1 00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:04,796 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:08,425 Hey! Mr. Clavin's back. 3 00:00:08,592 --> 00:00:10,594 - Hey, Woody. - How was your trip to expo? 4 00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:13,639 A once-in-a-lifetime experience, I tell you. 5 00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:15,599 No ears have heard, no eyes have seen 6 00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,894 the wonders I've experienced these past two weeks in Canada. 7 00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:21,605 If I died right now, I'd be a happy person. 8 00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:23,315 You wouldn't be the only one. 9 00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:27,945 Hey, Normie, you should've seen this 3D movie they had 10 00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:29,446 about life in Vancouver. 11 00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:30,822 You know, with those glasses on, 12 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:32,533 you felt like you were really there. 13 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:33,951 You were there, Cliff. 14 00:00:35,244 --> 00:00:36,578 I've been reading up on expo. 15 00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:38,372 Did you catch that bullet train they got there? 16 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,665 No. I guess I missed that one. 17 00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:42,167 Did you see the Great Hall of Ramses? 18 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,295 No, no. I guess that slid right by me. 19 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,923 How about the US space exhibit? 20 00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:50,133 No. 21 00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:52,844 Chinese acrobats? 22 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:57,015 Hey, Cliff! How was expo? 23 00:00:57,975 --> 00:00:59,476 A major disappointment, Sam. 24 00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,056 Sam, I need a Dewar's rocks and a Grand Marnier. 25 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,349 Coming up. 26 00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:22,225 Did you have a chance to look at the catalog 27 00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,186 - I left for you? - What catalog? 28 00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:26,563 This catalog. The silverware patterns, 29 00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:29,483 to go with our china and fine crystal. 30 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:32,944 Sam, we have to make a decision if we're going to be registered. 31 00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:35,364 Some people in the bar are starting to ask about gifts. 32 00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:37,074 Who? What people? Where? 33 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:38,992 Norm! 34 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:41,328 I just asked if you had to give one, all right? 35 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,124 Anyway, Sam, 36 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,085 should we have a big wedding? 37 00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:52,005 No. I think we should have a military one. 38 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,175 All 21 guns aimed at the bride. 39 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:01,056 Hey, Fitz! Still Irish? 40 00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:03,517 - As Paddy's pig. - All right! 41 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,227 Make it the usual, Sam. 42 00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:06,645 Okay. Drinks for everybody. 43 00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:10,148 So who's the geezer? 44 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:12,776 That's Mr. Fitzgerald. 45 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,153 He's come in every day for the past two weeks 46 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,905 and bought drinks for everybody. 47 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,824 He's a heck of a guy. 48 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:22,077 You know, I think in many ways, Mr. Fitzgerald and I are alike. 49 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:25,789 We both come here seeking warmth and camaraderie, 50 00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:27,874 safe haven from the outside world... 51 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,460 A place where you can always feel welcome. 52 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,003 Excuse me, pal. You're on my stool. 53 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:33,296 Oh, I'm sorry. 54 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:35,215 I didn't realize. 55 00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:41,096 Look at him. 56 00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,390 Mr. Big Shot over there. What does he think he is, 57 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,142 a bon vivant or something? 58 00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:48,353 He's about the richest guy you'll ever meet, Cliff. 59 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:49,771 Why don't we join him? 60 00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:51,773 Hey, Fitzie, 61 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:54,151 thanks for that $20 tip last night, 62 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:57,404 but I don't want you getting the wrong idea about me. 63 00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:00,699 Carla, I know that your favors are not for sale. 64 00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:03,493 See? that's what I mean about the wrong idea. 65 00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:08,540 Howdy. Cliff Clavin. 66 00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,792 Duncan Fitzgerald. Nice to meet you. 67 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,754 So, you live in the neighborhood? 68 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,547 Well, I just moved here. 69 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,132 I was originally from Michigan. 70 00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:18,592 The Wolverine State? 71 00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,888 So, I hear you're stinking rich. 72 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,684 Real smooth, Cliff. Very smooth. 73 00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:30,979 Fitz is actually kind of a minor celebrity, I guess. 74 00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:34,191 He invented a little something we call the refill, right? 75 00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:37,652 Is that right? No, it wasn't the refill. It was... 76 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,697 The metal vapor input valve. 77 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:44,701 It's used on most commercial and military jet engines. 78 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,787 Oh, yeah. I never step on a plane 79 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,246 without looking right out on that wing 80 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:49,998 and see if there's one out there. 81 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,917 Actually, it's located in the tail. 82 00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:54,211 Well, yeah. 83 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,046 It's 'cause if you saw it on the wing, 84 00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:58,006 you'd know you're in a lot of trouble. 85 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,343 As long as we're talking business here, 86 00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:03,053 who does your books, sir? 87 00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:04,387 McCann and Williams. 88 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,473 McCann and Williams. Can I talk to you about that 89 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,350 - over a game of darts? - Sure. 90 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:11,520 I think I could do better than those guys. 91 00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:12,938 What do you like best about them? 92 00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,357 Well, I must say, I like their aggressiveness. 93 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,943 I think I can be just as aggressive. 94 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,737 - I doubt that. - Yeah. You're probably right. 95 00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:25,534 - He's a great guy. - Yeah. It's too bad 96 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:27,994 that we seem to be his only family. 97 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,788 - No wife? - He's a widower. 98 00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:32,207 I'm telling you, with all the millions he's got, 99 00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:35,043 if I was an old bat, I'd snatch him up in a minute. 100 00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:37,087 Ma. 101 00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:38,755 What's that, Cliff? 102 00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,884 You know, my ma's been dying to come down here 103 00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,637 for years to meet all the guys at the bar. 104 00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:47,973 Hey, tonight's as good a night as any, huh? 105 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,267 I wish I'd thought of that. 106 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,477 I'd try to get my mother down here first, 107 00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:55,146 but it takes a forklift to get her off the couch. 108 00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:05,323 Hey, Clavin! Fitz really wants to leave. 109 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,951 Yeah, she's coming down. Just hang on a minute. 110 00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:09,160 Hold him there. 111 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,497 Hi there. 112 00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:15,250 Ma. What took you so long to get down here? 113 00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:18,169 I wanted to look my best for your friends. 114 00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,046 And this is two hours' worth? 115 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,510 Ma... This is Cheers. 116 00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:29,598 Yeah. This is the odor I'm always washing out of your shirts. 117 00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:33,351 Come on in, ma. I want to introduce you 118 00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:35,645 to the finest, greatest bunch of pals 119 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,898 a guy could have anywhere on the earth. 120 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,107 I'm telling you. 121 00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:41,359 Everybody, this is ma. Ma, this is everybody. 122 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,237 Ma, you just stand right there for a few seconds. 123 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,780 I'll be right back. 124 00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:48,366 So, I guess Mr. Clavin has told you a lot about us? 125 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:49,951 No. Actually, 126 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,287 Clifford doesn't talk much around the house. 127 00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:53,622 That Cliff? 128 00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,708 That's right. Some days, not a peep. 129 00:06:56,875 --> 00:07:01,338 Of course, the same thing occurs in nature, too. It's a little known fact 130 00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:05,926 that arctic wolves that remained in the den too long 131 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:10,513 exhibited a tendency to be reticent in their howling. 132 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,182 Now, when I read that... 133 00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:15,810 Hey, ma, you're boring the pants off these people here. 134 00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:19,522 Well, look who's here. Ma, I'd like you to meet 135 00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,733 a dear, dear old, very close friend of mine. 136 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,986 Mr. Fitzgerald, this is my ma, Esther Clavin. 137 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,071 Nice to meet you. 138 00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:28,823 Duncan here is originally from Michigan, ma. 139 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,075 Have a seat. 140 00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:32,577 Yeah. My ma's been to your home state. 141 00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:33,620 Oh, really? 142 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,915 No. I've been to Maine and Montana, but not Michigan. 143 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,043 Isn't that fascinating? 144 00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,545 Perhaps, if you live in a cave. 145 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,840 Isn't she a firecracker? 146 00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,224 Say, Mrs. Clavin, 147 00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:56,059 did you know that Fitz over there 148 00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:59,187 invented a technical gismo on jet airplanes? 149 00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:00,355 Oh, really? 150 00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:01,898 Yeah, what a coincidence, ma. 151 00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,734 You've ridden in jet planes before, haven't you? 152 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,070 No. I walked to Montana. 153 00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:11,992 Normie, I'm sinking fast. 154 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,494 All right. I got it. 155 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:15,704 Correct me if I'm wrong, 156 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,914 but didn't you two share a war together? 157 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:25,005 That's right. Ma, where were you during the big one? 158 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:28,258 Clifford, you know I was in New York. 159 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:31,052 I worked at the USO on 42nd street. 160 00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:33,138 I was in charge of table games. 161 00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:35,849 Universal checker championships, 162 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,184 Tuesdays and Thursdays at 9 p.m. 163 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,061 Oh, my goodness! 164 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,522 Ladies red, gentlemen black. 165 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:45,233 - Your host, Bobby Holloway! - Bobby Holloway! 166 00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:50,739 - Bobby Holloway. - Bobby Holloway... 167 00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:53,491 Oh, Bobby Holloway. 168 00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,368 Isn't this beautiful? 169 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,620 Why don't you two finish up your reminiscing 170 00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,873 over some nice baked sea bass? 171 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,208 It's a special up there at Melville's. 172 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,294 Well, I could use a bite. 173 00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,672 Well, I guess I'm feeling kind of peckish, too. 174 00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:10,216 Great. Listen, it's my treat. 175 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:13,136 I absolutely, positively insist. 176 00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:14,471 Dinner is on me. 177 00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,931 - I can take care of it, Cliff. - You got it. 178 00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:22,604 What lovely buttons. Did you know 179 00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:24,939 that buttons on a man's jacket sleeve 180 00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,150 have absolutely no purpose? 181 00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:31,988 They originated on the uniforms of Napoleon's army when he discovered 182 00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:35,992 that his soldiers were using their sleeves to wipe their noses. 183 00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:40,038 She's gonna flap her gums all the way to the poorhouse. 184 00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,171 Hey, Cliff. 185 00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:49,881 Hey, Sammy, have you heard the latest 186 00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:52,842 - in the ma-Fitz romance? - No. What's going on? 187 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:54,385 They're celebrating their first week together 188 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,846 with a picnic on the Charles. 189 00:09:57,013 --> 00:10:00,016 Charles. You know, that's the make-out capital of the world. 190 00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,851 If he does as well as I do, 191 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,938 there's gonna be a lot of panting and rolling around and... 192 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:11,236 ...shopping. There's a mall right next to the Charles. 193 00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:15,782 Speaking of the devil... 194 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:17,784 Hey, ma, Fitz, 195 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,036 I thought you two were on the way to the Charles. 196 00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:21,246 Well, we are. 197 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,123 Are you busy? 198 00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:27,085 - What's up, ma? - Sit down, son. 199 00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:34,676 Clifford, now, I know how much your father meant to you, 200 00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:37,345 and I know it's going to take a while 201 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:41,182 for you to adjust to this, to having a new father. 202 00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:42,809 Daddy! 203 00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,313 My God! 204 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,733 Clifford, I haven't even kissed him on the lips! 205 00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,736 Hey, everybody! Wedding bells at the Clavin compound! 206 00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,616 - When's the happy day, folks? - Tomorrow. 207 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,702 Sammy, champagne. 208 00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:03,872 Duncan, I'm gonna throw you the biggest bachelor bash 209 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,456 Beantown has ever seen! 210 00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:08,668 - Normie, call all my friends. - I think he moved, Cliff. 211 00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:11,504 Well, then call all yours. 212 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,299 Woody, I'm gonna make you entertainment chairman. 213 00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:15,925 - Hot dog! - Get on the horn there. 214 00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:19,304 Call the Parker house, and order me up their fanciest room. 215 00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:23,016 You got it. Wow! My first bachelor party. 216 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,143 - No dates, right? - No. 217 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:31,024 - Congratulations there, Fitzie. - Thank you. 218 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,026 Listen, if things don't work out with Esther, 219 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,445 here is my mother's number, okay? 220 00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:38,990 Just let it ring 10 or 15 minutes. She'll get there. 221 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,452 You two. 222 00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:45,330 I'm so happy for you. 223 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:48,541 You know, Cliff, your mother is the first person 224 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:52,587 who's ever really loved me for me instead of my checkbook. 225 00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:55,048 - Oh, ma... - That's why I'm donating 226 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,008 the bulk of my fortune to charity. 227 00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:11,189 Giving money away? 228 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,066 Actually, it was your mother's idea. 229 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,026 Ma's? 230 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:19,614 I didn't want Duncan to have any doubts about my feelings. 231 00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,199 How are you two gonna live? 232 00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:22,533 I'm not going to give it all away. 233 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,744 I'll keep enough for the two of us to be comfortable. 234 00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:27,413 We're simple people. We don't need much to live. 235 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,666 And you're self-sufficient, not to mention 236 00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:32,585 that postal pension you're always bragging about. 237 00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,380 Mr. Clavin, it's the Parker House. 238 00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:36,381 They want to know if you want 239 00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,091 the Embassy Court or the Grand Ballroom. 240 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,135 Give me that. Give me that phone! 241 00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:42,887 Fraternity prank. 242 00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:46,766 What are you, nuts, Woody? I can't afford a party. 243 00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:49,686 Parties are for rich people. I'm poor. 244 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:52,397 I've always been poor. I'll always be poor. 245 00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:54,148 I'm gonna die poor. 246 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:56,359 I'd like to resign as entertainment chairman. 247 00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:00,405 I don't know how to say this to you without offending you, 248 00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,573 but you're behaving like a class "A" jerk. 249 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:04,242 Am I? 250 00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:05,660 What have I got to celebrate? 251 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,662 Well, for one thing, your mother's met 252 00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:10,164 a very nice man who's making her very happy. 253 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,166 - And? - Cliff! 254 00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:15,211 Well... 255 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:17,046 All right. 256 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,715 Of course you're right. 257 00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:23,011 I guess I just forgot how much ma means to me. 258 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,639 I'll have the party for her sake. 259 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,100 It'll just have to be the economy version, 260 00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:30,768 you know, no frills. 261 00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:32,687 Well, if it'll help out, we'll close the bar early, 262 00:13:32,854 --> 00:13:33,771 and you can have it here. 263 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,524 Thank you, Samuel. 264 00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:37,984 That's very nice of you. 265 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,778 Hey! Wait a second. Who knows? 266 00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,697 When Fitz sees what a nice guy I am, 267 00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,699 maybe he'll remember me in his will. 268 00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:48,953 Yeah. "To the idiot son of my new wife, I leave squat." 269 00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:00,214 Mr. Clavin, some of your guests have been asking 270 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,592 if they could take the plastic wrap off the food. 271 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:06,637 Don't they understand when food is exposed to air, 272 00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,264 just about anything can happen. 273 00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:09,640 Yeah. People could eat it. 274 00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:13,394 Yeah. Very funny, wise guy. 275 00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,063 Oink oink, Mr. Peterson. 276 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:16,814 Let's have a little restraint. 277 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,691 This food's got to last us the rest of the night. 278 00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:22,653 The girls are here! 279 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:28,451 Sammy, I thought this was gonna be a low-budget affair. 280 00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:29,660 My treat. 281 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:32,455 Well, in that case, ladies, welcome. 282 00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:34,874 Shake it, bake it, let's see if we can take it. 283 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:38,294 Come on in. 284 00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:41,005 Let me introduce you to the guest of honor tonight. 285 00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:43,508 There he is. Sic 'im. 286 00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:57,230 So, Fitz, how are you enjoying your bachelor party so far? 287 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,023 I haven't been this excited 288 00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:02,402 since I first trapped vapor in my input valve. 289 00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:06,322 No man forgets his first time. 290 00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:09,867 Don't worry, Fitz. They're not gonna bite. 291 00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,828 He's right. That costs extra. 292 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,123 Hey. 293 00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,749 Hey, girls, what are you doing back here? 294 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,543 I thought you had a bachelorette party going. 295 00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:21,671 Yeah, but I have to borrow some money against next week's loan. 296 00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,215 Can you give me 50 bucks? 297 00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:27,343 All right. What do you need it for? 298 00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:29,846 We're going to a dance recital. 299 00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:33,015 You need 50 bucks for a dance recital? 300 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:36,936 We have to have something to stick in the guys' underwear. 301 00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,232 Good for you. 302 00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,526 Esther here is okay. 303 00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:44,694 I mean, you can't blame her 304 00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:47,196 for one horrible crime against humanity. 305 00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:50,908 Where's Diane? 306 00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:52,160 We ditched her. 307 00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:56,372 There you are! 308 00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:01,669 How on earth did we get separated? 309 00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:05,089 I have no idea. I thought we all got in the taxi, 310 00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:06,841 but when it pulled away from the curb, 311 00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,843 I was the only one inside. 312 00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:16,767 This is fun, but you girls are gonna have to leave. 313 00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:18,102 This is men only here. 314 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:20,855 Okay. 315 00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:24,400 You know, instead of going to that club you suggested, 316 00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:26,027 we could try Cafe Ole. 317 00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,029 They have a wonderful new harpist, I hear. 318 00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:31,282 - Oh, great. - No. That sounds like fun. 319 00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:33,284 I'll hail a cab. 320 00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:34,994 Let's go! 321 00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:41,334 Hey, Normie, things are going very smoothly. 322 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,753 Yeah. I think Fitz might donate some money 323 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,005 - to my favorite charity. - Yeah? What's that? 324 00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,715 Save the Clavin foundation. 325 00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:52,386 Cliff! I am having the time of my life! 326 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:54,263 I knew you would, Fitz. 327 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:57,266 You know, I didn't warm up to you at first, 328 00:16:57,433 --> 00:17:00,853 but I'm beginning to think you're not so bad after all. 329 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,772 What made you come to that conclusion? 330 00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:04,398 Figure it out for yourself. 331 00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:14,158 And she says to her girlfriend, 332 00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,452 "Maybe so, but this one is eating my popcorn." 333 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,249 Okay. I guess it's time 334 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:23,918 for me to take off the psychiatrist cap and tell one of my own. 335 00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:25,294 - All right. - Well, 336 00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:27,964 it seems there's these two men stranded 337 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,341 on a deserted island, Doug and Dave. 338 00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:33,302 Oh, wait. This is better with dialects. 339 00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:37,139 Okay, so, an Irishman and a Dane are stranded on a... 340 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,267 No, wait, I don't do Danish. 341 00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:42,770 Okay! An Irishman and a Swede. 342 00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:45,606 - All right. - That's it. Patrick and Lars. 343 00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:47,525 So Lars turns to Patrick one day, 344 00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:50,861 and he goes, "How much vater have you left?" 345 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:53,489 Oh, no, gee, wait a second. 346 00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,324 I think one of them is supposed to be a rabbi. 347 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,671 It's King of the Conga. 348 00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:10,131 Hey, Cliff ie, how am I doing? 349 00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,341 You're a vision, Fitz, a vision! 350 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,138 Woody, I don't think I've done that since my wedding. 351 00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:19,682 - You congaed at your wedding? - No. I sweated. 352 00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:24,854 Okay. Now, I want to get the punch line just right, 353 00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:27,148 because otherwise, I'll ruin the whole joke. 354 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,275 It's awfully noisy out here. 355 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,985 Would you mind? It's kind of distracting. 356 00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:32,903 I'll be back in a second. 357 00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:35,781 Kick up your heels, Fitz. Faster! 358 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,742 Hey, Fitz! Fitz, maybe you ought to sit one out. 359 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,160 You've been going pretty hard there. 360 00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:40,911 No, Sammy, it's his last night to howl. 361 00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:42,246 Let him live it up. 362 00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:43,914 Hey, listen, thank you, Cliff ie. 363 00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:46,834 You've given me one of the very great nights of my life. 364 00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:48,461 I want to promise you 365 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,088 I'm gonna take very good care of you. 366 00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:58,929 Sammy, is there a tear in my eye? 367 00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:00,222 No. 368 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:02,725 Are there dollar signs in my eye? 369 00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:05,978 Yeah, I think there are, Cliff ie. 370 00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:08,731 Hey, Normie! 371 00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:11,150 Did you hear that? I'm gonna be rolling in it. 372 00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,527 You've been rolling in it for years, Cliff. 373 00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:18,574 Come quick! This is terrible! Fitz is really sick! 374 00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:19,909 Oh, my God! 375 00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:23,746 Okay. I've got it! 376 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:27,541 Glory be, nobody knows the rubble I've seen. 377 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,670 No, that wasn't it. 378 00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,635 Before we go home, one more time. 379 00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:39,345 Fitz. Hell of a guy. 380 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,721 - To Fitz. - Fitz. 381 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,268 It was a lovely service. 382 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:49,814 And, Diane, your choice of poem was wonderful. 383 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,608 Thank you. 384 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:55,986 I just wish I hadn't been cut off right in the middle. 385 00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:59,699 We had to. The eternal flame was starting to go out. 386 00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:03,452 - Good night, Sammy. - Yeah. Good night, all. 387 00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,121 You know, funerals are a lot different here 388 00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:06,622 than they are back home. 389 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:08,749 Yeah? How's that, Woody? 390 00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,835 Where I come from, when somebody dies, 391 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,045 people come from miles around, 392 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:15,297 bake lots of pies, 393 00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,174 bring all kinds of food, 394 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,969 make speeches, ride the roller coaster. 395 00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:23,723 Oh, wait. That might be the state fair. 396 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:33,315 Ma? You okay? 397 00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:35,317 I'm fine. 398 00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:38,446 I just was gonna straighten up here a little. 399 00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:40,740 You don't have to do that, ma. 400 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,241 No. I want to. 401 00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:45,453 Will you look at the rings on this table! 402 00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:47,705 Don't people use coasters anymore? 403 00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:49,623 Ma... 404 00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,752 Whenever you're trying to hide something inside, 405 00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:55,129 you always pick up some household chore to do. 406 00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:57,965 I don't know if you realize it, 407 00:20:58,132 --> 00:21:02,553 but since Fitz passed away, you haven't cried, 408 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,180 you haven't got upset, 409 00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:06,015 you haven't shown any kind of emotion. 410 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,435 What's there to be upset about? I barely knew the man. 411 00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:12,438 We just had some good times together, that's all. 412 00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:13,939 Ma... 413 00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:15,733 ...stop wiping. 414 00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:25,367 That's it, ma. You just let it all out now. 415 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,957 Good, good. Now, don't you feel better? 416 00:21:37,213 --> 00:21:39,590 Yeah. That should just about do it. 417 00:21:44,887 --> 00:21:46,889 Good. One last little spit. 418 00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:52,686 Ma, you know, there's a fine line 419 00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:55,314 between expressing your feelings and blubbering. 420 00:22:01,362 --> 00:22:03,864 I'm sorry. I guess you're right. 421 00:22:04,031 --> 00:22:05,366 I'll get you a glass of water. 422 00:22:05,533 --> 00:22:06,784 Oh, well. 423 00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:09,495 Life goes on. 424 00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:13,582 I guess I have to accept the fact 425 00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:16,627 that I'm not the type that good things happen to. 426 00:22:17,962 --> 00:22:21,423 Well, I don't know, ma. I mean, there is 427 00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:23,050 one good thing that happened to you 428 00:22:23,217 --> 00:22:26,595 about 37 years ago. 429 00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:29,723 There certainly was. 430 00:22:29,890 --> 00:22:33,060 Not many women get to shake hands with Bing Crosby. 431 00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:39,108 Well, there you are. 432 00:22:41,944 --> 00:22:44,989 Oh, Cliff, you know I mean you. 433 00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:48,868 You're my pride and joy. 434 00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:51,912 You're the best thing that ever happened to me. 435 00:22:53,831 --> 00:22:55,708 Gee, think of that.