poon-nonny. 485 00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:37,300 Bitch. 486 00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:40,400 What? 487 00:36:40,900 --> 00:36:44,000 - What is this? - What is what? What is this? 488 00:36:44,100 --> 00:36:48,800 Jesus, I don't know. I don't know how long it's been in here. What is in here? 489 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:57,100 No! That is not okay. 490 00:36:57,300 --> 00:37:00,900 It isn't okay. You are a disgusting, nasty pig. Do you understand? 491 00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:03,600 There was maggots on that flesh. 492 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,300 I got maggot juice all over me. 493 00:37:14,300 --> 00:37:15,700 Ladies' room. 494 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:17,800 Ladies' room. 495 00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,400 - Someone's in here. - Sorry. 496 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:24,900 - It might be a while. - How long? 497 00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:30,200 Let me put it to you this way: I had lamb curry last night and I'm shitting out a Buick. 498 00:37:32,700 --> 00:37:34,600 Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that? 499 00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:37,800 Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that? 500 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,000 Hello? 501 00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:43,600 Clear? 502 00:37:47,700 --> 00:37:50,400 I feel like I have maggots all over me. 503 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:54,400 Don't move. You have a maggot right here. 504 00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:57,400 Stop it. 505 00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:00,300 I'm going to pee my pants. 506 00:38:00,900 --> 00:38:02,900 I'll just use the urinal. 507 00:38:04,700 --> 00:38:10,000 You want to hear some poetry? "There once was a man from Bandoo Who fell asleep in a canoe" 508 00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:15,700 "He dreamed of Venus And played with his penis" "And woke up with a handful of goo" 509 00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:18,800 Don't make me laugh! 510 00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,900 Darn it. I think I peed on myself. 511 00:38:23,100 --> 00:38:25,500 "Follow the yellow brick road"? 512 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:31,200 I'm following the yellow brick road. Follow the yellow brick road. 513 00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:39,100 Buffy! You look like my old doggie Buffy. Hello, girl. 514 00:38:41,100 --> 00:38:45,200 - Oh, my God, it's on my hands! - Good girl. What you got in here? 515 00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:49,300 What you got? What's in your mouth? 516 00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,100 What you got in there? 517 00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,000 What's in there? 518 00:38:56,500 --> 00:38:57,700 Surprise! 519 00:39:09,300 --> 00:39:10,600 Goddamn it. 520 00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:14,000 How could you not know what's a glory hole is? 521 00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:16,400 Unlike my whore friend Courtney Rockliffe 522 00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:20,400 I don't usually spend much time in men's public bathrooms. 523 00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:25,100 Goddamn. That is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. 524 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:30,600 I flew across that room. And you got fucked in the eye. 525 00:39:30,900 --> 00:39:34,900 I'm glad you find it so fucking amusing. I really do. 526 00:39:35,100 --> 00:39:39,100 Could you please have some compassion? Because I could go blind. 527 00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,400 You're not going to go blind. 528 00:39:42,300 --> 00:39:45,900 - Let me look at it. - I mean, I got a penis in my eye. 529 00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:49,700 Let me see. Let me see. 530 00:39:51,300 --> 00:39:54,500 All right. - Is it okay? - Yeah, it's okay. 531 00:39:56,500 --> 00:40:01,200 But I think you're pregnant. Would you please stop it, already? 532 00:40:04,300 --> 00:40:07,100 Re-dress the mannequins and check the sock inventory. 533 00:40:07,300 --> 00:40:10,500 Come on, it's Saturday and nobody's here, and Mr. Mooney 534 00:40:10,700 --> 00:40:14,700 Mr. Mooney is off sailing with his boy toy, which leaves me in charge of the store. 535 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,100 Somebody needs to get some. 536 00:40:28,300 --> 00:40:30,200 There's my dirty girl! 537 00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:35,200 It's me, baby. It's me. 538 00:40:37,100 --> 00:40:41,900 - Why are you dressed like that? - It's my job. I work at a children's hospital. 539 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,000 You look so cute. 540 00:40:49,700 --> 00:40:52,000 - I'm horny. - Me too. 541 00:40:59,100 --> 00:41:01,100 - You'll laugh at this one. - What? 542 00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:05,100 You know I said I had to do laundry today, because I ran out of clean underwear? 543 00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:09,300 - I've only got the skanky ones left. - Tell me about it, dude. 544 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:13,800 You are so unbelievable. 545 00:41:16,900 --> 00:41:19,900 Is that what I think it is? 546 00:41:20,300 --> 00:41:24,500 - Spring break, 1994, baby. - Turn it up. 547 00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,800 - Oh, my God! Brain. - Jane! 548 00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:04,100 You and I are so awesome together. 549 00:42:04,300 --> 00:42:08,600 We're like two peas in a pod. - Like oil and vinegar - Shut up. 550 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,400 I can't believe I'm fucking a purple elephant. 551 00:42:12,100 --> 00:42:15,800 What do you mean, she's not here? We have customers, missy. 552 00:42:16,300 --> 00:42:18,600 Sorry, Mr. Mooney. I'll check upstairs. 553 00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:22,200 I'm gone for one day, the place turns into Indonesia. 554 00:42:25,300 --> 00:42:26,300 Jane? 555 00:42:30,900 --> 00:42:33,300 - Are you okay? - I'm fine. 556 00:42:33,500 --> 00:42:35,800 - What is going on? - Nothing. 557 00:42:35,900 --> 00:42:40,200 I'm frantic. I've a million things to do. And I'm dizzy. I'm so dizzy. 558 00:42:40,300 --> 00:42:43,700 Mr. Mooney is downstairs, and he is P-I-S-E-D. 559 00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:46,200 "Pised"? 560 00:42:56,500 --> 00:43:00,100 - Where have you been? - I was upstairs taking inventory. 561 00:43:00,300 --> 00:43:02,400 Yeah, my aunt Fanny. 562 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:06,500 - Gallini's. -Hello, is Jane there? 563 00:43:06,900 --> 00:43:09,600 - Yes, she is. -Have a lovely day, 564 00:43:12,100 --> 00:43:14,100 - Hello? -Janie! 565 00:43:16,500 --> 00:43:20,800 Sorry, I can't talk right now. I'm really busy. We were wondering: 566 00:43:27,700 --> 00:43:28,700 Shit. 567 00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:49,600 Oh, shit. 568 00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:53,900 I dropped the thingy to my lip gloss. Could you get it for me? 569 00:43:54,100 --> 00:43:55,500 I'll get it. 570 00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,300 It's too far over. I'll get it. 571 00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:03,100 Hold on to it. Keep steering. 572 00:44:03,300 --> 00:44:05,200 I got it. Don't worry. 573 00:44:07,100 --> 00:44:08,500 Beneath the 574 00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:21,700 Yeah, baby! 575 00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:31,000 - Oh, yeah, right there. - No, that's not it. 576 00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:33,100 You like that? 577 00:44:36,100 --> 00:44:38,600 Yeah. Let me have some of that. 578 00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:42,000 - Oh, yeah. Don't stop. - I'm not going to stop. 579 00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:12,500 I found it. I almost got smothered down there. 580 00:45:12,900 --> 00:45:14,000 Shit. 581 00:45:14,100 --> 00:45:15,500 Are you okay? 582 00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:20,800 - You good? - Yeah, I'm good. Never better. 583 00:45:21,100 --> 00:45:25,400 Let's get on the same page about what we'll say. Game plan. 584 00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:29,800 Walk up to him and be like,"Peter, is that you?" 585 00:45:30,100 --> 00:45:34,700 "My friend Courtney, that hot babe?"She and I went to college with the bride. 586 00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:38,700 "That is unbelievable. I can't believe that. It's unbelievable. 587 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:40,200 "Freaky." 588 00:46:11,700 --> 00:46:13,500 Afternoon. 589 00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:23,000 - Miss Vera's has plenty to offer us. - Plenty of crap. 590 00:46:23,300 --> 00:46:26,500 - We don't have time for this. - Okay, let's go. 591 00:46:26,900 --> 00:46:31,600 - Welcome to my store. Can I help you? - No, we were just browsing. Thank you. 592 00:46:34,300 --> 00:46:39,900 You don't like my store, do you? No, that's not it at all. It's really a lovely store. 593 00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:42,600 We were looking for something 594 00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:46,800 The next dress store is 20 miles from here. 595 00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:48,500 20 miles away? 596 00:46:50,100 --> 00:46:53,300 - We'll miss the wedding. - Judy Webb's wedding? 597 00:46:53,600 --> 00:46:56,700 I know all about it. I dressed half the guests! 598 00:46:57,100 --> 00:46:59,200 When I was 22 599 00:46:59,700 --> 00:47:03,100 my breast(ice)s were, like, right about there. 600 00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:05,500 Nice and perky. 601 00:47:05,700 --> 00:47:08,500 Gravity has taken them to there. 602 00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:11,700 It's like, 22, 28. 603 00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:14,900 22, 28. 604 00:47:15,300 --> 00:47:17,300 Buy some new ones. 605 00:47:18,500 --> 00:47:22,400 Okay, wait. No, no. Look. What is this? 606 00:47:24,700 --> 00:47:29,500 - What is that, though? - That, again, is gravity. 607 00:47:30,900 --> 00:47:34,200 - Knock, knock. Are you decent? - Yeah. 608 00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:38,700 You're going to love this stuff. It's our latest line. 609 00:47:38,900 --> 00:47:41,900 If you need other sizes, just holler. 610 00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:43,600 Thank you, Vera. 611 00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:46,700 Excellent. 612 00:47:47,500 --> 00:47:48,900 Jesus. 613 00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:51,900 - Look. - That's nice. 614 00:47:52,100 --> 00:47:56,700 Wait a minute. Do we have time for a movie montage? 615 00:47:57,400 --> 00:47:59,000 Well, you know 616 00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:05,000 - Thank you so much. - You look sensational. 617 00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:08,200 Thanks to your styling, Vera. Thank you. 618 00:49:08,300 --> 00:49:13,300 Would you like to be on our mailing list? Sure. Right here? 619 00:49:18,700 --> 00:49:20,900 Just send it there. 620 00:49:21,300 --> 00:49:23,400 That's sweet. 621 00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:27,600 It sure is. Thank you. Bye. 622 00:49:27,900 --> 00:49:31,700 - We've got to go. - Oh, my God. I can't walk in this thing. 623 00:49:31,900 --> 00:49:34,200 - Take little steps. - Bondage. 624 00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,700 We don't have time, sweetie. 625 00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:39,900 My God! 626 00:49:42,700 --> 00:49:44,000 Oh, my God. 627 00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:47,200 These are the days of our lives. 628 00:49:49,500 --> 00:49:52,600 - This is not discreet. - No, it isn't. 629 00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:57,000 - We can't walk into a wedding - Come on. It's very LaToya Jackson. 630 00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:01,600 I mean, really. Look at all this 631 00:50:01,700 --> 00:50:05,300 I may as well strap a sign on my ass that says "stalker." 632 00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:10,900 I'm not going there wearing this outfit. Can we please just go? 633 00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:13,500 - Yes. Let's go home. - Really? 634 00:50:15,300 --> 00:50:19,000 We've driven for three and a half hours and everything. 635 00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:21,500 - But, no, let's go. - Please. 636 00:50:21,700 --> 00:50:25,500 - Really. Let's go. - Don't reverse-psychology me right now. 637 00:50:25,500 --> 00:50:27,300 I'm not reverse-psychologing you. 638 00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:31,200 You're so good at it, you don't know you're doing it anymore. 639 00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:33,400 All right, maybe a little bit. 640 00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:37,900 - Court, this is crazy. Really crazy. - What the hell were we thinking? 641 00:50:38,500 --> 00:50:43,700 I wish there were some sign from God that you and Peter Donahue should be together. 642 00:50:43,900 --> 00:50:46,900 How do you know his last name is Donahue? 643 00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:49,700 Because you're sitting on his face. 644 00:50:52,700 --> 00:50:57,500 - My God, it's him! He's so cute! - Yeah, I know. Cute? He's adorable! 645 00:50:57,800 --> 00:51:00,700 And look at this."Everything he touches turns to sold." 646 00:51:00,900 --> 00:51:04,400 - He's funny! He's funny, too. See? - I know. 647 00:51:07,900 --> 00:51:09,300 Church bells. 648 00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:38,700 What do you think? Bride or groom's side? I have to go to the bathroom, I think. 649 00:51:38,900 --> 00:51:43,500 - Did you misplace your bladder today? - I'm wearing the tightest skirt ever. 650 00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:46,200 Go to the bathroom. I'll find seats. 651 00:51:46,700 --> 00:51:50,700 - Could you tell me where the restroom is? - It's right outside. 652 00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:01,800 Hello? 653 00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:03,800 Loo! 654 00:52:07,900 --> 00:52:09,900 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - I can't breathe. 655 00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:13,800 Really? Okay. Just breathe, stay calm, you'll be okay. 656 00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:16,000 Are you okay? 657 00:52:16,900 --> 00:52:19,800 - You'll be fine. You'll be okay. - Water! 658 00:52:22,100 --> 00:52:23,100 Okay. 659 00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:27,500 - Thank you. - I'll leave you alone for a second, okay? 660 00:52:29,100 --> 00:52:31,500 - Judy! - In a minute, Dad. 661 00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:41,300 I don't want to go in the deep end! 662 00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:45,200 Flowers! 663 00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:50,000 I look like a magazine bride! 664 00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:54,000 No, you don't. You look really beautiful. Like the perfect bride. 665 00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:56,200 Why don't I feel good? 666 00:52:57,400 --> 00:53:00,900 I'm sure that you're just really nervous. It's a big day, right? 667 00:53:01,300 --> 00:53:03,900 It's what every girl dreams of, but 668 00:53:04,900 --> 00:53:07,000 how do you know it's real? 669 00:53:07,700 --> 00:53:11,200 I don't know. I can't answer that for you, really. 670 00:53:11,700 --> 00:53:15,400 But I'm sure the two of you will be really happy together. 671 00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:19,600 And if you're not, you can always just get divorced. 672 00:53:20,700 --> 00:53:23,300 - Yeah! - Yeah, see? It'll be okay. 673 00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:25,300 Right. You're so right. 674 00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:29,000 So just get yourself together. You look smashing. 675 00:53:29,300 --> 00:53:31,300 - I look beautiful! - You look amazing! 676 00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:34,400 - I look beautiful. - You do. Amazing. 677 00:53:35,300 --> 00:53:37,900 - Now, get off my dress. - I'm sorry. 678 00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:40,800 I'm getting married! 679 00:53:47,100 --> 00:53:48,200 Hi. 680 00:54:04,300 --> 00:54:07,200 - I bet you miss Grandma. - Grandma. 681 00:54:10,300 --> 00:54:11,700 Where is she? 682 00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:28,900 Turn around. 683 00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:42,400 It's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus. 684 00:54:44,900 --> 00:54:47,600 Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. 685 00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:55,700 Okay, boys. We're on. 686 00:54:56,700 --> 00:54:59,600 - All right. Straight? - Big moment. 687 00:54:59,800 --> 00:55:04,100 - You look nice, too. - Don't stress. A little slap. Slap me. 688 00:55:05,500 --> 00:55:10,000 Don't be gay in God's house. Give me a hit. Thank you. Let's do it. 689 00:55:13,900 --> 00:55:15,200 Shit. 690 00:55:26,100 --> 00:55:27,200 Chris? 691 00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:31,300 - I'm okay. - My God! Honey, are you okay? 692 00:55:31,500 --> 00:55:35,000 - What are you doing? - I got locked in. 693 00:55:35,200 --> 00:55:37,200 - You all right? - Yeah. 694 00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:40,800 - You okay? - Yeah, I'm good. 695 00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:45,100 We don't have to lie anymore because I made friends with the bride. 696 00:55:50,100 --> 00:55:53,100 No. You cannot lock the door. Goddamn it! 697 00:55:53,400 --> 00:55:55,100 Hello! 698 00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:02,000 Oh, please, God. 699 00:56:06,100 --> 00:56:07,700 Suki, suki! 700 00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:15,600 It's already started. 701 00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:25,500 I bet you miss Grandma. 702 00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:30,700 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today 703 00:56:31,700 --> 00:56:34,300 to celebrate the holy matrimony 704 00:56:35,100 --> 00:56:37,100 of Judith Katherine Webb 705 00:56:37,600 --> 00:56:39,800 and Peter Donahue. 706 00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:41,300 Peter? 707 00:56:43,300 --> 00:56:45,300 Jesus Christ! 708 00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:47,600 Peter? Shit! 709 00:56:49,900 --> 00:56:51,200 She did it. 710 00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:58,800 This isn't the Glickman bar mitzvah, is it? 711 00:57:00,300 --> 00:57:03,900 - Moishe, are you here? No? - Come on, Sharon, let's go. 712 00:57:03,900 --> 00:57:06,700 Mazel tov. - Christina? - The hottie. 713 00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:08,000 Shalom! 714 00:57:13,600 --> 00:57:18,200 That's the strangest thing I've ever seen. There are no Jews in Somerset. 715 00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:22,400 Shit. Shit. Shit. 716 00:57:23,400 --> 00:57:25,500 - Shall we proceed? - Sure. 717 00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:31,800 Dearly beloved 718 00:57:32,400 --> 00:57:34,600 we are gathered here today 719 00:57:35,300 --> 00:57:38,600 to celebrate the holy matrimony 720 00:57:39,200 --> 00:57:43,900 of Judith Katherine Webb and Peter Donahue. 721 00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:50,600 Which is an honorable estate 722 00:57:51,300 --> 00:57:54,400 instituted of God, signifying 723 00:57:54,700 --> 00:57:56,800 unto us the mystical union 724 00:57:57,400 --> 00:57:59,500 that is between Christ 725 00:58:00,600 --> 00:58:02,000 and - Peter. 726 00:58:02,300 --> 00:58:03,500 Saint 727 00:58:08,700 --> 00:58:11,500 - I'm having reservations. - Where? 728 00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:13,400 And is commanded 729 00:58:13,500 --> 00:58:16,000 About this. - Really? - Yeah. 730 00:58:19,800 --> 00:58:22,800 of Saint Paul - Me too. - Really? 731 00:58:23,300 --> 00:58:24,400 Yep. 732 00:58:28,800 --> 00:58:32,300 And therefore, is not by any to be entered 733 00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:36,200 - I mean, I love you. - But I'm not in love with you. 734 00:58:36,800 --> 00:58:38,000 lightly. 735 00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:39,200 Anymore! 736 00:58:40,100 --> 00:58:43,500 - You're ruining it. - But We're still friends. 737 00:58:46,100 --> 00:58:49,400 - I don't want to get married. 738 00:58:50,300 --> 00:58:53,900 No. No kiss. I haven't married you yet. 739 00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:57,300 We're not getting married! 740 00:58:59,900 --> 00:59:01,100 Miguel? 741 00:59:03,100 --> 00:59:04,100 Dad! 742 00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:08,900 But we are having the party. Exit in the back. It's to the left. 743 00:59:36,300 --> 00:59:40,200 - How you doing? - Okay. Are you okay? Yeah, no. I'm okay. 744 00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:43,900 - You owe me $30,000 for this wedding. - Daddy, please. 745 00:59:44,200 --> 00:59:46,800 - You know what I'm thinking of doing? - What's that? 746 00:59:46,900 --> 00:59:51,500 I'll cash in the honeymoon tickets, fly to Bali, and go scuba diving. 747 00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:55,200 - I'll rip your face off, peckerhead. - Daddy, stop. 748 00:59:56,100 --> 00:59:57,400 - Sweetie? - Yes? 749 00:59:57,600 --> 01:00:01,300 - I have a confession to make. - I have a confession to make. You're dead. 750 01:00:01,500 --> 01:00:04,700 Dad. I met someone. 751 01:00:05,200 --> 01:00:07,400 - You met someone. - Online. 752 01:00:07,700 --> 01:00:08,800 Online. 753 01:00:12,500 --> 01:00:18,700 His name is Ricky. I think he's really special. Fuck it! It's go time! Son of a bitch! 754 01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:21,100 Daddy, stop it! 755 01:00:35,900 --> 01:00:39,700 Refresh my memory. Was that Peter's wedding we walked in on? 756 01:00:42,300 --> 01:00:45,100 - Yeah. - That's what I thought. 757 01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:50,500 I'm such an idiot. 758 01:00:52,100 --> 01:00:53,600 No, you're not. 759 01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:56,400 I meet a guy for two minutes 760 01:00:56,600 --> 01:01:01,000 and I'm chasing after him like he's something special. 761 01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:06,400 Maybe you want someone special for once. 762 01:01:08,700 --> 01:01:12,300 Maybe you were thinking that you were tired of the game. 763 01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:19,500 Are you tired of the game? 764 01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:22,600 Yep. 765 01:01:25,800 --> 01:01:27,300 Let's go home. 766 01:01:28,100 --> 01:01:29,100 Okay. 767 01:01:46,700 --> 01:01:48,800 My God! What's going on? 768 01:01:49,300 --> 01:01:51,000 Excuse me, Officer? 769 01:01:51,400 --> 01:01:53,200 What's going on here? 770 01:01:53,200 --> 01:01:57,400 Twenty years on the force and I've never seen something so horrible. 771 01:01:57,800 --> 01:02:01,700 - What? Where? - Where's the emergency? Apartment three. 772 01:02:02,500 --> 01:02:04,800 - That's my apartment! - Jane. 773 01:02:07,100 --> 01:02:09,400 Poor girl. Never saw it coming. 774 01:02:10,100 --> 01:02:11,800 Excuse me. 775 01:02:13,100 --> 01:02:17,500 - Goddamn dress! - Don't go in. It's not a pretty sight. I live here! 776 01:02:26,900 --> 01:02:30,100 - Apparently, they're stuck. - What do you mean? 777 01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:32,800 Are you okay? 778 01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:36,600 How are you stuck? 779 01:02:36,900 --> 01:02:38,600 I have a piercing. 780 01:02:39,600 --> 01:02:43,200 - I don't get it. How is she stuck? - Behind her tonsils. 781 01:02:43,300 --> 01:02:49,000 How the hell do you know that? - Honey, I'm going to pull you gently. - No. 782 01:02:49,500 --> 01:02:52,100 I'm going to pull it. Gently. 783 01:02:54,400 --> 01:02:56,200 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 784 01:02:56,500 --> 01:03:00,600 We've got the ambulance waiting outside. We have to get going. 785 01:03:00,900 --> 01:03:02,400 No, wait! 786 01:03:02,500 --> 01:03:06,600 She could sing. You could sing, Jane. It relaxes the throat, honey. 787 01:03:14,800 --> 01:03:17,500 Stop it! You're getting me hard again! 788 01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:19,600 Wrong song. 789 01:03:20,600 --> 01:03:21,900 Armageddon. 790 01:03:39,700 --> 01:03:41,100 Come on, try. 791 01:04:45,500 --> 01:04:46,600 What? 792 01:04:48,800 --> 01:04:50,400 Three weeks later 793 01:04:51,200 --> 01:04:55,100 She says to him, "Girl You Know It's True changed my life." 794 01:04:55,300 --> 01:04:56,700 It did! 795 01:04:56,800 --> 01:04:59,200 And this sad little tear slowly 796 01:04:59,300 --> 01:05:03,300 Come on. What do you want from me? I was 16 years old. 797 01:05:03,900 --> 01:05:07,500 I don't know why I started talking to her in the second grade. 798 01:05:07,600 --> 01:05:10,800 - You thought I was the shit. - You are the shit. 799 01:05:11,000 --> 01:05:12,400 Shithead. 800 01:05:12,500 --> 01:05:14,900 - My God. - What? 801 01:05:15,700 --> 01:05:19,300 They found a donor for my patient. I've got to go. I'm sorry, guys. 802 01:05:19,700 --> 01:05:22,700 - Christina, it was great meeting you. - Nice to meet you, Greg. 803 01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:25,700 - Jane, it was great meeting you. - Great meeting you. 804 01:05:25,800 --> 01:05:29,800 So sorry to run off. I'll make you risotto tomorrow. It's fine. 805 01:05:34,100 --> 01:05:37,400 - Can I just say, that was so sweet? - He's great. 806 01:05:37,800 --> 01:05:39,900 - He's so sweet. - Shut up. 807 01:05:40,000 --> 01:05:42,700 He doesn't have any piercings, does he? 808 01:05:44,300 --> 01:05:50,700 I don't know, actually because I haven't done that with him yet. 809 01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:54,900 - So, you know - Honey, you really do like him. 810 01:05:55,200 --> 01:05:58,600 I don't want to talk about it, because I'll jinx it. 811 01:06:57,000 --> 01:07:02,400 - I closed on the Mahalock house today. - Great news for you. You don't need to do a thing. 812 01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:06,800 - What did they say about aluminum siding? - No. 813 01:07:07,700 --> 01:07:09,400 - Really? - Really. 814 01:07:09,400 --> 01:07:12,800 Be careful with those fat-free chips. They cause anal leakage. 815 01:07:13,100 --> 01:07:16,300 - You cause anal leakage. - Says so on the bag. 816 01:07:26,500 --> 01:07:31,000 What kind of marketing brainiac puts "anal leakage" on his product? 817 01:07:32,800 --> 01:07:37,300 How can they even sell that crap? - What time is your flight? - 9:30. 818 01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:44,100 I can't believe you're going to Costa Rica. Your female problems are over with. 819 01:07:45,100 --> 01:07:46,700 - Hope so. - They are. 820 01:07:46,700 --> 01:07:49,700 You know what I hear about Costa Rican women? 821 01:07:49,700 --> 01:07:51,300 - For five pesos - No, Rog. 822 01:07:51,300 --> 01:07:54,500 They take your chimichanga and your pequito 823 01:07:54,700 --> 01:07:56,900 - No, senor. - Listen to me! 824 01:07:56,900 --> 01:07:58,100 Fuck you. 825 01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:02,200 All I'm saying is, make nice with the concierge, okay? 826 01:08:04,600 --> 01:08:07,600 - You all right, Vera? - Couldn't be better. 827 01:08:11,200 --> 01:08:16,200 - Thank you so much. - Where do you want it? Put her down right here. 828 01:08:16,500 --> 01:08:20,000 Since you're going away, do you want to be on our mailing list? 829 01:08:20,300 --> 01:08:22,800 Yes, ma'am. I'd love to. Thank you. 830 01:08:24,700 --> 01:08:29,500 I've been trying to get us off that mailing list since 1982. Relax. 831 01:08:30,000 --> 01:08:34,500 This is the hottest chick in this store and I caught her trying to escape. 832 01:08:56,700 --> 01:08:58,400 Very strange. 833 01:09:04,700 --> 01:09:08,000 Sweetie, Christina, what's going on? What happened? 834 01:09:10,400 --> 01:09:13,700 I came to just eat my cookie and make a phone call, but 835 01:09:13,900 --> 01:09:17,000 You didn't want to eat the cookies? What? 836 01:09:17,600 --> 01:09:20,200 - Just read this. - All right. 837 01:09:21,500 --> 01:09:25,200 "Commandment number nine: Thou shalt love what's possible." 838 01:09:26,900 --> 01:09:29,200 Honey, we have gone over this. 839 01:09:29,500 --> 01:09:32,500 You did not know the guy was getting married. 840 01:09:33,000 --> 01:09:38,900 It's all right. He wasn't possible. Not that one. The next one. Commandment ten. 841 01:09:39,400 --> 01:09:43,300 - "Thou shalt not fear"? - Yes. "Thou shalt not fear." 842 01:09:43,500 --> 01:09:48,300 What are you talking about, fear? What you did was an incredibly brave thing. 843 01:09:48,800 --> 01:09:52,800 You dropped all of your boundaries and you met this guy halfway. 844 01:09:53,200 --> 01:09:56,000 More than halfway, you went to Somerset. 845 01:09:56,100 --> 01:09:59,300 Guys, it was just another game. Come on. 846 01:09:59,900 --> 01:10:04,400 If he hadn't been getting married, wasn't the groom, what would I've done? 847 01:10:05,900 --> 01:10:07,300 That's right. 848 01:10:09,000 --> 01:10:13,400 I would've done the same old thing. I would have hesitated. I would have 849 01:10:16,400 --> 01:10:19,700 froze up. I would have kissed him and then ran off. 850 01:10:21,400 --> 01:10:23,800 Give him the wrong phone number. 851 01:10:24,800 --> 01:10:28,300 Hook that fish and just throw him right back. 852 01:10:29,600 --> 01:10:30,700 Jesus. 853 01:10:34,900 --> 01:10:36,600 I'm stuck in a rut. 854 01:10:41,400 --> 01:10:44,400 Big, fat rut. 855 01:10:46,000 --> 01:10:49,100 Guys, I don't want to be that girl anymore. 856 01:10:50,800 --> 01:10:52,600 - I know. - You know? 857 01:10:52,600 --> 01:10:54,700 I know. None of us do. 858 01:10:58,700 --> 01:11:00,400 Let's go dancing. 859 01:11:05,100 --> 01:11:06,600 So, any chance? 860 01:11:06,900 --> 01:11:10,300 Of what? No, don't even bother. She's on a mission. 861 01:11:22,300 --> 01:11:25,300 - How is it shaking, ladies? - No, thank you. 862 01:11:25,400 --> 01:11:28,000 Your body is banging. Your face is 863 01:11:28,100 --> 01:11:30,000 Neat. Thanks. Neat. 864 01:11:36,100 --> 01:11:38,200 What's going on, hot mama? 865 01:11:41,800 --> 01:11:45,300 Bringing it down. Bringing it up now! 866 01:11:49,100 --> 01:11:55,200 Here it comes, baby. Feel the monkey. Work the monkey. The monkey, the monkey, the monkey! 867 01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:03,800 - You're working that monkey. - You're a really good dancer. 868 01:12:04,000 --> 01:12:08,100 - You have some original moves. - Thanks, I've been working on it. 869 01:12:08,800 --> 01:12:11,700 - Have we met before? - A couple of times. 870 01:12:11,900 --> 01:12:13,200 I'm Donny. 871 01:12:18,400 --> 01:12:21,700 Christina. This is like Sixteen Candles. 872 01:12:24,000 --> 01:12:29,500 I'd love to take you out sometime. Really? Well, that's nice. I mean 873 01:12:30,700 --> 01:12:33,600 Give me your card, I'll call you sometime. 874 01:12:34,300 --> 01:12:36,100 Thank you. 875 01:12:36,500 --> 01:12:39,000 You seem like a really nice person. 876 01:12:39,100 --> 01:12:42,400 - Work on the monkey. - I'll work on the monkey. 877 01:13:10,900 --> 01:13:12,300 Hey, Donny. 878 01:13:13,200 --> 01:13:15,500 - Do you have a pen? - You bet. 879 01:13:20,200 --> 01:13:24,700 I'm a jerk and I wanted to apologize, because I didn't plan on calling you. 880 01:13:24,700 --> 01:13:27,900 I'll give you my number so that you can call me 881 01:13:28,000 --> 01:13:33,200 because I found out something that was completely life-changing: 882 01:13:33,600 --> 01:13:36,100 It's okay to take a chance. 883 01:13:36,300 --> 01:13:40,100 Love is crazy and that's what love is, it's taking a chance. 884 01:13:41,200 --> 01:13:45,600 My girlfriend Courtney and I went on this crazy ride for a guy. 885 01:13:45,900 --> 01:13:50,600 I went across the state, practically, to find this guy that I don't even know. 886 01:13:50,700 --> 01:13:54,600 I don't even know you, but here I am, having this conversation with you. 887 01:13:54,900 --> 01:13:59,200 And I know that if I just take a chance with you, maybe, I don't know 888 01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:01,200 Forget it. 889 01:14:01,600 --> 01:14:04,600 What's a guy got to do to get laid? 890 01:14:43,900 --> 01:14:45,600 - Chris? - Yeah? 891 01:14:45,800 --> 01:14:46,900 Honey? 892 01:14:49,700 --> 01:14:50,700 What? 893 01:14:54,500 --> 01:14:55,800 My God. 894 01:14:59,100 --> 01:15:01,000 What am I going to do? 895 01:15:01,400 --> 01:15:04,400 I think you can handle this one on your own. 896 01:15:04,700 --> 01:15:06,500 It's all good, girl. 897 01:15:08,500 --> 01:15:11,500 Figure this one out. Figure it out. Okay. 898 01:15:17,700 --> 01:15:19,000 Christina? 899 01:15:20,700 --> 01:15:22,700 What are you doing here? 900 01:15:22,700 --> 01:15:26,000 - I came here to apologize to you. - For what? 901 01:15:26,200 --> 01:15:29,200 For not telling you I was getting married. 902 01:15:29,400 --> 01:15:32,200 I should have told you that and I didn't. I'm sorry. 903 01:15:32,400 --> 01:15:37,700 You're the guy that needs the last fling before your wedding. No. I'm not that guy. 904 01:15:38,300 --> 01:15:43,100 You spilled my drink and I let you buy me a beer. That was all there was to it. 905 01:15:45,500 --> 01:15:48,200 We had fun, we talked and that was it. 906 01:15:49,200 --> 01:15:50,300 Right? 907 01:15:52,300 --> 01:15:54,400 Yeah, I guess you're right. 908 01:15:55,400 --> 01:15:57,200 I didn't get married. 909 01:16:02,800 --> 01:16:06,100 - What do you mean? - Judy and I, we called it off. 910 01:16:10,000 --> 01:16:14,000 I hope my That thing that happened didn't have anything to do with it. 911 01:16:14,200 --> 01:16:16,700 No, it had nothing to do with that. 912 01:16:16,900 --> 01:16:21,600 We realized we were doing the wrong thing. Two people should be in love. 913 01:16:23,000 --> 01:16:26,100 But Judy is happy. She's scuba diving in Bali. 914 01:16:26,300 --> 01:16:30,000 She really liked you, too. Why were you at my wedding? 915 01:16:32,000 --> 01:16:37,000 It was just one of those spontaneous things my girlfriend and I do. 916 01:16:37,600 --> 01:16:39,700 It was just, really 917 01:16:41,100 --> 01:16:43,000 It just got screwed up. 918 01:16:47,900 --> 01:16:51,100 I came here tonight because I wanted to see you. 919 01:16:51,300 --> 01:16:53,800 I thought that maybe 920 01:16:55,500 --> 01:16:57,700 Well, that night that we met 921 01:16:58,600 --> 01:17:02,800 I thought there was something, some feeling I had about us. 922 01:17:04,100 --> 01:17:08,600 I thought that maybe you might feel that way, too. 923 01:17:08,900 --> 01:17:12,100 Is this a mutual thing? This is not a mutual thing at all. 924 01:17:12,400 --> 01:17:14,700 This is a very stupid thing. I'm stupid. 925 01:17:14,900 --> 01:17:17,900 I should go. I really apologize for wasting your time. 926 01:17:18,100 --> 01:17:21,300 And I'll go jump off the Golden Gate Bridge now. 927 01:17:21,400 --> 01:17:25,100 Thanks. See you. I'm stupid. That's right. 928 01:17:25,800 --> 01:17:29,200 That's exactly what I wanted to do. 929 01:17:31,900 --> 01:17:34,200 Yes. Gosh, it's going so well. 930 01:17:56,400 --> 01:17:58,500 I'm not going to be afraid. 931 01:18:04,900 --> 01:18:06,000 Peter? 932 01:18:09,500 --> 01:18:12,200 Shit. Peter, wait! 933 01:18:24,300 --> 01:18:25,600 Shit. 934 01:18:43,100 --> 01:18:44,300 Come on! 935 01:18:46,200 --> 01:18:47,800 Are you okay? 936 01:18:48,500 --> 01:18:49,500 Yes. 937 01:18:52,100 --> 01:18:57,600 I don't think I handled that too I didn't handle it at all. I'm so sorry. 938 01:18:58,500 --> 01:19:01,600 I wanted to find you so that I could tell you 939 01:19:02,200 --> 01:19:06,000 that I did come to your wedding because I wanted to see you again 940 01:19:06,200 --> 01:19:10,100 because the feeling is mutual, and you better be a good kisser. 941 01:19:24,300 --> 01:19:25,800 That was weak. 942 01:19:26,700 --> 01:19:28,200 - Weak? - Yeah. 943 01:19:30,400 --> 01:19:32,600 It's okay. You can try again. 944 01:19:44,100 --> 01:19:46,700 You were so much better in my dream. 945 01:19:47,100 --> 01:19:48,400 Hold these. 946 01:19:52,700 --> 01:19:55,600 - I thought this was mutual. - Oh, my God. 947 01:19:55,900 --> 01:19:58,800 I'm serious. I'll call you, okay? 948 01:20:00,000 --> 01:20:01,800 What? Wait! 949 01:20:02,000 --> 01:20:04,500 Thanks for the flowers. Nice touch. 950 01:20:04,500 --> 01:20:07,100 I'm out of practice! I just woke up! 951 01:20:08,300 --> 01:20:09,700 Unbelievable! 952 01:20:16,900 --> 01:20:19,500 Christina Walters. Yep. I know her. 953 01:20:19,700 --> 01:20:22,500 Bitch. Made my life a living hell. 954 01:20:24,400 --> 01:20:27,300 She tries to pawn me off on her friend. She calls me a dick. 955 01:20:27,600 --> 01:20:30,000 She hunts me down like a dog at my own wedding. 956 01:20:30,200 --> 01:20:33,100 Then, when I try to apologize, she's like: 957 01:20:33,100 --> 01:20:37,400 "I don't know you. You're one of hundreds. I have no feelings for you " 958 01:20:43,800 --> 01:20:45,600 Is that how I sound? 959 01:20:53,000 --> 01:20:55,400 The movie is starting. Let's go! 960 01:21:23,100 --> 01:21:24,500 Fuck Grandma. 961 01:21:35,300 --> 01:21:37,100 Save yourself a buck. 962 01:21:42,000 --> 01:21:43,700 - A girl that you lick. - Really? 963 01:21:43,900 --> 01:21:46,600 - That you lick. - A girl that I lick? 964 01:21:53,700 --> 01:21:55,500 Are you all right? 965 01:21:56,100 --> 01:21:58,300 You're watching the credits? 966 01:22:16,300 --> 01:22:19,500 - Chicks freak on this guy. - You owe me thirty 967 01:22:29,000 --> 01:22:30,300 Copy that. 968 01:22:37,300 --> 01:22:39,200 Is that what you want? 969 01:22:44,100 --> 01:22:47,400 I think there's always time for a movie montage. 970 01:22:57,600 --> 01:23:00,300 I hope you like how sexy I am. 971 01:23:06,900 --> 01:23:11,500 Okay. I'm not going to be afraid. 972 01:23:14,900 --> 01:23:16,200 I'm not. 973 01:23:19,700 --> 01:23:23,000 It's a very bad rumor. It's a rumor. I'm serious. 974 01:23:23,300 --> 01:23:24,500 Crap. 975 01:23:31,900 --> 01:23:34,600 You really got my ass. It's good. 976 01:23:38,600 --> 01:23:39,600 Cut! 977 01:23:47,700 --> 01:23:49,900 - I look beautiful. - You look amazing. 978 01:23:50,000 --> 01:23:53,200 - I look beautiful. Thank you. - You do. Amazing. 979 01:23:59,800 --> 01:24:05,100 We can sit here like this all night. - I bet you miss Grandma. - Grandma. 980 01:24:13,400 --> 01:24:16,600 - I'm not bah-jiggity. - You are so bah-jiggity. 981 01:24:29,700 --> 01:24:31,900 It's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus. 982 01:24:35,900 --> 01:24:38,700 I guess a blowjob is out of the question? 983 01:24:39,000 --> 01:24:42,000 That is the sweetest thing. Bye! 984 01:24:49,100 --> 01:24:50,800 Well, that was fun. 985 01:28:22,600 --> 01:28:25,700 - It's over. Bye-bye, go home. - You can leave. 986 01:28:26,305 --> 01:28:32,534 Please rate this subtitle at %url% Help other users to choose the best subtitles 78284

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.