Original subtitles

SO, UM, HOW ARE THINGS DOWN AT THE WAREHOUSE?

SLOW.

OH, NOTHING LIKE WHAT'S HAPPENING UP IN MANAGEMENT.

ALL EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT IS THAT CREEP

WHO'S GETTING SUED FOR THAT SEXIST CARTOON.

I DON'T KNOW IF I'D CALL HIM A CREEP.

YOU KNOW, IT'S A LITTLE CARTOON OF A CATERPILLAR

TRYING TO DO IT WITH A FRENCH FRY.

YOU KNOW... MAKE LOVE TO A FRENCH FRY.

YOU FROM MANAGEMENT?

WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT?

YOU'RE WEARING A SUIT.

OH, THIS... THIS IS JUST FOR PRODUCT TESTING.

TRY AND LIGHT ME ON FIRE.

WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMEBODY NAILED ONE OF THOSE BIG SHOTS

FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

ACTUALLY, IT'S A HOSTILE WORKPLACE LAWSUIT.

YOU KNOW, HARASSMENT IS DIFFERENT.

HUH.

BUT EVERY BIT AS BAD.

IN SOME CASES, WORSE. MOST CASES. ALL.

LET ME TELL YOU ONE THING

ABOUT THIS HARASSMENT GUY.

IF I EVER FOUND OUT WHO HE WAS,

I'D SHOW HIM A HOSTILE WORKPLACE.

IF HE EVER LAID A HAND ON ME,

I'D RIP HIS ARM OUT FROM ITS SOCKET

AND BEAT HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH IT.

I'D GRAB HIM BY THE SPUDS,

FLIP HIM UPSIDE DOWN,

AND USE HIS TATER TOTS AS A CARRYING HANDLE.

BOY, I... I'D YELL AT HIM. THAT'S FOR SURE.

[HORN HONKS]

HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, BUDDY.

BOY, TYPICAL MALE DRIVER, HUH?

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,

IF YOU HAVE A BIG YOU-KNOW-WHAT, YOU DON'T NEED A PORSCHE.

♪ MOON OVER PARMA, BRING MY LOVE TO ME TONIGHT ♪

♪ GUIDE HER TO CLEVELAND UNDERNEATH YOUR SILVERY LIGHT ♪

♪ WE'RE GOIN' BOWLIN' ♪

♪ SO DON'T LOSE HER IN SOLON ♪

♪ MOON OVER PARMA TONIGHT ♪♪

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

LET ME TELL YOU,

I'VE TALKED TO A LOT OF EMPLOYEES,

AND EVERYONE'S ON YOUR SIDE.

REALLY? YOU THINK SO? YEAH.

I HOPE YOU FRY, DREW.

AW, SHE CALLED ME DREW.

HAVEN'T HAD MY MORNING COFFEE YET.

AH...

HEY, DIRTBAG, YOU GOT VISITORS.

MR. CAREY.

YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT.

WE'RE FROM THE LAW FIRM OF FENN AND GELLER.

MY NAME IS ARCHIBALD FENN.

THIS IS MY PARTNER GELLER.

AND WE ARE HERE TO REPRESENT YOU...

AN IMPORTANT AND VALUABLE MEMBER

OF THE WINFRED-LOUDER FAMILY.

WOW. FINALLY.

WELL, YOU BETTER DO A GOOD JOB FOR THIS GUY.

'CAUSE, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

THIS CASE IS LUDICROUS.

DREW IS THE LAST PERSON

TO CREATE A HOSTILE WORKING ENVIRONMENT FOR WOMEN.

THANKS, KATE.

I MEAN, HE'S THE GUY

THAT ALL WOMEN WANT AS THEIR FRIEND.

THANK YOU, KATE.

YEAH, YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE HE'S COMPLETELY NONSEXUAL.

HE'S VIRTUALLY A EUNUCH.

HE HARDLY DATES. YOU CAN ASK ANYONE.

AND THANK YOU, KATE.

I'M SORRY, YOU MUST GET A LOT

OF THESE NUISANCE LAWSUITS, HUH?

BROTHER, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH.

OK, SO MAYBE PUTTING THE TOY DEPARTMENT

RIGHT NEXT TO CUTLERY WAS NOT SUCH A GOOD IDEA.

BUT I SAID "PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY,"

AND THANK GOD,

THE COURT AGREED.

YOU GOT NO PROBLEMS. WE GOT EVERY TRICK IN THE BOOK.

WE USED TO BE PERSONAL INJURY LAWYERS.

WOW, UH...

YOU KNOW, YOU MIGHT WANT TO PUT SOMETHING ON THAT.

HE'S FINE. UH...

CAN WE PLUNGE RIGHT INTO YOU AND YOUR CASE, PLEASE?

ALL RIGHT.

I READ THE COMPLAINTS

AND, IN ALL HONESTY,

YES, I DID DISTRIBUTE THE CARTOON

AS WELL AS HANG IT UP,

BUT IT WAS TOTALLY HARMLESS.

NOW, MR. CAREY, WE APPRECIATE YOUR CANDOR.

IS, UH... IS THIS THE CARTOON?

YES, IT IS.

HA HA HA!

AND YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY?

WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT HA-HA ACE VENTURA FUNNY,

BUT YOU KNOW, IT'S... FUNNY.

WHERE DID YOU GET IT?

UH, DIRECT PRESSURE, COULD YOU?

I'M READING. COULD YOU, PLEASE?

THAT CARTOON WAS FAXED TO ME.

SO, YOU DON'T READ, UH, SMUT MAGAZINES?

NO.

OH, COME ON, MR. CAREY.

WE'RE ALL GROWN-UPS HERE.

PLAYBOY... PENTHOUSE...

OLD CARLY SIMON ALBUM COVERS?

YOU KNOW, LOOK...

ALL I DID WAS XEROX THE CARTOON AS PART OF THE MEMO

TO LIVEN IT UP.

AND WHO TOLD YOU THIS MEMO NEEDED... LIVENING?

THAT ORDER CAME DIRECTLY FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.

I WOULDN'T BE KIDDING AROUND IF I WERE YOU, MR. CAREY.

'CAUSE FROM WHAT I'M HEARING,

YOU COMMITTED THIS ACT OF YOUR OWN VOLITION,

WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT OR EVEN TACIT APPROVAL

OF WINFRED-LOUDER.

IS THAT CORRECT, MR. DREW CAREY?

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE ON MY SIDE.

SIDES?

MAYBE THERE ARE NO SIDES.

MAYBE THIS PROBLEM IS... ROUND.

Fenn: SIGN RIGHT THERE. WHA...

W-W-WHAT IS THIS? WHAT'S...

JUST SAYS THAT WE'RE REPRESENTING YOU

AND THAT YOU AGREE TO SETTLE OUT OF COURT.

LISTEN, I... I REALLY CAN'T SIGN THIS,

YOU KNOW, WITHOUT A SECOND OPINION. AND BESIDES,

I'M... I'M LEFT-HANDED.

LOOK, I-IF I SIGN THIS,

ISN'T THAT AN ADMISSION OF GUILT? I MEAN...

I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT MY FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS?

HA HA HA HA! PFFFT!

ISN'T THAT ALWAYS THE FIRST THING

THEY START SCREAMING?

FIRST AMENDMENT. FIRST AMENDMENT.

LIKE A BUNCH OF MEWLING BABIES.

LISTEN...

YOU DON'T AGREE TO SETTLE OUT OF COURT,

WE CAN'T BE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU.

UNDERSTAND...

CARTOON BOY?

I UNDERSTAND THAT SOUNDS LIKE A THREAT.

NOW, LISTEN. WHEN WE STARTED THIS CONVERSATION,

YOU SAID WE WERE ONE BIG, HAPPY WINFRED-LOUDER FAMILY.

NOW IT'S MORE LIKE WE'RE THE DONNER FAMILY,

AND I JUST PULLED UP LAME.

LISTEN, IF I DON'T SETTLE,

CAN I BE FIRED?

NO, NOT EXACTLY.

OH. WELL, THEN,

GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, BOTH OF YOU.

I'LL GET MY OWN LAWYER.

ONE WHO CLOTS!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IN THE ENTIRE CITY OF CLEVELAND,

THERE ISN'T ONE LAWYER

WITH THE GUTS TO LIST HIS PHONE NUMBER.

THE SPINELESS BASTARDS.

HAVE YOU TRIED LOOKING UNDER "ATTORNEYS"?

WOW!

THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF THEM.

EVERYTHING FROM ABRAMS TO ZAMBETTI.

HAVE YOU TRIED TALKING TO THIS WOMAN WHO'S SUING YOU?

SHE WON'T RETURN MY CALLS.

SHE WON'T EVEN MEET WITH ME.

THIS IS TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL.

THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO ALONG

WITH THE COMPANY'S LAWYERS AND SETTLE?

WHAT? AND GIVE IN?

I'M TIRED OF GIVING IN. I GIVE IN EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.

I GIVE IN TO MY BOSS, I GIVE IN TO MY NEIGHBORS.

I EVEN GIVE IN AND BUY AMERICAN.

AND WHEN THAT BREAKS, I BUY AMERICAN AGAIN.

BUT I AM NOT GIVING IN ON THIS ONE.

OSWALD, GIVE ME THE NAME OF A LAWYER.

I'LL CALL THE FIRST ONE YOU PICK.

HERE'S ONE. AS SEEN ON 60 MINUTES.

OH, THIS IS CRAZY.

I HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING WHICH LAWYER'S ANY GOOD.

KATE, DIDN'T YOU GO OUT WITH A LAWYER ONCE?

YOU MEAN BRAD? THE GUY I MET

ON THAT BLIND DATE WHO KEPT CALLING AND CALLING FOREVER?

DON'T REMIND ME.

WHY? WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL... HE HAD TO BE FIRST IN EVERYTHING.

HE HAD TO BE FIRST IN LAW SCHOOL,

FIRST TO PASS THE BAR,

AND IN BED, ANOTHER FIRST.

HEY, YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH A LAWYER.

[CHUCKLES]

YOU KNOW, KATE,

THAT'S ALL IN THE PAST.

WHY DON'T YOU BE AN ADULT AND CALL HIM?

NO.

DO IT AND I'LL STOP THIS.

DO IT AND I'LL STOP THIS. DO IT AND I'LL...

FORGET IT.

NO.

OK, THIS IS HOW THE PHONE CALL GOES.

[BREATHY] HI, BRAD.

I HAVE A FRIEND.

SHE'S IN TROUBLE AND SHE'S REALLY CUTE.

YOU GET HIM TO THE BAR, AND I'LL TAKE IT FROM THERE.

DREW, HE'S SO OBNOXIOUS.

MORE OBNOXIOUS THAN THIS?

MORE OBNOXIOUS THAN THIS?

MORE OBNOXIOUS THAN THIS...

DREW...

WHY CAN'T YOU HIRE A DECENT LAWYER LIKE ANYONE ELSE?

OH, YEAH. LET ME JUST GET THE MONEY

FROM THE WALL SAFE BEHIND THE MONET OVER...

OH, MY GOD, THE MONET IS GONE!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I'LL DO IT.

I DON'T WANNA DO IT, BUT I WILL DO IT.

I'M JUST TIRED OF THE NAGGING.

WOW, I JUST FLASHED BACK TO MY PROM NIGHT.

[BANGING ON DOOR]

HELP! DREW COME OUT!

HELP! HELP!

PEACHES, WHAT IS IT?

YOUR DOOR WAS LOCKED.

WELL, HEY... LOOK, JUST 'CAUSE YOU'RE MY NEIGHBOR,

DOESN'T MEAN YOU JUST COME OVER HERE ANYTIME YOU WANT.

OK.

I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO BAKE YOU ANYTHING TODAY,

SO I BROUGHT YOU THIS FROM THE SILK-SCREEN PLACE I WORK AT.

THEY SAY THEY'RE MISPRINTS.

OF COURSE IT'S A MISPRINT.

THE ARROW IS SUPPOSED TO POINT TO SOMEBODY ELSE.

OH.

WELL, THAT WOULD BE FUNNY, TOO.

LOOK, PEACHES, I'M SORRY I'M IN SUCH A BAD MOOD,

BUT, YOU KNOW I'M BEING SUED, SO...

SUED? FOR WHAT?

SOME WOMAN AT WORK SAID I SEXUALLY HARASSED HER.

WANT TO SHOW ME WHERE YOU TOUCHED HER?

I DIDN'T TOUCH HER.

SO, SHOW ME WHERE YOU WOULD HAVE TOUCHED HER.

I THINK IT WAS SOMEWHERE IN THE LIVING ROOM.

YOU CHECK THE YARD.

HEY, GUYS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WATCHING EVERYTHING DARWIN SAID GO RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW.

BRAD SAYS HE'LL MEET YOU AT THE WARSAW,

ONLY IF I COME ALONG.

OH, GREAT.

OH, I'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU ALONG, PEACHES,

BUT, YOU KNOW, MY CAR ONLY HOLDS... 4.

AH, COME ON, DREW.

THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM FOR ANOTHER LOVELY LADY

IN THE CAR.

WOW.

YOU ALMOST SOUND LIKE YOU'RE SINGING

WHEN YOU TALK.

YOU SHOULD HEAR ME SING.

IT ALMOST SOUNDS LIKE I'M TALKING.

YOU SHOULD HEAR ME THROW UP.

IT ALMOST SOUNDS LIKE HANDEL'S WATER MUSIC.

MAN, I HOPE THIS LAWYER YOU KNOW WORKS OUT.

WELL, DO YOU REMEMBER THAT POOR OLD LADY

THAT GOT COFFEE SPILLED ALL OVER HER?

YEAH.

HE GOT HER SENT TO PRISON.

HEY, EVERYBODY, WATCH.

OK. [CLEARS THROAT]

THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM.

[HIGH-PITCH TONE] THIS IS ONLY A TEST.

HERE'S TO US, OSWALD.

YOU'RE AN AMAZING MAN.

[GLASSES CLINK]

WHOA!

MY BACK TEETH ARE FLOATING.

TIME TO GO POWDER MY NOSE.

CALL ME CRAZY, BUT NOW THAT

I'M GETTING TO KNOW PEACHES,

THERE IS SOMETHING DOWNRIGHT APPEALING ABOUT HER.

SHE DOESN'T PLAY THOSE SOPHISTICATED MIND GAMES

LIKE A LOT OF WOMEN DO.

YOU'RE RIGHT. SHE'S MORE OF A "CHUTES AND LADDERS"

TYPE OF GIRL.

OH, COME ON.

I'M NOT TRYING TO RAIN ON ANYBODY'S PARADE HERE,

BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE FALLING FOR THIS.

FALLING FOR WHAT?

BUDDY, WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE.

SHE'S TUNNELING THROUGH YOU

TO GET TO ME.

DREW...

YOU'RE JEALOUS.

JEALOUS?

OVER A WOMAN WHO GETS HER DAILY IRON FROM DIRT?

GOOD. THEN YOU WON'T MIND

IF I TAKE PEACHES OUT FOR A BITE TO EAT.

PFFFT. MIND? YEAH.

I MIND SO MUCH, I'LL EVEN PAY FOR IT.

HERE. HERE'S 10 BUCKS.

NO, WAIT A MINUTE.

HERE'S 11. SUPERSIZE IT.

THANKS, BUDDY.

BRAD.

BRAD. OVER HERE.

KATE. GREAT TO SEE YOU.

DREW CAREY.

IT IS SO CRAZY YOU CALLED.

SO, WHERE'S YOUR CUTE GIRLFRIEND?

WELL, UM... HI.

WHATEVER DOCTOR DID THIS TO YOU...

WE'LL GET YOU SO MUCH MONEY.

I'M SORRY, BUT...

KATE FIGURED WE HAD TO LIE TO GET YOU DOWN HERE.

WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT IS JUST THE KIND OF THING

THAT MAKES ME GLAD I DUMPED YOU.

YOU DUMPED ME? I DUMPED YOU.

NO, NO, NO. I DUMPED YOU FIRST. BRAD, BUD...

SAVE THE FIGHT FOR THE COURTROOM, PAL.

OK.

I BROKE UP WITH YOU FIRST.

SO, KATE TELLS ME THAT YOU PUT UP

A TASTELESS CARTOON AT WORK.

UH,

ALLEGEDLY TASTELESS.

HUH. YEAH, WELL,

IF YOU'RE SO SMART, THEN YOU PROBABLY KNOW

THAT THERE WAS A CASE VERY SIMILAR TO THIS...

BARTLETT vs. APEX GLASS...

AND THE JUDGE DISMISSED IT...

WITH PREJUDICE.

YEAH, WE MAY HAVE PRECEDENT.

PRECEDENT WITH PREJUDICE.

WOW.

LISTEN, UH, BRAD, BUDDY,

I KNOW THIS, UH, KIND OF ADVICE DOESN'T COME CHEAP,

AND, WELL, I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY.

MAYBE YOU TWO COULD WORK SOMETHING OUT.

YEAH.

HOW ABOUT 10,000 EASY PAYMENTS OF A DOLLAR?

AAH, DON'T WORRY.

I'M WILLING TO TAKE THIS CASE PRO BONO,

IF...

KATE'S WILLING TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME.

HOLD ON.

I CAN'T ASK KATE TO GO OUT TO A LOVELY DINNER

WITH THIS FINE YOUNG LION OF AN ATTORNEY

WHO DRIVES A...

WHAT DO YOU DRIVE? CADILLAC.

CADILLAC.

I MEAN, AND TO MAKE THIS ONE

TINY, MISERABLE INSIGNIFICANT

LITTLE SACRIFICE FOR HER BEST FRIEND

IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

CONVERTIBLE.

CONVERTIBLE.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT.

WELL, WHY DON'T WE TALK ABOUT IT UP AT THE BAR?

YOU KNOW, I AM SO SORRY I DUMPED YOU.

OW.

MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I'M GETTING A FREE LAWYER,

AND I FINALLY GOT PEACHES OUT OF MY HAIR.

YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND ME, NORTON?

I ALWAYS LAND ON MY FEET.

DON'T DO THIS, DREW.

I CAN FEEL IT, MAN.

YOU'RE TEMPTING FATE.

FATE? HA! I LAUGH AT FATE.

HEY, FATE, RIGHT HERE,

TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT.

COME ON, I DARE YOU.

AAH!

GET YOUR TONGUE OFF ME, YOU CREEP.

HOW ABOUT 2 OUT OF 3?

AND KEEP IT OFF.

FINE! AND TO HELL WITH YOUR FRIEND, TOO.

WITHOUT ME, HE'S GOING DOWN!

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LAWYER?

HE HAD PRECEDENT WITH PREJUDICE.

WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? HE LICKED MY SHOULDER.

WELL, MAYBE HE NEEDED SALT.

I'D LOVE TO HELP YOU, BUT ANYTHING BUT THAT.

AW...

I'M SORRY, KATE.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE PUT YOU IN THAT POSITION.

HEY, MAYBE PRISON WON'T BE SO BAD.

YEAH. YOU GET PLENTY OF TIME TO READ.

YOU GET TO WORK OUT ALL THE TIME. YEAH.

YOU GET 3 SQUARE MEALS A DAY.

YEAH. PROBABLY IT'LL BE JUST LIKE A SPA.

EXCEPT THE BIG MUSCLE-Y GUY WHO RUBS YOUR BACK

ALSO LIVES WITH YOU.

EXCUSE ME.

IS THE LEGAL AID SOCIETY AROUND HERE ANYWHERE?

YOU A NARC?

HEY, MAYBE I JUST LIKE MY HAIR LIKE THIS, OK?

UH, SORRY, MAN. YEAH, I'M THE LAWYER.

LOOK, I'M NOT HERE TO BUST YOU,

SO YOU CAN EXHALE NOW, OK, BUDDY?

LOOK,

THE REASON I'M HERE IS BECAUSE

THIS WOMAN AT WORK IS SUING ME FOR PUTTING UP

THIS, YOU KNOW, SUPPOSEDLY OFFENSIVE CARTOON.

WELL, IT'S, UH,

IT'S NOT OFFENSIVE, AND IT'S DEFINITELY NOT FUNNY,

BECAUSE I'M NOT LAUGHING,

AND, UH...

I'M AN EASY AUDIENCE RIGHT NOW.

WHAT'S YOUR, UM, ANNUAL SALARY?

WHY?

UH, BECAUSE WE ONLY REPRESENT THE LITTLE GUY

WHO'S BEING DRIVEN DOWN BY THE FORCES OF CAPITALISM

AND STRIPPED OF HIS SOUL

BY THE GIANT MEGA-CONGLOMERATES.

OH, BROTHER.

IF YOU EVER NEED A POSTER BOY...

AND, UH, YOU HAVE AN ANNUAL SALARY OF?

OH, YOU KNOW...

$26,000, ROUGHLY.

OH, SORRY, MAN,

YOU, UH, YOU MAKE TOO MUCH MONEY.

WHAT?!

TELL MY MOM THAT.

COME ON, MAN. YOU'VE GOT TO REPRESENT ME.

I'VE BEEN ALL OVER TOWN.

I DON'T HAVE THE BUCKS FOR A REGULAR LAWYER.

YOU JUST GOT DONE TELLING ME YOU REPRESENT THE UNDERDOG.

N-NO, WE WORK FOR THE LITTLE GUY.

UH, UNFORTUNATELY,

AT $26,000, YOU'RE THE MEDIUM GUY.

COME ON, I'M THE LITTLE GUY!

WELL, FINE. IF YOU'RE THE LITTLE GUY,

THEN WE ONLY REPRESENT THE TINY GUY...

$24,000 AND UNDER.

PLEASE, YOU'RE MY LAST CHANCE.

IF YOU DON'T REPRESENT ME, I COULD BE FIRED.

WELL, IF YOU'RE FIRED, THEN WE CAN REPRESENT YOU.

BUT IF YOU DON'T REPRESENT ME,

I COULD BE FIRED.

WELL, IF YOU'RE FIRED, THEN WE CAN...

WHOA, MAN, THAT WAS COOL.

IF YOU WON'T COME INSIDE,

WILL YOU AT LEAST TAKE THIS UMBRELLA?

COME ON, LEAVE ME ALONE.

MY CUE BALL'S STUCK IN THE UNDERTOW.

LOOK, DREW, WE JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IF YOU CHOOSE TO SETTLE,

THAT WE, YOUR GOOD FRIENDS,

STILL KNOW THAT YOU'RE A MAN OF PRINCIPLE.

YEAH, BUT I KNOW I WASN'T.

YOU KNOW, THIS STINKS.

I CAN'T AFFORD A LONG COURT BATTLE,

AND I'M TOO RICH TO GET FREE HELP.

UH... I'VE FALLEN THROUGH THE CRACKS IN THE SYSTEM.

I MIGHT AS WELL JUST LIE HERE

WITH MY MOUTH OPEN AND DROWN.

I'M GONNA DO IT.

DREW!

GUYS, CAN I TALK TO DREW ALONE FOR A MINUTE?

DREW, IS THAT OK?

OK, WE'LL... WE'LL BE INSIDE.

IF YOU NEED US, JUST SIGNAL US WITH YOUR BLOW HOLE!

YOU OK, DREW?

YEAH, SURE.

YOU KNOW, PEACHES, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND OSWALD.

YOUR PARENTS MUST BE PROUD OF YOU... YOU KNOW,

DATING OUTSIDE THE FAMILY AND EVERYTHING.

WELL, THAT'S KIND OF WHAT I CAME OVER TO TALK ABOUT.

OSWALD AND ME... IT'S OVER.

I'D LIKE YOU TO GIVE HIM THIS LETTER.

WAIT!

THIS MUST BE A MISTAKE...

YOU AND OSWALD WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER.

YOU BAGGED YOURSELF A 12-POINT...

OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS SAY.

I DON'T WANT NO TROPHY BOYFRIEND.

BESIDES, I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING MORE PERMANENT.

OH, MAN.

THAT'S THE SAME KISS-OFF OSWALD GOT

FROM THE LAST 6 WOMEN HE DATED!

THIS IS GONNA CRUSH HIM.

ANYWAY, YOU'RE THE ONE FOR ME, DREW.

MY PSYCHIC FRIEND TOLD ME SO.

OH, MAN, SHE'S STILL ON THE LINE!

I GOTTA GO.

OH! I ALMOST FORGOT.

DADDY ACCIDENTALLY GRABBED YOUR PAPER THIS MORNING.

REMEMBER DREW...

YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE.

WAS THAT PEACHES?

UH, YEAH.

SHE JUST BROUGHT ME MY PAPER.

I'M GOING TO GO SAY HI.

HEY, LISTEN, OSWALD, UH...

WE NEED TO TALK.

ABOUT WHAT, BUDDY?

UH, IT'S ABOUT PEACHES.

YOU KNOW, UM...

SINCE YOU GUYS STARTED GETTING

INTERESTED IN EACH OTHER,

I'M NOT SURE EXACTLY HOW I FEEL ABOUT HER, AND...

WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SO GOOD-LOOKING,

AND YOU HAVE THAT GREAT VOICE AND EVERYTHING.

YOU WANT ME TO BACK OFF.

WELL, YEAH.

I MEAN, I DON'T WANT HER TO KNOW WHY.

IT WOULD REALLY MEAN A LOT TO ME, AND...

YOU GET SO MANY WOMEN, YOU... YOU LUCKY DOG.

OH, MAN.

I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T INTERESTED IN PEACHES,

BUT I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN...

YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO THROW ANYTHING BACK.

THANKS, OSWALD, UH, I HOPE SOMEDAY IN THE FUTURE,

I'M ABLE TO EXPLAIN TO YOU

WHAT A TRULY SPECIAL MOMENT THIS WAS.

DON'T SWEAT IT.

AND LISTEN... ABOUT THIS WHOLE LAWSUIT THING,

IF YOU LOSE AND THEY TAKE EVERYTHING AWAY FROM YOU,

YOU'RE WELCOME TO WHATEVER I'VE GOT.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?

RHYTHM.

HEY, UH...

WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE?

UH, WE GOT A WORK ORDER

TO PUT IN A... SKYLIGHT.

SKYLIGHT? THAT'S NOT A ROOF ABOVE ME...

THAT'S ACCOUNTING!

ALL RIGHT...

A VENT.

WAIT A MINUTE... THIS IS ON PURPOSE,

JUST TO TO COVER UP MY CARTOON.

OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE...

THE EARLY SETTLERS.

DREW, THE CORPORATION

HAS GOT TO PROTECT ITSELF.

COME ON, BE A TEAM PLAYER... SIGN THE PAPERS.

SOMEBODY JUST FOUND A WAY

TO GET WATER INTO THE NEW "BATHE-N-BLOW" HAIR DRYER,

AND WE'RE GONNA BE UP TO OUR ELBOWS

IN PEOPLE WITH SKIN GRAFTS,

HA HA, UP TO THEIR ELBOWS!

I'M NOT SIGNING.

IF YOU GO TO COURT, YOU WILL LOSE.

WANT TO MAKE A FEDERAL CASE OUT OF THIS?

LOOK, IT ALREADY IS.

AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE...

FOR 7 YEARS I WORKED IN THIS CRAMPED LITTLE CUBICLE,

WHERE THE LIGHTING SUCKS,

BUSTING MY HUMP FOR A COMPANY

THAT WON'T EVEN BACK ME UP WHEN I'M RIGHT!

SO IF I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT'S GONNA STAND UP AND SAY,

"HEY, IT'S JUST A STUPID LITTLE CARTOON,"

THAT'S MY OWN STUPID CHOICE,

AND I'LL TAKE MY OWN STUPID CONSEQUENCES.

NO LAWYER IN HIS RIGHT MIND WILL TAKE THIS CASE!

THAT'S THE OTHER STUPID THING.

I'M GOING TO REPRESENT MYSELF.

NOW, IF YOU GENTLEMEN WILL EXCUSE ME.

♪ GOD BLESS AMERICA ♪

♪ LAND THAT I LOVE ♪

♪ STAND BESIDE HER AND GUIDE HER ♪

♪ FROM THE THING, TO THE THING, FROM THE THING ♪

♪ BUM-DA-DUM-DUM TA DA DA DA ♪

♪ DA DA DA DA ♪

♪ WHITE WITH FOAM! ♪

♪ GOD BLESS AMERICA ♪

♪ MY HOME SWEET HOME! ♪♪

[ACCENTED VOICE] HELLO, PEACHES.

THIS IS YOUR PSYCHIC FRIEND.

YES, I KNEW YOU WERE ABOUT TO CALL ME.

THAT'S WHY I CALLED YOU. YOU SEE, I'M PSYCHIC.

IN FACT, I CAN TELL YOU WHAT YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW...

[SNAPS FINGERS]

YOU ARE WEARING, UH... CURLERS.

CURLERS.

AND YOU ARE ALSO WEARING...

CURLERS.

ANYWAY, UH, LET ME TELL YOU WHY I CALLED YOU.

I SENSED DANGER FOR YOU.

THERE IS A MAN IN YOUR LIFE...

A HANDSOME MAN.

CREW CUT, GLASSES, A LITTLE PORTLY,

BUT IT WORKS FOR HIM.

LISTEN TO ME, AND YOU MUST LISTEN CAREFULLY.

HE IS TROUBLE. STAY AWAY!

ALSO, WHILE I HAVE YOU ON THE LINE,

IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU MOW YOUR LAWN!

DON'T ASK WHY... JUST DO IT.

THE FATES HAVE DECREED IT!

AND MAKE SURE YOU BAG IT THIS TIME!

DREW!

DREW, I GOTTA USE THE PHONE.

[REGULAR VOICE] YEAH, PEACHES, IT'S ME.

YEAH, YOU CAN COME OVER.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE www.ncicap.org...