Original subtitles

J /n napoli §

j; Where love is king I

j; When boy meets girl &

j here's what they say &

&' when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie &

& that's amore &

I when the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine &

& that's amore &

j bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ing &

j and you'll sing "vita Bella” &

j hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay &

j like a gay tarantella &

j; When the stars make you drool just like pasta fazool

& that's amore &

js when you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet &

js youre in love j

j; When you walk in a dream j

j but you know you're not dreaming signore &

j; Scusa me but you see, back in old napoli j

& that's amore &

J tippy-tippy-tay, like a gay tarantella &

j lucky fella &

j; When the stars make you drool j

j just like pasta fazool &

& that's amore &

js when you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet &

js youre in love j

j; When you walk in a dream j

j but you know you're not dreaming j

j signore I

j; Scusa me but you see, back in old napoli j

& that's amore &

he looks great.

That al Conti is a genius.

I am a genius.

I am a genius.

If you're such a genius, how come you can't keep track of your receipts?

Al, how am I supposed to do your income tax with this mess you got here?

Numbers, taxes, receipts -

I make 'em look better than they did in real life.

I'm an artistic genius.

Then how come you got butter on your tie?

Give it here. Give it here.

God. You know what? I give you this - you make good coffee.

You're a slob, but you make good coffee.

Ah! Red roses. Mm!

Very romantic. Ah! Mm!

Ah, the guy that sends these really knows what he's doing, huh?

The guy who sends those spends a lot of money

I'm glad everybody ain't like you, Loretta.

I'd be out of business.

What are you talking? I love flowers.

Thanks, carmine.

- Are you ready? - Hello, bobo. How are you tonight?

Very good, Mr. Johnny. “We will both have the ticino salad.

- And I'll have special fish. - Good.

- No, you don't want the fish. - No?

It's the oily fish tonight. Not before the plane ride.

- Maybe you're right. - Okay. Bobo.

- We'll have the manicotti, bobo. - S/, miss Loretta.

That'll give you a base for your stomach. You eat that oily fish, go up in the air,

halfway to sicily, you'll be green and your hands will be sweating.

You look after me.

- You're getting very upset. - I'm really bored with this.

- I don't understand. - Don't ruin the whole evening.

Patricia, please don't leave.

What do you think I am, some sort of talking doll?

I was just making a point about the way you said -

- the way you stated your aspirations. - You can kiss my aspirations, professor!

"Kiss my aspirations"?

- Yeah! - Very clever. The height of cleverness.

Waiter.

Yes?

Would you do away with her dinner and any evidence of her

- and bring me a big glass of vodka. - But absolutely.

A man who can't control his woman is funny.

She was too young for him.

What's the matter, uncle bobo?

Tonight, Mr. Johnny's gonna propose marriage.

- How do you know that? - He arranged it with me.

When he asks her, he's gonna wave. And then I serve the champagne.

Good bachelor customer for 20 years.

Mille grazie.

How's things, eh?

- Fine, bobo. We'll have the check. - No, no. I, uh -

I want to see the dessert cart.

Very good. You never have dessert.

"Never" is a long time.

What's the matter with you?

My scalp is not getting enough blood sometimes.

- Have some dessert. - No, I shouldn't.

Will you marry me?

- What? - Huh?

Will you marry me?

- Bobo, take the cart away. - Very good, miss Loretta.

- Are you proposing marriage to me? - Yes.

All right. You know I was married and that my husband died.

But what you don't know is, I think he and I had bad luck.

What do you mean?

We got married down at the city hall,

and I think it gave bad luck to the whole marriage.

I don't understand.

Right from the start, we didn't do it right, okay?

Could you kneel down?

- On the floor? - Yeah, on the floor.

- This is a good suit. - I know that.

I helped you pick it out. It came with two pairs of pants.

Johnny, it's for luck.

A man proposes marriage to a woman, he should kneel down.

She's got him on his knees. He's ruining his suit.

Is that man praying?

So - - where's the ring?

- The ring. - A ring. That's right.

I woulda sprung for the ring if it was me. Capisce?

- You can use your pinky ring. - I like this ring.

You propose marriage to a woman, you should offer her a ring of engagement.

Shh!

I oretta...

I oretta castorini Clark...

On my knees, in front of all these people...

Will you marry me?

Yes, Johnny.

Yes, John Anthony cammareri. I will marry you. I will be your wife.

Bravo! Bravissimo!

Salute, paesani!

Bobo! The check!

Right away, Mr. Johnny.

What about the wedding?

My mother is dying.

When she's dead, I'll come back and we'll get married.

How near death is she?

A week. Two weeks. No more.

Then how about we set a date? How about a month?

Must it be so definite?

Can't we just say we'll be married when I get back?

Where? At the city hall? No.

My mother is dying.

I want a whole wedding, or we'll have bad luck.

And for a whole wedding to be planned, you gotta set a date.

All right. All right. All right. A month.

- A month from today. - Yes, a month from today.

- Okay. Okay. - Right. Today. From today. Right.

I'll take care of it, Johnny. I'll take care of the whole thing.

All you gotta do is show up.

Adeparture for Paris,

please proceed to gate number 29.

Avanti andiamo.

- Call me when you get in. - I'll call when I get to mama's house.

Okay. You made me very happy.

There's one thing about this wedding I want you to do.

I want you to call - I want you to call this number.

It's a business number. You ask for Ronny.

Invite him to the wedding. “Who is he?

- It's my younger brother. - You got a brother?

We haven't spoken in five years.

There was some bad blood.

I want you to call and invite him to the wedding.

- Will you do it? - Sure.

International flight number 604 for Rome with connections to palermo

is now boarding at gate 43.

I gotta go.

You got your ticket?

Here, I got you these. Gum and cough drops.

Gum opens your ears when you chew it. Yeah.

I gotta go.

This is the last call for international flight number 604 for Rome now -

- You have someone on that plane? - Yeah, my fiance.

I put a curse on that plane. My sister is on that plane.

I put a curse on that plane that it's gonna explode,

burn on fire and fall into the sea.

Fifty years ago, she stole a man from me.

Si ha preso if mio uomo!

Today she tells me that she never loved him,

that she took him to be strong on me.

Now she's gone back to sicily.

Si forna in sicilia.

I cursed her that the green Atlantic water should swallow her up!

I don't believe in curses.

Neither do I.

Mr. Johnny's, right? Yeah.

- Good night. - Good night.

The key's in it.

I've heard that song before.

What are you talking about?

I've seen the way you look at her, and it isn't right.

- How do I look at her? Can I help you? - A split of mumm"s.

- So, how do I look at her? - Like a wolf.

- Like a wolf, huh? - Uh-huh. Like a wolf.

Never seen a wolf in your life. That's 11.99.

I seen a wolf in everybody I ever met,

and I see a wolf in you.

Mm-hmm.

That makes 20. Thanks.

- Have a nice night. - You too.

You know what I see in you? “What?

The girl I married.

- Oh, come on. - Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

J ...Or / shall die &

Hi, guys! Ooh!

Sweethearts, how are you? Guess what happened to me today.

- Ciao, bello. - Ciao, Cara, ciao. Buonanotte.

Hey! Venite qua!

Hey! How long must I wait?

Come here! Hey!

Che cani sono questi? Huh?

Tutti a casa. Tutti a letto.

- Hi, pop. - Oh, hi.

Where's ma?

- In bed. - You're not sleeping?

I can't sleep anymore. It's too much like death.

Pop, I got news.

All right.

Let's go into the kitchen.

&' or / shall die &

shall die &

I/ amo.

I/ amo.

You look tired, pop.

So, what's your news?

I'm getting married.

Again? Yeah.

You did this once before. It didn't work out.

- The guy died. - And what killed him?

- He got hit by a bus. - No. Bad luck.

Your mother and I were married 52 years. Nobody died.

You were married, what, two years? Somebody's dead.

Don't get married again, Loretta. It don't work out for you.

Who's the man?

- Johnny cammareri. - John -

Johnny cammareri? He's a big baby.

And why isn't he here with you telling me this?

Because he's flying to sicily. His mother is dying.

More bad luck.

I don't like his face, Loretta. I don't like his lips.

When he smiles, I can't see his teeth. What is he hiding?

- When are you gonna do it? - In a month.

- I won't come. - You gotta come. You gotta give me away.

- I didn't give you away the first time. - And I had bad luck!

And I got married in a church in a wedding dress

instead of down at the city hall with strangers standing outside the door,

then maybe I wouldn't have had the bad luck I had.

- Maybe. - You know, pop, I had no reception,

no wedding cake, no nothing.

Johnny got down on his knees and proposed to me at the grand ticino.

He did? Yeah.

That don't sound like Johnny. Well -

- where's the ring? - Here.

It looks stupid. It's a pinky ring.

- It's a man's ring. - It's temporary!

Everything is temporary! That don't excuse nothing!

You're coming?

Let's go tell your mother.

Rose.

Rose.

Rose.

Rose!

Who's dead?

Nobody. Loretta's getting married.

Again? Yeah.

- Johnny cammareri. - I don't like him.

You're not gonna marry him, cosmo.

Do you love him, Loretta?

- No. - Good.

When you love 'em, they drive you crazy 'cause they know they can.

- But you like him? - Oh, yeah.

You know, he's a sweet man, ma.

And this time, I'm gonna get married in a church and have a big reception.

- And who's gonna pay for that? - Pop.

What?

- Father of the bride pays. - I have no money.

You're rich as Roosevelt.

- You're just cheap, cosmo. - I don't want to pay for nothin'.

You know, it's your duty as my father to pay for the wedding.

I won't pay for nothin'.

He didn't used to be cheap.

He thinks if he holds onto his money, he'll never die.

& what's done is done &

j I tell myself... &

now he's gonna play that damn vikki carr record,

and when he comes to bed, he won't touch me.

Dal. Piano, piano.

Ecco. Piano.

Look at that old man. How many dogs has he got?

Hey, keep your dogs off my lawn.

Come on.

Non ftirare.

Come on!

No. Don't do that.

- She's asleep. - Look all the flowers on foncica.

My brother sent her a blue flower.

I can only see things in my house, and things in my house are very bad.

I don't know what to advise my son.

I think he should pay for the wedding,

but it's important that he don't look ridiculous.

Well, why don't you talk to him?

I will, but I must find the right moment.

See that Bella Luna last night?

Aa, si.

Ah, si. La Luna. La Bella Luna.

The moon, uh, brings the woman to the man.

Capisce?

La Luna aftira I'uomo, la Donna verso /'uomo.

Avelte capito?

Oh. Oh!

Non avete capito.

“Andiamo.

Vieni, vier.

Non tirare. Non tirare. Non tirare!

Andiamo. Andiamo a casa.

Ciao.

Disgraziato!

Andiamo, andiamo. Huh?

- Come va? - Bene. Bene.

Upstairs. Everybody upstairs.

Lo so. Va bene, va bene!

Come on. Andiamo! Insieme tutti

andiamo a casa.

- Ciao, bello. - Ciao, Cara. Ciao.

- So, will you live here? - No.

- Why not? - Pop don't like Johnny.

Mm. We'll sell the house.

I got married before, you didn't sell.

Grandma was still alive.

Chiro was still home going to school. Now he's married, gone to Florida.

If you and Johnny moved in, had a baby -

ma, I'm 37 years old.

What's 377? I didn't have chiro till after I was 37.

It ain't over till it's over.

Johnny's got a big apartment. You know, we'll move in there.

So we'll sell the house.

You know - what - I want to live here. I love the house.

Pop don't like Johnny.

No, he don't.

I'll get it. I'll get it.

Hello?

Ce chiamata per signorina Loretta castorin.

Yeah. Yeah, this is Loretta castorini.

Lel puo pariare, signore.

- Johnny! - Johnny?

- Shh! - Hello, operator?

Op-op -

- Loretta? - Yeah!/

yes. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh! It's me.

I'm calling from the death bed of my mother.

Yeah, well, how was your plane ride?

The waitresses were very nice.

- My mother is slipping away. - How long do I have to wait?

Quanto lo devo aspefttare?

Stai calma. Stal calma, nonnita/

- I can't talk long. - Did you tell her we're getting married?

Oh, no, no. Not yet.

I'm waiting till a moment when she's peaceful.

Well, don't wait till she's dead.

Have you called my brother?

Oh, I'm sorry. No, not yet. I forgot.

- Will you do it today? - Yes. Yes.

Make sure he comes to the wedding.

Five years is too long for bad blood between brothers.

Nothing can replace the family, Loretta.

I can see that now.

Loretta? Loretta, are you there?

Loretta!

Okay, I'm sorry. I'll do it. I'll do it today. And listen, Johnny.

You know, call me after you tell her. Okay?

All right. All right.

And, uh, don't stand directly under the sun.

You got a hat. Use your hat.

I got my hat. All right. All right. All right. Bye.

All right. Bye-bye.

Now, what did I do with that card?

How's the mother?

She's dying, but I could still hear her big mouth.

He didn't tell her.

You know, the woman makes him crazy.

Now who you calling? Uffa/

cammareri's.

Yeah, is, um, Ronny cammareri there, please?

Hold on. Ronny, the phone!

- Ronny? - Yeah, this is Ronny.

Yeah, um, I'm calling for your brother,

and, uh, he's getting married and he would like it if you would come.

Why didn't he call himself?

- He's in palermo. - What's wrong can never be made right.

Look, just let me come and talk -

talk to you! Animal!

What an animal!

Thanks, Mrs. fugocci.

Here you go. Bye. See you tomorrow.

- Bye. - Come on, honey.

- Uh, is Ronny cammareri here? - He's down at the ovens. What do you want?

I want to talk to him.

This way.

- Ronny? - What?

Somebody here to see Ronny.

Ronny!

Ronny, somebody wants to see you!

Have you come from my brother Johnny?

- Yeah. - Why?

Well, we're gonna get married.

You're gonna marry my brother Johnny?

Yeah. Would you like to go someplace so we could -

- I have no life. - Excuse me?

I have no life. My brother Johnny took my life from me.

I don't understand you.

And now he's getting married.

He has his.

He's getting his,

and he wants me to come.

What is life?

- I didn't come here to upset you. - They say bread is life.

And I bake bread, bread, bread.

I sweat and shovel this stinking dough

in and out of this hot hole in the wall, and -

and I should be so happy, huh, sweetie?

You want me to come to the wedding of my brother Johnny?

Where's my wedding?

Chrissy, over by the wall, bring me the big knife.

No, Ronny!

Bring me the big knife! I'm gonna cut my throat!

Maybe I should come back another time.

No, I want you to see this.

I want you to watch me kill myself

so you can tell my brother Johnny on his wedding day, okay?

- Chrissy, bring me the big knife! - I tell ya I won't do it!

She won't do it. Do you know about me?

Oh, Mr. cammareri - “what?

- Do you know about me? - Mm-mm.

Okay.

Nothing is anybody's fault, but things happen.

Look.

This wood is fake.

Five years ago, I was engaged to be married, and, uh -

and Johnny came in here, and he ordered bread from me.

And I said, "oh, okay. Some bread."

And I put my hand in the slicer,

and it got caught 'cause I wasn't paying attention.

The slicer chewed off my hand.

And it's funny, 'cause when my fiancee found out about it,

when she found out that I'd been maimed, she left me for another man.

That's the bad blood between you and Johnny?

Yes, that's it.

Yeah, but that's not Johnny's fault.

I don't care! I ain't no freaking monument to justice!

I lost my hand! I lost my bride!

Johnny has his hand! Johnny has his bride!

You want me to take my heartbreak, put it away and forget?

Is it just a matter of time

before a man opens his eyes...

And gives up his one...

Dream...

His one dream of happiness?

Maybe.

Maybe.

This is the most tormented man I have ever known.

I'm in love with this man, but he doesn't know that.

I never told him, 'cause he could never love anybody

since he lost his hand and his girl.

Where do you live?

Upstairs.

Can we just talk?

What are we painting here, the sistine chapel?

We should have been plumbers like castorini.

Well, Mr. castorini, what do you think?

$10,800.

That seems like a lot.

Look. There are three kinds of pipe.

There's the kind of pipe you have, which is garbage.

And you can see where that's gotten you.

Then there's bronze, which is very good.

Unless something goes wrong. And something always goes wrong.

And then there's copper, which is the only pipe I use.

It costs money.

It costs money because it saves money.

"And then there's copper,

which is the only pipe I use.

It costs money.

It costs money because it saves money."

And what did they say?

Well, uh, the man understood me.

The woman wanted to be cheap, but the man saw I was right.

You have such a head for knowing. You know everything.

I brought you something.

It's a present.

Oh, cosmo!

Oh, my god.

They're little birds and stars.

- What's that smell? - I'm making you a steak.

I don't want it. You'll eat it.

I like it well done.

You'll eat this one bloody to feed your blood.

This is good.

I oretta.

- Where'd Johnny find you? - He knew my husband, who died.

- How'd he die? - A bus hit him.

- Fast? - Instantaneous.

- When did you get engaged? - Yesterday.

So, five years ago you got your hand cut off, and your woman left you.

- No woman since then? - No.

Stupid.

When did your husband get hit by the bus?

Uh, seven years ago.

How many men since then?

- Just Johnny. - Stupid yourself.

No. Unlucky. I've not been lucky.

I don't care about luck. You understand me?

It ain't that.

What's the matter with you? You think you're the only one who ever shed a tear?

Why are you talking to me?

You got any whiskey? How about you get me a glass of whiskey?

I'll call you later.

She was right to leave me.

You think so? Yeah.

You really are stupid, you know that?

Uh, you don't know nothing about it.

Look, you know, I was raised that a girl gets married young.

I held out for love.

I got married when I was 28.

I met a man. I loved him. I married him.

He wanted to have a baby right away. I said no, we should wait.

And then he gets hit by a bus.

So what do I got? I got no man, no baby, no nothing.

You know, how did I know that that man was a gift I couldn't keep.

My one chance at happiness.

You tell me the story, and you act like you know what it means.

But I can see what the true story is, and you can't.

That woman didn't leave you, okay?

You can't see what you are, and I see everything.

You're a wolf.

I'm a wolf? Yeah.

The big part of you has no words, and, uh, it's a wolf.

You know, that woman was a trap for you.

She caught you, and you couldn't get away, so you - you chewed off your own foot.

That was the price you had to pay for your freedom.

Johnny had nothing to do with it.

You did what you had to do between you and you.

And now - now you're afraid

because you know the big part of you is a wolf that has the courage

to bite off its own hand to save itself from the trap of the wrong love.

That's why there's been no woman since that wrong woman. Okay?

You're scared to death of what the wolf will do if you make that mistake again.

- What are you doing? - I'm telling you your life.

- Stop it. - No.

Why are you marrying Johnny? He's a fool.

Because I have no luck.

He made me look the wrong way, and I cut off my hand.

He could make you look the wrong way. You could lose your whole head.

I'm looking where I have to to become a bride!

- A bride without a head! - A wolf without a foot!

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

- What are you doing? - Son of a bitch!

Where are you taking me?

To the bed.

Oh, god. Okay, I don't care, I don't care.

Take me - take me to the bed.

- I don't care about anything. - I don't believe this is happening.

- I was dead. - Me too.

What about Johnny? You're mad at him.

Take it out on me. Take your revenge out on me.

Leave nothing left for him to marry. Leave nothing but the skin over my bones.

All right. All right. There will be nothing left.

Come on. Let's eat while it's hot.

Where's Loretta, huh? We gonna eat without her?

- She must be eating out. - She sure don't know what she's missing.

It's not like her not to call.

Well, she's got a lot on her mind.

Uh, we can talk about her, right, Rose? Everybody knows she's getting married.

- I don't want to talk about it. - Don't want to talk?

Johnny cammareri.

I think it's a great idea and about time.

What's she gonna do with the rest of her life if she don't get married?

I don't want to talk about it!

My father needs another plate.

Cosmo, many years ago,

when they told me you were marrying my sister,

I was happy.

When I told Rose that I was marrying Rita,

she was happy.

Well, marriage is happy news, right?

Rose, pass the wine, huh?

I never seen anybody so in love like cosmo was back then.

He'd stand outside the house all day looking in the windows.

I never told you this, 'cause it's not really a story.

But one time, I woke up in the middle of the night

'cause of this bright light in my face, like a flashlight.

I couldn't think of what it was.

I looked out the window, and it was the moon,

as big as a house.

I never seen the moon so big before or since.

I was almost scared, like it was gonna crush the house.

Then I looked down,

and standing there in the street was cosmo

looking up at the windows.

This is the funny part.

I got mad at you, cosmo.

I thought you had brought that big moon over to my house

'cause you were so in love

and woke me up with it.

I was half asleep, I guess. I didn't know any better.

You were altogether asleep. You were dreaming.

No.

You were there.

I don't want to talk about it.

Well, what do you want to talk about?

Why are you drinking so much?

Old man, you give those dogs another piece of my food,

I'm gonna kick you till you're dead.

Cosmo?

Cosmo.

You drank too much.

Now you'll sleep too hard, and later you'll be up when you should be down.

What's the matter?

Nothing. I'm looking at the moon.

It's perfect.

I never seen a moon like that before.

Makes you look like an angel.

Looks like a... giant snowball.

Rita. What?

Rita, dear. “What?

Wake up.

What?

Look.

Oh. Hmm.

It's cosmo's moon.

What are you talking about? Cosmo can't own the moon.

It's that moon I was talking about at dinner.

Is he down there?

Is who down there?

Cosmo.

- What would he be doing down there? - I don't know.

You know something?

In that light...

With that expression on your face...

You look about 25 years old.

- Oh, what do you want? - Rita.

- What do you want? - Rita, my darling.

Get out. Get out.

- Rita. - No.

Piano.

Ho adetfo ai non tirare.

Piano.

Piano, piano. Piano.

Non tirare. Non tirare.

E guardate la Luna.

Guaradate la Bella Luna.

Guaraa.

Ah! Veramente una Luna Bella.

Ma guardate. Ma non giu! Su! Guardate su!

Eh?

Why do you make me wait? Come on. Come on, eh?

Howl. Howl.

Hey, howl! Come on!

Guarda 1A Luna!

Bravi! Bravi!

Oh, my god! “What?

- "What"? - Take it easy.

God. This time, I was trying to do everything right.

Don't just become excited.

I thought if I stayed away from the city hall,

I wouldn't have the bad luck I had again.

- You're making me feel guilty. - I'm marrying your brother.

All right, I'm guilty. I confess.

The wedding's in a couple of weeks. You're invited, okay?

How come you didn't be like him and be with your mother in palermo?

- She don't like me. - You don't get along with anybody, do you?

What did you do? “What did I do?

- You ruined my life. - That's impossible.

It was ruined when I got here. You ruined my life.

- No, I didn't. - Oh, yes, you did. Oh, yes, you did.

You know, you got them bad eyes like a gypsy,

and I don't know why I didn't see it yesterday.

Bad luck. That's it. Is that all I'm ever gonna have?

I should've taken a rock and killed myself years ago.

I'm gonna marry him. Do you hear me?

Last night never happened, and I'm gonna marry him,

and you and I are gonna take this to our coffins.

- I can't do that. - Why not?

I'm in love with you.

Snap out of it!

- I can't. - All right.

Then I must never see you again,

and the bad blood will have to stay there between you and Johnny forever.

- And you won't come to the wedding. - I'll come to the wedding.

- I'm telling you you can't come! - He wants me to come.

That's because he don't know, okay?

Now, wait a minute. Honey, listen.

All right. I won't come to the wedding, provided one thing.

- What? - You come with me tonight to the opera.

- What are you talking about? - I love two things.

I love you, and I love the opera.

Now, if I can have the two things that I love together for one night,

I would be satisfied to give up -

oh, Christ - to give up the rest of my life.

All right. All right.

- All right. - All right!

- Meet me at the met. - All right.

- Where's the met? - Well, you gotta -

Bless me, father, for I have sinned.

It's been two months since my last confession.

What sins have you to confess?

Twice I took the name of the lord in vain,

once I slept with the brother of my fiance,

and once I bounced a check at the liquor store.

- But that was really an accident. - Then it's not a sin.

But...

What was that second thing you said, Loretta?

You mean the one about once I slept with the brother of my fiancé?

That's a pretty big sin.

I know.

- You should think about this. - I know.

All right. For your penance, say two rosaries.

Be careful, Loretta.

Reflect on your life.

All right.

Ego te absolvo, in nomine patris, filii et spiritus sancti.

Amen.

Hi.

Where you been?

- I don't want to talk about it. - Just like your father.

I lied to him.

He thinks you came home last night.

Thanks.

What's the matter with you?

Cosmo's cheating on me. “What?

- Yeah. - How do you know this?

- A wife knows. - Ma, you don't even know.

You're just imagining it. He's too old.

I won't be home for dinner.

I feel great.

I got no sleep, but I feel like Orlando furioso.

You were a tiger last night.

And you were a lamb, as soft as milk.

Hey! Shh, shh, shh! Lower your voice. They'll hear you in the back.

So what? The pleasure of marriage is you sleep with the woman,

- you don't worry about nothing. - Be quiet, Raymond!

- Hey. How about a date tonight, Rita? - What's the matter with you? Shut up!

We'll eat some pasta, roll around a little.

- What got into you? - I don't know. I really don't know.

That moon. That crazy moon cosmo sent over.

Hi, aunt Rita. Hi, uncle Raymond.

Hey there!

J you with the stars in your eyes j

- what's the matter with him? - You got me.

See that moon last night?

What-what moon?

- Did you see it? - No.

On.

Listen, I gotta go, okay? I'll take the deposit to the bank,

but then I gotta come back tomorrow and do the books.

Oh, sure. You got a date.

What are you talking about, you fool?

Her fiancé's in palermo. "Date." What date?

Oh. Right.

I just got a lot of things to do.

Yeah, all that wedding stuff, huh? Yeah.

Hey. That's romantic too.

J isn'tit romantic? &

hey, Frankie, make me a bowl of minestrone!

What's the matter with you? You look crazy.

I - 1 got a lot on my mind. “What?

I got a lot on my - “what?

Don't tell me you got a lot on your mind. What's the matter with you?

- I don't want to talk about it, okay? - You look like you're nuts or something!

Oh. I don't want to talk about it.

Take out the gray.

I have been wanting to do this for three years.

Let me show you some magazines, huh?

And, uh, you're gonna need a manicure, yes.

You take her, bettina. She's gonna take out the gray.

Finalmente. Che brutta.

And your eyebrows. Someone's gonna have to do the eyebrows.

Look. Something nice and soft. Wait a minute.

- Has anybody here been to the opera? - Not me.

- Bellissima without those ugly grays. - It's fantastic.

You ever been to the opera?

- No. Have you? - Ow!

No. Um, bettina, you ever been to the opera?

This is the color I'd use.

- I never been there. - You're going to the met?

Yeah.

She came in when she turned 40 and her husband left her.

- Bye-bye. - Okay, okay, okay.

Wow. Look at that.

Oh! Careful.

Hi! I'm home!

Don't everybody answer at the same time. Hello!

Sas == ra

you look beautiful.

- Your hair. - Yeah, I had it done.

You look, uh, beautiful too.

Thank you.

No.

I said I'd go to the opera with you, but that's all.

Come on. Let's go in.

Hello. Good evening.

There's your stubs.

- Oh, look at that. - It's something, isn't it?

Wow. Thank you.

For what?

I don't know. For your hair.

For your beautiful dress.

I don't know. It's been a long time since I've been to the opera.

- So, where are we sitting? - Come on.

Here we go.

- So, who's coming? - Just me. I want to eat.

Okay. I got a table for you right now.

- This all right? - Fine.

- Enjoy your meal, Mrs. castorini. - Thanks.

Signora castorini, you dining alone tonight?

Hello, bobo. Yeah. Let me have a Martini - no ice, two olives.

Ah, very good.

I'm trying to explain to you how I feel.

Every time I tell you how I feel, you tell me how you feel.

That doesn't seem like much of a response to me.

- Signora, you want something to eat? - Not now. I'll wait.

Very good.

I really hate it when you use that tone with me.

Like you're above it all, and "isn't it so amusing?”

- But it is, isn't it? - Not to me.

This is my life, no matter how comical it may seem to you.

I don't need some man standing above the struggle while I'm rolling in mud.

I think you like to roll around in the mud, and I don't.

That's fair, isn't it? Now, what -

Sorry about that, folks.

She's a very pretty mental patient.

No, don't. No, no, no. Please, don't mind me.

Just do me a favor and clear her place.

Get rid of all evidence of her, and bring me a big glass of vodka.

Absolutely.

- I'm sorry if we disturbed you. - I'm not disturbed by you.

My lady friend has a personality disorder.

She's just too young for you.

Ah. Thanks, comrade.

It's nothing.

"Too young"? I just got that. You know how to hurt a guy, don't you?

- How old are you? - None of your business.

I'm sorry. That was rude.

Would you like to join me for dinner?

Are you sure?

I'd be delighted.

I hate to eat alone. It's amazing how often I end up doing just that.

- Signora castorini. - Oh, yes.

- Your minestrone. - Thanks, bobo.

Prego.

What do you do?

I'm a professor. I teach communication at nyu.

- That woman was a student of yours? - Sheila? Yeah, she was.

Is.

Was.

Old saying my mother told me. You want to hear it?

- Sure. - Don't shit where you eat.

Okay, I'll remember that.

- What do you do? - I'm a housewife.

How come you're eating alone?

I'm not eating alone.

- May I ask you a question? - Yeah, go ahead.

Why do men chase women?

Nerves?

I think it's because they fear death.

Well, maybe.

Listen, you want to know why I chase women?

I find women charming.

I teach these classes I've taught for a million years.

The spontaneity went out of it for me a long time ago.

I started out, I was excited about something, wanted to share it.

Now it's rote. A multiplication table.

Except sometimes -

sometimes I'll be droning along...

And I'll look up, and I'll see a fresh...

Beautiful young face.

And it's all new to her.

And I'm just this great guy who - who's brilliant and thinks out loud.

And when that happens, when I look out there among those chairs

and see a young woman's face

and see me in her eyes -

me, the way I always wanted to be, maybe once was -

I ask her out for a date.

It doesn't last long.

A few weeks. Couple of precious months.

Then she catches on that I'm just this burned-out old gas bag...

And she's as fresh and bright

and full of promise as moonlight in a Martini.

And at that moment, she stands up and throws a glass of water in my face

or some action to that effect.

What you don't know about women is a lot.

Well, that's not what I hear.

- What would you like? - Two white wines.

Yes, sir.

Yes, /d like iwo glasses of champagne.

Canadian club and ginger ale and dubonnet on the rocks, please.

- What's that? - This was done by Marc chagall,

and as you can see, he was a very great artist.

- It's kind of gaudy. - He was having some fun.

They get some turnout for this stuff, huh?

It's the best thing there is.

You know, I like parts of it, but I just don't really get it.

You haven't once said you like my dress.

I like your dress.

It's very bright.

Will you hold this? Thanks.

- May I walk with you a ways? - Sure.

Thanks.

- Do you live far from here? - Just up there.

Piano. Tutti piano.

Andiamo.

Ah! Che Bella Luna.

Andiamo a vedere la Luna.

Ecco, ecco.

Andiamo vedere 1A Luna.

Piano.

Non tirare! Piano.

Eh! Piano, piano!

Andiamo, andiamo.

You knew that man? Yeah.

That was so awful.

- Awful? - Beautiful. Sad.

- She died. - Yes.

I couldn't believe it. I didn't think she was gonna die.

- I knew she was sick, but - - She had tb.

I know. I mean, she was coughing her brains out, right?

And still she had to keep singing.

What shall we do now?

Pop?

Pop, what are you doing here?

Wait for me by the doors, Mona.

- "Mona"? - Excuse me.

- What did you do to your hair? - I had it done.

- What are you doing here? - What are you doing here?

- Who's that guy? You're engaged. - And you're married.

You're my daughter. I won't have you act like a puttana.

- And you're my father, okay? - All right.

- I didn't see you here. - I don't know if I saw you here, or what.

Let's get out of here. I'll buy you a drink.

That woman was not my mother, okay?

That's my house.

- You mean the whole house? - Yes.

My god! It's a mansion.

It's a house.

I live in a one-bedroom apartment.

- What exactly does your husband do? - He's a plumber.

Well, that explains it.

Temperature's dropping.

- I guess you can't invite me in. - No.

People home.

No, I think the house is empty.

I can't invite you in because I'm married,

because I know who I am.

- You're shivering. - I'm a little cold.

You're a little boy, and you like to be bad.

We could go to my apartment. You could see how the other half lives.

I'm too old for you.

I'm too old for me. That's my predicament.

Good night.

Good night. Can I kiss you on the cheek t00?

Sure.

I'm freezing.

Good night.

Anything else, folks?

- Loretta? - No.

I think that's it, al.

- See you, al. - See you, carmine.

- What do you want to do now? - I want to go home.

- Good night, al. - Take it easy, Ronny.

God, it's cold.

It smells like show.

You know, my mother guessed that my father was seeing somebody.

That Mona. I mean, she's some piece of cheap goods.

Who am I to talk?

- What's the matter? - How can you ask me that?

- You're making me feel guilty. - You are guilty. I'm guilty.

Of what? Only god can point the finger, Loretta.

- Yeah, well, I know what I know. - And what do you know?

Okay, you tell me my life. I'll tell you yours.

I'm a wolf?

You run to the wolf in me. That don't make you no lamb.

You're gonna marry my brother.

Why do you wanna sell your life short?

Playing it safe is just about the most dangerous thing a woman like you could do.

I mean, you waited for the right man the first time.

Why didn't you wait for the right man again?

- Because he didn't come. - I'm here.

You're late.

- This is your place. - That's right.

So this is where we were going. Yeah.

You know, we had a deal.

You told me if I came with you to the opera, then you'd leave me alone forever.

And I came with you.

I'm gonna marry your brother, and you're gonna leave me alone forever, right?

A person can see where they've messed up in their life,

and they can change the way they do things and they can even change their luck.

So maybe my nature does draw me to you. That don't mean I have to go with it.

I can take hold of myself, and I can say yes to some things

and no to other things that are gonna ruin everything.

I can do that.

Otherwise, you know, what -

what good is this stupid life that god gave us?

I mean, for what?

Are you listening to me? Yeah.

Everything seems like nothing to me now.

I guess I want you in my bed.

I don't care if I burn in hell.

I don't care if you burn in hell.

The past and the future is a joke to me now.

I see that they're nothing. I see they ain't here.

The only thing that's here...

Is you and me.

- I want to go home. - No.

- I'm gonna go home. - No!

- I'm freezing to death. - Come upstairs.

I don't care why you come.

No, that's not what I mean.

Loretta, I love you.

Not like they told you love is.

And I didn't know this either, but love don't make things nice.

It ruins everything. It breaks your heart.

It makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things perfect.

- The snowflakes are perfect. - Oh.

The stars are perfect.

Not us. Not us.

We are here to ruin ourselves

and - and to break our hearts

and love the wrong people and - and die.

I mean, the storybooks are bullshit!

Now, I want you to come upstairs with me and - and get in my bed!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Watch it, bud.

Nineteen cranberry street, Brooklyn.

You got it.

Hold it!

- How much? - Twenty-five.

Twenty-five dollars? Yeah.

Hold it.

- Hi. I'm sorry to call so late. - Moving in?

No. I came right from the airport.

Come on in.

Uh, can you wake up Loretta? I need to talk to her.

She's not home yet. Take off your coat and come in the living room.

I'll make you a drink.

I want to talk to you.

Thank you. Where is she?

Out. I don't know where.

So, what are you doing here?

You're supposed to be in palermo.

That's what I came to tell Loretta. There's been a miracle.

A miracle? Well, that's news.

My mother's recovered!

- You're kidding. - No, no.

The breath almost totally left her body. She was as white as snow.

And then she completely pulled back from death

and stood up

and put on her clothes

and began to cook for everyone in the house -

the mourners and me and herself.

She ate a meal that could choke a pig.

- That's incredible. - Yes.

Hi, pop.

Oh, my god.

Is he all right?

My, uh, father-in-law's got this wrong idea in his head.

Listen, Johnny,

there's a question I want to ask.

I want you to tell me the truth, if you can.

Why do men chase women?

Well -

there's the Bible story.

God -

god took a rib from Adam and made Eve.

Now, maybe men chase women to get the rib back.

When god took the rib,

he left a big hole there,

a place where there used to be something.

And the women have that.

Now maybe...

Just maybe, a man isn't complete as a man

without a woman.

Why would a man need more than one woman?

I don't know.

Maybe because he fears death.

That's it. That's the reason.

- I don't know! - No.

That's it. No. Thank you.

Thank you for answering my question.

Hi.

Hello, Mr. castorini.

Oh. Hi.

Where you been?

I don't know, Rose. I don't know where I've been,

and I don't know where I'm going, all right?

You should have your eyes opened for you, my friend.

- I have my eyes open. - Oh, yeah?

Well, stick around. Don't go on any long trips.

I don't know what you mean.

I know you don't. That's the point. I'll say no more.

You haven't said anything.

And that's all I'm saying.

Cosmo. “What?

I just want you to know, no matter what you do,

you're gonna die just like everybody else.

Thank you, Rose. You're welcome.

I'm going to bed now.

- I'm going. - Good.

He doesn't like you, but thank you for answering my question.

- You don't know where Loretta is? - No. No idea.

Mrs. castorini, will you tell Loretta that I'll come by in the morning?

- We - we need to talk. - Okay, I'll tell her. Okay.

Thank you.

Watch it. The house.

- What the hell happened to you? - I really don't know where to start.

- Your hair's different. - Ma, everything is different.

- Are you drunk? - No, are you drunk?

No, but I have a hangover.

- Where's pop? - Upstairs.

Johnny cammareri showed up last night.

What? He's in sicily.

- No more he's not. - He's with his dying mother in sicily.

- She recovered. - She was dying.

- It was a miracle. - A miracle?

This is modern times. There ain't supposed to be miracles no more.

I guess it ain't modern times in sicily.

He came right from the airport. He wanted to talk to you.

You got a love bite on your neck.

He's coming back this morning. What's the matter with you?

Your life's going down the toilet!

Cover up that damn thing! Put some makeup on it!

All right, all right! Ma, okay, fine! But you got to help me!

Hurry up!

Oh, my god.

You get it.

Answer the door!

- Mother? - Mm-mm.

Hi. Is Loretta home?

Come on in.

It's not Johnny!

Ronny!

- Is Johnny here? - No, but he's coming.

Good. We can get this out on the table.

Hi. I'm Ronny, Johnny's brother.

I'm Rose castorini.

- It's nice to meet you. - It's nice to meet you.

Got a love bite on your neck.

- Your mother's recovered from death. - Oh, good.

We're not close. I'm not really moved, but -

you gotta get outta here.

- I'm here to meet the family. - No, really, you gotta get outta here.

Anyone want some oatmeal?

- No, ma. - Yes, Mrs. castorini.

- I would love some oatmeal. - No, we don't want any oatmeal!

- Take your coat off. Sit down. - Ma! What? This is a -

thanks, ma.

- You're welcome. - Hi.

Hi.

Cosmo, this is Ronny, Johnny's brother.

It's very good to meet you, Mr. castorini.

I have a feeling this is going to be just delicious.

You're Johnny's brother? Yeah.

Don't look at me like that, okay?

Hi, pop.

Buongiorno.

What's the matter, pop?

I am old.

The old are not wanted.

And if they say it, they have no weight.

But, my son, I must speak.

You must pay for the wedding of your only daughter.

You break your house through pride.

There. I've said it.

It's okay, pop.

If she gets married, I'll pay for the whole thing.

Bravo. Bravo.

Adesso, parila giusto. Bravo.

Now you're talking. Bravo.

Parlato bene. Ha fatto bene. Bravo.

I et's eat.

Have I been a good wife?

Yeah.

I want you to stop seeing her.

Okay.

And go to confession.

A man understands one day that his life is built on nothing...

And that's a bad, crazy day.

Your life is not built on nothing.

I/ amo.

Anch'io ti amo.

It's Johnny. I'll get it.

- I'll get it. - No, I'll get it.

- I think I should tell him. - I'll tell him.

What am I gonna tell him?

Tell him the truth, Loretta. They find out anyway.

You're right, pop.

Ti amo, mio piccolo Angelo.

- Hi, Loretta. - Hi

- hi, Loretta. - Hi.

Why aren't you two at the store?

Do you have something you want to tell us, honey?

No.

We've just come from the bank.

Yeah?

Oh, my god! The bank! I forgot to make the deposit!

- Oh, she's got it! Oh, my god! - I knew she had it!

- Oh, we didn't know what to think. - I forgot!

It was so weird yesterday.

And then we went to the bank this morning, and no bag.

- We never suspected you. - Would anyone like some coffee?

- Yes, coffee. - That's a good idea.

- What's with this "suspected"? - I'll tell you later.

- I forgot to make their deposit. - Here, sit down. Have some coffee.

- So, what are we doing? - Waiting for Johnny cammareri.

My name's Ronny.

Johnny's brother.

Oh. Nice to meet you. I'm Rita cappomaggi.

- Hi. - Raymond cappomaggi, Rose's brother.

Hi.

Someone tell a joke.

I'll get it.

I thought Johnny was in palermo.

It's Johnny cammareri.

I oretta?

Ronny.

- Have you come to make peace with me? - Yes.

But...

- You may not want to. - Ronny, of course I want to.

But, Johnny, your mother was dying. How did she recover?

I told my mother we were to be married, and she got well right away.

- I'm sure she did. - It was a miracle.

Oh. Thank god. Yeah.

Johnny, I have something that I have to tell you.

And I have something to tell you, but I must talk to you alone.

No. I need my family around me now.

I oretta...

I can't marry you.

- What? - If I marry you, my mother will die.

What the hell are you talking about? We're engaged.

- Loretta, what are you talking about? - I'm talking about a promise. He proposed!

Because my mother was dying, and now she's not!

Oh, Johnny, you're 42 years old. She's still running your life.

And you are a son who doesn't love his mother!

You are a big liar, okay? Because I have a ring right here.

I must ask for that back.

You know - all right, the engagement is off.

In time, you will see this is the best thing.

In time you'll drop dead, and I'll come to your funeral in a red dress!

Loretta? “What?

Will you marry me? “What?

Where's the ring?

Johnny...

Can I borrow that ring?

Thanks.

I oretta castorini...

Will you marry me?

Yes, Ronny. In front of all these people, I'll marry you.

- Do you love him, Loretta? - Ma, I love him awful.

Oh, god, that's too bad.

She loves me.

What's the matter, pop?

I'm confused.

To Loretta and Ronny!

All right, Rose. Come on. There we are.

Thank you, thank you. Come on.

- Watch your sugar. - Come on, Raymond.

Bevi. Come, come.

- Your brother is here, and you're - - No, I don't want any.

You are the part of the family. Don't you realize? Come on, bev.

Andiamo. Prego!

Everybody, come on. Glass in hand.

- Alla famiglia, eh? - Alla famiglia.

- T1 amo. - T7 amo.

To family!

To Ronny and Loretta!

To Ronny and Loretta!

Alla famiglia. Salute, eh?

J; When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie &

& that's amore &

I when the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine &

& that's amore &

j bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ing &

j and you'll sing "vita Bella” &

j hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay &

j like a gay tarantella &

j; When the stars make you drool just like pasta fazool

& that's amore &

js when you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet &

js youre in love j

j; When you walk in a dream j

j but you know you're not dreaming signore &

j; Scusa me but you see, back in old napoli j

& that's amore &

j; When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie &

& that's amore &

I when the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine &

& that's amore &

- & bells will ring & - & ting-a-ling-a-ling &

- & ting-a-ling-a-ling & - & and you'll sing "vita Bella” &

j' vila Bella f - & vita Bella

- & hearts will play I? - & tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay &

j like a gay tarantella &

j lucky fella &

j; When the stars make you drool just like pasta fazool

& that's amore &

js when you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet &

js youre in love j

j; When you walk in a dream j

j but you know you're not dreaming j

j signore I

j; Scusa me but you see, back in old napoli j

& that's amore &

I amore &

& that's amore &