1
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:28,728
2
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,433
[Alarm buzzing]
3
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,098
[Grunts]
4
00:01:18,044 --> 00:01:19,341
[Grunting]
5
00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:57,908
Hey, Andy!
What's up, dude?
6
00:01:57,984 --> 00:02:00,111
Hey, Joe. Hey, Sara.
How you doing?
7
00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:01,346
When you going to
get a car?
8
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:04,618
Hey, why don't you
get a car?
I can't afford it.
9
00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:06,682
[Laughing]
10
00:02:06,759 --> 00:02:10,160
So, Survivor tomorrow night.
We on?
See you then.
11
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:12,027
I'll bring a soda.
Hey, enjoy your orange.
12
00:02:12,098 --> 00:02:14,089
Okay, take care.
See you. Bye-bye.
13
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,627
That guy needs to get laid.
Tell me something
I don't know.
14
00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:19,672
[Chuckles]
15
00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:36,483
Good morning.
16
00:02:41,794 --> 00:02:44,160
Excuse me. Pardon me.
17
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:46,624
Sorry.
18
00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:48,966
[Car horn blaring]
19
00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:57,437
Excuse me.
Thank you.
20
00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:02,277
Good morning.
Hey.
21
00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:04,440
Good morning, Paula.
Andy.
22
00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:08,349
Excuse me.
I have a question.
23
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:13,791
What is the difference between
Hi8 and Digital video tapes?
24
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:16,457
I'm not a salesman,
so, I could probably...
25
00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:19,225
Welcome to Smart Tech.
How can I be of service
to you?
26
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:20,866
Well, I was just
wondering...
27
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:23,459
what is the difference
between these?
28
00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:27,205
(Jay)
Well, if I'm photographing
someone as fine as yourself...
29
00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:29,036
I'd probably go Digital.
30
00:03:31,844 --> 00:03:36,076
I've been lied to
31
00:03:42,188 --> 00:03:45,157
My God.
Sorry I'm late, man.
No problem.
32
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,523
Oh, man.
33
00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:50,595
I had a weekend.
Yeah?
34
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:54,024
We went to Tijuana, Mexico,
you know...
35
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:57,035
and we thought
it would be fun, you know,
to go to this show.
36
00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:59,435
Everyone's, "You gotta
check out one of these shows. "
37
00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:02,030
And, you know,
it's a woman fucking a horse.
38
00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:05,573
We get there,
and, you know, we think
it's gonna be awesome...
39
00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:09,046
and it is not as cool
as it sounds like
it would be, man.
40
00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:11,610
It's kind of gross.
Yeah.
41
00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:13,345
You think,
"A woman fucking a horse"...
42
00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,011
and you get there
and it's...
43
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,953
a woman fucking a horse.
Yeah.
44
00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:19,014
It was really
giving it to her.
45
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:20,451
And you know what...
46
00:04:20,526 --> 00:04:23,154
to be honest, I felt
bad for her. We all
just felt bad for her.
47
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:24,890
Yeah.
Kind of felt bad
for the horse.
48
00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:28,195
Wow, that's something.
So what did you get up to?
49
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:32,300
You know, I just kind
of hung out. I was...
50
00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,270
God, Friday,
when I went home...
51
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,638
I really wanted
an egg-salad sandwich.
52
00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,700
And I was just obsessing
about it and I was like:
53
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,769
"Man, I'm gonna
make one of those. "
54
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:44,339
So Saturday I went out
and I got, like,
a dozen eggs...
55
00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:47,011
and I boiled them all
and then I just...
56
00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:50,055
I spent, I don't know,
probably three hours...
57
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:53,719
like, three-and-a-half hours
making...
58
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:57,854
you know, the mayonnaise
and the onions and paprika...
59
00:04:57,930 --> 00:04:59,989
and, you know,
all the accoutrement.
60
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:01,533
And then, by the time
I was done...
61
00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:03,193
I just really didn't feel
like eating it.
62
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:05,829
I can imagine.
And I didn't have any bread.
63
00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:09,738
So, you know,
it was pretty good.
It was a good weekend.
64
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:12,871
Sounds pretty awesome.
Yeah, it was fine.
65
00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:14,344
Sounds really fun.
66
00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:16,872
Cool.
Cool.
67
00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:18,348
Cool, cool.
68
00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:23,045
Hey, Paula.
Yeah.
69
00:05:23,122 --> 00:05:25,613
I gotta tell you something.
I'm really excited about it.
70
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:29,093
For the first time today,
I woke up...
71
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:33,488
I came to the store,
and I feel confident
to say to you...
72
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:36,191
that if you don't take
this Michael McDonald DVD...
73
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,635
that you've been playing
for two years straight, off...
74
00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:40,400
I'm going to kill everyone
in the store...
75
00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:42,338
and put a bullet
in my brain.
76
00:05:42,742 --> 00:05:46,143
David, what do you suggest
we play?
I don't care. Anything.
77
00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:49,212
I would rather watch
Beautician and the Beast.
78
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,842
I would rather listen
to Fran Drescher
for eight hours...
79
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:53,715
than have to listen
to Michael McDonald.
80
00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:57,017
Nothing against him,
but if I hear Yah Mo B There
one more time...
81
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,524
I'm gonna yah mo
burn this place
to the ground.
82
00:05:59,592 --> 00:06:02,493
You're such a smart ass.
Get back on the floor.
83
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:05,959
[Garbled]
Fuck you.
84
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:07,123
[Clears throat]
85
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:09,961
This is a great TV.
Nothing beats a plasma.
86
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,628
What are you doing?
That's my customer.
87
00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:14,901
It certainly is not.
When I came upon her,
she was unattended.
88
00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:16,635
No, that's my...
Wait.
89
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,768
Go to the checkout there.
Pick up there, please.
90
00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:20,642
She was unattended
because I went to the back...
91
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,510
to get the brochure
that she requested.
92
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,072
I apologize,
but it's too late.
93
00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:25,674
The transaction
has been completed.
94
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,481
Then you're gonna give me
half the commission.
95
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:29,020
You'll receive
none of the commission.
96
00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:30,555
I need to talk to Paula.
This is crazy.
97
00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:31,647
This is bullshit.
98
00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,589
Every time I make a sale,
you go crying to Paula.
99
00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:36,958
How about Jesse Jackson?
Old Jesse needs a cause.
100
00:06:37,029 --> 00:06:38,587
Sick of you poaching
my customers.
101
00:06:38,664 --> 00:06:40,154
I'm sick of your
crybaby bullshit.
102
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:43,225
You wanna take this
shit outside? Just take it
outside and squash it?
103
00:06:43,302 --> 00:06:46,567
Let's stay inside,
so everybody can see
what a pussy you have, okay?
104
00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:50,097
Because when I remove
the blade I keep in my boot
from its sheath...
105
00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:53,009
I can't return it
until it has spilled blood.
106
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:56,344
Look, listen to me.
You are fucking
with the wrong nigger.
107
00:06:56,949 --> 00:07:00,350
Hey! You're fucking with
the wrong sun-nigger, okay?
108
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,911
Dude, I will hang your old ass
by your turban.
109
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:06,181
Turban now? Do you see
any fucking turban here?
110
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,920
Do I talk like a turban guy?
111
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:10,895
Do I say, "Hey, Jay,
do you want a Slurpee?
You want a Slurpee?"
112
00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:14,194
Fuck you, okay?
I was born in Brooklyn.
113
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,325
Brooklyn, okay?
114
00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:18,996
My accent is a fucking
Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay?
115
00:07:19,071 --> 00:07:20,402
All right, man.
Calm down, dude.
116
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,634
Look, you still covering
my shift on Friday or what?
117
00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:25,643
If I can keep this commission,
with pleasure.
118
00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:28,578
Cool, then. All right, pop.
No problem.
119
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:33,178
How about Andy?
No.
120
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:35,111
Come on, man.
We need, what,
five guys...
121
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:36,712
to play a decent
poker game, right?
Yeah.
122
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:38,347
If we cancel this,
I'm gonna have to go...
123
00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:40,358
to some stupid-ass
birthday party with Jill...
124
00:07:40,426 --> 00:07:41,688
and that shit
ain't happening.
125
00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,228
No.
(David)
Why not?
126
00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:47,123
He's a really nice guy and all
but I'm pretty sure that...
127
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,565
he is a serial murderer.
128
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,363
Who cares, man?
He's a nice guy.
129
00:07:50,436 --> 00:07:52,734
I just wanna get drunk,
fucked up,
and play some cards.
130
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,932
That's great.
Look, I don't wanna
end up a lampshade...
131
00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:57,032
in some creepy apartment,
that's what I'm saying.
132
00:07:57,109 --> 00:07:59,134
I don't really see
any other options.
133
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,772
Andy. My man.
134
00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:04,613
You got any plans
later on tonight?
135
00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,914
Why, do we have to unload
the Sony truck?
136
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:10,080
No, the guys
are getting together,
we're playing some poker...
137
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,147
thought, you know,
you'd wanna play.
138
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:13,687
With you guys?
139
00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:17,762
Yeah, sure.
That would be cool.
140
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:21,228
You know how to play, right?
Yeah, I play online sometimes.
141
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,598
We're gonna play
in the store.
Great.
142
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:25,293
Are we allowed
to do that?
143
00:08:25,371 --> 00:08:26,998
Absolutely not.
Yeah.
144
00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:28,195
Oh.
145
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,375
Well, so I'm gonna
go tell Paula.
146
00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:33,044
I'm just kidding.
147
00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:36,240
I'm kidding.
That sounds great. Cool,
I'll see you guys tonight.
148
00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:37,339
Okay.
All right.
149
00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:39,077
[Clattering]
Oops.
150
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,045
I almost feel guilty.
No, you don't.
151
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:58,869
Going down!
152
00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:01,302
Going down!
153
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,602
Dumbass.
154
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:04,943
And a full house.
155
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,743
Oh, my dukes!
What?
156
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,245
How much fucking online poker
do you play, dawg?
157
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:12,341
For like an hour or two
a night, when I'm not
playing Halo.
158
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:15,320
Why did you invite this guy?
He's a fucking ringer, man.
159
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,582
This is hog shit.
160
00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:18,851
You, you're a fucking asshole
to tell me to come here.
161
00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:20,756
You tell me he was a nice guy,
didn't you?
162
00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:23,158
Well, fuck you people,
and fuck you, you and you...
163
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:26,221
fuck and kiss my big brown
fucking ass, okay?
164
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,664
(Jay)
I'm gonna see you tomorrow.
165
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:28,791
Peace.
All right, man.
166
00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:30,062
(Mooj)
Fuck a goat.
167
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:31,364
[All laughing]
168
00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:33,268
Good night.
I love that guy.
169
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:36,274
Dude, you totally...
Oh, shit, I gotta go. Damn.
170
00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:38,003
About to go see Ellen
in a little bit.
171
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,544
Going now?
Late-night action, huh?
172
00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:40,704
Dude, you know
how it goes.
173
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,271
Does your girlfriend know
about all these
late-night visits?
174
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:44,907
It's like an unspoken
agreement. Yeah.
175
00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:48,044
It's like a completely
and utterly unspoken
agreement.
176
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,281
If you knew her, if you knew
who I was dealing with...
177
00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:51,584
you wouldn't be
saying this shit.
178
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,557
There's nothing you can't do
with this woman...
179
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,719
straight up and down.
I've done
every single thing...
180
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:57,695
I could possibly create.
I've literally lubed up...
181
00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,129
and made love to the arches
of her feet. All right.
182
00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:01,291
Wow!
(Jay)
Yeah.
183
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:03,028
Foot fuck!
That's sick, man.
184
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,626
Wow.
That is not sick.
185
00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:06,971
I will give you sick.
Oh, shit.
186
00:10:07,039 --> 00:10:09,837
I was sleeping with a woman
recently, she had the...
187
00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:13,208
Her tits were unbelievable.
Oh, man, I love titties.
188
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:16,373
And so we're doing it
and I'm about to finish...
189
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,474
and her dog starts
licking my ass.
190
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:22,885
I swear to God, I have
to decide, do I finish
or do I stop the dog?
191
00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,855
I know your nasty ass.
He finished.
192
00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:27,290
I finished.
And then I stole the dog.
193
00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:30,222
No, I didn't, but...
194
00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:32,964
You know, sometimes,
Amy and I would make love...
195
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:35,159
till it was almost like
we weren't two people...
196
00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:37,896
but we were two spirits
or something.
197
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:41,167
Our souls were
connected in this way,
I can't describe it.
198
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,835
Time stood still.
It was like we were
sharing the same heart.
199
00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:48,710
Stop, man! Why do you
always come and kill the vibe
with those things?
200
00:10:48,781 --> 00:10:50,749
"Sharing the same heart,"
that's like some...
201
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:51,942
Britney Spears shit, man.
202
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:55,010
This is three grown ass men,
don't nobody want to hear
that shit.
203
00:10:55,087 --> 00:10:57,351
Yeah, man, come on,
nobody wants to
hear that shit.
204
00:10:57,423 --> 00:10:59,983
Thank you, Andy.
Dude, you broke up
two years ago.
205
00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:02,493
You get over it
at some point.
Two years, man.
206
00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:04,119
You need to get past that...
207
00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:07,427
because no ass
is worth thinking
that much about...
208
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:08,995
I always say.
209
00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:10,701
Andy, do me a favor.
210
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:14,171
Would you please help him
redeem himself by telling
a real sex story?
211
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,229
Yes.
212
00:11:16,542 --> 00:11:19,943
I don't... You know what,
I'm a gentleman
and I don't...
213
00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:21,810
I don't kiss and tell.
214
00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:25,214
Fuck it, I raise you.
Nastiest shit
you've ever done.
215
00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:27,179
I'm talking about nasty.
216
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,445
Wow.
217
00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:32,614
So many stories
are running through
my head right now.
218
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,184
I dated this girl...
219
00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:40,357
for a while, and she was
really a nasty freak.
220
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:45,302
She just loved to get down
with sex all the time.
221
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,931
She was like, any time of day,
she was like:
222
00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:50,737
"Yeah, let's go.
I'm so nasty. "
223
00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:52,140
And I'd be nailing her.
224
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,439
Oh, shit.
She'd be like:
225
00:11:53,512 --> 00:11:55,878
"Oh, you're nailing me. Cool. "
226
00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:59,551
She talk dirty to you?
She loved to dirty-talk.
227
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:02,449
Totally into it.
She'd be like:
228
00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:07,481
"Yeah, let's screw, let's...
I wanna fuck. "
229
00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:10,121
God, it was so dirty.
230
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:14,692
She'd be like, "Me so horny,
me love you long time. "
231
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:15,991
So...
232
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,969
(Jay)
So what were the titties like?
Yeah, describe her...
233
00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:21,131
Yeah, she had great tits.
234
00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:24,401
No, I mean, like, detailed.
Did she have, like,
you know...
235
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,274
them little pink
teeny nipples.
Oh, yeah.
236
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:28,836
(Jay)
Or like the long
National Geographic nipples.
237
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:31,474
You have like
the bumpy Braille nipples,
the Stevie Wonders.
238
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:32,915
(Andy)
Yeah, they were nice.
239
00:12:32,985 --> 00:12:36,216
You know, when you, like,
you grab a woman's breast
and it's...
240
00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:38,750
And you feel it and...
241
00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:43,517
it feels like a bag of sand
when you're touching it.
242
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,196
Bag of sand?
243
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,459
You know what I mean.
Why don't we just play?
244
00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:52,197
Why don't you just
deal the cards?
245
00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:53,898
What are you
talking about?
246
00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:56,032
Have you ever felt
a breast before, man?
247
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:57,097
Yes.
248
00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:59,736
Dude, are you gay?
No, I'm not gay.
249
00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:01,439
I've been with
tons of women.
250
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,539
I touched a guy's balls
at Hebrew school once.
251
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,584
Dude, it's not a big deal.
You like to fuck guys.
252
00:13:05,651 --> 00:13:08,279
I'm cool. I got friends
who fuck guys, in jail.
253
00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:09,715
No, I'm not gay.
254
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,781
No, I've borked a lot of women
in my day.
255
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:13,984
You've "borked"?
256
00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:17,024
Hold up.
Yo, answer this question:
257
00:13:18,063 --> 00:13:19,428
Are you a virgin?
258
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,365
Are you a virgin?
259
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,799
Yeah, not since I was 10.
260
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,430
It all makes sense.
You're a virgin.
261
00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:30,031
I am... Shut up.
How does that happen?
262
00:13:30,109 --> 00:13:31,542
He's a fucking virgin.
263
00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:34,909
I knew it. That makes
so much sense, man.
Look, he's a virgin.
264
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:37,278
You guys are hilarious.
All right, come on,
don't be mean.
265
00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:39,442
I'm not being mean.
I'm trying to
help the partner out.
266
00:13:39,518 --> 00:13:41,247
I'm trying to say
I wanna get you laid, dude.
267
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,514
I understand
what's going on.
268
00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:45,421
You guys are so up your asses.
269
00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:49,025
From now on,
your dick is my dick.
I'm getting you some pussy.
270
00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:50,993
[Men laughing]
271
00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:03,908
A bag of sand! Come on, man!
You could do better than that.
272
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:07,801
God, me so horny?
Me so stupid!
273
00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:10,274
[Yelling]
274
00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:15,410
Oh, come on.
275
00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:17,381
[Laughing]
276
00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:21,182
It's gonna be fine.
They don't even remember.
277
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,023
Those guys are cool.
278
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:29,465
[Alarm buzzing]
279
00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:32,327
This is gonna be bad.
280
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,131
(Andy)
Yeah, well,
virgin's not a dirty word.
281
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,232
You know what's a dirty word,
is asshole...
282
00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:38,799
and that's what you guys are.
283
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:42,109
You know,
I may not have had sex,
but I could fuck you up.
284
00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:45,344
Yeah.
285
00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:52,017
Come on.
286
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:56,857
Hey, David.
Hey, Andy.
287
00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:02,091
What's up?
Cal, good morning.
288
00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:09,163
(Haziz)
Hey, Andy.
Hey.
289
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,175
We're gonna have to get you
some punani.
290
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:12,642
[Both guffawing]
291
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:17,113
Andy, it's going down,
partner. We're gonna be...
292
00:15:17,182 --> 00:15:18,479
[moaning]
293
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,749
This for you, partner,
this for you.
294
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:24,789
Waves of them coming at you
on Friday, Saturday.
295
00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:27,451
By Sunday,
your nuts gonna be drained.
296
00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:31,155
Hey, Andy, don't let him
bother you. It's okay
not to have sex.
297
00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:33,664
Not everybody
is a pussy magnet.
298
00:15:33,732 --> 00:15:37,668
What are you? 25?
I'm 40.
299
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:40,464
Holy shit, man.
You've got to get on that.
300
00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:44,871
Life isn't about sex.
Life is about children
and passion.
301
00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:46,266
Yeah.
302
00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:48,438
And spirit.
Yeah, life's about passion.
303
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:51,074
It's not about fucking
and balls and pussy.
304
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:54,449
It's about love.
It's about people.
305
00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:58,053
It's about connection.
It's all about connections.
306
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:02,287
It's not about cock
and ass and tits
and butthole pleasures.
307
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:04,090
It's not about
butthole pleasures at all.
308
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:07,394
It's not about
this rusty trombone
and dirty Sanchez.
309
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:10,435
Please stop.
And Cincinnati bowtie.
310
00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:15,369
And your pussy juice cocktail
and this shit-stained balls.
311
00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:16,931
Mooj, just please stop.
Just relax...
312
00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:19,204
All right.
That's enough, party's over.
313
00:16:19,511 --> 00:16:21,240
Let the virgin
get back to work.
314
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:26,777
Andy!
315
00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:29,452
Andy, come on.
We were just kidding.
316
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:30,880
Pointless.
317
00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:33,254
Andy, nobody cares
that you're a virgin.
318
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,156
Don't be such a baby.
319
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:37,626
They were just having fun.
They didn't mean anything.
320
00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:39,493
Get away from me, David.
Wait a minute.
321
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,465
Stop following me!
Hold up.
322
00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,901
Hold on.
I'm gonna have to
quit my job now.
323
00:16:46,972 --> 00:16:48,234
You don't have to
quit your job.
324
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:50,138
You know what, I don't wanna
go out with you guys.
325
00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:51,540
Fine.
Okay? I don't need your help.
326
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:54,101
Okay, fine, you don't
have to go out with us
if you don't want.
327
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,704
You know what,
I respect women,
I love women.
328
00:16:57,049 --> 00:17:00,416
I respect them so much
that I completely
stay away from them.
329
00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:02,882
Okay.
I have a very fulfilling life.
330
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:04,947
331
00:17:06,658 --> 00:17:10,492
And now, I am making
your silver pants blue.
332
00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:13,488
Get some roadburn, come on!
333
00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:15,960
Come on, sucker!
334
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,368
around the world
335
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,597
to show you
336
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:22,867
[laughing]
337
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:24,533
Oh, my God!
338
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:31,512
Hey, Will and Grace,
back to work.
339
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:33,778
Hey, Haziz, can you just
give us a second?
340
00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:36,150
We're just kind of
in the middle of something.
341
00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:37,916
I'm on my break, okay?
342
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:40,424
Fuck off, Haziz.
Leave us alone, all right?
343
00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:42,585
Fuck off? Fuck you!
Fuck you!
344
00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:44,629
Fuck you! Fuck off.
Fuck off.
345
00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:46,425
I'm gonna kick you
in the nuts, asshole.
346
00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:49,729
Hey, hey!
Watch the language, okay?
I have a family.
347
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:50,894
Watch how you talk to me!
348
00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:53,961
It's a free country, Bambi.
I can smoke out here
if I want to.
349
00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:55,301
Smoke my pole.
350
00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:57,672
You are a very unkind man.
Get inside!
351
00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,074
This is not professional.
352
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,442
Paula,
this asshole over here...
353
00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:03,310
It's okay.
(Haziz)
Paula!
354
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,883
It's all right. Come on.
You know, it's just...
355
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,283
So, how could this
not have happened?
356
00:18:08,353 --> 00:18:10,253
It just never happened.
357
00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:14,090
When I was young, I tried,
and it didn't happen.
358
00:18:14,726 --> 00:18:18,162
And then I got older and I got
more and more nervous...
359
00:18:18,297 --> 00:18:21,698
because it hadn't
happened yet.
And I got kind of...
360
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:25,330
weirded out about it.
Then it really
didn't happen...
361
00:18:25,404 --> 00:18:28,601
and then, I don't know,
I just kind of stopped trying.
362
00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:31,336
Do you want to give it
another shot?
363
00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:33,173
Maybe it's too late.
364
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:37,077
Sometimes I feel that
it is just too late for me.
365
00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:39,480
No, that's crazy.
366
00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:42,520
You're 40 years old.
You know, 40 is the new 20.
367
00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:44,579
You wanna spend
the next 60 years
of your life...
368
00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:46,146
never experiencing sex?
369
00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:48,284
And not just sex, but love...
370
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:53,297
and a relationship,
and laughing and cuddling
and all that shit.
371
00:18:53,932 --> 00:18:55,263
I don't know.
372
00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:59,665
I wouldn't know what to do.
Look, you gotta take a risk.
373
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:01,399
You gotta risk it.
Look at me.
374
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,373
I went out with this girl
for four months...
375
00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:05,171
and it was the greatest...
376
00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:07,573
greatest thing in my life.
377
00:19:08,514 --> 00:19:12,416
Until she went down on this
guy in an Escalade, I think.
378
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:14,609
And, you know,
instead of saying:
379
00:19:14,686 --> 00:19:17,678
"Okay, what am I doing
that caused this behavior?"...
380
00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:19,587
I dumped her. Stupid decision.
381
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:22,525
I spent the last two years
of my life regretting it.
382
00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:24,494
Why don't you
get her back right now?
383
00:19:24,563 --> 00:19:26,656
Because she's dating
this pot dealer.
384
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:28,359
Stupid horrible decision.
385
00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:31,596
But, hey, that's her journey,
you know.
I gotta respect that.
386
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:32,932
I gotta give her the space.
387
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:36,941
She wants to be
some immature little bitch
and blow everybody...
388
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,034
that's love, man.
It sounds horrible.
389
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:41,272
Of course it's horrible.
It's suffering...
390
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,871
and it's pain and it's...
You know, you lose weight...
391
00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:45,439
and then you
put back on weight...
392
00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:47,610
and then you call them
a bunch of times...
393
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:51,053
and you try and email
and then they move
or they change their email...
394
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,647
but that's just love.
395
00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:55,059
Do you realize that
this is the first time...
396
00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:57,425
we've spoken for more than,
like, 30 seconds?
397
00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:58,554
Uh-huh.
398
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:01,798
It's kind of nice.
Come out with us this weekend.
399
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,934
No pressure.
We'll just have a good time.
400
00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:07,798
Okay, yeah, I will.
I'll give it a shot.
401
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:08,897
Great.
402
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:11,169
But I'm not going to have sex
with anybody.
403
00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:13,973
Good, sex should be
the last thing on your mind.
404
00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:19,116
playing]
405
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,858
Logjam. Hi.
406
00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:34,754
Shit.
407
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:39,530
Oh, God.
408
00:20:43,842 --> 00:20:45,002
Sorry.
409
00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:48,477
See you later.
Thanks for the dance.
410
00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:00,015
I'm okay. It's all right.
411
00:21:06,064 --> 00:21:07,929
Oh, come on, bus!
412
00:21:14,673 --> 00:21:16,834
Oh, come on, dogs!
413
00:21:19,978 --> 00:21:21,912
Shit! You gotta be kidding me.
414
00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:41,859
I mean, I'm kind of nervous.
I never had oral sex before.
415
00:21:42,367 --> 00:21:46,997
Jennifer told me how to do it.
It's gonna kick ass.
416
00:21:51,209 --> 00:21:52,836
[Screaming]
417
00:21:53,445 --> 00:21:55,174
What are you doing?
418
00:21:55,247 --> 00:21:56,646
Okay, just...
We're almost there.
419
00:21:56,715 --> 00:21:57,704
[Grunts]
420
00:21:57,783 --> 00:22:00,149
We have one.
Houston, we have one.
421
00:22:00,919 --> 00:22:03,149
You'll pull my
fucking hair out!
422
00:22:03,221 --> 00:22:05,121
We did it.
God!
423
00:22:05,190 --> 00:22:06,885
Oh, my God,
you came in your pants.
424
00:22:06,958 --> 00:22:09,756
What did you do?
I had some Cream of Wheat.
425
00:22:10,262 --> 00:22:12,560
You know what else is sexy?
What?
426
00:22:13,131 --> 00:22:14,826
Me...
Yeah?
427
00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:16,094
...sucking...
428
00:22:17,469 --> 00:22:19,994
on your...
429
00:22:20,605 --> 00:22:21,629
toe.
430
00:22:21,707 --> 00:22:23,607
That's what you want to
suck on?
Yeah.
431
00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:27,975
It's just so big and thick.
Okay.
432
00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:31,012
Yeah.
433
00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:33,911
[Laughing]
434
00:22:34,052 --> 00:22:35,041
That tickles.
435
00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:36,109
[Screams]
436
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,247
I'm sorry. Oh, no.
437
00:22:38,323 --> 00:22:40,348
Your nose is bleeding.
You think?
438
00:22:40,425 --> 00:22:42,825
I'm sorry.
I'm hot.
439
00:22:43,061 --> 00:22:45,120
But, now,
you can't have any of this.
440
00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:47,832
You should just
give up forever!
441
00:22:47,933 --> 00:22:49,662
[Exclaiming]
442
00:22:53,305 --> 00:22:55,739
High Enough playing]
443
00:22:56,675 --> 00:22:58,438
Cal, what do you think?
Is this too yellow?
444
00:22:58,510 --> 00:22:59,534
No.
445
00:22:59,878 --> 00:23:01,971
What's Curious George like
in real life?
446
00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:03,241
Come on, man.
447
00:23:03,915 --> 00:23:05,610
448
00:23:12,991 --> 00:23:15,391
Wow, this is
pretty crowded.
449
00:23:15,694 --> 00:23:18,561
Yeah. Well,
it's $9 beer night.
450
00:23:19,731 --> 00:23:21,164
Okay, look now.
451
00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:23,463
So, this is
what's about to happen,
all right?
452
00:23:23,535 --> 00:23:26,231
You about to go run down
some drunk chicks, all right?
453
00:23:26,304 --> 00:23:28,738
And don't confuse
that with tipsy.
We talking about drunk.
454
00:23:28,807 --> 00:23:30,832
I want vomit in the hair,
bruised-up knees.
455
00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:32,399
A broken heel is a plus.
456
00:23:32,477 --> 00:23:34,001
That's what you
want to find, okay?
457
00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:36,877
No, Dave already told me
I didn't have to have sex
tonight.
458
00:23:36,948 --> 00:23:37,972
And now he's gone, so...
459
00:23:38,049 --> 00:23:40,040
Dude, just stop thinking
for a minute, all right?
460
00:23:40,118 --> 00:23:41,745
You ain't got to think
on this one.
461
00:23:41,820 --> 00:23:43,754
All you got to do
is use your instinct.
462
00:23:43,822 --> 00:23:45,255
Show me your instincts.
463
00:23:45,323 --> 00:23:48,087
My head, my heart.
I follow my heart.
464
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,788
Now, I'm gonna show you this
one time, all right?
465
00:23:50,862 --> 00:23:53,592
Instincts.
Show me your instincts.
466
00:23:54,199 --> 00:23:56,394
Show me your instincts.
They're right here.
467
00:23:56,735 --> 00:23:58,532
Own your instincts.
468
00:23:58,703 --> 00:24:01,604
All you doing
is using your instinct.
That's it.
469
00:24:01,673 --> 00:24:04,471
That's how a tiger know
he got to tackle a gazelle.
470
00:24:04,543 --> 00:24:06,443
There's a code
written in his DNA.
471
00:24:06,511 --> 00:24:08,206
It says,
"Tackle the gazelle. "
Okay.
472
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,443
And believe it or not,
in every man, there's
a code written that says:
473
00:24:11,516 --> 00:24:13,450
"Tackle drunk bitches. "
No.
474
00:24:13,518 --> 00:24:17,010
You know what,
I don't feel comfortable...
475
00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:20,554
hitting on drunk "bitches,"
you know.
476
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:21,785
I don't think that's right.
477
00:24:21,860 --> 00:24:23,054
Okay, hold up.
478
00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:25,995
First of all,
you making it out to be
some kind of bad thing.
479
00:24:26,064 --> 00:24:28,498
I didn't use bitches
in a derogatory sense.
You did.
480
00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:30,262
It just does...
This doesn't feel right.
481
00:24:30,335 --> 00:24:33,202
Of course it don't feel right.
What has felt right for you
didn't work.
482
00:24:33,271 --> 00:24:35,865
You need to try
some wrong, dawg.
483
00:24:38,009 --> 00:24:40,443
Okay, how do I tell
which ones are drunk?
484
00:24:40,512 --> 00:24:42,207
Now you're talking.
All right, check this out.
485
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,043
You see this redhead
over here?
Where?
486
00:24:44,115 --> 00:24:47,676
With the big old titties.
I'm not gonna
stare at a woman.
487
00:24:47,752 --> 00:24:50,346
Dawg, I'm not telling you
to stare at nobody.
488
00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:53,253
I'm telling you to use
your peripherals.
Now look at me.
489
00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:54,792
See. Look. See?
Yeah.
490
00:24:55,227 --> 00:24:56,558
I'm not looking at you.
491
00:24:57,295 --> 00:24:59,855
No. I'm looking at...
You're looking at her?
492
00:25:01,766 --> 00:25:05,327
What do you want me to do?
I want you to use
your peripherals.
493
00:25:05,704 --> 00:25:07,638
See? I'm not looking at you.
494
00:25:08,707 --> 00:25:12,939
No. See, I'm looking
at the redhead at 3:00
with the big titties.
495
00:25:13,144 --> 00:25:16,011
You see her, racked up
right there, see her?
496
00:25:16,414 --> 00:25:17,904
Yes.
Yeah.
497
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:21,414
You find one with
the peripherals.
Okay.
498
00:25:21,820 --> 00:25:24,948
You see, over by the post.
499
00:25:25,724 --> 00:25:26,952
It looks like a...
500
00:25:27,025 --> 00:25:28,754
It's either a ficus...
501
00:25:28,827 --> 00:25:30,556
It might be
a rubber tree plant.
502
00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:33,729
All right, if you're
making a joke, dawg,
it's not funny.
503
00:25:33,798 --> 00:25:36,392
I see a blonde
and she's very pretty.
504
00:25:36,468 --> 00:25:38,902
Better, okay. All right.
505
00:25:38,970 --> 00:25:40,995
Now with your peripherals...
Yeah.
506
00:25:41,072 --> 00:25:43,540
...you got to scope out
a hot, drunk chick.
507
00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:45,039
And then you should
make your move.
508
00:25:45,110 --> 00:25:46,941
Okay? All right.
Yes.
509
00:25:47,145 --> 00:25:49,943
And remember, it's
more important that she's
drunk than she's hot.
510
00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:52,482
For this first one.
Go get her.
Peripherals, though.
511
00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:53,711
All the way.
512
00:25:54,853 --> 00:25:56,115
All peripherals.
513
00:26:03,461 --> 00:26:04,758
That boy is stubborn.
514
00:26:07,632 --> 00:26:10,931
Hi, I'm Andy.
You look comfortable.
515
00:26:11,169 --> 00:26:13,603
Can I get you
another cocktail?
516
00:26:13,705 --> 00:26:14,831
Too drunk.
517
00:26:14,906 --> 00:26:18,342
But you got the right idea.
But clinically alive.
518
00:26:20,478 --> 00:26:21,467
Hey!
Yo!
519
00:26:21,546 --> 00:26:23,946
I'm having trouble
finding the drunk people.
520
00:26:24,015 --> 00:26:26,245
You want to know
where there's one?
Yeah.
521
00:26:26,318 --> 00:26:30,152
I. I, Captain Yellowshirts.
522
00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:31,244
[Growls]
523
00:26:31,323 --> 00:26:33,450
Okay. Have a good one.
524
00:26:33,525 --> 00:26:34,719
Yo!
What?
525
00:26:34,793 --> 00:26:37,956
I met a girl and she's here
with a bachelorette party...
526
00:26:38,029 --> 00:26:40,054
and they invited us
to party with them.
527
00:26:40,332 --> 00:26:43,267
Okay, that's good.
It's so good...
528
00:26:43,335 --> 00:26:44,996
because no one is hornier
than a girl...
529
00:26:45,070 --> 00:26:47,698
who's about to watch
her friend get married
to a guy.
530
00:26:47,772 --> 00:26:49,205
It's so funny.
531
00:26:50,141 --> 00:26:51,335
[Women whooping]
532
00:26:53,345 --> 00:26:57,145
So we just decided because
this is my last night
as a free woman...
533
00:26:57,215 --> 00:27:00,309
before I marry Dan,
that we would just wig out.
534
00:27:00,518 --> 00:27:02,213
We're wigging out!
535
00:27:03,221 --> 00:27:06,019
You guys are hilarious.
536
00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:08,554
Wait a minute.
537
00:27:08,627 --> 00:27:12,154
Yes, Mr. President.
Yes, the erection results
are in.
538
00:27:12,230 --> 00:27:13,322
[All laughing]
539
00:27:13,398 --> 00:27:16,196
Hey, guys, look,
it's Dr. Zeus' penis.
540
00:27:16,668 --> 00:27:18,465
I really mean this.
541
00:27:19,404 --> 00:27:21,838
Hey, everybody,
who wants penis cake?
542
00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:23,198
I do.
543
00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:26,573
(Cal)
She does.
Hey, you guys,
Betty Cocker.
544
00:27:26,845 --> 00:27:28,642
[All laughing]
545
00:27:28,713 --> 00:27:30,305
What a good guy. What a...
546
00:27:30,382 --> 00:27:32,373
Dan, the guy
Robin's marrying...
547
00:27:32,450 --> 00:27:35,681
is such a good guy.
548
00:27:35,754 --> 00:27:37,346
He sounds like a good guy.
549
00:27:37,422 --> 00:27:40,448
I hated him for like two years
'cause he cheated on me.
550
00:27:40,725 --> 00:27:41,953
But...
551
00:27:44,396 --> 00:27:46,626
he's really changed now.
552
00:27:47,799 --> 00:27:50,893
He's a really good guy now.
Your friends seem nice.
553
00:27:50,969 --> 00:27:53,460
You have really kind eyes,
you know that?
554
00:27:53,672 --> 00:27:56,937
Thanks. Your hat
has sequins.
555
00:27:59,511 --> 00:28:00,500
Mmm.
556
00:28:04,182 --> 00:28:05,240
Mmm.
557
00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:10,878
[Both tittering]
558
00:28:11,222 --> 00:28:13,452
Your hands are on my belt.
What?
559
00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:15,550
Your hands are on my belt.
I'm sorry.
560
00:28:15,627 --> 00:28:16,821
It's good.
561
00:28:17,762 --> 00:28:18,990
You're cute.
562
00:28:19,064 --> 00:28:21,259
This is kind of lame.
You wanna get out of here?
563
00:28:21,332 --> 00:28:22,822
Okay, yeah.
564
00:28:28,039 --> 00:28:29,438
Yeah.
Fuck.
565
00:28:30,008 --> 00:28:31,339
Come on.
Okay.
566
00:28:36,715 --> 00:28:38,046
You wanna drive?
567
00:28:38,116 --> 00:28:40,641
I don't have a car
with me here, so...
568
00:28:40,719 --> 00:28:42,584
Cars just suck.
569
00:28:43,054 --> 00:28:44,214
[Grunting]
570
00:28:44,556 --> 00:28:45,716
I'm driving.
571
00:28:46,958 --> 00:28:47,982
Are you drunk?
572
00:28:48,059 --> 00:28:49,617
No, I didn't have anything
to drink.
573
00:28:49,694 --> 00:28:51,889
Blow into this?
Okay.
574
00:28:53,631 --> 00:28:54,859
[Beeping]
575
00:28:56,968 --> 00:29:00,836
What is this?
The judge recommended
I get one.
576
00:29:01,473 --> 00:29:02,462
[Engine starting]
577
00:29:02,540 --> 00:29:05,407
on car stereo]
578
00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:10,904
Whoa, okay. Wow.
That's fast.
579
00:29:12,817 --> 00:29:15,342
Okay.
Come on, you're in the lasso.
580
00:29:15,487 --> 00:29:16,476
[Giggling]
581
00:29:18,356 --> 00:29:20,085
582
00:29:20,158 --> 00:29:21,250
583
00:29:21,326 --> 00:29:22,850
mother-uh
584
00:29:22,927 --> 00:29:24,121
stop me now
585
00:29:24,195 --> 00:29:25,253
586
00:29:25,330 --> 00:29:26,592
587
00:29:26,664 --> 00:29:28,154
588
00:29:28,233 --> 00:29:29,757
get me now
589
00:29:30,668 --> 00:29:34,729
And Dan's like,
"You're such a B-I-T-C-H,
bitch!"
590
00:29:34,806 --> 00:29:35,864
[Tires screeching]
591
00:29:35,940 --> 00:29:38,773
And I'm like,
"You're the bitch, bitch. "
592
00:29:38,843 --> 00:29:40,572
You know?
Yeah.
593
00:29:40,645 --> 00:29:42,374
What was your name again?
594
00:29:42,647 --> 00:29:44,171
Andy.
Andy.
595
00:29:44,249 --> 00:29:48,982
Let me tell you
something, Andy.
Don't ever be named Dan.
596
00:29:49,287 --> 00:29:52,051
Dan rhymes with man,
and men jerk off.
597
00:29:52,123 --> 00:29:53,590
And he was a jerk-off.
598
00:29:53,658 --> 00:29:56,354
Do you know what I mean?
Look out! The car!
599
00:29:56,661 --> 00:29:59,630
Wow.
I like you.
600
00:30:00,064 --> 00:30:01,554
You're not a...
601
00:30:03,902 --> 00:30:04,926
Ugh.
602
00:30:05,003 --> 00:30:08,029
I think I ate some
bad shellfish sandwich
or something.
603
00:30:09,374 --> 00:30:11,399
You're cute.
No.
604
00:30:17,882 --> 00:30:20,874
That tasted good.
That tasted like shellfish.
605
00:30:22,187 --> 00:30:24,951
Look out! Sorry.
606
00:30:25,990 --> 00:30:27,082
Watch it!
607
00:30:27,158 --> 00:30:28,591
[Exclaiming]
608
00:30:29,494 --> 00:30:31,985
Do you think I'm pretty?
Oh, yes.
609
00:30:32,297 --> 00:30:33,764
Oh, God, yes!
610
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,634
You're not looking at me.
Yes, you're pretty.
611
00:30:37,702 --> 00:30:39,567
You're not looking at me.
Yes, you're pretty.
612
00:30:39,637 --> 00:30:42,299
Do you think I'm pretty?
Look at me.
613
00:30:42,373 --> 00:30:45,433
Look at me!
I'm looking! You're pretty!
614
00:30:45,510 --> 00:30:47,910
God, I just wanna live!
615
00:30:49,547 --> 00:30:52,107
God, I hope
I get my period soon.
616
00:30:52,250 --> 00:30:55,742
I am in a bad mood.
Okay.
617
00:30:55,820 --> 00:30:58,653
I'm so tired.
618
00:30:59,390 --> 00:31:00,789
Hey, whoa!
619
00:31:00,859 --> 00:31:01,848
[Glass shattering]
620
00:31:01,926 --> 00:31:04,360
Oh, God! Turn away!
621
00:31:04,696 --> 00:31:06,857
Hey, get off the wheel.
622
00:31:08,566 --> 00:31:11,160
You're not gonna
get in my pants
acting like that.
623
00:31:11,236 --> 00:31:12,794
I'm starving.
624
00:31:13,037 --> 00:31:15,562
Let's get some
fucking French toast.
625
00:31:16,107 --> 00:31:17,335
[Tires screeching]
626
00:31:17,642 --> 00:31:21,271
Okay, here we are.
Oh, God, we made it.
627
00:31:21,346 --> 00:31:22,711
Home sweet home.
628
00:31:24,015 --> 00:31:25,676
Oh, mommy!
629
00:31:25,750 --> 00:31:26,739
[Screeching]
630
00:31:28,253 --> 00:31:29,481
[Panting]
631
00:31:29,554 --> 00:31:33,354
Are you okay?
The fucker came
out of nowhere.
632
00:31:34,759 --> 00:31:37,125
Okay. We're okay.
633
00:31:37,228 --> 00:31:38,490
[Laughing]
634
00:31:39,297 --> 00:31:40,286
[Crying]
635
00:31:40,365 --> 00:31:41,696
Are you okay?
636
00:31:42,333 --> 00:31:44,494
Well, are you...
What's the matter?
637
00:31:48,206 --> 00:31:49,195
[Gasps]
638
00:31:50,174 --> 00:31:51,436
I'm sorry.
639
00:31:52,010 --> 00:31:55,468
That's okay.
I think I kind of
had that coming.
640
00:31:56,247 --> 00:31:58,408
I'll still have sex with you
if you want.
641
00:31:58,483 --> 00:32:01,509
You know what, I think
I'm gonna pass on the sex,
if you don't mind.
642
00:32:01,586 --> 00:32:04,077
At least I don't have
to work out tomorrow.
643
00:32:04,822 --> 00:32:06,722
Did you have
a daiquiri tonight?
Yeah.
644
00:32:06,791 --> 00:32:07,849
I thought you might.
645
00:32:08,426 --> 00:32:09,791
It was a very bad night.
646
00:32:09,861 --> 00:32:10,850
[All laughing]
647
00:32:11,696 --> 00:32:12,788
Yeah, laugh.
648
00:32:12,864 --> 00:32:15,196
You know what,
you guys wouldn't be
laughing right now...
649
00:32:15,266 --> 00:32:18,758
if some girl had just
vomited shellfish sandwich
into your mouth.
650
00:32:18,870 --> 00:32:19,894
[Grunts]
651
00:32:19,971 --> 00:32:21,836
You know what, you're right,
it's my bad.
652
00:32:21,906 --> 00:32:23,897
Let me apologize to you
first of all...
653
00:32:23,975 --> 00:32:27,809
for not mentioning in detail
that when you pick up
a drunk woman...
654
00:32:27,879 --> 00:32:30,541
who's falling down
on her way out of the bar...
655
00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:33,448
that you should
probably drive.
I drive a bike.
656
00:32:33,518 --> 00:32:37,079
Okay,
Mr. Schwinn-fucking-Armstrong,
who asked you to drive a bike?
657
00:32:37,155 --> 00:32:39,316
You know what,
I'm not the only person
in the world...
658
00:32:39,390 --> 00:32:40,550
who rides a bike.
659
00:32:40,625 --> 00:32:43,321
Yeah, everyone rides a bike,
when they're fucking six.
660
00:32:43,394 --> 00:32:45,521
Why don't you kiss something?
661
00:32:45,596 --> 00:32:48,724
Because this is over,
you guys, okay?
662
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,461
Can I just interject
for a second?
663
00:32:50,535 --> 00:32:51,934
[Stuttering]
Let me just say...
664
00:32:52,036 --> 00:32:54,402
you're putting the pussy up
on this pedestal.
665
00:32:54,472 --> 00:32:55,996
You're just building
the pussy up, man.
666
00:32:56,074 --> 00:32:57,473
What are you even
talking about?
667
00:32:57,542 --> 00:32:59,510
"Building the pussy up,"
what does that mean?
668
00:32:59,577 --> 00:33:04,276
You making the pussy into
this great big Greek goddess
named Pussalia...
669
00:33:04,349 --> 00:33:05,543
and what you're doing is...
670
00:33:05,616 --> 00:33:08,915
you're psyching yourself
into thinking
it's some impossible feat.
671
00:33:08,987 --> 00:33:10,352
Yeah, I think
you're right.
672
00:33:10,421 --> 00:33:12,389
I'm putting the pussy up
on a pedestal.
673
00:33:12,457 --> 00:33:13,856
Right.
That's it.
674
00:33:14,058 --> 00:33:15,855
It's "Pussalia," right?
675
00:33:15,927 --> 00:33:18,395
Look where you going.
I don't wanna say
the word anymore.
676
00:33:18,463 --> 00:33:20,727
Say what word?
"Pussy. " I don't wanna say it.
677
00:33:20,798 --> 00:33:23,062
Fuck it.
"Pussy" is a scientific word.
678
00:33:23,167 --> 00:33:25,260
Dude! New pants, man.
679
00:33:25,803 --> 00:33:26,792
You know what, Dave?
680
00:33:26,871 --> 00:33:29,431
You know, you said
there wasn't gonna be
any pressure at all.
681
00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:31,134
(David)
I'm not pressuring you.
Excuse me.
682
00:33:31,209 --> 00:33:32,836
Can one of you guys
help me, please?
683
00:33:32,910 --> 00:33:34,468
No hablo English, lady.
684
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:38,178
I actually am helping
a customer right now.
685
00:33:38,249 --> 00:33:40,615
Okay, well...
I'm on break.
686
00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:43,245
But our stock supervisor
is very knowledgeable.
687
00:33:43,321 --> 00:33:45,812
He can answer
all of your questions
and he'd love to help you.
688
00:33:45,890 --> 00:33:46,948
Thank you.
689
00:33:47,025 --> 00:33:48,583
Have a nice day.
You, too.
690
00:33:49,494 --> 00:33:53,760
Great, okay. Hi, I'm Trish.
Hi, Andy is my name.
691
00:33:54,365 --> 00:33:57,459
This one looks pretty good.
You don't wanna buy that VCR.
692
00:33:57,535 --> 00:33:58,524
I don't?
693
00:33:58,603 --> 00:34:00,400
No, actually to be
totally honest with you...
694
00:34:00,471 --> 00:34:01,802
you don't wanna buy
any VCR.
695
00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:03,568
It's a dead technology.
696
00:34:03,641 --> 00:34:07,771
It's like getting
an eight-track player.
697
00:34:07,845 --> 00:34:10,245
Yeah.
Or a Betamax.
698
00:34:10,314 --> 00:34:12,373
You know what, actually
I'd recommend this one.
699
00:34:12,450 --> 00:34:13,576
This is a dual.
700
00:34:13,651 --> 00:34:16,711
You've got the VCR
and DVD combo.
701
00:34:16,788 --> 00:34:20,315
So, you know,
that technology would be
probably pretty good for...
702
00:34:20,591 --> 00:34:21,717
Six months or so?
Yeah.
703
00:34:21,793 --> 00:34:23,090
That's good.
704
00:34:23,227 --> 00:34:25,161
At best. Sorry.
705
00:34:25,296 --> 00:34:27,662
No.
As good as it gets.
706
00:34:27,799 --> 00:34:28,993
Okay, that sounds good,
then.
707
00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:30,159
Okay, all right.
708
00:34:30,234 --> 00:34:31,258
[Cal speaking Spanish]
709
00:34:31,335 --> 00:34:32,393
It's perfect.
Sorry.
710
00:34:32,470 --> 00:34:33,732
Coming through.
711
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:35,164
Okay.
712
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,969
God, you know,
it's so funny, I work
right across the street...
713
00:34:38,042 --> 00:34:39,475
and I've never been
in this place.
714
00:34:39,544 --> 00:34:40,977
Really? Where at?
Yeah.
715
00:34:41,045 --> 00:34:43,673
The
"We Sell Your Stuff On eBay"
store.
716
00:34:44,482 --> 00:34:46,177
Yes.
And that's the name?
717
00:34:46,417 --> 00:34:48,783
Yeah, I was
looking for something...
718
00:34:48,953 --> 00:34:51,820
you know, obvious.
So I chose that.
719
00:34:51,889 --> 00:34:54,084
I don't understand.
So, what, you do what?
720
00:34:54,459 --> 00:34:56,427
Well, I take the stuff
that you don't want...
721
00:34:56,494 --> 00:34:58,587
and then I "sell" it
on eBay.
722
00:34:58,663 --> 00:35:01,154
But you don't actually
sell anything in the store?
723
00:35:02,133 --> 00:35:03,691
No. I don't.
724
00:35:04,435 --> 00:35:06,528
So why do you have a store?
725
00:35:06,604 --> 00:35:07,901
I don't know.
726
00:35:07,972 --> 00:35:11,237
No, I think it's because,
you know, I wanna maybe
look professional...
727
00:35:11,309 --> 00:35:14,278
and not like a crazy person
who's just gonna
steal all your shit.
728
00:35:14,345 --> 00:35:16,711
Sure. I didn't
mean anything by that.
729
00:35:16,781 --> 00:35:18,248
No, it's okay.
730
00:35:18,416 --> 00:35:22,113
You know what,
you should come by sometime
if you want, you know...
731
00:35:22,186 --> 00:35:23,983
see it for yourself,
check it out.
732
00:35:24,055 --> 00:35:25,613
I'll check out
your empty store.
733
00:35:25,690 --> 00:35:28,921
Yeah, it's the one
across the street
that's not empty.
734
00:35:30,261 --> 00:35:31,751
Here's my number. So...
735
00:35:32,296 --> 00:35:34,764
All right.
So, just anytime.
736
00:35:35,433 --> 00:35:38,300
Why do I need your number
if you're across the street,
though?
737
00:35:39,570 --> 00:35:42,562
I don't really have
a good answer for that, Andy.
I just...
738
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,608
Sorry.
Just giving it to you.
739
00:35:44,842 --> 00:35:47,936
So I'll write you up,
and I'll meet you over
at the register.
740
00:35:48,012 --> 00:35:49,673
Okay.
And check you out...
Check out.
741
00:35:49,747 --> 00:35:51,078
Okay, see you over there.
Okay.
742
00:35:51,149 --> 00:35:52,138
Okay.
743
00:35:52,550 --> 00:35:54,609
Awful chatty.
Hey...
744
00:35:55,019 --> 00:35:57,180
Look, I think she gave me
her number.
745
00:35:57,255 --> 00:35:59,780
She wrote down her number,
but I think she gave me
her number.
746
00:35:59,857 --> 00:36:01,222
No, she gave you.
Dude, man.
747
00:36:01,292 --> 00:36:02,884
See, you still mad at me?
748
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:04,825
No, I was never.
Right, you see what I mean?
749
00:36:04,896 --> 00:36:06,796
Yeah, we gonna
celebrate it, man. Yeah.
750
00:36:06,864 --> 00:36:08,297
This is pretty cool.
Yeah.
751
00:36:08,366 --> 00:36:10,300
Unbelievable.
Come on,
give him some credit, man.
752
00:36:10,368 --> 00:36:11,562
The man pulled a number.
753
00:36:11,636 --> 00:36:14,196
It's just... I was in...
I can't believe that happened.
754
00:36:14,272 --> 00:36:15,739
What you did
with you's own hand.
755
00:36:15,806 --> 00:36:17,967
Man, she just gave me
her number.
756
00:36:18,142 --> 00:36:22,772
That's great, man.
I'm telling you,
love is a mysterious fig.
757
00:36:22,847 --> 00:36:23,871
It is.
758
00:36:23,948 --> 00:36:26,712
Okay, here's a question.
When should I call her?
759
00:36:27,318 --> 00:36:28,580
You like her?
Yeah.
760
00:36:28,653 --> 00:36:30,120
You definitely
don't want to call her.
761
00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:31,815
When is the next Olympics?
762
00:36:31,889 --> 00:36:33,254
(Jay)
So what you just
got to do is...
763
00:36:33,324 --> 00:36:35,053
just get you a bunch
of these hood rats...
764
00:36:35,126 --> 00:36:36,559
run through them,
just knock them out.
765
00:36:36,627 --> 00:36:37,685
Boom, boom, boom.
766
00:36:37,762 --> 00:36:40,322
And once you've done
slayed like 20,
30 of them hood rats...
767
00:36:40,398 --> 00:36:43,128
now you ready to go up
to the upper echelon type ho.
768
00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:45,328
You know what I mean?
I'm not a big ho runner.
769
00:36:45,403 --> 00:36:47,200
My uncle used to drive
a ho runner.
770
00:36:47,271 --> 00:36:49,136
Screw these analogies.
What he's saying is...
771
00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:51,232
you are going to be so bad
at sex the first time...
772
00:36:51,309 --> 00:36:53,243
you don't want to have sex
with someone you like...
773
00:36:53,311 --> 00:36:55,745
'cause they'll think
you're a weirdo for being
so lame at it.
774
00:36:55,813 --> 00:36:57,872
You want to have sex
with hood rats first...
775
00:36:57,949 --> 00:37:00,008
so that by the time
you get to the girl
you do like...
776
00:37:00,084 --> 00:37:03,542
you're not terrible at sex,
you'll be mediocre at it.
777
00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:05,355
Probably still
pretty bad, though.
778
00:37:05,423 --> 00:37:07,653
(Jay)
Let's put it up for my man
for pulling that number.
779
00:37:07,725 --> 00:37:10,091
Way to go, man.
Politicked his ass off.
780
00:37:10,161 --> 00:37:12,459
(Cal)
You did politic.
Thanks a lot.
781
00:37:12,563 --> 00:37:14,588
Like a train, round the bend.
You ready?
782
00:37:25,276 --> 00:37:26,334
[Clears throat]
783
00:37:47,465 --> 00:37:48,659
[Coughing]
784
00:37:48,799 --> 00:37:49,788
Yeah.
785
00:37:50,935 --> 00:37:52,129
I can't.
Do it.
786
00:37:52,203 --> 00:37:53,830
I can't pee in public.
Gotta do it.
787
00:37:53,904 --> 00:37:55,496
I've got a mental block
about it.
788
00:37:55,573 --> 00:37:58,770
Come on, do it.
I'm shy!
789
00:38:00,244 --> 00:38:01,973
[Shouting]
790
00:38:03,014 --> 00:38:05,642
I peed in public!
791
00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:08,282
Let me out.
I can't hear
what you're saying.
792
00:38:08,352 --> 00:38:10,912
I don't want to be in here.
It's a soundproof room.
793
00:38:11,622 --> 00:38:13,783
Just learn the techniques.
Right on, man.
794
00:38:13,858 --> 00:38:15,223
[Woman moaning]
795
00:38:15,293 --> 00:38:17,158
You guys, this is not funny!
796
00:38:28,639 --> 00:38:29,765
[Sighing]
797
00:38:44,055 --> 00:38:45,522
[Ringing]
798
00:38:48,426 --> 00:38:49,415
Hello.
799
00:38:49,493 --> 00:38:50,517
[Grunting]
800
00:38:56,067 --> 00:38:57,432
Hey, what you watching?
801
00:38:57,501 --> 00:38:59,628
Dawn of the Dead, man.
Great.
802
00:38:59,770 --> 00:39:01,863
The store is slow.
Paula's gone.
803
00:39:01,939 --> 00:39:04,339
Yo, is Paula back?
No. She's not here.
804
00:39:04,809 --> 00:39:06,777
She said we can't
watch this in here.
You sure?
805
00:39:06,844 --> 00:39:09,210
I know.
Can I ask you something
in confidence?
806
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:11,339
I know this is gonna
sound weird.
807
00:39:12,049 --> 00:39:13,539
Am I good-looking?
808
00:39:13,617 --> 00:39:15,346
Do you think a woman
will find me attractive?
809
00:39:15,419 --> 00:39:17,114
[Snarls]
Oh, my God!
810
00:39:17,888 --> 00:39:20,482
Oh, my God, the blood just...
Okay, never mind.
811
00:39:20,558 --> 00:39:22,389
Wait, Andy. Hold up.
812
00:39:22,460 --> 00:39:25,452
Listen,
this is embarrassing for me.
This is hard to talk about.
813
00:39:25,529 --> 00:39:27,997
Are you ready
for my honest answer?
Yes.
814
00:39:28,399 --> 00:39:30,765
Yeah.
I think you're
a good-looking cat.
815
00:39:31,535 --> 00:39:33,093
I don't think
that anybody knows it...
816
00:39:33,170 --> 00:39:34,762
and I don't think
anybody can see it.
817
00:39:34,839 --> 00:39:35,999
Well,
that's why I'm asking you.
818
00:39:36,073 --> 00:39:38,598
You seem really well-groomed
and really put together.
819
00:39:38,676 --> 00:39:41,372
I mean, look, dude.
You think this was
an accident?
820
00:39:41,712 --> 00:39:44,237
All of this right here?
Premeditated, partner.
821
00:39:44,315 --> 00:39:47,716
You gotta highlight
your attributes,
like a diamond in the rough.
822
00:39:47,785 --> 00:39:49,514
You willing to make
some sacrifices?
823
00:39:49,587 --> 00:39:50,645
Absolutely.
824
00:39:50,721 --> 00:39:53,519
You see that whole
Teen Wolf thing
you got going right there?
825
00:39:53,591 --> 00:39:55,456
You need to wax
that right out.
826
00:39:55,526 --> 00:39:57,391
Does it hurt?
No. Waxing don't hurt.
827
00:39:57,461 --> 00:39:59,452
I mean,
not unless you're a bitch.
You know what I mean?
828
00:39:59,530 --> 00:40:01,020
It didn't hurt me.
I get it done all the time.
829
00:40:01,098 --> 00:40:02,793
[Screaming]
What the fuck!
830
00:40:02,867 --> 00:40:03,856
[Exclaiming]
831
00:40:06,303 --> 00:40:08,203
Fuck that nigger up!
832
00:40:09,140 --> 00:40:11,608
Bitch, get out of the room!
833
00:40:14,545 --> 00:40:16,570
(Jay)
This is gonna be good.
834
00:40:16,647 --> 00:40:18,877
This the one right here,
right?
Hi, how are you?
835
00:40:18,949 --> 00:40:20,974
So this is your first time
getting body waxed?
836
00:40:21,051 --> 00:40:22,109
Yes, it is.
837
00:40:22,186 --> 00:40:24,279
Take off your shirt.
Okay.
838
00:40:27,658 --> 00:40:29,558
We're gonna need
more wax.
839
00:40:29,627 --> 00:40:31,959
I'm staying.
This is gonna be good.
840
00:40:32,596 --> 00:40:35,394
And clear all my appointments
in the afternoon.
841
00:40:35,633 --> 00:40:36,964
Here we go.
842
00:40:37,301 --> 00:40:38,632
That feels warm.
843
00:40:41,772 --> 00:40:44,866
(David)
I like your sweater.
Does that come in a V-neck?
844
00:40:46,243 --> 00:40:48,734
(Cal)
She starts doing his pubes,
I'm out of here.
845
00:40:50,714 --> 00:40:52,306
(Jay)
You gonna look good
after this, man.
846
00:40:52,383 --> 00:40:53,611
Thanks, man.
847
00:40:53,984 --> 00:40:55,349
So, ready?
Yeah.
848
00:40:56,854 --> 00:40:59,186
[Speaks foreign language]
849
00:41:00,124 --> 00:41:01,386
[Screaming]
850
00:41:01,459 --> 00:41:03,324
You fucker!
851
00:41:04,462 --> 00:41:07,056
I'm sorry.
That's just your job.
852
00:41:07,131 --> 00:41:10,589
You want me to stop now?
No. It's okay.
853
00:41:12,102 --> 00:41:13,330
Let's do another one.
854
00:41:13,404 --> 00:41:15,065
That one little patch
looks sexy though.
855
00:41:15,139 --> 00:41:17,164
Does it look good?
(Cal)
Yeah, it looks really good.
856
00:41:17,274 --> 00:41:18,298
[Exclaiming]
857
00:41:18,375 --> 00:41:20,741
(David)
It looks man-tastic.
858
00:41:21,912 --> 00:41:23,072
(Andy)
Okay.
859
00:41:24,715 --> 00:41:28,344
Wow! I didn't expect
that at all.
I really didn't expect that.
860
00:41:28,919 --> 00:41:31,319
(Jay)
You got it. The first one
is the only one that hurts.
861
00:41:31,388 --> 00:41:33,856
Yeah.
Those hairs are pretty deep.
862
00:41:33,924 --> 00:41:35,016
Okay.
863
00:41:35,326 --> 00:41:36,953
You ready?
Yup.
864
00:41:37,061 --> 00:41:38,528
[Speaks foreign language]
865
00:41:38,662 --> 00:41:40,391
[Screaming]
866
00:41:40,764 --> 00:41:42,527
Sucker motherfucker!
867
00:41:42,967 --> 00:41:45,265
You shithead! I hate you!
868
00:41:45,336 --> 00:41:47,133
I hate you so much!
869
00:41:48,272 --> 00:41:49,500
That one hurt.
870
00:41:49,573 --> 00:41:51,939
That one hurt
just as much as the first one.
871
00:41:52,009 --> 00:41:54,000
That's great, man.
Man!
872
00:41:54,078 --> 00:41:55,238
[Exhaling]
873
00:41:55,913 --> 00:41:58,177
One, two, three.
874
00:41:58,249 --> 00:41:59,238
[Grunting]
875
00:41:59,350 --> 00:42:03,343
Fuck me!
876
00:42:03,787 --> 00:42:07,279
In the asshole!
877
00:42:07,424 --> 00:42:09,415
[Andy exclaiming]
878
00:42:09,493 --> 00:42:10,619
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
879
00:42:10,694 --> 00:42:12,286
I really don't
swear this much.
880
00:42:12,363 --> 00:42:13,796
You know what,
I got a weak stomach.
881
00:42:13,864 --> 00:42:15,661
That's all I can really take.
I'll see ya'll.
882
00:42:15,733 --> 00:42:18,099
(Andy)
Jay.
Be tough, Andy, you got it.
883
00:42:18,168 --> 00:42:20,261
Where did Jay go?
(David)
He went to throw up.
884
00:42:20,337 --> 00:42:21,599
Ready?
Yup.
885
00:42:22,306 --> 00:42:23,364
One, two.
886
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:24,498
[Gasping]
887
00:42:24,575 --> 00:42:26,839
Cocksucker motherfucker!
888
00:42:26,977 --> 00:42:28,638
You pulled on two.
889
00:42:29,914 --> 00:42:31,575
Why didn't you
pull on three?
890
00:42:31,649 --> 00:42:32,980
Freddy pie hole!
891
00:42:33,083 --> 00:42:34,482
[Andy exclaiming in Spanish]
892
00:42:34,718 --> 00:42:36,618
No! Kelly Clarkson!
893
00:42:37,021 --> 00:42:38,682
[Screaming]
894
00:42:41,825 --> 00:42:43,588
[Andy screaming]
Ya'll done or ya'll...
895
00:42:43,661 --> 00:42:45,185
That's fucked up.
(Andy)
Oh, shit falls!
896
00:42:45,262 --> 00:42:46,388
That's fucked up.
897
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,334
I hate you.
898
00:42:51,402 --> 00:42:53,768
Stop smiling, you jerk!
899
00:42:53,837 --> 00:42:55,031
You pussy.
900
00:42:55,105 --> 00:42:57,198
Oh, God. What's next?
901
00:42:57,575 --> 00:42:59,805
You're doing the nipple.
(Cal)
Not the nipple.
902
00:42:59,877 --> 00:43:01,606
Come on.
Not the nipple.
903
00:43:01,679 --> 00:43:03,374
Please, Cal,
hold my hand.
904
00:43:03,781 --> 00:43:06,579
You kidding me, man?
Hold my goddamn hand, man.
905
00:43:07,151 --> 00:43:09,415
Do it! Just hold.
Okay, here we go.
906
00:43:09,486 --> 00:43:10,612
[Exhaling]
907
00:43:10,688 --> 00:43:11,712
(woman)
Ready?
908
00:43:12,389 --> 00:43:13,686
No. Yup.
909
00:43:13,757 --> 00:43:15,691
One, two, three.
910
00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:18,660
[Screaming]
Nipple fuck!
911
00:43:20,030 --> 00:43:22,498
Mika, you should
burn in hell!
912
00:43:22,967 --> 00:43:25,629
Okay, all right.
No, seriously,
I think I'm done.
913
00:43:25,703 --> 00:43:28,069
I think we're done.
I think that's good.
914
00:43:28,405 --> 00:43:29,394
[Panting]
915
00:43:30,207 --> 00:43:31,538
You know what, guys...
916
00:43:31,609 --> 00:43:34,134
this is not
a good look for me!
917
00:43:34,545 --> 00:43:36,376
You look like
a man-o'- lantern.
918
00:43:36,447 --> 00:43:38,415
Thank you very much.
Appreciate it.
Thank you.
919
00:43:53,631 --> 00:43:54,859
[Screaming]
920
00:43:57,968 --> 00:43:59,697
(Cal)
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
921
00:43:59,770 --> 00:44:01,362
Thank you.
Thanks.
922
00:44:01,839 --> 00:44:03,898
Andy,
I owe you an apology, man.
923
00:44:03,974 --> 00:44:07,410
I wasn't very nice
to you for the past
two-and-a-half years.
924
00:44:07,478 --> 00:44:08,604
You were nice to me.
925
00:44:08,679 --> 00:44:11,341
No, I was... I thought
you were really boring and...
926
00:44:11,415 --> 00:44:13,713
I kind of thought
you were a serial killer.
927
00:44:13,784 --> 00:44:14,773
[Laughs]
928
00:44:15,019 --> 00:44:16,418
I'm not joking.
929
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:19,787
Hey!
Sorry. Shoot. Sorry, sorry.
930
00:44:19,857 --> 00:44:22,189
Don't worry. There's a lot of
padding in these.
931
00:44:22,259 --> 00:44:24,625
I could hurl it
off the balcony,
it would be fine.
932
00:44:24,695 --> 00:44:26,424
Yeah. It will be fine.
We couldn't break this...
933
00:44:26,497 --> 00:44:27,555
if we tried.
No problem.
934
00:44:27,631 --> 00:44:29,724
Look, you shouldn't listen
to Dave and Jay, okay?
935
00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:32,894
Those guys are crazy.
You should listen to me, okay?
936
00:44:32,970 --> 00:44:35,939
Look, there is a hot-ass girl
who works right there.
937
00:44:36,006 --> 00:44:39,339
There she is,
in the bookstore.
You should ask her out, man.
938
00:44:41,311 --> 00:44:43,142
Something wrong
with her underpants.
939
00:44:43,247 --> 00:44:44,714
(Cal)
Yeah, they're not in my mouth.
940
00:44:44,782 --> 00:44:46,750
You know, I kind of...
941
00:44:47,985 --> 00:44:50,180
like the woman
from the eBay store.
942
00:44:50,354 --> 00:44:51,378
That's great, but...
943
00:44:51,455 --> 00:44:52,752
you're not gonna
get with anyone...
944
00:44:52,823 --> 00:44:54,450
unless you play
the odds on this, man.
945
00:44:54,525 --> 00:44:56,425
You need to plant
a lot of seeds.
946
00:44:56,493 --> 00:44:59,985
It's like this.
When I was growing pot,
I realized...
947
00:45:00,531 --> 00:45:03,625
that the more seeds
I planted...
Thank you.
948
00:45:03,734 --> 00:45:06,032
...the more pot
I could ultimately smoke.
949
00:45:06,103 --> 00:45:09,334
I think I have all the advice
that I can handle right now.
950
00:45:09,406 --> 00:45:10,498
Don't get bitter.
951
00:45:10,574 --> 00:45:13,441
I'm not bitter.
I almost lost a nipple, okay?
952
00:45:13,510 --> 00:45:15,307
That was Jay's idea, okay?
953
00:45:15,379 --> 00:45:17,973
And I wasn't going to
say anything,
but waxing your chest is...
954
00:45:18,048 --> 00:45:20,539
like the gayest thing
you could possibly do, okay?
955
00:45:20,617 --> 00:45:24,348
Look at me.
Looks are not important.
Really look at me.
956
00:45:24,455 --> 00:45:27,390
I am ugly as fuck
by traditional standards...
957
00:45:27,458 --> 00:45:29,892
but I get with women.
958
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:32,087
Aren't you curious
as to how that's possible?
959
00:45:32,162 --> 00:45:34,392
I am not ugly as fuck.
960
00:45:34,465 --> 00:45:36,296
I didn't say you were
ugly as...
961
00:45:36,366 --> 00:45:37,833
Well, you implied it.
Okay.
962
00:45:37,901 --> 00:45:40,495
It doesn't matter if
you're ugly as fuck
or you're ugly as shit.
963
00:45:40,571 --> 00:45:43,665
It's about talking to women,
and I know how to do that...
964
00:45:43,741 --> 00:45:47,108
because I observe,
because I am a novelist.
965
00:45:47,778 --> 00:45:49,678
What? You never
told me that before.
966
00:45:49,747 --> 00:45:52,545
That's because I am not
an arrogant prick, Andy.
967
00:45:52,649 --> 00:45:55,049
Okay? The problem
most men have is...
968
00:45:55,385 --> 00:45:56,875
they don't know
how to talk to women.
969
00:45:56,954 --> 00:46:00,651
You know what my problem is?
I am not interesting.
970
00:46:00,791 --> 00:46:03,385
What am I supposed to say?
"I went to magic camp?"
971
00:46:03,761 --> 00:46:05,558
"I'm an accomplished
ventriloquist?"
972
00:46:05,629 --> 00:46:08,757
"I am a seventh-degree
imperial yo-yo master. "
973
00:46:08,832 --> 00:46:09,821
[Exclaims]
974
00:46:09,900 --> 00:46:11,925
Do me, yo-yo master.
975
00:46:12,002 --> 00:46:15,802
I want you to do me,
'cause you're the yo-yo guy.
976
00:46:16,140 --> 00:46:17,368
Are you done? Listen.
977
00:46:17,441 --> 00:46:19,375
The problem
most men have is...
978
00:46:19,443 --> 00:46:22,901
they just plain straight up
have no clue
how to talk to women.
979
00:46:23,313 --> 00:46:26,214
Just ask a question, okay?
That's it.
980
00:46:26,350 --> 00:46:29,547
Because women do not care
about what you have to say...
981
00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:31,087
at all anyway, you know.
982
00:46:31,155 --> 00:46:33,180
And all they want to do
is talk about themselves.
983
00:46:33,257 --> 00:46:34,986
So you're just gonna
let them do that.
984
00:46:35,058 --> 00:46:36,685
Okay? So remember.
985
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:39,991
Questions, be cool,
and be kind of a dick.
986
00:46:40,063 --> 00:46:43,191
Here, be David Caruso
in Jade.
987
00:46:43,700 --> 00:46:45,861
Okay. I know exactly
what you're talking about.
988
00:46:45,936 --> 00:46:47,426
You do. That's good.
989
00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:50,638
(Cal)
There she is.
990
00:46:53,477 --> 00:46:55,206
Go plant that seed, man.
991
00:46:55,813 --> 00:46:57,576
Plant it with your finger.
992
00:47:09,793 --> 00:47:11,226
Can I help you?
993
00:47:13,263 --> 00:47:14,890
I don't know. Can you?
994
00:47:16,567 --> 00:47:18,535
Are you looking
for something?
995
00:47:19,903 --> 00:47:22,531
Is there something
I should be looking for?
996
00:47:23,874 --> 00:47:25,102
[Laughs]
997
00:47:26,810 --> 00:47:28,368
We have
a lot of books.
998
00:47:28,812 --> 00:47:31,906
So, maybe it depends
on what you like.
999
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:38,387
What do you like?
1000
00:47:38,655 --> 00:47:42,147
We have a great section of...
1001
00:47:42,659 --> 00:47:44,126
do-it-yourself.
1002
00:47:44,194 --> 00:47:46,560
Do you like to
"do it yourself"?
1003
00:47:47,497 --> 00:47:49,658
Sometimes. I mean...
1004
00:47:50,234 --> 00:47:53,795
if the mood strikes.
1005
00:47:55,072 --> 00:47:57,233
How is the mood
striking you now?
1006
00:47:57,674 --> 00:47:59,073
[Laughing]
1007
00:48:00,711 --> 00:48:01,939
[Tittering]
1008
00:48:04,181 --> 00:48:05,648
What's your name?
1009
00:48:06,383 --> 00:48:07,577
What's your name?
1010
00:48:07,651 --> 00:48:09,710
I'm Beth.
1011
00:48:12,422 --> 00:48:13,548
Andy.
1012
00:48:14,825 --> 00:48:15,951
Andy.
1013
00:48:18,629 --> 00:48:21,223
Don't tell on me,
okay, Andy?
I wont.
1014
00:48:22,933 --> 00:48:25,265
Unless you want
to be told on...
1015
00:48:26,136 --> 00:48:27,125
Beth.
1016
00:48:29,940 --> 00:48:31,532
Wow. That totally worked!
1017
00:48:31,608 --> 00:48:33,735
I literally said nothing.
And she found me fascinating.
1018
00:48:33,810 --> 00:48:35,641
I would've thought
you were doing that for years.
1019
00:48:35,712 --> 00:48:37,441
Should I have asked her out?
No. That's the key.
1020
00:48:37,514 --> 00:48:38,947
You wait for it
to grow into a plant...
1021
00:48:39,016 --> 00:48:40,506
and then you fuck the plant.
1022
00:48:44,588 --> 00:48:45,646
Okay.
1023
00:48:46,523 --> 00:48:47,751
This is easy.
1024
00:48:48,592 --> 00:48:49,923
All right.
1025
00:48:50,427 --> 00:48:53,055
Hello, Trish.
How you doing?
What's going on?
1026
00:48:53,397 --> 00:48:54,386
[Laughing]
1027
00:48:54,698 --> 00:48:55,858
Good joke.
1028
00:48:55,933 --> 00:48:57,696
This is a fun conversation.
1029
00:48:57,768 --> 00:49:00,134
Just grow a backbone
and call her.
1030
00:49:00,270 --> 00:49:02,864
She asked you to call her.
She wants you to call her.
1031
00:49:08,645 --> 00:49:09,976
[Telephone ringing]
1032
00:49:10,047 --> 00:49:11,014
Hello.
1033
00:49:11,548 --> 00:49:12,913
Hey, how you doing?
1034
00:49:14,851 --> 00:49:16,648
How you doing?
I'm well.
1035
00:49:17,054 --> 00:49:18,487
Who is this?
1036
00:49:19,189 --> 00:49:22,215
This is James.
James. Do I know you, James?
1037
00:49:22,292 --> 00:49:23,452
[Grunting]
1038
00:49:23,794 --> 00:49:25,819
I was wondering whether
you had a few minutes...
1039
00:49:25,896 --> 00:49:27,796
to talk about
a little laundry detergent.
1040
00:49:27,864 --> 00:49:29,991
Are you a telemarketer, James?
1041
00:49:30,233 --> 00:49:31,257
Yep.
1042
00:49:31,335 --> 00:49:32,666
Are you at the top
of a tall building?
1043
00:49:32,736 --> 00:49:35,170
Can you get to a roof quickly?
Jump off!
1044
00:49:35,238 --> 00:49:36,398
I mean, you people are sick.
1045
00:49:36,473 --> 00:49:38,270
Get a real fucking job,
why don't you?
1046
00:49:38,342 --> 00:49:39,900
Go shoot yourself
in the fucking head.
1047
00:49:39,977 --> 00:49:42,810
Hey, why don't you just,
you know,
get a knife and run into it?
1048
00:49:42,879 --> 00:49:44,278
Why don't you do that, huh?
1049
00:49:44,348 --> 00:49:45,645
Okay.
I'll see you later, James.
1050
00:49:45,716 --> 00:49:49,049
Nice to talk to you.
Fuck your mother, okay?
Bye-bye.
1051
00:49:50,787 --> 00:49:51,776
Oh.
1052
00:49:51,855 --> 00:49:53,083
[Doorbell ringing]
1053
00:49:54,992 --> 00:49:57,358
Hey, man.
Got a big box of porn for you.
1054
00:49:59,129 --> 00:50:01,461
Can I come in?
Yeah.
1055
00:50:02,232 --> 00:50:03,256
[Sighs]
1056
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:05,300
Sweet video game chair.
1057
00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:10,501
So what's in the box?
1058
00:50:10,574 --> 00:50:12,940
It's my personal collection
of erotica.
1059
00:50:13,343 --> 00:50:14,469
I want to give it to you.
1060
00:50:14,544 --> 00:50:17,479
I think there might be
a few tapes in there
that just might open up...
1061
00:50:17,547 --> 00:50:19,071
Pandora's box of love.
1062
00:50:19,149 --> 00:50:20,173
Okay.
1063
00:50:20,250 --> 00:50:23,048
Amy and I,
we used to watch
Harry Twatter...
1064
00:50:23,153 --> 00:50:24,643
and we'd put it on
the television...
1065
00:50:24,721 --> 00:50:26,655
and then act it out
as it was going on...
1066
00:50:26,723 --> 00:50:28,350
and it was...
1067
00:50:30,394 --> 00:50:31,918
She's adorable.
1068
00:50:32,863 --> 00:50:34,296
Fucking bitch.
1069
00:50:34,364 --> 00:50:36,389
Well, you know,
this is really gracious
and kind...
1070
00:50:36,466 --> 00:50:37,626
and generous and everything.
1071
00:50:37,701 --> 00:50:40,431
But I just don't want
a big box of porn
in my apartment.
1072
00:50:40,504 --> 00:50:42,938
There's some really
great stuff in here.
1073
00:50:43,006 --> 00:50:45,372
Really great movies in here,
man.
1074
00:50:45,642 --> 00:50:47,166
Hey, did you ever see
School of Rock?
1075
00:50:47,244 --> 00:50:48,711
Yeah.
Well, this is...
1076
00:50:48,779 --> 00:50:50,406
It's called School of...
1077
00:50:50,747 --> 00:50:51,873
You know...
1078
00:50:52,182 --> 00:50:55,549
That's nice.
But it stars Jack Black Cock.
1079
00:50:56,420 --> 00:50:57,614
That makes sense.
1080
00:50:57,687 --> 00:50:59,518
Dude, here it is.
1081
00:50:59,589 --> 00:51:02,149
Boner Jams '03.
It's a mixed tape I made.
1082
00:51:02,225 --> 00:51:06,321
All these great scenes
that I was really into
in the summer of 2003.
1083
00:51:06,630 --> 00:51:09,394
I think you'd really dig it.
Yeah. Now I can see that.
1084
00:51:09,466 --> 00:51:10,990
This is...
1085
00:51:11,268 --> 00:51:12,701
Everybody Loves Raymond.
1086
00:51:12,769 --> 00:51:14,202
That's probably
not supposed to be...
1087
00:51:14,271 --> 00:51:16,068
This is a good show.
I just tape it sometimes.
1088
00:51:16,139 --> 00:51:18,198
Well, I don't think
you understand something,
Dave.
1089
00:51:18,275 --> 00:51:22,735
I don't want this stuff, okay?
Because I don't do that,
that much.
1090
00:51:22,813 --> 00:51:24,781
What, masturbate?
Yeah.
1091
00:51:25,882 --> 00:51:28,248
Dude, I've jacked it twice
since I've been here.
1092
00:51:28,318 --> 00:51:31,412
Are you kidding me? Why not?
It's not a hobby of mine.
1093
00:51:31,488 --> 00:51:33,820
Well, then,
that's the only hobby
you don't have.
1094
00:51:33,890 --> 00:51:36,290
No, seriously,
I just don't feel comfortable
talking about...
1095
00:51:36,359 --> 00:51:37,451
You need to.
You're wound up.
1096
00:51:37,527 --> 00:51:39,119
You're like one of these
action figures...
1097
00:51:39,196 --> 00:51:40,925
all hermetically sealed
in your box.
1098
00:51:40,997 --> 00:51:43,363
You gotta play with...
Don't!
1099
00:51:43,433 --> 00:51:44,525
Don't take it out!
1100
00:51:44,601 --> 00:51:47,229
I'm sorry.
You know what, it's just...
1101
00:51:47,370 --> 00:51:50,066
It loses its value if you
take it out of its packaging.
1102
00:51:50,140 --> 00:51:53,268
I'm just saying, let it out.
Give it some air, man.
Play with it.
1103
00:51:53,343 --> 00:51:56,005
Take your porn with you.
I'm not taking it.
1104
00:51:56,079 --> 00:51:57,740
Take your box-o-porn.
1105
00:51:57,814 --> 00:52:00,612
It's my gift to you.
No. I don't want it.
1106
00:52:00,884 --> 00:52:02,044
David, it's not...
1107
00:52:02,119 --> 00:52:03,177
Andy, for the last time...
1108
00:52:03,253 --> 00:52:05,118
I don't want your giant box
of pornography.
1109
00:52:05,188 --> 00:52:07,486
No, no, no!
Come on, man.
1110
00:52:07,757 --> 00:52:09,054
So uncool.
1111
00:52:09,659 --> 00:52:10,853
Uncool?
1112
00:52:11,895 --> 00:52:15,695
Uncool is trying
to give an honest man
a big box of porn, Andy.
1113
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:18,932
(David)
For the last time,
I don't want to watch...
1114
00:52:19,002 --> 00:52:20,663
School of Cock with you.
1115
00:52:21,071 --> 00:52:24,006
1116
00:53:30,740 --> 00:53:32,640
It's nothing official.
1117
00:53:33,610 --> 00:53:36,602
Just a little token
of my appreciation.
1118
00:53:39,716 --> 00:53:41,149
[Tape forwarding]
1119
00:53:45,121 --> 00:53:46,315
[Woman moaning]
1120
00:53:48,491 --> 00:53:49,480
[Sighs]
1121
00:53:57,500 --> 00:54:00,799
Hi, Andy.
I'm gonna talk dirty to you.
1122
00:54:00,870 --> 00:54:05,170
I want to have
lots of sexy sex with you.
1123
00:54:05,342 --> 00:54:09,403
I want to touch
your big, fat noodle...
1124
00:54:09,512 --> 00:54:13,380
'cause I want to have
naughty intercourse with you.
1125
00:54:13,617 --> 00:54:17,553
I want you to put
your penis on,
I mean, in me, Andy.
1126
00:54:17,854 --> 00:54:21,255
I want to do lots of,
lots of sexy...
1127
00:54:21,324 --> 00:54:24,020
hot things with you. Shit.
1128
00:54:24,794 --> 00:54:27,888
This really isn't working,
Andy.
I don't know what to say...
1129
00:54:27,964 --> 00:54:29,397
because I am you.
1130
00:54:29,466 --> 00:54:30,455
[Exclaiming]
1131
00:54:31,501 --> 00:54:32,866
(Andy)
Okay. New tape.
1132
00:54:35,138 --> 00:54:37,971
Nothing is ever good enough
and it's always our fault.
1133
00:54:38,041 --> 00:54:39,906
Hey, you can't speak
to your mother like that.
1134
00:54:39,976 --> 00:54:41,841
You do.
She's not my mother.
1135
00:54:45,048 --> 00:54:46,037
[Traffic humming]
1136
00:54:46,850 --> 00:54:49,182
I heard Dave gave you
the box of porn.
1137
00:54:49,552 --> 00:54:50,610
Yeah, he did.
1138
00:54:52,022 --> 00:54:53,990
You ever watch, like,
Primetime Live...
1139
00:54:54,057 --> 00:54:56,082
when they take a black light
into a hotel room...
1140
00:54:56,159 --> 00:54:58,650
and show you all the semen
all over the bedspread?
1141
00:54:59,262 --> 00:55:00,251
Yeah.
1142
00:55:00,864 --> 00:55:03,025
You blind someone
with that box.
1143
00:55:03,633 --> 00:55:05,464
Could see that thing
from space.
1144
00:55:09,005 --> 00:55:11,599
This right here,
you looking at
the Bentley of big screen TVs.
1145
00:55:11,675 --> 00:55:14,041
I'm talking about,
this is the Rolls-Royce
of big screen...
1146
00:55:14,110 --> 00:55:15,099
[exclaiming]
1147
00:55:15,645 --> 00:55:18,079
Sometimes,
I think these butterflies
are in here.
1148
00:55:18,581 --> 00:55:20,515
I think he might be
fooling us all, though.
1149
00:55:20,583 --> 00:55:21,515
Really?
1150
00:55:21,584 --> 00:55:23,779
I actually think he might be,
like, some genius...
1151
00:55:23,853 --> 00:55:25,946
and this is like
some big, like, hilarious...
1152
00:55:26,022 --> 00:55:29,014
Like he's bored at work
and he just wanted to
kick up some shit...
1153
00:55:29,092 --> 00:55:30,457
so he told us all
he's a virgin.
1154
00:55:30,527 --> 00:55:32,620
You're seeing that
a lot of stuff
that's not there.
1155
00:55:32,696 --> 00:55:34,664
You're just projecting
all over him.
1156
00:55:34,864 --> 00:55:36,422
He might be an idiot savant...
1157
00:55:36,499 --> 00:55:39,491
but he's not, like,
clever enough to go that deep.
1158
00:55:39,569 --> 00:55:40,934
But he's got a great body.
1159
00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:43,336
Would you fuck him?
In a New York minute.
1160
00:55:43,406 --> 00:55:45,033
You would fuck him?
Absolutely.
1161
00:55:47,344 --> 00:55:49,141
Hey, Andy, what are you doing
for lunch?
1162
00:55:49,579 --> 00:55:51,774
I don't know.
I have a turkey sandwich.
1163
00:55:51,848 --> 00:55:54,681
We're gonna go around
the corner. I think you should
come with us.
1164
00:55:54,751 --> 00:55:57,549
There's this great place.
A lot of cute girls.
1165
00:55:57,954 --> 00:55:59,421
I don't know. Okay.
1166
00:56:00,357 --> 00:56:02,257
We brought you a shirt.
1167
00:56:02,692 --> 00:56:04,489
This place is pretty fancy.
1168
00:56:05,795 --> 00:56:06,819
Something going on?
1169
00:56:06,896 --> 00:56:08,727
Hey, who's ready
to have some fun?
1170
00:56:08,832 --> 00:56:10,094
[People cheering]
1171
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:12,199
Hey, guys...
1172
00:56:13,636 --> 00:56:16,104
No, don't ignore me.
I know what this is.
1173
00:56:16,172 --> 00:56:18,663
Within one hour,
you'll each have 20 dates.
1174
00:56:18,808 --> 00:56:22,107
Don't...
Please don't do this.
I saw this on Primetime Live.
1175
00:56:22,245 --> 00:56:23,974
All right, ninja master.
1176
00:56:24,381 --> 00:56:26,372
We've given you all the advice
we have to give.
1177
00:56:26,449 --> 00:56:27,643
Now you gonna put it
in action.
1178
00:56:27,717 --> 00:56:29,685
Advice? You guys all
gave me different advice.
1179
00:56:29,753 --> 00:56:31,653
He thinks you're a pothead.
I am.
1180
00:56:31,821 --> 00:56:34,881
Dude. Hey, partner.
What are you whining about?
1181
00:56:34,958 --> 00:56:37,119
You asked for this shit.
No, I didn't.
1182
00:56:37,193 --> 00:56:39,024
Will you just quit whining
like a bitch?
1183
00:56:39,095 --> 00:56:41,620
I'm not whining like a bitch.
You are whining like a bitch.
1184
00:56:41,698 --> 00:56:44,690
And you about to cram
like 10 years of pimpage
into one day.
1185
00:56:44,768 --> 00:56:47,635
I don't want to cram pimpage.
And after that...
1186
00:56:48,071 --> 00:56:49,800
you on my level. Come on.
1187
00:56:49,873 --> 00:56:52,341
(Cal)
Just ask questions.
This is a bad idea.
1188
00:56:52,409 --> 00:56:53,398
[Buzzing]
1189
00:56:53,943 --> 00:56:55,240
[People chattering]
1190
00:56:55,345 --> 00:56:56,676
(woman)
Hi.
Hi. How are you?
1191
00:56:56,746 --> 00:56:57,974
I'm fine.
1192
00:56:59,149 --> 00:57:00,343
Are you fine?
1193
00:57:01,117 --> 00:57:02,141
Yeah.
1194
00:57:03,019 --> 00:57:04,646
You're fine then?
1195
00:57:05,321 --> 00:57:08,484
Are you fucking retarded?
What the hell's
the matter with you?
1196
00:57:08,825 --> 00:57:10,383
Do you want me to be
fucking retarded?
1197
00:57:10,460 --> 00:57:11,484
[Buzzer sounding]
1198
00:57:11,561 --> 00:57:13,927
When I look into
the eyes of the children
and the parents...
1199
00:57:13,997 --> 00:57:15,430
and they are smiling
and saying:
1200
00:57:15,498 --> 00:57:17,762
"Thank you, Dr. Montalban,
you saved my child"...
1201
00:57:17,834 --> 00:57:18,926
it was worth it.
1202
00:57:19,002 --> 00:57:20,060
[Buzzer sounding]
1203
00:57:21,805 --> 00:57:22,931
Amy...
1204
00:57:23,606 --> 00:57:25,733
what are you doing here?
David.
1205
00:57:27,110 --> 00:57:29,442
And you are Gina?
Gina.
1206
00:57:29,546 --> 00:57:31,241
Hey, what's up?
Nothing.
1207
00:57:31,381 --> 00:57:33,941
Look, I'm going to be
real honest with you.
1208
00:57:34,017 --> 00:57:36,508
It's been a long time
since I've been with a man.
1209
00:57:36,586 --> 00:57:39,248
Spent a lot of time
with the ladies.
1210
00:57:39,322 --> 00:57:41,756
Looking to get back up
on that pogo stick.
1211
00:57:41,825 --> 00:57:43,793
You know what I'm saying?
Excuse me.
1212
00:57:43,860 --> 00:57:47,819
Remember that time
when we made love
and you cried in my arms?
1213
00:57:47,897 --> 00:57:50,331
Please don't reminisce about
the times we fucked, please.
1214
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:52,265
It's so creepy.
Let's go to Paris.
1215
00:57:52,335 --> 00:57:55,168
I want to take you
underneath the Eiffel Tower
and make love to you.
1216
00:57:55,238 --> 00:57:56,500
Cut it out.
Cut what out?
1217
00:57:56,573 --> 00:57:59,133
This go to Paris!
We've been broken up
for like two years, man.
1218
00:57:59,209 --> 00:58:00,642
I don't want to
date you anymore.
1219
00:58:00,710 --> 00:58:02,337
You're a whore.
I am not a whore.
1220
00:58:02,412 --> 00:58:04,039
I just didn't like you.
1221
00:58:04,113 --> 00:58:05,239
This is so us.
1222
00:58:05,315 --> 00:58:06,304
[Laughs]
1223
00:58:06,382 --> 00:58:07,406
[Snickering]
1224
00:58:07,484 --> 00:58:09,076
Psycho talk.
What?
1225
00:58:09,152 --> 00:58:10,983
You're a good-looking man.
Thank you.
1226
00:58:11,054 --> 00:58:13,454
Very pretty.
Real soft, delicate features.
1227
00:58:13,523 --> 00:58:16,014
You're real feminine,
you know,
which is good for me...
1228
00:58:16,092 --> 00:58:18,754
because that would be
a simple sort of transition.
1229
00:58:18,828 --> 00:58:20,022
You know what I'm saying?
1230
00:58:20,096 --> 00:58:23,259
Maybe throw a little rouge
on you, tuck your sac back.
1231
00:58:23,333 --> 00:58:24,891
You game?
No.
1232
00:58:24,968 --> 00:58:25,957
[Buzzer sounding]
1233
00:58:26,035 --> 00:58:29,766
You need to stop
fucking around
with my friend, okay?
1234
00:58:29,839 --> 00:58:32,706
Because you're giving
him hope, and it's driving
the man crazy.
1235
00:58:32,775 --> 00:58:35,835
I moved,
I changed my e-mail address,
my phone number.
1236
00:58:35,912 --> 00:58:37,311
He's practically
stalking me.
1237
00:58:37,380 --> 00:58:39,814
Well, I didn't know all that.
So, I'm sorry.
1238
00:58:39,916 --> 00:58:41,008
[Buzzer sounding]
1239
00:58:41,084 --> 00:58:42,210
I love Minnesota.
1240
00:58:42,285 --> 00:58:44,879
(woman)
I grew up in a town
outside of Minneapolis...
1241
00:58:44,954 --> 00:58:47,821
with a population of, like,
500 people. Really small.
1242
00:58:47,891 --> 00:58:50,155
Yeah, it's like
the Land of a Thousand Lakes.
1243
00:58:50,226 --> 00:58:52,990
What about you?
You're used to, like,
a really big city.
1244
00:58:53,129 --> 00:58:55,324
Really... God, yes.
1245
00:58:56,432 --> 00:58:59,765
The town that I grew up in
was really small. I mean...
1246
00:58:59,903 --> 00:59:02,770
you know, it was just so safe.
There was no crime.
1247
00:59:02,839 --> 00:59:06,036
I mean, a girl could just walk
from one end of town
to the other...
1248
00:59:06,109 --> 00:59:08,942
and just, you know,
feel completely safe.
1249
00:59:09,679 --> 00:59:10,907
[Coughing]
1250
00:59:10,980 --> 00:59:12,038
[Buzzer sounding]
1251
00:59:12,115 --> 00:59:13,446
(Jay)
You suppose he's had enough?
1252
00:59:13,516 --> 00:59:15,950
Spank bank has
once again been filled.
1253
00:59:16,853 --> 00:59:18,377
(Cal)
I'll tell you
who's the hottest.
1254
00:59:18,454 --> 00:59:21,548
You're gonna think I'm crazy.
Let me tell you. Gina.
1255
00:59:21,958 --> 00:59:24,984
Can't get va-Gina
out of my head.
Va-Gina all week.
1256
00:59:34,837 --> 00:59:36,236
You know what's a fun game?
Huh?
1257
00:59:36,306 --> 00:59:38,240
You take three
Excedrin PMs...
1258
00:59:38,308 --> 00:59:41,038
and you see
if you could whack off
before you fall asleep.
1259
00:59:41,110 --> 00:59:42,304
[Sighing]
1260
00:59:42,979 --> 00:59:45,539
You always win
is the best part
about the game.
1261
00:59:48,318 --> 00:59:50,218
(Jill)
Are you Andy?
Yeah.
1262
00:59:50,286 --> 00:59:51,878
Is this yours?
Did you write this stuff?
1263
00:59:51,955 --> 00:59:54,617
My girlfriend, Jill,
found your
speed-dating card.
1264
00:59:55,391 --> 00:59:56,688
Yeah, right.
1265
00:59:56,759 --> 00:59:58,886
God, I've been looking
for that speed-dating card.
1266
00:59:58,962 --> 01:00:00,759
Thank you so much
for bringing it to me.
1267
01:00:00,830 --> 01:00:02,957
So, you actually wrote
that one girl looked like...
1268
01:00:03,032 --> 01:00:04,932
she was
"hurting for a squirting"?
1269
01:00:05,201 --> 01:00:07,965
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
Hurting for a squirting,
I wrote that.
1270
01:00:08,037 --> 01:00:10,369
So you wrote
"ho fo show. "
1271
01:00:11,174 --> 01:00:13,665
Yeah, I remember that girl.
She was a ho.
1272
01:00:14,410 --> 01:00:15,604
Fo show.
1273
01:00:15,812 --> 01:00:17,871
Let me show you
how this device works.
1274
01:00:17,947 --> 01:00:19,676
Right, I'm just looking
for a cordless phone.
1275
01:00:19,749 --> 01:00:22,377
Yup, it's great.
You can do anything,
make video diaries...
1276
01:00:22,452 --> 01:00:26,149
Hey, Amy, how's it going?
How you feeling? I'm great.
1277
01:00:26,356 --> 01:00:28,984
I feel fantastic
since we broke up.
1278
01:00:29,525 --> 01:00:31,152
I feel awesome!
1279
01:00:31,227 --> 01:00:33,889
Can you just show me
the department where there
would be phones?
1280
01:00:33,963 --> 01:00:36,124
How have you been?
What's been going on...
1281
01:00:36,199 --> 01:00:38,258
I bet... Hey, have you been
doing a lot of this?
1282
01:00:40,570 --> 01:00:41,935
Sir, please, sir.
1283
01:00:42,005 --> 01:00:43,472
You are never gonna
meet anybody...
1284
01:00:43,539 --> 01:00:46,201
with that kind of mentality
about women,
you sick son of a bitch.
1285
01:00:46,275 --> 01:00:48,004
Who the fuck are you
to put me on trial?
1286
01:00:48,077 --> 01:00:49,738
I've never even met you.
1287
01:00:49,812 --> 01:00:52,007
So why don't you
back the shit off, all right?
1288
01:00:52,081 --> 01:00:54,106
And stop with the inquisition.
1289
01:00:54,217 --> 01:00:55,479
That's how you talk?
1290
01:00:55,551 --> 01:00:57,416
You know what,
I don't have to answer to you.
1291
01:00:57,487 --> 01:00:59,011
You ain't my bitch.
1292
01:00:59,088 --> 01:01:00,646
Know what I saying?
1293
01:01:00,723 --> 01:01:03,055
So, shit, man. Fuck it.
1294
01:01:03,126 --> 01:01:05,151
You shouldn't even be
hanging out with this pervert.
1295
01:01:05,228 --> 01:01:07,355
I don't hang out with him.
I work with him and that's it.
1296
01:01:07,430 --> 01:01:09,125
I tried to introduce him
to a few nice people...
1297
01:01:09,198 --> 01:01:10,290
he made a fool of himself.
1298
01:01:10,366 --> 01:01:12,027
I don't mess with him, baby.
That's not me.
1299
01:01:12,101 --> 01:01:14,331
You should keep your ho
on a leash.
1300
01:01:14,404 --> 01:01:16,065
Bro, I can't let you...
Hey.
1301
01:01:16,139 --> 01:01:18,300
I can't let you be talking
to my woman like that, dawg.
1302
01:01:18,374 --> 01:01:20,535
Know what I'm saying?
Bitch is running wild, man.
1303
01:01:20,610 --> 01:01:23,841
You miss that ass?
That's the ass of a free man.
1304
01:01:23,913 --> 01:01:26,279
That ass is going out tonight,
maybe to a club.
1305
01:01:26,349 --> 01:01:27,907
Maybe to a night club.
1306
01:01:28,117 --> 01:01:29,448
Hey, Andy...
1307
01:01:29,519 --> 01:01:31,851
take a look at your pal.
Oh, my God.
1308
01:01:31,921 --> 01:01:34,481
Yeah, he's performing
a public colonoscopy.
1309
01:01:34,557 --> 01:01:35,956
Isn't that sweet?
1310
01:01:36,025 --> 01:01:37,515
I'm gonna send
David home for the day...
1311
01:01:37,593 --> 01:01:38,753
and you're gonna
fill in for him.
1312
01:01:38,828 --> 01:01:40,523
What? Selling things?
You got that right.
1313
01:01:40,596 --> 01:01:41,824
I don't think
that's a good idea.
1314
01:01:41,898 --> 01:01:43,422
And you're gonna have to
talk to people, too.
1315
01:01:43,499 --> 01:01:45,126
I know that's a frightening
concept to you...
1316
01:01:45,201 --> 01:01:46,429
but I think you can handle it.
1317
01:01:46,502 --> 01:01:48,265
So get out there
and start selling some shit.
1318
01:01:48,337 --> 01:01:49,634
...thing for Amy.
1319
01:01:49,972 --> 01:01:51,439
Hold it.
Check it out.
1320
01:01:51,507 --> 01:01:52,906
(David)
I miss her.
1321
01:01:53,142 --> 01:01:54,609
1322
01:01:55,778 --> 01:01:57,746
Dude, the floor's
the ultimate aphrodisiac.
1323
01:01:57,814 --> 01:01:59,611
All you got to do
is go make your pick now.
1324
01:01:59,682 --> 01:02:02,048
Come on, man.
Okay.
1325
01:02:02,819 --> 01:02:04,810
And you could act
a little enthused about it.
1326
01:02:04,887 --> 01:02:05,979
Yeah.
1327
01:02:07,390 --> 01:02:10,587
(Jay)
That's right. That's right.
Gazelle in the pink top.
1328
01:02:11,761 --> 01:02:13,456
(Jay)
Oh, shit.
Hi.
1329
01:02:13,529 --> 01:02:15,588
(Andy)
Looks like you're
checking out digital cameras.
1330
01:02:15,665 --> 01:02:17,599
You know what, he ain't going
to do it willingly.
1331
01:02:17,667 --> 01:02:20,500
No. We need to, like,
really facilitate things
a bit more.
1332
01:02:20,570 --> 01:02:22,094
Yo, Andy.
(Andy)
Yeah.
1333
01:02:22,171 --> 01:02:23,695
What's up, dude?
This is Jay, man.
1334
01:02:23,773 --> 01:02:25,035
Hey, Jay.
1335
01:02:25,141 --> 01:02:26,574
I am throwing a party tonight.
1336
01:02:26,642 --> 01:02:28,371
It's gonna be real mellow,
just chilled up.
1337
01:02:28,444 --> 01:02:29,843
Now, you really
need to be there.
1338
01:02:29,912 --> 01:02:32,437
It's gonna be
really, really colorful.
1339
01:02:32,715 --> 01:02:34,012
Are you free?
1340
01:02:34,884 --> 01:02:35,942
Yeah, I think so.
1341
01:02:36,018 --> 01:02:38,418
That was a joke, man.
I know you're free.
1342
01:02:38,721 --> 01:02:40,086
I'm okay.
Gotta go, man.
1343
01:02:40,156 --> 01:02:41,248
All right, bye.
1344
01:02:44,026 --> 01:02:46,153
So, tell me, Montel...
1345
01:02:46,529 --> 01:02:49,589
why weren't we invited
to the party?
What are we, Al-Qaeda?
1346
01:02:49,665 --> 01:02:50,757
No, hold up.
1347
01:02:50,833 --> 01:02:53,028
No, no.
It's not that kind of party,
y'all.
1348
01:02:53,102 --> 01:02:55,127
You're not coming
to our fucking party either,
okay?
1349
01:02:55,204 --> 01:02:56,262
Fuck you, okay?
1350
01:02:56,339 --> 01:02:58,102
First of all,
it ain't that kind of party.
1351
01:02:58,174 --> 01:03:00,074
Go fuck a goat.
Yeah.
1352
01:03:00,176 --> 01:03:02,007
Why you always telling me
to fuck a goat, man?
1353
01:03:02,078 --> 01:03:03,102
(Mother)
Fuck a goat!
1354
01:03:05,515 --> 01:03:06,914
[Elevator bell dings]
1355
01:03:08,818 --> 01:03:10,080
1356
01:03:10,153 --> 01:03:11,347
[Knocking on door]
1357
01:03:19,662 --> 01:03:20,822
Hello?
1358
01:03:23,132 --> 01:03:24,258
Hello?
1359
01:03:26,068 --> 01:03:27,262
Hello.
1360
01:03:28,871 --> 01:03:30,566
Hello. Hi.
1361
01:03:31,541 --> 01:03:34,066
Are you here for Jay's party?
Yes.
1362
01:03:34,477 --> 01:03:36,104
I am Jay's party.
1363
01:03:37,947 --> 01:03:41,041
You know what, hiring
a transvestite prostitute
isn't helping me, man.
1364
01:03:41,117 --> 01:03:43,381
What? Ain't nobody hired
no damn transvestite.
1365
01:03:43,452 --> 01:03:44,476
What are you talking about?
1366
01:03:44,554 --> 01:03:46,385
She was really nice,
incidentally.
1367
01:03:46,455 --> 01:03:48,184
If that sister
was a transvestite...
1368
01:03:48,257 --> 01:03:50,350
that was the Mona Lisa
of transvestites.
1369
01:03:50,426 --> 01:03:52,326
You got a hummer
from the tranny, didn't you?
1370
01:03:52,395 --> 01:03:55,728
You know, aren't we owed
one now? 'Cause technically
we paid her.
1371
01:03:55,798 --> 01:03:57,129
Get a dick, man.
1372
01:03:57,200 --> 01:03:58,861
Do you guys even like me?
1373
01:03:58,935 --> 01:04:02,393
Or is this some sort
of cruel joke
that you're all in on?
1374
01:04:02,471 --> 01:04:04,769
Because I'm not a freak.
I'm a good person.
1375
01:04:04,841 --> 01:04:08,333
I always thought
that Matt Damon was
like a Streisand, but...
1376
01:04:08,978 --> 01:04:10,946
I think that he's rocking
the shit in this one.
1377
01:04:11,013 --> 01:04:12,742
Shut up, Dave!
1378
01:04:12,815 --> 01:04:16,683
Hold up. Let's just chill
on the aggression
for a minute.
1379
01:04:17,086 --> 01:04:21,182
Look at him.
He is such a bad ass.
1380
01:04:21,824 --> 01:04:24,190
He looks
just like Luke Wilson.
1381
01:04:24,260 --> 01:04:25,249
Mmm-hmm.
1382
01:04:25,361 --> 01:04:27,090
So you saying
she was definitely a man?
1383
01:04:27,163 --> 01:04:28,187
Yes.
1384
01:04:28,264 --> 01:04:30,357
Okay, well, how do you know
that she was a man?
1385
01:04:30,433 --> 01:04:33,368
Because her hands were
as big as André the Giant's.
1386
01:04:33,703 --> 01:04:36,399
And she had an Adam's apple
as big as her balls.
1387
01:04:37,173 --> 01:04:38,663
So you have no proof.
1388
01:04:38,875 --> 01:04:40,706
You know what?
Just leave me alone.
1389
01:04:40,776 --> 01:04:42,835
Just stay away from me.
Or I'm gonna tell Paula...
1390
01:04:42,912 --> 01:04:44,846
that you're all stealing
the recordable CDs.
1391
01:04:45,514 --> 01:04:48,176
Come on.
That's like we were
paid to do it.
1392
01:04:48,251 --> 01:04:50,310
We did this
'cause we're your friends...
1393
01:04:50,386 --> 01:04:53,150
and we didn't think you have
the balls to do it yourself.
1394
01:04:53,222 --> 01:04:54,484
Really?
(David)
Yeah.
1395
01:04:54,724 --> 01:04:56,055
Okay, watch this.
1396
01:04:56,259 --> 01:04:57,726
Yo, Andy,
it's just CDs, man.
1397
01:04:57,793 --> 01:04:59,693
That's a third strike
for me, dawg.
1398
01:05:04,267 --> 01:05:05,393
[Brakes screech]
1399
01:05:05,468 --> 01:05:07,026
[Man shouting]
1400
01:05:17,680 --> 01:05:18,669
[Grunts]
1401
01:05:19,982 --> 01:05:21,313
[Bells chiming]
1402
01:05:23,286 --> 01:05:24,275
Hi.
1403
01:05:24,987 --> 01:05:27,114
Andy. Hi.
Right, yeah.
1404
01:05:27,290 --> 01:05:29,087
You remember my name.
I did.
1405
01:05:29,158 --> 01:05:31,649
How you doing?
I'm great.
I like your store.
1406
01:05:31,727 --> 01:05:34,287
That's good, yeah.
If you have time,
look around. It's...
1407
01:05:34,363 --> 01:05:35,455
Okay.
1408
01:05:35,898 --> 01:05:37,229
How's business been?
1409
01:05:37,300 --> 01:05:40,269
You know, it's coming along.
I mean, it takes a while.
1410
01:05:40,336 --> 01:05:43,362
Do you want to
go out sometime?
Yes.
1411
01:05:43,839 --> 01:05:46,330
Yes, I would like that.
That would be great.
1412
01:05:46,409 --> 01:05:50,175
I think I'm maybe free
this weekend,
if that's okay.
1413
01:05:50,246 --> 01:05:53,044
Or you could call me tomorrow
and we can just firm it up.
1414
01:05:53,115 --> 01:05:54,639
Okay. Great.
Great.
1415
01:05:54,717 --> 01:05:58,312
Okay, so I'll call you,
and yeah, that'll be good.
1416
01:05:58,387 --> 01:05:59,877
How you doing?
Congratulations.
1417
01:05:59,956 --> 01:06:01,856
Okay, so I'll... Yeah.
1418
01:06:02,191 --> 01:06:03,488
Can I help you?
1419
01:06:03,559 --> 01:06:06,084
Yeah, these are wonderful.
I'll take these.
1420
01:06:06,262 --> 01:06:09,891
Thanks, they are.
They're great. The goldfish
just crack me up.
1421
01:06:10,032 --> 01:06:11,056
Funny.
1422
01:06:11,133 --> 01:06:12,225
Yeah, they are.
Yeah.
1423
01:06:12,301 --> 01:06:13,495
Yeah.
They're cute.
1424
01:06:13,569 --> 01:06:16,732
I don't actually
sell anything here.
I just sell them on eBay.
1425
01:06:17,406 --> 01:06:18,600
I don't get it.
1426
01:06:18,941 --> 01:06:19,930
Okay.
1427
01:06:20,109 --> 01:06:23,044
Can you help me?
No, you're on your own here.
1428
01:06:23,112 --> 01:06:26,275
Good luck to you, and to you.
And I'll give you a call.
1429
01:06:26,349 --> 01:06:29,341
Great. Nice to see you.
Great. Thanks for coming in.
1430
01:06:29,919 --> 01:06:30,943
Bye.
1431
01:06:31,554 --> 01:06:33,613
So, I guess I'll just
give you some money...
1432
01:06:33,689 --> 01:06:36,214
and you can give me
these shoes and...
1433
01:06:36,292 --> 01:06:38,988
You know,
I know it seems so strange...
1434
01:06:39,061 --> 01:06:41,757
Yes. I'd just rather buy them
from you straight up.
1435
01:06:41,831 --> 01:06:43,765
Yeah, I know.
I wish it could be
that easy, but...
1436
01:06:43,833 --> 01:06:47,064
I wish, too,
but you're making it
extremely difficult for me.
1437
01:06:47,136 --> 01:06:49,297
I'm just trying
to get these shoes
back to my house...
1438
01:06:49,372 --> 01:06:50,600
so I can wear them.
1439
01:06:51,073 --> 01:06:52,631
(Cal)
I got a corpse in my way.
1440
01:06:52,708 --> 01:06:53,868
(David)
Look out. Just kill it.
1441
01:06:53,943 --> 01:06:56,969
That's just so not fair
that you have blades and...
1442
01:06:57,046 --> 01:06:58,911
I'm telling you, man,
I feel great.
1443
01:06:59,048 --> 01:07:01,073
I'm so...
It's like a weight
has been lifted.
1444
01:07:01,150 --> 01:07:04,745
Celibacy is the
way to go, man.
Andy had it right, you know?
1445
01:07:04,820 --> 01:07:06,685
Look at him.
He looks younger
than all of us...
1446
01:07:06,756 --> 01:07:08,018
but he's 10 years older.
1447
01:07:08,090 --> 01:07:10,581
Why? Because he's never had
a relationship.
1448
01:07:10,760 --> 01:07:13,388
No she-devil sucked
his life force out yet.
1449
01:07:23,706 --> 01:07:25,833
[Telephone ringing]
1450
01:07:29,912 --> 01:07:32,244
Hello?
Hey. Hi. Hello.
1451
01:07:32,615 --> 01:07:33,639
Is this Trish?
1452
01:07:34,617 --> 01:07:36,812
Who's calling, please?
This is Andy.
1453
01:07:36,886 --> 01:07:39,116
Hi, Andy.
Hi, how you doing?
1454
01:07:39,188 --> 01:07:42,123
I'm good. How're you doing?
I'm doing great.
1455
01:07:42,925 --> 01:07:44,187
(Cal)
So you're gay, now?
1456
01:07:44,260 --> 01:07:46,160
No, I'm not gay.
I'm just celibate.
1457
01:07:46,829 --> 01:07:48,888
I think...
I mean, that sounds gay.
1458
01:07:48,964 --> 01:07:51,865
I just want you to know
that this is the
first conversation...
1459
01:07:51,934 --> 01:07:55,370
of three conversations
that leads to you being gay.
1460
01:07:55,805 --> 01:07:58,399
There's this
and then in a year
it's like, "You know...
1461
01:07:58,474 --> 01:08:01,637
"I'm kind of going to wanna
get back out there,
but I think I like guys. "
1462
01:08:01,710 --> 01:08:04,543
And then there's the big,
"I'm a gay guy now. "
1463
01:08:04,814 --> 01:08:07,282
You're gay for saying that.
I'm gay for saying that?
1464
01:08:07,349 --> 01:08:09,943
You know how I know
you're gay?
How? How do you know I'm gay?
1465
01:08:10,019 --> 01:08:12,510
'Cause you macraméd yourself
a pair of jean shorts.
1466
01:08:12,588 --> 01:08:13,680
You know how I know
you're gay?
1467
01:08:13,756 --> 01:08:15,849
You just told me
you're not sleeping
with women anymore.
1468
01:08:15,925 --> 01:08:17,483
You know how I know
you're gay?
How?
1469
01:08:17,560 --> 01:08:20,654
'Cause you're gay
and you can tell
who other gay people are?
1470
01:08:20,729 --> 01:08:22,219
Do you know how I know
you're gay?
How?
1471
01:08:22,298 --> 01:08:23,765
You like Coldplay.
1472
01:08:24,467 --> 01:08:25,798
You're dead.
1473
01:08:25,901 --> 01:08:27,129
[Both groaning]
1474
01:08:27,203 --> 01:08:28,261
Come on.
1475
01:08:28,337 --> 01:08:30,305
Leave my torso alone
at least.
1476
01:08:31,173 --> 01:08:32,606
I also wanted to call...
1477
01:08:32,675 --> 01:08:35,371
and see what night
you might want to go out.
1478
01:08:35,478 --> 01:08:37,275
I'm actually free tonight.
1479
01:08:39,348 --> 01:08:42,749
Okay. Now, I was thinking
maybe this weekend,
but that's good. Okay.
1480
01:08:42,818 --> 01:08:43,807
(Trish)
Great.
1481
01:08:43,886 --> 01:08:45,877
Okay, what time
do you want to pick me up?
1482
01:08:47,323 --> 01:08:48,654
Let's see.
1483
01:08:49,525 --> 01:08:53,120
That's actually
kind of a problem
because I ride a bike.
1484
01:08:53,395 --> 01:08:54,794
That's cool.
Are you kidding me?
1485
01:08:54,864 --> 01:08:56,661
I love getting on the back
of a motorcycle.
1486
01:08:56,732 --> 01:08:59,428
My boyfriend in college
drove a motorcycle.
1487
01:08:59,502 --> 01:09:01,299
So, I mean, I'm cool.
1488
01:09:01,370 --> 01:09:05,466
Yeah, I bet that was cool.
I ride a bicycle.
1489
01:09:06,575 --> 01:09:08,202
You know how I know
that you're gay?
1490
01:09:08,277 --> 01:09:09,335
How?
1491
01:09:09,411 --> 01:09:11,675
You like the movie
Maid in Manhattan.
1492
01:09:11,747 --> 01:09:13,271
You know how I know
you're gay?
How?
1493
01:09:13,349 --> 01:09:16,512
I saw you make a spinach dip
in a loaf of
sourdough bread once.
1494
01:09:16,585 --> 01:09:18,348
You know how I know
you're gay?
How?
1495
01:09:18,420 --> 01:09:21,150
You have a rainbow
bumper sticker on your car
that says:
1496
01:09:21,223 --> 01:09:23,453
"I love it
when balls are in my face. "
1497
01:09:23,526 --> 01:09:24,618
That's gay?
1498
01:09:24,693 --> 01:09:26,058
God damn it!
1499
01:09:26,462 --> 01:09:29,090
I'm ripping your head off
right now. It's off.
1500
01:09:29,165 --> 01:09:31,656
And now I'm throwing it
at your body.
1501
01:09:32,501 --> 01:09:33,525
Fuck you!
1502
01:09:35,004 --> 01:09:36,130
You guys...
1503
01:09:36,906 --> 01:09:39,067
she's picking me up
in an hour.
1504
01:09:40,109 --> 01:09:41,736
Oh, drag, dude.
1505
01:09:42,278 --> 01:09:44,542
She's picking you up
from here?
Yeah.
1506
01:09:44,613 --> 01:09:46,171
That's fucked up, man.
1507
01:09:46,248 --> 01:09:47,875
Why?
Why?
1508
01:09:48,584 --> 01:09:52,020
Seriously. I mean,
look at this place, man.
1509
01:09:52,555 --> 01:09:55,820
You gotta see this through
the eyes of a woman,
you know?
1510
01:09:55,891 --> 01:09:58,223
What is she going to think
when she comes in here? Look.
1511
01:09:58,294 --> 01:10:00,762
He's got a billion toys.
So what?
1512
01:10:00,829 --> 01:10:03,593
And more video games
than a teenaged Asian kid.
1513
01:10:03,666 --> 01:10:05,190
It's all right.
1514
01:10:05,834 --> 01:10:08,632
Is that the
Six Million Dollar Man's boss?
1515
01:10:08,971 --> 01:10:10,131
It's Oscar Goldman.
1516
01:10:10,206 --> 01:10:12,436
Why do you have that?
That's worth a lot of money.
1517
01:10:12,508 --> 01:10:14,476
That's much more valuable
than Steve Austin.
1518
01:10:14,543 --> 01:10:18,809
Well, that may be the case.
But none of this shit
is sexy, okay?
1519
01:10:18,881 --> 01:10:20,610
I'm not
trying to be sexy, man.
1520
01:10:20,683 --> 01:10:22,150
I mean, seriously, Asia?
1521
01:10:22,284 --> 01:10:24,149
You framed an Asia poster?
1522
01:10:24,220 --> 01:10:26,211
How hard did the people
at the frame store laugh...
1523
01:10:26,288 --> 01:10:28,313
when you brought this in?
They did not laugh at me.
1524
01:10:28,390 --> 01:10:30,290
Know why you're gay?
Because you like Asia.
1525
01:10:30,359 --> 01:10:31,621
You guys cool it
with the gay.
1526
01:10:31,694 --> 01:10:33,525
You know, she's on her way
over here, okay?
1527
01:10:33,596 --> 01:10:35,325
First, you relax, okay?
1528
01:10:35,397 --> 01:10:38,696
Just stop calming me down
and tell me what I should do.
1529
01:10:38,767 --> 01:10:40,962
Okay, we just take everything
that's embarrassing...
1530
01:10:41,036 --> 01:10:42,094
and we move it out of here.
1531
01:10:42,171 --> 01:10:44,196
So it doesn't look like
you live in Neverland Ranch.
1532
01:10:51,614 --> 01:10:52,842
Hi.
Hi. How are you?
1533
01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:53,939
Good.
1534
01:10:54,016 --> 01:10:56,007
So, you wanna head out?
1535
01:10:56,085 --> 01:10:57,950
Did you just
move in or something?
1536
01:10:58,020 --> 01:11:00,284
No. Actually I'm getting
new carpet in.
1537
01:11:00,356 --> 01:11:02,756
I'm having carpet
put in tomorrow, so...
1538
01:11:04,126 --> 01:11:05,457
Well, you know.
Yeah.
1539
01:11:05,527 --> 01:11:07,222
Okay.
Looks good with the floors.
1540
01:11:07,296 --> 01:11:08,729
Yeah.
All right.
1541
01:11:09,064 --> 01:11:10,531
I should tear up
the hard wood...
1542
01:11:10,599 --> 01:11:12,726
and see if there's
carpet underneath.
1543
01:11:12,801 --> 01:11:14,666
That's never the case.
1544
01:11:18,007 --> 01:11:19,668
This is gonna be fun.
Yes.
1545
01:11:19,742 --> 01:11:21,642
You know,
I drive by this place
every day.
1546
01:11:21,710 --> 01:11:23,439
I've never been in
before.
1547
01:11:24,079 --> 01:11:25,307
I'm glad you came.
1548
01:11:25,381 --> 01:11:28,646
You know,
I never really go out
with nice guys like you.
1549
01:11:29,585 --> 01:11:32,452
I think I've avoided nice guys
like you my whole life...
1550
01:11:32,521 --> 01:11:33,988
at my own peril.
1551
01:11:35,858 --> 01:11:37,519
My last boyfriend
drank a lot.
1552
01:11:37,593 --> 01:11:38,582
Mmm-hmm.
1553
01:11:38,661 --> 01:11:40,185
And so...
This is just punch.
1554
01:11:40,262 --> 01:11:41,388
[Laughing]
1555
01:11:41,463 --> 01:11:43,260
No, it's okay.
A little bit's fine.
1556
01:11:43,332 --> 01:11:45,596
Buddha punch.
I need some Buddha.
1557
01:11:46,135 --> 01:11:48,603
Excuse me, miss.
Could you gather your team...
1558
01:11:48,671 --> 01:11:51,401
and sing happy birthday
for my daughter, please?
1559
01:11:54,209 --> 01:11:56,143
1560
01:12:06,388 --> 01:12:07,650
[All cheering]
1561
01:12:09,858 --> 01:12:12,588
That was so good. What?
That was great.
Happy birthday.
1562
01:12:12,661 --> 01:12:14,629
It's your birthday, too?
No.
1563
01:12:14,697 --> 01:12:16,790
It's his birthday, too.
No, no, no.
1564
01:12:16,865 --> 01:12:19,459
Could you sing for him
and bring him a cake?
1565
01:12:19,535 --> 01:12:21,025
(man)
Happy birthday.
1566
01:12:21,136 --> 01:12:23,001
1567
01:12:24,373 --> 01:12:25,635
[Inaudible]
1568
01:12:35,017 --> 01:12:37,383
Thanks a lot.
Happy birthday, Andy.
1569
01:12:53,702 --> 01:12:56,899
You really like kissing,
don't you?
Yes.
1570
01:12:57,172 --> 01:12:58,469
[Laughing]
1571
01:12:59,675 --> 01:13:00,937
I really do.
1572
01:13:01,009 --> 01:13:02,738
Take off your pants,
okay?
1573
01:13:04,279 --> 01:13:05,610
Okay.
Okay.
1574
01:13:08,117 --> 01:13:10,483
Wow, this is
really gonna happen.
Oh, yeah.
1575
01:13:10,552 --> 01:13:11,985
Thank God.
1576
01:13:13,422 --> 01:13:16,585
Okay, I'm
taking off my pants.
Yeah.
1577
01:13:16,825 --> 01:13:18,417
Do you need some help?
1578
01:13:18,794 --> 01:13:22,252
I think I almost got them.
It's hooked on my ankle.
1579
01:13:22,931 --> 01:13:24,489
Wow, that's...
1580
01:13:24,633 --> 01:13:25,895
[panting]
1581
01:13:26,068 --> 01:13:27,899
Hey, wait.
Do you have protection?
1582
01:13:27,970 --> 01:13:29,631
I don't like guns.
1583
01:13:29,872 --> 01:13:31,134
[Laughing]
1584
01:13:32,574 --> 01:13:34,098
That's funny.
1585
01:13:34,176 --> 01:13:36,542
I have condoms
right here. Okay?
1586
01:13:36,612 --> 01:13:38,477
Okay.
There's, you know...
1587
01:13:38,547 --> 01:13:41,607
Check the expiration date
because they were from
when I was married.
1588
01:13:41,683 --> 01:13:44,516
And we didn't have
sex that often. That's why
there are so many, okay?
1589
01:13:44,586 --> 01:13:45,678
Okay.
1590
01:13:50,058 --> 01:13:51,423
I got them.
1591
01:13:53,796 --> 01:13:55,423
How does this go?
1592
01:13:55,931 --> 01:14:00,630
Okay. "Roll over the tip
and down onto the base. "
1593
01:14:02,538 --> 01:14:04,096
Over the balls?
1594
01:14:04,706 --> 01:14:06,071
It doesn't say.
1595
01:14:09,278 --> 01:14:11,473
Do you mind
if I use your magnum?
1596
01:14:12,648 --> 01:14:13,637
Yeah.
1597
01:14:15,517 --> 01:14:17,485
Wow. You got to be kidding.
1598
01:14:18,320 --> 01:14:19,787
I am Aquaman.
1599
01:14:21,890 --> 01:14:23,357
What is that?
1600
01:14:27,529 --> 01:14:28,518
[Grunting]
1601
01:14:32,701 --> 01:14:34,134
[Coughing]
1602
01:14:38,674 --> 01:14:39,698
[Condom bursts]
1603
01:14:39,775 --> 01:14:40,764
[Yelps]
1604
01:14:41,443 --> 01:14:42,501
Mom?
1605
01:14:42,578 --> 01:14:43,602
[Marla exclaiming]
1606
01:14:43,679 --> 01:14:44,941
What's going on here?
1607
01:14:45,013 --> 01:14:46,947
Who the hell are you?
It's Andy.
1608
01:14:47,015 --> 01:14:48,073
Hi, I'm Andy.
1609
01:14:48,150 --> 01:14:49,640
God! What are you doing?
1610
01:14:49,718 --> 01:14:51,743
Marla, get the fuck
out of my room!
1611
01:14:51,820 --> 01:14:52,844
You know what...
1612
01:14:52,921 --> 01:14:55,481
I cannot believe
that you're allowed
to have sex when I'm not!
1613
01:14:55,557 --> 01:14:57,491
That is so unfair.
I'm gonna head out.
1614
01:14:57,559 --> 01:14:58,583
(Trish)
You should go.
1615
01:14:58,660 --> 01:15:01,629
Oh, Jesus!
How many times
did you just do it?
1616
01:15:01,697 --> 01:15:02,823
Oh, my God!
1617
01:15:02,931 --> 01:15:04,057
[Groaning]
1618
01:15:05,234 --> 01:15:06,701
I'm so sorry.
1619
01:15:13,742 --> 01:15:15,676
Dude, teach me.
1620
01:15:25,921 --> 01:15:26,910
(man)
Hotline.
1621
01:15:26,989 --> 01:15:30,481
Hi, yes, I'm calling
because it's more than
four hours...
1622
01:15:30,559 --> 01:15:33,619
and your ad said to call
if it's been more than
four hours.
1623
01:15:33,695 --> 01:15:35,629
How much of the medicine
have you taken, sir?
1624
01:15:36,164 --> 01:15:39,065
I haven't taken any,
but your ad said...
1625
01:15:39,134 --> 01:15:43,002
that if you've had
an erection for more than
four hours, you call.
1626
01:15:43,138 --> 01:15:46,505
You're only supposed to call
if you've taken the medicine.
1627
01:15:46,575 --> 01:15:49,976
Okay. I'm sorry.
I must not have
heard that part.
1628
01:15:50,045 --> 01:15:52,513
Yes. If you haven't taken
the medicine, you don't call.
1629
01:15:52,581 --> 01:15:54,606
Right. I'm sorry. Right.
1630
01:15:54,750 --> 01:15:56,980
So, there's nothing
you can do?
1631
01:15:57,419 --> 01:15:59,478
I just don't wanna...
There's nothing I can do.
1632
01:15:59,555 --> 01:16:00,613
I'm in Bombay, India.
1633
01:16:00,722 --> 01:16:03,452
Okay. No, not you personally.
I just don't want...
1634
01:16:03,759 --> 01:16:05,659
I just don't want
to have an erection anymore.
1635
01:16:05,727 --> 01:16:06,751
[Laughs]
1636
01:16:06,828 --> 01:16:08,989
You know,
you could have sex.
1637
01:16:09,097 --> 01:16:10,086
Okay. Yup.
1638
01:16:10,766 --> 01:16:14,634
That's one thing people do
when they have an erection.
1639
01:16:14,703 --> 01:16:17,263
Yeah, that's not an option.
I don't have sex.
1640
01:16:17,339 --> 01:16:19,671
Okay, well,
then you can masturbate.
1641
01:16:19,741 --> 01:16:21,436
I'd rather not masturbate.
1642
01:16:21,510 --> 01:16:24,479
If you'd like the erection
to go away,
you can light a match...
1643
01:16:24,546 --> 01:16:28,607
blow out the flame
and put the hot ember
on your wrist.
1644
01:16:29,318 --> 01:16:31,445
And that will focus
the brain elsewhere...
1645
01:16:31,520 --> 01:16:34,045
and you will lose
your erection.
Really? That'd work?
1646
01:16:34,122 --> 01:16:36,920
Take your finger
and flick your testicle...
1647
01:16:36,992 --> 01:16:38,459
and if you do that
till it hurts...
1648
01:16:38,527 --> 01:16:40,722
your erection will go away.
Okay, all right.
1649
01:16:40,796 --> 01:16:42,195
It sounds unpleasant
and it is.
1650
01:16:42,264 --> 01:16:43,993
It is a trick we use
in India.
1651
01:16:44,066 --> 01:16:47,832
Okay, those are all
good pieces of advice.
I really appreciate it.
1652
01:16:47,903 --> 01:16:49,928
We appreciate your business.
1653
01:16:50,105 --> 01:16:52,164
Oh, no.
We didn't get your business...
1654
01:16:52,240 --> 01:16:55,676
No, not this time.
I guess I didn't need you
this time. Thank you.
1655
01:17:05,387 --> 01:17:06,479
[Sighing]
1656
01:17:08,490 --> 01:17:09,479
[Exclaiming]
1657
01:17:15,998 --> 01:17:17,260
[Sighing]
1658
01:17:23,171 --> 01:17:24,138
[Exclaims]
1659
01:17:24,206 --> 01:17:26,766
My goodness, Andy,
you are a terrific salesman.
1660
01:17:26,842 --> 01:17:29,174
Thank you.
Gosh, you really got it down.
1661
01:17:29,244 --> 01:17:31,075
Thanks.
And your numbers are good.
1662
01:17:31,146 --> 01:17:32,113
Thanks.
1663
01:17:32,180 --> 01:17:34,114
I'm going to put you out
on the floor full time.
1664
01:17:34,182 --> 01:17:35,171
Really?
Yeah.
1665
01:17:35,250 --> 01:17:36,148
Wow. Okay.
1666
01:17:36,218 --> 01:17:38,516
Good. We're gonna get you
a blue shirt and tie,
all right?
1667
01:17:38,587 --> 01:17:39,519
Great. Thanks.
1668
01:17:39,588 --> 01:17:42,614
You know, Andy,
I've been thinking
about your problem.
1669
01:17:42,691 --> 01:17:44,852
I think I might have
a solution for you.
1670
01:17:46,061 --> 01:17:49,155
You ever heard of the term
"fuck buddy"?
1671
01:17:50,932 --> 01:17:52,024
What?
1672
01:17:52,167 --> 01:17:54,635
It's a special friend...
1673
01:17:55,570 --> 01:17:56,798
who you fuck.
1674
01:17:57,773 --> 01:17:59,866
No, haven't heard that term.
1675
01:17:59,941 --> 01:18:02,876
When I was a little girl,
I developed early.
1676
01:18:03,545 --> 01:18:06,605
By the time I was 14,
I had this body
you're looking at.
1677
01:18:06,682 --> 01:18:09,742
Can you imagine that?
I don't want to, no.
1678
01:18:10,352 --> 01:18:13,412
Well, needless to say,
a lot of male attention.
1679
01:18:13,488 --> 01:18:14,648
Like men, yes.
1680
01:18:14,723 --> 01:18:18,716
Especially from our
Guatemalan gardener, Javier.
1681
01:18:18,894 --> 01:18:20,020
Okay.
1682
01:18:20,395 --> 01:18:22,124
You know, Javier...
1683
01:18:22,998 --> 01:18:27,765
before he made
passionate yet gentle love
to me for the first time...
1684
01:18:29,137 --> 01:18:33,267
he serenaded me with
a beautiful old Guatemalan
love song.
1685
01:18:33,341 --> 01:18:35,002
Really, that's...
1686
01:18:35,377 --> 01:18:37,777
That sounds nice.
1687
01:18:37,846 --> 01:18:39,279
1688
01:19:05,173 --> 01:19:06,231
Okay.
1689
01:19:07,876 --> 01:19:09,104
My goodness.
1690
01:19:09,411 --> 01:19:11,641
I think we better
get back to work.
Yeah.
1691
01:19:11,713 --> 01:19:14,045
Yeah, I better go
back to work.
Yeah.
1692
01:19:14,116 --> 01:19:15,947
So, okay.
All right.
1693
01:19:16,051 --> 01:19:17,916
So, you mull it over
and I'll talk to you soon.
1694
01:19:17,986 --> 01:19:19,817
All right, I will.
Thank you.
Okay.
1695
01:19:21,957 --> 01:19:22,946
[Gasps]
1696
01:19:24,926 --> 01:19:27,918
What's up, dawg?
What happened?
How was the date with Trish?
1697
01:19:27,996 --> 01:19:30,328
It was a disaster.
Really?
1698
01:19:30,398 --> 01:19:33,196
Yes. I've never been
more embarrassed in my life.
1699
01:19:33,401 --> 01:19:35,426
Couldn't get the
condoms to work.
1700
01:19:35,504 --> 01:19:38,268
And one of them
exploded on my balls.
1701
01:19:38,607 --> 01:19:40,370
And then her kid
walked in the room.
1702
01:19:40,442 --> 01:19:41,374
Wait. Hold up.
1703
01:19:41,443 --> 01:19:42,967
She was hiding the kid
from you, dawg?
1704
01:19:43,044 --> 01:19:44,375
You know what,
it doesn't matter...
1705
01:19:44,446 --> 01:19:46,778
because it was going downhill
straight from there.
1706
01:19:46,848 --> 01:19:49,043
Listen, you don't want
no baby-daddy drama.
1707
01:19:49,117 --> 01:19:50,345
Trust me on this one,
all right?
1708
01:19:50,418 --> 01:19:52,477
For all you know,
he in prison right now.
1709
01:19:52,554 --> 01:19:53,919
Let's say y'all
living together.
1710
01:19:53,989 --> 01:19:56,958
Next thing you know,
you the one going on the
1st and the 15th...
1711
01:19:57,025 --> 01:19:58,253
to pick up the
government check.
1712
01:19:58,326 --> 01:20:00,419
What if he got boys
that's on the outside...
1713
01:20:00,495 --> 01:20:01,587
and they stalking you?
1714
01:20:01,663 --> 01:20:03,563
You see what I'm saying?
You got to think, partner...
1715
01:20:03,632 --> 01:20:05,327
What the fuck
are you talking about?
1716
01:20:05,400 --> 01:20:07,868
Here's what you do.
You tell her you're a virgin.
1717
01:20:07,936 --> 01:20:10,063
You test her
with this shit, okay?
1718
01:20:10,138 --> 01:20:12,902
Here, tell me. Tell me.
This is how it's gonna go.
Tell me.
1719
01:20:12,974 --> 01:20:14,771
I'm a virgin.
Sweet.
1720
01:20:15,277 --> 01:20:18,678
I like that because
you don't have Chlamydia.
1721
01:20:19,915 --> 01:20:22,645
And I know that,
and that shit is everywhere.
1722
01:20:23,185 --> 01:20:24,982
What if she
laughs at me, though?
1723
01:20:25,053 --> 01:20:27,248
Then you punch her
in the fucking head
if she laughs.
1724
01:20:27,322 --> 01:20:29,882
I'm not going to
punch her in the head.
She's really sweet.
1725
01:20:29,958 --> 01:20:33,519
No. I mean, you punch her
in her fucking head
emotionally.
1726
01:20:33,595 --> 01:20:36,587
She's different. She's someone
I felt like I had...
1727
01:20:36,665 --> 01:20:37,996
a connection with.
1728
01:20:38,066 --> 01:20:41,331
All you trying to do right now
is bust off this first night.
1729
01:20:41,403 --> 01:20:43,928
You got a whole lot of semen
back up in you.
1730
01:20:44,005 --> 01:20:45,165
I am going to tell her.
1731
01:20:45,240 --> 01:20:47,071
You should totally
tell her, man.
I'm going to.
1732
01:20:47,142 --> 01:20:49,372
'Cause I watched this movie
called Liar Liar...
1733
01:20:49,444 --> 01:20:52,106
and the message was,
"Don't lie. "
1734
01:20:52,180 --> 01:20:53,875
And that was a smart movie.
1735
01:20:53,949 --> 01:20:55,439
Yeah, that's the right thing.
Yeah.
1736
01:20:56,184 --> 01:21:00,120
Really? All your girlfriends
wanted to have sex
with virgins, too?
1737
01:21:00,789 --> 01:21:04,384
That's funny. I didn't
even know you girls
talked like that.
1738
01:21:05,026 --> 01:21:08,154
I think my first time
might be your best time, too.
1739
01:21:08,997 --> 01:21:10,396
Well, I knew it.
You know what...
1740
01:21:10,465 --> 01:21:13,525
I knew that you'd
react that way
and I knew that...
1741
01:21:13,802 --> 01:21:18,262
you would want
to lead me through
my first sexual encounter...
1742
01:21:18,573 --> 01:21:23,067
with all the compassion
and care that someone...
1743
01:21:23,345 --> 01:21:24,972
would give to their soul mate.
1744
01:21:25,046 --> 01:21:26,911
Oh, my God. I'm in trouble.
1745
01:21:30,151 --> 01:21:31,345
Hey, Andy.
1746
01:21:31,820 --> 01:21:33,447
(Joe)
You watching Survivor tonight?
1747
01:21:33,521 --> 01:21:35,989
No, actually
I'm going out to dinner
with somebody.
1748
01:21:36,057 --> 01:21:36,989
Hi.
1749
01:21:37,492 --> 01:21:38,516
(Andy)
This is her.
1750
01:21:38,593 --> 01:21:40,618
Trish, this is
Joe and Sara.
Hi.
1751
01:21:40,695 --> 01:21:42,026
Hi, Trish.
Hey.
1752
01:21:42,097 --> 01:21:43,621
But tape it for me,
okay?
1753
01:21:43,698 --> 01:21:45,393
Will do. All right.
(Andy)
Thanks.
1754
01:21:45,467 --> 01:21:46,593
So long.
(Sara)
Bye-bye.
1755
01:21:46,668 --> 01:21:48,363
See you later.
Have a good night.
1756
01:21:48,436 --> 01:21:50,836
Yeah, my man's gonna
get it on tonight.
1757
01:21:50,906 --> 01:21:51,895
Yes, sir.
1758
01:21:51,973 --> 01:21:54,498
Yeah, and you better
get on me, too.
1759
01:21:54,809 --> 01:21:56,709
What is wrong
with this woman?
1760
01:21:56,778 --> 01:21:57,972
Mercy, mercy, mercy.
1761
01:22:04,352 --> 01:22:06,047
I'm so sorry that happened
the other night.
1762
01:22:06,121 --> 01:22:07,145
No, I'm sorry.
1763
01:22:07,222 --> 01:22:08,917
Oh, my God.
That was me.
1764
01:22:08,990 --> 01:22:09,979
No.
1765
01:22:10,692 --> 01:22:13,388
Let me...
I have something
I want to tell you.
1766
01:22:14,296 --> 01:22:16,230
Kind of hard to talk about.
1767
01:22:17,198 --> 01:22:18,187
But...
1768
01:22:18,934 --> 01:22:21,960
you know,
there are certain things...
1769
01:22:22,304 --> 01:22:24,670
about who I am that...
1770
01:22:25,173 --> 01:22:28,165
I'm sorry.
I just have to get this
off my chest.
1771
01:22:28,243 --> 01:22:30,939
I am so sorry,
I didn't tell you I had kids.
1772
01:22:31,680 --> 01:22:33,511
Yeah, what was that about?
1773
01:22:33,581 --> 01:22:35,947
Gosh. You know,
that really surprised me.
1774
01:22:38,820 --> 01:22:40,754
No, you should have
told me probably, but...
1775
01:22:40,822 --> 01:22:41,811
I'm sorry. I know.
1776
01:22:41,890 --> 01:22:43,983
What do I care
if you have a kid?
1777
01:22:44,459 --> 01:22:46,120
Well, I have two kids.
1778
01:22:46,995 --> 01:22:49,395
Wow. Okay.
How old are they?
1779
01:22:50,398 --> 01:22:51,456
Six.
1780
01:22:52,200 --> 01:22:53,428
Sixteen.
1781
01:22:53,902 --> 01:22:55,267
Twenty-one.
1782
01:22:56,137 --> 01:22:57,468
Forty-two.
1783
01:22:58,373 --> 01:23:00,307
Fifty-six. How many kids
do you have?
1784
01:23:00,375 --> 01:23:02,206
I have three.
Okay, three.
1785
01:23:02,277 --> 01:23:04,268
Yeah,
and one of them
has a kid.
1786
01:23:04,346 --> 01:23:05,643
A one-year-old.
1787
01:23:05,981 --> 01:23:07,710
That's cool. That's great.
1788
01:23:09,718 --> 01:23:13,210
I'm really glad
we're doing this.
Me, too.
1789
01:23:17,592 --> 01:23:19,116
Listen, Andy...
1790
01:23:19,527 --> 01:23:22,519
I don't want to send you
running for the hills
or anything, but...
1791
01:23:22,597 --> 01:23:27,296
I really feel like
if we decide to
do this again, then...
1792
01:23:29,437 --> 01:23:32,668
maybe we should hold off
on the physical part
for a while.
1793
01:23:34,576 --> 01:23:36,908
That is a fantastic idea.
1794
01:23:37,712 --> 01:23:39,179
Why didn't I think of that?
1795
01:23:39,247 --> 01:23:40,475
Really?
Totally.
1796
01:23:40,548 --> 01:23:43,847
No sex?
No. Why do that?
1797
01:23:43,918 --> 01:23:45,715
Because here's the thing.
1798
01:23:45,854 --> 01:23:47,048
From personal experience...
1799
01:23:47,122 --> 01:23:49,818
I found that
sex can really
complicate things.
1800
01:23:49,891 --> 01:23:52,951
And what we should be
doing right now is
getting to know each other.
1801
01:23:53,028 --> 01:23:54,052
Yeah.
1802
01:23:54,429 --> 01:23:56,420
Well, I never thought
you'd go for it.
1803
01:23:56,498 --> 01:23:57,829
I'm going for it.
1804
01:23:57,899 --> 01:24:00,891
Well, that just
is a great, great notion.
1805
01:24:01,836 --> 01:24:02,928
Are you serious?
1806
01:24:03,004 --> 01:24:05,802
Look at my face.
Look at how serious I am.
1807
01:24:06,107 --> 01:24:07,836
Can you see my nostrils?
1808
01:24:07,909 --> 01:24:09,706
Yes.
That's serious.
1809
01:24:10,011 --> 01:24:11,444
That's more angry.
1810
01:24:11,846 --> 01:24:14,076
Yeah, you know what,
most guys would be saying:
1811
01:24:14,149 --> 01:24:17,380
"Yeah," right now, but, like,
by the third date,
it would be:
1812
01:24:17,452 --> 01:24:20,979
"Hey, baby, I really need to
physically express
how I feel"...
1813
01:24:21,056 --> 01:24:23,422
and all that stuff.
Well, hey, baby...
1814
01:24:23,491 --> 01:24:26,585
you know, three dates...
Make it 10, 10 dates.
1815
01:24:28,463 --> 01:24:29,760
How about 15?
1816
01:24:29,831 --> 01:24:33,562
Fifteen. Screw your 15.
20 dates.
1817
01:24:33,835 --> 01:24:35,894
Okay, 20 dates.
Twenty dates.
1818
01:24:36,337 --> 01:24:38,532
Okay.
This is genius.
1819
01:24:38,907 --> 01:24:40,272
It's gonna hurt.
1820
01:24:42,277 --> 01:24:44,245
Not as much as you think.
1821
01:24:45,980 --> 01:24:48,107
We can really get to know
each other this way.
1822
01:24:48,183 --> 01:24:49,172
Yeah.
1823
01:24:49,617 --> 01:24:52,177
This is one, right?
No, next one.
1824
01:24:53,922 --> 01:24:55,412
[Door opening]
1825
01:24:56,524 --> 01:24:57,616
[Clearing throat]
1826
01:24:58,126 --> 01:25:00,060
Is it safe to come in,
or are you guys doing it?
1827
01:25:00,128 --> 01:25:01,789
Honey, it's safe.
1828
01:25:04,265 --> 01:25:05,289
Great.
1829
01:25:05,366 --> 01:25:07,027
(Trish)
Well, good timing.
1830
01:25:07,368 --> 01:25:09,063
Yeah.
(Trish)
You remember Marla.
1831
01:25:09,137 --> 01:25:12,072
Hi, we met.
And this is
my little bunny rabbit.
1832
01:25:12,140 --> 01:25:13,573
Julia.
Hey.
1833
01:25:13,641 --> 01:25:16,007
This is Andy.
Julia, how you doing?
1834
01:25:16,978 --> 01:25:20,539
You know what,
do you by any chance
like magic?
1835
01:25:21,015 --> 01:25:23,506
Yeah.
I thought that you might.
1836
01:25:23,585 --> 01:25:25,075
Because I noticed
on the way in...
1837
01:25:25,153 --> 01:25:27,747
that you had something shiny
behind your ear.
1838
01:25:27,822 --> 01:25:30,256
Marla, did you see that?
Something behind her ear?
1839
01:25:30,325 --> 01:25:31,815
You think you do?
Could I check?
1840
01:25:31,893 --> 01:25:34,191
Do you mind if I check
behind your ear?
1841
01:25:34,429 --> 01:25:35,794
Big money!
1842
01:25:35,864 --> 01:25:36,853
[Exclaiming]
1843
01:25:37,232 --> 01:25:39,894
That's amazing.
Wow, it is amazing.
1844
01:25:39,968 --> 01:25:42,061
There's something else, too,
behind your ear, I think.
1845
01:25:42,137 --> 01:25:44,799
No, actually it's not
behind your ear.
I think it is your ear.
1846
01:25:44,873 --> 01:25:45,862
Rip!
1847
01:25:45,940 --> 01:25:49,398
It is your ear.
There is your ear.
1848
01:25:49,477 --> 01:25:50,808
I ripped it off.
1849
01:25:50,879 --> 01:25:52,403
Gross!
Yeah, that's...
1850
01:25:52,480 --> 01:25:55,608
All right. Wait.
Okay, but that means
that you...
1851
01:25:55,683 --> 01:25:58,652
walk around with a rubber ear
in your pocket all day?
1852
01:25:59,487 --> 01:26:01,216
Yeah, like half the time.
1853
01:26:01,489 --> 01:26:03,354
You know, I can come
to your high school...
1854
01:26:03,424 --> 01:26:05,392
and do it for your friends
if you want.
1855
01:26:05,460 --> 01:26:07,291
You know what,
I should head out.
1856
01:26:07,362 --> 01:26:08,693
Really?
Yeah.
1857
01:26:08,763 --> 01:26:10,663
I have to give you
a ride home.
1858
01:26:10,732 --> 01:26:11,960
Right. Yes, you do.
1859
01:26:12,033 --> 01:26:14,263
Yeah, 'cause you don't have
a car or anything, right?
1860
01:26:14,335 --> 01:26:15,893
Right, I don't have a car.
1861
01:26:15,970 --> 01:26:18,598
'Cause he doesn't have a car,
and he does magic.
1862
01:26:18,940 --> 01:26:19,998
Awesome.
1863
01:26:20,208 --> 01:26:22,802
And sarcasm is like
a second language to me.
1864
01:26:22,877 --> 01:26:24,936
So, I'm right there with you.
1865
01:26:25,013 --> 01:26:26,002
[Laughing]
1866
01:26:28,049 --> 01:26:29,448
But, Dad...
1867
01:26:30,185 --> 01:26:33,484
I don't know how to love.
1868
01:26:34,355 --> 01:26:35,879
You never...
1869
01:26:35,957 --> 01:26:39,984
taught me how...
1870
01:26:40,295 --> 01:26:41,421
[ringing]
1871
01:26:43,331 --> 01:26:45,196
Hello.
(Andy)
Hey, Cal.
1872
01:26:45,366 --> 01:26:47,596
Hey.
I just got back from a date.
1873
01:26:47,669 --> 01:26:49,762
Did you tell her
you're a virgin?
1874
01:26:50,138 --> 01:26:52,265
No. I haven't gotten
to that yet.
1875
01:26:52,340 --> 01:26:54,535
Really?
Are you having sex right now?
1876
01:26:54,742 --> 01:26:56,937
No. She was incredible.
1877
01:26:57,278 --> 01:26:59,576
She was amazing.
She didn't pressure me.
1878
01:26:59,647 --> 01:27:02,639
And she has three kids.
1879
01:27:02,717 --> 01:27:04,708
And one of her kids
has a kid.
1880
01:27:04,819 --> 01:27:06,343
[Coughing]
1881
01:27:06,955 --> 01:27:08,217
You all right?
1882
01:27:08,656 --> 01:27:12,922
Did you just say she has
three kids, one of whom
has a kid?
1883
01:27:12,994 --> 01:27:15,428
Yeah.
So, so, she's a grandma?
1884
01:27:15,630 --> 01:27:16,619
No.
1885
01:27:16,698 --> 01:27:18,461
I'm not a doctor
or anything like that...
1886
01:27:18,533 --> 01:27:20,694
but she's a fucking grandma.
1887
01:27:21,536 --> 01:27:23,128
Yeah, whatever, you know.
1888
01:27:23,204 --> 01:27:24,603
She's the hottest grandma
I ever saw.
1889
01:27:24,672 --> 01:27:26,105
Yeah, she is.
She's a hot grandma.
1890
01:27:26,174 --> 01:27:28,904
That's a good-looking grandma.
My grandma looks like
Jack Palance.
1891
01:27:28,977 --> 01:27:30,001
Well, she's no Jack Palance.
1892
01:27:30,078 --> 01:27:31,807
No. If Jack Palance
looked like that lady...
1893
01:27:31,879 --> 01:27:33,847
I would want to
fuck Jack Palance right now.
1894
01:27:33,915 --> 01:27:34,939
Yeah, me, too.
1895
01:27:35,516 --> 01:27:36,642
She's a hot grandma.
1896
01:27:36,718 --> 01:27:38,583
Heck, yeah.
No, do a grandma, man.
1897
01:27:38,653 --> 01:27:41,451
You should fuck her
on her plastic-covered couch.
1898
01:27:42,223 --> 01:27:44,248
Fuck her while she watches
Murder, She Wrote.
1899
01:27:44,325 --> 01:27:45,917
She would probably find that
very erotic.
1900
01:27:45,994 --> 01:27:47,222
Yeah, whatever, you know.
1901
01:27:47,295 --> 01:27:50,787
Fuck her and then have her
send you a check
for $12 on your birthday.
1902
01:27:51,466 --> 01:27:53,730
I'm the dude
with the hot granny.
1903
01:27:55,103 --> 01:27:56,866
(Andy)
What did you want to
talk to me about?
1904
01:27:56,938 --> 01:27:58,667
Well, Andy,
the numbers just came in...
1905
01:27:58,740 --> 01:28:02,437
and you are by far
our best salesman.
1906
01:28:02,810 --> 01:28:05,176
So, I am promoting you
to floor manager.
1907
01:28:05,580 --> 01:28:07,411
This is the bullshit
of all bullshits!
1908
01:28:07,482 --> 01:28:09,450
You scumbag! Ass kisser!
1909
01:28:11,786 --> 01:28:13,481
Thank you. That's great.
1910
01:28:13,821 --> 01:28:17,552
I understand
you have a girlfriend.
Yeah, kind of seeing somebody.
1911
01:28:17,992 --> 01:28:20,620
I'm very happy for you.
Thanks. She's great.
1912
01:28:20,762 --> 01:28:22,389
Are you still a virgin?
1913
01:28:23,498 --> 01:28:24,965
You know, I don't really...
1914
01:28:25,033 --> 01:28:26,933
talk about my personal life.
You're a virgin.
1915
01:28:27,001 --> 01:28:28,366
Yes, I am.
Yeah.
1916
01:28:29,737 --> 01:28:31,466
My door is always open.
1917
01:28:32,073 --> 01:28:33,870
So to speak.
Great.
1918
01:28:35,376 --> 01:28:36,741
Great. Thank you.
1919
01:28:37,245 --> 01:28:39,213
I'm very discreet.
1920
01:28:42,016 --> 01:28:44,450
But I'll haunt your dreams.
1921
01:28:46,354 --> 01:28:47,719
Okay.
Okay.
1922
01:28:47,922 --> 01:28:48,911
[Sniffing]
1923
01:28:53,061 --> 01:28:54,460
Wow.
1924
01:28:56,331 --> 01:29:00,392
So who's gonna take my job?
Cal will be
taking over your job.
1925
01:29:00,468 --> 01:29:02,299
And he's interviewing people
right now...
1926
01:29:02,370 --> 01:29:03,667
for his old job.
1927
01:29:03,738 --> 01:29:05,763
So, have you ever worked
with electronics before?
1928
01:29:05,840 --> 01:29:06,966
No.
No?
1929
01:29:07,208 --> 01:29:10,439
But I have electronics
in my home.
1930
01:29:11,512 --> 01:29:15,471
Perfect. That's the job
pretty much.
You're very well-qualified.
1931
01:29:16,117 --> 01:29:17,641
More than these other losers.
1932
01:29:17,719 --> 01:29:18,708
[Laughs]
1933
01:29:19,187 --> 01:29:21,849
I could do that...
Wait, last thing.
1934
01:29:21,923 --> 01:29:23,948
I'm also gonna need that
extended warranty on it...
1935
01:29:24,025 --> 01:29:26,357
for the price of
"on the house. "
1936
01:29:28,329 --> 01:29:29,626
That I can't do.
1937
01:29:29,697 --> 01:29:32,393
Hey, don't be a Negro.
Be my nigger. All right?
Help me out.
1938
01:29:32,467 --> 01:29:34,526
Hold up.
I ain't nobody's nigger.
1939
01:29:35,503 --> 01:29:38,267
I mean, you're somebody's nigger
wearing this nigger tie.
1940
01:29:38,339 --> 01:29:39,863
Now you being condescending.
1941
01:29:39,941 --> 01:29:43,433
See, you've been warned,
all right?
Just move forward amicably.
1942
01:29:43,511 --> 01:29:44,876
Okay. Well, check this out.
1943
01:29:44,946 --> 01:29:47,039
First of all, you're throwing
too many big words at me.
1944
01:29:47,115 --> 01:29:48,810
Okay, now because
I don't understand them...
1945
01:29:48,883 --> 01:29:50,350
I'm gonna take them
as disrespect.
1946
01:29:50,418 --> 01:29:52,784
Watch your mouth,
and help me with the sale.
1947
01:29:52,854 --> 01:29:55,550
Okay, see,
now you found yourself
a nigger.
1948
01:29:55,623 --> 01:29:58,456
You were looking for a nigger?
Nigger here now. See?
1949
01:29:58,526 --> 01:30:01,825
Today's forecast:
Dark and cloudy,
and chance of drive-by.
1950
01:30:02,029 --> 01:30:04,020
You want to go?
I suggest you move back.
1951
01:30:04,098 --> 01:30:05,725
Then, nig, fire on.
1952
01:30:05,800 --> 01:30:07,097
What are we gonna do?
1953
01:30:07,635 --> 01:30:10,399
What are you gonna do,
Mr. Floor Manager?
1954
01:30:11,806 --> 01:30:13,034
Go, get them, tiger.
1955
01:30:13,107 --> 01:30:14,768
This shit just got rigged.
1956
01:30:14,842 --> 01:30:16,742
What are you gonna do, bitch?
I'll tell you what.
1957
01:30:16,811 --> 01:30:18,745
You know Luca Perry
from 20th and 25th?
1958
01:30:18,813 --> 01:30:20,610
You ever heard of,
Rolling 20s, nigger?
1959
01:30:20,681 --> 01:30:23,047
Since I was 16, nigger,
I'm saying "frosty. "
1960
01:30:23,117 --> 01:30:24,778
You know what I'm saying,
"spoon", nigger.
1961
01:30:24,852 --> 01:30:26,513
We fucked dwarfs in the ass.
1962
01:30:26,587 --> 01:30:28,521
Nigger, this dwarf here
don't got to be tall...
1963
01:30:28,589 --> 01:30:30,386
to pull the trigger off
in somebody face!
1964
01:30:30,458 --> 01:30:32,688
Come on nigger, back up.
What's up?
Hey...
1965
01:30:32,760 --> 01:30:33,988
Welcome to Smart Tech.
1966
01:30:34,061 --> 01:30:35,460
Is this your boy?
What can I help you with?
1967
01:30:35,530 --> 01:30:37,225
Yeah, nigger,
we will both mash you!
1968
01:30:37,298 --> 01:30:39,027
How can we help you, sir?
Nigger, what?
1969
01:30:39,100 --> 01:30:41,466
No, he don't need no help.
He's already been served.
1970
01:30:41,536 --> 01:30:44,403
I served him. He's taken
care of. He's a little slow,
but he got it.
1971
01:30:44,472 --> 01:30:47,168
See, what he thought was
he can come up in here
and make the rules.
1972
01:30:47,241 --> 01:30:49,641
But now he see that
Jay make the moves
at Smart Tech...
1973
01:30:49,710 --> 01:30:52,577
that I run this, bitch
and now he bought the bounce.
1974
01:30:53,948 --> 01:30:55,108
This your boy?
1975
01:30:55,249 --> 01:30:57,774
Yeah, that's my boy.
We represent Smart Tech.
1976
01:30:57,852 --> 01:30:59,319
You just got
fucked up with him.
1977
01:30:59,387 --> 01:31:01,912
Both y'all niggers going
get clapped up
when I get back.
1978
01:31:02,957 --> 01:31:04,219
Both of you all niggers.
1979
01:31:04,292 --> 01:31:06,419
What did I do?
It don't fucking matter!
1980
01:31:06,661 --> 01:31:09,858
Yeah, aim high, Willis.
Aim high!
1981
01:31:09,931 --> 01:31:11,398
Please don't do this.
1982
01:31:12,233 --> 01:31:14,224
Jay, what's going on?
1983
01:31:16,404 --> 01:31:17,735
Jill broke up with me.
1984
01:31:17,805 --> 01:31:20,296
I'm so sorry.
What happened?
1985
01:31:20,541 --> 01:31:22,634
I came home a little tipsy.
1986
01:31:22,910 --> 01:31:25,310
And I had one of my condoms
on still.
1987
01:31:27,348 --> 01:31:30,613
Woke up the next morning
and jumped in the shower
with her.
1988
01:31:31,285 --> 01:31:33,310
I don't know
what I was thinking.
1989
01:31:33,387 --> 01:31:34,513
Why did you cheat on her?
1990
01:31:34,589 --> 01:31:36,887
Because I'm insecure!
You can't tell?
1991
01:31:36,958 --> 01:31:39,358
I know, man.
It's gonna be okay.
1992
01:31:39,427 --> 01:31:41,554
I'm cold.
It's gonna be all right, man.
1993
01:31:41,629 --> 01:31:43,256
Seriously, man, I'm sorry.
1994
01:31:43,564 --> 01:31:45,293
I apologize to you. I know.
1995
01:31:45,366 --> 01:31:47,197
If you wanna have
a meaningful relationship...
1996
01:31:47,268 --> 01:31:49,498
you've got to leave the sex
out of it, man. You're right.
1997
01:31:49,570 --> 01:31:50,764
It's all right. You're good.
1998
01:31:50,838 --> 01:31:52,669
I'm sorry. Come here.
I love you, man.
1999
01:31:52,740 --> 01:31:54,230
Man, I love you, too.
2000
01:31:55,443 --> 01:31:57,104
You're a good guy.
2001
01:31:59,247 --> 01:32:01,681
Do you know how I know
you guys are gay?
2002
01:32:01,749 --> 01:32:04,183
You're holding each other
ever so gently.
2003
01:32:04,252 --> 01:32:05,241
Bastard.
2004
01:32:06,020 --> 01:32:08,113
[Whooping]
2005
01:32:10,424 --> 01:32:11,686
[Exclaiming]
2006
01:32:11,759 --> 01:32:12,851
(Trish)
Bravo.
2007
01:32:13,327 --> 01:32:14,919
At least he can cook, Mom.
2008
01:32:15,296 --> 01:32:19,027
(The Greatest American Hero
theme) playing]
2009
01:32:19,100 --> 01:32:21,728
I love... Spiderman.
2010
01:32:26,140 --> 01:32:27,198
[Whooping]
2011
01:32:35,016 --> 01:32:37,280
Pull out slowly
and go straight ahead.
2012
01:32:37,385 --> 01:32:38,409
[Screaming]
2013
01:32:58,439 --> 01:32:59,906
2014
01:33:00,942 --> 01:33:02,068
[Exclaims]
2015
01:33:05,880 --> 01:33:07,040
I'm all right.
2016
01:33:07,548 --> 01:33:08,674
Nobody's there.
2017
01:33:08,849 --> 01:33:11,113
(Trish)
I want to know
everything about you.
2018
01:33:11,185 --> 01:33:12,243
I want to tell you.
2019
01:33:12,320 --> 01:33:13,344
You do?
Yeah.
2020
01:33:13,421 --> 01:33:16,254
Like, what do you want to do?
What are your dreams?
2021
01:33:16,657 --> 01:33:19,592
You don't wanna work
at Smart Tech
for the rest of your life.
2022
01:33:20,227 --> 01:33:22,320
I've been working there
for a long time.
2023
01:33:22,396 --> 01:33:26,093
And I've been thinking lately
that maybe I should
open my own store.
2024
01:33:26,367 --> 01:33:27,425
Really?
Yeah.
2025
01:33:27,501 --> 01:33:30,937
What kind of store?
Well, like a stereo store.
2026
01:33:31,005 --> 01:33:33,371
Oh, my God, that is...
Why don't you do that?
2027
01:33:33,441 --> 01:33:35,102
I don't have enough money
to do that.
2028
01:33:35,176 --> 01:33:36,643
What about those collectibles?
2029
01:33:36,711 --> 01:33:38,975
I bet if you sold those,
you could make a lot of money.
2030
01:33:39,046 --> 01:33:42,880
I just sold a guy's G. I. Joe
for $1,000.
2031
01:33:43,217 --> 01:33:44,707
Really?
Do you have any of those?
2032
01:33:44,785 --> 01:33:45,911
Yeah.
You do?
2033
01:33:45,987 --> 01:33:47,045
I have 47 of them.
2034
01:33:47,121 --> 01:33:48,315
No, you don't.
2035
01:33:48,389 --> 01:33:50,380
Yeah, in their
original boxes.
You do?
2036
01:33:50,458 --> 01:33:52,551
I could help you
sell them on eBay.
2037
01:33:52,627 --> 01:33:55,721
I would not take a commission,
I swear to God.
2038
01:33:55,796 --> 01:33:58,856
You could do it.
You could totally pull it off.
2039
01:34:00,334 --> 01:34:02,359
Yeah, let's do it.
Let's do it.
2040
01:34:20,521 --> 01:34:21,715
Aquaman.
2041
01:34:22,156 --> 01:34:23,248
Here.
2042
01:34:23,724 --> 01:34:25,089
Clothes on.
2043
01:34:26,894 --> 01:34:28,794
I'll send you off to...
2044
01:34:29,864 --> 01:34:32,799
a farm with lots of land.
2045
01:34:32,867 --> 01:34:35,665
So, you and other Aquamen
can run around...
2046
01:34:36,771 --> 01:34:39,239
and play in the Aquafields.
2047
01:34:49,450 --> 01:34:51,475
Godspeed, Col. Steve Austin.
2048
01:34:53,921 --> 01:34:56,355
You don't wanna go, do you?
Okay, you can stay.
2049
01:34:56,424 --> 01:34:58,289
Steve Austin can stay.
2050
01:35:02,263 --> 01:35:03,753
Hey, Cal. David.
2051
01:35:03,964 --> 01:35:06,159
Way to sell a big TV.
2052
01:35:06,233 --> 01:35:07,757
She likes you, man.
2053
01:35:07,968 --> 01:35:09,959
Too bad I retired my penis.
2054
01:35:10,271 --> 01:35:13,468
Mooj, we try to be fair with
the schedule but it's hard.
2055
01:35:13,641 --> 01:35:17,168
Okay, but why every
damn schedule comes up,
I get most early shift?
2056
01:35:17,244 --> 01:35:20,111
It's bullshit.
Nobody buys stereo
at 10:00 in the morning.
2057
01:35:20,181 --> 01:35:21,239
No, I understand.
2058
01:35:21,315 --> 01:35:24,250
People buy stereo
between 6:00 and 8:00.
2059
01:35:24,318 --> 01:35:25,307
Mmm-hmm.
2060
01:35:25,386 --> 01:35:28,844
Rich men get off work,
then buy stereo.
2061
01:35:28,923 --> 01:35:31,448
Right.
Not after fucking brunch.
2062
01:35:31,525 --> 01:35:33,152
Okay.
Here's what we're gonna do.
2063
01:35:33,227 --> 01:35:35,821
I'm going to give you
a couple of Jay's shifts.
2064
01:35:35,930 --> 01:35:38,558
And then I'll give you
a couple of mine
and that way...
2065
01:35:38,632 --> 01:35:41,795
we'll all be equal, okay.
Thank you, Andy.
2066
01:35:42,103 --> 01:35:43,229
It's okay.
2067
01:35:43,637 --> 01:35:45,195
You're a good man, Andy.
2068
01:35:47,374 --> 01:35:50,275
By the way,
what date are you on, now?
2069
01:35:50,678 --> 01:35:53,272
I think it's around 17.
2070
01:35:53,347 --> 01:35:56,111
It's hard to tell what
actually constitutes a date,
though.
2071
01:35:56,183 --> 01:36:00,051
Three to go. So that means
you're gonna have
sex in three days.
2072
01:36:00,755 --> 01:36:03,155
Maybe, I might try
to space them out
a little bit.
2073
01:36:03,224 --> 01:36:05,749
I'll pray for your cock.
Okay, thanks.
2074
01:36:05,960 --> 01:36:08,019
Thanks. Thank you.
Have a good cocky.
2075
01:36:08,195 --> 01:36:10,789
Trish is on the phone.
Here is a shock.
2076
01:36:10,865 --> 01:36:12,833
Girlfriend with a problem.
Hello.
2077
01:36:13,100 --> 01:36:15,330
(Marla)
I have done everything
but sex!
2078
01:36:15,402 --> 01:36:17,870
I'm a woman, okay?
Deal with it!
2079
01:36:17,938 --> 01:36:20,031
I'm gonna start
taking you back to church.
2080
01:36:20,107 --> 01:36:22,075
We are gonna start
going to church.
2081
01:36:22,143 --> 01:36:23,633
Hello?
(Marla)
You know what?
2082
01:36:23,711 --> 01:36:25,042
What the hell
are you talking about?
2083
01:36:25,112 --> 01:36:27,774
Oh, my God,
I cannot believe this.
Thank God you're here.
2084
01:36:27,848 --> 01:36:30,817
Jesus Christ.
Marla locked herself
in the bathroom.
2085
01:36:30,885 --> 01:36:31,874
What happened?
2086
01:36:31,952 --> 01:36:33,749
She wants to go
to the family health clinic.
2087
01:36:33,821 --> 01:36:35,846
She wants birth control.
But she's too young.
2088
01:36:35,923 --> 01:36:39,120
I want to have sex
with my boyfriend!
But I can't, Mom!
2089
01:36:39,193 --> 01:36:40,455
So, you want me
to take her?
2090
01:36:40,528 --> 01:36:42,621
No, I don't want you
to take her.
Okay, all right.
2091
01:36:42,696 --> 01:36:45,529
I want her to keep it
in her pants
until she gets to college.
2092
01:36:45,599 --> 01:36:46,657
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
2093
01:36:46,734 --> 01:36:47,996
"Keep it in my pants"?
2094
01:36:48,068 --> 01:36:50,696
Okay, you didn't keep it
in your pants, Mom.
2095
01:36:50,771 --> 01:36:54,229
I know. I don't want you
to make the same mistakes
as me, Marla.
2096
01:36:54,308 --> 01:36:57,334
Mistakes? Okay,
so I was a mistake then.
2097
01:36:57,411 --> 01:37:01,347
No, you're not a mistake.
Your sister was the mistake.
2098
01:37:02,049 --> 01:37:03,539
Oh, my God!
2099
01:37:03,951 --> 01:37:06,784
Her older sister, I mean,
she wasn't planned,
you know what I mean?
2100
01:37:06,854 --> 01:37:09,379
Because I was such a...
Oh, God, you wanna run away,
don't you?
2101
01:37:09,456 --> 01:37:10,514
No.
2102
01:37:10,591 --> 01:37:13,424
You and your boyfriend
have sex all the time!
2103
01:37:13,494 --> 01:37:15,223
Oh, my God!
Are you kidding?
2104
01:37:15,296 --> 01:37:17,127
We never have sex.
Do we ever have sex?
2105
01:37:17,198 --> 01:37:18,529
No, we don't.
2106
01:37:18,799 --> 01:37:20,630
What? Yes, you do!
2107
01:37:20,701 --> 01:37:23,363
You're such a liar!
Why do you lie to me?
2108
01:37:23,437 --> 01:37:24,461
Why?
2109
01:37:24,538 --> 01:37:25,630
[Door slamming]
2110
01:37:25,706 --> 01:37:27,173
[Muttering]
2111
01:37:28,042 --> 01:37:30,010
I didn't hear anything
after "a liar. "
2112
01:37:30,077 --> 01:37:32,910
What did she say
after "a liar"?
She sounds like a tea kettle.
2113
01:37:32,980 --> 01:37:34,880
Fuck you!
2114
01:37:34,982 --> 01:37:36,176
[Crying]
2115
01:37:37,184 --> 01:37:39,675
Maybe I should take her.
No, I don't think so.
2116
01:37:39,753 --> 01:37:42,187
You know, a little information
never hurt anybody.
2117
01:37:56,237 --> 01:37:57,295
Cool.
2118
01:37:58,372 --> 01:37:59,430
Wow!
2119
01:38:01,909 --> 01:38:04,002
Where do you put the penis?
2120
01:38:04,912 --> 01:38:06,243
Oh, shit.
2121
01:38:16,657 --> 01:38:18,318
It is...
2122
01:38:19,159 --> 01:38:20,751
not a Rubik's Cube.
2123
01:38:23,430 --> 01:38:24,419
Shit.
2124
01:38:26,166 --> 01:38:28,259
God, how much longer
are they gonna make us wait?
2125
01:38:28,335 --> 01:38:30,860
[Exclaims]
I don't know. They should be
out in a second.
2126
01:38:31,305 --> 01:38:32,363
Now, you're all here...
2127
01:38:32,439 --> 01:38:34,839
because you're interested
in obtaining birth control.
2128
01:38:34,909 --> 01:38:36,171
Any questions?
2129
01:38:36,777 --> 01:38:39,109
Here's a cute story.
I came home the other day...
2130
01:38:39,179 --> 01:38:42,171
and he is with his girlfriend
in my marital bed...
2131
01:38:42,249 --> 01:38:45,184
doing things that are illegal
in Alabama.
2132
01:38:45,319 --> 01:38:48,618
Sex acts, right?
Things that my wife won't do,
okay?
2133
01:38:49,056 --> 01:38:51,889
Did you have a question?
How do I get my wife
to do that?
2134
01:38:51,992 --> 01:38:53,391
Does anybody else
have a question?
2135
01:38:53,460 --> 01:38:56,793
My daughter is,
for lack of a better word...
2136
01:38:57,197 --> 01:38:58,289
dumb.
2137
01:38:58,565 --> 01:39:00,760
How do I stop
her menstrual cycle?
2138
01:39:00,834 --> 01:39:03,098
You want her to stop
having a menstrual cycle?
2139
01:39:03,170 --> 01:39:05,798
I want to stop it,
maybe just for a few years.
2140
01:39:05,873 --> 01:39:08,103
Yeah, I don't think
that's a good idea.
2141
01:39:08,175 --> 01:39:11,269
Does anybody else
have a question?
I have a question.
2142
01:39:11,345 --> 01:39:15,179
I think some of the people
here might be
sexually inexperienced.
2143
01:39:15,783 --> 01:39:18,843
Is it true that if you
don't use it, you lose it?
2144
01:39:19,219 --> 01:39:20,846
Is that a serious question?
2145
01:39:20,921 --> 01:39:22,548
No. It wasn't.
(Judith)
Okay.
2146
01:39:23,157 --> 01:39:26,786
Now, there are a lot
of activities that you can
engage in...
2147
01:39:26,860 --> 01:39:29,693
without having sex
that are both fun and safe.
2148
01:39:29,763 --> 01:39:31,856
What sort of activities?
I think...
2149
01:39:31,932 --> 01:39:34,162
everybody wants to know
about the activities.
2150
01:39:34,234 --> 01:39:38,796
Well,
instead of having intercourse,
you could have outer-course.
2151
01:39:39,273 --> 01:39:41,400
Outer-course?
What's that?
2152
01:39:41,508 --> 01:39:42,873
Yeah, what is that?
2153
01:39:42,943 --> 01:39:47,073
Outer-course is anything
that isn't vaginal
intercourse.
2154
01:39:47,381 --> 01:39:49,372
I prefer
vaginal intercourse.
2155
01:39:49,550 --> 01:39:50,847
[Chuckling]
2156
01:39:51,051 --> 01:39:52,348
He really does.
2157
01:39:52,686 --> 01:39:56,247
Now, there are ways
of having sex
without intercourse.
2158
01:39:57,391 --> 01:40:00,792
Let's see, there are things
like body rubbing
or dry humping.
2159
01:40:00,861 --> 01:40:02,192
You could dry hump.
2160
01:40:02,262 --> 01:40:05,390
There is masturbation.
Masturbation.
Play with yourself.
2161
01:40:05,466 --> 01:40:07,491
Mutual masturbation.
Play with a friend.
2162
01:40:07,568 --> 01:40:11,163
Deep kissing.
There is erotic massage.
2163
01:40:11,238 --> 01:40:13,103
That sounds like
it would be nice.
2164
01:40:13,173 --> 01:40:15,767
Oral sex play.
Sounds like my Friday night.
2165
01:40:15,843 --> 01:40:17,743
Shut up, Seth.
We went to temple.
2166
01:40:17,811 --> 01:40:19,608
Okay,
are there any virgins here...
2167
01:40:19,680 --> 01:40:22,376
who are thinking about
having sex for the first time?
2168
01:40:23,650 --> 01:40:24,639
Oh.
2169
01:40:25,085 --> 01:40:27,212
Wait. So you're
a virgin?
2170
01:40:27,521 --> 01:40:28,510
[Snickers]
2171
01:40:29,790 --> 01:40:32,657
I'd tap that.
Oh, yeah, you'd "tap that"?
2172
01:40:32,726 --> 01:40:35,695
Seth, what, you think
you're cool
with your little Jew fro?
2173
01:40:35,763 --> 01:40:38,994
We don't say, "tap that. "
What are you talking about,
Seth?
2174
01:40:39,066 --> 01:40:41,364
You know what,
I'm a virgin, too.
2175
01:40:41,435 --> 01:40:42,959
[People laughing]
2176
01:40:43,404 --> 01:40:44,530
That's...
2177
01:40:44,605 --> 01:40:46,470
We're virgins, too.
Yeah.
2178
01:40:48,409 --> 01:40:51,378
No, you know what,
it's a personal choice...
2179
01:40:51,445 --> 01:40:52,969
and I don't think
it's weird at all.
2180
01:40:53,047 --> 01:40:54,309
You know what
your problem is?
2181
01:40:54,381 --> 01:40:56,110
You're putting the pussy
on a pedestal.
2182
01:40:56,183 --> 01:40:57,912
That's the second time
I've heard that.
2183
01:40:57,985 --> 01:40:59,919
What is the
"pussy on a pedestal" thing?
2184
01:40:59,987 --> 01:41:03,855
Okay, I can't listen
to anymore of this,
'cause it's making me sick.
2185
01:41:03,924 --> 01:41:04,913
So, bye.
2186
01:41:04,992 --> 01:41:07,153
You can get this information
on your website, right?
2187
01:41:07,227 --> 01:41:08,956
(Judith)
Yes.
Thanks.
Nice meeting everybody.
2188
01:41:09,029 --> 01:41:10,155
Any other questions?
2189
01:41:10,230 --> 01:41:12,164
Do you have any
extra-large condoms?
2190
01:41:12,232 --> 01:41:14,063
Seth, you got
a tiny penis.
2191
01:41:16,804 --> 01:41:17,793
[Sighing]
2192
01:41:18,172 --> 01:41:21,300
So, I made that all up
to help you out.
2193
01:41:23,377 --> 01:41:24,901
No, you didn't.
2194
01:41:25,145 --> 01:41:28,478
But thank you
for doing that.
2195
01:41:31,351 --> 01:41:32,978
How can you tell?
2196
01:41:33,153 --> 01:41:35,587
Well, you know, I go to school
with, like, 400 guys...
2197
01:41:35,656 --> 01:41:37,089
who are all trying
to have sex.
2198
01:41:37,157 --> 01:41:39,125
And, yeah,
so I can tell who's done it.
2199
01:41:39,193 --> 01:41:40,251
Of course.
2200
01:41:40,327 --> 01:41:43,228
And you really haven't?
No, I really haven't.
2201
01:41:43,730 --> 01:41:46,130
Please don't tell your mom,
okay?
2202
01:41:46,200 --> 01:41:47,929
Yeah, I won't.
Thanks.
2203
01:41:48,035 --> 01:41:51,198
But when are you
gonna tell her?
2204
01:41:51,405 --> 01:41:53,373
Believe me,
I'm working on it.
2205
01:41:54,741 --> 01:41:56,470
I am working on it.
2206
01:41:59,480 --> 01:42:00,708
Do you have any weed?
2207
01:42:02,683 --> 01:42:03,911
Yeah.
You do have some.
2208
01:42:03,984 --> 01:42:06,111
Can spare any
or is it all spoken for?
2209
01:42:06,820 --> 01:42:08,845
I mean, like what
are we talking? Are we...
2210
01:42:08,922 --> 01:42:11,390
Just enough to get me
baked for like a week.
2211
01:42:11,625 --> 01:42:12,683
That's a lot of weed.
2212
01:42:12,759 --> 01:42:14,693
Yeah, I am taking vacation
next week, so...
2213
01:42:14,761 --> 01:42:16,592
Where are you going?
I'm not going anywhere.
2214
01:42:16,663 --> 01:42:18,460
I'll stay in my apartment.
Just getting baked?
2215
01:42:18,532 --> 01:42:20,022
I want to be baked
the whole time.
2216
01:42:20,100 --> 01:42:22,466
Watch TV,
I'll probably re-watch Gandhi.
2217
01:42:23,103 --> 01:42:25,037
Gandhi baked is good.
Yes, isn't it?
2218
01:42:25,105 --> 01:42:26,732
I always feel bad
when I watch it baked...
2219
01:42:26,807 --> 01:42:28,741
'cause I get really hungry
and I'm eating a lot...
2220
01:42:28,809 --> 01:42:29,833
and poor Gandhi is...
2221
01:42:29,910 --> 01:42:31,639
fucking starving his ass off.
Starving, I know.
2222
01:42:31,712 --> 01:42:34,180
2223
01:42:35,249 --> 01:42:36,739
Sounds good.
Yeah.
2224
01:42:36,817 --> 01:42:39,547
I'm going to take her
to capacity.
Are you okay with that?
2225
01:42:39,620 --> 01:42:40,951
Give it a shot.
2226
01:42:41,021 --> 01:42:43,148
Freak! Oh, yeah!
2227
01:42:44,858 --> 01:42:47,486
Michael McDonald, man,
I haven't heard this in years.
2228
01:42:47,561 --> 01:42:49,688
Yeah, I haven't heard it
in like 48 minutes.
2229
01:42:50,430 --> 01:42:53,160
If I get the set,
will you throw in the DVD?
2230
01:42:53,233 --> 01:42:55,497
You don't get the set.
I'll throw in the DVD.
2231
01:42:56,003 --> 01:42:57,061
I'll take it.
2232
01:42:57,137 --> 01:42:58,934
Really?
Yeah.
2233
01:42:59,940 --> 01:43:02,135
Y'all want to see
something beautiful?
Come here.
2234
01:43:02,209 --> 01:43:05,372
You want to see the most
beautiful thing in the world?
Check this out.
2235
01:43:05,445 --> 01:43:09,176
This is my baby right here.
That's my baby's dick
right there.
2236
01:43:09,816 --> 01:43:11,545
Looks like a poltergeist.
2237
01:43:11,852 --> 01:43:13,149
That is his foot.
2238
01:43:13,220 --> 01:43:15,552
Look at his dick.
That's not even four months.
2239
01:43:15,622 --> 01:43:16,953
Extrapolate that.
2240
01:43:17,024 --> 01:43:19,390
By the time he's 30,
what's gonna happen?
2241
01:43:19,459 --> 01:43:21,757
Yo, Andy! Come check this out,
dawg.
2242
01:43:21,828 --> 01:43:24,388
Is this the movie about babies
that are geniuses?
2243
01:43:24,464 --> 01:43:26,955
No, this is my child, dude.
Jill is pregnant.
2244
01:43:27,034 --> 01:43:28,160
That's yours?
(Jay)
Yeah.
2245
01:43:28,235 --> 01:43:30,260
That's why she broke up
with me in the first place...
2246
01:43:30,337 --> 01:43:32,567
'cause she just thought
that I wouldn't be
a good father...
2247
01:43:32,639 --> 01:43:34,971
in light of the fact that
I'd be cheating on her
all the time.
2248
01:43:35,042 --> 01:43:36,737
But she got over all that.
It's cool now.
2249
01:43:36,810 --> 01:43:38,744
Congratulations, man.
That is great.
2250
01:43:39,012 --> 01:43:40,570
We having
a party tonight, Andy...
2251
01:43:40,647 --> 01:43:42,205
and I really want you
to be there, man.
2252
01:43:42,282 --> 01:43:44,773
We celebrating and I
really, really want you
to be there.
2253
01:43:44,851 --> 01:43:47,342
It looks like
the Doppler radar.
2254
01:43:47,421 --> 01:43:48,479
Can you believe that?
2255
01:43:48,555 --> 01:43:50,182
This child
ain't even four months old.
2256
01:43:50,257 --> 01:43:52,521
He ain't four months old yet.
Look at what he's packing.
2257
01:43:52,593 --> 01:43:55,118
Everybody dick looks big
on 60-inch TV.
2258
01:43:55,195 --> 01:43:57,755
My sister's dick looks big
on TV, okay?
2259
01:43:58,732 --> 01:44:01,394
Oh, my God,
this guy, Eric Gilliland...
2260
01:44:01,868 --> 01:44:04,462
he has bought, like,
15 of these.
Really?
2261
01:44:04,538 --> 01:44:07,507
Yeah, I think he likes
action figures even more
than you.
2262
01:44:07,574 --> 01:44:10,099
That is impossible.
I think so.
2263
01:44:10,978 --> 01:44:14,277
Andy, the way these things
are flying off your shelf...
2264
01:44:14,348 --> 01:44:17,317
you know, I think you
could actually make like...
2265
01:44:17,818 --> 01:44:19,376
maybe like $100,000.
2266
01:44:19,453 --> 01:44:21,614
Really?
Yeah,
you could open your store.
2267
01:44:21,688 --> 01:44:23,087
Wow.
Honey...
2268
01:44:23,223 --> 01:44:25,384
That's a lot of money.
I know.
2269
01:44:25,459 --> 01:44:28,121
That's incredible.
I wouldn't have done it
without you.
2270
01:44:28,195 --> 01:44:29,389
Thanks.
2271
01:44:30,063 --> 01:44:32,861
And that's not the only
good news.
What?
2272
01:44:33,300 --> 01:44:36,269
You know what tonight is?
Survivor is on?
2273
01:44:37,571 --> 01:44:39,095
No.
I know.
2274
01:44:39,706 --> 01:44:42,266
Is it The Apprentice?
2275
01:44:43,210 --> 01:44:44,199
No.
2276
01:44:44,978 --> 01:44:46,070
What?
2277
01:44:48,782 --> 01:44:53,116
It's our 20th date.
2278
01:44:59,660 --> 01:45:01,093
Wow.
Yeah.
2279
01:45:01,161 --> 01:45:02,492
Really?
Uh-huh.
2280
01:45:02,562 --> 01:45:05,861
Seriously?
I think we're at 18.
2281
01:45:05,932 --> 01:45:07,661
'Cause there were
a couple of dates there...
2282
01:45:07,734 --> 01:45:09,599
that don't really count
as dates.
No.
2283
01:45:09,670 --> 01:45:12,332
I'll give you a free pass
on those other ones.
2284
01:45:13,373 --> 01:45:14,533
Thank you.
2285
01:45:14,608 --> 01:45:15,734
Listen.
What?
2286
01:45:15,809 --> 01:45:17,037
Listen.
Mmm-hmm.
2287
01:45:18,545 --> 01:45:20,172
I really like you.
2288
01:45:26,153 --> 01:45:27,950
I think I'm falling for you.
2289
01:45:28,789 --> 01:45:32,555
I don't know. I kind of see
this going somewhere.
2290
01:45:32,893 --> 01:45:34,087
I do, too.
2291
01:45:34,194 --> 01:45:37,391
I just think we should just
go crazy on each other.
2292
01:45:38,632 --> 01:45:40,623
Okay.
Okay?
2293
01:45:41,501 --> 01:45:42,763
Oh, thank God!
2294
01:45:45,572 --> 01:45:46,561
Oh!
2295
01:45:47,240 --> 01:45:49,674
Okay, I should...
I gotta pick those up.
2296
01:45:49,743 --> 01:45:50,869
Don't pick them up now.
2297
01:45:50,944 --> 01:45:52,275
No, I have to pick those up
right now.
2298
01:45:52,346 --> 01:45:54,439
Wait, we'll get them later.
Listen, no, I can't, no.
2299
01:45:54,514 --> 01:45:56,141
Listen, it's really important
because...
2300
01:45:56,216 --> 01:45:58,480
once the integrity of the box
gets compromised...
2301
01:45:58,552 --> 01:46:00,850
This is original packaging
and that's why these things...
2302
01:46:00,921 --> 01:46:03,082
are so valuable.
So you don't screw with that.
2303
01:46:03,156 --> 01:46:05,147
You really don't screw
with that.
All right.
2304
01:46:05,225 --> 01:46:07,284
We can wrap them again later,
you know.
2305
01:46:07,361 --> 01:46:08,726
Yeah, I know.
But you know what...
2306
01:46:08,795 --> 01:46:10,922
this is very important
that we don't lose
the value...
2307
01:46:10,997 --> 01:46:12,328
and compromise
the integrity of it.
2308
01:46:12,399 --> 01:46:14,629
Andy, I'm throwing myself
at you and...
2309
01:46:14,701 --> 01:46:16,726
all you can think about
is a fucking toy.
2310
01:46:16,803 --> 01:46:19,897
They're not fucking toys!
This is Iron Man, okay?
2311
01:46:19,973 --> 01:46:22,407
I got this
when I was in second grade.
2312
01:46:22,609 --> 01:46:25,305
Do you know how hard it is
for a kid to not open that?
2313
01:46:25,379 --> 01:46:26,607
This is important.
2314
01:46:26,680 --> 01:46:27,977
These are my things...
2315
01:46:28,048 --> 01:46:31,347
and you are trying to make me
sell them and I don't want to.
2316
01:46:31,418 --> 01:46:32,749
No.
And you're making me.
2317
01:46:32,819 --> 01:46:34,946
I'm not making...
You are encouraging me...
2318
01:46:35,021 --> 01:46:37,148
to quit my job.
I'm not! I'm not trying to...
2319
01:46:37,224 --> 01:46:39,954
You want me to open a store.
You want me
to sell everything.
2320
01:46:40,026 --> 01:46:41,789
You know what,
I'm gonna tell you something.
2321
01:46:41,862 --> 01:46:44,990
I don't just change like that.
I can't just change for you.
2322
01:46:45,065 --> 01:46:47,966
I don't... I'm not trying
to change you. I like you.
2323
01:46:48,034 --> 01:46:50,161
I'm just... I'm trying
to help you grow up, Andy.
2324
01:46:50,237 --> 01:46:51,898
Well, thanks a lot.
2325
01:46:51,972 --> 01:46:55,999
I mean, my God,
you ride a bicycle
to work in a stockroom.
2326
01:46:56,076 --> 01:46:58,408
You know what, I'm not
in the stockroom anymore.
2327
01:46:58,478 --> 01:46:59,968
I'm a floor manager.
Okay.
2328
01:47:00,046 --> 01:47:03,072
And I ride a bike
because I like to.
Einstein rode a bike.
2329
01:47:03,150 --> 01:47:05,846
He had a wife who he fucked,
by the way.
2330
01:47:06,520 --> 01:47:08,818
What do I have to do
for you to have sex with me?
2331
01:47:08,889 --> 01:47:11,380
Do you want me to dress up
like Thor?
I'll dress up like Thor.
2332
01:47:11,458 --> 01:47:13,050
I'll dress up like Iron Man.
2333
01:47:13,126 --> 01:47:14,855
What do they do?
I'll do it.
2334
01:47:14,928 --> 01:47:16,793
What? Everything's always
about sex.
2335
01:47:16,863 --> 01:47:18,455
Why don't you want
to have sex with me?
2336
01:47:18,532 --> 01:47:21,000
Why not? Tell me.
You tell me the truth.
2337
01:47:21,067 --> 01:47:23,262
Is it because I have a kid
who has a kid? Is that why?
2338
01:47:23,336 --> 01:47:24,860
No, it's cool that
you're a grandmother.
2339
01:47:24,938 --> 01:47:26,565
I love the fact
that you're a grandmother.
2340
01:47:26,640 --> 01:47:29,200
Oh, God!
You are.
You're a hot grandma.
2341
01:47:29,276 --> 01:47:30,436
Oh, my God!
2342
01:47:30,510 --> 01:47:32,603
You are so mean! Get out!
2343
01:47:32,679 --> 01:47:35,409
Okay, fine. Good!
Good, fine. You're gonna go.
2344
01:47:35,482 --> 01:47:38,849
I didn't ask for any of this.
You asked for all of it, Andy.
2345
01:47:39,252 --> 01:47:40,651
Okay. Great.
2346
01:47:42,322 --> 01:47:43,516
[Door slamming]
2347
01:47:43,723 --> 01:47:44,712
Okay.
2348
01:47:45,091 --> 01:47:46,683
That's the way
you want it...
2349
01:47:46,760 --> 01:47:49,695
that's the way
homie's gonna play it.
2350
01:47:50,797 --> 01:47:52,458
Yeah. Truth be told.
2351
01:48:02,008 --> 01:48:03,669
[Car horn blaring]
2352
01:48:06,546 --> 01:48:08,878
2353
01:48:09,916 --> 01:48:12,077
Baby, you better
enjoy yourself tonight...
2354
01:48:12,152 --> 01:48:14,484
'cause once this baby's born,
you ain't going out again...
2355
01:48:14,554 --> 01:48:15,578
till that baby is in college.
2356
01:48:15,655 --> 01:48:16,883
Me?
Yeah.
2357
01:48:16,957 --> 01:48:19,323
You the club rat. I'm not
the one that be going out.
2358
01:48:19,392 --> 01:48:21,155
I'm not a club rat.
2359
01:48:21,228 --> 01:48:23,958
You're gonna get up,
you march over there...
2360
01:48:24,030 --> 01:48:26,555
and I want you
to hit on Bernadette now.
2361
01:48:26,800 --> 01:48:28,825
Dude, I'm not gonna hit
on Bernadette.
2362
01:48:28,902 --> 01:48:30,028
Yes, you are, man...
2363
01:48:30,103 --> 01:48:32,697
'cause your depression
is boring me for one thing...
2364
01:48:32,772 --> 01:48:34,740
and it's actually making me
a little depressed...
2365
01:48:34,808 --> 01:48:36,776
which is then in turn
making me more depressed...
2366
01:48:36,843 --> 01:48:38,606
that you're actually
affecting my mood.
2367
01:48:38,678 --> 01:48:42,045
Look,
I'm not in any kind of place
to talk to a woman, all right?
2368
01:48:42,115 --> 01:48:44,276
I'm just... I'm fragile.
2369
01:48:44,417 --> 01:48:46,282
I hired her for you.
2370
01:48:46,353 --> 01:48:49,948
I hired a 90-pound girl
to work in the stockroom
at Smart Tech...
2371
01:48:50,023 --> 01:48:51,581
for you, okay?
2372
01:48:51,658 --> 01:48:53,182
I should have hired
a 300-pound guy...
2373
01:48:53,260 --> 01:48:54,852
who could lift
a 60-inch flat screen.
2374
01:48:54,928 --> 01:48:57,419
But instead
I hired a hot girl...
2375
01:48:57,497 --> 01:49:00,864
who can't lift an iPod
to bring you out of your funk.
2376
01:49:01,668 --> 01:49:03,192
You hired her for me?
Yes.
2377
01:49:03,270 --> 01:49:04,703
So will you go talk to her?
2378
01:49:04,771 --> 01:49:06,568
Yeah, I'm meeting somebody.
2379
01:49:06,740 --> 01:49:07,729
No.
2380
01:49:11,378 --> 01:49:13,505
Did you just flick me
in the nuts?
No.
2381
01:49:13,580 --> 01:49:16,606
Flicked you
in the fleshy patch
where your nuts used to be.
2382
01:49:16,716 --> 01:49:17,705
[Groans]
2383
01:49:17,784 --> 01:49:19,581
Quit flicking my balls, man.
2384
01:49:19,653 --> 01:49:22,178
Okay, I'll stop
flicking your balls.
2385
01:49:22,289 --> 01:49:24,689
But I'll start punching
your nuts.
2386
01:49:25,625 --> 01:49:26,614
Oh!
2387
01:49:27,294 --> 01:49:28,420
Okay.
2388
01:49:32,165 --> 01:49:33,632
Well played, sir.
2389
01:49:34,000 --> 01:49:35,160
Okay.
Thank you.
2390
01:49:35,235 --> 01:49:37,362
No problem, man.
Go get 'em.
2391
01:49:37,971 --> 01:49:39,700
Mooj, you done
see my son...
2392
01:49:39,773 --> 01:49:41,434
you know his foot gonna be
bigger than this.
2393
01:49:41,508 --> 01:49:44,739
If that baby looks Pakistani,
don't fucking look at me,
okay?
2394
01:49:44,811 --> 01:49:48,372
I wouldn't mind.
You got good genes.
How old are you? What, 138?
2395
01:49:48,448 --> 01:49:51,383
When your son is born,
is he already in parole?
2396
01:49:59,726 --> 01:50:03,093
I need some poon.
2397
01:50:03,430 --> 01:50:06,422
You guys were so right,
right from the beginning.
2398
01:50:06,733 --> 01:50:11,397
I need
genital to genital connection
and that's all I need.
2399
01:50:11,871 --> 01:50:15,398
You know, the thing
about relationships
is that they...
2400
01:50:15,609 --> 01:50:17,338
make one person go...
2401
01:50:17,410 --> 01:50:18,843
[gibbering]
2402
01:50:18,912 --> 01:50:21,142
And the other person go,
"What are you talking about?"
2403
01:50:21,214 --> 01:50:22,442
And then one person goes...
2404
01:50:22,515 --> 01:50:23,982
[gibbering]
2405
01:50:24,050 --> 01:50:25,677
How much have you had
to drink, man?
2406
01:50:25,752 --> 01:50:29,244
How much have I had to drink?
How many pots have you smoken?
2407
01:50:29,322 --> 01:50:30,482
What are you
talking about?
2408
01:50:30,557 --> 01:50:33,822
How many times have you gone
to the bathroom in your life?
2409
01:50:33,893 --> 01:50:35,087
Let me ask you that.
2410
01:50:35,161 --> 01:50:38,153
You know what, you don't have
an answer for that, do you?
2411
01:50:38,231 --> 01:50:39,823
Fuck you, man! I'm sorry.
2412
01:50:39,899 --> 01:50:43,096
No, you're such a good guy,
and I appreciate you.
2413
01:50:43,169 --> 01:50:45,160
What's up, baby, I didn't know
you had came already.
2414
01:50:45,238 --> 01:50:47,399
Hey, motherfucker!
2415
01:50:47,574 --> 01:50:49,041
[Both laughing]
2416
01:50:49,776 --> 01:50:51,869
Man, you know what,
tonight is the night.
2417
01:50:51,945 --> 01:50:56,644
You know what, you were
totally right and I was wrong.
2418
01:50:56,883 --> 01:51:01,377
You were right all along.
You cannot have
a relationship...
2419
01:51:01,521 --> 01:51:03,716
with somebody until...
2420
01:51:04,357 --> 01:51:06,791
you have sex
and that's the long...
2421
01:51:06,860 --> 01:51:08,623
That's the long
and short of it.
2422
01:51:08,695 --> 01:51:12,153
So, thank you.
That's good.
2423
01:51:12,499 --> 01:51:15,468
And now I have to go hunt
for some hos.
2424
01:51:15,602 --> 01:51:16,967
[Laughing]
2425
01:51:18,338 --> 01:51:21,637
He going to be all right?
No, I don't think he is.
2426
01:51:21,775 --> 01:51:24,107
Cal's a good guy.
Yeah, he's a great guy.
2427
01:51:24,177 --> 01:51:25,940
It's so funny, because,
you know...
2428
01:51:26,012 --> 01:51:28,810
when I first met him
and I thought you were
cute at the store...
2429
01:51:28,882 --> 01:51:31,874
he told me you were gay.
I'm not gay.
2430
01:51:32,252 --> 01:51:34,880
Cal says that I'm gay because
he has a real problem...
2431
01:51:34,954 --> 01:51:37,286
with his own gayness.
2432
01:51:37,357 --> 01:51:40,656
But seriously, I'm going
to lay it out for you,
right now.
2433
01:51:41,294 --> 01:51:43,626
I was a little reticent
to come over and talk to you.
2434
01:51:43,697 --> 01:51:46,530
You're very pretty
and you seem very nice.
The truth is...
2435
01:51:46,599 --> 01:51:50,228
I dated this woman,
let me rephrase that,
I dated this whore...
2436
01:51:50,804 --> 01:51:52,396
who stomped
all over my heart.
2437
01:51:52,472 --> 01:51:55,339
And it's just taking me
a little while to kind of...
2438
01:51:55,408 --> 01:51:57,035
you know,
get back in the game.
2439
01:51:57,110 --> 01:51:58,509
Oh, my God. Say no more.
2440
01:51:58,578 --> 01:52:01,172
My last boyfriend Sal junior,
is a scum bag.
2441
01:52:01,247 --> 01:52:03,477
I would totally pay people
to have him killed.
2442
01:52:03,550 --> 01:52:05,711
That's how much I fucking hate
that damn scum bag.
2443
01:52:05,785 --> 01:52:07,946
God, you're fucking awesome.
You too.
2444
01:52:09,756 --> 01:52:11,690
Hey, you!
2445
01:52:13,760 --> 01:52:15,489
Hey.
Hey.
2446
01:52:15,762 --> 01:52:17,286
How you doing?
2447
01:52:17,731 --> 01:52:20,291
Much better,
now that I'm talking to you.
2448
01:52:20,533 --> 01:52:23,127
Hey, lookie,
I can see through your shirt.
2449
01:52:23,903 --> 01:52:25,165
Nice.
2450
01:52:26,372 --> 01:52:29,068
So, you think we should...
2451
01:52:29,375 --> 01:52:31,969
take this party
to my apartment or what?
2452
01:52:32,479 --> 01:52:35,505
I am RSVPing "yes. "
2453
01:52:39,219 --> 01:52:42,416
Hope you have a big trunk
because I'm putting my bike
in it.
2454
01:52:45,258 --> 01:52:46,748
Yeah, let's go!
2455
01:52:51,898 --> 01:52:54,492
Mom, I left my phone somewhere
and I...
2456
01:52:55,235 --> 01:52:56,361
Thank you.
2457
01:52:57,704 --> 01:53:00,969
What's the matter?
Where is Andy?
2458
01:53:01,040 --> 01:53:04,009
We had a big fight, just...
Oh, Mom.
2459
01:53:04,544 --> 01:53:06,603
He just
stormed out of here.
2460
01:53:06,679 --> 01:53:07,771
What happened?
2461
01:53:07,847 --> 01:53:10,509
Well, I just...
Wait a minute,
I thought you hated him.
2462
01:53:10,583 --> 01:53:14,110
I don't hate him. I mean,
he does do magic, but...
2463
01:53:14,220 --> 01:53:16,586
you know, he's a big dork...
2464
01:53:16,990 --> 01:53:19,288
and I like seeing you happy.
2465
01:53:21,027 --> 01:53:22,153
I do.
2466
01:53:24,097 --> 01:53:26,588
That's sweet,
that's really sweet.
Mom.
2467
01:53:27,267 --> 01:53:30,236
Why don't you just go
talk to him, work it out.
2468
01:53:30,303 --> 01:53:33,136
'Cause if the thing is
that important,
you can't just stop.
2469
01:53:33,907 --> 01:53:36,102
Let me dance for you.
I would love it.
2470
01:53:36,176 --> 01:53:37,268
2471
01:53:37,343 --> 01:53:41,177
Look at your bra and
your breasts and everything.
That's so great.
2472
01:53:42,182 --> 01:53:45,674
Wow! You know what?
You're so hot. You're so hot.
2473
01:53:45,985 --> 01:53:47,612
I'm smoking hot.
2474
01:53:47,687 --> 01:53:50,554
You know what? I'm just going
to have sex with you.
2475
01:53:50,623 --> 01:53:52,716
Yes! Let's have sex.
2476
01:53:52,792 --> 01:53:55,022
It's going to happen.
That's why we are here.
2477
01:53:55,094 --> 01:53:57,460
That's totally what's going
to happen.
2478
01:53:57,697 --> 01:53:59,824
We could do it in the...
2479
01:54:00,834 --> 01:54:02,529
Butt, if you want to.
2480
01:54:02,602 --> 01:54:03,796
[Both laughing]
2481
01:54:04,204 --> 01:54:06,138
But, if I want to what?
2482
01:54:06,606 --> 01:54:09,632
Butt.
But what? What?
2483
01:54:09,742 --> 01:54:11,767
Do it.
Do it?
2484
01:54:11,945 --> 01:54:12,934
What?
2485
01:54:13,446 --> 01:54:16,279
I don't know
what you're talking about.
2486
01:54:16,382 --> 01:54:18,441
Butt.
But...
2487
01:54:18,685 --> 01:54:20,016
What?
... what?
2488
01:54:23,022 --> 01:54:25,320
But, it still feels so right.
2489
01:54:34,200 --> 01:54:37,328
2490
01:54:38,137 --> 01:54:39,229
Yeah!
2491
01:54:40,373 --> 01:54:41,362
[Gasping]
2492
01:54:41,741 --> 01:54:45,575
Yeah. Right! Okay. Yeah.
2493
01:54:47,013 --> 01:54:48,742
That was a fun day.
2494
01:54:50,283 --> 01:54:53,377
You are so kinky.
2495
01:54:54,087 --> 01:54:55,816
Yeah, I'm so kinky.
2496
01:54:56,356 --> 01:54:59,587
That's why I did this
because I thought it looks...
2497
01:54:59,659 --> 01:55:02,150
You like to shave, don't you?
2498
01:55:02,228 --> 01:55:05,026
Let's shave each other.
I don't think
you have any hair.
2499
01:55:05,098 --> 01:55:06,929
You know where to shave me.
2500
01:55:07,000 --> 01:55:09,059
Yeah.
Because I want to shave you.
2501
01:55:09,135 --> 01:55:10,830
I want to shave your head.
2502
01:55:12,071 --> 01:55:13,936
I wanna give you
a buzz cut.
2503
01:55:14,941 --> 01:55:16,636
Let's get in the bath.
2504
01:55:17,010 --> 01:55:18,500
In the bath?
2505
01:55:18,578 --> 01:55:22,947
Yes. We're gonna get dirty.
Dirty, dirty. Sudsy.
2506
01:55:23,049 --> 01:55:25,074
It's just about time
I got really dirty.
2507
01:55:25,151 --> 01:55:26,209
Yeah.
2508
01:55:29,022 --> 01:55:33,789
Hey. Hi, it's me,
and I'm on my way
to your house.
2509
01:55:33,860 --> 01:55:36,158
I want to do whatever
you want to do, okay?
2510
01:55:36,362 --> 01:55:40,230
Fifty dates. 100.
I hope not, but whatever.
2511
01:55:40,833 --> 01:55:43,597
I'm gonna see you soon,
okay? Bye.
2512
01:55:45,004 --> 01:55:46,301
[Laughing]
2513
01:55:47,640 --> 01:55:50,575
Wow. Okay, well,
that was fast. Okay.
2514
01:55:51,978 --> 01:55:52,967
[Groans]
2515
01:55:53,046 --> 01:55:55,981
Wow! Holy shit!
2516
01:55:56,249 --> 01:55:58,809
Wow. This is just
the right thing to happen.
2517
01:55:59,319 --> 01:56:02,686
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Wow!
Almost got my penis.
2518
01:56:02,789 --> 01:56:04,222
Come to mama.
2519
01:56:05,792 --> 01:56:08,590
I'm gonna really take care
of you tonight.
2520
01:56:08,828 --> 01:56:11,353
You're never
gonna forget Beth.
2521
01:56:21,507 --> 01:56:23,532
I just want to please you.
2522
01:56:24,377 --> 01:56:25,969
What do you like?
2523
01:56:26,813 --> 01:56:29,907
I don't know.
What do you like?
2524
01:56:30,450 --> 01:56:32,543
Can I show you what I like?
2525
01:56:33,052 --> 01:56:34,144
Okay.
2526
01:56:47,800 --> 01:56:50,598
(Beth)
It's so hot in here.
2527
01:56:51,337 --> 01:56:53,703
I wanna introduce you
to my friend.
2528
01:56:58,044 --> 01:57:00,103
Your friend is so shiny.
2529
01:57:01,047 --> 01:57:04,073
This guy knows exactly
what I like.
2530
01:57:09,422 --> 01:57:11,151
Where's you friend going?
2531
01:57:12,992 --> 01:57:15,620
This is how I'm gonna
warm up for you.
2532
01:57:16,896 --> 01:57:20,730
That's always good to warm up.
You don't wanna
pull something.
2533
01:57:21,267 --> 01:57:22,564
[Moaning]
2534
01:57:33,079 --> 01:57:34,273
[Exclaims]
2535
01:57:38,384 --> 01:57:40,750
Wow, this is graphic.
2536
01:57:42,488 --> 01:57:44,285
[Laughing]
2537
01:57:54,600 --> 01:57:56,067
I can't do it.
2538
01:57:57,703 --> 01:58:00,365
God, what are you
doing here?
2539
01:58:00,440 --> 01:58:03,102
We came here because we were
concerned about you
and Trish...
2540
01:58:03,176 --> 01:58:05,303
and now I could not give
a fuck.
2541
01:58:05,378 --> 01:58:07,972
How did you even know
where she lives?
2542
01:58:08,114 --> 01:58:10,446
I hit it
like eight months back.
What?
2543
01:58:10,516 --> 01:58:13,246
Never gave her back the key,
man. You have no idea...
2544
01:58:13,319 --> 01:58:15,378
where this is going,
all right?
That girl is a freak.
2545
01:58:15,455 --> 01:58:18,913
(Beth)
Oh, it's happening!
It's happening! Andy!
2546
01:58:19,358 --> 01:58:20,552
You think?
2547
01:58:20,860 --> 01:58:23,090
We've been talking,
and look...
2548
01:58:23,529 --> 01:58:25,827
if you love Trish,
you can't do this.
2549
01:58:25,898 --> 01:58:28,924
Look, you guys,
I don't know
what I'm doing anymore.
2550
01:58:29,001 --> 01:58:31,595
I don't even know who I am.
All I know is...
2551
01:58:31,671 --> 01:58:35,198
that woman
scares the shit out of me...
2552
01:58:35,341 --> 01:58:37,571
and I just wanna go home,
okay?
2553
01:58:37,777 --> 01:58:40,075
Let's go.
We should all get out of here.
2554
01:58:40,146 --> 01:58:41,875
Okay.
We should all go.
2555
01:58:41,948 --> 01:58:43,347
It wasn't that good
for me.
2556
01:58:43,416 --> 01:58:45,316
We should totally
get out of here.
2557
01:58:45,384 --> 01:58:47,579
We should run away
from here.
2558
01:58:50,656 --> 01:58:52,419
[Beth moaning]
2559
01:58:54,060 --> 01:58:55,084
Hey.
2560
01:58:55,161 --> 01:58:56,389
[Beth laughing]
2561
01:58:56,596 --> 01:58:57,654
Cal.
2562
01:58:59,532 --> 01:59:00,362
[Car horns blaring]
2563
01:59:00,433 --> 01:59:02,128
Go around!
2564
01:59:03,035 --> 01:59:05,128
Come on,
just go around me!
2565
01:59:08,341 --> 01:59:10,002
Can't you hear me?
2566
01:59:17,517 --> 01:59:20,577
Hey, there. Hi, Trish.
2567
01:59:22,188 --> 01:59:24,713
Man, I'm really sorry
about tonight.
2568
01:59:24,790 --> 01:59:26,189
What's this?
2569
01:59:27,260 --> 01:59:28,921
Those are David's.
2570
01:59:30,997 --> 01:59:32,828
I think he has a problem.
2571
01:59:32,899 --> 01:59:35,390
These are David's?
He's into that.
2572
01:59:35,535 --> 01:59:38,971
David's Boner Jams '03?
2573
01:59:39,605 --> 01:59:41,630
Yeah, it's so sad.
2574
01:59:42,141 --> 01:59:45,133
He compiled all the best
boner scenes, I guess.
2575
01:59:46,078 --> 01:59:48,410
This isn't what it looks like,
okay?
2576
01:59:48,881 --> 01:59:51,975
What does this look like?
A vagina.
2577
01:59:53,019 --> 01:59:54,577
And what do you do
with this vagina?
2578
01:59:54,654 --> 01:59:57,646
To learn.
It's for medicinal purposes.
2579
01:59:57,723 --> 01:59:58,712
Ugh.
2580
01:59:58,791 --> 02:00:01,123
Hey, I'm sorry. God...
What's this?
2581
02:00:01,794 --> 02:00:04,763
This your date drug?
Your roofie?
2582
02:00:05,097 --> 02:00:06,587
It's a Mentos.
2583
02:00:07,333 --> 02:00:09,267
They're "The Freshmaker. "
2584
02:00:09,335 --> 02:00:10,734
Yeah, right.
2585
02:00:10,970 --> 02:00:12,938
What are you,
some kind of sex pervert?
2586
02:00:13,005 --> 02:00:14,370
Are you a deviant
or something?
2587
02:00:14,440 --> 02:00:17,136
No, I'm not a sexual deviant!
What is all this?
2588
02:00:17,210 --> 02:00:19,678
I haven't even tried
to have sex with you, so...
2589
02:00:19,745 --> 02:00:22,646
What are you trying to do?
What are you
buttering me up for?
2590
02:00:22,715 --> 02:00:23,841
Come on.
2591
02:00:23,916 --> 02:00:25,679
You're not gonna try
and kill me, are you?
2592
02:00:25,751 --> 02:00:28,413
Look, Trish.
You didn't get a new carpet.
2593
02:00:28,688 --> 02:00:31,987
I'm not trying to kill you.
I love you.
2594
02:00:32,391 --> 02:00:34,825
I love you.
Oh, God!
2595
02:00:35,094 --> 02:00:36,254
Trish.
2596
02:00:38,297 --> 02:00:42,529
2597
02:00:44,837 --> 02:00:47,032
Trish. No!
2598
02:00:47,940 --> 02:00:50,465
No. Trish, stop.
2599
02:00:54,981 --> 02:00:56,278
Come on, Trish!
2600
02:00:59,719 --> 02:01:01,653
I need to talk to you!
2601
02:01:01,721 --> 02:01:02,779
No!
2602
02:01:04,957 --> 02:01:05,981
Damn it.
2603
02:01:32,084 --> 02:01:33,517
[Exclaiming]
2604
02:01:35,755 --> 02:01:36,744
[Groans]
2605
02:01:37,790 --> 02:01:39,155
Oh, my God!
2606
02:01:39,725 --> 02:01:40,987
[Car horn blaring]
2607
02:01:42,161 --> 02:01:45,028
Andy! Oh, my God!
2608
02:01:45,097 --> 02:01:46,462
Call 911.
2609
02:01:46,632 --> 02:01:48,566
Oh, my... Andy.
2610
02:01:49,368 --> 02:01:51,063
Oh, my God!
2611
02:01:51,137 --> 02:01:53,970
I'm gonna need a minute.
I'm in a lot of pain
right now.
2612
02:01:54,040 --> 02:01:55,701
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
2613
02:01:55,775 --> 02:01:56,935
Not bad.
2614
02:01:57,009 --> 02:01:59,375
There were two sides
to that billboard.
2615
02:01:59,445 --> 02:02:01,345
And they both hurt equally.
2616
02:02:01,614 --> 02:02:04,242
Andy. Andy.
2617
02:02:04,784 --> 02:02:06,012
[Exhaling]
2618
02:02:06,352 --> 02:02:08,513
Are you okay?
I'm okay.
2619
02:02:08,988 --> 02:02:10,649
No, I'm not okay.
2620
02:02:11,957 --> 02:02:13,356
I'm a virgin.
2621
02:02:15,528 --> 02:02:16,688
A what?
2622
02:02:17,630 --> 02:02:19,996
I'm a virgin.
I always have been.
2623
02:02:21,400 --> 02:02:24,733
Andy, is that what
all this was about?
2624
02:02:25,705 --> 02:02:27,002
I'm sorry.
2625
02:02:27,106 --> 02:02:29,472
You're just a virgin,
that's all?
2626
02:02:29,608 --> 02:02:32,270
Yeah.
That's good.
That's a good thing.
2627
02:02:34,046 --> 02:02:35,911
I feel stupid.
2628
02:02:37,583 --> 02:02:40,279
It's okay. I thought
you were trying to kill me.
2629
02:02:42,021 --> 02:02:43,045
No.
2630
02:02:43,923 --> 02:02:45,185
Oh, my God.
2631
02:02:46,292 --> 02:02:48,852
No, I'm not trying
to kill you.
2632
02:02:52,732 --> 02:02:55,394
That's why I never tried
to have sex with you.
2633
02:02:55,801 --> 02:02:58,269
I was scared, okay?
I just...
2634
02:02:58,971 --> 02:03:00,802
'Cause I didn't know
what I was doing.
2635
02:03:00,873 --> 02:03:02,738
I just didn't think
it would be good.
2636
02:03:02,808 --> 02:03:05,777
Of course it'll be good.
We love each other.
2637
02:03:07,380 --> 02:03:08,540
Really?
2638
02:03:10,216 --> 02:03:11,581
I love you.
2639
02:03:13,085 --> 02:03:14,211
Yeah.
2640
02:03:17,289 --> 02:03:18,847
[Car horn honking]
2641
02:03:18,924 --> 02:03:21,449
Get the fuck out of the road,
virgin!
2642
02:03:23,262 --> 02:03:24,752
Shut up, you fucking jerk!
2643
02:03:24,830 --> 02:03:27,731
No, that's okay.
That's all right. Sorry.
2644
02:03:29,368 --> 02:03:30,460
You know what...
2645
02:03:30,536 --> 02:03:33,334
for so long I thought
that there was something
wrong with me...
2646
02:03:33,406 --> 02:03:36,239
because it had
never happened, but...
2647
02:03:38,711 --> 02:03:42,511
I realize now that it was
just because
I was waiting for you.
2648
02:04:07,540 --> 02:04:10,304
This was some wedding.
How could they afford it?
2649
02:04:10,376 --> 02:04:13,675
Dude sells his toys and makes
like a half a million dollars.
2650
02:04:13,779 --> 02:04:15,974
It's crazy, right?
That's fucking crazy.
2651
02:04:16,048 --> 02:04:18,016
We're gonna get
some fucking toys.
2652
02:04:18,083 --> 02:04:20,244
We are all so happy for you.
2653
02:04:20,453 --> 02:04:23,251
I am delighted
to say these words.
2654
02:04:24,156 --> 02:04:25,282
Andy...
2655
02:04:25,891 --> 02:04:27,756
you may kiss the bride.
2656
02:04:32,164 --> 02:04:33,859
[People exclaiming]
2657
02:04:38,904 --> 02:04:40,235
[Cheering]
2658
02:04:41,006 --> 02:04:44,134
And for God's sake,
consummate the thing.
2659
02:04:49,114 --> 02:04:52,015
No! Stop it.
I have the key.
2660
02:04:55,554 --> 02:04:56,543
[Exclaims]
2661
02:04:58,891 --> 02:05:01,189
I'm not gonna be done
buffing the marble...
2662
02:05:01,260 --> 02:05:02,955
for about a half an hour,
but...
2663
02:05:03,028 --> 02:05:05,553
you can come in and sit down
if you want...
2664
02:05:05,631 --> 02:05:07,826
or wait in the lobby.
It's okay.
2665
02:05:07,900 --> 02:05:09,424
It's up to you.
2666
02:05:12,638 --> 02:05:15,198
2667
02:05:16,609 --> 02:05:18,907
Dude,
get the fuck out of here.
2668
02:05:29,922 --> 02:05:31,412
Ready?
Yeah.
2669
02:05:37,563 --> 02:05:38,962
Yes.
Yeah.
2670
02:05:42,034 --> 02:05:43,228
[Moans]
2671
02:05:45,638 --> 02:05:46,627
Whoa.
2672
02:05:47,172 --> 02:05:49,470
You're officially
not a virgin.
2673
02:05:50,276 --> 02:05:51,368
Cool.
2674
02:05:59,451 --> 02:06:00,816
Wow.
2675
02:06:08,260 --> 02:06:09,887
Wanna do it again?
2676
02:06:10,996 --> 02:06:12,520
Yeah.
Good. Okay.
2677
02:06:12,598 --> 02:06:13,792
Sure.
2678
02:06:14,433 --> 02:06:16,628
That was good. That was okay.
2679
02:06:20,005 --> 02:06:21,063
Okay.
2680
02:06:21,206 --> 02:06:22,264
You ready?
Yeah.
2681
02:06:22,341 --> 02:06:24,935
Are you ready?
Yeah, I'm fine, yeah.
2682
02:06:34,053 --> 02:06:35,384
[Panting]
2683
02:06:37,723 --> 02:06:39,714
So, how was that for you?
2684
02:06:44,597 --> 02:06:47,122
2685
02:06:47,199 --> 02:06:50,430
2686
02:06:50,669 --> 02:06:55,163
aligns with Mars
2687
02:06:56,175 --> 02:07:01,078
the planets
2688
02:07:01,513 --> 02:07:04,778
will steer the stars
2689
02:07:04,850 --> 02:07:09,310
of the age of Aquarius
2690
02:07:09,521 --> 02:07:13,821
2691
02:07:14,426 --> 02:07:18,863
2692
02:07:19,565 --> 02:07:24,002
2693
02:07:24,670 --> 02:07:26,763
2694
02:07:27,106 --> 02:07:29,666
abounding
2695
02:07:29,742 --> 02:07:31,607
or derisions
2696
02:07:31,677 --> 02:07:34,669
of visions
2697
02:07:34,747 --> 02:07:37,011
2698
02:07:37,082 --> 02:07:40,074
liberation
2699
02:07:40,152 --> 02:07:44,816
2700
02:07:45,090 --> 02:07:49,754
2701
02:07:50,162 --> 02:07:54,428
in the Seventh House
2702
02:07:55,200 --> 02:07:59,500
aligns with Mars
2703
02:08:00,773 --> 02:08:05,540
the planets
2704
02:08:05,811 --> 02:08:09,076
will steer the star
2705
02:08:09,148 --> 02:08:13,380
of the age of Aquarius
2706
02:08:13,652 --> 02:08:18,282
2707
02:08:18,590 --> 02:08:23,186
2708
02:08:23,629 --> 02:08:25,790
2709
02:08:25,864 --> 02:08:27,764
2710
02:08:27,833 --> 02:08:30,427
no Scorpio
2711
02:08:30,502 --> 02:08:31,992
2712
02:08:32,071 --> 02:08:35,063
about no Scorpio
2713
02:08:39,278 --> 02:08:40,973
2714
02:08:41,513 --> 02:08:44,346
2715
02:08:46,719 --> 02:08:49,119
2716
02:08:55,127 --> 02:08:58,494
2717
02:08:58,797 --> 02:09:02,233
2718
02:09:02,301 --> 02:09:05,702
2719
02:09:06,705 --> 02:09:10,038
2720
02:09:10,609 --> 02:09:14,010
2721
02:09:14,079 --> 02:09:17,606
2722
02:09:18,517 --> 02:09:22,180
2723
02:09:22,254 --> 02:09:25,746
2724
02:09:25,824 --> 02:09:29,954
2725
02:09:30,229 --> 02:09:33,562
2726
02:09:33,632 --> 02:09:35,497
2727
02:09:35,567 --> 02:09:37,558
2728
02:09:37,636 --> 02:09:41,470
2729
02:09:41,940 --> 02:09:45,398
2730
02:09:45,778 --> 02:09:49,214
2731
02:09:49,281 --> 02:09:52,250
2732
02:10:23,749 --> 02:10:25,649
2733
02:10:35,650 --> 02:10:38,450
Ripped by:
SkyFury