All language subtitles for Cheers.S06E25.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Yeah, it's just a hop, skip and
a jump from the office to the Ginza.

Look who just slithered in.

The corporate cobras,
featuring Evan "The Snake" Drake.

- I'm all right, how are you?
- Okay.

Rebecca, I gotta use
the phone here.

Oh, you're a phone person too.
So am I.

Isn't it amazing
how much we have in common?

Thanks.

Hey, you know that Drake guy?

He's probably the kind of bloke

that has his knuckle hair
removed with electrolysis.

He's probably got one of those
electronic zappers

that he uses to forestall
his receding hairline.

And I bet you a dime to doughnuts
that he has this loofah

and he rubs himself raw
to get rid of his cellulite.

Well, it was in last month's
Soldier of Fortune, okay?

Sam, listen.
Don't you find it interesting

that of all the fine restaurants
in Boston to dine,

that Evan should repeatedly dine
at Melville's, right upstairs

from where I can be found
every day of the week?

No, no. But I do find it interesting
that your button's undone there

and your bra
has a little bow in the middle.

So, what, you think the big guy's
finally coming around, huh?

No, he's in there using my phone.

Can't you see?
Since his divorce became final,

he uses all of his spare time
to be around me.

He's in my office right now
sitting in my chair,

his lips just inches from
the mouthpiece that I use every day.

You're right. I'm an idiot.

Excuse me, Rebecca, can we talk?

Excuse me, Sam,
I'm being beckoned.

Listen, if this is what you think it is,

- can I give you some advice?
- What?

If you're gonna make an ass
of yourself, take it outside.

- I'm not gonna make an ass of myself.
- All right.

I was just getting it out of my system.

- You wanted to talk to me, Mr. Drake?
- Yes, yes.

We could talk over here.
Let's sit down here, okay?

Thank you.

Well, this conversation
is long overdue.

I couldn't agree more,
with all my heart.

You don't know what I'm gonna say.

Well, I agree again.

Something very exciting
is happening to me.

It's gonna change my whole life.
It's a huge risk.

Take it. Take it.

I'm moving to Tokyo
and taking over the Japanese division.

- I leave tonight.
- Yes, darling, yes.

I told her to take that outside.

I don't believe it.
Everything was going so well.

Then everything went so black.

Oh, don't worry about it.
Women faint all the time.

Well, in cartoons, they do.

Do you think he noticed?

Yes, yes, I think he did.

He said that every time he sees you,

you do something
more bizarre than the time before.

What did you say?

Well, honey, I had to agree.

He is leaving
for Japan tonight forever,

and I never got to tell him how I feel.

Well, heck...
No, wait. You know, listen.

Why don't you tell him
at the goodbye party?

What goodbye party?

The one you're gonna throw
for him tonight.

Listen, it's a great idea.

I'll make it a Japanese theme.

Yeah, yeah.
We'll have chips and cheese.

Sam, I will never have Mr. Drake.

I will never have any man.
I will just dry up,

crumble into dust and blow away.

Oh, come on.
That doesn't sound like you.

That sounds like some lovesick,
self-pitying, whiny...

No, that's you, all right.

But I am not gonna let you give up.

What do you care?
What does anybody care?

Listen, I pride myself in being
a connoisseur of beautiful babes,

and I'll tell you, I'm not gonna sit by
and watch a great woman like you

going to waste. It's like
a thoroughbred pulling a milk wagon.

It's like a rare wine

pulling a milk wagon.

Sam, I can't tell him.

Oh, please, please,
do this for me, will you?

I've been watching this sappy movie
for God knows how long.

I wanna see if the girl gets the guy.

If only once I'd ever had any little bit
of encouragement from him.

Some teeny, tiny shred of evidence
that he even knew I existed.

Well, he did express some concern
while you were out cold there.

Oh, yeah, I bet. What did he say?

"Gee, I hope she's not dead."

He did?

Oh, God. And all this time I thought
maybe I was kidding myself.

For he's a jolly good fellow

That nobody can deny

That's a perfect illustration
of life's bitter irony, isn't it?

Well, how's that, Cliff? I mean,
would you pass the beer nuts?

There's a guy like Drake,
gets a fabulous job...

Hey, time to make your move.

Come on, he's had a couple of drinks,
his resistance is down.

He's feeling all warm, sentimental.

Hell, I think I'll tell him I love him.

All right, all right.

Mr. Drake?

- Hello, Rebecca.
- Hi.

- You're not gonna faint, are you?
- Oh, no. No, I'm fine.

I just thought that this might be
a good opportunity to tell you

- something that I've...
- Ms. Howe,

may I speak with you
for a moment, please?

- Carla, can it wait?
- I don't think so.

It's kind of a woman's problem.

- Leave those to the experts.
- But I...

- What, what, what?
- Look, I wouldn't have butted in,

but I know that tonight
is your last chance to tell the boss

you got a case of
the screaming-thigh sweats for him.

How did you know that?

Woody put out a special edition
of the newsletter.

Why didn't I just write it
on the bathroom wall?

I'm way ahead of you.

Anyway, look,

I've been down this road
a few times myself,

and take it from a pro,

there is one thing
you always have to do

- before you tell a guy you love him.
- What's that?

Lose the moustache.

Mr. Drake?
There's something that I...

- Evan?
- Yes?

- We're gonna miss you at corporate.
- Yeah, you take care.

Anyway, Mr. Drake,

- there's something...
- Here you go, Mr. Drake.

Oh, thank you. Thank you, Woody.

Damn, I changed
all my American money into yen.

I don't have a tip for you. I'm sorry.

That's okay, Mr. Drake.
I don't need a tip from you.

- Okay.
- Cheap, cheap, cheap.

- Mr. Drake, as I was about...
- Hey, hold on.

Woody, Woody,
come here a second.

I've got these company courtside
tickets to the Celtics-Laker game.

- Will you take those in lieu of a tip?
- Yes, sir.

I hope you'll forget
about that "cheap" crack.

What "cheap" crack?

You're a prince.

Anyway, Mr. Drake,
I've wanted to tell you something

for a really long time.

Hold on now, you two,
let's get a picture. Smile.

I just hate those flashbulbs,
don't you, Mr. Drake?

Mr. Drake?

These are some
USDA prime tickets here.

So who's going with you?

Oh, gee, I don't know.

Well, I think the obvious choice
would be me, Woody.

I mean, Cliff here is always
making fun that you're a yokel,

whereas I completely ignore
the fact that you're a yokel.

Mr. Drake, I...
No, Evan. I'll call him Evan.

Evan, I'm a man,
you're a woman. I... No, no, no.

Did you get lucky?

I'm sorry.

The important thing, Mr. Drake,
is that I finally have you alone

- so I can tell you what...
- Pardon me, Mr. Drake.

We have to leave now
if you're gonna make your plane.

- Oh, yeah. Thanks, Martin.
- But, Mr. Drake,

- I've gotta tell you...
- Rebecca, hold the thought.

Better yet, telex it, okay?

Goodbye, Rebecca.

Hold that drink for me, babe.

Sweetheart, sweetheart, he's gone.

You gotta go on with your life now.

I mean, you gotta pick up the pieces

and start behaving
like a mature person.

Well, now you're cooking. All right.

Excuse me. Mr. Drake
seems to have forgotten his topcoat.

Tell him it's hanging
on the coat rack.

I believe Mr. Drake's topcoat

is in the topcoat closet.

- Sam, I said the...
- Yeah.

Yes, we keep all of our executive
topcoats in this closet right here.

It's way in the back there.
Way, way in the back.

Oh, watch the hat there.
Watch the hat.

There do not appear
to be any topcoats here.

My mistake.

Isn't there a light switch?

Does anyone have a key
here for this closet?

I'm afraid we're gonna have
to make a key there. Can you hold on?

Yeah. Make it quick.

Oh, dear. Martin seems to be
locked in the closet there.

Does anyone know
how to drive a limo around here?

Well, I've driven a tractor,
can't be that different.

No, Woody, when I said "anyone,'
I meant Rebecca.

Well, in the future, Sam,
you might try using

a little something that's popular
back in Indiana called "direct address."

I'm sorry.

Sam, forget it.
I'm gonna let that man out of there.

Hey, don't give up. Don't give up.

What do you want me to do?

You want me to masquerade
as a chauffeur?

Get him alone on the highway

and tell the man
I wanna have his babies?

Martin, I'll be getting that key now.

I love you, Mr. Drake.

There, I said it.

I love you.

I love you more than anyone
I've ever loved in my whole life.

I love you more than any woman
has ever loved a man.

Mr. Drake?

Hello?

Oh, God.

Rebecca?

What are you doing up there?
Where's Martin?

Martin got sick
looking for your topcoat, sir,

so I'll be driving you to the airport.

I appreciate that
if it's not too much trouble.

Anyway, now that I've got you
alone here, Mr. Drake,

the real reason
I'm filling in for Martin

is so that I could tell you
what I wanted to tell you all night.

What I've been trying to tell you
since the first time I met you.

Get off my tail, scuzzball!

Mr. Drake, with all my heart...

Could you turn right
at the next corner here, Rebecca?

- We have to pick up Christy.
- Oh, yes, sir.

Mr. Drake, with all my heart...

Christy?

Yes, she's the young lady
who's accompanying me to Japan.

Accompanying
in the modern sense of the word?

Yeah, you might say so.
She's a very special woman.

Very upfront. Aggressive, even.

You know, the first time we met
a few months ago,

she was the one
who actually asked me out.

God, that's refreshing.

Anyway,

you wanted to ask me something?

Oh, yes, sir.
I just wanted to tell you that...

That this is
really a lot of car to handle.

I can't believe I have the strength
to keep from swerving

into the oncoming traffic
and killing us both.

- Sammy.
- Yeah?

- Mind if I ask you a question?
- No, go ahead.

I've been trying to figure out
your strategy.

You know, I've always admired you

for being sort of a selfish,
egotistical pig.

Why, thank you, Carla.

Suddenly, you're locking
chauffeurs in closets

and giving going-away parties. It's like

you're bending over backwards

to help boss Howe score
with mega-boss Drake.

This kind of self-sacrifice
isn't like you, and it's scaring me.

Please, please, tell me you have
some sleazy ulterior motive.

Fear not, little one.

- So you don't think they'll make it?
- No, I wanna bring this thing to a boil

so when it blows up I can swoop in
and gather up the pieces.

I call it my vulture position.

Sammy? You've got Wessonality.

Thanks.

Hey, hey, hey, huh?
How about that?

According to vulture time,

I bet that's my wounded
little sparrow right now.

Hello? Hi, Rebecca.

Okay, can you hold
one second, please?

Quote, "Sam, I need
your help," unquote.

Yeah, I'm taking off right now.

Here we go. Here we go.

Why don't you go on in
and sit down there?

Here you go.

There we go.

Do you feel like
you can talk about it yet?

Thank you for bailing me out of jail.

Anytime.

God, this has been
the worst night of my life.

Of anybody's life.

I pour out my heart and soul
to the man I love,

then he tells me he's taking
someone else across the globe.

I hate guys like that.

And she's really cute, Sam.

And they made out in the back seat.

And he didn't even
roll up the window.

The man is a pig.

I tried not to look,

but the rear-view mirror was
just huge, and I couldn't help it.

And then I got so upset,

I just wrapped the company limo
around a 7-Eleven.

Well, that is dreadful.
Very, very, very sad.

And then Evan and his cheap,

imitation-geisha bimbo whore
grabbed a taxi...

...while I had to stand there
and wait for a tow truck.

And then this cop came along

and he asked me
to see my chauffeur's license.

God, if only I'd had one.

Or if only I'd remembered to bring
my purse with my own driver's license.

Or if only I'd resisted arrest
and he'd just shot me dead.

Well, maybe I ought
to leave you alone now.

By yourself, with some music,
with your depression.

Alone.

Sam, can I offer you
a cup of coffee or olives?

I didn't have a chance
to go to the grocery store.

I just kind of
don't wanna be alone right now.

Then you shouldn't be.
You need consolation now.

And warmth.

Lots and lots of warmth.

You know, Sam, I don't have
anything sexual in mind,

I just need a shoulder to cry on.

Oh, honey, you cry
on anything you want.

Gee, Sam, what I needed
right now was a friend.

And you're the best friend
I have in the whole world.

No, you got plenty of friends.
What, girlfriends, maybe?

Old college friends?

No, I've kind of grown apart
from my old friends,

and I haven't had a chance to make
new ones, with work and everything.

Well, that just leaves...

Yeah, you.

I'm your best friend?

Crazy, huh?

I really think I ought to go.

Sam, why?

I like you. I mean, there's not anything
I wouldn't do for you in the world,

but I know what's gonna happen
if I stay here.

Well, you're gonna cry some more
and I'll comfort you some more

and the next thing you know,

your pantyhose
will be hanging from a lamp.

Sam, please don't go.

Hey, I can't be trusted.

Trust me.

Let me just leave here now
as a friend, please.

Oh, I'm sorry, I...

Listen, I wanna try this.

For the sake of our friendship, I am
just gonna resist my sexual urges,

and that's all there is to it.
Now, come here.

There. All right.

All right. Now...

You know that I loved Evan Drake
since the first time I met him.

I'm sorry, this is not working.
Hot fire below.

- Hello?
- Hi.

Listen. if this is what it takes
to be a friend,

then I really wanna
give it a shot, okay?

So we got all evening here.
Pour your heart out.

- Where are you?
- I'm downstairs at a payphone.

But just pretend like I'm right there
beside you, all right?

- Thanks, Sam.
- Yeah, you're welcome.

Well,

as you know, I have loved Evan Drake
since the first time I saw him.

Yeah, I know.

Sam, this is silly. Get up here.

Sam, you know
what I've been through.

You're not gonna
take advantage of me.

Oh, yeah?

Do me a favor, will you?

Check your bra.

How did you do that?