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1
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:17,185
TED:
So there was this one night
before I met your mother,
2
00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:19,220
when I really wanted
to go to the bar.
3
00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:21,555
The bar...
big surprise.
4
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,424
You sure spent
a lot of time in bars.
5
00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:25,626
TED:
Well, that's just
we did back then.
6
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,828
Me, Marshall and Lily,
7
00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:29,397
Barney,
8
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:30,331
Robin...
9
00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:32,566
we all used to hang out
at this one bar
10
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:33,734
called McClaren's.
11
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:35,303
But then, one night...
12
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,870
Why don't we go
to McClaren's?
13
00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:38,139
Let's go to McClaren's.
14
00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:40,074
You guys talking
to each other?
15
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,276
Nobody's listening?
16
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:43,377
What's wrong
with McClaren's?
17
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,446
McClaren's is bore-snore.
18
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:47,381
Ted, tonight
we're going to go out.
19
00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:48,982
We're going to meet
some ladies.
20
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,918
It's going to be legendary.
21
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,453
Phone five.
22
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:56,124
TED:
I had no idea why I hung out
with Barney.
23
00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,892
You didn't phone five, did you?
24
00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:01,462
I know when you don't
phone five, Ted.
25
00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:04,298
Come on. We always
to go to McClaren's.
26
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:06,400
Yeah, 'cause McClaren's is fun.
27
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:09,303
McClaren's is this much fun.
28
00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:12,973
What I'm offering is the chance
to have... this much fun.
29
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,375
See, you say that.
30
00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:16,277
You say it's going to be
this much fun,
31
00:01:16,344 --> 00:01:18,746
but most of the time it ends up
being this much fun.
32
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,314
This much fun is good.
33
00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:22,015
It's safe. It's guaranteed.
34
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,184
This hand gesture thing
35
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:24,185
doesn't really
work on the phone, does it?
36
00:01:24,252 --> 00:01:25,219
No, it doesn't.
37
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:26,187
(tires squealing)
38
00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:27,621
Get in the cab.
39
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:28,889
Marshall, you, too.
40
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:29,957
Oh, I wish I could.
41
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,091
I think Lily and I
are just going to...
42
00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:32,626
I understand.
Get in the cab.
43
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:33,827
Why can Marshall say no?
44
00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:35,929
Uh, because
he's getting laid.
45
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,465
Consistently.
46
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:39,500
Ted, Ted, Ted...
47
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:40,134
right here.
48
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,570
You keep going
to the same bar.
49
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:43,904
You're in a rut.
50
00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:45,206
And I am a rut-buster.
51
00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:47,175
I'm going to bust your rut.
52
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:48,509
It's not a rut, okay?
53
00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:50,311
It's a routine,
and I like it.
54
00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:54,715
Ted, what's the first syllable
in "rut-tine"?
55
00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:03,491
Peace out, suckers.
56
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,429
All right, so what's
this legendary plan?
57
00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:10,364
First we've got to pick
someone up at the airport.
58
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:11,965
Okay, I'm out of here.
Estaban, doors.
59
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:12,866
(doors locking)
60
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,506
Okay, we just do
this one little thing,
61
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:20,541
and the rest
of the night is ours.
62
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:22,109
Why do you have
those suitcases,
63
00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:23,344
and who are we
picking up?
64
00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:24,778
I don't know.
Maybe her.
65
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:25,879
Or her.
66
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:26,947
(chuckles)
67
00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:29,217
Wait, so when you said
you were going
68
00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:30,584
to pick someone up
at the airport,
69
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:33,020
you meant you were going
to "pick someone up"
70
00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:34,054
at the airport?
71
00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:36,257
Scenario:
72
00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:37,658
a couple of girls
fly into town
73
00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,693
looking for a fun
weekend in NYC,
74
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:40,794
when the meet
75
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,696
two handsome
international
businessmen
76
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:45,666
just back from
a lucrative trip
to Japan.
77
00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:46,700
Sample dialogue:
78
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,836
"You have a wheelie bag?
79
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:50,271
Well, I have
a wheelie bag."
80
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:51,805
You've got to be kidding me.
81
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:52,940
False.
82
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,174
Sidebar... tuck in your shirt.
83
00:02:54,242 --> 00:02:55,543
You look sketchy.
84
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:56,710
I'm sketchy?
85
00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:59,046
Trust me, it's going
to be legendary.
86
00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:00,814
Don't say "legendary," okay?
87
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:03,284
You're too liberal
with the word "legendary."
88
00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:05,118
We're building an igloo
in Central Park.
89
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,720
It's going to be legendary.
90
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,256
Snowsuit up!
91
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:12,092
Ted, Ted, Ted...
right here.
92
00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:13,627
This is happening.
93
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,596
Now you can either put the
bags on the carousel now,
94
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:16,864
or you can listen
to me give you
95
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:17,865
a really long speech
96
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:19,700
convincing you to put
the bags on the carousel.
97
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:20,701
Your move.
98
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,538
Ted, since
the dawn of time...
99
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,407
mankind has
struggled...
100
00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:30,344
That night, Marshall had
a ton of studying to do.
101
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:32,246
So Lily went out
with Robin...
102
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:34,682
who was new to New York
and looking for a friend.
103
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:38,486
I'm so glad we finally get
to hang out, just the two of us.
Yeah.
104
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,621
You sure you're okay giving up
your Friday night
105
00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:42,890
to hang with an old,
almost married lady?
106
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:43,757
Oh, please.
107
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,793
I'm so sick of the
meat market scene.
108
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,060
Guys are like the subway.
109
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:49,196
You miss one, another one
comes along in five minutes.
110
00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:52,566
Unless it's the end of the night
and then you get on anything.
111
00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:53,401
Hey-oh!
112
00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:56,704
Compliments of that guy.
113
00:03:58,806 --> 00:03:59,807
Really?
114
00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,775
Sweet.
115
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:02,910
Oh, for you it's $6.
116
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:06,747
Oh, yes, that's one drawback
to being engaged.
117
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,516
I'm sure that's why
he didn't...
118
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:09,617
Hey.
119
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,352
Oh, hello.
120
00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:18,859
So, uh... did you just
get in from Detroit?
121
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,631
Japan.
122
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:29,002
Okay, carousel 4
is tapped out.
123
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:32,105
Ready? Because I'm about
to drop some knowledge.
124
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:35,443
Cute girls are not
from Buffalo.
125
00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:38,145
Time-out, 10:00.
126
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:39,380
You ready to rock this, Tedder?
127
00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:40,681
All right,
I think we need
128
00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:42,483
to refine our
back story first.
How did we...?
129
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,017
Ted, you klutzy
great guy you.
130
00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:49,256
Hey, I'm Barney.
131
00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:50,891
Hi.
My God, are you okay?
132
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,426
I am so sorry.
133
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:54,294
It's fine. No, you were
shaky on your landing.
134
00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:55,796
I give you a 9.2.
135
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:57,030
Ooh.
136
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,031
Hi. I'm Ted.
137
00:04:58,098 --> 00:04:58,966
I'm Laura.
138
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,701
Look, I'm really sorry
that we have to hit and run,
139
00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:02,135
but we've got
a plane to catch.
140
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:03,537
Where you headed?
Philadelphia.
141
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:05,906
Philly? That's where
we're headed.
142
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:06,674
You are?
143
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:09,810
Well, then we'll
see you on the plane.
144
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:10,844
Yes, you will.
145
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:14,247
Follow them.
Ticket's on me.
146
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,983
No. Barney!
147
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:18,719
Don't you get on that escalator!
148
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:22,390
And don't you dare get
on that subsequent escalator!
149
00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:31,399
(drawling):
Studying law.
150
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:37,438
* Making a responsible
choice for my future *
151
00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:41,542
* On Friday night *
152
00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:44,311
* Being a lawyer
had better be awesome. *
153
00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:47,347
(phone ringing)
154
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,385
Whazzup, Ted?
155
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:52,786
Are you all right?
156
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,154
Yeah.
157
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:55,355
Hey, guess
where I am.
158
00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:56,990
I'm on a... ready?
plane to... ready?
159
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:57,991
Philadelphia.
160
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,060
That is awesome.
161
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,261
Hey, is that Marshall?
162
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:02,763
Marshall, stop
whatever you're doing,
163
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,164
get in that hoopty-ass
Fiero of yours
164
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:05,399
and come meet us
in Philly.
165
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:06,434
It's going to be legendary.
166
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:08,402
Man, I wish I could, guys...
167
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:09,537
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
168
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,071
I sent you some pictures
on my phone. Check it.
169
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:18,679
Philly.
170
00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:20,981
Admit it:
you're having fun.
171
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,583
This much fu...
172
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:25,118
35,000 feet of fun.
173
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:26,654
Well, I didn't think
I'd be flying
to Philadelphia
174
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,255
when I woke up this morning,
I'll give you that.
175
00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:29,322
Attaboy.
176
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,258
Let's go talk
to those girls.
177
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:32,560
Whoa, whoa, the
seat belt sign's on.
178
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:36,564
Ted, you've been living
your whole life in a seat belt.
179
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,666
It's time to unclick.
180
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,437
Sir, the seat belt
light's on.
181
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:45,138
Yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
182
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:49,109
Well, I grew up
in Park Slope.
183
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:50,143
Oh, I love Park Slope.
184
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,378
When did you move
to Manhattan?
185
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:52,946
You're from Park Slope?
186
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:53,981
Uh, no, she is.
187
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,883
So where are you from?
188
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,485
Heaven?
189
00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,453
Yeah, I'm a ghost.
190
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,189
I died 15 years ago,
like that pickup line.
191
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,156
Hey-oh!
192
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:05,826
God, I'm so sorry.
193
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,461
Oh, believe me,
I've been there.
194
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,229
I have this line
that I use
when guys come...
195
00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:10,197
Check it out.
196
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,466
Hey...
197
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,602
You take this one.
198
00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:17,505
I'll save it
for the next one.
199
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,339
(chuckles)
200
00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:20,774
So what brings
you guys to Philly?
201
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:22,109
We're visiting
our boyfriends.
202
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,945
I think hers is going
to propose this weekend.
203
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,446
Isn't that great?
204
00:07:26,514 --> 00:07:29,717
So great.
205
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,490
So there we were:
206
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,391
stuck on an airplane
to Philadelphia
207
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,594
with two very un-single girls,
208
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,262
all thanks
to your Uncle Barney.
209
00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:43,363
Aren't they cute?
210
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:45,432
They're both linebackers
for the Eagles.
211
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:47,300
(coughs)
Both?
212
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:49,269
Both of their boyfriends
213
00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:50,971
are linebackers.
214
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,708
You're going to Philly?
Why?
215
00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:56,409
(clearing throat)
216
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,111
I didn't ask.
217
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:01,749
Well, it's sounds like you're
having a lot more fun than I am.
218
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,617
I'm just talking
to guys backs
219
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:05,185
while they hit on Robin.
220
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:07,354
Yeah, I bet she gets that a lot.
221
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,356
Don't you bet
I get that a lot?
222
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:11,291
Not with a ring
on your finger.
223
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:12,760
I mean, you know,
guys see the ring,
224
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,295
it's like ka-chong,
Marshall parking only.
225
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:16,530
Oh, of course.
226
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:17,898
That's it, the ring.
227
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:19,800
I guess I'm not used to it yet.
228
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,068
Oh, it's totally the ring.
229
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:22,803
If you took that ring
off your finger,
230
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:25,338
you'd have a ton of guys
crowding your junk.
231
00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:26,707
I'm not gonna take off my ring.
232
00:08:26,774 --> 00:08:28,041
Wouldn't you be jealous
233
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,711
of guys swarming
all over my beeswax?
234
00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:32,780
Oh, yeah, you know me...
235
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,414
I'm the jealous type.
236
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:36,216
Any goon so much as looks
at you,
237
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:37,685
I'll sock him in the kisser.
238
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,286
No. Seriously, you girls have
a good time tonight.
239
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,288
Bye.
240
00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:48,896
Robin!
241
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:51,164
Robin!
242
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:53,233
Hey, I'm over here.
243
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,904
* G-G-Goin' to Philly! *
244
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,438
Marshall, don't
come to Philly.
245
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,674
But we're on an adventure.
246
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,509
We're on a tarmac
in Philadelphia.
247
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:04,444
Crazy...
adventure.
248
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:06,814
Fine.
249
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,650
No! No!
250
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:11,218
The night has just started.
251
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:12,720
Look, airport bar.
252
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,154
Flight attendants.
253
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,456
They'll get your tray table
in its full upright position.
254
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:18,125
Say what?!
255
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:21,461
Passengers Mosby and Stenson,
please come with us, gentlemen.
256
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:23,263
Keep your hands
where I can see them.
257
00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:25,432
Barney, I am going
to kill you.
258
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,900
Don't say
you're gonna kill someone
259
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,636
in front of airport security.
260
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:31,004
Not cool, not cool.
261
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:34,708
This is an outrage!
262
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,844
We are international
businessmen
263
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,579
on very important
international
business trip.
264
00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:41,915
I demand you release
us immediately!
265
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:43,784
You demand?!
No, no, no, no, no.
266
00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:44,918
He does not demand.
267
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,286
We-We-We-We have no demands.
268
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,421
Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you
to remain calm.
269
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:49,522
Okay. Yeah, I'm calm.
270
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,458
I'm totally calm.
271
00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:53,126
We've got footage of you
placing two bags
272
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,128
on JFK carousel 3,
273
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,596
and abandoning them
274
00:09:56,664 --> 00:09:59,466
to purchase a last-minute flight
with cash.
275
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,234
Those bags were your
responsibility.
276
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:02,269
They were your bags!
277
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:03,136
Sir, please.
278
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,537
We're assessing
279
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,573
the bag situation.
280
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,842
(crackling whirring)
281
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:11,578
Look, this is all just...
282
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:12,946
It's a misunderstanding.
283
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,848
Please.
284
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:17,317
We are international
businessmen.
285
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:20,420
My colleague accidentally
left the bags there.
286
00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:22,055
Now, please let us go
287
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:25,558
before we miss
our international
business meeting.
288
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,761
Can't remember the last time
289
00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:29,362
I saw an international
businessman
290
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:30,831
with an untucked shirt.
291
00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:33,333
In addition,
we received
292
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,970
this footage
taken over the
last few months.
293
00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:05,565
Believe it or not, that
duffel bag thing worked.
294
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:08,235
The truth is, my friend...
295
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,537
he does this thing
where he goes to airports
296
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:12,239
with fake luggage
to pick up girls,
297
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:14,241
and we followed some here
to Philadelphia.
298
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,343
That-That-That's it.
That's all this is.
299
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:19,212
Nobody's that lame.
300
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:21,348
Yes, he's that lame.
301
00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:23,316
Tell him you're that lame.
302
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:27,087
We are international
businessmen.
303
00:11:27,154 --> 00:11:28,421
Oh, come on!
304
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:30,290
Sir, lower your
voice, or I will
305
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,358
restrain you.
306
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:33,961
Dude, seriously,
relax.
307
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,029
We at least get
to call our lawyer.
308
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:38,331
Exactly!
309
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:39,399
We have a lawyer?
310
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:42,736
Listen to me...
you're both American citizens.
311
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:44,772
Don't let him pull
any Patriot Act voodoo.
312
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,073
You both retain the right
313
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,640
to refuse
to answer any questions
314
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:48,909
without an attorney present,
315
00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:51,178
so don't say anything
until I get there, all right?
316
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,445
Okay. Good-bye.
317
00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:53,847
* Philly! *
318
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,383
* The adventure continues *
319
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:58,986
* Destroy! *
320
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:05,558
It's ridiculous
in here.
321
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:07,527
Why don't we go
somewhere else?
322
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:10,798
No, this place is great.
323
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,467
What are you doing?
324
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:16,103
What?
325
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:17,704
With your lips
and everything?
326
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:20,373
My lips are always like this.
327
00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:32,820
You had to play
the race card.
328
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:34,754
Oh, relax, Ted.
329
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,056
We didn't do
anything wrong.
330
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:38,826
And, B.T.W., we'd be
out of here by now
331
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:41,228
if you had tucked in
your shirt.
332
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,162
Go ahead, JFK.
333
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,696
What is the baggage
status?
334
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,032
They're clean.
335
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,234
It's just a whole bunch
of condoms.
336
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:48,969
And a PowerBar.
337
00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:52,005
You're free
to go.
338
00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:54,875
TED:
Don't come to Philly.
339
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,076
Man, I'm almost halfway there.
340
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,410
Yeah, we just got released
341
00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,546
and we're heading back
on the next flight.
342
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:00,747
Uh, meet us at McClaren's.
343
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:02,415
Maybe we can still make
last call.
344
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:03,650
Can't we just, just...
345
00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:05,352
No, we can't just.
We're going home.
346
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:06,954
We're going to Sasha's.
347
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,688
Who the hell is Sasha?
348
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:10,290
Sasha.
349
00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:13,060
She's having friends over
for drinks at her house.
350
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,395
It's gonna be legen...
wait for it...
351
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,330
and I hope you're not
lactose-intolerant
352
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,499
'cause the second half
of that word is... dary!
353
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:20,600
No.
354
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:21,668
Legendary.
355
00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:23,670
Legendary. That sounds awesome.
356
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,072
No, Marshall, we're going back.
357
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,740
Fine.
Hold on. I have another call.
358
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:28,708
(beep)
359
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:29,877
Hello?
360
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:31,378
Marshall, we're
going to Sasha's.
361
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:32,779
No, we're not.
362
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:34,614
Ted, Ted, Ted.
Right here.
363
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:35,648
Yes, we are.
364
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:36,716
(beep)
365
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:39,219
Sorry, buddy...
two against one.
366
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:41,855
Ooh, look,
a booth opened up.
367
00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:43,523
Really?
368
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:44,624
Yeah, I thought
we could
369
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:45,525
finally go talk...
and you're not
370
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,727
listening to me, so I'm
going to walk away.
371
00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:48,996
Yeah, yeah, booth.
372
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:54,601
Hey.
373
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,602
Hey.
374
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,470
I'm engaged.
375
00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:58,371
Yeah, I'm sorry.
376
00:13:58,438 --> 00:13:59,706
I took my ring off.
377
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,074
It's very, very sweet of you
378
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:03,643
to come over and talk to me,
but I just...
379
00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,078
Yeah, I'm gay.
380
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:06,546
I just came over
to let you know
381
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:08,281
that you sat on a grape.
382
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:13,020
Oh, damn it.
383
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,092
TED:
So Barney and I hit the town.
384
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:20,760
Philadelphia, PA.
385
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:23,696
Our first and only stop:
Sasha's party.
386
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:26,333
(TV blaring)
387
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:29,702
So, uh...
388
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,338
you're Sasha's friends, huh?
389
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,206
You know it.
390
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:36,876
(whispering):
You guys, keep
the volume down.
391
00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:38,979
You're gonna wake
my grandpa.
392
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,316
Who wants hard lemonade?
393
00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:51,992
Philly!
394
00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:55,628
Shh!
(softly):
Philly.
395
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,902
Back at the bar,
girls' night out
396
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,237
wasn't going
as Robin had hoped.
397
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,673
(cell phone ringing)
398
00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:11,544
Lily's phone.
399
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:13,446
Robin, uh, where's Lily?
400
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,148
She's, uh...
401
00:15:16,183 --> 00:15:17,850
Is she talking to some hot guy?
402
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,252
Oh, you can tell me.
403
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:20,920
It's totally cool.
It was my idea.
404
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:22,922
Hell, I told her
she could take the ring off.
405
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,057
Really?
406
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,492
Well, I thought
it was kind of weird,
407
00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:27,327
but if you're cool with it,
yeah, uh, it's off,
408
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:28,661
and she's talking to some guy.
409
00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:29,997
Do you want me to go over and...
410
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:31,531
No, don't interrupt.
411
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,233
It's awesome.
412
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:36,069
So, the ring's really off, huh?
413
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:39,339
It's awesome.
414
00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:41,841
Well, just tell her I called.
415
00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:46,313
And tell her that
she is... awesome.
416
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:54,454
* Really, really awesome *
417
00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:59,626
(weakly):
* Our relationship
is built on mutual trust *
418
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:02,996
I can't breathe.
419
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,031
(laughing)
420
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:05,198
You hear that, Ted?
421
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:07,600
Dana works security
at the Liberty Bell.
422
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,036
I do okay.
423
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:11,538
Wow, it must be really well
cordoned off over there.
424
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:14,074
Do you ever go behind
the rope and touch it?
425
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,009
Only all the time.
426
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:18,211
You ever, like, stick
your head inside it?
427
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:19,779
Yeah.
428
00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:21,681
You ever lick it?
429
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,950
Nope.
430
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:25,685
I have never licked it.
431
00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:27,320
Hmm.
432
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:31,124
I bet nobody in history has
ever licked the Liberty Bell.
433
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:34,027
If someone were
to pull that off,
434
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:37,564
I dare say it would be...
what's the word?
435
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:38,998
Well, this is my stop.
436
00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:40,133
Legendary.
437
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,401
Ted, legendary.
438
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:43,103
Barney, I'm going
to the airport.
439
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,371
Sasha, thank you,
and, uh,
440
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:45,405
tell your grandpa I'm sorry
441
00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:46,639
I walked in on him
in the bathroom.
442
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,744
I'll get some club soda
for that stain.
443
00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:56,816
Lily, I thought tonight
was about us hanging out.
444
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:57,884
What are you doing?
445
00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:02,155
Just fending off the advances
of that totally hot guy.
446
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,790
Dude, I think that guy is gay.
447
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,658
Oh, I know
that guy is gay.
448
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:08,928
It's just, Marshall and I have
been together for nine years.
449
00:17:08,995 --> 00:17:11,131
I haven't been single
since high school.
450
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:12,565
You want to be single?
451
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:15,001
You want to fight off
loser guys all night?
452
00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:16,536
Does that seem like fun to you?
453
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:19,272
I guess I just wanted to throw
this net back into the ocean
454
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:21,774
and see how many fish
I could catch.
455
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:23,576
So far, one.
456
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,778
One gay dolphin.
457
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,046
And Marshall.
458
00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:29,182
Lily, all these
girls here tonight
459
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,017
are all hoping to catch
what you've already got.
460
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:34,121
You're right. I know.
461
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,456
Hey, do you want
to go get coffee
462
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:38,358
and have an actual conversation?
463
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:41,694
If by "coffee"
you mean "cheesecake," then yes.
464
00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:44,030
Hey, I got that club soda.
465
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:45,398
Let's see that booty.
466
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:47,667
Oh, thank you
so much.
467
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,140
You want to mess, pal?
468
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:55,775
That's my fiancée's hot backside
that you're dabbing.
469
00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:57,310
Marshall, no.
470
00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,479
Baby, please, don't ever
take that ring off again,
471
00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:01,581
no matter how awesome
I say that it is.
472
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:03,350
It's okay, man...
Back off, hombre!
473
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,017
I'm not that afraid
to fight you.
474
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,018
You want to test
475
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,655
this guy, be my guest,
come on.
476
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,290
Marshall,
he's gay.
477
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:13,193
Oh, thank God. I've never
been in a fight before.
478
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:14,194
You don't say.
479
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,296
TED:
So, it turned out
480
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,531
Uncle Marshall
really was the jealous type.
481
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,333
Unfortunately,
that guy's boyfriend...
482
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,735
also the jealous type.
483
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,538
Hey!
484
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:35,915
Could have licked
the Liberty Bell.
485
00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:38,985
We're going
to the airport.
486
00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:41,654
Bong...
487
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:45,124
bong... bo...
488
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,160
Why do I hang out
with you? Why?
489
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:49,296
All I wanted was
to have a regular beer
490
00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:51,331
at my regular bar
with my regular friends
491
00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:52,899
in my regular city.
492
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,867
Ted, Ted, Ted.
493
00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:56,803
You're not even looking.
494
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:58,705
No, I'm not.
495
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:03,410
Look, our forefathers died for
the pursuit of happiness, okay?
496
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:06,078
Not for the sit around
and wait of happiness.
497
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,747
Now, if you want,
498
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,149
you can go to the same bar,
drink the same beer,
499
00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:11,551
talk to the same people
every day,
500
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:14,554
or you can lick
the Liberty Bell.
501
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:20,227
You can grab life by the crack
and lick the crap out of it.
502
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:23,563
That was
beautiful, man.
503
00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:26,299
Thanks, Leonard.
504
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:29,302
Ted, you're missing out
on a valuable life lesson here.
505
00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:31,904
Look, I don't need you
to teach me how to live, okay?
506
00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:33,105
I know how to live.
507
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,041
If you want to go
lick the Liberty Bell,
508
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:36,175
just go lick it yourself.
509
00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:38,278
No, it has to be
the two of us.
510
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,746
Why? Why do you
need me?
511
00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:41,548
Because you're
my best friend, all right?
512
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:44,016
You don't have
to tell me I'm yours,
513
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:46,253
but the way I see it,
we're a team.
514
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:49,055
Without you, I'm...
515
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:51,991
I'm just the Dynamic Uno.
516
00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:55,662
So, fine, if you
want to go home,
517
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:58,731
then we'll go home.
518
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,733
(sighs)
519
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,436
Fine.
520
00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:05,838
We'll go lick the Liberty Bell.
521
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,307
Good 'cause we're here.
522
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:10,910
I had no idea how Barney
523
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:13,179
redirected the cab
without me knowing,
524
00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:15,515
but we got out, Dana let us in,
525
00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:17,517
and by God,
we licked the Liberty Bell.
526
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:18,985
You know what it tastes like?
527
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:19,919
What?
528
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:22,755
Freedom.
529
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,892
No, actually, it tastes
like pennies.
530
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,159
Oh, my God.
531
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,028
Did you guys really do that?
532
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:30,563
We really did.
533
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:33,800
And that was when I realized
why I hung out with Barney.
534
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:36,269
I never got where I thought
I wanted to go,
535
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:38,605
but I always got a great story.
536
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,710
So, that girl
you were talking to...
537
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:44,777
that was Mom?
538
00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:46,546
Kids, every story
in a man's life
539
00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:48,981
is like a dot
in an Impressionist painting...
540
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:50,417
So that's a no?
541
00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:53,185
Yeah, that's a no.
542
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,854
(kids sighing)
What?! Come on...!
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