Original subtitles

MAN, I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH, BILL.

I KNOW HOW CROWDED ALL THE CAR POOLS ARE.

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU SQUEEZING ME IN.

SO, UH, I GUESS I'M YOUR FIRST STOP, HUH?

NOPE. YOU'RE IT.

REALLY? JUST ME?

YEAH. JUST YOU AND ME.

BILL... BUDDY.

[CAR PHONE RINGS]

UH, EXCUSE ME.

PROBABLY THE WIFE.

YEAH, HONEY?

'CAUSE IT'S ALWAYS YOU.

LOOK AT ALL THIS ROOM, MAN.

I COULD PROBABLY LAY DOWN.

OH, WELL, TIME FOR MY SIT-UP.

OOF!

WHEW. YEAH, TIGHT.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO,

TURN AROUND NOW AND COME HOME?

WELL, THEN GET A JOB!

DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE

INSTEAD OF LAYING AROUND FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.

HEY, LET'S PLAY AUTO BINGO.

A SIGN, A BUS, A BILLBOARD, A MAILMAN.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO.

HOW ABOUT IF I KILL MYSELF, HUH?

I CAN DO IT, DORIS.

I'M BEHIND THE WHEEL. JUST SAY THE WORD!

UH, AMBULANCE, A POLICEMAN.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, THEN.

YEAH. JUST, UH, JUST GO BACK TO BED.

YEAH. I LOVE YOU, TOO.

ALL RIGHT. BYE.

LITTLE PROBLEM AT HOME?

SAME THING EVERY MORNING.

BOY, IF I DIDN'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ON THE SIDE,

I WOULD KILL MYSELF.

Woman: I'M STILL HERE.

SO...

THIS BABY HAVE, UH, PASSENGER-SIDE AIRBAGS?

♪ MOON OVER PARMA, BRING MY LOVE TO ME TONIGHT ♪

♪ GOT HER TO CLEVELAND UNDERNEATH YOUR SILVERY LIGHT ♪

♪ WE'RE GOIN' BOWLIN' ♪

♪ SO DON'T LOSE HER IN SOLON ♪

♪ MOON OVER PARMA TONIGHT ♪♪

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

YOU KNOW, YOU BUY A HOUSE FROM SOMEONE,

YOU EXPECT THE FURNACE TO BE IN GOOD WORKING ORDER.

I HAVE HALF A MIND TO DRAG THOSE CON ARTISTS

BACK FROM FLORIDA, AND MAKE THEM FIX THIS.

OH, THAT WHERE YOUR FOLKS ARE NOW?

YEAH.

WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THIS GLOBAL WARMING

I'VE BEEN HEARING SO MUCH ABOUT?

HEY, SCREW THE GRANDKIDS! I'M COLD NOW!

I NEED SOME HEAT TODAY, DAMN IT!

HEY, LEWIS, ANY GOOD NEWS?

YEAH, I FOUND THIS REALLY NEAT OILY STUFF TO PLAY WITH.

DREW, YOUR FURNACE IS DEAD.

OH, MAN.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

COMING.

GEE, I HOPE IT'S SOMEBODY WHO'S ON FIRE.

HEY, KATE.

HEY, DREW.

WOW, IT'S FREEZING IN HERE.

YEAH. WELL, THE FURNACE BROKE.

OH, SO I GUESS A, UH, SNAKE

COULDN'T LIVE IN A HOUSE THIS COLD, HUH?

GEE, WHAT'S IN THE BOX?

IS IT A PUPPY?

NO, BUT IT COULD EAT A PUPPY.

IT'S BARRY'S PYTHON.

YOU WANT IT?

NO. I JUST GAVE A BIG BOX TO GOODWILL.

WHAT WOULD I WANT WITH BARRY'S SNAKE?

WHY DIDN'T HE JUST TAKE IT WITH HIM

WHEN YOU THREW HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE?

HE HASN'T TAKEN ANY OF HIS THINGS.

AND I JUST DON'T WANT THIS SLIMY, CREEPY, RAT-EATING THING

IN MY HOUSE ANYMORE.

YOU'RE NOT RUNNING A WAREHOUSE.

HAVE YOU TALKED TO HIM ABOUT THIS?

A FEW TIMES.

HEY, SNAKEY, SNAKEY.

ROLL OVER. COME ON, BOY.

ROLL OVER.

LEWIS. LEWIS, IT'S NOT GOING TO...

GOOD BOY!

[CAR HORN HONKS]

WHOOPS. I GOT TO GO.

HEY, UH, OSWALD, IF YOU'RE GOING TO STICK AROUND THE HOUSE,

FIND A FURNACE REPAIR GUY, WOULD YOU, BUDDY?

I'LL, UH, I'LL PAY TWICE WHAT YOU GET

FOR LAYING ON THE COUCH.

I'D BE GLAD TO,

ALTHOUGH TODAY IS THE ANNIVERSARY

OF MY GRANDFATHER'S DEATH.

I WAS GOING TO GO TO CHURCH.

OH, I'M SORRY, MAN. I DIDN'T KNOW.

THAT'S MUCH MORE IMPORTANT.

GOTCHA!

OH, MAN. I JUST GOT IT THE WAY I LIKED IT.

NOW I HAVE TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN.

O.K., LET'S GO.

MORNING, ANGIE.

MIMI.

HEY, DREW, HOW ABOUT THOSE INDIANS LAST NIGHT?

WHAT? DID THEY BURN DOWN THE FORT

AND STEAL THE WOMEN AGAIN?

♪ WHO CAN TURN THE WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪♪

SO, DID YOU SEE THAT GAME LAST NIGHT?

MAN, FINALLY, IT'S EVERYONE ELSE'S TEAM THAT SUCKS.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE TEAMS PLAYING THAT ARE IN LAST PLACE?

THEY DON'T EVEN CARE ANYMORE.

THEY RUN OUT TO THE FIELD,

"HEY, MAN, CAN I BORROW YOUR GLOVE?"

LONG FLY BALL TO RIGHT FIELD.

"OH, GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT."

SAY, HEY, WILLIE.

MR. BELL WANTS YOU TO THIS SEND OUT

FOR GENERAL DISTRIBUTION RIGHT AWAY.

LET'S SEE HERE.

WHAT? ONLY ONE PERSONAL CALL A DAY?

THAT'S TOTALLY UNFAIR.

BLAME YOUR LITTLE FRIEND KATE.

SOME GUY SHE BROKE UP WITH

HAS BEEN CALLING, LIKE, 20, 30 TIMES A DAY.

IT'S WASTING A LOT OF PEOPLE'S TIME.

OH, THAT MUST BE BARRY.

LOOK, I DON'T WANT EVERYBODY TO HATE ME FOR PASSING THIS OUT.

I'M STILL REELING FROM THAT FACIAL HAIR MEMO.

I DIDN'T KNOW MENACHIM WAS HASSIDIC.

WAS THIS YOUR IDEA?

MAYBE.

HAS ANYONE EVER TESTED YOUR MAKEUP FOR LEAD?

YOU KNOW, MR. CAREY,

AND I'M NOT SPEAKING AS YOUR BOSS' PERSONAL ASSISTANT NOW,

BUT AS YOUR ENEMY,

BITE ME.

YEAH, YEAH. ONE OF THESE DAYS I'LL BITE YOU

AND I'M GOING TO GET VERY, VERY SICK.

HELLO, LASHONDRA, CAN YOU SEND KATE O'BREIN

FROM COSMETICS UP HERE, PLEASE?

THANK YOU.

IF IT HELPS, HERE IS YOUR DAILY CARTOON FAX.

OH, MAN. WHO KEEPS SENDING ME THESE THINGS?

THEY'RE NOT EVEN FUNNY.

HA HA HA!

HEY, THIS IS GREAT.

IT'S A CATERPILLAR, SEE?

HE'S TRYING TO MAKE IT

WITH THIS CRINKLE-CUT FRENCH FRY.

SEE?

"HEY, CUT IT OUT. I'M A FRENCH FRY."

IT'S HILARIOUS. HERE, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,

WHY DON'T YOU PUT THIS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STUPID MEMO.

MAYBE IT'LL CHEER PEOPLE UP,

YOU KNOW, LIKE PUTTING A SMILEY FACE ON A SUBPOENA.

HEY, ANGIE. HEY, HANDSOME.

DON'T YOU "HEY, ANGIE" ME.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME

THAT BARRY WAS BOTHERING YOU AT WORK?

BECAUSE I WANTED TO HANDLE IT MYSELF.

I CAN'T BELIEVE ANYONE BOTHERED YOU WITH THIS.

BOTHERED ME? I HAVE TO SEND OUT A MEMO

LIMITING PERSONAL PHONE CALLS FOR THE ENTIRE STORE.

I MEAN, YOU GOTTA PUT A STOP TO THIS.

O.K., THAT'S IT.

I'M CALLING BARRY RIGHT NOW.

YOU KNOW, UH, THIS WILL HAVE TO BE YOUR ONE PERSONAL CALL.

BARRY, IT'S KATE.

OH, SHUT UP! I SHOULDN'T BOTHER YOU AT WORK!

LOOK, YOU CAN'T KEEP CALLING ME ANYMORE.

IT'S OVER.

NO, I WANT YOU TO PICK UP YOUR STUFF,

AND IF YOU DON'T STOP THIS,

I'M GETTING A NUISANCE WARRANT.

IS THAT A THREAT?

OH, AREN'T YOU A BIG MAN.

GIVE ME THAT PHONE.

LISTEN, BARRY, IF KATE SAYS IT'S OVER, IT'S OVER.

NOW GET YOUR STUFF OUT OF HER HOUSE BY BY TOMORROW NIGHT,

AND IF YOU EVER THREATEN HER AGAIN,

YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE, MISTER!

YEAH. NEVER MIND WHO THIS IS.

YEAH. YEAH, IT'S OSWALD.

BYE.

BARRY JUST CAN'T LET GO, DREW.

I MEAN, SOMETIMES HE YELLS. SOMETIMES HE CRIES.

IT'S REALLY SCARY.

I MEAN, HOW DO YOU TELL WHO YOU'RE GETTING INVOLVED WITH?

WELL, HERE'S A CLUE.

IF HIS TIRES ARE HIGHER THAN THIS

AND HIS TATTOO OF SATAN SMOKING A CIGAR

IS LOWER THAN THIS,

HE'S NOT FOR YOU.

YEAH, BUT THAT COULD BE ANYBODY.

YOU KNOW, UH, I'M GOING TO BE AT YOUR HOUSE TOMORROW

WHEN BARRY COMES OVER.

YOU KNOW, JUST TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE SAFE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT, DREW.

YEAH, NEITHER DO OSWALD AND LEWIS,

BUT I'LL GOING TO MAKE SURE THEY GET THERE FIRST.

[RING]

YES, MR. BELL.

APPARENTLY WE HAVE A PROBLEM, CAREY.

IF IT'S ABOUT THE EMPLOYEE PHONE USE, SIR,

IT'S ALREADY BEEN TAKEN CARE OF.

YES, ACTUALLY, I WAS CALLING ABOUT THE CARTOON

YOU PUT ON THE MEMO.

VERY AMUSING.

THANK YOU, SIR.

YOU KNOW, I HAVE ANOTHER WITH A, UH, TURTLE IN AN ARMY HELMET.

IT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT THING.

I DON'T THINK SO, CAREY.

WE'VE RECEIVED VERY STRONG COMPLAINT ON THE FIRST ONE.

WHAT?

LOOK, THERE'S A TIME AND A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING,

AND FUNNY OR NOT,

UH, THIS IS GOING TO HAVE TO GO IN YOUR FILE.

MY FILE?

BUT THAT'S TOTALLY UNFAIR.

I MEAN, IT WAS JUST A HARMLESS, STUPID LITTLE MEMO.

I WAS JUST TRYING TO BOOST EMPLOYEE MORALE.

YOU KNOW, WHO'D BE OFFENDED BY THAT?

SOMEONE WHO CONSIDERS IT SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL,

AND I'M AFRAID SHE WANTS TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS.

SHE?

[SIGHS] YEAH.

LOOK, THIS IS TOTALLY UNFAIR.

CAN I JUST TALK TO HER?

MAYBE I CAN EXPLAIN...

[DIAL TONE]

O.K., WHO'S THE RAT?

OH, OF COURSE.

SO, UH...

MIMI, YOU FUNNY, LITTLE SUNNY, LITTLE MIMI.

HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT, UH, CARTOON

I PUT IN THIS MORNING'S MEMO, HUH? DID YOU LIKE IT?

I LOVED IT.

I PUT IT ON MY FILE CABINET,

RIGHT NEXT TO THE PICTURE OF YOU WITH SPIT ON IT.

SO YOU DIDN'T BUST ME ON IT WITH MR. BELL?

YOU GOT BUSTED ON THAT LITTLE CARTOON?

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

HEY, I'M IN ENOUGH TROUBLE WITH MR. BELL.

I'M HANGING BY A THREAD HERE.

WELL, THEN YOU BETTER BE NICE TO ME,

OR I WON'T TELL YOU THAT WHEN YOU HUNG UP,

MR. BELL SAID HE WANTED TO SEE YOU

IN HIS OFFICE RIGHT AWAY.

WHAT? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

CAREY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?

DON'T YOU KNOCK? WHAT DO YOU WANT?

HA HA HA!

HEY, YOU GOT ME THERE.

OH, YOU BIG SACK OF...

ALL RIGHT, I WROTE A NEW MEMO. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.

"TO ALL EMPLOYEES FROM DREW CAREY,

"ASSISTANT DIRECTOR OF PERSONNEL,

"AS OF TOMORROW, ALL EMPLOYEES

"WILL BE REQUESTED TO BRING THEIR SENSE OF HUMOR TO WORK.

"THIS REPLACES THE CURRENT PRACTICE

"OF SHOVING A STICK UP YOUR BUTT.

THANK YOU."

THAT'S VERY HEALTHY YOU CAN LET IT GO, DREW.

MAN, ARE YOU WHACKED OUT.

OF COURSE I'M WHACKED OUT.

WHY DOES ONE UPTIGHT PERSON

GET TO RUIN IT FOR EVERYBODY ELSE?

A LOT OF PEOPLE IN THE OFFICE LOVED THAT CARTOON.

"HEY, DREW, LOVED THE CARTOON."

"HEY, I HAD FRENCH FRIES AT LUNCH AND I THOUGHT OF YOU, BUDDY."

"DREW, I LOVED YOUR CARTOON. I CAN WALK AGAIN."

HEY, DREW, OSWALD.

HEY, LEWIS.

HOW YOU DOING, SPACE CADET?

JUST FINE, YOU STUPID, FAT SLOB, BIKER DUDE.

HA HA HA!

STATE YOUR BUSINESS, JULES, OR I'M CALLING THE ATF.

WE NEED A SMALL FAVOR, DREW.

WE GAVE YOUR NAME AS A JOB REFERENCE.

OH, MAN, WHY ME?

WE KNEW YOUR NUMBER.

OH, MAN. ALL RIGHT. WHAT DID I HIRE YOU FOR?

INTERIOR DECORATOR.

I'VE WORKED FOR YOU FOR 10 YEARS.

I'M CURRENTLY MAKING 75,000 A YEAR.

YEAH. I LOVE WHAT YOU DID WITH YOUR OUTHOUSE.

OH, UH, ONE OTHER THING.

WOULD YOU MIND ANSWERING YOUR PHONE "DREWCORP" FOR A WHILE?

OUT!

BOY, I THOUGHT FAXING YOU THOSE CARTOONS

WOULD PUT YOU IN A BETTER MOOD.

WHAT? THAT WAS YOU?

DON'T THANK ME, DREW.

I'M JUST BEING A GOOD NEIGHBOR.

YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE NEIGHBORS ON THE OTHER SIDE, TOO.

WELL, YEAH, BUT THEY DON'T LIKE US.

NO.

NO. DON'T ANYONE HELP ME

WITH THIS INCREDIBLY HEAVY BOX, THANK YOU.

HEY, SHE WAS TALKING TO YOU.

OH, I'M SORRY.

WHAT YOU GOT THERE, KATE?

BARRY'S STUFF.

THERE'S BEEN A SMALL CHANGE IN PLANS.

I TOLD BARRY TO COME HERE TOMORROW NIGHT.

WHAT? WHY IS HE COMING TO MY HOUSE?

I DIDN'T BREAK UP WITH HIM.

YOU CAN'T TAKE A DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE ON THE ROAD,

LIKE SOME KIND OF PSYCHO CARNIVAL.

I'M REALLY SORRY, DREW, BUT I NEED NEUTRAL TURF.

AHH, I DON'T WANT HIM IN MY HOUSE AGAIN.

YEAH, YOU DON'T WANT HIM IN YOUR HOUSE 'CAUSE NOW HE'S MAD,

AND HE'S GOING TO START BUSTING UP STUFF.

WHAT IF YOU FORGOT SOME OF HIS THINGS?

HE'S GOING TO GO NUTS IF HE THINKS YOU WERE STEALING.

I'LL SAY.

DID YOU GET HIS LEATHER JACKET?

I ALWAYS PICTURED MYSELF IN THAT.

HEY, YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANYTHING.

I'M THE ONE HE TREATED LIKE CRAP,

AND I DESERVE A FEW OF THE LOUSY THINGS I KEPT.

HE WON'T MISS ANYTHING ANYWAY...

WELL, MAYBE HIS INSULIN.

OH, MAN, ARE YOU ASKING FOR TROUBLE.

YOU KNOW, HE'S JUST GOING TO TAKE IT OUT ON DREW AND HIS HOUSE.

WHAT IF THE GUY GOES BERSERK,

AND BREAKS ONE OF DREW'S HUMMELS?

YEAH. WHAT IF HE BREAKS BOTH MY HUMMELS?

15 YEARS AT WINFRED-LOUDER,

VERY IMPRESSIVE, MARY.

NO BLACK MARKS, NO CUSTOMER COMPLAINTS...

I'M SORRY, MR. CAREY,

BUT CAN YOU TELL ME EXACTLY WHY I'M HERE?

I'M JUST HAVING A FRIENDLY LITTLE CHAT WITH ALL THE ASSOCIATES,

YOU KNOW, JUST TO MAKE SURE THE MANAGEMENT

DOESN'T BECOME THIS ANONYMOUS AUTHORITY FIGURE

REPRESENTED BY A BUNCH OF MEMOS,

LIKE THIS ONE, FOR EXAMPLE!

DO YOU FIND THIS OFFENSIVE, MARY?

NO.

HOW ABOUT OUTRAGEOUS, ABUSIVE, SHAMEFUL, OR HUMILIATING?

JUST ASKING.

ARE WE DONE?

YEAH. THANKS FOR STOPPING BY

AND KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

ALL RIGHT, IT'S NOT MARY.

DREW? OH, I'LL FIND HER, KATE.

IF I HAVE TO TERRORIZE EVERY NICE, LITTLE OLD LADY IN THE STORE,

I'LL FIND HER.

SINCE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT

OF INSANE, OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR.

BARRY CALLED AGAIN.

OH, GREAT. WHAT DID HE SAY?

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT GUYS SAY.

HE CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT ME. HE CAN'T SLEEP.

HE'S HEARING VOICES. YOU'RE THE DEVIL.

ALL THAT STUFF.

DO MOST GUYS THINK I'M THE DEVIL?

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, THAT'S NOT THE FEEDBACK

I'VE BEEN GETTING FROM MY WINGED MONKEYS.

I'M REALLY SORRY, DREW.

I JUST WANTED TO PREPARE YOU FOR TONIGHT.

OOH! HOW DID I GET MYSELF INTO THIS?

YEAH, BUT BETTER QUESTION IS HOW DID YOU GET ME INTO THIS?

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES, I THINK YOU DO THIS STUFF TO ME ON PURPOSE.

DID YOU FIND THIS CARTOON OFFENSIVE?

DREW, I'VE SEEN YOUR SECRET SHELF.

I DON'T FIND ANYTHING OFFENSIVE.

KATE. NORA.

PAYCHECK. THANKS.

DREW.

HEY, YOU'RE THE MOST POPULAR PERSON

IN THE STORE, I'LL BET.

PASSING OUT THE CASH.

HEY, FELLAS, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

FEED ME.

HEH-HEH. HEH.

HEY, YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAY.

NO. WHAT?

SOME UPTIGHT, HUMORLESS KILLJOY

GOT ME IN TROUBLE WITH MR. BELL FOR HANGING UP THIS SILLY CARTOON.

SHE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO TELL ME TO MY FACE.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

HAPPENS.

YEAH, I GUESS.

SO ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LEAVE IT UP LIKE THAT?

HELL YES.

IT'S MY RIGHT AS A CITIZEN OF THIS GREAT COUNTRY

TO PUT UP WHATEVER STUPID GARBAGE I WANT.

I LOOK AT THE WALL OF MY CUBICLE,

AND I SAY, "WHY NOT?"

I WAS JUST THINKING THAT SOMEONE MIGHT SEE IT AND BE BOTHERED BY IT.

YEAH. LIKE WHO?

NORA...

NOT YOU.

LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO THIS.

THAT CARTOON IS OFFENSIVE AND HOSTILE TO WOMEN.

I THINK YOU SHOULD TAKE IT DOWN.

IT'S A CATERPILLAR AND A FRENCH FRY.

NOT TO EVERYONE.

YOU KNOW, YOU COULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME,

"DREW, I DIDN'T APPRECIATE

"THIS HYSTERICALLY FUNNY CARTOON.

"SO PLEASE DON'T SEND ME ANY MORE

OF YOUR SELFLESS AND INSPIRATIONAL ATTEMPTS TO BRIGHTEN MY DAY."

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GO TO MR. BELL ABOUT IT.

I CAN DO WHAT I WANT. IT'S A FREE COUNTRY.

YEAH, NOT WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOU AROUND IT'S NOT.

DREW, DREW, PLEASE.

NORA, CAN WE TALK WOMAN-TO-WOMAN?

'CAUSE I'M SENSITIVE TO THE ANGUISH YOU'RE FEELING, MY SISTER.

I'VE KNOWN DREW A LONG TIME,

AND I'M SURE HE DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY THIS.

OH, SURE, STICK UP FOR YOUR FRIEND.

EVERYBODY KNOWS HOW YOU GOT THIS JOB.

WHY SHOULDN'T I STICK UP FOR HIM, YOU TIGHTLIPPED PRISS?

NEXT THING YOU KNOW,

YOU GOING TO SUE HIM FOR CREATING A HOSTILE WORKPLACE.

UH, KATE?

NO, NO. LET ME FINISH.

GO HEAD. MAKE A FEDERAL CASE OUT OF IT!

YOU THINK ANYONE'S GOING TO CARE?

"OH, THE CATERPILLAR AND THE FRENCH FRY ARE HAVING SEX.

OH, I'M SO ASHAMED!"

YOU KNOW WHAT... YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

DON'T SAY IT, KATE.

I THINK YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY,

AND THAT'S YOUR REAL PROBLEM!

OH, GOOD. YOU FOUND A NICE WAY TO PUT IT.

I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS.

WELL, THAT JUST ABOUT TAKES CARE OF MY JOB.

DON'T WORRY, DREW.

WHO'S GOING TO SIDE WITH THAT LOOSE CANNON?

OH, MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WAS NORA.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE WAS ONE OF THOSE QUIET LITTLE PEOPLE

THAT NEVER MAKE ANY TROUBLE.

IT'S ALWAYS THE QUIET ONES, KATE.

YEAH.

DREW, YOU STUPID IDIOT!

YOU COLLATED THESE ALL BACKWARDS!

UNLESS IT'S THE LOUD ONES.

I JUST CALLED BARRY'S, AND THERE'S NO ANSWER.

SO HE MUST BE ON HIS WAY OVER.

HE'LL PROBABLY BE AWHILE.

IT'S HARD TO FIND A PLACE THAT SELLS AMMO AND BEER.

[RING]

OH, I SHOULD HAVE NEVER AGREED TO THIS.

IF IT'S BARRY, WE CAN PRETEND WE'RE NOT HERE.

NO, NOT THAT.

DREWCORP.

JULES LAMBERMONT? YEAH. GOOD MAN.

WELL, I LIKE AN INTERIOR DECORATOR

WHO HAS A LITTLE EDGE.

YEAH. YEAH, THAT WAS HIS SALARY.

UH-HUH, YEAH. I'D HAVE PAID HIM MORE,

BUT, YOU KNOW, I HAD THAT APPALACHIAN FAMILY

FINISHING UP MY TEA GARDEN.

YEAH. NO PROBLEM. YEAH, BYE.

THIS IS DRIVING ME NUTS.

OH, GREAT. SO WE'RE BOTH NUTS.

RELAX, KATE. I'VE GOT A PLAN.

I'M GOING HOLD HIM OFF WITH MY FACE

UNTIL OSWALD AND LEWIS GET HERE.

IT'S JUST, I'VE BEEN DREADING THIS FOR MONTHS,

AND NOW THAT IT'S FINALLY HERE, I JUST WANT TO RUN OUT.

I HATE THAT HE CAN STILL DO THIS TO ME.

OH, DON'T WORRY, KATE. NOBODY CAN TOUCH YOU HERE.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

OH, I HOPE THAT'S THE GUYS.

I CAN'T HOLD MY GUT IN MUCH LONGER.

KATE HERE?

YEAH. COME IN.

BARRY.

KATE.

HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A WHILE, BAR.

YOU'RE A LOT BIGGER THAN I REMEMBER.

YOUR STUFF'S ALL HERE.

TAKE IT AND GO.

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS?

COULD YOU EXCUSE US, DREW?

YEAH, I'D LIKE TO, BAR, I REALLY WOULD

BUT I DON'T... I DON'T THINK KATE WANTS ME TO.

KATE?

THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT.

ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY, YOU CAN SAY IN FRONT OF DREW.

I WAS A COMPLETE ASS.

I'M BEGGING YOU TO COME BACK.

YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO DO THIS IN FRONT OF ME? COOL.

KATE, COULD WE TALK OUTSIDE?

NO, THIS HAS TO STOP. IT'S SCARING ME.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN.

WHAT, IS THERE SOMEBODY ELSE?

YEAH. THERE'S DREW.

HOW, UH, HOW GOOD ARE YOU AT GETTING SARCASM, BARRY?

QUIT PLAYING WITH ME!

YOU'RE GOING TO LISTEN TO ME, DAMN IT!

HEY, I'M STILL PAYING ON THIS PLACE, MAN.

YOU DON'T COME INTO SOME STRANGER'S HOUSE

AND START SLAMMING STUFF AROUND.

SO JUST BUCK UP AND GO, O.K.?

YOU KNOW WHAT I WISH?

[DOOR SLAMS]

I WISH I HAD THE PERSONAL SELF-RESTRAINT

NOT TO WANT TO KILL YOU RIGHT NOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT I WISH?

I WISH MY FRIENDS WERE HERE TO SEE YOU TRY.

YEAH, I REALLY WISH THAT A LOT.

LEAVE SO I CAN TALK TO KATE.

OH, YEAH? MAKE ME. YOU'RE NOT HEARING ME.

NO, YOU'RE NOT HEARING ME.

I MAY LOOK LIKE THE KIND OF GUY

WHO TOOK CRAP FROM GUYS LIKE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL.

ACTUALLY, I WAS A BERSERKER IN GLASSES

WHO ALMOST GOT MYSELF KILLED A COUPLE OF TIMES

FIGHTING ANY LUNATIC WHO CAME ALONG.

I NEVER TOOK ANYTHING OFF ANYBODY,

I ESPECIALLY DON'T TAKE IT NOW THAT MY FRIENDS ARE FINALLY HERE,

STANDING BEHIND YOU AT THE DOOR!

WOULD YOU GUYS BUY A WATCH?

COME ON, KATE.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO COME BACK TO ME EVENTUALLY.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE PATHETIC.

WE ARE SO OVER

THAT I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE REMINDED OF YOU.

HERE. THIS IS YOURS!

YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE REMINDED OF KATE.

NOW, YOU... YOU THINK ABOUT THAT.

WHY DON'T YOU GUYS TAKE BARRY'S BOXES OUT TO HIS TRUCK.

I CALL SHOTGUN.

OH...

WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, ARE WE?

THANKS, DREW.

HOLY CRAP! YOU KNOW WHAT ALMOST JUST HAPPENED HERE?

I HAVEN'T HAD AN ADRENALINE RUSH LIKE THAT

SINCE I WAS 16.

NEXT TIME, PICK SOMEBODY A LITTLE MORE STABLE, WOULD YA?

LIKE A TRAVELING CLOWN OR A MERCENARY OR SOMETHING.

YOU WERE VERY COOL, THOUGH.

YOU REMEMBER STEVEN SEAGAL IN UNDER SIEGE?

YEAH.

NOTHING LIKE HIM, HUH?

YEAH. YEAH.

[HUMMING BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC]

HEY, KATE, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK YOU'RE ONE STEP AWAY

FROM LIVING IN A CAR WITH MESSAGES PAINTED ALL OVER IT.

IT'S OUR LAST SHRED OF DIGNITY, KATE.

IT'S THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH

AFFORDED US BY THE FIRST AMENDMENT,

WHICH WILL BE TACKED UP OVER HERE

WITH SOME CANDLES

AND A SMALL BUT TASTEFUL WEEPING WILLIE DOLL.

HE REALLY PEES.

HAVING FUN, KIDS?

HEY, AREN'T YOU MIMI BOBECK?

DREW, DREW.

SOMEONE HERE TO SEE DREW.

OH, YOU MUST BE MY 9:30.

I'M SORRY. I GOT CARRIED AWAY DECORATING MY OFFICE.

HEY, IT'S O.K.

LATER, DREW.

THANKS AGAIN FOR LAST NIGHT.

HEY, YOU ALREADY GOT THE JOB. WHY DON'T YOU RELAX?

THANK YOU, MIMI.

YOU BETTER HURRY HOME. THE SUN'S GOING DOWN.

WAIT A MINUTE.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

VAMPIRES DON'T DIE UNLESS THE SUN COMES UP.

DAMN IT!

SO, UH, HAVE A SEAT.

QUITE A RESUME YOU HAVE HERE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, CAN'T HOLD A JOB?

ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE WHAT WE HAVE HERE.

"STATE OF OHIO." WHAT IS THIS?

ACTUALLY, IT'S A LAWSUIT.

I'M A PROCESS SERVER. YOU'RE BEING SUED.

BY WHO?

IT SHOULD ALL BE THERE ON THE FIRST PAGE.

"LET THE DEFENDANT BE KNOWN BY THESE PERSONS..."

NORA O'DOUGHERTY?

"CREATING A HOSTILE WORKPLACE"?

SORRY.

HA HA HA! GREAT CARTOON.

THAT SEXIST PIG.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS, DREW.

YOU KNOW THAT NEW WOMAN YOU'VE BEEN STARING AT IN COSMETICS?

SHE WANTED ME TO GIVE YOU HER PHONE NUMBER.

FINALLY. STARING AT A WOMAN

AND NOT SAYING ANYTHING WORKED.

SHE'S HAVING A HOT TUB PARTY TONIGHT,

AND SHE WANTS YOU TO CALL HER RIGHT AWAY IF YOU WANT TO GO.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

WHERE'S THE PHONE?

DREW, DON'T USE YOUR ONE PERSONAL PHONE CALL.

YOUR MOM BLACKED OUT AT CHURCH.

SHE'S IN THE HOSPITAL. HERE'S THE NUMBER.

CALL HER.

OH, MAN, YOU'RE KIDDING ME.

HELLO, MOM, IT'S DREW. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

WOW. WELL, I'M SURE THE TESTS WILL TURN OUT FINE.

LISTEN, WHILE I'VE GOT YOU ON THE PHONE,

CAN YOU DIAL 555-0713

AND TELL AMY I'M WEARING MY ONE-PIECE?

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE www.ncicap.org...