All language subtitles for Cheers.S08E10.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Hey, Normie,
watch my wallet, will you?

I got to go see
a man about a horse.

Look at this!

Pumpkin seeds are
up to nine cents a pound!

This world is going crazy.

Yeah, I know
what you mean, Wood.

The dollar ain't worth
what it used to be.

I don't understand.

How can a dollar be worth
less than a dollar?

Well, perhaps I can illustrate
using one of Cliff's bills here.

Think of this, Woody,
as the 1975 dollar, okay?

It's probably been
in that wallet since 1975.

Now, taking account of inflation, okay,

the high cost of living,
increased dollars in circulation,

increased buying power
of that pesky yen,

and all you have left is a little bit
of George Washington's left eye.

Wait a minute, now.

Would the same thing apply to...

...say, a 20 dollar bill?

Ah, macroeconomics. Yeah, perhaps.

We'll just try it and see...
The same principles.

Okay, inflation...

Cost of living...

I just don't get this inflation stuff.

All right, Woody. Once again,

think of this beer
as the 1975 dollar, okay?

Now it's a 1980 dollar.

Fill it up, I'll take you
through the Reagan years.

All right. You might as well
forget it, Mr. Peterson.

I'm just not getting it.

Woody, I am willing
to sit here all night

if that's what it takes, buddy.

Sorry I'm late.
I just got back from my stylist.

Well, gee, Sam,
your hair doesn't look any different.

No. This was just for an estimate.

I'm thinking of doing a body wave
and my insurance company

wants me to go
to three different places.

Sam, you have hair insurance?

Yeah. What, like I'm gonna
just walk around with fire and theft?

Got to get some more
pretzels for the bar.

I don't know if my phone
is working right or not.

- Have I had any calls?
- Yeah, Robin called.

He did?

Yeah, about three weeks ago.
Don't you remember?

Carla, do you think
Robin's losing interest in me?

- No, but I am.
- Wait.

Come here, please.
Sit down. This is important.

Now, look. I know
my relationship with Robin

got off to a flying start, but recently,

I think that maybe
he's finding me boring.

Now, how could that be?

You're dull.

I am only dull on the outside.

On the inside,
I am a seething cauldron of fun.

All I have to do
is find something

that will make Robin sit up
and take notice of me,

something that will make him realize
what a special person I really am.

- Have you gone to bed with him yet?
- No...

That's always been
a good icebreaker for me.

Wait. Wait. Now, look.

I did not go to bed
with Robin on the first date

because I was out of practice.

I thought I'd be rotten,
and he'd dump me.

And on the second date,
I didn't go to bed with him

because I thought he respected me

for not going to bed
with him on the first date.

And then, by the third date,
it was already an old habit.

All right. Now I'm going out
with him my fourth time, and frankly,

I'm hot to trot.

So?

So? He's coming in town tonight,

I haven't seen him
for a month, and I don't know...

You know, I really need
some help here.

Now, you've got a reputation
of being uninhibited,

lowdown, dirty, perverted...

You should have known me
when I was a real slut.

Let me ask you a question.

What is the wildest thing
you ever did

to really get a guy's attention?

Well, now... Let me see.

There was the time
I was making love

to a guy on a carrousel.

- Where? An amusement park?
- No, LaGuardia Airport.

- Want to give it a try?
- I don't know...

You're getting dull on me again.

I've just been so darn dull
for so darn long.

Wait a minute. Whoa!
What do you think about this?

You're going to like this one.

He comes in tonight,
I sneak into his apartment,

I put on some nice soft music,
I chill some champagne,

he walks through the door,
and I greet him.

Whoa. What an idea.

- Way to go, Rebecca!
- Thank you.

Dull de dull, dull dull

Economics is so complicated.

Woody, I could sit here

and try to discuss
the principles of economics

with you till I'm blue in the face,

but I've always found that nothing

will explain the process quicker
than a simple game of Monopoly.

- Anyone care to join me?
- Monopoly, eh?

- Yeah!
- I don't know.

Well, Lilith's at home
with the baby,

they both seem
rather tired and cranky,

so I really ought to get home by...

...Thursday.

All right. I'm the banker.

No, no. I'm trying to explain
this to you, Woody.

I have to be the banker, all right?

I'm always the banker.

No, no. I'm always the banker, okay?

Look. if I can't be the banker,
I just won't play. How's that?

Well, maybe I'll just go get
my own Monopoly board

and play with my real friends.

Now, let's not be childish.

If Woody wants to be the banker,
let's let him be.

I mean, he can learn
from his own mistakes.

All right, all right.
I'll be the race car, though.

No, I am always the race car.

- I'm the race car!
- No, no, no. Oh, really?

How well do you do this?

You can argue all you want,

but I'm not playing
unless I'm the thimble.

It's yours, Cliff. Okay. Well...

So Cliff's the thimble.
I'm the race car.

What do you want to be, Norm?

I'll be the lead pipe, I guess.

I don't remember
any lead pipe in Monopoly,

or this Chinese checker,
or these Candyland children.

What is this?

Oh, you know, over the years,
we've sort of lost parts

from the original game,
so we mix and match from others.

Well, all right. Give me the dice.

All right.

Carla...

Everything's all set up.

You're going
to LaGuardia Airport? Great!

Use carrousel "D." It's the bumpiest.

No. No, Carla, look.

I was talking
to Robin's valet, Jonathan.

He kind of likes me.

Anyway, he said that he was gonna
chill some champagne

and he would
open the door for me,

so I could get in Robin's apartment.
And then he'll disappear,

and I will greet
Mr. Colcord at the door

wearing nothing
but a skirt, a shirt,

my underwear, and a smile.

All right, all right, I'll get naked!

Now you're getting the hang of it.

Thank you, Carla.
Thank you so much.

I'm buying Reading Railroad,
and I'm putting up a house.

Woody, you can't put a house
on railroad tracks.

Why not? My uncle Jim
used to do it all the time

back in Hanover,

on these tracks
near where we lived.

I mean, it wasn't
a real house, though.

It was just a fake one
made of sticks and canvas.

Yeah. He used to hide
in the bushes

and take pictures
of the engineers screaming.

He was funny,
but he had a twisted side.

Cheers.

Oh, hello, Mr. Colcord.

This is a bad connection.
Where are you calling from?

Hold on a second.

It's Richie Rich
calling from his airplane.

She's not here right now.
Can I take a message?

Aw, she'll be sorry to hear that.

Yeah, I'll be sure to tell her.

You flying that plane
all by yourself?

Really? Watch out
for that telephone pole!

No, I know there are
no telephone poles 40,000 feet up.

That's what makes it funny.

200 million bucks.

Buy yourself a sense of humor.

Where is Rebecca, anyway?

She's waiting for Robin
at his apartment.

Well, I guess I ought to...

...call her and tell her.

He's going to be
about three hours late.

Yeah. She said she wanted to...

...surprise him by waiting
there for him buck naked.

Say, where's Sam off to?

He's off to a luxury apartment
to meet a naked woman.

Boy, that guy leads
a pretty exciting life

compared to us, huh?

Cliff ie, compared to ours,
a tapeworm leads a pretty exciting life.

You know, I happen to be a bit
of an expert on tapeworms.

It all goes back
to my eighth grade science fair.

Everybody else had rabbits
and guinea pigs.

I had a tapeworm.

- Really?
- Yeah, so I couldn't go.

Or was that a ringworm?

Check, please.

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

Me and parasites,
don't get me started.

Robin?

I'm on the couch in the den.

Hang a Louie at my undies.

I'm so glad I came.

Hey, I've had half a bottle
of champagne.

Now I'm standing
in front of the TV, naked.

What are you watching?

Don't look at me!

Quick! Throw me something!

Okey-dokey.

No!

Throw me something to wear!

Let's see here.

- Here we go.
- Give it to me.

Give it to me! Give me that!

God, Sam, what are you doing here?

You saw me standing
in front of the TV naked!

I just came to give you a message.

Robin said he's going
to be a few hours late.

Get out of here.
Get out of here right now.

Damn, a Kodak moment,
and me without my camera.

You get out of here.

Whew! You are so cranky
when you're naked.

You are getting out
of here right now,

and you are getting out
of here right now.

What is with this elevator?

Honey, that's the elevator button.

I don't know what the hell this is.

Good evening, Mr. Colcord.

The Triton Sonic 5000 Security System
has now been activated.

Please step away
from all entry points.

Oh, God, we'd better
go out the back!

Oh, my God.
Let's go out the way back!

Oh! Sam...

What are we going to do?

I say we set the table.

What is with people nowadays?

When I was a kid, we used to keep
our doors unlocked all the time.

Used to get ripped off a lot,

but at least we could get
out of the damn house.

This whole thing is your fault.

Hey, I wasn't the one
who pushed the stupid buttons.

Oh, yeah?

Well, Robin is gonna be back here
in a couple of hours,

and what's he gonna do when he sees
the two of us together, huh?

It would have been one thing
if he saw me standing naked

in front of the TV.
That would have been romantic.

What's he gonna do
when he comes back here

and he sees the two of us together?

Boy, honey, this...

This is one of those
complicated situations.

I think what we ought to do

is go back in the bedroom,
take our clothes off,

and make hot, passionate love.

- That is not going to help.
- It's not going to hurt.

All right, fine.

I'll call the police.
They'll get us out.

We happen to be
in the apartment, illegally,

of one of the richest men
in the world.

Well, so he'll vouch for us.

Yes. He may vouch for me
after he dumps me, laughs at me,

and never wants to see me again.

You, he will leave rotting in jail,
where you and your pretty boy features

will be traded nightly
for a pack of menthols.

Well, I hate to see you get dumped.

There's just got
to be something around here

that either has a key
or a combination or... here it is.

- Here it is, jackpot.
- What do you got?

It's the alarm system manual.

Find out how to turn the thing off.

Okay, it's right here.

"To deactivate the Triton 5000
Sonic Alarm System,

find the control panel marked A,

and press 4-4-1-2..."

- Great.
- "...for example.

Of course, your code will be
a special personalized number

that you will choose yourself."

So what did I just do?

Attention, attention, attention.

You have activated
the internal laser beam motion detector.

What does that mean?

Oh, this is great. It's just great.
I come over for a little action,

and I'm stuck
in the middle of Star Wars.

Give me that thing.

"Beams."

"Beams."

"If the beams are interrupted,

there will be an armed response

from this company,
the Boston Police, and the FBI."

Oh, God, Sam.

Now not only
are we trapped in here,

but we can't even
move around in here,

or we'll set off the alarm system.

Boy, I wish Cliff
and Norm were here.

Why?

They'd think this was really cool.

That is probably Robin's valet.

It could be somebody
that can help us get out of here.

I've got to go for it.

- Here, take this.
- Give it to me.

Lower. Lower.

- Is this good?
- Yeah, it's great.

Hello?

Just a second.

- It's for you, Sam.
- Take a message.

May I say who's calling?

Oh, it's Carla. Carla!

God, you would have been
so proud of me!

I was standing in front
of the TV set naked...

Yeah, well, put it back on.

Your boyfriend just called and said

he's not going
to make it tonight at all.

He's not getting back
into town until tomorrow.

Thank goodness.

So, how are you
and Sammy getting along?

You're the one who told him
to come over here?

Carla, I am never
gonna confide in you again.

That's thanks enough.

Now listen to me, Carla.
Do not blab this all over the bar,

but Sam and I are trapped

in Robin's high-security
apartment building,

and we can't get out.

Hold on a minute.

They're trapped in Robin's
high-security apartment building,

and they can't get out!

Carla, listen to me.
Listen to me.

Now, I want you to tell me straight.

How good are your kids
at breaking and entering, anyway?

And do not brag about them
just because you're their mother.

Well, that depends.

What kind of system
are we talking about here?

It's a Triton 5000 Sonic
with laser beams.

They're not that good.
But feel free to call

if you're ever trapped
in a late model car.

They'll have you
and the radio out in 60 seconds.

Oh, damn.

Shoot!

That'll be $1,300
and your "get out of jail free" card.

Enjoy your stay
at Boyd's on boardwalk.

Wait, Woody,
I just realized something.

Every time anybody deposited
any money in the bank,

you put it with your own.

Prove it, Peterson.

I don't believe it.

I have sat here
for the last five hours

watching each of you lie,
steal and cheat his way

to a small fortune while I sit here
with $5.00, St. James place,

and this stupid picture
of uncle Wiggly.

You people have no scruples
or moral standards whatsoever!

What was the purpose
of this game after all, anyway?

Just trying to teach Woody
the nature of economics.

Oh, well, then, bravo.

What am I gonna do, Sam?
I have blown this.

I have blown
the entire relationship.

Come on, take it easy.

- You're off the hook until morning.
- Yeah, yeah.

That just gives me
more time to think about it,

how humiliated I'm gonna be
when Robin walks through that door

and finds me in here
without permission,

lying on the floor with a bartender
underneath a grid of laser beams.

Oh, calm down.

Enjoy the light show.

You know what we could do
to take your mind off this?

Why don't I crawl over there,
and we could just talk?

You can crawl over here
if nothing on your body

touches anything on my body.

There is one good thing
about this whole deal,

seeing you crawl
on your belly like a worm.

I am secure enough
of my masculinity

to accept that as a compliment.

This was going to be
the most fabulous night

of my entire life.

Oh, come on. It's not that bad.

I'm kind of enjoying myself.

I can't remember the last time
that I laid awake at night

just talking to somebody.

It must be back when I was a kid,

sharing a bunk bed with my brother.

You're trying to tell me

that with all those
thousands of women

you supposedly slept with,

you never stayed up
and talked to one of them?

What's to talk about?

I mean, a guy does
all his talking beforehand.

So, like what did you
and your brother talk about?

Oh, you know, the usual things.

Comic books, movies, records,

all the babes
we were gonna score with

once we got our own room.

Did you ever share
a room with your sister?

Yeah.

But I'll tell you one thing,
we didn't talk about stupid stuff

like you and your brother talked about.

- All right, what did you talk about?
- Dreams, aspirations,

- the meaning of life.
- In other words, boys.

You betcha.

And then we'd do
each other's hair all different ways,

and then we'd dream
about owning a ranch

- and a bunch of horses.
- What is it with horses?

Why do girls get
all goopy over horses?

Oh, yeah, and like guys
are real rational about cars.

Hey, listen, you take
a '57 Chevy rag top,

and you park it right next to
some dumb spotted horse,

now, you tell me which one
you'd want to make out in.

That's a good point.

You know what?
It's sort of interesting.

Here you and I are, you know,
talking to each other like this,

intimately, and I can see
that we have our differences,

but basically,
you know, besides the fact

that you're a man
and I'm a woman,

I don't think we're that different.

What do you think?

I do like you better like this.

Man...

Not one split end.

What is this guy's secret?

Good night, Sam.

Someone's coming. Hide.

Huh? Who is it, your husband?

Sam, wake up.

Somebody's coming!
We have to hide!

What? Oh.

Here, here, here.

Let's get out of here
before she sees us.

Geez!

- No, no!
- Oh, right.

You look kind of sexy
when you first wake up.

Oh, thanks, Sam.

Sam, you're not gonna tell
the guys at the bar some wild tales

about what happened
last night, are you?

No, no, I'm gonna tell them
the absolute truth.

I walked in here,
found you buck naked,

spent the night
on the floor with you,

surrounded by colored lights.

All right. At least
tell them I was good.

I think I could sell that.

You know, Sam, I do have to say
that I am very proud of you.

- Why?
- Because we spent

the whole night together
and you didn't lay a hand on me.

I want to thank you for that.

I want to thank you
for being a gentleman.

Oh, you're welcome.

And I want to thank you.

- For what?
- For being such a sound sleeper.

You're welcome...

Hey...