subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for The.40.Year.Old.Virgin.Unrated.2005

Afrikaans

Akan

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bemba

Bengali

Bihari

Bosnian

Breton

Bulgarian

Cambodian

Catalan

Cebuano

Cherokee

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English Download

Esperanto

Estonian

Ewe

Faroese

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Guarani

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Interlingua

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Kinyarwanda

Kirundi

Kongo

Korean

Krio (Sierra Leone)

Kurdish

Kurdish (Soranî)

Kyrgyz

Laothian

Latin

Latvian

Lingala

Lithuanian

Lozi

Luganda

Luo

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mauritian Creole

Moldavian

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Montenegrin

Nepali

Nigerian Pidgin

Northern Sotho

Norwegian

Norwegian (Nynorsk)

Occitan

Oriya

Oromo

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese (Brazil) Download

Portuguese (Portugal)

Punjabi

Quechua

Romanian

Romansh

Runyakitara

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Serbo-Croatian

Sesotho

Setswana

Seychellois Creole

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhalese

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Spanish (Latin American)

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Tatar

Telugu

Thai

Tigrinya

Tonga

Tshiluba

Tumbuka

Turkish

Turkmen

Twi

Uighur

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Wolof

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:28,728 ##[A Life Of Illusion playing] 2 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,433 [Alarm buzzing] 3 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,098 [Grunts] 4 00:01:18,044 --> 00:01:19,341 [Grunting] 5 00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:57,908 Hey, Andy! What's up, dude? 6 00:01:57,984 --> 00:02:00,111 Hey, Joe. Hey, Sara. How you doing? 7 00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:01,346 When you going to get a car? 8 00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:04,618 Hey, why don't you get a car? I can't afford it. 9 00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:06,682 [Laughing] 10 00:02:06,759 --> 00:02:10,160 So, Survivor tomorrow night. We on? See you then. 11 00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:12,027 I'll bring a soda. Hey, enjoy your orange. 12 00:02:12,098 --> 00:02:14,089 Okay, take care. See you. Bye-bye. 13 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,627 That guy needs to get laid. Tell me something I don't know. 14 00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:19,672 [Chuckles] 15 00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:36,483 Good morning. 16 00:02:41,794 --> 00:02:44,160 Excuse me. Pardon me. 17 00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:46,624 Sorry. 18 00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:48,966 [Car horn blaring] 19 00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:57,437 Excuse me. Thank you. 20 00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:02,277 Good morning. Hey. 21 00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:04,440 Good morning, Paula. Andy. 22 00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:08,349 Excuse me. I have a question. 23 00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:13,791 What is the difference between Hi8 and Digital video tapes? 24 00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:16,457 I'm not a salesman, so, I could probably... 25 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:19,225 Welcome to Smart Tech. How can I be of service to you? 26 00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:20,866 Well, I was just wondering... 27 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:23,459 what is the difference between these? 28 00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:27,205 (Jay) Well, if I'm photographing someone as fine as yourself... 29 00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:29,036 I'd probably go Digital. 30 00:03:31,844 --> 00:03:36,076 # Hey, don't worry I've been lied to ## 31 00:03:42,188 --> 00:03:45,157 My God. Sorry I'm late, man. No problem. 32 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,523 Oh, man. 33 00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:50,595 I had a weekend. Yeah? 34 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:54,024 We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know... 35 00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:57,035 and we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to this show. 36 00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:59,435 Everyone's, "You gotta check out one of these shows. " 37 00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:02,030 And, you know, it's a woman fucking a horse. 38 00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:05,573 We get there, and, you know, we think it's gonna be awesome... 39 00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:09,046 and it is not as cool as it sounds like it would be, man. 40 00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:11,610 It's kind of gross. Yeah. 41 00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:13,345 You think, "A woman fucking a horse"... 42 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,011 and you get there and it's... 43 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,953 a woman fucking a horse. Yeah. 44 00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:19,014 It was really giving it to her. 45 00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:20,451 And you know what... 46 00:04:20,526 --> 00:04:23,154 to be honest, I felt bad for her. We all just felt bad for her. 47 00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:24,890 Yeah. Kind of felt bad for the horse. 48 00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:28,195 Wow, that's something. So what did you get up to? 49 00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:32,300 You know, I just kind of hung out. I was... 50 00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,270 God, Friday, when I went home... 51 00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,638 I really wanted an egg-salad sandwich. 52 00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,700 And I was just obsessing about it and I was like: 53 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,769 "Man, I'm gonna make one of those. " 54 00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:44,339 So Saturday I went out and I got, like, a dozen eggs... 55 00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:47,011 and I boiled them all and then I just... 56 00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:50,055 I spent, I don't know, probably three hours... 57 00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:53,719 like, three-and-a-half hours making... 58 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:57,854 you know, the mayonnaise and the onions and paprika... 59 00:04:57,930 --> 00:04:59,989 and, you know, all the accoutrement. 60 00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:01,533 And then, by the time I was done... 61 00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:03,193 I just really didn't feel like eating it. 62 00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:05,829 I can imagine. And I didn't have any bread. 63 00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:09,738 So, you know, it was pretty good. It was a good weekend. 64 00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:12,871 Sounds pretty awesome. Yeah, it was fine. 65 00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:14,344 Sounds really fun. 66 00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:16,872 Cool. Cool. 67 00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:18,348 Cool, cool. 68 00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:23,045 Hey, Paula. Yeah. 69 00:05:23,122 --> 00:05:25,613 I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it. 70 00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:29,093 For the first time today, I woke up... 71 00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:33,488 I came to the store, and I feel confident to say to you... 72 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:36,191 that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD... 73 00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,635 that you've been playing for two years straight, off... 74 00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:40,400 I'm going to kill everyone in the store... 75 00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:42,338 and put a bullet in my brain. 76 00:05:42,742 --> 00:05:46,143 David, what do you suggest we play? I don't care. Anything. 77 00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:49,212 I would rather watch Beautician and the Beast. 78 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,842 I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours... 79 00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:53,715 than have to listen to Michael McDonald. 80 00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:57,017 Nothing against him, but if I hear Yah Mo B There one more time... 81 00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,524 I'm gonna yah mo burn this place to the ground. 82 00:05:59,592 --> 00:06:02,493 You're such a smart ass. Get back on the floor. 83 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:05,959 [Garbled] Fuck you. 84 00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:07,123 [Clears throat] 85 00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:09,961 This is a great TV. Nothing beats a plasma. 86 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,628 What are you doing? That's my customer. 87 00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:14,901 It certainly is not. When I came upon her, she was unattended. 88 00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:16,635 No, that's my... Wait. 89 00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,768 Go to the checkout there. Pick up there, please. 90 00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:20,642 She was unattended because I went to the back... 91 00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,510 to get the brochure that she requested. 92 00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,072 I apologize, but it's too late. 93 00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:25,674 The transaction has been completed. 94 00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,481 Then you're gonna give me half the commission. 95 00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:29,020 You'll receive none of the commission. 96 00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:30,555 I need to talk to Paula. This is crazy. 97 00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:31,647 This is bullshit. 98 00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,589 Every time I make a sale, you go crying to Paula. 99 00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:36,958 How about Jesse Jackson? Old Jesse needs a cause. 100 00:06:37,029 --> 00:06:38,587 Sick of you poaching my customers. 101 00:06:38,664 --> 00:06:40,154 I'm sick of your crybaby bullshit. 102 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:43,225 You wanna take this shit outside? Just take it outside and squash it? 103 00:06:43,302 --> 00:06:46,567 Let's stay inside, so everybody can see what a pussy you have, okay? 104 00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:50,097 Because when I remove the blade I keep in my boot from its sheath... 105 00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:53,009 I can't return it until it has spilled blood. 106 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:56,344 Look, listen to me. You are fucking with the wrong nigger. 107 00:06:56,949 --> 00:07:00,350 Hey! You're fucking with the wrong sun-nigger, okay? 108 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,911 Dude, I will hang your old ass by your turban. 109 00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:06,181 Turban now? Do you see any fucking turban here? 110 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,920 Do I talk like a turban guy? 111 00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:10,895 Do I say, "Hey, Jay, do you want a Slurpee? You want a Slurpee?" 112 00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:14,194 Fuck you, okay? I was born in Brooklyn. 113 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,325 Brooklyn, okay? 114 00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:18,996 My accent is a fucking Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay? 115 00:07:19,071 --> 00:07:20,402 All right, man. Calm down, dude. 116 00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,634 Look, you still covering my shift on Friday or what? 117 00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:25,643 If I can keep this commission, with pleasure. 118 00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:28,578 Cool, then. All right, pop. No problem. 119 00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:33,178 How about Andy? No. 120 00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:35,111 Come on, man. We need, what, five guys... 121 00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:36,712 to play a decent poker game, right? Yeah. 122 00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:38,347 If we cancel this, I'm gonna have to go... 123 00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:40,358 to some stupid-ass birthday party with Jill... 124 00:07:40,426 --> 00:07:41,688 and that shit ain't happening. 125 00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,228 No. (David) Why not? 126 00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:47,123 He's a really nice guy and all but I'm pretty sure that... 127 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,565 he is a serial murderer. 128 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,363 Who cares, man? He's a nice guy. 129 00:07:50,436 --> 00:07:52,734 I just wanna get drunk, fucked up, and play some cards. 130 00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,932 That's great. Look, I don't wanna end up a lampshade... 131 00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:57,032 in some creepy apartment, that's what I'm saying. 132 00:07:57,109 --> 00:07:59,134 I don't really see any other options. 133 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,772 Andy. My man. 134 00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:04,613 You got any plans later on tonight? 135 00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,914 Why, do we have to unload the Sony truck? 136 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:10,080 No, the guys are getting together, we're playing some poker... 137 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,147 thought, you know, you'd wanna play. 138 00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:13,687 With you guys? 139 00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:17,762 Yeah, sure. That would be cool. 140 00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:21,228 You know how to play, right? Yeah, I play online sometimes. 141 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,598 We're gonna play in the store. Great. 142 00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:25,293 Are we allowed to do that? 143 00:08:25,371 --> 00:08:26,998 Absolutely not. Yeah. 144 00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:28,195 Oh. 145 00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,375 Well, so I'm gonna go tell Paula. 146 00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:33,044 I'm just kidding. 147 00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:36,240 I'm kidding. That sounds great. Cool, I'll see you guys tonight. 148 00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:37,339 Okay. All right. 149 00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:39,077 [Clattering] Oops. 150 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,045 I almost feel guilty. No, you don't. 151 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:58,869 Going down! 152 00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:01,302 Going down! 153 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,602 Dumbass. 154 00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:04,943 And a full house. 155 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,743 Oh, my dukes! What? 156 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,245 How much fucking online poker do you play, dawg? 157 00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:12,341 For like an hour or two a night, when I'm not playing Halo. 158 00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:15,320 Why did you invite this guy? He's a fucking ringer, man. 159 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,582 This is hog shit. 160 00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:18,851 You, you're a fucking asshole to tell me to come here. 161 00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:20,756 You tell me he was a nice guy, didn't you? 162 00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:23,158 Well, fuck you people, and fuck you, you and you... 163 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:26,221 fuck and kiss my big brown fucking ass, okay? 164 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,664 (Jay) I'm gonna see you tomorrow. 165 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:28,791 Peace. All right, man. 166 00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:30,062 (Mooj) Fuck a goat. 167 00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:31,364 [All laughing] 168 00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:33,268 Good night. I love that guy. 169 00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:36,274 Dude, you totally... Oh, shit, I gotta go. Damn. 170 00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:38,003 About to go see Ellen in a little bit. 171 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,544 Going now? Late-night action, huh? 172 00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:40,704 Dude, you know how it goes. 173 00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,271 Does your girlfriend know about all these late-night visits? 174 00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:44,907 It's like an unspoken agreement. Yeah. 175 00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:48,044 It's like a completely and utterly unspoken agreement. 176 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,281 If you knew her, if you knew who I was dealing with... 177 00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:51,584 you wouldn't be saying this shit. 178 00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,557 There's nothing you can't do with this woman... 179 00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,719 straight up and down. I've done every single thing... 180 00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:57,695 I could possibly create. I've literally lubed up... 181 00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,129 and made love to the arches of her feet. All right. 182 00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:01,291 Wow! (Jay) Yeah. 183 00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:03,028 Foot fuck! That's sick, man. 184 00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,626 Wow. That is not sick. 185 00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:06,971 I will give you sick. Oh, shit. 186 00:10:07,039 --> 00:10:09,837 I was sleeping with a woman recently, she had the... 187 00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:13,208 Her tits were unbelievable. Oh, man, I love titties. 188 00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:16,373 And so we're doing it and I'm about to finish... 189 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,474 and her dog starts licking my ass. 190 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:22,885 I swear to God, I have to decide, do I finish or do I stop the dog? 191 00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,855 I know your nasty ass. He finished. 192 00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:27,290 I finished. And then I stole the dog. 193 00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:30,222 No, I didn't, but... 194 00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:32,964 You know, sometimes, Amy and I would make love... 195 00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:35,159 till it was almost like we weren't two people... 196 00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:37,896 but we were two spirits or something. 197 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:41,167 Our souls were connected in this way, I can't describe it. 198 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,835 Time stood still. It was like we were sharing the same heart. 199 00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:48,710 Stop, man! Why do you always come and kill the vibe with those things? 200 00:10:48,781 --> 00:10:50,749 "Sharing the same heart," that's like some... 201 00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:51,942 Britney Spears shit, man. 202 00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:55,010 This is three grown ass men, don't nobody want to hear that shit. 203 00:10:55,087 --> 00:10:57,351 Yeah, man, come on, nobody wants to hear that shit. 204 00:10:57,423 --> 00:10:59,983 Thank you, Andy. Dude, you broke up two years ago. 205 00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:02,493 You get over it at some point. Two years, man. 206 00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:04,119 You need to get past that... 207 00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:07,427 because no ass is worth thinking that much about... 208 00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:08,995 I always say. 209 00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:10,701 Andy, do me a favor. 210 00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:14,171 Would you please help him redeem himself by telling a real sex story? 211 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,229 Yes. 212 00:11:16,542 --> 00:11:19,943 I don't... You know what, I'm a gentleman and I don't... 213 00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:21,810 I don't kiss and tell. 214 00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:25,214 Fuck it, I raise you. Nastiest shit you've ever done. 215 00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:27,179 I'm talking about nasty. 216 00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,445 Wow. 217 00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:32,614 So many stories are running through my head right now. 218 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,184 I dated this girl... 219 00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:40,357 for a while, and she was really a nasty freak. 220 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:45,302 She just loved to get down with sex all the time. 221 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,931 She was like, any time of day, she was like: 222 00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:50,737 "Yeah, let's go. I'm so nasty. " 223 00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:52,140 And I'd be nailing her. 224 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,439 Oh, shit. She'd be like: 225 00:11:53,512 --> 00:11:55,878 "Oh, you're nailing me. Cool. " 226 00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:59,551 She talk dirty to you? She loved to dirty-talk. 227 00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:02,449 Totally into it. She'd be like: 228 00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:07,481 "Yeah, let's screw, let's... I wanna fuck. " 229 00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:10,121 God, it was so dirty. 230 00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:14,692 She'd be like, "Me so horny, me love you long time. " 231 00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:15,991 So... 232 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,969 (Jay) So what were the titties like? Yeah, describe her... 233 00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:21,131 Yeah, she had great tits. 234 00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:24,401 No, I mean, like, detailed. Did she have, like, you know... 235 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,274 them little pink teeny nipples. Oh, yeah. 236 00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:28,836 (Jay) Or like the long National Geographic nipples. 237 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:31,474 You have like the bumpy Braille nipples, the Stevie Wonders. 238 00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:32,915 (Andy) Yeah, they were nice. 239 00:12:32,985 --> 00:12:36,216 You know, when you, like, you grab a woman's breast and it's... 240 00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:38,750 And you feel it and... 241 00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:43,517 it feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it. 242 00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,196 Bag of sand? 243 00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,459 You know what I mean. Why don't we just play? 244 00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:52,197 Why don't you just deal the cards? 245 00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:53,898 What are you talking about? 246 00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:56,032 Have you ever felt a breast before, man? 247 00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:57,097 Yes. 248 00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:59,736 Dude, are you gay? No, I'm not gay. 249 00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:01,439 I've been with tons of women. 250 00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,539 I touched a guy's balls at Hebrew school once. 251 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,584 Dude, it's not a big deal. You like to fuck guys. 252 00:13:05,651 --> 00:13:08,279 I'm cool. I got friends who fuck guys, in jail. 253 00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:09,715 No, I'm not gay. 254 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,781 No, I've borked a lot of women in my day. 255 00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:13,984 You've "borked"? 256 00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:17,024 Hold up. Yo, answer this question: 257 00:13:18,063 --> 00:13:19,428 Are you a virgin? 258 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,365 Are you a virgin? 259 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,799 Yeah, not since I was 10. 260 00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,430 It all makes sense. You're a virgin. 261 00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:30,031 I am... Shut up. How does that happen? 262 00:13:30,109 --> 00:13:31,542 He's a fucking virgin. 263 00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:34,909 I knew it. That makes so much sense, man. Look, he's a virgin. 264 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:37,278 You guys are hilarious. All right, come on, don't be mean. 265 00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:39,442 I'm not being mean. I'm trying to help the partner out. 266 00:13:39,518 --> 00:13:41,247 I'm trying to say I wanna get you laid, dude. 267 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,514 I understand what's going on. 268 00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:45,421 You guys are so up your asses. 269 00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:49,025 From now on, your dick is my dick. I'm getting you some pussy. 270 00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:50,993 [Men laughing] 271 00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:03,908 A bag of sand! Come on, man! You could do better than that. 272 00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:07,801 God, me so horny? Me so stupid! 273 00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:10,274 [Yelling] 274 00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:15,410 Oh, come on. 275 00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:17,381 [Laughing] 276 00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:21,182 It's gonna be fine. They don't even remember. 277 00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,023 Those guys are cool. 278 00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:29,465 [Alarm buzzing] 279 00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:32,327 This is gonna be bad. 280 00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,131 (Andy) Yeah, well, virgin's not a dirty word. 281 00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,232 You know what's a dirty word, is asshole... 282 00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:38,799 and that's what you guys are. 283 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:42,109 You know, I may not have had sex, but I could fuck you up. 284 00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:45,344 Yeah. 285 00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:52,017 Come on. 286 00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:56,857 Hey, David. Hey, Andy. 287 00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:02,091 What's up? Cal, good morning. 288 00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:09,163 (Haziz) Hey, Andy. Hey. 289 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,175 We're gonna have to get you some punani. 290 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:12,642 [Both guffawing] 291 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:17,113 Andy, it's going down, partner. We're gonna be... 292 00:15:17,182 --> 00:15:18,479 [moaning] 293 00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,749 This for you, partner, this for you. 294 00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:24,789 Waves of them coming at you on Friday, Saturday. 295 00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:27,451 By Sunday, your nuts gonna be drained. 296 00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:31,155 Hey, Andy, don't let him bother you. It's okay not to have sex. 297 00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:33,664 Not everybody is a pussy magnet. 298 00:15:33,732 --> 00:15:37,668 What are you? 25? I'm 40. 299 00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:40,464 Holy shit, man. You've got to get on that. 300 00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:44,871 Life isn't about sex. Life is about children and passion. 301 00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:46,266 Yeah. 302 00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:48,438 And spirit. Yeah, life's about passion. 303 00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:51,074 It's not about fucking and balls and pussy. 304 00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:54,449 It's about love. It's about people. 305 00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:58,053 It's about connection. It's all about connections. 306 00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:02,287 It's not about cock and ass and tits and butthole pleasures. 307 00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:04,090 It's not about butthole pleasures at all. 308 00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:07,394 It's not about this rusty trombone and dirty Sanchez. 309 00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:10,435 Please stop. And Cincinnati bowtie. 310 00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:15,369 And your pussy juice cocktail and this shit-stained balls. 311 00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:16,931 Mooj, just please stop. Just relax... 312 00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:19,204 All right. That's enough, party's over. 313 00:16:19,511 --> 00:16:21,240 Let the virgin get back to work. 314 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:26,777 Andy! 315 00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:29,452 Andy, come on. We were just kidding. 316 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:30,880 Pointless. 317 00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:33,254 Andy, nobody cares that you're a virgin. 318 00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,156 Don't be such a baby. 319 00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:37,626 They were just having fun. They didn't mean anything. 320 00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:39,493 Get away from me, David. Wait a minute. 321 00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,465 Stop following me! Hold up. 322 00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,901 Hold on. I'm gonna have to quit my job now. 323 00:16:46,972 --> 00:16:48,234 You don't have to quit your job. 324 00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:50,138 You know what, I don't wanna go out with you guys. 325 00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:51,540 Fine. Okay? I don't need your help. 326 00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:54,101 Okay, fine, you don't have to go out with us if you don't want. 327 00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,704 You know what, I respect women, I love women. 328 00:16:57,049 --> 00:17:00,416 I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them. 329 00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:02,882 Okay. I have a very fulfilling life. 330 00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:04,947 ##[Playing] 331 00:17:06,658 --> 00:17:10,492 And now, I am making your silver pants blue. 332 00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:13,488 Get some roadburn, come on! 333 00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:15,960 Come on, sucker! 334 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,368 # Now, pretty ladies around the world # 335 00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,597 # Got a weird thing to show you ## 336 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:22,867 [laughing] 337 00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:24,533 Oh, my God! 338 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:31,512 Hey, Will and Grace, back to work. 339 00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:33,778 Hey, Haziz, can you just give us a second? 340 00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:36,150 We're just kind of in the middle of something. 341 00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:37,916 I'm on my break, okay? 342 00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:40,424 Fuck off, Haziz. Leave us alone, all right? 343 00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:42,585 Fuck off? Fuck you! Fuck you! 344 00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:44,629 Fuck you! Fuck off. Fuck off. 345 00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:46,425 I'm gonna kick you in the nuts, asshole. 346 00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:49,729 Hey, hey! Watch the language, okay? I have a family. 347 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:50,894 Watch how you talk to me! 348 00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:53,961 It's a free country, Bambi. I can smoke out here if I want to. 349 00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:55,301 Smoke my pole. 350 00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:57,672 You are a very unkind man. Get inside! 351 00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,074 This is not professional. 352 00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,442 Paula, this asshole over here... 353 00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:03,310 It's okay. (Haziz) Paula! 354 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,883 It's all right. Come on. You know, it's just... 355 00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,283 So, how could this not have happened? 356 00:18:08,353 --> 00:18:10,253 It just never happened. 357 00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:14,090 When I was young, I tried, and it didn't happen. 358 00:18:14,726 --> 00:18:18,162 And then I got older and I got more and more nervous... 359 00:18:18,297 --> 00:18:21,698 because it hadn't happened yet. And I got kind of... 360 00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:25,330 weirded out about it. Then it really didn't happen... 361 00:18:25,404 --> 00:18:28,601 and then, I don't know, I just kind of stopped trying. 362 00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:31,336 Do you want to give it another shot? 363 00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:33,173 Maybe it's too late. 364 00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:37,077 Sometimes I feel that it is just too late for me. 365 00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:39,480 No, that's crazy. 366 00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:42,520 You're 40 years old. You know, 40 is the new 20. 367 00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:44,579 You wanna spend the next 60 years of your life... 368 00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:46,146 never experiencing sex? 369 00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:48,284 And not just sex, but love... 370 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:53,297 and a relationship, and laughing and cuddling and all that shit. 371 00:18:53,932 --> 00:18:55,263 I don't know. 372 00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:59,665 I wouldn't know what to do. Look, you gotta take a risk. 373 00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:01,399 You gotta risk it. Look at me. 374 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,373 I went out with this girl for four months... 375 00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:05,171 and it was the greatest... 376 00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:07,573 greatest thing in my life. 377 00:19:08,514 --> 00:19:12,416 Until she went down on this guy in an Escalade, I think. 378 00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:14,609 And, you know, instead of saying: 379 00:19:14,686 --> 00:19:17,678 "Okay, what am I doing that caused this behavior?"... 380 00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:19,587 I dumped her. Stupid decision. 381 00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:22,525 I spent the last two years of my life regretting it. 382 00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:24,494 Why don't you get her back right now? 383 00:19:24,563 --> 00:19:26,656 Because she's dating this pot dealer. 384 00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:28,359 Stupid horrible decision. 385 00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:31,596 But, hey, that's her journey, you know. I gotta respect that. 386 00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:32,932 I gotta give her the space. 387 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:36,941 She wants to be some immature little bitch and blow everybody... 388 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,034 that's love, man. It sounds horrible. 389 00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:41,272 Of course it's horrible. It's suffering... 390 00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,871 and it's pain and it's... You know, you lose weight... 391 00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:45,439 and then you put back on weight... 392 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:47,610 and then you call them a bunch of times... 393 00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:51,053 and you try and email and then they move or they change their email... 394 00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,647 but that's just love. 395 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:55,059 Do you realize that this is the first time... 396 00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:57,425 we've spoken for more than, like, 30 seconds? 397 00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:58,554 Uh-huh. 398 00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:01,798 It's kind of nice. Come out with us this weekend. 399 00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,934 No pressure. We'll just have a good time. 400 00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:07,798 Okay, yeah, I will. I'll give it a shot. 401 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:08,897 Great. 402 00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:11,169 But I'm not going to have sex with anybody. 403 00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:13,973 Good, sex should be the last thing on your mind. 404 00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:19,116 ##[I Got Ants In My Pants playing] 405 00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,858 Logjam. Hi. 406 00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:34,754 Shit. 407 00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:39,530 Oh, God. 408 00:20:43,842 --> 00:20:45,002 Sorry. 409 00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:48,477 See you later. Thanks for the dance. 410 00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:00,015 I'm okay. It's all right. 411 00:21:06,064 --> 00:21:07,929 Oh, come on, bus! 412 00:21:14,673 --> 00:21:16,834 Oh, come on, dogs! 413 00:21:19,978 --> 00:21:21,912 Shit! You gotta be kidding me. 414 00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:41,859 I mean, I'm kind of nervous. I never had oral sex before. 415 00:21:42,367 --> 00:21:46,997 Jennifer told me how to do it. It's gonna kick ass. 416 00:21:51,209 --> 00:21:52,836 [Screaming] 417 00:21:53,445 --> 00:21:55,174 What are you doing? 418 00:21:55,247 --> 00:21:56,646 Okay, just... We're almost there. 419 00:21:56,715 --> 00:21:57,704 [Grunts] 420 00:21:57,783 --> 00:22:00,149 We have one. Houston, we have one. 421 00:22:00,919 --> 00:22:03,149 You'll pull my fucking hair out! 422 00:22:03,221 --> 00:22:05,121 We did it. God! 423 00:22:05,190 --> 00:22:06,885 Oh, my God, you came in your pants. 424 00:22:06,958 --> 00:22:09,756 What did you do? I had some Cream of Wheat. 425 00:22:10,262 --> 00:22:12,560 You know what else is sexy? What? 426 00:22:13,131 --> 00:22:14,826 Me... Yeah? 427 00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:16,094 ...sucking... 428 00:22:17,469 --> 00:22:19,994 on your... 429 00:22:20,605 --> 00:22:21,629 toe. 430 00:22:21,707 --> 00:22:23,607 That's what you want to suck on? Yeah. 431 00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:27,975 It's just so big and thick. Okay. 432 00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:31,012 Yeah. 433 00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:33,911 [Laughing] 434 00:22:34,052 --> 00:22:35,041 That tickles. 435 00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:36,109 [Screams] 436 00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,247 I'm sorry. Oh, no. 437 00:22:38,323 --> 00:22:40,348 Your nose is bleeding. You think? 438 00:22:40,425 --> 00:22:42,825 I'm sorry. I'm hot. 439 00:22:43,061 --> 00:22:45,120 But, now, you can't have any of this. 440 00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:47,832 You should just give up forever! 441 00:22:47,933 --> 00:22:49,662 [Exclaiming] 442 00:22:53,305 --> 00:22:55,739 ##[Ain't No Mountain High Enough playing] 443 00:22:56,675 --> 00:22:58,438 Cal, what do you think? Is this too yellow? 444 00:22:58,510 --> 00:22:59,534 No. 445 00:22:59,878 --> 00:23:01,971 What's Curious George like in real life? 446 00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:03,241 Come on, man. 447 00:23:03,915 --> 00:23:05,610 ##[J.O.D.D. playing] 448 00:23:12,991 --> 00:23:15,391 Wow, this is pretty crowded. 449 00:23:15,694 --> 00:23:18,561 Yeah. Well, it's $9 beer night. 450 00:23:19,731 --> 00:23:21,164 Okay, look now. 451 00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:23,463 So, this is what's about to happen, all right? 452 00:23:23,535 --> 00:23:26,231 You about to go run down some drunk chicks, all right? 453 00:23:26,304 --> 00:23:28,738 And don't confuse that with tipsy. We talking about drunk. 454 00:23:28,807 --> 00:23:30,832 I want vomit in the hair, bruised-up knees. 455 00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:32,399 A broken heel is a plus. 456 00:23:32,477 --> 00:23:34,001 That's what you want to find, okay? 457 00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:36,877 No, Dave already told me I didn't have to have sex tonight. 458 00:23:36,948 --> 00:23:37,972 And now he's gone, so... 459 00:23:38,049 --> 00:23:40,040 Dude, just stop thinking for a minute, all right? 460 00:23:40,118 --> 00:23:41,745 You ain't got to think on this one. 461 00:23:41,820 --> 00:23:43,754 All you got to do is use your instinct. 462 00:23:43,822 --> 00:23:45,255 Show me your instincts. 463 00:23:45,323 --> 00:23:48,087 My head, my heart. I follow my heart. 464 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,788 Now, I'm gonna show you this one time, all right? 465 00:23:50,862 --> 00:23:53,592 Instincts. Show me your instincts. 466 00:23:54,199 --> 00:23:56,394 Show me your instincts. They're right here. 467 00:23:56,735 --> 00:23:58,532 Own your instincts. 468 00:23:58,703 --> 00:24:01,604 All you doing is using your instinct. That's it. 469 00:24:01,673 --> 00:24:04,471 That's how a tiger know he got to tackle a gazelle. 470 00:24:04,543 --> 00:24:06,443 There's a code written in his DNA. 471 00:24:06,511 --> 00:24:08,206 It says, "Tackle the gazelle. " Okay. 472 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,443 And believe it or not, in every man, there's a code written that says: 473 00:24:11,516 --> 00:24:13,450 "Tackle drunk bitches. " No. 474 00:24:13,518 --> 00:24:17,010 You know what, I don't feel comfortable... 475 00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:20,554 hitting on drunk "bitches," you know. 476 00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:21,785 I don't think that's right. 477 00:24:21,860 --> 00:24:23,054 Okay, hold up. 478 00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:25,995 First of all, you making it out to be some kind of bad thing. 479 00:24:26,064 --> 00:24:28,498 I didn't use bitches in a derogatory sense. You did. 480 00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:30,262 It just does... This doesn't feel right. 481 00:24:30,335 --> 00:24:33,202 Of course it don't feel right. What has felt right for you didn't work. 482 00:24:33,271 --> 00:24:35,865 You need to try some wrong, dawg. 483 00:24:38,009 --> 00:24:40,443 Okay, how do I tell which ones are drunk? 484 00:24:40,512 --> 00:24:42,207 Now you're talking. All right, check this out. 485 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,043 You see this redhead over here? Where? 486 00:24:44,115 --> 00:24:47,676 With the big old titties. I'm not gonna stare at a woman. 487 00:24:47,752 --> 00:24:50,346 Dawg, I'm not telling you to stare at nobody. 488 00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:53,253 I'm telling you to use your peripherals. Now look at me. 489 00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:54,792 See. Look. See? Yeah. 490 00:24:55,227 --> 00:24:56,558 I'm not looking at you. 491 00:24:57,295 --> 00:24:59,855 No. I'm looking at... You're looking at her? 492 00:25:01,766 --> 00:25:05,327 What do you want me to do? I want you to use your peripherals. 493 00:25:05,704 --> 00:25:07,638 See? I'm not looking at you. 494 00:25:08,707 --> 00:25:12,939 No. See, I'm looking at the redhead at 3:00 with the big titties. 495 00:25:13,144 --> 00:25:16,011 You see her, racked up right there, see her? 496 00:25:16,414 --> 00:25:17,904 Yes. Yeah. 497 00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:21,414 You find one with the peripherals. Okay. 498 00:25:21,820 --> 00:25:24,948 You see, over by the post. 499 00:25:25,724 --> 00:25:26,952 It looks like a... 500 00:25:27,025 --> 00:25:28,754 It's either a ficus... 501 00:25:28,827 --> 00:25:30,556 It might be a rubber tree plant. 502 00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:33,729 All right, if you're making a joke, dawg, it's not funny. 503 00:25:33,798 --> 00:25:36,392 I see a blonde and she's very pretty. 504 00:25:36,468 --> 00:25:38,902 Better, okay. All right. 505 00:25:38,970 --> 00:25:40,995 Now with your peripherals... Yeah. 506 00:25:41,072 --> 00:25:43,540 ...you got to scope out a hot, drunk chick. 507 00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:45,039 And then you should make your move. 508 00:25:45,110 --> 00:25:46,941 Okay? All right. Yes. 509 00:25:47,145 --> 00:25:49,943 And remember, it's more important that she's drunk than she's hot. 510 00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:52,482 For this first one. Go get her. Peripherals, though. 511 00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:53,711 All the way. 512 00:25:54,853 --> 00:25:56,115 All peripherals. 513 00:26:03,461 --> 00:26:04,758 That boy is stubborn. 514 00:26:07,632 --> 00:26:10,931 Hi, I'm Andy. You look comfortable. 515 00:26:11,169 --> 00:26:13,603 Can I get you another cocktail? 516 00:26:13,705 --> 00:26:14,831 Too drunk. 517 00:26:14,906 --> 00:26:18,342 But you got the right idea. But clinically alive. 518 00:26:20,478 --> 00:26:21,467 Hey! Yo! 519 00:26:21,546 --> 00:26:23,946 I'm having trouble finding the drunk people. 520 00:26:24,015 --> 00:26:26,245 You want to know where there's one? Yeah. 521 00:26:26,318 --> 00:26:30,152 I. I, Captain Yellowshirts. 522 00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:31,244 [Growls] 523 00:26:31,323 --> 00:26:33,450 Okay. Have a good one. 524 00:26:33,525 --> 00:26:34,719 Yo! What? 525 00:26:34,793 --> 00:26:37,956 I met a girl and she's here with a bachelorette party... 526 00:26:38,029 --> 00:26:40,054 and they invited us to party with them. 527 00:26:40,332 --> 00:26:43,267 Okay, that's good. It's so good... 528 00:26:43,335 --> 00:26:44,996 because no one is hornier than a girl... 529 00:26:45,070 --> 00:26:47,698 who's about to watch her friend get married to a guy. 530 00:26:47,772 --> 00:26:49,205 It's so funny. 531 00:26:50,141 --> 00:26:51,335 [Women whooping] 532 00:26:53,345 --> 00:26:57,145 So we just decided because this is my last night as a free woman... 533 00:26:57,215 --> 00:27:00,309 before I marry Dan, that we would just wig out. 534 00:27:00,518 --> 00:27:02,213 We're wigging out! 535 00:27:03,221 --> 00:27:06,019 You guys are hilarious. 536 00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:08,554 Wait a minute. 537 00:27:08,627 --> 00:27:12,154 Yes, Mr. President. Yes, the erection results are in. 538 00:27:12,230 --> 00:27:13,322 [All laughing] 539 00:27:13,398 --> 00:27:16,196 Hey, guys, look, it's Dr. Zeus' penis. 540 00:27:16,668 --> 00:27:18,465 I really mean this. 541 00:27:19,404 --> 00:27:21,838 Hey, everybody, who wants penis cake? 542 00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:23,198 I do. 543 00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:26,573 (Cal) She does. Hey, you guys, Betty Cocker. 544 00:27:26,845 --> 00:27:28,642 [All laughing] 545 00:27:28,713 --> 00:27:30,305 What a good guy. What a... 546 00:27:30,382 --> 00:27:32,373 Dan, the guy Robin's marrying... 547 00:27:32,450 --> 00:27:35,681 is such a good guy. 548 00:27:35,754 --> 00:27:37,346 He sounds like a good guy. 549 00:27:37,422 --> 00:27:40,448 I hated him for like two years 'cause he cheated on me. 550 00:27:40,725 --> 00:27:41,953 But... 551 00:27:44,396 --> 00:27:46,626 he's really changed now. 552 00:27:47,799 --> 00:27:50,893 He's a really good guy now. Your friends seem nice. 553 00:27:50,969 --> 00:27:53,460 You have really kind eyes, you know that? 554 00:27:53,672 --> 00:27:56,937 Thanks. Your hat has sequins. 555 00:27:59,511 --> 00:28:00,500 Mmm. 556 00:28:04,182 --> 00:28:05,240 Mmm. 557 00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:10,878 [Both tittering] 558 00:28:11,222 --> 00:28:13,452 Your hands are on my belt. What? 559 00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:15,550 Your hands are on my belt. I'm sorry. 560 00:28:15,627 --> 00:28:16,821 It's good. 561 00:28:17,762 --> 00:28:18,990 You're cute. 562 00:28:19,064 --> 00:28:21,259 This is kind of lame. You wanna get out of here? 563 00:28:21,332 --> 00:28:22,822 Okay, yeah. 564 00:28:28,039 --> 00:28:29,438 Yeah. Fuck. 565 00:28:30,008 --> 00:28:31,339 Come on. Okay. 566 00:28:36,715 --> 00:28:38,046 You wanna drive? 567 00:28:38,116 --> 00:28:40,641 I don't have a car with me here, so... 568 00:28:40,719 --> 00:28:42,584 Cars just suck. 569 00:28:43,054 --> 00:28:44,214 [Grunting] 570 00:28:44,556 --> 00:28:45,716 I'm driving. 571 00:28:46,958 --> 00:28:47,982 Are you drunk? 572 00:28:48,059 --> 00:28:49,617 No, I didn't have anything to drink. 573 00:28:49,694 --> 00:28:51,889 Blow into this? Okay. 574 00:28:53,631 --> 00:28:54,859 [Beeping] 575 00:28:56,968 --> 00:29:00,836 What is this? The judge recommended I get one. 576 00:29:01,473 --> 00:29:02,462 [Engine starting] 577 00:29:02,540 --> 00:29:05,407 ##[Get Ur Freak On playing on car stereo] 578 00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:10,904 Whoa, okay. Wow. That's fast. 579 00:29:12,817 --> 00:29:15,342 Okay. Come on, you're in the lasso. 580 00:29:15,487 --> 00:29:16,476 [Giggling] 581 00:29:18,356 --> 00:29:20,085 # Missy be puttin' it down # 582 00:29:20,158 --> 00:29:21,250 # I'm the hottest round # 583 00:29:21,326 --> 00:29:22,850 # I told y'all mother-uh # 584 00:29:22,927 --> 00:29:24,121 # Y'all can't stop me now # 585 00:29:24,195 --> 00:29:25,253 # Listen to me now # 586 00:29:25,330 --> 00:29:26,592 # I'm lastin' 20 rounds # 587 00:29:26,664 --> 00:29:28,154 # And if you want me, people # 588 00:29:28,233 --> 00:29:29,757 # Then come on get me now ## 589 00:29:30,668 --> 00:29:34,729 And Dan's like, "You're such a B-I-T-C-H, bitch!" 590 00:29:34,806 --> 00:29:35,864 [Tires screeching] 591 00:29:35,940 --> 00:29:38,773 And I'm like, "You're the bitch, bitch. " 592 00:29:38,843 --> 00:29:40,572 You know? Yeah. 593 00:29:40,645 --> 00:29:42,374 What was your name again? 594 00:29:42,647 --> 00:29:44,171 Andy. Andy. 595 00:29:44,249 --> 00:29:48,982 Let me tell you something, Andy. Don't ever be named Dan. 596 00:29:49,287 --> 00:29:52,051 Dan rhymes with man, and men jerk off. 597 00:29:52,123 --> 00:29:53,590 And he was a jerk-off. 598 00:29:53,658 --> 00:29:56,354 Do you know what I mean? Look out! The car! 599 00:29:56,661 --> 00:29:59,630 Wow. I like you. 600 00:30:00,064 --> 00:30:01,554 You're not a... 601 00:30:03,902 --> 00:30:04,926 Ugh. 602 00:30:05,003 --> 00:30:08,029 I think I ate some bad shellfish sandwich or something. 603 00:30:09,374 --> 00:30:11,399 You're cute. No. 604 00:30:17,882 --> 00:30:20,874 That tasted good. That tasted like shellfish. 605 00:30:22,187 --> 00:30:24,951 Look out! Sorry. 606 00:30:25,990 --> 00:30:27,082 Watch it! 607 00:30:27,158 --> 00:30:28,591 [Exclaiming] 608 00:30:29,494 --> 00:30:31,985 Do you think I'm pretty? Oh, yes. 609 00:30:32,297 --> 00:30:33,764 Oh, God, yes! 610 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,634 You're not looking at me. Yes, you're pretty. 611 00:30:37,702 --> 00:30:39,567 You're not looking at me. Yes, you're pretty. 612 00:30:39,637 --> 00:30:42,299 Do you think I'm pretty? Look at me. 613 00:30:42,373 --> 00:30:45,433 Look at me! I'm looking! You're pretty! 614 00:30:45,510 --> 00:30:47,910 God, I just wanna live! 615 00:30:49,547 --> 00:30:52,107 God, I hope I get my period soon. 616 00:30:52,250 --> 00:30:55,742 I am in a bad mood. Okay. 617 00:30:55,820 --> 00:30:58,653 I'm so tired. 618 00:30:59,390 --> 00:31:00,789 Hey, whoa! 619 00:31:00,859 --> 00:31:01,848 [Glass shattering] 620 00:31:01,926 --> 00:31:04,360 Oh, God! Turn away! 621 00:31:04,696 --> 00:31:06,857 Hey, get off the wheel. 622 00:31:08,566 --> 00:31:11,160 You're not gonna get in my pants acting like that. 623 00:31:11,236 --> 00:31:12,794 I'm starving. 624 00:31:13,037 --> 00:31:15,562 Let's get some fucking French toast. 625 00:31:16,107 --> 00:31:17,335 [Tires screeching] 626 00:31:17,642 --> 00:31:21,271 Okay, here we are. Oh, God, we made it. 627 00:31:21,346 --> 00:31:22,711 Home sweet home. 628 00:31:24,015 --> 00:31:25,676 Oh, mommy! 629 00:31:25,750 --> 00:31:26,739 [Screeching] 630 00:31:28,253 --> 00:31:29,481 [Panting] 631 00:31:29,554 --> 00:31:33,354 Are you okay? The fucker came out of nowhere. 632 00:31:34,759 --> 00:31:37,125 Okay. We're okay. 633 00:31:37,228 --> 00:31:38,490 [Laughing] 634 00:31:39,297 --> 00:31:40,286 [Crying] 635 00:31:40,365 --> 00:31:41,696 Are you okay? 636 00:31:42,333 --> 00:31:44,494 Well, are you... What's the matter? 637 00:31:48,206 --> 00:31:49,195 [Gasps] 638 00:31:50,174 --> 00:31:51,436 I'm sorry. 639 00:31:52,010 --> 00:31:55,468 That's okay. I think I kind of had that coming. 640 00:31:56,247 --> 00:31:58,408 I'll still have sex with you if you want. 641 00:31:58,483 --> 00:32:01,509 You know what, I think I'm gonna pass on the sex, if you don't mind. 642 00:32:01,586 --> 00:32:04,077 At least I don't have to work out tomorrow. 643 00:32:04,822 --> 00:32:06,722 Did you have a daiquiri tonight? Yeah. 644 00:32:06,791 --> 00:32:07,849 I thought you might. 645 00:32:08,426 --> 00:32:09,791 It was a very bad night. 646 00:32:09,861 --> 00:32:10,850 [All laughing] 647 00:32:11,696 --> 00:32:12,788 Yeah, laugh. 648 00:32:12,864 --> 00:32:15,196 You know what, you guys wouldn't be laughing right now... 649 00:32:15,266 --> 00:32:18,758 if some girl had just vomited shellfish sandwich into your mouth. 650 00:32:18,870 --> 00:32:19,894 [Grunts] 651 00:32:19,971 --> 00:32:21,836 You know what, you're right, it's my bad. 652 00:32:21,906 --> 00:32:23,897 Let me apologize to you first of all... 653 00:32:23,975 --> 00:32:27,809 for not mentioning in detail that when you pick up a drunk woman... 654 00:32:27,879 --> 00:32:30,541 who's falling down on her way out of the bar... 655 00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:33,448 that you should probably drive. I drive a bike. 656 00:32:33,518 --> 00:32:37,079 Okay, Mr. Schwinn-fucking-Armstrong, who asked you to drive a bike? 657 00:32:37,155 --> 00:32:39,316 You know what, I'm not the only person in the world... 658 00:32:39,390 --> 00:32:40,550 who rides a bike. 659 00:32:40,625 --> 00:32:43,321 Yeah, everyone rides a bike, when they're fucking six. 660 00:32:43,394 --> 00:32:45,521 Why don't you kiss something? 661 00:32:45,596 --> 00:32:48,724 Because this is over, you guys, okay? 662 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,461 Can I just interject for a second? 663 00:32:50,535 --> 00:32:51,934 [Stuttering] Let me just say... 664 00:32:52,036 --> 00:32:54,402 you're putting the pussy up on this pedestal. 665 00:32:54,472 --> 00:32:55,996 You're just building the pussy up, man. 666 00:32:56,074 --> 00:32:57,473 What are you even talking about? 667 00:32:57,542 --> 00:32:59,510 "Building the pussy up," what does that mean? 668 00:32:59,577 --> 00:33:04,276 You making the pussy into this great big Greek goddess named Pussalia... 669 00:33:04,349 --> 00:33:05,543 and what you're doing is... 670 00:33:05,616 --> 00:33:08,915 you're psyching yourself into thinking it's some impossible feat. 671 00:33:08,987 --> 00:33:10,352 Yeah, I think you're right. 672 00:33:10,421 --> 00:33:12,389 I'm putting the pussy up on a pedestal. 673 00:33:12,457 --> 00:33:13,856 Right. That's it. 674 00:33:14,058 --> 00:33:15,855 It's "Pussalia," right? 675 00:33:15,927 --> 00:33:18,395 Look where you going. I don't wanna say the word anymore. 676 00:33:18,463 --> 00:33:20,727 Say what word? "Pussy. " I don't wanna say it. 677 00:33:20,798 --> 00:33:23,062 Fuck it. "Pussy" is a scientific word. 678 00:33:23,167 --> 00:33:25,260 Dude! New pants, man. 679 00:33:25,803 --> 00:33:26,792 You know what, Dave? 680 00:33:26,871 --> 00:33:29,431 You know, you said there wasn't gonna be any pressure at all. 681 00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:31,134 (David) I'm not pressuring you. Excuse me. 682 00:33:31,209 --> 00:33:32,836 Can one of you guys help me, please? 683 00:33:32,910 --> 00:33:34,468 No hablo English, lady. 684 00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:38,178 I actually am helping a customer right now. 685 00:33:38,249 --> 00:33:40,615 Okay, well... I'm on break. 686 00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:43,245 But our stock supervisor is very knowledgeable. 687 00:33:43,321 --> 00:33:45,812 He can answer all of your questions and he'd love to help you. 688 00:33:45,890 --> 00:33:46,948 Thank you. 689 00:33:47,025 --> 00:33:48,583 Have a nice day. You, too. 690 00:33:49,494 --> 00:33:53,760 Great, okay. Hi, I'm Trish. Hi, Andy is my name. 691 00:33:54,365 --> 00:33:57,459 This one looks pretty good. You don't wanna buy that VCR. 692 00:33:57,535 --> 00:33:58,524 I don't? 693 00:33:58,603 --> 00:34:00,400 No, actually to be totally honest with you... 694 00:34:00,471 --> 00:34:01,802 you don't wanna buy any VCR. 695 00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:03,568 It's a dead technology. 696 00:34:03,641 --> 00:34:07,771 It's like getting an eight-track player. 697 00:34:07,845 --> 00:34:10,245 Yeah. Or a Betamax. 698 00:34:10,314 --> 00:34:12,373 You know what, actually I'd recommend this one. 699 00:34:12,450 --> 00:34:13,576 This is a dual. 700 00:34:13,651 --> 00:34:16,711 You've got the VCR and DVD combo. 701 00:34:16,788 --> 00:34:20,315 So, you know, that technology would be probably pretty good for... 702 00:34:20,591 --> 00:34:21,717 Six months or so? Yeah. 703 00:34:21,793 --> 00:34:23,090 That's good. 704 00:34:23,227 --> 00:34:25,161 At best. Sorry. 705 00:34:25,296 --> 00:34:27,662 No. As good as it gets. 706 00:34:27,799 --> 00:34:28,993 Okay, that sounds good, then. 707 00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:30,159 Okay, all right. 708 00:34:30,234 --> 00:34:31,258 [Cal speaking Spanish] 709 00:34:31,335 --> 00:34:32,393 It's perfect. Sorry. 710 00:34:32,470 --> 00:34:33,732 Coming through. 711 00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:35,164 Okay. 712 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,969 God, you know, it's so funny, I work right across the street... 713 00:34:38,042 --> 00:34:39,475 and I've never been in this place. 714 00:34:39,544 --> 00:34:40,977 Really? Where at? Yeah. 715 00:34:41,045 --> 00:34:43,673 The "We Sell Your Stuff On eBay" store. 716 00:34:44,482 --> 00:34:46,177 Yes. And that's the name? 717 00:34:46,417 --> 00:34:48,783 Yeah, I was looking for something... 718 00:34:48,953 --> 00:34:51,820 you know, obvious. So I chose that. 719 00:34:51,889 --> 00:34:54,084 I don't understand. So, what, you do what? 720 00:34:54,459 --> 00:34:56,427 Well, I take the stuff that you don't want... 721 00:34:56,494 --> 00:34:58,587 and then I "sell" it on eBay. 722 00:34:58,663 --> 00:35:01,154 But you don't actually sell anything in the store? 723 00:35:02,133 --> 00:35:03,691 No. I don't. 724 00:35:04,435 --> 00:35:06,528 So why do you have a store? 725 00:35:06,604 --> 00:35:07,901 I don't know. 726 00:35:07,972 --> 00:35:11,237 No, I think it's because, you know, I wanna maybe look professional... 727 00:35:11,309 --> 00:35:14,278 and not like a crazy person who's just gonna steal all your shit. 728 00:35:14,345 --> 00:35:16,711 Sure. I didn't mean anything by that. 729 00:35:16,781 --> 00:35:18,248 No, it's okay. 730 00:35:18,416 --> 00:35:22,113 You know what, you should come by sometime if you want, you know... 731 00:35:22,186 --> 00:35:23,983 see it for yourself, check it out. 732 00:35:24,055 --> 00:35:25,613 I'll check out your empty store. 733 00:35:25,690 --> 00:35:28,921 Yeah, it's the one across the street that's not empty. 734 00:35:30,261 --> 00:35:31,751 Here's my number. So... 735 00:35:32,296 --> 00:35:34,764 All right. So, just anytime. 736 00:35:35,433 --> 00:35:38,300 Why do I need your number if you're across the street, though? 737 00:35:39,570 --> 00:35:42,562 I don't really have a good answer for that, Andy. I just... 738 00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,608 Sorry. Just giving it to you. 739 00:35:44,842 --> 00:35:47,936 So I'll write you up, and I'll meet you over at the register. 740 00:35:48,012 --> 00:35:49,673 Okay. And check you out... Check out. 741 00:35:49,747 --> 00:35:51,078 Okay, see you over there. Okay. 742 00:35:51,149 --> 00:35:52,138 Okay. 743 00:35:52,550 --> 00:35:54,609 Awful chatty. Hey... 744 00:35:55,019 --> 00:35:57,180 Look, I think she gave me her number. 745 00:35:57,255 --> 00:35:59,780 She wrote down her number, but I think she gave me her number. 746 00:35:59,857 --> 00:36:01,222 No, she gave you. Dude, man. 747 00:36:01,292 --> 00:36:02,884 See, you still mad at me? 748 00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:04,825 No, I was never. Right, you see what I mean? 749 00:36:04,896 --> 00:36:06,796 Yeah, we gonna celebrate it, man. Yeah. 750 00:36:06,864 --> 00:36:08,297 This is pretty cool. Yeah. 751 00:36:08,366 --> 00:36:10,300 Unbelievable. Come on, give him some credit, man. 752 00:36:10,368 --> 00:36:11,562 The man pulled a number. 753 00:36:11,636 --> 00:36:14,196 It's just... I was in... I can't believe that happened. 754 00:36:14,272 --> 00:36:15,739 What you did with you's own hand. 755 00:36:15,806 --> 00:36:17,967 Man, she just gave me her number. 756 00:36:18,142 --> 00:36:22,772 That's great, man. I'm telling you, love is a mysterious fig. 757 00:36:22,847 --> 00:36:23,871 It is. 758 00:36:23,948 --> 00:36:26,712 Okay, here's a question. When should I call her? 759 00:36:27,318 --> 00:36:28,580 You like her? Yeah. 760 00:36:28,653 --> 00:36:30,120 You definitely don't want to call her. 761 00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:31,815 When is the next Olympics? 762 00:36:31,889 --> 00:36:33,254 (Jay) So what you just got to do is... 763 00:36:33,324 --> 00:36:35,053 just get you a bunch of these hood rats... 764 00:36:35,126 --> 00:36:36,559 run through them, just knock them out. 765 00:36:36,627 --> 00:36:37,685 Boom, boom, boom. 766 00:36:37,762 --> 00:36:40,322 And once you've done slayed like 20, 30 of them hood rats... 767 00:36:40,398 --> 00:36:43,128 now you ready to go up to the upper echelon type ho. 768 00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:45,328 You know what I mean? I'm not a big ho runner. 769 00:36:45,403 --> 00:36:47,200 My uncle used to drive a ho runner. 770 00:36:47,271 --> 00:36:49,136 Screw these analogies. What he's saying is... 771 00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:51,232 you are going to be so bad at sex the first time... 772 00:36:51,309 --> 00:36:53,243 you don't want to have sex with someone you like... 773 00:36:53,311 --> 00:36:55,745 'cause they'll think you're a weirdo for being so lame at it. 774 00:36:55,813 --> 00:36:57,872 You want to have sex with hood rats first... 775 00:36:57,949 --> 00:37:00,008 so that by the time you get to the girl you do like... 776 00:37:00,084 --> 00:37:03,542 you're not terrible at sex, you'll be mediocre at it. 777 00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:05,355 Probably still pretty bad, though. 778 00:37:05,423 --> 00:37:07,653 (Jay) Let's put it up for my man for pulling that number. 779 00:37:07,725 --> 00:37:10,091 Way to go, man. Politicked his ass off. 780 00:37:10,161 --> 00:37:12,459 (Cal) You did politic. Thanks a lot. 781 00:37:12,563 --> 00:37:14,588 Like a train, round the bend. You ready? 782 00:37:25,276 --> 00:37:26,334 [Clears throat] 783 00:37:47,465 --> 00:37:48,659 [Coughing] 784 00:37:48,799 --> 00:37:49,788 Yeah. 785 00:37:50,935 --> 00:37:52,129 I can't. Do it. 786 00:37:52,203 --> 00:37:53,830 I can't pee in public. Gotta do it. 787 00:37:53,904 --> 00:37:55,496 I've got a mental block about it. 788 00:37:55,573 --> 00:37:58,770 Come on, do it. I'm shy! 789 00:38:00,244 --> 00:38:01,973 [Shouting] 790 00:38:03,014 --> 00:38:05,642 I peed in public! 791 00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:08,282 Let me out. I can't hear what you're saying. 792 00:38:08,352 --> 00:38:10,912 I don't want to be in here. It's a soundproof room. 793 00:38:11,622 --> 00:38:13,783 Just learn the techniques. Right on, man. 794 00:38:13,858 --> 00:38:15,223 [Woman moaning] 795 00:38:15,293 --> 00:38:17,158 You guys, this is not funny! 796 00:38:28,639 --> 00:38:29,765 [Sighing] 797 00:38:44,055 --> 00:38:45,522 [Ringing] 798 00:38:48,426 --> 00:38:49,415 Hello. 799 00:38:49,493 --> 00:38:50,517 [Grunting] 800 00:38:56,067 --> 00:38:57,432 Hey, what you watching? 801 00:38:57,501 --> 00:38:59,628 Dawn of the Dead, man. Great. 802 00:38:59,770 --> 00:39:01,863 The store is slow. Paula's gone. 803 00:39:01,939 --> 00:39:04,339 Yo, is Paula back? No. She's not here. 804 00:39:04,809 --> 00:39:06,777 She said we can't watch this in here. You sure? 805 00:39:06,844 --> 00:39:09,210 I know. Can I ask you something in confidence? 806 00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:11,339 I know this is gonna sound weird. 807 00:39:12,049 --> 00:39:13,539 Am I good-looking? 808 00:39:13,617 --> 00:39:15,346 Do you think a woman will find me attractive? 809 00:39:15,419 --> 00:39:17,114 [Snarls] Oh, my God! 810 00:39:17,888 --> 00:39:20,482 Oh, my God, the blood just... Okay, never mind. 811 00:39:20,558 --> 00:39:22,389 Wait, Andy. Hold up. 812 00:39:22,460 --> 00:39:25,452 Listen, this is embarrassing for me. This is hard to talk about. 813 00:39:25,529 --> 00:39:27,997 Are you ready for my honest answer? Yes. 814 00:39:28,399 --> 00:39:30,765 Yeah. I think you're a good-looking cat. 815 00:39:31,535 --> 00:39:33,093 I don't think that anybody knows it... 816 00:39:33,170 --> 00:39:34,762 and I don't think anybody can see it. 817 00:39:34,839 --> 00:39:35,999 Well, that's why I'm asking you. 818 00:39:36,073 --> 00:39:38,598 You seem really well-groomed and really put together. 819 00:39:38,676 --> 00:39:41,372 I mean, look, dude. You think this was an accident? 820 00:39:41,712 --> 00:39:44,237 All of this right here? Premeditated, partner. 821 00:39:44,315 --> 00:39:47,716 You gotta highlight your attributes, like a diamond in the rough. 822 00:39:47,785 --> 00:39:49,514 You willing to make some sacrifices? 823 00:39:49,587 --> 00:39:50,645 Absolutely. 824 00:39:50,721 --> 00:39:53,519 You see that whole Teen Wolf thing you got going right there? 825 00:39:53,591 --> 00:39:55,456 You need to wax that right out. 826 00:39:55,526 --> 00:39:57,391 Does it hurt? No. Waxing don't hurt. 827 00:39:57,461 --> 00:39:59,452 I mean, not unless you're a bitch. You know what I mean? 828 00:39:59,530 --> 00:40:01,020 It didn't hurt me. I get it done all the time. 829 00:40:01,098 --> 00:40:02,793 [Screaming] What the fuck! 830 00:40:02,867 --> 00:40:03,856 [Exclaiming] 831 00:40:06,303 --> 00:40:08,203 Fuck that nigger up! 832 00:40:09,140 --> 00:40:11,608 Bitch, get out of the room! 833 00:40:14,545 --> 00:40:16,570 (Jay) This is gonna be good. 834 00:40:16,647 --> 00:40:18,877 This the one right here, right? Hi, how are you? 835 00:40:18,949 --> 00:40:20,974 So this is your first time getting body waxed? 836 00:40:21,051 --> 00:40:22,109 Yes, it is. 837 00:40:22,186 --> 00:40:24,279 Take off your shirt. Okay. 838 00:40:27,658 --> 00:40:29,558 We're gonna need more wax. 839 00:40:29,627 --> 00:40:31,959 I'm staying. This is gonna be good. 840 00:40:32,596 --> 00:40:35,394 And clear all my appointments in the afternoon. 841 00:40:35,633 --> 00:40:36,964 Here we go. 842 00:40:37,301 --> 00:40:38,632 That feels warm. 843 00:40:41,772 --> 00:40:44,866 (David) I like your sweater. Does that come in a V-neck? 844 00:40:46,243 --> 00:40:48,734 (Cal) She starts doing his pubes, I'm out of here. 845 00:40:50,714 --> 00:40:52,306 (Jay) You gonna look good after this, man. 846 00:40:52,383 --> 00:40:53,611 Thanks, man. 847 00:40:53,984 --> 00:40:55,349 So, ready? Yeah. 848 00:40:56,854 --> 00:40:59,186 [Speaks foreign language] 849 00:41:00,124 --> 00:41:01,386 [Screaming] 850 00:41:01,459 --> 00:41:03,324 You fucker! 851 00:41:04,462 --> 00:41:07,056 I'm sorry. That's just your job. 852 00:41:07,131 --> 00:41:10,589 You want me to stop now? No. It's okay. 853 00:41:12,102 --> 00:41:13,330 Let's do another one. 854 00:41:13,404 --> 00:41:15,065 That one little patch looks sexy though. 855 00:41:15,139 --> 00:41:17,164 Does it look good? (Cal) Yeah, it looks really good. 856 00:41:17,274 --> 00:41:18,298 [Exclaiming] 857 00:41:18,375 --> 00:41:20,741 (David) It looks man-tastic. 858 00:41:21,912 --> 00:41:23,072 (Andy) Okay. 859 00:41:24,715 --> 00:41:28,344 Wow! I didn't expect that at all. I really didn't expect that. 860 00:41:28,919 --> 00:41:31,319 (Jay) You got it. The first one is the only one that hurts. 861 00:41:31,388 --> 00:41:33,856 Yeah. Those hairs are pretty deep. 862 00:41:33,924 --> 00:41:35,016 Okay. 863 00:41:35,326 --> 00:41:36,953 You ready? Yup. 864 00:41:37,061 --> 00:41:38,528 [Speaks foreign language] 865 00:41:38,662 --> 00:41:40,391 [Screaming] 866 00:41:40,764 --> 00:41:42,527 Sucker motherfucker! 867 00:41:42,967 --> 00:41:45,265 You shithead! I hate you! 868 00:41:45,336 --> 00:41:47,133 I hate you so much! 869 00:41:48,272 --> 00:41:49,500 That one hurt. 870 00:41:49,573 --> 00:41:51,939 That one hurt just as much as the first one. 871 00:41:52,009 --> 00:41:54,000 That's great, man. Man! 872 00:41:54,078 --> 00:41:55,238 [Exhaling] 873 00:41:55,913 --> 00:41:58,177 One, two, three. 874 00:41:58,249 --> 00:41:59,238 [Grunting] 875 00:41:59,350 --> 00:42:03,343 Fuck me! 876 00:42:03,787 --> 00:42:07,279 In the asshole! 877 00:42:07,424 --> 00:42:09,415 [Andy exclaiming] 878 00:42:09,493 --> 00:42:10,619 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 879 00:42:10,694 --> 00:42:12,286 I really don't swear this much. 880 00:42:12,363 --> 00:42:13,796 You know what, I got a weak stomach. 881 00:42:13,864 --> 00:42:15,661 That's all I can really take. I'll see ya'll. 882 00:42:15,733 --> 00:42:18,099 (Andy) Jay. Be tough, Andy, you got it. 883 00:42:18,168 --> 00:42:20,261 Where did Jay go? (David) He went to throw up. 884 00:42:20,337 --> 00:42:21,599 Ready? Yup. 885 00:42:22,306 --> 00:42:23,364 One, two. 886 00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:24,498 [Gasping] 887 00:42:24,575 --> 00:42:26,839 Cocksucker motherfucker! 888 00:42:26,977 --> 00:42:28,638 You pulled on two. 889 00:42:29,914 --> 00:42:31,575 Why didn't you pull on three? 890 00:42:31,649 --> 00:42:32,980 Freddy pie hole! 891 00:42:33,083 --> 00:42:34,482 [Andy exclaiming in Spanish] 892 00:42:34,718 --> 00:42:36,618 No! Kelly Clarkson! 893 00:42:37,021 --> 00:42:38,682 [Screaming] 894 00:42:41,825 --> 00:42:43,588 [Andy screaming] Ya'll done or ya'll... 895 00:42:43,661 --> 00:42:45,185 That's fucked up. (Andy) Oh, shit falls! 896 00:42:45,262 --> 00:42:46,388 That's fucked up. 897 00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,334 I hate you. 898 00:42:51,402 --> 00:42:53,768 Stop smiling, you jerk! 899 00:42:53,837 --> 00:42:55,031 You pussy. 900 00:42:55,105 --> 00:42:57,198 Oh, God. What's next? 901 00:42:57,575 --> 00:42:59,805 You're doing the nipple. (Cal) Not the nipple. 902 00:42:59,877 --> 00:43:01,606 Come on. Not the nipple. 903 00:43:01,679 --> 00:43:03,374 Please, Cal, hold my hand. 904 00:43:03,781 --> 00:43:06,579 You kidding me, man? Hold my goddamn hand, man. 905 00:43:07,151 --> 00:43:09,415 Do it! Just hold. Okay, here we go. 906 00:43:09,486 --> 00:43:10,612 [Exhaling] 907 00:43:10,688 --> 00:43:11,712 (woman) Ready? 908 00:43:12,389 --> 00:43:13,686 No. Yup. 909 00:43:13,757 --> 00:43:15,691 One, two, three. 910 00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:18,660 [Screaming] Nipple fuck! 911 00:43:20,030 --> 00:43:22,498 Mika, you should burn in hell! 912 00:43:22,967 --> 00:43:25,629 Okay, all right. No, seriously, I think I'm done. 913 00:43:25,703 --> 00:43:28,069 I think we're done. I think that's good. 914 00:43:28,405 --> 00:43:29,394 [Panting] 915 00:43:30,207 --> 00:43:31,538 You know what, guys... 916 00:43:31,609 --> 00:43:34,134 this is not a good look for me! 917 00:43:34,545 --> 00:43:36,376 You look like a man-o'- lantern. 918 00:43:36,447 --> 00:43:38,415 Thank you very much. Appreciate it. Thank you. 919 00:43:53,631 --> 00:43:54,859 [Screaming] 920 00:43:57,968 --> 00:43:59,697 (Cal) Thank you very much. You're welcome. 921 00:43:59,770 --> 00:44:01,362 Thank you. Thanks. 922 00:44:01,839 --> 00:44:03,898 Andy, I owe you an apology, man. 923 00:44:03,974 --> 00:44:07,410 I wasn't very nice to you for the past two-and-a-half years. 924 00:44:07,478 --> 00:44:08,604 You were nice to me. 925 00:44:08,679 --> 00:44:11,341 No, I was... I thought you were really boring and... 926 00:44:11,415 --> 00:44:13,713 I kind of thought you were a serial killer. 927 00:44:13,784 --> 00:44:14,773 [Laughs] 928 00:44:15,019 --> 00:44:16,418 I'm not joking. 929 00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:19,787 Hey! Sorry. Shoot. Sorry, sorry. 930 00:44:19,857 --> 00:44:22,189 Don't worry. There's a lot of padding in these. 931 00:44:22,259 --> 00:44:24,625 I could hurl it off the balcony, it would be fine. 932 00:44:24,695 --> 00:44:26,424 Yeah. It will be fine. We couldn't break this... 933 00:44:26,497 --> 00:44:27,555 if we tried. No problem. 934 00:44:27,631 --> 00:44:29,724 Look, you shouldn't listen to Dave and Jay, okay? 935 00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:32,894 Those guys are crazy. You should listen to me, okay? 936 00:44:32,970 --> 00:44:35,939 Look, there is a hot-ass girl who works right there. 937 00:44:36,006 --> 00:44:39,339 There she is, in the bookstore. You should ask her out, man. 938 00:44:41,311 --> 00:44:43,142 Something wrong with her underpants. 939 00:44:43,247 --> 00:44:44,714 (Cal) Yeah, they're not in my mouth. 940 00:44:44,782 --> 00:44:46,750 You know, I kind of... 941 00:44:47,985 --> 00:44:50,180 like the woman from the eBay store. 942 00:44:50,354 --> 00:44:51,378 That's great, but... 943 00:44:51,455 --> 00:44:52,752 you're not gonna get with anyone... 944 00:44:52,823 --> 00:44:54,450 unless you play the odds on this, man. 945 00:44:54,525 --> 00:44:56,425 You need to plant a lot of seeds. 946 00:44:56,493 --> 00:44:59,985 It's like this. When I was growing pot, I realized... 947 00:45:00,531 --> 00:45:03,625 that the more seeds I planted... Thank you. 948 00:45:03,734 --> 00:45:06,032 ...the more pot I could ultimately smoke. 949 00:45:06,103 --> 00:45:09,334 I think I have all the advice that I can handle right now. 950 00:45:09,406 --> 00:45:10,498 Don't get bitter. 951 00:45:10,574 --> 00:45:13,441 I'm not bitter. I almost lost a nipple, okay? 952 00:45:13,510 --> 00:45:15,307 That was Jay's idea, okay? 953 00:45:15,379 --> 00:45:17,973 And I wasn't going to say anything, but waxing your chest is... 954 00:45:18,048 --> 00:45:20,539 like the gayest thing you could possibly do, okay? 955 00:45:20,617 --> 00:45:24,348 Look at me. Looks are not important. Really look at me. 956 00:45:24,455 --> 00:45:27,390 I am ugly as fuck by traditional standards... 957 00:45:27,458 --> 00:45:29,892 but I get with women. 958 00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:32,087 Aren't you curious as to how that's possible? 959 00:45:32,162 --> 00:45:34,392 I am not ugly as fuck. 960 00:45:34,465 --> 00:45:36,296 I didn't say you were ugly as... 961 00:45:36,366 --> 00:45:37,833 Well, you implied it. Okay. 962 00:45:37,901 --> 00:45:40,495 It doesn't matter if you're ugly as fuck or you're ugly as shit. 963 00:45:40,571 --> 00:45:43,665 It's about talking to women, and I know how to do that... 964 00:45:43,741 --> 00:45:47,108 because I observe, because I am a novelist. 965 00:45:47,778 --> 00:45:49,678 What? You never told me that before. 966 00:45:49,747 --> 00:45:52,545 That's because I am not an arrogant prick, Andy. 967 00:45:52,649 --> 00:45:55,049 Okay? The problem most men have is... 968 00:45:55,385 --> 00:45:56,875 they don't know how to talk to women. 969 00:45:56,954 --> 00:46:00,651 You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. 970 00:46:00,791 --> 00:46:03,385 What am I supposed to say? "I went to magic camp?" 971 00:46:03,761 --> 00:46:05,558 "I'm an accomplished ventriloquist?" 972 00:46:05,629 --> 00:46:08,757 "I am a seventh-degree imperial yo-yo master. " 973 00:46:08,832 --> 00:46:09,821 [Exclaims] 974 00:46:09,900 --> 00:46:11,925 Do me, yo-yo master. 975 00:46:12,002 --> 00:46:15,802 I want you to do me, 'cause you're the yo-yo guy. 976 00:46:16,140 --> 00:46:17,368 Are you done? Listen. 977 00:46:17,441 --> 00:46:19,375 The problem most men have is... 978 00:46:19,443 --> 00:46:22,901 they just plain straight up have no clue how to talk to women. 979 00:46:23,313 --> 00:46:26,214 Just ask a question, okay? That's it. 980 00:46:26,350 --> 00:46:29,547 Because women do not care about what you have to say... 981 00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:31,087 at all anyway, you know. 982 00:46:31,155 --> 00:46:33,180 And all they want to do is talk about themselves. 983 00:46:33,257 --> 00:46:34,986 So you're just gonna let them do that. 984 00:46:35,058 --> 00:46:36,685 Okay? So remember. 985 00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:39,991 Questions, be cool, and be kind of a dick. 986 00:46:40,063 --> 00:46:43,191 Here, be David Caruso in Jade. 987 00:46:43,700 --> 00:46:45,861 Okay. I know exactly what you're talking about. 988 00:46:45,936 --> 00:46:47,426 You do. That's good. 989 00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:50,638 (Cal) There she is. 990 00:46:53,477 --> 00:46:55,206 Go plant that seed, man. 991 00:46:55,813 --> 00:46:57,576 Plant it with your finger. 992 00:47:09,793 --> 00:47:11,226 Can I help you? 993 00:47:13,263 --> 00:47:14,890 I don't know. Can you? 994 00:47:16,567 --> 00:47:18,535 Are you looking for something? 995 00:47:19,903 --> 00:47:22,531 Is there something I should be looking for? 996 00:47:23,874 --> 00:47:25,102 [Laughs] 997 00:47:26,810 --> 00:47:28,368 We have a lot of books. 998 00:47:28,812 --> 00:47:31,906 So, maybe it depends on what you like. 999 00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:38,387 What do you like? 1000 00:47:38,655 --> 00:47:42,147 We have a great section of... 1001 00:47:42,659 --> 00:47:44,126 do-it-yourself. 1002 00:47:44,194 --> 00:47:46,560 Do you like to "do it yourself"? 1003 00:47:47,497 --> 00:47:49,658 Sometimes. I mean... 1004 00:47:50,234 --> 00:47:53,795 if the mood strikes. 1005 00:47:55,072 --> 00:47:57,233 How is the mood striking you now? 1006 00:47:57,674 --> 00:47:59,073 [Laughing] 1007 00:48:00,711 --> 00:48:01,939 [Tittering] 1008 00:48:04,181 --> 00:48:05,648 What's your name? 1009 00:48:06,383 --> 00:48:07,577 What's your name? 1010 00:48:07,651 --> 00:48:09,710 I'm Beth. 1011 00:48:12,422 --> 00:48:13,548 Andy. 1012 00:48:14,825 --> 00:48:15,951 Andy. 1013 00:48:18,629 --> 00:48:21,223 Don't tell on me, okay, Andy? I wont. 1014 00:48:22,933 --> 00:48:25,265 Unless you want to be told on... 1015 00:48:26,136 --> 00:48:27,125 Beth. 1016 00:48:29,940 --> 00:48:31,532 Wow. That totally worked! 1017 00:48:31,608 --> 00:48:33,735 I literally said nothing. And she found me fascinating. 1018 00:48:33,810 --> 00:48:35,641 I would've thought you were doing that for years. 1019 00:48:35,712 --> 00:48:37,441 Should I have asked her out? No. That's the key. 1020 00:48:37,514 --> 00:48:38,947 You wait for it to grow into a plant... 1021 00:48:39,016 --> 00:48:40,506 and then you fuck the plant. 1022 00:48:44,588 --> 00:48:45,646 Okay. 1023 00:48:46,523 --> 00:48:47,751 This is easy. 1024 00:48:48,592 --> 00:48:49,923 All right. 1025 00:48:50,427 --> 00:48:53,055 Hello, Trish. How you doing? What's going on? 1026 00:48:53,397 --> 00:48:54,386 [Laughing] 1027 00:48:54,698 --> 00:48:55,858 Good joke. 1028 00:48:55,933 --> 00:48:57,696 This is a fun conversation. 1029 00:48:57,768 --> 00:49:00,134 Just grow a backbone and call her. 1030 00:49:00,270 --> 00:49:02,864 She asked you to call her. She wants you to call her. 1031 00:49:08,645 --> 00:49:09,976 [Telephone ringing] 1032 00:49:10,047 --> 00:49:11,014 Hello. 1033 00:49:11,548 --> 00:49:12,913 Hey, how you doing? 1034 00:49:14,851 --> 00:49:16,648 How you doing? I'm well. 1035 00:49:17,054 --> 00:49:18,487 Who is this? 1036 00:49:19,189 --> 00:49:22,215 This is James. James. Do I know you, James? 1037 00:49:22,292 --> 00:49:23,452 [Grunting] 1038 00:49:23,794 --> 00:49:25,819 I was wondering whether you had a few minutes... 1039 00:49:25,896 --> 00:49:27,796 to talk about a little laundry detergent. 1040 00:49:27,864 --> 00:49:29,991 Are you a telemarketer, James? 1041 00:49:30,233 --> 00:49:31,257 Yep. 1042 00:49:31,335 --> 00:49:32,666 Are you at the top of a tall building? 1043 00:49:32,736 --> 00:49:35,170 Can you get to a roof quickly? Jump off! 1044 00:49:35,238 --> 00:49:36,398 I mean, you people are sick. 1045 00:49:36,473 --> 00:49:38,270 Get a real fucking job, why don't you? 1046 00:49:38,342 --> 00:49:39,900 Go shoot yourself in the fucking head. 1047 00:49:39,977 --> 00:49:42,810 Hey, why don't you just, you know, get a knife and run into it? 1048 00:49:42,879 --> 00:49:44,278 Why don't you do that, huh? 1049 00:49:44,348 --> 00:49:45,645 Okay. I'll see you later, James. 1050 00:49:45,716 --> 00:49:49,049 Nice to talk to you. Fuck your mother, okay? Bye-bye. 1051 00:49:50,787 --> 00:49:51,776 Oh. 1052 00:49:51,855 --> 00:49:53,083 [Doorbell ringing] 1053 00:49:54,992 --> 00:49:57,358 Hey, man. Got a big box of porn for you. 1054 00:49:59,129 --> 00:50:01,461 Can I come in? Yeah. 1055 00:50:02,232 --> 00:50:03,256 [Sighs] 1056 00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:05,300 Sweet video game chair. 1057 00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:10,501 So what's in the box? 1058 00:50:10,574 --> 00:50:12,940 It's my personal collection of erotica. 1059 00:50:13,343 --> 00:50:14,469 I want to give it to you. 1060 00:50:14,544 --> 00:50:17,479 I think there might be a few tapes in there that just might open up... 1061 00:50:17,547 --> 00:50:19,071 Pandora's box of love. 1062 00:50:19,149 --> 00:50:20,173 Okay. 1063 00:50:20,250 --> 00:50:23,048 Amy and I, we used to watch Harry Twatter... 1064 00:50:23,153 --> 00:50:24,643 and we'd put it on the television... 1065 00:50:24,721 --> 00:50:26,655 and then act it out as it was going on... 1066 00:50:26,723 --> 00:50:28,350 and it was... 1067 00:50:30,394 --> 00:50:31,918 She's adorable. 1068 00:50:32,863 --> 00:50:34,296 Fucking bitch. 1069 00:50:34,364 --> 00:50:36,389 Well, you know, this is really gracious and kind... 1070 00:50:36,466 --> 00:50:37,626 and generous and everything. 1071 00:50:37,701 --> 00:50:40,431 But I just don't want a big box of porn in my apartment. 1072 00:50:40,504 --> 00:50:42,938 There's some really great stuff in here. 1073 00:50:43,006 --> 00:50:45,372 Really great movies in here, man. 1074 00:50:45,642 --> 00:50:47,166 Hey, did you ever see School of Rock? 1075 00:50:47,244 --> 00:50:48,711 Yeah. Well, this is... 1076 00:50:48,779 --> 00:50:50,406 It's called School of... 1077 00:50:50,747 --> 00:50:51,873 You know... 1078 00:50:52,182 --> 00:50:55,549 That's nice. But it stars Jack Black Cock. 1079 00:50:56,420 --> 00:50:57,614 That makes sense. 1080 00:50:57,687 --> 00:50:59,518 Dude, here it is. 1081 00:50:59,589 --> 00:51:02,149 Boner Jams '03. It's a mixed tape I made. 1082 00:51:02,225 --> 00:51:06,321 All these great scenes that I was really into in the summer of 2003. 1083 00:51:06,630 --> 00:51:09,394 I think you'd really dig it. Yeah. Now I can see that. 1084 00:51:09,466 --> 00:51:10,990 This is... 1085 00:51:11,268 --> 00:51:12,701 Everybody Loves Raymond. 1086 00:51:12,769 --> 00:51:14,202 That's probably not supposed to be... 1087 00:51:14,271 --> 00:51:16,068 This is a good show. I just tape it sometimes. 1088 00:51:16,139 --> 00:51:18,198 Well, I don't think you understand something, Dave. 1089 00:51:18,275 --> 00:51:22,735 I don't want this stuff, okay? Because I don't do that, that much. 1090 00:51:22,813 --> 00:51:24,781 What, masturbate? Yeah. 1091 00:51:25,882 --> 00:51:28,248 Dude, I've jacked it twice since I've been here. 1092 00:51:28,318 --> 00:51:31,412 Are you kidding me? Why not? It's not a hobby of mine. 1093 00:51:31,488 --> 00:51:33,820 Well, then, that's the only hobby you don't have. 1094 00:51:33,890 --> 00:51:36,290 No, seriously, I just don't feel comfortable talking about... 1095 00:51:36,359 --> 00:51:37,451 You need to. You're wound up. 1096 00:51:37,527 --> 00:51:39,119 You're like one of these action figures... 1097 00:51:39,196 --> 00:51:40,925 all hermetically sealed in your box. 1098 00:51:40,997 --> 00:51:43,363 You gotta play with... Don't! 1099 00:51:43,433 --> 00:51:44,525 Don't take it out! 1100 00:51:44,601 --> 00:51:47,229 I'm sorry. You know what, it's just... 1101 00:51:47,370 --> 00:51:50,066 It loses its value if you take it out of its packaging. 1102 00:51:50,140 --> 00:51:53,268 I'm just saying, let it out. Give it some air, man. Play with it. 1103 00:51:53,343 --> 00:51:56,005 Take your porn with you. I'm not taking it. 1104 00:51:56,079 --> 00:51:57,740 Take your box-o-porn. 1105 00:51:57,814 --> 00:52:00,612 It's my gift to you. No. I don't want it. 1106 00:52:00,884 --> 00:52:02,044 David, it's not... 1107 00:52:02,119 --> 00:52:03,177 Andy, for the last time... 1108 00:52:03,253 --> 00:52:05,118 I don't want your giant box of pornography. 1109 00:52:05,188 --> 00:52:07,486 No, no, no! Come on, man. 1110 00:52:07,757 --> 00:52:09,054 So uncool. 1111 00:52:09,659 --> 00:52:10,853 Uncool? 1112 00:52:11,895 --> 00:52:15,695 Uncool is trying to give an honest man a big box of porn, Andy. 1113 00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:18,932 (David) For the last time, I don't want to watch... 1114 00:52:19,002 --> 00:52:20,663 School of Cock with you. 1115 00:52:21,071 --> 00:52:24,006 ##[Hello playing] 1116 00:53:30,740 --> 00:53:32,640 It's nothing official. 1117 00:53:33,610 --> 00:53:36,602 Just a little token of my appreciation. 1118 00:53:39,716 --> 00:53:41,149 [Tape forwarding] 1119 00:53:45,121 --> 00:53:46,315 [Woman moaning] 1120 00:53:48,491 --> 00:53:49,480 [Sighs] 1121 00:53:57,500 --> 00:54:00,799 Hi, Andy. I'm gonna talk dirty to you. 1122 00:54:00,870 --> 00:54:05,170 I want to have lots of sexy sex with you. 1123 00:54:05,342 --> 00:54:09,403 I want to touch your big, fat noodle... 1124 00:54:09,512 --> 00:54:13,380 'cause I want to have naughty intercourse with you. 1125 00:54:13,617 --> 00:54:17,553 I want you to put your penis on, I mean, in me, Andy. 1126 00:54:17,854 --> 00:54:21,255 I want to do lots of, lots of sexy... 1127 00:54:21,324 --> 00:54:24,020 hot things with you. Shit. 1128 00:54:24,794 --> 00:54:27,888 This really isn't working, Andy. I don't know what to say... 1129 00:54:27,964 --> 00:54:29,397 because I am you. 1130 00:54:29,466 --> 00:54:30,455 [Exclaiming] 1131 00:54:31,501 --> 00:54:32,866 (Andy) Okay. New tape. 1132 00:54:35,138 --> 00:54:37,971 Nothing is ever good enough and it's always our fault. 1133 00:54:38,041 --> 00:54:39,906 Hey, you can't speak to your mother like that. 1134 00:54:39,976 --> 00:54:41,841 You do. She's not my mother. 1135 00:54:45,048 --> 00:54:46,037 [Traffic humming] 1136 00:54:46,850 --> 00:54:49,182 I heard Dave gave you the box of porn. 1137 00:54:49,552 --> 00:54:50,610 Yeah, he did. 1138 00:54:52,022 --> 00:54:53,990 You ever watch, like, Primetime Live... 1139 00:54:54,057 --> 00:54:56,082 when they take a black light into a hotel room... 1140 00:54:56,159 --> 00:54:58,650 and show you all the semen all over the bedspread? 1141 00:54:59,262 --> 00:55:00,251 Yeah. 1142 00:55:00,864 --> 00:55:03,025 You blind someone with that box. 1143 00:55:03,633 --> 00:55:05,464 Could see that thing from space. 1144 00:55:09,005 --> 00:55:11,599 This right here, you looking at the Bentley of big screen TVs. 1145 00:55:11,675 --> 00:55:14,041 I'm talking about, this is the Rolls-Royce of big screen... 1146 00:55:14,110 --> 00:55:15,099 [exclaiming] 1147 00:55:15,645 --> 00:55:18,079 Sometimes, I think these butterflies are in here. 1148 00:55:18,581 --> 00:55:20,515 I think he might be fooling us all, though. 1149 00:55:20,583 --> 00:55:21,515 Really? 1150 00:55:21,584 --> 00:55:23,779 I actually think he might be, like, some genius... 1151 00:55:23,853 --> 00:55:25,946 and this is like some big, like, hilarious... 1152 00:55:26,022 --> 00:55:29,014 Like he's bored at work and he just wanted to kick up some shit... 1153 00:55:29,092 --> 00:55:30,457 so he told us all he's a virgin. 1154 00:55:30,527 --> 00:55:32,620 You're seeing that a lot of stuff that's not there. 1155 00:55:32,696 --> 00:55:34,664 You're just projecting all over him. 1156 00:55:34,864 --> 00:55:36,422 He might be an idiot savant... 1157 00:55:36,499 --> 00:55:39,491 but he's not, like, clever enough to go that deep. 1158 00:55:39,569 --> 00:55:40,934 But he's got a great body. 1159 00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:43,336 Would you fuck him? In a New York minute. 1160 00:55:43,406 --> 00:55:45,033 You would fuck him? Absolutely. 1161 00:55:47,344 --> 00:55:49,141 Hey, Andy, what are you doing for lunch? 1162 00:55:49,579 --> 00:55:51,774 I don't know. I have a turkey sandwich. 1163 00:55:51,848 --> 00:55:54,681 We're gonna go around the corner. I think you should come with us. 1164 00:55:54,751 --> 00:55:57,549 There's this great place. A lot of cute girls. 1165 00:55:57,954 --> 00:55:59,421 I don't know. Okay. 1166 00:56:00,357 --> 00:56:02,257 We brought you a shirt. 1167 00:56:02,692 --> 00:56:04,489 This place is pretty fancy. 1168 00:56:05,795 --> 00:56:06,819 Something going on? 1169 00:56:06,896 --> 00:56:08,727 Hey, who's ready to have some fun? 1170 00:56:08,832 --> 00:56:10,094 [People cheering] 1171 00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:12,199 Hey, guys... 1172 00:56:13,636 --> 00:56:16,104 No, don't ignore me. I know what this is. 1173 00:56:16,172 --> 00:56:18,663 Within one hour, you'll each have 20 dates. 1174 00:56:18,808 --> 00:56:22,107 Don't... Please don't do this. I saw this on Primetime Live. 1175 00:56:22,245 --> 00:56:23,974 All right, ninja master. 1176 00:56:24,381 --> 00:56:26,372 We've given you all the advice we have to give. 1177 00:56:26,449 --> 00:56:27,643 Now you gonna put it in action. 1178 00:56:27,717 --> 00:56:29,685 Advice? You guys all gave me different advice. 1179 00:56:29,753 --> 00:56:31,653 He thinks you're a pothead. I am. 1180 00:56:31,821 --> 00:56:34,881 Dude. Hey, partner. What are you whining about? 1181 00:56:34,958 --> 00:56:37,119 You asked for this shit. No, I didn't. 1182 00:56:37,193 --> 00:56:39,024 Will you just quit whining like a bitch? 1183 00:56:39,095 --> 00:56:41,620 I'm not whining like a bitch. You are whining like a bitch. 1184 00:56:41,698 --> 00:56:44,690 And you about to cram like 10 years of pimpage into one day. 1185 00:56:44,768 --> 00:56:47,635 I don't want to cram pimpage. And after that... 1186 00:56:48,071 --> 00:56:49,800 you on my level. Come on. 1187 00:56:49,873 --> 00:56:52,341 (Cal) Just ask questions. This is a bad idea. 1188 00:56:52,409 --> 00:56:53,398 [Buzzing] 1189 00:56:53,943 --> 00:56:55,240 [People chattering] 1190 00:56:55,345 --> 00:56:56,676 (woman) Hi. Hi. How are you? 1191 00:56:56,746 --> 00:56:57,974 I'm fine. 1192 00:56:59,149 --> 00:57:00,343 Are you fine? 1193 00:57:01,117 --> 00:57:02,141 Yeah. 1194 00:57:03,019 --> 00:57:04,646 You're fine then? 1195 00:57:05,321 --> 00:57:08,484 Are you fucking retarded? What the hell's the matter with you? 1196 00:57:08,825 --> 00:57:10,383 Do you want me to be fucking retarded? 1197 00:57:10,460 --> 00:57:11,484 [Buzzer sounding] 1198 00:57:11,561 --> 00:57:13,927 When I look into the eyes of the children and the parents... 1199 00:57:13,997 --> 00:57:15,430 and they are smiling and saying: 1200 00:57:15,498 --> 00:57:17,762 "Thank you, Dr. Montalban, you saved my child"... 1201 00:57:17,834 --> 00:57:18,926 it was worth it. 1202 00:57:19,002 --> 00:57:20,060 [Buzzer sounding] 1203 00:57:21,805 --> 00:57:22,931 Amy... 1204 00:57:23,606 --> 00:57:25,733 what are you doing here? David. 1205 00:57:27,110 --> 00:57:29,442 And you are Gina? Gina. 1206 00:57:29,546 --> 00:57:31,241 Hey, what's up? Nothing. 1207 00:57:31,381 --> 00:57:33,941 Look, I'm going to be real honest with you. 1208 00:57:34,017 --> 00:57:36,508 It's been a long time since I've been with a man. 1209 00:57:36,586 --> 00:57:39,248 Spent a lot of time with the ladies. 1210 00:57:39,322 --> 00:57:41,756 Looking to get back up on that pogo stick. 1211 00:57:41,825 --> 00:57:43,793 You know what I'm saying? Excuse me. 1212 00:57:43,860 --> 00:57:47,819 Remember that time when we made love and you cried in my arms? 1213 00:57:47,897 --> 00:57:50,331 Please don't reminisce about the times we fucked, please. 1214 00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:52,265 It's so creepy. Let's go to Paris. 1215 00:57:52,335 --> 00:57:55,168 I want to take you underneath the Eiffel Tower and make love to you. 1216 00:57:55,238 --> 00:57:56,500 Cut it out. Cut what out? 1217 00:57:56,573 --> 00:57:59,133 This go to Paris! We've been broken up for like two years, man. 1218 00:57:59,209 --> 00:58:00,642 I don't want to date you anymore. 1219 00:58:00,710 --> 00:58:02,337 You're a whore. I am not a whore. 1220 00:58:02,412 --> 00:58:04,039 I just didn't like you. 1221 00:58:04,113 --> 00:58:05,239 This is so us. 1222 00:58:05,315 --> 00:58:06,304 [Laughs] 1223 00:58:06,382 --> 00:58:07,406 [Snickering] 1224 00:58:07,484 --> 00:58:09,076 Psycho talk. What? 1225 00:58:09,152 --> 00:58:10,983 You're a good-looking man. Thank you. 1226 00:58:11,054 --> 00:58:13,454 Very pretty. Real soft, delicate features. 1227 00:58:13,523 --> 00:58:16,014 You're real feminine, you know, which is good for me... 1228 00:58:16,092 --> 00:58:18,754 because that would be a simple sort of transition. 1229 00:58:18,828 --> 00:58:20,022 You know what I'm saying? 1230 00:58:20,096 --> 00:58:23,259 Maybe throw a little rouge on you, tuck your sac back. 1231 00:58:23,333 --> 00:58:24,891 You game? No. 1232 00:58:24,968 --> 00:58:25,957 [Buzzer sounding] 1233 00:58:26,035 --> 00:58:29,766 You need to stop fucking around with my friend, okay? 1234 00:58:29,839 --> 00:58:32,706 Because you're giving him hope, and it's driving the man crazy. 1235 00:58:32,775 --> 00:58:35,835 I moved, I changed my e-mail address, my phone number. 1236 00:58:35,912 --> 00:58:37,311 He's practically stalking me. 1237 00:58:37,380 --> 00:58:39,814 Well, I didn't know all that. So, I'm sorry. 1238 00:58:39,916 --> 00:58:41,008 [Buzzer sounding] 1239 00:58:41,084 --> 00:58:42,210 I love Minnesota. 1240 00:58:42,285 --> 00:58:44,879 (woman) I grew up in a town outside of Minneapolis... 1241 00:58:44,954 --> 00:58:47,821 with a population of, like, 500 people. Really small. 1242 00:58:47,891 --> 00:58:50,155 Yeah, it's like the Land of a Thousand Lakes. 1243 00:58:50,226 --> 00:58:52,990 What about you? You're used to, like, a really big city. 1244 00:58:53,129 --> 00:58:55,324 Really... God, yes. 1245 00:58:56,432 --> 00:58:59,765 The town that I grew up in was really small. I mean... 1246 00:58:59,903 --> 00:59:02,770 you know, it was just so safe. There was no crime. 1247 00:59:02,839 --> 00:59:06,036 I mean, a girl could just walk from one end of town to the other... 1248 00:59:06,109 --> 00:59:08,942 and just, you know, feel completely safe. 1249 00:59:09,679 --> 00:59:10,907 [Coughing] 1250 00:59:10,980 --> 00:59:12,038 [Buzzer sounding] 1251 00:59:12,115 --> 00:59:13,446 (Jay) You suppose he's had enough? 1252 00:59:13,516 --> 00:59:15,950 Spank bank has once again been filled. 1253 00:59:16,853 --> 00:59:18,377 (Cal) I'll tell you who's the hottest. 1254 00:59:18,454 --> 00:59:21,548 You're gonna think I'm crazy. Let me tell you. Gina. 1255 00:59:21,958 --> 00:59:24,984 Can't get va-Gina out of my head. Va-Gina all week. 1256 00:59:34,837 --> 00:59:36,236 You know what's a fun game? Huh? 1257 00:59:36,306 --> 00:59:38,240 You take three Excedrin PMs... 1258 00:59:38,308 --> 00:59:41,038 and you see if you could whack off before you fall asleep. 1259 00:59:41,110 --> 00:59:42,304 [Sighing] 1260 00:59:42,979 --> 00:59:45,539 You always win is the best part about the game. 1261 00:59:48,318 --> 00:59:50,218 (Jill) Are you Andy? Yeah. 1262 00:59:50,286 --> 00:59:51,878 Is this yours? Did you write this stuff? 1263 00:59:51,955 --> 00:59:54,617 My girlfriend, Jill, found your speed-dating card. 1264 00:59:55,391 --> 00:59:56,688 Yeah, right. 1265 00:59:56,759 --> 00:59:58,886 God, I've been looking for that speed-dating card. 1266 00:59:58,962 --> 01:00:00,759 Thank you so much for bringing it to me. 1267 01:00:00,830 --> 01:00:02,957 So, you actually wrote that one girl looked like... 1268 01:00:03,032 --> 01:00:04,932 she was "hurting for a squirting"? 1269 01:00:05,201 --> 01:00:07,965 Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Hurting for a squirting, I wrote that. 1270 01:00:08,037 --> 01:00:10,369 So you wrote "ho fo show. " 1271 01:00:11,174 --> 01:00:13,665 Yeah, I remember that girl. She was a ho. 1272 01:00:14,410 --> 01:00:15,604 Fo show. 1273 01:00:15,812 --> 01:00:17,871 Let me show you how this device works. 1274 01:00:17,947 --> 01:00:19,676 Right, I'm just looking for a cordless phone. 1275 01:00:19,749 --> 01:00:22,377 Yup, it's great. You can do anything, make video diaries... 1276 01:00:22,452 --> 01:00:26,149 Hey, Amy, how's it going? How you feeling? I'm great. 1277 01:00:26,356 --> 01:00:28,984 I feel fantastic since we broke up. 1278 01:00:29,525 --> 01:00:31,152 I feel awesome! 1279 01:00:31,227 --> 01:00:33,889 Can you just show me the department where there would be phones? 1280 01:00:33,963 --> 01:00:36,124 How have you been? What's been going on... 1281 01:00:36,199 --> 01:00:38,258 I bet... Hey, have you been doing a lot of this? 1282 01:00:40,570 --> 01:00:41,935 Sir, please, sir. 1283 01:00:42,005 --> 01:00:43,472 You are never gonna meet anybody... 1284 01:00:43,539 --> 01:00:46,201 with that kind of mentality about women, you sick son of a bitch. 1285 01:00:46,275 --> 01:00:48,004 Who the fuck are you to put me on trial? 1286 01:00:48,077 --> 01:00:49,738 I've never even met you. 1287 01:00:49,812 --> 01:00:52,007 So why don't you back the shit off, all right? 1288 01:00:52,081 --> 01:00:54,106 And stop with the inquisition. 1289 01:00:54,217 --> 01:00:55,479 That's how you talk? 1290 01:00:55,551 --> 01:00:57,416 You know what, I don't have to answer to you. 1291 01:00:57,487 --> 01:00:59,011 You ain't my bitch. 1292 01:00:59,088 --> 01:01:00,646 Know what I saying? 1293 01:01:00,723 --> 01:01:03,055 So, shit, man. Fuck it. 1294 01:01:03,126 --> 01:01:05,151 You shouldn't even be hanging out with this pervert. 1295 01:01:05,228 --> 01:01:07,355 I don't hang out with him. I work with him and that's it. 1296 01:01:07,430 --> 01:01:09,125 I tried to introduce him to a few nice people... 1297 01:01:09,198 --> 01:01:10,290 he made a fool of himself. 1298 01:01:10,366 --> 01:01:12,027 I don't mess with him, baby. That's not me. 1299 01:01:12,101 --> 01:01:14,331 You should keep your ho on a leash. 1300 01:01:14,404 --> 01:01:16,065 Bro, I can't let you... Hey. 1301 01:01:16,139 --> 01:01:18,300 I can't let you be talking to my woman like that, dawg. 1302 01:01:18,374 --> 01:01:20,535 Know what I'm saying? Bitch is running wild, man. 1303 01:01:20,610 --> 01:01:23,841 You miss that ass? That's the ass of a free man. 1304 01:01:23,913 --> 01:01:26,279 That ass is going out tonight, maybe to a club. 1305 01:01:26,349 --> 01:01:27,907 Maybe to a night club. 1306 01:01:28,117 --> 01:01:29,448 Hey, Andy... 1307 01:01:29,519 --> 01:01:31,851 take a look at your pal. Oh, my God. 1308 01:01:31,921 --> 01:01:34,481 Yeah, he's performing a public colonoscopy. 1309 01:01:34,557 --> 01:01:35,956 Isn't that sweet? 1310 01:01:36,025 --> 01:01:37,515 I'm gonna send David home for the day... 1311 01:01:37,593 --> 01:01:38,753 and you're gonna fill in for him. 1312 01:01:38,828 --> 01:01:40,523 What? Selling things? You got that right. 1313 01:01:40,596 --> 01:01:41,824 I don't think that's a good idea. 1314 01:01:41,898 --> 01:01:43,422 And you're gonna have to talk to people, too. 1315 01:01:43,499 --> 01:01:45,126 I know that's a frightening concept to you... 1316 01:01:45,201 --> 01:01:46,429 but I think you can handle it. 1317 01:01:46,502 --> 01:01:48,265 So get out there and start selling some shit. 1318 01:01:48,337 --> 01:01:49,634 ...thing for Amy. 1319 01:01:49,972 --> 01:01:51,439 Hold it. Check it out. 1320 01:01:51,507 --> 01:01:52,906 (David) I miss her. 1321 01:01:53,142 --> 01:01:54,609 ##[music playing] 1322 01:01:55,778 --> 01:01:57,746 Dude, the floor's the ultimate aphrodisiac. 1323 01:01:57,814 --> 01:01:59,611 All you got to do is go make your pick now. 1324 01:01:59,682 --> 01:02:02,048 Come on, man. Okay. 1325 01:02:02,819 --> 01:02:04,810 And you could act a little enthused about it. 1326 01:02:04,887 --> 01:02:05,979 Yeah. 1327 01:02:07,390 --> 01:02:10,587 (Jay) That's right. That's right. Gazelle in the pink top. 1328 01:02:11,761 --> 01:02:13,456 (Jay) Oh, shit. Hi. 1329 01:02:13,529 --> 01:02:15,588 (Andy) Looks like you're checking out digital cameras. 1330 01:02:15,665 --> 01:02:17,599 You know what, he ain't going to do it willingly. 1331 01:02:17,667 --> 01:02:20,500 No. We need to, like, really facilitate things a bit more. 1332 01:02:20,570 --> 01:02:22,094 Yo, Andy. (Andy) Yeah. 1333 01:02:22,171 --> 01:02:23,695 What's up, dude? This is Jay, man. 1334 01:02:23,773 --> 01:02:25,035 Hey, Jay. 1335 01:02:25,141 --> 01:02:26,574 I am throwing a party tonight. 1336 01:02:26,642 --> 01:02:28,371 It's gonna be real mellow, just chilled up. 1337 01:02:28,444 --> 01:02:29,843 Now, you really need to be there. 1338 01:02:29,912 --> 01:02:32,437 It's gonna be really, really colorful. 1339 01:02:32,715 --> 01:02:34,012 Are you free? 1340 01:02:34,884 --> 01:02:35,942 Yeah, I think so. 1341 01:02:36,018 --> 01:02:38,418 That was a joke, man. I know you're free. 1342 01:02:38,721 --> 01:02:40,086 I'm okay. Gotta go, man. 1343 01:02:40,156 --> 01:02:41,248 All right, bye. 1344 01:02:44,026 --> 01:02:46,153 So, tell me, Montel... 1345 01:02:46,529 --> 01:02:49,589 why weren't we invited to the party? What are we, Al-Qaeda? 1346 01:02:49,665 --> 01:02:50,757 No, hold up. 1347 01:02:50,833 --> 01:02:53,028 No, no. It's not that kind of party, y'all. 1348 01:02:53,102 --> 01:02:55,127 You're not coming to our fucking party either, okay? 1349 01:02:55,204 --> 01:02:56,262 Fuck you, okay? 1350 01:02:56,339 --> 01:02:58,102 First of all, it ain't that kind of party. 1351 01:02:58,174 --> 01:03:00,074 Go fuck a goat. Yeah. 1352 01:03:00,176 --> 01:03:02,007 Why you always telling me to fuck a goat, man? 1353 01:03:02,078 --> 01:03:03,102 (Mooj) Fuck a goat! 1354 01:03:05,515 --> 01:03:06,914 [Elevator bell dings] 1355 01:03:08,818 --> 01:03:10,080 ##[music playing on stereo] 1356 01:03:10,153 --> 01:03:11,347 [Knocking on door] 1357 01:03:19,662 --> 01:03:20,822 Hello? 1358 01:03:23,132 --> 01:03:24,258 Hello? 1359 01:03:26,068 --> 01:03:27,262 Hello. 1360 01:03:28,871 --> 01:03:30,566 Hello. Hi. 1361 01:03:31,541 --> 01:03:34,066 Are you here for Jay's party? Yes. 1362 01:03:34,477 --> 01:03:36,104 I am Jay's party. 1363 01:03:37,947 --> 01:03:41,041 You know what, hiring a transvestite prostitute isn't helping me, man. 1364 01:03:41,117 --> 01:03:43,381 What? Ain't nobody hired no damn transvestite. 1365 01:03:43,452 --> 01:03:44,476 What are you talking about? 1366 01:03:44,554 --> 01:03:46,385 She was really nice, incidentally. 1367 01:03:46,455 --> 01:03:48,184 If that sister was a transvestite... 1368 01:03:48,257 --> 01:03:50,350 that was the Mona Lisa of transvestites. 1369 01:03:50,426 --> 01:03:52,326 You got a hummer from the tranny, didn't you? 1370 01:03:52,395 --> 01:03:55,728 You know, aren't we owed one now? 'Cause technically we paid her. 1371 01:03:55,798 --> 01:03:57,129 Get a dick, man. 1372 01:03:57,200 --> 01:03:58,861 Do you guys even like me? 1373 01:03:58,935 --> 01:04:02,393 Or is this some sort of cruel joke that you're all in on? 1374 01:04:02,471 --> 01:04:04,769 Because I'm not a freak. I'm a good person. 1375 01:04:04,841 --> 01:04:08,333 I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand, but... 1376 01:04:08,978 --> 01:04:10,946 I think that he's rocking the shit in this one. 1377 01:04:11,013 --> 01:04:12,742 Shut up, Dave! 1378 01:04:12,815 --> 01:04:16,683 Hold up. Let's just chill on the aggression for a minute. 1379 01:04:17,086 --> 01:04:21,182 Look at him. He is such a bad ass. 1380 01:04:21,824 --> 01:04:24,190 He looks just like Luke Wilson. 1381 01:04:24,260 --> 01:04:25,249 Mmm-hmm. 1382 01:04:25,361 --> 01:04:27,090 So you saying she was definitely a man? 1383 01:04:27,163 --> 01:04:28,187 Yes. 1384 01:04:28,264 --> 01:04:30,357 Okay, well, how do you know that she was a man? 1385 01:04:30,433 --> 01:04:33,368 Because her hands were as big as André the Giant's. 1386 01:04:33,703 --> 01:04:36,399 And she had an Adam's apple as big as her balls. 1387 01:04:37,173 --> 01:04:38,663 So you have no proof. 1388 01:04:38,875 --> 01:04:40,706 You know what? Just leave me alone. 1389 01:04:40,776 --> 01:04:42,835 Just stay away from me. Or I'm gonna tell Paula... 1390 01:04:42,912 --> 01:04:44,846 that you're all stealing the recordable CDs. 1391 01:04:45,514 --> 01:04:48,176 Come on. That's like we were paid to do it. 1392 01:04:48,251 --> 01:04:50,310 We did this 'cause we're your friends... 1393 01:04:50,386 --> 01:04:53,150 and we didn't think you have the balls to do it yourself. 1394 01:04:53,222 --> 01:04:54,484 Really? (David) Yeah. 1395 01:04:54,724 --> 01:04:56,055 Okay, watch this. 1396 01:04:56,259 --> 01:04:57,726 Yo, Andy, it's just CDs, man. 1397 01:04:57,793 --> 01:04:59,693 That's a third strike for me, dawg. 1398 01:05:04,267 --> 01:05:05,393 [Brakes screech] 1399 01:05:05,468 --> 01:05:07,026 [Man shouting] 1400 01:05:17,680 --> 01:05:18,669 [Grunts] 1401 01:05:19,982 --> 01:05:21,313 [Bells chiming] 1402 01:05:23,286 --> 01:05:24,275 Hi. 1403 01:05:24,987 --> 01:05:27,114 Andy. Hi. Right, yeah. 1404 01:05:27,290 --> 01:05:29,087 You remember my name. I did. 1405 01:05:29,158 --> 01:05:31,649 How you doing? I'm great. I like your store. 1406 01:05:31,727 --> 01:05:34,287 That's good, yeah. If you have time, look around. It's... 1407 01:05:34,363 --> 01:05:35,455 Okay. 1408 01:05:35,898 --> 01:05:37,229 How's business been? 1409 01:05:37,300 --> 01:05:40,269 You know, it's coming along. I mean, it takes a while. 1410 01:05:40,336 --> 01:05:43,362 Do you want to go out sometime? Yes. 1411 01:05:43,839 --> 01:05:46,330 Yes, I would like that. That would be great. 1412 01:05:46,409 --> 01:05:50,175 I think I'm maybe free this weekend, if that's okay. 1413 01:05:50,246 --> 01:05:53,044 Or you could call me tomorrow and we can just firm it up. 1414 01:05:53,115 --> 01:05:54,639 Okay. Great. Great. 1415 01:05:54,717 --> 01:05:58,312 Okay, so I'll call you, and yeah, that'll be good. 1416 01:05:58,387 --> 01:05:59,877 How you doing? Congratulations. 1417 01:05:59,956 --> 01:06:01,856 Okay, so I'll... Yeah. 1418 01:06:02,191 --> 01:06:03,488 Can I help you? 1419 01:06:03,559 --> 01:06:06,084 Yeah, these are wonderful. I'll take these. 1420 01:06:06,262 --> 01:06:09,891 Thanks, they are. They're great. The goldfish just crack me up. 1421 01:06:10,032 --> 01:06:11,056 Funny. 1422 01:06:11,133 --> 01:06:12,225 Yeah, they are. Yeah. 1423 01:06:12,301 --> 01:06:13,495 Yeah. They're cute. 1424 01:06:13,569 --> 01:06:16,732 I don't actually sell anything here. I just sell them on eBay. 1425 01:06:17,406 --> 01:06:18,600 I don't get it. 1426 01:06:18,941 --> 01:06:19,930 Okay. 1427 01:06:20,109 --> 01:06:23,044 Can you help me? No, you're on your own here. 1428 01:06:23,112 --> 01:06:26,275 Good luck to you, and to you. And I'll give you a call. 1429 01:06:26,349 --> 01:06:29,341 Great. Nice to see you. Great. Thanks for coming in. 1430 01:06:29,919 --> 01:06:30,943 Bye. 1431 01:06:31,554 --> 01:06:33,613 So, I guess I'll just give you some money... 1432 01:06:33,689 --> 01:06:36,214 and you can give me these shoes and... 1433 01:06:36,292 --> 01:06:38,988 You know, I know it seems so strange... 1434 01:06:39,061 --> 01:06:41,757 Yes. I'd just rather buy them from you straight up. 1435 01:06:41,831 --> 01:06:43,765 Yeah, I know. I wish it could be that easy, but... 1436 01:06:43,833 --> 01:06:47,064 I wish, too, but you're making it extremely difficult for me. 1437 01:06:47,136 --> 01:06:49,297 I'm just trying to get these shoes back to my house... 1438 01:06:49,372 --> 01:06:50,600 so I can wear them. 1439 01:06:51,073 --> 01:06:52,631 (Cal) I got a corpse in my way. 1440 01:06:52,708 --> 01:06:53,868 (David) Look out. Just kill it. 1441 01:06:53,943 --> 01:06:56,969 That's just so not fair that you have blades and... 1442 01:06:57,046 --> 01:06:58,911 I'm telling you, man, I feel great. 1443 01:06:59,048 --> 01:07:01,073 I'm so... It's like a weight has been lifted. 1444 01:07:01,150 --> 01:07:04,745 Celibacy is the way to go, man. Andy had it right, you know? 1445 01:07:04,820 --> 01:07:06,685 Look at him. He looks younger than all of us... 1446 01:07:06,756 --> 01:07:08,018 but he's 10 years older. 1447 01:07:08,090 --> 01:07:10,581 Why? Because he's never had a relationship. 1448 01:07:10,760 --> 01:07:13,388 No she-devil sucked his life force out yet. 1449 01:07:23,706 --> 01:07:25,833 [Telephone ringing] 1450 01:07:29,912 --> 01:07:32,244 Hello? Hey. Hi. Hello. 1451 01:07:32,615 --> 01:07:33,639 Is this Trish? 1452 01:07:34,617 --> 01:07:36,812 Who's calling, please? This is Andy. 1453 01:07:36,886 --> 01:07:39,116 Hi, Andy. Hi, how you doing? 1454 01:07:39,188 --> 01:07:42,123 I'm good. How're you doing? I'm doing great. 1455 01:07:42,925 --> 01:07:44,187 (Cal) So you're gay, now? 1456 01:07:44,260 --> 01:07:46,160 No, I'm not gay. I'm just celibate. 1457 01:07:46,829 --> 01:07:48,888 I think... I mean, that sounds gay. 1458 01:07:48,964 --> 01:07:51,865 I just want you to know that this is the first conversation... 1459 01:07:51,934 --> 01:07:55,370 of three conversations that leads to you being gay. 1460 01:07:55,805 --> 01:07:58,399 There's this and then in a year it's like, "You know... 1461 01:07:58,474 --> 01:08:01,637 "I'm kind of going to wanna get back out there, but I think I like guys. " 1462 01:08:01,710 --> 01:08:04,543 And then there's the big, "I'm a gay guy now. " 1463 01:08:04,814 --> 01:08:07,282 You're gay for saying that. I'm gay for saying that? 1464 01:08:07,349 --> 01:08:09,943 You know how I know you're gay? How? How do you know I'm gay? 1465 01:08:10,019 --> 01:08:12,510 'Cause you macraméd yourself a pair of jean shorts. 1466 01:08:12,588 --> 01:08:13,680 You know how I know you're gay? 1467 01:08:13,756 --> 01:08:15,849 You just told me you're not sleeping with women anymore. 1468 01:08:15,925 --> 01:08:17,483 You know how I know you're gay? How? 1469 01:08:17,560 --> 01:08:20,654 'Cause you're gay and you can tell who other gay people are? 1470 01:08:20,729 --> 01:08:22,219 Do you know how I know you're gay? How? 1471 01:08:22,298 --> 01:08:23,765 You like Coldplay. 1472 01:08:24,467 --> 01:08:25,798 You're dead. 1473 01:08:25,901 --> 01:08:27,129 [Both groaning] 1474 01:08:27,203 --> 01:08:28,261 Come on. 1475 01:08:28,337 --> 01:08:30,305 Leave my torso alone at least. 1476 01:08:31,173 --> 01:08:32,606 I also wanted to call... 1477 01:08:32,675 --> 01:08:35,371 and see what night you might want to go out. 1478 01:08:35,478 --> 01:08:37,275 I'm actually free tonight. 1479 01:08:39,348 --> 01:08:42,749 Okay. Now, I was thinking maybe this weekend, but that's good. Okay. 1480 01:08:42,818 --> 01:08:43,807 (Trish) Great. 1481 01:08:43,886 --> 01:08:45,877 Okay, what time do you want to pick me up? 1482 01:08:47,323 --> 01:08:48,654 Let's see. 1483 01:08:49,525 --> 01:08:53,120 That's actually kind of a problem because I ride a bike. 1484 01:08:53,395 --> 01:08:54,794 That's cool. Are you kidding me? 1485 01:08:54,864 --> 01:08:56,661 I love getting on the back of a motorcycle. 1486 01:08:56,732 --> 01:08:59,428 My boyfriend in college drove a motorcycle. 1487 01:08:59,502 --> 01:09:01,299 So, I mean, I'm cool. 1488 01:09:01,370 --> 01:09:05,466 Yeah, I bet that was cool. I ride a bicycle. 1489 01:09:06,575 --> 01:09:08,202 You know how I know that you're gay? 1490 01:09:08,277 --> 01:09:09,335 How? 1491 01:09:09,411 --> 01:09:11,675 You like the movie Maid in Manhattan. 1492 01:09:11,747 --> 01:09:13,271 You know how I know you're gay? How? 1493 01:09:13,349 --> 01:09:16,512 I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once. 1494 01:09:16,585 --> 01:09:18,348 You know how I know you're gay? How? 1495 01:09:18,420 --> 01:09:21,150 You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says: 1496 01:09:21,223 --> 01:09:23,453 "I love it when balls are in my face. " 1497 01:09:23,526 --> 01:09:24,618 That's gay? 1498 01:09:24,693 --> 01:09:26,058 God damn it! 1499 01:09:26,462 --> 01:09:29,090 I'm ripping your head off right now. It's off. 1500 01:09:29,165 --> 01:09:31,656 And now I'm throwing it at your body. 1501 01:09:32,501 --> 01:09:33,525 Fuck you! 1502 01:09:35,004 --> 01:09:36,130 You guys... 1503 01:09:36,906 --> 01:09:39,067 she's picking me up in an hour. 1504 01:09:40,109 --> 01:09:41,736 Oh, drag, dude. 1505 01:09:42,278 --> 01:09:44,542 She's picking you up from here? Yeah. 1506 01:09:44,613 --> 01:09:46,171 That's fucked up, man. 1507 01:09:46,248 --> 01:09:47,875 Why? Why? 1508 01:09:48,584 --> 01:09:52,020 Seriously. I mean, look at this place, man. 1509 01:09:52,555 --> 01:09:55,820 You gotta see this through the eyes of a woman, you know? 1510 01:09:55,891 --> 01:09:58,223 What is she going to think when she comes in here? Look. 1511 01:09:58,294 --> 01:10:00,762 He's got a billion toys. So what? 1512 01:10:00,829 --> 01:10:03,593 And more video games than a teenaged Asian kid. 1513 01:10:03,666 --> 01:10:05,190 It's all right. 1514 01:10:05,834 --> 01:10:08,632 Is that the Six Million Dollar Man's boss? 1515 01:10:08,971 --> 01:10:10,131 It's Oscar Goldman. 1516 01:10:10,206 --> 01:10:12,436 Why do you have that? That's worth a lot of money. 1517 01:10:12,508 --> 01:10:14,476 That's much more valuable than Steve Austin. 1518 01:10:14,543 --> 01:10:18,809 Well, that may be the case. But none of this shit is sexy, okay? 1519 01:10:18,881 --> 01:10:20,610 I'm not trying to be sexy, man. 1520 01:10:20,683 --> 01:10:22,150 I mean, seriously, Asia? 1521 01:10:22,284 --> 01:10:24,149 You framed an Asia poster? 1522 01:10:24,220 --> 01:10:26,211 How hard did the people at the frame store laugh... 1523 01:10:26,288 --> 01:10:28,313 when you brought this in? They did not laugh at me. 1524 01:10:28,390 --> 01:10:30,290 Know why you're gay? Because you like Asia. 1525 01:10:30,359 --> 01:10:31,621 You guys cool it with the gay. 1526 01:10:31,694 --> 01:10:33,525 You know, she's on her way over here, okay? 1527 01:10:33,596 --> 01:10:35,325 First, you relax, okay? 1528 01:10:35,397 --> 01:10:38,696 Just stop calming me down and tell me what I should do. 1529 01:10:38,767 --> 01:10:40,962 Okay, we just take everything that's embarrassing... 1530 01:10:41,036 --> 01:10:42,094 and we move it out of here. 1531 01:10:42,171 --> 01:10:44,196 So it doesn't look like you live in Neverland Ranch. 1532 01:10:51,614 --> 01:10:52,842 Hi. Hi. How are you? 1533 01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:53,939 Good. 1534 01:10:54,016 --> 01:10:56,007 So, you wanna head out? 1535 01:10:56,085 --> 01:10:57,950 Did you just move in or something? 1536 01:10:58,020 --> 01:11:00,284 No. Actually I'm getting new carpet in. 1537 01:11:00,356 --> 01:11:02,756 I'm having carpet put in tomorrow, so... 1538 01:11:04,126 --> 01:11:05,457 Well, you know. Yeah. 1539 01:11:05,527 --> 01:11:07,222 Okay. Looks good with the floors. 1540 01:11:07,296 --> 01:11:08,729 Yeah. All right. 1541 01:11:09,064 --> 01:11:10,531 I should tear up the hard wood... 1542 01:11:10,599 --> 01:11:12,726 and see if there's carpet underneath. 1543 01:11:12,801 --> 01:11:14,666 That's never the case. 1544 01:11:18,007 --> 01:11:19,668 This is gonna be fun. Yes. 1545 01:11:19,742 --> 01:11:21,642 You know, I drive by this place every day. 1546 01:11:21,710 --> 01:11:23,439 I've never been in before. 1547 01:11:24,079 --> 01:11:25,307 I'm glad you came. 1548 01:11:25,381 --> 01:11:28,646 You know, I never really go out with nice guys like you. 1549 01:11:29,585 --> 01:11:32,452 I think I've avoided nice guys like you my whole life... 1550 01:11:32,521 --> 01:11:33,988 at my own peril. 1551 01:11:35,858 --> 01:11:37,519 My last boyfriend drank a lot. 1552 01:11:37,593 --> 01:11:38,582 Mmm-hmm. 1553 01:11:38,661 --> 01:11:40,185 And so... This is just punch. 1554 01:11:40,262 --> 01:11:41,388 [Laughing] 1555 01:11:41,463 --> 01:11:43,260 No, it's okay. A little bit's fine. 1556 01:11:43,332 --> 01:11:45,596 Buddha punch. I need some Buddha. 1557 01:11:46,135 --> 01:11:48,603 Excuse me, miss. Could you gather your team... 1558 01:11:48,671 --> 01:11:51,401 and sing happy birthday for my daughter, please? 1559 01:11:54,209 --> 01:11:56,143 ##[Singing in Chinese] 1560 01:12:06,388 --> 01:12:07,650 [All cheering] 1561 01:12:09,858 --> 01:12:12,588 That was so good. What? That was great. Happy birthday. 1562 01:12:12,661 --> 01:12:14,629 It's your birthday, too? No. 1563 01:12:14,697 --> 01:12:16,790 It's his birthday, too. No, no, no. 1564 01:12:16,865 --> 01:12:19,459 Could you sing for him and bring him a cake? 1565 01:12:19,535 --> 01:12:21,025 (man) Happy birthday. 1566 01:12:21,136 --> 01:12:23,001 ##[Singing in Chinese] 1567 01:12:24,373 --> 01:12:25,635 [Inaudible] 1568 01:12:35,017 --> 01:12:37,383 Thanks a lot. Happy birthday, Andy. 1569 01:12:53,702 --> 01:12:56,899 You really like kissing, don't you? Yes. 1570 01:12:57,172 --> 01:12:58,469 [Laughing] 1571 01:12:59,675 --> 01:13:00,937 I really do. 1572 01:13:01,009 --> 01:13:02,738 Take off your pants, okay? 1573 01:13:04,279 --> 01:13:05,610 Okay. Okay. 1574 01:13:08,117 --> 01:13:10,483 Wow, this is really gonna happen. Oh, yeah. 1575 01:13:10,552 --> 01:13:11,985 Thank God. 1576 01:13:13,422 --> 01:13:16,585 Okay, I'm taking off my pants. Yeah. 1577 01:13:16,825 --> 01:13:18,417 Do you need some help? 1578 01:13:18,794 --> 01:13:22,252 I think I almost got them. It's hooked on my ankle. 1579 01:13:22,931 --> 01:13:24,489 Wow, that's... 1580 01:13:24,633 --> 01:13:25,895 [panting] 1581 01:13:26,068 --> 01:13:27,899 Hey, wait. Do you have protection? 1582 01:13:27,970 --> 01:13:29,631 I don't like guns. 1583 01:13:29,872 --> 01:13:31,134 [Laughing] 1584 01:13:32,574 --> 01:13:34,098 That's funny. 1585 01:13:34,176 --> 01:13:36,542 I have condoms right here. Okay? 1586 01:13:36,612 --> 01:13:38,477 Okay. There's, you know... 1587 01:13:38,547 --> 01:13:41,607 Check the expiration date because they were from when I was married. 1588 01:13:41,683 --> 01:13:44,516 And we didn't have sex that often. That's why there are so many, okay? 1589 01:13:44,586 --> 01:13:45,678 Okay. 1590 01:13:50,058 --> 01:13:51,423 I got them. 1591 01:13:53,796 --> 01:13:55,423 How does this go? 1592 01:13:55,931 --> 01:14:00,630 Okay. "Roll over the tip and down onto the base. " 1593 01:14:02,538 --> 01:14:04,096 Over the balls? 1594 01:14:04,706 --> 01:14:06,071 It doesn't say. 1595 01:14:09,278 --> 01:14:11,473 Do you mind if I use your magnum? 1596 01:14:12,648 --> 01:14:13,637 Yeah. 1597 01:14:15,517 --> 01:14:17,485 Wow. You got to be kidding. 1598 01:14:18,320 --> 01:14:19,787 I am Aquaman. 1599 01:14:21,890 --> 01:14:23,357 What is that? 1600 01:14:27,529 --> 01:14:28,518 [Grunting] 1601 01:14:32,701 --> 01:14:34,134 [Coughing] 1602 01:14:38,674 --> 01:14:39,698 [Condom bursts] 1603 01:14:39,775 --> 01:14:40,764 [Yelps] 1604 01:14:41,443 --> 01:14:42,501 Mom? 1605 01:14:42,578 --> 01:14:43,602 [Marla exclaiming] 1606 01:14:43,679 --> 01:14:44,941 What's going on here? 1607 01:14:45,013 --> 01:14:46,947 Who the hell are you? It's Andy. 1608 01:14:47,015 --> 01:14:48,073 Hi, I'm Andy. 1609 01:14:48,150 --> 01:14:49,640 God! What are you doing? 1610 01:14:49,718 --> 01:14:51,743 Marla, get the fuck out of my room! 1611 01:14:51,820 --> 01:14:52,844 You know what... 1612 01:14:52,921 --> 01:14:55,481 I cannot believe that you're allowed to have sex when I'm not! 1613 01:14:55,557 --> 01:14:57,491 That is so unfair. I'm gonna head out. 1614 01:14:57,559 --> 01:14:58,583 (Trish) You should go. 1615 01:14:58,660 --> 01:15:01,629 Oh, Jesus! How many times did you just do it? 1616 01:15:01,697 --> 01:15:02,823 Oh, my God! 1617 01:15:02,931 --> 01:15:04,057 [Groaning] 1618 01:15:05,234 --> 01:15:06,701 I'm so sorry. 1619 01:15:13,742 --> 01:15:15,676 Dude, teach me. 1620 01:15:25,921 --> 01:15:26,910 (man) Hotline. 1621 01:15:26,989 --> 01:15:30,481 Hi, yes, I'm calling because it's more than four hours... 1622 01:15:30,559 --> 01:15:33,619 and your ad said to call if it's been more than four hours. 1623 01:15:33,695 --> 01:15:35,629 How much of the medicine have you taken, sir? 1624 01:15:36,164 --> 01:15:39,065 I haven't taken any, but your ad said... 1625 01:15:39,134 --> 01:15:43,002 that if you've had an erection for more than four hours, you call. 1626 01:15:43,138 --> 01:15:46,505 You're only supposed to call if you've taken the medicine. 1627 01:15:46,575 --> 01:15:49,976 Okay. I'm sorry. I must not have heard that part. 1628 01:15:50,045 --> 01:15:52,513 Yes. If you haven't taken the medicine, you don't call. 1629 01:15:52,581 --> 01:15:54,606 Right. I'm sorry. Right. 1630 01:15:54,750 --> 01:15:56,980 So, there's nothing you can do? 1631 01:15:57,419 --> 01:15:59,478 I just don't wanna... There's nothing I can do. 1632 01:15:59,555 --> 01:16:00,613 I'm in Bombay, India. 1633 01:16:00,722 --> 01:16:03,452 Okay. No, not you personally. I just don't want... 1634 01:16:03,759 --> 01:16:05,659 I just don't want to have an erection anymore. 1635 01:16:05,727 --> 01:16:06,751 [Laughs] 1636 01:16:06,828 --> 01:16:08,989 You know, you could have sex. 1637 01:16:09,097 --> 01:16:10,086 Okay. Yup. 1638 01:16:10,766 --> 01:16:14,634 That's one thing people do when they have an erection. 1639 01:16:14,703 --> 01:16:17,263 Yeah, that's not an option. I don't have sex. 1640 01:16:17,339 --> 01:16:19,671 Okay, well, then you can masturbate. 1641 01:16:19,741 --> 01:16:21,436 I'd rather not masturbate. 1642 01:16:21,510 --> 01:16:24,479 If you'd like the erection to go away, you can light a match... 1643 01:16:24,546 --> 01:16:28,607 blow out the flame and put the hot ember on your wrist. 1644 01:16:29,318 --> 01:16:31,445 And that will focus the brain elsewhere... 1645 01:16:31,520 --> 01:16:34,045 and you will lose your erection. Really? That'd work? 1646 01:16:34,122 --> 01:16:36,920 Take your finger and flick your testicle... 1647 01:16:36,992 --> 01:16:38,459 and if you do that till it hurts... 1648 01:16:38,527 --> 01:16:40,722 your erection will go away. Okay, all right. 1649 01:16:40,796 --> 01:16:42,195 It sounds unpleasant and it is. 1650 01:16:42,264 --> 01:16:43,993 It is a trick we use in India. 1651 01:16:44,066 --> 01:16:47,832 Okay, those are all good pieces of advice. I really appreciate it. 1652 01:16:47,903 --> 01:16:49,928 We appreciate your business. 1653 01:16:50,105 --> 01:16:52,164 Oh, no. We didn't get your business... 1654 01:16:52,240 --> 01:16:55,676 No, not this time. I guess I didn't need you this time. Thank you. 1655 01:17:05,387 --> 01:17:06,479 [Sighing] 1656 01:17:08,490 --> 01:17:09,479 [Exclaiming] 1657 01:17:15,998 --> 01:17:17,260 [Sighing] 1658 01:17:23,171 --> 01:17:24,138 [Exclaims] 1659 01:17:24,206 --> 01:17:26,766 My goodness, Andy, you are a terrific salesman. 1660 01:17:26,842 --> 01:17:29,174 Thank you. Gosh, you really got it down. 1661 01:17:29,244 --> 01:17:31,075 Thanks. And your numbers are good. 1662 01:17:31,146 --> 01:17:32,113 Thanks. 1663 01:17:32,180 --> 01:17:34,114 I'm going to put you out on the floor full time. 1664 01:17:34,182 --> 01:17:35,171 Really? Yeah. 1665 01:17:35,250 --> 01:17:36,148 Wow. Okay. 1666 01:17:36,218 --> 01:17:38,516 Good. We're gonna get you a blue shirt and tie, all right? 1667 01:17:38,587 --> 01:17:39,519 Great. Thanks. 1668 01:17:39,588 --> 01:17:42,614 You know, Andy, I've been thinking about your problem. 1669 01:17:42,691 --> 01:17:44,852 I think I might have a solution for you. 1670 01:17:46,061 --> 01:17:49,155 You ever heard of the term "fuck buddy"? 1671 01:17:50,932 --> 01:17:52,024 What? 1672 01:17:52,167 --> 01:17:54,635 It's a special friend... 1673 01:17:55,570 --> 01:17:56,798 who you fuck. 1674 01:17:57,773 --> 01:17:59,866 No, haven't heard that term. 1675 01:17:59,941 --> 01:18:02,876 When I was a little girl, I developed early. 1676 01:18:03,545 --> 01:18:06,605 By the time I was 14, I had this body you're looking at. 1677 01:18:06,682 --> 01:18:09,742 Can you imagine that? I don't want to, no. 1678 01:18:10,352 --> 01:18:13,412 Well, needless to say, a lot of male attention. 1679 01:18:13,488 --> 01:18:14,648 Like men, yes. 1680 01:18:14,723 --> 01:18:18,716 Especially from our Guatemalan gardener, Javier. 1681 01:18:18,894 --> 01:18:20,020 Okay. 1682 01:18:20,395 --> 01:18:22,124 You know, Javier... 1683 01:18:22,998 --> 01:18:27,765 before he made passionate yet gentle love to me for the first time... 1684 01:18:29,137 --> 01:18:33,267 he serenaded me with a beautiful old Guatemalan love song. 1685 01:18:33,341 --> 01:18:35,002 Really, that's... 1686 01:18:35,377 --> 01:18:37,777 That sounds nice. 1687 01:18:37,846 --> 01:18:39,279 ##[Singing in Spanish] 1688 01:19:05,173 --> 01:19:06,231 Okay. 1689 01:19:07,876 --> 01:19:09,104 My goodness. 1690 01:19:09,411 --> 01:19:11,641 I think we better get back to work. Yeah. 1691 01:19:11,713 --> 01:19:14,045 Yeah, I better go back to work. Yeah. 1692 01:19:14,116 --> 01:19:15,947 So, okay. All right. 1693 01:19:16,051 --> 01:19:17,916 So, you mull it over and I'll talk to you soon. 1694 01:19:17,986 --> 01:19:19,817 All right, I will. Thank you. Okay. 1695 01:19:21,957 --> 01:19:22,946 [Gasps] 1696 01:19:24,926 --> 01:19:27,918 What's up, dawg? What happened? How was the date with Trish? 1697 01:19:27,996 --> 01:19:30,328 It was a disaster. Really? 1698 01:19:30,398 --> 01:19:33,196 Yes. I've never been more embarrassed in my life. 1699 01:19:33,401 --> 01:19:35,426 Couldn't get the condoms to work. 1700 01:19:35,504 --> 01:19:38,268 And one of them exploded on my balls. 1701 01:19:38,607 --> 01:19:40,370 And then her kid walked in the room. 1702 01:19:40,442 --> 01:19:41,374 Wait. Hold up. 1703 01:19:41,443 --> 01:19:42,967 She was hiding the kid from you, dawg? 1704 01:19:43,044 --> 01:19:44,375 You know what, it doesn't matter... 1705 01:19:44,446 --> 01:19:46,778 because it was going downhill straight from there. 1706 01:19:46,848 --> 01:19:49,043 Listen, you don't want no baby-daddy drama. 1707 01:19:49,117 --> 01:19:50,345 Trust me on this one, all right? 1708 01:19:50,418 --> 01:19:52,477 For all you know, he in prison right now. 1709 01:19:52,554 --> 01:19:53,919 Let's say y'all living together. 1710 01:19:53,989 --> 01:19:56,958 Next thing you know, you the one going on the 1st and the 15th... 1711 01:19:57,025 --> 01:19:58,253 to pick up the government check. 1712 01:19:58,326 --> 01:20:00,419 What if he got boys that's on the outside... 1713 01:20:00,495 --> 01:20:01,587 and they stalking you? 1714 01:20:01,663 --> 01:20:03,563 You see what I'm saying? You got to think, partner... 1715 01:20:03,632 --> 01:20:05,327 What the fuck are you talking about? 1716 01:20:05,400 --> 01:20:07,868 Here's what you do. You tell her you're a virgin. 1717 01:20:07,936 --> 01:20:10,063 You test her with this shit, okay? 1718 01:20:10,138 --> 01:20:12,902 Here, tell me. Tell me. This is how it's gonna go. Tell me. 1719 01:20:12,974 --> 01:20:14,771 I'm a virgin. Sweet. 1720 01:20:15,277 --> 01:20:18,678 I like that because you don't have Chlamydia. 1721 01:20:19,915 --> 01:20:22,645 And I know that, and that shit is everywhere. 1722 01:20:23,185 --> 01:20:24,982 What if she laughs at me, though? 1723 01:20:25,053 --> 01:20:27,248 Then you punch her in the fucking head if she laughs. 1724 01:20:27,322 --> 01:20:29,882 I'm not going to punch her in the head. She's really sweet. 1725 01:20:29,958 --> 01:20:33,519 No. I mean, you punch her in her fucking head emotionally. 1726 01:20:33,595 --> 01:20:36,587 She's different. She's someone I felt like I had... 1727 01:20:36,665 --> 01:20:37,996 a connection with. 1728 01:20:38,066 --> 01:20:41,331 All you trying to do right now is bust off this first night. 1729 01:20:41,403 --> 01:20:43,928 You got a whole lot of semen back up in you. 1730 01:20:44,005 --> 01:20:45,165 I am going to tell her. 1731 01:20:45,240 --> 01:20:47,071 You should totally tell her, man. I'm going to. 1732 01:20:47,142 --> 01:20:49,372 'Cause I watched this movie called Liar Liar... 1733 01:20:49,444 --> 01:20:52,106 and the message was, "Don't lie. " 1734 01:20:52,180 --> 01:20:53,875 And that was a smart movie. 1735 01:20:53,949 --> 01:20:55,439 Yeah, that's the right thing. Yeah. 1736 01:20:56,184 --> 01:21:00,120 Really? All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins, too? 1737 01:21:00,789 --> 01:21:04,384 That's funny. I didn't even know you girls talked like that. 1738 01:21:05,026 --> 01:21:08,154 I think my first time might be your best time, too. 1739 01:21:08,997 --> 01:21:10,396 Well, I knew it. You know what... 1740 01:21:10,465 --> 01:21:13,525 I knew that you'd react that way and I knew that... 1741 01:21:13,802 --> 01:21:18,262 you would want to lead me through my first sexual encounter... 1742 01:21:18,573 --> 01:21:23,067 with all the compassion and care that someone... 1743 01:21:23,345 --> 01:21:24,972 would give to their soul mate. 1744 01:21:25,046 --> 01:21:26,911 Oh, my God. I'm in trouble. 1745 01:21:30,151 --> 01:21:31,345 Hey, Andy. 1746 01:21:31,820 --> 01:21:33,447 (Joe) You watching Survivor tonight? 1747 01:21:33,521 --> 01:21:35,989 No, actually I'm going out to dinner with somebody. 1748 01:21:36,057 --> 01:21:36,989 Hi. 1749 01:21:37,492 --> 01:21:38,516 (Andy) This is her. 1750 01:21:38,593 --> 01:21:40,618 Trish, this is Joe and Sara. Hi. 1751 01:21:40,695 --> 01:21:42,026 Hi, Trish. Hey. 1752 01:21:42,097 --> 01:21:43,621 But tape it for me, okay? 1753 01:21:43,698 --> 01:21:45,393 Will do. All right. (Andy) Thanks. 1754 01:21:45,467 --> 01:21:46,593 So long. (Sara) Bye-bye. 1755 01:21:46,668 --> 01:21:48,363 See you later. Have a good night. 1756 01:21:48,436 --> 01:21:50,836 Yeah, my man's gonna get it on tonight. 1757 01:21:50,906 --> 01:21:51,895 Yes, sir. 1758 01:21:51,973 --> 01:21:54,498 Yeah, and you better get on me, too. 1759 01:21:54,809 --> 01:21:56,709 What is wrong with this woman? 1760 01:21:56,778 --> 01:21:57,972 Mercy, mercy, mercy. 1761 01:22:04,352 --> 01:22:06,047 I'm so sorry that happened the other night. 1762 01:22:06,121 --> 01:22:07,145 No, I'm sorry. 1763 01:22:07,222 --> 01:22:08,917 Oh, my God. That was me. 1764 01:22:08,990 --> 01:22:09,979 No. 1765 01:22:10,692 --> 01:22:13,388 Let me... I have something I want to tell you. 1766 01:22:14,296 --> 01:22:16,230 Kind of hard to talk about. 1767 01:22:17,198 --> 01:22:18,187 But... 1768 01:22:18,934 --> 01:22:21,960 you know, there are certain things... 1769 01:22:22,304 --> 01:22:24,670 about who I am that... 1770 01:22:25,173 --> 01:22:28,165 I'm sorry. I just have to get this off my chest. 1771 01:22:28,243 --> 01:22:30,939 I am so sorry, I didn't tell you I had kids. 1772 01:22:31,680 --> 01:22:33,511 Yeah, what was that about? 1773 01:22:33,581 --> 01:22:35,947 Gosh. You know, that really surprised me. 1774 01:22:38,820 --> 01:22:40,754 No, you should have told me probably, but... 1775 01:22:40,822 --> 01:22:41,811 I'm sorry. I know. 1776 01:22:41,890 --> 01:22:43,983 What do I care if you have a kid? 1777 01:22:44,459 --> 01:22:46,120 Well, I have two kids. 1778 01:22:46,995 --> 01:22:49,395 Wow. Okay. How old are they? 1779 01:22:50,398 --> 01:22:51,456 Six. 1780 01:22:52,200 --> 01:22:53,428 Sixteen. 1781 01:22:53,902 --> 01:22:55,267 Twenty-one. 1782 01:22:56,137 --> 01:22:57,468 Forty-two. 1783 01:22:58,373 --> 01:23:00,307 Fifty-six. How many kids do you have? 1784 01:23:00,375 --> 01:23:02,206 I have three. Okay, three. 1785 01:23:02,277 --> 01:23:04,268 Yeah, and one of them has a kid. 1786 01:23:04,346 --> 01:23:05,643 A one-year-old. 1787 01:23:05,981 --> 01:23:07,710 That's cool. That's great. 1788 01:23:09,718 --> 01:23:13,210 I'm really glad we're doing this. Me, too. 1789 01:23:17,592 --> 01:23:19,116 Listen, Andy... 1790 01:23:19,527 --> 01:23:22,519 I don't want to send you running for the hills or anything, but... 1791 01:23:22,597 --> 01:23:27,296 I really feel like if we decide to do this again, then... 1792 01:23:29,437 --> 01:23:32,668 maybe we should hold off on the physical part for a while. 1793 01:23:34,576 --> 01:23:36,908 That is a fantastic idea. 1794 01:23:37,712 --> 01:23:39,179 Why didn't I think of that? 1795 01:23:39,247 --> 01:23:40,475 Really? Totally. 1796 01:23:40,548 --> 01:23:43,847 No sex? No. Why do that? 1797 01:23:43,918 --> 01:23:45,715 Because here's the thing. 1798 01:23:45,854 --> 01:23:47,048 From personal experience... 1799 01:23:47,122 --> 01:23:49,818 I found that sex can really complicate things. 1800 01:23:49,891 --> 01:23:52,951 And what we should be doing right now is getting to know each other. 1801 01:23:53,028 --> 01:23:54,052 Yeah. 1802 01:23:54,429 --> 01:23:56,420 Well, I never thought you'd go for it. 1803 01:23:56,498 --> 01:23:57,829 I'm going for it. 1804 01:23:57,899 --> 01:24:00,891 Well, that just is a great, great notion. 1805 01:24:01,836 --> 01:24:02,928 Are you serious? 1806 01:24:03,004 --> 01:24:05,802 Look at my face. Look at how serious I am. 1807 01:24:06,107 --> 01:24:07,836 Can you see my nostrils? 1808 01:24:07,909 --> 01:24:09,706 Yes. That's serious. 1809 01:24:10,011 --> 01:24:11,444 That's more angry. 1810 01:24:11,846 --> 01:24:14,076 Yeah, you know what, most guys would be saying: 1811 01:24:14,149 --> 01:24:17,380 "Yeah," right now, but, like, by the third date, it would be: 1812 01:24:17,452 --> 01:24:20,979 "Hey, baby, I really need to physically express how I feel"... 1813 01:24:21,056 --> 01:24:23,422 and all that stuff. Well, hey, baby... 1814 01:24:23,491 --> 01:24:26,585 you know, three dates... Make it 10, 10 dates. 1815 01:24:28,463 --> 01:24:29,760 How about 15? 1816 01:24:29,831 --> 01:24:33,562 Fifteen. Screw your 15. 20 dates. 1817 01:24:33,835 --> 01:24:35,894 Okay, 20 dates. Twenty dates. 1818 01:24:36,337 --> 01:24:38,532 Okay. This is genius. 1819 01:24:38,907 --> 01:24:40,272 It's gonna hurt. 1820 01:24:42,277 --> 01:24:44,245 Not as much as you think. 1821 01:24:45,980 --> 01:24:48,107 We can really get to know each other this way. 1822 01:24:48,183 --> 01:24:49,172 Yeah. 1823 01:24:49,617 --> 01:24:52,177 This is one, right? No, next one. 1824 01:24:53,922 --> 01:24:55,412 [Door opening] 1825 01:24:56,524 --> 01:24:57,616 [Clearing throat] 1826 01:24:58,126 --> 01:25:00,060 Is it safe to come in, or are you guys doing it? 1827 01:25:00,128 --> 01:25:01,789 Honey, it's safe. 1828 01:25:04,265 --> 01:25:05,289 Great. 1829 01:25:05,366 --> 01:25:07,027 (Trish) Well, good timing. 1830 01:25:07,368 --> 01:25:09,063 Yeah. (Trish) You remember Marla. 1831 01:25:09,137 --> 01:25:12,072 Hi, we met. And this is my little bunny rabbit. 1832 01:25:12,140 --> 01:25:13,573 Julia. Hey. 1833 01:25:13,641 --> 01:25:16,007 This is Andy. Julia, how you doing? 1834 01:25:16,978 --> 01:25:20,539 You know what, do you by any chance like magic? 1835 01:25:21,015 --> 01:25:23,506 Yeah. I thought that you might. 1836 01:25:23,585 --> 01:25:25,075 Because I noticed on the way in... 1837 01:25:25,153 --> 01:25:27,747 that you had something shiny behind your ear. 1838 01:25:27,822 --> 01:25:30,256 Marla, did you see that? Something behind her ear? 1839 01:25:30,325 --> 01:25:31,815 You think you do? Could I check? 1840 01:25:31,893 --> 01:25:34,191 Do you mind if I check behind your ear? 1841 01:25:34,429 --> 01:25:35,794 Big money! 1842 01:25:35,864 --> 01:25:36,853 [Exclaiming] 1843 01:25:37,232 --> 01:25:39,894 That's amazing. Wow, it is amazing. 1844 01:25:39,968 --> 01:25:42,061 There's something else, too, behind your ear, I think. 1845 01:25:42,137 --> 01:25:44,799 No, actually it's not behind your ear. I think it is your ear. 1846 01:25:44,873 --> 01:25:45,862 Rip! 1847 01:25:45,940 --> 01:25:49,398 It is your ear. There is your ear. 1848 01:25:49,477 --> 01:25:50,808 I ripped it off. 1849 01:25:50,879 --> 01:25:52,403 Gross! Yeah, that's... 1850 01:25:52,480 --> 01:25:55,608 All right. Wait. Okay, but that means that you... 1851 01:25:55,683 --> 01:25:58,652 walk around with a rubber ear in your pocket all day? 1852 01:25:59,487 --> 01:26:01,216 Yeah, like half the time. 1853 01:26:01,489 --> 01:26:03,354 You know, I can come to your high school... 1854 01:26:03,424 --> 01:26:05,392 and do it for your friends if you want. 1855 01:26:05,460 --> 01:26:07,291 You know what, I should head out. 1856 01:26:07,362 --> 01:26:08,693 Really? Yeah. 1857 01:26:08,763 --> 01:26:10,663 I have to give you a ride home. 1858 01:26:10,732 --> 01:26:11,960 Right. Yes, you do. 1859 01:26:12,033 --> 01:26:14,263 Yeah, 'cause you don't have a car or anything, right? 1860 01:26:14,335 --> 01:26:15,893 Right, I don't have a car. 1861 01:26:15,970 --> 01:26:18,598 'Cause he doesn't have a car, and he does magic. 1862 01:26:18,940 --> 01:26:19,998 Awesome. 1863 01:26:20,208 --> 01:26:22,802 And sarcasm is like a second language to me. 1864 01:26:22,877 --> 01:26:24,936 So, I'm right there with you. 1865 01:26:25,013 --> 01:26:26,002 [Laughing] 1866 01:26:28,049 --> 01:26:29,448 But, Dad... 1867 01:26:30,185 --> 01:26:33,484 I don't know how to love. 1868 01:26:34,355 --> 01:26:35,879 You never... 1869 01:26:35,957 --> 01:26:39,984 taught me how... 1870 01:26:40,295 --> 01:26:41,421 [ringing] 1871 01:26:43,331 --> 01:26:45,196 Hello. (Andy) Hey, Cal. 1872 01:26:45,366 --> 01:26:47,596 Hey. I just got back from a date. 1873 01:26:47,669 --> 01:26:49,762 Did you tell her you're a virgin? 1874 01:26:50,138 --> 01:26:52,265 No. I haven't gotten to that yet. 1875 01:26:52,340 --> 01:26:54,535 Really? Are you having sex right now? 1876 01:26:54,742 --> 01:26:56,937 No. She was incredible. 1877 01:26:57,278 --> 01:26:59,576 She was amazing. She didn't pressure me. 1878 01:26:59,647 --> 01:27:02,639 And she has three kids. 1879 01:27:02,717 --> 01:27:04,708 And one of her kids has a kid. 1880 01:27:04,819 --> 01:27:06,343 [Coughing] 1881 01:27:06,955 --> 01:27:08,217 You all right? 1882 01:27:08,656 --> 01:27:12,922 Did you just say she has three kids, one of whom has a kid? 1883 01:27:12,994 --> 01:27:15,428 Yeah. So, so, she's a grandma? 1884 01:27:15,630 --> 01:27:16,619 No. 1885 01:27:16,698 --> 01:27:18,461 I'm not a doctor or anything like that... 1886 01:27:18,533 --> 01:27:20,694 but she's a fucking grandma. 1887 01:27:21,536 --> 01:27:23,128 Yeah, whatever, you know. 1888 01:27:23,204 --> 01:27:24,603 She's the hottest grandma I ever saw. 1889 01:27:24,672 --> 01:27:26,105 Yeah, she is. She's a hot grandma. 1890 01:27:26,174 --> 01:27:28,904 That's a good-looking grandma. My grandma looks like Jack Palance. 1891 01:27:28,977 --> 01:27:30,001 Well, she's no Jack Palance. 1892 01:27:30,078 --> 01:27:31,807 No. If Jack Palance looked like that lady... 1893 01:27:31,879 --> 01:27:33,847 I would want to fuck Jack Palance right now. 1894 01:27:33,915 --> 01:27:34,939 Yeah, me, too. 1895 01:27:35,516 --> 01:27:36,642 She's a hot grandma. 1896 01:27:36,718 --> 01:27:38,583 Heck, yeah. No, do a grandma, man. 1897 01:27:38,653 --> 01:27:41,451 You should fuck her on her plastic-covered couch. 1898 01:27:42,223 --> 01:27:44,248 Fuck her while she watches Murder, She Wrote. 1899 01:27:44,325 --> 01:27:45,917 She would probably find that very erotic. 1900 01:27:45,994 --> 01:27:47,222 Yeah, whatever, you know. 1901 01:27:47,295 --> 01:27:50,787 Fuck her and then have her send you a check for $12 on your birthday. 1902 01:27:51,466 --> 01:27:53,730 I'm the dude with the hot granny. 1903 01:27:55,103 --> 01:27:56,866 (Andy) What did you want to talk to me about? 1904 01:27:56,938 --> 01:27:58,667 Well, Andy, the numbers just came in... 1905 01:27:58,740 --> 01:28:02,437 and you are by far our best salesman. 1906 01:28:02,810 --> 01:28:05,176 So, I am promoting you to floor manager. 1907 01:28:05,580 --> 01:28:07,411 This is the bullshit of all bullshits! 1908 01:28:07,482 --> 01:28:09,450 You scumbag! Ass kisser! 1909 01:28:11,786 --> 01:28:13,481 Thank you. That's great. 1910 01:28:13,821 --> 01:28:17,552 I understand you have a girlfriend. Yeah, kind of seeing somebody. 1911 01:28:17,992 --> 01:28:20,620 I'm very happy for you. Thanks. She's great. 1912 01:28:20,762 --> 01:28:22,389 Are you still a virgin? 1913 01:28:23,498 --> 01:28:24,965 You know, I don't really... 1914 01:28:25,033 --> 01:28:26,933 talk about my personal life. You're a virgin. 1915 01:28:27,001 --> 01:28:28,366 Yes, I am. Yeah. 1916 01:28:29,737 --> 01:28:31,466 My door is always open. 1917 01:28:32,073 --> 01:28:33,870 So to speak. Great. 1918 01:28:35,376 --> 01:28:36,741 Great. Thank you. 1919 01:28:37,245 --> 01:28:39,213 I'm very discreet. 1920 01:28:42,016 --> 01:28:44,450 But I'll haunt your dreams. 1921 01:28:46,354 --> 01:28:47,719 Okay. Okay. 1922 01:28:47,922 --> 01:28:48,911 [Sniffing] 1923 01:28:53,061 --> 01:28:54,460 Wow. 1924 01:28:56,331 --> 01:29:00,392 So who's gonna take my job? Cal will be taking over your job. 1925 01:29:00,468 --> 01:29:02,299 And he's interviewing people right now... 1926 01:29:02,370 --> 01:29:03,667 for his old job. 1927 01:29:03,738 --> 01:29:05,763 So, have you ever worked with electronics before? 1928 01:29:05,840 --> 01:29:06,966 No. No? 1929 01:29:07,208 --> 01:29:10,439 But I have electronics in my home. 1930 01:29:11,512 --> 01:29:15,471 Perfect. That's the job pretty much. You're very well-qualified. 1931 01:29:16,117 --> 01:29:17,641 More than these other losers. 1932 01:29:17,719 --> 01:29:18,708 [Laughs] 1933 01:29:19,187 --> 01:29:21,849 I could do that... Wait, last thing. 1934 01:29:21,923 --> 01:29:23,948 I'm also gonna need that extended warranty on it... 1935 01:29:24,025 --> 01:29:26,357 for the price of "on the house. " 1936 01:29:28,329 --> 01:29:29,626 That I can't do. 1937 01:29:29,697 --> 01:29:32,393 Hey, don't be a Negro. Be my nigger. All right? Help me out. 1938 01:29:32,467 --> 01:29:34,526 Hold up. I ain't nobody's nigger. 1939 01:29:35,503 --> 01:29:38,267 I mean, you're somebody's nigger wearing this nigger tie. 1940 01:29:38,339 --> 01:29:39,863 Now you being condescending. 1941 01:29:39,941 --> 01:29:43,433 See, you've been warned, all right? Just move forward amicably. 1942 01:29:43,511 --> 01:29:44,876 Okay. Well, check this out. 1943 01:29:44,946 --> 01:29:47,039 First of all, you're throwing too many big words at me. 1944 01:29:47,115 --> 01:29:48,810 Okay, now because I don't understand them... 1945 01:29:48,883 --> 01:29:50,350 I'm gonna take them as disrespect. 1946 01:29:50,418 --> 01:29:52,784 Watch your mouth, and help me with the sale. 1947 01:29:52,854 --> 01:29:55,550 Okay, see, now you found yourself a nigger. 1948 01:29:55,623 --> 01:29:58,456 You were looking for a nigger? Nigger here now. See? 1949 01:29:58,526 --> 01:30:01,825 Today's forecast: Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by. 1950 01:30:02,029 --> 01:30:04,020 You want to go? I suggest you move back. 1951 01:30:04,098 --> 01:30:05,725 Then, nig, fire on. 1952 01:30:05,800 --> 01:30:07,097 What are we gonna do? 1953 01:30:07,635 --> 01:30:10,399 What are you gonna do, Mr. Floor Manager? 1954 01:30:11,806 --> 01:30:13,034 Go, get them, tiger. 1955 01:30:13,107 --> 01:30:14,768 This shit just got rigged. 1956 01:30:14,842 --> 01:30:16,742 What are you gonna do, bitch? I'll tell you what. 1957 01:30:16,811 --> 01:30:18,745 You know Luca Perry from 20th and 25th? 1958 01:30:18,813 --> 01:30:20,610 You ever heard of, Rolling 20s, nigger? 1959 01:30:20,681 --> 01:30:23,047 Since I was 16, nigger, I'm saying "frosty. " 1960 01:30:23,117 --> 01:30:24,778 You know what I'm saying, "spoon", nigger. 1961 01:30:24,852 --> 01:30:26,513 We fucked dwarfs in the ass. 1962 01:30:26,587 --> 01:30:28,521 Nigger, this dwarf here don't got to be tall... 1963 01:30:28,589 --> 01:30:30,386 to pull the trigger off in somebody face! 1964 01:30:30,458 --> 01:30:32,688 Come on nigger, back up. What's up? Hey... 1965 01:30:32,760 --> 01:30:33,988 Welcome to Smart Tech. 1966 01:30:34,061 --> 01:30:35,460 Is this your boy? What can I help you with? 1967 01:30:35,530 --> 01:30:37,225 Yeah, nigger, we will both mash you! 1968 01:30:37,298 --> 01:30:39,027 How can we help you, sir? Nigger, what? 1969 01:30:39,100 --> 01:30:41,466 No, he don't need no help. He's already been served. 1970 01:30:41,536 --> 01:30:44,403 I served him. He's taken care of. He's a little slow, but he got it. 1971 01:30:44,472 --> 01:30:47,168 See, what he thought was he can come up in here and make the rules. 1972 01:30:47,241 --> 01:30:49,641 But now he see that Jay make the moves at Smart Tech... 1973 01:30:49,710 --> 01:30:52,577 that I run this, bitch and now he bought the bounce. 1974 01:30:53,948 --> 01:30:55,108 This your boy? 1975 01:30:55,249 --> 01:30:57,774 Yeah, that's my boy. We represent Smart Tech. 1976 01:30:57,852 --> 01:30:59,319 You just got fucked up with him. 1977 01:30:59,387 --> 01:31:01,912 Both y'all niggers going get clapped up when I get back. 1978 01:31:02,957 --> 01:31:04,219 Both of you all niggers. 1979 01:31:04,292 --> 01:31:06,419 What did I do? It don't fucking matter! 1980 01:31:06,661 --> 01:31:09,858 Yeah, aim high, Willis. Aim high! 1981 01:31:09,931 --> 01:31:11,398 Please don't do this. 1982 01:31:12,233 --> 01:31:14,224 Jay, what's going on? 1983 01:31:16,404 --> 01:31:17,735 Jill broke up with me. 1984 01:31:17,805 --> 01:31:20,296 I'm so sorry. What happened? 1985 01:31:20,541 --> 01:31:22,634 I came home a little tipsy. 1986 01:31:22,910 --> 01:31:25,310 And I had one of my condoms on still. 1987 01:31:27,348 --> 01:31:30,613 Woke up the next morning and jumped in the shower with her. 1988 01:31:31,285 --> 01:31:33,310 I don't know what I was thinking. 1989 01:31:33,387 --> 01:31:34,513 Why did you cheat on her? 1990 01:31:34,589 --> 01:31:36,887 Because I'm insecure! You can't tell? 1991 01:31:36,958 --> 01:31:39,358 I know, man. It's gonna be okay. 1992 01:31:39,427 --> 01:31:41,554 I'm cold. It's gonna be all right, man. 1993 01:31:41,629 --> 01:31:43,256 Seriously, man, I'm sorry. 1994 01:31:43,564 --> 01:31:45,293 I apologize to you. I know. 1995 01:31:45,366 --> 01:31:47,197 If you wanna have a meaningful relationship... 1996 01:31:47,268 --> 01:31:49,498 you've got to leave the sex out of it, man. You're right. 1997 01:31:49,570 --> 01:31:50,764 It's all right. You're good. 1998 01:31:50,838 --> 01:31:52,669 I'm sorry. Come here. I love you, man. 1999 01:31:52,740 --> 01:31:54,230 Man, I love you, too. 2000 01:31:55,443 --> 01:31:57,104 You're a good guy. 2001 01:31:59,247 --> 01:32:01,681 Do you know how I know you guys are gay? 2002 01:32:01,749 --> 01:32:04,183 You're holding each other ever so gently. 2003 01:32:04,252 --> 01:32:05,241 Cabrón. 2004 01:32:06,020 --> 01:32:08,113 [Whooping] 2005 01:32:10,424 --> 01:32:11,686 [Exclaiming] 2006 01:32:11,759 --> 01:32:12,851 (Trish) Bravo. 2007 01:32:13,327 --> 01:32:14,919 At least he can cook, Mom. 2008 01:32:15,296 --> 01:32:19,027 ##[Believe It Or Not (The Greatest American Hero theme) playing] 2009 01:32:19,100 --> 01:32:21,728 I love... Spiderman. 2010 01:32:26,140 --> 01:32:27,198 [Whooping] 2011 01:32:35,016 --> 01:32:37,280 Pull out slowly and go straight ahead. 2012 01:32:37,385 --> 01:32:38,409 [Screaming] 2013 01:32:58,439 --> 01:32:59,906 ##[Humming] 2014 01:33:00,942 --> 01:33:02,068 [Exclaims] 2015 01:33:05,880 --> 01:33:07,040 I'm all right. 2016 01:33:07,548 --> 01:33:08,674 Nobody's there. 2017 01:33:08,849 --> 01:33:11,113 (Trish) I want to know everything about you. 2018 01:33:11,185 --> 01:33:12,243 I want to tell you. 2019 01:33:12,320 --> 01:33:13,344 You do? Yeah. 2020 01:33:13,421 --> 01:33:16,254 Like, what do you want to do? What are your dreams? 2021 01:33:16,657 --> 01:33:19,592 You don't wanna work at Smart Tech for the rest of your life. 2022 01:33:20,227 --> 01:33:22,320 I've been working there for a long time. 2023 01:33:22,396 --> 01:33:26,093 And I've been thinking lately that maybe I should open my own store. 2024 01:33:26,367 --> 01:33:27,425 Really? Yeah. 2025 01:33:27,501 --> 01:33:30,937 What kind of store? Well, like a stereo store. 2026 01:33:31,005 --> 01:33:33,371 Oh, my God, that is... Why don't you do that? 2027 01:33:33,441 --> 01:33:35,102 I don't have enough money to do that. 2028 01:33:35,176 --> 01:33:36,643 What about those collectibles? 2029 01:33:36,711 --> 01:33:38,975 I bet if you sold those, you could make a lot of money. 2030 01:33:39,046 --> 01:33:42,880 I just sold a guy's G. I. Joe for $1,000. 2031 01:33:43,217 --> 01:33:44,707 Really? Do you have any of those? 2032 01:33:44,785 --> 01:33:45,911 Yeah. You do? 2033 01:33:45,987 --> 01:33:47,045 I have 47 of them. 2034 01:33:47,121 --> 01:33:48,315 No, you don't. 2035 01:33:48,389 --> 01:33:50,380 Yeah, in their original boxes. You do? 2036 01:33:50,458 --> 01:33:52,551 I could help you sell them on eBay. 2037 01:33:52,627 --> 01:33:55,721 I would not take a commission, I swear to God. 2038 01:33:55,796 --> 01:33:58,856 You could do it. You could totally pull it off. 2039 01:34:00,334 --> 01:34:02,359 Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. 2040 01:34:20,521 --> 01:34:21,715 Aquaman. 2041 01:34:22,156 --> 01:34:23,248 Here. 2042 01:34:23,724 --> 01:34:25,089 Clothes on. 2043 01:34:26,894 --> 01:34:28,794 I'll send you off to... 2044 01:34:29,864 --> 01:34:32,799 a farm with lots of land. 2045 01:34:32,867 --> 01:34:35,665 So, you and other Aquamen can run around... 2046 01:34:36,771 --> 01:34:39,239 and play in the Aquafields. 2047 01:34:49,450 --> 01:34:51,475 Godspeed, Col. Steve Austin. 2048 01:34:53,921 --> 01:34:56,355 You don't wanna go, do you? Okay, you can stay. 2049 01:34:56,424 --> 01:34:58,289 Steve Austin can stay. 2050 01:35:02,263 --> 01:35:03,753 Hey, Cal. David. 2051 01:35:03,964 --> 01:35:06,159 Way to sell a big TV. 2052 01:35:06,233 --> 01:35:07,757 She likes you, man. 2053 01:35:07,968 --> 01:35:09,959 Too bad I retired my penis. 2054 01:35:10,271 --> 01:35:13,468 Mooj, we try to be fair with the schedule but it's hard. 2055 01:35:13,641 --> 01:35:17,168 Okay, but why every damn schedule comes up, I get most early shift? 2056 01:35:17,244 --> 01:35:20,111 It's bullshit. Nobody buys stereo at 10:00 in the morning. 2057 01:35:20,181 --> 01:35:21,239 No, I understand. 2058 01:35:21,315 --> 01:35:24,250 People buy stereo between 6:00 and 8:00. 2059 01:35:24,318 --> 01:35:25,307 Mmm-hmm. 2060 01:35:25,386 --> 01:35:28,844 Rich men get off work, then buy stereo. 2061 01:35:28,923 --> 01:35:31,448 Right. Not after fucking brunch. 2062 01:35:31,525 --> 01:35:33,152 Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. 2063 01:35:33,227 --> 01:35:35,821 I'm going to give you a couple of Jay's shifts. 2064 01:35:35,930 --> 01:35:38,558 And then I'll give you a couple of mine and that way... 2065 01:35:38,632 --> 01:35:41,795 we'll all be equal, okay. Thank you, Andy. 2066 01:35:42,103 --> 01:35:43,229 It's okay. 2067 01:35:43,637 --> 01:35:45,195 You're a good man, Andy. 2068 01:35:47,374 --> 01:35:50,275 By the way, what date are you on, now? 2069 01:35:50,678 --> 01:35:53,272 I think it's around 17. 2070 01:35:53,347 --> 01:35:56,111 It's hard to tell what actually constitutes a date, though. 2071 01:35:56,183 --> 01:36:00,051 Three to go. So that means you're gonna have sex in three days. 2072 01:36:00,755 --> 01:36:03,155 Maybe, I might try to space them out a little bit. 2073 01:36:03,224 --> 01:36:05,749 I'll pray for your cock. Okay, thanks. 2074 01:36:05,960 --> 01:36:08,019 Thanks. Thank you. Have a good cocky. 2075 01:36:08,195 --> 01:36:10,789 Trish is on the phone. Here is a shock. 2076 01:36:10,865 --> 01:36:12,833 Girlfriend with a problem. Hello. 2077 01:36:13,100 --> 01:36:15,330 (Marla) I have done everything but sex! 2078 01:36:15,402 --> 01:36:17,870 I'm a woman, okay? Deal with it! 2079 01:36:17,938 --> 01:36:20,031 I'm gonna start taking you back to church. 2080 01:36:20,107 --> 01:36:22,075 We are gonna start going to church. 2081 01:36:22,143 --> 01:36:23,633 Hello? (Marla) You know what? 2082 01:36:23,711 --> 01:36:25,042 What the hell are you talking about? 2083 01:36:25,112 --> 01:36:27,774 Oh, my God, I cannot believe this. Thank God you're here. 2084 01:36:27,848 --> 01:36:30,817 Jesus Christ. Marla locked herself in the bathroom. 2085 01:36:30,885 --> 01:36:31,874 What happened? 2086 01:36:31,952 --> 01:36:33,749 She wants to go to the family health clinic. 2087 01:36:33,821 --> 01:36:35,846 She wants birth control. But she's too young. 2088 01:36:35,923 --> 01:36:39,120 I want to have sex with my boyfriend! But I can't, Mom! 2089 01:36:39,193 --> 01:36:40,455 So, you want me to take her? 2090 01:36:40,528 --> 01:36:42,621 No, I don't want you to take her. Okay, all right. 2091 01:36:42,696 --> 01:36:45,529 I want her to keep it in her pants until she gets to college. 2092 01:36:45,599 --> 01:36:46,657 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 2093 01:36:46,734 --> 01:36:47,996 "Keep it in my pants"? 2094 01:36:48,068 --> 01:36:50,696 Okay, you didn't keep it in your pants, Mom. 2095 01:36:50,771 --> 01:36:54,229 I know. I don't want you to make the same mistakes as me, Marla. 2096 01:36:54,308 --> 01:36:57,334 Mistakes? Okay, so I was a mistake then. 2097 01:36:57,411 --> 01:37:01,347 No, you're not a mistake. Your sister was the mistake. 2098 01:37:02,049 --> 01:37:03,539 Oh, my God! 2099 01:37:03,951 --> 01:37:06,784 Her older sister, I mean, she wasn't planned, you know what I mean? 2100 01:37:06,854 --> 01:37:09,379 Because I was such a... Oh, God, you wanna run away, don't you? 2101 01:37:09,456 --> 01:37:10,514 No. 2102 01:37:10,591 --> 01:37:13,424 You and your boyfriend have sex all the time! 2103 01:37:13,494 --> 01:37:15,223 Oh, my God! Are you kidding? 2104 01:37:15,296 --> 01:37:17,127 We never have sex. Do we ever have sex? 2105 01:37:17,198 --> 01:37:18,529 No, we don't. 2106 01:37:18,799 --> 01:37:20,630 What? Yes, you do! 2107 01:37:20,701 --> 01:37:23,363 You're such a liar! Why do you lie to me? 2108 01:37:23,437 --> 01:37:24,461 Why? 2109 01:37:24,538 --> 01:37:25,630 [Door slamming] 2110 01:37:25,706 --> 01:37:27,173 [Muttering] 2111 01:37:28,042 --> 01:37:30,010 I didn't hear anything after "a liar. " 2112 01:37:30,077 --> 01:37:32,910 What did she say after "a liar"? She sounds like a tea kettle. 2113 01:37:32,980 --> 01:37:34,880 Fuck you! 2114 01:37:34,982 --> 01:37:36,176 [Crying] 2115 01:37:37,184 --> 01:37:39,675 Maybe I should take her. No, I don't think so. 2116 01:37:39,753 --> 01:37:42,187 You know, a little information never hurt anybody. 2117 01:37:56,237 --> 01:37:57,295 Cool. 2118 01:37:58,372 --> 01:37:59,430 Wow! 2119 01:38:01,909 --> 01:38:04,002 Where do you put the penis? 2120 01:38:04,912 --> 01:38:06,243 Oh, shit. 2121 01:38:16,657 --> 01:38:18,318 It is... 2122 01:38:19,159 --> 01:38:20,751 not a Rubik's Cube. 2123 01:38:23,430 --> 01:38:24,419 Shit. 2124 01:38:26,166 --> 01:38:28,259 God, how much longer are they gonna make us wait? 2125 01:38:28,335 --> 01:38:30,860 [Exclaims] I don't know. They should be out in a second. 2126 01:38:31,305 --> 01:38:32,363 Now, you're all here... 2127 01:38:32,439 --> 01:38:34,839 because you're interested in obtaining birth control. 2128 01:38:34,909 --> 01:38:36,171 Any questions? 2129 01:38:36,777 --> 01:38:39,109 Here's a cute story. I came home the other day... 2130 01:38:39,179 --> 01:38:42,171 and he is with his girlfriend in my marital bed... 2131 01:38:42,249 --> 01:38:45,184 doing things that are illegal in Alabama. 2132 01:38:45,319 --> 01:38:48,618 Sex acts, right? Things that my wife won't do, okay? 2133 01:38:49,056 --> 01:38:51,889 Did you have a question? How do I get my wife to do that? 2134 01:38:51,992 --> 01:38:53,391 Does anybody else have a question? 2135 01:38:53,460 --> 01:38:56,793 My daughter is, for lack of a better word... 2136 01:38:57,197 --> 01:38:58,289 dumb. 2137 01:38:58,565 --> 01:39:00,760 How do I stop her menstrual cycle? 2138 01:39:00,834 --> 01:39:03,098 You want her to stop having a menstrual cycle? 2139 01:39:03,170 --> 01:39:05,798 I want to stop it, maybe just for a few years. 2140 01:39:05,873 --> 01:39:08,103 Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea. 2141 01:39:08,175 --> 01:39:11,269 Does anybody else have a question? I have a question. 2142 01:39:11,345 --> 01:39:15,179 I think some of the people here might be sexually inexperienced. 2143 01:39:15,783 --> 01:39:18,843 Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it? 2144 01:39:19,219 --> 01:39:20,846 Is that a serious question? 2145 01:39:20,921 --> 01:39:22,548 No. It wasn't. (Judith) Okay. 2146 01:39:23,157 --> 01:39:26,786 Now, there are a lot of activities that you can engage in... 2147 01:39:26,860 --> 01:39:29,693 without having sex that are both fun and safe. 2148 01:39:29,763 --> 01:39:31,856 What sort of activities? I think... 2149 01:39:31,932 --> 01:39:34,162 everybody wants to know about the activities. 2150 01:39:34,234 --> 01:39:38,796 Well, instead of having intercourse, you could have outer-course. 2151 01:39:39,273 --> 01:39:41,400 Outer-course? What's that? 2152 01:39:41,508 --> 01:39:42,873 Yeah, what is that? 2153 01:39:42,943 --> 01:39:47,073 Outer-course is anything that isn't vaginal intercourse. 2154 01:39:47,381 --> 01:39:49,372 I prefer vaginal intercourse. 2155 01:39:49,550 --> 01:39:50,847 [Chuckling] 2156 01:39:51,051 --> 01:39:52,348 He really does. 2157 01:39:52,686 --> 01:39:56,247 Now, there are ways of having sex without intercourse. 2158 01:39:57,391 --> 01:40:00,792 Let's see, there are things like body rubbing or dry humping. 2159 01:40:00,861 --> 01:40:02,192 You could dry hump. 2160 01:40:02,262 --> 01:40:05,390 There is masturbation. Masturbation. Play with yourself. 2161 01:40:05,466 --> 01:40:07,491 Mutual masturbation. Play with a friend. 2162 01:40:07,568 --> 01:40:11,163 Deep kissing. There is erotic massage. 2163 01:40:11,238 --> 01:40:13,103 That sounds like it would be nice. 2164 01:40:13,173 --> 01:40:15,767 Oral sex play. Sounds like my Friday night. 2165 01:40:15,843 --> 01:40:17,743 Shut up, Seth. We went to temple. 2166 01:40:17,811 --> 01:40:19,608 Okay, are there any virgins here... 2167 01:40:19,680 --> 01:40:22,376 who are thinking about having sex for the first time? 2168 01:40:23,650 --> 01:40:24,639 Oh. 2169 01:40:25,085 --> 01:40:27,212 Wait. So you're a virgin? 2170 01:40:27,521 --> 01:40:28,510 [Snickers] 2171 01:40:29,790 --> 01:40:32,657 I'd tap that. Oh, yeah, you'd "tap that"? 2172 01:40:32,726 --> 01:40:35,695 Seth, what, you think you're cool with your little Jew fro? 2173 01:40:35,763 --> 01:40:38,994 We don't say, "tap that. " What are you talking about, Seth? 2174 01:40:39,066 --> 01:40:41,364 You know what, I'm a virgin, too. 2175 01:40:41,435 --> 01:40:42,959 [People laughing] 2176 01:40:43,404 --> 01:40:44,530 That's... 2177 01:40:44,605 --> 01:40:46,470 We're virgins, too. Yeah. 2178 01:40:48,409 --> 01:40:51,378 No, you know what, it's a personal choice... 2179 01:40:51,445 --> 01:40:52,969 and I don't think it's weird at all. 2180 01:40:53,047 --> 01:40:54,309 You know what your problem is? 2181 01:40:54,381 --> 01:40:56,110 You're putting the pussy on a pedestal. 2182 01:40:56,183 --> 01:40:57,912 That's the second time I've heard that. 2183 01:40:57,985 --> 01:40:59,919 What is the "pussy on a pedestal" thing? 2184 01:40:59,987 --> 01:41:03,855 Okay, I can't listen to anymore of this, 'cause it's making me sick. 2185 01:41:03,924 --> 01:41:04,913 So, bye. 2186 01:41:04,992 --> 01:41:07,153 You can get this information on your website, right? 2187 01:41:07,227 --> 01:41:08,956 (Judith) Yes. Thanks. Nice meeting everybody. 2188 01:41:09,029 --> 01:41:10,155 Any other questions? 2189 01:41:10,230 --> 01:41:12,164 Do you have any extra-large condoms? 2190 01:41:12,232 --> 01:41:14,063 Seth, you got a tiny penis. 2191 01:41:16,804 --> 01:41:17,793 [Sighing] 2192 01:41:18,172 --> 01:41:21,300 So, I made that all up to help you out. 2193 01:41:23,377 --> 01:41:24,901 No, you didn't. 2194 01:41:25,145 --> 01:41:28,478 But thank you for doing that. 2195 01:41:31,351 --> 01:41:32,978 How can you tell? 2196 01:41:33,153 --> 01:41:35,587 Well, you know, I go to school with, like, 400 guys... 2197 01:41:35,656 --> 01:41:37,089 who are all trying to have sex. 2198 01:41:37,157 --> 01:41:39,125 And, yeah, so I can tell who's done it. 2199 01:41:39,193 --> 01:41:40,251 Of course. 2200 01:41:40,327 --> 01:41:43,228 And you really haven't? No, I really haven't. 2201 01:41:43,730 --> 01:41:46,130 Please don't tell your mom, okay? 2202 01:41:46,200 --> 01:41:47,929 Yeah, I won't. Thanks. 2203 01:41:48,035 --> 01:41:51,198 But when are you gonna tell her? 2204 01:41:51,405 --> 01:41:53,373 Believe me, I'm working on it. 2205 01:41:54,741 --> 01:41:56,470 I am working on it. 2206 01:41:59,480 --> 01:42:00,708 Do you have any weed? 2207 01:42:02,683 --> 01:42:03,911 Yeah. You do have some. 2208 01:42:03,984 --> 01:42:06,111 Can spare any or is it all spoken for? 2209 01:42:06,820 --> 01:42:08,845 I mean, like what are we talking? Are we... 2210 01:42:08,922 --> 01:42:11,390 Just enough to get me baked for like a week. 2211 01:42:11,625 --> 01:42:12,683 That's a lot of weed. 2212 01:42:12,759 --> 01:42:14,693 Yeah, I am taking vacation next week, so... 2213 01:42:14,761 --> 01:42:16,592 Where are you going? I'm not going anywhere. 2214 01:42:16,663 --> 01:42:18,460 I'll stay in my apartment. Just getting baked? 2215 01:42:18,532 --> 01:42:20,022 I want to be baked the whole time. 2216 01:42:20,100 --> 01:42:22,466 Watch TV, I'll probably re-watch Gandhi. 2217 01:42:23,103 --> 01:42:25,037 Gandhi baked is good. Yes, isn't it? 2218 01:42:25,105 --> 01:42:26,732 I always feel bad when I watch it baked... 2219 01:42:26,807 --> 01:42:28,741 'cause I get really hungry and I'm eating a lot... 2220 01:42:28,809 --> 01:42:29,833 and poor Gandhi is... 2221 01:42:29,910 --> 01:42:31,639 fucking starving his ass off. Starving, I know. 2222 01:42:31,712 --> 01:42:34,180 ##[music playing on TV] 2223 01:42:35,249 --> 01:42:36,739 Sounds good. Yeah. 2224 01:42:36,817 --> 01:42:39,547 I'm going to take her to capacity. Are you okay with that? 2225 01:42:39,620 --> 01:42:40,951 Give it a shot. 2226 01:42:41,021 --> 01:42:43,148 Freak! Oh, yeah! 2227 01:42:44,858 --> 01:42:47,486 Michael McDonald, man, I haven't heard this in years. 2228 01:42:47,561 --> 01:42:49,688 Yeah, I haven't heard it in like 48 minutes. 2229 01:42:50,430 --> 01:42:53,160 If I get the set, will you throw in the DVD? 2230 01:42:53,233 --> 01:42:55,497 You don't get the set. I'll throw in the DVD. 2231 01:42:56,003 --> 01:42:57,061 I'll take it. 2232 01:42:57,137 --> 01:42:58,934 Really? Yeah. 2233 01:42:59,940 --> 01:43:02,135 Y'all want to see something beautiful? Come here. 2234 01:43:02,209 --> 01:43:05,372 You want to see the most beautiful thing in the world? Check this out. 2235 01:43:05,445 --> 01:43:09,176 This is my baby right here. That's my baby's dick right there. 2236 01:43:09,816 --> 01:43:11,545 Looks like a poltergeist. 2237 01:43:11,852 --> 01:43:13,149 That is his foot. 2238 01:43:13,220 --> 01:43:15,552 Look at his dick. That's not even four months. 2239 01:43:15,622 --> 01:43:16,953 Extrapolate that. 2240 01:43:17,024 --> 01:43:19,390 By the time he's 30, what's gonna happen? 2241 01:43:19,459 --> 01:43:21,757 Yo, Andy! Come check this out, dawg. 2242 01:43:21,828 --> 01:43:24,388 Is this the movie about babies that are geniuses? 2243 01:43:24,464 --> 01:43:26,955 No, this is my child, dude. Jill is pregnant. 2244 01:43:27,034 --> 01:43:28,160 That's yours? (Jay) Yeah. 2245 01:43:28,235 --> 01:43:30,260 That's why she broke up with me in the first place... 2246 01:43:30,337 --> 01:43:32,567 'cause she just thought that I wouldn't be a good father... 2247 01:43:32,639 --> 01:43:34,971 in light of the fact that I'd be cheating on her all the time. 2248 01:43:35,042 --> 01:43:36,737 But she got over all that. It's cool now. 2249 01:43:36,810 --> 01:43:38,744 Congratulations, man. That is great. 2250 01:43:39,012 --> 01:43:40,570 We having a party tonight, Andy... 2251 01:43:40,647 --> 01:43:42,205 and I really want you to be there, man. 2252 01:43:42,282 --> 01:43:44,773 We celebrating and I really, really want you to be there. 2253 01:43:44,851 --> 01:43:47,342 It looks like the Doppler radar. 2254 01:43:47,421 --> 01:43:48,479 Can you believe that? 2255 01:43:48,555 --> 01:43:50,182 This child ain't even four months old. 2256 01:43:50,257 --> 01:43:52,521 He ain't four months old yet. Look at what he's packing. 2257 01:43:52,593 --> 01:43:55,118 Everybody dick looks big on 60-inch TV. 2258 01:43:55,195 --> 01:43:57,755 My sister's dick looks big on TV, okay? 2259 01:43:58,732 --> 01:44:01,394 Oh, my God, this guy, Eric Gilliland... 2260 01:44:01,868 --> 01:44:04,462 he has bought, like, 15 of these. Really? 2261 01:44:04,538 --> 01:44:07,507 Yeah, I think he likes action figures even more than you. 2262 01:44:07,574 --> 01:44:10,099 That is impossible. I think so. 2263 01:44:10,978 --> 01:44:14,277 Andy, the way these things are flying off your shelf... 2264 01:44:14,348 --> 01:44:17,317 you know, I think you could actually make like... 2265 01:44:17,818 --> 01:44:19,376 maybe like $100,000. 2266 01:44:19,453 --> 01:44:21,614 Really? Yeah, you could open your store. 2267 01:44:21,688 --> 01:44:23,087 Wow. Honey... 2268 01:44:23,223 --> 01:44:25,384 That's a lot of money. I know. 2269 01:44:25,459 --> 01:44:28,121 That's incredible. I wouldn't have done it without you. 2270 01:44:28,195 --> 01:44:29,389 Thanks. 2271 01:44:30,063 --> 01:44:32,861 And that's not the only good news. What? 2272 01:44:33,300 --> 01:44:36,269 You know what tonight is? Survivor is on? 2273 01:44:37,571 --> 01:44:39,095 No. I know. 2274 01:44:39,706 --> 01:44:42,266 Is it The Apprentice? 2275 01:44:43,210 --> 01:44:44,199 No. 2276 01:44:44,978 --> 01:44:46,070 What? 2277 01:44:48,782 --> 01:44:53,116 It's our 20th date. 2278 01:44:59,660 --> 01:45:01,093 Wow. Yeah. 2279 01:45:01,161 --> 01:45:02,492 Really? Uh-huh. 2280 01:45:02,562 --> 01:45:05,861 Seriously? I think we're at 18. 2281 01:45:05,932 --> 01:45:07,661 'Cause there were a couple of dates there... 2282 01:45:07,734 --> 01:45:09,599 that don't really count as dates. No. 2283 01:45:09,670 --> 01:45:12,332 I'll give you a free pass on those other ones. 2284 01:45:13,373 --> 01:45:14,533 Thank you. 2285 01:45:14,608 --> 01:45:15,734 Listen. What? 2286 01:45:15,809 --> 01:45:17,037 Listen. Mmm-hmm. 2287 01:45:18,545 --> 01:45:20,172 I really like you. 2288 01:45:26,153 --> 01:45:27,950 I think I'm falling for you. 2289 01:45:28,789 --> 01:45:32,555 I don't know. I kind of see this going somewhere. 2290 01:45:32,893 --> 01:45:34,087 I do, too. 2291 01:45:34,194 --> 01:45:37,391 I just think we should just go crazy on each other. 2292 01:45:38,632 --> 01:45:40,623 Okay. Okay? 2293 01:45:41,501 --> 01:45:42,763 Oh, thank God! 2294 01:45:45,572 --> 01:45:46,561 Oh! 2295 01:45:47,240 --> 01:45:49,674 Okay, I should... I gotta pick those up. 2296 01:45:49,743 --> 01:45:50,869 Don't pick them up now. 2297 01:45:50,944 --> 01:45:52,275 No, I have to pick those up right now. 2298 01:45:52,346 --> 01:45:54,439 Wait, we'll get them later. Listen, no, I can't, no. 2299 01:45:54,514 --> 01:45:56,141 Listen, it's really important because... 2300 01:45:56,216 --> 01:45:58,480 once the integrity of the box gets compromised... 2301 01:45:58,552 --> 01:46:00,850 This is original packaging and that's why these things... 2302 01:46:00,921 --> 01:46:03,082 are so valuable. So you don't screw with that. 2303 01:46:03,156 --> 01:46:05,147 You really don't screw with that. All right. 2304 01:46:05,225 --> 01:46:07,284 We can wrap them again later, you know. 2305 01:46:07,361 --> 01:46:08,726 Yeah, I know. But you know what... 2306 01:46:08,795 --> 01:46:10,922 this is very important that we don't lose the value... 2307 01:46:10,997 --> 01:46:12,328 and compromise the integrity of it. 2308 01:46:12,399 --> 01:46:14,629 Andy, I'm throwing myself at you and... 2309 01:46:14,701 --> 01:46:16,726 all you can think about is a fucking toy. 2310 01:46:16,803 --> 01:46:19,897 They're not fucking toys! This is Iron Man, okay? 2311 01:46:19,973 --> 01:46:22,407 I got this when I was in second grade. 2312 01:46:22,609 --> 01:46:25,305 Do you know how hard it is for a kid to not open that? 2313 01:46:25,379 --> 01:46:26,607 This is important. 2314 01:46:26,680 --> 01:46:27,977 These are my things... 2315 01:46:28,048 --> 01:46:31,347 and you are trying to make me sell them and I don't want to. 2316 01:46:31,418 --> 01:46:32,749 No. And you're making me. 2317 01:46:32,819 --> 01:46:34,946 I'm not making... You are encouraging me... 2318 01:46:35,021 --> 01:46:37,148 to quit my job. I'm not! I'm not trying to... 2319 01:46:37,224 --> 01:46:39,954 You want me to open a store. You want me to sell everything. 2320 01:46:40,026 --> 01:46:41,789 You know what, I'm gonna tell you something. 2321 01:46:41,862 --> 01:46:44,990 I don't just change like that. I can't just change for you. 2322 01:46:45,065 --> 01:46:47,966 I don't... I'm not trying to change you. I like you. 2323 01:46:48,034 --> 01:46:50,161 I'm just... I'm trying to help you grow up, Andy. 2324 01:46:50,237 --> 01:46:51,898 Well, thanks a lot. 2325 01:46:51,972 --> 01:46:55,999 I mean, my God, you ride a bicycle to work in a stockroom. 2326 01:46:56,076 --> 01:46:58,408 You know what, I'm not in the stockroom anymore. 2327 01:46:58,478 --> 01:46:59,968 I'm a floor manager. Okay. 2328 01:47:00,046 --> 01:47:03,072 And I ride a bike because I like to. Einstein rode a bike. 2329 01:47:03,150 --> 01:47:05,846 He had a wife who he fucked, by the way. 2330 01:47:06,520 --> 01:47:08,818 What do I have to do for you to have sex with me? 2331 01:47:08,889 --> 01:47:11,380 Do you want me to dress up like Thor? I'll dress up like Thor. 2332 01:47:11,458 --> 01:47:13,050 I'll dress up like Iron Man. 2333 01:47:13,126 --> 01:47:14,855 What do they do? I'll do it. 2334 01:47:14,928 --> 01:47:16,793 What? Everything's always about sex. 2335 01:47:16,863 --> 01:47:18,455 Why don't you want to have sex with me? 2336 01:47:18,532 --> 01:47:21,000 Why not? Tell me. You tell me the truth. 2337 01:47:21,067 --> 01:47:23,262 Is it because I have a kid who has a kid? Is that why? 2338 01:47:23,336 --> 01:47:24,860 No, it's cool that you're a grandmother. 2339 01:47:24,938 --> 01:47:26,565 I love the fact that you're a grandmother. 2340 01:47:26,640 --> 01:47:29,200 Oh, God! You are. You're a hot grandma. 2341 01:47:29,276 --> 01:47:30,436 Oh, my God! 2342 01:47:30,510 --> 01:47:32,603 You are so mean! Get out! 2343 01:47:32,679 --> 01:47:35,409 Okay, fine. Good! Good, fine. You're gonna go. 2344 01:47:35,482 --> 01:47:38,849 I didn't ask for any of this. You asked for all of it, Andy. 2345 01:47:39,252 --> 01:47:40,651 Okay. Great. 2346 01:47:42,322 --> 01:47:43,516 [Door slamming] 2347 01:47:43,723 --> 01:47:44,712 Okay. 2348 01:47:45,091 --> 01:47:46,683 That's the way you want it... 2349 01:47:46,760 --> 01:47:49,695 that's the way homie's gonna play it. 2350 01:47:50,797 --> 01:47:52,458 Yeah. Truth be told. 2351 01:48:02,008 --> 01:48:03,669 [Car horn blaring] 2352 01:48:06,546 --> 01:48:08,878 ##[Hip-hop music playing] 2353 01:48:09,916 --> 01:48:12,077 Baby, you better enjoy yourself tonight... 2354 01:48:12,152 --> 01:48:14,484 'cause once this baby's born, you ain't going out again... 2355 01:48:14,554 --> 01:48:15,578 till that baby is in college. 2356 01:48:15,655 --> 01:48:16,883 Me? Yeah. 2357 01:48:16,957 --> 01:48:19,323 You the club rat. I'm not the one that be going out. 2358 01:48:19,392 --> 01:48:21,155 I'm not a club rat. 2359 01:48:21,228 --> 01:48:23,958 You're gonna get up, you march over there... 2360 01:48:24,030 --> 01:48:26,555 and I want you to hit on Bernadette now. 2361 01:48:26,800 --> 01:48:28,825 Dude, I'm not gonna hit on Bernadette. 2362 01:48:28,902 --> 01:48:30,028 Yes, you are, man... 2363 01:48:30,103 --> 01:48:32,697 'cause your depression is boring me for one thing... 2364 01:48:32,772 --> 01:48:34,740 and it's actually making me a little depressed... 2365 01:48:34,808 --> 01:48:36,776 which is then in turn making me more depressed... 2366 01:48:36,843 --> 01:48:38,606 that you're actually affecting my mood. 2367 01:48:38,678 --> 01:48:42,045 Look, I'm not in any kind of place to talk to a woman, all right? 2368 01:48:42,115 --> 01:48:44,276 I'm just... I'm fragile. 2369 01:48:44,417 --> 01:48:46,282 I hired her for you. 2370 01:48:46,353 --> 01:48:49,948 I hired a 90-pound girl to work in the stockroom at Smart Tech... 2371 01:48:50,023 --> 01:48:51,581 for you, okay? 2372 01:48:51,658 --> 01:48:53,182 I should have hired a 300-pound guy... 2373 01:48:53,260 --> 01:48:54,852 who could lift a 60-inch flat screen. 2374 01:48:54,928 --> 01:48:57,419 But instead I hired a hot girl... 2375 01:48:57,497 --> 01:49:00,864 who can't lift an iPod to bring you out of your funk. 2376 01:49:01,668 --> 01:49:03,192 You hired her for me? Yes. 2377 01:49:03,270 --> 01:49:04,703 So will you go talk to her? 2378 01:49:04,771 --> 01:49:06,568 Yeah, I'm meeting somebody. 2379 01:49:06,740 --> 01:49:07,729 No. 2380 01:49:11,378 --> 01:49:13,505 Did you just flick me in the nuts? No. 2381 01:49:13,580 --> 01:49:16,606 Flicked you in the fleshy patch where your nuts used to be. 2382 01:49:16,716 --> 01:49:17,705 [Groans] 2383 01:49:17,784 --> 01:49:19,581 Quit flicking my balls, man. 2384 01:49:19,653 --> 01:49:22,178 Okay, I'll stop flicking your balls. 2385 01:49:22,289 --> 01:49:24,689 But I'll start punching your nuts. 2386 01:49:25,625 --> 01:49:26,614 Oh! 2387 01:49:27,294 --> 01:49:28,420 Okay. 2388 01:49:32,165 --> 01:49:33,632 Well played, sir. 2389 01:49:34,000 --> 01:49:35,160 Okay. Thank you. 2390 01:49:35,235 --> 01:49:37,362 No problem, man. Go get 'em. 2391 01:49:37,971 --> 01:49:39,700 Mooj, you done see my son... 2392 01:49:39,773 --> 01:49:41,434 you know his foot gonna be bigger than this. 2393 01:49:41,508 --> 01:49:44,739 If that baby looks Pakistani, don't fucking look at me, okay? 2394 01:49:44,811 --> 01:49:48,372 I wouldn't mind. You got good genes. How old are you? What, 138? 2395 01:49:48,448 --> 01:49:51,383 When your son is born, is he already in parole? 2396 01:49:59,726 --> 01:50:03,093 I need some poon. 2397 01:50:03,430 --> 01:50:06,422 You guys were so right, right from the beginning. 2398 01:50:06,733 --> 01:50:11,397 I need genital to genital connection and that's all I need. 2399 01:50:11,871 --> 01:50:15,398 You know, the thing about relationships is that they... 2400 01:50:15,609 --> 01:50:17,338 make one person go... 2401 01:50:17,410 --> 01:50:18,843 [gibbering] 2402 01:50:18,912 --> 01:50:21,142 And the other person go, "What are you talking about?" 2403 01:50:21,214 --> 01:50:22,442 And then one person goes... 2404 01:50:22,515 --> 01:50:23,982 [gibbering] 2405 01:50:24,050 --> 01:50:25,677 How much have you had to drink, man? 2406 01:50:25,752 --> 01:50:29,244 How much have I had to drink? How many pots have you smoken? 2407 01:50:29,322 --> 01:50:30,482 What are you talking about? 2408 01:50:30,557 --> 01:50:33,822 How many times have you gone to the bathroom in your life? 2409 01:50:33,893 --> 01:50:35,087 Let me ask you that. 2410 01:50:35,161 --> 01:50:38,153 You know what, you don't have an answer for that, do you? 2411 01:50:38,231 --> 01:50:39,823 Fuck you, man! I'm sorry. 2412 01:50:39,899 --> 01:50:43,096 No, you're such a good guy, and I appreciate you. 2413 01:50:43,169 --> 01:50:45,160 What's up, baby, I didn't know you had came already. 2414 01:50:45,238 --> 01:50:47,399 Hey, motherfucker! 2415 01:50:47,574 --> 01:50:49,041 [Both laughing] 2416 01:50:49,776 --> 01:50:51,869 Man, you know what, tonight is the night. 2417 01:50:51,945 --> 01:50:56,644 You know what, you were totally right and I was wrong. 2418 01:50:56,883 --> 01:51:01,377 You were right all along. You cannot have a relationship... 2419 01:51:01,521 --> 01:51:03,716 with somebody until... 2420 01:51:04,357 --> 01:51:06,791 you have sex and that's the long... 2421 01:51:06,860 --> 01:51:08,623 That's the long and short of it. 2422 01:51:08,695 --> 01:51:12,153 So, thank you. That's good. 2423 01:51:12,499 --> 01:51:15,468 And now I have to go hunt for some hos. 2424 01:51:15,602 --> 01:51:16,967 [Laughing] 2425 01:51:18,338 --> 01:51:21,637 He going to be all right? No, I don't think he is. 2426 01:51:21,775 --> 01:51:24,107 Cal's a good guy. Yeah, he's a great guy. 2427 01:51:24,177 --> 01:51:25,940 It's so funny, because, you know... 2428 01:51:26,012 --> 01:51:28,810 when I first met him and I thought you were cute at the store... 2429 01:51:28,882 --> 01:51:31,874 he told me you were gay. I'm not gay. 2430 01:51:32,252 --> 01:51:34,880 Cal says that I'm gay because he has a real problem... 2431 01:51:34,954 --> 01:51:37,286 with his own gayness. 2432 01:51:37,357 --> 01:51:40,656 But seriously, I'm going to lay it out for you, right now. 2433 01:51:41,294 --> 01:51:43,626 I was a little reticent to come over and talk to you. 2434 01:51:43,697 --> 01:51:46,530 You're very pretty and you seem very nice. The truth is... 2435 01:51:46,599 --> 01:51:50,228 I dated this woman, let me rephrase that, I dated this whore... 2436 01:51:50,804 --> 01:51:52,396 who stomped all over my heart. 2437 01:51:52,472 --> 01:51:55,339 And it's just taking me a little while to kind of... 2438 01:51:55,408 --> 01:51:57,035 you know, get back in the game. 2439 01:51:57,110 --> 01:51:58,509 Oh, my God. Say no more. 2440 01:51:58,578 --> 01:52:01,172 My last boyfriend Sal junior, is a scum bag. 2441 01:52:01,247 --> 01:52:03,477 I would totally pay people to have him killed. 2442 01:52:03,550 --> 01:52:05,711 That's how much I fucking hate that damn scum bag. 2443 01:52:05,785 --> 01:52:07,946 God, you're fucking awesome. You too. 2444 01:52:09,756 --> 01:52:11,690 Hey, you! 2445 01:52:13,760 --> 01:52:15,489 Hey. Hey. 2446 01:52:15,762 --> 01:52:17,286 How you doing? 2447 01:52:17,731 --> 01:52:20,291 Much better, now that I'm talking to you. 2448 01:52:20,533 --> 01:52:23,127 Hey, lookie, I can see through your shirt. 2449 01:52:23,903 --> 01:52:25,165 Nice. 2450 01:52:26,372 --> 01:52:29,068 So, you think we should... 2451 01:52:29,375 --> 01:52:31,969 take this party to my apartment or what? 2452 01:52:32,479 --> 01:52:35,505 I am RSVPing "yes. " 2453 01:52:39,219 --> 01:52:42,416 Hope you have a big trunk because I'm putting my bike in it. 2454 01:52:45,258 --> 01:52:46,748 Yeah, let's go! 2455 01:52:51,898 --> 01:52:54,492 Mom, I left my phone somewhere and I... 2456 01:52:55,235 --> 01:52:56,361 Thank you. 2457 01:52:57,704 --> 01:53:00,969 What's the matter? Where is Andy? 2458 01:53:01,040 --> 01:53:04,009 We had a big fight, just... Oh, Mom. 2459 01:53:04,544 --> 01:53:06,603 He just stormed out of here. 2460 01:53:06,679 --> 01:53:07,771 What happened? 2461 01:53:07,847 --> 01:53:10,509 Well, I just... Wait a minute, I thought you hated him. 2462 01:53:10,583 --> 01:53:14,110 I don't hate him. I mean, he does do magic, but... 2463 01:53:14,220 --> 01:53:16,586 you know, he's a big dork... 2464 01:53:16,990 --> 01:53:19,288 and I like seeing you happy. 2465 01:53:21,027 --> 01:53:22,153 I do. 2466 01:53:24,097 --> 01:53:26,588 That's sweet, that's really sweet. Mom. 2467 01:53:27,267 --> 01:53:30,236 Why don't you just go talk to him, work it out. 2468 01:53:30,303 --> 01:53:33,136 'Cause if the thing is that important, you can't just stop. 2469 01:53:33,907 --> 01:53:36,102 Let me dance for you. I would love it. 2470 01:53:36,176 --> 01:53:37,268 ##[music playing on stereo] 2471 01:53:37,343 --> 01:53:41,177 Look at your bra and your breasts and everything. That's so great. 2472 01:53:42,182 --> 01:53:45,674 Wow! You know what? You're so hot. You're so hot. 2473 01:53:45,985 --> 01:53:47,612 I'm smoking hot. 2474 01:53:47,687 --> 01:53:50,554 You know what? I'm just going to have sex with you. 2475 01:53:50,623 --> 01:53:52,716 Yes! Let's have sex. 2476 01:53:52,792 --> 01:53:55,022 It's going to happen. That's why we are here. 2477 01:53:55,094 --> 01:53:57,460 That's totally what's going to happen. 2478 01:53:57,697 --> 01:53:59,824 We could do it in the... 2479 01:54:00,834 --> 01:54:02,529 Butt, if you want to. 2480 01:54:02,602 --> 01:54:03,796 [Both laughing] 2481 01:54:04,204 --> 01:54:06,138 But, if I want to what? 2482 01:54:06,606 --> 01:54:09,632 Butt. But what? What? 2483 01:54:09,742 --> 01:54:11,767 Do it. Do it? 2484 01:54:11,945 --> 01:54:12,934 What? 2485 01:54:13,446 --> 01:54:16,279 I don't know what you're talking about. 2486 01:54:16,382 --> 01:54:18,441 Butt. But... 2487 01:54:18,685 --> 01:54:20,016 What? ... what? 2488 01:54:23,022 --> 01:54:25,320 But, it still feels so right. 2489 01:54:34,200 --> 01:54:37,328 ##[Scatting] 2490 01:54:38,137 --> 01:54:39,229 Yeah! 2491 01:54:40,373 --> 01:54:41,362 [Gasping] 2492 01:54:41,741 --> 01:54:45,575 Yeah. Right! Okay. Yeah. 2493 01:54:47,013 --> 01:54:48,742 That was a fun day. 2494 01:54:50,283 --> 01:54:53,377 You are so kinky. 2495 01:54:54,087 --> 01:54:55,816 Yeah, I'm so kinky. 2496 01:54:56,356 --> 01:54:59,587 That's why I did this because I thought it looks... 2497 01:54:59,659 --> 01:55:02,150 You like to shave, don't you? 2498 01:55:02,228 --> 01:55:05,026 Let's shave each other. I don't think you have any hair. 2499 01:55:05,098 --> 01:55:06,929 You know where to shave me. 2500 01:55:07,000 --> 01:55:09,059 Yeah. Because I want to shave you. 2501 01:55:09,135 --> 01:55:10,830 I want to shave your head. 2502 01:55:12,071 --> 01:55:13,936 I wanna give you a buzz cut. 2503 01:55:14,941 --> 01:55:16,636 Let's get in the bath. 2504 01:55:17,010 --> 01:55:18,500 In the bath? 2505 01:55:18,578 --> 01:55:22,947 Yes. We're gonna get dirty. Dirty, dirty. Sudsy. 2506 01:55:23,049 --> 01:55:25,074 It's just about time I got really dirty. 2507 01:55:25,151 --> 01:55:26,209 Yeah. 2508 01:55:29,022 --> 01:55:33,789 Hey. Hi, it's me, and I'm on my way to your house. 2509 01:55:33,860 --> 01:55:36,158 I want to do whatever you want to do, okay? 2510 01:55:36,362 --> 01:55:40,230 Fifty dates. 100. I hope not, but whatever. 2511 01:55:40,833 --> 01:55:43,597 I'm gonna see you soon, okay? Bye. 2512 01:55:45,004 --> 01:55:46,301 [Laughing] 2513 01:55:47,640 --> 01:55:50,575 Wow. Okay, well, that was fast. Okay. 2514 01:55:51,978 --> 01:55:52,967 [Groans] 2515 01:55:53,046 --> 01:55:55,981 Wow! Holy shit! 2516 01:55:56,249 --> 01:55:58,809 Wow. This is just the right thing to happen. 2517 01:55:59,319 --> 01:56:02,686 Yeah, yeah, yeah! Wow! Almost got my penis. 2518 01:56:02,789 --> 01:56:04,222 Come to mama. 2519 01:56:05,792 --> 01:56:08,590 I'm gonna really take care of you tonight. 2520 01:56:08,828 --> 01:56:11,353 You're never gonna forget Beth. 2521 01:56:21,507 --> 01:56:23,532 I just want to please you. 2522 01:56:24,377 --> 01:56:25,969 What do you like? 2523 01:56:26,813 --> 01:56:29,907 I don't know. What do you like? 2524 01:56:30,450 --> 01:56:32,543 Can I show you what I like? 2525 01:56:33,052 --> 01:56:34,144 Okay. 2526 01:56:47,800 --> 01:56:50,598 (Beth) It's so hot in here. 2527 01:56:51,337 --> 01:56:53,703 I wanna introduce you to my friend. 2528 01:56:58,044 --> 01:57:00,103 Your friend is so shiny. 2529 01:57:01,047 --> 01:57:04,073 This guy knows exactly what I like. 2530 01:57:09,422 --> 01:57:11,151 Where's you friend going? 2531 01:57:12,992 --> 01:57:15,620 This is how I'm gonna warm up for you. 2532 01:57:16,896 --> 01:57:20,730 That's always good to warm up. You don't wanna pull something. 2533 01:57:21,267 --> 01:57:22,564 [Moaning] 2534 01:57:33,079 --> 01:57:34,273 [Exclaims] 2535 01:57:38,384 --> 01:57:40,750 Wow, this is graphic. 2536 01:57:42,488 --> 01:57:44,285 [Laughing] 2537 01:57:54,600 --> 01:57:56,067 I can't do it. 2538 01:57:57,703 --> 01:58:00,365 God, what are you doing here? 2539 01:58:00,440 --> 01:58:03,102 We came here because we were concerned about you and Trish... 2540 01:58:03,176 --> 01:58:05,303 and now I could not give a fuck. 2541 01:58:05,378 --> 01:58:07,972 How did you even know where she lives? 2542 01:58:08,114 --> 01:58:10,446 I hit it like eight months back. What? 2543 01:58:10,516 --> 01:58:13,246 Never gave her back the key, man. You have no idea... 2544 01:58:13,319 --> 01:58:15,378 where this is going, all right? That girl is a freak. 2545 01:58:15,455 --> 01:58:18,913 (Beth) Oh, it's happening! It's happening! Andy! 2546 01:58:19,358 --> 01:58:20,552 You think? 2547 01:58:20,860 --> 01:58:23,090 We've been talking, and look... 2548 01:58:23,529 --> 01:58:25,827 if you love Trish, you can't do this. 2549 01:58:25,898 --> 01:58:28,924 Look, you guys, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. 2550 01:58:29,001 --> 01:58:31,595 I don't even know who I am. All I know is... 2551 01:58:31,671 --> 01:58:35,198 that woman scares the shit out of me... 2552 01:58:35,341 --> 01:58:37,571 and I just wanna go home, okay? 2553 01:58:37,777 --> 01:58:40,075 Let's go. We should all get out of here. 2554 01:58:40,146 --> 01:58:41,875 Okay. We should all go. 2555 01:58:41,948 --> 01:58:43,347 It wasn't that good for me. 2556 01:58:43,416 --> 01:58:45,316 We should totally get out of here. 2557 01:58:45,384 --> 01:58:47,579 We should run away from here. 2558 01:58:50,656 --> 01:58:52,419 [Beth moaning] 2559 01:58:54,060 --> 01:58:55,084 Hey. 2560 01:58:55,161 --> 01:58:56,389 [Beth laughing] 2561 01:58:56,596 --> 01:58:57,654 Cal. 2562 01:58:59,532 --> 01:59:00,362 [Car horns blaring] 2563 01:59:00,433 --> 01:59:02,128 Go around! 2564 01:59:03,035 --> 01:59:05,128 Come on, just go around me! 2565 01:59:08,341 --> 01:59:10,002 Can't you hear me? 2566 01:59:17,517 --> 01:59:20,577 Hey, there. Hi, Trish. 2567 01:59:22,188 --> 01:59:24,713 Man, I'm really sorry about tonight. 2568 01:59:24,790 --> 01:59:26,189 What's this? 2569 01:59:27,260 --> 01:59:28,921 Those are David's. 2570 01:59:30,997 --> 01:59:32,828 I think he has a problem. 2571 01:59:32,899 --> 01:59:35,390 These are David's? He's into that. 2572 01:59:35,535 --> 01:59:38,971 David's Boner Jams '03? 2573 01:59:39,605 --> 01:59:41,630 Yeah, it's so sad. 2574 01:59:42,141 --> 01:59:45,133 He compiled all the best boner scenes, I guess. 2575 01:59:46,078 --> 01:59:48,410 This isn't what it looks like, okay? 2576 01:59:48,881 --> 01:59:51,975 What does this look like? A vagina. 2577 01:59:53,019 --> 01:59:54,577 And what do you do with this vagina? 2578 01:59:54,654 --> 01:59:57,646 To learn. It's for medicinal purposes. 2579 01:59:57,723 --> 01:59:58,712 Ugh. 2580 01:59:58,791 --> 02:00:01,123 Hey, I'm sorry. God... What's this? 2581 02:00:01,794 --> 02:00:04,763 This your date drug? Your roofie? 2582 02:00:05,097 --> 02:00:06,587 It's a Mentos. 2583 02:00:07,333 --> 02:00:09,267 They're "The Freshmaker. " 2584 02:00:09,335 --> 02:00:10,734 Yeah, right. 2585 02:00:10,970 --> 02:00:12,938 What are you, some kind of sex pervert? 2586 02:00:13,005 --> 02:00:14,370 Are you a deviant or something? 2587 02:00:14,440 --> 02:00:17,136 No, I'm not a sexual deviant! What is all this? 2588 02:00:17,210 --> 02:00:19,678 I haven't even tried to have sex with you, so... 2589 02:00:19,745 --> 02:00:22,646 What are you trying to do? What are you buttering me up for? 2590 02:00:22,715 --> 02:00:23,841 Come on. 2591 02:00:23,916 --> 02:00:25,679 You're not gonna try and kill me, are you? 2592 02:00:25,751 --> 02:00:28,413 Look, Trish. You didn't get a new carpet. 2593 02:00:28,688 --> 02:00:31,987 I'm not trying to kill you. I love you. 2594 02:00:32,391 --> 02:00:34,825 I love you. Oh, God! 2595 02:00:35,094 --> 02:00:36,254 Trish. 2596 02:00:38,297 --> 02:00:42,529 ##[Heat Of The Moment playing] 2597 02:00:44,837 --> 02:00:47,032 Trish. No! 2598 02:00:47,940 --> 02:00:50,465 No. Trish, stop. 2599 02:00:54,981 --> 02:00:56,278 Come on, Trish! 2600 02:00:59,719 --> 02:01:01,653 I need to talk to you! 2601 02:01:01,721 --> 02:01:02,779 No! 2602 02:01:04,957 --> 02:01:05,981 Damn it. 2603 02:01:32,084 --> 02:01:33,517 [Exclaiming] 2604 02:01:35,755 --> 02:01:36,744 [Groans] 2605 02:01:37,790 --> 02:01:39,155 Oh, my God! 2606 02:01:39,725 --> 02:01:40,987 [Car horn blaring] 2607 02:01:42,161 --> 02:01:45,028 Andy! Oh, my God! 2608 02:01:45,097 --> 02:01:46,462 Call 911. 2609 02:01:46,632 --> 02:01:48,566 Oh, my... Andy. 2610 02:01:49,368 --> 02:01:51,063 Oh, my God! 2611 02:01:51,137 --> 02:01:53,970 I'm gonna need a minute. I'm in a lot of pain right now. 2612 02:01:54,040 --> 02:01:55,701 Oh, my God. Are you okay? 2613 02:01:55,775 --> 02:01:56,935 Not bad. 2614 02:01:57,009 --> 02:01:59,375 There were two sides to that billboard. 2615 02:01:59,445 --> 02:02:01,345 And they both hurt equally. 2616 02:02:01,614 --> 02:02:04,242 Andy. Andy. 2617 02:02:04,784 --> 02:02:06,012 [Exhaling] 2618 02:02:06,352 --> 02:02:08,513 Are you okay? I'm okay. 2619 02:02:08,988 --> 02:02:10,649 No, I'm not okay. 2620 02:02:11,957 --> 02:02:13,356 I'm a virgin. 2621 02:02:15,528 --> 02:02:16,688 A what? 2622 02:02:17,630 --> 02:02:19,996 I'm a virgin. I always have been. 2623 02:02:21,400 --> 02:02:24,733 Andy, is that what all this was about? 2624 02:02:25,705 --> 02:02:27,002 I'm sorry. 2625 02:02:27,106 --> 02:02:29,472 You're just a virgin, that's all? 2626 02:02:29,608 --> 02:02:32,270 Yeah. That's good. That's a good thing. 2627 02:02:34,046 --> 02:02:35,911 I feel stupid. 2628 02:02:37,583 --> 02:02:40,279 It's okay. I thought you were trying to kill me. 2629 02:02:42,021 --> 02:02:43,045 No. 2630 02:02:43,923 --> 02:02:45,185 Oh, my God. 2631 02:02:46,292 --> 02:02:48,852 No, I'm not trying to kill you. 2632 02:02:52,732 --> 02:02:55,394 That's why I never tried to have sex with you. 2633 02:02:55,801 --> 02:02:58,269 I was scared, okay? I just... 2634 02:02:58,971 --> 02:03:00,802 'Cause I didn't know what I was doing. 2635 02:03:00,873 --> 02:03:02,738 I just didn't think it would be good. 2636 02:03:02,808 --> 02:03:05,777 Of course it'll be good. We love each other. 2637 02:03:07,380 --> 02:03:08,540 Really? 2638 02:03:10,216 --> 02:03:11,581 I love you. 2639 02:03:13,085 --> 02:03:14,211 Yeah. 2640 02:03:17,289 --> 02:03:18,847 [Car horn honking] 2641 02:03:18,924 --> 02:03:21,449 Get the fuck out of the road, virgin! 2642 02:03:23,262 --> 02:03:24,752 Shut up, you fucking jerk! 2643 02:03:24,830 --> 02:03:27,731 No, that's okay. That's all right. Sorry. 2644 02:03:29,368 --> 02:03:30,460 You know what... 2645 02:03:30,536 --> 02:03:33,334 for so long I thought that there was something wrong with me... 2646 02:03:33,406 --> 02:03:36,239 because it had never happened, but... 2647 02:03:38,711 --> 02:03:42,511 I realize now that it was just because I was waiting for you. 2648 02:04:07,540 --> 02:04:10,304 This was some wedding. How could they afford it? 2649 02:04:10,376 --> 02:04:13,675 Dude sells his toys and makes like a half a million dollars. 2650 02:04:13,779 --> 02:04:15,974 It's crazy, right? That's fucking crazy. 2651 02:04:16,048 --> 02:04:18,016 We're gonna get some fucking toys. 2652 02:04:18,083 --> 02:04:20,244 We are all so happy for you. 2653 02:04:20,453 --> 02:04:23,251 I am delighted to say these words. 2654 02:04:24,156 --> 02:04:25,282 Andy... 2655 02:04:25,891 --> 02:04:27,756 you may kiss the bride. 2656 02:04:32,164 --> 02:04:33,859 [People exclaiming] 2657 02:04:38,904 --> 02:04:40,235 [Cheering] 2658 02:04:41,006 --> 02:04:44,134 And for God's sake, consummate the thing. 2659 02:04:49,114 --> 02:04:52,015 No! Stop it. I have the key. 2660 02:04:55,554 --> 02:04:56,543 [Exclaims] 2661 02:04:58,891 --> 02:05:01,189 I'm not gonna be done buffing the marble... 2662 02:05:01,260 --> 02:05:02,955 for about a half an hour, but... 2663 02:05:03,028 --> 02:05:05,553 you can come in and sit down if you want... 2664 02:05:05,631 --> 02:05:07,826 or wait in the lobby. It's okay. 2665 02:05:07,900 --> 02:05:09,424 It's up to you. 2666 02:05:12,638 --> 02:05:15,198 ##[Humming] 2667 02:05:16,609 --> 02:05:18,907 Dude, get the fuck out of here. 2668 02:05:29,922 --> 02:05:31,412 Ready? Yeah. 2669 02:05:37,563 --> 02:05:38,962 Yes. Yeah. 2670 02:05:42,034 --> 02:05:43,228 [Moans] 2671 02:05:45,638 --> 02:05:46,627 Whoa. 2672 02:05:47,172 --> 02:05:49,470 You're officially not a virgin. 2673 02:05:50,276 --> 02:05:51,368 Cool. 2674 02:05:59,451 --> 02:06:00,816 Wow. 2675 02:06:08,260 --> 02:06:09,887 Wanna do it again? 2676 02:06:10,996 --> 02:06:12,520 Yeah. Good. Okay. 2677 02:06:12,598 --> 02:06:13,792 Sure. 2678 02:06:14,433 --> 02:06:16,628 That was good. That was okay. 2679 02:06:20,005 --> 02:06:21,063 Okay. 2680 02:06:21,206 --> 02:06:22,264 You ready? Yeah. 2681 02:06:22,341 --> 02:06:24,935 Are you ready? Yeah, I'm fine, yeah. 2682 02:06:34,053 --> 02:06:35,384 [Panting] 2683 02:06:37,723 --> 02:06:39,714 So, how was that for you? 2684 02:06:44,597 --> 02:06:47,122 # When the moon # 2685 02:06:47,199 --> 02:06:50,430 # Is in the Seventh House # 2686 02:06:50,669 --> 02:06:55,163 # And Jupiter aligns with Mars # 2687 02:06:56,175 --> 02:07:01,078 # Then peace will guide the planets # 2688 02:07:01,513 --> 02:07:04,778 # And love will steer the stars # 2689 02:07:04,850 --> 02:07:09,310 # This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius # 2690 02:07:09,521 --> 02:07:13,821 # Age of Aquarius # 2691 02:07:14,426 --> 02:07:18,863 # Aquarius # 2692 02:07:19,565 --> 02:07:24,002 # Aquarius # 2693 02:07:24,670 --> 02:07:26,763 # Harmony and understanding # 2694 02:07:27,106 --> 02:07:29,666 # Sympathy and trust abounding # 2695 02:07:29,742 --> 02:07:31,607 # No more falsehoods or derisions # 2696 02:07:31,677 --> 02:07:34,669 # Golden living dreams of visions # 2697 02:07:34,747 --> 02:07:37,011 # Mystic crystal revelations # 2698 02:07:37,082 --> 02:07:40,074 # And the mind's true liberation # 2699 02:07:40,152 --> 02:07:44,816 # Aquarius # 2700 02:07:45,090 --> 02:07:49,754 # Aquarius # 2701 02:07:50,162 --> 02:07:54,428 # When the moon is in the Seventh House # 2702 02:07:55,200 --> 02:07:59,500 # And Jupiter aligns with Mars # 2703 02:08:00,773 --> 02:08:05,540 # Then peace will guide the planets # 2704 02:08:05,811 --> 02:08:09,076 # And love will steer the star # 2705 02:08:09,148 --> 02:08:13,380 # This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius # 2706 02:08:13,652 --> 02:08:18,282 # The age of Aquarius # 2707 02:08:18,590 --> 02:08:23,186 # Aquarius # 2708 02:08:23,629 --> 02:08:25,790 # Aquarius # 2709 02:08:25,864 --> 02:08:27,764 # It's Aquarius, baby # 2710 02:08:27,833 --> 02:08:30,427 # We ain't talking about no Scorpio # 2711 02:08:30,502 --> 02:08:31,992 # We ain't talking about no # 2712 02:08:32,071 --> 02:08:35,063 # No, we ain't talking about no Scorpio # 2713 02:08:39,278 --> 02:08:40,973 # Aquarius # 2714 02:08:41,513 --> 02:08:44,346 # Aquarius # 2715 02:08:46,719 --> 02:08:49,119 # Aquarius ## 2716 02:08:55,127 --> 02:08:58,494 # Let the sunshine # 2717 02:08:58,797 --> 02:09:02,233 # Let the sunshine in # 2718 02:09:02,301 --> 02:09:05,702 # The sunshine in # 2719 02:09:06,705 --> 02:09:10,038 # Let the sunshine # 2720 02:09:10,609 --> 02:09:14,010 # Let the sunshine in # 2721 02:09:14,079 --> 02:09:17,606 # The sunshine in # 2722 02:09:18,517 --> 02:09:22,180 # Let the sunshine # 2723 02:09:22,254 --> 02:09:25,746 # Let the sunshine in # 2724 02:09:25,824 --> 02:09:29,954 # The sunshine in # # Let it shine, let it shine # 2725 02:09:30,229 --> 02:09:33,562 # Let the sunshine # 2726 02:09:33,632 --> 02:09:35,497 # Let it shine # 2727 02:09:35,567 --> 02:09:37,558 # Let it shine, yeah # 2728 02:09:37,636 --> 02:09:41,470 # The sunshine in # 2729 02:09:41,940 --> 02:09:45,398 # Let the sunshine # 2730 02:09:45,778 --> 02:09:49,214 # Let the sunshine in # 2731 02:09:49,281 --> 02:09:52,250 # The sunshine in ## 2732 02:10:23,749 --> 02:10:25,649 ##[Just Got Lucky playing] 2733 02:10:35,650 --> 02:10:38,450 Ripped by: SkyFury 204832