All language subtitles for Cheers.S05E06.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Boy, did I have
a crazy dream last night.

What was it?

I was at this party
with a bunch of strangers.

Food was great, music was loud.

All of a sudden,
everybody in the place stopped,

and was looking at me.

And I realized
I wasn't wearing any pants.

I've had that dream
a million times.

Yeah, me, too. And boy,
is it ever embarrassing, huh?

Why's that?

Norm?

Never embarrassed me.

Tell you the one I hate--
you're back in college, right?

You haven't been to class
the entire semester.

The teacher's about to give
the final exam.

Oh, yeah, that one's
the worst.

What are you talking about,
Carla, you never went to college.

It's a dream, stupid.

How about the one
where you go to this fancy restaurant

and before the let you in,
they make you leave your legs at the door?

The girl gives you
claim check number six.

So you go in.
But instead of food,

everyone's eating their silverware.

Only you can't really enjoy
your fork because you're so worried

that whoever got
claim check number nine

Might finish first
and pick up your legs by mistake.

- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.

Two vodka martinis,
and a Wallbanger.

Wallbanger.

Sam, I need to ask a big favor.

All right, as long as it doesn't interfere
with your job.

Okay then, I need to ask a huge favor.

Would it be possible two weeks
from this coming Wednesday

for me to leave work early,
about ten minutes?

- Sure, why not?
- Oh, thank you, Sam.

Thank you very much.

And thank you for not
prying further into the matter.

Especially since, well,
I've no valid excuse

for my early departure.

Sam, I must be frank.

Sounds good. I'll be Bob.

I mean it's not as if I have
a dental appointment

or I have to meet someone
at the airport.

Okay, Diane,
why do you have to leave early

two weeks from this Wednesday?

Well, if you must know...

I have a date.

Oh, yeah, I've heard of those.

Have fun.

Ahh. Sweet, transparent bravado.

Could there be a soul dearer

than the little boy lost,

trembling on the edge of despair,

yet struggling manfully

to maintain his stiff upper lip?

Thank you for noticing.

Wait, Sam.
Wait, one more thing.

What?

After our five-star dinner
and season premier of the ballet date,

Chad, Dr. Stark, may desire a kiss.

Would you mind, should he ask,

if I let his lips touch mine?

Touch your what?

Mr. Peterson, I forgot,

some guy dropped by earlier
and asked me to give this to you.

Thank you, Woody.

And thank you, God.

What's that, Normie?

A research grant
from the National Beer Foundation?

This would be a measly little pair
of sky view seats

for the Sox-Yankee
double-header.

You're kidding me?

I pulled every string I had
and I could only score standing room.

Come on, how'd you get that?

Sam, it's not who you know,
it's who I know.

A client friend of mine,
Jerry Donahue, sent those babies over

to thank me for being
such a fantastic financial counselor.

No, seriously,
how'd you get them?

I saved the guy a bundle
on his taxes last year.

He asked me
to invest his windfall.

And in the face of six short months,
I kind of doubled his money.

I got lucky in a little
convenience mart up in Worcester.

What did you do,
hold it up?

You guys are hilarious,

But Jerry's laughing
all the way to the bank, all right?

I diversified the guy.

We went into mutuals

And a very pretty little
BioTech company that just went public.

Boy, it sounds like you got
the Midas touch there.

You should hear some of the other
great ideas we have cooked up.

Yeah? like what?

No, sorry, guys.
My lips are sealed.

Buy you a beer.

It's called Tan 'n' Wash.

Now, Tan 'n' Wash, guys,

the ultimate marriage
of luxury and convenience.

Combination tanning salon
and coin-operated laundry.

Get real.

Come on, the timing's right on this.

Summer tans are fading.

Winter's coming.

It's always dirty clothes season.

It's gonna be
the hottest place in town.

I'm glad you're already
thinking about arson.

Don't listen to them, Norman.

Never be deterred by the mindless
jibes of the ignorant masses.

Those ignorant masses
are gonna be our customers.

I'll be there with bells on.

Everyone will be there, buddy,

fluffing, folding,
relaxing happily

Beneath the healthful rays

of a federally-approved
UVA bronzing unit.

Well, Normie, I got to say,
it's the silliest,

most harebrained scheme
I've ever heard of.

Well, I got to go.

Normie, walk me out.

I'm not leaving yet, Cliff.

Neither am I.

Come on. I want in.

In what?

Don't be naive, Normie.
Put me up for five shares.

No, no.
investments are risky, Cliff.

I never do business
with friends, all right?

Besides, it's 200 bucks a share.

Put me down for five, too,
will you?

Great. Now the cat's out of the bag.

I think you're all crazy.

But if Clavin makes big bucks
and I don't,

I won't be able to live with the shame.

Give me a share.

Me, too. Me, too!

You, Diane, laying bets
on a laundry?

Well, in my case,
it's not a gamble,

but rather a show of faith
in our great free enterprise system.

Yes, even Diane chambers
isn't immune

To the renaissance
of American patriotism

in the 1980s.

Although I hasten to remind you

this does not imply
any shifting of my support

toward the current administration.

I hope nobody's looking
for a silent partner.

You know, Diane, you shouldn't be
investing in a tanning salon,

you ought to be using one.
You got skin the color of Elmer's glue.

I happen to have

what restoration poets
referred to as alabaster skin.

Well, at least your hair looks nice.

Besides, with my rendezvous
with Chad coming up,

I can't risk freckling.

Why not? if it got boring,
you could always play connect-the-dots.

God, how this must torment you.

Come on, Norm,
are you gonna let us in or not?

Let's change the subject, all right?

Hey, he's trying
to sidetrack us.

This thing must be
a gold mine.

Hey, Normie.
correct me if I'm wrong,

but yesterday you had a letter

You needed mailed.
I did it.

You could at least
return the favor.

Cliff ie, that's your job.

Well, all right, then,
as one professional to another,

come on, Norm!

I know what's gonna happen!
I know what's gonna happen!

Something's gonna go wrong,
You're all gonna blame me.

No way!

All right.
well, what the heck.

Hey, Wood,
you want in?

I don't think so.

You know,
when I left home,

my father gave me
some very sound advice.

Never trust a man

who can't look you in the eye,

never talk
when you can listen,

and never spend
venture capital

on a limited partnership

without a detailed analytical
fiduciary prospectus.

Afternoon, everybody.

- Norm!
- Norm!

Hey, Norm,
how's the world been treating you?

Like a baby
treats a diaper.

So...

What's the deal
with the Tan 'n' Wash?

For a new business,
I'd say

Tan 'n' wash is doing as well
as could be expected.

Oh, yeah?
I dropped by this morning

and the only customer
in the place

Was a lonely woman kicking the hell

out of a jammed change machine.

Oh, come on.

By the way, you owe me
a quarter and a new pair of shoes.

Patience, Carla.
All right? Patience.

There are gray skies
on the horizon.

Yeah, it's gonna get cold
and damp and miserable.

We'll be wading
in customers.

I think we're wading
in something right now.

I've worked out a great
new promotional campaign.

Promotional
campaign?

Hey, hey!

Check out Mr. Tan there!

Say, Sammy,
did you just fly to the tropics

and spend a week
and thousands of dollars

under the blazing
unhealthy sun?

No, Norm. No, I just
spent my lunch hour

under some healthful federally-approved
UVA rays at the Tan 'n' Wash.

Say, those clothes are
really looking clean there, pal.

Well, thank you, Norm.

Now, is it true
that with these coupons

anyone can get 25% off
on their first five visits?

- Well, that's what I hear.
- Great!

Well!

I tell you...

Is that Cliff Clavin
or is that Don Ho?

Where you been, buddy?
Some faraway island resort?

Easy mistake there. But no,
I got this tan right here in Beantown.

Is that at the new
Tan 'n' Wash

I been hearing
so dang much about?

That's right, Normie.
And by the way,

did you realize that the tan
first gained popularity

in what is now known
as the Bronze Age?

Great. Well, I'm sold.

By the way,
look how white I used to be.

You wore your socks
in the tanning booth?

I got to be careful, Sammy.

The Clavin men have feet
like a baby's bottom.

With faces to match.

Back off, Carla.
I don't see you

pitching in for the cause here.

Yeah? Well, all I know

is I wouldn't stick a fork
in a toaster, never mind my valuables.

Come on, guys.

What do you say
we snap up these flyers?

They can't last forever.

I wouldn't be so sure, Norm.

You know, Peterson,
you got the guts of a burglar.

In here peddling
a tanning salon

On the sunniest day
of the year.

Outside of someone with
a financial interest in the place,

who'd be stupid enough
to spend a minute in your rip-off joint?

You try to help out a few
newly enterprising friends,

and what do you get
for your trouble?

Forty-five minutes in Hell.

Keep it down, will you?
Keep it down here.

Keep it down?

I've got the worst
sunburn of my life

thanks to a faulty
thermo-regulator

on tanning machine
number three,

"The Bahama Mama."

Frasier...

You're supposed to start off slowly,
all right?

But I must say you do have one heck
of a fantastic base coat there, Frasier.

Yeah, and your shirt
sure smells fresher.

Really?

It's not too lemony?

Not for you.

Sorry.

Well, it's just that
it's such a lovely sunny day out...

As your tanned
faces will attest.

I guess I'm feeling
especially girlish.

- How come, Miss Chambers?
- No, don't, don't.

You know, Woody,

the usual thing
that puts a bounce in a girl's step.

Support hose.

You're adorable.

No. I'm referring
to a very special evening.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Didn't you have a date
or something last night?

You know perfectly well
I saw Chad,

But it was no big deal.

Yeah. Yeah.

I refuse to ask her
about last night.

You ask her, Woody.

Gotcha.

Well, looky here.

The paper predicts

the same high for Boston as Honolulu.

That's Honolulu, Hawaii,

the state where you can get
a free tan all year round.

Carla, if you're trying to say something,

why don't you just spit it out,
all right?

Tan 'n' Wash
bites it!

Okay. I'll admit,

Indian summer's
killing us temporarily.

But this is Boston.
It's gonna get cold.

Hey, Sam. I found out
all about Miss Chambers' date.

It was a beautiful
night of magic.

Just spill it,
will you, Woody?

Well, the ballet was exquisite,

but it paled
by comparison

to the enchanting coach ride
under the stars.

Chad held her porcelain-like
hand lightly,

tracing tiny circles
on her alamander...

alabaster.

...alabaster skin.

And then...

Fearing that the spell
might be broken,

she invited him
up to her pied-a-terre

for some quiet conversation

and warm brandy,
and then...

What?

Miss Chambers said if you want
to hear the rest,

you got to
ask her yourself.

Forget it.
forget it, man.

Ask her, Sam.

Sounds like you won't be disappointed.

Forget it!

Frasier, a sunburn?

No, I'm doing my impression
of a blood blister.

Hey, Frasier,

you know,
there's something

I've always been meaning to ask you.

What was your reaction

the first time you saw Diane naked?

Normie, I can't hold out any longer.
Ma's getting antsy.

The last time
she spent $1,000,

it was on a house.

Cliff, I'm sorry,
I really am,

but you guys begged me
to let you in.

It's not like
I didn't warn you.

Oh, sure!

"Don't do this!

I pray to God you don't do this!"

You call that
a warning?

Hey, I predicted this.

You guys are nervous nellies

And you're trying to
blame it all on me.

I want out, Norm.

Me, too.

Who wants a tan
in the winter anyway?

Wait. This is not the smart move.

You got to hang in there.

You got to roll with
the punches, all right?

You're gonna roll
with the punches

if you don't
get us out of this.

I just don't think
that we're cut out for it.

Apparently not,
all right.

Jeez. Have it your way,
guys, okay?

All right,
tell you what, okay?

I'll personally
buy out your shares, all right?

I'll have your checks
in the mail within a week.

Stupid mistake.

Stupid. Stupid.

Woo! Boy!
Still snowing out there.

Yeah, and every flake
means another buck

in Norm's pocket.

You guys still moaning
because Norm hit the jackpot

and you didn't?

Hey, come on, Paul, give us
some credit for being adults, huh?

Hey, what do you say
we toilet paper his house?

Nah. It would only make it
look better.

Sam, excuse me,
may I have your ear for a moment?

Sure, just don't leave
any bite marks.

Sam, I've decided to break off
my relationship with chad.

Who?

What an actor you are.

If you hadn't chosen bartending,

you could well have had
a career in the theater.

Or as a model.

Anyway...

You needn't continue

this charade
of nonchalance.

I'm ending
my affaire de coeur

because I can sense how
it's secretly gnawing away at you.

Okay. All right.

I'm glad.

All I've been able to think about
is you and Chad

in your apartment,

in his car, on the stairs,

doing things even we never did.

I can't eat.
I can't sleep.

Oh, Sam. Really?

- Gee, maybe I could've been an actor.
- Oh!

Afternoon, everybody.

Norm!

Norman.

How do you feeling
today, Norm?

Rich and thirsty.
pour me a beer.

Yes, Sir, Mr. Peterson.

Boy, you sure have gotten
successful, huh?

Well, Woody, you know what
they say about success.

It's 1% inspiration
and 99% perspiration.

So's your shirt!

You know what else they say
about success, Mr. Rockeflounder...

It's lonely
at the top.

Yeah, but the food's
better, Cliff.

You don't have to
rub our noses in it, man.

I mean, we're your friends
after all.

Friends? You call yourselves friends?

The last four or five times
I've walked in here,

you treat me as if
I've done something wrong,

You know, not one of you guys

has bothered to congratulate me
for my success,

which I might add
you all had a chance to share in.

Maybe I should just take
my refreshment business elsewhere.

To think of all the hours
I wasted in here

when I could've been
wasting them somewhere else.

Norman, Norman,

please don't leave.

We're taking it
out on you,

but we're really
mad at ourselves.

The hostility you're feeling
is for our own stupidity

of bailing out
of this project.

Right, everyone?

You guys are beautiful.

Well, come on,
wait a second.

Come on back here.

We've been acting
like creeps, Normie.

I'll fluff up
your favorite stool.

I'll open a fresh bag
of pretzels.

I'll pour you a beer
just the way you like it--

Within reach.

What we're trying
to say here is...

We're sorry.

You had the guts
to stick it out,

and we didn't.

You deserve
all the success.

Thank you, Sam.
I'm really glad to hear that

because I have a little surprise
for you guys.

I never took you out
of Tan 'n' Wash at all.

And here are your first
dividend checks, right?

Oh, Norman!

Serious?

For he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good...

Cheers. It's for you.

Put them on hold.

Which nobody can deny

Hey, all right!

Look, it's snowing
even harder out now.

Oh, it's a harbinger
of good fortune!

You said it, bum butt!

Snow today
means dough tomorrow!

Let's carry Mr. Peterson
around the bar on our shoulders,

and then go play
in the snow.

Let's go play in the snow!

Hold it! hold it!

Last one out's a Clavin!

You're not gonna
get me this time!

Oh, I'm always
the Clavin!

Ah, Woody!

Woody, Woody,
look at them, huh?

Isn't that great.
they're singing and dancing.

It gives me a great feeling
all over

to do something good
for those people.

Speaking of people,
you got one on hold here.

Hello.

Yeah. Hi.

Oh, no.

No, get out. No!

What are you...

No, man, no!

Well, at least we...

No?

We...no!

Wait, wait, wait!

Bad news, Mr. Peterson?

Wrong number, Woody.

Aren't those
annoying?

Uh...

Guys, friends...

Listen, people,
excuse me!

Listen, I know things have been
going just beautifully,

but...hey, would you stop
jumping up and down for a second?

Thank you.

Now, let's just take
a hypothetical situation.

Just for fun,

let's just say that the roof collapsed
over at Tan 'n' Wash

from the weight
of all this snow,

and by some little quirk,
we didn't have any insurance.

How would you guys
feel about that, huh?

Just checking.