All language subtitles for LOVE_IN_A_COLD_CLIMATE_2_engx

EMILY: Thank you for
the lovely stay.

DAVEY: Bye, old chap!

MATTHEW: Bye!

EMILY: Goodbye.

ADULT FANNY: The main result
of Aunt Emily's marriage

to Davey Warbeck, apart from
an enormous change

for the better in her clothes,

was that I now spent all
my holidays parked at Alconleigh

while he carried her
off abroad.

EMILY: Yes, please do!

LINDA: Goodbye, Aunt Emily!

Bye!

Goodbye, darling.

Do be kind to your
Aunt Sadie.

She's got such a lot on,

Louisa's coming
out and everything.

I do hope Uncle Matthew
won't get cross.

EMILY: You know,
I sometimes wonder

whether it's good
for Fanny to be

quite so much
in Matthew's house.

Her nerves.

Oh, nonsense, darling.

Only a silly crybaby
would be upset

by that terrible
old cardboard ogre,

and Fanny is not a crybaby.

Goodbye, darling.

Bye!

ADULT FANNY:
Aunt Emily probably felt

that if she had to choose
between her husband's wishes

and my nervous system,

her husband's wishes
should win the day.

I hope I don't have
to wait until I'm 40.

Scoring time, darling.

Me, first.

Well, your score so far are
even better

than last holiday's,

and mine are worse.

Wrists, ankles,
neck, and bust...

you've beaten me hollow
on all of them!

Now then...

18 inches from
knee to ankle.

I read somewhere that Venus
measured 18 inches

from knee to ankle.

How much did she measure
from the knee

going the other way?

The book didn't say.

I expect the book
thought it rude...

to tell one that
about a goddess.

Well, Venus wouldn't
have minded.

She was rather a rude goddess.

The Goddess of Love...

rude?

There's some very odd stories.

Very funny, too.

But love isn't meant
to be funny.

It's meant to lead
to romance and marriage,

and to last for ever and ever

and to go on to the grave
and ever so far beyond.

Now do admit.

Well, yes, I do admit, Linda.

But all the same,

there are several
different sides to love,

and some of them are funny...

or rude.

You mean it.

I can see that it might seem
a teeny bit rude at first...

I mean taking
all one's things off.

I wonder, can it
be funny, too?

If you're in love, Fanny...

not just lecherous like
Boy Dougdale the Lecturer,

but really and truly in love.

Because if you're in love,

it is meet to be so marvelous
and sort of sacred

that it can't be funny.

Perhaps it doesn't seem
funny to one,

but it might to other people.

I mean, just think what
Bob finally found out

that Oscar Wilde got up to.

That wasn't love, Fanny...

strictly not romantic.

Bob said it was to Oscar Wilde.

Or at any rate, it was his way
of doing it.

Oh, how confusing it all is.

Oh, bother.

I thought this was going
to come out.

When it does come out
perfectly, Fanny...

if I haven't cheated...

then I shall fall in love.

Only I've got to wait
for ages and ages anyway

until we come out,
let alone the patience.

Well, perhaps it'll happen
before then.

Perhaps it will happen
at Louisa's coming out ball.

SADIE: Now, I want you all
to listen to my list.

Pay attention, Louisa...
it's your ball.

LOUISA: Yes, Mummy.

SADIE: And you, too,
Matthew...

it's your daughter.

It goes without saying that all
our neighbors will be invited.

MATTHEW: Come one, come all.

The question is which should be
asked to bring a house party?

MATTHEW: It beats me why people
can't stay in their own homes.

I always do.

Perfectly good food here,
perfectly clean sheets,

why can't everyone...

SADIE: Please, Matthew.

After long thought,

I've decided that the following
should be asked

to bring house parties.

Now, in alphabetical order.

Why this fuss? I've never known
you carry on like this before.

Please, Matthew.

In alphabetical order...

Brigadier General
and Mrs. Bateson,

Major and Mrs. Jackson,

Sir Thomas and Lady Lulworth,
Lord Merlin...

Now that is going too far!

Merlin... real sewer!

Fellow who primps up his dogs
in diamonds,

builds fancy gazebos like
transparent knocking shops

all over his park.

A theater, Matthew,
is all Lord Merlin has built.

All right, and what does
he do with it?

Fills it with huge orchestras,

playing beastly,
squealing modern music,

not splendid tunes like "Thora,"

and then spends millions
of pounds

on filthy foreign pictures,

not like these.

No, not like these.

Watteaus, I'm told.

Lord Merlin is a man
of elegance, Matthew,

and if he's asked to bring
a house party,

it will be decorative
and distinguished.

Everyone else who comes

will be utterly
and unrelievedly dowdy,

and I long, just for once,

I do long to look upon
young women

with properly dressed hair,

London complexions,
and Paris clothes.

If you ask that hog Merlin
to bring his friends,

I wouldn't put it past him
to bring some foreigners.

I hear he sometimes has Frogs
and even Wops to stay with him.

I will not have my house
filled up with Wops.

"Dear Lord Merlin,
we're having a little dance

for Louisa on the 13th
of next month,

and I shall be so pleased

if you would bring over
a party from Merlinford."

You're not going
to send that?

No, Matthew, I'm not
going to send it,

as I knew what your
reaction would be.

- Ha!
- I've already sent it.

This is only a copy.

ADULT FANNY: Linda's
and my dresses...

white taffeta
with floating panels

and embroidered bead belts...

were being made by Mrs. Josh,
the wife of the head groom.

MRS. JOSH: There, Miss Linda.
You'll do.

Now, Miss Frances,

you won't be quite as easy
to turn out presentable.

LINDA: Oh, thank you, Mrs. Josh.

Thank you for being
so clever.

Oh, isn't it lovely
to be lovely me?

SADIE: Now, don't go getting
overexcited, duck.

Oh, Louisa.

JOSH: Well, now!

You can tell that that
wasn't run up

in somebody's back parlor.

You'll be the belle of your own
ball, Miss Louisa, love.

I came specially to show
you, Mrs. Josh,

and to say that although
this is so lovely,

it's not quite the same as
the dresses

you used to make for me.

Because...

well, just because.

Oh, there.

Oh, see how lovely
Fanny and Linda look in theirs.

Time to take them off,
until the ball.

Yours, too, Louisa.

Though will have to look
out something else nice

for you to wear on Friday.

Friday?

Yes, I've had such a pleasant
letter from Lord Merlin.

You know his reputation
for little jokes and tricks.

When I opened it,
I half expected

a jack-in-the-box to leap out
and hit me on the nose.

But it's really quite normal.

Except there's a picture of
Merlinford at the top

and his telegraphic
address is Nabertese.

But don't tell Fa.

He doesn't like
that kind of thing.

He says he's going to bring
a party of 12,

and he'll present their
names to you presently.

He's all very correct,
I must say.

And he's asked you and me and Fa

to luncheon with him
on Friday!

Yes, but, of course,
your father won't go,

but I don't see why you and I
shouldn't have a little outing.

Oh, it is unfair!

Why can't Fanny and I come?

For the same reason
as your dresses

are still being made by me.

Oh, I do long and long
and long to be grown up!

Just you wait.

ADULT FANNY: Lord Merlin
was a famous collector...

so avid, that a well known
antique dealer from St. James'

had found it worth his while
to open a branch

in the tiny town of Merlinford,

simply to tempt his lordship
with choice objects

during his morning walk,

and was soon followed there
by a Bond Street jeweler.

SADIE: Oh, I say!

Look at that!

Ha ha!

It's so warm,

like everywhere else
in this house.

LOUISA: Even the lav
was warm as toast.

SADIE: They do say too much
warmth is unhealthy.

I wonder where Lord Merlin's
got to.

LOUISA: Oh,
what a heavenly smell.

SADIE: Mmm!

Just like the young man
I sat next to at luncheon.

LOUISA: Ooh, they look
so bold.

MAN: Merlin calls them
Apollo and Hyacinth.

- Oh, Hyacinth?
- Yes.

SADIE: But they're both male.

Hyacinth was a boy's name,
Lady Alconleigh.

SADIE: Oh.

How unusual.

Apollo thought so, too.

Pretty birdies!
Pretty birdies!

Have you seen outside?

Merlin dyes the pigeons
all the colors of the rainbow.

They're dried in
the linen cupboard.

But isn't that
frightfully cruel?

Oh, no, they love to look
at each other,

and they tumble about in the sky
just like confetti.

SADIE: We ought to think about
going home, duck.

Goodbye.

- Goodbye.
- Bye-bye.

Oh, have you seen
Lord Merlin anywhere?

Just coming.

He's got a lovely
new surprise for us all.

SADIE: Oh!

Oh, Lord Merlin,
Louisa and I...

[Fanfare plays]

3:21...

the precise moment
of my birth.

It's all done by electricity,
Lady Alconleigh.

I've had the broadcasting
machine installed in the Folly

and a gold figure of
the Angel Gabriel

mounted on the roof.

- The Angel Gabriel?
- Yes,

playing that acclamation
on his trumpet.

Every day it's going to happen
precisely at 3:21...

the moment of my gilded
and purple birth.

SADIE: Oh, come come,
Lord Merlin,

we bring nothing with us
into this world, you know.

No, but for some of us,

plenty is waiting.

And all this happened
at 3:21 you say.

High time Louisa and I
went home.

- Yes, Mummy.
- Louisa.

LOUISA: Oh, what
beautiful buttons.

Do tell me where you all hunt.

MAN: Oh, dear me,
we don't hunt.

LOUISA: Then why do you
wear pink cloaks?

Because we think
they're so pretty.

[Laughter]

Nobody want to come
to your dance.

All the women in England.

- No men.
- Why no men?

Too busy, too sought after,

too pampered.

Ha! It's a pity Montdore
isn't here.

He'd come along
and help you out.

Ha! Can't expect him to come
from India though.

Well, He hasn't any boys,
only Polly.

Jassy and I could dress up
as boys.

You won't be there.

Oh, Fa.

- Too young.
- It is unfair.

MATTHEW: If you ask me,

the fewer that come,
the better.

That sewer Merlin and his mob
of greenery gallery boys,

ain't that enough?

What's the matter?

Do you really mean to say
you want more men?

Yes, Matthew,
there must be...

someone for at least some
of the girls to dance with.

And that's what's
been upsetting you?

Yes.

Oh, I thought it was
the prospect

of some young brute making up
to Louisa.

Upsets me, I can tell you.

Well, if you're going
to make yourself ill

about not having enough men,

then more men you shall have.

But where shall you find them?

London... you know I can't
stand the place,

but even less
can I stand having you

looking so down.

- Oh, thank you, Matthew.
- Time to take steps.

I'll be off to London
this very day,

drum up some likely fellows!

All right, Matthew.

We undertake to be on parade

for dinner and the beginning
of the ball,

and to walk through
five dances each.

Oh, except me.
Ha ha.

You can hardly expect me to
stand up

for five dances.

But I will positively
sit there in the ballroom.

MAN: Five dances each,
then bridge.

We want a proper table

set up in a room by itself.

And we want our
own drinks.

None of that champagne stuff
for the ball.

- Whisky.
- Brandy.

And liqueurs.

MATTHEW: And six bottles
of my blood as well, I dare say.

Anything else?

Yes, we'll have a shoot
the next day.

And a car to take me into
the Bodleian and back, yes?

That means we'll have to
stay another night, so...

we'll have some of that
Taylor's '86 of yours

after dinner.

[Festive music plays]

[Playing
"Tiptoe Through the Tulips"]

ADULT FANNY:
This, then, was a ball.

This was life...

what we'd been waiting
for all these years.

Here we were
and here it was...

a ball.

The men, so old and ugly,

the women, so frowsty,

their clothes so messy,
and their faces so red.

The oil stoves so smelly,
and not in the least warm.

Above all, the men.

Come on, Fort William,
time for bridge.

Oh, I did rather
think another dance.

What nonsense.

If you dance much longer
at your age,

something will snap.

Now, bridge.

I'm terribly sorry.

I was going to ask you
for the next one, Fanny.

God knows, it's your turn.

But as Louisa's been so cruelly
deserted by Fort William,

and as it is her ball,
you do see, don't you?

Excuse me.

[Band plays
"Take Good Care of Yourself"]

They balance like King Stork
on one leg,

and with the other,
they come down on one's toe

like King Log.

Not Davey.

Even Davey.

Perhaps it's because
we never learnt.

[Slow tune plays]

MAN: Lord Merlin!

SADIE: Lord Merlin!

How absolutely wonderful.

Just in the nick of time!

It's a miracle!

How too, too heavenly
for words!

Oh, Fanny, do admit!

[Clamoring]

What's going on?

He's up to something.

One of his famous jokes?

Fa's looks frightfully
suspicious.

Here he comes!

Thank you so much.

One, two, three, four!

[Upbeat tune begins]

Oh!

Oh, how quite devastating!

Oh, Fanny, I must be like them.

I must live the way they do
for ever and ever.

I don't think it would
quite suit me.

I can introduce you both,
if you like.

I know Merlin and some
of the rest.

No! We're too dowdy tonight,
in Mrs. Josh's awful dresses.

- Another day then?
- Yes, soon!

Excuse me.

Come back at once,
Fort William!

FANNY: There!

LINDA: Brutal thing.

You unset it, Fanny,
you're more handy.

I'll keep watch.

MAN: Got you both!

[Snap]
Aagh!

Miss Linda, Miss Frances,

how can I keep
a proper head of game

with you two
up to your tricks?

You're old enough
to know better.

I'll be reporting you
to his lordship.

By all the rules
in the book,

you ought to be sent
to bed for a week

on bread and water.

But you're too old
for that...

just.

And in any case,

something rather special
has happened

in honor of which your mother
has asked me to...

[Sniffles]

Drop all charges.

Your sister Louisa...

we've just had a wire
from Fort William's

mother's place in Sussex.

They're engaged.

Engaged?

Louisa and old Lady
Fort William?

Don't you be pert with me,
miss.

Louisa's going to marry
John Fort William.

Might just as well
be his mother.

They're both well over 150,
Fa, do admit.

Lord Fort William
is 39 years old.

He'll be a damn sight
better for your sister

than some beastly young wart

who's still wetting
his breeches.

And, anyway, you be grateful
she's got engaged

when she has.

If she hadn't, I'd a mind to
whip the pair of you.

If we're too old for bread
and water,

then we're too old
for whipping.

Well, I wouldn't bet your
Sunday best on that, miss.

Now off with you.

Miss Fanny?

I want a word with you.

Craven tells me you didn't
so much as squeak

when you fell foul of that trap.

Good... just like
your mother.

I'm not sure I want
to be like my mother.

Well, you don't want to romp
about with the men

as she does,
that's for sure.

But, remember, there are
a lot of good things

about the Bolter.

She sits on a horse like a...

what are the name of
those damn women?

Like an Amazon.

Amazons, yes, that's it,

and she'd fight like one, too,
if it came to it.

I can just see her swatting one
of those Greek chappies

with her sword.

If she didn't get too
inquisitive

about what sort of form
the fellow had off the field.

LINDA: Poor old thing.

I suppose she likes him,

but I must say,

if John Fort William
was one's dog,

one would have to have
him put down.

You're envious.

You'd go off with him yourself
like a bullet.

If he'd asked you.

Only he hasn't,
he's asked Louisa.

We must get her
to tell us all about it

as soon as she comes home.

You can't do it until
you're actually married.

I fail to see why not.

Well, anyway Louisa won't.

I don't imagine they'll
do it, even then.

He's far too decrepit.

His hair looks as if
it's slipping off

like an eiderdown in the night.

How would you feel
if you were doing it

and then your husband's hair
fell off all over the bed?

["Wedding March" plays]

ADULT FANNY: At this moment,

I think Linda would gladly have
changed places with Louisa,

even at the cost...

the heavy cost...

of being happy
for ever after

with John Fort William.

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered together here
in the sight of God

and in the face of this
congregation

to join together this man...

FANNY: Louisa was
to have two houses...

one in London,
Connaught Square,

and one in Scotland.

It was ordained for
the procreation of children...

FANNY: Her dress allowance
would be 300 a year.

Secondly,

it was ordained for a remedy
against sin...

FANNY: She would possess
a diamond tiara,

a pearl necklace...

But such persons as have not
the gift of continency

might marry.

FANNY: A motor car of her own,
probably two,

squadrons of servants,
and a fine fur cape.

I need to go to the loo.

You should have gone
before we left.

You know what Lucille
always says.

Wilt thou have this man

to thy wedded husband,

to live together after
God's ordinance

in the holy
estate of matrimony?

I will.

FANNY: In fact, her lot
was a very enviable one...

granted that she could bear
John Fort William.

ALL: # As pants the hart #

# For cooling streams #

# When heated in the chase #

# So longs my soul #

# O God, for Thee #

[Wheezing]

# And Thy refreshing grace #

# For Thee, my God #

# The living God #

# My thirsty soul doth pine #

# Oh, when shall... #

VICTORIA: Too shaming.

In the middle of
Louisa's favorite hymn.

JASSY: Do have a little
bit of pity.

- Tell me where I can go.
- Over there!

Behind the box tomb.

I only hope
Great Uncle Matthew

doesn't get up out of it
and haunt you.

FANNY: Is she all right?
Where is she?

Going to the bathroom
on Great Uncle Matthew.

[Davey coughing]

Pull yourself together,
Davey.

Deep breathing, begin.

In, out.

In, out.

That's better.

I've twisted
my tonsil singing.

MERLIN: In and out.

In and out.

You may return to the service,
ladies.

Captain Warbeck
is out of danger,

and Mrs. Warbeck and I
can deal with him.

Really too shaming, Jassy.

Whatever shall we tell people?

MERLIN: You will find that

no one will even mention it
if you don't.

[Coughing continues]

[Sighs]

In and out, Davey.

In and out.

I'm not sure I haven't
ruptured my tonsil now,

all that heavy breathing
you made me do.

Nonsense,
it's the only cure.

In...

and out.

Merlin's so heartless.

Lord Merlin...

Please trust me, Mrs. Warbeck.

In...

and out.

No sympathy.

In...

And out.

No pity.

[Merlin chuckles]

FANNY: Then Louisa went away,

and the wedding guests departed
from Alconleigh

and I was taken off
to Aunt Emily's house,

and back to school.

This, of course, was the time
when Linda

should have been made to work,

with no time
for silly dreaming.

Aunt Sadie made suggestion
after suggestion

that Linda should learn to cook,

should occupy herself
in the garden,

should be prepared
for confirmation.

But Linda furiously refused,

nor would she do jobs
in the village,

nor would she help her mother
run the house.

So that's why
I sent for you.

The trouble with you, missy,

is that you're just thoroughly
bloody minded.

[Telephone rings]

Yes?

Alconleigh speaking.

Oh, would you, indeed?

And when?

That hog Merlin wants
to speak to your mother.

Something about luncheon
next week.

I expect you'll be given some
froggy filth

like slugs.

You'd better
go and get her.

No, the girls
don't go to school

because Matthew doesn't
believe in lessons.

What?

- No lessons at all?
- No.

My dear Linda.

What do you do all day?

SADIE: Well, she does have
the occasional

conversations with Lucille.

That's a French governess

we have for Victoria
and Jassy and Little Matt.

MERLIN: Occasional conversations
with Lucille.

SADIE: But Lucille's French
tends to be, well,

rather too idiomatic,
if you follow me.

MERLIN: I follow you.

SADIE: So we have to
be rather careful.

MERLIN: Hmm.

LINDA: Lucille's very funny.

Sadie gets in a fuzz because she
uses words

like "pet" and "merde."

At least she's not bloody boring
like everyone else.

SADIE: Oh, now, duck!

MERLIN: Now, you listen to me,
Miss Linda.

Oh, by your leave,
Lady Alconleigh.

SADIE: Oh, of course.

MERLIN: If you are bored,

it is not because other people
are boring you,

but because you are boring
yourself,

which is to say you are
not making use

of the plentiful wits
and intelligence

with which God
has endowed you.

So we must whip up
the horses of your soul,

and give you a thorough
mental scouring.

Please don't mix your
metaphors, Lord Merlin.

That's better.

Proper criticism,
not mere rudeness.

Now then, we shall draw up
a list of books

for you to read,

and we shall take you,
your mother and I,

to see some well chosen
pictures...

beginning with the ones
in this house.

FANNY: Linda was quite clever
enough to perceive

that the world
that she wanted to be in...

the witty, sparkling world
of Lord Merlin

and his friends...

was interested in the arts
and things of the mind,

and that she would only
be able to shine in it

if she became
in some way educated.

And another thing,

please remember

the arts are not merely
for pleasure,

they provide consolation
and philosophy,

sometimes even explanation,
as well,

when things go wrong.

When what goes wrong?

When love grows cold

and there's a betrayal
of heart and trust.

You'll see, pretty Linda.

Oh, yes.

You, of all people,
will see.

MATTHEW: All dressed up I see,

off on another of
your art binges.

SADIE: We're going to
the Ashmolean with Lord Merlin.

Ah, that sewer again.

Well, I must admit,

since he started you
on this culture campaign

some of us have been much
more agreeable to live with.

We're planning a little
expedition to Stratford, Fa,

to see a play.

We thought you might
like to come.

Me?

I haven't been in
a theater for...

20 years.

The Old Empire
was more my mark.

Nevertheless, Matthew,
there's a play

we think you might enjoy.

Wilt thou be gone?

It is not yet near day.

It was the nightingale

and not the lark that pierced
the fearful hollow of thine ear.

Nightly she sings on young
pomegranate tree.

Believe me, love,

it was the nightingale.

ROMEO: It was the lark,

the herald of the morn,
no nightingale.

Look, love,
what envious streaks

do lace the severing clouds
in yonder east.

MATTHEW: It's all the fault of
that damned fool of a padre,

mucking up his errand like that.

That fella, what's his
name, Ro-mayo,

might have known that
a damned papist

would mess the whole thing up.

Silly old fool of a nurse, too.

I bet she was an R. C... .

Dismal old bitch.

And as for that horrible
sewer Capulet,

he was a real Wop bug...

Yes, Matthew, darling.

Emily writes that Fanny's last
term at school

ends on the 15th of next month.

We shall have to think very
carefully

about the arrangements
for her season

in London with Linda.

At last, grown up.

At last!

Oh, isn't it lovely

to be lovely grown up me?

Not so fast, miss.

You needn't think you're
grown up

because you've been allowed to
put your hair up

and take a dance
or two in London.

You're grown up when you're 21,

or when you're married,

or when you can
pay your own bills.

So don't start
getting any ideas.

I've been thinking about our
ball for Fanny and Linda.

Oh, another of those
beastly balls?

SADIE: Down here again,
I think... not in London.

Oh, well, if we must.

So long as you don't start
upsetting yourself

as you did
over the last one.

You needn't worry, I feel quite
an old hand at it now.

Besides, Louisa
will be a great help

in providing a lot of young men.

Those dreadfully dull
Scottish boys she knows.

Most of the girls who'll come

will be dreadfully dull
as well.

You make the whole thing sound
too impossibly dreary

before it's even started.

[Band plays]

Gracious!

You've improved
since last time!

Linda and I have been
taking dancing lessons.

Ah!

Well, that's it,
I'm afraid.

I must give Linda a turn.

I think Linda's booked by
one of Louisa's Scottish boys.

Lord Merlin.

Oh, my dear Lady Alconleigh.

I'm so delighted to see you.

Oh, my dear!

Who is that
tall blond man?

DAVEY: Tony Kroesig,

merchant banker's son.

Merlin asked him to make up
the numbers

when someone else dropped out.

How do you know?

He telephoned me

to ask if I thought
Kroesig would do,

and I said
yes, but only just.

LINDA: He looks splendid to me.

Will you introduce me
to him?

Um, I don't know him,

only who he is.

[Upbeat tune begins]

Hello, I'm Linda Radlett.

Oh, how do you do, Linda?

Would you like to dance?

Yes, please.

Try it.

What shall you wish for?

MATTHEW: Ahh!

DAVEY: Ah, Matthew.

I think one of the oil stoves
is smoking!

Who is that young sewer
with Linda?

Uh... Kroesig.

Merchant banker,
you know, his son.

MATTHEW: Kroesig?
Good God!

I never expected to harbor
a full-blooded Hun in the house.

Who on earth asked him?

Merlin brought him.

I knew that bloody Merlin
would start bringing

foreigners here
sooner or later.

But I didn't think
that even he

would land one
with a German...

and a tradesman at that.

Banker, Matthew.

Well, exactly so.

Tradesman.

Now don't you think
it's about time

someone took champagne
to the band?

You can if you want.

I'm going down to
the boiler room

to talk to Tim,
the boilerman.

In the middle of the ball?

Ballroom's full of Huns
and rubbish.

At least Tim's British,

talks good sense about coke.

This Linda-Kroesig thing
won't do at all.

You shouldn't have brought him.

Well, I had to
get someone.

You said he'd do.

"Only just," I said.

Best thing you can do now
is to get him out of here

before Matt Alconleigh
cuts off his head

with that entrenching tool.

Very well.

Young man, we have to go.

Good night, Linda.

See you at the meet
tomorrow.

[Dogs barking]

MAN: Over here!

Come on, come on!

Come on, come!

[Growls]

There it is,
over there!

[Dogs whining]

[Dogs barking]

The poor hare.

FANNY: It was the one

romantic gesture
of Tony Kroesig's life.

LINDA: He said he'd ring me
when he got back to Oxford.

Suppose it rings
and I'm not there.

FANNY: Well, suppose it rings
and you are there.

What can you say in front
of Uncle Matt?

I'll...

I'll pretend it's
Lavender Davis.

You know how dreary she is.

That'll make it all
sound respectable

and put Fa off his guard.

[Telephone rings]

Alconleigh.

Linda Radlett speaking.

Ooh!

Ooh, just a moment please.

It's Lavender Davis.

How exciting!

I've been waiting to hear
from her for days.

Oh, I didn't know
you cared that much.

Dismal girl.

Face like a carp.

I can't stand being

in the same room with her
when she's talking...

even on that thing.

LINDA: Sorry, Lavender...
Tony, I mean!

I just had to sneeze.

But I should never
be allowed to.

He wants me to go to lunch

in Oxford next Thursday.

FANNY: Lunch?

LINDA: Well, that's what
he called it.

But, Tony, I shouldn't
be able to come

without mummy or...

He says that's all rot

and several girls
are coming from London

and if I must bring someone,
I can bring you, if I like.

I don't think I count.

Oh, I know.

But I can't explain to him
about Sadie and Fa

being so medieval.

Oh, Fanny, darling,
if I said yes,

Fa would kill us.

Whatever shall I do?

Say yes, or you'll die
of it anyway.

All right, yes!

Not just yet.

Mummy?

Lavender Davis rang,
and she's asked Fanny and me

to luncheon there
next Thursday.

Well, duck, I'm afraid you
can't have my car.

Oh, Mummy, please do let me go,
I do so want to go.

Dismal girl,
that Lavender.

LINDA: Fa, you don't understand.

There's a man coming who knows
all about baby badgers.

You know how long I've wanted
a baby badger.

SADIE: When you go up to
London to the season,

you won't want to be bothered
about baby badgers.

LINDA: But we're not going to
London just yet,

and we shan't
be there forever.

- Thank God.
- So please, Mummy, darling.

SADIE: Oh, well, we'll see.

Perhaps I can borrow
Fa's Morris or...

or Josh can take me
in the Daimler.

LINDA: You are kind.

Oh, you are kind.

I do long for a baby badger!

LINDA: We must get hold
of some powder.

FANNY: And rouge.

LINDA: We can blue our eyes out
of Jassy's paint box.

And sleep in curlers.

LINDA: I'll get the verbena soap
out of mummy's bathroom,

and if we let it melt
in the bath

and soak in it for hours,
we shall smell delicious!

JASSY: I thought you loathed
Lavender Davis.

LINDA: Oh, shut up,
Jassy.

You said she was a horrible
counter-Hon

and that you'd like to
bash in her silly face

with the Hon's mallet.

FANNY: She never said that.

LINDA: You drive, Fanny.

Why have you got

your London suits
on for Lavender Davis?

Oh, do go away, Jassy.

Why are you starting
already?

You'll be hours too early.

We're going to see
the badger before luncheon.

JASSY: How red your
face is, Linda.

Oh, you do look funny.

VICTORIA: Be careful with
the handle, Fanny.

You might catch your
eyelashes with it.

If you don't shut up
and go away,

I swear I'll put your newt
back in the pond.

JASSY: Why don't you bring
Lavender back here

after luncheon?

VICTORIA: For a nice long
cozy chat?

LINDA: Not very Honnish
of them.

Do you think they can
possibly have guessed?

FANNY: Never mind them.

LINDA: Do you think we've
allowed enough time?

FANNY: We've allowed enough time
for two punctures, Linda,

and I've got
the sixpence safely

for the Clarendon car park.

ADULT FANNY: It wasn't
very enjoyable

from our point of view.

They all roared with laughter
at private jokes

and endlessly showed off.

Still, we felt
that this was life,

and would have been quite
happy just looking on,

had it not been for our
ghastly feelings of guilt.

MAN, LAUGHING: You see,
when they take a drink...

FANNY: Every time
the door opened,

we expected it to be
Uncle Matthew

cracking a whip.

KROESIG: Oh, I go hunting about
three times a year, you know.

And we had an absolutely
marvelous day yesterday.

We found in Calvert's,

and set off at a spanking pace
across the Cricket,

and then, by Jove,
just short of Mouldsby's Acre,

my horse went lame.

But would you believe it,

just then my man appeared
with my second mount,

so off we went again.

[Laughter]

ADULT FANNY: Even in such
totally

unpropitious surroundings,

love had increased three-fold
in one short day.

JASSY: So how was Lavender?

VICTORIA: Did she roar
at your eyelids?

JASSY: You better go and wash
before Fa sees you.

VICTORIA: Did you see
the baby badger?

LINDA: Oh, leave me alone,
you horrible counter-Hons.

JASSY: Not so fast,
you two.

Fa wants you both
in the business room.

As soon as you came back,
he said.

Sooner you than me
by the look of him.

Do realize if you were
married women,

your husbands could divorce
you for this?

No, they couldn't, Fa.

I know all about divorce

because I've read
all the stuff...

Don't interrupt your father.

Now we know
you can't be trusted,

we shall have to take
certain steps.

Fanny, you can go
straight home tomorrow,

and I never want
to see you here again,

do you understand?

Emily will have control
of you from now on,

but you will turn out the same
way as your mother,

as sure as
eggs is eggs.

Are eggs.

As for you, miss,

there's no question
of a London season now.

Too many chances
for slipping off.

You can stew in your
own juice here.

Goodbye, darling Fanny!

Oh, you are lucky not to be
poor miserable me.

Goodbye.

Bye.

FANNY: Heaven alone knows how
they found out.

Pure magic.

DAVEY: Quite simple really.

Somebody left a scarf
in Kroesig's room

and he rang Alconleigh

to ask if it
was either of you.

EMILY: It's all
in Sadie's letter.

FANNY: What now?

Uncle Matthew said there was
no more question

of a London season, and that
Linda would have to be watched

every minute of the day.

DAVEY: As I told
you before, Fanny,

Matt Alconleigh is like the
Demon King in the pantomime,

who leaps up out of
the trap door,

all horns, hot air,
and cackle.

John Fort William and I

have quietly explained to him

that what you two did,
by modern standards,

was perfectly normal.

EMILY: Though it was
very wrong of you

to have told such shameless
and silly lies.

DAVEY: Matt, of course,

has just crawled back
through his trap door.

FANNY: The thin end of the wedge
has been inserted.

DAVEY: Linda will get
her London season,

and everything will go
ahead as planned.

EMILY: Only you will both have
to promise

that you will never act
in such an underhand way again

and that if there is anything
you particularly want to do,

you will always ask
your Aunt Sadie.

[Horn honks]

Only then, of course,
it will always be "no."

Can you imagine what Sadie
would say

if we were asked to a nightclub?

Oh, I do long
and long and long

to go to a nightclub.

We might just as well
not be grown up at all.

Oh, those young men.

How dull they are, Fanny,
do admit.

I do admit.

So like one another,
you can't tell them apart.

Let alone remember
their names.

Oh, darling Tony.

If only he wasn't still
at Oxford.

[Alarm rings]

Time to go out to tea with Fa
at the House of Lords.

No, today it's tea

with Aunt Sadie
at Gunter's.

ADULT FANNY: And so our
season went on.

But then,

early one summer's morning
after the ball was over

and we were at last going home,

as we climbed into a taxi
with Aunt Sadie,

who would never keep a chauffeur
up at night,

when the great hoses were
already washing the streets...

KROESIG: Bye-bye.
Tally-ho.

Right then, where shall we go?

All right, to the nightclub.

Linda?!

LINDA: Coming, Fa!

MATTHEW: It's that bloody
Hun Kroesig on the telephone.

I'm telling him to get the hell
out of it.

I will not have you mixed up
with Germans,

do you understand?

Well, I am mixed up,
as it happens.

I'm engaged to him.