All language subtitles for Student.Bodies.1981.BluRay

Hummers residence.

Hi, Julie.

Oh, hi, Toby.

Listen, I forgot
to give you the answers

to that history question
on the civil war.

Now, just remember,
the north won.

Oh, heavy. Hey, are you sure
you don't want to come over?

Maybe Charlie could
bring a friend or two.

No.

And you better
be careful.

Sometimes when a person
acts wild and crazy,

well, wild and crazy
things happen to them.

They do?

Yeah, believe me.

Anything could happen
in this creepy place,

but I have a feeling
it's the last time I baby-sit.

Listen, I gotta go.

Ok, bye, Toby.

Hello.

Hello.

I said...

Ohh!

Aah!

Surprise.

Charlie!

Cut the chit-chat.

Let's just do it.

Ooh, what's
that chickeny taste?

It's chicken.

Did you just call
a minute ago and hang up?

Who, me?

Not here.

Not now.

Where?

When?

Upstairs, 10 seconds.

Nice.

Charlie, you clean?

What kind of
a question is that?

Of course I'm clean.

Besides, you can't
wash away herpes.

Take a shower!

Orders get me hot.

I'll be waiting for you.

Charlie,
is that you thumping?

All these stairs.

I hope I don't die first.

Sugarless.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to Sahara Tahoe.

It's show time.

Hey, Julie.

Hey, your feet
are cold.

Here, turn over.

Julie.

Julie, you're
not responding

to my maleness.

Julie,
are you asleep?

Holy shit!

No!

What a waste of money.

$10 for a movie,
$5.00 for popcorn.

Don't forget
$15 for parking

and a baby-sitter.

If I see one more
horror film, I'll throw up.

What makes them
think the American public

wants to watch
such stupid trash?

You're right, dear.
Now hurry up

or we'll miss
the Dukes of Hazzard.

Look, she left
the door open.

Julie, we're home.

Where is that girl?

I hope she wasn't
murdered in our bed.

Aaaah!

Aaaah!

Aaaah!

Honey, what's wrong?

Look at the sink!

Your finger?
You hurt your finger?

She didn't
wash the dishes!

75 cents an hour.

She didn't wash
one dish.

Where is that girl?

Maybe she's watching TV.

At 75 cents
an hour?

We'll see
about that.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Chicken.

Hmm.

Broken.

Aaaah!

She left the TV on!

Oh, where is that girl?

I'll find her.
I'll find her.

The TV is left on,
the dishes undone,

and look at this mess.
She's ruined the stairs.

What's going on in my home
at 75 cents an hour?

Honey,
calm down, calm down.

You know
how high-strung you are.

The doctor said
one more heart attack

and it's all over
for you.

Are you murmuring?

Fluttering?

Do you want your pills?

Don't worry
about the stairs.

I'll clean them.

You know how I like
cleaning gum off of things.

The important thing is that
you calm down and relax.

Well, I'll be darned.

Aah!

Today is a sad day for me,

perhaps the saddest
in my tenure

as principal
of our school,

dear old Lamab High.

For me, to look
down on the corpses

of 2 former students
is very painful,

and I'll bet it's no picnic
for the parents either,

but we must go on,

for although
today is a sad day,

it is also a big day...

The day of the big parade.
The big game...

I told her
to be careful.

Shh.

I told her
not to have

Charlie
come over.

Why wouldn't
she listen?

The big queen crowning,

the big yearbook
signing party,

the big panty raid,

the big
tree trimming.

Stop. How can you
think of sex now?

I can never stop
thinking about it.

Funerals get me hot.

Now this, the big funeral.

Now, we could moan
about the fact

that we have to have

the extracurricular
activities in one day

due to state budget cuts,

but that wouldn't be
in the spirit of Lamab High,

would it?

Let's hear it for life.

Ok, give me a boo!

Give me a hoo!

Give me a boo hoo hoo!

Beat death!

Yay!

Thank you, members
of the pep team.

Sex kills.

Sex kills.

Back, Malvert, back!

Do you want people
to be suspicious of you?

Look at those two
sneaking off.

Maybe they have to go
to the bathroom or something.

We can't do it now.

My mother
found my diaphragm.

What?

I'll get
some protection.

I'll get foam
and rubbers.

Don't start
without me.

Yoo-hoo.
Anybody home?

Joe, what's that?

I'm gonna give you
horse head.

You're not Joe!

Aah!

Oh, you started
without me.

Bertha?

Bertha?

Oh!

Oh, Mrs. Smith,
I'm Mrs. Hummers.

Julie was baby-sitting
at my house when she got it.

Now I wanted you to have
the money I owed her.

It's all there.
5 hours at 65 cents an hour.

Oh, and I also included
Julie's car fare...

One way, of course.

So, I mean, it's not
your fault, you know?

I've been trying to tell you
that all this time.

Don't worry.
Oh, look. There's Joe.

Joe!

This is not
very funny!

Joe, this is not
my idea of a joke,

and... and you're acting
in very bad taste!

Aah!

Oh, Hardy,
have you been

fooling around with
my bicycle seat again?

No.

What did you hit now?

Damn dog again.

Where are you?!
Where are you?!

What do you think
you're doin'?

Hey, man,
that's my parking space.

Can't you see I'm blind?

Hey, I'm more
handicapped than you.

I can't even make love
to a woman!

I can never find one!
Now move it.

Hey, that's
our parking spot.

Great physical beauty
can be a handicap, too.

Who could have
done these murders?

I don't know.
It could have been anybody.

Well, it can't
be anybody.

It's gotta be
somebody.

Well, of course,
it's somebody.

But that somebody
could be anybody.

Well, look,
we didn't do it, right?

Right.
So you can't say

it could be anybody.
We're anybody.

True. But
we're also somebody.

Whoever the killer is

couldn't have chosen
a worse day.

In any case, we must
remember the 3 P's:

No police,
no publicity, and, uh...

No pasta.

Don't let the pressure
get to you, Harlow.

That's
the third "p."

I can't stand
the pressure.

You're
a brilliant educator.

You need some rest.

Class, today we will learn
how to make...

A horse head bookend.

Perhaps man's highest
cultural achievement

is the horse head bookend.

With rape...

And violence...

Rampant in this land.

With human flesh
cheap and...

And vulgarized,

one of the last bastions
of decency

is the gentle satisfaction
one gains

from making
a horse head bookend.

Just a minute, son.

Me, sir?

Yeah, yeah, the one
in the bed sheets.

Take that tambourine
off your head.

You belong to this school?

Yes, sir.

My name is Mawamba.

Is that a fact?

Do you know the school year
began in September?

This is
the last day in June.

I'm a bussing student,
sir, from Ozawe.

Ozawe?
That near Philadelphia?

It's in Africa, sir.
That's why I'm late.

My bus just got in.

Do you know
anything about...

Horse head bookends?

No, sir.

Good.

Now we only have
one day to work with you

'cause it's
the last day of school.

Now you're gonna make
horse heads, jungle boy.

You're gonna have horse heads
coming out of your ears.

Now one more question.

Would you mind
telling me...

How come you're not
in your neighborhood school?

It's a court order,
bwana.

A court order, huh?
A court order?

Now that the right people
have taken over this country,

you're gonna see
some real court orders.

Now sit down
and make horse heads.

Now, remember, class...

You won't believe
what I saw over there.

What?

Don't ask.

Look... look at this.

Where did you get that?

I found it where Joe
and Bertha were murdered.

They shouldn't have been
doing that at a funeral.

Talking?

During horse head bookends?

Who was that?

Sure, the girl.

What have we here, miss...

"Shouldn't be
in the class anyway"?

Well, it's a horse head
bookend, Mr. Duncan.

You stained it
and everything.

Yes, sir.

I couldn't have done
a better job myself.

That's what I was thinking.

Don't mind us, girls.

We prom queen candidates
have to get changed

for the parade.

Hey, how come I
have to break my ass

playing volleyball

while you get
all dolled up?

'Cause I'm beautiful
and you're hideous.

Oh, yeah? Someday,
you'll be old and ugly.

Oh, no, I won't.
Take a look at this.

I have these saved up

for the very first sign
of wrinkles.

What is it,
vitamin E?

Cyanide capsules.
Death before disfigurement.

You're sick.

Has anybody
seen Toby?

She's in big trouble.

She was found
with a weapon, and...

Ha. I love locker rooms.

I love girls' locker rooms.

I love sweat.

I love girls' sweat.

What's the matter
with you guys?

I don't know what's
the matter with them,

but I'm nervous about
becoming prom queen.

Queens.

Hey, you
haven't won yet.

Well, listen, darling,
with a figure like this...

Nice figure.

...that's French.

French. French.
I like French.

Skin.

Boobs! Boobs!

Very fun.

Itchy. Itchy.

I'm taking it
out of my pants.

I'm doin' what my mommy
told me not to do.

Oh! Ah!

Oh! Oh! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aahooh!

All right,
let's move it! Let's go!

Why do they always
run away from me?

It's the galoshes.
They're a dead giveaway.

Why do I wear 'em?
It isn't even raining.

My luck.

I picked a jogger.

Unh! I can't get a break!

I'd like to kill the kid
with the gum.

Aah! Oh!

Mr. Malvert!

You Mrs. Malvert.

No!

Say no to Malvert?

Yes! No!

Help Malvert.

Malvert have big problem.

5-letter word
for stealth-like.

Creep!

Malvert thanks!

Lovely day
for a parade.

Or a murder.
Yes.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the Lamab High
marching band.

The finest marching band
on this street

at this moment.

And remember,
my dear friends,

this may not be the biggest
parade in the world,

but it will be
the most sincere.

We have dedicated it
to those students

who have...Passed on.

For, like everyone else,

even the dead
love a parade.

I'd like to make a special
appeal to the killer.

Hasn't there been
enough senseless killing?

Let's have a murder
that makes sense.

The cheerleaders are
taking off their blouses.

Yeah, yeah!

And the prom queen
candidates, no clothes on.

Oh, man, yeah!

So you got my dollar?

And on the next float,

our lovely prom queen
candidates,

uh, or what's left
of them.

Meet Patti Priswell,
Joan d'Amico,

and Barry, our boy queen
candidate.

Man, that Dagmar
sure looks good.

Are you crazy?
Later, man.

Our school mascot
the bull.

When I say that
lamab has the finest

educational standards
in the state,

what do you say? Bull!

Look, over there.

Did you see that?

Well, maybe
he's helping her

find a bathroom
or something.

Let's get
comfortable, baby.

The floor may be
hard, but I'm soft.

Couldn't you pick
a better place?

I can't help it.

Hollow bulls
get me hot.

Here I am.

You always want
to do it in the daytime.

Can't we do it
at night?

Yeah, but...

Let me see.

A murder weapon.

What's in
this goddamn float?

Ok, Ok, it's
gonna be slow.

Hey, man!
Hey, slow down!

I gotta find something.

There must be something.

Ah! All right!

No!
You like eggplant?

Not eggplant! Aah!

Ok, baby.

Ooh, I like
your outfit.

What's this? I thought
you hated eggplant.

Ralph?

Dagmar? Aah!

No!

Where are you?

You guys, I saw you
come down here.

Dagmar? Aah!

It's a big day!

Big day, big day,
Ms. Mumsley.

Oh, my god.

Student bodies!
Student bodies!

Ladies and gentlemen,

in order to achieve
an "R" rating today,

a motion picture must
contain full frontal nudity,

graphic violence,

or an explicit reference
to the sex act.

Since this film
has none of those

and since research
has proven

that "R"-rated films
are by far the most popular

with the movie-going
public,

the producers
of this motion picture

have asked me to take
this opportunity to say

fuck you.

Finished.

They're gone.

Hardy?

Aah!

What have we here,

miss "shouldn't be
on the float anyway"?

Wait a minute.

No!

No. I...
I didn't do it!

I didn't do it!
I never do it!

3 down.

And here, thousands
of years later, man.

Quite a difference,
huh, class?

And yet
is he perfect?

I think not.

This is totally
unnecessary, ugly,

and gets in the way.
Now...

I can't believe
about all this talk

about Toby being involved
in these murders.

It isn't true.

She's reflecting

very poorly
on our school.

If she has any sense
of self-honor

and decency,
she'd kill herself.

Now, we can't go around
changing men's anatomy,

legally, that is. But
we can change a frog's.

Now if you will all please
expose your frogs.

First, we will remove

all these ugly
little frog penises.

Cigarette?

Ok. I'll come
straight to the point.

You're the murderer.

No. That's
impossible!

I wouldn't
hurt a fly.

The girl's
obviously a liar.

Let's give her
the chair.

If you want, I can
saw her head off.

Now wait a minute.
May I make a suggestion?

Instead of sending Toby
directly to jail...

What? And
let her pass go

and collect $200?
No way.

No, I meant
it would be a good idea

if Toby saw
our school psychiatrist

before we came
to any firm conclusions.

I don't believe
in psychiatrists.

What did they
ever do for me?

Obviously
nothing.

Dr. Sigmund is
an eminently... imm...

A top man who has
treated many murderers

before they killed.
I feel strongly

that the proper
course of action

is a thorough psychiatric
consultation. Ok?

No.
I don't think so.

Good. Then it's settled.

Good-bye, and thanks
for your confidence

in me, Mr. Peters.

It's not really
confidence, my dear.

I think you're crazy.

Now let's examine
the evidence again.

Now, here are
the murder weapons.

Now, who would logically
have access to them?

One paperclip.

Harlow,
that's yours.

3 trash bags. Now who
could these belong to?

What's he doing?

This used
to be the rest room

before they remodeled
the building,

and Malvert thinks
it's still here.

I keep a trash can
over there

for just this purpose.

Better to be safe
than sorry.

Of course, the man
deserves some respect.

He was a teacher
before the accident.

What accident?

Oh, he was in
a terrible crash,

he got rammed
from both the front

and the back
at the same time.

Poor fellow
got whiplash

in both directions.

Poor soul. Once
a teacher, now a janitor.

He does enjoy
the raise in pay.

Malvert afford hookers.

All done?

No.

Now done.

You can't get
angry with him.

He gets teased
unmercifully.

Wait a minute.

Now, he
could be our man.

Look at him.
Look at him!

He's got blood
on his hands.

No. Since accident,

Malvert
sometimes pee red.

You know
good urologist?

I'll get it. I'm
farthest from the phone.

That makes sense.

Hello.

Hello! I won't
beat around the bush.

I killed everybody,
and I'm glad! Heh heh!

I appreciate
your honesty.

What makes your voice
sound so funny?

I'm disguising it,
schmuck.

How?
By talking through

a rubber chicken.

I thought it sounded
like you were

speaking through
a rubber chicken.

Listen, I'm going to kill
next at the football game.

Click!
Did you hang up?

No. I just said click.

Well,
who was that?

The killer...
Chicken lips.

And if that
was the killer,

then Malvert
can't be guilty.

You can go,
Malvert.

Damn. Malvert
never get picked!

I've never been
to a shrink before.

What do I say?

Tell him anything
he wants to hear.

I don't know
what to tell.

Just don't let him
give you a lobotomy

like they did
to Jack Nicholson

in cuckoo's nest.

No,
I don't think so.

That would really
mess you up. Don't worry.

I'm scared.

It's routine.

I'm sorry.

I promised myself
I wouldn't cry.

That's Ok. It's
all right to cry.

Perhaps
this will help.

I'm sorry
I'm out of Kleenex.

Thank you, Dr. Sigmund.

Don't be so formal.

Call me Pischer.

Toby,
I'm going to ask you

a difficult
question.

Are you up for it?

I... I think so,
Dr. Sigmund.

Please,
don't be so formal.

Call me daddy.

Daddy? Wouldn't that
be unusual?

Not really, Toby.

You see, some day
I hope to be famous,

a father image
to the disturbed.

All I need is one...

Sensational case.

Multiple personality,
perhaps.

Proof that reincarnation
does exist, perhaps.

The devil
as a patient, perhaps.

Perhaps...

Perhaps...

Perhaps...perhaps...

Perhaps.

Somebody's been
using my office.

Tell me, Toby...

How do you feel
about sex?

What?

Did I pronounce it
right?

Well...

You mean between
a man and a woman.

Yes. Or the species
of your choice.

Well...

Well, I think that...

That sex can be
a beautiful thing

if 2 people
are in love and...

And are married

and can share and
care for one another.

Uh-huh.

2 souls
blending into one.

2 hot bodies pressed
against each other's flesh!

Stop!

But at the same time,

it can be so ugly and...

And dirty and disgusting.

Yuck. My father...

Your father's name
was yuck?

Tell me
about your father.

Did you like yuck?

Oh, no. I hated him.

When I was a child,

he used to beat me
and lock me in my room

with him in it!

Don't call me
daddy anymore.

Well, he...

He told me
that sex was bad

and... and dirty and...

And your mother?

What did
she tell you?

She also told me that
sex was bad and dirty,

but only with my father.

With everyone else,
she said it was great.

Thank you.

Your fellow students
who were murdered,

they had sex,
didn't they, Toby?

Yes, but I
tried to warn them.

But the police say

you may be involved
in these murders.

Why would I kill
my best friends?

Listen, you've
gotta believe me!

I believe you, Toby.
But sometimes

the mind plays
strange tricks.

We do things
and afterwards

we don't remember
doing them.

We become forgetful.

Did you know
that forgetfulness

was classified as
a mental illness?

I didn't do anything
I wasn't aware of.

And... and I don't
feel so well now,

and I'd like to return
to class, please.

Of course.
We'll continue

some other time.
Good-bye, Sybil,

uh, Eve.

Toby.
Toby.

Today, we will discuss
Shakespeare's Hamlet.

Who was Hamlet?

His dog.
His dog?

Wasn't he
a great Dane?

Class!

In all my years
of teaching,

that is the stupidest answer
I have ever heard.

Go back
to grammar school.

I know where it is.
I'll show you.

Whoa!
Ok, Ok.

Be careful! Hey, where's
your seeing eye dog?

Sorry, man. He stole
my car and everything.

My legs, my legs!

Hamlet is one
of Shakespeare's

greatest tragedies.
It is the story of a prince,

the prince of Denmark,
a melancholy man

whose mother is
sleeping with his uncle.

I can relate
to that.

And how does he
solve this problem?

Murder!

Sorry I'm late.

Take your seat, please.

Attention, students.

As principal, I am
obligated to report

that Toby badger
has just come

from a psychiatric session
with Dr. Sigmund.

While Dr. Sigmund
has not reached

any formal conclusion,
he does however feel

there is strong evidence
that Toby may indeed

be the psychotic killer
we've been all looking for.

But until this is confirmed
at a later date,

please treat her just like
any other student.

Murderer!
Bye, killer.

There, there, Harlow.
Don't fret.

You do have
a lot on your mind.

A lot on my mind?
The big day,

the big game,
the big parade,

6 big deaths...

You'd call that
a lot on my mind?

Here, speak
to the student bodies.

You know how you like
having your voice amplified.

Good afternoon, students.

This is Mr. Peters,
your principal.

I have some good news
and some bad news.

The good news is the killer
has definitely been identified

as a psychotic individual

suffering from
paranoiac schizophrenia.

He is armed and dangerous.

The bad news is
we have no idea who it is.

If anyone should
come across an individual

matching this description,

please call me at once,

but don't do it
in front of him.

And remember,
the big football game...

Mr. Malvert,
I wanted to talk to you.

If for some reason
suspicion should fall

on our dear Mr. Peters,

we would like you
to confess.

Well, Mr. Peters

is a valuable asset
to society,

while you are mere scum.

What difference
would jail make to you?

You'll have fun
with the boys.

Women don't
like you much now.

I certainly don't.

Homosexuality is
the up-and-coming thing.

Call it in the air!

Mine.

All right! Come on!

Man, wheels, how'd you
get such great seats?

The 50-yard line.

Yeah, I used my influence.
Give me the money.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Red hots! Popcorn!
Peanuts!

Give me a hot dog.

Here's your hot dog.
You want mustard?

Yeah, give me some...

How about
something to drink?

Yeah, gi...

Hot dog.
Hot dog!

Here's your hot dog.
Here's your hot dog.

Here, you want
mustard, too?

Here you are.

Peanuts!

Here.

I'm gonna buy you
a hot dog.

Then you'll
like Malvert.

Hot dog!

Slut! Slut!

All women alike!
All women with Malvert.

I still think
the boys are being killed

and then stuffed
in the trash bags.

Not necessarily.
It's a well-known fact

that if you put a male
inside a 3-ply hefty bag,

tightly tied at the top,

they'll suffocate
in a matter of minutes.

You can believe me.

That's how
they were murdered.

You're on. Hey, chief,
get over here.

Yes, sir?

Get in the bag.

Why?

Because
I told you so.

Yes, sir.

Oof!

I'm bad.
That's right. I'm bad.

Hey, blood. Hey, bro.
What's happenin'?

Hey, blood. Whoo!

Try to get out.

All right.

Come on!

This is boring.
The game sucks anyway.

Excuse me. I have
to make a phone call.

I got a phone
right here.

I feel like grabbing
a quick shave.

Oh? I used
to be a barber.

I just remembered
I must pick up my daughter

at the airport.

Daddy, daddy,
the plane was early!

I'm back!

Come on. Everybody
will be watching the game.

Stop! Look
at all this crap!

Come on, baby.
Come on.

No. Al, let's stop.
It's cold.

All this garbage
is falling.

The garbage
gets me hot.

Ohh!
Ok, Ok, stay here.

I'll get a blanket
and a broom.

Ok. Hurry, hurry.

I'm going.

Wrong time. Don't!

I'm just gonna
keep an eye on her.

Toby.

Heeeere's breather!

Al? An eraser?!

Aah!

Joan?

Al?

I saw you guys
come down here,

and I just don't think
it's a very good idea.

Ohh!

Joan, I've got 'em.

Best broom and blanket
money can buy.

Joan?

You look terrible.

What's
this white powder?

Ecch,
cut with chalk.

Joan?

No! No! No!

No touchdown.

Dead bodies on field.
15-yard penalty.

Take off.

All right, listen up now.

There's been
another double murder.

A killer is among us.

All you people
who have had

no previous duress
for criminal charges,

leave the stadium.

All those who have had
no motives

in connection
with this killing,

you can go home.

All right, now.

All those whose parents
are of the same sex,

you can go.

Damn. Question
was too obvious.

Well, hell,
we ain't got no suspect.

Where's Toby badger?
Has anybody seen her?

No, not me.

She's been found on the scene
of all the crimes.

Well, sounds
like the killer to me.

Ok, I want
everyone deputized.

Spread out and
reconnoiter the area.

Any questions?
Yes, Dr. Sigmund.

Yes,
where did you learn

to speak English,
a zoo?

I understand this killer
strikes only those

who are having sex.

That could wipe out
the entire senior class.

Wait a minute!

No students leave
the school grounds

without filling out
the proper forms.

But they're dead.

If we make
an exception for the dead,

we have to make
an exception for everyone!

I better get my forms.

Damn it, son.

We've been here
for 2 hours now,

and we're not
letting you go anywhere

until you tell us
where the murderess is

of these 2 young bodies.

Now, tell me, boy,

have you ever seen
a dead body? Huh?

Well, now,
has anybody in this room

ever seen a dead body?

Now talk, boy.

I'm not a suspect,

and you can't keep me
here any longer,

and if you had any decency,
you'd remove these bodies.

There's something
in the air.

Ok. Who had beans
for lunch?

Who did it?
He did.

But he's dead.

It's a well-known fact

that corpses
can pass wind,

urinate,
have erections.

There's an old
Welsh saying...

"Dead men tell no tales,
but they fart."

This investigation's
going nowhere.

I'm getting
out of here.

That was
a high-pitched one.

That was
the phone.

Hello.

Hello again.

Chicken lips again.

Put him on
the speakerphone.

I will kill next
at the prom.

Oh, yeah? Click.

Did you hang up?

No. I just said click.

Ha ha. I got him.

Eww! God!

Don't you leave town.

Toby.

Toby.

Toby, wake up.

I didn't do it.

Toby, it's me,
Hardy.

Hardy, where am I?

Cleveland?

Ugh!

Oh, Hardy, it was
so awful under there.

The worst is over.

Aah!

Hardy, you saved me.

That's Ok.
You owe me one.

What is all this?

It's from
the junior class play.

They're doing a non-musical
version of Grease.

They couldn't get
the rights to the music.

I'm gonna have
to get you out of here.

No, I have
to go to the prom

and find the killer.

But you can't do that.
They'll grab you.

It's the only way
to save my name.

How are you going
to get past the entrance?

I... I'll have my hand
stamped or something.

I mean
they'll recognize you.

Besides, wouldn't that
be counterproductive?

I'll go in disguise.

I... I need 2 balloons.

Oh. I happen to have 2...

In case I got lucky.

Hardy, can you
please wait outside?

I could wait here.

Ahem. Outside.

We have
temporarily lost our picture.

Please stand by.

Just kidding.

Hello! It's me,
the breather.

You're probably
wondering who I am.

Who could I be?

Could I be
the innocent-looking Toby?

Would you trust a girl
who looks like prince valiant

in a plum sweater?

Maybe I'm Dr. Sigmund,

a man who was
once arrested

for corrupting the morals
of a hooker.

Then there's Malvert,
with the I.Q. of a handball

and the personality
of a parking meter.

Violated.

Could I be the principal
Mr. Peters,

a man who keeps cheese
in his underwear

to attract mice?

Let's not forget
Ms. Leclair...

English teacher by day

and English teacher
by night.

Ah, Ms. Mumsley.

She eats 12 prunes a day
and nothing happens.

Nurse Krud
and Ms. van Dyke.

What's in a name?

Everything.

Then there's Dumpkin,
a man who sleeps

with his nuts between
horse head bookends.

Toby! You look
so different.

I put a wig on, and I...

I put these balloons
up here.

They look great.
Can you keep them?

You can have them
when I'm through.

Now, listen,
I've been thinking.

All the clues have to be
in Mr. Peters' office.

What makes you
think that?

Well, that's where

they've been holding
the investigations

and all the important
evidence.

It's... it's
got to be there.

Well, that does
make sense to me.

Somehow I've got
to get Mr. Peters' keys.

Hey,
who is that chick?

I don't know, but what
a great set of balloons.

Ignore them.

Come on,
stick close to me.

Hardy, I can't go
to the prom with you.

Everyone knows I�m
the only friend you have.

Hardy.

Hardy,
you'll blow my cover.

All right,
I'll go in alone,

but I'm gonna
keep my eye on you.

Ok.

Hello there.
You do drugs?

Nitrous oxide?

Quaaludes?

Hey, how about
some peyote?

You younger guys are
always looking for action.

Come on, let's dance.

I don't care
about my life so much

as long as they Bury me
in that crown.

Patti, I like
your set of values.

Get out
of there, Malvert.

Malvert can have punch.

Malvert
help make punch.

What are you
talking about?

Malvert pee red.

Just one tab.

I really have to go.

You sure?

Hi there, big boy.

Oh! I'm sorry.

Well,
you look so young,

and I thought you
were a student. Heh.

You're the principal,
aren't you?

Yes, uh...
Do I know you, my dear?

Well,
I don't think so.

See, I just
transferred here,

and with you being
so busy and all.

Principal.

Such
an important job.

Why, just look
at all those keys.

Indeed, I've got
heavy responsibilities.

Aw, poor thing.

May I ask
where you come from?

Harlow,
you're not mingling.

I'm telling you,
that's her.

She wants my crown.

I'll find out.
I'll go dance with her.

If I don't
get a hard-on,

it's Toby for sure.

Who's this?
Who's this?

That's not her.

That's not Toby badger.

I know you're only
acting a part, Toby,

but this
is more real

than anything
in my life.

Don't say a word,
please.

I want you to remember
this moment forever.

I will.

And who knows?

Maybe when
this is all over,

maybe we can kiss again.

But right now, I...

I know.
You're in danger.

What can I do
to help?

Check all
the outside windows.

See if
there's any way in.

Then check
miss Mumsley's office.

She's like
Peters' clone.

She could
be involved, too.

I've gotta
go get those keys.

All right.

Mr. Malvert.

Don't scare Malvert.
You know Malvert?

Yes, I know Malvert.

Remember 5-letter word
for stealth-like movement?

Mrs. Malvert!

Yes, yes, Mrs. Malvert.

Listen, you've
gotta come help me.

Malvert come.

Where is it?

Yeah, where is it?

We gotta make
horse head bookend.

Mr. Peters
treats you badly

like the others,
doesn't he?

Yes, he mean
to Malvert.

Then you can help me
and get even.

How?

Listen...

Down, Malvert.
Down!

Did you
get them?

Uhh! I said his keys,
not his cheese.

Oh. Oh, Malvert,

you're wonderful.

Students, quiet, please.

Students.

Thank you for your courtesy.

I have
a special announcement.

Since all of the prom queen
candidates have been killed

except Ms. Patti Priswell,

the teachers' committee
has decided

it would be inappropriate
to award the crown

to a student this year.

They can't do this.

We can do
anything we want.

We're teachers.

Teachers suck!

And so we have decided
to award the crown this year

to a king...
A king of learning...

Your principal
Harlow Hebrew Peters!

Patti, stop it!

Oh, I want
to slash my face.

Oh, if I can't be

the prettiest girl
in school,

I want
to be the ugliest.

Come on, Patti,

I understand this
incredible sense of loss

you must be feeling.

It's a very trying moment
for a tender girl like yourself.

But I want you to know,

underneath this uniform

is the best body
in this school.

Let's ball.

Was it good for you?

'Cause he's my hero.

What if
someone finds us?

Patti...

Double time.

At ease.

I'm nervous.

There's nothing
to be nervous about.

I'm worried.

What are you
worried about?

I'm scared.

Would you pipe down
and strip?

I wanna get this over with
before you change your mind.

I've changed my mind.

What if the murderer
should find us?

How's he gonna
find us here?

I can't do it with
all these horse heads

staring at me.

I can't help it.

These horse heads
make me hot.

Horse heads?

What was that?

Rahr!

I heard heavy breathing.

It's me.
Look, it's safe.

I got protection.

You don't have one,

and don't
try to tell me

you've
had a vasectomy.

Please don't
pull that line.

Look, I know
where I can get one.

Where?

I planned an occasion
like this last summer.

I got one
planted upstairs.

Where are you going?

Behind
the men's room toilet.

Ha! You're crazy.

I got the idea
from godfather I.

Wait here, and
don't open the door

for anyone but me.

That's an order,
soldier.

Scott?

Scott?

Aah!

Who is it?

Oh, it's you!
You brought me the crown.

Oh, I'm prom queen
after all.

Aah!

All right, soldier.

You countermanded
a direct order

by leaving
that door open,

and as soon
as we're done here,

you're gonna
police the whole area.

Patti?

Just kidding.

Look, another minute,
I'll have my clothes off,

and, uh...

We'll break the rules
together.

And don't worry about it...

One fully-tested safety,
government-issued,

and I even
cleaned my weapon.

Patti?

Patti, you finally
got your crown.

Mother of god
and country,

you're dead.

Let's have one
for old times' sake.

Bleah.

Well, I won't
be needing this.

Who is that?

Who's there?

Hey, I'm trying
to get laid here.

No!

Aah!

Aw, poor kids.

They bought the farm.

At least I'm safe.

Feet, do your stuff!

What are you doing?
What's up with the saw?

Ohh, I get it.
I get it.

You're the killer.

Look, you've killed
10 people already.

11 is the legal limit
in this state.

Best thing you can do
is just unplug the chain saw

and... and hand it over to me.

Keep it.

What do you want,
my life?

What would you
do with it?

Take my car.
It's a gorgeous k-car.

I just washed it
an hour ago.

I buy Japanese.

Ooh, better idea.

While you got
the buzz saw,

I'll teach you how
to make horse head bookends

for all your books.

Ah, ptuh!

Ah, you probably don't
have much time for reading,

what with your schedule.

Only smut.

Please...

From one sicko
to another,

I'm begging you...

Mommy...

Mommy.

Ah ah ah ah.

Not bad.

Ahh.

Were you gonna use that...
That on flesh?

Uh-huh.

Where's your rotary?

That's for wood.

Huh? Ahh!

I can see
the heavy breathing,

but shut off the buzz saw.

Good.

Now, this is
what you gotta do.

First, unplug
the buzz saw.

Good.

Now oil it
and clean it.

Wipe that grease off.

Ahh!

Good.

Now put it back
in the case.

Put it back on the shelf
where it belongs.

Ha ha ha.

Harlow, Harlow,
where are you going?

I'm gonna check
my office.

I think
I lost my keys

and my cheese.

Toby, thinking:
Harlot.

Slut.

Floozie.

Bad girl.
Whore.

Bimbo.

Toby.

Oh.

Oh, Mr. Peters.

You...
You startled me.

I wouldn't
want to do that.

Um...

I wanted
to thank you

for having
Dr. Sigmund, um,

have those sessions
with me.

It was very helpful.

Oh?

And that's why
you're here in my office?

Yes!
Yes, that's right.

Toby, I'm curious.

Did you expect to find me
in the filing cabinet?

Oh. Oh, that.

Oh, you mean these?

Well, I was looking
at these pictures,

and... and, well,
I couldn't wait

for the yearbook
to come out.

Is that so, Toby?

No. Um...

Do you really want
to know the truth?

Yes, Toby.
Tell me the truth.

Well...

Well, the truth is...
It's that...

Well, as you know,
everyone suspects me

of having something
to do with the murders,

like me
being the murderer.

And... and... and so
I was just thinking...

Yes, go on, Toby.
What were you thinking?

Well, to tell you
the truth,

I didn't know
what to think.

You're a bright girl, Toby.

Surely you have some theory
developed by now.

Well, yes,
as a matter of fact,

I think that
the murderer knew

all the victims.

Yes, go on.

And he must've had
access to the school...

Good. Good.

Because of
the murder weapons.

Someone
who's immature

and crazy and...

And deranged and...

And someone
who wanted to see

harm come
to the students.

Someone like...

Someone like
the principal.

Yes, someone
like the principal.

Mr. Peters!

You're naked!

Yes, Toby.

All these years
I've been secretly naked

underneath my clothes.

But did anyone notice?
Any girls?

Any prom queen candidates?

No.

All those lithesome
budding bodies

changing from girlhood
to womanhood,

like moths
into butterflies,

year after year,
right before my eyes.

Do you realize
how that affects a man?

Um...
It makes you hot?

That's right, Toby.

It makes me...Hot.

Especially the naughty ones

like Julie
and Bertha and Joan

and Dagmar.

Do you want to know why
I think they were murdered?

No. Yes!

Why?

Because they were naughty.

Naughty?

Disgustingly naughty.

Each and every one of them
was caught doing...Sex.

Sex? Yuck!

That's right, Toby.
Yecch.

Sex is dirty
and sex is bad.

Yes. Yes, I agree.
I...

Well, I don't know.

I've never
really done it.

But you would
like to do it,

wouldn't you?

Yes. No! No.

Excuse me a moment.
I'll be right back.

What... what are you
going to do?

Have you ever seen
our school trophy, Toby?

No, I...

I never knew
we ever won a trophy.

Oh, we did.

In 20 years,
we only won one trophy.

Ahh, the typing team
really came through that year.

Typing team?

We retired the typewriter,

but we kept the trophy.

I'll be back.

Hello?
Hello, um...

Listen, I'm in
terrible danger

and I need
some help.

You have
reached the police.

We are closed.

Look out behind you!

I'm back again.

Look.
Look behind you.

You're not going to fool me
with that old trick.

See? I was right.

This is our trophy, Toby.

Look!

No!

Well,
she's not in the men's room.

When we catch her,

can Malvert
kill her first, Ok?

Ok, but I get
first crack at her.

Hello, all.

Dr. Sigmund,
what are you doing here?

And what's
that hideous creature

at the end
of the leash?

I tamper with
nature as a hobby.

I crossed a flounder
with a walrus

and a horny toad.

What did you get?

A fish with warts
and a mustache

that can't
get a date.

It really belongs
in a zoo.

Thanks,
but they refused it.

Well, good night.

She's got to be
here someplace.

I'll look
in the men's room.

Ok.

Aah!

Ohh.

Aah! Hardy!

Hardy!

Hardy! Hardy!

Hardy, I killed
Mr. Peters,

and I think
he's a murderer,

and everything's
so horrible!

Hardy...

Aaaah!

Ohhh!

He's dead, my dear,
just like the others.

I didn't have time
to bag him.

Miss Mumsley!

Yes, miss Mumsley.

Do you think
I look good in green?

Why, yes, I think
it's quite flattering.

Thank you.

Too bad
you have to die.

You're the only one
of the girls

who didn't
get laid first.

Then you did it.

I only kill
the boys.

He killed the girls.

It breaks up
the monotony.

But why?

Why not?
I never told him.

He had no idea.

I did it
to protect him

in case there
were any witnesses.

I don't understand.

Because he was my son.

You're his mother?!

No, his father.

Oh, my god!

Father-mother.

But why did you do it?

Because I loved him.

Listen,
please let me go and...

And I won't tell anyone
you're crazy.

I swear!

Hold still
while I kill you.

I'm an old woman
with arthritis.

Ohh!

Hee Hee Hee!

Ha ha ha!

Aah!

This way out.

Ohh!

Aah!

Toby, snap out of it.
Snap out of it, Toby.

Hardy?

Julie.

Bertha.

Patti and Scott,
you're all alive!

You're all alive and...

And you're who you are
in real life.

Oh, monsieur Dumshee,
I had this dream and...

And you weren't even
my French teacher!

I will always be
your French teacher.

But you were surrounded
by all these horse heads.

Qu'est-Ce Que c'est,
a horse head?

You must've had
a terrible dream, no?

A terrible dream?
It was a nightmare.

Oh, this swine flu
really affected my mind.

I... I dreamt that all
my friends were murdered

because
they were having sex.

Sounds reasonable.

Mr. Mumsley,
you were a woman.

And Mr. Peters,
you were the principal and...

It's all due
to sexual repression

and urban stress,
my dear.

So who was the murderer?

Luke, you can walk.

Yeah, I have been
since I was 2 years old.

And Mr. Malvert,
you were a janitor.

Absurd!

No, really,
I was at this prom and...

And there was
this weird red punch.

Sometimes,
Peters pee red.

While you
were unconscious,

we all felt so sorry
for you that, well,

the gang voted you
prom queen.

It was
Patti Priswell's idea.

But, Patti,
all through my dream

all you wanted
was the crown.

It's all I wanted
in my dreams, too.

Will you put these
in water for me?

Sure.

In any event, people,
Toby needs her rest.

We can all
visit her tomorrow.

Don't forget your appointment
on Tuesday, my dear.

Bye-bye.

What was I like
in your dream?

Well, besides me,

you were the only one
who was normal.

Yeah.
Boring, isn't it?

Nope.

Boring gets me hot.

And I don't have
any more nightmares.

Good.

Dr. Sigmund told me
that sexual repression

causes swine flu,

so I think it's time
for me to do it.

Here? Now?

Ok.

All I ask is that
you just turn your back

while I undress, Ok?

Yes.

And I'll slip into
something more comfortable.

Hardy.

Hardy, what are you doing
with those rubber gloves on?

Hardy, why are you
breathing so heavy?

I'm the killer.

Hardy, you're
not the killer.

You're my friend,
remember?

That was a dream.
This is reality.

Why are you
doing this?

I don't know.

I guess I'm just
that kind of guy!

Aah! Aah!

Uhh!

Hardy, no!

I know it's unusual
for a psychiatrist

to speak at a funeral,

but this was my client.

The latest victim,
Toby badger,

just laid to rest.

She suffered severe
social repression,

countered by
an expressed nausea

towards sex,

which led to severe
social alienation

causing huge
psychological problems,

leading to the greatest
psychological problem

of them all, death.

Let us pay
our final respects,

but the living must go on
and make a new beginning,

hopefully in a spirit
of openness

and sharing of grief,

individually
or in groups.

I'm sorry I had
to kill you, Toby.

You just shouldn't
have done it.

I lost respect,

but I do
still love you.

Others have only
brought you one flower,

but I've brought you 2.

And if we should
ever meet again...

Aah!