All language subtitles for the.simpsons.s14e04.1080p.bluray.x264-wnxb00t-en

CHORUS [SINGS]:
The Simpsons

Large Marge

D'oh! Ah!

HOMER:
Woo-hoo!

NARRATOR [ON TV]: November, 1948.
Americans picked their president.

Victory seemed certain
for Governor Thomas E. Dewey.

Dewey, Dewey, Dewey.

Dad, I'm telling you, Truman wins.

NARRATOR: Headlines proclaim:
"Dewey Defeats Truman."

Woo-hoo! I win the bet.
Who's your daddy?

NARRATOR:
But the headlines are dead wrong.

[GASPS]

Harry Truman triumphs
by 2 million votes.

Not if I can stop that inauguration.

I win, Dad. That means I get to choose
today's father-daughter activity.

Let's hear it.

We're building homes
for the homeless.

[GASPS]

You know it's gonna be bad,
but you just can't prepare yourself.

"Domiciles for the Destitute"?
Is this that thing Jimmy Carter does?

Yes. But now that it's hip,
all the ex-presidents are doing it.

There's Clinton, Bush Senior...

...and the nice guy who finished last,
Jimmy himself.

[HUMMING]

Hey! Why you...

- I'm sorry, George. I didn't see you there.
- No hard feelings.

I'll slaughter you, you lamebrain.

[GROANS]

[CHUCKLES]

- What are you laughing at, Clinton?
- Ow.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUMBLES]

[HUMMING]

Dad, what is that?

Well, if Bart can be El Barto...

Oh, if only I had your courage, señor.

Ha, ha, thanks.

[YELPS THEN MUTTERS]

Dad, you're getting paint
on your wedding ring.

Huh? Oh, right. Can you hold it?

This is a Band-Aid wrapped in tinfoil.

My real ring's inside a turtle.

- Are you sure we'll find husbands here?
- Absolutely.

These volunteer events are crawling with
the successful single men we deserve.

And how. Let's see what we've got.

NAEGLE:
Well, he's not much to look at.

But he is a good father.

Hello. Wedding-ring tan line.
He's new on the market.

Hmm.

- Can I help you?
- Maybe. I'm Lindsay Naegle.

And I don't wanna spend
another fiscal year alone. Unh!

Cookie Kwan, realtor.
Number one on the west side.

I could move you
into a beautiful new home. Mine.

- Sign here, kiss me here, initial there.
- What the...?

ANNOUNCER [ON RADIO]:
You're listening to Radio Disney.

The songs you love
rewritten for babies.

BAHA MEN [SINGING]:
Who left the milk out?

[SINGING]
Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck

Dad left the milk out
Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck

That's good satire.
It doesn't hurt anyone.

What do you think, Maggie?

BAHA MEN:
Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck

Oh, look, there's your father?

[GRUNTING]

[GASPS]

[GRUNTING THEN LADIES GROAN]

[GASPS]

Well, I've read enough articles
about flirting to know it when I see it.

[GRUNTING THEN
BREATHING HEAVILY]

And that's how my beautiful wife
brought our son Bart into the world.

- Aw.
- Touching.

BUSH:
You knucklehead.

- A little help.
- I'll give you a little help.

[GROANING]

Uh, Homie, are you as attracted to me
as you were when we met?

Sure, why not?

Sometimes I worry
you might think about other women.

Hey, why would I want Purina
when I got Fancy Feast right here?

That doesn't sound very convincing.

Aw. It sounds like all you're looking for
is a little reassurance.

Well...

[SNORING]

[SQUEALS]

Bart, remember when I was crying
at recess?

I think I'm finally ready
to tell you why.

Let's see what's on TV.

MAN [ON TV]: I stick my neck out
for no one, Frankenstein, no one.

[FRANKENSTEIN GROWLS ON TV]

[BATMAN THEME PLAYS ON TV]

Oh, cool, the old Batman show.

Struggling in vain.

Gather your wits, old chum.

We seem to have fallen prey
to that painted Pagliacci of perfidy.

You mean, Clownface?

None other.

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

Well, if it isn't Bat-mensch
and the Goy Wonder.

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

Sweet Valley High!
Krusty played a Batman villain?

Well, sure. He was also
Uncle Velderschmoink on Bewitched.

Clownface, what in the name of Huntley
and Brinkley do you plan to do to us?

I'm just gonna take you for a spin.

Hoo, Ha, Hee,
show our guests to the twirly gates.

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

Holy g-force, Batman.
The blood's rushing to my head.

That's right, my panicky chum.

In a few moments, you and I
will literally blush ourselves to death.

KRUSTY:
Oh, my, this is taking a long time.

Oh, cool. We should try that at school.

Hey, yeah. You can try it on me.
Batman got out of it okay.

Faith and begorra, Batman.
How did you ever escape?

Fortunately, I always carry
my Carousel Reversal Spray.

Oh, what don't you have in that belt?

Patience for harlequined hoodlums
like yourself.

Truer words were never spoken,
crusader.

Manjula,
remember when Apu cheated on you?

Yes, thank you.

I'm worried
Homer might do the same thing.

What would make a husband
lose interest like that?

What I do now
I do as your dearest friend.

Look at this flab. Look at it.

Oh, my God. Is that me?

Oh, my God. Is that me?

Most assuredly, yes.

Faced with a problem like this,
I wonder, what would Oprah do?

I need to fit into this
in time for a funeral. Thank you.

Uh, I need some liposuction.

Just enough to make me attractive
to this man.

One 10-minute suck and tuck.

Doctor, before we begin,
I have a couple questions.

Time is money. Ask the mask.

What if I just do aerobics, hmm...?

[GROANS]

Hmm, that's funny.
Hmm. I don't feel sucked out.

Doctor, my assistant is as flat as ever.

Where are the new knockers
the taxpayers paid for?

Hmm, you're right.
That's like flatsville.

Then where did I put those implants?

[SCREAMS]

What on earth have you done?

My maguppies became bazongas.

Great Ceausescu's ghost!
Are those real?

Oh. Oh, right.

Accidentally giving me breast implants
is not a simple misunderstanding.

My surgery was botched.

"Botched."
What is that, the word of the day?

You had no right
to make my bosom this ample.

Look, just come back in 48 hours,
I can remove the implants.

Oh, I'll come back all right.

And I'll bring my husband
to do a little malpractice on you.

Yes, your husband.
I'm sure he's going to be furious.

[GRUNTING]

I'm a little worried
about the spinning, Bart.

If you're uncomfortable with this
in any way...

- Do it, Otto. Do it. Do it. Do it.
- You're the boss, kid.

[TIRES SQUEAL]

[MILHOUSE SCREAMING]

My change purse!

[CONTINUES SCREAMING]

Hi, Milhouse.

Skinner, I was a little wary...

...of bringing these veterans of Iwo Jima
to tour your school...

- ...but I see my fears were unfounded.
- Thank you, sir.

And what more fitting finale
than to gaze reverently at Old Glory?

[ALL GASPING]

Come on, boys. You know the drill.

[ALL GRUNT]

[ALL GROANING]

[GRUNTING]

My God!
This youngster befouled the flag!

Wait, this just doesn't add up.

Milhouse has never been anything
but a comic foil.

Hey, what's going on here?
Something crazy?

There's your queen bee.
Explain yourself, Simpson.

Uh, I saw Krusty do it on TV.

Then Krusty will feel my wrath.

The spritz has hit the fan.

You won't hurt Krusty, will you?
He's all we got.

- Shut your puke hole, punk.
- Sir. Yes, sir.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUMBLES]

[GRUNTS]

[MEOWS THEN HISSES]

[GRUNTS]

Oh, sweetie.

[BABBLES]

Hmm. Oh!

[YELPS]

Don't worry, Maggie, I'll have these
silly things out in just two days.

Till then I'll just try to hide them
from the family.

Making it the latest Segway scooter
accident to claim over 1000 lives.

Not feeling well. Going to bed.
Dinner and breakfast are on the table.

[FOOTSTEPS]

Did you label the meals
so I could tell which is which?

MARGE:
Yes.

Locally, two school children offended
veterans, educators and flag hags...

...while imitating a stunt they learned
watching TV's Krusty the Clown.

[GULPS]

Besieged by angry protestors
Krusty responded as follows:

- Would you people get a life?
- Not an option.

- Stop corrupting our children.
- No.

Bart, this is all your fault.

Don't worry.
Krusty always lands on his feet.

[YELLS]

[KRUSTY GRUNTS]

Help! I got... Aah!

[GROANS]

Well, someone's tucked in
to an insane degree. Good night.

Hey, give me some of those blankets.

MARGE: Unh!
- What's this?

It's enormous.

- Oh, my God. There's another one.
- Homer, let me explain something.

- Explain later.
- Homie.

[MARGE GIGGLES]

Ooh, ooh, Homie.

- Hey, what happened?
- I fell off.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Now, don't get too used to these.

That awful doctor said
he'd take them out in a couple of days.

Yeah, he truly is a monster.

Hey, let's go out to dinner tomorrow.
Just you, me, the kids, and the twins.

What do you say?

Hmm. Hmm?

Hmm, they do make my neck
look thinner.

Oh, all right. Let's do it.

Mom, Lisa pushed me
in the laundry basket.

Whatever Bart is saying is a lie.

[GASPS]

Mom, what happened?

Your endowment's bigger
than Harvard's.

Well, that cinches it. Lisa gets the prize
for the best off-the-cuff response.

I saw them earlier,
I was working on it in the hall.

I'm sorry, we are totally full.

[KIDS WHIMPER]

Boy, oh, Boyardee.

Ha, ha. I bazoom you want a table.
Right this way.

Wow, Mom,
your guns got us a great table.

Right by the lobster tank.

For you, pretty lady,
I make the fresh pasta...

...instead of the crap from a can
I give to everybody else.

It's as cold as my love for you.

And, Marge, if your mouth get tired,
Angelo here will chew for you.

Yes. I like to chew.

Thank you, fellas.

Mom, doesn't it bother you
that they're giving you attention...

...just because of those?

That's not true, Lisa. There are a lot
of complicated issues here...

...that can only be explained
through song.

[SINGING]
You took a 20-carat diamond

And made it gleam

Like a big spaghetti dinner

Smothered in whipped cream

You're like X-Men Number 3
In a Mylar bag

You're a brand new muscle car
And all the wheels are mag

You make me feel as young
As the blood I get from sheep

You're like Jacqueline Bisset
In me favorite film, The Deep

You're sexy and exotic
Like a hooker from Belize

Or a patient with insurance
Who's crawling with disease

ALL: You're a sundae
Underneath two great big cherries

Keep in mind they're
only temporaries

ALL: Still we'd like to say
That we are very, very

Glad to see you

And I decree you
The hottest thing to hit this city

Since the fire that killed 11

[ALL GASPING]

Dangerous criminals

[IN UNISON]
Hooray!

And they're all mine

Hmm. Homer, how come you never
sang a song like that to me before?

Uh, I was getting around to it.

Kiekie Highsmith, Highsmith Modeling.
Honey, I like your look.

Forget it, Kiekie. You're not
putting your brain into her body.

That's not why I'm here.

I can offer your wife
a lot of modeling work.

Trade shows to start.
Then, who knows?

No dice.
Take your fun and adventure outside.

- Now, wait, Homer.
- For what? Confirmation of my attitude?

Homie, I could use
a little more excitement in my life.

[GASPS]

Hmm, maybe I'll just keep these.

That's great, Mom, but don't forget:

[SINGING] I got Krusty in hot water
Now I've got to help him out

- Shut up, boy.
- Oh.

I don't get a song? Mom got a song.

With the economy the way it is,
you're lucky you get soup.

Oh.

And now, one of Ov Mitt Con's
Faces to Watch 2003:

Rookie spokesmodel, Marge Simpson.

[CROWD APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]

MARGE: This sure beats
slaving over a hot stove.

Whoa! Whoa!

Gentlemen, say hello
to Springfield's newest supermodel.

You're a lucky man, Homer.

Yeah. This is the longest I've ever gone
without looking at Lenny.

Don't make a fuss over me, boys.
Just pour me a beer in a clean glass.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, you said no fuss.

Uh, I wouldn't eat them peanuts,
they're, uh, spit-backs.

So, Krusty, are you ready
to shoot this apple off my head?

Well, if by "shoot" you mean "teach"...

...and by "my head" you mean "safety,"
then, yes.

Oh, man. Now they won't let Krusty
do anything fun.

Teletubbies get away
with more than this.

I've learned my lesson, Krusty.

Never again shall I look directly
at an eclipse.

This sucks! Bring out Mr. Teeny!

I can't.
They made me release him into the wild.

[WHINES]

We got Krusty into this,
we'll get him out.

We have to make him a hero again.

Maybe if we cut his foot off,
people will feel sorry for him.

It didn't help your dad
get your mom back.

[GROANS]

Hi, Mrs. Simpson.
My mom said I'm not to look at you.

- What's with the belt, Mom?
- It's for my back spasms.

If guys didn't keep pinching my tush,
I'd never stand up straight.

You liked all the attention
you were getting.

I'm afraid all that attention
is from the wrong kind of people.

[CHUCKLING]

[SIGHS]

- Hey, Krusty.
- How'd you get in here?

- The doorman died.
- Oh, no. He was my agent.

I have a plan that will make the world
fall in love with Krusty again.

It's too late. I've given up.

The Krusty I know
didn't get where he is by giving up.

No, I got where I am
by naming names in the '50s.

Okay, what's your plan?

Simple. We just have to cause a riot
at the Springfield Shoe Expo.

I like. I like.

Oh, this is my Woodstock.

I have been paid millions
to endorse these butt-ugly shoes.

[CROWD CHATTERING]

My forthrightness is my undoing.

Kiekie, I'm tired of tradeshow modeling.
My back really hurts.

You seem unhappy. So I'm going to
inject this smile solution into your jaw.

[GRUNTS]

Did you just drug me? What the...?

- Technically, it's a toxin.
- Hmm.

[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]

Okay, here's the drill. A rogue elephant,
played by my old friend Stampy...

...is about to crush
sweet young Milhouse.

Then you run up and save the day...

...by saying Stampy's safety word,
"magumbo."

[ELEPHANT GROANS]

Whoa, he's a big as Brando,
but he takes direction.

Eighty-nine percent of Americans would
rather have a shoehorn than a computer.

I'd like to 89 you.

I've heard about you vendors.

Hey, lady.
I like the way your body looks.

- Stop objectifying my mom.
- I will in a second.

Ooh! Hey, baby! You're an object!
Ha-ha-ha!

Help! Help!

Who will save
this promising young honors student?

Hey, hey, hey. I'll save the day.

- Hey, it's that clown who hates children.
- And flags.

I say we judge him
by what he does next. Yeehaw!

Hey, elephant, I got one word for you:

Columbo! No, that's not it.

Modesto! Daktari? Nintendo? Oh.

[MILHOUSE GRUNTS
THEN ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]

[ALL GASPING]

[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]

Whoa!

Oh, if he bites, I'm sunk.
If he swallows, I'm good.

[TRUMPETING]

- Dad, look.
- I'm on it.

Be careful, uh... Uh-oh.

[HOMER SHOUTS]

All right, aim for the big hose
coming out of his face.

- You mean the trunk?
- Easy there, college boy.

Wait! Wait!

My son, my husband,
and the Van Houten boy are in there.

Sorry, ma'am.
We don't negotiate with elephants.

- Ready...
- Mom, do something.

- ...aim...
- I've gotta stop them from shooting.

I don't...

Lisa, don't hate me for this.

Continue aiming. Still aiming.

Hey, cops.
Check out this all-points bulletin.

[MARGE GRUNTS
THEN CROWD GASPING]

[GRUNTS]

Whoa, look at those magumbos.

[TRUMPETS]

Hey, that's it.

Magumbo!

[GROANS]

I came out of the elephant's mouth,
right?

Because I already showered
once today.

Oh. Ha-ha-ha.

Well, you saved Krusty's reputation.

You learned a woman doesn't need
a 48-inch chest to be beautiful.

That's how I felt all along.

Lisa learned a lesson.
Lisa learned a lesson.

Kids, I'd like to re-introduce you
to classic Marge.

I finally feel like me again.

- You're not disappointed are you?
- Not at all, sweetie.

At least one of us should be able
to put their arms around the other one.

[GROANS]

Anyway,
you're the only man I want ogling me.

Oh, we're gonna do a little more
than just ogling.

Oh, Homie.

Let's go get fried chicken.

[BAHA MEN HUMMING
SIMPSONS THEME]

BAHA MEN [SINGING]:
Who let her jugs out?

D'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh

Marge let her jugs out
D'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh

Who let her jugs out?
D'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh

Marge let her jugs out
D'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh

Ho, ho, ho, ho
Ho, ho, ho, ho

Who let her jugs out?
D'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh

Marge let her jugs out
D'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh

Who let her jugs out?
D'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh

Marge let her jugs out
D'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh

Ho, ho, ho, ho
Ho, ho, ho, ho

WOMAN:
Shh.

[English - US -SDH]