1 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:13,100 The time now is five o'clock. 2 00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:22,800 Trevor, it's on! 3 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:26,160 - Hello. - Hello. 4 00:00:26,340 --> 00:00:29,900 Avast ye landlubbers. 5 00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:32,340 - Today we are going to be looking at making jelly eggs. 6 00:00:32,540 --> 00:00:35,900 Ohh! 7 00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:39,900 - And finally finish off with a lovely dollop of cream. 8 00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:41,460 It looks very splendid, I think. 9 00:00:41,660 --> 00:00:43,140 And so does Bill's by the looks of it. 10 00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:45,340 Treasure. Argh. 11 00:00:45,540 --> 00:00:47,660 - And can we get a close-up of Danny's? 12 00:00:47,860 --> 00:00:49,540 - And camera one, close-up. 13 00:00:49,740 --> 00:00:52,380 - Or in my case a jelly omelette. 14 00:00:52,580 --> 00:00:56,500 Walk the plank, you scurvy knave. 15 00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:58,420 - Oh, that's quite enough of this! 16 00:00:58,620 --> 00:01:00,580 Dinah! 17 00:01:00,780 --> 00:01:02,660 - Finish now and go to the telecine. 18 00:01:02,860 --> 00:01:04,380 And there we are. 19 00:01:04,580 --> 00:01:07,260 A very delicious idea for a tea party. 20 00:01:07,460 --> 00:01:10,340 - On Monday, I went to Silverstone race track 21 00:01:10,540 --> 00:01:14,460 to try out the latest Formula One racing car. 22 00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:17,100 Run telecine. 23 00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:19,220 - And cut. - I'm gone for a few weeks 24 00:01:19,420 --> 00:01:22,060 - and while the cat's away? - Thank you, Sandy. 25 00:01:22,260 --> 00:01:24,580 - What were you thinking, letting the boys do the cooking? 26 00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:27,540 - The children love it. We've had lots of letters. 27 00:01:27,740 --> 00:01:30,380 - Children don't want to see grownups playing silly billies. 28 00:01:30,580 --> 00:01:32,660 And talking of letters, care to explain? 29 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,060 It's for the summer road show. 30 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:35,380 Didn't you edit them? 31 00:01:35,580 --> 00:01:37,220 - I just assumed all of them went in. 32 00:01:37,420 --> 00:01:40,060 - No, dear. Because then we run the risk 33 00:01:40,260 --> 00:01:41,820 of ending up in some godforsaken place 34 00:01:42,020 --> 00:01:44,060 in the middle of nowhere with nothing to film. 35 00:01:44,260 --> 00:01:46,620 On air in 5, 4... 36 00:01:46,820 --> 00:01:48,380 Sit up straight. 37 00:01:48,580 --> 00:01:50,360 You'd better just hope for your sake. 38 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:56,180 - As you know, our Summer Roadshow is next month, 39 00:01:56,380 --> 00:01:59,180 and we've received hundreds of letters from you 40 00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:02,580 asking us to come stay in your neck of the woods. 41 00:02:02,780 --> 00:02:04,860 So if Bill will do the honours? 42 00:02:05,060 --> 00:02:06,220 Aye aye. 43 00:02:06,420 --> 00:02:07,500 In here somewhere. 44 00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:09,980 Not this one. 45 00:02:10,180 --> 00:02:12,620 Ah-ha! 46 00:02:12,820 --> 00:02:15,180 - Thank you, Bill. - Aye aye. 47 00:02:15,380 --> 00:02:17,700 - And this letter is from Trevor, 48 00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:19,700 - aged 7... - It's mine. Mum! Mum! It's mine! 49 00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:21,500 Who lives in... 50 00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:27,100 Great Slaughter. 51 00:02:57,980 --> 00:02:59,340 Quiet, please. 52 00:02:59,540 --> 00:03:02,340 Run camera, action. 53 00:03:02,540 --> 00:03:04,316 - The exciting thing about the summer road show 54 00:03:04,340 --> 00:03:06,700 is we never know what we will find. 55 00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:09,340 But we certainly weren't expecting this. 56 00:03:09,540 --> 00:03:11,940 - Now, I expect you think Nuns spend all day praying 57 00:03:12,140 --> 00:03:13,860 and eating fish on Fridays. 58 00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:16,060 But here at St Vincent's convent, 59 00:03:16,260 --> 00:03:17,940 they do something very different. 60 00:03:18,140 --> 00:03:21,140 - Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum. 61 00:03:21,340 --> 00:03:23,340 - It isn't rum, Bill. - Aw. 62 00:03:23,540 --> 00:03:26,060 - Later on, Sister Boniface will be showing you 63 00:03:26,260 --> 00:03:28,620 how she turns these... 64 00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:30,820 into wine. 65 00:03:31,020 --> 00:03:32,700 A simple chemical reaction. 66 00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:35,380 Anthocyanins malvidin, 3 glucoside flavone, 67 00:03:35,580 --> 00:03:38,060 3 Catechin, 86% water, 12% ethanol, 68 00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:41,560 1% glycerol, 0.4% organic acids. 69 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,300 Was I supposed to do that bit later? 70 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:47,380 Here's one we made earlier. 71 00:03:47,580 --> 00:03:50,100 - Only 5/6 a bottle with a 5% case discount 72 00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:51,460 and 10% on bulk orders. 73 00:03:51,660 --> 00:03:52,860 Very good. 74 00:03:53,060 --> 00:03:55,580 Cut. Thank you. 75 00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:57,900 - How was that? Did I come in too early? 76 00:04:00,220 --> 00:04:01,580 Our grand cru. 77 00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:03,260 A light bodied red 78 00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,580 with a subtle hint of raspberries and black pepper. 79 00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:07,780 That is a lot of wine. 80 00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:10,140 - Yeah. Six thousand bottles a year. 81 00:04:10,340 --> 00:04:12,860 90% we sell retail. The rest... 82 00:04:13,060 --> 00:04:14,780 "Gifts and services." 83 00:04:14,980 --> 00:04:16,940 - Gifts and services? - Yeah. 84 00:04:17,140 --> 00:04:20,340 Put simply, say we get a burst pipe. 85 00:04:20,540 --> 00:04:23,060 You're a plumber. You fix my pipe. 86 00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:27,420 I "gift" you a crate of grand cru to say "thank you." 87 00:04:27,620 --> 00:04:30,100 Meaning the taxman don't get a sniff either side, 88 00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:32,460 so it's a win-win. 89 00:04:32,660 --> 00:04:35,020 And don't worry, kids, because it's all perfectly legal. 90 00:04:37,340 --> 00:04:38,540 Cut! 91 00:04:38,740 --> 00:04:40,500 We'll wrap this, thank you. 92 00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:42,240 A word. 93 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:48,020 Finish up, then I want you 94 00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:50,260 and the presenters at the "studio" for a meeting. 95 00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:52,236 Although why you couldn't find anywhere more suitable 96 00:04:52,260 --> 00:04:53,260 than a village hall is... 97 00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:55,860 We were limited for choice. 98 00:04:56,060 --> 00:04:57,860 How was your meeting with the Controller? 99 00:04:58,060 --> 00:05:00,140 Not a happy chappy. 100 00:05:00,340 --> 00:05:01,780 Viewing figures are in free fall. 101 00:05:01,980 --> 00:05:03,540 Hardly a surprise given your shenanigans 102 00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:05,156 - in my absence. - Actually they rose while I... 103 00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:07,500 And will be even unhappier 104 00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:10,060 when we give the kiddies a crash course in tax evasion. 105 00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:11,780 - Obviously we're not gonna use that... 106 00:05:11,820 --> 00:05:15,220 - When this week is mercifully over, 107 00:05:15,420 --> 00:05:19,100 I think you should look for a nice little job in Radio. 108 00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:20,980 No need for a gloomy face. 109 00:05:21,180 --> 00:05:22,860 It's for the best. 110 00:05:23,060 --> 00:05:25,880 Some people just aren't cut out for children's television. 111 00:05:44,780 --> 00:05:46,140 Go on. In. 112 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:57,100 - Dinah's not here. She's late. She is never late. 113 00:05:57,300 --> 00:05:59,076 Let's just hope she not been stuck in a car accident. 114 00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:00,700 Nice to see you. 115 00:06:00,900 --> 00:06:03,740 Dead women tell no tales. 116 00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:05,740 Dead women tell no tales. 117 00:06:05,940 --> 00:06:06,940 On air in 10. 118 00:06:07,140 --> 00:06:08,420 Can we get him out, please? 119 00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:09,620 He can't go on like this. 120 00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:13,220 Dead women tell no tales. 121 00:06:13,420 --> 00:06:15,780 - Quiet, please. Thank you. - Okay. Ready? 122 00:06:15,980 --> 00:06:17,900 Good. 123 00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:21,520 On air in five, four... 124 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:39,880 - Hello. - Hello. 125 00:06:39,940 --> 00:06:42,100 Yo, ho, ho. 126 00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:45,060 - You may have noticed we're not in our usual studio. 127 00:06:45,260 --> 00:06:47,100 We're in our temporary road show studio 128 00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:49,540 here in Great Slaughter. 129 00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:51,500 And what a week we've got lined up for you. 130 00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:53,820 - Including a very exciting announcement 131 00:06:54,020 --> 00:06:58,660 where Danny and I will be explaining what these are for. 132 00:06:58,860 --> 00:07:01,140 Coming to two. 133 00:07:01,340 --> 00:07:04,020 - You'd never believe it was made of lolly sticks, would you? 134 00:07:04,220 --> 00:07:06,380 And now it only needs varnishing. 135 00:07:06,580 --> 00:07:10,460 - But as the glue on this hasn't had time to dry yet, 136 00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:12,040 here's one we made earlier. 137 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:18,460 - At least we hope there's one we made earlier. 138 00:07:18,660 --> 00:07:21,660 Danny appears to be having trouble finding it. 139 00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:22,860 Is that a...? 140 00:07:23,020 --> 00:07:25,380 I think I need a "hand." 141 00:07:29,540 --> 00:07:31,220 - Stay off camera two. Off camera two! 142 00:07:31,420 --> 00:07:35,300 Maybe some "body" hid it. 143 00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:37,700 They'd be "dead" if they did! 144 00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:40,140 Oh! There we are. 145 00:07:40,340 --> 00:07:41,620 Found it. 146 00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:46,540 Finish up now! 147 00:07:50,740 --> 00:07:53,500 A lovely lolly stick pipe rack 148 00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:56,060 which I'm sure any father would be delighted 149 00:07:56,260 --> 00:07:58,260 - to receive as a present. - Go to telecine! 150 00:07:58,460 --> 00:08:00,820 - But unfortunately we've run out of time. 151 00:08:01,020 --> 00:08:03,660 So now over to Jono to tell us more about what we found 152 00:08:03,860 --> 00:08:05,860 in Great Slaughter yesterday. 153 00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:13,220 - Yesterday we visited St Vincent's convent 154 00:08:13,420 --> 00:08:18,220 where we met a group of very unusual Nuns. 155 00:08:18,420 --> 00:08:20,420 Run telecine! 156 00:08:35,940 --> 00:08:37,140 What have you got? 157 00:08:37,340 --> 00:08:39,540 A button. Lodged in her teeth. 158 00:08:39,740 --> 00:08:41,380 We'll have to wait for the post mortem, 159 00:08:41,580 --> 00:08:44,860 but I'm 99.98 percent certain cause of death was asphyxiation. 160 00:08:45,060 --> 00:08:46,180 She was smothered. 161 00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:47,440 Mm. 162 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:51,700 Anything else? 163 00:08:51,900 --> 00:08:53,460 A forensic nightmare. 164 00:08:53,660 --> 00:08:55,716 The corpse was moved, thus rendering all trace evidence 165 00:08:55,740 --> 00:08:58,940 contaminated by Uncle Tom Cobley and a television crew. 166 00:08:59,140 --> 00:09:00,860 A veritable pig's ear of a crime scene. 167 00:09:01,060 --> 00:09:03,380 Yes. So, on balance. 168 00:09:03,580 --> 00:09:05,300 Not the most propitious news. 169 00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:06,820 - The set was prepared last night. 170 00:09:06,860 --> 00:09:08,100 It wasn't until during filming 171 00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:09,756 when they pulled back the curtain and... 172 00:09:09,780 --> 00:09:11,900 - Noticed the deceased body under the workbench. 173 00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:14,660 Yeah. Dinah Morgan. 174 00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:16,100 She's the show's editor. 175 00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:17,476 She called a meeting here last night 176 00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:20,140 at which only four people were present, 177 00:09:20,340 --> 00:09:24,020 three of the presenters and the producer, Fliss Forsyth. 178 00:09:24,220 --> 00:09:26,260 - Can you and Button do a search for me? 179 00:09:26,460 --> 00:09:29,100 Keep your eyes peeled for... 180 00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:30,820 Something short of a button. 181 00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:33,740 Perhaps a pair of gloves. 182 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,460 Meanwhile, let's start 183 00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:38,060 with the last four people to see her alive. 184 00:09:38,260 --> 00:09:39,740 Do you know what happened? 185 00:09:39,940 --> 00:09:42,460 - We'd have a better idea if you hadn't moved the body. 186 00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:44,980 You do realise that willfully disturbing a crime scene 187 00:09:45,180 --> 00:09:46,700 is an offence? 188 00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:48,796 - Not as offensive as presenting to the nation's children 189 00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:49,980 with a corpse at our feet. 190 00:09:50,180 --> 00:09:51,940 Morality versus pragmatism. 191 00:09:52,140 --> 00:09:54,860 Quite a philosophical conundrum. 192 00:09:55,060 --> 00:09:57,220 - Miss Morgan called the four of you here last night. 193 00:09:57,420 --> 00:09:58,780 Why was that? 194 00:09:58,980 --> 00:10:01,460 - Dinah made an addition to the shooting schedule. 195 00:10:01,660 --> 00:10:02,660 It's not unusual. 196 00:10:02,820 --> 00:10:03,980 So apart from some 197 00:10:04,180 --> 00:10:06,260 highly unsuitable alcohol producing Nuns, 198 00:10:06,460 --> 00:10:08,660 we have what exactly? 199 00:10:08,860 --> 00:10:11,500 - Oh, a local farmer who found a Roman amphora 200 00:10:11,700 --> 00:10:14,100 in a field of mangold wurzels. 201 00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:16,500 - The children will be on the edge of their seats. 202 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:19,620 And you managed to miss the one thing of note in the vicinity. 203 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,340 Broadway Tower. 204 00:10:21,540 --> 00:10:25,060 The highest man-made structure in the Cotswolds. 205 00:10:25,260 --> 00:10:27,660 - Sounds as exciting as a geography school trip. 206 00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:30,820 - The boys are going to do a stunt. 207 00:10:31,020 --> 00:10:32,700 - A stunt? - Yes, Daniel. 208 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:35,100 A dangerous deed of derring-do. 209 00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:37,900 You're going to abseil off the tower. 210 00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:39,180 You lost me at dangerous. 211 00:10:39,380 --> 00:10:40,860 I can do heights. 212 00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:43,900 - Hardly the example we want to set to young girls. 213 00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:45,500 It's perfectly safe. Tell him, Jono. 214 00:10:45,620 --> 00:10:47,860 I'm sure you did it all the time in the army. 215 00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:50,140 Yeah. Piece of cake. 216 00:10:50,340 --> 00:10:52,020 - Jono's an ex-marine. 217 00:10:52,220 --> 00:10:54,980 "Danny" spent 2 years national service, spud bashing duty. 218 00:10:55,180 --> 00:10:56,796 We'll do a feature to announce it tomorrow. 219 00:10:56,820 --> 00:10:58,900 Cut Sandy's dolls' house. 220 00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:00,860 But that's my only segment. 221 00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:04,740 - Well... help Danny with the pipe rack. 222 00:11:04,940 --> 00:11:06,380 Children are bored of dolls. 223 00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:08,900 Less make and bake, more derring-do. 224 00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:11,260 Even if it does mean changes to the line-up. 225 00:11:13,460 --> 00:11:16,980 Dressing rooms. Chop-chop. 226 00:11:17,180 --> 00:11:18,860 No going home till they're learnt. 227 00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:22,020 Now turn those frowns upside down 228 00:11:22,220 --> 00:11:27,220 and remember it's all about the children. 229 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:30,820 - These changes would have made you somewhat redundant? 230 00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:32,340 Perhaps my ambitions extend 231 00:11:32,540 --> 00:11:34,660 beyond playing housewife in front of a camera. 232 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:37,780 - Yeah, I heard there's a vacancy at the 9 O'clock News. 233 00:11:37,980 --> 00:11:39,900 You never know. 234 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,420 And at least "I" won't be typecast 235 00:11:41,620 --> 00:11:42,660 as a children's presenter. 236 00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:43,900 Lip it. 237 00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:45,420 They'll be thinking all sorts. 238 00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:47,660 They are thinking all sorts. 239 00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:49,620 They think one of us killed her. 240 00:11:49,820 --> 00:11:51,140 That's absurd. 241 00:11:51,340 --> 00:11:53,180 Surely someone must have broken in. 242 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,900 Perhaps she disturbed an intruder? 243 00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:57,540 - That's what we're trying to ascertain. 244 00:11:57,740 --> 00:11:59,260 What happened after the meeting? 245 00:11:59,460 --> 00:12:01,340 - Dinah and I went to the production studio 246 00:12:01,540 --> 00:12:03,460 to draw up a new schedule. 247 00:12:03,660 --> 00:12:05,420 She left for home first. 248 00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:08,900 She was driving back to London, so left around 9:30. 249 00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:10,900 She'd left her handbag in the studio 250 00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:11,740 and went back to fetch it. 251 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:14,700 Is that when it happened? 252 00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,460 - That would fit with the rigor mortis. 253 00:12:17,660 --> 00:12:18,740 And the rest of you? 254 00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:20,500 We did as we were told. 255 00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:22,780 Went back to our dressing rooms to learn our scripts. 256 00:12:22,980 --> 00:12:25,540 Fliss called taxis at 10 o'clock and we went back to the hotel. 257 00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:27,060 Cowardly custard. 258 00:12:27,260 --> 00:12:29,340 Dead women tell. Cowardly custard. 259 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,740 Dead women tell no tales. 260 00:12:31,940 --> 00:12:33,560 Can you get him out? 261 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:46,940 - I presume that isn't Police issue uniform, WPC Button? 262 00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:48,660 It's my Jolly Roger badge. 263 00:12:48,860 --> 00:12:50,660 I got it for collecting 8,000 milk bottle tops 264 00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:53,660 for the African famine. 265 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,116 - Would it not have been more preferable 266 00:12:55,140 --> 00:12:57,540 to send them the milk? 267 00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:03,700 It's a bit early in the day for an Irish coffee, no? 268 00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:05,636 - You can't post milk with a second class stamp 269 00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:06,980 and an envelope. 270 00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:24,780 Sarge. 271 00:13:24,980 --> 00:13:26,460 Is this what we're looking for? 272 00:13:26,660 --> 00:13:29,900 - We found empty whisky bottles in your dressing room. 273 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,316 - I like a drink. It's not a crime. 274 00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:32,580 Thankfully not. 275 00:13:32,780 --> 00:13:34,820 But presenting drunk to the nation's children 276 00:13:35,020 --> 00:13:36,020 is a different matter. 277 00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:37,940 I've never. 278 00:13:38,140 --> 00:13:39,680 It's just... 279 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,420 It's just enough to take the edge off. 280 00:13:45,620 --> 00:13:47,316 And for the most part, I can keep the beast at bay. 281 00:13:47,340 --> 00:13:49,460 Only every so often, it pounces. 282 00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:51,980 Call it a souvenir from Korea. 283 00:13:52,180 --> 00:13:54,420 - Military? - Marines. 284 00:13:54,620 --> 00:13:58,460 I was invalided out after a botched raid in Pyongyang. 285 00:13:58,660 --> 00:14:02,300 - War has driven better men than me to drink. 286 00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:03,900 In my experience, ex-soldiers 287 00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:06,000 all find their own ways to forget. 288 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,180 You, uh, have a button missing. 289 00:14:13,380 --> 00:14:15,620 - Well, that certainly isn't a crime. 290 00:14:15,820 --> 00:14:16,980 Oh, I see. 291 00:14:17,180 --> 00:14:18,340 You think I killed Dinah 292 00:14:18,540 --> 00:14:20,220 cos she found out I was drinking? 293 00:14:20,420 --> 00:14:21,980 - Well, the thought has crossed my mind. 294 00:14:22,140 --> 00:14:24,700 - Trust me. If Dinah had found out, it wouldn't be a secret. 295 00:14:24,900 --> 00:14:26,676 She'd have hauled me in irons in front of the whole crew 296 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,400 and forced me to walk the plank. 297 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,820 Ask anyone. 298 00:14:35,020 --> 00:14:36,580 I certainly will. 299 00:14:40,820 --> 00:14:42,260 Dinah Morgan. 300 00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:45,500 Editor of Britain's most popular children's TV show. 301 00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:47,580 The building was surrounded by fences. 302 00:14:47,780 --> 00:14:50,580 The security guard didn't see any intruders, 303 00:14:50,780 --> 00:14:54,340 so that leaves us with four with known opportunity. 304 00:14:54,540 --> 00:14:58,140 Danny Lemon. A club comedian and ventriloquist. 305 00:14:58,340 --> 00:15:00,700 He shot to fame when he won New Talent. 306 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,460 Sandy Shanks. 307 00:15:02,660 --> 00:15:05,340 She started her career as a circus trapeze act 308 00:15:05,540 --> 00:15:07,500 then a dancer for the black and white Minstrels 309 00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:10,300 before going into television presenting. 310 00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:13,260 Dinah planned a re-jig at the show. 311 00:15:13,460 --> 00:15:15,500 That made her job redundant. 312 00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,000 Jono Hardy? 313 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:22,940 - Jono Hardy, ex-marine turned children's television presenter 314 00:15:23,140 --> 00:15:26,580 and also the longest serving member of the cast. 315 00:15:26,780 --> 00:15:28,500 - What shall we do with a drunken sailor? 316 00:15:30,900 --> 00:15:32,500 Very good. 317 00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:36,060 - Erm, Dinah ran a "tight" ship by all accounts. 318 00:15:36,260 --> 00:15:37,660 Any news on the button? 319 00:15:37,860 --> 00:15:40,660 - Negative, I'm afraid. They aren't a match. 320 00:15:40,860 --> 00:15:44,540 - And finally, Fliss Forsyth, the show's producer. 321 00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:47,260 - Ex-producer. 322 00:15:47,460 --> 00:15:49,740 The boss gave her her marching orders yesterday. 323 00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:51,180 Oh, right. 324 00:15:51,380 --> 00:15:52,900 Reverend Mother is enquiring 325 00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,820 if you will be gracing us with your presence for compline. 326 00:15:56,020 --> 00:15:58,700 - Oh, right, yes, of course. Erm... 327 00:15:58,900 --> 00:16:00,220 Are you sure about this? 328 00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:02,220 - Just cos my ears are covered in a wimple 329 00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:04,060 - don't mean I'm deaf. - "Hear hear!" 330 00:16:04,260 --> 00:16:05,260 Thanks, Reg. 331 00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:07,180 Don't mention it. 332 00:16:07,380 --> 00:16:09,460 Move it or she'll be chewing up the pews. 333 00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:11,300 - Could you do the honours? - Oh, oh, yes. 334 00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:14,300 - Just pull the, erm... - Yeah, of course. 335 00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:15,660 Right, no time. No time. 336 00:16:15,860 --> 00:16:17,340 - Oh, oh... 337 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,380 - I didn't think it was relevant. - Not relevant? 338 00:16:29,580 --> 00:16:32,340 She sacked you a few hours before she was murdered. 339 00:16:32,540 --> 00:16:34,620 - We'd had a bad day's filming, is all. 340 00:16:34,820 --> 00:16:35,980 She didn't mean it. 341 00:16:36,180 --> 00:16:38,220 It's television. Things get heated. 342 00:16:38,420 --> 00:16:40,740 - Can you tell us what you argued about? 343 00:16:40,940 --> 00:16:44,180 Professional differences. 344 00:16:44,380 --> 00:16:46,700 I took over while Dinah was on Jury service for 3 months, 345 00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:49,700 and she didn't approve of some of my changes. 346 00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:51,220 Namely? 347 00:16:51,420 --> 00:16:52,980 - Dinah's of a different generation. 348 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,980 The world's changed. 349 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,796 Children don't want to be like their parents 350 00:16:56,820 --> 00:16:59,140 or to be lectured to by adults. 351 00:16:59,340 --> 00:17:01,260 They want to do things their own way. 352 00:17:01,460 --> 00:17:03,580 - Or your way now you're the one in charge. 353 00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:05,500 Miss Forsyth? 354 00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:06,700 What's up, Neil? 355 00:17:06,780 --> 00:17:08,260 Pete's escaped. 356 00:17:22,220 --> 00:17:24,500 - What are you doing? - Oh! 357 00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:26,900 The Sisters collected it for this year's appeal. 358 00:17:27,100 --> 00:17:28,820 A log cabin for old aged pensioners 359 00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:32,140 which Reverend Mother deemed worthy of... 360 00:17:32,340 --> 00:17:35,260 Oh, I see. Yes, right. 361 00:17:35,460 --> 00:17:37,460 Well, either by chance or divine intervention, 362 00:17:37,660 --> 00:17:40,100 my arrival coincided with the discovery 363 00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:42,980 of Poopdeck Pete's break for freedom. 364 00:17:43,180 --> 00:17:46,620 Or rather, I suspect, this was no escape. 365 00:17:46,820 --> 00:17:49,740 It was attempted parrotcide. 366 00:17:49,940 --> 00:17:51,020 You must be joking. 367 00:17:51,220 --> 00:17:53,060 Sniff. 368 00:17:53,260 --> 00:17:55,260 Sodium hypochlorite mixed with acetic acid. 369 00:17:55,460 --> 00:17:58,140 One that most definitely should not be tried at home. 370 00:17:58,340 --> 00:17:59,540 No? 371 00:17:59,740 --> 00:18:02,300 In laymen's terms, bleach and vinegar, 372 00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,420 AKA homemade chlorine gas, 373 00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:06,340 which Pete strenuously protested to, 374 00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:08,580 judging by the blood and tissue on the calamus 375 00:18:08,780 --> 00:18:10,900 which was obviously wrested with some force. 376 00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:13,180 Poor chap, it seems, fled for his life. 377 00:18:13,380 --> 00:18:14,740 Have you a theory as to why? 378 00:18:14,940 --> 00:18:16,260 Recall as you will 379 00:18:16,460 --> 00:18:19,020 his behaviour the day after the murder. 380 00:18:19,220 --> 00:18:21,980 Dead women tell no tales. 381 00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:24,260 - "Dead women tell no tales." 382 00:18:24,460 --> 00:18:26,220 Parrots are gifted mimics. 383 00:18:26,420 --> 00:18:30,180 I think Pete was recounting the final moments of Dinah Morgan. 384 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:41,540 Take your time, Mr. Pete. 385 00:18:41,740 --> 00:18:45,340 If you recognise the person you saw, you let me know. 386 00:18:46,940 --> 00:18:49,460 Sister! 387 00:18:49,660 --> 00:18:51,140 Sister? 388 00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:55,020 - Still. Some good news, at least. 389 00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:57,140 - Our only eyewitness is an escaped parrot. 390 00:18:57,340 --> 00:18:59,900 I fail to see how that could be filed under "good." 391 00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:02,060 - Yes, well, when you put it like that... 392 00:19:02,260 --> 00:19:03,780 - We did discover one thing, though. 393 00:19:03,980 --> 00:19:07,340 Dinah Morgan had just returned from Jury service. 394 00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:10,380 - For three months, so it wasn't a shoplifting case. 395 00:19:10,580 --> 00:19:13,420 - Exactly. It's a long shot, but it's worth checking out. 396 00:19:16,420 --> 00:19:18,300 Right. I must fly. 397 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,780 The sisters' moment of glory beckons. 398 00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:26,980 - The Nuns here all take the name of male saints. 399 00:19:27,180 --> 00:19:29,500 And the Reverend Mother of St Vincent's namesake 400 00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:32,580 has a rather interesting story involving a lion, 401 00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:34,740 which Sister Reginald and Sister Peter have come 402 00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:37,140 to tell us all about. 403 00:19:37,340 --> 00:19:39,740 St Adrian of Nicomedia. 404 00:19:39,940 --> 00:19:42,620 An officer in Imperial Rome who, 405 00:19:42,820 --> 00:19:45,860 whilst watching the Christians being cruelly tortured to death, 406 00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:48,420 was so struck by their fortitude 407 00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,620 converted to Christianity on the spot. 408 00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:52,820 An inspiring story. 409 00:19:53,020 --> 00:19:55,420 - He was promptly arrested and sentenced to death 410 00:19:55,620 --> 00:19:58,100 - by being thrown to a lion. - Ah. 411 00:19:58,300 --> 00:20:00,740 - But, like Daniel in the lion's den, 412 00:20:00,940 --> 00:20:04,180 the vicious beast refused to touch a hair on his head. 413 00:20:04,380 --> 00:20:07,500 So a happy ending. 414 00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:09,500 - Well, not likely. Being eaten by lions 415 00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:10,940 would have been a blessing. 416 00:20:11,140 --> 00:20:13,900 Instead, he was hacked to pieces with a sword 417 00:20:14,100 --> 00:20:15,100 and thrown on the fire. 418 00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:17,180 A glorious martyr's death. 419 00:20:17,380 --> 00:20:18,740 If you say so. 420 00:20:18,940 --> 00:20:21,060 - Of course, that was thousands of years ago, 421 00:20:21,260 --> 00:20:24,560 and lucky for us, these things don't happen these days. 422 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,740 - Well, Sister? - Yo, ho, ho. 423 00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:29,940 Avast, ye landlubbers. 424 00:20:30,140 --> 00:20:32,700 Yes, well, that was 425 00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:35,940 certainly very, erm... educational. 426 00:20:36,140 --> 00:20:38,260 - Tomorrow, Danny and I will be attempting 427 00:20:38,460 --> 00:20:41,220 Jolly Roger's first-ever stunt. 428 00:20:41,420 --> 00:20:43,540 - I thought about joining the Teaching Order, 429 00:20:43,740 --> 00:20:46,500 but the thought of all those kids was way too off-putting. 430 00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:48,180 - Aye-aye. 431 00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:51,180 - Make sure to tune in, and until then, it's goodbye 432 00:20:51,380 --> 00:20:53,900 from our Summer studio in Great Slaughter. 433 00:20:54,100 --> 00:20:56,260 - Goodbye. - Goodbye. 434 00:21:05,620 --> 00:21:07,540 Eye. 435 00:21:07,740 --> 00:21:10,700 I wonder. 436 00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:12,580 Excuse me. Duty calls. 437 00:21:35,780 --> 00:21:37,260 Bingo. 438 00:21:49,580 --> 00:21:51,740 - Hello? What time do you call this? 439 00:21:51,940 --> 00:21:54,220 Who is this? Declare yourself! 440 00:21:54,420 --> 00:21:58,460 This is a respectable establishment, not a night... 441 00:22:20,820 --> 00:22:22,300 Run camera. 442 00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:26,380 Marker. Slate 32, take 2. 443 00:22:26,580 --> 00:22:27,580 Action! 444 00:22:27,660 --> 00:22:28,820 Lady Coventry wondered 445 00:22:29,020 --> 00:22:31,060 whether a beacon from the top of this hill 446 00:22:31,260 --> 00:22:33,860 could be seen from her house 22 miles away 447 00:22:34,060 --> 00:22:37,620 and ordered the construction of this tower to find out, 448 00:22:37,820 --> 00:22:40,140 over a thousand feet above sea level. 449 00:22:40,340 --> 00:22:44,220 I'm getting a crick in my neck just looking up at it. 450 00:22:44,420 --> 00:22:45,460 And cut. 451 00:22:45,660 --> 00:22:47,120 Thank you, Sandy. 452 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:51,940 Rather them. 453 00:22:52,140 --> 00:22:55,220 - It's just controlled falling using friction and a rope. 454 00:22:55,420 --> 00:22:57,340 A child could do it. 455 00:23:02,260 --> 00:23:03,800 Could I have a word? 456 00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:09,100 - Don't mind me. Just having a quick shufti. 457 00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:12,340 - Don't tell me he's a murder suspect. 458 00:23:12,540 --> 00:23:15,420 You have to be joking. 459 00:23:15,620 --> 00:23:16,940 - Aye-aye. 460 00:23:17,140 --> 00:23:20,620 Or rather just one eye. 461 00:23:20,820 --> 00:23:23,540 Its companion was recovered from the body. 462 00:23:23,740 --> 00:23:25,140 He's a puppet. 463 00:23:25,340 --> 00:23:26,900 We aren't attached at the wrist. 464 00:23:27,100 --> 00:23:27,740 The minute the cameras are turned off, 465 00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:29,220 he goes in the prop box. 466 00:23:29,420 --> 00:23:31,860 - Danny Lemon. It's a stage name, isn't it? 467 00:23:32,060 --> 00:23:33,380 Your real name is Liam Quinn. 468 00:23:33,580 --> 00:23:34,740 So what? 469 00:23:34,940 --> 00:23:36,500 Quite a clan, the Quinns. 470 00:23:36,700 --> 00:23:38,620 Liverpool's answer to the Krays. 471 00:23:38,820 --> 00:23:41,500 Extortion, racketeering, money laundering. 472 00:23:41,700 --> 00:23:43,020 They have a wide portfolio. 473 00:23:43,220 --> 00:23:44,900 Had. A month ago, 474 00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:48,100 your father and uncle were sentenced to 20 years. 475 00:23:48,300 --> 00:23:51,980 Dinah Morgan was the foreman of the jury. 476 00:23:52,180 --> 00:23:53,900 There's irony. 477 00:23:54,100 --> 00:23:56,620 - You're honestly telling me you had no idea? 478 00:23:56,820 --> 00:23:59,700 - The last time we spoke was on my 16th birthday, 479 00:23:59,900 --> 00:24:01,740 I turned down a job with the family firm. 480 00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:03,996 They didn't appreciate that I wanted to make people laugh 481 00:24:04,020 --> 00:24:05,500 instead of weep. 482 00:24:05,700 --> 00:24:08,500 - You're saying you've had no contact with them at all? 483 00:24:08,700 --> 00:24:10,620 - If I'd shown my face, it'd be me they served up 484 00:24:10,820 --> 00:24:11,860 as the fatted calf. 485 00:24:12,060 --> 00:24:14,100 Very good. 486 00:24:14,300 --> 00:24:15,556 - And if I'd known Dinah had put them away, 487 00:24:15,580 --> 00:24:17,460 I'd have shaken her hand. 488 00:24:17,660 --> 00:24:18,860 The world owes her a favour 489 00:24:19,060 --> 00:24:21,700 for locking up those bunch of psychos. 490 00:24:21,900 --> 00:24:25,900 But feel free to arrest me. 491 00:24:26,100 --> 00:24:29,060 Fancy my chances more in a nice, warm police cell than up there. 492 00:24:29,260 --> 00:24:31,020 That won't be necessary. 493 00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:33,980 - Though we will have to take Barnacle Bill "into custody." 494 00:24:34,180 --> 00:24:35,540 Good riddance. 495 00:24:35,740 --> 00:24:37,100 You think I like being a mouthpiece 496 00:24:37,140 --> 00:24:39,460 to a piece of felt with a nasty streak? 497 00:24:39,660 --> 00:24:42,460 Gives me the creeps. Rightly, it turns out. 498 00:24:42,660 --> 00:24:44,380 "The hand puppet of death." 499 00:24:47,580 --> 00:24:49,340 Right. 500 00:24:55,020 --> 00:24:56,700 You coming, Sister? 501 00:24:56,900 --> 00:24:59,880 - Actually, I thought I might stay and watch the fun. 502 00:25:11,540 --> 00:25:14,380 Quiet, please. Thank you. 503 00:25:14,580 --> 00:25:16,540 Run camera. 504 00:25:16,740 --> 00:25:18,580 Action. 505 00:25:18,780 --> 00:25:23,700 - We'll be falling approximately 60 feet in 25 seconds. 506 00:25:23,900 --> 00:25:26,100 - And it will feel like 25 minutes! 507 00:25:26,300 --> 00:25:28,960 And here we go. Anchors away. 508 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,740 Bloody fiasco! 509 00:25:34,940 --> 00:25:37,020 I thought you said the equipment was safety-checked! 510 00:25:37,220 --> 00:25:40,500 - It was! - By who? The factory cat?! 511 00:25:40,700 --> 00:25:44,060 You do realise I was 10 seconds away from certain death. 512 00:25:44,260 --> 00:25:45,636 - I know, and I'm sorry. And I promise you, 513 00:25:45,660 --> 00:25:47,740 next time, everything will be triple-checked. 514 00:25:47,940 --> 00:25:50,300 There will not be a next time. 515 00:25:50,500 --> 00:25:53,900 Speak to my agent! 516 00:26:03,180 --> 00:26:05,460 - Something to share, Constable Button? 517 00:26:25,140 --> 00:26:26,420 Bravo, Peggy. 518 00:26:26,620 --> 00:26:29,780 It appears your suspicions are correct. 519 00:26:32,460 --> 00:26:33,660 Is anyone hurt? 520 00:26:35,700 --> 00:26:37,420 WPC Button, erm, 521 00:26:37,620 --> 00:26:39,156 a plane has just gone down in the village. 522 00:26:39,180 --> 00:26:40,436 We need to alert the fire brigade 523 00:26:40,460 --> 00:26:41,740 and the ambulance right away. 524 00:26:41,940 --> 00:26:43,780 - That's not a plane. That's Poopdeck Pete. 525 00:26:46,220 --> 00:26:48,100 - Okay, thanks, love. That's good news. 526 00:26:48,300 --> 00:26:49,980 Good news? My favourite type. 527 00:26:50,180 --> 00:26:52,380 - Yeah, I've foun' a para'! - Excellent. 528 00:26:52,580 --> 00:26:54,340 - The bad news is he's at the Cavalier Oak. 529 00:26:54,540 --> 00:26:57,540 - Ah. That's the large oak tree next to the village hall? 530 00:26:57,740 --> 00:27:00,060 - Great Slaughter constabulary? - It must be 100 feet high. 531 00:27:00,140 --> 00:27:01,140 Sister Boniface, sir. 532 00:27:01,300 --> 00:27:02,820 - Oh. Hallo? - No. 533 00:27:03,020 --> 00:27:04,940 - Hello? - Yes, could you come over? 534 00:27:05,140 --> 00:27:06,380 I think I've found something. 535 00:27:06,580 --> 00:27:07,940 Okay. I'll be right there. 536 00:27:08,140 --> 00:27:09,220 I'm needed at the lab. 537 00:27:09,420 --> 00:27:11,140 But I assume I can leave you three 538 00:27:11,340 --> 00:27:12,620 on operation capture the parrot? 539 00:27:12,700 --> 00:27:13,740 No problem, sir. 540 00:27:13,940 --> 00:27:15,580 Good man, Button. 541 00:27:15,780 --> 00:27:17,340 "No problem, sir." 542 00:27:17,540 --> 00:27:19,740 - Wel', com' on th'n! Warra' get away flyin' away... 543 00:27:41,860 --> 00:27:42,940 What have you got? 544 00:27:43,140 --> 00:27:44,940 Fact. 545 00:27:45,140 --> 00:27:47,740 This was filed to a sharp edge on the inside. 546 00:27:47,940 --> 00:27:49,140 Invisib... No! 547 00:27:49,340 --> 00:27:51,740 - Sorry. - Invisible to the naked eye 548 00:27:51,940 --> 00:27:55,740 but, when gravity is exerted, would slice through the rope. 549 00:27:55,940 --> 00:27:57,580 This was sabotage, 550 00:27:57,780 --> 00:27:59,556 and by someone who knew their way around a safety harness, 551 00:27:59,580 --> 00:28:01,260 according to WPC Button. 552 00:28:01,460 --> 00:28:03,780 - Like an ex-trapeze artist, Sandy Shanks? 553 00:28:03,980 --> 00:28:05,420 But the exciting news is... 554 00:28:05,620 --> 00:28:07,740 I think we have our motive for murder. 555 00:28:07,940 --> 00:28:11,260 - Drum roll, please. - Oh. 556 00:28:11,460 --> 00:28:13,220 - Iron filing samples from the carabiner 557 00:28:13,420 --> 00:28:15,500 match those found on the victim's shoes. 558 00:28:15,700 --> 00:28:18,260 Deduction. Dinah caught the killer in the act of sabotage, 559 00:28:18,460 --> 00:28:19,580 and they killed her. 560 00:28:19,780 --> 00:28:21,740 Top job, Sister. 561 00:28:21,940 --> 00:28:24,500 The question is, was it an attempt on Jono Hardy's life 562 00:28:24,700 --> 00:28:26,020 or, eeny meeny minie mo, 563 00:28:26,220 --> 00:28:28,540 random sabotage, and he drew the short straw? 564 00:28:28,740 --> 00:28:30,580 - Yes, that has rather obfuscated things. 565 00:28:30,780 --> 00:28:34,460 - Right. It's one step forward and three paces back. 566 00:28:34,660 --> 00:28:37,220 - Then let's pray that Poopdeck Pete comes up trumps. 567 00:28:43,820 --> 00:28:44,980 They're having a laugh. 568 00:28:45,180 --> 00:28:48,340 - It'll be great. The children will love it. 569 00:28:48,540 --> 00:28:51,180 - Are you sure about this? - Oh, yes, Sarge. 570 00:28:51,380 --> 00:28:53,620 Winner of the talent show five years in a row. 571 00:28:53,820 --> 00:28:56,980 - Make way! Make way. Let her through! 572 00:28:57,180 --> 00:28:58,660 Interview her now. 573 00:28:58,860 --> 00:29:01,380 - And has an impressive track record in escaped budgies. 574 00:29:01,580 --> 00:29:02,620 Can I grab a word? 575 00:29:02,820 --> 00:29:04,540 Not now, thank you. 576 00:29:04,740 --> 00:29:06,620 The artiste needs quiet. 577 00:29:06,820 --> 00:29:08,580 Deep breaths, now, Dottie. 578 00:29:08,780 --> 00:29:12,420 Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather. 579 00:29:12,620 --> 00:29:14,260 Red leather, yellow feather... 580 00:29:14,460 --> 00:29:16,700 red weather, yellow sun. 581 00:29:16,900 --> 00:29:18,460 Primed and ready. 582 00:29:18,660 --> 00:29:21,660 - "I wandered lonely as a cloud..." 583 00:29:21,860 --> 00:29:23,580 Bird song, Dottie. 584 00:29:23,780 --> 00:29:25,740 Green-winged macaw. 585 00:29:25,940 --> 00:29:27,820 We might as well pack up now. 586 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:36,220 That's very odd. 587 00:29:36,420 --> 00:29:38,036 That was the mating call of a Scarlet macaw, 588 00:29:38,060 --> 00:29:39,260 and they always respond. 589 00:29:39,460 --> 00:29:42,500 - Green-winged macaw, Dottie. 590 00:29:42,700 --> 00:29:43,980 Well, why didn't you say so? 591 00:29:44,180 --> 00:29:46,200 That would explain it. 592 00:30:04,700 --> 00:30:05,740 Did you get it? 593 00:30:05,940 --> 00:30:07,620 Sandy, can we pick up? 594 00:30:10,020 --> 00:30:12,860 - That was quite extraordinary, wasn't it, children? 595 00:30:13,060 --> 00:30:15,500 Welcome home, Pete. It's good to have you back. 596 00:30:15,700 --> 00:30:20,060 - I'm afraid this parrot is being seized as evidence. 597 00:30:20,260 --> 00:30:23,180 Cowardly custard. 598 00:30:23,380 --> 00:30:26,140 Excellent work. 599 00:30:26,340 --> 00:30:29,940 - We can hardly force a statement out of him. 600 00:30:30,140 --> 00:30:32,220 - Perhaps, perhaps he needs reminding 601 00:30:32,420 --> 00:30:34,720 - of his previous statement. - Mm. 602 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,660 "Dead women tell no tales. 603 00:30:42,860 --> 00:30:44,220 Cowardly custard." 604 00:30:44,420 --> 00:30:46,340 Dead women. 605 00:30:46,540 --> 00:30:49,300 Dead women tell no tales. 606 00:30:49,500 --> 00:30:52,060 Cowardly Custard. No room. 607 00:30:52,260 --> 00:30:55,300 Jump, walk, jump, walk. 608 00:30:55,500 --> 00:30:57,420 Dead women tell no tales. 609 00:30:57,620 --> 00:31:00,900 Aghghghghghg. 610 00:31:01,100 --> 00:31:02,620 What was that? 611 00:31:02,820 --> 00:31:06,980 Aghghghghghg. 612 00:31:07,180 --> 00:31:09,020 - I fear those were the last moments 613 00:31:09,220 --> 00:31:11,340 of Dinah Morgan. 614 00:31:11,540 --> 00:31:13,940 Just a shame it's meaningless. 615 00:31:14,140 --> 00:31:15,596 - I suppose it would have been a bit optimistic 616 00:31:15,620 --> 00:31:17,540 to expect him to name the killer. 617 00:31:17,740 --> 00:31:20,020 A complete waste of time, in other words. 618 00:31:20,220 --> 00:31:22,620 - Au contraire. Pete may be a disappointing witness 619 00:31:22,820 --> 00:31:24,340 but is living evidence. 620 00:31:24,540 --> 00:31:25,796 During the fight with his attacker, 621 00:31:25,820 --> 00:31:28,500 there will have been an exchange. 622 00:31:28,700 --> 00:31:31,980 Although it looks like any examination will have to wait. 623 00:31:37,380 --> 00:31:39,420 I've spoke to the Controller. 624 00:31:39,620 --> 00:31:40,900 We're to finish up the road show, 625 00:31:41,100 --> 00:31:42,700 and then they're going to "take a view." 626 00:31:42,900 --> 00:31:44,740 Sounds ominous. 627 00:31:44,940 --> 00:31:47,740 - They weren't best pleased with our wine making Nuns. 628 00:31:47,940 --> 00:31:49,660 We could do a feature. 629 00:31:49,860 --> 00:31:52,140 "Today we'll see what happened when Poopdeck Pete 630 00:31:52,340 --> 00:31:54,700 and Barnacle Bill got taken into Police custody." 631 00:31:54,900 --> 00:31:58,300 This isn't funny. 632 00:31:58,500 --> 00:32:01,940 We have no choice but to go ahead with the stunt. 633 00:32:02,140 --> 00:32:04,140 - Did you talk to my agent? - Yes. 634 00:32:04,340 --> 00:32:07,080 And you are contractually obliged. 635 00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:10,540 I've hired a safety advisor. 636 00:32:10,740 --> 00:32:12,356 The equipment's been checked and double-checked, 637 00:32:12,380 --> 00:32:14,280 so nothing will go wrong this time. 638 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:19,720 Are you in? 639 00:32:38,900 --> 00:32:41,100 Avast, Pete. 640 00:32:41,300 --> 00:32:46,500 You and I are going to be the best of chums. 641 00:32:50,620 --> 00:32:52,220 Friendly Pete. 642 00:32:52,420 --> 00:32:55,940 Friendly, affable Pete. 643 00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:07,620 All right, our kid? 644 00:33:07,820 --> 00:33:09,580 You're looking a bit green 'round the gills. 645 00:33:09,780 --> 00:33:11,180 I'm fine. 646 00:33:11,380 --> 00:33:13,156 - If I didn't know better, I'd think you were yeller. 647 00:33:13,180 --> 00:33:14,740 - Shut up, Lemo... 648 00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:22,460 Sister. 649 00:33:24,980 --> 00:33:28,180 Behold the spoils of victory. 650 00:33:28,380 --> 00:33:29,900 If you are the victor, 651 00:33:30,100 --> 00:33:32,340 I would hate to think what you'd look like as the loser. 652 00:33:32,540 --> 00:33:35,220 - Yes, well, Pete and I got off to a rocky start, 653 00:33:35,420 --> 00:33:38,020 but, erm... 654 00:33:38,220 --> 00:33:40,500 - we're the best of friends now, aren't we, Pete? 655 00:33:40,700 --> 00:33:42,700 - Who's a good boy? Rapscallion. 656 00:33:42,900 --> 00:33:44,380 Scabby sea bass. 657 00:33:44,580 --> 00:33:46,660 - Send him up whisky beaten. - Shh. 658 00:33:46,860 --> 00:33:51,140 Cleaver her to the brisket! 659 00:33:51,340 --> 00:33:53,460 - Yes, well, Locard's principle prevailed. 660 00:33:53,660 --> 00:33:55,700 Human hair, wrapped 'round his claw. 661 00:33:55,900 --> 00:33:57,380 Dyed. But judging by the colour 662 00:33:57,580 --> 00:33:59,980 and length of the hair closer to the root, 663 00:34:00,180 --> 00:34:02,380 I'd say we've found our murderer. 664 00:34:02,580 --> 00:34:05,580 Although, erm... 665 00:34:05,780 --> 00:34:07,380 Although? 666 00:34:07,580 --> 00:34:09,380 It makes absolutely no sense. 667 00:34:14,100 --> 00:34:16,860 - This isn't a good time. Can you not see that I'm ill? 668 00:34:17,060 --> 00:34:18,940 - Yes, well, I suppose that would be predictable 669 00:34:19,060 --> 00:34:20,180 under the circumstances. 670 00:34:20,380 --> 00:34:23,500 You might want to check the pockets. 671 00:34:23,700 --> 00:34:24,980 What are you doing? 672 00:34:25,180 --> 00:34:26,596 - The effect would have been instantaneous 673 00:34:26,620 --> 00:34:27,780 so must have been ingested 674 00:34:27,980 --> 00:34:29,540 shortly before the symptoms presented. 675 00:34:29,740 --> 00:34:33,340 My guess would be some sort of carapichea ipecacuanha compound, 676 00:34:33,540 --> 00:34:37,220 more commonly known as Ipecac. 677 00:34:37,420 --> 00:34:38,740 John Hardy, I'm arresting you 678 00:34:38,940 --> 00:34:41,220 on suspicion of the murder of Dinah Morgan. 679 00:34:41,420 --> 00:34:42,940 You are not obliged to say anything, 680 00:34:43,140 --> 00:34:45,340 but anything you do say may be put into writing 681 00:34:45,540 --> 00:34:48,660 and given in evidence. 682 00:34:48,860 --> 00:34:51,220 You had no intention of doing this stunt. 683 00:34:51,420 --> 00:34:53,540 We found iron filings on the victim's shoe 684 00:34:53,740 --> 00:34:56,180 that matched your carabiner. 685 00:34:56,380 --> 00:34:58,500 I think Dinah caught you in the act of sabotaging it, 686 00:34:58,700 --> 00:35:00,820 - and you killed her. - Preposterous. 687 00:35:01,020 --> 00:35:03,300 - You hoped a near-fatal accident would stop the stunt. 688 00:35:03,500 --> 00:35:06,140 And when that failed, you took an emetic to fake illness. 689 00:35:06,340 --> 00:35:09,460 Anything to avoid jumping off that tower. 690 00:35:09,660 --> 00:35:12,340 This is fantasy. 691 00:35:12,540 --> 00:35:14,660 You haven't got a shred of proof. 692 00:35:14,860 --> 00:35:16,620 We have a witness. 693 00:35:16,820 --> 00:35:18,420 Poopdeck Pete. 694 00:35:18,620 --> 00:35:21,460 - Whom you tried to dispatch with homemade chlorine gas. 695 00:35:21,660 --> 00:35:23,700 But Pete fought back. It was quite a tussle. 696 00:35:23,900 --> 00:35:26,980 We found hairs wrapped around his claw dyed with Grecian 2000. 697 00:35:27,180 --> 00:35:29,460 That is the hair colouring you use? 698 00:35:29,660 --> 00:35:31,660 It's really very effective. 699 00:35:31,860 --> 00:35:33,420 Is this a joke? 700 00:35:33,620 --> 00:35:35,180 - Oh, think of it as a compliment. 701 00:35:35,380 --> 00:35:37,660 One would never guess you'd gone prematurely grey. 702 00:35:37,860 --> 00:35:40,116 - I meant you're not seriously going to charge me with murder 703 00:35:40,140 --> 00:35:42,940 based on the testimony of a parrot? 704 00:35:43,140 --> 00:35:45,820 - He was surprisingly illuminating. 705 00:35:46,020 --> 00:35:47,620 Sergeant, will you do the honours? 706 00:35:47,820 --> 00:35:51,180 - Cowardly custard, no room, jump walk, 707 00:35:51,380 --> 00:35:52,740 dead women tell no tales. 708 00:35:52,940 --> 00:35:54,540 It's a shred of gobbledygook. 709 00:35:54,740 --> 00:35:57,180 - Actually, it makes perfect sense. 710 00:35:57,380 --> 00:36:00,100 I spoke to Colonel Prentice, your ex-CO. 711 00:36:00,300 --> 00:36:02,340 He told me about the accident 712 00:36:02,540 --> 00:36:04,380 and the real reason for your medical discharge. 713 00:36:04,420 --> 00:36:06,920 It was not an accident! 714 00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:16,000 It wasn't an accident. 715 00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:23,720 We were short on equipment, and a belay snapped. 716 00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:27,160 Three of my men... 717 00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:34,300 my friends, fell 500 feet to their deaths. 718 00:36:34,500 --> 00:36:36,116 And the only reason I didn't join them was cos 719 00:36:36,140 --> 00:36:39,040 I was at the top of the rope and managed to cut it in time. 720 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:45,280 I was left dangling on that rock face for two days 721 00:36:45,460 --> 00:36:48,180 before they got a chopper out to rescue me. 722 00:36:48,380 --> 00:36:51,740 - After which you suffered a nervous breakdown 723 00:36:51,940 --> 00:36:54,220 and spent nine months in a military psychiatric hospital 724 00:36:54,420 --> 00:36:57,020 before you were medically discharged. 725 00:36:57,220 --> 00:36:59,860 - They were "decent" enough to leave it off my permanent record 726 00:37:00,060 --> 00:37:02,020 because career prospects for an ex-soldier 727 00:37:02,220 --> 00:37:04,740 with shell shock are limited. 728 00:37:04,940 --> 00:37:07,140 - They left another thing off your record... 729 00:37:07,340 --> 00:37:09,196 The reason why you couldn't continue your career 730 00:37:09,220 --> 00:37:10,500 in the marines. 731 00:37:10,700 --> 00:37:13,700 A morbid fear of heights. 732 00:37:13,900 --> 00:37:15,720 I tried to tell her. 733 00:37:18,720 --> 00:37:20,940 I tried. 734 00:37:21,140 --> 00:37:24,620 She just... wouldn't listen. 735 00:37:24,820 --> 00:37:27,020 I told her everything, 736 00:37:27,220 --> 00:37:30,700 why I couldn't do it, and do you know what she said? 737 00:37:40,900 --> 00:37:44,060 Oh, for goodness sake. 738 00:37:44,260 --> 00:37:45,740 Who's there? 739 00:37:50,740 --> 00:37:52,260 What are you doing? 740 00:37:56,540 --> 00:37:58,100 I can explain. 741 00:37:58,300 --> 00:38:00,500 - I think I can see what's in front of my own eyes. 742 00:38:00,700 --> 00:38:02,476 What on earth are you thinking? 743 00:38:02,500 --> 00:38:05,060 This stunt is madness. 744 00:38:05,260 --> 00:38:06,980 We have to stop before someone gets killed. 745 00:38:07,180 --> 00:38:10,300 - Fiddlesticks. - I know what I'm talking about! 746 00:38:10,500 --> 00:38:12,420 - Dear boy, the only reason I hired you 747 00:38:12,620 --> 00:38:13,980 was to play action man. 748 00:38:14,180 --> 00:38:15,700 - Yeah, driving tanks and racing cars. 749 00:38:15,900 --> 00:38:17,740 Not this! 750 00:38:17,940 --> 00:38:19,220 It's your choice. 751 00:38:19,420 --> 00:38:21,820 Jump or walk the plank. 752 00:38:22,020 --> 00:38:23,476 Unless you want everyone to think of you 753 00:38:23,500 --> 00:38:25,140 as a cowardly custard. 754 00:38:25,340 --> 00:38:27,020 Cowardly custard. 755 00:38:27,220 --> 00:38:28,540 Cowardly custard. 756 00:38:32,780 --> 00:38:34,260 Cowardly custard. 757 00:38:35,780 --> 00:38:37,420 Cowardly. 758 00:38:37,620 --> 00:38:39,420 Cowardly custard. Cowardly. 759 00:38:39,620 --> 00:38:42,220 Aah! 760 00:38:42,420 --> 00:38:44,740 Uh-oh. Uh-oh. 761 00:38:44,940 --> 00:38:46,420 Cowardly custard. 762 00:38:46,620 --> 00:38:48,940 Uh-oh. No. Uh-oh. No. 763 00:38:54,860 --> 00:38:57,100 Dead women tell no tales. 764 00:39:05,740 --> 00:39:07,440 It was me. 765 00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:12,840 But it... it wasn't me. 766 00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:17,596 I can't explain it. It was like I was watching somebody else. 767 00:39:17,620 --> 00:39:19,720 And when I came to, she was dead. 768 00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:25,920 I've killed countless people. 769 00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:39,100 But this is the first one 770 00:39:39,300 --> 00:39:40,780 I actually deserve to be punished for, 771 00:39:40,860 --> 00:39:44,580 so you might as well get it over with. 772 00:39:44,780 --> 00:39:46,780 - Sometimes the worst battle scars 773 00:39:46,980 --> 00:39:49,980 are the ones that are invisible. 774 00:39:50,180 --> 00:39:52,180 I'm obliged to charge you. 775 00:39:52,380 --> 00:39:54,620 However... 776 00:39:54,820 --> 00:39:56,340 I'll be recommending 777 00:39:56,540 --> 00:39:59,540 that you have a full psychiatric evaluation. 778 00:40:04,260 --> 00:40:07,940 - So, that's all the safety checks performed, 779 00:40:08,140 --> 00:40:10,480 which means it's time to... 780 00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:15,380 Okay, then. 781 00:40:15,580 --> 00:40:17,120 Wish me luck. 782 00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:25,580 - Cut camera. - Sorry. 783 00:40:25,780 --> 00:40:27,380 It's okay, Danny. 784 00:40:27,580 --> 00:40:29,460 It's okay, Danny. It's okay. 785 00:40:29,660 --> 00:40:30,960 - I'm sorry. I... 786 00:40:36,340 --> 00:40:40,700 - And now I'm abseiling down Broadway Tower. 787 00:40:40,900 --> 00:40:42,980 Whoo-hoo! 788 00:40:43,180 --> 00:40:45,220 We're back on in 10.9... 789 00:40:45,420 --> 00:40:46,700 Thank you, sir. 790 00:40:46,900 --> 00:40:49,580 She's completely fearless. Up for anything. 791 00:40:49,780 --> 00:40:52,340 Said she'll scale Nelson's column without a harness. 792 00:40:52,540 --> 00:40:55,100 - And if that wasn't exciting enough, 793 00:40:55,300 --> 00:40:58,500 later, you'll see how Poopdeck Pete was rescued 794 00:40:58,700 --> 00:41:01,100 by a local bird ventriloquist. 795 00:41:01,300 --> 00:41:03,340 - But before we leave Great Slaughter, 796 00:41:03,540 --> 00:41:05,380 Sister Boniface has agreed to come here 797 00:41:05,580 --> 00:41:08,720 and show you how stink bombs are made. 798 00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:13,460 Hello. 799 00:41:13,660 --> 00:41:16,180 I'm Sister Boniface. 800 00:41:16,380 --> 00:41:19,020 Today, I'm going to make stink bombs 801 00:41:19,220 --> 00:41:23,820 with the help of my trusty assistant, Sister Peter. 802 00:41:24,020 --> 00:41:26,380 Sister Peter? 803 00:41:26,580 --> 00:41:29,340 - Sister? - Hello. 804 00:41:29,540 --> 00:41:33,900 - And here are the ingredients we'll be using. 805 00:41:34,100 --> 00:41:36,560 - It's going awfully well, isn't it? 806 00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:43,300 - Now all that remains is to add ammonium sulphide 807 00:41:43,500 --> 00:41:46,500 which will react with moisture, hydrolyzes, 808 00:41:46,700 --> 00:41:49,940 and a mixture of hydrogen sulphide to release ammonia. 809 00:41:50,140 --> 00:41:51,840 If Sister Peter could do the honours. 810 00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:57,860 No! Not that one, Sister! 811 00:41:58,060 --> 00:41:59,980 That isn't ammonium sulphide! 812 00:42:02,700 --> 00:42:04,260 Oh, dear. 813 00:42:09,820 --> 00:42:11,420 And remember, children. 814 00:42:11,620 --> 00:42:13,740 - Don't try this at home. - Don't try this at home.