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1
00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:13,100
The time now is five o'clock.
2
00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:22,800
Trevor, it's on!
3
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:26,160
- Hello.
- Hello.
4
00:00:26,340 --> 00:00:29,900
Avast ye landlubbers.
5
00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:32,340
- Today we are going to be
looking at making jelly eggs.
6
00:00:32,540 --> 00:00:35,900
Ohh!
7
00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:39,900
- And finally finish off with
a lovely dollop of cream.
8
00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:41,460
It looks very splendid, I think.
9
00:00:41,660 --> 00:00:43,140
And so does Bill's
by the looks of it.
10
00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:45,340
Treasure. Argh.
11
00:00:45,540 --> 00:00:47,660
- And can we get a
close-up of Danny's?
12
00:00:47,860 --> 00:00:49,540
- And camera one, close-up.
13
00:00:49,740 --> 00:00:52,380
- Or in my case
a jelly omelette.
14
00:00:52,580 --> 00:00:56,500
Walk the plank,
you scurvy knave.
15
00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:58,420
- Oh, that's quite
enough of this!
16
00:00:58,620 --> 00:01:00,580
Dinah!
17
00:01:00,780 --> 00:01:02,660
- Finish now and
go to the telecine.
18
00:01:02,860 --> 00:01:04,380
And there we are.
19
00:01:04,580 --> 00:01:07,260
A very delicious
idea for a tea party.
20
00:01:07,460 --> 00:01:10,340
- On Monday, I went to
Silverstone race track
21
00:01:10,540 --> 00:01:14,460
to try out the latest
Formula One racing car.
22
00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:17,100
Run telecine.
23
00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:19,220
- And cut.
- I'm gone for a few weeks
24
00:01:19,420 --> 00:01:22,060
- and while the cat's away?
- Thank you, Sandy.
25
00:01:22,260 --> 00:01:24,580
- What were you thinking,
letting the boys do the cooking?
26
00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:27,540
- The children love it.
We've had lots of letters.
27
00:01:27,740 --> 00:01:30,380
- Children don't want to see
grownups playing silly billies.
28
00:01:30,580 --> 00:01:32,660
And talking of letters,
care to explain?
29
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,060
It's for the summer road show.
30
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:35,380
Didn't you edit them?
31
00:01:35,580 --> 00:01:37,220
- I just assumed
all of them went in.
32
00:01:37,420 --> 00:01:40,060
- No, dear. Because
then we run the risk
33
00:01:40,260 --> 00:01:41,820
of ending up in some
godforsaken place
34
00:01:42,020 --> 00:01:44,060
in the middle of nowhere
with nothing to film.
35
00:01:44,260 --> 00:01:46,620
On air in 5, 4...
36
00:01:46,820 --> 00:01:48,380
Sit up straight.
37
00:01:48,580 --> 00:01:50,360
You'd better just
hope for your sake.
38
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:56,180
- As you know, our Summer
Roadshow is next month,
39
00:01:56,380 --> 00:01:59,180
and we've received hundreds
of letters from you
40
00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:02,580
asking us to come stay in
your neck of the woods.
41
00:02:02,780 --> 00:02:04,860
So if Bill will do the honours?
42
00:02:05,060 --> 00:02:06,220
Aye aye.
43
00:02:06,420 --> 00:02:07,500
In here somewhere.
44
00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:09,980
Not this one.
45
00:02:10,180 --> 00:02:12,620
Ah-ha!
46
00:02:12,820 --> 00:02:15,180
- Thank you, Bill.
- Aye aye.
47
00:02:15,380 --> 00:02:17,700
- And this letter
is from Trevor,
48
00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:19,700
- aged 7...
- It's mine. Mum! Mum! It's mine!
49
00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:21,500
Who lives in...
50
00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:27,100
Great Slaughter.
51
00:02:57,980 --> 00:02:59,340
Quiet, please.
52
00:02:59,540 --> 00:03:02,340
Run camera, action.
53
00:03:02,540 --> 00:03:04,316
- The exciting thing
about the summer road show
54
00:03:04,340 --> 00:03:06,700
is we never know
what we will find.
55
00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:09,340
But we certainly
weren't expecting this.
56
00:03:09,540 --> 00:03:11,940
- Now, I expect you think
Nuns spend all day praying
57
00:03:12,140 --> 00:03:13,860
and eating fish on Fridays.
58
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:16,060
But here at St
Vincent's convent,
59
00:03:16,260 --> 00:03:17,940
they do something
very different.
60
00:03:18,140 --> 00:03:21,140
- Yo, ho, ho and
a bottle of rum.
61
00:03:21,340 --> 00:03:23,340
- It isn't rum, Bill.
- Aw.
62
00:03:23,540 --> 00:03:26,060
- Later on, Sister Boniface
will be showing you
63
00:03:26,260 --> 00:03:28,620
how she turns these...
64
00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:30,820
into wine.
65
00:03:31,020 --> 00:03:32,700
A simple chemical reaction.
66
00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:35,380
Anthocyanins malvidin,
3 glucoside flavone,
67
00:03:35,580 --> 00:03:38,060
3 Catechin, 86%
water, 12% ethanol,
68
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:41,560
1% glycerol, 0.4%
organic acids.
69
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,300
Was I supposed to
do that bit later?
70
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:47,380
Here's one we made earlier.
71
00:03:47,580 --> 00:03:50,100
- Only 5/6 a bottle
with a 5% case discount
72
00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:51,460
and 10% on bulk orders.
73
00:03:51,660 --> 00:03:52,860
Very good.
74
00:03:53,060 --> 00:03:55,580
Cut. Thank you.
75
00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:57,900
- How was that? Did
I come in too early?
76
00:04:00,220 --> 00:04:01,580
Our grand cru.
77
00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:03,260
A light bodied red
78
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,580
with a subtle hint of
raspberries and black pepper.
79
00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:07,780
That is a lot of wine.
80
00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:10,140
- Yeah. Six thousand
bottles a year.
81
00:04:10,340 --> 00:04:12,860
90% we sell
retail. The rest...
82
00:04:13,060 --> 00:04:14,780
"Gifts and services."
83
00:04:14,980 --> 00:04:16,940
- Gifts and services?
- Yeah.
84
00:04:17,140 --> 00:04:20,340
Put simply, say we
get a burst pipe.
85
00:04:20,540 --> 00:04:23,060
You're a plumber.
You fix my pipe.
86
00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:27,420
I "gift" you a crate of
grand cru to say "thank you."
87
00:04:27,620 --> 00:04:30,100
Meaning the taxman don't
get a sniff either side,
88
00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:32,460
so it's a win-win.
89
00:04:32,660 --> 00:04:35,020
And don't worry, kids, because
it's all perfectly legal.
90
00:04:37,340 --> 00:04:38,540
Cut!
91
00:04:38,740 --> 00:04:40,500
We'll wrap this, thank you.
92
00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:42,240
A word.
93
00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:48,020
Finish up, then I want you
94
00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:50,260
and the presenters at the
"studio" for a meeting.
95
00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:52,236
Although why you couldn't
find anywhere more suitable
96
00:04:52,260 --> 00:04:53,260
than a village hall is...
97
00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:55,860
We were limited for choice.
98
00:04:56,060 --> 00:04:57,860
How was your meeting
with the Controller?
99
00:04:58,060 --> 00:05:00,140
Not a happy chappy.
100
00:05:00,340 --> 00:05:01,780
Viewing figures
are in free fall.
101
00:05:01,980 --> 00:05:03,540
Hardly a surprise
given your shenanigans
102
00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:05,156
- in my absence.
- Actually they rose while I...
103
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:07,500
And will be even unhappier
104
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:10,060
when we give the kiddies a
crash course in tax evasion.
105
00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:11,780
- Obviously we're
not gonna use that...
106
00:05:11,820 --> 00:05:15,220
- When this week
is mercifully over,
107
00:05:15,420 --> 00:05:19,100
I think you should look for
a nice little job in Radio.
108
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:20,980
No need for a gloomy face.
109
00:05:21,180 --> 00:05:22,860
It's for the best.
110
00:05:23,060 --> 00:05:25,880
Some people just aren't cut
out for children's television.
111
00:05:44,780 --> 00:05:46,140
Go on. In.
112
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:57,100
- Dinah's not here. She's
late. She is never late.
113
00:05:57,300 --> 00:05:59,076
Let's just hope she not been
stuck in a car accident.
114
00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:00,700
Nice to see you.
115
00:06:00,900 --> 00:06:03,740
Dead women tell no tales.
116
00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:05,740
Dead women tell no tales.
117
00:06:05,940 --> 00:06:06,940
On air in 10.
118
00:06:07,140 --> 00:06:08,420
Can we get him out, please?
119
00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:09,620
He can't go on like this.
120
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:13,220
Dead women tell no tales.
121
00:06:13,420 --> 00:06:15,780
- Quiet, please. Thank you.
- Okay. Ready?
122
00:06:15,980 --> 00:06:17,900
Good.
123
00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:21,520
On air in five, four...
124
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:39,880
- Hello.
- Hello.
125
00:06:39,940 --> 00:06:42,100
Yo, ho, ho.
126
00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:45,060
- You may have noticed we're
not in our usual studio.
127
00:06:45,260 --> 00:06:47,100
We're in our temporary
road show studio
128
00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:49,540
here in Great Slaughter.
129
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:51,500
And what a week we've
got lined up for you.
130
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:53,820
- Including a very
exciting announcement
131
00:06:54,020 --> 00:06:58,660
where Danny and I will be
explaining what these are for.
132
00:06:58,860 --> 00:07:01,140
Coming to two.
133
00:07:01,340 --> 00:07:04,020
- You'd never believe it was
made of lolly sticks, would you?
134
00:07:04,220 --> 00:07:06,380
And now it only
needs varnishing.
135
00:07:06,580 --> 00:07:10,460
- But as the glue on this
hasn't had time to dry yet,
136
00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:12,040
here's one we made earlier.
137
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:18,460
- At least we hope there's
one we made earlier.
138
00:07:18,660 --> 00:07:21,660
Danny appears to be
having trouble finding it.
139
00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:22,860
Is that a...?
140
00:07:23,020 --> 00:07:25,380
I think I need a "hand."
141
00:07:29,540 --> 00:07:31,220
- Stay off camera
two. Off camera two!
142
00:07:31,420 --> 00:07:35,300
Maybe some "body" hid it.
143
00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:37,700
They'd be "dead" if they did!
144
00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:40,140
Oh! There we are.
145
00:07:40,340 --> 00:07:41,620
Found it.
146
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:46,540
Finish up now!
147
00:07:50,740 --> 00:07:53,500
A lovely lolly stick pipe rack
148
00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:56,060
which I'm sure any
father would be delighted
149
00:07:56,260 --> 00:07:58,260
- to receive as a present.
- Go to telecine!
150
00:07:58,460 --> 00:08:00,820
- But unfortunately
we've run out of time.
151
00:08:01,020 --> 00:08:03,660
So now over to Jono to tell
us more about what we found
152
00:08:03,860 --> 00:08:05,860
in Great Slaughter yesterday.
153
00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:13,220
- Yesterday we visited
St Vincent's convent
154
00:08:13,420 --> 00:08:18,220
where we met a group
of very unusual Nuns.
155
00:08:18,420 --> 00:08:20,420
Run telecine!
156
00:08:35,940 --> 00:08:37,140
What have you got?
157
00:08:37,340 --> 00:08:39,540
A button. Lodged in her teeth.
158
00:08:39,740 --> 00:08:41,380
We'll have to wait
for the post mortem,
159
00:08:41,580 --> 00:08:44,860
but I'm 99.98 percent certain
cause of death was asphyxiation.
160
00:08:45,060 --> 00:08:46,180
She was smothered.
161
00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:47,440
Mm.
162
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:51,700
Anything else?
163
00:08:51,900 --> 00:08:53,460
A forensic nightmare.
164
00:08:53,660 --> 00:08:55,716
The corpse was moved, thus
rendering all trace evidence
165
00:08:55,740 --> 00:08:58,940
contaminated by Uncle Tom
Cobley and a television crew.
166
00:08:59,140 --> 00:09:00,860
A veritable pig's
ear of a crime scene.
167
00:09:01,060 --> 00:09:03,380
Yes. So, on balance.
168
00:09:03,580 --> 00:09:05,300
Not the most propitious news.
169
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:06,820
- The set was
prepared last night.
170
00:09:06,860 --> 00:09:08,100
It wasn't until during filming
171
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:09,756
when they pulled back
the curtain and...
172
00:09:09,780 --> 00:09:11,900
- Noticed the deceased
body under the workbench.
173
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:14,660
Yeah. Dinah Morgan.
174
00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:16,100
She's the show's editor.
175
00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:17,476
She called a meeting
here last night
176
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:20,140
at which only four
people were present,
177
00:09:20,340 --> 00:09:24,020
three of the presenters and
the producer, Fliss Forsyth.
178
00:09:24,220 --> 00:09:26,260
- Can you and Button
do a search for me?
179
00:09:26,460 --> 00:09:29,100
Keep your eyes peeled for...
180
00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:30,820
Something short of a button.
181
00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:33,740
Perhaps a pair of gloves.
182
00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,460
Meanwhile, let's start
183
00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:38,060
with the last four
people to see her alive.
184
00:09:38,260 --> 00:09:39,740
Do you know what happened?
185
00:09:39,940 --> 00:09:42,460
- We'd have a better idea if
you hadn't moved the body.
186
00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:44,980
You do realise that willfully
disturbing a crime scene
187
00:09:45,180 --> 00:09:46,700
is an offence?
188
00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:48,796
- Not as offensive as presenting
to the nation's children
189
00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:49,980
with a corpse at our feet.
190
00:09:50,180 --> 00:09:51,940
Morality versus pragmatism.
191
00:09:52,140 --> 00:09:54,860
Quite a philosophical conundrum.
192
00:09:55,060 --> 00:09:57,220
- Miss Morgan called the
four of you here last night.
193
00:09:57,420 --> 00:09:58,780
Why was that?
194
00:09:58,980 --> 00:10:01,460
- Dinah made an addition
to the shooting schedule.
195
00:10:01,660 --> 00:10:02,660
It's not unusual.
196
00:10:02,820 --> 00:10:03,980
So apart from some
197
00:10:04,180 --> 00:10:06,260
highly unsuitable
alcohol producing Nuns,
198
00:10:06,460 --> 00:10:08,660
we have what exactly?
199
00:10:08,860 --> 00:10:11,500
- Oh, a local farmer who
found a Roman amphora
200
00:10:11,700 --> 00:10:14,100
in a field of mangold wurzels.
201
00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:16,500
- The children will be on
the edge of their seats.
202
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:19,620
And you managed to miss the one
thing of note in the vicinity.
203
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,340
Broadway Tower.
204
00:10:21,540 --> 00:10:25,060
The highest man-made
structure in the Cotswolds.
205
00:10:25,260 --> 00:10:27,660
- Sounds as exciting as
a geography school trip.
206
00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:30,820
- The boys are
going to do a stunt.
207
00:10:31,020 --> 00:10:32,700
- A stunt?
- Yes, Daniel.
208
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:35,100
A dangerous deed of derring-do.
209
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:37,900
You're going to
abseil off the tower.
210
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:39,180
You lost me at dangerous.
211
00:10:39,380 --> 00:10:40,860
I can do heights.
212
00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:43,900
- Hardly the example we
want to set to young girls.
213
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:45,500
It's perfectly safe.
Tell him, Jono.
214
00:10:45,620 --> 00:10:47,860
I'm sure you did it all
the time in the army.
215
00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:50,140
Yeah. Piece of cake.
216
00:10:50,340 --> 00:10:52,020
- Jono's an ex-marine.
217
00:10:52,220 --> 00:10:54,980
"Danny" spent 2 years national
service, spud bashing duty.
218
00:10:55,180 --> 00:10:56,796
We'll do a feature to
announce it tomorrow.
219
00:10:56,820 --> 00:10:58,900
Cut Sandy's dolls' house.
220
00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:00,860
But that's my only segment.
221
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:04,740
- Well... help Danny
with the pipe rack.
222
00:11:04,940 --> 00:11:06,380
Children are bored of dolls.
223
00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:08,900
Less make and bake,
more derring-do.
224
00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:11,260
Even if it does mean
changes to the line-up.
225
00:11:13,460 --> 00:11:16,980
Dressing rooms. Chop-chop.
226
00:11:17,180 --> 00:11:18,860
No going home till
they're learnt.
227
00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:22,020
Now turn those
frowns upside down
228
00:11:22,220 --> 00:11:27,220
and remember it's all
about the children.
229
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:30,820
- These changes would have
made you somewhat redundant?
230
00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:32,340
Perhaps my ambitions extend
231
00:11:32,540 --> 00:11:34,660
beyond playing housewife
in front of a camera.
232
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:37,780
- Yeah, I heard there's a
vacancy at the 9 O'clock News.
233
00:11:37,980 --> 00:11:39,900
You never know.
234
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,420
And at least "I"
won't be typecast
235
00:11:41,620 --> 00:11:42,660
as a children's presenter.
236
00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:43,900
Lip it.
237
00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:45,420
They'll be thinking all sorts.
238
00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:47,660
They are thinking all sorts.
239
00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:49,620
They think one of us killed her.
240
00:11:49,820 --> 00:11:51,140
That's absurd.
241
00:11:51,340 --> 00:11:53,180
Surely someone must
have broken in.
242
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,900
Perhaps she disturbed
an intruder?
243
00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:57,540
- That's what we're
trying to ascertain.
244
00:11:57,740 --> 00:11:59,260
What happened after the meeting?
245
00:11:59,460 --> 00:12:01,340
- Dinah and I went to
the production studio
246
00:12:01,540 --> 00:12:03,460
to draw up a new schedule.
247
00:12:03,660 --> 00:12:05,420
She left for home first.
248
00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:08,900
She was driving back to
London, so left around 9:30.
249
00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:10,900
She'd left her
handbag in the studio
250
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:11,740
and went back to fetch it.
251
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:14,700
Is that when it happened?
252
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,460
- That would fit with
the rigor mortis.
253
00:12:17,660 --> 00:12:18,740
And the rest of you?
254
00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:20,500
We did as we were told.
255
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:22,780
Went back to our dressing
rooms to learn our scripts.
256
00:12:22,980 --> 00:12:25,540
Fliss called taxis at 10 o'clock
and we went back to the hotel.
257
00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:27,060
Cowardly custard.
258
00:12:27,260 --> 00:12:29,340
Dead women tell.
Cowardly custard.
259
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,740
Dead women tell no tales.
260
00:12:31,940 --> 00:12:33,560
Can you get him out?
261
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:46,940
- I presume that isn't Police
issue uniform, WPC Button?
262
00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:48,660
It's my Jolly Roger badge.
263
00:12:48,860 --> 00:12:50,660
I got it for collecting
8,000 milk bottle tops
264
00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:53,660
for the African famine.
265
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,116
- Would it not have
been more preferable
266
00:12:55,140 --> 00:12:57,540
to send them the milk?
267
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:03,700
It's a bit early in the day
for an Irish coffee, no?
268
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:05,636
- You can't post milk
with a second class stamp
269
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:06,980
and an envelope.
270
00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:24,780
Sarge.
271
00:13:24,980 --> 00:13:26,460
Is this what we're looking for?
272
00:13:26,660 --> 00:13:29,900
- We found empty whisky
bottles in your dressing room.
273
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,316
- I like a drink.
It's not a crime.
274
00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:32,580
Thankfully not.
275
00:13:32,780 --> 00:13:34,820
But presenting drunk to
the nation's children
276
00:13:35,020 --> 00:13:36,020
is a different matter.
277
00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:37,940
I've never.
278
00:13:38,140 --> 00:13:39,680
It's just...
279
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,420
It's just enough to
take the edge off.
280
00:13:45,620 --> 00:13:47,316
And for the most part, I
can keep the beast at bay.
281
00:13:47,340 --> 00:13:49,460
Only every so often, it pounces.
282
00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:51,980
Call it a souvenir from Korea.
283
00:13:52,180 --> 00:13:54,420
- Military?
- Marines.
284
00:13:54,620 --> 00:13:58,460
I was invalided out after a
botched raid in Pyongyang.
285
00:13:58,660 --> 00:14:02,300
- War has driven better
men than me to drink.
286
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:03,900
In my experience, ex-soldiers
287
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:06,000
all find their own
ways to forget.
288
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,180
You, uh, have a button missing.
289
00:14:13,380 --> 00:14:15,620
- Well, that certainly
isn't a crime.
290
00:14:15,820 --> 00:14:16,980
Oh, I see.
291
00:14:17,180 --> 00:14:18,340
You think I killed Dinah
292
00:14:18,540 --> 00:14:20,220
cos she found out
I was drinking?
293
00:14:20,420 --> 00:14:21,980
- Well, the thought
has crossed my mind.
294
00:14:22,140 --> 00:14:24,700
- Trust me. If Dinah had found
out, it wouldn't be a secret.
295
00:14:24,900 --> 00:14:26,676
She'd have hauled me in irons
in front of the whole crew
296
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,400
and forced me to walk the plank.
297
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,820
Ask anyone.
298
00:14:35,020 --> 00:14:36,580
I certainly will.
299
00:14:40,820 --> 00:14:42,260
Dinah Morgan.
300
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:45,500
Editor of Britain's most
popular children's TV show.
301
00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:47,580
The building was
surrounded by fences.
302
00:14:47,780 --> 00:14:50,580
The security guard
didn't see any intruders,
303
00:14:50,780 --> 00:14:54,340
so that leaves us with four
with known opportunity.
304
00:14:54,540 --> 00:14:58,140
Danny Lemon. A club
comedian and ventriloquist.
305
00:14:58,340 --> 00:15:00,700
He shot to fame when
he won New Talent.
306
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,460
Sandy Shanks.
307
00:15:02,660 --> 00:15:05,340
She started her career
as a circus trapeze act
308
00:15:05,540 --> 00:15:07,500
then a dancer for the
black and white Minstrels
309
00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:10,300
before going into
television presenting.
310
00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:13,260
Dinah planned a
re-jig at the show.
311
00:15:13,460 --> 00:15:15,500
That made her job redundant.
312
00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,000
Jono Hardy?
313
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:22,940
- Jono Hardy, ex-marine turned
children's television presenter
314
00:15:23,140 --> 00:15:26,580
and also the longest
serving member of the cast.
315
00:15:26,780 --> 00:15:28,500
- What shall we do
with a drunken sailor?
316
00:15:30,900 --> 00:15:32,500
Very good.
317
00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:36,060
- Erm, Dinah ran a "tight"
ship by all accounts.
318
00:15:36,260 --> 00:15:37,660
Any news on the button?
319
00:15:37,860 --> 00:15:40,660
- Negative, I'm afraid.
They aren't a match.
320
00:15:40,860 --> 00:15:44,540
- And finally, Fliss
Forsyth, the show's producer.
321
00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:47,260
- Ex-producer.
322
00:15:47,460 --> 00:15:49,740
The boss gave her her
marching orders yesterday.
323
00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:51,180
Oh, right.
324
00:15:51,380 --> 00:15:52,900
Reverend Mother is enquiring
325
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,820
if you will be gracing us with
your presence for compline.
326
00:15:56,020 --> 00:15:58,700
- Oh, right, yes,
of course. Erm...
327
00:15:58,900 --> 00:16:00,220
Are you sure about this?
328
00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:02,220
- Just cos my ears are
covered in a wimple
329
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:04,060
- don't mean I'm deaf.
- "Hear hear!"
330
00:16:04,260 --> 00:16:05,260
Thanks, Reg.
331
00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:07,180
Don't mention it.
332
00:16:07,380 --> 00:16:09,460
Move it or she'll be
chewing up the pews.
333
00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:11,300
- Could you do the honours?
- Oh, oh, yes.
334
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:14,300
- Just pull the, erm...
- Yeah, of course.
335
00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:15,660
Right, no time. No time.
336
00:16:15,860 --> 00:16:17,340
- Oh, oh...
337
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,380
- I didn't think it was relevant.
- Not relevant?
338
00:16:29,580 --> 00:16:32,340
She sacked you a few hours
before she was murdered.
339
00:16:32,540 --> 00:16:34,620
- We'd had a bad
day's filming, is all.
340
00:16:34,820 --> 00:16:35,980
She didn't mean it.
341
00:16:36,180 --> 00:16:38,220
It's television.
Things get heated.
342
00:16:38,420 --> 00:16:40,740
- Can you tell us
what you argued about?
343
00:16:40,940 --> 00:16:44,180
Professional differences.
344
00:16:44,380 --> 00:16:46,700
I took over while Dinah was
on Jury service for 3 months,
345
00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:49,700
and she didn't approve
of some of my changes.
346
00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:51,220
Namely?
347
00:16:51,420 --> 00:16:52,980
- Dinah's of a
different generation.
348
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,980
The world's changed.
349
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,796
Children don't want to
be like their parents
350
00:16:56,820 --> 00:16:59,140
or to be lectured to by adults.
351
00:16:59,340 --> 00:17:01,260
They want to do
things their own way.
352
00:17:01,460 --> 00:17:03,580
- Or your way now you're
the one in charge.
353
00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:05,500
Miss Forsyth?
354
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:06,700
What's up, Neil?
355
00:17:06,780 --> 00:17:08,260
Pete's escaped.
356
00:17:22,220 --> 00:17:24,500
- What are you doing?
- Oh!
357
00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:26,900
The Sisters collected it
for this year's appeal.
358
00:17:27,100 --> 00:17:28,820
A log cabin for
old aged pensioners
359
00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:32,140
which Reverend Mother
deemed worthy of...
360
00:17:32,340 --> 00:17:35,260
Oh, I see. Yes, right.
361
00:17:35,460 --> 00:17:37,460
Well, either by chance
or divine intervention,
362
00:17:37,660 --> 00:17:40,100
my arrival coincided
with the discovery
363
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:42,980
of Poopdeck Pete's
break for freedom.
364
00:17:43,180 --> 00:17:46,620
Or rather, I suspect,
this was no escape.
365
00:17:46,820 --> 00:17:49,740
It was attempted parrotcide.
366
00:17:49,940 --> 00:17:51,020
You must be joking.
367
00:17:51,220 --> 00:17:53,060
Sniff.
368
00:17:53,260 --> 00:17:55,260
Sodium hypochlorite
mixed with acetic acid.
369
00:17:55,460 --> 00:17:58,140
One that most definitely
should not be tried at home.
370
00:17:58,340 --> 00:17:59,540
No?
371
00:17:59,740 --> 00:18:02,300
In laymen's terms,
bleach and vinegar,
372
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,420
AKA homemade chlorine gas,
373
00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:06,340
which Pete strenuously
protested to,
374
00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:08,580
judging by the blood and
tissue on the calamus
375
00:18:08,780 --> 00:18:10,900
which was obviously
wrested with some force.
376
00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:13,180
Poor chap, it seems,
fled for his life.
377
00:18:13,380 --> 00:18:14,740
Have you a theory as to why?
378
00:18:14,940 --> 00:18:16,260
Recall as you will
379
00:18:16,460 --> 00:18:19,020
his behaviour the
day after the murder.
380
00:18:19,220 --> 00:18:21,980
Dead women tell no tales.
381
00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:24,260
- "Dead women tell no tales."
382
00:18:24,460 --> 00:18:26,220
Parrots are gifted mimics.
383
00:18:26,420 --> 00:18:30,180
I think Pete was recounting the
final moments of Dinah Morgan.
384
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:41,540
Take your time, Mr. Pete.
385
00:18:41,740 --> 00:18:45,340
If you recognise the person
you saw, you let me know.
386
00:18:46,940 --> 00:18:49,460
Sister!
387
00:18:49,660 --> 00:18:51,140
Sister?
388
00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:55,020
- Still. Some good
news, at least.
389
00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:57,140
- Our only eyewitness
is an escaped parrot.
390
00:18:57,340 --> 00:18:59,900
I fail to see how that
could be filed under "good."
391
00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:02,060
- Yes, well, when you
put it like that...
392
00:19:02,260 --> 00:19:03,780
- We did discover
one thing, though.
393
00:19:03,980 --> 00:19:07,340
Dinah Morgan had just
returned from Jury service.
394
00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:10,380
- For three months, so it
wasn't a shoplifting case.
395
00:19:10,580 --> 00:19:13,420
- Exactly. It's a long shot,
but it's worth checking out.
396
00:19:16,420 --> 00:19:18,300
Right. I must fly.
397
00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,780
The sisters' moment
of glory beckons.
398
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:26,980
- The Nuns here all take
the name of male saints.
399
00:19:27,180 --> 00:19:29,500
And the Reverend Mother
of St Vincent's namesake
400
00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:32,580
has a rather interesting
story involving a lion,
401
00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:34,740
which Sister Reginald and
Sister Peter have come
402
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:37,140
to tell us all about.
403
00:19:37,340 --> 00:19:39,740
St Adrian of Nicomedia.
404
00:19:39,940 --> 00:19:42,620
An officer in Imperial Rome who,
405
00:19:42,820 --> 00:19:45,860
whilst watching the Christians
being cruelly tortured to death,
406
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:48,420
was so struck by their fortitude
407
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,620
converted to
Christianity on the spot.
408
00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:52,820
An inspiring story.
409
00:19:53,020 --> 00:19:55,420
- He was promptly arrested
and sentenced to death
410
00:19:55,620 --> 00:19:58,100
- by being thrown to a lion.
- Ah.
411
00:19:58,300 --> 00:20:00,740
- But, like Daniel
in the lion's den,
412
00:20:00,940 --> 00:20:04,180
the vicious beast refused
to touch a hair on his head.
413
00:20:04,380 --> 00:20:07,500
So a happy ending.
414
00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:09,500
- Well, not likely.
Being eaten by lions
415
00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:10,940
would have been a blessing.
416
00:20:11,140 --> 00:20:13,900
Instead, he was hacked
to pieces with a sword
417
00:20:14,100 --> 00:20:15,100
and thrown on the fire.
418
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:17,180
A glorious martyr's death.
419
00:20:17,380 --> 00:20:18,740
If you say so.
420
00:20:18,940 --> 00:20:21,060
- Of course, that was
thousands of years ago,
421
00:20:21,260 --> 00:20:24,560
and lucky for us, these things
don't happen these days.
422
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,740
- Well, Sister?
- Yo, ho, ho.
423
00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:29,940
Avast, ye landlubbers.
424
00:20:30,140 --> 00:20:32,700
Yes, well, that was
425
00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:35,940
certainly very,
erm... educational.
426
00:20:36,140 --> 00:20:38,260
- Tomorrow, Danny and
I will be attempting
427
00:20:38,460 --> 00:20:41,220
Jolly Roger's first-ever stunt.
428
00:20:41,420 --> 00:20:43,540
- I thought about joining
the Teaching Order,
429
00:20:43,740 --> 00:20:46,500
but the thought of all those
kids was way too off-putting.
430
00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:48,180
- Aye-aye.
431
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:51,180
- Make sure to tune in, and
until then, it's goodbye
432
00:20:51,380 --> 00:20:53,900
from our Summer studio
in Great Slaughter.
433
00:20:54,100 --> 00:20:56,260
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
434
00:21:05,620 --> 00:21:07,540
Eye.
435
00:21:07,740 --> 00:21:10,700
I wonder.
436
00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:12,580
Excuse me. Duty calls.
437
00:21:35,780 --> 00:21:37,260
Bingo.
438
00:21:49,580 --> 00:21:51,740
- Hello? What time
do you call this?
439
00:21:51,940 --> 00:21:54,220
Who is this? Declare yourself!
440
00:21:54,420 --> 00:21:58,460
This is a respectable
establishment, not a night...
441
00:22:20,820 --> 00:22:22,300
Run camera.
442
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:26,380
Marker. Slate 32, take 2.
443
00:22:26,580 --> 00:22:27,580
Action!
444
00:22:27,660 --> 00:22:28,820
Lady Coventry wondered
445
00:22:29,020 --> 00:22:31,060
whether a beacon from
the top of this hill
446
00:22:31,260 --> 00:22:33,860
could be seen from her
house 22 miles away
447
00:22:34,060 --> 00:22:37,620
and ordered the construction
of this tower to find out,
448
00:22:37,820 --> 00:22:40,140
over a thousand feet
above sea level.
449
00:22:40,340 --> 00:22:44,220
I'm getting a crick in my
neck just looking up at it.
450
00:22:44,420 --> 00:22:45,460
And cut.
451
00:22:45,660 --> 00:22:47,120
Thank you, Sandy.
452
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:51,940
Rather them.
453
00:22:52,140 --> 00:22:55,220
- It's just controlled falling
using friction and a rope.
454
00:22:55,420 --> 00:22:57,340
A child could do it.
455
00:23:02,260 --> 00:23:03,800
Could I have a word?
456
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:09,100
- Don't mind me. Just
having a quick shufti.
457
00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:12,340
- Don't tell me he's
a murder suspect.
458
00:23:12,540 --> 00:23:15,420
You have to be joking.
459
00:23:15,620 --> 00:23:16,940
- Aye-aye.
460
00:23:17,140 --> 00:23:20,620
Or rather just one eye.
461
00:23:20,820 --> 00:23:23,540
Its companion was
recovered from the body.
462
00:23:23,740 --> 00:23:25,140
He's a puppet.
463
00:23:25,340 --> 00:23:26,900
We aren't attached at the wrist.
464
00:23:27,100 --> 00:23:27,740
The minute the cameras
are turned off,
465
00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:29,220
he goes in the prop box.
466
00:23:29,420 --> 00:23:31,860
- Danny Lemon. It's a
stage name, isn't it?
467
00:23:32,060 --> 00:23:33,380
Your real name is Liam Quinn.
468
00:23:33,580 --> 00:23:34,740
So what?
469
00:23:34,940 --> 00:23:36,500
Quite a clan, the Quinns.
470
00:23:36,700 --> 00:23:38,620
Liverpool's answer to the Krays.
471
00:23:38,820 --> 00:23:41,500
Extortion, racketeering,
money laundering.
472
00:23:41,700 --> 00:23:43,020
They have a wide portfolio.
473
00:23:43,220 --> 00:23:44,900
Had. A month ago,
474
00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:48,100
your father and uncle were
sentenced to 20 years.
475
00:23:48,300 --> 00:23:51,980
Dinah Morgan was the
foreman of the jury.
476
00:23:52,180 --> 00:23:53,900
There's irony.
477
00:23:54,100 --> 00:23:56,620
- You're honestly telling
me you had no idea?
478
00:23:56,820 --> 00:23:59,700
- The last time we spoke
was on my 16th birthday,
479
00:23:59,900 --> 00:24:01,740
I turned down a job
with the family firm.
480
00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:03,996
They didn't appreciate that
I wanted to make people laugh
481
00:24:04,020 --> 00:24:05,500
instead of weep.
482
00:24:05,700 --> 00:24:08,500
- You're saying you've had
no contact with them at all?
483
00:24:08,700 --> 00:24:10,620
- If I'd shown my face,
it'd be me they served up
484
00:24:10,820 --> 00:24:11,860
as the fatted calf.
485
00:24:12,060 --> 00:24:14,100
Very good.
486
00:24:14,300 --> 00:24:15,556
- And if I'd known
Dinah had put them away,
487
00:24:15,580 --> 00:24:17,460
I'd have shaken her hand.
488
00:24:17,660 --> 00:24:18,860
The world owes her a favour
489
00:24:19,060 --> 00:24:21,700
for locking up those
bunch of psychos.
490
00:24:21,900 --> 00:24:25,900
But feel free to arrest me.
491
00:24:26,100 --> 00:24:29,060
Fancy my chances more in a nice,
warm police cell than up there.
492
00:24:29,260 --> 00:24:31,020
That won't be necessary.
493
00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:33,980
- Though we will have to take
Barnacle Bill "into custody."
494
00:24:34,180 --> 00:24:35,540
Good riddance.
495
00:24:35,740 --> 00:24:37,100
You think I like
being a mouthpiece
496
00:24:37,140 --> 00:24:39,460
to a piece of felt
with a nasty streak?
497
00:24:39,660 --> 00:24:42,460
Gives me the creeps.
Rightly, it turns out.
498
00:24:42,660 --> 00:24:44,380
"The hand puppet of death."
499
00:24:47,580 --> 00:24:49,340
Right.
500
00:24:55,020 --> 00:24:56,700
You coming, Sister?
501
00:24:56,900 --> 00:24:59,880
- Actually, I thought I
might stay and watch the fun.
502
00:25:11,540 --> 00:25:14,380
Quiet, please. Thank you.
503
00:25:14,580 --> 00:25:16,540
Run camera.
504
00:25:16,740 --> 00:25:18,580
Action.
505
00:25:18,780 --> 00:25:23,700
- We'll be falling approximately
60 feet in 25 seconds.
506
00:25:23,900 --> 00:25:26,100
- And it will feel
like 25 minutes!
507
00:25:26,300 --> 00:25:28,960
And here we go. Anchors away.
508
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,740
Bloody fiasco!
509
00:25:34,940 --> 00:25:37,020
I thought you said the
equipment was safety-checked!
510
00:25:37,220 --> 00:25:40,500
- It was!
- By who? The factory cat?!
511
00:25:40,700 --> 00:25:44,060
You do realise I was 10 seconds
away from certain death.
512
00:25:44,260 --> 00:25:45,636
- I know, and I'm sorry.
And I promise you,
513
00:25:45,660 --> 00:25:47,740
next time, everything
will be triple-checked.
514
00:25:47,940 --> 00:25:50,300
There will not be a next time.
515
00:25:50,500 --> 00:25:53,900
Speak to my agent!
516
00:26:03,180 --> 00:26:05,460
- Something to share,
Constable Button?
517
00:26:25,140 --> 00:26:26,420
Bravo, Peggy.
518
00:26:26,620 --> 00:26:29,780
It appears your
suspicions are correct.
519
00:26:32,460 --> 00:26:33,660
Is anyone hurt?
520
00:26:35,700 --> 00:26:37,420
WPC Button, erm,
521
00:26:37,620 --> 00:26:39,156
a plane has just gone
down in the village.
522
00:26:39,180 --> 00:26:40,436
We need to alert
the fire brigade
523
00:26:40,460 --> 00:26:41,740
and the ambulance right away.
524
00:26:41,940 --> 00:26:43,780
- That's not a plane.
That's Poopdeck Pete.
525
00:26:46,220 --> 00:26:48,100
- Okay, thanks, love.
That's good news.
526
00:26:48,300 --> 00:26:49,980
Good news? My favourite type.
527
00:26:50,180 --> 00:26:52,380
- Yeah, I've foun' a para'!
- Excellent.
528
00:26:52,580 --> 00:26:54,340
- The bad news is he's
at the Cavalier Oak.
529
00:26:54,540 --> 00:26:57,540
- Ah. That's the large oak
tree next to the village hall?
530
00:26:57,740 --> 00:27:00,060
- Great Slaughter constabulary?
- It must be 100 feet high.
531
00:27:00,140 --> 00:27:01,140
Sister Boniface, sir.
532
00:27:01,300 --> 00:27:02,820
- Oh. Hallo?
- No.
533
00:27:03,020 --> 00:27:04,940
- Hello?
- Yes, could you come over?
534
00:27:05,140 --> 00:27:06,380
I think I've found something.
535
00:27:06,580 --> 00:27:07,940
Okay. I'll be right there.
536
00:27:08,140 --> 00:27:09,220
I'm needed at the lab.
537
00:27:09,420 --> 00:27:11,140
But I assume I can
leave you three
538
00:27:11,340 --> 00:27:12,620
on operation capture the parrot?
539
00:27:12,700 --> 00:27:13,740
No problem, sir.
540
00:27:13,940 --> 00:27:15,580
Good man, Button.
541
00:27:15,780 --> 00:27:17,340
"No problem, sir."
542
00:27:17,540 --> 00:27:19,740
- Wel', com' on th'n! Warra'
get away flyin' away...
543
00:27:41,860 --> 00:27:42,940
What have you got?
544
00:27:43,140 --> 00:27:44,940
Fact.
545
00:27:45,140 --> 00:27:47,740
This was filed to a
sharp edge on the inside.
546
00:27:47,940 --> 00:27:49,140
Invisib... No!
547
00:27:49,340 --> 00:27:51,740
- Sorry.
- Invisible to the naked eye
548
00:27:51,940 --> 00:27:55,740
but, when gravity is exerted,
would slice through the rope.
549
00:27:55,940 --> 00:27:57,580
This was sabotage,
550
00:27:57,780 --> 00:27:59,556
and by someone who knew their
way around a safety harness,
551
00:27:59,580 --> 00:28:01,260
according to WPC Button.
552
00:28:01,460 --> 00:28:03,780
- Like an ex-trapeze
artist, Sandy Shanks?
553
00:28:03,980 --> 00:28:05,420
But the exciting news is...
554
00:28:05,620 --> 00:28:07,740
I think we have our
motive for murder.
555
00:28:07,940 --> 00:28:11,260
- Drum roll, please.
- Oh.
556
00:28:11,460 --> 00:28:13,220
- Iron filing samples
from the carabiner
557
00:28:13,420 --> 00:28:15,500
match those found on
the victim's shoes.
558
00:28:15,700 --> 00:28:18,260
Deduction. Dinah caught the
killer in the act of sabotage,
559
00:28:18,460 --> 00:28:19,580
and they killed her.
560
00:28:19,780 --> 00:28:21,740
Top job, Sister.
561
00:28:21,940 --> 00:28:24,500
The question is, was it an
attempt on Jono Hardy's life
562
00:28:24,700 --> 00:28:26,020
or, eeny meeny minie mo,
563
00:28:26,220 --> 00:28:28,540
random sabotage, and he
drew the short straw?
564
00:28:28,740 --> 00:28:30,580
- Yes, that has rather
obfuscated things.
565
00:28:30,780 --> 00:28:34,460
- Right. It's one step
forward and three paces back.
566
00:28:34,660 --> 00:28:37,220
- Then let's pray that
Poopdeck Pete comes up trumps.
567
00:28:43,820 --> 00:28:44,980
They're having a laugh.
568
00:28:45,180 --> 00:28:48,340
- It'll be great. The
children will love it.
569
00:28:48,540 --> 00:28:51,180
- Are you sure about this?
- Oh, yes, Sarge.
570
00:28:51,380 --> 00:28:53,620
Winner of the talent
show five years in a row.
571
00:28:53,820 --> 00:28:56,980
- Make way! Make
way. Let her through!
572
00:28:57,180 --> 00:28:58,660
Interview her now.
573
00:28:58,860 --> 00:29:01,380
- And has an impressive track
record in escaped budgies.
574
00:29:01,580 --> 00:29:02,620
Can I grab a word?
575
00:29:02,820 --> 00:29:04,540
Not now, thank you.
576
00:29:04,740 --> 00:29:06,620
The artiste needs quiet.
577
00:29:06,820 --> 00:29:08,580
Deep breaths, now, Dottie.
578
00:29:08,780 --> 00:29:12,420
Red leather, yellow leather,
red leather, yellow leather.
579
00:29:12,620 --> 00:29:14,260
Red leather, yellow feather...
580
00:29:14,460 --> 00:29:16,700
red weather, yellow sun.
581
00:29:16,900 --> 00:29:18,460
Primed and ready.
582
00:29:18,660 --> 00:29:21,660
- "I wandered lonely
as a cloud..."
583
00:29:21,860 --> 00:29:23,580
Bird song, Dottie.
584
00:29:23,780 --> 00:29:25,740
Green-winged macaw.
585
00:29:25,940 --> 00:29:27,820
We might as well pack up now.
586
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:36,220
That's very odd.
587
00:29:36,420 --> 00:29:38,036
That was the mating
call of a Scarlet macaw,
588
00:29:38,060 --> 00:29:39,260
and they always respond.
589
00:29:39,460 --> 00:29:42,500
- Green-winged macaw, Dottie.
590
00:29:42,700 --> 00:29:43,980
Well, why didn't you say so?
591
00:29:44,180 --> 00:29:46,200
That would explain it.
592
00:30:04,700 --> 00:30:05,740
Did you get it?
593
00:30:05,940 --> 00:30:07,620
Sandy, can we pick up?
594
00:30:10,020 --> 00:30:12,860
- That was quite extraordinary,
wasn't it, children?
595
00:30:13,060 --> 00:30:15,500
Welcome home, Pete. It's
good to have you back.
596
00:30:15,700 --> 00:30:20,060
- I'm afraid this parrot is
being seized as evidence.
597
00:30:20,260 --> 00:30:23,180
Cowardly custard.
598
00:30:23,380 --> 00:30:26,140
Excellent work.
599
00:30:26,340 --> 00:30:29,940
- We can hardly force
a statement out of him.
600
00:30:30,140 --> 00:30:32,220
- Perhaps, perhaps
he needs reminding
601
00:30:32,420 --> 00:30:34,720
- of his previous statement.
- Mm.
602
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,660
"Dead women tell no tales.
603
00:30:42,860 --> 00:30:44,220
Cowardly custard."
604
00:30:44,420 --> 00:30:46,340
Dead women.
605
00:30:46,540 --> 00:30:49,300
Dead women tell no tales.
606
00:30:49,500 --> 00:30:52,060
Cowardly Custard. No room.
607
00:30:52,260 --> 00:30:55,300
Jump, walk, jump, walk.
608
00:30:55,500 --> 00:30:57,420
Dead women tell no tales.
609
00:30:57,620 --> 00:31:00,900
Aghghghghghg.
610
00:31:01,100 --> 00:31:02,620
What was that?
611
00:31:02,820 --> 00:31:06,980
Aghghghghghg.
612
00:31:07,180 --> 00:31:09,020
- I fear those were
the last moments
613
00:31:09,220 --> 00:31:11,340
of Dinah Morgan.
614
00:31:11,540 --> 00:31:13,940
Just a shame it's meaningless.
615
00:31:14,140 --> 00:31:15,596
- I suppose it would have
been a bit optimistic
616
00:31:15,620 --> 00:31:17,540
to expect him to
name the killer.
617
00:31:17,740 --> 00:31:20,020
A complete waste of
time, in other words.
618
00:31:20,220 --> 00:31:22,620
- Au contraire. Pete may
be a disappointing witness
619
00:31:22,820 --> 00:31:24,340
but is living evidence.
620
00:31:24,540 --> 00:31:25,796
During the fight
with his attacker,
621
00:31:25,820 --> 00:31:28,500
there will have
been an exchange.
622
00:31:28,700 --> 00:31:31,980
Although it looks like any
examination will have to wait.
623
00:31:37,380 --> 00:31:39,420
I've spoke to the Controller.
624
00:31:39,620 --> 00:31:40,900
We're to finish
up the road show,
625
00:31:41,100 --> 00:31:42,700
and then they're going
to "take a view."
626
00:31:42,900 --> 00:31:44,740
Sounds ominous.
627
00:31:44,940 --> 00:31:47,740
- They weren't best pleased
with our wine making Nuns.
628
00:31:47,940 --> 00:31:49,660
We could do a feature.
629
00:31:49,860 --> 00:31:52,140
"Today we'll see what
happened when Poopdeck Pete
630
00:31:52,340 --> 00:31:54,700
and Barnacle Bill got
taken into Police custody."
631
00:31:54,900 --> 00:31:58,300
This isn't funny.
632
00:31:58,500 --> 00:32:01,940
We have no choice but to
go ahead with the stunt.
633
00:32:02,140 --> 00:32:04,140
- Did you talk to my agent?
- Yes.
634
00:32:04,340 --> 00:32:07,080
And you are
contractually obliged.
635
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:10,540
I've hired a safety advisor.
636
00:32:10,740 --> 00:32:12,356
The equipment's been
checked and double-checked,
637
00:32:12,380 --> 00:32:14,280
so nothing will go
wrong this time.
638
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:19,720
Are you in?
639
00:32:38,900 --> 00:32:41,100
Avast, Pete.
640
00:32:41,300 --> 00:32:46,500
You and I are going to
be the best of chums.
641
00:32:50,620 --> 00:32:52,220
Friendly Pete.
642
00:32:52,420 --> 00:32:55,940
Friendly, affable Pete.
643
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:07,620
All right, our kid?
644
00:33:07,820 --> 00:33:09,580
You're looking a bit
green 'round the gills.
645
00:33:09,780 --> 00:33:11,180
I'm fine.
646
00:33:11,380 --> 00:33:13,156
- If I didn't know better,
I'd think you were yeller.
647
00:33:13,180 --> 00:33:14,740
- Shut up, Lemo...
648
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:22,460
Sister.
649
00:33:24,980 --> 00:33:28,180
Behold the spoils of victory.
650
00:33:28,380 --> 00:33:29,900
If you are the victor,
651
00:33:30,100 --> 00:33:32,340
I would hate to think what
you'd look like as the loser.
652
00:33:32,540 --> 00:33:35,220
- Yes, well, Pete and I
got off to a rocky start,
653
00:33:35,420 --> 00:33:38,020
but, erm...
654
00:33:38,220 --> 00:33:40,500
- we're the best of friends
now, aren't we, Pete?
655
00:33:40,700 --> 00:33:42,700
- Who's a good
boy? Rapscallion.
656
00:33:42,900 --> 00:33:44,380
Scabby sea bass.
657
00:33:44,580 --> 00:33:46,660
- Send him up whisky beaten.
- Shh.
658
00:33:46,860 --> 00:33:51,140
Cleaver her to the brisket!
659
00:33:51,340 --> 00:33:53,460
- Yes, well, Locard's
principle prevailed.
660
00:33:53,660 --> 00:33:55,700
Human hair, wrapped
'round his claw.
661
00:33:55,900 --> 00:33:57,380
Dyed. But judging
by the colour
662
00:33:57,580 --> 00:33:59,980
and length of the hair
closer to the root,
663
00:34:00,180 --> 00:34:02,380
I'd say we've
found our murderer.
664
00:34:02,580 --> 00:34:05,580
Although, erm...
665
00:34:05,780 --> 00:34:07,380
Although?
666
00:34:07,580 --> 00:34:09,380
It makes absolutely no sense.
667
00:34:14,100 --> 00:34:16,860
- This isn't a good time.
Can you not see that I'm ill?
668
00:34:17,060 --> 00:34:18,940
- Yes, well, I suppose
that would be predictable
669
00:34:19,060 --> 00:34:20,180
under the circumstances.
670
00:34:20,380 --> 00:34:23,500
You might want to
check the pockets.
671
00:34:23,700 --> 00:34:24,980
What are you doing?
672
00:34:25,180 --> 00:34:26,596
- The effect would
have been instantaneous
673
00:34:26,620 --> 00:34:27,780
so must have been ingested
674
00:34:27,980 --> 00:34:29,540
shortly before the
symptoms presented.
675
00:34:29,740 --> 00:34:33,340
My guess would be some sort of
carapichea ipecacuanha compound,
676
00:34:33,540 --> 00:34:37,220
more commonly known as Ipecac.
677
00:34:37,420 --> 00:34:38,740
John Hardy, I'm arresting you
678
00:34:38,940 --> 00:34:41,220
on suspicion of the
murder of Dinah Morgan.
679
00:34:41,420 --> 00:34:42,940
You are not obliged
to say anything,
680
00:34:43,140 --> 00:34:45,340
but anything you do say
may be put into writing
681
00:34:45,540 --> 00:34:48,660
and given in evidence.
682
00:34:48,860 --> 00:34:51,220
You had no intention
of doing this stunt.
683
00:34:51,420 --> 00:34:53,540
We found iron filings
on the victim's shoe
684
00:34:53,740 --> 00:34:56,180
that matched your carabiner.
685
00:34:56,380 --> 00:34:58,500
I think Dinah caught you in
the act of sabotaging it,
686
00:34:58,700 --> 00:35:00,820
- and you killed her.
- Preposterous.
687
00:35:01,020 --> 00:35:03,300
- You hoped a near-fatal
accident would stop the stunt.
688
00:35:03,500 --> 00:35:06,140
And when that failed, you took
an emetic to fake illness.
689
00:35:06,340 --> 00:35:09,460
Anything to avoid
jumping off that tower.
690
00:35:09,660 --> 00:35:12,340
This is fantasy.
691
00:35:12,540 --> 00:35:14,660
You haven't got
a shred of proof.
692
00:35:14,860 --> 00:35:16,620
We have a witness.
693
00:35:16,820 --> 00:35:18,420
Poopdeck Pete.
694
00:35:18,620 --> 00:35:21,460
- Whom you tried to dispatch
with homemade chlorine gas.
695
00:35:21,660 --> 00:35:23,700
But Pete fought back.
It was quite a tussle.
696
00:35:23,900 --> 00:35:26,980
We found hairs wrapped around
his claw dyed with Grecian 2000.
697
00:35:27,180 --> 00:35:29,460
That is the hair
colouring you use?
698
00:35:29,660 --> 00:35:31,660
It's really very effective.
699
00:35:31,860 --> 00:35:33,420
Is this a joke?
700
00:35:33,620 --> 00:35:35,180
- Oh, think of it
as a compliment.
701
00:35:35,380 --> 00:35:37,660
One would never guess you'd
gone prematurely grey.
702
00:35:37,860 --> 00:35:40,116
- I meant you're not seriously
going to charge me with murder
703
00:35:40,140 --> 00:35:42,940
based on the
testimony of a parrot?
704
00:35:43,140 --> 00:35:45,820
- He was surprisingly
illuminating.
705
00:35:46,020 --> 00:35:47,620
Sergeant, will you
do the honours?
706
00:35:47,820 --> 00:35:51,180
- Cowardly custard,
no room, jump walk,
707
00:35:51,380 --> 00:35:52,740
dead women tell no tales.
708
00:35:52,940 --> 00:35:54,540
It's a shred of gobbledygook.
709
00:35:54,740 --> 00:35:57,180
- Actually, it
makes perfect sense.
710
00:35:57,380 --> 00:36:00,100
I spoke to Colonel
Prentice, your ex-CO.
711
00:36:00,300 --> 00:36:02,340
He told me about the accident
712
00:36:02,540 --> 00:36:04,380
and the real reason for
your medical discharge.
713
00:36:04,420 --> 00:36:06,920
It was not an accident!
714
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:16,000
It wasn't an accident.
715
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:23,720
We were short on equipment,
and a belay snapped.
716
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:27,160
Three of my men...
717
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:34,300
my friends, fell 500
feet to their deaths.
718
00:36:34,500 --> 00:36:36,116
And the only reason I
didn't join them was cos
719
00:36:36,140 --> 00:36:39,040
I was at the top of the rope
and managed to cut it in time.
720
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:45,280
I was left dangling on
that rock face for two days
721
00:36:45,460 --> 00:36:48,180
before they got a
chopper out to rescue me.
722
00:36:48,380 --> 00:36:51,740
- After which you suffered
a nervous breakdown
723
00:36:51,940 --> 00:36:54,220
and spent nine months in a
military psychiatric hospital
724
00:36:54,420 --> 00:36:57,020
before you were
medically discharged.
725
00:36:57,220 --> 00:36:59,860
- They were "decent" enough to
leave it off my permanent record
726
00:37:00,060 --> 00:37:02,020
because career prospects
for an ex-soldier
727
00:37:02,220 --> 00:37:04,740
with shell shock are limited.
728
00:37:04,940 --> 00:37:07,140
- They left another
thing off your record...
729
00:37:07,340 --> 00:37:09,196
The reason why you couldn't
continue your career
730
00:37:09,220 --> 00:37:10,500
in the marines.
731
00:37:10,700 --> 00:37:13,700
A morbid fear of heights.
732
00:37:13,900 --> 00:37:15,720
I tried to tell her.
733
00:37:18,720 --> 00:37:20,940
I tried.
734
00:37:21,140 --> 00:37:24,620
She just... wouldn't listen.
735
00:37:24,820 --> 00:37:27,020
I told her everything,
736
00:37:27,220 --> 00:37:30,700
why I couldn't do it, and
do you know what she said?
737
00:37:40,900 --> 00:37:44,060
Oh, for goodness sake.
738
00:37:44,260 --> 00:37:45,740
Who's there?
739
00:37:50,740 --> 00:37:52,260
What are you doing?
740
00:37:56,540 --> 00:37:58,100
I can explain.
741
00:37:58,300 --> 00:38:00,500
- I think I can see what's
in front of my own eyes.
742
00:38:00,700 --> 00:38:02,476
What
on earth are you thinking?
743
00:38:02,500 --> 00:38:05,060
This stunt is madness.
744
00:38:05,260 --> 00:38:06,980
We have to stop before
someone gets killed.
745
00:38:07,180 --> 00:38:10,300
- Fiddlesticks.
- I know what I'm talking about!
746
00:38:10,500 --> 00:38:12,420
- Dear boy, the only
reason I hired you
747
00:38:12,620 --> 00:38:13,980
was to play action man.
748
00:38:14,180 --> 00:38:15,700
- Yeah, driving tanks
and racing cars.
749
00:38:15,900 --> 00:38:17,740
Not this!
750
00:38:17,940 --> 00:38:19,220
It's your choice.
751
00:38:19,420 --> 00:38:21,820
Jump or walk the plank.
752
00:38:22,020 --> 00:38:23,476
Unless you want
everyone to think of you
753
00:38:23,500 --> 00:38:25,140
as a cowardly custard.
754
00:38:25,340 --> 00:38:27,020
Cowardly custard.
755
00:38:27,220 --> 00:38:28,540
Cowardly custard.
756
00:38:32,780 --> 00:38:34,260
Cowardly custard.
757
00:38:35,780 --> 00:38:37,420
Cowardly.
758
00:38:37,620 --> 00:38:39,420
Cowardly custard. Cowardly.
759
00:38:39,620 --> 00:38:42,220
Aah!
760
00:38:42,420 --> 00:38:44,740
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
761
00:38:44,940 --> 00:38:46,420
Cowardly custard.
762
00:38:46,620 --> 00:38:48,940
Uh-oh. No. Uh-oh. No.
763
00:38:54,860 --> 00:38:57,100
Dead women tell no tales.
764
00:39:05,740 --> 00:39:07,440
It was me.
765
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:12,840
But it... it wasn't me.
766
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:17,596
I can't explain it. It was like
I was watching somebody else.
767
00:39:17,620 --> 00:39:19,720
And when I came
to, she was dead.
768
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:25,920
I've killed countless people.
769
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:39,100
But this is the first one
770
00:39:39,300 --> 00:39:40,780
I actually deserve
to be punished for,
771
00:39:40,860 --> 00:39:44,580
so you might as well
get it over with.
772
00:39:44,780 --> 00:39:46,780
- Sometimes the
worst battle scars
773
00:39:46,980 --> 00:39:49,980
are the ones that are invisible.
774
00:39:50,180 --> 00:39:52,180
I'm obliged to charge you.
775
00:39:52,380 --> 00:39:54,620
However...
776
00:39:54,820 --> 00:39:56,340
I'll be recommending
777
00:39:56,540 --> 00:39:59,540
that you have a full
psychiatric evaluation.
778
00:40:04,260 --> 00:40:07,940
- So, that's all the
safety checks performed,
779
00:40:08,140 --> 00:40:10,480
which means it's time to...
780
00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:15,380
Okay, then.
781
00:40:15,580 --> 00:40:17,120
Wish me luck.
782
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:25,580
- Cut camera.
- Sorry.
783
00:40:25,780 --> 00:40:27,380
It's okay, Danny.
784
00:40:27,580 --> 00:40:29,460
It's okay, Danny. It's okay.
785
00:40:29,660 --> 00:40:30,960
- I'm sorry. I...
786
00:40:36,340 --> 00:40:40,700
- And now I'm abseiling
down Broadway Tower.
787
00:40:40,900 --> 00:40:42,980
Whoo-hoo!
788
00:40:43,180 --> 00:40:45,220
We're back on in 10.9...
789
00:40:45,420 --> 00:40:46,700
Thank you, sir.
790
00:40:46,900 --> 00:40:49,580
She's completely
fearless. Up for anything.
791
00:40:49,780 --> 00:40:52,340
Said she'll scale Nelson's
column without a harness.
792
00:40:52,540 --> 00:40:55,100
- And if that wasn't
exciting enough,
793
00:40:55,300 --> 00:40:58,500
later, you'll see how
Poopdeck Pete was rescued
794
00:40:58,700 --> 00:41:01,100
by a local bird ventriloquist.
795
00:41:01,300 --> 00:41:03,340
- But before we leave
Great Slaughter,
796
00:41:03,540 --> 00:41:05,380
Sister Boniface has
agreed to come here
797
00:41:05,580 --> 00:41:08,720
and show you how
stink bombs are made.
798
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:13,460
Hello.
799
00:41:13,660 --> 00:41:16,180
I'm Sister Boniface.
800
00:41:16,380 --> 00:41:19,020
Today, I'm going
to make stink bombs
801
00:41:19,220 --> 00:41:23,820
with the help of my trusty
assistant, Sister Peter.
802
00:41:24,020 --> 00:41:26,380
Sister Peter?
803
00:41:26,580 --> 00:41:29,340
- Sister?
- Hello.
804
00:41:29,540 --> 00:41:33,900
- And here are the
ingredients we'll be using.
805
00:41:34,100 --> 00:41:36,560
- It's going awfully
well, isn't it?
806
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:43,300
- Now all that remains is
to add ammonium sulphide
807
00:41:43,500 --> 00:41:46,500
which will react with
moisture, hydrolyzes,
808
00:41:46,700 --> 00:41:49,940
and a mixture of hydrogen
sulphide to release ammonia.
809
00:41:50,140 --> 00:41:51,840
If Sister Peter
could do the honours.
810
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:57,860
No! Not that one, Sister!
811
00:41:58,060 --> 00:41:59,980
That isn't ammonium sulphide!
812
00:42:02,700 --> 00:42:04,260
Oh, dear.
813
00:42:09,820 --> 00:42:11,420
And remember, children.
814
00:42:11,620 --> 00:42:13,740
- Don't try this at home.
- Don't try this at home.59392
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