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Magazine has taken the publishing world by storm,

selling out its second issue in a matter of days.

But is it feminist? Is it pornography?

Please welcome Joyce Prigger.

What I'm trying to do is real, and it's hard,

and there are no shortcuts.

I've never marched in someplace and just quit before.

I have. There was bloodshed.

Well, why don't we ask your new managing editor

and see what she thinks?

- Tins? - Doug.

Look, I would've consulted with you, but, uh, you quit.

Things with Lenny have been a little off.

You are on fire, and you have a secret.

I am applying to business school.

You want to throw away years of our relationship

over a couple of bad days?

Do you really think Joyce

has what it takes to do all this on her own?

Ban the Minx!

Take the Minx! Take the Minx!

- Whoo-hoo-hoo! - I'll tell you what.

Minx is yours.

Take it. I can't wait to see what you do.

Thank you.

Hello!

Oh, well... Oh, thank...

Joyce, Joyce, Joyce.

Hey.

You've had quite the ride, Miss Prigger.

How do you make it look so easy?

Well, the real question is,

why do men make it look so hard?

Oh, hello.

Calling out her name again.

Oh, it wasn't a sex dream... don't worry.

I'd prefer if it was.

Joan of Arc, Susan B. Anthony,

Jackie O., Joyce Prigger...

icons one and all.

Now, that's a tea party I'd attend.

Betsy Ross, Amelia Earhart...

Jackie O., Joyce Prigger...

game changers one and all.

Sign me up for that tea party.

Sojourner Truth,

Madame Marie Curie,

- Jackie O. - Pioneers, one and all.

We're already on the same page.

Not my first tea party.

Are you ready to be the latest jewel

in the Condé Nast crown?

No one is better suited than Meredith

to make Minx the first name in smart, sophisticated...

And sexy female-oriented lifestyle publications.

An iconic editor needs an iconic publisher...

Hearst.

- TaB? - TaB?

- TaB? - Thank you.

How would you like a key to the Condé Nast fashion closet?

Company car and driver?

Box seats to the Met and the Mets?

Well, maybe just the first one.

And for when you need to take your meetings on the go...

portable telephone.

Shelly, I'm calling you from a suitcase.

Best-selling new magazine in America.

Two-year wait just to advertise.

I mean, if you ask me, any bank would be crazy

- not to loan money... - Not to loan money

to the man who owns the rights to that, yeah.

Well, it's not about the magazine.

It's about the man who launched the magazine,

found the diamond in the rough, right?

That's what Doug Renetti does.

Says here what Doug Renetti does

is mount up towering debt

against the promise of future receipts.

That's publishing, my friend.

You've overextended yourself like a madman.

Again, that's publishing. That's the game.

So maybe not a good business for us to get into.

I'm gonna get back in the black, I promise you that.

Have you ever heard of running?

It's a new fitness trend, and I got a magazine for it.

It's about to explode.

You want to know what it's called?

Joggin'.

No G, just Joggin'.

Hey, scratch that one. I got a million ideas.

Mm. Knead it, papi.

Maybe we should ask Arturo

if he wants to model, see what happens.

No. He's super religious. Our families are close.

Oh. It's a good centerfold idea, though...

working-class heroes,

sweaty men doing honest labor naked.

Oh, maybe not in food prep, though.

You keep pitching ideas

for a magazine that doesn't exist.

Joyce will find a publisher.

She's picking a dad for us.

This is not something you have to rush.

Oh, very sweet, but you I have to pay.

Oh.

Ooh.

Tell me you made a decision.

Baker's hours are killing me.

There should only be one three o'clock.

I'm sorry, but this is very hard.

Everyone's just so nice and agreeable.

And?

And I am not used to the world saying yes to me, are you?

I'm guessing you get a lot more yeses, Joyce.

Would it help if I chose?

It wouldn't be the first time I found a stepdad on short notice.

Uh, thank you, no.

Uh, I just need a teeny little bit more time.

And how long is that gonna take?

I'm sorry, Joyce, but I'm broke.

And I have to take a second job.

- Isn't this your second job? - No, because...

Uh, well, what's the job?

Some crazy rich lady tracked me down,

offered me a lot of money to take boudoir shots for her.

She wants the Minx touch.

What... Richie, no. That's beneath you.

I'm wearing an apron, ogling my godson.

Don't tell me what's beneath me.

Who's the crazy rich lady?

She's the money I need.

And it'll buy you time to make a very easy decision.

You two should come help.

- Fun! - Pass.

- Snob. - Gracias.

Gracias. This ain't Spain.

Work the lats, hon.

Hold that flame up like you burning heaven itself.

I'm not smiling. Liberty's a serious bitch.

Chucky, come on, man, how long you known me?

Oh, yeah.

So you know I'm good for the money

that you front me, plus the vig.

And I'm gonna give you a nice chunk

of profit participation to boot on this one, okay?

- "Profit participation"? - Yeah.

Well, I didn't know how deep the hole was.

Well, I probably shouldn't have let my insurance lapse.

That's on me, but we got to stick together.

We got to help each other like we always have.

Hey, hon, don't mess with that.

Slim, get-get Liberty's tits properly fortified.

Chuck, can you please talk to me for a second on this?

Okay. Times have changed, Dougie.

You traded in your real friends

for that pish-posh ladies' magazine,

bringing all kinds of heat on us.

And you know why you're here with your hand out?

- Why? - You got fancy.

- I didn't get fancy. - You did, Doug. You did.

- I didn't get fancy. - You got fancy, Doug.

You was chitchatting with Dick Cavett,

and then, oops, there goes the RSVP to my Christmas party.

Lydia is bereft.

You were the best goddamn Santa we ever had.

Now we got Mikey Two-Fingers in the suit.

Mikey's Santa?

He pinches asses, not cheeks.

Yeah. That's on you.

That's on me? Not Mikey Deuce?

Hey, we all know who Mikey is.

You've changed.

- Great to see you, Chuck. - Mm-hmm.

Mitzi.

Tell Bambi we miss her at mah-jongg.

Okay.

It's not like Bambi to flake.

She doesn't have a permanent address.

Sure, but once she commits to something, she shows up,

especially if there's a shower.

Anyway, thanks for filling in.

Mm-hmm.

My curiosity is piqued.

Welcome to Peregrine's Reach.

Oh.

Hmm.

Hey. Hi.

Um, I know I'm not supposed to be here,

and I know you wanted your space,

and I respect that,

but your sister is driving me and Richie crazy.

So I'm trying to put on a brave face,

but my jaw is starting to clench,

and I'm grinding my teeth at night,

and you're the best at advice, so...

It's fine. Okay?

- It's-it's-it's-it's fine. - I don't even know

if you and Joyce are talking right now.

Oh, she... yeah, we're good.

She called me the other day from a suitcase.

Um... yeah, come in.

I'll make you a cup of tea.

- Oh. - Yeah.

- Thanks. - Yeah.

Oh, by the way, Lenny and I are great.

Yeah, we're tearing through the Kama Sutra.

That makes me so happy.

Make sure he stretches really well before Wheelbarrow.

Gene Hackman's lumbar has never recovered.

Oh, no.

- Thank you, Doug. - Yeah.

I hope this isn't goodbye forever.

Bad Girl High is on summer break.

Fall semester's right around the corner.

Guaranteed.

- Good to see you. - Thank you, Doug.

Thank you.

You know the checking account is bone-dry, right?

I do. He doesn't.

He's gonna come back, probably with his nunchucks.

I can't worry about what's gonna happen

in five to seven business days

when that check doesn't clear, Tins.

I got to worry about today and possibly tomorrow.

Okay, well, today, we can't afford to print

any of the magazines that are ready to go.

And tomorrow we can't afford

to distribute any of the ones already printed.

Great.

How'd it go with Chuck?

Good.

He lost 20 pounds. He's on a grapefruit diet.

- And? - And he looked better plump.

- You can say you're scared. - Well, I'm not scared.

You and me, backs against the wall,

us against the world... there's no place I'd rather be.

Thank you.

Mrs. Papadopoulos will be with you shortly.

Did he say Papadopoulos?

Yeah. Fun name, right?

Wait. Constance Papadopoulos?

Yes.

You okay?

Oh, my God.

She's only the first woman to ever hold a seat

on the New York Stock Exchange.

And she's the world's first female CEO

of a company that she took over from her ailing husband.

And she turned it into this empire,

only to be forced out by this ruthless board

upon his untimely death.

- That sounds made up. - No, no, no. It's all true.

We did this whole semester on her

in Unsung Heroines of Capitalism.

College is such bullshit.

I would die to interview her.

Well, don't plan on dying anytime soon.

You're here to take pictures, that's it.

Follow me.

I hope Ferdinand and Isabella weren't too much of a bother.

No, they're very obedient.

Afghans are the stubborn breed...

nearly impossible to train them, and yet...

I-I can tell they're big sweeties.

Look at you, you big, bad Spanish monarchs.

Are you gonna pillage the New World?

Don't use that word.

Triggers the kill instinct.

Which word?

Carole Doheny and I were taking

a life drawing class, and Esteban was our model.

I just had to have him.

- Look at that man. - I'm looking.

I mean, I don't think the charcoal could do him justice.

- Mm-mm. - No, no.

We need to get this on film.

We need to do it right, forever.

It's so inspiring to see a woman owning her sexuality.

You know?

Um, is this Reflections of Desire?

It's a version.

That's our next centerfold concept.

You can't use that.

Uh, dicks in mirrors was my idea.

- I'm using it. - Richie...

See what happens when you don't pick a publisher?

So how much of me are you gonna catch in the mirrors?

As much or as little as you want.

It'll mostly be Esteban,

but, uh, we're gonna pick up bits and pieces of your robe

to feel your presence.

I love it.

Yeah, I loved it, too.

Oh, I'm sorry, are you gonna be a problem?

Me? No, no. I'm sorry. No, I'm just, um...

I'm just... I'm a little flustered, to be honest,

because I didn't know that this shoot was for you.

And just, God, meeting you...

you're such a hero to so many women.

And...

I just... did they really try to poison you in Cyprus?

That was a long, long time ago...

in Crete.

- Hey, Joyce? - Yeah.

Can you get out the 85? I'm gonna start with that.

- Yeah. - Thank you.

Esteban, feel free to get up and disrobe.

Get into position whenever you're ready.

No, Constance, you stay right there.

- Perfect. - Um...

is the 85, uh, one of these lenses,

or is it one of these rolls of film?

Miss Prigger, if you're going to be a boss,

you really should know how to do the job

of all the people working for you.

- You know who I am? - Well, of course I do.

I told Ricardo that I'm a tremendous fan of your magazine.

But you're here to help your photographer,

so do that job,

and do it with vigor and perspicacity.

Yes. You are so wise.

Thank you. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry... I still don't know

whether it's a lens or it's film.

It's film.

Thank you.

I'm not surprised Joyce is having

a hard time with this decision.

Yeah, but she said she wants the opposite of Doug,

and they all are.

Well, she's probably afraid of making

an impulsive choice...

you know, one that might feel right in-in the moment

but, ah, uh, have long-lasting effects

that could, I-I don't know, throw her life into turmoil.

I guess I can understand that.

Decisions are-are rational or emotional, right?

Rational decisions, easy. You weigh pros and cons.

But-but emotions, feelings,

powerful feelings, um...

impulses, uh...

I mean, that-that can be confusing

and also paralyzing.

Right.

And in a sense, there-there's a safety

in not making a choice, in-in-in not making a decision,

because once you do, it can feel...

irreversible.

Like, saying something that you want

can never happen again.

Well, I think if Joyce is afraid

of hurting one of the publisher's feelings,

she shouldn't worry about that.

The publisher will understand.

Never?

Never.

Are you sure?

Okay, not here.

Hey, Tins, check it out!

The guy practically gave it to me!

Where is your car?

Don't worry about that. I had to trade it in.

But this one's even better.

Now I got six wheels.

Jesus, is that blood?

Eh, bucket of soap, you'll wash it right off.

But now I got a plan.

We can deliver the magazines ourselves.

I figured out a route.

We go from California

to, uh, Arizona to Utah.

We could do it all in 39 hours if we take turns sleeping.

I'm hearing a lot of "we" s.

Well, that's 'cause we're a team.

You've driven a-a rig before, haven't you?

Well, don't worry about it. I'll teach you.

You'll be a pro by the time we get to Bakersfield.

Doug...

that time has passed for both of us.

Sorry.

Just call Joyce.

Tell her you made a mistake, you want to work something out.

That would make me look weak.

As opposed to...

Strong.

I feel like Constance and I got off on the wrong foot,

but I think she really warmed to me by the end,

so I'm gonna reapproach her about that interview.

What are you doing?

Rhapsodizing?

- You're distracting yourself. - By working on the magazine?

If we were working on the magazine,

we'd be on the 25th floor of a skyscraper downtown,

not coated in masa in Boyle Heights.

Look, if any of them had Constance's perspicacity,

a word so erudite I've never heard it in conversation...

- Like "erudite." - ... then this would be easy.

Publishers aren't supposed to impress you

with their vocabulary, Joyce.

They impress you with money

and access to printing presses.

Yes, they all want us,

but I just... I don't know if they get us, you know?

Everything we've been through.

I mean, look around. We're scrappy.

Bambi and I quit our jobs because we believe in you.

Whatever choice you make is gonna be a good one

because it means that you'll be leading us and Minx again.

You have great options. Choose one.

Come on, why are all the prizes gone?

Oh, that's the first thing the kids do...

rip open the top, grab the prize...

big source of conflict in the Lambert house.

Oh, wait, I found one.

- Can I keep it? - No, you may not, young lady.

But it's comb, and I need a comb.

Oh, I'll buy you a comb.

Hey, honey, I'm home!

You are not gonna believe what happened

during Brent Johnstone's molar extraction.

I mean, I-I knew he was a gusher, but, my God.

Uh, back over there's where we keep

- our dry goods, so... - Oh.

Lenny! Hi.

You're home early.

Well, I got gushed on, so thought I would change.

Oh, um, this is the, um...

Bambi.

Oh, the famous Bambi.

In the flesh.

She came to, um...

over to, uh, borrow this bra.

- Oh, yes. - Mm-hmm.

I lost mine in a well.

Well, that puts my molar story to shame.

Um, do you want me to run upstairs and get you

- a fresh, uh, shirt? - No. I got it.

I do want to ask your friend Bambi a question, though.

Yeah.

I'm just wondering...

how did you take such sexy pictures of my wife?

What, y-you're a model and a photographer?

Well, yeah, it was easy.

Look at her. She's gorgeous.

Damn tootin'.

Well, don't let me interrupt the tour.

If you like that pantry, by the way,

we got a linen closet that's gonna knock your socks off.

I think it's the cedar.

- Nice meeting you. - Yep.

Are those for me?

You should have.

Not for you, for Joyce.

Well, you just missed her.

But if you want to grovel, I'll happily take the message.

No groveling from me, just checking in on old friends.

Mm.

You know, Bambi and I knew you'd be back.

She thought you'd bring Chardonnay,

but I know you're a sucker for supermarket flowers.

Thank you. I just won $50.

Well, from the looks of it, you could use the money.

Touché.

You got a hell of an eye, kid.

But you're making a mistake here.

- Senior porn? - Oh, come on.

You should warn Joyce. We went down this road.

You remember Silver Sluts?

Mm. And Oldies but Goodies?

Yeah, people don't want to see gray bush.

I don't know why. There's no money in it.

You know what, Doug? I have fans now.

Yeah, and they're incredibly wealthy.

And they live in castles,

and they hire me to shoot their playthings.

Good for you. I'm so happy for you.

You're such a winner.

How wealthy?

I don't want to go to Dad's stupid thing tonight.

The Kiwanis are hardly stupid.

You're talking about one

of America's foremost service organizations,

who just so happen to be honoring your father,

which is a big deal.

- Stupid big deal. - Oh, my God.

What did I do to deserve such a rousing defense?

Your children don't seem to value all you do for this family.

You know, I was, uh...

thinking about you and Bambi,

seeing you two together like that.

Like what?

I don't know. Smiley? Excited?

I mean, you-you were so happy when you were working with her.

So maybe you should go back to Minx.

N-no, it's, um... I mean, there is...

there is no Minx.

Joyce is, like, all over the place.

Well, some other job, then.

I mean, look, I know that you like

getting up to trouble outside of the house, so...

just an idea.

Love you.

Love you, too.

- That's an odd prize. - Oh, God.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

I assure you, Miss Prigger...

- Ms. - Right, Ms.

That mean married or not married?

I means the same thing as "Mr."

Well said.

Pay attention, boys. Words matter.

You are gonna get on great with the gals down at Vogue.

- Mm. - They love correcting us.

Shall we get down to the business

of making Minx part of the Condé Nast family?

Can I speak with you for a sec?

I'm so sorry. Just give me one second.

I'll be right back.

What are you doing here?

You don't want to do this.

If you did, you would have signed weeks ago.

What? No. I've been negotiating.

Stop lying to me. I saw that smile...

the fake one you gave them and the real one you gave me.

I did no such thing.

Yes, you did.

Those dinosaurs will never get you, Joyce.

You're better than them. Y-you need a publisher...

No, Doug, come on, look, we... we-we tried,

and-and it didn't work.

Constance Papadopoulos.

Yeah, what about her?

I pitched her on investing in Bottom Dollar,

uh, and she said no, she wasn't interested...

Yeah, 'cause she's smart.

... without Minx.

Come on, think.

She's your perfect, perfect publisher.

Doug, Constance publishing Minx is...

- ... a really good idea. - Yeah, it's a good idea.

God damn it, I was right there with her, in her house.

Why didn't I think of that?

You don't have to. That's why you got me.

No, look, she's-she's retired from shipping.

She... no, she has zero publishing experience.

Good, all I hear is deep pockets

with no big ideas on how to run a magazine.

What she doesn't know, we could teach her.

- "We"? - Yeah, we.

The meeting's all set. She's primed.

I just need one hour of your time.

I knew you'd come through. Thank you, baby.

Nice to hear from you, Dougie.

Hey, you know I got

the what-what whenever you in need, right?

Yeah, I do, I do.

And don't get comfy in that Santa suit.

I'm coming for it.

- Hey, dry food only. - Okay.

There's no meeting.

Well, she said she was excited to continue our conversation.

She just didn't know how soon it would be.

Good.

Look at me. I'm a natural with this dog.

How do you even know she's here?

Well, I went to her castle, I drank her tea,

we talked dogs, which we have in common.

This is Abracadabra, by the way, and she...

Oh, he...

- ... is my longtime companion. - You are unbelievable.

Aw, thanks. I feel pretty good about this.

No, it was not a compliment.

Doug, you think you can just BS your way through life.

Everything's always gonna work out.

Well, not everything, but hopefully this, right?

It's not how I want to connect with my heroes.

Constance! Hey!

Mr. Renetti. Joyce.

- Hello. - I should have known

you two would have been here.

Ah, the famous Abracadabra.

She is a beaut... very distinctive coloring.

Well, this really is a happy accident, right?

You, me, and Joyce all in the same exact spot?

It's like the universe wants us to continue

our conversation, Connie.

- Very serendipitous. - Agreed.

Maybe Constance doesn't want to talk shop right now.

Oh, no, no, no. It's fine.

Entrepreneurs proposition me everywhere I go.

It's the perils of being a wealthy widow.

I can only imagine.

Well, like I was saying over tea,

with your backing financially and my know-how,

we could turn Minx into so much more

than just a magazine.

I mean, just picture this... uh, merchandising,

uh, uh, uh, events, international editions,

taking this thing global.

Think about the money for a second.

And all of this, it's not me.

It's her.

It's all made possible

by our brilliant editorial leadership

from this lady right here, Ms. Joyce Prigger.

Joyce?

Constance, could I talk to you alone?

Well, I don't... I don't think that's necessary.

- I think we could just... - No, no.

Why don't you be a lamb and take our babies for a spin?

They look like they have

some business to attend to as well.

Well, it looks to me they're so comfortable...

Thank you.

All right, you have until they ring the gong

for the grand promenade.

But know this... I don't invest in businesses.

I invest in people.

So why should I invest in you?

Go.

Well, it isn't just me.

It's my whole team.

And...

we're outsiders like you.

We had to blaze our own trail.

And I don't want to stop doing that

just because Condé Nast is panting at the door, you know?

I want to keep doing it our way.

I want to...

I want to keep fighting with a woman at the helm,

who not only understands it but who has actually lived it.

But I lost my fight.

And they took my company, and then they tried to kill me.

Well, this time you wouldn't be alone.

And I promise that I won't kill you.

Ever since he put this idea in my head,

I cannot imagine anyone else publishing Minx.

Well, I have always been tickled

by the taboo.

All right.

Maybe I have one good chapter left before I call it a career.

Oh, my God.

- Really? - Yes.

Oh, my God, this is incredible!

Oh, my God.

I cannot believe he was right.

Yes, he was.

Quite the charmer, isn't he?

Well...

Yeah, but do we need him?

Look, the man clearly stole that dog,

and that kind of bravado is very risky.

All right, yes.

Yes, his methods are... unconventional.

But he pushes me in a way that makes me so much better.

I would not be here if it weren't for him.

Minx is as much his success as it is mine.

Uh, can you please never, ever tell him that, though?

Oh, a woman would never.

Great.

Great.

Uh...

Um, I'll come with.

Well, look at you! You closed the deal, kid!

We're 50/50 partners, and I'm telling you,

it's gonna be different this time.

Actually, 51/49... Constance insisted.

Well, that's 49 more than I had this morning.

How's that?

Was it rude not to stay for the ribbon ceremony?

No. We got what we came for.

Let's go.

So let me get this straight... I quit my job

to end up at the same place with the same people

minus three paychecks?

Isn't it great? And now a countess is in charge.

Uh, former countess.

Hey!

And I just want you to know that I've actually been

to French Polynesia,

and it's a lot nicer than this shithole.

But they do not serve kamikazes.

Well, to being back, everybody.

- On new terms. - With back pay.

We'll see.

Whoo!

- Mmm. - Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Oh, God.

You really gonna leave all this for business school?

- You want more? - Whoo!

I was thinking about it.

Well, don't.

The best is yet to come.

All right, everyone,

the next round is on me!

We are celebrating!

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