Original subtitles

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I'm an early bird, and I'm a night owl,

so I'm wise, and I have worms.

So... oh breakfast

I got your sausage, egg and cheese biscuit.

Yummy yummy ! thank you Ryan.

What was the thing you needed me to come in early for ?

The sausage, egg and cheese biscuit.

But thank you, and why don't you just take a couple hours,

office is yours, home alone,

risky business.

Take your pants off, run around.

Whatever you wanna do ?

I'm just gonna take a nap in my car until work starts.

Healtheir, gotta watch those carbs.

2x03 : Office Olympics by Belkiss & Unfold http://pmag.f2o.org/theofficeus/

Today I, Michael Scott, am becoming an home-owner.

- Investing in real estate. - Diversifying, smart !

Yes it is. Yes it is.

It is very important to own a property.

Back in olden days, they would not even let you vote,

unless you own a property and they threw you in the stacks,

and then humiliate you.

- And it worked ! - Yes.

They should bring the stocks back

people would obey the law, there'd be less trouble makers.

Maybe !

Every so often, Jim dies of boredom.

I think today it was the expense reports that did him in.

And our deal is, that it's up to me to revive him.

You see Dwight's coffee mug ?

Sometimes when he's not here,

- I try to throw stuff in it. - No way !

Let's do this !

Here, try paper-clips.

Oh wait, this message, for Dwight.

- You should go. - Yes, yes, final walkthrough.

Sign the papers at the condo.

- You'll have your lawyer there ? - I don't need one.

- Can I be your representative ? - I don't need repr...

- I think I should be there. - No, no.

- No I'm good I can make sure things are up to code. - No, Dwight.

This is closing on a condo, it's completely personal.

So you're taking a personal day ?

Except that, it's about my living arrangement, and as boss,

I need to have a living arrangement,

- in order to do work. - Please, I'll make you proud.

- Ok fine, yes you can come. - Yes, as your representative ?

- As my associate. - Same thing.

No it is not !

I have been Michael's number 2 guy for about five years,

and we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams,

he's like Mozart and I'm like,

Mozart's friend.

No, I'm like Butch Cassidy, and Michael is like

Mozart.

You try and hurt Mozart,

you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

Ah, most honorable Pamera

not offensive because that's the way they talk in movies.

- You headed out ? - We are,

Dwight and I are headed to a big thing

why don't you have everybody work on their expense reports

and I'd like them in by the end of the day.

- Ok. - Very good.

- Have a great time ! - We will.

Um did you do the thing I asked you about the magazines ?

Yeah I changed them to your new address.

- Good, the Small Businessman ? - Yep.

- Maxim ? American Way ? Cracked ? - Yes,

I changed your Cracked magazine subscription.

How about Fine Arts ?

Aficionado Monthly ?

No ? Ok well could you get on that ? cause I don't just read Cracked.

Thank you. Ok, see you soon.

What kind of shocks you've got on this baby ?

I don't know, regular, normal ones ? Nothing fancy.

Not my style.

- What are you doing ? - I wanna put the top down.

- Dwight it's 50° outside don't, please - But then no one could see us.

I... just... would you... put it up ?

Ok, fine. Just leave it down.

whiner !

Check it out. I'm terminator.

I do not understand what you spend your money on ?

Hey Oscar, on these new expense reports

do we really have to go back to last quarter ?

Yeah, it's a terrible system I know.

What is 2005 Season here ?

- Wait a minute what is this ? - It's a score board.

What ?

Kevin and I play this paper football game when Michael's out.

- Really ? - Or when we are bored.

Oh my god !

Wait this goes back 2 years !

We are bored a lot.

- Ow ! - Sweet !

Yes, so close.

I really love the paper triangle flicking and hitting things game.

- Yeah, we call it Hate Ball. - Why ?

Because of how much Angela hates it.

Hey do you guys have many other games ?

Sometimes we play "Who can put the most M&M's in their mouth ?"

You play that.

You should ask Toby to teach you Dunder Ball.

Home Sweet Home.

- Which one's yours ? - Right there.

My sanctuary. My party pad.

Someday I can just see my grandkids learning how to walk out here.

Hang on and swing from this tree, pushing back...

Wait, no it's this one, right here.

Home Sweet Home.

So that's what this sound is all day !

Michael this is Bill he's the head of the condo association.

Hey how are you ? Nice to meet you Bill.

Bill, mister Bill,

oh noooooo, mister Bill, oooooooh.

S&L ? When they pull him apart.

You could always get rolled over by something.

- Ni... nice to meet you... - Nice to meet you too.

This is smaller than your old place.

Yes, well I'm buying it and I'm not renting it.

So it's still an upgrade.

He doesn't know anything about property ownership.

He's kind of an idiot.

Actually, I do own property.

My grandfather left me a sixty acre working beet farm.

I run it with my cousin Mose.

We sell beets to local stores and restaurants,

it's a nice old farm.

Sometimes teenagers use it for sex.

- Are we ready to sign some papers ? - Actually no.

We have a couple of questions,

- about the neighborhood ? - It's very safe, it's very clean,

also it's very accepting of all life styles.

It's a very gay friendly neighborhood.

- Oh good, that's good. - Yeah.

It's good to be accommodating of that.

Let's go check out the master bedroom.

Stanley, I just played Dunder Ball with Toby,

- What about you ? You got any games ? - Yeah, I got a game,

it's called work hard so my kids can go to college.

Fair enough.

This, my friends, is the master bedroom !

Check out the cathedral's ceilings, those are like 17 feet high,

we have cable readiness right there.

I am going to totally pimp this place out.

I am going to put a surround sound system,

I am going to put a plasma screen right against this wall...

owww terrible idea

- I'm pulling my bed right over here - No...

This is a shared wall,

Neighbor threw his wife into the wall,

Plasma screen hits the floor, totally smashed.

- Well then I will get a warranty, - Warranties don't cover it,

plus they're a rip off.

- Well I won't get a warranty, - hush...

- There's the problem, it's solved. - Listen, listen, can you hear that ?

Oh man, these babies are thin !

Games of the 1st Dunder Mifflin Olympiad

This scented candle,

which I found in the men's bathroom,

represents the eternal...

burning of competition...

- or something. - It smells like cookies.

Yes it does, yes it does my friend.

Ok we will be competing for gold, silver and bronze yogurt lids.

Now the bronze are really blue,

and they're also the backside of the gold, so no flipping ok ? honor system.

I do play games, I sing,

and I dangle things in front of my cats.

I play lots of games, just not at work.

Let the games begin !

And then I just need you to sign here at this ara

- What kind of mortgage did you get ? - 10 year.

- Well, 10 over 30, so 30 year total. - What ? wha... you said 10

10 year fixed, over 30, 30 year total

- Ow 30 years ! - Ok, ok.

Wow you'll be paying this off in your mid-seventies.

Forget about retiring when you're 65

Hey I have an idea,

you know that extra bedroom, if the all girlfriend thing never happens,

- that's where the nurse can live. - Ok, all right.

- Well this is it. - Whenever you're ready.

Yeah, huh, okay,

- Is that supposed to come off ? - Actually yeah.

Hey look cool ! carpenter ends.

I'm gonna take a little breather for a second. Excuse me.

- We'll be here waiting for you. - Oh man !

A 30 year mortgage at Michael's age,

essentially means that he's buying a coffin.

If I were buying my coffin,

I would get one with thicker walls, so you couldn't hear other dead people.

Whenever you're ready Michael !

You have what is the national sport of Icelandic paper companies,

and I'm blanking on the name... could you help me out Pam ?

Jim, they refer to it as Flonkerton,

in English "box of papers snowshoe racing."

Fair enough, but I like Flonkerton.

The thing about Jim is,

when he's excited about something like the office Olympics,

he gets really into it and he does a really great job,

but the problem with Jim is that he works here so that hardly ever happens.

So, who will be challenging Kevin in flankerton ?

- Anyone ? - I'll do it.

Yes Phyllis.

Phyllis, you just put your foot right trough here, right trough the flank.

The ceilings are lower than they were last week, that, I don't,

I don't know if you showed me the same unit or not ?

What ?

- Michael this is the unit you saw and... - Where are all the hot people ?

I was told that there would be all these attractive singles,

- Who told you that ? - And as far as I can I tell,

I'm the best looking person here.

There's a basic principle, in real estate,

that you should never be the best looking person in the development.

It's sort of a common sense, because if you are,

then you'll get no place to go but down.

Is this a financial thing ? if it's a financial thing what some people do is they rent out the third bedroom.

- No, no... - That's an extra income for you...

I am not going to rent the third bedroom,

I want a price reduction or I am walking.

You will lose 7 000 $ if you walk away right now.

I made the right decision. I'm glad I signed,

I'm a home-owner, right ?

Good to be a home-owner, diversifying, this is good.

- This is fun, we're having fun ! - Totally having fun !

Can you imagine those poor saps stuck at the office today ?

It's Phyllis !

Phyllis by a nose gold-medal in flunenton,

- flunkerton ! - Thank you ! Delegate from Iceland.

Wow, ok no one else should even try, gold medals.

Give him medals !

Wah !

There's something else Dwight, I want to talk to you about.

I have a surprise for you,

- for helping me out today. - Ow you don't have to d...

No, no I insist, I insist,

because you've really done some great work, great work !

And that is why I am going to let you move in to my third bedroom,

and pay me rent.

Why did I do it ? Because I believe in rewarding people for their efforts,

I rewarded Dwight with the room,

and he is rewarding me back with 500 $ plus utilities.

I don't even know what to say...

I'm thinking, lock into a 4 year commitment,

we'll go month to month after that,

or until I start dating, have a girlfriend and then you're...

you know, you're gone. So...

Question : where can I put my terrarium ?

What the hell is a terrarium ?

It's a fish tank for snakes and lizards.

Oh, so an aquarium.

That will not come into this place ok ?

- Question : - Oh my god !

my grandparents left me a large number of armoires.

- Are you sure you don't wanna play ? - I'm sure.

- Come on Angela don't you have a game ? - I have one yes.

- Well, let's play what is it ? - I call it Pam-Pong,

I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk

and goes to reception to talk to you.

- We're friends. - Apparently.

- Very nicely done. Ok so I think that's a HOR for Stanley,

- and HO for Phyllis. - Are you calling me a ho ?

Oh my god, Phyllis coming alive, I like it.

Question : what about carpooling ?

- Who pays for the gas ? - We take separate cars.

and question can sometimes I drive you car and you drive mine ?

- Why would we do that ? - Just for fun.

No.

Question : who's the primary in the fire insurance ?

HEP... GAME OVER !

Offer revoked Dwight.

I'm sorry, but you reach out, and you try to be a nice guy,

and help out a friend, and this is what happens.

This is what I get.

God, I'm... ok.

Thank god ! It was nice of him to offer,

but I live in a nine bedroom farmhouse.

I have my own crossbow range, it's a perfect situation for me.

Well look 2 bathrooms would have been nice, we just have but one.

And it's under the porch.

Who had someone from Vance Refrigeration

Ryan Howard ! Ryan, gold medal.

- What's up ? - I made something,

- For a closing ceremony. - What ? Oh my god !

- When did you have time to make that ? - Automatic voice-mail.

All right Pam, all right.

Nice work.

You know you can always refinance your mortgage.

We had a 15 year on our beet farm, we headed off early.

Yeah, well you know what nobody cares about your stupid beet farm.

Beets are the worst !

- People loved beets ! - Nobody likes beets.

- Everyone loves beets. - Nobody likes beets Dwight.

Why don't you grow something that everybody does like ?

You should grow candy.

I'd love a piece of candy right now,

not a beet.

- Let's get this roof com... - Stop it !

Final lap, final lap. Oscar !

Time to beat is 1'15, time to beat is 1 minute 15 seconds !

Here they come !

Guys ?

- What is going on ? - Nothing.

- Guys, time is still going, or... - That's my stopwatch.

There you go, all done.

Great.

Yeah, I filled out these expense reports.

That take about 5 minutes and then I close 2 sales at lunchtime.

So...

About as productive as any other day,

if not more so...

I figured I could throw it away now,

or I could keep it, for a couple of months and then throw it away.

I mean it was really nice at Pam to make them, but...

what am I gonna do with a gold medal made of

paperclips and an old yogurt lid ?

- Hey ! - I have 59 voice mails.

Hey can you ignore those and do something for me instead ?

- Sure. - Ok.

Today, at 5 o'clock, closing ceremonies.

- Really ? - Notify the athletes.

Cool.

- Michael ? - Yep. Jim, slim Jim.

What's going... what's going on ?

Nothing I just want to congratulate you on your condo.

Oh thanks, thanks very cool,

- it's a 3 bedroom gay-friendly, - Nice,

You know...

Hey would you mind coming out here for a second ?

- I have something for you. - Really ?

What's this ?

These are the closing ceremonies, step up !

Here on the top one.

Congratulations to Michael, because he closed on his condo,

so gold medal !

I don't really know what to say,

I'm not one for making speeches, but...

My heart is very full at this moment.

And for Dwight Schrute the silver medal.

Get on up here Dwight !

- Silver medal. - Yep, but not as good as gold !

Why are you playing the national hymn ?

- Cause your condo is in America. - Oh.

- What the hell is that ? - Those are the doves.