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May we ask what's behind this new Jamie?

I'm after your job.

You'd better watch out or your balls will be on the wall.

Thanks for looking after him.

You can't just take him.

Sherbert is my dog.

I can't think straight when you're talking shit in my ear non-stop!

Bullying another member of staff to keep your dirty secrets...

..is not acceptable, Jamie.

Lils.

Want someone to control you?

Don't get dragged

She is dangerous.

Are you OK? You look a bit odd.

You'll get more sense from Paula.

You'll get more sense from Paula. Paula!

She was acting really odd when she came to get Sherbert.

They'll lock her up again, Jay.

When the world is too much...

..we just have to carry on.

The mind can be a dangerous place.

Sometimes...

..it causes you to do things.

Things that you don't really

..but that you have to do.

Is that's what's happening to my mind?

Like one massive black hole in the universe...

..full of all kinds of shit.

Sucking everything up until the Big Bang.

you can't escape anyway.

Hey!

Are you listening?

What are we doing here, Jamie?

Exactly.

We're like these stones.

So small and useless compared with the universe.

actually doing here?

In this field, right now?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Right, well...

..technically, we're kind of on the run.

Mm?

Well, they're using you, Paula.

Who?

Who? The unit. The team.

The crisis team?

That's what they call it.

But what does 'CRISIS' actually stand for - do you know?

No, haven't got a clue. What?

That's the point.

They're keeping it secret. I'm not supposed to know.

Oh, shit!

Yeah, I know.

But it's OK.

Because my job is to look after you

Right?

Help you get better.

Yeah.

If you were better, I wouldn't have found you...

..collapsed outside your flat yesterday.

Me?

You're lucky I was there to save you.

Anyway, the thing is,

..because that's my job.

What is your job?

Mental Health Nurse.

Keep you safe.

Repair you.

Yeah.

Repair my head.

How are you going to do that?

Reset it.

Default settings.

Default settings. Like my laptop.

Yeah, exactlyworld.

My laptop's shit, Jamie.

My laptop's shit, Jamie. We'll give it an upgrade.

Yeah?

You'll be a genius, and your mind...

..will be boggling.

Come on.

Where are we going?

On a road trip. Trust me.

Like a Sunday school trip.

Yes, like a Sunday school trip.

Yeah!

Wow!

I saw signs to the beach that way.

I saw signs to the beach that way. We're not going to the beach.

A Sunday school trip, you said.

You said we were on a Sunday school trip, not me.

So where are we going?

To face it, face on. Who?

The thing you fear most.

The things you want answers for.

Your past, Paula.

You need to face it.

No, not today.

It's the only way to move on.

them how much they're hurting you.

It'll help.

No! I can't!

You have to.

You have to. No.

Don't!

Let me out then!

Stop the car or I'll open the door.

Paula?

Paula, don't!

Obvious, isn't it?

Can't you knock or something?

Hey, I'm just trying to help.

I mean, you want to fix her, don't you?

Yes, and I can do that myself.

Good luck.

What's obvious?

Hey! Come on.

Oh!

You want the pain to go away, yeah?

So we have to do this.

Face your mum and dad.

Do you trust me?

Good.

OK?

Mam had insisted on going to a Welsh cob sale.

Over Brecon way.

It was before the days of mobiles...

..so I don't know how they found out.

I can still hear the noise Dad was making.

And they just stared, right through me.

Neither of them gave me a hug.

Because they couldn't lose the golden boy, could they?

That was not how things were meant to be.

But you did it.

You were jealous of the attention golden boy was getting.

Don't be soft!

No, I understand, Paula.

Like me and Barry - I let him go, I let him fall.

You saw Caleb struggling in the slurry pit...

I didn't kill Caleb!

You've got it wrong.

The golden boy...?

That's what they believed.

That's what they wanted me to believe.

It's OK.

You don't have to pretend any longer.

have done at the inquest.

I promise, you'll feel better.

No, you've got it wrong.

You've got it all wrong. That's not what happened.

Hey you, get off this land, do you hear?

Go on, skit!

Do you know her?

Paula? She wants to talk to you.

We don't know any Paula.

Right, listen...

You want me to call the police?

You can't keep doing this to Paula - you need each other.

Jamie.

Paula, tell them.

Say that you're sorry.

Say something!

Are you going or do you want to be carted off in a hearse?

Come on.

Paula?

GUNSHOT

GUNSHOT Fuck!

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Oh!

It's magnificent out there.

Without farmers like Mam and Dad...

..this would just be one, wild forest.

No food, no order.

Yes.

It's just my head...

I'm not sure.

Right.

Well, here you are.

Where the fuck did you...?

Over there - look.

What d'you think I've been doing for the last hour?

My treat.

Right, come on, let's go.

Come on!

Sit down.

While we're here...

..we need to have a chat about this Caleb business.

Because although Mam and Dad

..they didn't mean it that way.

They wanted to find fault in me...

..because they should never have left a young girl...

..to babysit a mischievous boy like he was.

And the truth is...

Deep down.

They just...

..can't admit it to themselves.

It's a lot easier to blame me.

Just as you blame yourself for Barry.

Erm, tell this one not to stick her nose in.

has a name.

You can hear him?

Hi Hi.

See him?

If I had enough money I'd buy him a new pair of jeans.

Those are manky.

Tell the cheeky mare.

Cheeky mare?

Do you want me to fucking start?

Do you want me to fucking start? Please!

What I was trying to say was...

..you didn't let him go.

You wanted to think you'd let him go...

..because then

Take full responsibility instead of having to face the truth.

Instead of having to blame him.

Saying that he'd been selfish.

He wasn't selfish.

He was ill.

And refusing to seek help.

I tried.

Not hard enough.

It's not as simple as that.

No, but it's easier to let your best friend carry the can, isn't it?

Rescue you from some precipice or bridge.

Hold your head down the toilet

You going to let her speak to me like that?

Yes, because he knows what I say makes sense.

You've made his life hell, Barry.

You've made his life hell, Barry. No.

Yes, you have.

Let him raise your kids.

How does she know about that? You been taking to users about me?

No.

No. Oi! I'm clean.

I've never used anything.

Why else did she say that?

Because you're still haunting him.

If he wanted me to go, he'd tell me to piss off.

Tell him to piss off then, Jamie. He's not good for you.

It's none of your business.

It's none of your business.

I can't think straight while you two are talking shit!

No!

Oh!

MOBILE RINGING

Fuck!

Paula?

We need to go.

Who was that?

On the phone?

But it's not 'work' though, is it?

But it's not 'work' though, is it? No?

No. Now then, what could CRISIS stand for?

Stop!

You're really doing my head in.

Perhaps the 'I'

It's an acronym, you see.

I'm rubbish with crosswords and things like that.

Yes, because you don't exist.

Yes, because you don't exist. I'm handy enough when you need me.

Criminal.

Ring.

Doesn't bloody matter what it is, we need to shift.

Is there a message on the phone?

Erm.

'Don't worry, Jay. I'm coming to get you.

'Stay where you are.'

Fuck.

Perhaps they want

Think you're nuts, like us two.

You've been a bit cuckoo for ages!

will be upon us very soon

happily in our land

Stop!

Stop it!

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Shit!

OK.

OK.

If you want to stay in this car, you must behave.

Understand?

Oh, fuck sakes.

Go back!

Go on!

It's a dead end.

Rod the Cod!

Shit.

Exciting!

Just like being in the movies!

Drive slowly towards him...

out of the way.

Foot to the metal, James!

Foot to the metal, James! Don't listen to him.

Maybe it's all in your mind.

Like me.

Come on, you know us two aren't real, eh?

doesn't really exist.

There's nothing there.

It's your mind playing tricks on you.

Prove it.

Go on!

Drive towards them.

MOBILE

There's nobody there.

Go on, drive, go Back to The Future.

Go on!

They're not there.

It's all in your head.

Lils?

Lili?

It's not her, Jamie.

They're not there.

Jamie!

Oi! Can you give me a hand?

I'll make sure you're OK.

Don't just stand there!

Oh, come on.

Fuck!

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Where are we?

We'll look after you.

We all want to make this as easy as possible for you.

What is it?

What is it? Eh?

Crisis Unit?

What does it stand for?

No, everything's fine.

I'll deal with it.

Jamie, come with me.

Jamie?

Today.

Do you want to discuss your day?

You had a bit of an adventure, it seems.

I thought...

I took her home.

Back to her farm.

But...

..I'm not sure...

..I'm not sure if...

..any of it happened.

Paula's been working in a hotel today.

Rod's got her a job

And that wasn't Paula's farm you called at.

You scared the life out of an elderly couple.

Who've never had children.

Shit.

OK.

Yeah, I was, I was...

I was fine...

..until...

..that stuff you gave me.

What stuff, Jamie?

Coke.

Or whatever was in that powder.

Why did you do that to me?

On top...

..on top of everything.

stuff like that.

And I would never, ever give any to you.

Especially considering the state of your mental health.

OK.

But in the storeroom...

..and the car, when you and I...?

Jamie, listen... No.

I don't believe you - no, I don't believe you!

You want to destroy us.

You want to destroy my family.

You want to get inside my head.

You haven't been OK

Especially since you saw Barry...

..slipping through your hands...

..and falling to his death.

It's no wonder it's affected you.

Seeing your best friend, his body.

Poor thing, all twisted...

Stop! Stop! Stop!

I've found you a place.

Here, on the ward.

Right, sit here for a minute.

Jamie?

Have you seen him?

Sherbert.

I took him for a walk after work and he just slipped out of my hand.

Jamie, are you alright?

Is he OK?

Is he OK? Yes, he's fine.

Ward One.

Ward One?

Yeah, we need to keep an eye on you straightaway, Jamie, monitor you.

Sorry, that bed has gone.

Now.

You've filled the bed?

After I'd made it perfectly clear that it was meant for Jamie?

Is this how we treat a colleague?

Where the hell is Jamie to go now?

We've sorted everything.

He's coming home with me.

What?

I've taken a week's leave.

I've got holidays to take, and I'm taking them.

Now.

Now. There's no room on the ward.

Not when there's no-one there.

Think of it as an extension of this place.

Well...

..good luck finding a second doctor to give a diagnosis.

It's already done.

Are you ready?

We're all here for you.

Come on.

Jay!

Are you OK?

No, I'm not.

Listen, we'd better go.

Where are you taking him?

Where are you taking him? He's staying with me for a while.

Why?

No, that doesn't sound right.

The team will explain everything to you.

What are they?

Antipsychotics.

It'll take a while to work out...

..whether it's stress-induced psychosis...

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You're looking more like your old self.

What are the chances...

..I'll recover from this?

The improvement in you in

With the drugs, hand in hand with the CPT therapy...

..and a lot of hard work.

But you have to face things.

I keep thinking...

..that I let him go, Huw.

Let him fall.

If you did let him go...

..there is some semblance of moral justice in it.

Eh?

He betrayed you by sleeping with Janette.

And by letting him go, you took some power from the situation.

The problem is...

..it's not true.

You didn't do it.

And trying to persuade yourself that you did is eating you alive.

What?

Do you want to go too?

No.

Once and for all.

I'm sorry, butt.

About Jan.

Torturing you.

Being such a burden on you.

You weren't.

Like a thorn in your side.

All day, every day.

But you stuck with me.

You need your family now.

They will always be there for you.

There's someone to see you.

You look loads better than the last time I saw you.

I'm sorry.

I've been...

And I haven't been there for you.

all that now.

But I need to.

I know it's selfish...

..but I need you.

I'm still here...

..I think.

..somewhere.

And bit by bit...

..I'm trying to find me again.

to how they were between us?

Madonna and King Kong?

You just...

..seem able to cope with things.

Me, well...

I've ended up like this.

Everything just...

..just doesn't...

And I'm not sure...

..what has happened...

..or hasn't happened.

Listen...

Listen... Jan.

Something might have happened between me and Natalie.

She said nothing happened, and I'm

Natalie, or...

..my brain, or...

..my brain, or... I think...

..something happened between you.

How do you...?

How do you...? Lili spoke to me.

in the office.

She was worried about you.

Sorry.

What do we do now?

We've both been through worse, Jay.

All I know at the moment is...

..I want to be there for you.

Be a family.

Really.

When I'm better...

..we can go back to Los Cristianos.

Being together at home.

That's all we need.

Yes.

Jamie Morris.

Nurse.

Service user.

Patient.

..one hour...

..one second at a time.

Trust me.

You're just starting on the road to recovery.

We're all here for you, you know.

Yes.

See you in the morning.

Go on!

Jamie, love.

What are you doing out here?

I could ask you the same thing, Mary.

Sorry, Jams.

Sorry about everything.

We've been a burden on you.

No.

You're not a burden.

I need to ice the lemon drizzle!

WELCOME HOME DAD

Aargh!

Ah.

BARKING

Good boy.

Come on.

MISSING

In the UK, someone is reported missing every 90 seconds.

with some kind of mental disorder.

S4C subtitles by Equivalent

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