All language subtitles for Cheers.S05E03.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Hey! Mr. Clavin's back.

- Hey, Woody.
- How was your trip to expo?

A once-in-a-lifetime experience,
I tell you.

No ears have heard,
no eyes have seen

the wonders I've experienced
these past two weeks in Canada.

If I died right now,
I'd be a happy person.

You wouldn't be the only one.

Hey, Normie, you should've seen
this 3D movie they had

about life in Vancouver.

You know, with those glasses on,

you felt like you were really there.

You were there, Cliff.

I've been reading up on expo.

Did you catch
that bullet train they got there?

No. I guess I missed that one.

Did you see
the Great Hall of Ramses?

No, no. I guess
that slid right by me.

How about the US space exhibit?

No.

Chinese acrobats?

Hey, Cliff! How was expo?

A major disappointment, Sam.

Sam, I need a Dewar's rocks
and a Grand Marnier.

Coming up.

Did you have a chance
to look at the catalog

- I left for you?
- What catalog?

This catalog.
The silverware patterns,

to go with our china
and fine crystal.

Sam, we have to make a decision
if we're going to be registered.

Some people in the bar are starting
to ask about gifts.

Who? What people? Where?

Norm!

I just asked if you had
to give one, all right?

Anyway, Sam,

should we have a big wedding?

No. I think we should have
a military one.

All 21 guns aimed at the bride.

Hey, Fitz! Still Irish?

- As Paddy's pig.
- All right!

Make it the usual, Sam.

Okay. Drinks for everybody.

So who's the geezer?

That's Mr. Fitzgerald.

He's come in every day
for the past two weeks

and bought drinks for everybody.

He's a heck of a guy.

You know, I think in many ways,
Mr. Fitzgerald and I are alike.

We both come here
seeking warmth and camaraderie,

safe haven
from the outside world...

A place where you can always
feel welcome.

Excuse me, pal.
You're on my stool.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize.

Look at him.

Mr. Big Shot over there.
What does he think he is,

a bon vivant or something?

He's about the richest guy
you'll ever meet, Cliff.

Why don't we join him?

Hey, Fitzie,

thanks for that $20 tip last night,

but I don't want you getting
the wrong idea about me.

Carla, I know that your favors
are not for sale.

See? that's what I mean
about the wrong idea.

Howdy. Cliff Clavin.

Duncan Fitzgerald.
Nice to meet you.

So, you live
in the neighborhood?

Well, I just moved here.

I was originally from Michigan.

The Wolverine State?

So, I hear you're stinking rich.

Real smooth, Cliff.
Very smooth.

Fitz is actually kind of a
minor celebrity, I guess.

He invented a little something
we call the refill, right?

Is that right?
No, it wasn't the refill. It was...

The metal vapor input valve.

It's used on most commercial
and military jet engines.

Oh, yeah.
I never step on a plane

without looking
right out on that wing

and see if there's one out there.

Actually, it's located in the tail.

Well, yeah.

It's 'cause if you saw it
on the wing,

you'd know you're
in a lot of trouble.

As long as we're
talking business here,

who does your books, sir?

McCann & Williams.

McCann & Williams.
Can I talk to you about that

- over a game of darts?
- Sure.

I think I could do better
than those guys.

What do you like best about them?

Well, I must say, I like
their aggressiveness.

I think I can be
just as aggressive.

- I doubt that.
- Yeah. You're probably right.

- He's a great guy.
- Yeah. It's too bad

that we seem to be
his only family.

- No wife?
- He's a widower.

I'm telling you, with all
the millions he's got,

if I was an old bat,
I'd snatch him up in a minute.

Ma.

What's that, Cliff?

You know, my ma's been dying
to come down here

for years to meet
all the guys at the bar.

Hey, tonight's as good
a night as any, huh?

I wish I'd thought of that.

I'd try to get my mother
down here first,

but it takes a forklift
to get her off the couch.

Hey, Clavin!
Fitz really wants to leave.

Yeah, she's coming down.
Just hang on a minute.

Hold him there.

Hi there.

Ma. What took you so long
to get down here?

I wanted to look my best
for your friends.

And this is two hours' worth?

Ma... This is Cheers.

Yeah. This is the odor I'm always
washing out of your shirts.

Come on in, ma.
I want to introduce you

to the finest,
greatest bunch of pals

a guy could have
anywhere on the earth.

I'm telling you.

Everybody, this is ma.
Ma, this is everybody.

Ma, you just stand right there
for a few seconds.

I'll be right back.

So, I guess Mr. Clavin has told you
a lot about us?

No. Actually,

Clifford doesn't talk much
around the house.

That Cliff?

That's right.
Some days, not a peep.

Of course, the same thing occurs
in nature, too. It's a little known fact

that arctic wolves
that remained in the den too long

exhibited a tendency
to be reticent in their howling.

Now, when I read that...

Hey, ma, you're boring
the pants off these people here.

Well, look who's here.
Ma, I'd like you to meet

a dear, dear old,
very close friend of mine.

Mr. Fitzgerald,
this is my ma, Esther Clavin.

Nice to meet you.

Duncan here is originally
from Michigan, ma.

Have a seat.

Yeah. My ma's been
to your home state.

Oh, really?

No. I've been to Maine
and Montana, but not Michigan.

Isn't that fascinating?

Perhaps, if you live in a cave.

Isn't she a firecracker?

Say, Mrs. Clavin,

did you know
that Fitz over there

invented a technical gismo
on jet airplanes?

Oh, really?

Yeah, what a coincidence, ma.

You've ridden in jet planes before,
haven't you?

No. I walked to Montana.

Normie, I'm sinking fast.

All right. I got it.

Correct me if I'm wrong,

but didn't you two
share a war together?

That's right. Ma, where were you
during the big one?

Clifford, you know
I was in New York.

I worked at the USO
on 42nd street.

I was in charge of table games.

Universal checker championships,

Tuesdays and Thursdays at 9 p.m.

Oh, my goodness!

Ladies red, gentlemen black.

- Your host, Bobby Holloway!
- Bobby Holloway!

- Bobby Holloway.
- Bobby Holloway...

Oh, Bobby Holloway.

Isn't this beautiful?

Why don't you two
finish up your reminiscing

over some nice baked sea bass?

It's a special up there
at Melville's.

Well, I could use a bite.

Well, I guess I'm feeling
kind of peckish, too.

Great. Listen, it's my treat.

I absolutely, positively insist.

Dinner is on me.

- I can take care of it, Cliff.
- You got it.

What lovely buttons.
Did you know

that buttons
on a man's jacket sleeve

have absolutely no purpose?

They originated on the uniforms
of Napoleon's army when he discovered

that his soldiers were using
their sleeves to wipe their noses.

She's gonna flap her gums
all the way to the poorhouse.

Hey, Cliff.

Hey, Sammy,
have you heard the latest

- in the ma-Fitz romance?
- No. What's going on?

They're celebrating
their first week together

with a picnic on the Charles.

Charles. You know, that's
the make-out capital of the world.

If he does as well as I do,

there's gonna be a lot of panting
and rolling around and...

...shopping. There's a mall
right next to the Charles.

Speaking of the devil...

Hey, ma, Fitz,

I thought you two were
on the way to the Charles.

Well, we are.

Are you busy?

- What's up, ma?
- Sit down, son.

Clifford, now, I know
how much your father meant to you,

and I know it's going
to take a while

for you to adjust to this,
to having a new father.

Daddy!

My God!

Clifford, I haven't even
kissed him on the lips!

Hey, everybody! Wedding bells
at the Clavin compound!

- When's the happy day, folks?
- Tomorrow.

Sammy, champagne.

Duncan, I'm gonna throw you
the biggest bachelor bash

Beantown has ever seen!

- Normie, call all my friends.
- I think he moved, Cliff.

Well, then call all yours.

Woody, I'm gonna make you
entertainment chairman.

- Hot dog!
- Get on the horn there.

Call the Parker house,
and order me up their fanciest room.

You got it. Wow!
My first bachelor party.

- No dates, right?
- No.

- Congratulations there, Fitzie.
- Thank you.

Listen, if things don't work out
with Esther,

here is my mother's number, okay?

Just let it ring 10 or 15 minutes.
She'll get there.

You two.

I'm so happy for you.

You know, Cliff,
your mother is the first person

who's ever really loved me for me
instead of my checkbook.

- Oh, ma...
- That's why I'm donating

the bulk of my fortune to charity.

Giving money away?

Actually, it was
your mother's idea.

Ma's?

I didn't want Duncan to have
any doubts about my feelings.

How are you two gonna live?

I'm not going to give it all away.

I'll keep enough
for the two of us to be comfortable.

We're simple people.
We don't need much to live.

And you're self-sufficient,
not to mention

that postal pension
you're always bragging about.

Mr. Clavin, it's the Parker House.

They want to know if you want

the Embassy Court
or the Grand Ballroom.

Give me that.
Give me that phone!

Fraternity prank.

What are you, nuts, Woody?
I can't afford a party.

Parties are
for rich people. I'm poor.

I've always been poor.
I'll always be poor.

I'm gonna die poor.

I'd like to resign
as entertainment chairman.

I don't know how to say this
to you without offending you,

but you're behaving
like a class "A" jerk.

Am I?

What have I got to celebrate?

Well, for one thing,
your mother's met

a very nice man
who's making her very happy.

- And?
- Cliff!

Well...

All right.

Of course you're right.

I guess I just forgot
how much ma means to me.

I'll have the party
for her sake.

It'll just have to be
the economy version,

you know, no frills.

Well, if it'll help out,
we'll close the bar early,

and you can have it here.

Thank you, Samuel.

That's very nice of you.

Hey! Wait a second. Who knows?

When Fitz sees
what a nice guy I am,

maybe he'll remember me in his will.

Yeah. "To the idiot son
of my new wife, I leave squat."

Mr. Clavin, some of your guests
have been asking

if they could take
the plastic wrap off the food.

Don't they understand
when food is exposed to air,

just about anything can happen.

Yeah. People could eat it.

Yeah. Very funny, wise guy.

Oink oink, Mr. Peterson.

Let's have a little restraint.

This food's got to last us
the rest of the night.

The girls are here!

Sammy, I thought
this was gonna be a low-budget affair.

My treat.

Well, in that case,
ladies, welcome.

Shake it, bake it,
let's see if we can take it.

Come on in.

Let me introduce you
to the guest of honor tonight.

There he is. Sic 'im.

So, Fitz, how are you enjoying
your bachelor party so far?

I haven't been this excited

since I first trapped vapor
in my input valve.

No man forgets his first time.

Don't worry, Fitz.
They're not gonna bite.

He's right. That costs extra.

Hey.

Hey, girls,
what are you doing back here?

I thought you had
a bachelorette party going.

Yeah, but I have to borrow
some money against next week's loan.

Can you give me 50 bucks?

All right. What do you need it for?

We're going to a dance recital.

You need 50 bucks
for a dance recital?

We have to have something
to stick in the guys' underwear.

Good for you.

Esther here is okay.

I mean, you can't blame her

for one horrible crime
against humanity.

Where's Diane?

We ditched her.

There you are!

How on earth
did we get separated?

I have no idea.
I thought we all got in the taxi,

but when it pulled away
from the curb,

I was the only one inside.

This is fun, but you girls
are gonna have to leave.

This is men only here.

Okay.

You know, instead of going
to that club you suggested,

we could try Cafe Ole.

They have a wonderful
new harpist, I hear.

- Oh, great.
- No. That sounds like fun.

I'll hail a cab.

Let's go!

Hey, Normie,
things are going very smoothly.

Yeah. I think Fitz
might donate some money

- to my favorite charity.
- Yeah? What's that?

Save the Clavin foundation.

Cliff! I am having
the time of my life!

I knew you would, Fitz.

You know, I didn't warm up
to you at first,

but I'm beginning to think
you're not so bad after all.

What made you come
to that conclusion?

Figure it out for yourself.

And she says to her girlfriend,

"Maybe so, but this one
is eating my popcorn."

Okay. I guess it's time

for me to take off the psychiatrist cap
and tell one of my own.

- All right.
- Well,

it seems there's
these two men stranded

on a deserted island,
Doug and Dave.

Oh, wait.
This is better with dialects.

Okay, so, an Irishman
and a Dane are stranded on a...

No, wait, I don't do Danish.

Okay! An Irishman and a Swede.

- All right.
- That's it. Patrick and Lars.

So Lars turns to Patrick one day,

and he goes,
"How much vater have you left?"

Oh, no, gee, wait a second.

I think one of them
is supposed to be a rabbi.

It's King of the Conga.

Hey, Cliff ie, how am I doing?

You're a vision, Fitz, a vision!

Woody, I don't think I've done that
since my wedding.

- You congaed at your wedding?
- No. I sweated.

Okay. Now, I want to get
the punch line just right,

because otherwise,
I'll ruin the whole joke.

It's awfully noisy out here.

Would you mind?
It's kind of distracting.

I'll be back in a second.

Kick up your heels, Fitz. Faster!

Hey, Fitz! Fitz,
maybe you ought to sit one out.

You've been going
pretty hard there.

No, Sammy,
it's his last night to howl.

Let him live it up.

Hey, listen, thank you, Cliff ie.

You've given me one
of the very great nights of my life.

I want to promise you

I'm gonna take
very good care of you.

Sammy, is there a tear
in my eye?

No.

Are there dollar signs in my eye?

Yeah, I think there are, Cliff ie.

Hey, Normie!

Did you hear that?
I'm gonna be rolling in it.

You've been rolling in it
for years, Cliff.

Come quick! This is terrible!
Fitz is really sick!

Oh, my God!

Okay. I've got it!

Glory be, nobody knows
the rubble I've seen.

No, that wasn't it.

Before we go home,
one more time.

Fitz. Hell of a guy.

- To Fitz.
- Fitz.

It was a lovely service.

And, Diane, your choice
of poem was wonderful.

Thank you.

I just wish I hadn't been cut off
right in the middle.

We had to. The eternal flame
was starting to go out.

- Good night, Sammy.
- Yeah. Good night, all.

You know,
funerals are a lot different here

than they are back home.

Yeah? How's that, Woody?

Where I come from,
when somebody dies,

people come
from miles around,

bake lots of pies,

bring all kinds of food,

make speeches,
ride the roller coaster.

Oh, wait.
That might be the state fair.

Ma? You okay?

I'm fine.

I just was gonna
straighten up here a little.

You don't have to do that, ma.

No. I want to.

Will you look at the rings
on this table!

Don't people use coasters anymore?

Ma...

Whenever you're trying
to hide something inside,

you always pick up
some household chore to do.

I don't know if you realize it,

but since Fitz passed away,
you haven't cried,

you haven't got upset,

you haven't shown
any kind of emotion.

What's there to be upset about?
I barely knew the man.

We just had some good times
together, that's all.

Ma...

...stop wiping.

That's it, ma.
You just let it all out now.

Good, good.
Now, don't you feel better?

Yeah. That should
just about do it.

Good. One last little spit.

Ma, you know,
there's a fine line

between expressing
your feelings and blubbering.

I'm sorry. I guess you're right.

I'll get you a glass of water.

Oh, well.

Life goes on.

I guess I have to accept the fact

that I'm not the type
that good things happen to.

Well, I don't know, ma.
I mean, there is

one good thing
that happened to you

about 37 years ago.

There certainly was.

Not many women get
to shake hands with Bing Crosby.

Well, there you are.

Oh, Cliff, you know I mean you.

You're my pride and joy.

You're the best thing
that ever happened to me.

Gee, think of that.